Summary: Little Joe recounts the tale of his encounter at the lake with a not so proper lady.
Rating: Teen for adult insinuations Word count: 1598
This story was written for the January Chaps and Spurs Challenge and was required to contain the following words: Health, Prosperity, Polka dots, Lead, Underwear
A Hot Day, a Cold Lake, and a Bare Brother
Adam Cartwright sighed and shook his head. “Don’t! Don’t say a word if you’re not going to tell me the truth. If just once…”
“Would you promise not to holler or lecture or tell Pa?”
“The simple truth?”
His brother Joe nodded.
“I promise.” Adam sat down, extended his legs, crossed them at the ankles, and fixed his eyes on the eighteen-year-old in front of him. “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, Joe, or so help me God only His intervention will save you.”
“Well…” Little Joe cleared his throat and then cleared it again. “It was awful hot. You know how really awful hot it’s been, Adam. “
I should have had him promise to be direct and concise. As if…. Adams eyes rolled. “I’ll give you it has been hot for May anyway.”
“And I was working in the sun, the blazing sun, and there weren’t even a bit of shade, not a single bit.” Little Joe paused for breath keeping his eyes on his elder brother.
“Hot day, no shade, go on.”
“Well, it’s not good for a body’s health to get too hot; sun stroke can be deadly, you know. Pa always says to be careful of the heat.”
“So he does.”
“So when I got that piece of fence mended, I thought how maybe it would be wise to cool down some, and I thought as how a dip in the lake, just a quick one, mind you, would be just the thing.”
“Especially as the lake was, what, only about ten miles away?” The edge on Adam’s words could be heard clearly.
Little Joe shrugged. “Anyways, I went for a quick dip in the lake.”
“Purely out of concern for your health seeing as continued hard work would have only benefited the prosperity of the ranch.” The edge had grown sharper.
“I knew you’d understand, big brother. Health first is a Cartwright motto.” Little Joe gave his brother what others considered a charming smile.
Adam was not charmed. “Get on with it, Joseph.”
“Well, when I got to the lake, I set my clothes on some rocks right out in the open on the shore.”
Adam interrupted. “Including your underwear?”
“Well…” A slight blush rose on Little Joe’s cheeks.
“Oh, there wasn’t any underwear to be concerned with; is that it?”
“Well, it’s been awful hot!”
“We established that earlier. Still, a gentleman…”
Little Joe’s temper rose slightly. “It ain’t like you ain’t never swum naked!”
Hoss Cartwright chose that moment to enter the room sandwich in hand. “Naked! Who was naked?”
“Whom would you think?” Adam’s thumb indicted their younger brother. “Joe was just telling me a true little story about his day.” Hoss caught Adam’s emphasis on the word true and settled on the settee.
“What did ya do now, Short Shanks?” Hoss finished his question with a smile and a bite of his sandwich.
Little Joe’s mouth opened, but Adam’s raised hand paused Joe’s words. “I’ll catch you up. To keep it short and simple, we so far have a hot day, a cold lake, and a bare brother.”
“Went skinning dipping, did ya?” Hoss smiled and then frowned. He had spent the whole day hard at work in the blazing sun.
Little Joe shifted from one foot to another. “I was just about ready to get out and get some more work done when I heard something.”
“And that something was?”
“A buggy. It stopped and a female got out.”
Hoss grinned. “A pretty gal, I’ll bet.”
“Well, I didn’t really see her face very well. When I saw it was a female, I dropped down under the water like someone had put a load of lead in my drawers. I just shot straight down to the bottom.”
“But since there were no drawers nor any lead, you had to have bobbed right back up again.” Adam leaned forward and placed his forearms on his knees.
“Did she see ya?” Hoss had lost interest in his sandwich and set it down.
“Not right off. I went up and down a few times while her back was turned ‘cause she was getting out a blanket. She spread it out, sat down, and settled in right there looking at the lake.” The pink in Little Joe’s cheeks darkened two shades. “It was clear she planned to stay awhile, and there weren’t no way I could sneak up to my clothes, and the water was getting colder.”
“You were getting colder not the water.” Adam could not resist making the correction.
“Whatever! I was near turning blue and could feel things just, well, you know.”
“Shrinking?” Adam glanced at Hoss and smirked.
Little Joe’s temper rose again. “If you two yahoos are gonna…”
“Whatever we two yahoos do or don’t do, you, little brother, are going to tell the whole truth to us or to Pa.”
Little Joe sputtered wordlessly, considered the probable reaction of his father, and decided to continue. “Well, a body can get too cold too which ain’t any healthier than being too hot.”
“Which is why Pa never allowed us to go swimming in the lake before June.” Hoss nodded agreement with Adam’s declaration. Little Joe’s eyes rolled.
“Anyways, after a bit, I figured there was nothing for it but to call out and ask her to, well, turn her back and let me get my clothes.”
“Did she?” Hoss leaned forward as did Adam.
Little Joe’s cheeks turned bright red. “No.”
“Still you are here and clothed, even if not fully clothed.” Adam’s raised eyebrow requested the remainder of the story.
“She laughed. That’s when I knew she weren’t no lady. She laughed and said she preferred to see the show.” Little Joe’s voice had softened to a whisper.
“She didn’t!” Hoss’s voice held both shock and indignation.
“She did! Then she just sat there and waited.”
“Until?”
Little Joe’s voice took on a pleading tone. “It wasn’t like she was a proper lady. A proper lady would have blushed and turned away. A proper lady would have left!”
Adam leaned back in his chair and sighed. “So when the not proper lady told the less than gentlemanly cowboy she intended to wait for the show, what did that bare cowboy do?”
“Well, I waited until I couldn’t wait no more and then I just, well, I kind of dashed out of the water and grabbed my clothes and darted behind some bushes a ways down the shore.”
“And she?”
“She watched.” Despite his promise to tell the whole truth, Little Joe refused to mention the woman’s continued laughter.
“She watched you reveal all your Adonis-like glory.” Adam shook his head slowly. “Then?”
“I got on Cochise and left. I don’t know what she did then. But she sure enough didn’t faint from the shock like a real lady would.” Little Joe’s righteous indignation rang in his words.
Adam chewed on the corner of his lip. “You have no idea who this not so proper lady was?”
“No. I didn’t really see her face clear mostly I just saw her dress.”
“Her dress?”
“It was blue with little white, umm, circles all over.”
“Polka dots, that’s what their calling them now. It’s after that dance, the polka.” Adam felt compelled to supply the correct term.
“That the dance you and Maybelle was doing at the last shindig?”
“Yes. It’s become quite popular. I’ll have to teach you and Joe.”
Little Joe rolled his eyes at his brothers’ exchange. “Well, she had on this polka dot dress and a big shade hat with blue flowers. I’ve never seen a dress like it before.”
“So you would recognize the dress but not the woman in it?”
“Well, yea.”
Adam sighed. “You’d better hope you never have reason to recognize either one. If Pa…”
“You promised, Adam; you promised if I told the truth you wouldn’t tell Pa. I told the truth, and you promised!”
“I keep my promises.” Adam glanced at Hoss who, of course, had promised nothing. Little Joe looked at Hoss too.
Hoss gave a sad shake of his head. “I don’t figure to go stirring in that stink hole.”
Little Joe’s smile encompassed his whole face. He startled though when a voice rang out.
“Sons go get cleaned up. Get changed. Father send word he bring guests for dinner.” Hop Sing accompanied his instructions with a myriad of gestures.
“Guests?”
“Meet in town today. No warning. Always you think Hop Sing need no warning to feed all of Virginia City!” Hop Sing punctuated his words by stabbing the air with his wooden spoon and then turned away muttering in his native Chinese.
Less than an hour later as he was buttoning his vest, Adam heard a buggy enter the yard. He looked down from his window to see his father on Buck and an unfamiliar buggy. He watched as a gentleman in a gray suit exited the buggy while his father went to assist the female passenger. As she took Ben’s hand and stepped down, Adam’s breath caught in his lungs. Then he turned from the window and began to laugh. He laughed until his knees bent, his stomach ached, and he had to lean against the wall with his arm curled around his waist. Finally, he straightened, rubbed his chin, and decided to at least give the boy some warning. Simple pity demanded that he tell Little Joe that one of their guests was wearing a blue and white polka dot dress.
Tags: Adam Cartwright, brothers, Family, Hoss Cartwright, Joe / Little Joe Cartwright
Oh my goodness. Poor Joe! What a position to be in. She was no lady, but maybe just wanted a glimpse of the “Ponderosa”! 🤭
No, not every woman in the old West was a “lady”. Poor Joe, indeed. Thank you for responding and letting me know that this story is still being read. DJK :>)
Oh, poor, poor, Little Joe.
This made me laugh so hard, I’m surprised that my husband didn’t come into the room to check on me. LOLOLOL.
Thank you for letting me know that I brought some laughter into your day! I appreciate your response. DJK :>)
So funny! Well written Story, I enjoyed IT.
A belated but heartfelt thank you for your response! DJK :>)
Loved this and it started my day with a laugh
Poor Joe. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but he was right when he said the woman was no lady
Little Joe forever
A belated but heartfelt thank you for responding! DJK :>
I don’t know how I missed this the first time around! Even the truth gets Joe in a heap of trouble. It was definitely the laugh I needed today!
I’m happy I could provide the needed laugh. Thank you so much for responding! 🙂
Enfin une belle histoire drôle !!! Doc Martin risque de soigner une mâchoire déplacée par un fou rire !!! Il reste une inconnue ??? Qui est la dame ???
I’m glad I could add laughter to your day. I have been away from the site and missed your comment. Please let me thank you now for your kind words. DJK 🙂
This was a very funny story. Boy would I like to have seen the look on Joe’s face and Pa’s look when he found out. Poor Joe. You have to laugh at the situation. thanks
I am glad you enjoyed the humor. I truly appreciate your response. Many thanks! DJK :>)
A truly wonderful Cartwright story. Thank you so much for writing this. No bruises, moaning, bleeding – just
a sweet, moment in the life of our favorite brothers. So real. Poor Joseph 😂
As action-adventure is not what I do well, I appreciate you letting me know that gentler stories have an audience. Thank you! DJK :>)
So funny, poor Joe!!!
Glad I could provide a laugh. Thanks for responding! DJK :>)
First … gorgeous picture! Second, I loved Adam’s summation which you cleverly repeated as the title. Third, how kind of Adam to warn Joe, although I think he’s doing it more for the entertainment value than compassion. Fun story!
For the picture I can take no credit, but it is beautiful. The title is always one of the hardest things for me to write, so Adam was a distinct help. Perhaps, Adam’s motives were pure but perhaps not. I’m glad you enjoyed the story; I enjoyed writing it. DJK :>)
HA ! Loved this , smiled all the way through as I pictured the 3 of them and their funny exchanges
Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed it! I love to add smiles to people’s days. DJK :>)
Love it I’m still smiling thinking of Joe😊😊😊
I’m always glad when I can put a smile on someone’s face. Thanks so much for responding! DJK :>)
What a hoot! Love this!
Thank you for letting me know that I brought some laughter into your day. I appreciate it! DJK :>)
This was hilarious! Thank you!
I’m glad I could add a little laughter to your day. Thank you for responding! DJK:>)
Read it twice now and going for three. Just can’t stop laughing. Thank you so much for sharing.4
Brilliant
Such a lovely compliment that you would read this more than once, thank you so much! I’m glad I could bring some laughter to your life. DJK :>)
Oh!!!! Poor Little Joe!!! Unfortunately you finished your story very fast, because I would give a fortune to see this meeting!!!!
Poor Joe refused to share anymore of the story with my muse, but we know the Cartwrights well enough to imagine. Thanks so much for responding! DJK :>)
Very entertaining, DJK. Love the way the story unfolds: Joe’s embarrassment, Adam’s smugness, and all the little asides. Great fun.
I had fun writing this one. Thanks for letting me know someone had fun reading it! DJK :>)
Great! I would have loved to see Joe’s face when Adam tells him who their guest is for the evening.
I can imagine also, but Joe refused to share the rest of the story. Thanks for responding! DJK :>)
Pictured the whole thing in my head, whilst laughing the whole time. Fabulous job DJK.
Thank you for letting me know I brought some laughter to your day. I appreciate it! DJK :>)
Cute story, DJK. I’m sure Joe never looked at polka dots the same way again. 🙂
I wonder if there is a fear of polka dots phobia. Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed this story. DJK :>)
I may not stop laughing for some time. Oh to see Joe’s face at the end!!! Well done DJK.
I’m always glad when I can bring laughter to someone’s day. Thank you for letting me know I did. DJK :>)
I can see why this went well past the 500 words, but I think Joe might have prefered if you stopped sooner! That was hilarious.
Joe should know anything shared with my muse will be share with others. Thank you for letting me know you thought it was funny. DJK :>)
Excellent — loved all the voices which were spot on making the scene easy to envision, and the ending was priceless.
Thank you for letting me know that you enjoyed this story and thought that the voices rang true. DJK :>)