Summary: Adam and Elizabeth have a son. Adam is now faced with the biggest challenge of his life; Fatherhood.
Rating:  PG  (33,250 words)

Fatherhood Series:

Home is Never Too Far
Getting Started
Good Things to Come

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The Brandsters have included this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.  The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.

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Fatherhood:  Home is Never Too Far

 

Chapter 1

“I can’t stand you walking around with that look on your face.” Elizabeth said to her husband Adam who had seemed to be moping around for days. His handsome face was etched with worry, his body rigid against the battle going on within him. “Why don’t we just go? If I’m the reason your fretting, I’m telling you now that I want to go!”

“You don’t want to go, you’re just saying that.” He said gruffly as he paced in front of the fireplace.

“Who are you to tell me how I feel Adam Cartwright. I may be your wife, but I still have a mind of my own!” She snapped heaving her self off the couch and gripping his elbow tightly.

“You don’t understand what it’ll be like. It’s not like Boston, the west has come along way, but it is still far from being civilized. Medical care isn’t what it is here, there are very few doctors, and in your condition, I just can’t put you in that type of situation.”

“I know enough from what you’ve told me. I know you’re worried, but I will be fine. The babies not due for four months yet and that is plenty of time to make the journey. You can’t keep worrying Adam, I can see it’s killing you. Your father’s sick, and you won’t relax until you see him for yourself. I say we sell out and go to your father. I’ve always wanted to see the Ponderosa. With your stocks taking off the way they have, and your inheritance from your grandfather, there is no real reason I must continue working. Besides, I would have only worked a few more months as it is.”

“But you love your job. There will be nothing for you in Nevada. Ella, I don’t think you’ve thought this completely through.”

“There you go again, telling me what I know. Well I do know one thing Adam, and that is you must not know me as well as you think you do!”

She stormed towards the bedroom, her long brown hair blowing behind her. Instinctively she put her hand on her swollen belly, rubbing small circles. She felt the butterflies she so often felt, and despite her anger smiled with love thinking of her unborn child. Walking into the bedroom she pulled out their bags. They had often traveled together, seeing the world through the years. She was quite accustomed to packing. With her mind made up, she began stuffing their bags with necessary items.

Adam kicked the small foot stool across the room. He wanted to go to the Ponderosa, ever since receiving the letter from Little Joe that his father had taken ill. It had been nearly a week since the letter arrived, and now he was stuck between the need to protect his wife from the harshness of the West, and the need to be with his father. Now, he was trying to speak reason to her, and all she wanted to do was argue. They had traveled many places in the world, but he always made sure she had the best of accommodations. She was used to running water, indoor plumbing, the finer ways of life. He would not be able to provide those things back at the Ponderosa. The only running water they had was in the kitchen! No, she wasn’t thinking, she didn’t understand. As badly as he needed to be with his father, she was his wife, the mother of his unborn child. How could he put them in danger! Feeling closed in, he headed for the door. Maybe a walk around the city would help. Grabbing his coat he made a quick escape, slamming the door behind him.

“Pa, how you feeling?” Joe asked approaching his father’s bedside.

“I’m fine, I told you I’m fine. Quit fussing Joseph!” Ben said gruffly, tired of his son clinging to his side.

“He’s right Joseph, he had just over done it that’s all. He battled a bit of exhaustion, that is what caused his collapse. After a few more days rest he will be as good as new.” Doc Martin said chuckling as he closed his black bag.

Ben and Joseph had been at each others throat for days now, Joe fluttering around like a mother hen.

“Are you sure? It’s not his heart, he’s going to be fine?”

“Yes Joe, he’s fine. Make sure he keeps eating and gets plenty of fluids. Hoss is coming home soon correct?”

“Should be home day after tomorrow.”

“Good, your father should know better at his age than to try and take on Hoss’s load as well as his own. Next time, hire another hand.”

“Yes doctor, we’ll do that. Thank you.” Ben said beginning to rise from the bed.

“What do you need Pa? I’ll get it for you.” Joe bounced nervously rushing to his father’s side.

“I’m going downstairs Joseph. Now the doctor said it was fine. Please, go check on the hands, make sure the branding is being finished.”

“Let me help you down Pa.”

Reluctantly Ben allowed his overly fretful son to help. He had collapsed a week ago, and had given him quite the scare. Since then Joe had not left his side. Ever since he had been a young child he would fret and fuss whenever his father had even a sniffle. He had tried to talk him out of sending a telegram to Hoss, bringing him home before the sale of the cattle, and Hoss would have come if Ben hadn’t intercepted the telegram before hand. Making it downstairs, Joe helped him settle into his red leather chair, then rushed to bring him a glass of water.

“Are you looking forward to Hoss coming home Pa?” Joe asked shyly, dreading now what he had to tell his father. He had really thought this serious, he hadn’t meant to cause worry.

“Of course I am son. He’s been gone a long time.”

“Yeah, few weeks hasn’t it been.”

“Uh huh, it’s been awful quiet around here without the two of you bickering!” Ben laughed, finally feeling himself again as he lit his pipe.

“What would you say if maybe the house was a little more full than just the three of us?”

“You didn’t call a nurse did you Joseph! You heard the doctor, I am fine. You’ll just have to send her away!”

“No um Pa, not a nurse. I sort of sent a letter to someone else. I was worried……..I didn’t know………..”

“WHO! Who did you send a letter to Joseph? You didn’t write that specialist did you, I hope he wouldn’t have made a trip all the way out here………”

“No Pa, I wrote Adam.” Joe interrupted, backing towards the door. “I don’t know that he’s coming, haven’t received a response yet. Well, I’m gonna go check on that branding now.”

“TO ADAM! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR OLDER BROTHER THINKS I’M SERIOUSLY ILL! WHAT EXACTLY DID THAT LETTER SAY?” Ben boomed, dreading what he thought his oldest son was going through at the moment.

“Well, I told him you had collapsed, and that it may have been your heart. I wasn’t sure how it would all turn out.” He swallowed hard, backing into the closed door.

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT WOULD ALL TURN OUT! SO YOUR BROTHER THINKS I MAY DIE! How could you Joseph, you get to town right now and send a wire letting him know I’m fine.”

“Sorry Pa. At the time I just didn’t know. I guess I………….”

“Go Joseph, before your brother drops everything to rush here with a pregnant wife! I just hope he doesn’t leave all he’s worked so hard for. Hurry Joe, the sooner he gets word the better!”

Joe opened the door and hurried to his horse. Mounting Cochise, he kicked him in to gear. Maybe he had acted a little irrationally, after all it was just exhaustion. His father had been working from sun up to sun down, no matter how much Joe had protested. But, he thought his brother would want to know if their father was ill. Maybe he could have worded the letter differently. But, a visit from his older brother would be nice, under different circumstances of course. If his brother had dropped everything he worked for like his father had said, older brother Adam may not be too happy to see them. He remembered back to when Adam had just arrived home from college. Joe had been a bit jealous of the time he and his father were spending together. To get back at them, he thought up a little practical joke.

“ADAM! ADAM! Come quick, there’s been an accident!” Joe yelled running towards his brother who was busy working with a group of men on a new water wheel for the south section.

“What Joe, what is it?” He asked grabbing his eleven year old brother by the shoulders in an attempt to calm him.

“The house Adam, you have to get to the house!” Joe said breathlessly.

“Is it Pa? What is it?” Adam asked mounting his horse quickly and leaving his project behind.

“Hurry Adam! Hurry!” Joe yelled as his brother rode towards the ranch house.

One of the hands walked up behind him. “What happened little Joe?”

“Oh nothing. Just playing a little joke on my older brother.” Joe said smiling up at the hand. “Can I help ya with this water wheel?”

“Nope, the only one who knew what he was doing was your brother Adam there.”

As the hand finished his sentence a loud crash came from behind. The wheel had rolled off its base and was now careening down the hill, breaking apart as it went. The group of men stood watching with fascination as their hard work landed heavily on it’s side, a trail of wood left in its wake.

“Uh oh.” Joe said as he backed away from the men.

“Don’t think your older brother’s gonna be happy with you young’un.” The hand said grabbing his shirt to hold him still. “Now, how about helping to clean this mess up!”

Joe worked hard beside the men, gathering the debris. Hearing a horse approach, he tried to hide himself among the crowd.

“JOE!” Adam yelled as he saw the top of his brother’s head.

Joe scooted further into the crowd of men, but suddenly felt himself grabbed from behind.

“Oh uh, hi Adam.”

“What did you mean go back to the house. Nothing is wrong, what is this some type of joke!”

“Pretty funny huh. Um, I better be getting home now, Pa’s gonna be worried.”

Adam noticed the mess around the area, seeing his water wheel destroyed caused him to tighten his grip on his brother.

“What happened to the wheel Joe?” He asked pulling the boy off his feet by his collar.

“It sort of fell of its base, rolled down the hill. You should of seen it. Uh Adam, could you put me down, you’re kind of hurting me older brother.”

‘Hurting you Joe? I don’t think you know the meaning of pain yet, but you will by the time I’m through with you.”

“C’mon Adam put the kid down. Your Pa won’t be none to happy if he comes home torn up.”

Adam lowered his brother carefully to the ground, smoothing out his collar around the edges. Joe swallowed hard, wondering just what his older brother was planning.

“Joe, if I were you I would think long and hard about the best way to get out of here. Because as of now you have a ten minute head start.”

“What do you mean head start? I don’t have a horse Adam, that ain’t fair.”

Adam looked at his watch, then back at the hands. Steeling his gaze once again on his little brother he smiled a tight smile as the ranch hand named Charlie spoke up behind him.

“Um, Little Joe, can I give you a quick word of advice while your brother’s being so generous with his time.”

“Sure Charlie, what’s that?”

“Run.” Charlie said laughing as he gave Joe a push start.

Chapter 2

“What’s all this!” Adam said stunned as he walked back into the house. Luggage was lined by the door, and his wife held two glasses of wine in her hands.

“It’s our things Adam. I packed what I knew we would need.”

“Well you can just unpack! We’re not going.”

She handed him a glass of wine, rubbing her hand seductively over his mid section.

“This will be our last celebration in this house, I suggest you make an effort to enjoy it. I got the tickets for the train, I’m leaving at five. I hoped you would come along, but if not……..”

“We are not GOING!”

Taking a drink from her glass, she turned towards the bedroom. Giving him one last seductive smile she allowed her dress to fall to the floor as she entered the room.

“Elizabeth! Now that’s not fair. We need to discuss this like rational adults.” He said taking a step towards the bedroom. He knew she had him, he could never resist her.

“I’ll be rational dear. Come on in and we’ll talk about it.” She let out a throaty giggle as he entered the bedroom, his black shirt already half unbuttoned.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this. Just dropping everything, your work, my business. What exactly are we doing!” Adam sighed as they sat together waiting for the train.

“We are going to see your father. You have wanted to make this trip for years now, I know how much you miss them.”

“I do miss them. And if my Pa………well, I really should be there. I can’t imagine how Joe and Hoss are feeling right now. Being thousands of miles away makes this not so much of a reality.”

“That is why you need to go. When I lost my father, it was sort of a healing process to be there when he went. It was so peaceful, he passed in his sleep.”

Adam cleared his throat and brushed his sleeve over his eyes. The thought of his father sick and dying made him feel weak. He lay his head on his wife’s shoulder as she snuggled up close.

“Joe said it didn’t look good. If it’s his heart, it’s only a matter of time. I know Pa’s getting older, but I thought he still had lots of time left. I just hope he gets the chance to see the birth of his first grandchild.”

“We’ll know more when we get there. Remember, you are not alone in this. I don’t want you locking yourself away, I love you too much to allow you to do that.”

The train pulled into the station, drowning out his response with its shrill whistle. Together they stepped aboard, living the life they had known together behind.

“Did you send it Joseph?”

“Yes sir. Last night like you told me to. I’m sure he will get it in time. You know Adam, he has to think things through. He’ll probably write me for more information before he would travel this far.”

“Lets hope so. I would love your brother to come home, but not with a pregnant wife. That journey is long and dangerous. I’d like you to ride out each afternoon and see if we get a response. Hoss’ll be home tomorrow, then you can take turns.”

“Yes sir. I’m sure everything will turn out fine. Adam is a successful business owner, Elizabeth has her company, designing those dresses, which Adam says she loves. They wouldn’t just leave all that behind, not without sending word first. That just wouldn’t be my brother Adam.”

It had been weeks now, the two were grumpy and uncomfortable. They had another week to go, moving now on a stage coach that traveled slowly over the rocky terrain.

“Do we have any of that jerky left?” Ella asked, elbowing her husband awake.

“No.” He said plainly as his eyes remained closed.

“How about chocolate? Any of that?”

“You ate it all, without offering me a piece mind you. So even if I did I wouldn’t be apt to share.” He drawled resting his head against the wall of the coach.

“I did so offer you a piece but you were sleeping so you must not of heard me. What do we have to snack on then?” She said gruffly, holding her vibrating belly.

“Water.”

“Water?”

“Water.”

She groaned at him and pinched his arm.

“OUCH! STOP THAT!”

“Not until you feel as miserable as I do!” She pinched him again, once on the arm, then on the thigh.

“Ella! That hurts. It’s not my fault you ate all the food we got at the last stop. I told you to get more.” He answered finally opening his eyes and grabbing a hold of her pinching hand.

“Maybe you should have thought ahead and bought some more behind my back. Then you wouldn’t be in this predicament.” She said wrestling her hands free from him and hitting his arm with a resounding smack.

“Try it again and you’re gonna find yourself over my knee.” He said scooting himself into the corner.

“You wouldn’t dare!” She said smiling as she reached for him again.

In one quick motion he had her in position.

“Wouldn’t I.” He laughed, holding her steady, he stomach in between his legs.

“OH! You’ll regret it mister. That’s a promise.” She said struggling uselessly against him.

“Ready!”

“ADAM DON’T DO IT!” She hollered, trying to stifle a laugh.

He smacked her playfully, putting just enough force behind it to cause her to jump.

“Are you going to behave?” He said calmly as she laughed against him, still struggling.

“Let me up and you’ll find out cowboy!”

“Maybe a warning then.” He said popping her again, then letting her up.

“You are impossible! Treating a lady in such a manner. I should have you arrested.” She said, her face flush from the struggle.

“Who’s gonna do the arresting?”

“I will.” She said scooting onto his lap and holding his hands together. Just as she started to tease him playfully the coach pulled to a stop.

“Adam, get me something to eat would you.” She smiled, lifting herself back onto the seat beside him.

“Get me something to eat.” He repeated mockingly, jumping from the stinging slap he received to his rear end as he exited the coach.

“Still no word from your brother?” Ben asked as Hoss entered the room.

“Nope, nothing. Old Mr. Mueller said he’d send a message to the telegraph office, find out if they received Joe’s message.”

“Good. It’s been nearly three weeks now. I thought for sure we’d hear something by now.”

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough if he ever even received the letter. Sides, it’s better if he didn’t, the way Adam worries over things.”

“That’s true. I wrote him a letter, sent it off last week, just to update him on the goings on. I imagine if he had any worries, that would settle them.”

“Joe sure is worried. He thinks since we haven’t heard nothing that ole Adam may just pop up any day now. I think he’s worried what Adam’ll do once he gets his hands on ‘em. Remember that time he tricked Adam into riding all the way home, his water wheel up and broke while he was gone.”

“I remember alright. I’ve never seen Joe so shook up. He ran all the way home, must have been a good seven miles. I wonder what your brother did to upset him so, I checked him over for bruises. The two never would talk about it.”

“Yeah, and Joe was awful well behaved the next couple of days. For Joe, that’s like a lifetime.”

“Sure is. Trouble seems to follow that boy doesn’t it.” Ben laughed recalling his son’s in their younger years.

“Well, this is it. Hold on, let me help you down.”

“This is Virginia City. It’s smaller than I thought it would be.” Ella said stepping out of the stage.

“Yep, doesn’t compare much to the big city of Boston does it.”

“I sure could use a good meal Adam. Where’s the best place to eat around here?”

“The International House. It’s late, we’ll spend the night in the hotel. We’ll head out to the Ponderosa in the morning.”

“Oh Adam, I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if your father…….well, it’s just that we don’t know how long he has.” She sighed, patting her belly once again to avoid the pain that would show in her husband’s eyes.

“You’re right. Let’s get something to eat. I’ll rent a wagon to get us out there.”

Together they shared a meal. A few people stopped to stare at Adam, thinking they might recognize him. He would tip his hat, then watch his wife, worried over her condition. She had hit her sixth month of pregnancy now, and was plainly showing. Her eyes were tired, and she was more quiet than usual. Then again, so was Adam. Now that he was home, he felt the need to be with his father, he was antsy to get going, yet dreaded it all the same. If he didn’t see his father, then he could pretend all of this wasn’t real, that his father was fine. He had always been his strength, helping him through all the struggles they had faced. He had supported his move to Boston, after his kidnapping years before. If it wasn’t for his father, his father’s strength, Adam would have given up years ago. Now, the tables were turned, it was his turn to provide strength. If not for his father, then to provide strength to his brother’s.

“You ready to go?” Ella asked finishing off her water and rising from the table.

“Are you sure you want to do this? It’s really late. We won’t even arrive until after midnight.”

“I’m sure. You think you can still find your way after dark?”

“I don’t know, the city boy in me could have forced those trails out of my mind.” Adam said giving her a wicked grin.

“Well, the western boy in you needs to wake up, we’re gonna need him.”

“Hmm, I’ll see what I can do.” He smiled lifting her into the air, kissing her softly.

Chapter 3

“How much longer Adam? I have to use the facilities.”

“Uh, only about another hour and a half.”

“WHAT! YOUR JOKING!”

“No Ella Bell, I’m serious. Want me to pull over?”

“For what!”

“You said you have to go. It’s late, no one else is on the road, there’s plenty of trees.”

“ADAM! I can’t do that.” She finished in a whisper.

“It’s that, or wait until we get to the ranch house. You can use the out house. If I were you though, I’d take my chances in the wilderness.” He gave her his dimpled smile and slowed the team. “What’ll it be?”

“But……….Oh fine. Never in my life have I done something like this! What’ll people think, you better never tell anyone.”

“Ella, this isn’t Boston, everyone does it out here. And why would I tell may I ask?”

“Oh, I can’t do this. You have to come with me.”

“Come with you?”

“Yes. It’s dark Adam, there could be all kinds of…………just come.”

“Alright, I guess I could use a little relief myself.”

“Adam Cartwright, don’t you dare do that near me!”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll aim the other way!”

The sound of her hand connecting with his rear end could be heard all the way at the Ponderosa.

“This is it, this is the Ponderosa ranch house. Wake up sweetie.” Adam said lightly running his hands through his wife’s hair.”

“It’s beautiful Adam. You and your father built this?”

“Yep, started out with one large room. As our family grew, so did this house. Added on the last of it when I returned from college.”

He helped her out of the wagon, grabbing his bags from the back. Turning he felt flooded with emotion. Pictures of his younger brother’s as children playing in the yard. His mother Marie watching him tame a horse in the corral. His father greeting him after a long day riding the fence line. Tears came to his eye’s along with the image of his father. Would he see the same man he had left nearly seven years ago, or would it be a shadow of the man he had once been?

“You okay?” Ella asked linking her arm with his.

“No. I don’t think I can do this.” He said pulling her to him. “Let’s wait a minute, why don’t I show you the barn. Wonder if Sports still alive.”

“Sport was your graduation present from your father correct. You named him after the nickname your Grandfather had given you.”

“Is there anything you don’t know about me?”

“I hope not my love.”

“Hoss! Someone’s outside. I swear I heard a buggy.” Joe said sneaking into his older brother’s room.

“Awe Joe, you’re hearing things. Ain’t nobody coming out here this late. Go back to bed!”

“No, I mean it! I heard voices too.” He whispered pulling the covers from his brothers bed.

“JOE!”

“SSSHHHH!” Get up Hoss, we gotta head ‘em off. Might be after the payroll or something. Grab your gun.”

With a heaving sigh Hoss rolled himself out of bed. Both clad in no more than their nightshirts they started outside.

Hearing movement in the hallway Ben perked up. He watched the shadows of his two son’s pass the door. Wondering what they were up to this time of night he pulled his robe over his night clothes. Grabbing a lantern he made his pursuit.

“He’s beautiful Adam!” Ella exclaimed as they rubbed down Sport in his stall.

“Isn’t he. Never had a better horse. He’s a little temperamental, but loyal.”

“Aahh, two peas in a pod.” She laughed patting the horse’s nose once again.

“ALRIGHT WHOEVER”S IN THERE COME ON OUT! WE GOT YOU SURROUNDED, DON’T EVEN THINK OF RUNNING!” Joe yelled to the suspects in the barn.

“Who’s that Adam? What do we do!” Ella cried jumping a mile high at there voices.

“It’s my little brother. We better take it slow, or he’ll open fire. He always has been one to jump the gun!”

“Adam! Call out to him.”

“ALRIGHT, I GAVE YOU A CHANCE! WE’RE COMING IN AFTER YA! HANDS IN THE AIR!”

Ben crept up quietly behind his son, taking his position in front of the barn door.

“Who is it Joe, how many?” He whispered as they crept towards the door.

“DON’T SHOOT! WE’RE COMING OUT!” Adam said, trying to keep the laughter from his voice, receiving a stern glare from his wife.

“D’ya hear that! They said they’re coming out. Hold your fire Joe.”

“I got it Hoss, let me handle this!”

“ALRIGHT, WE’RE COMING OUT. THERE’S A LADY WITH ME, I RECOMMEND YOU TAKE IT EASY!” Adam yelled, pushing his wife behind him as he went.

“A LADY!” The three yelled in unison.

Adam stopped, giving his wife a disbelieving stare.

“That was Pa. I heard him. What’s he doing out here in his condition. I can’t believe Joe and Hoss would let him come out like this. Wait ‘till I get my hands on those two!”

“Now Adam, you can’t be sure that was your father. Take it easy, they’re armed, and liable to shoot. Be reasonable, just tell them who you are, quit playing games.” She said holding tight to his arm.

“PA!” Adam hollered through the open door.

“Did he just say Pa?” Hoss asked, looking to his father and brother in wonderment.

“Identify yourself!” Ben bellowed, holding his gun steady.

“What are you doing out here! Get yourself inside.” Adam hollered struggling against his wife’s grasp.

“Oh my God it’s Adam!” Joe said dropping his gun to the ground.

“ADAM!” Ben called, dropping his gun also and heading for the barn.

Elizabeth released her husband, knowing the danger was now over. She watched the two embrace as tears fell down her cheeks.

“It’s you! We didn’t know you were coming! My son, my Adam!” Ben cried pulling him to him.

“Pa, of course I came. What are you doing out here? Your heart, you need to go back in the house.” Adam said, his own tears dripping off his chin.

“My hearts fine, everything is fine. We sent you a telegram, it must have been too late.”

“But Joe, his letter………..you’re not dying?”

“No, I’m fit as a horse. You’re brother overreacted, you know how Joe gets. I’m sorry you came all this way.”

“Sorry……..no Pa…….don’t be sorry. I wanted to come a long time now, when I got that letter, I just……..I love you Pa.”

Joe and Hoss stood back wiping away tears of their own. They never expected a reunion like this. Watching their father and brother brought about memories for both of them. Joe gripped Hoss’s shoulder as they thought of how their older brother had cared for them through the years. They wanted so badly to go to him, but they didn’t want to interrupt the exchange taking place in front of them.

“Hey ya Adam. Don’t you think it would be better if I came along, that way if you were in trouble, I could help ya out.”

“What trouble might I run into Joe?”

“Maybe them Tommy Knockers you was telling us about would come out to get ya. You ought not go to a mine alone.”

“You mean you would want to come to a mine with me? I don’t know, you’re still pretty young to be coming along on this type of trip.”

“Oh please Adam, I won’t be any trouble. Please!”

“Alright, I’ll ask Pa. But I don’t want to hear any fuss when we get there.”

“No fussin, no siree, not from me. Thanks Adam!”

“He’ll be fine Pa, he’s almost thirteen. It won’t hurt for him to see what mining’s all about. Besides, I’d kinda like the company.”

“Twelve, he’s twelve. You know what a handful Joseph can be. What if he gets in the way, what if he gets hurt.”

“Then I’ll handle it Pa. Give the boy a chance, we’ll be back by nightfall.”

“Fine. But Adam, if he gets in any trouble I want you to head straight home. If he needs a necessary talk, you be the one to give it to him. This is serious business, and I won’t have him thinking it is okay to fool around in the mines.”

“I understand. Like I said, any trouble and I’ll handle it.”

“Back by nightfall!”

“Yes sir.” Adam smiled as he grabbed his hat and strolled out of the house. Joe waited near the barn, his face a mask of worry.

“What’d he say Adam? Can I go?”

“Course you can buddy. Mount up.”

“YIPEE!”

The two arrived at the mine just as the men were starting their work.

“Stay close Joe, don’t wonder off. Remember what we talked about on the way over.”

Joe nodded. His brother lectured him on the safety aspects of the mine, and let him know that any trouble would mean his hide. He’d heard that expression from his older brother before. His bottom still stung at the thought of it.

“I’ll stay right by ya Adam, I promise.”

“Good, let’s head down then.”

“I’m right behind ya.”

Going in to the mine was an adventure little Joe had dreamed of. The tunnels loomed ahead of them, each just waiting to be explored. His brother grabbed his collar as he instinctively started to veer off the path. He gave him a sheepish smile once again promising to stay close.

“Joe, I need to speak with Mr. Hobbs. I want you to stay right here and don’t move. Understand.”

“Okay Adam. Then we can go down that tunnel?” Joe said pointing towards a skinny path winding throughout the mine.

“Yes. Now heed what I say Joe, don’t move.”

“Yes sir. I’ll wait right here.”

With a last glance, Adam turned his back on his brother. He walked over to handle his business with Mr. Hobbs. The exchange took less than five minutes as Adam returned to the spot he had left his brother. Joe was no where in sight.

“JOE?” Adam hollered thinking he had to be near by.

“He went that way sir. Down that small path there.” One of the miners pointed to the shaft he had wanted to explore.

Adam hurried through the tunnel, watching for any sign of his brother’s whereabouts. It wasn’t long before he saw the flicker of his brother’s jacket.

“JOE!” He yelled causing the boy to jump high in the air.

“Adam, I was just heading back. I thought you’d be longer.”

“I told you to stay put!”

“I know, I didn’t go far. I just wanted to check for Tommy Knockers that’s all. I told you I wasn’t scared of them.”

Adam hauled Joe out of the mine by his arm, pushing him roughly towards his horse.

“Get on!” He growled, mounting his own horse.

Joe kept his head down against his older brother’s anger. He knew he had disobeyed. Tears filled his eyes as he saw the disappointment on his brother’s face.

“I’m sorry Adam.” Joe said quietly as he pushed his horse into a canter.

Ignoring his brother’s pleading eyes he kicked his horse in front of them. When they arrived to the clearing where he and Hoss had often played as children he pulled his horse to a stop. Joe stopped beside him, and watched fretfully as his brother stepped off his horse.

“Come over here Joe.” Adam said walking towards the woods at the edge of the clearing.

Swallowing hard Joe did as he was told. He walked slowly towards his brother, fighting the trembling he felt throughout his body. Adam sat on a fallen log at the edge of the clearing and motioned his brother beside him.

“You…….you gonna…..spank me Adam?”

He stood in front of his brother, not sure what to do. Adam simply stared at him, a thoughtful look had come into his eyes.

“You know, when Hoss and I were kids, we used to play here in this very spot. Pa would bring us out. He’d mark timber to cut while we cut loose. Sometimes he would join us in a game, sometimes he would tell us a story.”

Joe sat next to his brother, their arms lightly touching.

“He told Hoss and I to stay put. He went to finish his marking, and Hoss and I got the idea to do some exploring. We went into the woods, didn’t think we were gone long, but sure enough I heard Pa calling for us. When he found us, he was hopping mad. He sent Hoss to the wagon, and cornered me on this log. He told me I was irresponsible, putting both of us in danger. I should have known better, being the older brother. He put me over his knee, and I’ll tell you, that was one spanking I would always remember.”

“Wh…….wh……what happened to Hoss?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? He didn’t get a spanking?”

“Nope. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine.”

“Adam, I don’t want no spanking. I’m sorry I wandered off.” Joe lost control now, knowing his brother’s hand was a force to be reckoned with. Tears streamed his cheeks as he struggled to catch his breath.

“I’m not gonna spank ya Joe. That’s why I brought you here.”

“You’re not gonna?”

“I thought you were old enough to handle it, going into that mine. But, I was wrong. I knew better than to leave you alone in there and I did anyway. Just like with Hoss, anything could have happened, and it was my job to protect him. Just like today, if something would have happened, I would have no one to blame but myself. I’m sorry Joe. I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”

“But, I disobeyed. You told me to stay put and I didn’t.”

“I should have known you weren’t ready yet. Now I know you are still impulsive, and reckless as any boy your age, and I’ll keep that in mind next time you ask to go somewhere with me. But, I’m not gonna hold it against you. You won’t accompany me to the mine again anytime soon, and that will be lesson enough for you.”

“But Adam, I learned now that I should have stayed with you. I won’t lose my way again.”

“Sure you will Joe. In the future, I only hope I’m there to keep you from straying, rather than tempting you to do it. It’s late Joe, lets go home.”

Joe watched as his brother once again mounted his horse. He tried to understand what his brother was telling him, but it was not easy. He wondered if Adam would tell his father about his disobeying him, he may still be in for that spanking after all.

“Adam, Joe. How was your trip?”

“Fine Pa. I spoke with Mr. Hobbs, business will be taken care of.”

“And Joe, how was he?”

“Fine Pa. He did a little exploring. I hoped he learned a little today.”

“With you as his teacher, I’m sure he did.” Ben smiled as he patted his oldest on the back. He should have known Joe would be fine with his brother.

“Adam?” Joe said slipping into his brother’s room in the middle of the night.

“You okay?” Adam asked rolling towards the sound of his brother’s voice.

“No, I need to talk to you.”

“It’s late little buddy, we’ll talk in the morning.”

“It’s real important. Please Adam?”

“Well at least get in here where it’s warm. Your feet are gonna fall off!”

Joe giggled as he snuggled in next to his brother.

“How come you didn’t tell Pa about my trouble at the mine?”

“I did.”

“No you didn’t. He would’ve said something.”

“He asked about the mine and I told him you did a little exploring. That’s what happened isn’t it.”

“I guess so, but I don’t think Pa knew what you meant.”

“Did you want him to?”

“NO!”

“Well there you go. I told him what he needed to know.”

“Pa’d be mad if he knew, that’s what he tells me is a half truth.”

“He’d be right. But you know what a man told me once, I never forgot it.”

“What?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will someday. Just like you’ll know what I was explaining to you this afternoon. Don’t you worry about it little buddy, what happened today will just be between you and me.”

“I love you Adam.”

“Love you too little Joe.”

“Hey Adam?”

“What?”

“Could you move over? I need a little more room.”

Joe giggled as Adam pushed him out of bed. He hit the floor with a soft thud.

“I meant the other way Adam!” He laughed climbing back into the bed, having much more room than he did before.

“Oh, guess I’m still learning.” Adam smiled as he tucked his brother in.

“OH, Ella!” Adam said composing himself and stepping back from his father. “Come on over here.” He said realizing he had forgotten his wife.

Elizabeth stepped into the open air, wiping her eyes as she approached.

“Pa, you remember Elizabeth.”

“Of course I do. I’m sorry about this mess, it’s just that we didn’t know you were coming.”

“Uh Adam, what about us?” Joe said shyly, his patience wearing thin. His memory had left him in bad need of a hug.

“Joe. Come here kid.” Adam said pulling him roughly into a half hug half headlock.

“OW! Adam, that kinda hurts.”

“Just showing my little brother a little love. I thought maybe I should tell you that if you ever put my wife in danger like that again, I may not be so friendly.”

Joe struggled against his brother’s grasp, trying his best to escape.

“I didn’t know it was you. I’m sorry, really. Let go will ya!”

“That depends. Wasn’t it your handwriting that told me my completely healthy father was dying?”

“Adam, let him go!” Ella said walking up next to her husband.

“Yeah Adam, it was an innocent mistake. Ask Hoss!”

“Un Uh brother, you leave me outta this.” Hoss said, hands in the air and backing up.

Adam increased the pressure around his brother’s neck.

“PA!” Joe yelled, his face beginning to turn bright red.

“Seems to me I told you once before that if you pulled a stunt like this again, your head would no longer rest on your shoulders. Isn’t that what I said.”

“That’s what you said Adam, but it wasn’t like that. PA!”

“I receive a letter telling me to get home, my father may not make it to next week. I sell my business, take my wife from the only home she ever knew, and travel thousands of miles to find out it was all a lie.”

“Not a lie, a mistake. I really did think he was in trouble. Adam, I can’t breathe.”

“Good, neither could I! For over a month now I thought I may never see my Pa again! I oughtta skin you alive boy!”

Joe gagged as his brother once again tightened his bicep against his neck. “Adam, I’m sorry. I thought I was gonna get a hug.”

“A hug! That’s what you want after everything I told you. A hug!”

“Pa, help.”

“Pa can’t help with his heart condition and all. Besides, I don’t think he’d mind his oldest and youngest son’s exchanging a nice brotherly hug.”

With that, Adam released his brother’s neck and pulled him to him. Joe worked on catching his breath as his brother hugged him tightly.

“Now Joe, I don’t think I have to tell you again what I’ll do to you next time you pull a stunt like this!”

“No Adam, I understand. Next time I’ll be sure.”

“Good! Now Hoss, how about a hug for your big brother.”

Ella hugged Joe, then turned to Hoss. The group made there way into the house, Adam taking the tail end. He heard the gentle laughter of his wife among the titters of his two brothers and the deep baritone of his father. Stopping on the porch he looked up towards the sky. Leaning against the rail he fought the battle of emotions that were threatening to consume him.

“Adam, you coming in son?”

“Sure Pa.” He said hoping to conceal the crack in his voice.

“Alright, Hop Sing is getting your room ready. Come in when you’re ready.”

“Pa?” Adam whispered, his heart ached with sadness and relief, his throat tightened with the word.

“Look at me son. I’m alright. Really.” Ben said hearing the grief, worry and relief in his son’s voice.

Loosing control, Adam leaned against the rail as his breath came in shaky sobs.

“I thought you were dead.” He said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m not dead, I’m right here. Good lord willing I’ll be here a long time to come.”

Pulling his son along with him to the swing on the porch he set him beside him, bringing his head to his chest as he often had when Adam was young. He rocked the swing slowly, kissing his hair as he allowed him to release the emotion that had built up inside him.

“Where are ya Adam!” Ben called, searching the yard for his ten year old son. Circling the barn he found him bent over among some bushes. “What ya doing there?”

Tear filled eyes met him as he knelt next to his oldest. In his hands lay a small pup, beside him sat a bag with four more inside. All of them were dead, there bodies soaked with water.

“Where’d you find those son?” He asked taking the lifeless body from his son’s hands and lying it next to the others.

Adam sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“I found ‘em in the creek Pa. The bag was stuck on some branches. I pulled it out but I was too late. They’re dead, someone threw ‘em in.”

“I’m sorry Adam. I wish you hadn’t of had to see something like that.”

“Why’d they do it? It isn’t right. They’re just babies Pa.”

“I don’t know why people do the things they do. There’s no reason a person should harm an animal in this way.”

“I don’t want ‘em to be dead Pa. I would a raised ‘em up, Hoss would have liked a pup.”

“Would you like me to bury them son?”

“Yes. I think they deserve at least that.”

Father and son stood side by side digging a grave for the lives taken that day. Placing them in, and covering the hole, Adam suddenly turned and ran. Ben took chase, wondering what had happened. Catching up to his son he stopped him by the shoulders, turning him to face him. Adam was sobbing now, his face a mess of tears.

“It’s like ma!” He sobbed, struggling against his father.

“Ma?”

“I didn’t want to put dirt on her Pa. It’s dark in there, she could a been scared. Just like those pups trapped in that bag. It’s not fair Pa! It’s not FAIR!”

Ben picked up his son and carried him back towards the small one room house they had built. His body vibrated with his son’s heaving breath as he worked on an explanation, something that would soothe his distraught child. Finding no words suitable, he remained silent, reaching the porch and sitting down. Adam held tight, releasing his anguish in a torrent of tears.

“Don’t die Pa. Please don’t die.” He whispered over and over again into his father’s chest.

Once again Ben found him in the same position with his oldest child. No words could be found that would ease the pain and helplessness a child felt when facing the death of a parent.

Coming into the house the two were met with the understanding eyes of their family. Adam went to Ella, and Ben sat in his favorite chair, lighting a pipe. Hoss and Joe sat on the hearth in front of the fire, making small talk.

“It really is late now. Looks like we may not get much sleep tonight.” Ben said standing.

“Yeah, how about we just take tomorrow off Pa. The hands won’t mind, we’re not too bad off on the work load. It’d be nice to spend the day with older brother.”

“That’s not a bad idea Hoss. I think we should do just that. I’ll see you in the morning boys. Ella.”

“Glad you’re home older brother. Even if you did try to pop my head off.” Joe said smiling, dodging the playful swing his brother took.

“Well Ella Bell, how about we go get some rest?” Adam said leading his wife towards the stairs.

“Sounds like just what I need. We’re taking your old room then?”

“Yep, bet it looks just the same too!”

They arrived to the room and Adam was correct. The shelves held the books he had left behind. His old guitar stood in the corner of the room. They began undressing, Ella being the first into bed. Adam climbed in next to her, giving her a quick kiss before closing his eyes.

“Adam?”

“Huh?”

“Could you move over some? There really isn’t much room over here.”

“I’m on the edge of the bed. Sorry, there’s no where to go.”

“Oh, okay.” She sighed wiggling her body to try and get comfortable. She was met with several small kicks from the life growing within her.

“Adam?”

“Huh?”

“I don’t think this bed is big enough for the two of us.”

“You don’t?”

“Um, sweetheart, maybe you could find other accommodations. You know, the baby needs room, if he feels closed in he kicks. I could be up all night.”

“Other accommodations! Hop Sing only prepared this room. Just roll over, he’ll be alright.”

“ADAM! You do not know what it’s like to be kicked from the inside out. Until you do, I suggest you heed what I say. I’m sure there is another room ready, I saw two guest rooms when we came in.”

“Ella!”

“Don’t Ella me. I’ll tell you what. You stay here, and each time your son kicks me, I’ll kick you!” She reached back and kicked him sharply, preparing for the next blow.

“OUCH! Fine, I’ll go to another room. Tomorrow though, you’ll sleep in the guest room. I want my room back!” She saw his smile as he made his way to the door wearing only his birthday suit.

“Adam, aren’t you forgetting something?”

“If you think I’m gonna say good night after the treatment I received………….” he stood half in the door and half out.

“Your clothes dear.” She laughed pointing to the pile of clothing folded neatly in the captain’s chair. “I’ll never understand why you don’t own any nightwear.

“Oh shut……..”

“ADAM!” Ben said, startling his oldest son.

He jumped back into the room, leaving the door open only a crack as he reached for his clothes in the chair.

“Yeah Pa?”

“It’s rather cold tonight isn’t it?”

“Um sure Pa. Just getting ready for bed, gonna sleep in the guest room.”

“I see. I just wanted to remind you that your old nightshirts are still in the top drawer of the dresser. Haven’t been used much. Maybe you could think about dressing appropriately for sleeping.”

“Yes, maybe I will.” He said pulling on his pants.

“I wasted a lot of money on those night clothes through the years.”

“I know Pa. I’m putting one on right now.”

“Good night then!”

“Good night.”

Ella laughed uncontrollably, watching her husband put his shirt on.

“You lied!” She laughed, trying to speak quietly. “You aren’t putting on a nightshirt. As a matter of fact, the only time I ever saw you wear anything to bed was when you were ill and your grandfather made you put it on.”

“I don’t like ‘em.”

“Your father seems pretty intent on you wearing them.”

“I received countless lectures. You know I got sick maybe once every couple years, but each time he would say it was because I dressed improperly for bed.”

“Humor him Adam, wear a nightshirt.”

“Never my dear.” He said walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Chapter 4

“Everyone still asleep?” Adam said meeting his father on the porch the next morning.

“Yep. We had a pretty exciting night last night.”

“I know. You should of seen Elizabeth’s face. She was pretty nervous.”

“That wife of yours is quite the catch. She’s pretty, intelligent……….”

“Feisty, a bit wild, full of mischief.” Adam interrupted laughingly.

“She is not. She’s been nothing but kind each time I’ve been with her. I haven’t seen her be anything but charming.”

“Give it time Pa. I couldn’t marry a woman who couldn’t put me in my place once in a while. She’s everything I ever wanted. I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“I’m glad you didn’t rush into anything through the years. First Judy, then Laura Dayton, and I remember a time before you and Judy became an item that I thought you were going to propose.”

“When was that Pa? Who?”

“Oh, about thirty years ago, her name was Mary Anne.”

“We gonna stay here long Pa?” Four year old Adam asked as they bedded down in the bunk house of Mr. Lancaster. He had hired Ben on as a hand to help with the haying season, it earned him twenty five dollars a month plus meals.

“Oh a few months. We need supplies, new clothes, we could use some repairs on the wagon.”

“Am I gonna stay with you? I could help with the haying.”

“No no son, you are much too young for haying. You are going to stay with Mrs. Lancaster at the house.”

Adam’s head bowed as he thought of the last stop they had made. The lady there was not very nice to him, often yelling at him or giving him hard chores to do only to humiliate him when he couldn’t do the work. He didn’t want to complain as it would upset his father so he worked on resetting his features, to not give away his disappointment.

“It’ll be fine Adam, you’ll see. She had two boys a few years older than you, and a young girl about your age. They’ll be good company.”

“Sure Pa.” He answered turning his masked face towards his father.

He slept restlessly that night, rolling about the bed. His father had finally pulled him to him, his strong arms holding the child steady. Adam woke up as his father dressed and sat rubbing his tired eyes.

“You sure there’s nothing I can help with Pa? I can work real hard.”

“Yes you can work real hard, but no, there is nothing you may help with while we’re haying.”

“Do you think Mrs. Lancaster will have some work for me? I could earn us some money, then we won’t have to stay so long. Member when I earned us fifty dollars playing that card game Pa? Wasn’t it twenty one?”

“I hoped to forget that. And you would have given every cent of that money back if we had not traveled over a hundred miles before I knew you had it. A four year old gambling. HHHMMMPPPHH!”

Adam swallowed hard, remembering the lecture he had received when he had given his Pa the money. Ben had spent some time working in a saloon, and young Adam accompanied him down a few times. Some of the gamblers had taken him under their wing, teaching him all sorts of card games. Adam was always good with numbers and twenty-one quickly became his favorite game.

“Sorry Pa, I forgot you didn’t like that none. I won’t play that game here.”

“I’m sure you won’t. Now c’mon son let’s get you to the house.”

Adam walked slowly behind his father kicking his feet in the dust on the way to the door. The house was rather spacious, but to Adam it loomed above him filling his gut with dread.

“Hurry up son, quit dragging your feet. You’re going to shuffle that dust right into the house. We want to make a good impression don’t we.”

“Yes sir.” He said, lifting his feet a little more carefully, his hands behind his back.

“This must be Adam.” Mrs. Lancaster said smiling down at him.

“Say hello Adam.” Ben smiled at his reluctant son.

“Hello ma’am, pleased to meet you. I’m Adam Cartwright.”

“Well it is wonderful to make your acquaintance. Please come in, the boys are in the front room playing some type of game that boys play, why don’t you join them while I speak with your father.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Giving his father one last longing look he turned towards the direction Mrs. Lancaster had pointed. He walked quietly towards the boys who had their heads bent over an object he couldn’t quite see. Approaching carefully he leaned over them, seeing a small white mouse.

“Ready Roger, I’m gonna grab his tale, and you thump him on the head with that stick.”

“Ready!”

“NO!” Adam cried grabbing the boys hand.

“Get outta here kid. Nobody said you was allowed in here. Sides, where do you get off grabbing my arm, I oughtta pound you.”

“Why you wanna hurt him? Just take him outside. He’ll run away.”

“I ain’t gotta answer to you! No get outta here baby.”

The boy raised the stick again, Adam kicked him in the back causing him to topple forward.

“Why you little bastard!” The ten year old called Roger stood up immediately his fists ready for battle.

“Get him!” The younger one said releasing the mouse and joining his brother.

Adam stood his ground, fists at his sides, watching his attackers near him. Roger swung first, catching Adam under the jaw. He fell back blood pouring instantly from his mouth, he had bitten his tongue. His eyes teared instantly, though he fought not to cry. Standing up he waited for the boy to approach again. Not having to wait long, his foot shot forward catching the older one in the groin. Roger fell in a heap crying out. His mother rushed into the room before the fight could continue.

“Oh my, what happened in here?”

“We were just wrestling ma. Adam musta bit his tongue, and I accidentally hurt Roger.” The younger boy explained quickly covering their tracks.

“Help your brother up while I see to Adam. Your father has already gone out to work, so I’ll handle this myself. We’ll get a wet washcloth for you to bite on, you should be fine. I’ll never understand boys and their games!”

He walked quietly along, leaving a trail of blood dripping behind him and down the front of his shirt. She grabbed a rag from the laundry and wet it, handing it to Adam to hold.

“I’m gonna get you a new shirt, you work on getting that one off and I’ll be right back.”

Adam nodded as the white rag turned a pinkish hue. He blinked back the tears as he tried to remain brave. His father would not be happy with his fighting. He may even be in for a necessary talk. A tear slipped by as he heard a cabinet open near him. Wiping away his tear he turned towards the sound fearing that the boys were back. Instead he was met with the sparkling blue eyes of a girl dressed in a white gown.

“Hello.” She said her eyes meeting his. “My brother’s give you that?” She asked pointing to the blood stained rag. Adam nodded his response and began to move away.

“Wanna get ‘em back?” She said smiling playfully, her eye’s dancing.

This caught his attention and he moved forward to allow the girl to whisper the plan in his ear.

“Here we are, it’ll be a little big on you as it belongs to Marcus. But, it’ll do for now. I see you met Mary Anne.”

Adam nodded again still holding the rag in place.

“Okay, now let me see. Stick out your tongue.”

He did as he was told, and though it hurt like the dickens he stuck out his tongue.

“Now that’s a nasty bite. That’ll be sore a few days, you must have really been playing hard. I don’t want you boys playing that way again you hear!” She chastised shaking her finger at him.

“Yeth’m” Came his mumbled reply.

Adam and Maryanne spent the afternoon together readying their plan. The boys had many toys lying around the yard and in their rooms. Maryanne and Adam snuck around collecting them all. They spent hours behind the barn burying them among the hay and tractors that stood there. Finishing up with the last of the toys, dinner was called. Adam winced, knowing he would not be enjoying his meal tonight. They had tried to speak, but with his injury his words were hard to understand. Walking towards the house he heard the sound of horses headed towards the house. Standing to the side he waited until he caught sight of his father.

“There’s my boy!” Ben said climbing down off his horse. “You’ve got on a new shirt. I must say you look mighty handsome.”

“Thanths Aw.” He said keeping his eyes on the ground.

“Why are you talking that way? Did something happen? Where’s Mrs. Lancaster.” Ben said now anxious. Once he learned of the treatment Adam had been receiving from his last caregiver he was determined to ensure his son’s safety.

“Iths otay Aw, I it my ongue.” He said grabbing his father’s sleeve.

“And just how did you bite your tongue young man?”

“He and my brother’s was playing wrestling. It was an accident. My ma fixed him up real nice, we didn’t play with them boys no more either.” Mary Anne said stepping up beside her new best friend.

“That’s good. I don’t want you playing games where you can get hurt. I can’t afford any extra bills now, so you just take it easy.”

“Yeth thir.”

Dinner was pleasant for all except Adam who had trouble chewing the steak on the table. Seeing his delimma Mrs. Lancaster fixed him a bowl of soup instead, which he gladly accepted, despite the glare he received from his father. Finishing supper, Adam said his goodbyes to Mary Anne and walked with his father to the bunk house.

“Ith you mad at me Aw?” Adam asked as they walked in the door. He dodged the mess of men swarming around.

“You should have eaten what was placed in front of you. It is not Mrs. Lancaster’s fault that you roughhoused. Now, she wasted one whole steak, and the supplies it took to make you soup.”

Adam felt his chin begin to tremble. Fearing crying in front of the men he quickly turned his back on his father and began to undress.

“It is important that you take the blessings stowed upon you. Whether it is inconvenient for you or not. I know you did not ask for special treatment, but you should have spoken against it. Next time I expect you’ll find a way to eat what you are given.” Ben said to his son’s back hating that he had to give this lecture. It happened often that the two had to survive on what they could find, no matter the taste. He would not have his son adapt to this type of lifestyle where he had a choice of the nourishment he would receive. Not yet anyway.

Silently the boy climbed in to bed, his back still turned and the covers pulled tight to his chin. Ben lay with him amongst the chatter of the men he worked with. The noise level could reach a boiling point while these men partook in drink, he only hoped they could sleep through it.

“You shoulda heard it after you and your Pa left Adam. Them boys was fit to be tied. They even got in trouble for not taking better care of their things. Pa said if they can’t handle having a few items around without losing ‘em, maybe they don’t need nothing a’tall.” Mary Anne wore a yellow dress with a matching bonnet as she met her friend in the kitchen.

“Therves ‘em white afer hut dey did.” He said upset they he still spoke no better.

“Let’s play Adam, I thought up some new games!” She said linking arms with him and skipping towards the door.

Days turned to weeks as the two became inseparable. Adam’s speech was back to normal, and the boys had still not located their toys. Haying was picking up, and the two noticed quiet a bit of hustle near the barn. Forgetting of their past adventure in burying the toys there, they headed off for fun.

“In here Adam, under the porch. This is my new hide out.” Mary Anne said pulling him under the porch.

“Wow, it’s big under here. How’s come we didn’t find this place before?”

“Well because I didn’t yank out any of them boards before silly.”

“Oh.”

“Hey Adam, I saw something last night that don’t make no sense.”

“What?”

“Ma and Pa was in the kitchen, and well they sorta stuck their mouths together. They stayed that way awhile. Why you think they do that?”

“I don’t know, how would they breathe?”

“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!”

“SSSHHHHH your gonna get us found. Then this won’t be a hiding place no more!”

“Sorry. But know what?”

“What?”

“I think we should try it. You know, just so’s we can figure out how they breathe and all.”

“What if we can’t breathe?”

“How about we do it until we can’t breathe no more. First one to pull away is a yella belly!”

“Fine. Betcha I can hold my breath the longest. Betcha one square nickel!”

“You’re on! But what’s a square nickel?”

“I don’t know. That’s what they said in Five Card Stud.”

Ben and the men worked to clear the barn in order to stack the hay. He had only a week left of work before he and Adam moved on. He was looking forward to it. The days were already growing shorter, and he wanted to make more distance before they had to haul up for the winter months. Lifting an old wheel off a bale to toss to the side, his eyes met with a small wooden truck. Removing it he found several other items of the same caliber. Calling to his fellow workmen, the treasure hunt began.

“I heard ‘em under the porch Ma! It had to be them that hid my toys!” Roger said stomping his feet.

“Let’s get them out of there. I really do apologize for my son Mrs. Lancaster.”

They bent down to check under the porch for the two miscreants, Ben banging his head on the edge of the porch when Mrs. Lancaster let out a scream.

The two children sat, lips locked, eyes closed. How long they had been that way, there was no way to tell.

“ADAM!” Ben boomed swooping his arms out to catch his son. Startled Adam jumped, banging his head hard on the porch boards above him. He cried out instantly, reaching for his head as his other hand was pulled towards the small opening.

Ben picked him up and walked him quickly towards the bunk house. Setting the crying child on the bed he quickly packed their belongings.

“Just what were you two DOING!”

“It was a contest Pa. We had to see who would stop first. I could breathe good Pa, I would a won.”

“You should not be doing that Adam, it’s inappropriate!”

“What’s in prorate?”

“Inappropriate means something you shouldn’t be doing.” He said gruffly, turnings toward the door.

“Where we going Pa? I don’t wanna go yet. Me and Mary Anne gots a lot to do tomorrow. We’re gonna build a house Pa, one of our very own. Course, you gonna live there too.” Adam said, still rubbing his head.

Ben listened to his son rattle on as he walked towards the wagon, placing him inside.

“I’m gonna sleep upstairs, and Mary Anne’s gonna sleep there too, kinda like a sleepover, like sleeping with all them men. That way, if we needs to talk about something, we’ll be right there together.”

“Stay here Adam, don’t move.” Ben said walking towards the house.

“Mr. Cartwright, I take it you are handling that boy appropriately.” Mrs. Lancaster said tapping her foot loudly on the wood floor.

“Yes, we are taking our leave. I’ll just take my pay up to now, and we’ll be on our way.” Ben winced at the sounds of a spanking taking place somewhere near by.

“My husband will be through in a moment. Please feel free to wait outside!” She turned her back and stormed from the room. Ben started to reply but thinking better of it instead shook his head.

“Cartwright, bring that boy in here. He needs a lesson in manners.” Mr. Lancaster said stepping onto the porch.

“If he needs any lessons, I’ll be the one to give it to him. I would just like my pay, and we’ll be headed off.”

“Your pay! HHHMMMPPHHH. Seems to me I oughtta keep that as payment for your son jeopardizing my daughters reputation.”

“I do apologize Mr. Lancaster, but they are four years old. Hardly old enough to have a reputation. My pay please.”

Receiving his pay, short a week’s wages he headed back towards the wagon where Adam sat waiting.

“Pa?” Adam asked as Ben lifted him to the wagon seat and slapped the reigns on the team.

“Not now Adam.” He said still angry over the situation, more over the way he was treated by the Lancaster’s.

Adam remained silent, knowing his father was angry, but not sure why. He wanted to tell him more about he and Mary Anne’s plans. They were going to make Pa his own room, complete with a kitchen, and all other necessary items. Adam had drawn out the plans, and Mary Anne had added decorations. He was anxious to show him. But knowing that now would not be a wise time to speak up he remained silent.

“We’ll stop here for the night. Roll out the bed in the wagon.”

“Yes sir.” Adam answered as he was lifted off the wagon seat.

Ben went about collecting wood, and food for the fire as he watched his son work with determination in the wagon. The boy had not spoken the entire trip, which was not unusual, he often spent a lot of time in thought.

“Adam, come over by the fire. It’s gonna be a cold night, I suggest you wear your woolen night shirt.”

“I got something to show ya Pa. You still angry with me?”

“I’m not angry with you. I would love to see whatever it is that’s behind your back.”

Beaming his dimpled smile he handed his father the slightly crumpled drawing.

“It’s your bedroom Pa. Me and Maryanne drew it together. We live on the top floor, and you live on the bottom. See, you got a kitchen, a outhouse, and a bedroom all in one.”

“Thank you Adam, it’s very well drawn.”

“We worked real hard on it. When we go back in the morning, I wanna show Mrs. Lancaster.”

“Adam.”

“Huh?”

“We’re not going back. It’s time to move on. Why’d you think I packed the wagon?”

“BUT WE GOTTA GO BACK! ME AND MARYANNE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO!”

“We can’t go back son, they won’t have us.”

“Why not?”

“Well, it’s complicated. Mr. Lancaster didn’t like you and Mary Anne spending so much time together. He thought it best that we left, before you became too attached to one another.” Ben said seeing his son’s face crumple.

“But Pa, she’s my best friend. I never had a best friend before. We was gonna be together for always.”

“I’m sorry Adam.”

Ben reached for his sobbing son, holding him close to his chest. He feared his Adam would grow, giving his heart to one girl after the next. Trying to picture his son thirty years from now, and listening to his cries, he saw a man standing tall, the right woman finally at his side.

“Well, I’m glad I waited that’s for sure. I don’t remember much about that time, except that I found that drawing years later when I was snooping through your trunk in the wagon.”

“Snooping in my trunk!”

“What else was there to do. Hoss and I had to keep ourselves occupied with something. I was just glad we never got caught. I was sure one day Hoss would up and tell you, but he didn’t.”

“You boys! How much is there that I don’t know about. I remember Hoss acting a little funny right before we made it to the Ponderosa. I asked him about it, but all he would say is you took care of it.”

“I did take care of it.” Adam smiled a devilish smile at his father and stood to leave the porch.

“And what exactly was it that you took care of?”

Clearing his throat he opened the front door. Stepping inside, leaving the door open he turned back to his father.

“Seems like you were going to take Ella into Virginia City today, isn’t that right?”

“Adam!”

“I’ll get her things ready to go.” He closed the door quietly, hearing his father call out again. That was one question he would never answer.

Chapter 5

Ben and Elizabeth rode together towards Virginia City. Passing under the massive tree’s, small beams of light dancing off the lush green plains, she sighed with delight. Adam had often told her of the beauty of the Ponderosa, but simple words would never do it justice.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked hearing her sigh.

“I can’t believe how beautiful everything is here. The lake, the trees, the horses.”

“It is a bit different than Boston. Though, I will never forget the smell of the sea, or the ships sailing the ocean.”

“Adam always told me you compared the beauty of the Ponderosa with Heaven. I have to say I agree with you, if I were to picture Heaven, it would look much like this.”

Ben smiled, seeing the look of awe sparkling in her deep brown eyes. He knew why Adam was enthralled with her. She had an easiness about her, calm and beautiful. She reminded him much of his first wife, his own Elizabeth. He had also noticed a change in Adam. Gone was the brooding silence that had often accompanied him, he showed his feelings more openly now, and his eyes held that golden hue that had not been there since his kidnapping seven years before.

“Do you think you’ll miss your life in Boston. That was rather a bold move, leaving everything behind as you had. I’m surprised actually that Adam would act so quickly.”

“Well, he had a little help with that. When we received Joe’s letter, he was devastated. He walked around for days worried and scared, though he tried hard to hide it. He wouldn’t speak of it, and wore that mask that he hides behind when something is truly bothering him. I waited, knowing eventually he would open up to me, but the night before I made the decision that we would be coming here, the nightmares came. He was back in those woods with those men. He was sobbing and calling out for you while fighting off whatever was being done to him in that dream. I couldn’t wake him, which scared me badly since he is normally such a light sleeper. I felt so helpless, knowing there was nothing I could do, he needed his father. I made up my mind that night that we would be coming here, whether he liked it or not. I would not sit back and watch the man I love fall back into the Hell that he had lived for so long.”

“I’m so sorry that you both were put through that. I never would have let Joe send that letter if I had known what he had written. He over-reacted, but I can’t really blame him. I collapsed in front of him, he thought I had died. I remember hearing him crying and calling my name. Hoss was out of town, Hop Sing was in the city, he was alone. He sat with me for days, wondering whether I would live or die, he must have written that letter the day it happened. He didn’t leave my side for weeks, even after I received a clean bill of health. When he told me he had written Adam, I had him send word right away, but by that time the damage had been done.”

“Once we left Boston, he seemed to open up more. He spoke of you and what you meant to him. He worried what he would find, if you were still alive, or if we would be too late. I did what I could to help him through, once we were on the road the nightmares stopped. I pray that it remains that way.” Ella said looking off into the distance.

“Did he tell you much about the kidnapping? What happened to him out there?” Ben asked, shivering against the memories of his sons trials.

“Everything. He told me everything. How he came through that and became the man he is today I’ll never understand. What those people did to him……….”

“He never told me.” Ben sighed.

“What?”

“He never told me what happened. I picked up some of it through his nightmares, but he never told me what happened out there.”

“He wanted to protect you. No father ever wants to hear that his son was treated as badly as he was.”

“I’m so glad he found you Elizabeth. He really is a changed person. I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to him, if it weren’t for you, I don’t think he’d be here today.”

“It was us Ben, I can’t take all the credit. The love you have given him through the years, his knowing that no matter what happens, or what he does you’ll always be on his side, that is what made him who he is. We are lucky to have him. Even if he can be stubborn and pig headed.”

Ben laughed, she wasn’t the first person that had said that about his son. Arriving to the city they spoke easily, as if they had known each other for years. Together they went to the Mercantile, Ella picking out fabric for she and her husband. She picked out a few colored fabrics, and some black material. As she turned to look for Ben she bumped into a rather large lady wearing what looked to be a saloon girl outfit.

“Excuse me.” She said lightly walking past the lady.

“You oughtta watch where you’re going missy.” She snapped reaching forward and grabbing her elbow.

“You will let go of me at once!” Ella exclaimed yanking her elbow from the woman’s grip.

“You need to learn some manners missy, and I’m just the lady to teach ya.” She laughed balling her hands into fists.

Ella scowled, but held her spot. She would not be treated in such a manner by any one, let alone a woman whom she had never met.

Ben, standing on the other side of the store speaking with the owner heard the confrontation. He moved quickly to Ella’s side, hoping to stop the impending scene. Ella, six months pregnant was facing up to a woman twice her size in both height and weight. He moved between Ella and the woman, as the store owner stood next to him.

“Get out of here Shelia, we don’t want no trouble.”

“Tell missy here you don’t want no trouble. She’s the one that don’t know how to watch where she’s going. And you, this ain’t none of your business.” Shelia said poking Ben sharply in the chest.

“Greg’s right. Why don’t you move along.” Ben said ignoring the pokes, his face beginning to redden with anger. “Or, we can work this out with the sheriff if you prefer.”

“Don’t need no sheriff, I handle my own business. You just tell little missy here to watch out for herself ya hear!”

The woman turned on her heels and walked out of the store. The store owner sighed, glad that the confrontation ended without anyone getting hurt. Shelia had caused trouble before, brawling with men in saloon’s, or badgering ladies shopping for goods in his store.

“That lady needs someone to put her in her place.” Ella said straightening her dress.

“Well your not the woman to do it. What were you thinking, in your condition, you could have been seriously injured!” Ben chided. “If Adam was here he would…………..”

“He isn’t here! And there is no reason he needs to know anything about it.” She said surprising Ben with the ferocity her eyes could show.

“I think you better take this one home Ben. Shelia doesn’t usually let things go so easily.

“Yes, we’ll be on our way. You have everything you need?”

“Just a few more things. I’ll only be a minute.” Elizabeth answered, moving away from her father in law.

Chapter 6

“So, did you get everything you needed in town sweet heart?” Adam asked as he lifted his wife out of the buggy.

“Uh huh. The store had more than I thought it would. I even got a few extra items, I thought I would make a few clothes that were a little better suited for the weather out here.” Elizabeth answered holding her husband’s hand as she headed towards the house.

“Good. I’ll unload the wagon, and be in in a few minutes. You going to lay down?” He asked, a twinkle in his eyes.

“I wasn’t planning on it. Why?” She laughed, knowing that look well.

“You know, Joe and Hoss are out with the herd, Hop Sing’s visiting family. Pa’s headed out to the timber sight. I just thought you may enjoy a rest.” He smiled his dimpled smile as she swayed seductively into the house.

“A rest sounds just perfect, I’ll be upstairs.” She said as she swiveled into the house, letting out a throaty chuckle as the door closed behind her.

She heard the door open behind her and felt her husband’s strong hands encircle her waist before she made it to the stairs.

“I thought you were unloading the wagon.” She smiled, turning to face him.

“The wagon can wait.” Adam answered, leaning in for a kiss before pulling her playfully towards the stairs.

They lay together, Adam’s hand resting on her stomach, listening to the sounds around the ranch. Every few minutes Adam’s hand would rise and fall with the movement of their child inside it’s mother’s womb.

“What does that feel like?” Adam asked sweetly as he felt his hand be kicked once again.

“Oh, it feels like a flutter when it’s soft like that.” She sighed, resting her hand on top of his.

“But sometimes it’s not soft?” He laughed as his hand jerked hard upward.

“No. Sometimes he kicks the devil out of me!” She said wincing at the kick she just received.

“He?”

“Yes, he.”

“What makes you so sure we’re not having a girl?” Adam asked, propping his head up, his elbow resting on the bed. “It could be a girl you know, a Cartwright first.”

“It’s a boy. I can tell, he’s already so much like you.” She laughed, seeing his serious expression change to that of mischief.

“Like me?”

She laughed playfully as he pinched her arm, she pinched him back, then tried to roll away as he made his attack. She squealed as he tickled her, causing her to roll about on the bed, unable to make her escape.

“Hey Adam!” Hoss called from downstairs. He had come home to grab some supplies before heading back out for the day. He saw the wagon sitting still loaded in front of the house. Walking into the house, he heard squeals of laughter coming from his older brother’s room. Knowing his father was close behind, he wanted to warn them of his arrival, lest they be caught in an awkward situation.

“What is it!” Adam yelled back down, pulling his wife back down onto the bed.

“Everything okay up there?” He shouted, hoping the shenanigans would stop. He shook his head as he heard another squeal of laughter, followed by a loud scream.

“Fine. Just making sure my wife is resting well.” Hoss heard his brother reply before a scream of his own filled the air.

The front door flew open, Ben stood holding his gun in his hand. Seeing his son near the landing, he walked quickly over, hearing a loud bang, and thump from upstairs.

“What is it Hoss?” Ben whispered, fearing something amiss.

“It’s Adam and Elizabeth.” Hoss answered, shaking his head slowly.

“What! I thought we were being robbed, what are they doing up there?” Ben bellowed, realizing all was well in the house.

“Wrestling I figure.” He said to his father as he moved slowly back towards the door when the sound of glass shattering echoed above.

“Wrestl………..!” Ben started, as another thump echoed above. “ADAM!” He hollered, starting towards the stairs.

Adam and Elizabeth froze, they had been play wrestling on the floor, Adam’s foot knocking over the end table holding a lamp, and her mirror. They tried to stifle their laughter as they hurried to dress, Adam pulling his wife to her feet. His father pounded on the door as Adam pulled on his shirt, buttoning up as he headed to the door. He stood in front of it, one hand on the knob as he waited for his wife to be descent.

“Yeah Pa?” He said, his last word coming out in a laugh. Elizabeth stood, hands covering her mouth as her shoulder’s shook with laughter.

“Just what is going on in there! I can hear you two all the way down at the lake!” Ben bellowed, standing in front of the closed door. He watched it creek open, and golden eyes peer out at him.

“We’re just playing Pa.” Adam answered, trying hard to hide his smile.

“Just playing!” Ben repeated. “I want it quiet up here, and that goes for the both of you!” Ben warned, his fatherly instinct to chastise naughty children reaching the surface. “And you two will work off whatever it is that you broke! He finished, turning on his heel and heading for the stairs.

Adam closed the door quickly, sliding down it as tears of laughter filled his eyes. Elizabeth came to him, sitting beside him, trying to regain control of herself as well.

“Oh dear. It will take months to earn enough money to replace that lamp for the money my father pays me in allowance.” She joked, leaning her head against her husbands arm. “This is what it was like when you were children?”

“Yep. Only I would be over his knee right now if that were the case. You should have seen him the day Judy and I broke the table in the dining room.” Adam said, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“How in the world did you and Judy break the table in the dining room?” She questioned, trying to picture her husband as a child causing mischief with his friends.

“Didn’t Pa say he’d be here when we got home today? I thought he and Marie would have been back from town hours ago.” Adam said walking into an empty house after spending the day at school.

“I don’t know, he’s your Pa.” Fourteen year old Judy said, putting her books on the table in the great room.

“Maybe he stopped to pick up Hoss from Mrs. Ferrel’s, he was sick today, Pa and Marie had too many errands in town, and she agreed to watch him.”

“Do you remember what Mr. Carter said about that catapult in history today. He said you could shoot a cannon ball for miles with one of those.” Judy said, flipping through her book.

“I remember, there was a picture of one wasn’t there?” Adam asked leaning over and studying the pages. “You know, I bet it would be easy to make one of those.” The twelve year old said, pushing his best friend out of the way so he could see the picture better.

“Bet you can’t. I bet you don’t even know where to start!” She said, shoving back at him, playfulness showing clearly in her eyes.

“I’ll show you. Come on out to the barn, I bet we got the supplies out there.” Adam answered, dragging her towards the door.

They made their way to the barn, and Adam began gathering the supplies he thought he would need. He made Judy go in to retrieve the book so he could double check his supplies.

“See, got everything we need. Now all’s we got to do is build it. Grab that hammer, I’ll tell you what to do.” He said confidently as he and his friend set to task. Forgetting about his after school chores, they worked diligently well into the evening. Just before nightfall, their creation was complete. It was a small catapult, one that couldn’t send a cannon ball for miles, but could send a cut log a short distance.

“Here Judy, load on that log, I bet it’ll go over the house.” Adam said dragging his creation into the yard, it facing the house.

“Let’s give it a try. I can’t believe you could build something like this Adam, this is pretty amazing!” Judy said grabbing the log and admiring her best friends work.

“You wanna release it?” Adam asked, his hand on the lever he created.

“Nope, it’s your idea, you launch it.” She said stepping back a ways.

The log was loaded, and the catapult ready for action. Adam released the lever and watched as the log sailed over the house, landing with a thud. The two whooped with joy when their creation was successful. Judy reloaded the catapult for a second try. Adam began to release the lever as he heard a loud voice boom behind him.

“Adam! Don’t you let go of that handle!” Ben yelled, seeing the shenanigans his son and friend were about to pull. He was too late. Startled, Adam released the lever as the log careened towards the house, flying through the front door in which Judy had mistakenly left open, a giant crash sounding inside. Adam froze, watching his father run into the house, then cringed as he heard the sound of his father’s anger.

“ADAM STODDARD CARTWRIGHT! GET IN HERE NOW!”

Judy stood stock still as she watched Marie walk with a sick Hoss slowly towards the house. She could see the slump in her friends shoulders, and knew they were in big trouble. She heard Ben’s lecture from outside, and wondered if Adam would be able to hear anything by the time his father was through with him. After a long lecture, she watched a teary eyed Adam come out of the house and approach her slowly.

“Pa said he’ll be out to take you home in a minute. I’m supposed to tell you we’re not allowed to come home together after school anymore until we can prove to him that we have brains in our heads.” Adam said, his eyes on the ground in front of his friend. “I’m really sorry Adam, it really was a great catapult.” Judy sighed, knowing she would be in just as much trouble when she got home.

“See ya tomorrow at school.” Adam said turning back towards the house, dreading his father’s return when that promised spanking would take place. Seeing his father exit the house, hat in hand, Adam moved quickly away, turning his bottom far away from his father’s hand. He scooted into the house, and took the stairs two at a time up to his room. He watched from the window as his best friend a father rode out of sight.

“So you broke the dining room table with a log, launched from a catapult the two of you had built.” Elizabeth couldn’t hide the laughter in her voice.

“Uh huh, and Pa used a board off of that catapult to paddle my behind with when he got home. From then on my creations were made far away from the ranch.” Adam said, rubbing his backside as it tingled with memories.

“You think our son is going to pull stunts like that?” Elizabeth side, once again rubbing the spot she had been kicked.

“I’d have him no other way.” He said kissing her softly, then pulling her to her feet. “You go first, he won’t yell at you.” Adam said playfully pushing her out the door.

Chapter 7

The months passed by quickly, as her pregnancy came closer to the end, she could feel her emotion’s getting the best of her. Maybe it was being in the house with five men, and rarely receiving the company of a woman, or maybe it was the heat of the summer that made her so incredibly moody. She knew she wasn’t always being fair, but in the heat of the moment, she could lash out, or burst into tears without warning. Adam she could tell was trying his best to please her, but she struggled to treat him well. She found herself in the middle of a heated battle, but now she couldn’t remember the reason she was so upset.

“Ella, I didn’t say you couldn’t go to town. I said if you wanted to go, I would get the buck board ready so you could ride more comfortably. You can’t possibly sit a horse, your eight months along!” Adam said exasperated as his wife once again turned his words against him.

“I’m too fat! That’s what your saying. You don’t think a horse could hold me!” She yelled, her hands in fists at her sides. She saw Hoss and Joe out of the corner of her eyes by the fire place snickering, this fueled her fire further. “And, what gives you the right to order me about Adam Cartwright, if I want to go to town I damn well will!” She said, her temper getting quickly out of control.

“Elizabeth, there is no need to speak to me that way. You don’t even know what you’re saying. You want to go to town, FINE! But you will wait for me to get the wagon ready, and I WILL be going with you!” He said, turning his back on her and storming out the door.

She burst into tears as the door slammed closed behind him. Hoss and Joe were instantly at her side, soothing her and talking her down. She heard the door open once again, and expecting it to be Adam, turned him an icy stare. Instead she met the chocolate eyes of her father-in-law.

“What happened Elizabeth? Adam’s practically tearing the barn down, and you’re in here sobbing. Was it another argument?” Ben asked walking quickly to her and nodding to his son’s to leave them.

“I don’t know what happened Ben, I only wanted to go to town.” She cried, leaning against his shoulder as he rubbed circles on her back.

“It looked like Adam was getting the wagon ready. But are you sure that is something you want to do? The ride isn’t going to be very comfortable.” He said softly, looking in to her eyes.

“I need to get away a while. Maybe go to the show, I’m sure we could get tickets. If I stay here another minute I’m going to burst!” She said, her tears turning quickly to frustration.

“Okay, okay.” Ben soothed, seeing where this conversation was going to head. “I understand. Let me help you to the wagon, I’ll grab your things.”

“Thank you Ben.” She said drying her eyes and heading towards the door.

“Wagon’s all ready.” Adam said lifting her gently in and ignoring her glare.

“I’m driving!” She said as she sat in the wagon seat.

“Fine.” Adam said, trying to keep the heat from his voice. He had tried being nice, pleasing, tried staying away. He could do nothing right lately, she was always angry with him. He tried speaking with her about it, but that had simply turned into another big fight, she running from the room in a fit of tears. He knew there were only weeks left of this pregnancy, he prayed with all his might those weeks would go quickly.

They arrived to town after a few hours ride, Elizabeth shifting uncomfortably beside him every few minutes. He helped her off the wagon and stabled the horses. They walked together to the ticket office and bought tickets for the evening show. It was a musical, an opera of sorts. Elizabeth smiled at her husband for the first time in weeks, whispering in his ear of how they had enjoyed many shows back in Boston.

“Do you miss Boston much?” Adam asked as they strolled along main street, avoiding the many people milling about.

“Sometimes. It wasn’t nearly so hot in Boston as it is here, and I miss the beach.” She answered, finally feeling some of the stress release from her body. Just being away for a while helped her feel not quite so shut in. “You know what I miss the most?” She smiled, her eyes twinkling, causing him to pull her closer to him.

“What?” He asked, his heart forgiving all the arguments of the past month in an instant, those brown eyes twinkling his way.

“The iced cream.” She laughed, rubbing her stomach and licking her lips. She joined him in laughter as they continued their trek.

“Well Mrs. Cartwright, is that you!” Grace Milstone hollered as the two came in to sight.

“Hello Grace. I’ve talked Adam into allowing me into town.” She said, squeezing his arm lightly.

“You must come in for tea, I have much to tell you since your last visit!” Grace said grabbing her hand and pulling her towards her house.

Adam released his grip as he watched his wife being shuffled into the Milstone house. Grace Milstone was the town gossip, forever spreading stories like wildfire. Ella would have some things to say when she came out. Knowing he had a little time to himself, Adam headed towards the saloon. A cold beer would do him good on a hot day such as this.

He walked into the saloon and ordered his beer. He walked to the nearest table, and sat wearily in the chair exhausted. On top of taking care of Elizabeth, he was taking on a big load of the ranch work while his brother’s were away on business. Stretching his legs into the aisle, he shifted his hat down over his eyes. He took a swig of his cold beer as he felt someone sit next to him.

“Hello Adam.” Roy Coffee said, seeing his old friend enjoying his drink.

“Lo, Roy.” Adam answered, sitting up slightly so he could better see his old friend.

“Your brother’s back yet?” Coffee drawled, taking a sip of his sarsaparilla.

“Got back this morning. Hoss made Joe get up before sunrise so he could make it in time for Hop Sings breakfast.” Adam smiled, seeing the sheriff’s eyes wrinkly into a smile.

“Glad their back. I have some business with your father this afternoon, I was getting ready to head that way actually.” Coffee said standing, shaking Adam’s hand.

“He’s there. Watch out though, lately he’s been in one of those moods.” Adam warned, remembering his father snapping at him for hanging his hat on the wrong hook.

“I’ll do that. Nice seeing you again Adam. You tell that pretty wife of yours hello.”

“I will.” Adam smiled, sinking back down into his chair.

He stayed for about an hour, after three beers, he decided to call it quits. He left the saloon, and turned towards the alley leading back to Mrs. Milstone’s house.

“Well lookie here. If it ain’t my Adam, in the flesh.” He heard the familiar drawl of a woman close behind him.

“Excuse me?” He said turning around to face the person speaking to him. She was a large woman, wearing a saloon type dress. Stench radiated off her as she met him with her toothless grin. His face drained of color as memories flooded through him.

“You’re my Adam now ain’t ya.” She cooed as she rocked him carefully after his latest beating from James Cain. “I’ll make you feel all better now won’t I. You just let Suzie take good care of you.”

He struggled against her as her hands went towards the buttons on his shirt. He was beginning to lose consciousness again, a common thing these days, as he went longer and longer without food and water, and the beatings came at a regular basis. “

You just lie still now and Suzie will make you forget all about the pain.” She laughed, reaching for the buckle on his pants.

“Stay away from me.” He said backing into the wall, his mind going back and forth between reality and memories.

“You can’t hide from me Adam. Everyone else is dead, but you forgot about me. I could never forget about you.” She cooed backing him into the wall. He didn’t know what hit him when his head hit the wall. He felt himself sink down the brick as her heard her laugh echo around him. The last thing he felt was her hands on his buckle, her words were muffled as he fell into unconsciousness.

“Where could he be, I thought he’d be back long before now!” Elizabeth said, trying hard not to stomp her foot on her friends porch.

“You know men. He’s probably in the saloon. We could go look for him.” Grace suggested, seeing her friend becoming agitated.

“We’ll do just that. If he’s in that saloon while I’m out here burning up in this heat…………..” She started, but stopped herself before finishing out her threat.

The two took the alley, a shortcut to the saloon as Grace continued to chatter on about the nonsense in town. Coming near the end of the alley way, both woman stopped when they saw the still form of a man lying next to the wall. His clothes askew, hat laying next to him.

“What is that?” Grace whispered holding onto her friend for comfort.

“It’s a man I think.” Elizabeth answered, walking cautiously towards the still form. Getting closer, she tried to stifle her scream, though unsuccessful. She ran to her husband, who’s face was beaten and bloodied, his shirt half off.

“Get help!” Elizabeth screamed at her friend who stood by crying softly. “You’ll be alright Adam, you just hold on.” She said grabbing his hand and squeezing it to let him know she was there. Her tears dripped onto his face as she lean over him looking for a response. “Adam.” She whispered, clutching at the sharp pain in her stomach. She doubled over as the pain struck her again, she felt the rush of fluid between her legs and knew her water had broke. She could see men running towards them from the saloon as she collapsed next to her husband.

Chapter 8

“He awake yet Pa?” Hoss asked as he came quickly into the room after checking on Elizabeth.

“Not yet. What’d the doctor say about Elizabeth?” Ben asked wiping his son’s brow once again with cool water.

“The baby’s coming, but he says we still have a few hours yet.” Hoss returned, pacing around the room. “He’s gotta wake up soon Pa, he’ll miss the birth.”

“Get some fresh water would you, I’m trying my best here Hoss.” Ben said, noticing Adam’s eyes begin to flutter. “Adam? Son, can you hear me?”

“No, don’t touch me.” Adam whispered, his hands twitching in response.

“Adam, wake up son. You’re safe now, you’re home.” Ben soothed, grabbing his twitching hand, and placing the other on his son’s cheek.”

Adam’s eyes opened as he took in the sights around him. He saw his father first, then realized he was in his father’s bed. He struggled to sit up as the pain in his head intensified.

“Pa?” He asked, trying to figure out what was real and what was a dream.

“You’re home Adam. Can you tell me who did this to you?” Ben asked, helping his son sit upright.

“Suzie. She was in the alley. ELLA! PA WHERE’S ELLA?” Adam asked, as he struggled against his father to get out of the bed.

“She’s in your room, the baby’s coming. I’ll help you there son, stop fighting me.” Ben said helping hold his son in the standing position as Hoss grabbed his other side.

“The baby, it’s too soon!” Adam whispered, his face drained of color as he made his way to his old room.

“Even with the help of his father and brother Adam stumbled into the room. Dizziness washed over him as he fought the nausea he felt. His wife lay on his bed, breathing heavily, sweat beaded on her forehead. The doctor was once again checking her progress as he sat down heavily on the bed.

“He shouldn’t be in here, he needs to be in bed!” The doctor said gruffly, seeing Adam’s eyes shining with a glossy hue, his pupils not quite right.

“You know he won’t stay in bed doc, he wants to be here for the birth.” Hoss said coming to his brother’s defense.

“At least make him comfortable, he’s got a bad concussion, sitting up like this will only put him in more danger.” Doc Martin said, seeing the babies head as he examined his patient. “She’s ready, I think it’s time for you to leave.”

“But you said she wasn’t ready, she was supposed to have a few more hours.” Ben said, sitting behind his son on the bed and leaning him against him.

“Well it’s coming now. Hoss, get Hop Sing in here!” The doctor said sternly, glaring at the unwanted company.

“ADAM!” Ella cried as she was hit full force with a contraction. She gripped the side of the bed and screamed in pain as the baby threatened to birth at any minute.

Adam winced against the sound, his head pounding. He felt himself leaning against his father, and reached out for his wife’s hand.

“Push Elizabeth, it’s time.” The doctor said, pressing gently on her stomach to help her along.

She pushed with all her might, screaming out at the agony she felt.

“Ella.” Adam whispered, feeling the nausea begin to build. He wanted so badly to comfort his wife.

“One more Ella, you can do it. Push now, push hard!” The doctor said grabbing a hold of the child and gently pulling as she pushed the shoulders free.

She sagged as she felt the pressure lessen. She saw her husband leaning against his father, the look in his eyes that of pain. She heard a child crying as she searched for the doctor.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor said, cleaning the child up and bringing him to his mother.

“Adam, he’s beautiful!” Ella cried as she was handed her newborn son. “Look at him Adam, he’s got your nose.” She laughed holding her crying child close to her body.

“I can’t see him Ella, my eyes won’t focus.” Adam said struggling to sit up, then instantly regretting it as he swallowed the vomit that had risen into his throat.

“He’s perfect.” She cooed, knowing that Ben was growing impatient, trying to get a good look at his first born grandson.

“Doctor, could you hand him to his grandfather please?” Ella asked, kissing the babies small nose.

The doctor placed the child in his Grandfather’s waiting arms. Adam still rested against his chest as he peered up at his child. Ben’s eyes flooded with tears as the mirror image of his first born stared up at him.

“He looks exactly as you did Adam.” The child squirmed within his grasp, but the crying had now stopped.

Hoss and Joe came into the room as the doctor had descended the stairs telling them it was alright. They saw their brother resting against their father’s chest, a small infant wiggling in his grasp.

“Well Pa, what is it?” Hoss asked fast approaching his father and brother.

“A boy Hoss, a beautiful baby boy.” Ben said smiling down at the newborn.

“Let me hold him Pa!” Joe said reaching out for the child in his father’s arms.

“No, Adam hasn’t held him yet.” Ben said positioning the baby on his son’s chest, and helping him support the baby.

Adam’s arms were weak as he attempted to hold his son, tears fell from his eyes as he stared into the golden honey eyes reflecting his own. With his father’s support he was able to study every feature of his son, though he saw two of him.

“I love you Ella.” Adam said, smiling as his son gazed up at him.

“We love you Adam.” Elizabeth said, her eyes already beginning to close.

“What’s his name brother?” Joe asked, tickling under the babies chin.

“Benjamin Eric Cartwright.” Adam answered, trying to decide which of the two babies he saw was the real one. “Eric.” He said, finding the right baby and kissing his cheek.

“How come you named him after Hoss, what about me!” Joe exclaimed, though his voice held no anger.

“Eric.” Adam stated plainly, looking to Ella who smiled sweetly at him before she slid into a much needed slumber.

Adam soon followed his wife, Ben feeling his arms go limp. He lifted the child easily and handed him to his uncle Hoss.

“He’s so tiny Pa. Is this what Joe was like when he was born, I don’t remember.” Hoss said, his own eyes welling with tears as he studied his nephew.

“He’s a little bigger than Joe I would say. He’s going to be tall like his father.” Ben said smiling at the gentle giant that was his middle son.

“My turn Hoss, give him here.” Joe said impatiently, he was the only one who had not yet held the child.

Hoss reluctantly handed him over after receiving a stern look from his father.

“Careful Joe, don’t drop him.” Hoss said, worry etched into his features.

“Hello Eric, I’m your uncle Joe. I’m gonna teach you all about riding horses!” Joe said, bouncing the baby gently in his arms. The baby began to cry as he was jostled about, his small cries permeating the air. Ella awoke instantly, asking Joe to allow her to hold him.

“He’s hungry.” She said, hoping the men would take the hint and leave the room.

Adam stirred slightly as Ben lifted him off his chest. He cradled his oldest son in his arms, realizing that Adam was much to heavy to be lifted this way often. He turned him carefully around and lay his sleeping son next to his wife and child. Smiling, he turned and left the room, allowing Ella and Adam the privacy they needed.

Ella held her son close as he nursed from her breast. Small suckling sounds were heard as he drank his fill. The child’s eyes drooped, he slowly drifted to sleep next to his father. Ella let him lie on her chest as she reached for her husbands hand. Holding it tight, she closed her eyes, feeling whole for the first time in her life. She had her husband and son, both safe and sound lying next to her.

Chapter 9

Adam woke to the sound of his son’s cries. It had been three weeks since he had become a father, and he was just now feeling back to himself after the attack in the alley. Suzie had not yet been captured, and Adam feared it was only the beginning. Now that she had found him again, he knew she wouldn’t’ rest until she had him back in her clutches. His wife stirred beside him, causing him to rise quickly out of bed to get his son.

Eric cried loudly as his father approached the crib, lifting him quickly to his shoulder and patting his back. The cries turned into whimpers as he bounced him up and down.

“He can’t possibly be hungry!” Ella sighed, she had gotten no more than two hours of sleep at a time for days. “He ate only a half hour ago.”

“I don’t think he’s hungry. You lay back down, I’ll take him downstairs.” Adam said walking towards the door, stopping to kiss his wife on the way out.

“Thank you honey. I’m just so tired. If he doesn’t settle down soon, bring him up here and I’ll try and feed him again.”

“Okay. I’m sure he’ll be fine, we’ll go for a little walk.” Adam said closing the door quietly behind him.

Father and son walked into the moonlight, the days hot and the nights cool. Adam held him up to his shoulder, the baby able to peer behind him as he walked. He gently patted his back, and soon the whimpers ceased as the baby studied the world around him. They walked past the barn and onto the small footpath in the trees.

“What do you think Eric. You think this is the right spot for our house?”

Adam asked turning his son around, leaning him against his chest. They had walked for near an hour through the footpath, coming to an open clearing overlooking rolling hills and a pond off in the distance.

“This very spot is where your mother and I created you, we had a picnic right under this tree.” He smiled, remembering their secret rendezvous, escaping the ever present eyes and ears of his family.

Eric grunted and nestled his head into his fathers neck. Adam knew that this would be home, he had already started designing their house long before his son was born. Ella had added a few details, and together they chose how many rooms, where they would be, and who would occupy them. Elizabeth had wanted six bedrooms, a sitting room, and family room, a kitchen in the back, and a large dining room large enough to hold a big family and multiple guests. Adam of course obliged, and decided it would be best to wait until the baby was born before beginning construction, this would not be an easy project.

Standing with his son who was sleeping nestled in his neck, he imagined the house, standing in the clearing, smoke rising from the chimney and children playing in the yard.

“Well, we have to get you back to the house sleepy head. This’ll be the longest your mother has slept since you made your arrival little man.” Adam smiled, kissing the babies raven hair.

They walked back towards the ranch house, Adam enjoying the closeness between he and his son.

Eric slept soundly as they walked onto the porch, Adam grabbed the Indian blanket Hop Sing had left drying and sat them down in the rocker. Covering them both with the blanket Adam cradled his son carefully and lay back his head, closing his eyes. Eric made small sucking sounds as he snuggled closer to his father, both falling into a deep slumber.

“Hey big brother.” Joe said coming onto the porch early that morning. He put a foot on the rail, and lightly punched Adam’s shoulder.

Adam opened one eye, wondering why Joe was in his room. Seeing the yard and barn looming in the distance, he soon realized he was not in his bed. He felt his son squirm against him as he opened both eyes, and lifted the baby to his chest.

“Ella is not going to be happy with you.” Joe teased, reaching forward and taking his nephew from his brother.

“Is she up?” Adam asked with alarm, standing from the chair and trying to fix his hair.

“Nope. You better get inside and fix yourself up. If Pa or Ella find out you slept with the baby outside…………” Joe didn’t have time to finish his statement, Adam turned and fled into the house.

He went to the kitchen first, seeing Hop Sing standing near the stove. Turning quickly before he was spotted, he took the stairs to at a time into the guest room. He was caught, Elizabeth stood in the guestroom, staring at the never slept in bed. She turned to him, her eyes dark as she asked about her son.

“Where is the baby Adam?” She asked stepping towards him.

“He’s with Joe.” Adam answered, taking a step towards the door.

“Where did you two sleep if not in here? You weren’t on the settee either, I checked with Hop Sing.” He lips were in a tight line as she took another step towards him.

“Um Ella, let me explain.” Adam stepped into the hallway as he spoke, hoping to make a quick escape.

“You slept all night outside with our three week old son! Do you realize the risk, he could get deathly ill Adam! What on earth were you THINKING?” Her voice rose as she now stood face to face with him, his back against the banister.

“It…it was and accident Ella. You were sleeping so nicely, I just………” Adam felt a breath on his neck as he turned to see its source. His father stood next to him, as close as Elizabeth, there was no where to turn.

“YOU JUST WHAT!” Elizabeth yelled, causing Adam to jump, the dread of his father now being there had caused him to forget her presence. As the lecture began, Adam let his mind wander back to a time when he was in a situation similar to this.

“Just where have you been young man!?” Marie yelled as she approached Adam who had snuck into the kitchen after his late night adventure.

Adam jumped and spun around, choking on the sandwich he had just made. “What hour do you call this! I told you not to be out past dark, and here you are coming in after midnight. If your father was home………….”

“Marie? What is going on, what is this yelling?” Ben asked coming into the kitchen. He had ridden through the night in hopes to make it home in enough time to enjoy the evening with his wife.

“Benjamin, you are home.” Marie said startled by her husbands sudden arrival. Her voice lightened for a moment, but quickly changed as she turned to address her son. “And just what were you doing at this time of night may I ask!”

“You mean he’s just getting in?” Ben asked, turning a cold hard stare towards Adam who stood in between his parents, his head hanging low.

“Yes. I’m waiting for an explanation as to why my sixteen year old son thinks he can stay out as late as he wants.” She was tapping her foot now, Adam knew this was a bad sign.

“WELL!” Ben yelled, causing his son to jump.

“Um…..I…Well……..I………………..” He couldn’t get out a sentence. Standing in between his parents when they were angry caused his head to spin. He didn’t know who to address, or how. If he could speak to them one at a time, maybe he could come up with a quick answer.

“THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS ADAM! YOU KNOW YOU ARE TO BE HOME BY DARK, NOW ANSWER YOUR MOTHER!” Ben boomed, Adam was sure the whole territory of Nevada was now awake.

He had just finished saying there was no excuse, now he wanted him to answer his mother. Wouldn’t that be an excuse, what was he supposed to do.

“Get up to your room, we will discuss this in the morning!” Marie said, storming past him and out of the kitchen.

“Don’t you think this is the end of this conversation young man. I want to know where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing!” Ben said, turning his back on his son and following his wife.

Did he want to know now, if so, was Adam supposed to follow. This was way to confusing, he took a step to follow his father.

“Listen to your mother!” Ben yelled as Adam started to follow them.

“No son of mine will stay out all night doing goodness knows what with goodness knows who. I expect an explanation and a good one too. Don’t think you’re too old to feel my hairbrush young man……….” Marie continued her tirade as she stormed up the stairs. Adam stood at the bottom, trying to decipher when he was supposed to speak or not. She made it to her room, Ben following close behind, then closing the door tight behind them. Feeling that the coast was clear, Adam took each stair one at a time watching his parents closed bedroom door, wondering what in the world had just happened.

Adam was brought back to the present as he felt himself being poked in the chest.

“And I expect you to be more responsible in the future, now what do you have to say for yourself?” Ben boomed, inches from his sons ear.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” Adam said, swallowing hard, realizing he had no idea what had been said through this entire confrontation.

“Sorry humph!” Ben said, putting his arm around his daughter in law who was crying. “You should be ashamed of yourself making her cry like this. I can’t believe you, putting yourself and your son in danger. If you were ten years younger you wouldn’t be sitting comfortably for a long while young man!” His father finished, leading his wife down the stairs.

“Ten years ago I would have been twenty five, I highly doubt what you just said Pa. Besides, I think I would have rather taken a tanning than listened to you two go on.” Adam mumbled under his breath as he turned to follow.

“What did you say!” Ben hollered, Adam stumbled down the next step.

“Um I said I hope Hop Sing has the coffee on.” He answered, smiling his best innocent smile as the two of them scowled back.

“I’m sure he does.” Ben answered, taking his daughter in laws arm once again while glaring at his son.

Adam steered his way towards the kitchen once again, his wife and father going to the porch to retrieve the baby from Joe. He grabbed a coffee cup and poured himself a cup while standing at the counter. He took a sip, but instantly spit it out as his behind was hit hard by a wooden spoon. He turned to see his attacker as another whack came, then another. He moved away quickly, trying to turn himself around as he met the eyes of the Chinese cook. Hop Sing followed him, wielding his wooden spoon as he ranted in Chinese.

“Shame on Mr. Adam, put number one grandchild in path of danger!” Hop Sing ranted, continuing his tirade towards Adam’s behind.

Adam made it out the back door, leaving a still ranting Hop Sing in his wake. He rubbed his behind as he made his way towards the barn. With everyone mad at him, he sure could use some alone time. Walking towards Sports stall his old friend whinnied his greeting. Adam sat in front of the stall, his head resting against the door. Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his mind and steer his focus away from his stinging bottom. He felt someone sit down next to him, but avoided looking their way, fearing another lecture.

“Hey brother, a little trouble this morning.” Hoss said, sitting next to his older brother, their arms touching.

“Hmm.” Adam answered, pulling his knees to his chest, hiding his face in his arms.

“The barn isn’t the best place to hide ya know. Pa’ll be out here any minute to saddle up Buck, he and Ella are going into town.” Hoss patted his brother’s arm, then pulled him to stand.

“Hoss, what are you doing?” Adam asked as he was yanked to his feet against his will.

“I’m saving you from another lecture, unless you would rather stay here.” Hoss laughed, seeing the look of surprise then dread cross his brother’s face.

“I could use a little saving I think. What’d you have in mind?” Adam asked, hearing the front door of the ranch house slam closed.

“Follow me, and make it quick older brother.” Hoss said turning towards the back door of the barn.

Hoss led him around the side of the barn, then ran towards the woods. Adam followed close behind, Hoss beginning to trot now that they were in the woods. They followed a narrow twisting path through the tree’s, finally stopping to rest on a fallen log.

“Where we going Hoss?” Adam asked breathing heavily.

“Still a ways yet, thought we needed a rest.” Hoss answered, trying to catch his own breath.

“You thought right, but I still don’t know where we’re going.” His breath was coming much more evenly as he surveyed the area around him.

“Patience is a virtue brother, something you’re going to need a lot of once that youngin of your’s gets older.” Hoss said standing again, and heading to the left.

Adam stood and followed, he didn’t remember exploring this area ever. He thought he had known every inch of the Ponderosa. After another rest stop, and a long trek Hoss stopped. There was a small log cabin resting in between a set of four trees, the corners of the cabin touching each tree.

“What’s this Hoss?” Adam asked as Hoss pried the door open.

“My hide out.” He answered plainly, bending low to enter the cabin.

“Hide out? I didn’t know you had a hide out, when………..”

“When you left. It was hard for me Adam, you going to college and all, leaving me behind. I was only thirteen, Joe was seven and full of questions. Every time he would cry for you it would break my heart. I needed a place of my own to go to and think about things.” Hoss sat in the corner of the hideout. There were a few newspapers scattered about, as well as an old book of poetry.

“You came here a lot? What would you think about?” Adam asked making himself comfortable next to his brother after picking up the book of poetry.

“Why you wanted to leave us? What was beyond the Ponderosa that would be so important to you that you would leave us all behind. I knew you liked learning, but that didn’t change the fact that I had never been away from you longer than a day my whole life. I just had a hard time dealing with being alone, being the older brother with out you around to guide me. I built this place without anyone ever knowing. I built it for us, trying to hold on to the last bit of childhood I felt I had.” Adam stared at his brother, their eyes locked together. This was the first he had ever heard of Hoss’s struggle with his absence.

“I missed you the most. Sure I missed Pa and Joe, but you were my best friend ya know. Remember how late we would stay up just talking about things? Remember the trouble we got into doing it. The first night I stayed at Grandfather Stoddard’s I cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t imagine not being able to go to your room and tell you about my day, you telling me about yours. I wrote you a letter that night. It said everything I felt about our relationship, how much it meant to me that you were my brother. I never sent it of course, the next morning I threw it in the fireplace. It was always hard for me to express my feelings, I couldn’t stand the thought of something like that on paper staring me in the face.”

“When you moved to Boston after you got kidnapped I was sure I’d never see you again. I came back here night after night seeking the comfort it used to give me. I couldn’t find it. I was afraid you’d never come back.” Hoss’s eyes misted as he felt Adam squeeze his arm.

“I didn’t know if I would come back. So much happened Hoss, I didn’t know who I was anymore. But, I’d thought of you every day, the ranch, what I was missing. I wanted to come back, but my life was in Boston, I had my wife, my business. Then when I got that letter about Pa being ill…….” Adam stopped to clear his throat, the memory of opening that letter and the flood of emotion that came with it causing him to shudder. “I knew I had screwed up, that now things would never be the same again, I could never have what I did. I had taken my family for granted, thinking things would never change, that when I made up my mind to go home everyone would be there to greet me. Then Pa……..I had to come home, if not for his sake, then for mine, for yours. We needed to be together, I needed my family, I needed you.” Adam finished, brushing his sleeve across his eyes.

“We’re glad to have you back brother. Is it for good this time though?” Hoss asked, his own throat tightening.

“It’s for good, my life’s here. My son, I want him to grow up as we did after we got here. I want a steady home for him, a steady life. I want him to know his uncle’s, we’re all he’s got.” The two sat together in amicable silence, neither feeling the need to say more. The air grew thick in the small cabin, but neither was willing to break the moment.

“Remember when we got here Adam, to the Ponderosa I mean. Remember what it felt like to finally be home?” Hoss asked smiling, breaking the silence in the process.

“We stopping here for the night Pa?” Eleven year old Adam asked as he felt the wagon pull to a stop. The sun was setting and his stomach was rumbling. They’d had little food these last few days, Adam had given his share to his brother when his father wasn’t looking.

“Seems like a good spot. Help your brother out of the wagon please, then get wood for the fire.” Ben answered, his bones weary from too many days on the hard road.

“I can do it myself Pa, I’m a big boy now, Adam said so!” Hoss declared refusing his brother’s hand as he jumped out of the back of the wagon.

“I’ll set up camp too Pa, you going hunting?” Adam asked taking Hoss’s hand and squeezing in hopes to silence him. He worried Pa would not like his new declaration and the fact that he had went against his fathers word.

“Yes, I’m going hunting. Watch out for your brother, I’ll be back as soon as I can, I won’t go far.” Ben said grabbing his rifle and walking towards the woods.

The two watched as their father disappeared into the woods. Adam was still squeezing Hoss’s hand as Hoss tried to pull it away. Adam let go and watched as his brother started gathering wood for the fire. He had gathered several small logs, and a few twigs before Adam joined him. Together they made a nice tall stack of firewood which Adam set up for a fire. Retrieving the matches from his father’s saddle bags he started the small fire. Hoss watched him carefully in hopes that one day he would be allowed to start the fire.

“Hey Adam can I tries a match?” Hoss asked reaching towards the sticks.

“Nope. We need to set up camp, grab the bedrolls would ya?” Adam asked, sliding the unused matches back into his father’s saddle bag.

“When’ll I get to use them matches Adam, I’s big enough now!” Hoss pouted, his lower lip jutting out.

“When Pa says you can Hoss, you don’t wanna risk a necessary talk do ya. Besides, I was way older than you before Pa let me use the matches, it just takes time little brother.” Adam turned towards the wagon and grabbed out the bedrolls, throwing one of them to Hoss. “Let’s find a spot to sleep, looks like it’s gonna be a good night for sleepin under the stars.”

“I’m gonna set mine over here by the fire. Hey Adam, come here!” Hoss yelled, setting his bed roll down and turning towards a small path in the trees.

“What is it Hoss, we got work to do.” Adam said walking towards his brother who was bent over, hands on knees peering through the woods.

“Lets take a look, only for a minute.” The five year old turned his sweet smile to his brother, knowing Adam was a sucker for that look.

“Hoss, we’ll get in trouble. You know we’re not supposed to leave camp.” Adam said melting under his brothers gaze.

“We’ll only go for a minute, just to see if it keeps going.” Hoss started towards the woods knowing already that he had gotten his way. He heard Adam’s footsteps following and quickened his pace to see how far he could get.

The two walked steadily along, the path winding and continuing far into the distance. They studied the wild flowers, the trees, the leaves along the trail. Unknowingly both of them were feeling a warmth in their hearts, a sort of calm among the trees here. Reaching a clearing the two lay on their backs for a quick rest. Through the clearing they could see mountains in the distance, a fog settled among their tops giving them an eerie appearance. A pond stood a distance away, the sun light setting, covering it with a glinting stream of light. The two sat up, both lost in their own feelings of peace. Time passed as the two sat, it had been a long time since they had felt so calm. Traveling the long road west had the two up in arms most of the time, they constantly worried for their safety. They tried to hide it from each other as well as their father, but at night they would huddle close together seeking comfort from the unknown on the trail.

“Hey Adam, Maybe we could move camp over here.” Hoss whispered not wanting to stir the beauty surrounding them.

“No, Pa couldn’t get the wagon back here, can’t camp without supplies. Besides, we already started the fire.” Adam answered. Realizing they had been gone a long while he jump up quickly. “Hoss, we gotta go, Pa’s gonna get back soon!” He grabbed his brother’s hand pulling him to his feet. The two ran back down the footpath they had taken.

Ben walked through the woods a short ways, listening for the sound of his sons while he searched for food. He hated leaving them alone in a new place, he worried constantly about running into to trouble. He thought of their journey and the trials they had faced. Losing his wife, Hoss’s mother in Colorado, having to hide while Indians or drifters ransacked their camps. His son’s tried hard to be brave, but at night he could hear them crying in their sleep. He would sit between them when this happened, his own eyes dripping tears as he prayed they would be safe throughout the remainder of their journey. Once they made it through Colorado the trail became easier, but worry still loomed ahead. The boys no longer cried each night, but still lay huddled together.

Hearing a sound in front of him Ben stopped in his tracks. He was hoping for a good catch tonight, they hadn’t eaten much in days. A bunny crossed his path as he took aim. He got it easily, then listened as he once again heard a creature moving about. A second bunny came into view and soon he held them both, carrying his prize back towards camp. He surveyed the area around him for the first time, a sense of peace washing through him. He wondered at this feeling, he hadn’t felt this way since he had lost Inger. Why here? Why now? He thought as he trekked back into camp. His boys sat next to the fire, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts. He smiled and called out to them, showing them their prize. Hoss whooped and Adam smiled his dimpled smile. Together they prepared the meal, then sat up for hours enjoying each other’s company. Hoss falling asleep against his father’s side, Adam resting his head on his father’s leg as he lay stretched out.

“Hey Pa?” Adam asked, looking to the stars, finding his favorite constellations.

“Yes?” Ben asked rubbing a hand through Adam’s hair, his palm resting on Hoss’s shoulder as he slept.

“Never mind.” Adam said wanting to tell his father how he felt, but not knowing how to express it.

“You okay?” Ben asked feeling his son sigh beneath him.

“Uh huh. I think I’m gonna turn in. Night Pa.” Adam said standing and heading for his bed roll.

“Good night son, sleep well.” Ben said watching Adam curl up in his bedroll near the fire. Usually he would move his roll next to Hoss’s, but tonight he seemed content to stay on the other side of the fire.

Ben shifted positions, lifting his youngest son into his arms. He lay him carefully in his bed, then headed towards the wagon. He gathered the supplies he would need for the next day, then lay down himself. Each of them fell into a peaceful slumber.

“Morning Pa.” Hoss greeted when his father came back from his trip to the woods.

“Good morning Hoss, sleep well?” Ben asked smiling, seeing his sons hair standing on end, dirt smudges across his face. “Looks like we need a bath doesn’t it son.”

Adam awoke to the sound of his father and brother bantering back and forth playfully, they seemed to be comparing layers of dirt. Adam smiled, realizing he had slept through the night, never waking to worry over one thing or another.

“You up now sleepy head? Thought you planned to sleep until lunch.” Ben teased, holding his youngest on his hip. “We’re heading to get cleaned up, gather your things please.”

Adam rolled out of bed, taking a minute to pack his bedroll and throw it in the wagon. He grabbed a change of clothes and walked back towards his father and brother.

“Pa, me and Adam knows a place where we can wash up!” Hoss piped up smiling.

Ben heard his oldest son suck in a deep breath, then noticed the glare he shot at his little brother.

“You do?” Ben said, waiting to see how this exchange would turn out.

“Uh huh. Follow me Pa, I know the way.” Hoss said turning towards the small footpath to his left.

“You two do some exploring?” Ben said, a slight hint of anger in his voice which Adam recognized immediately.

“Wait till you see it Pa, it’s the most beautiful place I ever see’d.” Hoss started trotting down the path, Ben waited for his oldest to catch up to them.

“You two left camp?” Ben asked, his eyes darkening just a bit as he addressed Adam.

Adam remained silent as he avoided his father’s eyes. This was the answer Ben was expecting.

“We’ll talk about this later young man.” Ben warned, making sure to emphasize the word talk, his euphemism for spanking. Adam kept his head low as the two hurried to catch up with their leader.

Finally making it to the clearing Hoss spread his arms wide, spinning in a circle.

“See it Pa, ain’t it beautiful!” He said walking back to his father and grabbing his fingers.

“It is quite beautiful Hoss.” Ben said, sitting on a fallen log at the edge of the clearing. He saw the mountains, the pond, the lush green grass. He allowed that warm feeling to pass through him again as he took a deep breath of the clean fresh air.

“C’mon Pa, lets get cleaned!” Hoss said grabbing Adam’s hand and reaching for his father. Ben walked as if in a dream towards the glittering pond. The boys stepped in to the cool water and started their bathing. Soon, the bathing turned into an all out water fight between the three. They stopped only when their stomachs growled, letting them know it was past time for breakfast.

Not another word was spoken of their disobedience as breakfast was cooked and served. Adam wondered at the smile his father had worn all morning, he hoped it would stay. Breakfast finished, but no one set about tearing down camp. Instead, they sat with each other, Ben telling them stories of his childhood as the boys listened intently.

The day passed by, the three enjoying each other’s company. Adam slipped off towards the woods as his father and brother played together near the fire. Sitting at the edge of the trees, Adam let his mind wander. He pictured a house, standing in the midst of the trees. A barn standing off to the right, a well in the middle of the yard. The house was simple, a few rooms large enough for he and his family to live comfortably. He didn’t notice when his father sat down next to him, nor did he realize his dimpled smile shown plainly on his face.

“Wool gathering son?” Ben asked bringing his son out of his dream by placing a hand on his knee. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Pa, can we stay here a few more days?” Adam asked, his smile fading as he met his father’s eyes. Ben noticed a glow in his son he hadn’t seen before.

“You like it here?” He asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

“I don’t know Pa, I thought getting to California was the most important thing, but when I think about leaving here……….I just………” His eyes held his father’s, his hands found his father’s hands as he held his gaze. “We’re home Pa. I feel it, I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want to leave Pa, we won’t find anything else as good as this. Don’t you feel it too? Please Pa, can’t we just stay here?” Adam finished, he squeezed tightly to his father’s hand, his expression shone his hope that his father would allow them to stay.

“Home. Sounds nice that word. I think you’re right son, I felt it yesterday while I was hunting. I tried several times today to begin tearing down camp, but I couldn’t do it. I…..” Ben was interrupted as Hoss threw his arms around his neck.

“Know what Pa, I think a house would be real good right where the fire is. We could have a barn and some animals. Me and Adam could share a room.” Hoss said, hugging his father tightly, hearing the end of their conversation.

“We have a lot of work to do then.” Ben smiled, squeezing back his oldest hands and kissing his youngest’s cheek.

The three cheered loudly, startling the horses which stood grazing nearby. Ben grabbed the axe out of the wagon and explained to his son’s how to begin making plans for their house. Adam set quickly to drawing a diagram on the last of his paper in the wagon. Hoss sat next to him, giving his opinion of the rooms, where they should set, and how they should look. The three worked late into the evening, missing dinner all together, but no one even noticing. They were home, nothing else mattered now. They had each other, and for them, they felt more full than any good meal could ever provide.

“I still have that drawing. I found it when we left Boston, Ella had packed it along with my others. I don’t think she even knew that was the ranch house. It didn’t exactly turn out as planned did it.” Adam smiled, remembering how they had wanted just a few small rooms in the beginning. They had added on nearly every year since then.

“It’s a little bigger than planned I think.” Hoss laughed, he and Adam had shared a loft room for a period of time, but soon they each had a room of their own.

“I’m moving out Hoss. I have the plans for Ella and I’s house. I’m going to start building it tomorrow, if you’re not too busy…………” Adam started but was interrupted by a hard slap to his back.

“Course I’ll help older brother, it’ll be like old times again. You still planning on building in that same spot you picked when we was kids?” Hoss asked, giving his brother’s neck a squeeze.

“Sure am. I could think of no better spot.” He answered, pushing his brother’s arm off him and standing up. “Better get back to the house, I’m in enough trouble as it is, and who know’s what Joe is teaching my son.” Adam began his trek back to the house, Hoss following close behind.

“Probably has him riding bare back by now. Little brother’s determined for our nephew to follow in his footsteps.”

“Horseman or not, Eric’s gonna do great either way.” He knew his son would be perfect no matter what he did, his future full of possibilities.

“The coast is clear brother. Boy are you in trouble.” Joe laughed, seeing his two brother’s walk up to the house.

“Where’s Eric?” Adam asked seeing Joe empty handed.

“She took him to town. He might get hungry, and I think she said something about her husband not knowing a thing about responsibility.” Joe laughed again, clapping Hoss on the back as he walked into the house.

Adam turned dark eye’s on his brother, who was he to talk about responsibility! Joe continued to giggle as Adam stopped in front of him.

“That’s enough Joe.” Adam said, his voice low. Hoss had already entered the house, leaving the door open for his brother’s to follow.

“I don’t think you’ll be allowed alone with Eric for a while brother, seeing as how you’re so irresponsible.” Joe laughed again, enjoying his teasing. He didn’t see Adam’s expression go dark as his hands went to fists at his side.

“Irresponsible huh. You’re standing there talking to me about responsibility, how long you been hanging out here Joe, don’t you know we have a ranch to run.” Adam stood nearly nose to nose with his little brother, Joe’s laughter turned to anger as he was confronted.

“Settle down Adam, I was only kidding. I’ve been working on the logging contract all morning if you must know. And just what have you been doing?” Joe said, his own hands turning to fists.

“Joe, Adam, you coming in?” Hoss reappeared at the door hoping to stop the impending argument between his oldest and youngest brother.

“Well stop. I don’t need someone like you lecturing me on responsibility!” Adam stormed, ignoring his middle brother completely.

“Someone like me! And what is that older brother?” Joe said standing taller in front of Adam.

“Someone that can’t even get themselves up on time, let alone do a man’s day of work!” Adam said, his voice full of annoyance.

The first punch hit him on the temple, causing Adam to fall back against Hoss. He stood stunned for only a second before retaliating with a punch of his own. Joe’s nose bloodied instantly as the two attacked each other, knocking Hoss off the porch step and onto the ground. Hoss tried to separate the two, but instead ended up tangled in the mess of flying arms and legs. The three tumbled into the yard, each brother gaining the upper hand on one another. Rolling towards the well, Adam and Joe traded punches. Hoss tried his best to get a hold of one or the other, but after several misguided punches landed squarely in the mouth, he decided he’d join the fight.

Ben and Elizabeth rode back towards the ranch, Eric wailing his displeasure all the way. As they approached the ranch house, they noticed three men tangled together in the yard. Ben snapped the team to move faster, then handed the reigns to Elizabeth as he jumped down from the buggy.

“STOP IT!” Ben hollered, hearing his grandson’s cries increase in sound. The boys continued their battle, rolling into Ben’s feet. He stepped back and reached for Joe’s shirt, trying to pull the boy off his brothers.

“DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID! STOP IT!” Ben boomed again. Once again he was ignored, the boys continued fighting. Adam caught a hard blow to the stomach as Joe swung out at Hoss. Hoss tossed Joe away from him, allowing Adam to get in a sucker punch. Ben reached in to the crowd, finding Hoss’s collar and pulling him away. Adam caught him, and landed a blow to Hoss’s chest. Hoss fell back against his father, Ben lost his footing and fell into the pile. He felt a punch land on his right cheek, then suddenly all was still. He wrestled his way out of the crowd, standing up he turned on his boys. His face was red, where the punch landed even redder. The boys lay staring up at him each face registering shock and fear.

“I would like to know just what is going on here!” Ben said, his temper on the rise.

The boys stared at him silently, each one held battle scars, Adam two black eyes, Joe a bloodied nose and black eye, Hoss a goose egg on his forehead and bloodied lip.

“ANSWER ME!” Ben boomed, each man jumped, then tried to scramble to their feet. “Someone owes me an explanation here.” He said, his voice going lower. “Adam, Hoss, Joe!”

Adam and Joe instantly looked at Hoss, automatically nominating him the spokesperson. Hoss wiped his hands on his pants, staring at his father and trying to figure out what to say.

“We were just settling a little dispute Pa.” Hoss said, not knowing what else to say.

“A LITTLE DISPUTE! ROLLING AROUND ON THE GROUND LIKE SCHOOL BOYS! ARE YOU WITHOUT SENSE! DID I RAISE YOU THREE TO FIGHT ON THE GROUND WITH EACHOTHER!” Adam squirmed as his father continued to get louder. His lecture increasing in volume, his words vibrating in Adam’s head. He had a headache, he could feel his eyes swelling, and he just wanted to go lay down. He took a step backwards, but was stopped by Hoss’s hand behind his back. Thankfully his father hadn’t noticed his movement, otherwise another lecture was certain, this one pertaining to respect.

The three stood side by side enduring the long lecture as their father continued his tirade. When he got this way, it was best to remain silent and allow the storm to pass. Adam felt a sneeze coming on, and did his best to hold it in. Joe standing beside him noticed his brother’s discomfort, Adam was struggling, which caused Joe to smile slightly. Hoss seeing Joe’s smile out of the corner of his eye nudged his brother, which caused him to fall into Adam. Adam lost his concentration and sneezed directly in his father’s face who was now standing in front of him. The lecture abruptly ended. Adam whose eyes had now swelled nearly closed tried to apologize, but was interrupted by Joe’s contagious giggle. Though he could barely see, Adam saw the look of pure surprise on his father’s face. Joe’s shoulders shaking beside him caused a smile to cross his lips. He was fast losing the battle of keeping it together. Ben stepped back and watched two of his sons shake with silent laughter. He looked to Hoss who was struggling as well. Fearing his son’s had lost their sense, he turned towards the house. They would have to finish this discussion later. Maybe the three had knocked each other senseless.

Joe fell to the ground after his father went into the house, clutching his stomach in a fit of laughter. Adam sank to his knees beside him, throwing an arm against Joe’s stomach as he laughed. Hoss sat on his bottom, letting out his laughter as well.

“I can’t believe that just happened!” Joe laughed, settling down and sitting up next to his brother’s.

“Who hit Pa?” Adam asked, remembering the red mark forming on his father’s already reddened face.

“I don’t know!” Hoss laughed, still clutching his side. “I think we all took a swing. I’ll tell you what though, you and Joe’s fighting stopped right quick!”

“I thought we were going to be killed. You remember when we hit Pa with that rock when we were kids. He walked into the line of fire, but we sure paid for that!” Joe said recalling how he and his brother’s were put to work whitewashing the barn, the bunkhouse, and digging a new hole for the outhouse.

“Yeah, he made us work day and night for a month straight. Can’t believe he just walked away from us.” Hoss said, finally collecting himself and getting to his feet.

“It was Adam’s fault, he wasn’t even paying attention during the lecture, then the look on his face when he tried not to sneeze. I couldn’t take it!” Joe started laughing again.

“How do you know I wasn’t paying attention. I was standing there like the rest of you.” Adam said turning an innocent look towards his little brother.

“I know that look too. You should a seen him when he was a kid Joe, Pa would lay into him, and I could see those poetry sonnets running through his eyes.” Hoss pushed his brother towards the barn, then moved in front of him.

“Don’t know how Pa can’t tell that you’re not listening. You have a certain stare, to outsiders they would think they had your full attention, but we know that look older brother, and someday Pa’s gonna figure it out. Then you’re gonna get it.”

“You know, I’m a father now, I have a child of my own, still when Pa gives me that look and says my name in a certain way, I still feel like I’m in for a tanning. You know, I get that painful tingle just about here!” Adam said with a smile, rubbing his rear end.

“It’ll never change Adam, even if you have a whole brood of children. In fact, I doubt it would matter, Pa’ll still tan our tails, I wouldn’t doubt it.” Hoss returned, each brother beginning to muck out a stall.

“How old were you Adam when you got your last tanning?” Joe asked, hoping he wasn’t the only one to retrieve that treatment in the later years of his life.

“I remember, it was right before you left for college. Boy was Pa upset with you!” Hoss pushed his brother’s arm, memories flooding through him. “You went to that brothel on D street remember.”

“How could I forget. Got the worst tanning of my life that night, see, I got that tingle again.” Adam said his hands finding his bottom once again.

“C’mon Adam, you’re leaving soon. You have to sew some wild oats before you go, besides, who’s gonna find out. Your eighteen Adam, a man, take a risk, what’ll your father do any way, you’re leaving in a week.” Ross chided his best friend who was reluctant upon going to the new brothel that opened on D street. There was a group of four of them who planned to go, they sat in the saloon sharing a bottle of whiskey.

“He’ll kill me that’s what he’ll do. What if someone recognizes us?” Adam said downing his third shot of whiskey.

“What’s a matter Cartwright, ain’t man enough to risk facing up to Daddy.” Dave challenged him, he had never much cared for Adam Cartwright’s company anyway.

“Yeah Adam, you too scared to come with us.” John said pushing Adam’s arm and causing him to slosh the whiskey onto his clothing.

“I’m not scared.” Adam drawled, his eyes darkening beneath his lashes.

“Let’s go then!” Ross said, pushing his chair back and leading the group towards the door. Adam reluctantly followed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and bringing it with him. The boys arrived to the brothel none too quietly, they each had consumed a fair amount of liquor, their voices were loud as they entered the room. “Hey there boys, welcome to Marionette’s.” One of the girls greeted as they walked in the door. She went straight to Adam, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the chair in the corner. Three more girls appeared, each grabbing one of the group and pulling towards the chairs around the room, Dave headed straight upstairs. Adam felt the liquor in his system. He lost his inhibitions, and found himself caressing the bare leg of the woman on his lap. “You ever been with a women sweetie?” The female cooed as she stroked his cheek and hair. “

Um….I….I….” Adam stammered, he didn’t feel right all of the sudden, what was he doing! “I’m sorry, I gotta go. I shouldn’t be doing this, it isn’t right. I’m sorry.” He stammered, pushing the lady to her feet and standing to leave.

“But you’ve only just arrived. I have a lot I want to show you, wouldn’t you like a tour?” She sighed, her tongue brushing his ear.

“No thank you ma’am. I’ll just be going. Is there anything I could do to help you, maybe get you out of this place?” He asked, he felt terrible about the things these women had to do to survive.

“What?” She asked, wondering if she’d heard him right.

“Maybe I could help you get out of here, you know, get a job somewhere else.” He said walking towards the door, her hand in his.

“You’re willing to get me out of here?” She said her voice full of surprise.

“Yeah, I mean yes. Just tell me what I can do for you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here, I’m not the type to degrade women this way. You seem like a really nice girl in a bad situation. Let’s get out of here where we can figure something out a little more privately.” He said as he was soon surrounded by a group of girls.

The other girls began pulling at him, each trying to gain his attention. The door burst open behind him, he was grabbed roughly around the middle. He felt himself being pulled out the door, the group of girls wide eyed with astonishment. Feeling his feet hit the dirt on the ground he turned on his attacker. Meeting the eyes of his father, his heart dropped to his shoes. He tried to stammer an explanation, but his voice was silenced as his father lifted him bodily onto his horse. Ben mounted behind his son, and set Buck into motion. Stunned, Adam sat silently as they rode through town. His face reddened as he heard laughter and taunts around him, he riding with his father like a toddler. Any attempt to speak was silenced by Ben, his gruff voice leaving no room for argument. The ride to the ranch house was the longest in Adam’s life, his back ached from riding double and the liquor mixed with his swirling emotions made him feel sick. Once home they dismounted, Ben pushing Adam towards the barn, leaving Buck tied up out front.

“Let me explain Pa, I wasn’t going to do anything.” Adam said feeling himself being pushed towards the barn.

“Not a word young man!” Ben whispered as he made it into the barn. “No son of mine will ever step foot in a brothel. Thank the Lord I was in town or who knows what would have happened. I taught you better than that Adam, I am ashamed of you. You will never step foot near there again! Do you understand me! If your boots even touch the dust on D street, so help me……..” Adam tensed as his father stopped speaking. This wasn’t good, wasn’t good at all. “

Pa, I didn’t plan to go in there, it just happened. I was leaving when you came in, you didn’t……..”

“ENOUGH! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! I thought you were a mature adult Adam, ready to handle the responsibilities that come with being a man. Well I can see that I was wrong, how can I let you leave now, knowing you would partake in such activities!”

“Your wrong, I wasn’t going to……….” Adam felt himself being pushed over the saddle stand, a position he knew well, but dreaded all the same.

“Bend over! I already told you to be quiet. This is a lesson you won’t soon forget!”

“He tanned my tail good. I remember him lecturing while he tanned me, he hardly ever did that. I never did get a chance to tell him my side of things, but I did go back to that brothel. Her name was Cathy, she was my age. I worked it out to where she would live with a family in Virginia until she could get on her feet. Her parents had died the year before in a stage coach accident. She was left to fend for herself at seventeen. She wrote me a few times, but the letters stopped coming after a month or so. I don’t know what happened to her.” Adam remembered hearing her story, she had cried, holding tight to him. He did his best to comfort her, provided the money for her ticket to Virginia.

“Adam, I would like to speak with you.” The three brother’s turned, hearing Elizabeth’s voice behind them.

Hoss turned quickly, grabbing his little brother’s arm and leading him towards the doors of the barn. Joe’s high pitched giggle could be heard all the way to the ranch house. Adam faced his wife, rubbing his hands over his swollen eyes, trying to clear her blurred face.

“Come in the house so we can tend to you.” She said, wincing at the two swollen eyes and bruised lip.

“Is it safe to go in yet?” He asked, his tone serious.

“You mean is your father still upset?” She said, the clipped way she spoke caused butterflies to swell in Adam’s stomach. He nodded his reply. “It is not your father you should be worried about.”

She turned and walked from the barn, Adam paused before following behind. They went in the back way, and up the back stairs to Adam’s obvious relief. He held tight to the rail as his eyes did not allow for very good vision. She took his arm and led him to the bed, pushing him down none to gently as she collected the water basin. Grabbing a towel, she soaked it in water then put it to his lip. Instinctively he took hold of it, holding it steady.

“Stay here.” He heard as the bedroom door closed.

He held the towel to his bloodied lip, and rethought the events that had passed. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep with the baby outside, he thought he was doing his wife a favor, allowing her to sleep. He felt guilty for putting his son at risk, he said a little prayer that no sickness would follow. The door opened again, then banged shut. He could no longer see now, the passing of time causing the swelling to increase. He felt the pressure of a cold compress pushed against his eyes, then felt the wieght of his wife sit down beside him. He remained silent, waiting to see how this would all play out. He had only made her angry once before, he prayed he would not face that wrath again.

“Adam, I am very angry with you right now.” She started quietly, an edge to her voice. “You were irresponsible, thoughtless, and now look at you. Instead of working to correct your actions you fight with your brother’s in the front yard. Did you even hear your son screaming?”

His shoulders sagged next to her. In the midst of the fight he had heard nothing but the soft grunts of his brother’s as they landed the blows.

“With all that has happened I would think you could maintain your anger better than that. I didn’t know who you were today, I don’t like this side of you Adam, I don’t like it at all.”

The room remained silent, Adam had no reply. He felt terrible now, hearing the sadness and hurt in his wife’s voice. His throat burned as he battled the emotions swirling through him. How had he handled things before? What could he do to make things right this time?”

It was a terrible day at work. He had been turned down for one of his sketches, Jimmy was angry with him for not making the changes he had recommended, money was tight that month because his work load had been low. He had been supervising the construction of their house, the construction taking longer than planned. He was angry, and his bad mood shown plain on his face. He walked towards the saloon, a shot of whiskey sounding mighty nice about now.

Sitting down at the first empty bar stool Adam ordered his drink. The place was busy tonight, it being Friday the crowd was rowdy. Scowling over the days events Adam kept to himself. He was bumped into several times by a drunkard standing next to his stool. He was telling a rather loud story about how he had fought it out with two men who had tried to take his lady. After the fifth hit landed in the back of Adam’s head just as he sipped his whiskey, causing him to slosh the drink onto his suit he’d had enough. He stood up, and pushed the man towards the crowd. Without even thinking, he let his fist fly, catching the drunk in the chin. The two became entangled as the crowd surged forward. Adam held his own against the group of four as long as he could. A bottle shattering over his head ended the fight.

He woke up as the saloon was closing, the bartender shaking him roughly. His head ached and he knew he had hurt his hand. He pulled himself off the floor and steadied himself on the bar. Step by step he headed towards home. He wondered at the time, the night sky mocking him. He was supposed to have met Ella for dinner, had only meant to have one drink. Now, he knew she would be worried, and when he told her what had happened, that worry would turn to anger. He dreaded the lecture he would receive as his head pounded with each heavy step.

The lights were all on as he stumbled through the door. He was dizzy and nauseu’s, he wondered if he had a concussion. Ella pulled the door open quickly just as he reached the door handle. He lost his balance and fell forward into her as she screamed. They landed in a pile on the floor, Adam hitting his hand on the table on the way down. He screamed out in pain as he landed with a thud on his wife.

“Adam, where have you been?” She nearly yelled, trying to wriggle out from underneath him.

He rolled over, cradling his hand, a sour look on his face.

“Have you been drinking!” She was yelling now, Adam stood up and headed for the couch. “I can’t believe you, did you forget we had a dinner to attend this evening! Now you’re coming home drunk!”

“I’m not drunk.” Adam whispered, his head feeling about to burst. He put an arm over his eyes, trying to block out the light.

“Oh yeah, you sure look drunk to me. Well I’ll tell you one thing Adam Cartwright, I will not put up with being treated this way. Did you even think how worried I would be about you? You’re selfish, selfish and……and…and……oh, I can’t even talk to you right now!” She finished, storming off to the bedroom.

Saturday morning came to quickly for Adam. He had spent the night on the couch, the bedroom door being locked from the inside. He opened his eyes wearily as the sun filled the room. Atleast he didn’t have to work today, today would be a day of rest. He sat up and winced as he put pressure on his injured hand. He stood and walked towards the kitchen, seeking out the company of his wife. He had some explaining to do that was apparent. She stood next to the sink, she was washing the dishes from her breakfast that morning, not bothering to make enough for her husband.

“Ella, I’m sorry.” He started, but was stopped suddenly as water sloshed onto his face. She had thrown dishwater at him, it soaked his hair, and the front of his shirt. Abruptly she turned back to the sink. He stood stunned, staring at the back of his wife. He had the sudden urge to turn her over his knee. Wiping the water from his face, he tried again. “Ella.”

She refused to turn around, but her words were heard clearly.

“I am not speaking to you, nor am I listening. When I feel you have earned back my trust and respect I will come to you. Until then, good day Adam.”

He had tried to speak again, she walked out of the room. He watched her go, wondering just how long she would hold out.

Three silent days later, Adam returned home from work. The house was empty, this was unusual, she was always home before him. He went to the kitchen, starting dinner, wondering what could have held her up. Finishing his dinner alone, worry began to fill him. He paced the living room, trying to recall if she had said anything about working late. He knew she hadn’t, she hadn’t spoken to him for days, nor let him tell her his side of things. Time continued to pass, the clock striking eleven. He went to the coat rack, grabbing his hat and gun belt which he hadn’t touched since leaving the Ponderosa years ago. As he reached for the door knob, the door jarred open. His wife walked in, straight passed him and towards the bedroom.

He threw his hat off and replaced his gun belt, storming behind her. He reached to door, expecting it to be locked, but was surprised to find it open. He slammed the door into the wall as he entered the room. She turned to face him as he fast approached her, placing one hand on his chest.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!” He yelled, his old temper flaring as it had in his younger years.

“Out.” She replied, her hand still on his chest.

“You didn’t tell me you were going out! I was scared to death Elizabeth.” He said, pushing her hand off of him.

“Good.” She said, turning towards the dresser.

“GOOD!” He yelled spinning her back towards him.

“How did it feel, sitting there worrying alone Adam? Not too pleasant is it. Now you know what I went through all that time you were gone. You didn’t seem to upset about it all these days. I thought maybe I would help you realize that your actions effect those around you. Not only your disappearing Adam, but also your closing people off and shutting us out!” Her voice held an edge of tears as she spoke, her hands shaking with emotion.

“No! That’s not right, you didn’t even give me an opportunity to explain. You can’t justify this Elizabeth, you’re wrong!” He yelled back, his face red with anger, his lower lip sticking slightly out.

“I’ve given you many opportunties to explain Adam, it is you that let them pass by. For the past three weeks you have hardly spoken to anyone. Jimmy wasn’t upset about the contract Adam, he was upset that you closed yourself off, not even listening to his ideas. You’ve been aloof and short tempered. I’ve tried to get you to open up to me several times and you continue to push me away. Then you disappear almost all night, and come home smelling of whiskey!”

“I wasn’t DRUNK! I was hit on the head with a bottle during a bar fight……..” He didn’t finish his explanation, by the look on his wife’s face he knew he was only digging himself deeper. “Fine, forget it. Do what you want!” He finished, his words cutting deep.

“DO WHAT I WANT!” She yelled back. She pushed him hard, causing him to stumble backwards out of her way. Going into the living room, she picked up the first stray book she saw and threw it at his head. He moved quickly, his eyes wide as she continued her barrage. He had never seen her so angry. Walking towards her, dodging books and knick knacks as he went. He got a hold of her arms and held her carefully. She was crying now, but not fighting against him. He turned her towards him, searching her eyes. Pulling her into a tight hug, she cried against him. He held her tight, his own eyes filling with tears as his heart ached.

“I’m so sorry Ella. I’m so sorry.” He repeated, rocking her slowly back and forth. He had shut her out he realized. He was upset and emotional, and instead of turning to his wife for comfort he had pushed her away. He had done so before, when flooded with memories of home, sick with grief of missing his family. He promised then that he would never do it again. Here the promise lay broken, he begged forgiveness as the two hearts once again melted to one.

As his mind flooded with memories, his swollen eyes filled with tears. He had hurt her again, this time by not using the sense the good lord had given him. Instead of trying to make things right, he fought like a child. Realizing he had made a mistake, his voice shuddered as he spoke.

“Ella, I don’t know what to say.” He said, the silence finally broken. “I love you so much, and Eric………if something happens to him……..I was just trying to help you sleep, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

She heard his voice break, and though she couldn’t see his eyes, she realized she was being very hard on him. She knew he hadn’t meant to put their son in danger, it was an accident. Though she was still upset, especially about the fight, she pulled him to her. His head rested on her chest as she rocked him steadily back and forth.

“I’m sorry Adam. I over-reacted and I should have spoken to you without yelling. I know you didn’t mean to put Eric in danger. I love you and Eric so much, I just………” She stopped, feeling him shudder beneath her hand.

“What if……….” He said, tears filling his voice.

“He’ll be fine Adam, I know he will. Try not to worry honey, are you okay?” She asked, hugging him as tightly as she could.

He didn’t answer, simply lay against her. She lay them down carefully on the bed as Adam rolled into her, holding her around the waist. They lay silently until Eric was heard pleading his hunger downstairs.

“Ella Bell.” Adam said, lifting his head from the pillow. “I love you.”

She smiled, though she knew he couldn’t see. She ran a hand through his hair, whispering quietly into his ear. “I love you too sweetie.”

Chapter 10

She watched as he played with his son in the yard. He swung him in the air, then back down again, smiling his dimpled smile. He held him carefully as he walked him to the corral fence to see the horses. Taking the babies hand in his own, together they touched the horses soft nose. She heard the baratone of his voice, though his words were muffled. She sighed, remembering his pleas to her to let him go. She had many good nights with Adam Cartwright, his becoming submissive after several beatings and many nights of starvation and torture. She remembered the smell of his breath, the taste of his mouth, the feel of him. She walked steadily forward, gun in one hand, leather straps in the other. He didn’t notice her approach, he was too engrossed with his son.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my Adam.” Suzie cooed as she made a fast approach, gun aimed directly at the child’s head. “Looks like you’ve been busy with another, didn’t I tell you that no one else could have you?” She said as he turned the child away from the gun, shielding him with his own body. “You want that boy to live I recommend you put him on the ground.”

Adam’s eyes were dark and menacing as he held his child close to him. It had been two months since he’d seen Suzie in the alley. He had just begun to let his guard down, chiding himself for leaving his gun in the house.

“You’re not gonna do it Suzie, I can’t leave him alone.” Adam said, his voice beginning to shiver as he felt the memories of his time with the group wash through him.

“I’m close enough to put this bullet through you and in to him. I recommend you do as I say. Remember our game, I’ll count to three.” She laughed, she had counted many a times when he was slow to respond to her touch. The punishment was always severe if she reached number three.

“Suzie.” He pleaded, his son beginning to cry in his arms, small whimpers emminated around them.

“One.” She counted, taking a small step forward, the gun aiming at Adam’s shoulder and the babies head.

He watched her carefully, knowing she would not hesitate to kill them both. He began to lower the baby to the ground, seeing no other escape. Eric lie on the ground, his feet kicking, his arms flailing and his face red. He was a little over a two months old, and was not at all happy with his new surroundings.

“Please Suzie, he’s upset. At least let me take him in the house.” Adam said bending back towards his son. He was stopped instantly as a bullet hit the ground next to his son’s head. His eye’s filled with tears as he faced his long time tormenter.

“The next one won’t miss. Now c’mon over here careful, hold out your hands.” She said, keeping the gun pointed at Eric.

A tear trekked down his cheek as he walked slowly forward, his son’s cries tore at his heart. He prayed his family would return from the Miller’s house soon, they had all gone to lunch. Adam had volunteered to stay behind with Eric, he didn’t handle traveling well yet. Now his son would be alone, lying helpless on the ground, no one to hear his soft cries.

“Please, I can’t leave him like this.” Adam cried unashamedly, then realized she was enjoying his tears. He choked back his sobs before he was met with a sharp blow to the temple by the but of the gun. The last thought he had before darkness consumed him was an apology to his wife and son for failing them.

The family rode back to the ranch after their lunch with the Millers. They chattered back and forth as the ranch house came into view. Hoss rode ahead, excited to see his nephew, he had to get to him first or Joe would hog him. He kicked his horse faster as he heard the loud wail. He shouted back at his family to hurry up as he flew towards the house. Stopping his horse near the corral he saw the baby laying in the grass next to the corral fence. Eric’s face was red and puffy from crying, his arms and legs kicked with fear at being left alone so long. Hoss picked him up quickly, putting him to his shoulder. Dread filled his stomach as he scanned the area for his brother.

“Hoss, Hoss! My baby!” Ella cried grabbing her child from his uncle. “Adam, where’s Adam!” Her voice was shrill as the group split up to check the area. They knew something had happened, Adam would have never left his son alone like this.

“Pa, we gotta go for the sheriff.” Hoss said when their search turned up nothing. “Looks like he’s been taken.”

Ben ran his hands over his face. Not again he thought, he couldn’t go through this again. Joe had mounted up before he had even spoke and ridden out of the yard towards town.

“Adam.” Ben whispered, praying that his son would not suffer again at the hands of men.

“My Adam, how are we feeling this morning?” The voice laughed as water poured onto his lips. He tried hard to save as much as he could, almost gaining an entire mouth full. The water ended, and Adam coughed, his throat aching for more. “Water.” He begged as he was kicked roughly in the side.

“Been a long time since we’ve been together. That little wife of your’s took away all my fun. In a few years that son of your’s will probably be a mighty fine lookin man, just like his daddy. I’ll have a few things to teach him now won’t I, just like I taught you.” Her voice shrieked with laughter as her captor struggled against her hands. “You hold still now, we have a lot of making up to do.” Her breath was hot against his ear, her hands touching him making his skin crawl.

Adam tried to free his hands of the straps that held them together. He had to get out of here. He worried about his son, had his family come home in time, was he safe? He felt a strap break free, just as he was hit with the butt of the rifle, this time in the knee. Crying out he pulled his knee to him, it wasn’t broken, but it also wouldn’t help him get out of here.

“You’ll never escape me Adam, just think of me as your wife now.” Suzie said, running a hand lovingly through his hair as he tried to scoot away. She lay on top of him, her lips finding his. She forced him into a kiss before she felt herself flip off of him. He had kicked her hard, hard enough to cause her to lose her breath. Anger consumed her as she stood, brushing off her tight red dress. Going to the wagon she grabbed the horse whip. She would show him, no man would ever lay a rough hand on her again!

“He’s been kidnapped again Sherriff, there is no other explanation!” Ben yelled, the sheriff now in standing in the great room.

“I understand that Ben, but did you find a trail, any evidence of where to begin a search?” Roy Coffee asked wincing as he saw his long time friend struggle with his anger.

“Hoss is looking, he’ll tell us when he finds something.” His voice was low now, his yells had caused his grandson to whimper.

“Any tracks around where the baby was found?” Coffee said, smiling down at the beautiful child.

“Hoss! What did you find?” Ben ran to his son who had just walked in the door.

“Pa, Joe and I found a set of tracks, a horse with a rider, something dragging behind it.” Hoss said leading his father and the sheriff outside. His heart broke when he heard the sobs of his sister-in-law, distraught and rocking her baby.

The three started down the trail, meeting up with Joe just outside of the fence line. They rode forward, each praying for their brother’s safety and return.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He had counted thirty lashes before losing consciousness. His body was aching, he felt the trickle of blood down both his arms and across his stomach. She had not struck his face however. She had told him before she could never injure his face, he was far too handsome for that. His body screamed in pain against the beating that had taken place. The ground vibrated against his back, horses he thought, she had gotten together another gang. He closed his eyes wishing that they would take his life quickly, dreading the hell he was about to be put through. He knew he would not survive a second round, the fight had gone out of him. He fought against the tears at the thought of never seeing his son again, his first day of school, his first words. His wife’s face appeared in front of him, she was smiling. He reached out to the mirage that confronted him as the vibrations grew stronger.

“Got company Cartwright, need to get you out of sight!” Suzie said grabbing his arms and trying to drag him into the trees. “Didn’t think they would come for you so fast.”

He cried out as he felt his skin tear open, the lashes from the whip and being drug behind the horse had ripped the skin from his back.

“Freeze lady!” Joe yelled as he aimed his rifle at the woman’s heart.

“I’ll kill him, you just wait and see! If I can’t have him……….” She was unable to finish the sentence as Hoss punched her, knocking her unconscious.

“ADAM!” Ben yelled, running up to his son, kneeling next to him.

Adam didn’t move, but let the feeling of calm wash over him. With his father by his side, he was safe. He had dreamed this exact scene many times during his eight months in captivity.

“I got you now boy, lie still.” Ben said lifting his son’s head and shoulders to his lap while Roy gave him water. Adam’s clothes were nearly shredded, obviously he had been whipped. Blood seeped into the remnants of the cloth that was once his shirt.

“We’ve gotta get him home Pa, gotta get him cleaned up.” Hoss tried to ignore his father’s tears, his own throat tight.

“We’ll make a trellis Ben, no way he can sit a horse.” Sheriff Coffee began gathering supplies to build the makeshift bed.

“Ride.” Adam croaked, his throat choked with tears. “Pa, I wanna ride with you.” He sounded like a child Ben thought as he lifted his son into his arms. He sagged with the weight until Hoss helped to relieve some of the pressure.

“Careful Hoss, watch his back.” Ben said, pulling his own hands away, feeling the wet hot stickiness of his first born’s blood.

Hoss placed his brother in front of his father, leaning him back against the broad chest. Adam didn’t make a sound as he was jostled about, simply stared straight ahead. Hoss stayed wit, h his father and Adam. Sheriff Coffee and Joe escorted Suzie to town, Joe getting the doctor while there. Hoss rode beside his father, watching his brother’s head loll back and forth in and out of consciousness.

“He gonna be alright Pa, you don’t think……….” Hoss started, remembering the year of night terror’s and anxiety his brother had gone through, turning all of their lives upside down.

“He’ll be fine.” Ben said gruffly. He had never wanted to kill someone with his bear hands as badly as he did that woman. He concentrated on keeping his horse steady as anger over his son’s treatment coursed through him.

“Pa……..” Adam coughed, his body jerking against the pain it caused. “Eric?” He managed to say before his body once again was racked with spasms.

“He’s fine son, found him next to the corral. He has your temper, you should have heard him hollering.” Ben tried to lighten the mood, if he didn’t get himself under control soon, he would be no good to either of them.

“You……..sure…..he’s not…….hurt?” Adam began to sob, Hoss pulled his legs tight against his horse hoping to still his tears.

“He’s not hurt brother, he’s with his momma and just fine.” Hoss reassured, seeing his father’s face fill with rage and pain.

“My baby.” Adam continued to cry, his anguish heard plainly in his voice. “I left him.”

Hoss reached out for his brother’s hand, Adam quickly jerked it away. “I’LL KILL HER, YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE! I’M GOING TO………”

“ADAM!” Ben yelled, his son was struggling against him now. “ADAM, SETTLE DOWN.”

Hoss grabbed his father’s reigns as they struggled on the horse. Adam nearly fell when Ben stopped him by wrapping him in a bear hug. Hoss couldn’t hear what his father was whispering, but he saw his brother begin to relax. After a moment, his father retook the reigns and the slow riders went forward once again.

“ADAM! ADAM!” Elizabeth screamed, holding her baby in her arms and running to her husband. Hoss lifted him off the horse and into his arms. Adam fought against him, he wanted to walk.

Elizabeth sobbed against him, she feared he was dead. Now, he was here, standing before her with help from his brother. Realizing she hadn’t even looked him over she pulled back. His arms had not come around her as she hugged him, his body trembled against her, Hoss held him up. “What did they do to you?” She gasped, seeing his clothes in shreds, blood running down his arms.

“I’m okay sweetheart.” He whispered, peering at his son which she held in her arms. “Our baby?”

She heard the despair in his voice and thought of how hard it must have been for Adam to leave him.

“He’s fine Adam, been sleeping for about an hour now.” She wiped her eyes with her free hand, then wiped his. Tears spilled down his cheeks as his arms twitched. She took his hand gently and raised it to his child. She placed his hand on the babies heart, then onto her own. “We’re fine honey, let’s tend to you now.”

They walked into the house, Hoss supporting nearly all of his brothers weight. Giving in, Adam allowed himself to be carried up the stairs, fighting to stifle the screams he felt as the skin on his back was rubbed loose. He fell into unconsciousness as he was lain on the bed, the doctor appearing at the door.

Chapter 11

“Today’s the day, think your up to it?” Hoss asked as his brother approached the breakfast table.

He glanced Hoss’s way, his heart filled with dread. Today was the day he was to testify against Suzie in court. He would have to tell of his first experience as well as the most recent. He knew it must be done, but to relive that experience was something he feared. His family would be present, he couldn’t ask them to stay away, they deserved the truth. He sat down heavily and studied his middle brother, his best friend.

“Hoss, I don’t know what’s gonna happen today, with any of us. I’m scared to death, scared of testifying, scared of seeing Suzie again, scared of……..” He couldn’t finish, he didn’t want them to know how much their being there upset him. Would they think he less of a man?

“I’m scared too brother. Just remember we’re there for you if you need us.” Hoss’s eyes were serious, he knew how hard this was for his brother to do.

“Ella’s staying with the baby?” He asked, already knowing the answer, but hoping to change the conversation.

“Yep. She and Hop Sing.” Hoss finished his breakfast and stood. “I’ll get the wagon hitched, we gotta go soon.”

Joe walked to the breakfast table, seeing Adam eating slowly. He sat down next to him and dished out a plate of food.

“You okay?” Joe asked, seeing his brother wince as he took a bite of food.

“Great.” Adam answered sarcastically. Most of his wounds had scabbed over, but if he moved the wrong way he reopened them.

“Everything we’ll be fine. She’ll be put away for sure. Don’t you worry older brother, we’ll all be there for you.” Joe stuffed his mouth full of biscuit, he watched as sadness entered his brother’s eyes. The two sat in silence the rest of the meal, Joe feared upsetting his brother. Adam worried about Joe’s reaction when he found out exactly what had been done to him.

“Where’s Hoss?” Joe asked, pushing his plate away, his appetite suddenly gone.

“Hitching the wagon.” Adam pushed his plate aside as well, and pulled his water glass to him. He couldn’t seem to drink enough water these past few days.

Joe left the table, going out the front door to help his brother, and escape the feeling of helplessness he felt for the other.

“Morning son.” Ben said getting to the table. He had spent the morning playing with his grandson, arriving late to breakfast.

Adam remained silent, lost in thought, sipping the water in his glass.

“You okay?” Ben asked, reaching out to his son’s arm.

“No.” Adam drawled, pushing his chair back and standing up. “I’m not okay, I’m scared. I’m scared and I’m angry and…….and……..” His shoulders slumped forward as he headed to the stairs. “Forgive me Pa.” He whispered, making his way upstairs.

Adam paced the room, worry overtaking his system. They couldn’t know, no one could ever know what they did to him. How could he sit in the courtroom and talk of his abuse, his family staring on in despair. He had told Ella everything, some of the burden lifted from his shoulders. She had cried with him, talked it over, and the two moved on. Would it be the same with his brother’s, or would they turn their backs on him. He had fought, fought until he couldn’t move. It hadn’t helped, unspeakable things had been done, and now he would be faced with a room full of people listening to him speak of the horror that once was his life. Eight long months he had been tortured, eight months of wishing he were dead. He felt her arms encircle him, her head resting against his back. She squeezed tight, willing her strength into him.

“It’s time to go honey.” She whispered, feeling him relax a little under her grasp.

He turned towards her, resting his head on her shoulder. The tears came freely, she stroked his hair, rubbed his back. She walked him towards the bedroom door, leading him to the stairs. He collected himself as he got to the wagon, climbing beside his father. He avoided their sympathetic looks as he led the team on. This would be the hardest thing he had ever done.

Joe was physically sick as he left the courtroom. He heard horrible things, malicious things. His brother spoke robotically, mentioning what he went through like it was a scene from a book. How could Adam have gone through that and lived! He felt his father put a hand on his back as he vomited once again. Standing and wiping his mouth on his sleeve, they fell into each other. The group turned to three as Hoss encircled them with his arms. Their soft sobs filled the air outside the courtroom as the session took a break. Adam sat silently in his chair next to the sheriff. Roy avoided his gaze as the courtroom cleared for break. He felt the sheriff grip his shoulder, and heard a sniffle as the room cleared.

“I’m sorry Adam. I’m so sorry.” He heard as the sheriff stood to leave.

The ride home was silent, the group of men each lost in their own thoughts. Adam led the team, it helped to have control over something. Pulling up to the house, Hoss took the team. Joe stayed behind to tend the chores as Ben led Adam into the house. Ella went with Adam upstairs, handing her son to his grandfather. The two were not seen again until later that evening. After supper a disheveled Adam made his way down the stairs followed by his wife. They were both tear stained, Adam made his way to his father. Picking up his son, he sat heavily on the settee. The men watched as Adam snuggled close, kissing Eric on the forehead, cheek and eyes. Eric cooed up at him, his small fist flailing towards his father’s face.

Ben saw his son begin to lose his composure. His arms shook as he held his son and wept. Getting up from his red leather chair and setting his pipe on the table, he went to him. Kneeling in front of him, he placed his hands over his sons. Adam leaned towards him, burying his head in the crook of his father’s neck as he had done as a toddler. Hoss and Joe moved forward, forming a protective circle around the one’s they loved. Ella watched as the Cartwright men gave each other strength, accepting what they could not change. She knew they would now move forward. The past was the past, this would be a new beginning. She heard the whispers of I love you as the group pushed closer together. Her heart swelled with love at this family, who no matter what happened would always remain strong.

Chapter 12

“C’mon Adam, let me take him awhile!” Joe whined, trying to take his nephew. “No Joe, we’re busy.” Adam said moving his son away and into the air.

“Adam Cartwright, don’t you drop him!” Ella yelled, hating to see her son roughhoused with.

“Yeah, you heard her. Give him to me!” Joe said, reaching once again for the three month old.

“No, have a son of your own Joe, this one is mine.” Adam smiled, keeping Eric high in the air and out of his brother’s reach.

“Dadburn it Adam!” Joe yelled, surprising himself with a phrase Hoss often used.

Hoss snuck up behind his brother and snatched the baby carefully from the air. Adam spun on him as Hoss took off at a trot.

“Looks like he’s with his favorite uncle now. Ain’t that right Eric!” Hoss laughed as he jogged with the baby.

Eric’s eye’s shone bright as he held his uncle’s gaze. He enjoyed the time he spent with these men, he cooed up at the big man carrying him, then opened his mouth in a yawn. Hoss stopped running, and was bumped into from behind by his two brother’s who were in hot pursuit.

“He’s tired Adam, can I take him in for his nap?” Hoss asked, stroking the babies soft cheek with his big thumb. “Go ahead.” Adam smiled, hearing his youngest brother humph beside him.

“It ain’t fair, he got to put him to sleep last time!” Joe pouted, watching Hoss walk back to the house, his nephew in his arms.

“Joe, I’m gonna miss you.” Adam said, shocking Joe into silence.

“You’re only an hour away Adam, don’t think we’re not gonna stop by all the time.” Joe said, seeing a mist in his oldest brother’s eyes. “Your house is beautiful Adam, thank you for including us in the building.”

“I’d have it no other way. When you’re ready, I’ll help you build a house of your own. I’ll fight for the chance to spend time with your children.” Adam put his arm around Joe’s shoulder and moved him towards the house. “I love ya Joe.”

Ella smiled, her husband had changed since the trial. He was quick to express his emotion, valued the time he spent with family, and when he felt himself being overcome with one emotion or another he spoke openly with her about it. She felt an arm go around her shoulder, and met the eyes of her father in law. “I’m gonna miss it here Ben. I’m gonna miss you.” She said laying her head on his shoulder.

“You too. It won’t be the same around here, don’t be surprised when we show up on your doorstep.” Ben’s laugh echoed around them, Hoss smiled, Joe giggled, and Adam looked towards the sound. He would cherish this moment forever, the sound of his family, the sound of those he loved. His journey had just begun. That, the journey of fatherhood.

 

 

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