Summary:  The Civil War causes a rift in the Cartwright family

Rated: T (29,535 words)

 

My Brother, My Enemy

 

PART 1

 Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

Joe shuddered involuntarily, although whether from fear or the cold, he wasn’t sure.  All he knew was that there was a deep-seated need within him to warm up, and he stood up to pace again.

 

Six steps forwards, four steps across and six steps back again.  How many times had he counted it out? What, do ya think it’s gonna change suddenly? he asked himself as he continued to pace.  Wake up to yourself Joe, nothing here ever changes. Except when they decide it will.

 

He shuddered again, and sat down on the hard stone floor.  Sighing, he drew his knees to his chest and folded his arms around them and put his head down.  How much longer is this gonna take? What more can they possibly ask me?  Don’t they understand by now that I don’t know anything?

 

He looked up at the tiny window far above him, and stretched to catch a glimpse of the small square of sunlight that filtered through. Still daylight. At least that helps to keep it a bit warmer.

 

Joe closed his eyes and imagined he was sitting in front of the fireplace at home.  If he concentrated hard enough he could almost feel the warmth and hear the crackling of the logs that he would have cut himself as part of his daily chores.  It was strange how he had always resented having to do those mundane things, and now he would have given anything to only have his chores to worry about. 

 

Wonder how long I’ve been here now?  Joe thought back to the day they had brought him in. The day his whole world had collapsed around him and he had literally come crashing to the ground, helpless as a day-old kitten.  He smiled as he remembered the showing off he had done with his riding to impress the officers.  It was his expertise with horses that had brought him here in the end, for if he hadn’t shown off so much he could well be back with the others now, instead of here in this stinking jail cell.

 

Yes he decided, it had all started that day with the Captain. Yet even as Joe allowed this thought to take hold of him he knew it wasn’t true, for it had really started that day two months ago when he had fought so hard with his Pa. It had been such a stupid fight really, but one that had such far-reaching consequences for them all.  And especially him!  Joe closed his eyes as he thought back to that day last August.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ponderosa Ranch Nevada August 1864

 

The front door burst open and hit the wall with a bang, causing Ben Cartwright to jump in his chair and drop his pen.  He frowned as he picked it up again, and looked up to see his youngest son running across the room towards him waving an envelope in his hand.  ‘Pa!  There’s a letter come!’

 

‘Thank you Joseph,’ Ben replied frostily. ‘But do you think you could announce the arrival of the mail in less dramatic terms please?’

 

Joe grinned at him and continued to wave the envelope in the air. ‘But you don’t understand Pa!  It’s from Adam!  A letter’s come from Adam!

 

Ben stood up and grabbed for the letter, managing to wrest it from the boy’s grasp as it passed by his head again.  He sat down again and eagerly reached for his letter opener as Hoss entered the room.

 

‘What’s all the ruckus about?’ he asked, and then grinned to see what was in his father’s hand. ‘Is it from Adam?’

 

Joe nodded his head eagerly. ‘Yup. Sure is!’  He sat down on the edge of his father’s desk and leant forward to try to read the contents over his shoulder.

 

Ben looked at them both. ‘He’s alright,’ he said with a sigh and then looked down at the page again. ‘He can’t say where he is of course, but he’s alright.’  He smiled. ‘It seems like your brother is not having too bad a time after all. Joseph, get off my desk please,’ he said automatically as he stood up and moved around towards them.

 

Joe stood up and grinned guiltily at his father. ‘Well, what does he say Pa?’ he asked as he followed him over to the settee. ‘What’s he doing?’

 

Hoss sat down on the blue chair next to the settee and patiently waited for his father to begin to read. ‘What do ya think he’s doin little brother?  Ya don’t go all that way ta join a war to sit and do nothing ya know!’

 

Joe punched him playfully on the head as he perched himself on the arm of the chair. ‘Go on Pa, read it!’ he said eagerly. ‘I want to hear all the exciting bits.’

 

Ben frowned at his youngest son. ‘There is nothing exciting about war Joseph,’ he said. ‘Your brother didn’t go because he thought it would be exciting, he went because he felt it was the right thing to do.’

 

Joe rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, yeah I know Pa!  Like you’ve said before. I know!’

 

Ben bent his head and began to read the letter to his two sons.  Hoss listened with a worried look on his face, anxious to know just how his older brother was really doing so far from home.  Joe on the other hand, listened intently with a sparkle in his eyes.  Every sentence seemed to describe adventures that he had only ever dreamed about.  He marvelled at the way all the names of places so far away just seemed to rattle off his father’s tongue as he read.  His brother’s adventures seemed to him to be glorious and exciting, and Joe hung on every word as his father described in detail the movements of Adam’s Division and the part that he was playing in their campaign.

 

‘He’s had another promotion,’ Ben said with pride. ‘It’s Captain Cartwright now.’

 

‘Wow!’ said Joe, his eyes still shining. ‘That’s great ain’t it Pa? He’ll probably end up a General or something if the war goes on for much longer.’

 

‘Well let’s pray that it doesn’t go on for much longer,’ his father said as he folded up the letter and returned it to its envelope. ‘I’d like to think that it won’t be too much longer before Adam makes it back to us.’

 

‘Shouldn’t be too long,’ said Hoss.  ‘The way the papers are describing it, they’ve got the Rebs on the run all over the place.’

 

Joe frowned as he contemplated his innermost thoughts. ‘Do you reckon that’s true Pa? Do you really think it’ll be over soon?’

 

Ben sighed as he stood up and walked over to the fireplace. ‘I don’t know son. All I know is that I pray for that every day.’

 

‘I still don’t see why Adam had to go,’ said Hoss as he looked into the fire. ‘Isn’t like it affects us out here, after all.’

 

‘It does affect us!’ countered Joe. ‘It affects all of us, ain’t that right Pa?’

 

Ben sighed again. ‘Yes unfortunately Joseph I think that’s true. ‘That’s why Adam felt he had to go anyway. He felt that he had to help fight for a principle that’s important for our whole country regardless of where we live.’

 

‘Hmm!’ Joe snorted. ‘Principle!  Adam just wanted to get away from here for a while and see something different that’s all.’

 

Ben rounded on the boy and shook his finger at him. ‘Don’t speak about things you know nothing about Joseph!  Your brother did what he felt he had to, not because of any selfish reason, but because he wanted to stand up for what is right!’

 

Joe stood and glared at his father. ‘Right!  What’s so right about taking away from thousands of people what’s theirs anyways?’

 

Hoss sighed. This argument between his brother and his father was one he had heard many times before, and he was heartily sick of it. 

 

‘So you believe in a person’s right to own a human being in slavery then Joseph?’ his father spat back at him.  ‘I thought I had raised you to know what was right.’

 

‘No of course I don’t!’ Joe countered. ‘But I do believe that no one has the right to impose their will on others.  And there’s more to this war to slavery.  The North are just trying to get their hands on the wealth of the South.  That’s what it says in the papers!’

 

‘Depends which ones ya read,’ murmured Hoss. ‘Joe, why don’t ya just simmer down and fergit all about who’s right and wrong in this?’

 

Joe turned to him. ‘Why should I simmer down?’ he asked as he jutted out his jaw and flashed his eyes.  Hoss shook his head as he witnessed his brother’s ‘stubborn look’ as they all termed it.  There was usually no reasoning with him when he got like this.  ‘Why should I say I agree with something if I don’t?’

 

Ben put his hand on his son’s shoulder. ‘Joseph I raised you to have your own opinions and stand by them.  But you just don’t understand the intricacies of this war. You’re too young to know what it’s all about really.  Adam …..’

 

Joe flung his father’s hand off. ‘Adam knows of course!’ he finished for his father. ‘Adam always knows everything, whereas I’m always too young to understand aren’t I Pa?  Well I’m nineteen now, and I’m old enough to know my own mind.’

 

‘That is not what I was going to say,’ replied his father. ‘I don’t care if you are nineteen or ninety young man, I am still your father and I expect you to keep a civil tongue in your head when you speak to me!’

 

Joe sighed. ‘Sorry Pa, but I just get so mad sometimes!  It seems like everyone else gets to go and fight, and all I get to do is stay around here and read about it!’

 

‘Why on earth would ya want ta go and be part of all that?’ asked Hoss genuinely surprised. ‘I can’t think of anything worse!’

 

Joe sat down next to his brother and leant towards him. ‘Don’t you think it’d be real exciting Hoss?  Just think about it.  Fighting for something that you believe in, seeing places you’ve only read about, doing …..’

 

‘Joseph, that is enough!’ his father interrupted. ‘I don’t want to hear you talk like that about an event that is causing misery and hardship to so many people.  Isn’t it bad enough having your brother gone without you wanting to be there too?’

 

Joe frowned. ‘Well I can dream can’t I Pa?’ he asked sulkily. ‘Seems I’ll never get to do anything about it!’

 

‘Well that’s true enough,’ replied his father. ‘You can just get any thoughts of going off to fight out of your mind young man.’

 

Joe jutted his jaw out again. ‘Adam got to go!’ he said.

 

Ben put his hands on his hips in the classic Cartwright stance. ‘Adam is a lot older than you!’ he said. ‘And even if I didn’t agree with him going, I couldn’t have stopped him.  He’s a grown man, whereas you are ….’

 

‘Nothing but a boy!’ finished Joe. ‘I know Pa!  You’ve said it all before!’

 

‘Then don’t make me repeat it again,’ answered his father. ‘Honestly Joseph, why can’t you just for once settle down and listen to reason? You are nineteen years old and still a minor.  Unless I give you my permission to join up you won’t be going anywhere, and I can assure you young man I have no intention of giving it!  One son caught up in this nightmare is enough!’ He stood up and turned on his heel, slamming the front door behind him as he left the house.

 

 

—————-

 

 

 

‘Hi little buddy, whatcha doin up here?’  Hoss sat down next to his younger brother and studied his profile as he continued to look at the lake.

 

‘What I always do.  Think!’  Joe replied without taking his eyes away from the blueness in front of him.

 

Hoss tapped him on the shoulder and grinned at him. ‘Well I know that!  But what I meant was ain’t ya out working on them fences like Pa told ya to?  He’s gonna be mighty mad with ya!’

 

Joe frowned. ‘Don’t see how he can get any madder than he already is!’ he said.  ‘Seems like every time I turn around lately he’s getting on my back about something.’

 

‘He ain’t ya know,’ said Hoss quietly. ‘It’s you little buddy, not Pa.’

 

Joe turned to face him. ‘What?’ he said. ‘You can’t be serious Hoss!  What have I done?’

 

Hoss laughed. ‘Ya funning me Joe ain’t ya?  Ya can’t honestly say ya haven’t been hard ta live with lately!  Every time Pa or me looks sideways at ya, we get our heads bitten off!’

 

Joe hung his head and rested it on his knees. ‘I don’t mean to,’ he said quietly.

 

‘Ya not still thinking about how ya missing out on the war, are ya?’ Hoss asked. ‘Cause if ya are then ya just plain stupid!  Why would ya want ta go and leave all this anyways?’  He waved his hand at the lake in front of them.

 

‘I don’t want to leave all this!’  Joe said. ‘It’s just that …..’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Oh I don’t know!’  He sighed with exasperation. ‘I guess I’m just restless or something.  I don’t want to leave all this Hoss, honest I don’t.’ He looked at his brother with his green eyes flashing. ‘But I’m just sick of seeing the same old things day in and day out.  I want a change I guess.’

 

‘Well ask Pa if ya can go ta San Francisco or something.  There’s no need ta get fired up about all that other stuff is there?’  Hoss looked at his brother pleadingly. ‘Losing Adam was bad enough without you too!’

 

Joe pushed his brother’s arm. ‘Don’t be stupid Hoss!  Of course you’re not losing me! You heard Pa say I couldn’t go.’

 

‘Yeah I heard him, but I also know you little buddy.  Usually when we tell ya to do something ya break ya neck ta do the opposite though instead!’

 

Joe grinned at him. ‘I’m not that bad am I?’

 

‘Worse,’ said Hoss returning the grin and leaning back in the grass as he spoke. ‘Ya just plain ornery I guess! Always were, even when ya was a little un. If we told ya something was white, ya’d say it was black.  Always had ta have an argument about something or other, specially with Adam.’

 

‘Yeah, I remember.  Still like to argue with him ya know,’ Joe replied. ‘Guess that’s why I miss him so much.’

 

‘Is that why you’re so dadblamed keen ta join the opposite side ta him?’ asked Hoss. ‘Ya can’t even agree to be on the same side in a war.’

 

Joe looked at his brother for a moment startled. He’d never thought about that! ‘I don’t know,’ he said sheepishly. ‘I just think I belong to the South cause of her.’  He indicated the stone that marked his mother’s grave beside them. ‘Guess I didn’t think about being on the opposite side to Adam at all.’

 

‘Well ya’d better think about it,’ said Hoss. ‘Who’d ta say yer Ma would want ya to be on the side of the South anyway?’

 

Joe frowned. ‘Cause she would!  She was from there wasn’t she?’

 

Hoss shrugged his shoulders. ‘Well you’re not!  You’re from here, and we don’t belong to either side!  Now come on little buddy, or we’ll both be in trouble from Pa for getting nothing done at all today!’  He pulled his younger brother up by the shoulders and turned him towards their horses before Joe could react.  ‘Come on, move it!’  He said as he pushed him up the hill in front of him.

 

‘Since when did you get so bossy?’ Joe said over his shoulder as he moved towards their horses.

 

‘Since Adam went away I guess,’ replied Hoss with a grin. ‘Someone has ta take his place and make sure that ya do as ya’re told!’

 

The two brothers mounted their horses and began to move up the hill away from the lake.  As he disappeared over the top of the rise, Joe looked back and searched for the stone that stood out like a marker on the shore. Bye mama, he said silently as he turned and followed his brother over the crest.

 

 

——————

 

 

 

‘Joseph I think we need to clear the air about something,’ Ben said as he urged the horses forward and looked at his youngest son beside him on the buckboard.  Joe glanced at his father and bit his lip as he waited for the onslaught of his anger.  Those words usually signalled something that Joe had done and was about to be in trouble for, and he searched his brain to come up with what it might be this time.

 

‘What about Pa?’ he finally asked when several moments had passed and his father hadn’t volunteered any more information.

 

‘About our conversation yesterday of course,’ replied Ben.  ‘It’s just that I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did in life boy, that’s all.’

 

‘Huh?’  Joe was lost as to where this conversation was leading, and needed clarification before he said something that he might regret later.

 

‘When you said that all you got to do was stay around here instead of experiencing life,’ Ben continued patiently.

 

‘Oh,’ said Joe. ‘Yeah well, don’t take any notice of me Pa.  Sometimes I just say things without thinking, you know that!’

 

‘Yes I do know that Joseph,’ said his father. ‘But I also know just how unsettled you have been lately,’ he held up his hand as Joe started to interrupt, ‘and we’ve all had to wear your bad temper because of it.’  Joe fell silent as his father continued. ‘I know you are frustrated boy, but I want you to understand just how things are. You see I do know how you feel, because I’ve experienced something similar in my life too.’

 

Joe looked at his father with a puzzled expression. ‘You have Pa?  When?’

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘A long time ago Joe, when I was younger than you in fact.  All I wanted to do was leave home and spread my wings, but my father forbade it.  He knew that my desire to go to sea was one that I wasn’t ready for, but could he convince me?’

 

Joe sat, intrigued by this insight to his father that he had never known before. ‘I don’t know Pa, could he?’

 

‘No he couldn’t.  I took no notice of him and ran off.  I know now that it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time I thought I was going to save the world or something.’  Ben glanced at his son and caught his eye, before Joe looked away with an embarrassed expression on his face.

 

‘But you loved the sea Pa,’ Joe said in a quiet tone. ‘You always told us that you did!’

 

‘Yes I did, but not at first.  It took a long time for me to really grow into it, and for that first couple of years I had a horrible time trying to live in a man’s world when I was no more than a boy,’ Ben replied.  ‘Your grandfather was right and I knew it not long after I left, but I was far too stubborn to ever admit it and of course by then it was too late.’

 

There was silence for a few moments as Joe digested this information.

 

‘So you see Joseph, I just don’t want you to make the same mistake that I did.  I know this war sounds terribly exciting to you, but believe me son it isn’t.’  He laid a hand on Joe’s leg. ‘Think about it Joe, you’ve got plenty of time to be a part of things that are happening in this world.  Don’t try and grow up too soon, son.’ He smiled at him again. ‘I’d like to keep you as my baby for a while longer you know.’

 

Joe tensed beside him. ‘But I’m not a baby Pa, I keep telling you that!’

 

‘I know,’ said Ben. ‘And I don’t mean to treat you like one Joe, but it’s hard for a father to accept that his children are growing up you know. Adam has gone and Hoss is his own man now. I’d like to think that I have at least one of you for a while longer.’

 

Joe smiled at his father to reassure him, but inside he was frustrated and depressed. Couldn’t his father see that he wasn’t the boy he thought he was?  Why was it that every time he tried to show him just how grown up he really was, he reminded him just how much growing up he still had to do?  Joe figured it part of the curse of being a youngest son, and he gave an exaggerated sigh that made his father smile even more. Father and son, each lost in their own thoughts, sat in silence as they travelled towards the distant town.

 

 

—————-

 

 

 

‘So what does it say Pa?’ Joe craned his neck to look over his father’s shoulder at the newspaper he was holding. ‘Where are the troops now?’

 

Ben glared at him as he tried to read. ‘Joseph give me a chance will you please?’ he snapped. ‘I can’t read with you hanging on like that!’

 

Joe stepped back a step and onto the foot of one of the men who had clustered around them when they saw the paper in Ben’s hand. He gestured his apology and turned to his father again. ‘Sorry Pa,’ he said. ‘But what does it say?’

 

‘General Hood’s Battalion is all but destroyed after one defeat after another.  Battles at Spring Hill, Franklin and Nashville have all but decimated the Confederate Army.’

 

‘Wow!’ said Joe. ‘Sounds like they was some battles!’

 

‘Let’s just hope no one we know was there,’ his father said, and several of the men surrounding them nodded their agreement.

 

Ben bent his head again and continued. ‘General Sherman is advancing upon Atlanta, and if taken this could be a major turning point in the War.’ He folded the paper over.  It seems like the Confederates are on the run on all fronts,’ he said.

 

Joe’s eyes were gleaming as he said eagerly, ‘They’ll turn em back, don’t you worry Pa!’

 

Ben studied his youngest son, frowning as he did so. ‘I’m not worried Joseph.  And I sincerely hope they don’t.  The sooner this War is over the better!’

 

Joe bit his lip as he said more subdued this time, ‘But, I only meant ….’

 

‘Ya listen to ya Pa, youngster,’ said an old man who was standing next to him. ‘He’s right!  Them Rebs got no business turning anything around!  Sherman and his boys’ll trample em into the ground before long!’

 

Joe turned and glared at him. ‘Will not!’ he declared. ‘The Confederates just need the chance, and they’ll have them Yankees on the run soon enough!’

 

The old man shook his head. ‘Ya don’t know what ya talking about sonny,’ he said. Why all it’ll take will be …..’

 

Joe turned away from him towards his father with a sneer on his face. ‘Pa, don’t ya think there’s more to this?  If the …..’

 

Ben caught his son by the arm and pulled him away from the crowd, saying loudly as he did so. ‘Come along Joseph.  It’s time we got home.  We’ve spent enough time here debating issues.’

 

Joe glared at his father and tried to shake his arm free from his grasp. ‘But Pa!  I want ta tell this guy ….’

 

‘I said come along Joseph and I mean NOW!’ his father said frostily. Joe stopped struggling when he heard the tone of his father’s voice and allowed himself to be led away. After they had crossed the street and walked a couple of yards away, Ben stopped and faced his son. ‘How many times have I told you not to get into a brawl over the War?’’ he said pointing his finger at Joe’s nose. ‘Are you determined to find trouble here?’

 

Joe shook his arm free. ‘All I said was….’

 

‘All you said was enough to get yourself into a serious fight!  How do I make you understand Joseph that people don’t take too kindly to talk like that?’

 

‘You mean I can’t even have an opinion any more?’ said Joe jutting his jaw out.

 

‘Of course you can have an opinion!  But at the proper time and in the proper place!’ his father replied.  ‘Not in the middle of the street for everyone to hear! For Heaven’s sake Joseph, have some sense!’  He turned and walked towards their buckboard, continuing to speak over his shoulder as he did so. ‘Get in the buckboard now!  I meant it when I said we were over due for home.’

 

Joe stomped after him and sat in the buckboard, pulling his hat down over his face and slumping down on the seat.  He looked for all the world like a child having a tantrum, and just confirmed in his father’s mind that the boy had a lot of growing up to do. And I thank God for it, Ben mused. Just as well he isn’t grown yet, or I could be losing him too.

 

 

————-

 

 

 

‘It’s your turn!’ said Hoss for the second time. ‘Where’s ya mind gone little buddy?’

 

Joe looked at his brother and shook his head slightly. ‘What?’ he said.

 

‘It’s your turn,’ repeated Hoss. ‘Move why don’t ya?’ Joe leant over the chessboard and moved a piece without thinking, and Hoss laughed gleefully as he took another knight. ‘You sure are an easy mark tonight little buddy!’

 

Joe didn’t respond, but continued to study the board in front of him.  As Hoss studied his next move, Joe looked over at his father seated in his favourite easy chair next to the fireplace. Ben was seated comfortably, smoking his pipe while re-reading the newspaper he had bought in town earlier that morning. His eyes were anxiously scanning the pages in front of him, and in his unguarded state Joe noticed a worried look that spoke volumes.

 

Ben Cartwright was so used to being in charge of any situation that came his way, that it was rare for him to be feeling like this. He wasn’t sure how to take what was happening at all.  First he had lost one son to this insufferable war, and now another was talking about it in such terms as to make his blood run cold. Thank God that Joseph was too young to go!  Ben knew that if the youngster had the slightest opportunity he would have been out of there as fast as he could.

 

Ben stole a look at his sons as they bent their heads over the board.  It seemed like only yesterday that they had been children, and now they were men dealing with men’s problems.  He sighed to himself as he thought about the years that had been – the hardships and the tragedies, but also the warm family times they had shared together in this very room.  He wondered if they would ever share them again, and sent up a fervent prayer that Adam – no matter where he was – was safe at this moment. It was strange how much he missed the boy, and it brought back to mind the years that his oldest son had been at College in Boston.  Four years of longing for him, that ended in a wonderful reunion when Adam finally did return to them again.  Ben prayed that they would all have the opportunity for another such reunion when the time was right.

 

He stood up. ‘I’ll just be outside for a few moments boys checking on the horses.  I won’t be long.’

 

Hoss looked at his father as he left the room. ‘He really misses Adam ya know.’

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘Cause I know!  You don’t have to say it every night you know!’

 

Hoss glared at his younger brother. ‘See Joe?  That’s just what I’ve been tryin ta tell ya!  Every time I make a comment around here ya bite my head off! Quit it will ya?’

 

Joe pushed another piece on the board. ‘I’m just sick of you carrying on about it all the time!’ he countered. ‘We all know how Pa feels, you don’t have to keep on about it!’

 

Hoss stared at him. ‘Seems ta me like I do little brother. It’s not as if you’ve got much feeling for him at the moment!’

 

Joe stood up, hands on hips, and pointed his finger at his brother. ‘Don’t you tell me how I feel!  You don’t know anything about it!’  He turned and stomped up the staircase towards his bedroom, leaving Hoss shaking his head and muttering as he rearranged the pieces on the board back to their original positions again.

 

Upstairs, as Joe sat and looked out of his window at the yard below, he watched his father leaning against the corral fence.  His shoulders were slumped and his whole demeanour seemed one of defeat and anxiety.  How can I do this to him? Joe asked himself. I know how hard this is going to be for him when he finds out – but I …..  He hung his head for a moment as he weighed up the alternatives ahead of him and tried to justify his actions.  It’s only for a little while.  They all say it’s coming to an end soon, and if I don’t do something about it quickly I’ll miss out!  This might be my only chance after all! 

 

He looked down at his father again. Pa, I know what you said, but …..  I’m not you Pa!  I’m sorry but I have to do this! I wish I knew how to explain it to you properly!  He turned from the window and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Outside his window the mournful sound of an owl penetrated the silence, as he turned away from the window and faced the wall beside him.  Sleep would be slow in coming that night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

Joe shivered as a sudden burst of wind entered the small room through the tiny window above.  He clutched his knees even tighter in an attempt to ward off the cold, and wished he still had the warm topcoat that they had issued him with on that first day.  His mind went back to how excited he had been as he had stood in line waiting his turn to sign up, and he smirked to think how naïve he had been as well.  Stupid was probably more to the point!

 

Every time he thought about it now, he marvelled at how little notice he had taken of his father and brother.  They had both tried to tell him, but in his usual fashion he had gone ahead and done it anyway, and look where it had got him now.  He looked around him at the dark walls and sighed to think of the mistakes he had made.  His Pa had been right!  He had really thought he was going to set the world on fire – wasn’t that why he had shown off that day with his riding?  Sure they had been impressed, but it hadn’t achieved anything but misery as far as he could see now.

 

Wonder what my Captain would say if he could see me now?  he thought.  Bet he wouldn’t have so much confidence in me any more. One thing Joe knew for sure, and that was that he couldn’t give in and give out any information.  That wouldn’t be right!  But what was the alternative for him?  Joe shivered again to think of the things they had said to him, and how he had tried not to show his fear.  He knew he had to be loyal to The Cause, but it was going to be really hard that was for sure!

 

He closed his eyes and thought back to the day when he had sworn his loyalty, in order to remind himself of just how important it was.

 

 

 

 

 

Columbus

Georgia

September 1864

 

‘Quit it will ya!’ the man in front of Joe growled in response as the youngster pushed against him.

 

‘Sorry,’ Joe replied. ‘It was someone down ….’

 

‘Save it will ya kid,’ the man replied giving him a baleful look. He stared for a moment and then continued. ‘What are ya doing here? Just how old are ya anyway?’

 

Joe drew himself up to his full height and nearly stood on his tiptoes. ‘Twenty-one,’ he replied eyeing the man off. ‘What’s it to you?’

 

The other man chuckled. ‘Yeah right!’ he said. ‘Why don’t ya go back to ya momma boy, where ya belong!’

 

Joe glared at him. ‘Why don’t you mind your own business!’ he replied.

 

The man laughed again. ‘Well if they count spunk for extra years, then you’ll get in for sure!’ he said. ‘Harry Phillips is the name,’ he held out his hand and grinned.

 

‘Joe Cartwright,’ replied Joe, shaking the man’s hand enthusiastically. ‘Say how long do you think this’ll take Harry?’

 

‘Don’t know,’ replied Harry as they took another step forward in the line towards the tent. ‘Seems there’s quite a few trying to get in this week.’

 

Joe craned his neck to look towards the front of the line. ‘Not many to go now,’ he said. ‘Where you from Harry?’

 

‘California,’ replied Harry. ‘Don’t really belong here in a way I suppose, but it’s one way ta get fed. Nothing out West worked out for me, so I thought I’d try the army for a while.’

 

‘You’re from out West too?’ asked Joe, his eyes lighting up. ‘Gee, so am I!  Nevada.’

 

‘Then what ya doing here?’ questioned Harry. ‘Seems ya’re a long way from home kid.’

 

‘My mother was from Louisiana,’ explained Joe. ‘Thought I’d fight for my heritage, so to speak.’

 

Harry scratched his head. ‘Ya sure ya know what ya’re getting yaself into kid?’ he asked. ‘This ain’t no picnic ya know, and ya’re not really old enough.’

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘I told you I was twenty-one!’ he said.

 

‘Yeah, sure thing kid.  Just don’t expect too much from it that’s all.’

 

Joe looked at him puzzled. ‘What do you mean don’t expect too much?  It’s exciting don’t you think?’

 

Harry shook his head at the youngster and was silent for a moment. ‘Listen kid, why don’t ya go home and have a think about all this.  It’s not too late.’

 

‘I ain’t going anywhere!’ Joe replied. ‘I came to join up and that’s what I’m gonna do!’

 

Harry shook his head again, and then disappeared into the tent as the soldier standing at the head of the line beckoned him.  Joe was left standing next to the tent to wait his turn next.  As he stood there he glanced around the field and his pulse quickened as he noticed all the grey uniformed men hurrying around completing their various tasks.  How interesting it all looked, and how he longed to be a part of it all. He turned quickly as Harry emerged from the tent with a uniform in his hand.

 

‘Your turn kid. Good luck!’

 

Joe grinned at him and ducked down to enter the tent.

 

‘Over here!’ a voice commanded him, and he turned to see two soldiers seated at a desk strewn with papers. ‘Name?’ the younger of the two asked.

 

‘Joseph Cartwright.’ Joe watched while his name was entered into the ledger on the table.  He sensed rather than saw the older soldier’s eyes upon him staring intently, and he swallowed hoping that he could pull this off.

 

‘Age?’ the younger soldier asked.

 

Joe stood as tall as he could manage. ‘Twenty-one,’ he replied confidently.

 

The older soldier leant forward. ‘Age?’ he repeated.

 

Joe turned to look him in the eye. ‘Twenty-one,’ he repeated.

 

The two men looked at each other. ‘Thank you,’ the older man said. ‘I don’t think we can use you. Dismissed.’

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘But ….’

 

‘Thank you!’ he repeated and waved his hand towards the tent entrance.

 

Joe didn’t budge. ‘Why not?’ he asked.

 

‘We don’t take children, sonny,’ the man replied.

 

‘I told you I’m twenty-one,’ said Joe indignantly.

 

‘And I’m twenty-five!’ retorted the man sarcastically. ‘Now get out and stop wasting our time!’

 

Joe stomped from the tent and glared around him defiantly. He put his hands on his hips and glared over his shoulder at the tent for a moment, then turned to look at the activity around him.Child indeed!  I’ll show them! They’re not the only recruiting office in these parts. I’ll just find one who will believe me!

 

He wandered across the field, depressed to see many of the new recruits trying out their uniforms for the first time.  How he longed to be a part of it all!

 

‘No luck?’ Harry stood beside him, dressed in his new grey uniform.

 

Joe shook his head. ‘They wouldn’t believe I was old enough,’ he said angrily.

 

‘Well ya can’t blame them, ya don’t look it. How old are ya really kid?’

 

‘Nineteen,’ Joe replied.

 

‘Seventeen would be more like it,’ said Harry with a grin.

 

‘No really, I’m nineteen,’ said Joe earnestly.

 

‘Yeah? Well nineteen or seventeen, it ain’t much difference if ya can’t get in is it?’

 

I suppose not,’ Joe replied.

 

‘So what are ya gonna do now?’

 

‘I’m gonna find me a recruiting officer who will believe me,’ said Joe angrily.

 

Harry shook his head. ‘Kid, just go home.  It ain’t worth it ya know!’  He put his hand on Joe’s shoulder. ‘Ya folks must be real worried about ya by now.’

 

Joe shook his hand away. ‘Leave me alone and mind your own business!’ he said angrily. He stomped away from the man towards the corral and leant on the fence as he watched the horses being put through their paces. As he stood there he listened to the soldiers on the other side of the fence.

 

‘Don’t know how the Captain expects us to fill the quota with this lot.  There’s not a decent rider amongst them,’ one of the soldiers said.

 

‘Come on Thompson. There’s plenty of riders here you know that.’

 

‘Yeah but nothing special!  You know what the Captain said, we’ve got to find men who can really handle tricky situations.  Don’t see that we’ve got anyone here who can do that!’

 

Joe looked at the men in the corral and silently agreed with the man.  There were some competent riders amongst those that were there, but nothing special.  Not like me! He thought. If there was one thing Joe knew he was good at, it was riding a horse.  He had been on horseback since he could sit up, and felt at his happiest when riding.  His father and brothers called him reckless at times, but Joe knew that he didn’t take as many risks as it looked to others.  He had such confidence on a horse that it all seemed so natural to him.  If what these men were looking for was fine horsemanship, then he’d show them!

 

‘Sir?’ he said as he approached the two officers.

 

‘Yes?’ they stared at the slim youngster in front of them.

 

‘I overheard you talking about needing good riders. I’m looking to enlist, so could I try out?’

 

They laughed. ‘Sonny, the Cavalry isn’t for kids like you!  We need real men, not children!’

 

Joe’s blood boiled. It was the second time in a short time that he had been called a child, and he had no intention of taking it any longer.

 

‘What is it with you people!’ he shouted. ‘Why won’t anyone believe me when I tell you I’m twenty-one?’

 

They stared at him, taken back by his outburst. ‘Maybe because you don’t look it!’ said a voice behind him, and Joe turned to see a middle-aged man in a Captain’s uniform standing behind him. ‘Why should anyone believe you?’

 

Joe looked at him defiantly. ‘Because I am!’ he declared. ‘And I can outride anyone here as well!’

 

The Captain smiled at him. ‘Really? Well why don’t you just climb up on one of those horses and show us your stuff then young man?’

 

Joe needed no second bidding to do as the officer suggested. He sprang over the corral fence and approached the closest horse to him.  Mounting quickly, he joined the group of men moving around the corral and quickly adapted his riding to the pattern they were following. He glanced over to the officer watching him and decided that if he was to make any impression on him he needed to do something outstanding.

 

Without hesitation, Joe turned the horse towards the corral fence and headed towards it.  In one jump he had cleared it and galloped across the field at a great pace. Turning the horse’s head sharply he took off in the other direction towards the trees that surrounded them, jumping the various obstacles in his way before heading back to the corral again.  During the whole exercise he had flattened his body against that of the horse in an attempt to gain the most speed from the animal and gain the greatest manoeuvrability a well.

 

As he approached the Captain who was still standing by the corral fence he looked at him closely to see his reaction, and noticed that he looked quite impressed at the display.  He jumped down from the horse and handed the reins to a soldier who came to take the animal.

 

The Captain stood and looked at him. After a moment he said, ‘Follow me.’

 

Joe grinned and walked after the man eagerly. As they approached the recruiting tent again he waved at Harry who was standing with his mouth open watching them.  The Captain motioned for Joe to follow him inside and addressed the two soldiers sitting there.

 

‘This young man is to be signed up for the Cavalry,’ he instructed. ‘Report back to the corral when you have your uniform,’ he said to Joe.

 

‘Yes sir!’ replied Joe, his face breaking into a huge grin. ‘Thank you sir!’

 

The older of the two soldiers listened in amazement. ‘But sir!’ he began to protest. ‘This youngster has already tried once to enlist. He’s not old enough!’

 

The Captain turned to Joe. ‘How old did you say you were?’

 

‘Twenty-one sir!’ Joe replied.

 

‘I think that’s old enough, don’t you?’ said the Captain, challenging the men with a look. ‘Sign him up.’  He winked at Joe as he left the tent. ‘I want you over at the corral as soon as you’ve finished here.’

 

Joe smiled at him and then turned to the seated men again. After a moment’s hesitation the soldier said. ‘Name?’

 

‘Joseph Cartwright,’ replied Joe for the second time.

 

‘Age?’

 

‘Twenty-one.’

 

‘Get a uniform from over there,’ the man instructed.

 

‘Yes sir!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Columbus

Georgia

October 1864

 

Joe was bored and frustrated. It seemed that the exciting time he had signed up for just didn’t exist around here at all!  So far the army had been nothing but routine and regimentation, and he had never taken orders from so many people in such a short space of time.  Even his Pa and his brothers had given him a break at times back home, but here it seemed that everyone felt they had the right to order him around and tell him what to do!

 

Joe supposed that they did really.  That was the whole point of the army.  As a lowly Private he was at the bottom of the heap, and as such didn’t seem to have any rights at all. Even being in the prestigious Cavalry didn’t seem to have any advantages as far as Joe could tell.  Apart from getting to exercise and look after the horses he didn’t have much else to do, and spent his days waiting for some kind of action to come his way.

 

The last two weeks had shown him one thing for sure – that the army was not as glamorous as it had appeared from the outside.  Joe smiled to himself when he thought of what his father would say if he could read his mind right about now, but the smile soon faded as he thought about the other things that were probably in his father’s mind as well.

 

Joe still felt guilty about the way he had left The Ponderosa that night.  Of course he had left his father a note to explain just why he felt he had to do this, but he knew that Pa already knew his reasons.  It wasn’t so much his reasons as his attitude that would hurt his father, and Joe regretted having done that.  He was beginning to wonder if his selfishness had been worth it after all.

 

As he rubbed down the horse in front of him, he was startled to hear a voice beside him.

 

‘Well, where have ya been hiding yaself kid? I was beginning ta think they had sent ya home after all!’

 

He turned to see Harry standing there grinning at him. ‘Harry!’ he said, genuinely pleased to see the man. ‘I’ve been right here all the time.  I’m in the Cavalry remember?’

 

‘Oh yeah!  The elite!’ Harry replied with a grin. ‘How’s it going kid?’

 

Joe sighed as he put down his brush. ‘To tell you the truth, not too well.  I feel like I might as well be back home.  Seems like I’ve just transferred the chores from one spot to another.’  He motioned to the horse. ‘This is what I do all the time at The Ponderosa.  I just thought being in the army would at least give me something different to do!’

 

Harry scratched his head. ‘Well if ya don’t beat all,’ he exclaimed. ‘Seems ta me like ya should be grateful that it’s so quiet.  Better than being close ta a battle don’t ya think?’

 

‘No not really,’ replied Joe, picking up the brush again. ‘I think it’d be exciting to see at least some kind of action.’

 

‘Well ya might get ya wish sooner than ya think!’ declared Harry.

 

Joe’s eyes lit up. ‘Really?’ he said excitedly. ‘How come?’

 

‘Rumour is we’re shipping out at first light,’ replied the other man. ‘Seems there’s going ta be a bit of a scuffle down Savannah way and we’re headed for it.’

 

‘Yes!’ said Joe. ‘Finally!’

 

‘Crazy kid!’ said Harry with a puzzled look on his face. ‘Keep ya head down at least will ya?’

 

‘Bit hard to do on a horse!’ said Joe with a laugh.

 

‘Hmm. I suppose so.  But try will ya kid?  I wouldn’t want ta see ya get yaself in any kind of trouble.’

 

‘Don’t worry Harry, I’ll be a good boy I promise,’ Joe said with a grin.

 

He found it very difficult to sleep at all that night.  It seemed that Harry’s prediction was coming true, for the camp was on full alert and everyone was awakened at first light.  Joe stepped out of his tent eagerly to find everyone breaking camp and getting ready to depart.  He began to follow suit, but looked up from his packing when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

 

‘Don’t bother sonny boy,’ said a grizzled Sergeant as he looked down at him. ‘The Captain wants you to stay here.  You ain’t going anywhere.’

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘But why not Sarge?’ he asked. ‘Everyone else is going!’

 

‘Everyone but a skeleton crew,’ the man replied. ‘The Captain wants a horseman left behind and you’re it sonny. Better get unpacked again.’

 

‘But …..’ Joe began, but stopped as he caught the eye of the other man. ‘Yes sir,’ he added mournfully. It seemed as if he was destined never to see any kind of action at all.

 

As he watched the large group of Infantry and Cavalry depart from the camp later that morning, it was all he could do not to spring up on a horse and join them. He waved to Harry who was in line and tried to appear cheerful, but it was an impossible task, feeling as he did. With a sigh he turned back towards the now tiny camp and made his way over to the near-empty corral. 

 

It’s not fair! he thought. All this way and still nothing to do.  I don’t think I’ll ever get to see any action.  A sudden burst of gunfire startled him out of his thoughts, and he stood transfixed as he looked towards the horizon and noticed a huge column of smoke rising above the treetops.  The direction that the troops were headed in seemed to be the centre of a conflict for sure!  He said a silent prayer that all would be well for them.

 

All through that day Joe sat around and listened to the distant gunfire and other sounds of the battle that was taking place.  He felt a great sense of helplessness and a desire to join the others, but he knew that he had to stay put until further orders.  Finally they came.  
Towards sundown he was summoned to the Captain’s tent and he practically ran the entire length of the field to get there.

 

‘Private I want you to deliver this to Colonel Eriksson at Macon,’ the Captain instructed. He looked at Joe intently. ‘Do you think you can get through son?  It’s vital that you do.’

 

Joe beamed at him. This was what he had been waiting for!  ‘Yes sir I can!’ he said with great confidence.

 

The Captain handed him a letter. ‘See that you do,’ he said. ‘Do anything to make sure that it doesn’t fall into enemy hands.  And Private,’ he continued as Joe turned to leave, ‘Good luck!’

 

Joe ran outside and saddled a horse.  Mounting quickly he turned towards the trees and galloped off, his heart beating fast with excitement. A few minutes down the track he slowed to a quick trot, knowing that he had to conserve the energy of his mount and anxious to observe what was going on around him at the same time.

 

Ahead he could see quite a bit of smoke between the trees in what he supposed was the direction of the battle that had been taking place.  Sadly he realised that his mission would not take him close to the area, but he still hoped that he could get a glimpse of action along the way.  He needn’t have worried.

 

All along the track he passed the bodies of men who had retreated from the front lines.  Many of them had simply crawled off to die and lay there unconscious, while others were wounded and crying out for help.  There were wagons picking up those who could be helped, and among them Joe noticed Harry.  There was nothing but a bloody mass of flesh below his knee and he was trying to crawl away from the men who were attempting to help him into a wagon.  The sound of his screams followed Joe as he continued on his way.

 

After a while the sounds of the battle were left behind him, and there were no more bodies in his path.  Joe breathed a sigh of relief, for the sight had not been pleasant.  Strange how he hadn’t really thought about that aspect of the war before.  He had considered the fact that many men were hurt or worse during battles, but had never really seriously thought about it happening to himself.  Right at this moment, however, the danger seemed extremely close and real to him.

 

He found that he was sweating and his heart was beating widely as he continued.  It had nothing to do with the ride, as that was something he was quite used to.  It was more the thought of the danger he now found himself in, and the fact that he didn’t know what was ahead of him.  It was impossible to tell which way the battle had gone, and Joe knew that the possibility of coming across soldiers from either side was a very distinct reality.  He prayed that if he did they would be dressed in grey, not blue.

 

He fingered his gun at his side as he rode, feeling content that it was there.   He felt much safer knowing that  he had a way to protect himself if he needed it, and  counted himself lucky that coming from where he did using a gun was something that he had been used to at a much earlier age than many others in this army.   But then, they were all older

than him as well, so he figured that it all probably evened out somewhere along the way. He felt the letter in his pocket and wondered what was so important in it as to warrant this dangerous ride.  He wondered what he would do if there were a danger of it being discovered, but hoped that he would never have to make that decision.

 

For a couple of hours he rode, careful to keep within the tree line and skirting the villages that dotted the trail.  Just as he felt that he was coming towards the end of his mission, however, he sensed something was wrong.  From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of something in the distance towards his left, and he quickened his pace somewhat.  Another glance over his shoulder told him that he hadn’t been mistaken, and he urged his mount forward into a gallop.

 

Suddenly the sound of a gunshot rang out, and he felt a bullet whiz past him.  He flattened himself down onto his horse, bent forward and rode for all he was worth in the direction of Macon.  Behind him the sound of hoof beats kept coming, and when he finally had a chance to glance over his shoulder he noticed that there were four riders.  His heart sank as he realised that the chances of outrunning four at once were slim, but he kicked his mount forward even faster and resolved to give it his best shot.

 

His thoughts flew to the letter in his pocket, and he wondered again what he should do.  If they caught him then it would be discovered immediately of course, and remembering what the Captain had said to him he knew that he couldn’t let that happen.  He made a quick decision and drew it out of his pocket, glancing about him as he wondered where he could hide it.  If they searched him, chances were that they would think to look on the horse itself, so he reached down and began to stuff it underneath the front of the saddle in the hopes that it would be safe there for now. 

 

Unfortunately his grasp on it wasn’t the best, and as he tried to keep his balance several of the pages fluttered from his grasp and flew into the air around him.  He glanced down and noticed with dismay that he was left with only one page in his hand, and stuffed it under the saddle as he had originally intended.  He could only hope that one page was enough for Colonel Erikkson to get the information that he needed.

 

He glanced over his shoulder again and noticed with dismay that the others were still hot on his tracks.  He hoped they hadn’t noticed the fluttering pages of the letter as it had left his grasp, but assumed not as they hadn’t wavered from their path. Just as he thought that he might have been widening the distance between them, his horse stumbled for a fraction of a second and his balance was upset.  Kicking out of the stirrups, Joe felt himself sailing over the horse’s head and the last thing he remembered before the blackness descended upon him was the sound of the horses behind him pulling to a stop.

 

 

 

He had a deep cut to his forehead and his arm hung limply by his side.  But it was his leg that couaght Joe’s eye.  It wI

 

 

 

Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

Joe never knew how long he was unconscious for, or in fact where he was when he eventually did wake up.  All he knew was that he had never felt so weak or had such a headache as he did then.  He opened his eyes slowly and looked at the four walls around him, then shut them again quickly as the small beam of sunlight from the window caused his head to spin.  He felt as though he wanted to throw up, and tentatively tried to move his arms and legs to see if they worked as they should.. To his great relief he experienced no pain when he did so, merely an aching feeling that culminated in a massive headache.

 

He tried to keep as still as possible to keep his head from feeling as though it was about to fall off his shoulders, but found that it didn’t really help. He became aware of a great thirst and tried to lick his lips, but found that his tongue was swollen in his mouth.  He wondered how long it had been since he had drunk anything, and opened his eyes again to look for some water.  To his relief he saw a small container in the corner of the room, and reached out his hand to get it.  Slowly and carefully he brought it to his lips and drank thirstily, then poured a little on his face. 

 

After a moment Joe opened his eyes again, and noticed that the room had stopped spinning as much.  He tentatively lifted his head a little and looked around him.  He was in a tiny room that contained only the narrow bunk on which he was lying.  Above him a tiny window through which a small shaft of sunlight broke through was the only thing to break the monotony of the walls, apart from the door itself.  Joe knew without trying it that it would be securely locked, and he groaned inwardly to think of the position he now found himself in.

 

So much for the glories of war!  Not only had he not even come close to anything remotely like a battle, but also now he was captured and would probably spend the rest of the war like this. He rolled over on the bunk and immediately regretted the movement.  His head felt like it was about to fall off with the pain, and he put his hand up to feel the back of it and discovered a huge lump where no doubt he had hit the ground when he fell.  He closed his eyes again and willed himself to sleep, which seemed like it was the only thing to do at the moment. It was the one way to stave off the future that he dreaded was going to be his.

 

He was awoken by the sound of a key in the lock, and lifted his head tentatively again to see how it felt.  Pleased to feel that the pain was not as piercing as before, he nevertheless reached for the container of water and flicked some of it on his face again before drinking a couple of scoops.  He sat up slowly, ready to face whomever it was entering the tiny room.

 

‘Get up!’ a voice ordered him, and he looked up to see a gun pointed directly at him. The solider behind the gun raised his eyebrows in a nonchalant way as he repeated, ‘I said to get up!’

 

Joe slowly raised himself to his feet and stood looking at the other man, swaying a little. The soldier motioned with the gun towards the door and stepped aside so that Joe could walk past him. ‘Out there,’ he said.

 

Joe walked past him and found himself in a long corridor.  Glancing both ways he noticed that there were many doors similar to the one we had just come through leading off it, and guessed correctly that it was a long line of jail cells. Great!  he thought, No chance to get out of here in a hurry!

 

He became even more depressed as he was pushed forward into the main yard.  He found himself in a huge compound surrounded by high walls, complete with armed soldiers at the gates. You’ve really landed yourself in it now Joe! he thought. How much worse can it get?

 

He didn’t really want an answer to his own question, but sensed that he hadn’t seen the worst of it yet.  His fears were only heightened as he was pushed from behind and staggered before regaining his balance again.  His head throbbed and he put his hand up to steady it as he walked, hustled from behind all the while by the gun barrel he could feel in the small of his back. 

 

They entered a large building at the other end of the yard, and the soldier behind him motioned to him to stop outside double doors. ‘Here he is,’ he heard him say as he stood waiting.

 

‘He’s the one who was carrying the letter?’ asked another man.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Bring him in.’

 

The doors were opened and Joe was pushed through them, stumbling a little as he went.  He looked around and found himself in a large room, which had chairs placed around the walls.  At one end was a large desk, with a flag hanging behind it.  Suddenly, his hands were pulled behind his back and he felt them being roughly tied together. He tried to look over his shoulder at whom it was standing behind him, but his face was thrust back towards the front and the soldier in front of him smiled. ‘This way soldier boy. Nothing for you to see back there!’

 

Joe swallowed, and tried not to show the fear that was beginning to well up inside him.  With his hands bound securely behind his back now he felt defenceless, and his control was beginning to weaken.  He stood for what seemed like ages in the middle of the room, feeling decidedly weaker with every moment that passed.  He wasn’t sure whether the feeling was coming from fear or the blow to his head, but he suspected that it was from both.

 

After what seemed like ages, the doors were again open, and a group of soldiers entered the room.  Joe turned to take a look at them, but the man standing beside him forcibly turned his head again to the front again. ‘I told you this way soldier boy!’

 

As the room gradually filled, Joe sensed the tension in his body begin to rise.  He tried to remain calm and composed, or at the very least to create an impression that he was.  Without turning his head he moved his eyes to the right and then the left, and noticed that many of the blue-uniform men who had entered the room were officers.  This made him more worried than before.

 

Suddenly there appeared in front of him an officer.  Joe found it difficult to tell his rank at a glance, but he felt that it must have been fairly high, as he seemed to take charge. ‘This is him?’ the man asked the soldier standing beside him.

 

‘Yes sir.  He had the letter on him.’

 

The officer looked at Joe intently, and after a moment’s hesitation he spoke directly at him. ‘How old are you son?’

 

Joe swallowed again. He saw no reason to lie now, in fact he felt that his age could well be an advantage to him in this situation. ‘Nineteen sir,’ he replied, looking the man square in the face and trying to keep his voice from shaking.

 

The officer shook his head and sighed. ‘Nineteen,’ he repeated softly. ‘And just what are you doing messed up in all this?’

 

Joe didn’t know if an answer was expected of him, so he remained silent. The officer turned and spoke to one of the other officers by his side but Joe was unable to catch what was said.  Both men looked at him. ‘My name is Colonel Wilson,’ continued the officer. You were captured with a page of a letter on you.  I need to know where the rest of that letter is.’

 

Joe looked at the man and said nothing. After a moment the officer spoke again. ‘I said I need to know where the letter is.’  Again Joe said nothing, and the officer sighed. ‘Son, you’re not going to help yourself or anyone else if you don’t cooperate with us. Where is it?’

 

Joe glanced around the room at the men standing waiting for his reply. He felt himself begin to shake, and tried to stop it from becoming obvious to anyone else. The officer walked over to the desk at the far end of the room, and brought back a piece of paper that had been laying on it which he waved under Joe’s nose. ‘You were found with this page on you.  Where did you put the rest of it?’

 

Again Joe said nothing, but looked at the man silently.  The officer at his side took a step forward, but the Colonel put up a hand to stop him before turning to Joe again. ‘Look son, there’s something you have to realise. The fact that you were found with this letter on you means that I have the power to have you shot.’  Joe felt his head begin to spin as he tried to keep his panic under control. The Colonel continued. ‘Now I really don’t want to have to do that, and I’m sure you’d like to avoid it too, eh?’ he smiled at Joe. ‘Answer my questions and you’ll get out of this the easy way. Otherwise….’ he held up his hands in a futile gesture.

 

Joe opened his mouth and heard his voice come out in a soft whisper. ‘I don’t know,’ he said.

 

Colonel Wilson frowned at him. ‘You don’t know where you put it?’

 

‘No,’ Joe replied. ‘I lost it.’

 

The officer sighed again and turned away.  After a few moments of conversing with the other officer by his side, he turned back to Joe again. ‘I’m going to give you a while to think about this son.  Try and make the wise choice, for your own sake.’

 

He gestured to the solider standing next to Joe who pushed him backwards with the butt of his rifle. ‘Move!’ he said and this time Joe didn’t hesitate.  He couldn’t get out of that room quickly enough to suit him!  He needed no second bidding to walk as quickly as his aching head would allow him to through the doors and back out to the compound.

 

Later that night in his cell, he thought about what the officer had said.  Surely he hadn’t meant it?  The very thought of the words he had heard sent cold shivers down his spine, and he tried not to think about it.  But it wouldn’t leave his head.  They wanted him to tell them where he had come from and how many had been in the camp.  Of course he knew the answers, well sort of, but one thing Joe knew was that he had sworn loyalty to a particular cause and he was damned if they were going to scare him into a betrayal of that cause.  Also, he felt that the Colonel’s words were mostly a bluff. If they were so anxious for the information, then why would they shoot him?  No, Joe felt sure that they needed to keep him alive at the moment.  How he prayed that his guess was right!

 

During the next few days it seemed that it could be.  He was taken from his small cell each day and questioned, but at no time did he feel that they were coming close to really threatening his life.

 

On the third day, however, the questioning became more intense and Joe sensed that they were either becoming increasingly frustrated with him or the information they sought was becoming more important to them.  From the moment he entered the room on this day, there was a tension in the air that he could almost reach out and feel.

 

As usual one of the officers did the questioning, and as usual Joe gave nothing away.  This time however, after a short bout of questioning the officer motioned to the soldier who stood by Joe’s side to bring him forward and for the first time they took him through the door on the far wall and into a smaller room next door. 

 

His arms still tied behind his back, Joe stood nervously waiting while the officer looked at him. After a moment he motioned with his hand, and the soldier put down his gun and advanced towards Joe, who took a few steps backwards until he was backed up against the wall.  The soldier looked him directly in the eye as he raised his fist and hit him across the face.  Joe gasped in surprise and tried to turn his face away, but he was hit again on the other side as well. As he tried to regain his breath, a blow to his stomach caused him to cry out in pain and he doubled over.  He felt his head jerked upwards by the hair and once again endured another hard blow to his stomach.

 

Joe felt his knees buckle under him and he began to slide to the floor, but he was jerked to his feet again and held upright.  The officer who had been watching this spoke for the first time since they had entered the room. ‘Are you ready to talk now?’  Joe shook his head, still struggling for breath.  Again he felt a blow to his head and he began to lose his balance, but he was still held upright as the blows continued to his head and stomach.  He heard someone groaning and realised that it was his own voice.  He felt detached from reality, almost as if he was watching from a distance, and if it wasn’t for the increasing pain could almost have believed that he was. 

 

Again and again the blows kept coming.  Again and again he heard the words, ‘Are you ready to talk yet?’ and again and again he shook his head until he couldn’t respond any more.  With his head sagging in front of him, he felt the room spinning around him, and the sound he heard as he lost consciousness was the thud of a fist hitting him over and over. He surrendered his mind to the blackness with relief.

 

 

 

 

 

Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

Six steps forwards, four steps across and six steps back again.  Once again Joe paced out the tiny cell in frustration.  There were times during the past few weeks when he had wondered about his sanity and just what it would take to get through this.  Never one to be still for any great length of time, he found it unbearable to be confined in this way, and desperately tried to focus on something – anything – to get him through.  He spent a lot of time thinking about his father and brothers, wondering what they might be doing, but the thoughts always ended up depressing him so much that he had to focus on something else. 

 

He knew it was too late now, but Joe deeply regretted the way in which he had treated his father and the decision he had made to not follow his advice.  I should have known Pa would be right!  Hasn’t he always been before? Joe sat with his head bent on his knees and thought about how his Pa would be handling this.  He thanked the Lord that he couldn’t possibly know what had happened to him, and hoped that he would not be too angry when he found out. Joe just hoped that his father would have the chance to find out one day, and that he would be able to be the one to tell him.

 

He lifted his head as he heard a noise outside his cell.  His body tensed for a moment as he listened, but the footsteps went past his room and he breathed a sigh of relief as he heard them fade into the distance.  It was like this every day.  He never knew from one moment to the next when they would come for him, and even though his trips outside brought a break in the monotony of his time here, he dreaded them to such an extent that he trembled every time he thought about them.

 

Each time he was taken to the large room and questioned, but so far he had refused to answer.  He had realised a long time ago that the threat of being shot was a hollow one, as he felt sure that it would have happened by now if it had been a serious one.  No, the information that he had carried in that letter had obviously been far too valuable for them to risk not finding it, and at this stage he felt sure that he was their only link to it.  As long as he didn’t give them what they asked for, he was safe.

 

He straightened up slightly and winced at the pain in his stomach.  He might be safe from being executed, he thought, but it didn’t save him from the abuse that they continually subjected him too.  His stomach was bruised and sore from the many times he had endured their beatings, and his head throbbed.  So far they had given him adequate food and drink, but he wondered how much longer that would last for.  Each time he ate he wondered if it would be the last.

 

There were times when he had considered lying to them about the letter, but he knew that it wouldn’t do any good.  He really didn’t know where it was, and they wouldn’t believe him when he told them what had happened anyway.  He was in a no win situation, and he knew it.  There was nothing he could do to get out of this!

 

The sound of footsteps again caused his stomach to tense up and he bit his lip.  This time he heard a key turn in the lock and he closed his eyes momentarily while he tried to quiet his heart that had begun to beat furiously.  Please God! He prayed. Don’t let it be like the last time!

 

The last time they had taken him out the beating had been more vicious than previously.  He could only suppose that they were getting desperate for the information and   were determined to show him that they meant business.  Although he had yelled at them throughout that he knew nothing, they obviously didn’t believe him.  Nothing he could do would make them stop, and he prepared himself now for the worst.

 

The door opened and he looked up to see two familiar legs in front of him.  ‘Come on sonny boy, you know the drill by now!’  Joe got up slowly, holding onto his stomach and swaying slightly as he stood there. He obeyed the signal to move out of the room silently.  What was the point of resisting them after all?  He had tried it once, but it had only earned him a beating before he got to the interrogation room as well as after.  With a sigh he shuffled forward to his ultimate destination.

 

Back to index

Chapter 2 by Joan

 

PART 2

 

 

 

 

Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

‘I’d like to congratulate you Captain.’ Colonel Wilson raised his glass and proposed a toast. ‘That was an excellent piece of work you presented.’

 

‘Thank you Colonel,’ replied Adam with a smile. ‘Although honestly it wasn’t as difficult as it appeared to be.’

 

‘That’s what I like about you Cartwright,’ said the Colonel. ‘You get the job done without any fuss.  Seems like I can always rely on you.  I must write and let Colonel Searson know how grateful I am for lending you to me.’

 

Adam smiled again. ‘It’s me who should be grateful to you Colonel,’ he said. ‘After I took that bullet at Johnsonville.  I really was feeling quite useless and the work here has meant a great deal to me.  It saved me from sitting around doing nothing while I recovered.’

 

The Colonel lowered his glass from his lips. ‘How is the leg now?’ he enquired.

 

“A lot better thank you,’ replied Adam. ‘Hardly hurts at all. To be honest I feel like a bit of a fraud still being here.  I really should be getting back to Frederickton.  I’m ready for action again.’

 

‘Nonsense!’ replied the Colonel. ‘There are still a lot of useful things you could be doing here. There’s a letter I’d like you to look at for a start.’

 

‘A letter?’

 

‘Yes. A young rider was captured with it on him.  Unfortunately we only got the first page and it seems to be in some sort of code.  I thought perhaps you might be able to take a look at it and try to decipher it.’

 

Adam sat forward interested. ‘I’d love to,’ he said. ‘Things like that always interest me.’

 

‘I thought it would,’ said the Colonel with a laugh. ‘I’ll show it to you tomorrow. ‘The problem is that even if you can crack the code, if that letter contains what I think it does we’re going to need the rest of it, and the rider isn’t telling where he put it.’ He picked up his fork again. ‘We’re working on him though.’

 

Adam nodded. ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ he said. ‘A lot of these codes are worked on a numerical system and can actually be quite easy once you find the key to them.’

 

‘Well you work on it and we’ll work on him,’ said the Colonel with a laugh. ‘Report to my office in the morning and I’ll show it to you.’

 

Adam was quite pleased.  Since arriving at Fort McAllister a week back he had been kept busy with a lot of administrative tasks that needed to be done, but nothing that had really interested him much.  Now the Colonel was presenting him with a challenge that he was sure he was going to really enjoy.  He had meant it when he had told the man that he needed to feel useful again.

 

He missed his men and he missed the action that he had begun to take for granted.  He had joined the army in the first place to feel useful, and he found it difficult to be less.  He thought back to the night when he had first broached the subject with his father.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ponderosa Ranch

Nevada

May 1863

 

It wasn’t until late that night that Adam finally sat down next to his father to talk.  Ben had been waiting for this to happen all day, or if the truth be known for a couple of weeks now, as the boy was obviously agitated about something.  Adam very fairly showed his emotions, but Ben could usually pick when something was wrong with him.  For one thing he became more withdrawn than usual.  Ben knew from bitter experience that it was useless to probe his son at times like this, for he wouldn’t talk until he was ready.  He had learned over the years to just bide his time and be patient with the boy and eventually he would be ready to communicate.

 

So when Hoss and Little Joe were upstairs in bed that night and Adam sat next to him in front of the fireplace, he wasn’t in the least bit surprised.  What did surprise him, however, was the topic that the boy initiated with him.

 

‘Pa?’

 

‘Yes son?’

 

‘I need to talk to you about something.’

 

Ben put down his book and sat back in his chair while he looked at his son. ‘Yes Adam, what is it?’

 

Adam sighed. ‘I’ve come to a decision about something and I want to talk it through with you.  I think you’re going to be upset about it though.’

 

Typical of the oldest son of mine! Ben thought. Prepares me before he gets to the crux of it. ‘Just speak your mind Adam, ‘he said.

 

Adam stood up and began to pace in front of the fireplace. ‘Well Pa, you’ve always said that we should do as our conscience tells us to, haven’t you?’  He turned to look his father in the eye.

 

Ben nodded warily, afraid of where this might be headed. ‘Yes, I hope I raised all of you to think for yourselves,’ he said. ‘What is it son?’

 

‘Well …. I’ve been thinking about this a lot Pa.  It isn’t something I’ve decided on lightly.’ Adam continued.

 

‘Just say it Adam, what is it that you’ve decided on?’

 

‘I’m going to leave for a while Pa.  I want to join up and fight.’

 

Ben sat stunned for a few moments. ‘What?’ he said softly.

 

Adam held up his hand. ‘I know what you’re thinking Pa. But it’s something I just have to do. I believe in what they’re fighting for Pa.’

 

Ben sat back in his chair.  It didn’t really come as a shock to him when he thought about it.  This oldest boy of his had always been one to take up with causes, and he had certainly done enough talking about it over the last few months.  Every time he received a letter from one of his many College friends who had enlisted, Ben could see a look in his eye that made him quite uneasy.  He had followed the progress of the war intently, always ready with an opinion about its progress, and he and his father had indulged in many discussions about it here in this very spot.

 

‘I don’t need to ask what you have in mind do I?’ he asked when he had sufficiently recovered.

 

Adam shook his head. ‘No I thought you’d have an idea already,’ he answered. ‘I thought I’d go to Virginia and join up with the First Massachusetts Cavalry Unit.  They’re desperately looking for good riders, and I know I’d be an asset to them.’

 

It was typical of Adam that he stated the facts in this way. He knew his worth as a rider and stated it as fact, and already had his plans worked out as to where he would go and who he would join up with. It didn’t surprise his father that he had chosen a Cavalry Unit that had originated from Massachusetts either.  He had probably chosen a unit that many of his College friends were already enrolled in.  All his plans had already been made, and Ben knew that even though he was paying his father the courtesy of discussing it with him that his mind was already made up. Nothing would sway him from the path he had decided to take. 

 

With his heart sinking, Ben did the only thing he knew he could. ‘If that’s what you feel you have to do son, then I understand,’ he said, putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. ‘Your brothers will miss you. We all will.’  He looked into his eyes meaningfully.

 

Adam nodded. ‘I know Pa, and I’ll miss all of you too.  But it’s something I’ve got to do, you know?’  Ben nodded.  He did know. ‘And anyway, it might not be for too long.  The news is good lately, and it sounds like everything should be over before too much longer.’

 

Ben nodded. ‘When will you go?’ he asked fearfully.

 

‘I thought I’d catch next week’s stage.  The sooner I go the better really.’ Adam looked at his father to gauge his reaction. ‘I’d like to get it over with.’

 

‘Do you want to tell your brothers or do you want me to?’ asked Ben.

 

‘I’ll do it,’ said Adam. They sat in silence for a few moments, both staring into the fire. After a while Adam spoke again. ‘Pa I want you to understand.  It’s not that I really…..’

 

Ben put his hand up. ‘You don’t have to say it son.  I know.  We all have to do what we feel is best in life.  I do understand your decision.  Really I do.’

 

Adam smiled at his father. ‘Thanks Pa.  It means a lot to hear you say that. I just hope that Hoss and Joe will understand too.’

 

‘I’m sure they will son.’

 

 

—————–

 

 

 

‘Wow! Really?’ Joe almost choked on his breakfast as he heard the news. ‘I can’t believe it Adam!  You’re really going to fight?’

 

‘Yes really,’ said Adam with a small frown. ‘And there’s no need to carry on like that!  It’s just something that has to be done, Joe.  It’s no big deal.’

 

Joe stared at him. ‘Well I think it is!  I wish I could come with you!’  He looked hopefully at his father who merely stared at him until he looked across the table at Hoss. ‘Don’t you wish you could go too Hoss?’

 

Hoss glared at him and flung down his napkin as he stood up from the table. ‘No I don’t!  Quit carrying on about it will ya Joe?’  He stomped away from the table and they all jumped to hear the front door shut with a bang.

 

‘What’s eating him?’ asked Joe looking at his father and brother. ‘I would have thought he’d be pleased for Adam!’

 

Ben frowned at his youngest son. ‘Joseph be quiet about things you know nothing about!’ he admonished. Joe opened his mouth to speak again, but shut it as he caught the look in his father’s eye.

 

Adam stood up from the table. ‘Excuse me,’ he said and left the room as well.

 

He found Hoss in the barn raking out the stalls. For a moment he stood leaning against the doorframe before he spoke. ‘I guess you didn’t like my news too much huh?’ he asked.

 

Hoss turned and looked at him, and then turned to continue his work. ‘It’s your business Adam.  Nothin ta do with me!’

 

Adam stepped forward and touched his brother on the arm. ‘It is something to do with you and you know it!’ he said. ‘I have to do this Hoss, I just want you to understand it.’

 

Hoss pushed his brother’s hand away. ‘Well I don’t understand it!’ he said. ‘Why do ya have ta go and do this fer anyways?  It’s nothing ta do with us out here!’

 

Adam sighed. ‘Well I believe it is,’ he said. ‘It’s something that’s going to affect all of us one way or the other Hoss, and we all have to come to terms with it.  I have to do what I think is right, you can understand that can’t you?’

 

Hoss stared at the floor. ‘Yeah I can understand it, but it don’t mean I have ta like it none does it?’

 

Adam smiled at him. ‘No I don’t suppose it does,’ he said. ‘I just don’t want to go away with anything between us brother, you understand what I’m saying?’

 

Hoss grinned at him. ‘Nothin could ever come between us big brother, ya know that don’t ya?’

 

Adam smiled at him again and nodded. ‘Yeah, of course I do.  Just pretend it’s like when I went away to College.  I’ll be back after a while.’

 

‘Well I didn’t like that any more than I like this!’ declared Hoss. He was silent for a moment. ‘But I’ll try Adam.’

 

Both brothers stood in silence for a few moments, and then Adam spoke again. ‘Hoss?  I need you to do something for me.’

 

‘Whatever ya need Adam, ya know that.’

 

‘I need you to watch out for Pa and Little Joe for me. Pa will be real upset for a while I imagine, and he’s going to need you to lean on even more if I’m not around.’ Hoss swallowed and nodded unable to speak, while his brother continued. ‘And you’re going to need to be twice as careful with that younger brother of ours now. You know what he’s like!’

 

Hoss nodded. ‘Ya can count on me Adam, I’ll keep him in line!’

 

Adam laughed. ‘Well I think that’s too much to ask don’t you?  All I’m asking is that you keep an eye on him and don’t let him upset Pa too much.’

 

Hoss shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’ll try my best Adam, but you know just how hard it can be ta keep that young one under control!’

 

Adam put his hand on Hoss’ shoulder again and this time Hoss laid his own hand on top of it. ‘Just try!’ he said, ‘That’s all I ask of you Hoss, just try!’

 

Adam knew he could count on Hoss.  They had always been as close as brothers could be, probably because they had learnt to lean on each other through all the tragedies that they had experienced. They had learned to stand together through all the things that life had thrown at them, and Adam knew that if there was one person in life that he could count on apart from his father it was Hoss. 

 

It was his youngest brother that he had worried about the most in the days leading up to his departure.  Little Joe really seemed to believe that his older brother was headed for a great and glorious adventure, and try as he might to get through to him, Adam found it impossible to make him understand.  He put it down to his youth and the fact that Joe had always been the type of person who saw life as one great adventure, but he worried about his attitude all the same. Adam was just glad that his youngest brother was too young to go and do anything foolhardy.  At least he was safe from the danger at The Ponderosa –  Hoss and their father would see to that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fort McAllister

Georgia

October 1864

 

Adam walked across the compound and stopped to look up at the stars.  He wondered what his father and brothers were doing at that moment, and a sudden wave of homesickness washed over him.  He had found it harder than he would have thought possible to leave home when the time had come, and it had surprised him that it had been so.  He remembered how difficult it had been when he had left for College all those years ago, but he had only been a boy then and it was to be expected that he should have felt the way he did. 

 

This time he had expected it to be easier, but in fact it was harder.  Maybe because he had already been away once before and he remembered the pangs of homesickness, or maybe it was because this time he was going towards an unknown danger.  He knew it was in all their minds as he said his goodbyes.  All except Little Joe of course!  The kid couldn’t really see past his own excitement with it all. 

 

Adam would never forget the look in his father’s eyes as they said their final farewells.  He had tried to write to him regularly which at times had proven to be quite a challenge, but he felt that he owed that to him at least.  It had been particularly difficult when he had been shot, and had in fact waited until he knew he was OK before letting his father know. 

 

He stared at the stars and took comfort in the fact that the very same ones were shining down on The Ponderosa at that very same moment. He wondered again what they were all doing at home, and decided that Hoss and Little Joe would probably be playing checkers while their father read the paper in front of the fireplace.  That was if Joe hadn’t talked his father into letting him go to town!  The boy was always on about getting off the ranch and into town to see people if he could convince his father.  Adam chuckled to himself as he remembered the many arguments Joe had put forward to persuade his father to allow him some time in there.

 

Joe had always been the sort of kid who could talk most people into things.  Adam himself had often fallen victim to his charms and allowed himself to be talked into things that were against his better judgement, although he constantly fought against the urge to give into his little brother.  The problem was that the kid just brought out the protective side of his older brother all the time, and Adam found it difficult as they all did to resist him. He smiled to himself as he thought about the many times he had saved the kid from Pa when he had done something wrong.  He thought it was highly likely that he’d be getting Joe out of trouble many times in the years to come, no matter how old they all became.

 

Adam just hoped he’d have the opportunity to go home one day and get his little brother out of trouble again.  He’d have given anything at that moment to see his family again!  Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the last few months in a strange kind of way.  He had never admitted this to his father, but there was a restlessness in him that needed to be listened to and he suspected that part of him had wanted to leave home just to satisfy it.

 

He had felt the same years ago when he had left for College.  The Ponderosa was as dear to him as a place could be, but Adam was acutely aware that there was a world outside it that needed to be explored as well.  He knew that Hoss didn’t feel like he did.  He had always been content to stay at home, for The Ponderosa was his world, as it now was for Pa, but Adam felt a desire to experience other things as well.  Four years at College had given him that opportunity and at the end of the time he had been content to return home to be part of The Ponderosa again.  But lately he had felt the same restlessness welling up inside him, and the need was upon him to spread his wings a little again.

 

The war had come at a time in his life when he had in fact needed it – strange as that may have sounded.  He had always kept up the correspondence with his friends from College, and as the months passed and he heard from more and more of them about their experiences he had felt the need to enlist as well.  Not that he didn’t believe in what he was fighting for!  No, Adam had a very strong conviction that he was on the side of justice and that he really needed to make a contribution to things here, but if it all coincided with his need to spread his wings a little, well so much the better. 

 

He smiled as he remembered his early days in the army and the friendships he had been able to renew there.  He had joined the First Massachusetts Cavalry Unit because so many of his friends had, and at first it had been like one great College reunion – until the fighting had started for them all of course! Not that it had bothered him unduly.  Coming from the West as he did, he had seen enough violence in his life to know exactly what he was getting himself into, so it wasn’t too much of a shock. 

 

What was a shock, however, was the sheer scale of it!  As part of the Cavalry, Adam had found himself very mobile, and their Company had been utilized in quite a few different locations.  He had definitely experienced a lot of fighting, and had gradually begun to be recognised not only for his bravery under difficult conditions, but also for his keen intelligence under pressure.

 

Promotions had come his way without him actually seeking them, and he had been proud to think that he was recognised as someone who was making a contribution.  He prided himself on his loyalty and hard work, and felt quite at ease within the confines of the army.

 

So it came as quite a shock that day when he fell with a bullet in his leg.  He had begun to think of himself as quite invincible really, and that should have been his warning sign.  Life always took a twist when things were beginning to become too comfortable – that much he knew!  He thought back over his own life and the many twists and turns it had taken through his childhood.  So many times things were looking good, only to be torn apart again as tragedy struck himself and his family.

 

And so it had proven to be now.  The wound itself had not been a terribly bad one, but complications had set in and he found it difficult to ride for a while.  The enforced inactivity had made him increasingly frustrated until he had found his way here to ……. At least here he could feel useful again.  He could almost feel fulfilled again. 

 

He continued across the compound towards his room, avoiding the jail cells as he did so.  He knew that prisoners were necessary in war, but preferred not to have anything to do with them unless he had to.  Adam wondered how he would have coped if he had been captured during the many battles he had taken part in.  He was glad that he had never had to find out.  He wondered for a moment about the young rider the Colonel had told him about, and hoped that they would be able to get the information from him soon.  The thought drew his mind once again to the challenge of the letter, and he smiled to think of the work that was ahead of him in the morning.

 

 

—————

 

 

‘Only one page?’ Adam asked the Colonel as he looked carefully at the piece of paper in front of him. ‘That’s a shame.  I could do a lot more if I had more than this.’

 

‘It’s all we’ve got so far,’ replied the officer at the desk in front of him. ‘I’m confident though that we’ll get the rest of it.  The young rider has obviously hidden it somewhere and we’ll get it out of him somehow.’

 

Adam preferred not to think about how that would be accomplished. ‘Well I’ll start on this sir.  I’ll let you know if I have any success.’

 

Later that morning as he worked he wondered if the task was beyond him.  The code seemed to be based on a very different key to any he had seen before, and he knew it would be a very difficult task.  If only he had more of the letter!  He wondered if they had had any success with the rider, and resolved to go and find out.

 

As Adam entered the Colonel’s office he found it empty apart from a Sergeant who stood to attention when he entered.  ‘Where has Colonel Wilson gone?’ he asked.

 

‘He’s over in the interrogation room,’ replied the Sergeant. ‘He said he might be quite a while.’

 

Adam nodded and left the office, heading over towards the interrogation room. He entered to find it empty after all, and stood for a moment listening.  Suddenly the door at the other end of the room opened and Colonel Wilson entered. ‘Captain Cartwright,’ he said. ‘Any luck?’

 

‘No sir,’ replied Adam. ‘None at all.  It’s quite difficult.  I was wondering if you’ve had any success with the rider at all.  I sure could use another couple of pages of that letter.’

 

The Colonel shook his head. ‘No, none at all.  He still insists that he lost the rest of it.’  He hesitated for a moment. ‘He’s only a kid really.  Too young to be caught up in all of this.’

 

At that moment the Sergeant entered the door behind Adam. ‘Colonel,’ he said. ‘You’re needed back in your office for a moment.’

 

The Colonel looked frustrated for a moment. ‘Captain, could you please stay here for a few moments?  The prisoner is still being interrogated, and I really shouldn’t leave the men with him alone.’

 

‘Of course,’ replied Adam as the officer left. He stood still, not wanting to witness what was going on in the other room, but after a few moments his curiosity got the better of him and he walked slowly towards the other door.  The sight before him made him gasp with astonishment.

 

One soldier was holding the prisoner by the arms, and the other was in the process of pounding him in the stomach.  The soldier was supporting the young man rather than standing on his own two feet, and Adam could see that he was in fact not capable of standing anyway.  He felt his stomach lurch as he watched the scene unfold in front of him, and met the men’s eyes as they realised his presence. ‘Is that absolutely necessary?’ he asked in a tight voice as they both turned towards him.

 

‘Colonel’s order sir,’ one of the men responded. ‘He needs that information sir.’

 

Adam nodded curtly. ‘Yes I suppose he does,’ he said as he turned to go. At that moment the prisoner looked up, and Adam felt his world spin around him as he looked into familiar green eyes and noticed the curly hair and the unmistakable profile that he knew to be his youngest brother’s.  My God! Joe!

 

He took a step forward. ‘Let him go!’ he ordered, and in their surprise the two men stepped back from the prisoner who fell heavily to the floor.  For a few moments the four figures in the room were as still as statues, with not a movement or a sound passing between them.

 

Suddenly a voice behind them broke the silence. ‘What’s going on here?’ the Colonel asked. ‘Don’t you two have your orders?’  The two soldiers turned slowly towards their commanding officer, then looked at Adam again, not knowing what to do.  It was Adam who spoke first.

 

‘I told them to stop sir,’ he said softly. ‘I think the …. the prisoner has …. had enough for now.’

 

The Colonel looked at the figure lying so still on the floor beside them. ‘Well maybe so,’ he said. ‘Have him taken back to his cell.’  The two did bent down and roughly pulled Joe to his feet, then dragged him quickly from the room before Adam could react in any way.

 

‘Well Captain, I’ll let you get back to your decoding,’ the Colonel said as he left the room, and Adam was left alone. 

 

He closed his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts. No! It couldn’t be!  He’s at home with Pa and Hoss.  There’s no way it was him!  He shook his head and held it in his hands. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me!  That must be it!

 

But Adam knew that his eyes hadn’t betrayed him, and he struggled to understand how this could be happening.  He walked outside without knowing where he was going, and stood beside the building for a few moments, leaning heavily on the wall. Not for one moment could he think of any reason why his little brother would be in this position.  Not for one moment could he have believed it possible. He drew his hand over his eyes and tried to calm his breathing that he discovered had become quite uneven, and tried once again to focus his thoughts.

 

Joe! No way would his father have condoned his brother joining up!  Adam realised with a sinking feeling that his father might not even know the whereabouts of his youngest son.  Knowing Joe he could well have just taken off, and Pa would be none the wiser where he had ended up. That stupid kid! Joe what have you done?

 

Adam felt a surge of anger towards his youngest brother.  How could he have done this to himself?  How could he have done this to Pa?  He clenched his fists.  How could he have done this to me?

 

For the first time that he could remember, Adam was at a total loss to know what to do.  He began to pace up and down a little willing himself to calm down, but it didn’t seem to help.  After a while he realised that he had to do something, and without thinking about it he found his feet were taking towards the jail cells.  As he entered the building he noticed a guard standing near the entry and walked straight up to him.

 

‘I need to see the prisoner,’ he said. ‘Show me where he is.’

 

‘Which one sir?’ the man replied.

 

Adam stared at him for a moment, his mind not really comprehending. ‘The … the one that they’re interrogating about the letter,’ he replied. ‘The young rider.’

 

‘Sorry sir, but he’s off limits to everyone,’ replied the soldier. ‘Colonel’s orders.’

 

Adam clenched his fists angrily. ‘I’m working on the letter,’ he said. ‘I need to see him.’

 

The guard shook his head. ‘Sorry sir, but no one gets to him without the express permission of the Colonel.’

 

Adam turned on his heel and left the building and hurried over to the Colonel’s office. He rushed through the doorway and in spite of himself heard his voice demand anxiously. ‘I need to see the Colonel now!’

 

‘Yes sir,’ the Sergeant replied. ‘Please go straight through.’

 

Adam quickly pushed past the man, feeling more anxious with each minute that passed.  The reality of the situation was beginning to sink in, and the thought of his younger brother in this position was incredibly difficult for him to come to terms with.

 

‘Colonel, I need to see the prisoner,’ he said without waiting for the officer to acknowledge him.’

 

The Colonel looked up. ‘Captain Cartwright? What’s all this about?’ he asked surprised.

 

‘I need to see the prisoner,’ Adam repeated looking at the man anxiously.

 

‘Why?’

 

He swallowed, trying to think of a logical reason. ‘I just …. I thought perhaps he might be able to help me in …. well, finding out about …..’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Well, the code.  He might be able to tell me something that might help,’ Adam finished lamely.

 

The Colonel bent over his paper work again. ‘I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘The boy wouldn’t know anything about it.  He’s obviously just a messenger.’

 

‘Nevertheless, I’d like to try,’ Adam replied, trying not to sound too anxious. ‘Please?’

 

The Colonel looked up at him again puzzled. ‘I don’t understand, Captain.  What could this youngster possible know that would help you?’

 

‘I don’t know sir, but I’d like to try,’ Adam replied.

 

The Colonel shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t want anyone interfering with him more than is absolutely necessary.  The boy is fragile enough as it is.’

 

Adam tensed as he tried not to think what ‘fragile’ might mean. He realised what he had to try next. ‘Sir. It’s just that I could be of some help to you in finding out the information you need,’ he began hesitantly.

 

The Colonel looked at him intently. ‘How?’ he demanded.

 

‘Well, I ….. I sort of know him,’ Adam said warily.

 

The Colonel stood up. ‘You know him? How?’

 

‘He comes from Nevada where I’m from,’ replied Adam.  I knew him from before I enlisted. I might be able to help if I spoke to him.’

 

‘You knew him?  How is it then that this youngster is fighting for the Confederacy?’  the Colonel demanded.

 

‘I don’t really know sir, but I think it’s because his family came from there,’ said Adam, not wanting to give too much away. ‘I doubt that they even know he joined up. He’s too young.’

 

‘Well that’s obvious!’ replied the officer. He stood for a moment in thought. ‘Just how well do you know this boy Captain?’

 

Adam swallowed again. ‘Quite well sir,’ he said softly.

 

‘All right,’ said the Colonel bending down and writing on a piece of paper. ‘From now on you have full rights to him. See what you can do.’  He held out the paper to Adam. ‘Show this to the guard.’

 

‘Thank you sir,’ said Adam and clutched the paper eagerly.

 

‘And Captain?’ added the Colonel. ‘Do it quickly.  Time is running out.’

 

Adam swallowed again. ‘Yes sir,’ he said and left the room.  It was all he could do not to run across the compound, but he forced himself to be content with a fast walk.  This time the guard didn’t hesitate after the paper was thrust under his nose, and turned and led Adam straight up the corridor towards a room at the end.  Turning, he addressed him. ‘Just knock on the door and let me know when you’re finished sir, I’ll unlock it again for you.’

 

Adam nodded curtly at him, and clenched his fists as the door swung open in front of him.

 

—————–

 

 

Joe sat with his hands around his knees, trying to concentrate on not throwing up again. It was always like this when they first left him back in the cell.  His stomach rebelled against his mind and it was a constant battle to see which one would win.  Usually it was his stomach which took the most punishment, and he couldn’t seem to keep anything down in spite of his need to do so.  His head jerked upwards as he heard the key turn on the lock, and his first thought was one of despair. They never came for him more than once each day! Joe wondered what they could possibly want with him now, and felt his body tense with the thought of it. 

 

He lowered his head onto his knees again, determined to shut them out for as long as possible.  So it was a couple of minutes before he realised that the key was turning in the lock again, and he breathed a sigh of relief to think that they had after all left him alone.  As he raised his head he noticed two boots standing beside him, and trembled to realise that he wasn’t alone in the room.  He stared at them without moving, willing them to walk away from him.

 

After a moment they moved, and two legs came into view.  He felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn’t look up. ‘Joe?’ He heard his name, but for a moment it didn’t register. ‘Joe?’ there it was again. Strange that someone was calling him by name – they usually just called him ‘sonny boy’, or ‘hey you’.

 

He looked up straight into a pair of black eyes that for a moment he thought were his father’s.  He jerked with the realisation, then shook his head as he realised that it couldn’t possibly be true.  What would his father be doing here after all?  But they were amazingly like ….. Adam?

 

‘Adam?’ he said softly. ‘Adam, is that you?’

 

The man beside him nodded. ‘Yes Joe, it’s me.’

 

For a moment they stared at each other, then Joe flung his arms around his brother’s neck and held on for dear life. ‘Adam! It can’t be true! Oh my God!’ he whispered brokenly.

 

Adam closed his eyes and hugged his younger brother. He felt the boy’s body tense with emotion, and was sure that his own body was doing the same. Joe held on to like he never wanted to let him go, and if the truth were known it was exactly how Adam felt himself.  This youngster had always brought out his protective side, and when he saw him like this, his first instinct was to bundle him up and take him away from all of this, but looking over his brother’s shoulder at the dark wall that surrounded them he knew the futility of such a thought.

 

After a few moments, Adam drew back and studied his brother’s face. ‘Joe?’ he said. ‘What the hell are you doing here boy?’ he asked.

 

Joe swallowed and took a moment to find his voice. ‘I …. I got captured,’ he said softly.

 

‘I know that!  I meant what are you doing in the army?  Does Pa know?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘I ran off Adam.  I left him a letter though.’

 

Adam frowned at his brother. ‘You left him a letter!  How the hell could you do it to him Joe?  What were you thinking?’

 

Joe hung his head. ‘I don’t know,’ he whispered.

 

‘And just how did you get into the army anyway?’ Adam continued. ‘You’re too young!’

 

‘They needed riders,’ explained Joe. ‘I lied about my age, too.’

 

Adam continued to frown at him, his anger and frustration with the situation rising to the surface. ‘You lied about your age!  I’ll bet you did.  What are you trying to prove? How could you do this?’

 

Joe’s eyes filled with tears as he listened to his older brother. ‘I’m sorry Adam.  I didn’t mean…. I never wanted ……’  He hung his head and wept. 

 

Adam watched him for a moment, trying to keep his anger and frustration under control. He put his hands on his younger brother’s shoulders and pulled him towards himself gently. ‘Come on, this isn’t helping anything. Get up off the floor and sit over here on the bed.’  He tried to pull the boy to his feet, but stopped as he heard a small groan escape from Joe’s lips. He watched as his brother doubled up and clutched at his stomach. ‘What is it Joe?  What have they done to you?’

 

He pulled the boy upright and pulled back his shirt to reveal his stomach, and what he saw made him gasp with astonishment. Joe’s stomach was a dark purple, covered with a multitude of bruises that had obviously been the result of many beatings.  On closer investigation he noticed for the first time the boy’s face, which was also covered in bruises and a few cuts.  The boy had endured a lot of violence, and in a sudden rush the Colonel’s words came back to him. We’re working on him.  So this was what he had meant!

 

It was strange how the words hadn’t seemed so important to him before.  They hadn’t meant much when he thought they were directed towards a stranger.  But here before him was his little brother who was living proof at just how important those words had really been. He held onto Joe gently and eased him up onto the narrow cot in the room.  Swinging the boy’s legs up, he made him as comfortable as he could, and looked around the room for something to wipe his face with.  He noticed a small bowl in the corner of the room that was covered with a cloth and bent to pick it up.  Distastefully he realised that it didn’t contain water, but instead the vomited remains of what had been in his brother’s stomach. 

 

He sensed Joe looking at him and turned back towards him. ‘How often have you been throwing up?’ he asked.

 

Joe shrugged his shoulders. ‘Every time they bring me back in here,’ he answered. ‘My stomach can’t hold onto anything lately.’

 

‘Lately?  Just how long has this been going on for?’ Adam asked.

 

Joe shrugged again. ‘I don’t know. A couple of weeks I think.’

 

‘You think?’ Adam frowned at him. ‘Don’t you know?’ Joe shook his head and looked at his brother silently. After a moment Adam spoke again. ‘Joe have you told them your name?  Do they know your last name is Cartwright?’

 

Joe shook his head again. ‘No, they never asked my name.  All they ask me about is the letter.’

 

‘Well don’t tell them.  You hear me boy?  Don’t let on what your last name is.  They can’t know that we’re related, or I won’t be able to help you.’

 

Joe nodded.  For as long as he could remember he had always trusted his brother, and if Adam said not to do something then he would obey him.  Adam had always known just what to do in difficult situations, and Joe had the utmost faith that now he had found his brother everything would begin to come right again.  His older brother would make sure of it!

 

Adam however didn’t share Joe’s confidence in himself.  As he sat staring at his younger brother he felt a variety of feelings well up inside him – a mixture of fear, anger and frustration – but definitely not one of confidence.  The truth was that Adam had no idea what to do!  His mind was a mixture of confusion and shock, but he tried not to show his younger brother how uncertain he was. 

 

‘What are we going to do Adam?’ Joe asked tentatively, and waited for his brother to give him a confident answer.

 

‘The first we are going to do is to make sure that you are decently treated around here,’ replied his brother with more confidence than he felt.  ‘After that we’ll see.  I’ve got to think about this Joe.  It’s not an easy situation you’ve got us both into here.’

 

Joe nodded at his brother. ‘I’ll be all right Adam, ‘ he said, trying to smile. ‘Don’t you worry about me.  I can look after myself!’

 

Adam reached out and stroked his younger brother’s curls. ‘Yeah sure you can little buddy.  Sure looks like it at the moment.’ He sighed. ‘The problem is Joe, that you’re holding onto information that the army really needs, and until you tell them what they want they’re not going to let up on you.’  He looked at his brother intently. ‘You have to tell them Joe.’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘But Adam I can’t!  I don’t know what they want!  I lost the letter, honest I did, but they won’t believe me!’

 

Adam looked at his brother’s face intently. Years of experience had made him an expert at knowing when the boy was lying, and he knew for sure now that this was not one of those times. ‘Well I’ll do my best to convince them for you,’ he said. ‘But ….’ His voice trailed off as he thought about the futility of his words. ‘Are you sure Joe?  There’s no way you know where that letter went?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘It flew out of my hand when I was riding,’ he said.  ‘There was only one page left.’  He looked at Adam hopefully. ‘Can you convince them that I’m telling the truth Adam?  Can you?’

 

Adam tried to smile at him. ‘I’ll try,’ he said. ‘In the meantime, I want you to remember what I said.  Don’t let on that we’re related, and do as I tell you.  Do you hear me Joe?  For once in your life do as I say!’

 

Joe nodded eagerly, ready to obey his brother in anything he might ask of him. ‘Can you get me out of this Adam?’  he asked hopefully.

 

Adam didn’t answer.  He needed time to think this through, and was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable with his brother’s blind faith in him.  He looked into the green eyes that gazed at him so trustingly, and swallowed as he realised just what a difficult time they both would have ahead of them.  ‘Joe I have to go now,’ he said. ‘I need to think this through and see if I can come up with an idea. I want you to be careful what you say, and just take it easy.’

 

Joe smiled at him. ‘Don’t worry about me,’ he said, trying to sound cheerful. ‘I’ve got nothing else to do today anyway.  I’ll just rest here for a bit.’  He closed his eyes and Adam patted him on the head.

 

‘You do that little brother,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll be back later.’

 

As Adam left the jail cell, his mind was awhirl with possibilities of what he should do.  However, nothing he came up with made much sense.  On the one hand there was his baby brother who needed him desperately, and Adam knew that he wanted to help that boy just as he had done all his life.  On the other hand however, there was his duty and his loyalty to the army, and the oath he had sworn to uphold any order that he was given. Damn you Joe! he cursed. How could you do this to me? He leant against the wall of the building and held his head in his hands as he tried to contain his mind and focus his thoughts. What was he supposed to do now?

 

 

—————-

 

 

‘Sir I’m convinced that he doesn’t know anything,’ Adam said.  ‘I’d be able to tell if he did.’

 

The Colonel stared at him. ‘You’re so sure?’ he asked.

 

Adam nodded eagerly. ‘Yes sir I am,’ he replied. ‘He’s telling the truth when he says that the letter was lost.’

 

The Colonel scratched his chin thoughtfully. ‘Well maybe so,’ he replied. ‘Who’s to say. Thank you for trying anyway Captain.’  He waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal to Adam.

 

Adam didn’t move. ‘Sir?  What’s going to happen to the boy?’ he asked.

 

‘I don’t have much choice I’m afraid, Captain,’ replied the Colonel. ‘I have to keep the interrogations going.’

 

Adam stared at the man aghast. ‘Even if it means beating him to death?’ he asked. ‘Even if he doesn’t know anything?’

 

The Colonel glared at him. ‘Are you questioning my decision Captain?’ he asked frostily. ‘I don’t like this any more than you do, but I have no choice.  That letter is vital, and if there is the slightest chance that that boy knows anything about it, then I have no choice but to pursue this.  It could mean the difference to a lot of men whose lives are depending on this.  I have to weigh that up against the life of one solider.  Now you tell me if I’m making the wrong decision!’

 

Adam reeled back from the officer. ‘No sir, it’s not that.  It’s just that ….’ his voice trailed off.

 

The Colonel stepped forward and put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. ‘Look son, I know how hard this must be for you, seeing as how you know the youngster.  But it must be done!  Best for you to put it out of your head and get back to that decoding.  Let me worry about it for now!’

 

Adam nodded and left the room before his emotions took over him and he let on more than he wanted to.  The trouble was that he knew in his head that the Colonel was right.  From a purely objective point of view he knew it made sense to treat the situation in this way.  The trouble was of course that Adam couldn’t be objective in all of this, and there was no way that he could make anyone understand that. 

 

He felt sick, and went straight to his room to lay down for a while in the hopes that a solution would come to him.  As he lay on his bunk looking at the ceiling, all he could see was his father’s face in front of him looking at him intently.  He tried closing his eyes, but the face was still there, and he wondered about what his father would do in this situation.  What he wouldn’t give right now to talk to him about it and get his advice!  What he wouldn’t give for someone to come and take the decisions away from him.  The problem was of course that there was no one to do that, and it just simply was not going to happen.   The problem was his and his alone, and he doubted that he had the ability to face it.

 

But face it he must!  Over in the jail was a youngster who relied on him to get him through this.  How could he ever face his father and brother at home if he didn’t do the right thing by his little brother?  He tried to imagine just what he would say to them. Sorry Pa and Hoss, but I let them kill him.  I didn’t try to stop it because I was too scared.  I didn’t do anything because I couldn’t go against orders.

 

Yet how could he go against those orders?  Adam prided himself on his loyalty.  Not only to his superior officers, but also to his country in general.  Wasn’t that one of the things that Pa had said to him before he had left home?  Even though he had been so worried, Ben had been very proud of the decision that his son had made, that was obvious.  Adam could see it every time he looked into his father’s eyes, and he had swelled with pride to know that he was making him feel this way.  Adam would have gone to the ends of the earth to see that look in his father’s eye just one more time.  Please Pa help me! He prayed. What am I going to do?  What would you do if you were here?

 

He rolled over to face the wall and tried to will himself to sleep, but he knew it was a futile exercise.  As he lay there his thoughts turned to Little Joe and he felt a surge of anger well up inside of him against the boy.  This was so typical of Joe!  All his life Adam had been rescuing him from one scrape after another!  Serve him right if I just left him to it this time! He thought with bitterness.  He deserves it after all!  Getting himself into this situation with no thought about anyone else.  All this time I’ve spent doing the right thing, and then he comes along and ruins it all for me.  Serve him right if I did just leave him to it!

 

But this was no childish scrape this time that the boy had gotten himself into.  This was a life and death situation.  Adam thought back over the years to all the times he had helped his little brother.  The twelve-year age gap had meant that Little Joe had looked on Adam as someone who could solve all his problems in life, and Adam had to admit that he had relished being there for his little brother throughout his many scrapes.  He remembered the difficult time they had had with him when his mother died.  Their father had not coped with her death very well at the time, and it had been up to Adam to try and help the little boy though it.  He remembered many nights when the youngster would find his way into his big brother’s bed to cuddle up to him for comfort. He closed his eyes and could almost feel the touch of the silken curls as he stroked them, trying to still the boy’s sobs and get him to drift off to sleep.

 

He remembered the many times the child had earned the wrath of their father, and Adam had tried to stand between them to protect him.  The problems he had had at school, the chores he never did, and the childish pranks he had pulled. The list was endless, as Joe had always been the sort of child that his father laughingly referred to as ‘a challenge.’

 

If only it were that easy now!  If only the boy’s problems were as easy to solve as they had been in the past! Adam longed for the days when life had been so simple.

 

 

——————-

 

 

Joe looked up at his brother trustingly, and noticed the downcast look in his eyes. ‘They didn’t believe what you said to them about me did they?’ he asked. Adam shook his head and sat down on the edge on the narrow bunk. Joe reached out and touched his brother on the arm. ‘Don’t worry Adam, I’ve been thinking about it.  They won’t do anything to me because they need the information.  As long as they think I’ve got it, then they can’t do anything to me can they?’

 

Adam stared at him. ‘You don’t think this is anything?’ he said sarcastically. ‘Being beaten half to death is nothing?’

 

Joe flinched at the sound of his words. ‘I can handle it,’ he said with more confidence than he felt. ‘Don’t you worry about me Adam, you know I always land on my feet.  Pa always says that don’t he?’

 

Adam shook his head. ‘Joe you really don’t seem to understand the seriousness of this situation.  You won’t be landing on your feet this time kid, cause there’s no way out.’  There he’d said it!

 

‘What do you mean?’ said Joe, his eye widening. ‘Of course there’s a way out!  They’ll get sick of me not talking after a while, and they’ll  …. they’ll send me off to a prison camp or something.  I’ll be OK Adam.  The war can’t last for much longer and then they’ll let me go.’  He looked at his brother hopefully to gauge his reaction to his words.  ‘They don’t scare me!’  He tried to sound very brave, but failed dismally.

 

‘Well they should!’ said Adam angrily. ‘This is no game Joe!  They mean business and they’re not about to just give up on you and put you in some cushy prison camp.  Why don’t you wake up to that!’  He spoke with more passion than he had intended, and was instantly sorry as he saw the expression on his brother’s face. He was only a kid after all, and he was trying to appear so brave when underneath it all Adam knew he was scared witless.

 

‘I’m sorry Joe, I didn’t mean that!  It’s just that I don’t know what to do!’

 

Joe stared at his brother aghast.  Adam always knew what to do!  There was never a time when he hadn’t!  Joe had never heard those words from his brother’s lips before, and they terrified him.  There was silence in the room as the two brothers looked at each other.

 

Suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of a key in the lock, and both of them jumped. Adam looked at his brother questioningly, and Joe held up his hands in a gesture of futility. ‘It’s just them come for me,’ he said. ‘They come every day.’

 

Adam put his hand up to his face in a gesture of despair. ‘Well not today,’ he said with vehemence.

 

‘Adam you can’t stop them!’ Joe said. ‘If you do they’ll wonder why, and you said …..’

 

‘I know, but there must be a way,’ his brother replied. ‘I can’t let them just take you like this and stand by while they beat you up!’

 

‘Why not?’ asked Joe. ‘They do it all the time.  I’m used to it now!’  He stared at Adam, willing him to contradict him. ‘If you try to stop them now, then you won’t be helping either of us.  You know that! You said so yourself!’

 

The door opened and the Sergeant entered. ‘Excuse me sir,’ he said to Adam. ‘But the Colonel’s ready for him now.’  He motioned for Joe to get up, and he did so slowly while holding his stomach. Adam sat and stared at the floor, knowing his brother was right, but unable to witness him being taken away in this manner.

 

‘Wait,’ he said to the Sergeant. ‘I’ll take him!’ 

 

The man stared at him. ‘Sir?’ he said. ‘I don’t think the Colonel …’

 

‘I said I’d take him!’ repeated Adam and held onto Joe’s arm as he walked out of the door with him.

 

 As they walked down the corridor, Joe whispered, ‘What did you do that for?’

 

Adam shrugged as he continued to walk.  He really didn’t know himself why he had done it.  All he knew was that he had to try and think of something to try and help his brother, and this was buying him a few extra minutes. 

 

As they entered the Interrogation Room, the Colonel looked up in surprise. ‘Captain?’ he asked.

 

‘I’m delivering the prisoner sir,’ Adam said. ‘I’ve been questioning him again, and as I said before he doesn’t know anything.’

 

The Colonel looked at him, obviously angry. ‘Thank you Captain,’ he said. ‘You may go now.’ Adam didn’t move. ‘I said you may go now Captain,’ the Colonel repeated, and signalled to the two men beside him.  They moved forward, grabbed Joe by the arms and pulled him into the small room at the side. Adam moved to follow them, but the Colonel blocked his way. ‘I said you may go now Captain Cartwright,’ he said meaningfully. ‘Do as you are told!’

 

The two men locked eyes for a moment, and Adam opened his mouth to speak. He shut it again as the Colonel held up his hand.  ‘Don’t!’ he said. ‘I think you should leave now before you say something you might regret Captain. Obviously your knowledge of this youngster is getting in the way of your judgement, and you need to back away from this situation.  Until further notice you are to keep yourself away from him is that clear? I’d hate to see you ruin an otherwise promising career with a slanted sense of judgement in one situation.’  He turned and followed the men into the other room, shutting the door behind him.

 

Adam stood and listened to the muffled sounds coming from the other room, not able to move.  He put his hand up to his face and pushed against the bridge of his nose as he counted to ten, and breathed deeply. Slowly he turned from the door and headed outside.

 

 

——————

 

 

The compound lit up momentarily as the moon came out from behind a cloud, and Adam cursed silently as he drew back into the shadow of the building.  No one would have questioned his actions of course if he was seen, but it would make it easier in the long run if he could do this without anyone noticing that he had left his room.  As darkness fell again he stepped cautiously forward and walked quickly across to the jail, being careful as he did so to keep in the shadows.

 

Upon entering the building he noticed straight away the guard on duty. ‘Sir? he asked Adam. ‘Can I help you?’

 

‘I’m here to see the prisoner,’ Adam replied, and noticed that the man looked confused.

 

‘Sir I’m sorry, but my orders are not to let you in,’ replied the man apologetically.

 

Adam drew himself to his full height and looked at the man incredulously. ‘I beg your pardon?’ he said frostily. ‘And just where did that order come from?’

 

The man swallowed. ‘The Colonel himself sir, he answered nervously. ‘He said no one was to see him unless they had express permission from him.’

 

‘Are you aware that I have been working on this project?’ asked Adam disdainfully. ‘I’m sure the Colonel’s orders do not include me!’

 

‘Actually they do,’ said the man.  ‘I’m sorry sir, but ….. ‘

 

Adam waved his hand. ‘Would you like to come with me and we’ll check on that Corporal?’ he said. ‘Mind you, I’d hate to be the one to wake the Colonel up at this hour, but if that’s what you are going to insist on ….’

 

‘But sir ….’ The man’s voice trailed off. ‘I’m only following orders!’

 

‘And I’m giving you another one,’ replied Adam. ‘I wish to see the prisoner, and I wish to see him immediately! Now are we going to stand here and argue about it, or are you going to come with me to the Colonel?’

 

The man stepped aside. ‘Yes sir,’ he said. ‘This way.’

 

Adam breathed a sigh of relief. He really didn’t know what he would have done if the man had not given in, and he was extremely relieved to realise that he wouldn’t now have to find out.  When they got to the cell door, he took the key from the man and said. ‘I’ll let myself out when I’ve finished and return the key to you then.  Thank you Corporal.’  The man gave him a worried look, but did as he was told and handed over the key before leaving.  Adam breathed another sigh of relief and opened the door quickly.

 

Joe was lying on the bunk, curled into a ball and holding his stomach.  ‘Joe!’ said Adam softly. ‘Wake up!’  The boy didn’t respond, and Adam bent over him to see if he were asleep or not.  He noticed his brother’s tightly clenched jaw and shallow breathing and cursed again softly under his breath. ‘Joe!  Buddy wake up!’

 

Joe opened his eyes and looked up at his brother. ‘Hi Adam,’ he said. ‘How come you’re here in the middle of the night?’

 

‘I’ve come to get you out of here.  Do you think you’re up to it?’ Adam replied.

 

Joe tried to sit up, and managed to get as far as to prop himself up on one elbow. ‘I’ll sure try,’ he replied. ‘I’ll give it my best shot!’

 

Adam put his arm around his brother’s waist and pulled him to a standing position. ‘You have to Joe.  This is the one chance I’ll get to get you away. Come on, but be quiet!’ He locked the door from the outside when they had left the room and whispered to his brother. ‘Now when we get down to the guard I’ll keep him talking while you slip outside.  Wait for me just outside the door, and don’t move.  Do you hear me?’

 

Joe nodded silently, his eyes never leaving his brother’s for a moment.  He was prepared to get down on his belly and crawl if Adam told him too, so sure was he that his older brother would get him out of this.

 

Adam led his brother down the corridor and motioned to him to stand in the shadows as he approached the guard. ‘Here you are Corporal,’ he said as he handed him the keys. ‘Thank you.’ 

 

The man turned and looked at Adam as he held his hand out for the keys. ‘That was quick,’ he said in surprise. ‘I thought you needed to talk to him.’

 

Adam shrugged his shoulders as he looked directly at the man, trying not to allow his eyes to move to the spot behind him where he knew his younger brother would be creeping. ‘He’s asleep, so I’ll come back in the morning,’ he said. ‘No use talking to him so soon after one of his sessions.  He makes no sense when he’s like that.’

 

‘Yeah I’ve noticed,’ replied the corporal. ‘They’ve really been working him over. He might make more sense in the morning.’

 

Adam nodded and left.  As he reached outside he searched the shadows for a sign of his brother, and jumped when a hand was placed on his shoulder from behind. ‘Here,’ said a soft voice, and he turned to see Joe standing behind him. 

 

‘Are you all right?’ Adam asked as he noticed Joe sway.

 

‘Yeah.  I’ll be OK,’ his brother replied. ‘What happens now?’

 

‘Follow me,’ said Adam quietly.  ‘And stay in the shadows.’  He led his brother around the building towards the back of the compound where a horse was saddled and waiting. ‘Get up,’ he said. ‘I’m going to let you out the supply entry.  No one should be around there at this time.’

 

Joe hesitated. ‘Aren’t you coming with me?’ he asked.

 

Adam shook his head. ‘You know I can’t,’ he said.

 

‘But Adam!  They’ll know it was you who let me go! You’ll be in serious trouble!’  Joe looked at his brother with pleading eyes. ‘You have to come with me Adam.’

 

Adam put his hands on his brother’s shoulders. ‘Joe I can’t.  Don’t you understand? If I leave with you now it will be a sure sign of what happened.  I’ll be marked as a deserter, and if they catch me I’ll be shot. No buddy, you have to go by yourself.  Head towards the West and you should meet up with some Confederate troops within a couple of hours. Keep your head down and ride!’

 

‘But Adam….’

 

‘I said to get up there!’ Adam pushed his brother up onto the horse and led him to the small gate in the fence nearby. ‘Get going Joe. Quickly!

 

Joe didn’t move. ‘But what are you going to tell them?  They’ll know you helped me!’ he insisted.

 

Adam shook his head. ‘No they won’t.  I’m going back to the jail first thing in the morning to supposedly see you again.  I’m going to give myself a knock on the head and pretend that you overpowered me and escaped.  They’ll believe me, but by that time you’ll be long gone.’  He looked up at his brother. ‘Believe me Joe, it’ll work! Now get out of here!’

 

Joe turned his horse, but hesitated. ‘Adam?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Thanks!’ His eyes brimmed with tears, and he hoped that his brother couldn’t see them in the darkness.

 

Adam patted him on the arm. ‘Just get yourself safely out of here little brother. And Joe?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘See you back at The Ponderosa when this is all over!’

 

Joe tried to smile at him. ‘Sure will older brother!’  He turned and left.

 

Adam stood and watched for a moment, then quietly closed the gate.  As he turned towards the building again he said a fervent prayer that his little brother would make it, and that they would have the opportunity to see each other again.

 

 

—————-

 

 

‘Just one more time Captain,’ Colonel Wilson said impatiently. ‘Explain to me again why you were seeing the prisoner?’

 

Adam swallowed nervously. ‘I wanted to talk to him sir.  I thought perhaps I might be able to get through to him.’

 

The Colonel looked at him suspiciously. ‘I thought you said he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t know where the letter was,’ he said.

 

Adam shrugged his shoulders. ‘Maybe I was wrong.  It was like you said Colonel, we really had no choice but to keep on with the investigation.’

 

‘And you sought him out against my express orders?’  he said. ‘Could you kindly tell me why?’

 

‘Sir I’m sorry.  It’s just that I really though I could get him to talk. Seeing as how I knew him.’ Adam watched the officer carefully for a reaction, but got none.

 

‘I see. That’s right, you knew him didn’t you?’ Adam cursed himself inwardly for reminding him of that fact. ‘And just how well did you know him Captain?’

 

Adam hesitated. ‘Quite well sir,’ he said. ‘He came from Nevada where I’m from.’

 

‘Yes, so you said.’  The Colonel stared at him for a full two minutes before speaking again. ‘Captain you do realise what the punishment for aiding a prisoner to escape is, don’t you?’

 

Adam nodded, trying not to show his discomfort. ‘Yes sir,’ he replied.

 

‘Good.  I just want to make sure we both understand each other.’

 

‘Yes sir.’

 

The Colonel stood up and began to pace in front of his desk. ‘Just how badly off was this young man Captain?  Would you say that the beatings he had taken had left him, shall we say, incapacitated?’

 

‘Sir?’ Adam didn’t like the way the conversation was headed and glanced at the officer nervously.

 

‘Would you say the young man was capable of overpowering a strong man such as yourself after all he had been through?’ the Colonel continued.

 

‘Obviously he was sir,’ replied Adam, ‘or it wouldn’t have happened as I said.’

 

‘No that’s right. It wouldn’t have happened like you said would it?’ the Colonel asked, staring at Adam directly. ‘Do you realise how serious this is?’

 

Adam nodded. ‘Yes sir I do.  The youngster’s information was vital to us.’

 

The Colonel stroked his chin as he nodded. ‘Yes it was vital,’ he said. ‘And I want you to know Captain that I do not intend to let this matter rest. I do not for one minute believe your story, and I am going to see to it that I get the whole truth from you.  Do you understand me?’

 

Adam nodded. ‘I am telling you the truth sir,’ he lied, looking the Colonel directly in the eye.

 

The Colonel strode over to the door and opened it. ‘Sergeant!’ he said. ‘In here!’ He turned to Adam. ‘You may consider yourself under arrest Captain Cartwright.  I assure you that you will tell me the whole story one way or another.’  He motioned with his hand for Adam to leave.  ‘Sergeant, escort the Captain to the jail!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PART 3

 

 

 
Ponderosa Ranch

Nevada

March 1865

 

 

Ben straightened up and eased his back as he looked at the mess in front of him.  It seemed like there were never enough hours in the day lately to get everything done, and something like cleaning out the tack room seemed to get always pushed to the back of his busy schedule.  Not that he really needed to be the one to do this particular job!  There were many hands on the ranch would have obliged him if he had asked them to, but the truth was that he needed to keep busy and this particular job made him feel closer to his youngest son.

 

Cleaning the tack room had been Joe’s job since the boy was old enough to take on the responsibility.  Ben smiled to himself as he thought about that.  The words Joseph and responsibility somehow didn’t fit together too well, and Ben had always had a constant battle with the boy to make sure that this particular chore was done.  But then, he’d always had a battle with the boy to make sure any of his chores were done.

 

He looked around the room and bent to pick another saddle and lift it to its right place.  What he wouldn’t give right now to have the opportunity to lecture the boy again on his responsibilities! If only he knew he would have that opportunity again! He bent his head and said a silent prayer for both his boys as he did so often.  Lord protect them, he said to himself. Bring them home safe to me!

 

‘Pa, are you OK?’  He turned to see Hoss standing behind him with a worried look on his face.

 

‘Yes I’m fine son,’ he replied. ‘Just getting this tack room cleaned out.’

 

Hoss looked at his father for a moment. ‘You want some help?’ Ben nodded, and Hoss bent to help him pick up another saddle. ‘Sure wish that younger brother of mine would hurry home so I could get back ta ordering him ta do this instead of me!’ Hoss declared.

 

Ben smiled. ‘I’m sure he won’t be too much longer now.  The signs are that this war is just about over now.  I’m sure that both of them will be home soon Hoss.’

 

‘Well I’m not surprised that we haven’t heard from Little Joe in a while, but it’s sure surprising that Adam hasn’t written fer so long,’ Hoss said.  ‘I just hope he’s OK.’

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘I’m sure he is son.  We would have heard from someone if he wasn’t.’ But he spoke with a confidence that he just didn’t feel. Adam had always sent letters so regularly, but a few months ago they had just stopped, and Ben couldn’t help but feel a great sense of foreboding about it.  Joseph they hadn’t heard from at all, apart from that first letter he had written when he had first been accepted into the Cavalry.

 

Ben’s first reaction when he had received the letter was to get straight down to Georgia and demand that the boy come home with him.  The army couldn’t possibly insist on keeping him once Ben had let them know the boy’s true age!  It was only the insistence of Hoss that he bide his time that made him refrain from doing so.  As they both knew, the chances of him even finding the boy were remote and it was a futile exercise.  Nevertheless, Ben resolved to give that boy a piece of his mind when he saw him again. He just prayed that he would have the opportunity.

 

When Joseph had first left, his father’s reaction had been one of panic. He blamed himself really, for the boy had been determined to go and he should have worked harder at convincing him not too.  The day he had found Joseph’s note had been one of the darkest that he could remember, and if it hadn’t been for Hoss ……

 

Ben looked over at his middle son, and smiled at him.  What would he have done without this boy of his during the last few months when he needed him most?  Hoss had always been steadfast, but he had shown a strength of character to his father in recent times that Ben had only guessed at before.  He had been a tower of strength to his father, and without him Ben didn’t know how he would have got through it.  Hoss was no doubt hurting as well and missing both his brothers greatly, but he constantly looked to support his father in any way he could think of. 

 

When Joseph had first left, Hoss had been the one to go after him.  He insisted that he had more of a chance of finding the boy, and Ben knew that he was right.  He would never forget the defeated look on his son’s face when he finally arrived back at the ranch all those weeks later with the news that his younger brother was no where to be found.  By that time, of course, Ben had received Joseph’s letter, and it was Hoss who convinced him to let it lie.

 

They had leant on each other during the last few months, anxiously awaiting any news that might come their way about the two men who were so dear to them.  Ben hoped with all his heart that the wait wouldn’t take too much longer.

 

‘Come on son, lunch will be ready,’ he said. ‘You know what Hop Sing gets like if we’re late. Let’s leave this until later.’

 

Hoss smiled at his father and put down a saddle. ‘Sure thing Pa,’ he said. ‘I am a bit hungry!’

 

His father laughed. ‘Really?  I never would have thought it!’  He slapped his son on the back and they walked out of the barn together, but at the sound of a rider approaching the yard they both turned.

 

‘Who could that be?’ asked Hoss. ‘You ain’t expecting anyone are ya Pa?’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No,’ he said, and squinted his eyes in the bright sunlight to see who it might be. ‘I’m not really …….. Oh my God!’  He jerked forward as the rider entered the yard and he realised who it was. ‘Joseph!  Joseph!’  He ran towards the horse as it pulled to a stop, and his youngest son slid down from the saddle.  ‘Joseph!’ he cried again and hugged the boy tightly to him as if he would never let him go.

 

Joe grinned at Hoss over his father’s shoulder as he was held in the tight embrace. Hoss stepped forward and ruffled his brother’s unruly curls, and then put his arms around his father and brother both together. The three of them stood like that for a few moments, until Joe called out. ‘I can’t breathe!’

 

Immediately his brother and father let go of him, but Ben kept hold of his shoulders as he looked the boy up and down.  ‘You look exhausted,’ he said.  ‘Let’s get you inside boy!’ 

 

Joe needed no second bidding.  He did feel on the point of exhaustion, and began to sway a little on his feet. ‘That’d be great Pa,’ he said. ‘I do feel like sitting down for a bit.’

 

Hoss stepped forward and put his arm around his younger brother’s waist. ‘Here shortshanks, let me help ya!’ he said.

 

Joe grinned at him. ‘Sure is good to hear you call me that again older brother,’ he said leaning on his brother gratefully. ‘Seems like ages since I heard that name.’

 

‘It has been ages,’ said Hoss. ‘Come on little buddy, let’s get ya inside!’

 

Once inside and seated on the sofa, Joe looked around him with a sigh. ‘It sure is good to be home!’ he said contentedly. He looked at his father hovering over him and said softly, ‘I’ve missed you Pa.’

 

Ben held his son’s head in his hands and looked into his eyes intently. ‘I’ve missed you too boy.  We both have. I’m just so grateful to have you home again.’

 

Joe bit his lip. ‘I thought you would have been mad with me Pa. You know, after I ran away and all.’

 

Ben sat down next to his son on the sofa. ‘Now isn’t the time to talk about that Joseph. There’s plenty of time later.  The important thing for now is that you’re home safe and sound.’ He put his arms around his son again. ‘Safe and sound,’ he whispered. ‘And I thank the Lord that at least one of my boys is home at last.’

 

Joe drew back from his father and looked at him. ‘Adam?’ he asked.

 

Ben shook his head.  ‘We haven’t heard from him in quite a while.  Not since last October. But I’m sure he’s all right,’ he added hastily as he saw the expression on his youngest son’s face.

 

‘Last October?’ Joe echoed. ‘Not since October Pa?’

 

‘No,’ Ben said gently. ‘But there’s been a lot happening since then as I’m sure you know.  Your brother has probably not had a chance to write that’s all.  We would have heard if something had happened to him – I’m sure nothing has.’

 

Joe put his head down into his hands. ‘I’m not so sure about that Pa.  It seems like I have a lot to tell you about.’

 

 

—————–

 

 

‘So you see Pa, I’m responsible for it all,’ said Little Joe looking up at his father with tears in his eyes. ‘If it wasn’t for me, then Adam would probably be here right now, instead of ….’  He hesitated to say what was in his mind.

 

‘Don’t you say that Joseph!’ admonished his father. ‘I told you before.  Adam is probably just delayed, that’s all.’

 

Joe looked at his father, knowing that the doubt that was in his own mind was mirrored in his father’s as well. He hung his head as he said quietly. ‘I’m …. I’m so sorry Pa. I should have listened to you.’

 

‘Yes you should have Joseph,’ his father said. ‘But what’s past is past son, and there’s no going back now.’

 

‘I need to ask for your forgiveness Pa.  I should never have gone off the way I did and hurt you like that.’

 

Ben put his hand on his son’s neck and stroked it gently. ‘No son, you don’t have to ask for my forgiveness.  I gave that to you a long time ago.  I was very angry with you for quite a while after you left, and I will be honest and tell you that I was and am still quite disappointed in your actions.  But you don’t have to ask for my forgiveness.  That’s what father’s are for after all.’  He smiled at the boy, wanting to ease his pain. ‘A father’s love isn’t part time you know Joe.  It’s for always.’

 

Joe nodded his head, unable to speak for a few moments. ‘But Pa, that still doesn’t help Adam does it?’ he said when he was able to find his voice. ‘I’ll never forgive myself if anything had happened to him because of me.’

 

‘Joe, Adam made his own decision about what to do.  There was nothing you could have done to change his mind.  You know how determined your older brother is when his mind is set on something.’

 

‘Yeah.  But he wouldn’t have had to make any decision if I hadn’t ended up there,’ Joe replied. ‘I forced him into it, and now he’s probably …..’

 

Ben pulled his son’s face towards him. ‘Enough of that!  I told you that your brother is all right and that’s what I want you to believe! I don’t want to hear that kind of talk again Joseph.’

 

Joe nodded. ‘All right Pa. But I’ll sure be glad when he gets home.’

 

So will I Joseph, so will I!  Ben thought to himself.

 

 

—————–

 

 

Ben looked out the window at the tall pine-covered peaks that surrounded them, and took a deep breath.  Behind him his youngest boy lay sleeping in his bed, but peaceful was not a term that Ben would use to describe his son’s slumber.  He tossed and turned constantly, occasionally muttering to himself.  After the story he had told Ben, his father couldn’t really blame him though, the boy had been through an awful lot in his time away from them all.

 

He turned and looked at the boy on the bed behind him. It was true that he still felt a great deal of anger at what he had done, and after hearing the story of what had happened to him a great deal of anxiety as well.  He doubted that Joseph even now realised how close he had come to never making it home again, but one thing he was sure the boy did realise was how much danger he had placed his brother in.

 

Ben felt a shiver down his spine as he thought of his oldest son, still out there. He really wasn’t as confident as he let on that Adam was all right, and he knew that Hoss saw through his words as well. The fact that they hadn’t heard from him since October was bad enough, but it was exactly that time when Joe had left Fort McAllister, and if Adam was implicated in his disappearance, then …. Ben shook his head and refused to allow his mind to go there.  He had to keep thinking positively if he wanted to keep thoughts of his oldest son still being alive.

 

He knew that he had to keep positive for Joseph’s sake as well.  The boy had been through enough without the guilt of his brother’s death hanging over his head as well.  If it were true that Adam wasn’t destined to return, then there was time enough in the future to deal with all of that. 

 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked his son’s curly hair as the boy tossed again under the covers. Thank you Lord for bringing this child of my heart back to me again.  Would it be too much to ask you for one more thing Lord?  He prayed. Keep my other boy safe!  Make us a whole family again and bring him back to me as well.

 

 

————–

 

 

 

‘Joe? You didn’t come home for lunch son.  Hop Sing’s mighty riled up with you.’  Ben sat down next to his son on the grass and studied his profile in the sunlight. When Joe didn’t answer him he said, ‘I think you’d better think of a way to make it up to him don’t you?’  Still there was silence from his son. ‘Maybe you’d better spend some time this afternoon making sure that wood box is full.’  Ben leant over and touched the boy on his arm. ‘Joe?’ he said anxiously.

 

Joe jerked around to face his father. ‘What? Oh Pa, sorry.  What did you say?’

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘I was wondering why you didn’t come home for lunch,’ he said. ‘I somehow thought I might find you up here.’

 

Joe smiled back at him. ‘You know me well don’t you Pa?’

 

Ben laughed. ‘I would certainly hope so by now young man!  If I didn’t after all this time, there’d be something wrong, don’t you think?’

 

‘I suppose so.’ Joe leant his chin on his hand and stared into the blue lake in front of them. ‘I’ve just been thinking about things,’ he said after a minute.

 

‘Things?” asked his father.

 

‘Mmm. About when I was little and how Adam and Hoss used to look after me all the time when you weren’t around.’

 

Ben looked at his son anxiously. ‘Joe …..’ he began.

 

‘You know I always thought Adam was just about the smartest person there was. Apart from you,’ Joe added sheepishly looking sideways at his father. ‘Still do really.’

 

‘He certainly always had a sensible head on his shoulders,’ agreed his father. ‘But no one is ever perfect Joe.’

 

‘Oh I know that Pa.  I’m sure from your point of view you had lots to teach Adam.  But as far as I was concerned he always knew so much you know?’

 

‘Well son, there’s a big age gap between you.  To a little boy I’m sure an older brother knows quite a bit.’

 

Joe turned to face his father. ‘But it wasn’t just knowing things Pa.  It was all that other stuff as well.  You know, like when mama died. He was ….. well, he was just …. he looked after me.’

 

Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulders. ‘I know. I didn’t cope too well at that time, and I was sure grateful to your brother for looking after you so well.’

 

Joe hung his head. ‘He was such a good brother to me Pa. And I gave him such a hard time.’

 

Ben frowned. ‘He still is a good brother to you Joe, and rest assured you’ll have the chance to give him a hard time again.’

 

‘You really think so Pa?’ Joe looked into his father’s eyes trustingly.

 

‘I know so son.  I have to believe that and so do you. If we don’t, well, we’re giving up on your brother aren’t we?’

 

Joe nodded. ‘I suppose so. I guess Adam wouldn’t want us to give up on him would he?’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No he would not!  Now let’s stop this nonsense and get back to the ranch young man.  You’ve got a busy afternoon at that woodpile ahead of you.’

 

‘Huh?’

 

‘Come on, I’ll explain it on the way home.’  Ben stood up and pulled the youngster to his feet.

 

 

 

 

 

Virginia City

Nevada

June 1865

 

 

‘Sure looks great, don’t ya think Pa?’ asked Hoss with delight as he surveyed the street in front of him. ‘Never seen the town so gussied up before!’

 

‘There’s never been better reason,’ replied his father with a smile.  ‘It’s not every day we celebrate the end of a War son.’

 

Joe looked at both his father and brother.  He could see in their faces the effort that it took for them to appear happy today, yet he knew that every part of this celebration was going to be a reminder that their family was still not complete. In all these months there still had not been any word from his brother Adam, and Joe knew with each day that passed that the chances of any one of them ever seeing him again were becoming less.

 

Every time he thought about it he was filled with such an aching feeling that he found it hard to bear.  He knew without anyone telling him that it was his fault that Adam hadn’t returned.  No matter what Pa and Hoss said it didn’t make any difference.  No matter how they tried to justify his brother’s absence it didn’t make any difference.  No matter how often they tried to deflect the blame away from him it didn’t make any difference.  Joe knew the guilt belonged on his shoulders and he could not get away from it.

 

He didn’t feel much like celebrating the end of a War when the side he had supported had lost, and he definitely didn’t feel like celebrating when his brother was still missing.  The only reason he had come into town today had been for the sake of his father and Hoss, and he knew that he was the reason they had come in as well.

 

His father had said that’s what families were all about.  They did things for each other.  It was certainly the way he had always encouraged them to behave.  People around town always referred to them as The Cartwright Brothers, that was for sure, but lately it had come to have a hollow ring about it and their number had diminished from three to two. He guessed that there were a lot of families feeling like this across the country at the moment.  They would be happy that the war had ended, but sad because their families were forever changed.  It was a mixed blessing as Pa had said!

 

‘Do you want to Joe?’ he felt his father’s hand on his shoulder, and realised that he hadn’t heard what he had said.

 

‘Sorry Pa. What did you say?’

 

‘I asked if you wanted to go and see the fireworks now,’ his father repeated patiently.

 

‘Oh yeah, sure,’ said Joe without much enthusiasm. Whatever you say Pa.’

 

The three Cartwrights joined the increasing throng that were making their way towards the outskirts of town where the fireworks were being set up.  They found a space in a clearing where they could get a good view, and sat down to enjoy the show.  The Chinese community had provided the fireworks, and everyone had been looking forward to this unusual event.

 

As Joe watched the amazing colours light up the sky above him, he felt a great void in the pit of his stomach and wanted nothing but to get away from this place. He felt an overwhelming need for solitude to be alone with his thoughts, and glanced at his father beside him to see if he would notice.  Hoss and Ben were both looking up at the sky entranced and didn’t stir as Joe moved quietly away from them and positioned himself away from them under a tree.  He sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, hugging them tightly to him as he continued to watch the sky above him. After a few moments he put his head down and wept the tears he had been longing to release all day.  Tears for the brother he had lost and tears for the future that was ahead without him.

 

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice say. ‘Might have known you’d get back before me.  What did you do little buddy, steal a horse from someone?’

 

Joe looked up to see his eldest brother’s smiling face looking down at him. ‘Adam?’ he said incredulously. ‘Adam?’

 

‘Who else?’ replied his brother with a huge grin.

 

Joe flung his arms around his brother’s neck and squeezed him tight. ‘I don’t believe it!’ he said joyfully. ‘Where did you come from?’

 

Adam tried to talk through his brother’s embrace. ‘Back East actually,’ he said in a matter-of-fact way. ‘Will you let me go for a minute?’

 

Joe loosened his grip on his brother. ‘Sorry!’ he said. ‘I’m just so glad to see you Adam!’

 

‘Me too little buddy,’ replied his brother. ‘Where’s Pa?’ He looked around the crowd.

 

Joe jumped up. ‘’Over here!’ he said excitedly. ‘Pa! Pa!’ he yelled in the direction that his father and brother had been sitting. He jumped over towards them. ‘Pa!’

 

Ben turned around at the sound of his youngest son’s voice. ‘Joseph!  Would you please keep your voice down! I don’t think ……’ his voice trailed away as he noticed the tall figure following Joe out of the shadows. ‘My God! Adam!’ He practically leapt at his son and held him in a tight embrace, Hoss a fraction of a second behind him. ‘Adam! Adam!’ he kept repeating over and over again.

 

Joe stood beside them and watched laughing out loud at the expression on everyone’s faces as they realised what was taking place.  Gradually the word spread around the groups that surrounded them that Adam Cartwright had returned, and the crowd broke into spontaneous applause as they watched the family reunion unfold in front of them.

 

Joe’s heart felt like it would burst, and he looked upwards to the sky at the sparkling rockets that were exploding there.  The sight mirrored what was in his own heart and he laughed again for the sheer thrill of it all.

 

 

—————–

 

 

‘I don’t understand it. You mean you didn’t get either of my letters?’ asked Adam. ‘If I’d realised that Pa, then I would have sent you a wire. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that!’

 

‘It wasn’t to be helped,’ replied his father. ‘The only thing that matters is that you’ve come home safe and sound. Both my boys have!’ he beamed around at them all as they sat around the fireplace.  It seemed like so long since they had all sat here together that he had almost forgotten just how good it felt.

 

‘Well I should have thought about it I guess,’ continued Adam. ‘After all, things were in chaos over there.  I really shouldn’t have expected that the mail would have got through.’

 

‘So where have ya been Adam,’ asked Hoss. ‘It’s been months since we heard from ya. What were ya doing all that time?’

 

‘I ended up in Atlanta actually,’ said Adam. ‘There was so much to be done there.  I really should have stayed longer, but as soon as troops started to be discharged I asked permission to go.  I just wanted to get home as quickly as possible.’  He stretched his long legs out in front of him towards the fireplace. ‘Sure feels good to be here!’ he declared. ‘So how did you get home so quickly little brother?’

 

Joe scratched his head. ‘I didn’t last long once I left you,’ he said. ‘Our troops were on the run, so I just kind of …. Well there was no one to tell us what to do, so we just kind of disbanded.’

 

Adam raised his eyebrow. ‘You mean you just deserted?’ he asked. ‘Joe!’

 

‘Well!’ said Joe indignantly. ‘No one was hanging around!  Don’t see why I should have! The officers were going as well!’

 

Adam shook his head. He would never understand this youngest brother of his!  According to what Pa had told him, he could hardly wait to get into the army, and now he was saying that he could hardly wait to get out!

 

‘Adam?’ ventured Joe.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘I need to ask you something. They obviously believed you about when you helped me to get away, but did you … I mean….’

 

‘You mean did I have any trouble getting away with it?’ Adam finished for him. Joe nodded. ‘Actually Joe, the Colonel didn’t believe me at all.’

 

Joe looked at his brother aghast. ‘You mean they knew you helped me?  How come they didn’t shoot you then?’

 

‘Because they couldn’t prove it!’ Adam replied.  ‘I told you my plan would work.  It’s time you learned little brother that I’m usually right in these things.’

 

Joe made a face at him. ‘Yeah and don’t you always let everyone know it!’ he said. ‘So they didn’t punish you at all?’

 

‘Depends what you mean by punish,’ replied his brother. ‘Let’s just say that I didn’t finish the war as a Captain.’  He paused to let it sink in.

 

‘Huh?’ Joe looked at him puzzled.

 

‘They demoted me,’ Adam explained. ‘After you left it became Lieutenant Cartwright.’

 

‘Oh Adam, I’m sorry!’ exclaimed Joe looking at his brother with sorrowful eyes.

 

‘Why?’ asked Adam.

 

‘Well because…. because you … well, they took your rank away from you,’ replied Joe.

 

Adam shrugged his shoulders. ‘So?  It was no big deal.’

 

Joe looked at his brother with wide eyes. ‘No big deal?’ he said incredulously. ‘But Adam, you really loved being in the army.  You really wanted those promotions when you got them.  You told Pa so in your letters.’

 

Adam leant forward and touched his younger brother on the shoulder. ‘Yes I did,’ he said. ‘All of that is true Joe.  But there was one thing more important to me than any decoration or rank they could give me.  You!’ He smiled. ‘I would have given up everything I had in that army to keep you safe.  You are worth much more to me than a reputation. Don’t you know that?’

 

Joe put his hand over his brother’s. ‘Yeah I guess I do!’ he said softly. ‘And you sure did a good job of it.  I’m sorry I made things hard for you over there Adam.’

 

Adam laughed. ‘So what’s different?’ he said. ‘You make things hard for me here too little brother. You always have!’

 

Joe laughed as he saw the glint in his brother’s eyes. ‘Just doing my job older brother, just doing my job!’ he said.

 

 

——————

 

 

Adam leant on the corral fence and watched his youngest brother on the bucking horse. ‘Stick on him Joe,’ he yelled. ‘You can do it!’  He laughed as the youngster was thrown again and glared at the horse before mounting up for a third time.

 

‘Never learns does he?’ Adam turned to see his father standing beside him.

 

‘No,’ he said. ‘He never does.’

 

Ben put his hand on Adam’s hand where it rested on the top rung on the fence. ‘There’s been something I’ve been wanting to say to you son,’ he said. Adam looked at him surprised at the serious tone in his voice. ‘I wanted to thank you son for what you did for Joseph.’

 

‘Pa you don’t have …..’

 

Ben held up his hand. ‘Yes son I do. You made me very proud of you Adam.  You took a great risk for your brother and I know what it cost you to do that.  I want to thank you for giving me back my son.’

 

Adam smiled at his father. ‘Well, I kind of share him with you don’t I Pa?’ he said as he turned towards the corral and watched the boy on the horse again. ‘At least I’ve always felt that way.’

 

Ben nodded. ‘You’ve been like a second father to him many times son, I don’t mind sharing him with you.’

 

‘Well I wish you’d do it for a while at the moment,’ said Adam with a grin. ‘You know Pa, he’s so grateful to me for what he thinks I did for him, that he’s driving me mad!  Every time I turn around he’s underfoot trying to do something for me.’

 

‘He’s only trying to show you how grateful he is to you son,’ said Ben with a twinkle in his eye.

 

‘I know, but he’s making me crazy!’ replied Adam. ‘Can’t you get him away from me for a while?’

 

Ben laughed. ‘How about I take him with me into town for a while tomorrow,’ he suggested. ‘That should give you a chance to have some time to yourself for a while.’

 

‘Thank you!’ said Adam gratefully. ‘But if I were you I’d watch him carefully while he’s there.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ asked Ben puzzled.

 

‘Well yesterday when we were in town, I heard him entertaining a whole group of young ladies in there with stories about his war adventures,’ said Adam.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Mmm.  From the sound of it, you’d have thought he’d won the war single-handedly. Whereas in fact he never even saw any action at all.’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘I think that young man and I are going to have a serious talk on the way into town tomorrow,’ he said.

 

‘Good luck!’ said Adam as he turned away from the fence. ‘Oh and if Joe’s looking for me when he’s finished here, don’t tell him where I’ve gone will you Pa?

 

‘Wouldn’t dream of it son,’ laughed Ben as he turned to watch the young rider on the horse fall for the third time. ‘Wouldn’t dream of it!’

 

 

The End

 

 

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