Summary:  Joe finds it difficult to accept a new woman in Ben’s life.

Rated: K (16,235 words)

A Special Kind of Love Series:

A Special Kind of Love
To Trust in Love

 

To Trust in Love

Joe lay on his back, looked lazily up at the clouds floating across the sky and smiled as he remembered the many times he and Pa had come here and done just this very thing.  Pa had always called it ‘spending time with mama.’ Not that he had done much of that when he was little. Pa would always be the one spending time with her sitting here next to the grave, while Joe would usually spend the time collecting flowers for them both to give to her. Then they would lie here together just like he was now, to play the game that Joe had so loved. It involved gazing at the clouds and trying to imagine which one his mama was hiding behind, watching them from up in heaven.

Joe laughed when he thought about how his Pa had encouraged the small child, as he was then, to play the game.  Maybe he knew how it helped Joe to think how his mother was still close to him, or maybe he just enjoyed the game and the closeness they had together while playing it.  Whatever the reason, Joe cherished the times they had spent here together and knew that his Pa did too.

As he grew older, Joe still kept up the ritual of collecting flowers for his mother, and as the years went on began to visit her more and more often by himself.  He still loved to come here sometimes with his father, but he now seemed to often need the space to be with her by himself. He would just sit and talk to her in his head as he did at home when something was bothering him, but here she always seemed closer to him.

He scrunched his eyes half closed and looked at the clouds. Which one are you behind today mama?  He picked out a large white fluffy one and stared at it. He thought about all the things that he would say to her if he had the chance – things about his life.  There were so many times when he really missed having her in his life, especially when he watched his friends and their mothers together.

 

Joe sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, resting his head on his arms as he fingered the grass around him. He wondered what his life would be like if his mother had lived, and smiled to think that she would have been one more person to order him around.  I certainly have enough of that from Pa, Adam and Hoss, he thought. It seemed like every time he turned around one of them was telling him what to do. As if I’m still a kid!

 

Joe was proud of the fact that he had finally been allowed to join his brothers working full time on the ranch. At sixteen he considered it was well overdue, and he had begged his father for months before Ben had finally relented and let him leave school nearly a year ago. Even so, Joe had to suffer the instructions of his brothers as well as his father every day as they directed him in his work.  He figured it was the price he had to pay, however. Maybe one day they’ll realise I’m not a kid anymore!

 

The sound of a bird in the tree above him made him look up, and he gazed at the clouds again. Bet you wouldn’t treat me like a baby if you were still here though mama. He sat up and reached out to straighten the flowers on the grave beside him and glanced at the stone marker with the words etched into it that he knew so well.

 

 

Marie Cartwright

 

Beloved wife and mother

Died 1848

 

 

 

He frowned to think that he had never seen Sarah’s grave, and wondered if she had similar wording on hers.  Of course it wouldn’t be exactly the same, cause she wasn’t a mother.  She didn’t have any kids.  Joe thought about the last time that he had seen Sarah as she boarded the stagecoach to San Francisco, where she was to live with her brother. Incredible to think that such a short time later she was dead.

 

He rested his elbows on his knees and gazed out over the blue lake that stretched so far before him and squinted as the sun sparkled on the water and his eyes. He had become so close to Sarah in the months that they had known each other. It was almost as if she had been a kind of substitute mother to him, at least that’s what Pa had said.  He knew that his real mother would have been happy for them to have known each other in that way.

 

Joe had tried really hard to get his father and Sarah interested in each other, but it had never really happened. He frowned as he thought about the fact that if he had been successful then Sarah might never have left Virginia City and been killed. He shook his head. No! Pa had told him it wasn’t in any way his fault, and he knew that to be true.  It would have been nice though if they had ended up together.

 

Joe wondered why he didn’t feel the same way about Mrs Owens.  His father had recently begun to see quite a bit of the widow who lived in town, and was obviously very fond of her. Joe had seen her in town a few times and she seemed quite nice, but there was something inside him that couldn’t quite accept her as a companion for his father. He felt selfish feeling this way, as he knew his father had to be lonely for female companionship, but he just couldn’t help himself.

 

Joe stood up and gathered several fistfuls of wildflowers in his hand again.  He walked to the lake and slowly threw them into the water as he now did every time he visited his mother’s grave. He had no way of visiting Sarah’s grave at the moment, so this was his way of acknowledging his feelings about her. He knew his mother wouldn’t have minded sharing the flowers, and he had often given Sarah flowers when she was alive.  It was fitting that he should give them to the two women whom he had loved in his life.

 

As he gazed over the lake he suddenly frowned as a though struck him.  I won’t be giving any to her though! I don’t care how nice she is, she’s not getting any flowers from me! The thought of Rachel Owens again seemed to spoil this tranquil spot for him and he abruptly turned on his heel and mounted his horse.  Bye mama, I’ll be back soon, he promised and turned to canter up the hill towards his home for lunch.

 

 

—————

 

 

 

‘So Hoss, how are the cattle in the west sector?’ Ben asked his middle son as they sat over lunch together.

 

‘OK.  We found a few this mornin, but not too many have strayed off from the main herd,’ Hoss replied with his mouth full. ‘Ya know Pa, if we….’ His words were cut short by Hop Sing banging down a plate of bread on the table and muttering to them both in Chinese.

 

‘Do you have something to say Hop Sing?’ asked Ben.

 

The cook continued to mutter in Chinese for a moment, then let fly with a few English phrases. ‘Always late!  Never eat on time! Never eat enough!’

 

Ben sighed. ‘Yes I know Hop Sing, but I’m sure Joseph will make it before too much longer.’ The man left the room, still muttering.

 

‘One of these days Hop Sing is going to keep his threat of throwing Joe’s dinner at him if he doesn’t start coming to meals on time around here,’ said Adam with a grin. ‘Joe’s really going to know what it feels like then to wear his lunch.’

 

Ben frowned. ‘I do wish that boy would be more considerate though. He never seems to get anywhere on time lately.’

 

‘Well Pa ya gotta …..’ They were interrupted by the sound of the front door banging and Little Joe appeared around the corner. He screwed up his nose and gave his father a lopsided grin.

 

‘Hi Pa,’ he said as he slid into his place at the table. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

 

Ben raised his eyebrow at his youngest son. ‘Well, you’d better be prepared to explain it to Hop Sing. He’s not very happy with you.’

 

Little Joe helped himself to a small spoonful of potatoes. But at his father’s look he sighed and added another spoonful as well.  He hung his head down and pretended to be totally engrossed in what was on his plate when Hop Sing appeared again from the kitchen and glared at him. ‘Not come lunch on time! Food to be eaten ruined!’

 

‘Sorry Hop Sing,’ Joe muttered as he picked up his fork.

 

‘Always sorry!  Hop Sing go back to China! People like food there!’  He plonked the coffee pot on the table and stomped out again.

 

‘Thanks a lot little buddy!’ said Hoss.  ‘Now ya’ve got him in a bad mood for the rest of us ta put up with!’

 

Joe lifted his eyes and smirked at his brother. ‘Well then you’ll just have ta make sure ya eat twice as much as usual ta get him back onside, won’t ya?’

 

Hoss reached for the meat platter. ‘Not a problem, little brother. I’ll be happy ta do my bit ta help the rest of ya!’

 

‘Joseph would you just eat something and stop all this?’ their father interrupted. He turned to Adam. ‘Son you’ll have to continue working on those figures after all this afternoon. I’m going into town to pick up the mail myself.’ He held up a hand in the direction of his youngest son without looking his way. ‘And no Joseph, you may not come.’

 

‘But Pa…’ began Little Joe, then stopped as his father looked directly at him and raised his eyebrow. Joe sighed and looked at his plate again.

 

‘In fact,’ continued Ben, ‘don’t expect me home for supper tonight boys.  I might just stay in town and eat there.’

 

Hoss glanced across at Adam with a knowing smirk on his face. ‘Oh yeah Pa? Goin inta town for any special reason?’

 

Ben looked at him with a half smile on his face. ‘As I just told you Hoss, I’m going in to get the mail.’ Hoss nodded and smiled at his father. ‘And as a matter of fact, I think I’ll get a start on it now.’ Ben stood up from the table and put down his coffee cup. He glanced at Little Joe who was still looking at his plate and moving his food around with his fork. ‘I expect to see that tack room cleaned out when I get back young man!’

 

Joe looked up and said absently. ‘Yeah, sure Pa.’

 

As Ben closed the front door, Hoss let out a loud guffaw. ‘Bet he takes an awfully long time gettin the mail this time!  Bet he happens ta find something else ta do in town besides collectin it!’

 

Adam smiled at him. ‘Well I for one think it’s wonderful that Pa has found Rachel. Don’t you agree Joe?’  He glanced at his youngest brother with a questioning look.

 

‘Joe looked up as he heard his name. ‘What?’

 

Adam sighed. ‘I said that I think it’s great Pa has found Rachel. Don’t you agree?’

 

Joe frowned and studied his plate again. ‘Whatever.’

 

‘What’s wrong with you little buddy?’ asked Hoss as he exchanged a look with Adam. ‘Why so glum?’

 

‘I’m not!’ said Little Joe. ‘I just don’t see why Pa has ta keep on about her all the time.’

 

‘Well for one thing, Pa isn’t ‘on about her’ all the time, we are the ones discussing her not Pa. And second of all, why would it worry you?’ Adam asked.

 

Joe threw his napkin on the table. ‘It doesn’t worry me!  I never said it did!’

 

‘Could have fooled me!’ replied Adam. ‘Every time someone mentions her name, you get snappy.’

 

Joe glared at him. ‘I do not!’

 

Hoss laughed. ‘Ya sure do little brother! Here ya go again!’

 

Joe stood up. ‘I’m going out to start on the tack room. Can’t get any sense out of anyone around here!’ He strode to the door and banged it shut behind him.

 

‘What was that all about?’ Hoss asked Adam.

 

Adam shrugged. ‘I think our younger brother resents Pa seeing a lady friend.  Think about it Hoss, he’s never really had to deal with this before after all, so you can’t blame the kid.’

 

‘Hmm yeah I spose,’ replied Hoss. ‘Don’t see what he’s got ta complain about though, after all he was the one tryin to match Pa up with Sarah a few months ago.’

 

‘Yes but that was his doing,’ replied Adam. ‘This time it’s Pa’s idea, and Joe hasn’t really had a say in it.’

 

Hoss looked at his older brother. ‘Just how serious do ya think Pa is about her Adam?’

 

Adam shrugged his shoulders. ‘I really don’t know.  He seems to be spending an awful lot of time in town lately. We’ll just have to wait and see I suppose.’ He stood up from the table. ‘I don’t think we have to worry about it until he invites her here for dinner.’

 

 

————————

 

 

 

‘So Rachel if you’d like to, I’m sure the boys would love to meet you.  How about dinner at the ranch tomorrow night?’ Ben asked.

 

‘Ben I would love to!’ replied Rachel enthusiastically. ‘I’ve heard so much about that beautiful ranch of yours, and I’d just love to see it. Besides, I think it might be time I met those sons of yours don’t you?’

 

He smiled at her. ‘Just what I was thinking myself.’

 

‘I must say though that I feel I really know them already from the way you have spoken about them.’

 

Ben looked at her.  ‘I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t talk too much about them.  I can tend to get a bit …’

 

She held up her hand at him. ‘Oh please Ben, that’s not what I meant at all!  You are obviously very close to all your boys and I really enjoyed hearing about them.’ She sighed. ‘My own two are so far away from me now that it’s hard for me at times.  I’d really enjoy meeting your boys.’

 

Ben reached out and put his hand over hers. ‘How are John and Stephen?’

 

‘Fine, judging by their last letters. John is doing so well in College, and having my brother and his family close by in Chicago is handy for him. Stephen of course, well, he has his own life now. I don’t hear from him much at all.’  She tried to smile to hide her pain.

 

Ben patted her hand. ‘It’s hard isn’t it?  I remember when Adam went away to College in Boston how difficult it was for me, and I had the other two boys to keep me busy at the time.’

 

‘Yes, I found it so difficult when Stephen decided to leave, but now that John has gone as well, it’s just so lonely at times.’

 

‘I think you’ve done an admirable job in raising those two boys since Frank’s death Rachel.  It must have been hard for you.’

 

‘No harder than for you Ben. And you have three!’

 

He laughed. ‘And sometimes it feels like a dozen! Adam and Hoss haven’t been too difficult, but that youngest boy of mine….!’

 

‘He sounds like a delight.’

 

Ben raised his eyebrows and grinned. ‘Sometimes. Mostly when he’s asleep! Sixteen is a difficult age at the best of times, but when the boy is my son Joseph, it’s well nigh impossible!  I keep hoping he’ll grow out of this difficult phase, but somehow I think this is going to last a long time.’ He shook his head. ‘Just listen to us.  As if we had nothing in our lives to talk about except our children.’

 

Rachel laughed. ‘I know what you mean, but sometimes they just take up so much of our lives don’t they?’

 

‘Yes, but they’re not our whole lives.’ Ben stared into her eyes. ‘Or they shouldn’t be anyway.’

 

Rachel smiled at him. ‘Ben Cartwright, do I detect a note of romance in your tone?’

 

He grinned sheepishly at her. ‘I hope you do. In fact Rachel it’s been so long since I’ve felt this way about anyone, I feel a little out of practice.’

 

She took his arm and stroked it. ‘Well then Ben, I’ll just have to remind you won’t I?’

 

 

————————-

 

 

‘Do you need some help with that?’ Adam leaned against the doorframe and watched as his youngest brother tried to knot his tie.

 

Joe scowled at him. ‘Yeah I guess so. I can never get these things right.’

 

Adam leant over and pulled his brother towards him by the collar. ‘Probably because you’re trying to do it backwards,’ he said as he began to fix it for him.

 

‘It’s not my fault if I was born left-handed,’ replied Joe with another scowl. ‘It’s the rest of the world that’s back-to-front, not me. Why do we havta wear these anyway?’ He ran his finger around the inside of his collar as if he were choking.

 

‘Because it’s polite to look your best when company comes,’ replied Adam with a lopsided grin. ‘It’s the least you can do.’

 

‘She’s not my company!  Don’t see why all the fuss,’ Joe replied as he flopped down on his bed.

 

‘Well she’s Pa’s company and he’ll expect you to be on your best behaviour tonight, so make sure that you are,’ Adam instructed. ‘None of your smart remarks.’

 

‘Me? When do I ever …..’ Joe grinned, ‘Yeah well, I can’t help it if I’m a witty conversationalist.’

 

‘You’re kidding I hope!’ Adam said. ‘Seriously though Joe, Pa wants this dinner to go well, so watch yourself.’

 

Joe stood up and saluted his older brother. ‘Yes sir!’

 

Hoss appeared at the doorway. ‘Hop Sing said ta get ya tails downstairs now. Pa’s back with his lady friend.’

 

‘Bet he didn’t say that!’ grinned Joe.

 

Hoss grinned back at him. ‘Well words ta that effect anyways,’ he replied.

 

The three brothers headed downstairs to join their father and to greet their guest.

 

 

————————-

 

 

‘This is my oldest son Adam,’ introduced Ben.

 

‘Adam, so lovely to meet you,’ said Rachel, her eyes shining. ‘Your father has told me so much about you, I feel as if I know you already.’

 

Adam took her hand. ‘Lovely to meet you Mrs Owens.’

 

‘Please call me Rachel.’

 

He smiled at her. ‘Alright, Rachel.’

 

‘My second son Eric,’ said Ben, motioning with his hand towards Hoss.

 

‘Eric. Or would you prefer that I called you Hoss?’ Rachel asked.

 

‘Yes ma’am I would,’ replied Hoss with a grin. ‘The only time I get called by my right name is when Pa’s really mad at me.’

 

‘Well then I will definitely stick to Hoss,’ said Rachel returning his grin. ‘We can’t have your father thinking you’re in trouble when I’m around.’  They all laughed. Rachel turned to Joe who was standing waiting his turn to be introduced. ‘And this must be Joseph,’ she said.

 

‘Yes this is Little Joe,’ said his father motioning for the boy to come forward. Joe scowled as he heard himself referred to by the pet name his family often used.

 

‘Aw Pa…’ he began, but was quickly interrupted by Rachel. ‘Joseph is such a lovely name. I’m very pleased to meet you.’  She held out her hand to him, and after a moment’s hesitation he took it and mumbled ‘Ma’am.’

 

‘Well all the introductions being over, we might adjourn to the dinner table,’ said Ben with a large smile on his face. ‘Around here Rachel if we don’t sit down on time we soon get to hear about it from Hop Sing.’  They all moved over to the table, and Ben continued. ‘Joseph, would you please tell Hop Sing that we are ready to commence dinner now?’

 

Joe reluctantly stood up and left the room to go to the kitchen. Rachel smiled at them all. ‘Well all I’ve heard about this house is true. It really is just beautiful!’

 

‘Thank you,’ replied Ben. ‘We find it very comfortable.’

 

Joe stood in the passageway that led from the dining room to the kitchen and listened to their conversation. He felt a nudge in his back and turned to see Hop Sing standing behind him, motioning him back towards the kitchen. Joe turned and followed him.

 

‘What she like?’ asked the cook when they were both in the kitchen.

 

Joe shrugged his shoulders. ‘I dunno. Alright I guess.’

 

‘This lady be good for your papa,’ winked Hop Sing. ‘They both lonely, so be good for each other.’

 

Joe scowled at him. ‘Pa says we’re ready for dinner now,’ he said.

 

‘Hop Sing serve mighty fine dinner. Lady like family when eat well.’

 

‘I don’t care if she likes me or not,’ replied Joe.

 

Hop Sing reached over and swatted him on the side of the head. ‘Papa care!  You behave yourself!’

 

Joe rubbed his head as he left the kitchen. ‘Yeah whatever,’ he mumbled.

 

As he seated himself back at the table, Adam was explaining to Rachel about his ideas for the irrigation system that they were in the process of implementing on the ranch.

 

Ben interrupted. ‘Son, I don’t know that Rachel is too interested in the workings of such things.’

 

‘On the contrary Ben,’ she interrupted. ‘My son John is studying engineering at College and I’m most interested to hear the sorts of things that he might be involved in.’

 

‘Really?’ said Adam with interest. ‘Where is he studying?’

 

Joe sighed. This is sure going to be an interesting night! He prepared himself for a long conversation about the finer details of college life and the beauties of the East. After a while he was startled out of his thoughts by his father who was tapping him on the arm. ‘Joseph?’

 

He looked up. ‘Yes?’

 

‘Rachel asked you a question son.’

 

He glanced across at their guest who was smiling at him. ‘Sorry, what did you say?’

 

‘I asked if perhaps you are interested in attending College as well?’ she said.

 

‘Nah,’ he replied, and looked back down at his plate.

 

Ben frowned at him for a moment, then turned to Rachel to explain. ‘Joseph left school less than a year ago.  He’s currently deciding what he wants to do with his life.’

 

Joe looked up and frowned at his father. ‘I already know what I want ta do.  Workin on the ranch suits me just fine!’

 

‘Nevertheless, there are so many opportunities for a young man like yourself. You should think about …..’ began Rachel.

 

‘I don’t havta think about nothing!’ Joe interrupted.

 

‘Joseph!’ admonished Ben. ‘Apologise to our guest please!’

 

Joe scowled and mumbled, ‘Sorry,’ as he studied his plate again.

 

Hop Sing entered the room carrying a steaming platter, and everyone took the opportunity to change the subject.  For the remainder of the meal the conversation touched on many topics, with even the usually shy Hoss joining in.  Joe answered when asked a direct question, but apart from that he simply moved the food around on his plate as he listened to the conversation around him.

 

‘Hop Sing that was truly wonderful!’ exclaimed Rachel as the cook came in to remove one of the platters. ‘Thank you so much for all the trouble you took to prepare it.’

 

Hop Sing smiled at her, obviously pleased. ‘Thank you missy. Nice you like food.’

 

‘Well I think we could do with an after dinner drink,’ said Ben. ‘Shall we?’ He stood up and pulled out Rachel’s chair from behind her. ‘Adam would you pour the drinks please?’

 

When they were settled near the fireplace, Adam began handing out the drinks from the tray. As he passed Joe, the boy asked. ‘What about me?’

 

Adam looked at their father. ‘Seeing as we have a guest, it’s alright,’ said Ben with a slight nod of his head.

 

Joe scowled again. Makin me feel like a little kid!  he thought as Adam handed him a glass. He took it rather ungraciously, refusing to look at his brother.  He knew the look that Adam would be directing towards him, and preferred not to have to acknowledge it.

 

Ben frowned at him as he drank.  It was obvious that something was wrong with his youngest son, but it was no excuse for the bad manners he had shown tonight.  Ben resolved to have a word or two with the boy later on.

 

 

———————-

 

 

 

‘I’m sorry about that tonight Rachel,’ Ben said as he drove her home in her buggy later that night. ‘The boy was quite rude to you all evening.’

 

‘Ben it’s fine,’ she replied. ‘Really it’s to be expected.’

 

‘Well I don’t expect it from him! There’s just no excuse for that kind of rudeness, and I won’t have it.’

 

She hesitated a moment before replying. ‘Ben it’s really none of my business, but I feel you’re being a bit hard on the boy. He’s at that age where I don’t think he would take too kindly to a strange woman, and he doesn’t know me at all. Also, from what you’ve told me, he hasn’t ever had to deal with any woman in your life at all.’

 

‘That’s true,’ Ben acknowledged. ‘I haven’t been involved with anyone since his mother died.  He has never really had to share me with anyone except his brothers.’

 

‘Well there you are then. Surely you can understand how the boy feels.’

 

‘Well I would except for Sarah.’ Ben replied.

 

‘Sarah?’

 

‘Sarah Miller. Little Joe became quite fond of her just before her death a few months ago. You remember she was killed in San Francisco?’

 

Rachel nodded. ‘Yes I do. Very tragic. What did Joseph have to do with her?’

 

‘He had actually become quite friendly with her. Tried to match-make the two of us together at one stage.’ Ben smiled. ‘We both had a good laugh at that!’

 

‘So he didn’t mind you being involved with someone then?’

 

‘No, and that’s what I can’t understand about his attitude now. He really seems to resent me seeing you, and yet he was quite the opposite with Sarah.’

 

Rachel sighed. ‘Maybe it’s just me he doesn’t like.’

 

Ben shook his head and patted her on the arm. ‘No. He doesn’t even know you yet, and anyway how could anyone not like you?’

 

Rachel smiled at him in the moonlight. ‘Well thank you sir!  I do believe that was a compliment.’

 

‘Only the truth,’ replied Ben with another grin, then he turned serious again. ‘No it’s not the fact that Joe doesn’t like you. There is something more to this.  I’ll have to talk to the boy and see if I can find out what is going on with him.’

 

‘And here we are talking about our children again!’ Rachel held onto his arm and bent her head on his shoulder. ‘Surely we can think of something else to talk about for a while.’

 

Ben looked down at her. ‘Let’s see if we can come up with something, ‘ he whispered softly.

 

 

———————–

 

 

‘Well?’ asked Adam.

 

Little Joe looked up from the book he was reading as he sprawled out on his bed. ‘Well what?’ he said irritably.

 

‘Well what was all that about tonight?  I thought you were going to behave yourself?’

 

‘You said I was, I never did.’

 

Adam frowned as he entered Joe’s room and sat on the bed next to him. ‘You really aren’t being fair to Pa you know Joe.’

 

Joe glared at him. ‘Why don’t you just mind your own business Adam?’

 

‘Ah, but this is my business,’ replied his brother. ‘Anything that involves Pa affects all of us, and I think that includes your attitude towards Rachel.’ When Joe didn’t answer he continued. ‘Hoss and I are pleased for Pa. Why can’t you be?’ Joe shrugged his shoulders. ‘Look Joe I know how you feel, really I do. But sometimes you just have to put your own feelings aside for the good of people you love.’ He reached out and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. ‘I had to.’

 

Joe looked at him. ‘What do you mean you had to? When?’

 

‘With Marie, your mother. I wasn’t exactly thrilled when Pa brought her home you know.  It took a long time for us to become friends.’

 

‘Really?’ Joe looked at his brother in a new light.

 

‘Yes, and I was a lot younger than you. So maybe you can make a bit of an effort for Pa. Hmm? He does deserve to have a bit of happiness in his life you know.’

 

Joe nodded thoughtfully. ‘Yeah, I know.’

 

Adam patted him on the shoulder. ‘Nite Joe.’

 

‘Nite.’ Joe put his head back on the pillow and thought about what his brother had said. As much as he agreed with the thoughts that Adam had expressed, he just couldn’t bring himself to feeling comfortable with the thought that his father might be interested in this woman.  Joe knew that it was selfish to feel this way, but just couldn’t help it.  The more he thought about it though, Pa did deserve some happiness in his life and Joe resolved to try harder to hide his feelings. He sighed and got off the bed as he began to unbutton his shirt.

 

 

———————

 

 

‘Still up?’ Ben asked his oldest son from the doorway of his room. ‘I thought everyone would be asleep by now.’  He smiled to see the obligatory book in Adam’s hand, as he lay sprawled on the bed.

 

Adam looked up. ‘Actually I was waiting up for you Pa,’ he said.

 

Ben raised his eyebrow. ‘Really?  That’s a bit of a turn around don’t you think? I’m usually the one waiting for one of you boys to get home.’

 

Adam acknowledged his father’s remark with a slight grin. ‘Not like that Pa,’ he said. ‘But there is something I wanted to talk to you about.’ Ben sat down on the bed and waited. ‘It’s about Little Joe Pa. I know you’re probably really mad with him about what he did tonight, and I …..’

 

Ben put up his hand to silence his son. ‘Can you think of any reason why I shouldn’t be angry with the boy. He seemed to go out of his way all evening to be rude to Rachel. There is no excuse for that, and I intend to give him a piece of my mind in the morning when he wakes up.’

 

‘I know he was, but …..’

 

‘Since when have you defended him when you know he’s in the wrong?’ Ben asked.

 

‘Since I think I know why he’s acting like this.’

 

‘Adam I can assure you I know what’s behind this.  He is uncomfortable with me seeing a woman.  I realise that it is difficult for him, as he hasn’t really had to deal with this before, but even so it is no excuse for his behaviour.’

 

‘Pa I think you might just make it worse if you confront him with this.’

 

Ben frowned. ‘Are you telling me how to deal with my own son? We have had this conversation many times before Adam, and need I remind you that I’m ….’

 

Adam put up his hand. ‘I know, I know! You’re the boy’s father not me! But Pa this time I really feel that I can help him more.  I’ve been through this remember?’ He looked at his father a little embarrassed. When Ben didn’t say anything he continued. ‘All I’m saying is let me give it a try first, and if I can’t get through to him, then you do it.’

 

Ben was silent for a moment before he spoke. ‘Alright. I won’t mention it to him in the morning until you’ve had a chance to speak to him.’ He stood up. ‘What was your opinion of Rachel anyway?’

 

Adam smiled a genuine smile for the first time. ‘I thought she was lovely Pa, and I hope it all works out for you.  Hoss does too.’

 

Ben returned the smile. ‘Now if we can just convince that little brother of yours.’

 

‘Pa he may be hard headed, but he’s not completely without feeling. I’m sure he’ll come around.’

 

Ben nodded. ‘I’m sure you’re right. Good night son, and thank you.’

 

‘Night Pa.’ Adam sighed and focussed his attention back to his book.  He lay for a while with his eyes fixed to the page in front of him, but his mind was in another place and another time.

 

 

————————

 

 

 

Adam glanced again at his father and noted the clenched jaw and downcast eyes that told him so much how the man was feeling.  He longed to reach out and put a comforting arm on his shoulder, but his hands were full with the needs of his brothers. On one side he had placed his arm around the shoulder of his brother Hoss who was still sniffling quietly beside him, and his other hand held that of his little brother who looked up at him with eyes wide with terror at the scene before him.  Adam tried to smile at the little boy, but found it impossible to do so as his heart was also overflowing with despair and longing for the woman who had come to mean so much to him – who meant so much to all of them.

 

As he stood watching the coffin being lowered into the ground he felt Little Joe’s grip on his hand tighten, and he drew the boy closer towards him. He felt so bad for the child!  It was bad enough for the rest of them, but Adam remembered how he himself had felt at much the same age when Inger – the only woman he had really known as a mother – had died. He had felt lost and bewildered without her, and had needed his father desperately to hold his and his baby brother Hoss’ world together. But judging by the look of his father at the moment, Little Joe was going to need all of them to help him get through this.

 

When Inger died Adam had been too young to really understand all that his father had gone through.  This time he was eighteen and acutely aware of the grief the man must be feeling.  Marie had meant so much to him! Since her death two days ago he seemed at such a loss as to what to do or say, and Adam had found himself substituting for his father with his two younger brothers.  It wasn’t as if he minded though, for it helped to make him feel less guilty about things in the past.

 

For the past two days his mind had been a tumble of regrets about the way in which he had treated Marie.  It was true that they had been close in the last years, but there were times when Adam could not help but regret the shameful way he had treated her when she had first entered his life.  Of course he had been much younger then and his father had not really had time to prepare them for this strange woman who entered their lives so abruptly, but still he wished that period in their relationship had never happened as it had.

 

Maybe that was why he felt such a feeling of protectiveness towards his youngest brother now, and perhaps he felt that needed to make up to the child for the way he had treated his mother. Whatever it was, Adam knew that the boy needed him.

 

He watched as his father turned from the grave and walked away.  Adam motioned to Hoss to follow him, and led Little Joe away from the scene that he knew was distressing him.  ‘Pa?’ he said hesitantly. ‘Pa? We need to get the boys home now.’

 

Ben turned to face them, the expression in his eyes painful for Adam to watch. ‘Yes,’ he said faintly. ‘Come on boys, into the buggy now.’ He moved slowly away from them as if in a daze, leaving Adam to follow with his two younger brothers.  Adam waited for Hoss to be seated before handing Little Joe up to his father and taking the reins himself.  He watched with satisfaction as Ben cuddled the small boy to him, and put his arm around Hoss.

 

Adam would have given anything to see the look in his father’s eyes fade away and be replaced with the Ben Cartwright he had always known. He hoped that given time his father would return to them as he had been, and knew that time was needed to heal the wounds that were so raw at the moment. One thing was for sure though, whatever it took Adam would see that his father got whatever it was that he would need to come back to them.

 

 

———————

 

 

 

‘Are ya comin down or not?’ Hoss asked his younger brother from the hallway.  ‘Ya know Pa gets angry if we’re late for church.’

 

‘Alright, keep ya shirt on!’ Little Joe answered as he pulled on his second boot. He looked up at his brother with a worried expression on his face. ‘Hey Hoss?’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘What do ya reckon Pa’s gonna do ta me?’

 

Hoss didn’t need to ask what he was referring to. ‘I reckon he’s either gonna pound ya Joe, or make ya wish he had.  What made ya behave like that last night anyways?’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘I dunno. Guess it’s like Adam says, I’m just not good at being fair ta other people sometimes.’ He looked at his brother mournfully, hoping for his support.

 

‘Well if I were you, I wouldn’t make Pa any madder by being late ta breakfast!’ said Hoss. ‘Come on little brother, might as well get it over with!’

 

Joe sighed. ‘Yeah, right,’ and followed his older brother out of the room and down the stairs. He approached the table with a worried expression on his face, which was noticed by both his father and Adam.

 

‘Morning boys,’ said Ben.

 

‘Morning Pa,’ they both said, slipping into their seats. Little Joe studied his plate carefully as if searching for something.

 

‘Pass the bread please Adam,’ said Hoss, trying to fill in the awkward silence.

 

Adam did as he was asked, then turned to his youngest brother. ‘I’m going fishing this afternoon Joe. Want to come along?’

 

Little Joe looked up and glanced at his father, fully expecting him to voice an objection and begin on the expected outburst.  When Ben remained silent, however, he frowned as if puzzled and replied. ‘Um well, I guess so Adam. Thanks.’ He continued to search his father’s face for a hint of the anger that he knew must be brewing just below the surface, but couldn’t find it. For some reason, this made him more uncomfortable than if his father had just yelled at him. He opened his mouth and added, ‘If that’s alright with you Pa.’

 

Ben looked at his youngest son. ‘Of course it’s alright with me Joseph. You know you always have Sunday afternoon free for yourself.’

 

Joe continued to stare at his father with a puzzled expression on his face. ‘Yeah but, I thought, well …..’

 

‘Yes?’ Ben asked.

 

Joe hung his head again and picked up his fork. ‘Nothing,’ he mumbled.

 

Ben smiled over his coffee cup at Adam and winked. ‘Hurry up and eat your breakfast please Joseph, I don’t intend for us to be late for church.’

 

‘Yes sir,’ said Little Joe and shrugged his shoulders at Hoss as he piled a forkful of food into his mouth.

 

 

———————

 

 

 

As the congregation gradually cleared from the church, Ben noted one young lady in particular who followed his youngest son with her eyes and a large smile plastered on her face. He smiled to think of the attraction the two young people had shown to each other during the last few months. Julie Higgins, daughter of Paul Higgins the banker, seemed a lovely young girl. She and Little Joe had known each other for several years and had gone to school together, but it was only lately that they had shown more than a passing interest in each other. Ben smiled to think of the other young ladies who were also beginning to show more than a passing interest in the youngest Cartwright. The boy certainly is growing up!

 

Ben had always known this youngest son of his would be a heartbreaker. Joseph had exceptional good looks, and had always – from the moment he was born – been able to charm anyone he came in contact with.  His ready smile and ease with people had always ensured that he was popular, and it was no surprise to his father that the girls were now beginning to swarm around him. He noticed several disgruntled young ladies standing and watching as Joe moved over to Julie and greeted her warmly.

 

Such thoughts immediately made Ben think of his own fair companion, and he searched the crowd for Rachel.  He nodded to several friends as he moved across the yard towards her, not caring who observed their conversation.  Ben had always been rather discreet in whom he spoke to when it came to the opposite sex, as he knew that as a wealthy and eligible man he was considered a good prospect.  He had always thought it best to be extremely discreet in his dealings with women, and to avoid gossip both for his own sake and that of his sons’.  But now that didn’t seem to be so important since he and Rachel had become close.  It was generally accepted around the community now that they were beginning to be ‘an item’, and Ben saw no further need to hide the fact.

 

Joe watched his father’s progress with a frown. ‘What’s the matter with you today?’ asked Julie as she observed the look on his face. ‘Why so glum, Joe?’

 

He looked back at her and forced a smile onto his face. ‘No reason.’ He tried to concentrate on what she was saying, but his eyes kept straying to where his father and Rachel stood. Finally Julie gave up any pretence of conversation, and put her hands on her hips.

 

‘Joe Cartwright!  I don’t believe you’re listening to one word I’ve been saying!’

 

‘Sorry,’ he said with a smile and put his hand on her arm. ‘Of course I’m listening.’

 

‘No you’re not,’ she said with a smile. ‘You’re far more interested in what your father and Mrs Owens are doing.’ Julie looked at the two of them. ‘They make a nice couple don’t you think?’  Joe shrugged. ‘My ma says that they’ll probably end up together. That’d be nice for you to have a new mother, don’t you think?’

 

Joe glared at her. ‘No it wouldn’t! Your mother’s just an old gossip if that’s what she’s been saying! And you’re just as bad for listening to her!’

 

Julie took a step backwards with a hurt expression on her face. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you Joe, I’m just saying what everyone around town is talking about.’

 

‘Well they’re wrong!’ Joe’s voice rose in spite of his efforts to keep it down. ‘And it’s no body’s business anyways!’

 

‘I’m sorry Joe, I didn’t mean to upset you.’

 

He continued to glare at her. ‘You didn’t upset me!  I just wish you and everyone else would learn to mind their own business and not talk about things that aren’t true!’ He stuck his hands in his pockets and turned away from the girl. ‘I’m not hanging around here if this is what I have ta  listen to!’  He took a few short strides away before he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see his brother Hoss glaring down at him. He tried to shake his brother’s grip off, but Hoss held on to him firmly.

 

‘Let me go Hoss! Watch it will ya?’

 

‘I’ll let ya go little brother when ya learn ta calm down and not upset people like that!  Now settle down will ya, and stop causin a scene?’

 

Joe glared back at him. ‘I’m not causing a scene!’

 

‘Ya are ya know!  Now lower ya voice before everyone in town hears ya!’  Hoss pulled his younger brother away from the crowd and around the side of the church. ‘Now what was that all about?’

 

‘Nuthin!’

 

‘Really?  Coulda fooled me! What call did ya have ta carry on like that with Julie?’

 

‘Like what?’

 

‘Ya know what I mean!’

 

‘She was talking about Pa and Mrs Owens, saying that they were serious or something!  It was a load of rubbish!’

 

‘Is it?’ Hoss looked at his little brother with narrowed eyes. ‘Well I don’t happen ta think so, and neither does Adam. I think Pa’s serious about her, and you’d just better get used ta the idea.’

 

Joe tried to shake his brother’s hand off him again. ‘I don’t have ta get used ta anything! Leave me alone will ya Hoss?’

 

‘I’ll leave ya alone when I can see ya calmed down, and not ready ta go off half cocked like ya always does. Now shut up or ya’ll upset Pa!’

 

Joe frowned at his older brother and kicked him hard in the shins. ‘I told ya to leave me alone!  Why can’t ya?’  He strode off around the corner of the church, and walked immediately into Adam who was coming around the other way. Adam stopped for a moment surprised, and looked after his youngest brother as he ran off.

 

‘What was all that about?’ he asked Hoss who was standing on one foot rubbing his ankle. ‘What’s got into him now?’

 

‘I don’t know Adam, he’s just ornery is all.’ Hoss stood up again. ‘Seems like he just can’t come ta terms with Pa and Rachel bein tagether.’

 

Adam frowned. ‘He’s going to end up hurting Pa if he carries on like this much longer.’

 

‘I know.’

 

‘I’ll try and talk to him this afternoon when we go fishing. See if I can get through to him then.’

 

Hoss shrugged his shoulders. ‘Well good luck is all I can say! You’re gonna need it that’s fer sure! C’mon brother, lets get home fer one of Hop Sing’s Sunday roasts.  I can smell it cooking now!’  He put his arm around Adam’s shoulder, and the two brothers walked back towards the front of the churchyard together.

 

 

——————-

 

 

 

Adam baited his hook carefully and glanced across at his youngest brother as he flung his line into the water. He had been careful until now to steer their conversation away from the obvious topic that seemed to hang in the air between them, but he knew that he couldn’t put it off much longer.

 

‘So what was going on between you and Julie after church this morning,’ he asked casually. ‘Seems like you two weren’t that happy together for once.’

 

Joe scowled at him. ‘I’m sure Hoss filled you in on the details, so don’t act innocent around me!’

 

Adam smiled. ‘Yes well, he did say you weren’t too happy with her statement about Pa and Rachel.’

 

Joe leaned back against the tree behind him and stretched out his legs. ‘Why should I be? Everyone around this town is just a bunch of old gossips is all!  They don’t know what they’re talking about!’

 

‘You don’t like to think about Pa being interested in a woman do you?’ Adam asked. Joe shrugged. ‘Why not?’

 

Joe stared at the water in front of him. ‘I don’t know.’

 

‘You know just because Pa is seeing Rachel doesn’t mean that he loves any of our mothers less because of it.’

 

Joe jerked a look towards his brother. ‘I didn’t say that he did!’

 

‘Ah but you’re thinking it!  I know.’

 

‘How would you know?  Seems ta me like you think ya know everythin!’ Joe replied.

 

Adam laughed aloud. ‘No not everything Joe, just more than you!’ He gave his brother’s shoulder a playful nudge. ‘I know because I’ve felt it myself before.  I told you that.’

 

Joe looked at him for a moment. ‘You mean with my mother?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

There was silence for a moment. ‘Adam?’ Joe ventured.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Did ya hate me when I was born like ya hated my mother?’

 

Adam put down his fishing line and stared at his younger brother with a startled expression on his face. ‘Joe I never said I hated your mother, and I certainly didn’t at any time hate you!  What on earth would make you think that?’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘Ya said ya didn’t like her.’

 

‘Well not liking and hating are completely different things! I didn’t know what I liked back then, because I was too unsure of what was happening to know what to think. I think I resented Marie when Pa first brought her home, but I certainly never hated her!’ He smiled at Joe. ‘She was too nice to resent for long though.’

 

‘Was she?’

 

‘Uh huh. She had a lot of patience with me, and I finally realised just how unfair I was being to her.  And Pa too of course.’ He chuckled. ‘Of course by that time you had been born, and nobody had any time after that to resent anyone.  We all had to band together to survive against you.’

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘Well you certainly were a demanding kid back then. Still are actually!’ He gave Joe another friendly tap on the shoulder and they grinned at each other. ‘Once you were around we all had to stick together to survive your tantrums, so I guess you could say you brought us together as a family.’

 

Joe thought about this for a moment. ‘But didn’t ya still want it ta be like it was before she came?’

 

‘Sometimes. Hoss and I had Pa more to ourselves then of course. But Marie brought other things into our lives, and we wouldn’t have given her up for anything. Until we had to of course.’

 

Joe nodded, his eyes sad for a moment. ‘Adam?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Do ya reckon Pa will end up marrying Mrs Owens?’

 

‘Joe I don’t honestly know about that. But one thing I do know is that he should be given the chance to make that decision without any interference from us. Don’t you agree?’

 

‘I guess so.’ Joe sat in silence and continued to watch the water in front of them.

 

Adam patted him again on the shoulder. ‘Hey, don’t look so glum.  If you give Rachel a chance you might even get to like her you know!’ He smiled at his youngest brother. ‘Now come on Joe, since when have you ever let me beat you at fishing?’ He gestured towards the pile of fish next to him, which was much larger than his brother’s pile for once. ‘You’d better start concentrating or Hoss’ll never let you hear the end of it!’

 

‘Neither will Hop Sing!’ He sat up straight with a gleam in his eye. ‘Alright brother, you’re on! We’ll see who brings home the biggest pile!’

 

 

———————

 

 

‘Mmmm, I love fresh fish!’ declared Hoss, spearing another piece from the platter with his fork.

 

‘You just love anything you can put into your mouth!’ said Adam with a grin at him. ‘Just as well I did so well this afternoon judging by the amount you’re stacking away there brother.  Just as well there’s one fisherman in the family!’

 

Joe grinned at him from across the table. ‘Alright, we all know who won the contest!  You don’t have to rub it in ya know!’

 

Ben smiled at his boys’ remarks. It was the first time in days that Joseph had been so light hearted at the dinner table, and it did his heart good to hear him.  He smiled at Adam and winked at him. Obviously whatever he had said to the boy had worked, and Ben was grateful for that.

 

‘Well boys, it seems like you had a very profitable afternoon at least.’ He leant back and patted his stomach as he drank his coffee. ‘Very nice Hop Sing, thank you,’ he added as the cook came in to clear the plates from the table.

 

‘Hey Pa, ya want a game of checkers?’ asked Hoss, getting up from the table.

 

‘No thank you Hoss. Actually I’m going into town tonight,’ Ben answered.

 

Adam glanced across the table and caught the look on Joe’s face. He stood and said. ‘I will Hoss.  How about you next Joe?’

 

Joe stared at his plate. ‘No thanks,’ he mumbled.

 

Ben sat and finished his coffee as he stared at his youngest son. ‘Joseph if you’ve finished, I think Hop Sing would like to clear your plate,’ he said. Joe leaned back to allow the cook space to do so. Ben reached over and touched his son on the forearm. ‘How about you and I go up by ourselves and check those fences in the north section tomorrow?’

 

‘OK Pa.’ Joe continued to study the tablecloth in front of him.

 

‘Hop Sing, would you please pack a lunch for Joseph and myself for tomorrow?  We’ll be out the whole day,’ Ben instructed.

 

‘Sure thing Mr Ben,’ Hop Sing answered.

 

‘It’s been some time since we’ve spent the whole day together hasn’t it Joe?’ asked Ben softly.

 

‘Spose,’ Joe shrugged.

 

‘We’ll make an early start, and ……’

 

‘OK Pa. I’m going to bed now,’ Joe stood up from the table and walked towards the staircase. ‘Nite Adam, Hoss. Nite Pa.’

 

Ben looked after his son as he mounted the stairs. ‘Nite son,’ he said, and sighed as he stood up from the table. ‘I won’t be late boys. See you in the morning.’ He shook his head as he left the room.  Never could he remember Joseph acting in this way towards him. Tomorrow he would need to have it out with the boy and heal the gap that was coming between them.

 

 

———————

 

 

 

‘Hold it there,’ Ben instructed his son as he held onto the pliers. ‘Just keep it tight for a moment while I cut it off.’

 

Joe did as he was instructed as his father finished the last fence post in that particular section.  He had lost count of how many they had repaired so far, but knew from his aching arms that it was far too many for his liking.

 

Ben eased his back as he stood up. ‘Well I think that might do us for the morning at least.’ He looked up at the sun. ‘How about we stop for that lunch that Hop Sing packed for us son?’

 

Joe nodded and put down his tools. Both father and son sat under the shade of a large tree nearby, and Ben opened the parcel the cook had given them and spread it on the ground in front of them. ‘There you go, help yourself.’

 

Joe reached for a sandwich without a word and sat back as he began to chew. Ben felt as he had all morning that he was holding a one-sided conversation with his son.  He had never found it so difficult to talk to this boy of his, in fact it had always been difficult to get a word in with Joe.  He had always been a very animated child, and his eagerness and enthusiasm for life had followed him into his adolescence.  But today he was anything but communicative.

 

Ben decided that enough was enough. ‘Joe?’ he asked as he reached for a sandwich himself.

 

‘Yeah Pa?’

 

‘What’s the matter son? You’re very quiet today, and that’s not like you.’

 

‘Nothin.’ Joe avoided his father’s eyes and examined the sandwich in his hand.

 

‘Are you sure?  Seems to me like you’ve been a bit upset about something for the last few days.’ Joe shook his head but was silent. ‘It’s not Rachel is it?’ his father persisted.

 

‘What do ya mean?’

 

‘Well I thought you might be a bit uncomfortable about me seeing her,’ Ben replied.

 

‘Why would I be Pa? She’s nice, I told ya that.’

 

‘Yes I know you did, but I don’t know that you quite meant it,’ Ben searched his son’s face intently to gauge his reaction to the words.

 

Joe swallowed his sandwich and reached for another, avoiding his father’s eyes still. ‘Course I meant it. I think it’s great that you’ve got her for a …. for a friend.’

 

‘Really?’

 

Joe forced a smile for his father’s sake. ‘Yeah really. After all I tried ta fix ya up with Sarah once didn’t I?  So why would I mind about Ra….  I mean Mrs Owens?’

 

Ben raised his eyebrow before he spoke again. ‘So you don’t mind if your old father has a woman companion then?’

 

Joe looked directly at his father for the first time and lied. ‘No of course not.’

 

Ben patted him on the shoulder. ‘Thank you Joseph. Maybe it would be a good idea if you got to know her a bit now.’

 

‘Sure,’ Joe shrugged and tried to look enthusiastic. ‘Sure thing Pa, whatever you say.’  He stood up. ‘I’ll just move Cochise and Buck into the shade OK?’

 

Ben nodded his assent and chewed thoughtfully as he watched his son move their horses. He didn’t believe the boy’s words for a moment, but knew it was at least a start that he could speak in this way about Rachel.  Ben leaned back and planned how to bring the two of them together.

 

 

——————

 

 

 

For the next few days, life on the Ponderosa was relatively quiet.  The Cartwrights worked hard as usual, each of them occupied with the various tasks that always kept them continuously busy in running a ranch as big as theirs.  Ben kept Joe with either himself or one of his brothers as he usually did, as he still thought that at sixteen the boy needed supervision as he learned the various jobs around the ranch. Joe responded well to the instructions given to him and worked hard, but was obviously still troubled by something.

 

Ben saw it in his eyes which still avoided his father’s whenever possible.  He saw it in the forced laughter that the boy used to try and give the impression that everything was fine. He saw it in his reactions to his brothers and himself. It was almost as if Joseph was trying too hard not to upset anyone, and to do the right thing.

 

By Thursday when Joe accompanied his father into town, the tension in the air was almost at breaking point, and Ben longed to reach over and shake his son.  But instead he sat quietly in the buckboard and hoped that the visit to town would provide Joe with the outlet he obviously needed to spring back into the mischievous boy they were all used to.

 

‘We’ll get the supplies first Joe, then I’ve got some banking to do,’ Ben told his son as they entered the outskirts of the town.

 

Joe nodded. ‘OK Pa.’

 

‘And we might even make a stop over at the saloon on the way home later on,’ Ben added with a smile. He usually didn’t allow the boy to frequent the saloon, but made the occasional exception to this rule when either himself, Adam or Hoss, accompanied him.  He frowned as his statement didn’t receive the usual response, but was met with a simple nod of the head. What was wrong with the boy?

 

As they entered the store, Ben greeted Sam Wright at the counter and began to go through his order. ‘Start loading while I make sure of this with Mr Wright please Joseph,’ he instructed, and Little Joe picked up a sack of flour. Moments later Ben heard voices outside and glanced around to see Muriel Higgins and her daughter on the porch outside.  He smiled as Muriel entered the store.  ‘Morning ma’am,’ he said as he tipped his hat. ‘How are you today?’

 

‘Fine thank you Mr Cartwright,’ she replied. ‘I’ve just left Julie outside talking to Joseph.  I hope that’s alright with you.’

 

‘Perfectly,’ he replied with a smile. ‘They do seem to get on well, don’t they? Please go ahead and place your order.  I’ve finished, so I’ll get some of these sacks moved out of the doorway Sam.’ He moved over to the pile of supplies standing ready by the doorway for him, and bent to sort them out.  As he did so, he heard his son’s conversation with Julie as they stood on the porch together.

 

‘So what time will you be getting to the dance tomorrow night Joe?’

 

‘Dance? Oh….. well I don’t think I’ll be coming after all,’ his son replied.

 

Ben heard the surprise in the young girl’s voice as she answered him, which mirrored his own thoughts.  Joseph had never turned down the offer of a social outing that he could remember, and in fact this particular dance had been talked about for weeks as his youngest son had regaled them all with tales of who would be there and what would be happening. He found it very hard to believe that the boy had suddenly changed his mind about going, and in spite of the fact that he knew he was eavesdropping, he stayed where he was to try and find out the reason behind this sudden change of heart.

 

‘Why not Joe?’ Julie asked.

 

‘I … um ….. I don’t think I’m allowed to come after all,’ Joe replied. Ben frowned at the lie, which slid so easily from the boy’s tongue.

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘I’m just not!’ Joe replied shortly. ‘Ya don’t need me there, I’m sure you’ll find someone else ta dance with!’

 

‘Well of course there’ll be lots of boys to dance with, but that’s not the point. I wanted to spend some time with you Joe,’ Julie replied, the disappointment evident in her voice.

 

‘Well I can’t come, so its no use wishing,’ he replied.

 

‘Maybe if I asked your Pa, then he might let …..’

 

‘No!’ Joe interrupted.

 

Ben stepped out onto the porch. ‘Ask his Pa what Julie?’ he asked, as he watched the colour drain from Joe’s face.

 

‘Nothin Pa.  Julie and me was just talking about a few things.  Nothin important,’ Joe said hastily. ‘Do you want those things in the buckboard Pa? They look kinda heavy for ya.’  He took the sacks from Ben’s hands and moved in between his father and Julie.

 

‘Thank you Joseph,’ Ben replied as he watched his son with a thoughtful expression on his face. ‘There are more inside.’

 

Joe frowned, but didn’t move. After a few moments of he and Ben simply standing looking at each other, he said ‘Oh, you want me ta get them?’

 

Ben nodded. ‘Thank you Joseph.’

 

Joe moved reluctantly inside, but was back before his father could even open his mouth. He continued to go back and forwards at a great rate with handfuls of supplies, passing in between Julie and his father each time. Ben wondered as he watched the boy just what was behind his sudden desire not to go to the dance, and after a few moments decided to put him out of his misery. ‘Well if you’ll excuse me Julie, I’ll just get along to the bank now. Can you manage there Joseph?’

 

Joe gave a small sigh, obviously relieved. ‘Sure Pa. I’ll get all these things packed for ya.’

 

‘Good. Meet me outside the saloon in about half an hour then.’ He turned to go, then hesitated. ‘And I mean outside the saloon Joseph, not inside.’ He gave the boy a meaningful look and Little Joe sighed again.

 

‘OK Pa,’ he said.

 

Ben smiled as he walked away from the two youngsters and heard them begin their conversation again. He shook his head as he tried to figure out just what was inside that boy’s mind this time.

 

Approximately half an hour later as he left the bank and headed towards the saloon, he was no closer to an answer to his question.  He spoke to several people as he made his way along the sidewalk, and as he reached the corner of the Silver Dollar saloon was surprised to see his youngest son walking towards him.  He had figured at the least that Joseph would be anxiously awaiting his arrival, keen to get into the saloon as soon as possible. Yet here he was strolling along the street slowly.  Ben stood and waited for him, observing the boy’s downcast expression and hunched shoulders, which was so unlike him!  There seemed to be an air of sadness around him.

 

As Ben watched, Joe passed several people he knew well and yet did not acknowledge them which earned him a few surprised looks. Joe had always been a most outgoing boy and he usually found friends wherever he went. This was so out of character for him, that Ben was immediately worried and resolved to try and draw the boy out about his troubles.

 

As Little Joe approached the saloon and saw his father standing there waiting for him, he immediately transformed from a quiet downcast boy to his usual lively self.  Yet Ben knew that this time it was an act to fool his father into believing that there was nothing wrong.

 

‘Hi Pa,’ he said as he drew close to him.

 

‘Hello Joe,’ Ben replied. ‘I thought you would be waiting for me here by now.’

 

Joe shrugged his shoulders. ‘The supplies just took longer than I thought that’s all.’

 

Ben put his arm around the boy’s shoulders and smiled at him. ‘Well how about we have that drink now?’ He took Joe into the saloon and ordered two beers for them before leading him over to a table in the corner.  He smiled at the boy as they seated themselves facing each other.  Joe was seldom allowed to come into the saloon and Ben knew that he would view this as a special treat.  He also hoped that the drink would open the boy up and start him talking to his father about his concerns.

 

‘Well Joseph,’ he said as he sipped his beer. ‘I think you’ve earned this today after loading all those supplies by yourself this morning.’ Joe just nodded at him and looked at the beer in his hand. Ben tried again. ‘Would you like to stay in town a bit longer after this and look around?’

 

Joe merely shrugged. ‘If you like,’ he said.

 

Ben sighed softly. ‘Well it’s not if I like Joe, I asked if you wanted to.’

 

‘Alright,’ Joe replied without much enthusiasm.

 

Ben clenched his beer tightly and looked at the boy across the table. ‘Joe what’s wrong?’ he asked.

 

Joe immediately sat up straight in his chair and put a smile on his face. ‘Nothing
Pa, why?’ he asked.

 

‘Because you’ve seemed so quiet during the last few days. It’s not like you at all and I thought something might be wrong.’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No nothing’s wrong.’ He lifted his beer and drank it down quickly. ‘Can I have another one Pa?’ he asked with a slight grin, knowing full well what his father would say.

 

Ben simply laughed at him. ‘Do you really expect me to answer that?’ he asked as he sipped his own beer slowly. ‘Joe I was hoping …..’

 

‘Can I go down and see Pete at the livery stable while you’re finishing here?’ Joe stood up and moved away from the table as he spoke, averting his eyes from his father as he did so.

 

‘I’d prefer you stay here Joseph,’ Ben replied. ‘Sit down. I want to talk to you for a while.’ He indicated the chair opposite and Joe reluctantly sat down again. ‘I think it’s about time you and I had this out Joe. You’ve been walking around the ranch during the past few days in a way that’s completely out of character for you.  Usually when you’re upset about something you talk to me about it, but this time all you do is avoid talk. I think it’s about time you told me what it is son.’

 

Joe stared across the table at his father. ‘I told you there’s nothing bothering me Pa,’ he replied.

 

Ben stared back at him intently. ‘Joseph,’ he said simply, and continued to wait.

 

‘I don’t know what you want me to say Pa,’ Joe continued. ‘I’m fine.’

 

‘It’s about Rachel isn’t it?’ Ben asked.

 

‘What about her?’ asked Joe, and suddenly found the empty glass in front of him fascinating as he spun it around on the table.

 

‘You’re uncomfortable about me seeing her aren’t you son?’ Ben persisted.

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No I’m not!  I told you that before.’

 

Ben leaned forward in his chair. ‘It’s alright Joe. You’re allowed to feel like that.’

 

Joe kept staring at the glass as he twirled it. ‘I don’t.’ When his father said nothing he continued. ‘I think it’s ….. it’s nice she’s a friend of yours.  What more do you want me to say?’

 

Joe had never been able to hide when he was lying to his father.  The boy had an incredibly open face and wore his emotions on his sleeve, and many years of experience told Ben that his son was indeed lying to him now. ‘I’d like you to mean it Joe,’ he said.

 

‘I do mean it! Adam said ….’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘He said that you deserve to have a … lady friend. He said that if you want to get married again then we should let you.’

 

Ben frowned. ‘Married again?  Whatever gave you boys the idea that I want to get married again?’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘Adam didn’t say you were gonna. He just said that if you wanted to then we should let ya.’

 

‘I see.’ Ben hid a smile from the boy. ‘Well it’s nice to know that I have my sons’ permission.’ He put his hand on his youngest son’s arm. ‘Joe at this stage I have no intention of getting married again, and if I did then I would certainly talk it over with the three of you first.’

 

Joe bit his lip. ‘But…. well lots of people reckon ya gonna marry Ra ….. Mrs Owens.’

 

‘Well then lots of people don’t know what they’re talking about do they?’ Ben replied with a smile. ‘And Joe even if I did decide to get married again, it wouldn’t mean that I love any of you boys less you know.’

 

‘I know that.’

 

‘Son I’ve been over ten years without a wife, and sometimes I get lonely.  You can understand that can’t you?’

 

Joe nodded reluctantly, wishing his father would change the subject.  He was feeling decidedly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had taken, and didn’t want to really talk about his father’s love life at all.

 

‘I loved your mother very dearly, just as I did Adam and Hoss’ mothers as well,’ Ben continued. ‘But there comes a time when life has to go on. It doesn’t mean that I will forget about them – it just means that I’m trying to live my life the best way I can.’ Joe sat silently and listened to his father. ‘If that means that I get close to another woman, then I’m sure your mother wouldn’t mind. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you son?’

 

Joe nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said simply and squirmed in his chair. ‘Can I go now Pa?’

 

Ben forced himself to smile at the boy. ‘Yes, alright son. Be back at the buckboard by noon though.’  Before he had finished the sentence, Joseph had bolted out of the door and Ben was sitting by himself. He sighed as he raised his glass and drained the last of his beer from the glass. ‘Sam bring me another please,’ he called to the bartender. I think I’m going to need it!

 

 

———————

 

 

 

‘You’d better hurry up and get dressed Joe, Hoss and I aren’t going to wait for you!’ Adam glared at his youngest brother as he lounged on the sofa in the living room.

 

Joe looked up at him. ‘You don’t havta wait for me, I ain’t going,’ he replied.

 

Adam stopped and stared at him. ‘What do you mean you aren’t going?’ he asked incredulously.

 

‘Just what I said. I ain’t going,’ Joe repeated.

 

Hoss came down the stairs. ‘Ain’t ya ready yet short shanks?’ he asked as he pulled on his tie. ‘Hey Adam, can ya tie this thing fer me?  It just won’t sit right.’

 

Adam pulled his brother towards him and began to fiddle with his tie. ‘Joe’s not going to the dance,’ he said.

 

Hoss jerked away from his older brother and grinned at Little Joe on the settee over Adam’s shoulder. ‘Very funny little buddy, now hurry up or we’ll all be late.’

 

Joe sighed. ‘Don’t ya hear properly?’ he asked. ‘I ain’t going.’

 

Hoss stared at Adam who shrugged his shoulders. ‘Don’t ask me,’ he said. ‘He must be coming down with a fever or something.’

 

Hoss strode over to the settee and placed his hand on Little Joe’s forehead. ‘Nope, cain’t feel nothing,’ he said with a grin. He pulled the boy to his feet. ‘Come on Joe, I’m serious!  We ain’t got time ta wait fer ya!’

 

Joe shook himself out of his brother’s grasp. ‘Then go!’ he said angrily. ‘I told ya I ain’t going, and I meant it!’  The three brothers stood looking at each other for a moment as Ben entered the room.

 

‘What’s going on here?’ he demanded. ‘Joseph, there’s no need to yell at your brother like that.’

 

Joe turned to glare at his father. ‘Well tell him ta leave me alone then Pa!  I told him I’m not going to the dumb old dance, and that’s it!’

 

Ben frowned. ‘Don’t you raise your voice to me boy!’

 

Joe hung his head and sat down on the settee again. ‘Sorry Pa,’ he mumbled.

 

Ben turned to Adam and Hoss. ‘You’d better get going boys,’ he said with a tilt of his head towards the door and a meaningful look on his face. ‘Joseph and I will keep each other company here tonight if he doesn’t feel like going to the dance.’

 

Hoss and Adam looked at each other puzzled. ‘Whatever you say Pa,’ said Adam and pulled his brother towards the door with a shrug of his shoulders. ‘See you later Joe.’

 

As the door closed, Ben looked at his youngest son. ‘Well?’ he said.

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘Well what Pa?’ he asked.

 

‘This is the first time I’ve ever known you to give up a chance to go to a social event,’ his father replied. ‘Why don’t you want to go to the dance?’

 

Joe shrugged and stared into the fire. ‘I just don’t feel like it. I don’t have to always go do I?’

 

‘No of course you don’t. It’s just unusual that’s all,’ his father replied. ‘How about a game of chess?’

 

‘OK Pa,’ Joe grinned at him. ‘I’ll set them up.’ Ben watched as the boy arranged the pieces on the board. He had expected this after the conversation he had overheard the other day, but was still no wiser as to why the boy was avoiding the dance. It was an event for the young people of the town and there would be many of his friends there, including many girls …..  I wonder if that’s it? But why would he be avoiding girls all of a sudden?

 

Ben settled down on the settee opposite his son who was perched on the coffee table. ‘Joseph get your feet off the furniture,’ he said automatically, then reached out to move a piece. ‘So who will be at the dance tonight?’ he asked casually.

 

Joe shrugged his shoulders as he moved his piece. ‘I dunno,’ he replied.

 

‘I thought you might want to see Julie again,’ Ben persisted.

 

‘I just saw her on Thursday,’ Joe answered.

 

‘Well what about Becky or one of the other young ladies who hang around you all the time?’ his father said.

 

Joe studied the board in front of him. ‘What about them?’ he asked.

 

‘Don’t you want to see them?’

 

Joe shrugged again. ‘Not really.’

 

Ben frowned. ‘Well that’s not like you. You usually can hardly wait to see any young lady. And they seem to be very keen to see you.’

 

Joe blushed slightly and kept studying the chessboard. ‘It’s your move Pa,’ he said.

 

‘I suppose you’re a little old for a talk about girls now,’ his father said with a slight smile. ‘But if there is anything you want to ask me ….’

 

‘PA!’ Joe blushed even more and hung his head to study the board intently.

 

Ben put up his hand and laughed. ‘Alright, I get the message son. But why the sudden need to avoid the girls?’

 

‘I’m not avoiding them!’ Joe raked his hand through his hair in an exasperated fashion. ‘Gee, can’t I just stay home for once without everyone jumping on me?’

 

‘I’m not jumping on you son, I’m just concerned,’ Ben replied.

 

Little Joe stood up. ‘Well don’t be Pa, there’s nothing ta be concerned about.’ He turned towards the staircase. ‘If you don’t mind I think I’ll have an early night.  I don’t feel much like playing chess after all.’

 

Ben raised his eyebrows. ‘All right son. Good night.’

 

‘Nite Pa,’ Joe replied as he mounted the stairs.

 

Ben rearranged the pieces on the board back to their original places. Now what was that all about? he wondered.

 

 

———————

 

 

Joe sat on the windowsill in his room and looked at the sky above him dotted with stars. He wished that it were daylight so that he could play the cloud game and feel closer to his mother, for he felt a sudden urge to talk to her. Not that he really knew about what – and that was the problem.  He really didn’t know what was wrong with him lately!  His Pa was right, he just didn’t feel like being around people at the moment – particularly girls, and he just didn’t know why.

 

Joe felt very depressed as he gazed out over the tops of the pine trees and stared at the moonlight glistening on the lake in the distance.  He sighed as he thought about the last few days and the thoughts that had been running around in his head.  He felt as if nothing was the same anymore, that everything in his world was changing and he didn’t know how to stop it.  His Pa was seeing a woman and everything was going to change because of it.

 

Stop being a little kid!  You can’t expect Pa to always be there just for you! Why don’t you grow up? Maybe that was why he didn’t want to see any girls at the moment.  Maybe he just didn’t want to grow up? Joe shook his head. He just didn’t know what it was that was making him feel like this, but one thing was for sure, he didn’t like being this way. He brushed away the tears that were beginning to fall and drew up his knees to rest his head on them. Why couldn’t things just stay the same?  Why did everyone have to change?

 

He jerked as he felt a hand on the back of his neck, and turned to see his father standing beside him with a worried expression on his face. ‘Joe, are you alright son?’ Ben said softly.

 

Joe brushed the tears from his face and turned away from his father before he could notice them. ‘I’m fine Pa, I just didn’t feel like sleeping yet.’

 

‘Well I’m not surprised.  It still is pretty early you know. You didn’t have to come upstairs just to avoid talking to me you know.’

 

Joe sat silently while Ben drew a chair beside him and sat down. ‘Joe what is it?’ He waited. ‘I want to help you son, but you just keep shutting me out. Can’t you tell me what it is?’

 

Joe turned to face his father. ‘I don’t know Pa, that’s the problem.  I just don’t know.’

 

‘Well what do you think it might be?’

 

‘I keep thinking about …. about Sarah, you know, and how she died. And then I think about my mother and how she died.’ Joe swallowed.

 

‘Yes?’ Ben prompted.

 

‘And then I think about you and Ra …. Mrs Owens. It’s not that I don’t like her Pa, cause I think she’s probably very nice.  But it’s just that …. Well I want everything to be the same like it was before.’

 

‘I see.  And I’m changing everything for you by seeing her, is that it?’

 

‘It’s not just that.  You were right Pa.  I really didn’t want ta see any of the girls tonight either.  And ya know what else?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I didn’t want Adam or Hoss ta go ta the dance either. I wanted us all ta stay here. I know I’m being really selfish Pa, but I just feel like I want everyone ta stay the same. I don’t want Adam or Hoss meeting someone and going off with her. And not being around here no more.’

 

Ben stroked the back of his son’s neck. ‘You’re not being selfish Joe, its just that you’re growing up. Son, nothing in this world can stay the same.  We all have to grow up and change, and it’s usually for the better.  I have a feeling you’re just feeling sad because you’re feeling the effects of becoming a man when you’re used to being a child.’

 

Joe stared at his father. ‘Ya think?’

 

‘Yes I do.  Everyone goes through it Joe.  You want the world to stay the same for you.  Growing up can be scary because you don’t know what’s ahead of you. It’s even more difficult for you at the moment because of all the changes that have taken place recently in your life.  First there was Sarah and her death, and now it’s the fact that I’m seeing Rachel.  You’re also at that age when you are between childhood and manhood, and that’s hard at the best of times.’

 

‘How do I stop feeling like this Pa? I just feel so sad all the time.’

 

Ben rubbed the boy’s back. You know what I think?  You have to just give it time Joe.  Take each day as it comes and try to deal with each of the issues one at a time.’

 

‘How?’

 

‘Well for one thing getting to know Rachel a little better.  That way you might feel a bit better about me seeing her. How about dinner with her in town tomorrow?’

 

Joe tried to smile at his father. ‘OK Pa.’

 

‘And then there’s Sarah.  I always said I’d take you to San Francisco to see her grave.  How about we plan a trip in a few weeks, just the two of us?’

 

‘Could we?’

 

‘Of course we can. We can meet her brother too, if you’d like.’

 

Joe’s smile became wider. ‘Yes I’d like to.  He’ll be able to tell us more about her.’

 

‘And as for not wanting you or your brothers to meet girls, well there’s no real answer to that one.’ Ben continued. ‘Except to say that I have a strong feeling that you may change your mind.  And your brothers certainly have minds of their own in that regard.’

 

‘Yeah.  I can just imagine Adam’s reaction if I told him I didn’t want him ta see any women no more.’ Joe giggled. ‘He’d likely put me in the horse trough!’

 

Ben laughed. ‘No I don’t think he’d take too kindly to you giving him advice about his love life!’

 

‘Except if I asked him ta avoid seeing Miss Jones!’ Joe chuckled.  The schoolteacher’s crush on the oldest Cartwright brother was a standing joke amongst them. ‘ I think he might listen ta me on that one!’

 

‘I’m sure he would,’ agreed Ben. ‘Now are you going to sit up here in the dark or are you going to come down and let me beat you in that game of chess we started?’

 

‘I guess I’ll just have ta take a beating at chess,’ Joe replied. Hoss will only ask tomorrow who won!’

 

‘Come on then, let’s give ourselves something to tell him at breakfast.’ Ben stood up and pulled his son to his feet. ‘We might raid the kitchen as well if Hop Sing’s not around.’

 

‘You can, I wouldn’t dare!’ Joe declared as they entered the hall. ‘At least you can be sure that he won’t hit you on the head!’

 

 

——————-

 

 

‘Lovely to see you again Joseph,’ said Rachel as she took him by the hand. ‘Please sit down here next to me.’

 

Joe sat down as he was bid next to her at a table in the corner of Daisy’s kitchen.  He frowned up at his father, as he remained standing. ‘Ain’t ya gonna sit down Pa?’ he asked.

 

Ben smiled at them both. ‘I might just leave you two to get to know each other for a while. I need to see Sheriff Coffee for a few minutes and then I’ll be back soon. Please order for me while I’m gone.’

 

Rachel smiled at him. ‘Of course we will. Joseph and I will get to know each a little while you’re gone, won’t we?’

 

Joe gave her a tentative smile. ‘Yeah sure.’

 

As Ben left the room Rachel sat back in her chair and said, ‘Well this is nice isn’t it?’  Joe nodded and said nothing. ‘So do you enjoy working on the ranch Joseph?’ Joe nodded again. ‘I suppose you mostly work with your father and brothers?’ Joe nodded for a third time, and there was silence between them. Rachel leant forward. ‘Joseph,’ she said quietly, ‘this is difficult for you isn’t it?’ Joe shrugged his shoulders and bit his lip as he looked over her shoulder at the wall behind her. ‘Well how about we order then?  What do you think your father would like?’ Rachel asked.

 

‘He usually likes chicken cause we don’t get much of it at the ranch,’ Joe replied.

 

‘And how about you?’

 

‘He shrugged again. ‘I’ll have the same.’

 

‘Well let’s make it three then shall we?’ Rachel suggested. ‘Daisy, chicken for three please.’ She turned back to Joe again. ‘Why don’t you get much of it at the ranch?’ she asked.

 

‘Cause Hop Sing needs ta get rid of a whole side of beef when we slaughter it, and we’re always bringing fish home.  He only kills a chicken now and then.’

 

‘You’re a good fisherman?’

 

‘Yep.  Better than anyone in the family,’ Joe said with pride. ‘Most of the time anyways,’ he continued remembering the bet he had had with Adam last week.

 

‘My son Steven is a good fisherman too.  He used to catch quite a bit when we lived in San Francisco.’

 

Joe sat up in his chair. ‘You lived in San Francisco?’

 

‘Yes we lived there for about fifteen years before my husband and I moved out here.’

 

‘Pa and I are going ta visit there in a couple of weeks.’

 

‘That will be nice. I’ll have to let you know my favourite places so that you can visit them.’

 

‘Like where?’ asked Joe suddenly interested. He sat listening intently while Rachel told him about all of the places she thought he might like to see.  When Ben entered the room a while later the two of them were conversing quite easily and he smiled at the sight.

 

‘Well what are you two talking about?’ he asked.

 

‘San Francisco,’ Joe replied. ‘Pa did ya know that Mrs Owens lived there?’

 

‘Yes I did,’ his father said as he sat down.

 

‘She’s telling me about where we should go when we visit,’ Joe continued. ‘Oh, and we ordered ya chicken Pa,’ he added as Daisy brought the plates of food to their table. ‘Is that OK?’

 

‘Yes that’s fine,’ said Ben as his son attacked the plate of food in front of him. He smiled at Rachel over the top of the boy’s head and winked at her. ‘So where do you suggest that I take this young man while we’re in the city Rachel?’ he asked.

 

They spent the rest of the meal discussing the various sights of San Francisco and then Ben began telling them both of the beauties of the South as he remembered it from his travels. ‘Joe’s mother came from New Orleans,’ he explained to Rachel. ‘I visited there some time ago and she helped me to fall in love with that part of the country.’

 

‘And we’re going there some day too, ain’t we Pa?’ interrupted Joe. ‘You said ya’d take me there.’

 

‘Yes I did, and one day we’ll certainly get there Joe,’ his father replied. ‘Now I do believe it’s time for us to get Rachel back home. Tomorrow is Sunday and we all have to be up early for church.’ He turned to Rachel. ‘Are you coming to the picnic afterwards Rachel?’

 

‘Of course,’ she replied. ‘I was hoping to see you there.’

 

‘Mrs Owens could share with us, couldn’t she Pa?’ asked Little Joe. ‘Hop Sing has killed a couple of chickens,’ he explained to her.

 

Rachel laughed. ‘Well then it must be a special occasion.  We can’t let Hop Sing’s chickens go to waste can we?’

 

‘Oh they won’t go ta waste,’ explained Joe seriously. ‘They never do with Hoss around!’ He looked at his father expectantly. ‘She could join us couldn’t she Pa?’

 

‘Of course,’ Ben replied pleased with both the suggestion and the fact that it was Joe who had come up with it. ‘I was hoping that you would Rachel.’

 

‘Well then I’d be delighted,’ she answered.

 

 

———————

 

 

Ben smiled with satisfaction as he watched his youngest son standing by the lake talking to a group of girls. Well things seem to be back on track in that department!  He turned to Rachel sitting beside him and smiled at her. ‘So what did he say in the letter?’

 

‘Steven wants me to go and visit for a while Ben.  It would be a wonderful opportunity to see John as well while I’m over there.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve missed them both so much.’

 

Ben put his hand over hers. ‘Well then you have to go, don’t you?’

 

She nodded as she gazed at the lake. ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for.  It all depends on how Steven and I get on this time.  We’ve had so many problems in the past, and his wife, well …. I’m hoping we can all patch things up again.’  Ben nodded as she continued. ‘’I really need to see them both Ben, but I don’t want to leave you.’

 

He smiled at her. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Well, only to San Francisco with Joseph for a week or so anyway.  I’ll be here when you get back.’ He leaned closer to her. ‘I’ll always be here if you need me.’

 

‘I know you will.  Thank you Ben.’ She drew back from him sharply as a noise beside them caused them both to jump.

 

‘Hi Pa,’ Little Joe said as he bounded up and plonked down on the rug beside them. ‘Guess what?’

 

Ben closed his eyes for a moment and marvelled at the boy’s bad timing. ‘What?’ he asked in a resigned fashion.

 

‘There’s gonna be another dance in a month. Reckon we’ll be home by then?’

 

‘Of course we will. I’m not taking you to San Francisco for more than a week you know,’ Ben replied. ‘Why? Are you thinking of going to this one?’

 

Joe grinned at him. ‘Yeah! Thought I might.  Becky wants me ta go.’

 

‘Becky?’ His father replied. ‘What happened to Julie?’

 

‘Nothing happened ta her.  It’s just that Becky asked me first.’ He leaned towards his father and whispered. ‘Keeps em guessing ya know!’

 

Ben and Rachel each stifled a smile. There was silence for a few moments, and then Joe sheepishly took out from behind his back a small bunch of wildflowers. ‘Thought ya might like these,’ he said to Rachel with a small grin. ‘They was only going ta waste over there.’ He waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the lake.

 

Rachel looked at him, surprised and very pleased. ‘Why thank you Joseph, they’re beautiful.’ She glanced down at the crushed flowers in her hand and wondered if they would make it home before falling apart.  It looked as though the boy had crushed them against his back, which indeed he had to avoid anyone seeing them on his way over to her.

 

‘Yeah well, I’d better get back over there before they all start fighting over me again,’ Joe said with a slightly embarrassed expression. ‘See ya!’

 

Ben laughed as his son left them. ‘That’s my boy,’ he said. ‘Modest just like his father!’

 

‘Rachel hit him with the flowers and sent several blooms trailing to the rug. ‘Stop it!  I think he’s very sweet.’

 

‘Well you should feel very privileged Rachel.  It’s not everyone he gives flowers too, especially ones like that!’ He indicated the fallen petals. ‘It’s actually a sign of his approval I think.’

 

‘Well it’s very nice of him,’ she replied. ‘I wonder what he’ll say though when he hears that I’m leaving to go back East.  I suspect he’ll be pleased to have his father back full time, even if it’s only for a while.’

 

‘Don’t you worry about that.  Joseph will have me as a full time father for a week or so when we’re in San Francisco.  I suspect he may be slightly sick of all the attention I’m about to give him after that!  He’ll be itching to get back and cause some mischief here again.’ They both laughed.

 

 

————————–

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ Joe leaned forward in his seat and stared at his father intently. ‘Pa?’ he said again over the rumbling of the stagecoach wheels.

 

‘Ben opened his eyes and rubbed his hand across them sleepily. ‘Yes? What is it?’ he asked with a yawn.

 

‘How long before we get ta Sacramento?’

 

‘I told you before Joe, we’ll be there about noon. Now just sit back and enjoy the scenery.’ Ben looked at his son who was fidgeting on the seat across from him.  He had known the trip would be difficult for Joe, who always found it hard to keep still for any length of time, but even at this early stage in their journey he was ready to tie the boy to the seat to keep him still. And we’ve still got a long way to go. Lord give me patience! He closed his eyes again, knowing that it was futile to avoid the boy’s movements.

 

‘Pa?’

 

Ben sighed. ‘Yes?’

 

‘How come ya didn’t mind Mrs Owens going away like that?’

 

Ben opened his eyes yet again. ‘I never said I didn’t mind her going away Joe, but it’s like I said before. Everyone has to deal with change. Rachel had to go and see her sons, just like you feel that it’s important to visit Sarah’s grave. Besides, she’ll be back eventually.’

 

‘Ya reckon?’

 

‘I hope so.’

 

‘So do I, cause I liked her.’

 

Ben shook his head. I don’t think I’ll ever understand this boy of mine!

 

‘Pa?’

 

Ben gave up any hope of sleep and sat up straight on the seat. ‘Yes?’

 

‘Can we go ta some of them shows while we’re in San Francisco?’

 

His father tried to hide a smile behind his hand as he gazed out of the window to avoid the look on Joe’s face. ‘And just what shows might you be referring to Joseph?’ he asked.

 

‘You know. Them shows that they have. I heard Adam talking about them.’

 

‘Those show are not for the likes of you! You are sixteen years old, and not likely to be allowed into them, even if I was to take you there – which I am not about to, I can assure you!’ Ben tried to put a stern expression on his face as he spoke.

 

‘But ya said that I was grown up now!’ Joe protested.

 

‘I said you were growing up, Joseph. Certainly not fully grown up.’

 

Joe sighed and slumped back in his seat as he muttered to himself and stared out of the window at the passing scenery.  ‘Well how can ya expect me ta grow up if ya don’t let me go ta shows like that!’  he muttered quietly.

 

‘What was that young man?’ his father asked.

 

‘Nothing Pa,’ Joe replied as he pulled his hat down over his eyes. This is going to be a long week!  he thought.

 

Ben frowned at him and closed his eyes again. This is going to be a long week!  he thought.

 

 

 

The End