Summary: An unfortunate set of circumstances leads Hoss and his family down a difficult road, and Hoss see’s a new side to himself.
Rating:  PG-13 (mature themes)
Words:  35,100

He and his brother had gone down to the big lake to spend some time relaxing and fishing, maybe do a little hunting. On this particular afternoon Hoss was walking slowly along the shoreline, Chubb walking softly behind his favorite person. The sun was shining, the breeze held the scent of fresh water and soft pines. Hoss spread his arms wide and filled his lungs.

“Say, Chubby, it sure don’t get much better than this. What more could a man want outta life?”

Not surprised that his companion didn’t speak, Hoss turned and looked into the dark brown, knowing eyes of his faithful mount. “If’n I ever turn stupid and try to leave this place, please turn us around before we get too far, would ya?” The horse just sighed and waited. Hoss stroked the blazed face, gently, repetitively. It wasn’t long before the big black’s head began to droop, his lower lip sagging. Hoss was lost in the sensation of the warm, soft hide beneath his hands, the sound of the water lapping onto the shore, and the way the sunlight gently kissed the water.

“Thinking of going for a swim, brother?” Adam’s voice was deep and laughing.

“Dadburnit, Adam! Why’d ya wanna go sneakin up on a man like that? You ‘bout made me jump right outta my skin.” Hoss took his hat and smacked his brother on the back with it.

“Sorry, I thought you would have heard me coming down the bank.” Adam led his horse to the edge of the lake to drink. “Sure is pretty up here this time of year.” While his horse drank, Adam stood losing himself in the same scenery Hoss had.

“Sure is. Too bad we couldn’t talk Pa into all of us comin’ up for a spell.” Hoss squatted down and began skipping smooth flat stones onto the tranquil lake.

“Well, somebody had to keep the ranch running while we goofed off for a bit.”

“Hey Adam, do ya suppose Pa and Joe are seeing anything this pretty right now?”

Adam laughed softly, “I suspect Pa is staring at a page full of numbers and little brother is staring at a room full of saloon girls. Nope, neither one of them is seeing anything this spectacular.” Adam put his hand on Hoss’s shoulder. “I’m glad we could share this.”

“Yup,” Was the simple reply. Hoss stood and looked at his brother for a moment before going in for the lunge. “Now it’s payback for scarin’ the tar outta me. Ready for a swim!?” Hoss half-heartedly wrestled Adam towards the water but both stopped short when they heard a horse approaching, running hard.

They walked up the shallow bank and saw Little Joe riding Cochise hard towards them.
“Hoss! Adam! We got trouble!”

The brothers looked at each other, then back at Joe. Adam was the first to speak. “Just slow down, Joe, what’s the matter?”

Hoss steadied the dancing paint horse, while Joe took a drink from his canteen. He finished by wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Cave in at the Brighton mine. Got about six men trapped. They’re in a small pocket, we can hear them but we just can’t reach them.” Joe took another long drink from his canteen. “They’ve started digging for them, but we could really use your expertise, Adam.”

“Alright, Joe. Hoss, looks like vacation is over.” Adam tightened the cinch on Sports saddle and mounted up. “Joe, Hoss and I will ride hard to the mine. You wait until your horse is fresh enough to follow. No need to push him, or yourself.”

“Sure thing, Adam. We won’t be too far behind.” Joe waved at his brother’s as they took off at the same breakneck speed he had arrived with.

“Well Cooch, let’s catch our wind and head back.” Joe patted the animal’s neck and dismounted. He undid the cinch and removed the saddle from his horses back. Grabbing up a handful of grass, Joe rubbed the sweaty back. For Cochise it was almost as good as a roll on the ground.

II

Daylight was fading quickly and the sound of voices mixed with the scraping of shovels and picks. There were miners and families; men, women, and children milling around the front of the mine. A bucket brigade had been set up to help remove the debris from the entrance. Worried faces were covered with dirt and sweat. Some of these faces looked up when they heard the approaching riders.

Phillip Snook left the crowd and jogged over to Adam and Hoss. “Sure am glad to see you boys. It’s bad, Adam, real bad. Just as we make progress and try to shore the walls up, we get more cave-ins. Not sure what’s going on in there, hope you can figure it out.”

Adam shook Phillips hand. “Let’s take a look and see what we can do.” Adam looked at the setting sun, “See if you can’t get some more lanterns, and let’s light this up as much as we can.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Adam. Mark Twilly is up at the front, he can fill you in on what we’ve been doing.” Mr. Snook walked quickly towards the miners shack, hoping to find anything that would help provide more light.

“Twilly?” Adam and Hoss worked their way through the crowd towards the front of the mine. “Twilly!” Adam called again.

“Up here, Cartwright! Folks, let them through!” Mark Twilly held his hand out to the brothers. “Glad to see you two.”

“Mark, just wish it were under different circumstances. Fill me in on what we’re facing.”
Adam leaned against the boulder at the mine entrance, his arms folded across his chest.

“’Bout 10AM the big rumble came up and the mine belched dust. We all came runnin’ and as soon as the dust settled a mite we could hear men callin’ out fer help.” Twilly wiped the sweat from his eyes with his neck cloth and stuffed the dirty rag into his back pocket. “There’s six of ’em in there, Adam, and five of em have families out here waitin’ on either their men or their bodies.”

“I can understand that, Twilly, and it doesn’t make it any easier on the workers. Tell me what you’ve tried so far.” Adam walked to the entrance and peered inside; hoping to assess what progress had been made.

“Seems there’s a bit of water comin’ in from somewhere’s. Just kinda soupy comin’ out of there. Hard to get any framing in there to shore it up.” Twilly shook his head, “I don’t know what else to do. We’re afraid to go in from the top, afraid the whole danged thing will come down on their heads.”

“Alright, well show me where you hear the voices the loudest.” Adam gave Twilly’s shoulder a squeeze. “Let’s see if they can tell us what’s going on from the inside.”

Phillip Snook arrived with a few more lanterns and a grim look on his face. “Adam, this is just about all I could find in the way of lanterns. Everything else is already lit up.”

Adam looked over the sorry looking lanterns and then up at Phillip’s long face. “They’ll be a good start Phillip.” Adam stood on his toes to look over the crowd for Hoss. “Hoss!” Adam waived his hat so Hoss could find him.

“Dang this crowd is gettin’ restless, Adam. We need to find somethin’ to keep ‘em busy.”

“Tell, you what. Send them out to find as many shiny metal objects as they can, at least as big as a plate, and the bigger the better. They have to be real shiny, though. Mirrors would be helpful if they have them.”

“I get it, sort of reflecting pans for what lights we got?” Hoss looked pleased with himself for keeping up with his brother’s ideas.

“Exactly, and it will give the families a way to help.” Adam grabbed Hoss’s jacket before he could move too far. “And if the families ask, be encouraging. I really think we can get to them in time.”

Hoss smiled at his brother. He knew Adam was easing his fears as much as he was the crowds. “Thanks, big brother.” With a knowing look, the two men went their ways to accomplish what they could.

Hoss walked into the group of families. “Folks! Hey, folks! Quiet down a bit!” His long arms were over their heads as if to catch the noise and push it back down. “I need some help from y’all.”

Several heads swiveled in the direction of the booming voice. “Why aren’t you over there helping to dig out our men,” a voice came from the middle. This was followed by low murmuring.

“We’ll get back to diggin’ in just a bit. With the sun going down it’s gonna be tough to see what we’re doin’. We have some lanterns, but the light just ain’t gonna be enough. Now, if all you folks will start going through your things I need you to find mirrors, glass, shiny plates. Whatever you can find needs to be about as big as a plate. We’re gonna set the lanterns in front of them to help reflect more light.” Hoss was talking with his hands as much as he was his voice. “Now, meet me back here in about 20 minutes with what you’ve found and we’ll start getting’ them lamps set up.”

The crowd began to talk among themselves, pointing in different directions, nodding heads, and then dispersed in as many different directions as there were people. Hoss looked around at them and nodded his approval.

Adam and Twilly ascended a shallow slope, part way up the mountain side. Their path was rimmed in an outcrop of jagged rocks and boulders. Twilly reached out to stop Adam. “I’m not sure if it’s safe to go in much closer.” He pointed at a small patch of Buck brush. “Just beyond them there brushies, that’s where we can hear them the best.”

“Great. Stay here, I’ll try to get in just a bit closer.” Adam eased himself closer, along the edge of the rocks. “Hello down there!” Adam cupped his mouth and yelled towards the shrub. He inclined his head towards the same shrubs, hoping to catch the sound of miners. Waiting a few moments, he called out again, this time hearing a small response. “Keep shouting; I’m going to try to locate your position from up top.”

Adam dropped to his stomach and eased along the ground, inching closer to the desperate voices. He stopped when he realized the sound was coming not from around the brush, but deep from within the rocks to his left.

“It’s Adam Cartwright here. Is anybody hurt?”

“Dirk’s havin’ a real hard time breathin’, he has a bad gash on his side. Burt ain’t movin’ but at least he’s breathin perty good. Will’s got a busted arm, and the rest of us are just scratched and bruised.”

“Is there any water down where you are?” Adam tried to keep his voice calm and steady.

“No, we’re real dry where we are, could use a little drinkin’ water though.”

“We’ll see what we can do. Do you know where you are in the mine?”

“I’m not real sure, when we heard the rumble we all started to scramble for the exit. Didn’t quite make it so we headed up hill.” There was a steady stream of coughing, and then the voice continued. “Hey, Cartwright? What do you think our chances are?”

Adam could only be honest at this point, “I’m feeling pretty good about this, airflow seems pretty good, I can feel a draft coming towards me from up here. I’m hoping we can have you out by morning.”

Again the voice rose to the surface. “Not sure Dirk’s going to last that long. But we do appreciate you doin’ what you can.”

“Stay calm as best you can. We’re going to get things set up on top.”

“Twilly! Move on up this way along the rocks!” Adam motioned for the man to stay to his left, along the outcropping.

Twilly moved cautiously until he was within speaking distance of the man they had placed so much faith in. “Whatcha thinkin’ Adam?”

“Is there anybody outside of the mine that knows what it looks like in there?”

“I’ve worked this mine just ‘bout as much as those guys down there. We had just switched shifts when it came down on ‘em.” Twilly was looking a little pale in the moonlight.

“Okay, I need you to get your bearings. Think, Twilly, what part of the mine is under our feet right now?” Adam looked intensely at the man in front of him.

Twilly rubbed his hand through his hair and looked down at their feet. He turned and faced the direction they came, and then started a dance with his hands, tracing the windings of the mine shaft below. “Well, they might be in the Darling section over here. There’s a good sized room there and it’s up higher a bit than the rest of the sections we’ve been workin’.”

Adam spoke more harshly than he had intended, “I don’t need “might’s”, Twilly, we need to know!”

Again, Twilly turned towards the entrance of the mine, towards the gathering crowd, and traced his steps in his head. “I’m sure, Adam. They’ve got to be working the Darling vein. If we can hear them this close to the rocks, wouldn’t they be up higher than the front section is?”

“That’s what I’m hoping for. They should be above where the water is coming in, so at least they won’t drown. Let’s just hope we can get to them before the air goes bad.”

Adam took off his neck cloth and tucked into the rocks by where they stood. “Let’s get back down and help Hoss get some of the light up here.”

“You got an idea, Adam?”

“Yes, I think if we can move some of this rock, we may find an opening into the shaft below.” Adam looked back at the outcrop and then up the mountains side. “If we’re lucky we won’t bring the mountain down on all of us.”

The two men made their way carefully along the outcropping and down to the crowd below. Adam could just make out the shorter, slender silhouette of his youngest brother standing close to Hoss. He felt a sense of relief to know that Joe had made it safely, and felt comforted having them all in the same place, working for a common goal.

“Joe, glad you made it.” Adam draped his arm over Joe’s shoulder.

“How do things look, Adam?” Worry was all over the usually happy face.

“It’s not as bad as it looks from down here. They seem to be in one of the upper chambers, closer to the surface. There is no way of reaching them from the front entrance. Hoss, get a couple of men to help bring up the lanterns and any reflectors you have.” Adam settled easily into the role of leader. Men tended to look towards the Cartwrights during times of trouble, and Adam really stood out as a leader during emergencies. A quick, but logical thinker, Adam was glad to fill the role.

“Joe, are you up to helping move rock, or do you need a little more rest? You did ride pretty hard.” Adam tried not to be condescending, but it did come out that way.

“Hey, you two rode just as hard as I did. Don’t worry big brother, I can keep up with you!” Joe realized by his punchy answer that he was a little tired, but was not going to let that stand in the way of helping in this emergency.

Great, now all Adam had to do was figure out what to do with the crowd waiting for answers about their loved ones. “If everybody could gather around for a minute.” Adam tried to get everybody’s attention. He whistled loudly and people turned to look. “Please, listen to me for just a minute. I’d like to get everybody to work together on this.” Soon the crowd was silent and Adam had their full attention. “There is no use trying to go in through the front. There is too much water and we can’t tell how far back the cave-in goes. Further up the hillside we can hear their voices.” With that news the crowd began to murmur and some women began to weep. “A couple of the men are injured, I’m not sure how badly, but they are all still alive.” Adam had to quiet the crowd again. “Now, I need some of you to set up some gurneys to carry the men down with. Make sure we have wagons to get them into town after Doc gets them stable. Some of you check with Doc and make sure he has everything he needs. I need three strong men and three crow bars.”

The crowd began to break up into groups that went about the tasks they felt they could help most with. Dave Ewing, Mark and Billy Snyder came forward with crow bars. Dave was taller than Hoss, but not as strong. Mark and Billy Snyder were twins and formidable men. Not as tall as Hoss, but both of them could easily take him in a fight.
The four men walked together, Adam giving instructions as they went.

“Come on Joe, grab up them plates and some of them lanterns. Let’s get these other lights moved on up the side of that hill.” Hoss would follow Adam into Hell itself if he needed to.

“Coming, Hoss. Fred,” Joe turned to the old man beside him, “could you help get some of these lanterns up the hill with us?”

“Sure thing Joseph, glad to be of help.” And the old man was indeed glad that Joe had found him a job he could handle.

There were soon six men slowly moving rocks away from what they hoped would be the top of the chamber that held the trapped miners. The lanterns and the reflectors did an excellent job of lighting the work area. As the sun went down, so did the temperature. The strenuous labor of lifting and moving rock carefully kept the men from feeling the cold. Adam considered each rock before they moved it, making sure the rocks around them didn’t tumble down like a house of cards.

After several tense hours a shout was heard from the mine. “I can see your lights! God bless you all, we can see the lights!”

Hoss shouted down to the crowd, “We’ve broke through! Somebody bring some water up, and get Doc up here.”

Paul Martin arrived with water and some bandages. Behind him were twelve men and six gurneys. Everybody was ready to bring the miners home. Two more rocks needed to be moved in order to make enough room to get the men out. Some of the rock that had been removed was moved back to use as shoring. Paul Martin was able to get fresh water down to the men, and was talking to them about their condition.

“Step back Paul. If this goes bad, I don’t want you hurt.” Adam had a look of determination and concern on his face.

The first rock was slid less than a foot when pebbles and other debris began to fall from above. “Everybody stop!” Hoss pushed Little Joe out of the way. Everybody held their breath as the small rock slide stopped.

“Is everybody still OK down there?” Paul yelled from a distance.

“We’re still fine, but I don’t think we can take another dusting like that.” The statement was followed by a chorus of wheezing and coughing.

“Hey Adam, what if we used them crowbars as braces and used just brute strength to move the rocks?” Hoss felt as if he could move the mountain by himself at this point.

“It might work, Hoss.” Adam went to work immediately, visualizing where the strong metal rods should go for best support. It only took him few minutes and he had everything ready to go.

Even Paul Martin and the old man Fred helped push the first rock further from the small opening. When everything held, they again used all the force they could and moved the second rock. There was now enough room to safely recover the trapped miners.

As the last man was being brought up the rocks again began to rumble. The rescuers quickly moved back to avoid any falling debris, but Joe tripped and went down. Hoss caught his brother out of the corner of his eye. “Joe! Move little buddy!” When it was obvious that his brother would not be able to move fast enough, Hoss hurled himself towards Joe rolling him out of harms way. Joe looked back in horror as he saw a large tree limb and several small boulders land on top of Hoss.

The last thing Hoss remembered feeling was something hitting the back of his head, his head hitting the ground, and a crushing pain in his neck.

“NO! Hoss!” Joe ran towards Hoss but was held back by Adam’s strong arms.

“Wait just a minute, Little Joe. Wait just a minute to make sure we don’t bring down any more rock on top of him!” Adam was trying to keep the panic from rising in his throat.

“Damn it Adam, he needs us now!” Joe struggled to get away, but stopped when small rocks began to slide down the hill behind the small boulders covering his brother’s still form.

“Now Joe, Now!” The two men rushed in and heaved against the small boulders with as much strength as their exhausted muscles could muster. They easily rolled the tree limb from Hoss’s back. “Paul! Paul, come here quick and tell us if we can move him!”

Doc Martin was already at their side. “Gently, gently, try not to move his neck too much.”

A gurney appeared beside them, with a man at each corner. The men laid the gurney beside Hoss’s bloodied body and the seven of them carefully moved him, face down onto the support. The four strongest of them lifted the injured man and carried him as gently as possible down the mountain side.

There was a hushed excitement at the entrance of the mine. Glad that the men had been rescued; concerned that a Cartwright had been injured, the small remaining crowd parted and followed the macabre procession to the wagon they had waiting to take them into town.

The Snyder twins stood beside the wagon, “Can we ride up and get your Pa, Adam?”

“Thanks, tell him to meet us in town. Tell him Hoss is unconscious, but he is alive. That’s all we really know at this point.”

III

The sun had begun it’s decent by the time Ben Cartwright had made it into town to check on his children. The Snyders had given him as many details about what had happened to Hoss as they could remember. The problem was that Ben could only remember half of what they had said. All he knew was that his son was hurt and he had to be by his side. He also knew that his two other sons would need him as well, feeling just as badly for their injured Hoss as Ben did.

When he rode up in front of Paul Martins surgery, he threw Bucks reins over the hitch and ran through the front door. “Where’s my son?” Ben’s voice cracked with emotion.

Adam and Joe were immediately at their father’s side. “Doc is with him Pa. It took a while to get him in here; we didn’t want to jar him up too bad. We’re still waiting to see what he has to say.”

“Adam that just isn’t good enough right now. I need to be with him, he needs to know I’m here.” Ben was more agitated than Adam could deal with.

“Pa, I’m too tired to argue with you. Go on in and Paul can deal with you AND Hoss. Personally, I would rather let the doctor concentrate on his patient.” Logic usually worked on his father, but his emotions were very strong when it came to his boys, and Adam wasn’t sure if it would work this time.

“I know you’re right, but…” Ben hung his head, not in defeat, more in an attempt to gather himself.

“Joseph, how are you holding up?” Ben gave his youngest son a quick hug.

“As best as can be expected, Pa. I’m worried about him, too.” Joe spoke in hushed tones, afraid to speak what was really in his heart. “If only I had been able to move faster, he wouldn’t have had to push me out of the way.” His eyes were moist with tears.

“Blaming yourself for an accident is not going to change anything, son, and it certainly isn’t going to make you feel any better.”

The door to the surgery opened and a grim Paul Martin stepped into the room. “Ben, I’m glad you’re here.”

Nobody spoke, but all eyes were on the doctor and family friend.

“It’s pretty bad, I won’t lie to you. His neck is broken, but the spinal chord seems to be fine. I’m getting some reflexive movement in his arms and legs.” Paul ran his hands over his face, clearing the way for what he had to say next. “It’s going to be a long slow recovery for him. I have him in a brace so he can’t move his neck. He is not going to be able to do anything but lie flat for the next four weeks. After that it’s a slow process of sitting up, then eventually walking.”

Three stunned faces looked back at him. “But he is going to live?” Ben was the first to find his voice.

“Yes, he’s going to live. The next couple of months aren’t going to be easy on any of you. He’s going to be totally dependent on you for those four weeks.” Paul shook his head. “But he couldn’t have a better family to take care of him. Come on back and you can sit with him.” Paul opened the door to the surgery and herded the rest of the Cartwrights through the door. “I have him sedated now, and we will probably want to keep him on laudanum for a while until he gets use to where he is. The last thing we need is for him to start thrashing around.”

The men walked to the side of the bed, Ben gently took his son’s large hand in his. “I remember when this hand was so small.” He laughed gently, “It was usually dirty then, too.”

Adam stood behind his father and put his hands on the man’s broad shoulders. “Why don’t we take turns sitting with him, Pa.? I know we all want to be with him now, but he’s going to need us rested in order to give him the best care we can.”

“You’re right, son. You and Joseph get some sleep; you’ve been up all night with the miners.” Ben dismissed them with a smile.

“I kind of thought I would take the first watch, Pa, so you could get some rest.” Adam tried to look more awake than he felt.

“Nonsense, boy! Why don’t you and Joe get us a hotel room? I’ll send word back to Hop Sing that we may be here a while until we can safely move Hoss. The ranch hands can keep up with things for a few days.” Ben looked at both his sons, his eyes strong and protective. “Go on, get some sleep. I’ll be here with your brother.”

“Alright, Pa, but we’ll be back to check on the two of you later tonight.” Adam tried to herd Joe out of the room, but Joe would not be moved.

“I really would rather just sit here for a little while, Pa. I’ll go to the hotel in a while.” Joe’s voice was soft and he seemed far away.

“For a little while Joseph, for a little while.” Ben pulled a second chair over and patted it so Joe would sit next to him. “We’ll just sit and pray together, then.”

Adam closed the door gently behind him as he left the surgery and walked down the street to the hotel. His heart wanted to stay beside his brother, but his body was telling him he hadn’t slept in over thirty-six hours. A quick nap would do him good, and then he could relieve his father part way through the night. He walked up the steps of the hotel, listening to the hollow sounds his boots made on the boards. Stopping before he went in, Adam turned, looked up and sent his prayers into the starry night.

The front desk clerk looked up when he heard the door open. “Good evening Mr. Cartwright. Will you be staying with us tonight?”

“Yes, I would like a suite. My father, brother and I will be staying in town for a little while.” Adam signed the registry and took the keys from the clerk. “Please send somebody up and make sure I’m awake by midnight.”

“Of course, sir.” The clerk gave Adam a quizzical look, but said nothing.

Joe had bowed his head in prayer beside his brother’s bed. The prayer probably hadn’t lasted more than a few moments because Joe’s head began to bob as he slept. Ben leaned his son backwards into the chair so he might sleep a little more comfortably. He figured on letting Joe stay for an hour or so before sending him on to the hotel.

“Brought you some coffee, Ben.”

“Thanks Paul.”

“Can I bring you anything to eat? Might do you some good.”

“No thanks, I’m sure my appetite won’t be back for some time.”

“I understand, Ben, but you will have breakfast in the morning, or I won’t let you in to see Hoss!” Paul gave Ben a quick wink. “I’ve got an extra bed, would you like me to put Joe in it?”

“No, I’ll let him sleep there for a little while before I send him to the hotel. I’m not clear on all the details, but he feels responsible for Hoss’s accident.” Ben’s eyes were tired, his face looked older, but the love for his son’s and his willingness to protect them still showed through.

“Alright then, I’ll be back to check on Hoss in another hour. If you need anything before that, just let me know.”

“Thanks for everything, Paul. Goodnight.”

The Cartwright men spent a restless night, one son in a drugged induced semi-conscious state, two sons tossing with nightmares of the previous evening, and one father trying to will his son back to health.

When the morning light hit Adam’s eyes, he sat upright and swore. “Damn it, I asked to be woken up at midnight. Pa is probably wondering where I am.” He threw his clothes on, threw water on his face, and his hat on his head before storming down to the front desk.

“I thought I left a message to be woken at midnight!”

The desk clerk looked at Adam in surprise. “Well, yes sir, we have a note right here to wake you at midnight.”

“Then how do you explain the sun shining and me just now getting up?”

“Mr. Cartwright, you signed in at 1AM, the night clerk wrote a note that said “Do Not Disturb until Midnight. Seemed kind of strange to me too, but I figured you must have been truly exhausted.

Adam took a deep breath and laid his hands on the front desk. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize it was so late when I came in. You can disregard the note.”

“Yes sir, and I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.” The clerk looked sincere.

“By the way, did Joe Cartwright ever make it over last night?”

The clerk checked the registry, “No sir, you are the only new arrival we had yesterday.”

“Thank, you.” Adam tossed the man a silver coin for his troubles.

The door to the surgery opened and Joe walked out, stretching. His curly hair had not been combed, and his clothes looked as if they had been wadded up and stuffed in a corner. “Hey Adam, where you been? I thought you were going to come over earlier than this.” As Adam got closer Joe could see he was not in the mood to be questioned.

“How’s Hoss this morning?” The question was short and sharp.

“No change, Doc’s with him right now.” Joe stopped Adam before he could enter the doctor’s office. “Pa’s sleeping, so try to keep it quiet when you go in.”

To Adam the tone Joe used was accusatory. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier, Joe. I put in a wake up at the front desk, but there was a misunderstanding.” Adam was quick to become defensive.

“I was just telling you Adam, no need to get your back up.” Joe tried to see through Adam’s eyes, gauging how he was really feeling this morning. As far as he knew, Hoss was just about the only Cartwright that could really tell how Adam was feeling.

“I’m sorry, Joe, none of us are at our best right now.” Adam started into the surgery again, “Have you had breakfast yet?”

“Emma fixed us something. There’s probably some left for you if you want. Pa didn’t eat much.”

“Thanks. Oh and here’s the key to the room if you want to stretch out. You look like you slept in a chair all night.” Adam tossed the key to his brother.

Ben was asleep on the bed in the room next to Hoss’s. Emma was giving Hoss a sponge bath, and Paul was making notes at his desk. Adam peered around the door into Hoss’s room. “How is he this morning, Emma?” Paul’s wife looked up and smiled.

“He hasn’t changed much, reflexes are still good. I thought he might be more comfortable if I cleaned him up a bit.” She was taking great care to be gentle, and was able to remove a lot of the dirt from the previous days work. Adam was impressed with her skill at being discreet and maintaining Hoss’s dignity.

“I’m sure that will make him feel better, Emma. You are always so thoughtful.” Adam sat down in the chair that Joe had vacated earlier.

“Did you eat anything Adam?” Paul came up from behind Adam and gave him a little start.

“No, I overslept and wanted to get here as quick as I could.”

“Well, Emma has some biscuits and gravy, and she makes coffee almost as well as Hop Sing.” Paul winked at his wife.

“I’ll fix you a plate Adam.” Emma put away the soap and towels and went into the kitchen.

Before Adam realized how much time had passed, his father was at his side, encouraging him to get some more rest. And so it went for the next six days, brother replaced brother, who was replaced by father, who was replaced by son. Word had been sent to the ranch on what was to be done while they were gone, and instructions were given to Hop Sing to prepare Hoss’s room for his homecoming.

Paul had given his permission to move Hoss back to the Ponderosa. Adam had spent most of the previous evening rigging up a sling in the back of the buckboard. He had put ropes through the top rails and attached the ropes to a canvas. They hoped that by suspending Hoss the bumps and jolts of the wagon would be diminished.

Joe brought the wagon in front of the office first thing in the morning and waited while they got Hoss ready to load. His job was going to be to drive the wagon as smoothly as he could while Adam and Ben sat in the back keeping Hoss and the sling steady.

“Do you have everything, Ben?” Paul looked around the small room, making sure nothing important was left behind.

“I have everything that’s important Paul. I have your care instructions, laudanum, some of Emma’s special bath soap, and some of the oil she made up to rub into his muscles.” Ben looked at his son, his face soft in its drug induced sleep. “All we need now is Hoss.”

“OK, Each of us on a corner. Mark? Are you ready?” Mark Snyder had come in from his ranch to help lend a hand with moving his friend.

“Ready.” Mark seemed slow-witted, but his friends knew he was as just a quiet man.

“On three, one, two, three!” Ben’s voice directed them.

The men emerged from the office and loaded Hoss into the wagon. Joe was holding the horses steady. With Hoss safely in the back of the wagon, Ben and Adam climbed in next to him. “Are we ready to go?” Joe was impatient to start the slow journey back home.

“I think so, son. Just keep a steady hand on those horses.”

“Don’t worry, Pa, I brought the sweetest team we have.” Joe gently urged the horses forward, and the slow procession began.

“We’re taking him home Pa.” Adam looked into his father’s eyes. The look between them acknowledged the struggle they both felt. The pain they felt at not being able to take the place of this man they both loved so much.

It had taken most of the day to make their way to the ranch. A trip that would have taken hours was tripled by Joe’s insistence on taking the smoothest route possible. Neither of the men in the back questioned his ability to choose the best way home. As the wagon slowed to a stop in front of the house, Hop Sing emerged and began directing the hands to help unload “#2 son”. Ben and Adam were tired from the ride in the back of the wagon, tense from keeping Hoss steady. Joe was tired from driving the team at an abnormally slow pace. Six of the hands moved in under Hop Sing’s direction and moved Hoss quickly but carefully from the back of the wagon and into the main floor guest room.

“Hop Sing, I thought I asked you to get Hoss’s room ready for him.” Ben was tired and irritable.

“Hop Sing take care of Mr. Hoss. When he ready to walk, not need to go up and down stairs. Easy to bring him food, better for him to be close to family.” Hop Sing went about his tasks of settling Hoss into what would be his room for the next month.

“You’re right, Hop Sing, You’re right. I was just thinking he would feel more comfortable if he woke up in a familiar place.”

“Hop Sing already move lots of Mr. Hoss things down to room. Pictures, blankets, books, all in downstairs room.” Hop Sing shook his head, his long braid wagging from side to side. “Hop Sing take care of Mr. Hoss long time, know what good for him, just like you!” He continued to putter around the room, getting things just right before he left, muttering in Cantonese.

Ben made sure that Hoss was situated in the bed just as Doc Martin had instructed. He checked to make sure the brace was positioned correctly, and wasn’t irritating Hoss’s skin too much. Satisfied that everything was as it should be, Ben collapsed into the chair beside Hoss’s bed. “Welcome home son. I just wish you were awake to enjoy it.” Ben took his son’s hand in his and looked at the sleeping man. “You’ve really grown into quite a man son. Selfless as always, you put yourself in harms way to save your brother. Not to mention helping to save those six miners.” Ben wiped his sleeve across his eyes, sweeping away any evidence of tears. “I love you son, and I’m very proud of you.”

Paul Martin arrived mid-morning two days later to check on Hoss and the rest of the family. Little Joe was outside working on some harness, and Adam was in the barn. Ben was inside by Hoss’s side, where he felt he had to be.

“Morning Ben, getting any sleep?”

“Morning Paul, sure am. I take the day shift and the boys and Hop Sing split the night shift.” Ben’s face was animated and full of excitement. “Did the boys tell you he opened his eyes last night?”

“That’s great news, Ben. Did he try to speak or move?” Paul caught Ben’s enthusiasm.
“No, but at least it’s a start!”

“That’s right Ben, and it’s a great start.” Paul gave Hoss a quick examination, before declaring, “I think we can start reducing the amount of medication you’re giving him. Let’s give him a chance to come around slowly. If he becomes violent or starts thrashing around, you will have to up the dose again.” He looked over Hoss more closely, checking for bed sores. “You have all been doing a great job taking care of him, Ben. His skin looks in very good condition. Keep moving those arms and legs slowly and gently, and massage his muscles.

IV

Hoss could feel a gentle breeze on his face; it was cool and carried the smell of pine. Where was he? What was the last thing he remembered? Joe! He remembered Little Joe in the way of the falling rocks. Dadburn that kid, why couldn’t he make his feet move faster. Hoss lay still, listening. He couldn’t hear anything that gave him a clue to his location. He couldn’t seem to make his eyes open either. “Come on Hoss, open your eyes!” The voice inside his head kept urging him. Soon he realized it wasn’t his voice, and it wasn’t inside his head. It sounded kind of like Adam’s voice, but it seemed really far away. “Come on Hoss, open those big blue eyes.” Now he knew it was Adam’s voice. He always liked to tease Hoss about his blue eyes. Adam swore the girls just loved his eyes.

“That’s it Hoss! Welcome back!” Adam kept his voice low, as if afraid of waking somebody.

Hoss tried to speak, but his mouth was dry and his tongue wouldn’t move. His muscles tensed as he tried to sit up. Adam’s hand was on his shoulder immediately.

“Don’t try to move just yet. You hurt your neck and Doc doesn’t want you to move around.” Adam reached over to the night stand and dipped a rag into the water. He wrung out some of the water then pressed the wet rag to Hoss’s lips. “Let’s get a little water down your throat and see if you can talk to me.”

Hoss’s eyes followed Adam’s slow and deliberate movements. At least they seemed slow to Hoss. Everything seemed blurred, the edges of Adam’s face looked like they were melting. Oh, Lord, my brother is melting! Hoss began to struggle against the vision.

“No, Hoss, you need to lay still. You are safe, and you’re at home. Lay still.” Adam’s voice was as firm as his hands.

Hoss closed his eyes and let some of the water slide down his throat before swallowing. He mouthed the word “more”. Adam pressed more water against his lips, this time leaving more water in the rag. Hoss opened his mouth and bit down on the rag, sucking the water into his mouth.

This time when he tried to speak, the words came out. “Adam?” Hoss opened his eyes, only to find his brother’s face still melting and distorted. “Mmmm, don’t go Adam.”

“I’m not leaving Hoss. I’m right here with you. Relax and breathe.” Adam was worried that Hoss would still try to move. He knew he wouldn’t be able to restrain Hoss if he was fully conscious, and he hoped he would be able to when he was sedated. Adam reached beside Hoss’s bed and pulled on a heavy string. The string was connected to the ceiling by hooks which ran across the room and out the door. The string made its way into Hop Sing’s quarters and was attached to a bell. If help was needed, a pull on that string would bring Hop Sing right away, and it did.

“He’s waking up, go get Pa and Little Joe.” Adam tried to hide the excitement in his voice.

Hop Sing left the room and went quickly upstairs to Ben’s room. He knocked on the door then entered, shaking Ben awake. “Hoss waking up! Adam tell Hop Sing come get you!”

“He’s…he’s waking up?” Ben tried to clear his head. Realizing what the cook had just said, Ben jumped out of bed and grabbed Hop Sing’s shoulders. “He’s waking up!” Ben grabbed his robe and ran downstairs, pounding on Little Joe’s door as he passed. “Wake up son, Hoss needs us!”

Hop Sing knew it would take more than that to rouse Little Joe, so he swung open the door and rolled the young man out of bed. “Hoss need you, get up, get up!”

“Hoss is awake?” Joe grabbed his pants and pulled them on while moving towards the door. He missed the door, hit the wall and landed in a pile by his bed.

“Why this foolishment? Go down to brother!” Hop Sing shook his head at the boy and went downstairs. Joe was close behind, pulling on his slippers.

“Hoss?” Ben called to his son in excitement.

“Shhhhhh,” Adam admonished. “I think loud noises might bother him. I’ve been trying to keep my voice low; he seems to respond better to that.” Adam got up from the chair to give his father a place to sit.

“Son, can you hear me?” Ben’s voice tickled at Hoss’s brain. “Hoss, open your eyes, son.”

Hoss was floating along the tree tops close to his favorite fishing hole. If that wasn’t strange enough, the fish were talking to him, and they sounded a lot like his father. Had the fish eaten his Pa? “PA!” Again, Hoss tried to sit up, but was restrained.

“I’m right here son. Don’t try to move.” Ben leaned in towards his son, whispering, “You’re home Hoss, you’re safe.” Ben kept repeating the words gently, encouragingly, and lovingly.

Hoss opened his eyes slowly. “Pa?” He tried to focus on his father’s face, afraid that it would melt like Adam’s had. Instead his father looked as if his face was covered in fish scales. “NO!” Hoss tried to turn his head away from his father, but the brace did its job and prevented any movement. Hoss tried to fight against the brace, but Adam’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“Eric Cartright! You stop moving right now, or I’m gonna tell Pa!”

Hoss stopped struggling and opened his eyes again. Adam was there, but it wasn’t the melted Adam. Hoss tried to lift his hand to his brother’s face, but was too weak, so Adam took his hand in his and touched it to his face. “It’s me Hoss, it’s Adam.”

“You didn’t go away, Adam.” Hoss took a deep breath and his eyes drifted to his father, afraid of what he might see. “Pa? The fish didn’t eat you, did they?”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and then he laughed gently at his son. “No, boy, the fish didn’t eat me. I’m right here with you in our house.” He too took Hoss’s hand in his and held it to his face.

“Joe…Joe ain’t dead is he?” A tear slipped from Hoss’s eye.

“I’m right here, big brother. And you haven’t got any more hands for me to hold, so you’ll just have to believe me.” Joe was about to bust with joy at the sound of his brother saying his name. A sound he feared he would never hear again.

“I’m sure tuckered, Pa. I think I’ll just close my eyes for a bit.” Hoss slipped back into sleep quickly.

“Adam, go on up and get some sleep. I’ll sit with him now. I don’t think I could sleep if I had to.” Ben’s face was beaming.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be doing a lot of sleeping either, but I’ll give it a good try. With Hoss being awake, he will be a little more difficult to deal with.” Adam smiled with pride at his brother before saying, “Goodnight Pa, Goodnight, Hoss.”

“Come on, Adam, I’ll race you up the stairs!” Joe was giddy with joy over his brother’s improvement.

V

It had been over four weeks since Hoss’s injury. He was conscious more than he slept. His needs did indeed increase as Adam had suggested. While still being medicated with the laudanum, the time he spent coming “down” as Hoss called it, was difficult and frightening for him. Hoss would describe to his family the horrifying dreams, and how the dreams would follow him into consciousness. As the dreams became more graphically violent and disturbing, Ben consulted Doc Martin.

“I’m really worried about him, Paul. The medication is keeping the pain down for him, but these things he sees; he’s starting to believe they’re real.” Ben poured his friend some more coffee. “At first they were a little amusing, but as they become more detailed, well, this just isn’t like Hoss.”

“I’m not sure just what to say, Ben. I know opiates can have a strange affect on people, but not with the amounts we’ve been giving Hoss.” Paul sipped at his coffee, trying to think of the best way to tell Ben what he was thinking. “He did take a couple of serious blows to his head. Sometimes a concussion, especially as serious as Hoss had, can change a person.”

“What do you mean by “change a person” Paul?” Ben did not like the sound of what Paul was saying.

“I’m not saying that’s what this is, but sometimes a person’s personality is altered after a severe blow to the head; especially the front part of the head. Hoss took a double blow, one to the front, the other to the back of the head.”

“Come on, Paul. I can’t believe that Hoss could change this much. He’s saying the strangest things, seeing things that just aren’t there. He’s imagining terrible things happening to me and Joe and Adam.”

“Let’s give it a little time, Ben. The less of the laudanum he needs, the less trouble he should have.” Paul set down his coffee and went to see about his patient.

“How’s it going today, Hoss?” Paul sat in the chair next to Hoss.

Hoss was reading a book with the help of a stand Adam had constructed for him. “I’d be a darned sight better if I could take this contraption of my neck!” He didn’t even look at the doctor.

“Well, if you promise to hold still, I’ll take it off for a few minutes to check the bones in your neck.”

That got Hoss’s attention. His eyes went from the book to the doctor’s face. “You ain’t joshin’ me are ya?”

“I wouldn’t do that to a man in your condition Hoss; that would be just cruel.” Paul reached over and started to unlace the brace he had made especially for Hoss. “Now don’t try to move, just let me reach under your neck and feel around a bit.” Paul gently reached under Hoss’s neck with both hands. The next thing Paul knew he was on the floor while Hoss was being restrained by his brothers and father.

“You tried to kill me! Get your hands offa me. That man tried to choke me!” Hoss would not be restrained. “Let go! Why are you gonna let that man kill me?”

Paul reached into his bag and pulled out a syringe. He filled it with a clear liquid and injected it into Hoss’s shoulder. Within moments, the big man was swaying as his family laid him on the bed.

“Paul, what in the name of …” Ben began but was cut off by Adam.

“Pa, let’s talk out in the living room.” Adam tried to get the men out of Hoss’s room.

Paul went directly to the brandy and poured himself a glass. He threw back the fiery amber drink and poured one for Ben. Both their hands were shaking. Joe’s face was pale, and Adam was staring into the fire, leaning with his hands on the mantel. Nobody spoke for several minutes.

“Paul, what’s causing this? That is not my son’s behavior!” Ben was hurt and confused. He was helpless when his son needed him.

“Ben, I just don’t know. This is the first time I’ve seen anything like this. If it were anybody other than Hoss, I would say he just waited for me to take that brace off before he attacked me.”

“Come on, Paul.” It was Adam’s turn. “You don’t expect us to believe this was premeditated on Hoss’s part. You know him better than that.”

“Yes, Adam, I do know him, and that’s exactly what makes this entire situation so confusing.” Paul sat down, his elbows on his knees, his chin on his hands. “Well, there is good news in all of this.”

Joe found his voice, “Tell us, we could really use some good news.” His tone was overtly sarcastic.

“Hoss seems to have healed very well. Before I woke up on the floor I had been checking the condition of his neck. The bones seemed to have knitted together just fine. It’s also very obvious that he has been working on his muscle tone while we weren’t looking.”

“That’s a stretch, but you’re right, it is good news.” Ben sat beside his friend and the room fell silent again.

Adam broke the silence. “What are we going to do for him Paul? What CAN we do?”

“Let me read up in a few of my medical journals. There might be something in there, but the human mind is still a mystery to us.” Paul rose and gathered his bag. “I’ll stop by tomorrow to give him another sedative.”

“Good-bye Paul, and thanks for your help.” Ben closed the door and walked silently into Hoss’s room. He looked at the sleeping man, his face relaxed, the creases from working in the sun seemed to be smoothed out. Hoss always looked so much younger when he slept. Ben wasn’t sure if that was because he remembered watching the boy while he slept as a child, or if the worries of the day seemed to slip away while Hoss slept. Either way, Ben was looking into the face of his child and behind that face was a very confused, frightened man. How was he going to help his son if he didn’t understand what was happening.

“Pa?” Adam’s voice interrupted Ben’s thoughts.

“Yes, son?” Ben looked into the face of his eldest son. For a moment, Adams face showed his concern and worry for his brother. Then, just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone again.

“Until we can get a handle on what’s happening with Hoss, I think it would be wise if there were two of us in the room with him.” Adam tried not to look at his father, instead busied himself with arranging Hoss’s blankets.

Ben put a hand on Adam’s. “You honestly think your brother would hurt a member of his own family?”

Adam looked up at his father; Ben’s face was dark, a storm gathering behind his eyes. “I just don’t want to take that chance. He didn’t even seem to know who Paul was.”

“How could he NOT know his own family?”

“You were in the same room I was. We all tried to restrain him, Pa. It took all we had to keep him from attacking Paul again. He didn’t really seem to know where he was or who we were.” Adam took a deep breath before continuing, “Pa, I just don’t think we should take any chances.”

Ben’s shoulders sagged slightly, his fatigue showing. Then he straightened, “My head tells me you’re right, but my heart is having a difficult time believing any of this.” Ben took Hoss’s hand in his, “For your sake son, we’ll stay with you two at a time. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself if you try to struggle.” Ben looked up at Adam and gave him an encouraging smile.

“He would understand, Pa. He is a powerful man when riled. I’ve been on the receiving end a few times.” Adam smiled at the memories.

“I do seem to recall one time in the bunk house, you took quite a beating.” Ben winked at Adam and settle back into his chair. “Do you want the first watch with me, or should I call for Little Joe?”

“I thought I’d take the first watch with you, then Joe can relieve you in a while.” Adam too settled back in his chair. “Let’s hope for a quiet afternoon.”

Neither saw the man in the bed open one eye, ever so slightly, ever so slowly. He closed it again, satisfied. He was no longer certain of where he was, but these men were watching him so he would have to plan his escape carefully.

The afternoon did indeed pass quietly, Ben looking over the figures he had brought in from his desk, while Adam read the Iliad. Joe popped his head in the door and saw both men quietly engaged in their own activity.

“Pa?” Joe whispered. “Are you ready for a break?”

“Yes, thank you Joseph.” Ben turned to Adam, “Do you want to get out for a few minutes before the changing of the guard?”

“Thanks, Pa. I should only be a couple of minutes.” Adam checked to make sure Hoss was still sleeping, watching his quiet even breathing. Satisfied, he slipped from the room and went outside to tend to his own needs.

This is what Hoss had been waiting for. He was confident he could take on the old man, but the tall dark man was strong for his size. If he waited until the young boy came in he could make his escape with little resistance. Waiting patiently Hoss listened for the sounds of the boy settling down. Hoss was frustrated by the constant fussing this boy was making over him; wiping his brow, arranging the blankets, fluffing the darned pillows! Finally it was time to make his move. The boy was hovering over him within easy reach.

Joe was reaching for the bottle of oil to rub Hoss’s arms down. Before he knew what was happening, a giant fist caught him square in the jaw and sent him reeling backwards. Joe hit his head on the edge of the wash stand and slumped into unconsciousness.

Ben leapt to his feet and attempted to restrain Hoss as he called for help. Hoss easily tossed the old man aside and bolted for the window. He hurtled his bulk through the window to freedom. Hoss was not sure where he was, but he was going to put as much space between himself and that place as he could.

When he heard the sound of the disturbance, Adam headed for the front door, before he was inside his father was calling for help. By the time he made it through the bedroom door, Hoss was gone. Adam helped his father to his feet and they both checked on Joe’s condition. Joe was beginning to sit up and was rubbing the back of his head. His hand came away with blood.

“Where is he, Pa? I’m ready to take him on!” Joe looked at his father and slumped once more to the ground.

Adam lifted Joe to the bed that Hoss had just vacated. He turned to his father, but Ben was already out of the room.

“Pa!” Adam bolted out of the room after his father. “Pa! Where do you think you’re going?” Adam caught up with his father and grabbing his arm, spun him around.

“Get your hands off of me, Adam. I’m going to find my son.”

“Pa, stop for just a minute and listen to me.” Adam refused to let go of his father. “He’s on foot. He isn’t going to be going very far.” He relaxed his grip on his father’s arm. “Why don’t you ride in and get Doc Martin. Joe’s going to need a couple stitches in his head. Paul can bring some more of that sedative so when we do find Hoss we can bring him home with out one of us getting hurt too seriously.” Adam began to put on his jacket and strap on his gun belt. “I’ll follow after Hoss to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself for anybody else for that matter.

“You’re right Adam. Trying to force him back to the house might prove dangerous. I’ll fill Paul in on what’s happened and when we get back to the house I’ll follow your trail. Keep your trail heavy, son, it may be dark before I get started.”

“Sure thing Pa.” Adam grabbed an extra blanket out of the credenza. “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful but I am going to look out for my brother.”

The men parted and each headed out for their objective.

VI

Hoss kept up a brisk, steady pace, putting as much distance between the ranch and him that he could. He was not adequately clothed, and he was barefooted, but he knew if he let them catch him he would never be able to make sense of this very confusing situation. Hoss was running without knowing where he was going, yet comfortable in finding the right way. It was as if he had been here before, almost like a dream hiding somewhere in the back of the mind. He had the slightest idea that if he continued up this trail then took another trail to his right it would lead him to a shelter. The shelter was clear in his mind; he could even see clearly the items he would need if he were to survive in the mountains on his own. Why did he know this place? What was it that was keeping him from shaking the constant fog from his mind?

Hoss stopped briefly to catch his breath and get his bearings. Not much further, he told himself and the shelter will be in a small clearing. Looking behind, he could hear, but not see his pursuer. He was still a good distance in the lead, taking some short cuts he knew a horse would have a hard time following. This dark man seemed to know where Hoss was heading, and that disturbed him a great deal.

Hoss climbed a few boulders to hide his tracks as best he could, then took off for the shelter. He approached carefully, hoping nobody would be in the shack. Satisfied that the place was empty, Hoss wrenched open the door and stood inside, blinking until his eyes adjusted to the dim light. When he could see, he realized everything was indeed just as his minds eye had previously revealed. There was a change of clothes, a sewing kit, leather, food, a knife, first aid kit. He gathered these things quickly, ready to leave before the dark man could make his way up the mountain. Pausing for a moment, his hand on the door latch, he turned and went to the fireplace. He slid the board on the mantel to reveal a rifle and ammunition. Satisfied, Hoss returned to his flight from his unknown captors into a world he didn’t recognize, but felt strangely comfortable in.

Hoss knew that if he could get over to the “high ground” it would be almost impossible to be tracked. His bare feet would leave very little track on the hard ground, and once he reached the solid rock he would be able to slip away. The sun was going down, and the air had a chill to it. Hoss stopped for the night, tucking himself into a cut in the rocks just over a meadow. He wedged himself into the rocks and covered himself with the supplies and leather. It made for a warm environment, and Hoss was able to see anybody that might approach. He laughed to himself when he spotted the small fire of the dark man’s camp. Not very worried about being spotted, Hoss thought to himself. Well, that would make evading him even easier.

By morning Hoss was cramped, stiff, and nauseous. Whatever these men had been giving him to keep him sedated was having an effect on him. Hoss’s head was beginning to pound, but he knew he had to make it over to his high ground if his escape was to be successful. Pulling himself from his overnight nest, he quietly gathered his supplies and took off at a slow but steady pace. Movement brought waves of nausea, and Hoss had to stop several times to wretch, the last time was nothing but dry heaves. Regardless of the pain in his head and the spasms in his stomach, Hoss pushed on stopping only for water.

Mid morning brought Hoss to the brink of freedom: high ground. He knew this place in his heart, certain he had been here many times, but unable to recall when and with whom. Looking over his shoulder and seeing no one, Hoss stumbled forward towards freedom. Just past this hard packed soil would be slabs of solid rock, a place where a bare foot could leave no trail. Hoss intended to follow it about a third of the way before laying a false trail. He had to make the trail convincing and it had to go a good distance out. He wanted his pursuer to work the trail a good hour or two before realizing it lead nowhere. That would give Hoss enough time to make it to the other side of the rock formation and into the high Sierras. Yes! The Sierras, he knew that place, he remembered the name. That would be a place he could defend himself in and recover in.

“Adam?” A hoarse whisper was answered by Adam’s calm voice.

“I’m over this way, Pa.”

“Have you lost sight of him, son?” Ben looked quizzically at his son who was reclining on his bedroll while getting a small fire started.

“No, he’s just above the meadow in those rocks up there.” Adam pointed in the direction of Hoss’s camp. “I figured it might make him more comfortable if he knew where I was.”

“Good thinking, son. No need for him to be afraid of us.” Ben helped start the fire then unsaddled Buck. “Have you been able to actually see him?”

“I got a glimpse of him before he raided the line shack. He was moving pretty well, but he slowed down some after he got his supplies. He has a rifle with him now, Pa.” Adam glanced up at his father, measuring his concern at that last piece of information.

“I’m glad he has one, if he should need it. I just hope he isn’t planning on stopping us with it.” Ben sat down next to Adam. “We’ll get him back, son, I’m sure of it.”

“How is Little Joe?”

“Doc was with him when I left, told me it would take a couple stitches, like you said. He sent me off with a sedative for Hoss and some more Laudanum, but said if we don’t get to him in the next couple of days it might not make much difference. He’s been using that Laudanum long enough Doc is pretty sure if he doesn’t get some in his system soon he won’t be doing well.” Ben shook his head, then ran his fingers through his silver hair. “He said if he is addicted to it, not having it is going to make him feel bad, real bad.”

“Let’s get a little shut-eye, Pa. I’m pretty sure he’s heading up to the Lost Hills. We used to play “High Ground” up there when we were younger, remember?”

Ben chuckled, “I seem to recall a few battle strategies taking place up there while we were moving cattle. If he makes it up there before we can reach him, we may never find him. He’s on foot, but he won’t be leaving a trail. We best break camp before sunrise and see if we can’t get a start on him.”

By the time Ben and Adam had made their way to the spot Hoss had spent the night, he was probably an hour ahead of them, if not more. Tracking him was not as easy as they had hoped. They tracked on foot, one following the trail, the other leading the horses well away from the sign in case they needed to back trail. It wasn’t long before they got their first indication that Hoss was beginning to weaken.

“Pa, he’ll be slowing down some now.” Adam pointed out the first spot where Hoss had stopped to vomit.
“Well, that’s one for our side, but for his sake I hope he has his wits about him and he drinks enough water to make up for the loss.” Ben took up the trail and let Adam lead the horses for a while.

Within the hour they were up on the Lost Hills. They each took a side of the rock escarpment looking for the spot where Hoss had left it. Ben called out first.

“Adam! This way, it’s not much, but it looks like he headed north from here.” Ben waited for Adam before setting off to the north. They were approximately one-third of the way through the rock formation.

Hoss was slowing down significantly, but he was unaware of it. He kept staggering forward; he was well off of the high ground and heading towards the Sierras. Every chance he had, Hoss stopped to drink more water and wash his face and neck. His balance was off, and he felt a fever beginning to set in. If he could just keep pushing forward he was sure he would be safe, but the further he went, the more he felt he was leaving something important behind. The sun was setting on his second day of freedom and Hoss sought a secluded, covered area deep in the pines. He couldn’t see any stars, but wasn’t sure if that was due to clouds in the sky or the clouds in his mind. He didn’t want to take any chances, so found as much shelter as he could in case of rain. Not bothering to light a fire, he sipped water and nibbled on some of the hardtack he had brought from the raided shelter. He hoped the food would stay down. Safe from the wind, covered from any rain, he soon fell into a nightmarish sleep.

“Damn, Pa, he sure doesn’t want to be found.” Adam shifted in his saddle, looking back at his father. “The trail circles around here. He’s back tracked and I didn’t even see it.”

Ben could see his son was frustrated with himself. “Don’t chide yourself, son. Hoss is as good a tracker as any of us, if not a bit better. He can lay a good trail as well as he can follow one.” He offered his son a drink from his canteen, but Adam refused.

“Only thing we can do is back trail to the Lost Hills and look for his next sign.” Adam wheeled his horse around and rode back the way they had just come. It was almost dark by the time they made their way back to where Hoss had misled them.

“Let’s camp here for the night, son. He’s hard enough to track in the daytime; I’d hate to miss something in the dark.”

Adam and Ben settled in for another night of worry over the wayward Cartwright. Their prayers mingled as they were sent up for both Hoss and Little Joe. During the night the rains started waking all three men. It caused Hoss only to curl up a little further under the tree for shelter. For Ben and Adam it meant the dim trail they were following would all but be swept clean.

VII

The morning dawned cool and damp, Ben soon had coffee going while Adam secured the bedrolls to the backs of the saddles.

“I don’t know Pa, could be the rain wasn’t as bad as we thought.” Adam looked thoughtfully at the small amount of moisture on the dirt between the rocks. “I’ve got enough supplies for a few more days, and if you pitch in what you’ve got I could stay out here for close to a week if I need to.”

“Are you suggesting I go back home, son?” Ben’s brows came together as his eyes began to darken.

“Joe is home and hurt; he’s going to need you. I can keep tracking Hoss, he can’t have gone far in his condition, but it might take a bit to find him.” Adam tried to smooth over his father’s concern.

“Adam, we couldn’t handle him back at the ranch. What makes you think you can handle him now by yourself?” Ben handed his son a steaming cup of coffee.

Sipping the hot drink carefully, Adam continued. “Pa, think about this whole situation. What is the one variable that could possibly make Hoss act the way he did?”

“Paul seemed to think it was the blows to the head. You’re thinking differently?”

“I am. Paul also mentioned that he hadn’t heard that Laudanum could cause that kind of reaction. Just because he hasn’t heard of it happening doesn’t mean it hasn’t. Pa, that stuff is terribly addicting and Hoss had been taking it for quite some time.” Adam’s eyes pleaded for his father to understand.

“You honestly think that could make Hoss not even know his own family?”

“It’s worse than alcohol. You’ve seen some men when they get drunk. Andy Freeman is a mild man until he gets too much whiskey. His wife has threatened to leave him if he takes another drink.” A flock of birds flew over, distracting Adam. They caused him to look into the distance where he thought Hoss might have gone. “Come on Pa, he’s out there and he needs help. Joe is home and hurt. Think how devastated he must feel right now.” Adam rose, tossed the rest of his coffee and prepared to leave.

“How can I leave Joe by himself on the one hand, and on the other abandon Hoss when he needs my help?” Ben’s face revealed how torn he was over his sons.

“Pa, one of us has to go back and one of us has to go on. You can make the decision, or I can, but a decision has to be made.” Adam was becoming impatient with his father.

“It’s just not that easy, Adam!” Ben’s voice was loud and strong, causing some of the flock of birds to fly off for quieter areas.

Adam put his hand on his father’s arm. “Pa, do you want me to make the decision?”

“No. Put the rest of my supplies in your bags. I’ll head back and take care of Joe. As soon as you have any word, send a telegram from the nearest town.” Ben closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “Take care of yourself Adam, and please find Hoss.”

“You know I will, Pa.”

The two men worked in silence; transferring extra supplies to Adam’s bag and cleaning up the camp. A knowing look was exchanged, and they rode off in different directions.

Adam ended up riding in circles. He took the north side of the rocky steppe looking for signs of his brother, when he reached the end he circled back on the south side. It took him four hours and two trips around before he saw what he was looking for.

“How could I have missed that the first time?” Adam looked up towards the sun and realized that the angle of the light had changed enough to reveal the light tracks he had missed earlier. “I’ve got your trail now, little brother. Hang on till I get there.” He dismounted and walked Sport carefully along the side of the trail he followed. The trail took off and up away from the rock and hard dirt towards the pine forest. Adam new it would be more difficult, but not impossible to track Hoss through the bed of pine needles.

Adam hadn’t gone more than 200 yards into the forest when he spotted his brother. Hoss was still curled up next to the trunk of a massive pine. Adam dropped the reins of his horse and ran to his brother’s side, “Please, Hoss, please be alive.” Hoss’s body was shaking, confirming that he was indeed alive. His face was glossed in perspiration, but he was not flushed, rather pasty and washed out. Adam ran back and got his bedroll, tying Sport lightly so he wouldn’t have to worry about him.

“Don’t worry, brother, I’m here now, and I’m going to take real good care of you.” Adam wrapped the blanket around his brother’s body and placed his coat under his head. Hoss had no shoes with him, but had donned a pair of socks he had taken from the cabin. Adam tucked the blanket under Hoss’s feet to keep him warmer until he could get a fire started. He knew it would be no use trying to move him in his condition.

In no time at all, Adam had a fire going, water boiling and had erected a simple shelter for himself and his brother. Adam rolled Hoss on to his back and lifted his head slightly, trying to get him to drink a little water. Hoss moaned and turned his head away. “Well, at least you’re responding.” Adam persisted until he had gotten some water down his brother’s throat. He sponged his brother’s face, attempting to make him more comfortable, but Adam knew Hoss’s body was trying to function with out the Laudanum it was so use to having. He sat back on his heals to think through his next step.
When Adam had been at college a young lady friend had become addicted to Laudanum. Her behavior was not erratic like Hoss’s, but her friends new she had to quit taking the medication as it was affecting her college studies and personal life. The college physician had done some research in the past on alcohol dependency and found that giving laudanum to an alcohol dependent reduced the withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps the opposite were true. Laudanum is laced with alcohol to begin with, and if he continually reduced the amount of laudanum and increased the amount of alcohol, perhaps Hoss would be able to get through this a little more easily. Adam hated giving Hoss any of the drugs that had brought him to this situation, but he hated more the suffering his brother was in.

“Come on, Hoss. Just a little bit of the bad stuff and you’ll be feeling better soon enough.” He slipped the dark, bitter liquid past Hoss’s lips, keeping his head up so as not to choke him.

Hoss coughed and sputtered a bit, and rolled over onto his side. “No…no more, no…”
His breathing became softer and more even and was soon resting easier.

“Sorry about this, Hoss.” Adam laid his hand on Hoss’s shoulder as a tear slipped down his cheek. He angrily swiped it away with his sleeve. “Let’s see if I can’t manage a pair of moccasins for those big feet of yours.” He distracted himself by fashioning some footwear for his brother. He set about in earnest, taking great care that they fit correctly and looked appealing. The treatment Adam had set upon was going to take some time, so he might as well keep busy while Hoss was sleeping.

It took Adam most of the afternoon to get the moccasins the way he wanted them. When he slipped them on Hoss’s feet, he was pleased with their functionality as well as their design. He passed more time by gathering firewood and kindling. He made himself a bed of pine boughs. Adam checked the supplies for the fourth time, and then started to make himself some dinner. He figured Hoss wouldn’t be in the mood to eat, but he made some broth just the same.

Hoss began to stir, and Adam was right by his side. “Easy Hoss don’t try to get up yet.” Adam kept up a steady stream of soft gentle talking, hoping it would bring Hoss around gently instead of in a fit of violence. It worked! Hoss opened his eyes and tried to focus on the figure in front of him.

“Who are you? Wha….what do you want?” Hoss’s voice was no more than a whisper.

“It’s your brother, Adam. I’m here to take care of you, keep you safe, and make you feel better.”

“Adam?” Hoss tried to lift his head, but it only made him dizzy so he let it fall back onto his brother’s coat.

“Hoss, I’m going to give you something to drink. You’re going to sleep some more, but not as long as you did.” Adam had mixed more alcohol and less laudanum and poured it down his brother’s throat.

“Don’t, Adam. No more, please.” Hoss opened his eyes again. Adam could see they were blood shot. They were a stark contrast with his pale skin. He kept them open as long as the medicine would let him then drifted off into his drugged sleep.

Adam wasn’t sure how long this should take. He was using the cap to the laudanum and the cap to the alcohol for measuring, but had no idea what the correct ratios should be. The best he could do would be to continue decreasing one while increasing the other. He hoped he wouldn’t be going too quickly, but the alcohol wouldn’t last too long and he didn’t want to leave Hoss alone in this condition in order to find more.

Night had fallen, Hoss was asleep and Adam had eaten his fill. Banking the fire, Adam lay upon his pine bed and closed his eyes. He was sure if Hoss stirred, he would wake up. It had always been that way, as long as he could remember. If Hoss or Little Joe had awoken in the middle of the night from a nightmare, Adam always knew about it. The slightest abnormal noise from either of them would bring him instantly awake. He wondered if it was that way for his father with him.

It seemed like only minutes when Adam woke quickly to the sound of Hoss moving. By the light on the horizon they had both had a full night’s sleep. Adam stirred the fire and tossed on a handful of kindling. As the fire began to lick at the fuel, he got the coffee pot ready, all the while keeping an eye on his waking brother. He hoped Hoss would wake calmly like before. Fortunately for both of them, Hoss opened his eyes and again tried to focus on his world.

“Adam, you still here?”

“I’m right here, Hoss. Want some coffee?” Adam knew the answer would be negative, but couldn’t help a little gentle teasing.

“Adam, my head feels like somebody smacked it with a sledge hammer. I can’t make my eyes focus on nothin’.” He turned on his side and tried to rise up on one arm, but wasn’t strong enough and fell back.

“Not so fast, Hoss. You’ve been through a lot; give yourself a chance to rest up.” Adam moved the broth from the night before onto the fire to warm. “Do you think you could sip a bit of broth?”

“I’m a bit thirsty, but I don’t want nothin’ really.” Hoss could make out the sharper outlines of his brother’s shoulders and head, but the rest of him still seemed a bit fuzzy.

Adam helped him drink a few sips of water, then switched to the luke warm broth. Hoss coughed and spit it out.
“I said I didn’t want nothin’!” His voice was edgy, his brow furrowed.

“And I say you need something in you to help get your strength back.” Adam would not be put off. “You may be bigger than me, but don’t forget you ARE my little brother. You go getting too big for your britches, and I’ll pinch your nose shut and pour this right down your gullet.”

“I ‘spect you would, too, huh?” Hoss settled back and let his brother feed him some of the broth. It wasn’t as good as Hop Sing’s but it would do. Hop Sing! Why wasn’t he fixing breakfast? Just where was he? “Where are we, Adam?”

“Near as I can tell, we’re almost to Mill Creek Station.” Adam wiped Hoss’s chin with his own sleeve. “You led us on quite the chase.”

“Chase? I don’t remember no chase!”

“No, Hoss, I suspect you don’t remember quite a lot of the past few weeks.” Adam steeled himself for what he had to do next. “Hoss, I need to give you some more medicine. Not as much as before, but you will be a little drowsy.”

“NO!” Hoss’s eyes flew open wide. “No more of that stuff Adam, I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

“I understand Hoss, but just not taking it isn’t good for you. You were without it for two days straight. When I found you, you were in real bad shape.” Adam began to mix the concoction. “I’m giving you less and less each time; kind of wean you off it like a calf.”

Hoss clenched his jaw shut and glared at his brother.

“Hoss, you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You have always trusted me, trust me now.” The last words had diminished into a pleading whisper. The two men stared at each other, neither speaking nor making a move.

“Adam, you don’t know what that stuff does to the inside of my head. There’s a whole lot I’m not rememberin’, and there’s some things I am rememberin’ and wish I couldn’t.”

“We’ll get through this, Hoss, just a few more days, I promise.”

“You’ve always done right by me, Adam. Don’t let me down now.” Hoss opened his mouth like an obedient child, and Adam poured the vile medicine onto his tongue.

“Dadburnit that stuff is awful!”

“Sorry, want to wash it down with some more broth?” Adam picked up the cup and held it for Hoss.

“I’m not sure that stuff is any better, Adam.” Hoss gave him a wink and a weak smile. Hoss lay back on his brother’s coat and sighed deeply, refusing the broth his brother offered.

“Maybe some roasted rabbit? A little squirrel, maybe?” Adam tried to tempt his brother with some of his favorite trail food.

“Naw. My bellybutton is sure enough rubbin’ on my spine, but the thought of food…” Hoss shook his head and closed his eyes. When Hoss opened his eyes again, it was if a different man lay behind them. “Why don’t you just go on home and leave me be Adam?” His voice was sharp and angry.

“I can’t do that and you know it,” Adam stated flatly. He kept an eye on his brother, wondering if he was harboring enough strength that might lead to an attack.

“What a load of horse crap, I could leave me in a heartbeat. Just ain’t no good anymore Adam. I’m just no good.” Hoss rolled onto his side and was soon asleep.

“What’s wrong with him?” A woman’s voice spoke just behind Adam, who jumped and spun around.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you come up.” Adam eyed the woman suspiciously. She was older, perhaps in her sixties, and her face was lined but still very attractive. Her hair was pulled back into a braid that hung well down her back, and was predominately silver, but the remaining black hairs shimmered through the silver. Adam rose to greet the stranger.

“Don’t worry, I tend to walk softly through these woods. It ain’t exactly my land, but I like to come down this way for the scenery.” She looked down at Hoss and asked the question again. “So what’s wrong with him?”

“He was hurt and the medicine the doctor gave him didn’t set too well.” Adam held out his hand to the woman. “My name’s Adam Cartwright, that’s my brother, Hoss.”

She took his hand and shook it firmly, her hands calloused and strong. “My name is Liza. Haven’t used my last name for so long, most folks don’t even know what it is.” Still holding Adam’s hand, she walked with him towards Hoss. “How long has he been like this?” They knelt together beside him and she felt his forehead, then closed her eyes and laid her hand on Hoss’s chest.

“He ran off from the house four, no five days ago. He was without the medicine for two days. I finally caught up with him here. He is getting stronger, but I’m still worried.”

Liza paused before she opened her eyes and looked at Adam. “Well, Mr. Cartwright, he doesn’t have a fever, his breathing is good, and his pulse is steady and strong. Whatever you’ve been doing, you’ve been doing right.” She stood up and looked down at the brothers. “Best I can offer is a roof over your heads. My place is just up mountain a piece.”

Adam stood and faced her, “I appreciate the offer, but I’m not sure he’s ready to be moved.”

“Nonsense, he’s strong. I’ll be back in a couple hours with my mule.” Liza turned to go, but Adam put a hand on her arm.

“I’ll go no need for you to be hiking up and down this mountain.” He looked down at Hoss. “Can I trust you to keep an eye on him until I get back?”

Liza laughed a soft, warm laugh. “I been hiking up and down this mountain longer than you’ve been alive, and if you’re not careful, I’ll be hiking it long after you’re dead and buried!” She picked up her walking stick and looked at Adam over her shoulder. “I’ll be back shortly, get your things gathered up. Make sure you put out that fire. You’re Daddy wouldn’t be too happy with you if you burned up his fine timber.”

Adam didn’t try to stop the woman; instead he looked around as if to get his bearings. Could they really still be on the Ponderosa? He felt certain they had traveled much further into the Sierra’s. When he turned to speak to Liza, she was already gone. Like a gnome, she had disappeared into the woods.

“Little brother, if I hadn’t touched her arm I would have sworn I was hallucinating like you!” Adam tucked the blanket around Hoss’s shoulders and started packing up their little camp. (Posted to this point)

VIII

“Pa?” Little Joe walked gingerly out onto the porch of the ranch house. He regretted having taken such a long walk. From his bedroom he had made his way down the stairs and out though the living room to the front door. He was sure he was ready to be out of bed and on his feet, but there was nobody in the house with him.

The sound of his son’s voice from outside the house brought Ben running from the barn.
“Joseph! What are you doing out of bed?” He put his arm around Joe’s shoulders to help support him and led him to one of the chairs on the porch.

“Sorry, Pa. I was tired of being in bed and thought I was ready for a little walk. I called out, but nobody was in the house.” Joe leaned his head forward and closed his eyes, breathing deeply, hoping that would help his head to stop spinning.

“I came out to get in a few chores while you were asleep. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, son.” Ben laid his strong hand on his son’s shoulder. “Let’s get you back inside.”
He helped Joe up and led him to the couch in front of the fireplace. “Maybe you’ll be more comfortable down here for a little while.”

“Thanks, Pa. Any word from Adam and Hoss yet?” Joe looked up hopefully into his father’s eyes.

“No, not yet. It’s only been a few days, and I know Adam will find him. Could be they aren’t close enough to town to send a message. Adam wouldn’t want to leave Hoss once he found him.” Ben was trying to convince himself as much as he was Joe.

“I’m sure you’re right, Pa. I’d just feel better if I could talk to Hoss. I know he wasn’t himself and…” Joe let his thoughts wonder off. He had taken quite a hit on his head when Hoss caught him with a left hook to his chin. It wasn’t so much the punch as it was the landing that had done the most damage. Joe hit his head on the corner of the wash stand, suffering a concussion as well as a laceration to the back of his head that had taken six stitches to close. Doc had the nerve to cut away some of his hair so he could do a better sewing job. It still remained in Joe’s mind how different Hoss was. He knew his brother would never intentionally hurt him, and once Hoss had come around to himself would be devastated when he realized what he had done. Joe longed to see his brother and tell him he was fine and put his brother’s gentle heart at ease. He just longed to see his brother again at this point. Joe still felt all of Hoss’s trouble had stemmed from his own inability to stay out of harms way. If he had just kept his feet, Hoss would not have had to help him out of the way of the landslide. With thoughts of Hoss lying beneath the tree limb and boulders, Joe slipped into an uneasy sleep.

True to her word, Liza was back in a few hours with a large black mule. Behind the mule was a travois, but had small wooden wheels, no larger than Adam’s fist. Interesting addition, Adam thought to himself.

“Y’all ready to travel?” Liza had a smile on her face and her feet stepped lightly across the forest floor.

“Yes, ma’am, I think I have everything ready to go.” Adam finished tying his bedroll to the back of his saddle. “You mentioned my father, do you know him?”

“Ben Cartwright? We’ve had dealings a time or two. Most of them have been pleasant, but I’m sure you know as well as I that he can have a bad turn of the tempers!” She laughed at the memory of the towering Ben Cartwright, yelling at her, waiving his arms, and generally looking foolish.

“How is it we’ve never had the pleasure of meeting before now?” Adam leaned on his saddle.

“Can’t say that I have much use for meetin’ new people. I keep mostly to myself, and mostly that makes me happy.” Liza brought the mule around so the travois was beside Hoss. “I’m certain I won’t be able to lift him by myself.”
“No, ma’am, I’m certain you won’t.” Adam gave her a charming smile and a wink. Together they lifted and pulled Hoss’s large frame onto the travois. They tucked blankets around him, and secured him with two wide leather straps.

“I think he should be secure until we get him up the hill. Wouldn’t do him much good to go sliding off that, now would it?” The slight woman turned to her mule and whispered in his ear.

Adam couldn’t hear what she had said to the animal, but the tall mule began to walk slowly and steadily up the mountain side. Rather than riding, Adam walked beside the woman, leading Sport. Sport seemed bothered by the mule, but the mule didn’t even acknowledge the presence of the fire red stallion.

Little more than an hour’s walk the odd assembly came into a small opening. This opening was filled with an assortment of low fences, pens, a small barn, a shed, and a neatly built cabin. The design of the cabin led one to think it more a cottage than a log structure. There was scroll-work over the windows and porch. On the front of the door was a wooden stringed instrument, not much larger than a saucer. Adam couldn’t see the purpose of the door decoration until the door was opened. There were three wooden balls suspended from the top of the harp. When they bounced against the strings, a delightful sound was made.

“Just to the left of the doorway will be the bed. Give me a minute and I’ll turn down the blankets.” Liza slipped inside and moments later called out, “Do you need help getting him in? He should be coming around a bit by now.” Her bright face popped out from behind the door frame, waiting for an answer from Adam.

“He doesn’t seem terribly awake to me just yet.” Adam knelt beside his brother and laid his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Hoss? Hoss, can you hear me? It’s Adam.” Adam looked back up at the old woman with questioning eyes.

“Let me try.” Liza untied the straps that held Hoss to the travois and lifted the blankets from him. “Get up young man; I’m too old to be carrying you around. You can’t fool an old woman, I saw you open your eyes while we were still on the trail.”

Hoss opened his eyes, much to Adam’s surprise, and looked at the figure of an old woman in front of him. He sighed deeply, rolled onto his side and attempted to stand. He was still too weak to stand on his own, and Adam steadied his brother while he stood. Together they walked into the cabin, and settled Hoss onto the small bed. Hoss had to lie diagonally on the bed, and still his feet hung off the corner of the bed.

Liza giggled and looked at Adam, who shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Adam, it will teach him humility to put an old woman out of her own bed.” She unfolded a quilt at the bottom of the bed and spread it over Hoss’s feet after removing his moccasins. The aroma of body odor began to fill the small dwelling. Liza wrinkled her nose. She rummaged quickly through the kitchen cabinet and found what she was looking for. She handed Adam a bar of soap and a towel and pointed towards the back of the cabin. “There’s a creek not more than 20 yards. I think you and the soap need a meetin’!” She looked over at the now slumbering Hoss. “And make it quick, I’ll need some help bathing that one.”

Adam laughed to himself thinking of bathing his baby brother with this woman. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be quick about it.”

Liza watched as Adam retrieved his bedroll. She hoped he would take the time to shave, suspecting a handsome face under the whiskers that had sprouted. She liked the young man, though in appearance he didn’t much remind her of Ben Cartwright, his manners were very much like his fathers. She knew of the middle Cartwright’s reputation as a gentle man, full of kindness and love of life. Her eyes dimmed at the thought of what he seemed to be going through now. Liza pulled up a chair next to the little bed and sat down. Folding her arms across her chest and her leg across the other knee, she leaned back and stared at Hoss for a few minutes before speaking.

“Well, are yaw just going to lie there, or are ya going to talk to me. I’m sitting here, waiting to see what it is you have to say.” Liza fully expected the young man to open his eyes and begin to speak. She waited patiently.

Hoss opened one eye and looked at her. “Leave me alone, old woman.”

“That is no way for a gentleman to speak to a lady, young man.” Her tone was firm.

“Well, I ain’t no gentleman.”

“I suspect otherwise. I’m a fair judge of people, and I think there’s more to you than you are letting on.” Liza leaned forward, whispering in his ear though there was nobody else in the room. “And I intend to find out just what’s going on inside that big head of yours.”

Satisfied, Liza got up and began to fix a meal for her guests. Adam arrived shortly after she brought the biscuits out of the oven.

“Sorry it took so long, ma’am. I can usually go a day or two without shaving, but more than that and I get almost grumpy.” Adam set his bedroll on the floor next to Hoss’s feet. “Sleeping again Hoss? Well, I’m here with you, so don’t worry.”

“Are you hungry Mr. Cartright?” Liza had set the table for three.

“I am a bit, but maybe I should try to wake Hoss and see if I can get him to eat first.” Adam stood with his hands on his hips, trying to decide what he should do first.

“Nonsense! If he wants to eat first, he can just haul himself up out of that bed and go to the creek for a bath. Otherwise he can wait until we’ve had a hot meal.” Liza began serving an aromatic soup into two of the bowls.

“I’m not sure he’s quite up to that yet, but if he’s asleep, I might as well have a hot meal.”

“Don’t count on him being asleep, either.” Liza slipped the biscuits out of the pan and onto a plate at the table. “That boy has got your number, Mr. Cartwright. He’s sure ‘nuff pulling the wool over your eyes.” She waved her spatula in Hoss’s direction. “He’s a sly one, that brother of yours.”

“First, please call me Adam. Second, Hoss is not the deceptive type. He pretty much wears his emotions right out on his sleeve.” Adam picked up his spoon and dipped into the soup. He was startled when a spatula came down on the back of his hand.

“Not till we bless it. I thought your Pa raised you right.” Liza gave him a look that could wither the strongest man. She bowed her head and Adam followed suit.

“Father, for what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful. Thanks for bringing these men into my care. May I be your servant in their time of need. Amen.”

“Amen.” Adam repeated after her. He looked up at her, waiting for her to begin eating, and smiled. She was neatly unfolding her napkin and placed it in her lap. One hand was resting softly in her lap; the other picked up a spoon and gently scooped the soup from the bowl. Adam could see that this woman had been raised with fine manners. He found it interesting that she should be here in this rough country by herself. He tasted the hot soup. It was well seasoned and filled with vegetables and venison. “Excellent soup, Liza. You are quite a cook.”

“Thank you, young man. Nice to see your manners emerging.” She winked and continued her meal, all the while keeping a discreet eye on Hoss. She could see him open his eyes occasionally to check on what they were doing. Liza leaned across the table towards Adam and whispered, “He’s a bit edgy, kind of like one of the wild things. Has he always been so?”

Adam shook his head and looked sadly at his brother, then whispered back to Liza, “Only since the accident.”

“We must speak later, Mr. Adam. It is not polite to whisper in the presence of others. Please forgive me.” Liza looked genuinely sorry, and finished her meal in silence. She waited quietly for Adam to finish then stood to clear away the dishes.

“Let me do that, Liza. It’s the least I can do for a good meal.”

“Thank you, Mr. Adam. I’ll check on your brother. He may be ready for a bath and a meal by now.” Liza rose and busied herself with gathering the water, towel, and soap for Hoss’s bath. She sat the bath items on the stand beside the bed and folded down the blankets covering Hoss. “Young man, are you ready for me to bathe you, or would you rather I step out of the room so you can do it yourself?” Liza waited patiently for an answer.

Adam stopped washing the dishes and turned to watch his brother. He didn’t expect a response.

When Hoss did not answer, Liza began to unbutton his nightshirt. Hoss grabbed her hand and opened his eyes. There was anger simmering behind his eyes. “I don’t need an old woman giving me a bath. When I’m ready for a bath, I’ll take one. Now leave me alone!”

Adam was stunned to silence. He found himself rooted in place, unable to believe this was his brother speaking. Finally, Adam strode over to his brother. “I’m not sure I know who you are right now, but nobody treats a lady like that.” Adam’s voice was low and threatening.

“You’re right, Adam, you don’t know me anymore. I tried to tell you to leave me alone. Know-it-all that you are, you wouldn’t listen and just leave. Now you can stand there and witness the kind of person I am. I tried to tell you I’m no good anymore! Now both of you; just leave me alone!” Hoss’s face was flushed with anger.

“Mr. Adam would you step outside while I give your brother his bath?” Liza continued as if nothing had happened.

“I’m not sure I trust him alone with you, Liza. I believe his good judgement has left him.” Adam stood with his arms crossed, his legs spread, chin up. Every inch of him was defying Hoss to cross him.

“I’ll be fine Mr. Adam. I don’t believe it will take long to bathe this little boy. I’ve tangled with worse and come out on top.” Liza again began to unbutton Hoss’s night shirt, this time with no resistance.

Adam slipped from the cabin, but stood just outside the door in case he was needed. Maybe the Doc was right, maybe the blows to his head had changed Hoss, maybe for good.

“Now, Mr. Cartwright, I’ll be quick about this if you’ll just lay there and behave.” Liza dipped the cloth into the hot water and began to lather the cloth with soap.

Hoss sat up, carefully. “Old woman, I told you I don’t need YOU to give me no bath!” Hoss grabbed the cloth from the woman and began to wash his arms. “A little privacy would be appreciated.” Hoss glared at the woman.
“Very well, I have some clothes that may fit you at the foot of your bed. They aren’t much, but I’ll see if I can make something up for you later.” Liza left the room with grace and dignity, but was startled at the sight of Adam leaning against the door frame outside. “Heavens!”

“Sorry, Liza, didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to be close by in case he gave you any trouble.” Adam straightened himself, and ran his hand through his hair. “Please let me apologize for my brother’s behavior.”

“Ain’t your fault he’s acting like a boar, but I appreciate the thought.” Liza sat on the low bench in front of the cabin. She took a knife from her skirt pocket, picked up a stick of wood and began to whittle. She pointed her knife at the pile of wood scraps. “It’s good wood if you care to join me.”

Adam sat next to her and watched her hands work the wood. “Hoss likes to whittle. He’s really quite good. When we were younger, Pa taught us both. We use to make ornaments for the Christmas tree. I can still turn out a nice piece, but nothing like Hoss. It’s almost like whatever is in the wood comes alive under his hands.”

Liza picked up a piece of wood and handed it to Adam. “Let’s see what comes out of this piece for you.”

Adam laughed as he accepted the wood. “I won’t guarantee much, but I’ll try.”

“So how did your brother get injured?” Liza didn’t look at Adam, she just continued to whittle at the piece of wood.

“There was a mine collapse. Hoss, Joe and I were helping to get the miners out. After we got them all to safety, the mountain started to spit rocks down on us. Joe tripped and was about to flattened by some boulders when Hoss shoved him out of the way. He took a bad hit to the front and back of his head. The worse part was a broken vertebra in his neck. Seems to have healed well, but he’s just not himself. Doc thinks it’s the blow to the head, I think it’s the laudanum he’s been taking.” Adam couldn’t believe he just blurted these things out to this woman.

“Some of the drugs can sure put a person out of balance. Course, I’ve known a few people in my day that were addled after a big accident.” She looked at Adam out of the corner of her eye. “Personally I don’t think that’s the case with your brother.” She looked up at the night sky and pointed at the stars with her knife. “I think He knows what He’s doing. He watches over the sparrows, so He’ll watch over your brother too.” Liza blew the last few shavings off her creation and sat it next to Adam. She got up and went inside to check on Hoss.

Adam picked up the little figure and smiled. It looked like a gnome. He had seen some drawings in a book when he was younger, and had to admit this gnome looked a lot friendlier than the ones from his books. The little figure had a round belly, long hair, and a long beard and mustache. The little slippers on the gnome’s feet curled up at the toes. He put his little friend in his pocket, and in its place set his figure of a lamb. He hoped she would like it.

Liza kneeled down to help Hoss slip on his moccasins. “Well, Mr. Cartwright, you are certainly easier to be around now that you’ve bathed. While you are a guest here, I expect you to do so regularly.” She stood up and looked him in the eyes. “And you are a guest here. You are free to go whenever you wish.”

Hoss looked down at his feet and wiggle his toes inside the moccasins. “Looks like Adam’s work. He’s good with leather.” Hoss’s eyes began to mist over.

“Ready for something to eat, Mr. Cartwright?” Liza offered her hand to him.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Isn’t that your name?”

“I’m not feelin’ much like a Cartwright, ma’am. Just call me Hoss.” Hoss took her hand and stood up. He gripped her hand harder than he meant to while he steadied himself. He could see her wince with pain. “Sorry, ma’am. Just scoot that chair over here and I’ll use it to steady myself.”

“Don’t you worry yourself, you’re doing just fine. Take it slow and we’ll just walk on over to that table.” She wrapped her small arm around his waist and let him rest his arm on her shoulder. Together they made their way to the table so Hoss could have his first real meal in more than a month.

Liza served Hoss a small portion of soup, bread and butter, and some cheese. She poured him a glass of water, and poured him some coffee, then sat across the table from him.

“Thank you ma’am, but you don’t need to sit with me.” Hoss looked down at his soup with trepidation.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving a guest to eat by himself, unless that’s what you really want?” She looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

“Actually, I would rather be alone for a bit, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, Hoss. I’ll be outside, just call me when you’re ready to go back to bed.”

Liza went back outside, expecting to see Adam sitting on the bench. Instead there was a small figure of a lamb occupying the space the gnome had vacated. She smiled and picked up the lamb. It was beautifully carved with a delicate face, curls in the wool, and slender legs. She slipped it into her pocket, looking around for Adam. Hearing noise in the barn, she walked that way and peeked in the door. She found Adam cleaning out the stalls of her milk cow, mule, and pulling pony.
“Gracious! Whatever are you doing Mr. Adam?” Liza stood with her hands on her hips.

“I’m just making myself useful. How’s Hoss?” Adam didn’t stop his work, but continued while he waited for an answer.

“He is up at the table having his dinner. I tried to keep him company, but he wanted to be alone.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Adam leaned on the pitchfork. “He might need help with something.”

“He’s not as helpless as you think. I don’t understand why he’s being deceptive with you. A good meal will probably help his attitude, nonetheless.” Liza patted her milk cow and pulled over the bucket and milk stool. She leaned her head against the warm side of the cow as she sat milking and humming. She stopped only for a moment when she heard the front door of the cabin open and shut, then the door of the outhouse open and shut. She smiled to herself, knowing her large guest was far healthier than he was letting on.

“That’s a beautiful tune, Liza, what is it?” Adam was rubbing the milk cow’s ears.

Liza stopped and looked up for a moment, thinking. “Well now, I haven’t sung the words in so long, I’m not quite sure. Something about a stranger traveling through a world of woe. My Grammy use to sing it to me when I was a little girl.”

“The words don’t sound familiar to me, but it is a lovely tune. I’ll bet you have a very nice singing voice.”

Liza laughed, which startled the cow. She patted the cow’s side, “Sorry Sue, the man thinks I can sing!” Liza looked up at Adam, “No, I don’t have much of a singing voice anymore, that’s why I mostly just hum the tune.” She turned her head when she heard the outhouse door open and shut, waiting to hear the cabin door. When she did, she continued milking the cow.

“Adam, why don’t you just take a look in on your brother?” Liza didn’t look up, she just continued her milking.

“He’s probably asleep at the table by now.” Adam hung the pitchfork back on the hook with the other tools. “I’ll go see about him, anyway.”

Adam walked slowly towards the cabin. It was a beautiful night; the stars were bright, the moon was just a sliver, and there was a gentle breeze coming up from the valley. Home. Home was down in that valley. Adam wasn’t even sure where they were, exactly. He knew the direction they had come. He knew which way home was. He just wasn’t that familiar with this piece of the mountain. That unfamiliarity gave Adam a strange sensation, his chest tightened just a bit and the back of his neck tingled. The sensations made him want to bolt for home. Not one to run from anything, this feeling was strange and new to Adam. His thoughts turned to his brothers. Joe was home, safe with Pa. He was fairly certain Joe was anxious to have Hoss back home. The relationship between the two was one that Adam understood. It was much like the relationship he and Hoss had. Joe had grown and matured a lot while Adam was at college, and Hoss had been the one to see him through that. It didn’t take long after Adam’s return for the brothers to get back into the family swing of things. Adam didn’t push for a closer relationship, but Joe grew more comfortable and trusting of his oldest brother as time went on. Adam felt confident their relationship was the better for his being away from the ranch for a while.

The situation with Hoss was much different. Adam didn’t feel comfortable with anything about this situation. He loved his younger brother with all that was in him and would do anything to protect him. This person that Hoss was now was a stranger to him. Adam’s logic told him, when he looked into Hoss’s face, that this was the man he grew up with. However, when he looked into his eyes, there was nothing familiar about Hoss at all. Liza summed it up well when she said he had the look of a wild thing about him. Adam had grown up dealing with wild things; wild animals, wild men, and a wild town. That helped put the situation into perspective for Adam. If Hoss felt wild and frightened, Adam would treat him the same as any other wild creature.

Trying to open the door quietly, Adam forgot the door harp that hung from it. The sound, though pleasant, startled him. Before going through the door, he waited for the sound to drift off into the night. Adam peered around the door frame and saw Hoss lying quietly on the bed. He was curled up on his side with the blanket haphazardly thrown across his feet. Walking quietly but confidently, Adam walked to the stove and pushed a few more logs into the belly. He left the door open to let the flames rise a bit before opening the vent and closing the door. Spotting the coffee pot on the back of the stove, Adam opened the lid and looked inside. There was still quite a bit of coffee inside, and after a quick sniff, Adam decided it was fresh enough to heat up. He pulled the pot onto a burner and let the stove do its job. He sat at the small table across the room from Hoss and leaned back, tipping his hat down over his face, but still keeping a watchful eye on Hoss.

Liza carried the milk up from the barn and set it down outside the door. She looked in through the open door and saw Adam sitting at the table. She smiled to herself when she realized he wasn’t asleep, but watching his brother quietly. This boy will be just fine, she thought. Looking up at the stars she whispered, “You sent a good one to watch over his brother.” She could smell the coffee warming on the stove, but instead of going inside, she continued her evening rounds, checking on her various farm animals and adopted wildlife.

Adam pushed his hat back on his head and stood up. He lifted three cups off the shelf and filled the first two with coffee. He took one cup of steaming coffee and sat it down on the nightstand by his brother. The other cup he took for himself and sat back down at the table. He sipped his coffee and looked over the brim of the cup at his brother, just watching and waiting. Soon Hoss rolled onto his side and picked up the cup of coffee. He lifted himself up onto his elbow and sipped at his drink, never once looking at Adam. When he finished, he rolled over and appeared to be asleep.

Adam smiled and shook his head. Well, at least it was a start. He realized it was getting late and Liza wasn’t back from milking. Before he had a chance to check on her, she came quietly through the door. She closed it softly without disturbing the door harp and latched the door for the night.

“There’s a good sized bear that’s been roaming up here lately. If you need to go out during the night, make sure you latch that door when you come back in.” She walked to the bed and laid her hand on Hoss’s shoulder. He didn’t flinch at her touch and his breathing was deep and even. This time he really was asleep. “Coffee sure smells good. Did you save any for this old woman?” She winked at Adam.

“Yes, ma’am. Sit right down and I’ll pour you a cup.” Adam filled the remaining cup and set the coffee pot onto the back of the stove.

“Thank you, kind sir.” Liza sipped the cup of coffee and closed her eyes. “You warm up a mean cup of coffee, Adam.” Looking up at the tall man she was rewarded with a smile.
“Your Momma must have been one beautiful woman, Adam.”

“What makes you say that?” Adam was startled by her comment.

“Your Pa is a handsome man, but I believe you have him beat.”

Adam blushed at her compliment, surprised by his embarrassment. “Well, I do have my mother’s dark hair. I’m built a lot like my Grandfather, but I get my height from Pa.”

“Neither one of you boys got to keep your Momma’s on earth for long, did you?” Liza spoke matter-of-factly.

Adam was quiet for a moment before speaking. “No, I’m sure Hoss doesn’t remember his mother any more than I remember mine. We both have fine memories of Marie, though.”

“That would be Joseph’s mother, then?”

Adam didn’t like the feeling that this woman knew his family so well. He was certain he had never met her before, and didn’t recall Pa ever mentioning her. “How is it you know so much about my family, Liza?”

“Good heaven’s boy, ‘bout everybody knows who the Cartwrights are. Up at Mill Creek Station we get all sorts of stories brought up from Virginia City. You’ve given all of us a good chuckle or two.” Liza’s smile made her eyes dance.
“You’ve met my father, though?” She had to if she was able to compare his looks to those of his father’s.

“Like I said, we’ve had dealings a time or two.” Liza sat her cup on the table. “I’m tired Mr. Adam and I’m going to bed.”

Adam looked around the small cabin and wasn’t sure just where she was going to sleep. He watched as Liza walked to the wall to the right of the door. She untied two leather straps and lowered a small pallet. She slipped off her shoes, and hopped onto the makeshift bed. “Goodnight Mr. Adam. If the floor isn’t comfortable enough for you, the table will at least get you up off the floor.”

Adam looked on, amazed at this woman. Sleep on the table? Adam had never considered such a thing. Pa would be outraged at such behavior. Adam laughed at the thought of his father, stretched out on his bedroll on top of the dining room table. He walked quietly to the foot of the bed where Hoss lay sleeping. He unrolled his bed at Hoss’s feet and was soon asleep.

IX

Adam awoke to the sound of the door harp chiming. He rubbed his hands over his face and sat up. Hoss was gone! He looked over to where Liza had been sleeping and she was gone as well. Adam jumped up and was startled by Liza’s voice.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s fine. He was watching you sleep for a while before he stepped outside.” Liza walked over and handed Adam a cup of hot coffee.

He was surprised he hadn’t woken when Liza started working in the kitchen. Usually the smell of coffee woke him as well. “Thanks. I must have been more tired than I realized. I usually don’t sleep so heavily.”

“It’s not as late as you think, and I’m very quiet when I want to be. Hoss has had his coffee, but I don’t think it stayed down. He’s starting to feel the effects of withdrawal again.” Liza continued to prepare breakfast.

Adam glanced towards the door with a look of concern. “Should we give him some more medication?”

“Heavens no!” She didn’t even turn to look at him, instead looked up at the ceiling before continuing. “What you did with the alcohol and mixing it with the laudanum was good. He’s a strong man; he can make it the rest of the way on his own.” Liza laughed to herself and added, “Might even improve his disposition!” She finally turned to face Adam, “Why don’t you see if he wants some breakfast? By the way, soap and towels are on the wash stand outside.”

Adam grabbed his shirt from the back of the chair where he had left it last night, and went outside to clean up. The cold water in the wash basin helped clear his head and put him in a cheerful mood, so much so that he burst into song. A few phrases into the song he was interrupted by a surly voice.

“Could you take that dadblamed singing someplace else?” Hoss was leaning by one of the trees in the yard, looking a bit pale.

Adam put on his shirt and walked towards Hoss. “I sure could, brother. Would you like me to bring it over here by you?”

Hoss hung his head and scuffed at the dirt with the toe of his moccasin.

“Hoss, you’ve always been able to talk to me. Talk to me now.” Adam spoke softly and took another step towards his brother.

“Stay back, Adam!” Hoss stiffened and pulled himself up to his full height.

“OK, brother. I’m not coming any closer.” Adam took a couple of steps backwards and squatted down beside one of the trees. He picked up a pine needle and tied it into a knot, waiting for Hoss’s next move.

“You don’t have to stay here with me. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Well, I really just came out to tell you breakfast was ready.”

“That’s not what I meant Adam, and you know it.” Hoss’s face was flushed. “Just take yourself on back to the ranch and leave me alone!” Hoss’s fists were balled up at his sides, his arms stiff.

“If that’s what you want, I mean really want, I’ll do it.” Adam couldn’t look at his brother.

“That’s how I want it.” Hoss walked to the wash stand to clean up before breakfast.

Adam went to the barn and saddled his horse. He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing by leaving Hoss behind, but he knew he wasn’t helping much by being here. He would ask Liza for directions to the nearest settlement and send word to Pa and Joe.

Hoss and Liza were eating breakfast when Adam came in to retrieve his bedroll which Liza had rolled and tied neatly. There was a small sack sitting beside the bedroll, and Adam looked questioningly at Liza.

“Just a bit of food for your trip.”

“What makes you think I’m going on a trip?” Adam sat down and helped himself to some coffee and bacon.

“I saw you saddle up your horse. Figured you were going somewhere.” Liza peered at him from over the rim of her cup.

“If he’s smart he’ll go back to the Ponderosa where he belongs.” Hoss continued to nibble on the edge of a piece of toast, not looking at Adam.

“Last I figured, that’s where you belong too.” Adam raised an eyebrow and looked at his brother.

“Well you figured wrong. I don’t belong there, I’ve disgraced myself. I struck my brother, my father, and tried to kill one of the family’s dearest friends.” Hoss stood and leaned on the table, his face inches from Adam’s. “I’m too damn big to be this mean. I’m staying as far from people as I can, and that starts with you!” Hoss stormed out of the cabin, the door slamming so hard the door harp fell from the hook and clattered onto the wooden porch.

Adam closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and stood up. “Liza, I thank you for your hospitality. It looks like I’ll be leaving now.” Adam picked up his bedroll and the sack of supplies and walked to the door. He turned to find Liza directly behind him.

“Mr. Adam, it’s still too soon, but I’m sure your brother will come around. I’ll watch over him while he’s here and if he leaves, I’ll send word to you.” The little woman looked up at Adam with wise eyes.

“If it were any other woman, I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving him here with you. Somehow Liza I think you can handle this just fine.” Adam bent down and kissed the woman on the cheek. He swung into his saddle and tipped his hat.

“Head east till you hit the Lost Hills, you should be able to find your way from there. Its just a couple hours ride from here.” Liza stood shielding her eyes from the rising sun and watched as Adam turned his horse and headed for home.

X

Adam led Sport the last bit to the ranch house. He hadn’t a clue how he was going to tell Pa he came home without Hoss. He had promised his father he would look out for his brother and bring him home. Adam was able to slip into the barn without alerting his remaining family to his presence. He was glad to have a few more minutes to ready himself for his father’s ire.

Hefting the saddle from Sport’s back, Adam turned and saw Chubb standing in his stall. The two just stood staring at each other for an instant eternity. Adam lowered his eyes and finished putting away his saddle. He brushed Sport quickly and gave him a measure of grain, all the time trying to ignore his brother’s big black horse. Before Adam could leave the barn, Chubb called out to him. The deep, lonesome nicker tore at Adam’s throat. He turned and walked back over to the horse, taking the large head in his arms; he lowered his forehead against the forehead of the big animal and wept. Straightening up, Adam gave Chubb a gentle rub between his eyes. He went to the grain bin and got a small scoop of grain for the horse. “He’ll come home soon, we have to believe that, don’t we boy?”

The front door opened and Ben looked up, surprised to see his oldest son walk through the front door. Adam hung his hat on the hook by the door and began unbuckling his gun belt.

“You startled me, Adam. I didn’t hear you ride up.” Ben walked towards his son and saw the evidence of his sorrow still on his cheeks. “What is it, boy, where’s Hoss?”
Ben’s voice was soft.

Adam refused to look at his father. “I’m sorry Pa. I couldn’t bring him home to you.”

“Adam, what are saying?” Ben’s face flushed with worry. He grabbed Adam’s arms and tried to look into his face.

“No, Pa, not that. He…he’s safe…he…oh Pa, I’m so sorry.” Adam leaned into his father’s arms and cried. “I promised you I would bring him home. I let you down. I let Joe down.”

“Adam, don’t do this to yourself. It’s not your fault.” Ben felt tears welling up in his own eyes, his heart aching for troubled sons.

Adam pulled away from his father and turned towards the fireplace. He leaned against the warm stone, his arms spread, his face soaking up the warmth. “He asked me, no, told me to leave him there.” Adam stood for a few moments longer, rubbed his hands over his face and sat into the comfort of his blue chair. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. “I came across him shortly after we separated. He was hurting pretty bad.” He put his face in his hands then sat up again. “I did the best I could for him, Pa. I really did. I thought if I weaned him of the drug slowly, it might go easier for him. Into our third day up there a woman came across us. She said she knew you.”

“A woman all by herself on Washoe peaks?” Ben looked puzzled.

“Her name is Liza. Said nobody had used her last name in so long she just quit telling folks.” Adam watched the light go on behind his father’s eyes.

“Elizabeth Ann Livengood.” Ben smiled slightly. “Yes, we have dealt with each other on several occasions. She is quite an interesting woman. She helped the two of you?”

“As a matter of fact Hoss is staying with her at her cabin.” Adam tried to read his father’s response.

“I’m not sure I feel completely comfortable with that situation, but at least he has shelter and somebody to keep him company.”

Hop Sing emerged from the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches and two cups of coffee. He set the tray on the table in front of Adam and handed each of the men a cup. “You eat Mr. Adam. You tired and need good food and lots of sleep.”

“Thanks Hop Sing, breakfast was my last meal and I didn’t exactly finish that one.” Adam picked up a sandwich and finished it quickly. “Liza seems to be just what Hoss needs at the moment. He’s all torn up inside over hurting Joe and attacking you. He feels he’s shamed the family and refuses to come home. He seems to think he’s a danger to anybody around him.” Adam put away another sandwich.

Ben and Adam looked up towards the stairs when they heard a choked sob. They saw Joe disappear around the top of the stairs and back towards his room.

“Wait here, son.” Ben started for the stairs.

“Wait? What’s going on, Pa?” Adam was right on his heels.

“Adam, please wait here. Joe is blaming himself for all of this.” Ben was blocking Adam from going up the stairs. “Let me just check on him.”

“If that’s the way you want it, I’ll stay put.”

“Thanks, son.” Ben disappeared up the stairs.

Joe was standing by his window, looking out and seeing nothing when he heard a knock on his door.

“Joe, may I come in?” Ben received no answer so he knocked again. “Joseph, talk to me.

“Pa, just leave me be. I don’t feel much like talking right now.” Joe’s voice was almost a whisper.

Ben ignored his request and opened the door. “Adam’s back with news of Hoss.” Ben knew very well that Joe had overheard at least part of the conversation.

“I heard.”

Ben placed a hand on his son’s back. “Then you know Hoss is doing fine.”

Joe didn’t answer immediately. He stood feeling the warmth of his father’s hand on his back. “That’s not what I heard from that conversation.”

“I’m confident your brother is going to make a full recovery. From what Adam is telling me it sounds like he is physically much better and is trying to deal with some sort of guilty conscience, no matter how ill placed that might be.” The last part of the sentence was pointed directly at his youngest son.

“Well now, I know all about that, don’t I Pa?” Joe’s voice was no longer a whisper, but had grown to almost a shout. He pushed past his father, down the stairs and out the front door.

Adam stood as Joe passed and was still standing when his father came down the stairs. “That went well?” Adam gave his father an accusatory look.

“Not now Adam. Let me deal with one son at a time.” Ben headed for the front door.

“Let me take a stab at this one, will you?” It was Adam’s turn to block his father from going any farther.

Ben’s eyes were dark, “If that’s how you want it.” Ben shoved his hands deep into his pockets and spun on his heels, walking towards the fireplace.

Adam slipped quietly into the barn, certain he would find his youngest brother there. He was not disappointed, but he was surprised to find him in the stall with Chub rather than his own Cochise. Joe seemed to be finding the same comfort with the horse that Adam had earlier.

“Makes you feel a little closer to him, doesn’t it?” Adam leaned against a post.

“Not sure, kinda makes me miss him more.” Joe was quiet and didn’t look at Adam.

“I found out earlier that he’s a good listener, almost as good as Cochise.” Adam stepped over and began stroking the horses broad back.

Joe looked passed the horses ears at his brother. “This really is all my fault, Adam, no matter what Pa thinks.”

Adam sighed softly and chose his words carefully. “It’s more than that, buddy. I think we all played a part in this one.”

“What do you mean?” He had Joe’s attention on this one.

“The accident was my fault. I should have had the area shored up better. We never should have gone in there without having more of that rock supported.”

“But Adam…” Joe tried to interrupt.

“I’m an architect for heaven’s sake! If anybody should have known the proper way to handle the excavation, it would be me!” Adam paused, feeling the softness of Chubs hair, feeling the ribs of the horse rise and fall as he breathed. “None of us should have been in that slide area. If I had been thinking right you wouldn’t have been put in danger and Hoss wouldn’t have had to help you out.”

“That’s nonsense, Adam. You couldn’t have known that rock was going to come down.” Joe moved to the other side of the horse, the men facing each other with their brother’s horse between them.

“It makes perfect sense to me, Joe. Just like your guilt makes perfect sense to you. Just like Hoss’s guilt makes sense to him.” Adam looked into his brother’s eyes, the men locked together in a moment of deep understanding.

“So what do we do to help Hoss?” Joe hoped his brother could be just as logical in solving this problem as he had helping him understand his own.

“I don’t know, but I know the answer is close. Let’s give Liza a little time to work her magic. She said if Hoss left her place, she would send word right away.” Adam looked at the rafters and smiled. “Like she said, God knows what Hoss needs, and He’ll provide it.”

Joe lowered his head and shook it, laughing softly. “I guess that’s why it’s called faith, right big brother?”

“Guess so. And right now I have faith that if we don’t get this barn cleaned out, Pa is going to be a bit riled.” Adam smiled and grabbed a pitchfork and tossed it to Joe. Taking down another they both worked on getting the barn cleaned up. For Adam work was a great way to let his mind work out a problem. For Joe work simply took his mind off the problems at hand.

XI

Liza watched Adam ride away until she could no longer make out his tall straight figure. “That’s a good one, isn’t he?” Liza had her hands on her hips and was looking towards the sky. “Now what do you want me to do with the other one?” She cocked her head as if listening for an answer. “Well, when You are ready to talk to me, let me know.”

The door harp lay on the porch where it had fallen after Hoss’s abrupt exit. Liza picked it up and checked for damages. Satisfied that all was in order, she replaced it on the nail and gave it a gentle shake, smiling at the pleasant sound it made. The breakfast dishes were waiting to be cleaned up as well as feeding the chickens, mule, pony, sheep, her list went on in her head. Tackling the dishes, Liza kept an ear open for sounds of Hoss returning. She was sure he would be back; just give the boy some space. By the time she had finished feeding her family of animals she was beginning to worry so she gathered up her walking stick and the pulling pony.

The little pony was more of a companion than a work animal. The little mare had wondered onto Liza’s place several years back, covered with ticks, her mane and tail a tangle of sticks and briars, a walking set of bones covered with horsehide. Liza worked wonders with the little thing, bringing her back into her full bloom of health. As a result of Liza’s constant attention, the pony felt it was her duty to follow her new owner wherever she went. If Liza wanted to go out without the mare, she had to lock her in the barn securely.

After a few months Liza fashioned a small harness for her new friend, who she had dubbed “Holly”. The pony was strong and willing to work, so Liza used her to pull logs and poles up to the cabin for repairs and firewood. When the two took long strolls into the woods the pony would play pack mule and carry the various herbs, flowers, and what-not that Liza tended to gather.

“Come along Holly, we’re hunting bigger game today. Let’s see if we can’t find our wayward guest. Hoss hadn’t been worried about leaving a trail, so it was fairly easy for Liza to find him. He had wandered down along the creek and followed it for a while to one of Liza’s favorite spots. There was a small waterfall and a small clearing near the creek bank. She often brought a picnic to this spot. Her quarry today was sitting on a log bench that Liza had built last summer.

“Comfortable place to sit, don’t you think?” Liza sat down on the bench next to Hoss.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t feel much like company just now.” Hoss was staring into the pool at the bottom of the waterfall.

“I don’t recall asking if you did.” Liza pointed towards a cut in the bank across the creek from them. “You’ve already got company. There’s a good sized trout likes to hole up in that spot right there.”

Hoss glanced at Liza. “At least he’s quiet.”

“Fair enough. Of course I really didn’t come down to keep you company. I came down here so you could tell me your side of the story.” Liza looked up at the large man sitting next to her. His face was still full of youth but the sun was starting to put creases around his eyes. His hair was fine and dark blonde with small curls at the nape of his large neck. His arms were equally large, full of muscle from hard work. She looked at his hands, folded together in front of him, and saw that they were long and broad with neatly manicured nails. She could tell that these hands could do a full days work, but at the end of the day this man took care to clean up properly. “Your brother says you’re a hero. Is that true?”

Hoss grunted a small laugh.

“Guess it is true. Said you saved your brother’s life without regard for your own safety. Takes quite a man to do that.” Liza continued to probe.

“Ma’am, I’m no hero. Hero’s don’t try to kill their family.” Hoss rose and walked a few paces away, his hands in his pockets, his head down.

“Since you aren’t telling me anything, I can only believe that what your brother told me about you is true.” She waited for him to respond and getting none continued. “Says your one of the bravest men he knows. Says you would put your own life on the line to save a friend. He told me you had covered his back many times, and he for you. He also told me you have a soft spot for God’s creatures.”

“I suppose that last part is true enough.” Hoss didn’t turn around.

“I’ve learned that most creatures are better judges of character than people are. They see what’s really inside you.”

“That explains why these woods are so quiet, they’re all afraid of me!” Hoss spun around, his eyes wide and angry. “They know there’s a dangerous animal out here and they’re keeping damn clear of me!”

Liza stood up and walked right up to Hoss, she put her face up towards him, her hands on her hips. “Young man, you will keep a civil tongue in your head when you are out in God’s country.” She grabbed on to Hoss’s right ear and dragged him to the bench. “Now you sit down right there and you listen to me!”

Hoss stood for a moment, glaring back at the little old woman.

“I said SIT!”

Hoss sat down and crossed his arms. “I’m sittin’!”

“I haven’t done a single thing to you except give you food and shelter. I’ve tried to keep my distance from you so you could figure out what’s happening around you. Apparently you need a little help with that. This is what I know so far: You saved some miners from a cave-in and got bashed in the head and broke your neck. Your brothers and your Papa sat by your bed day and night keeping watch over you. The doctor kept you medicated with some bad medicine called laudanum. That stuff is fit for neither man nor beast. It does terrible things to the inside of your head. Your body craves it after a while, even though your head tells you to stop taking it. You had been taking it for so long that it set you off on a rampage. Your brother came after you to take care of you and bring you home.” Liza finally stopped and took a breath. “Any questions, young man, or is that pretty much how it happened?”

Hoss looked down at his feet. “I’m not real sure exactly what happened ma’am. I just remember bits and pieces of it. I do know that I hit my brother and nearly killed him, and that I tossed my Pa to one side like he was a wad of paper. I remember having my hands around the neck of the doctor that has taken care of me for near as long as I’ve been alive. Now you tell me, what kind of man behaves like that?”

Liza placed her tiny hand on Hoss’s broad shoulder. “A man that has become addicted to a very powerful drug.”

Hoss stood up, but Liza gave his ear a small tug and he sat down quickly. “I can still feel it inside me. It’s this rage that just comes over me and I can’t seem to help what I do. I’m afraid of what I might do.”

“Sometimes its good to be afraid, Hoss; it keeps us safe.” Liza picked up a stick and through it into the pool of water close to where the trout was hiding. The fish took off down stream, leaving a trail in the water. “See, scared the fish and now he’s gone, but at least he’ll live to swim up here another day.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a fish!” Hoss was becoming agitated.

“God made the fish; God made you. So what’s the difference?” Liza tried to look into Hoss’s eyes but he avoided her gaze.

“I’m a darned site bigger than that old fish!”

“Yes, God did make you bigger than that fish. He also gave you a bigger brain than that fish. He also gave you the ability to love, hate, fear, defend, and all those other feelings we humans have.”

“Right now I think I would rather be a fish.”

Liza laughed and threw her arms around Hoss’s neck. “Oh honey, you don’t know how many times I’ve said that exact same thing.” She took his face in her hands and looked into his sky blue eyes. “Give yourself a little time, Hoss. Let that nasty medicine clear out of your head and out of your body. Trust me, you’ll feel less like a fish and more like a man!”

Hoss stood and gave the woman a gentle hug. “I hope so Miss Liza, I sure do hope so.”

“Come on, let’s head back and feed that fishy little face of yours.”

The phrase sent chills down Hoss’s spine. He remembered flying over trees by a lake and seeing his father eaten by fish. Hoss began to tremble and leaned against a tree for support.

“What is it Hoss?” Liza and Holly stood by his side.

Hoss buried his face in his hands, “I remember my father’s face and it was covered in fish scales.” His shoulders shook as he began to sob. He sank to the ground and Liza wrapped her arms around him.

“You just let go of those images Hoss. Those weren’t your doing. Your brain wasn’t able to think clear, honey, it was trying to connect things that didn’t belong together.”

Hoss looked up at her, his face full of fury. “How could you possibly know!?” He grabbed her by her thin shoulders. “How could you possibly know!?”

Liza remained calm and said, “Because I’ve been where you are right now, child. I’ve been there.” She got up, took Holly by the lead rope and walked back to the cabin.

Hoss watched the woman and the pony walk away; his jaw clenched tightly, tears streaming down his face. He had been dealt a bum hand and he was angry. None of this was his fault; he didn’t ask to be hurt, he didn’t as for the drugs, he didn’t mean to hurt Joe or Pa. If it wasn’t his fault why was he left with the feelings of guilt, confusion and frustration? Hoss stood slowly and followed Liza and Holly back to the cabin.

XII

Joe sat on the couch with his feet up on the low wooden table, his fingers forming a steeple, his eyes lost in the flames of the fireplace in front of him. He didn’t hear Adam come through the front door and he didn’t notice him sit in the blue chair next to him. The advice to remove his feet from the table went unheard. Ben entered the room, pushed Joe’s feet from the table, and took a seat in his leather chair.

“It’s been three days since you’ve come back Adam.” Ben approached the subject cautiously. He knew Adam still felt anguished for not bringing his brother home. “How long do we wait before we go up and bring him down off of that mountain?”

Joe sat up, “I’m ready right now Pa. It’s just too quiet without Hoss.”

Adam didn’t look up from the book he was pretending to read. “Give him some time.”

“You’ve seen him; you’ve had a chance to talk to him! I haven’t had that luxury, brother. I’m ready to tell him it’s time to come on home.” Joe was standing, looking down at his oldest brother.

Adam looked up, pain in his eyes. “Yes, I’ve seen him. I’ve seen what this is doing to him. Joe, we have to let him work through this one on his own. None of us understands what he’s going through.”

“What about what I’m going through? What about how I feel? We’ve talked about this Adam. We both need our brother back but I’m tired of waiting.” Joe grabbed his hat and jacket and slammed the front door on his way out of the house.”

“I’m willing to give a few more days, Adam, then I’m going up to check on him. Not knowing is more than I can stand.” Ben went through the front door in search of Little Joe.

Adam sat and stared into the fire. “Faith. Maybe we need more than just faith with this one.” Adam sighed and stood up to follow his family out the door. He found his father and little brother in the barn. Joe had finished saddling Chub and was leading him out of the barn.

As Joe pushed passed Adam he said, “The least I can do is exercise his horse for him.” With that, Joe leaped onto Chub and spurred him to a run leaving Adam watching a cloud of dust.

“Pa,” Adam spoke as his father walked out of the barn, “I’m sorry I don’t have the answers for this one.”

Ben put his arm across Adam’s shoulder. “Nobody expects you to son, and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“Thanks, Pa. I think we’re all just feeling helpless. Definitely something we’re not use to!” Adam gave his father a quick slap on the back. “I’ll head up towards the east pasture. I wanted to check the steers. I noticed the numbers were going down a bit and I want to make sure there isn’t something taking them down, either two or four footed!”

Ben was sure Adam would first be checking on Little Joe and he smiled to himself. He had fine sons. Now if he could just solve Hoss’s troubles, life might get back to normal. He laughed out loud, “Normal, Ben? At the Ponderosa nothing is ever normal!”

Hoss was up early. He had found that hard work helped ease his mind from the worries and the memories. This particular day he had decided to rebuild Liza’s hen house. The boards were rotten and there had been a fox or possum stealing eggs with regularity. Liza laughed at him telling him that the fox needed to eat too! As far as Hoss was concerned, that old fox could find somebody else’s eggs to steal or go back to finding mice and birds in the pine woods.

He harnessed the big mule and hitched him to the small travois that Liza had used to carry him to her cabin. If he had his bearings correct, it was a short hour ride to Mill Creek Station. He had no money, but had been to the town a few times in the past and was counting on the Cartwright name for credit. Hoss swung up on the mules back, and Hoss found that she had a smooth, striding gate. It wouldn’t take long at all to get the lumber and head back to Liza’s.

Hoss had little trouble finding the town, and he could hear the saw mill in full swing which made finding the building equally trouble free. He slipped off the mules back and found the office. He was greeted by a beefy faced man with hard calloused hands. “Can I help you?” the man asked.

“Yes, sir. The name is Hoss Cartwright. I’m spending a little time up in the mountains and I sure could use a bit of cut lumber.”

“Hoss Cartwright, you say? You and your brothers helped get those miners out of trouble a few months back, ain’t that right?”

“Yes, sir, that’s right.” Hoss looked at the man, trying to remember the face.

“My name is Cort, Bobby Cort. My brother-in-law is one of the men you helped pull out. I heard you were hurt pretty bad. Not much of a thank-you!”

“Mr. Cort, nice to meet you. I’m fine now. How’s your brother-in-law?”

Mr. Cort snorted, “When he ain’t drunk, he’s back in the mines. I tried to get him to come back and work the mill with me, but he’s not one to work hard unless it suits him.”

“I’m looking for about twenty boards, ‘bout eight by ten. Got any of them handy?” Hoss tried to sway the conversation away from the incident at the mine.

“I’ve got some six by’s but short on eight’s right now.”

“Six’s will do.” Hoss paused before asking, “I’m not carrying any cash. Is there a bank where I can right a note?”

“No need for that, Mr. Cartwright, your signature is good enough for me.” Mr. Cort smiled warmly.

“I appreciate that. I’ve got a mule out front. If you’ll show me where them boards are, I’ll load ‘em up and get outta your way.” Hoss leaned over the table and signed the invoice Mr. Cort had scribbled down. Hoss quickly loaded the travois with the lumber, swung up on the mule and rode out of town as quietly as he had ridden in.

Liza was feeding the farm animals when Hoss rode up with the wood for the hen house. “I was wondering where the two of you have been. I’ve got breakfast waiting for both of you.” Liza put down the grain bucket and took the mule by the bridle. “You go on in and eat; I’ll take care of the mule.”

“Thanks just the same ma’am, but I’d like to get started on this little project I’ve got in mind.” Hoss stood on the other side of the mule, his hand also on the bridle.

“You can’t do work unless you’ve got a good meal in ya’, so get yourself on in there and eat!” Liza gave the mule a gentle tug, but Hoss refused to let go.

“Doggone it woman, do you always have to tell me what to do?” Hoss’s brows were wrinkling down to meet in the middle.

Liza stood and looked at the big man in front of her. He towered over her, but was not threatening. She liked the gentle way he had about him, even when he seemed angered or frightened. Smiling gently, “Why, of course not, Hoss. It’s just that I’m going out this morning and I won’t be back to fix you lunch. You’re more than welcome to go hungry this morning and fix your own meal at noon.” Liza let go of the mule and resumed feeding the animals.

“Where ya’ going?” Hoss asked from around the mule’s long muzzle.

“I got some business with one of my neighbors. I’ll be back in time to fix supper.” She didn’t look up at him.

“What kind of business, anything I can help with?” Hoss didn’t like being left out.

“Not unless you know about women having babies!” Liza winked at him, “Mrs. Tokk is due any day and I promised to check in on her when she got close.”

“No ma’am, I reckon you can deal with that situation just fine on your own.” Hoss blushed deeply and led the mule towards the old hen house where he unloaded the lumber. He led the mule back to the barn for its breakfast and he washed up and went to the cabin for a little feed of his own.

By the time Liza made it back to her homestead, the new hen house was up, the old one was torn down, and Hoss had a fine mess of fish cooking on the old stove. Hoss looked up when he heard the door harp.

“My, my, look at you Hoss! I had no idea your talents ran towards the culinary arts.” Liza took of her bonnet and set it on her dresser.

“I don’t know about all that, but a man who likes to eat had better know how to cook.” Hoss served himself a plate of fish, and served up a smaller portion for Liza. “There’s coffee and biscuits too, if you’ve a mind for ‘em.”

“Thank you, how nice to come home to a well prepared meal. And what I fine hen house you’ve made for me! Those chickens might just get lazy, what with the fox not stealing their eggs.” Liza tasted the fish and was surprised at the subtle seasonings Hoss had added. “You really didn’t need to go to all that trouble for the chickens, Hoss.”
“Liza, it’s my pleasure.” Hoss washed down his fish with a swallow of coffee. “To tell the truth, the work is helping keep my mind off of things.” He picked up a biscuit and slathered it with butter.

“It’s true; work can be a good healer for some. It seems to be doing you some good. Your color looks better, and you seem to be sleeping better at night.”

“I have been sleeping better. The nightmares aren’t as bad as they use to be.” Hoss popped another biscuit in his mouth and stood up, clearing his plate. “I’ll go milk and feed the critters.”

Liza let him go. His body was telling him he was ready for the physical labor, and it was having a cathartic effect on his mind. She cleared her plate and put the kitchen in order. It had been a long day and the thought of turning in early for the night was a pleasant one. She was ready to have a long talk with God anyway, and now was as good a time as any. Liza readied herself for bed, and then knelt beside her bed in prayer. When Hoss came back to the cabin he saw her he slipped into bed quietly. Liza finished her prayer and looked over at Hoss. “I’ll be going into Mill Creek early tomorrow Hoss, if you could take care of things for me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Hoss was surprised by her request which was more of a statement. He didn’t mind taking care of the place; the work was far easier than anything he had done on the Ponderosa. The Ponderosa; Hoss hadn’t thought of home in days. Thinking about his family at home without him gave him a strange tight feeling in his throat. “Forget it Hoss, there’s no room for a beast like you on that ranch.” He rolled over and tried to sleep. When sleep came it was filled with memories of finer times spent with Adam and Little Joe, special moments shared with his father, and Hop Sing’s powdered donuts. When Hoss woke in the morning, Liza had already left.

Liza had no idea why God had told her to go into Mill Creek Station, but she wasn’t one to question Him. She of some of the candy they kept at the dry goods store. She hadn’t been in there for over a year. That was a good enough reason as far as she was concerned. The walk to almost two hours, but she wanted to leave the mule for Hoss in case he would need it. Liza was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be in any particular hurry to be to town and back.

Once she made it to town, Liza was overwhelmed by the changes to the little place. What had been a grouping of about six buildings a year ago had grown to a town with two full streets of buildings. It took asking several people before she could find the dry goods store. Her sweet tooth tingled when she saw not just a few jars of candy, but an entire row of jars, clear across the front counter. After selecting a few pieces of Horehound, lemon drops, liquorish, and peppermint, she paid the clerk and stepped out onto the sidewalk. The street was crowded with cattle being moved through town. The men driving the cattle were harsh, haggard looking men. The horses they rode were near played out and white with sweat. She looked at the cattle they drove and was surprised to see the Cartwright brand. Why would they sell to such unscrupulous looking men? Looking closer she noticed there were several brands mixed into the small herd. Rustlers? Liza knew she was not the one to deal with that question. As soon as the herd moved past, Liza made her way across the street and out of town. She walked briskly anxious to share with Hoss what she had seen. Liza paused for a moment, looked towards the sky and winked. “Thanks, I understand now, but I’ll be thanking you for the candy too!”

“Hoss! Hoss! Where are you?” Liza began calling for Hoss even before she had entered the clearing of her home.

Hoss heard the distress in Liza’s voice and came jogging out of the barn. “I’m here, Miss Liza. What’s the matter?” Hoss’s face was full of concern for the woman.

She was breathing heavily when she stopped in front of Hoss. “Mercy, I’m bout out of breath!”

Hoss put his hands on her arms and looked down into her face. “Are you hurt? What’s happened?”

Liza wrapped her arms around the barrel chest in front of her. “I’m fine, Hoss. I’ve been to town and seen something that bothered me.”

“Nobody tried to hurt you did they?” Hoss was not convinced that Liza wasn’t in some sort of danger.

“Let’s go in and get a drink of water, and I’ll tell you all about it.” She held up the little white paper bag. “I picked us up some sweets while I was there.”

Hoss shook his head and offered his arm to the unpredictable woman at his side. “Come on, I could use something a bit stronger than water.”

Liza poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher by the stove while Hoss poured himself a shot of whiskey from the cabinet above the wood bin. They sat down at the table, opposite each other. Liza sat the candy on the table and pushed it towards Hoss.

“No thank you, Liza. Just tell me what happened in town.” Hoss pushed the bag back towards Liza.

Liza picked a lemon drop out of the bag and popped it in her mouth. Her cheeks puckered visibly. “Ooh, those are some good lemon drops!” She took a sip of water and looked at Hoss. “I know you said you weren’t a Cartwright no more, and that you didn’t deserve to go back and live with your family. I saw some men in town, real rough looking cowboys. They had been riding their horse’s way to hard, and I didn’t like the way they were tuggin’ on the reins. They didn’t seem like very nice men.”

“Miss Liza, you came rushin’ back from town because you didn’t like the way some cowboys were ridin’ their horses?” Hoss looked incredulous.

“No, but they didn’t look like very nice men. They were driving a herd of cattle through the middle of town. There were quite a few cows. Some of them cows had the Cartwright brand on them.” Liza paused waiting for Hoss to say something. Hoss just looked at her, so she continued. “There were probably four or five different brands on those cows. It just didn’t look right, and I knew you would be able to take care of it.”

“Just what is it you expect me to take care of?” Hoss threw back the rest of his whiskey.

“I figured they were cattle thieves, and they’ve been thievin’ from your own ranch!” Liza was a little disappointed that she hadn’t gotten the reaction she had expected.

“It ain’t my ranch anymore Liza. It’s not my concern.” Hoss looked out the window over Liza’s head, not really seeing what was beyond the glass. “Did you tell the sheriff what you saw?”

“What sheriff is going to believe some crazy little old woman? Hoss, those animals had your brand on them. If you don’t care about your own ranch, don’t you at least care about those other ranchers that have had their bread and butter snatched from under their nose? What if these men have killed to get those cows?”

Hoss was brought back into the conversation by the worry in Liza’s voice. “How ‘bout we go into town tomorrow and talk with the sheriff. Would that make you feel better?”

“Thank you, Hoss, that would make me feel a lot better.”

XIII

“Pa!” Adam rode up to the house fast, and pulled Sport to a sliding stop in front of the house. “Pa! Little Joe!”

Ben came out of the house, “What’s the yelling for, Adam?”

Little Joe was directly behind his father, “What’s wrong Adam? Is it Hoss?”

“No.” Adam could see the flicker of disappointment in Joe’s eyes. “We’ve got rustlers.”

“What?!” Ben’s voice was deep and bellowing.

“I checked that herd down in the east pasture; they’ve picked out about ten more. This time they left tracks. I followed them up and around towards the lake. It looks like they might be heading to the Lost Hills or Mill Creek Station.” Adam dismounted, tossed the reins over the hitching post, and washed his face in the water trough.

“All right, let’s get some supplies around. We’ll send one of the men in to notify the sheriff and we’ll follow the trail. Joe, tell Hop Sing to get something together for us, I’ll get some more rounds of ammunition. Adam, why don’t you saddle up Hoss’s horse, Sport looks spent?” The three men split off into three different directions, each wishing that Hoss was with them. Four guns were always far better then three.

The three horsemen rode towards the spot where Adam had stopped trailing the rustlers. The trail was easy to follow and had swung south of the Ponderosa then back onto the ranch heading west; this is where the Cartwrights picked up the trail. Not far from the big lake, a trail merged with the one they were following, it came in from the east and they were all heading north.

Ben raised his hand stopping the pursuit. “Let’s rest the horses here, boys. Why don’t we see what these tracks have to say? I’d sure hate to think we’ve lost more cattle from right under our noses.”

Adam and Joe dismounted and flipped their horse’s reins over a clump of Rabbit Brush. They split up, Adam checking the trail that had come in from the east and Joe checking the trail that headed north.

“Pa,” Joe shouted for his father, “looks like they were riding hard up to this point. Almost looks like they were late for their rendezvous.”

Adam joined them. “They slowed down quite a bit when they joined up. It looks like we’ve got four riders and at least forty head of cattle.”

“Let’s keep going, if we don’t catch up by sunset, we’ll make camp and start again in the morning.” Ben eased back into the saddle on his buckskin. Joe and Adam followed suit and the three took off once again in pursuit of the cattle thieves.

They had come just south of the northern border of the Ponderosa when another trail merged with the one they were following. Joe was the first to notice it. “Pa, this isn’t just random acts. This was a well thought out rustle. They’ve got teams of men gathering up cattle and driving them north. Do you suppose they are all Ponderosa cattle, or is this just their trail north?”

“Hard to say, Joseph, but we’ll sure find out once we catch up to them.” Ben scouted around for a likely camp. “Let’s hold up here for the night, boys. Much longer and we’ll lose the trail in the dark.”

“Trail, Pa? This is starting to look like a roadway!” Adam followed the trail with his eyes. It led well up the ridge towards Lost Hills.

The morning saw Hoss and Liza finishing chores so they could make their way into town. “Miss Liza, I really don’t see a need for you to come into town with me. I’d feel much better if you would stay put. If things heat up, I might just have to get rough and that’s something I just don’t want you to see.”

“Hoss, I’m not sure I feel safe staying here with those cattle thieves on the loose. What if they make there way over here?” Liza tried to sound convincing.

“Liza, they ain’t gonna come all the way over here for your one little milk cow. I think you’ll be just fine right here.” Hoss tried hard to look serious, but his smile betrayed him and his blue eyes twinkled.

“It’s good to see you smile, boy. Lights up the day like the dawn.” Liza gave Hoss a smack on his backside. “If you’re going by your lonesome, you might as well take the mule. He can get you there a site faster than your feet.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Hoss bridled the mule and slid onto his bare back. He tipped his hat to Liza, “Should be back by noon, ma’am.”

“I’ll keep dinner warm for you!” Liza waived and watched him ride off for town. Even on a bare backed mule, Hoss rode straight and tall. He handled the animal well and with a sense of pride about him. Liza nodded and looked skyward, “That’s what’s been missing! Looks like his pride in himself is starting to find its way back.”

When Hoss got to town, he inquired as to where he might find the sheriff. The old man sitting on the corner laughed and pointed towards Virginia City. “You’ll find him about fifty miles that way!” He laughed through his toothless grin.

“Thanks old-timer. Ain’t you got a deputy or nothin’?” Hoss looked a little confused.

“Ain’t had a need. We’ve been pretty well behaved most the time. If anybody gets outta hand, we take care of it.” The old man took off his hat and scratched his bald head before putting the hat back on. “If you got a problem, you could go talk to Pete Murphy down at the barber shop. He’s kind of the spokesman for the town.”

“I’ll just go do that. You take care of yourself.” Hoss walked in the direction the man had pointed until he spotted the red striped barber’s pole.

There was a man sitting in the barbers chair on the sidewalk, leaning back and getting a shave. The man doing the shaving, Hoss assumed, was the barber. “You Pete Murphy?”

The man being shaved answered, “Yup.”

Even lying in the chair, Hoss could tell Pete was a short man. Slender and wiry, he reminded Hoss of a much older Little Joe. “I was wondering if you could help me with somethin’?” Hoss was ready to get the task done and get back to chores at Miss Liza’s.

“Go ahead, you aren’t bothering me.” Pete continued to enjoy his morning shave.
“Well, sir, a friend of mine was in town yesterday and said she saw a herd of cattle run through here. Said there were more than a couple different brands on them. Do you know anything about them?” Hoss could tell he had asked the wrong question, as Pete’s body tensed visibly.

“We get cows through here all the time. People run them up from the south then up over Dulce Pass on their way to San Francisco.” Pete’s shave was finished and he wiped his face and sat up, eyeing Hoss. “Did this friend of yours say if there was a problem with the cattle, other than the brands?”

“No, sir, she didn’t. She did notice that some of them cows had the Cartwright brand on them.” Hoss noticed the portly man that had been shaving Mr. Murphy made a quick exit from the sidewalk into the barber shop.

“Is that some concern of yours?” Murphy had stood up; he realized he had to look up to see this stranger’s face.

“Not particularly, just thought if you had rustlers comin’ through, you might want to check with some of the ranchers and make sure everybody is alright.” Hoss looked down into the man’s face. “Just tryin’ to be neighborly, that’s all.” Hoss turned and walked casually down the street. He knew Murphy was hiding something and Hoss would bide his time until he found out what was going on in this small town.

Sounds of laughter and music emptied out into the street. Hoss walked in the direction of the sounds, hoping it would land him in a saloon. It had been quite a while since he had whetted the back of his throat with a cold beer. One also could pick up useful information in a saloon if you were to sit quiet and drink a few beers.

“Pa, I think we’ve been down this trail recently.” Adam looked over at his father, gauging his reaction.

Joe looked at the two of them, “When was that, Pa?”

“This is the way Hoss went, up to the Lost Hills and up into the pines.” Ben looked in the direction Hoss had taken then wheeled his horse in the opposite direction. “The trail leads this way!”

His sons followed, but Little Joe followed reluctantly. His heart was pulling him in the direction Hoss had taken. Once they found the rustlers, Joe intended on following Hoss’s trail.

“Mill Creek Station, Pa?” Adam asked when they had stopped to rest the horses.

“Looks like it, Adam.” Ben tipped his head back and drank heavily from his canteen. “Last time I was there it wasn’t but a couple of buildings and a saw mill.”

“I think it’s grown just a bit since then, Pa.” Adam laughed. “I heard they were considering a stage run through there.”

“Through Mill Creek?” Ben looked at Adam in disbelief.

“Are we going to discuss the finer aspects of small towns in Nevada, or are we going to find our cattle?” Joe had grown impatient.

“Fine, Joseph, let’s head on in and see if we can find out what’s happened. They may have gone right through town without stopping.” Ben led the way.

The three men rode casually into Mill Creek Station, tied their horses in front of the dry goods store and went inside to make inquiries. From across the street just inside the saloon, Hoss watched them ride into town. His temper flared momentarily when he saw that Adam was riding his horse! The more temperate side of Hoss rose up when he wondered if something had happened to Sport. Hoss knew that Adam was particularly fond of that animal, and if anything were to happen to him, well Hoss just didn’t want to imagine. It was nice to see old Chub and he longed to go to the horse, but didn’t want the risk of being seen by his family. He wondered if they were here to try to find him. Hoss hadn’t been to the dry goods store, so nobody there would know that he was in town. The only person he had talked to had been the barber and his assistant.

Hoss turned back towards the bar and got the bartender’s attention. He leaned over towards him and whispered, “You ain’t seen me in here, understand?” Hoss looked as threatening as he could.

The bartender swallowed hard, “Yes…yes, sir, I understand just fine!”

“You got a back way outta here?”

“Yes, sir, straight through to the back, opens up into the alley behind the next street.” The bar keep pointed a shaking finger towards the rear of the bar.

Hoss slipped out the back of the bar and found himself between the bar and the next building on the next street over. He walked down the alley until he found a gap between two buildings. Walking between the buildings Hoss emerged onto the next street just in time to see his family ride around the corner towards the livery. “Great, now what are they up to?” Hoss waited until they emerged and watched them as they walked towards the hotel.

“If they’re gonna stay in town, I’m sure enough gonna let them.” Hoss went back towards the alley and stopped. “I think I might just have to take my horse with me, though.” Hoss followed the alley to the end and took a right, coming in behind the back of the livery stable. He hid in the shadows, watching the liveryman unsaddling his father’s horse. Cochise and Chub were on either side of Buck. Hoss crept towards the front of the stable and gave two short whistles, the same way Joe calls Cochise to him. Hoss saw the horse throw his head, and turn to run towards the whistles. The liveryman scrambled to try to catch the paint, and in doing so left Chub unattended. Hoss swung around to the back and called to his horse. When the big black horse heard his partner’s call, he neighed loudly and tore out through the back of the barn. Hoss caught him running and swung into the saddle and without missing a beat rode towards the mule, caught him up and headed for Liza’s.

When the liveryman returned with the paint horse safely in tow, he was dismayed to find the black horse gone. He securely tied the paint, and went out the back to look for the missing animal. He saw the tracks and the tracks of a man. There was no way around it; he was going to have to report this to the three men. Remembering the imposing figure of the older man, the liveryman was not looking forward to this.

There was a gentle knock on the door to the Cartwright suite. Joseph rose to answer the door, “I’ll get it Pa.” The liveryman stood with his hat in his hand, looking as morose as he could.

Without looking up he explained, “Sir, I’m terrible sorry, but I’m afraid that black horse of yours has been stolen.”

“What?” Ben and Adam asked at the same time and both joined Joe at the door.

“I was unsaddling the buckskin when I heard a couple of whistles and a man’s voice yell ‘cooch’. That paint horse kinda went nuts and ran plum out the front door. I caught him pretty quick, but when I got back to the barn, the black was gone. I followed the tracks a bit and I could see a man’s footprints. From the size of the boot, he was a big man.”

Adam gave a low whistle through his teeth, “Sounds a bit like our brother, don’t you think, Joe?”

Joe agreed, “Who else would my horse go to? I’ve had some of the ladies try calling him, and he won’t even twitch.”

The liveryman looked up hopefully, “So you know where the horse might be?”

Ben gave the man a pat on the back, “It’s fine, we’re not holding you responsible for this.” He turned to his oldest son. “Do you have anything to add to this that might help?”

“Miss Liza’s place is not far from here, it’s fairly likely Hoss would venture into town.”
Adam got a far away look on his face, then his brows came together. “He must have felt he needed his horse back for a reason.”

“I think we should follow him, Pa.” Joe grabbed his gun belt and began strapping it on.

Ben put a hand on Joe’s arm, “Slow down son. We came here looking for cattle thieves. Your brother can’t steal what is rightfully his. It does bother me that he’s left Adam afoot.” Ben winked at Adam. “Let’s make some inquiries in town, if we come up dry we’ll follow Hoss.”

Joke finished buckling his gun belt, “Then let’s go! I’m ready.” He grabbed his hat and green jacket and was out the door.

Hoss hadn’t gone very far when he pulled up to a slow jog. He patted his mount on the neck. “Sure is good to be back together, Chubby.” Hoss felt a tightening in his chest when he thought about the implications of what he had just done. He didn’t steal his own horse, but he had taken Adam’s rig. Adam would have to find another horse and saddle to get back home. Hoss shook his head, “Ain’t no concern of mine anymore Chub. Besides, now that we’re back together, we can wander far and wide till we find our own place in this world.” The mule’s ears pricked forward and the animal tensed slightly. As soon as Hoss noticed, Chub also became more alert. Listening carefully, Hoss could make out the sound of cattle lowing softly. He stopped and listened for voices. Hearing none, Hoss dismounted and ground tied the two animals. Easing his gun from his holster, Hoss slipped in closer to the cattle.

Hoss could see two men watching the small herd; they were talking quietly to each other. Beyond them he could see five horses tied to a picket. Seven men in all; more men than Hoss felt comfortable taking on. Hoss began backing quietly away when he felt a heavy blow to his shoulders. His world was reeling, but Hoss stood, turned around, and faced his attacker. Hoss was looking down the barrel of a gun.

“Just drop that shooter real easy like, mister.” The voice was vaguely familiar to Hoss, but the face was not. The man was half a foot shorter than Hoss with sandy colored hair, dark eyes, and a pock marked face. He had an ugly scar that ran across his cheek and chin. “Who are you, and what are you after?”

“I was just comin’ back from town and heard them cows. Don’t usually have people runnin’ cows up in the pines.” Hoss remained cool and level headed.

“So why were you drawn down on them boys over there?” His voice was low and threatening.

“I’m not plannin’ on rustling them cows, if that’s what your thinkin’” Hoss growled back.

Another man came over to where Hoss and the gunman were standing. “Hey Burkes, who’s this?”

“Looks to me like we got us a rustler, Billy.” Billy was young, slender, and hawk faced. His skin was pale and freckled, and had a head of curly brown hair.

The three men had drawn the attention of the riders watching the herd. They made their way over and Hoss heard one of them exclaim, “Holy smokes that there is Hoss Cartwright himself!”

Burkes shoved at Hoss with the gun, and pointed in the direction of the cattle. “You march yourself on over there, Cartwright.”

Hoss and the others walked towards a small camp. A pathetic fire was flickering, trying to burn itself out. Cooking equipment was scattered about, along with dirty dishes, blankets and saddle bags.

“Nice camp.” Hoss did not try to hide his disgust.

“Just shut up and sit down by that tree.” Burke indicated a small tree with the barrel of his gun. “Billy, tie him up and make sure them ropes are tight.”

Hoss sat down hard on the ground and when Billy walked by him to tie his hands, Hoss stuck his big boot out and tripped the boy. Burke laughed at the boy’s clumsiness, and then backhanded Hoss hard across the jaw. Hoss’s head jerked to one side. “Don’t be tryin’ no tricks, Cartwright. We got some of your cows, and now we got you. How about we send a message to your Pa and see which is more valuable to him. How would that be?” Burke laughed again, his foul breath close to Hoss’s face.

“That would be just fine with me Burke, see my family and I are what you might call estranged.” Hoss didn’t take his eyes off of Burke.

“Estranged, what do you mean by that? That some kinda sickness?” Burke backed up a few steps.

Hoss laughed at him, “No, it means we ain’t on speakin’ terms right now.”

“Oh, had a fight with your daddy, did you? Well it seems to me that old man Cartwright might still take you over them cows.” Burke turned towards one of the riders, “Get a paper and pencil and cipher a message for me!”

Hoss was sure he knew the rider from somewhere, but it wouldn’t immediately come to him. When the man finished the note Burke took it and looked at it as if he could read the words.

“Good, now take it down to the ranch and see what Cartwright has to say about that!” Burke shoved the man back towards his horse.

Hoss spoke up, “No need to go all the way back to the ranch. My family is in town over to Mill Creek Station.”

“You don’t say? That sure makes our job a little easier.” Burke turned to the rider, “Franklin, ride on into town and get that message to the Cartwrights. They shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

“Franklin Hobbs.” Hoss remembered the man now. “He worked for us for about a month before we told him to move on.”

“I guess he holds a grudge!” Burke laughed at his own joke.

XIV

Little Joe waited for Adam in the lobby of the hotel. When he saw the familiar black hat come through the door, he walked quickly across the lobby to greet his brother.

“Any luck Adam?” Joe looked at his brother hopefully.

“No, everybody is pretty tight lipped around here.” Adam ran his hand over his face. “Let’s wait for Pa, and then I vote we check on Hoss.”

“I’m all for that, big brother!” Joe had wanted to see Hoss since Adam came home alone over three weeks ago. Joe looked over Adam’s shoulder and saw their father talking to a man in front of the barber shop. Tapping his brother in the chest with the back of his hand, Joe said “Come on Adam, I see Pa. Let’s see if he has any information.”

The brothers stepped out of the hotel lobby and headed across the street to meet with their father. Ben saw them approaching and ended his conversation with the stranger.

“Boys, the barber said he saw Hoss come through town with a couple of men and about fifty head of cattle.” Ben looked crestfallen. How could his son have gone this far; far enough to steal cattle from his own family? It couldn’t be true; or could it? “Let’s pick up Hoss’s trail from where he left the livery stable. Adam, we’ll need to get you another mount.”

The Cartwrights made their way to the livery stable, secured a horse for Adam, and began to track their brother. Just as they made their way out of town, the messenger sent by Burke rode in. Franklin Hobbs recognized the Cartwrights immediately. He held back out of sight for a few minutes, then began to follow them.

Hoss’s trail led them directly to where he had stopped with the mule and Chubb. Chubb was gone, but the mule refused to budge and was left where he stood. Little Joe saw the mule first and stopped, Adam and Ben did the same. Joe pointed in the direction of the mule. All three dismounted quietly and drew their rifles from the saddle scabbard. Staying low, they edged closer to the mule and found more tracks. These led them slowly towards the camp where they were certain they would find Hoss. Almost to the edge of the camp they were able to see Hoss sitting near a tree, his hands tied behind him. Ben felt a sense of relief. Hoss had not been involved in the rustling.
Ben turned to Adam in order to begin formulating a plan. What he saw was a rifle pointed at his son’s head. Joe had lowered his gun, and Ben did as well. “How do, Cartwrights. Looks like ya’ll are on the wrong end of the rifle again.”

“Hobbs, I’m glad we fired you when we did.” Ben recognized the man right away.

“I had come in to town to offer you a deal.”

“What kind of deal? Buying back my own cattle?” Ben’s face was growing dark.

“Better than that, I was going to make a deal for Hoss’s life.” Hobbs pointed his rifle in the Hoss’s general direction. “But seeing as how ya’ll are here, maybe we’ll just kill the lot of you and take whatever we please.”

Adam tried to stay quiet, but the threat had been made and he couldn’t hold back any longer. “You know Cartwrights don’t take threats very well.” His eyes flashed their own threat at Hobbs.

“We’ll just see about that one, boy.” Hobbs called out for his partner. “Hey Burke, come here and see what I got here!”

“I’m busy!” was the answer.

“I guess I get to kill the rest of the Cartwrights by myself!” Hobbs laughed.

Hoss heard the exchange and looked up slowly, trying not to draw attention to him. He could see Hobbs, but he couldn’t see his family. His family. How could his feelings have turned so quickly? He had wanted nothing to do with those three men, now all he wanted was to get free and go to their aid. Hoss wasn’t even sure if they wanted his help, or what their reaction might be if he did help them. Would they be afraid of him? Would they turn their backs on him for what he had done to Little Joe and his own Pa? A glint of metal caught Hoss’s eye. A broken knife had been discarded after a meal and was within Hoss’s reach if he could just get a boot on it.

Adam, Little Joe and Ben were being led at gunpoint into the camp. A feeling of joy and fear spread through Hoss. He was never so glad to see his family, but the fear of being rejected by them kept him silent as they approached.

Ben was the first to speak. “Are they treating you OK, son?” His eyes filled with relief at the sight of his middle son.

“Reckon so,” was Hoss’s simple response. He nodded towards Adam and Little Joe. “Adam, Little Joe.”

Adam winked a response, much to Hoss’s relief. Joe would not look at Hoss, which made his emotions swing again to fear.
“Sit” Hobbs barked. “Billy, tie these other three up, and make sure they’re just as tight as the big guy.”

Adam sat on one side of Hoss, Ben on the other. Little Joe sat beside Ben. Ben winced slightly when the ropes were tied around his wrist.

“Do ya have to be so rough on the old man?” Hoss tried to help his father. For his troubles, Hoss got a boot to his ribs. The wind rushed from his lungs and he doubled over. He did his best to fall against the knife. He was close to it; he could feel the sharp edge of the handle against his shoulder. Pretending to struggle with sitting up, Hoss wiggled his way over so his hands covered the broken knife.

“Get back over! I don’t want you sitting to close to each other!” With the heel of his boot, Hobbs shoved Hoss in the shoulder. When he did, Ben took the opportunity to sweep Hobbs other foot out from under him.

Hobbs rolled over and hit Ben in the side of the head with the butt of his rifle. Ben slumped over against Little Joe and didn’t move.

“Now if the rest of you behave yourselves, we might be able to go a little while without any more violence. I’m hungry and when I’m hungry, I’m grouchy! Somebody could end up DEAD!” Hobbs wheeled around and stomped towards the fire.

Joe leaned over, “Pa? Pa? Are you OK?” He got no response.

“Is he breathing Joe?” Adam asked.

“Yes, he’s breathing, but he has a good gash behind his ear.” Joe looked angry and frightened.

Hoss was afraid to look at his father; he knew he was to blame again. Pa had been trying to take the heat off Hoss and had been bashed in the head as a result. Hoss continued to stare straight ahead, not speaking to his brothers. All the while Hoss worked the broken blade slowly back and forth across the ropes. He knew it would take a while as the hemp fibers were tough and already cutting into his wrists.

Little Joe looked over at Hoss then Adam. “Are we just going to sit here or are we going to take some action?”

Adam looked at Hoss wondering what he was up to. Not wanting to draw attention to Hoss, Adam cautiously glanced behind Hoss and saw him scraping away at the ropes that bound him. “No Little Joe, I think I’m just gonna sit here and see what they’re gonna do next. I might even get a little sleep.”

Joe looked wide eyed at his oldest brother then relaxed when he saw him wink.

It took several hours, but Hoss was able to scrape enough of the hemp rope so he could break free of the rope. He kept his hands behind his back, waiting for the right opportunity, and waiting for the blood to flow back into his arms. Hoss shifted slightly and nudged Adam with his boot. Watching the men carefully they edged closer to each other, providing Hoss the angle he needed to untie the knots that held Adam’s hands. With the two of them free they waited before attempting to untie Joe and their father.

Hobbs and the others had filled themselves with dinner and were looking drowsy and satisfied. “Billy boy!” Hobbs shouted, “I want you to stand guard first. I’m gonna get some sleep before I decide just what to do with these Cartwrights. I might just dream of owning myself a great big ranch.” He laughed to himself then snarled at Billy, “Git, now, and don’t let me catch you sleepin’!”

Billy grabbed up his rifle and sat down opposite his prisoners with his back comfortably supported by a tree. He glanced over his shoulder at Hobbs, trying to disappear from the man’s gaze. Looking back at his four prisoners, he hoped the old man wasn’t hurt too bad. “You all just behave yourselves, and we’ll get along just fine.”

The three young men stared back silently at their guard.

Billy grunted, “Fine, we’ll do just fine tonight.” He leaned back and lowered his hat over his eyes.

Hoss watched the boy until he was sure he had fallen asleep. He crept slowly and silently to where Joe was sitting and untied him, warning him to stay silent. Hoss untied his father’s hands and laid him back gently on the ground. He checked the cut behind Ben’s ear, it was deep, but the blood was clotting. Ben began to moan softly and Hoss covered his mouth with his hand, and bending close to his father’s ear whispered “Quiet, Pa. Do you understand? You need to stay real quiet like for just a little longer.”

Ben’s eyes fluttered open and he focused on his son’s face. A few moments later, Ben nodded his head slightly in understanding.

“Joe, we gotta be real quiet, but quick.” Hoss didn’t look at his brother as he spoke softly to him, just behind his head. “Are you up to it?”

Joe nodded an affirmation.

“Good, you slide in behind the two farthest from the fire. Adam is going after the two closest to the cattle. I’m gonna put to little Billy here then Hobbs. I’m gonna try to stay between them and Pa.”

Adam snuck in slowly to his left while Little Joe made his way over to his right. When Hoss saw they were in position he nodded slightly before bringing his locked fists down over Billy’s head. The boy slumped forward and Hoss picked up the rifle the boy had held in his lap. Within moments the camp erupted in gunplay and fistfights. Adam had dispatched one of his men instantly and was locked in hand to hand with his second rival. Joe was taking on two men at a time while Hoss made short work of Hobbs. Quickly surveying his brothers, Hoss jumped in to assist Adam, who seemed the closest to danger. Hoss flung the rustler aside, who hit his head against a tree trunk and slumped into unconsciousness. The two brothers then went to the aid of Little Joe. Joseph was being held by one of the men, while the other pummeled Joes belly with blow after blow. Hoss tackled the assaulter, freeing Joe to finish off the man who had held him just seconds before.

The three sons heard the click of a revolver and froze. “Thought you’d get a drop on me? Turn slowly, ‘cause I got a surprise for you boys.”

Hoss, Adam, and Joe turned together and each drew a sharp breath when they saw Hobbs holding a gun to their father’s head.

Joe started forward, but Hoss put out a large hand and stopped his baby brother. “Nope, Little Joe, this is my fight.”

Hoss took a single step towards Hobbs. “Why would you want to take on an old man, when you can have a go with a real man like me?”

Hobbs threw back his head and laughed. “If I kill you’re Pa, I’ll have the three of you after me till the day I die. But if I kill the boys, the old man won’t have a lick of fight left in him.” He pointed the revolver at Joe and pulled the trigger just as Hoss went in for the tackle. The bullet ripped through Joe’s shirt and blazed a trail across his ribs. The hot fire of the bullet knocked him to his knees. Adam was at his side instantly.

Hoss had his hands around Hobbs’ throat and was choking the life out of him. Hoss’s eyes were glazed over. Suddenly he heard a soft voice, “Leave him be, son, he’s not worth killing.”

Hoss stopped squeezing, his hands still at Hobbs’ throat. He looked at the man beneath him, and then looked over at his father who had risen on to one arm. Hoss looked back at his brothers. He stood slowly and looked down at his own hands. Stepping over Hobbs limp form he said “You aren’t worth soiling my hands over Hobbs.” Hoss walked to a log near his father and sat down with his head in his hands. “Pa I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or Little Joe. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know where I was, or who you were.” He looked into his father’s face. “How can I not know who my own family is? What kind of man am I, Pa?”

Ben sat next to his son and put his arm around him. “You’re the best kind of man, Hoss. You are kind, gentle, and strong. You know what it is to be caring, to be soft, and to be helpful. Now you also know what it is like to be hard, frightened, and inconsolable. You’ve been able to look at the dark side of your own soul and come out a better man because of it.”

“I’m not so sure, Pa. I don’t think I’m a better man at all.” Hoss stood and helped his father up. “There’s a cabin not far from here. I suspect there’s a woman there that might be able to help patch ya’ll up.”

Miss Liza was not prepared for the houseful of men that showed up at her door. But she quickly made accommodations for the injured, and fed the hungry. She looked at Hoss and smiled. She knew he had found a measure of relief with his family. “Hoss?” Liza whispered to him as she checked on his sleeping brother.

“Yes ma’am?” Hoss rose and walked to her side.

“Are you feeling any better?” She put a calloused but gentle hand on his arm.

“A good fight always has a way of making me feel a little more alive.” Hoss didn’t smile. “I think I made some peace with my family, but I don’t think I’m ready to go back just yet.”

“I understand. Still don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror?”

“Somethin’ like that Miss Liza.” Hoss looked out the window into the starry night.

“Maybe you should be looking at the reflection in the lake.” She gave his arm a gentle nudge towards the door.

Hoss gave her a puzzled look, but grabbed his hat and left the cabin. He looked up into the endless sky. His insides felt empty, hungry for something he couldn’t quite explain. A low nicker came from the barn; Hoss quickly recognized his horse’s soft voice. Smiling to himself, he went to the barn.

“Chub, you’re about all I have left now. But I couldn’t ask for a better buddy.” Hoss saddled the horse and the two rode off into the night.

Dawn came to Adam with the smell of coffee and side pork. He washed quietly and helped Liza set the table. Joe began to stir and sat up stiffly. Ben also turned over to face the dawn and the smell of breakfast.

“Adam, looks like the patients are hungry as well. Shall we help them to the table, or let them get crumbs in their beds?” Liza smiled at her guests.

“It would serve them right to roll around in a scratchy bed, but I’m just not that heartless.” Adam winked at Liza and went to help his father to the table while Liza assisted Little Joe.

When they were seated at the table, Ben noticed only four place settings. “Where’s Hoss?”

Liza smiled to herself and took a sip of coffee before answering. “I believe he went to look at a lake.”

“He what?” Ben tried to stifle his irritation.

“I said he went to look at a lake. He didn’t like what he saw when he looked in the mirror, so I told him to look at his reflection in the lake.” Liza looked at Ben like her explanation made perfect sense.

“And you just let him go?” Joe’s voice didn’t hide his frustration.

“He’s a grown up man, he can do as he pleases.” Liza looked towards Adam for support.

Adam nodded, “He is a grown man, that’s for sure.”

“Yes, but he’s sick, he needs our help.” Ben tried to control his voice.

“He don’t look too sick to me no more.” Liza poured more coffee for Adam. “Looks like he’s good and healthy. Give him some credit for smarts, Mr. Cartwright. He’s over his addiction to that awful medicine. An addiction can leave an awful, empty, black hole inside you. Some people spend a lifetime trying to fill that hole up with something meaningful. I s’pect he’s just lookin’ for something to fill up on.”

Hoss and Chub had ridden most of the night. Not going any particular direction, Hoss let his horse find his own way. When dawn began to break, a smile spread over Hoss’s face. The sun was coming up over the big lake on the Ponderosa ranch. Hoss pulled the horse to a stop and dismounted. “Looks like you’re the only one with the brains in this outfit, Chub.” Hoss loosened the girth on his saddle and led Chub to the edge of the lake for a drink. The morning was still and calm, the lake like a sheet of glass reflecting the morning sun. Chub stood behind Hoss, not drinking, almost waiting. Hoss looked down at the lake at his feet. His brows came together as he saw his reflection looking back at him. Running his hand over the stubble of two days growth, he knelt down to get a closer look at himself. “Chubby, it still looks like me on the outside, I’m just no so sure about the inside.” The horse nudged Hoss’s back, causing Hoss to tip forward into the cold water.

“Dadburn you, you crazy old horse!” Hoss rolled over to look up at his companion. The horse dipped his head and began to drink his fill.

Hoss cupped the water in his hands and let it trickle slowly back into the lake. He watched the ripples formed by his horse, and the ripples formed by the droplets of water. They merged and moved on out towards the sunrise. “Yes, Chub, it don’t get much better than this. What more could a man want out of life?” The horse lifted his head and the water from his muzzle dribbled onto the top of Hoss’s head, baptizing him in the lake he loved so much.

Hoss tied the horse loosely to a tree near the shore, stretched back and let the sun warm his tired body. He woke after a much needed sleep to a whiskery kiss from Chub’s muzzle. “Bettie, no, I don’t wanna kiss your brother.” Hoss rolled over in his sleep and pushed away the inquisitive horse. Chubb took a step closer to Hoss and lipped his shirt collar. Hoss opened an eye and laughed at his horse. “Well, I’d sure rather kiss you than Bettie’s older brother!” Hoss sat up and stretched, surmising that it was well passed noon. His stomach rumbled at him. “Haven’t had an appetite in a dog’s life!”

Hoss looked out over his beloved lake. “I gotta say my addiction to that awful drug sure can’t hold a candle to my addiction to this ranch, Chub. Next time I get crazy, would you..” Hoss laughed at himself. “I guess you did kind of turn me around and ride me right back to where I belong, didn’t ya?”

“What about your addiction to your family?” The deep voice came from almost directly behind Hoss.

“Dagnabbit, Adam, you gotta quit sneakin’ up on me like that. I’m likely to lose my senses!” Hoss turned around and smiled at his brother.

“Seem’s to me, brother, that you’ve finally come to your senses.” Adam played with the reins he held in his hand. “Sure is pretty up here this time of year.”

Hoss draped his arm over Adam’s shoulder. “Sure is, Adam, it sure is.”