Summary: Canon refers to Ben leaving the Ponderosa for a time after Marie’s death. This story presents a possibility for how Adam managed during this time. (This is an Old Ned story.)

Rated: T     Word Count: 2721

We All Need a Backup Sometimes 

 Slapping his hat against his leg and spitting at the ground, he glared at Adam Cartwright’s back as Adam walked away.  “If they think that I’m gonna take orders from some kid who’s green as grass and not even shaving every day, they’ve got another think coming!” 

 Old Ned read the faces of the ranch hands gathered outside of the bunkhouse, placed his hands on his hips, and spoke with a low growl.  “So, you’re planning to take orders based on the giver’s age now, are ya, Peter?” 

 Peter Faulks turned his gaze toward Old Ned.  No one knew the old man’s actual age, but anyone on the Ponderosa would acknowledge that he was the oldest man working for Ben Cartwright.  “You of all people should be choking on the idea that that boy is gonna be running this ranch for…well, for who knows how long.” 

 “For as long as it takes.”  Old Ned did not elaborate on what it was; every man there knew why Ben Cartwright was taking an extended business trip.  Old Ned’s gaze swept the faces around him.  “Boss is gonna be gone, and his eldest is gonna be givin’ orders.” 

 “Eldest!” Peter spit the word out of his mouth.  “It weren’t a month passed that I heard ya threaten to redden that eldest’s backside, and now you’re telling us to bow down…” 

 “Ain’t telling nobody to bow down.  A month ago, the missus was up to the house not lying cold in a grave by the lake.”  Old Ned drew in a slow breath.  “Ain’t no man here taken three women from his bed to the grave, so I ain’t of any mind to listen to your opinions of how the boss is dealing with it.”  Those closest to him heard Ned’s teeth grind together.  “It’s sure that Adam is young and still between hay and grass, but he knows more than ya’ll might think.  I should know; I taught him most of it, so when it comes to the ranch, orders will be orders.” Old Ned spit at the ground.  “Truth be, we all know most of the orders Boss gives ‘fore he gives ‘em.  If we all do what we know needs doing, well, Bucko won’t need to be giving that many orders at all.”  A few of the men murmured varying degrees of agreement.  Old Ned’s hand went to his chin and rubbed the stubble there.  “And…well, if he gives an order that don’t set with what ya know needs doing, well, just bite your tongue and come to me.” 

Exchanging glances, the men came to a silent agreement.  If Old Ned spoke, the boy would listen.  All any of them wanted was for the Ponderosa and their jobs to continue as before.  The men drifted into the bunkhouse, and Old Ned settled into a chair on the porch before calling out to the boy he had seen standing back in the shadows. 

 “Hoss.”  The boy stepped forward.  “Come here.” 

 Hoss came to stand before Old Ned with his chin touching his chest.  “I weren’t eavesdropping; well, not really.” 

 Old Ned reached out and pressed Hoss’s chin upward.  “Really or not, you’ll not be repeating anything ya heard.” 

 Hoss shook his head.  “No, sir, I won’t.  Not a word.” 

 Old Ned’s hand slipped around to settle on the back of the boy’s neck.  “Ain’t never gonna be the same, child, but it will get better.” 

 “Pa…”  The syllable faded away as Hoss chewed on his lower lip. 

 “Most things get easier the more ya do ‘em; a few though just get harder and harder.” 

 Hoss nodded agreement and then sniffled.  Old Ned squeezed gently and simply waited.  “Mr. Ned, did ya ever have a wife?  Ya ain’t never said nothing about a wife.” 

 Ned’s gaze left the boy’s face and roamed over the horizon.  “Guess I’m worse than your Pa about pushing that kind of hurt away down deep.” 

 Hoss closed the gap between them and lowered his voice to a whisper.   “I’m sorry ya lost her; I know she was a real fine person.” 

 Old Ned’s hand moved to pat the boy’s back.  “The finest, Hoss; she were the finest.”  He cleared his throat.  “Guess Boss and I’ve got that in common too.  We’re both good at choosing fine women to wed.” 

 “She thought a lot of you too.” 

 Old Ned looked into the eyes of the boy before him and placed his hand against Hoss’s cheek.  “Ya know how much she loved you boys, don’t ya?” 

 “Yes, sir.” 

 “Ya know Boss loves ya all too?” 

 “Yes, sir.” 

 “Then ya’ll help ya brother until he comes home.” 

 “Yes, sir.” 

 “Good boy.”  The old man’s calloused hand patted the young cheek gently.  “Let me know iffen he needs more.” 

 “I will.” 

 Ned smiled.  “Good boy.  Off with ya now.”  Hoss nodded and turned on his heel.  Old Ned cleared his throat a few times and watched the stars come out for a while. 

 

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“Mr. Ned.”   Ned turned at the sound of his name.  “I…”  Hoss swallowed and cleared his throat.  “Ya told me…”  Hoss’s voice faded and was lost in silence. 

 Old Ned smiled.  “What I’ve told ya would fill a book.  You’re gonna have to give me a bit more to work with.”  He walked closer and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Quit worrying and tell me.” 

 “I can’t help worrying, Mr. Ned.  That’s why I come to you.  Ya said to tell ya if, well, if Adam needed… I’ve tried Mr. Ned, really, I have… but I just… I can’t be…” 

 Ned sighed.  “Ain’t nobody can expect a little brother to stand in for a pa.” 

 Hope came into Hoss’s eyes at the old man’s understanding.  “That’s just it, Mr. Ned.  Adam… well, he’s trying to be … to fill pa’s shoes.  He’s trying hard and doing real good for me and Little Joe and the ranch.  The ranch is doing fine, ain’t it?” 

 “Things are being seen to; the ranch is doing fine.  Ya remember I said I’d see to that.” 

 “Yea, I do.  I ain’t worried ‘bout the ranch.  I don’t think that’s what’s fretting Adam the most. Something bigger is weighing him down.  I can’t get him to even talk to me.  I… he ain’t cried, Mr. Ned, not once.” 

 “He wouldn’t cry in front of you or Little Bit.” 

 “I know he wants to be strong for us, so we won’t be… won’t feel… l, well, Little Joe’s scared about things, and he don’t even know half the reason he is.” 

 “Going on is a scary thing, man or boy.  Bucko’s known that for a long time, he…” 

 “He’s there for us, Mr. Ned, but … well, Pa’s hardly been…” 

 “Your Pa’s grieving deep, son.” 

 “Adam’s grieving too, but…  I think he’s pretending to himself he ain’t.”  Hoss’s voice became a soft sob. “He needs Pa.” 

 Old Ned pulled the boy into his arms.  “All you boys do.”  He patted Hoss’s back.  “And you’ll be having him again.  It’s just gonna take some time, so, like Adam is doing for you and Little Bit, I’ll just have to do for him and get Bucko through ‘til the Boss takes up the reins again, and he will, son; he will.” Old Ned felt Hoss’s arms tighten as the boy hugged him back.  

 “I know he will.”  Hoss squeezed again.  “And I know ya can.”  He stepped back and smiled at Ned. “That’s why I came to ya.  Danged if I know why I waited so long.” 

 Ned’s hand moved to cup Hoss’s cheek.  “Was ya worried Bucko’d be mad ya told anybody he needed some help, needed somebody?” 

 “He won’t like it.  I… I don’t like being at odds with my brother.” 

 Ned patted the cheek beneath his hand.  “He may be a mite put out with ya, but it’ll pass quick.  Iffen he fusses, just let him have his say and go on like ya listened but know ya done what was needed for him like he’s always done for you.” 

 

CCCCCCC 

 

“Bucko!”  Adan turned and saw Old Ned holding the reins of both Beauty and Old Sam.  He walked over to the old ranch hand.   

 “What do you need, Ned?” 

 “We’re going for a ride.” 

 “But I…” 

 “It weren’t a question.  It weren’t a suggestion.  Hop Sing is seeing to the young’uns.  The hands got their orders, so mount up.”  Ned tossed Beauty’s reins to Adam and mounted Old Sam. 

 Adam sighed, shrugged, and did as he was told.  Obedience to Old Ned was as ingrained as obedience to his father.  “May I ask where we’re headed?” 

 “Nope.” 

 Adam rolled his eyes but only because he was following Ned.  Adam suspected early on where they were going, and knew their final destination as soon as the lake came in sight.  He considered simply turning and going back to the ranch. 

 “Don’t even think on it, Bucko.  It ain’t like I don’t know where you’d have to end up.  You can’t be thinking you nor me is too old for me to be teaching ya lessons in respect.” 

 “Ned, I… it wouldn’t be disrespectful.” 

 “It wouldn’t?” 

 “I’m in charge of the ranch.” 

 “We ain’t discussing the ranch.  This ain’t ranch business.  It’s personal business, and personally I ain’t any more likely to let sass, disrespect, or disobedience go then I’ve ever been.” 

 “Fine then.” 

 “Excuse me?” 

 “Um, yes, sir.” 

 “That’s better.” 

 They arrived at the gravesite, slipped from the saddle, and ground tied the horses.  Old Ned walked over to the single grave with its wooden cross and bundle of wildflowers.  Adam stood next to the horses staring out at the lake. 

 “Missus always loved the view from here.”  Old Ned knelt, reached out, and brushed away the pine needles that had gathered at the base of the cross. 

 Adam turned toward the grave noticing the fresh flowers.  “You brought the flowers earlier?” 

 “No, not these.”  Ned looked over his shoulder at the seventeen-year-old.  “I’ve brought others.  Hop Sing has; Hoss and Little Bit too.   Some of the hands when they’re up this way check to see that things are as they should be.  Missus was a good woman.” 

 “Pa’s ordered a carved stone marker.  It’s due to be delivered end of next week.  I saw the invoice.” 

 “Are you thinking to wait for your Pa to be home before having the placing?” 

 “I… I don’t know…  I don’t even know when that might be.” 

 “Have ya heard from Boss?” 

 “A couple of telegrams.  Just business and where he is.”  Ned heard the bitterness that edged the boy’s words. 

 “Come over here.” 

 Adam sighed but came and sat next to where the old man knelt. 

 “Told some of the hands that I didn’t want their opinions on some things ‘cause they ain’t never walked in the boss’s shoes.  Grieving three wives is…” 

 “I know…”  It was a harsh and guttural utterance.  “I know how hard it must be for Pa.  I do; really, I do.” 

 “But ya been wondering if he knows how hard it is mourning three mothers.”  Ned settled on the ground and placed his hand on Adam’s shoulder.  “I remember when the missus came.” 

 “Ned…”  It was a plea the old man had the strength to ignore. 

 “She was some different from the rest of the few ladies there were around here, but anyone could see the love between Boss and her.” 

 “I knew Pa loved her. I knew she loved Pa.” 

 “It were a good while ‘fore ya knew you loved her.  Those first months…”  Ned shook his head.   

 Adam’s fingers clenched and pulled grass from the sod beneath him.  “I told you I hated her.  I… I even told her.” 

 “Took time but ya come around.  Can ya deny ya told her you loved her more times than that?” 

 “No, but I…  I don’t think I said it enough.  Women…” 

 “Women are more needing of the words, I agree, but ya showed her more than once just as she showed you.” 

 Adam turned his face away from Ned’s eyes.  “I… she…” 

 Ned reached out and turned Adam’s head to his gaze.  “She knew ya loved her, Bucko; don’t ya never doubt that.  She told me when she was carrying Little Bit that – and these are her words- you and Hoss “brought joy to her life.”  Ned watched Adam’s eyes brim as the boy swallowed repeatedly. 

 “She’s gone… she won’t ever… I… I miss her so much.”  Adam’s voice broke as his breathing became gasps, and Old Ned drew the boy into his arms. 

 “Let it out, Bucko; let it out.  Old Ned knows, and he ain’t never gonna say nothing to no one else about it.”  Adam buried his head in the old man’s chest and sobbed.   

 Old Ned offered no more words but simply held the boy and softly patted his back until the emotion drained away and the sobbing ended.  Adam raised his head and immediately turned away to once more stare at the lake. 

 “No shame in tears of grief, boy.  A man would have to have a heart of stone, an empty soul, to have none.” 

 “I have to… I need to be strong for the boys.” 

 “Your brothers know you’re a strong one; tears ain’t gonna wash away what they think of ya.” 

 “Pa…” 

 “Would have never gone if he didn’t know deep inside how strong and near a man his eldest was.” 

 “I wish he hadn’t been so sure then.” 

 “He’ll be back soon as he can.” 

 “I want him now.”  Dejection and frustration poured from Adam’s words. 

 “Should I send a telegram for him to come back?” 

 Adam jerked back around and glared at Ned.  “No, no, don’t even think on it.” 

 Old Ned cocked his eyebrow.  “Is that an order, Bucko, from the man in charge?” 

 Adam dropped his eyes.  “No, no, sir, it’s a request.  I don’t … I don’t… it’s all I can do for him, Ned.  It’s all I can do.” 

 “And it’s a fine gift, Bucko, a fine gift.  Now, listen to me, you’re a fine boy but a boy still.  We’ll let your Pa have the time he needs as long as I see ya coming to me when ya need to.  That you’re not trying to hide away the grief and the need and do it all alone.  Even with your Pa away, you’re not alone.  We have an understanding?’ 

 “Yes, sir.” 

 “Then I’m going to walk down by the lake for a bit before we ride on home.”  Ned walked away and let the boy have some private time.   Then they mounted the horses and began the ride home. 

 “Ned, what did you tell the hands about me being in charge?” 

 Ned cleared his throat and spit.  “Mostly that I taught ya all ya needed to know to take charge.” 

 “And?”  Old Ned gave no reply.  “And that you’d let me know anything else I needed to learn?” 

 Ned shook his head.  “Near enough.” 

 “I thought so.  I expected more backlash.  Besides, I haven’t ever known you not to do what you thought was your job, and you’ve always thought tending me was part of your job.” 

 “Boss and you both know I’ve had your back plenty of times and that that ain’t likely to change.” 

 “No more likely than you no longer thinking you can take me in hand and whittle my backside back down to size.” 

 Ned turned his head to see the soft grin on Adam’s face.  “It’d be best that ya remember that I ain’t never gonna change my thinking about that no matter how growed ya get to be.” 

 “I know.”  Adam’s smile widened.  After a few minutes Adam spoke again.  “I think we’ll wait on the placing until Pa gets back.” 

 “Sounds right to me.  Who knows, he may make it back ‘fore that headstone even comes.” 

 “And if he doesn’t, we can wait.” 

 “Right, and see to what needs to be seen to.  All of them that loved her together.” 

The End

 

Tags:  ESA, ESH, family, grief, Old Ned