Summary: Hoss has an otherworldly experience after a dangerous man has an angry and violent outburst against his father putting other members of the family at risk too.
Rating: PG  Word count: 1043

Haunted

Usually, it was my father who had this vigil. I sat in the chair at his bedside and looked around the room. The desk was beside me with the drawings all neatly rolled and lined up beside one another. The pencils were all sharpened and ready for use. There were little tools there whose function was beyond me. The smallest thing I ever worked with was a jackknife carving small pieces of wood into cute little animals or carving the same into picture frames. I had some of each of those in my room. There was nothing like that in here though. The artwork was of fancy buildings somewhere I would never go and most likely never want to go.

Time and again though, my eyes were drawn back to that figure in the bed. I watched him sleep. Relaxed in that state, there were no dimples. There was the darkening of stubble because of course, under these circumstances, he hadn’t shaved. We wouldn’t do nothing to disturb his rest. I heard Doc say nobody had to sit with him ’cause he was gonna sleep at least eight or ten hours. I’m sitting here anyway though. He took that bullet that was meant for Pa. There was a lot of shooting, and Pa was a goner for sure until he ran out and pulled him down and getting shot for his trouble. Hit him high in the back of his shoulder. Everybody said that shot woulda gone straight into Pa’s heart if he hadn’t gotten in the way.

Here was a man who knew that gentleness wasn’t weakness. I loved it when he said my name. He said it with that way of his that said I was worth something; that I mattered in this world. He always said my name like it had meaning. He treated me that way ever since we was boys. I know he told me that story more than once how he was responsible for me getting my name. Eric never did seem like it was enough name for me. He was right. I needed a big name for my size, and like he said to me more than once, for my heart.

My heart is hurting for him right now though. Ifn I hadn’t gone and gotten myself mixed up in that business with that man and his daughter, none of this woulda happened. But I couldn’t stand it when he took out that carriage whip and was gonna hit her with it. Maybe he only meant to scare her, but to my way of thinking, it was too big a risk. A man jest don’t act that way toward a female even if it is your daughter and she done wrong. I had no idea what kind of temper he had. He pushed his daughter toward that carriage and pulled out his gun. I wasn’t even wearing mine. I’d taken it off to load up the wagon balancing them crates on my hip and that darn thing had gotten in the way. Pa came out of the bank in time to see what was happening and called out to the man to stop. He turned to Pa to shoot even though Pa hadn’t even drawn his pistol. Adam was right there though and Joe too. Adam pushed Pa aside as shots were fired, and Joe fired on the man. It all happened so darn fast.

Right away that girl started to yelling that her pa was dying. Now he wasn’t, but he might wish he was. Joe’s shot took him in the shoulder. He ain’t gonna be drawing down on any unarmed men again anytime soon. Adam got hit in the back right in the middle of the shoulder blade. It’s gonna hurt like blazes for a time. That’s why doc gave him some sleeping powder. I know he was hurting real bad ’cause he won’t usually take such stuff. He looks real peaceful like though. I guess he ain’t in no pain while he’s sleeping. At least that helps ease my conscience some.

Darn funny thing happened a bit earlier though. Joe came in a bit ago. He wanted to check on him too, I guess, but he ignored me completely like I wasn’t even here. Joe looked awful like he hadn’t slept at all. It even looked like he mighta been crying some. Joe cries a lot. It’s like he’s gotta get that emotion outta him so he don’t explode. It surprised me that he’d cry over this. Usually it takes more to make him cry. It’s not like our brother is dying or nothing. I know he’s hurting, but he’s gonna be all right. Joe talked a little to our brother here saying how slipping that sleeping powder to Pa really helped as he wouldn’t have slept at all without it. He was talking real quiet, but even with that, I could tell how his voice was near to breaking. He said too that the man was gonna hang. Seemed kinda strange for Joe to say that. Adam’s gonna be all right. Then he kinda just tapped the bed and walked back out. He must be real mad at me yet for what I done.

There’s a funny image floating across the room. I want it to be gone. It scares me. It looks like me. I can’t help it, but I want to get away from it. I keep trying to will it to go away, but it goes to the mirror beckoning me to go there too. I finally have to go have a look. Curiosity about things always got me in trouble. Adam knew that and teased me about it sometimes. As I look in the mirror, it’s darn peculiar ’cause there’s nothing there. I don’t see myself. I know that I should. I twist and turn and move about. Now I can see Adam’s reflection as he rests in that bed. How can that be? I would have to be able to see right through me to see him. Then I remember. The man fired twice. The bullet and the pain and Pa’s last embrace, and I know that ghostly image is all that I am any more.