Ben’s words descended on the room with the quality and gloom of a large, black cloud on a sunny, summers-day picnic.

“I am sorry…I am so sorry, this is not the way…this is not right.”

Joe’s head shot up, his eyes sparks of fury. He made another effort to stand. Hoss’s firm arm on his shoulder prevented it.

“Yer sorry…sorry, goddam it, what are you sorry for.”

Joe’s angry eyes and jutting chin matched Ben’s fierce glare and grimly pursed mouth. Joe was not backing down or apologising for his bad manners. Ben felt the room shift and spin. He had no idea what was being said. He saw anger and sadness in the staring faces. He didn’t know why

“Pa, aint no call ter be saying that.”

Hoss’s smile had disappeared. Replaced by a crestfallen pouting frown. Etta’s disappointment was clear and painfully visible. It cut straight into Adam’s soul. If his father had stuck him with a knife his agony would have been no more less. He counted slowly to ten before he spoke. He didn’t want to completely disrespect his father but he was not far from it. Bringing the palm of his hand from Etta’s shoulder he caressed her neck and then the back of her head. Gently he nestled her face into his shoulder. The tears brimming in her eyes blurred into his vision. He turned to his father. He couldn’t understand the stunned, puzzled look on his Pa’s reddening face.

“I don’t need your permission to marry. Though l would have liked your blessing.”

Adam couldn’t understand what was happening. His father gasped a gargled sound that could have been a ‘No’ or ‘Oh’ stretched out a hand toward him and struggled to stand. He failed, Ben collapsed and fell forward onto the coffee table. He turned his head. The wood pressed into his face. His son stood above him, way above him. Adam’s head was touching the beamed ceiling. Ben knew he had to say something. He couldn’t think what it was. The room darkened, lightened then darkened again. He felt himself lifted. Why was little Joe pulling at his vest?…why was Adam angry? Very tall and very angry…he saw and felt nothing more.

Joe screamed at his brothers, and made a grab for his father. He managed to catch his vest. He winced as his fathers face fell against the top of the table. He was sent sprawling back onto the sofa. Hoss and Paul Martin pushed him out of the way. Etta pulled away from Adam and went to Ben’s aid.

Joe’s eyes were wide, panic stricken. He grabbed at anything he could. The back of Hoss’s vest. The hem of Paul Martin’s jacket. He was ignored. Finally he grabbed Adam’s arm. Adam stood rigid. Watching on the sideline, everything that was happening but not comprehending. He was as if he were in a dream. His brother’s painful grip on his arm jerked him back to reality. Joe was yelling at him to tell him what was going on? What had happened to Pa? For a moment Joe’s frantic pleas went unanswered. Adam sat down beside his brother. He squeezed Joe’s shoulder.

“He aint gonna die Adam…he aint gonna die.” Adam didn’t know what to answer. He clasped Joe to his chest and looked over at Etta. She gave him a tight smile and a nod. He hoped it was a good sign.

“Let’s get him into his bed Hoss.” Gently, carefully, Ben was carried upstairs by Hoss and the doctor, Adam followed. Joe’s eyes tracked their every movement. His body was shaking with tension. He needed to move. He couldn’t bear being left downstairs. He tried to stop his hands trembling. He clasped them together on his knees. It didn’t work. Etta was at his side. Rubbing his back, her fingers and palm tracing circles. How did she know how to do that? He stared deep into her eyes. His mothers eyes. In silence they stared at each other.

“I am sorry,” her voice made him dizzy. An involuntary shudder swept him from head to toe. Balling his fists, he clenched them tighter and tighter. He needed to breathe. A tight band around his chest prevented it. His chest heaved in and out desperate for oxygen .

“No…please, no…say it aint true.” Etta suddenly realised the impact of her words. Those three little words.

“No Joe,” she put her hands over his bunched up fists. “Your Pa’s is OK…he will be fine. His pulse is strong. The doctor is with him. It was probably the shock. Me, looking the way l do. Adam’s announcement. Your father has just returned from San Fransisco? A long and tiring journey. Believe me, l am sure it is no more than that.”

“Are you sure?” Joe barely croaked the words. In his effort to bring himself under control. Joe had gone from clenching and unclenching his fists, to nervously pulling at his quivering chin.

“As sure as l can be…l know doctors, and that doctor didn’t look unduly concerned. Ben Cartwright, to Etta, looked to be a fine man for his age. She truly hoped that what she had said would be confirmed. Etta could see that Joe was starting to take in what she had told him. He was starting to calm himself. “l wanted to say sorry for my causing so much trouble that is all.” Joe looked up at her in disbelief.

“You haven’t caused any trouble…you can’t help the way you look.”

“I know Joe. It was though shock to you and your brothers. How much more a shock for your father. I did suggest to Adam l should stay at the Hotel.”.

“And what did he say?”

“Your brother said it would be unacceptable.”

“He was right…don’t tell him l said so.” Joe grinned. A tight lipped, lopsided, half grin. The frightened eyes of a boy pierced through her, pleading for reassurance. Etta tousled Joe’s hair and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Would l tell you a lie?” The sound of footsteps dispensed with Joe’s reply. The three men walked one after the other down the stairs. Again Joe gave no thought to his disability and struggled to stand, he flopped down against the back of the sofa. Joe had no patience with this trio of silence.

“Tell me?” his voice shrieked it’s fear. Why didn’t they say something? “Adam?…Hoss? Tell me?”

Hoss came to his side “Pa’s fine shortshanks, just all tuckered out…”

Wearily Adam slumped into the blue chair. Etta went to him and sat on the cushioned arm. Resting a palmed hand on his shoulder, she gave it a small squeeze. Her fingers crept up the back of his neck and caressed the frizzled, damp curls. Without thinking Adam’s hand covered hers. Gently he pulled the slender limb to his mouth and brushed it with his lips.

“He just needs to rest. A week would do him good. Knowing your father he will be roaring his disapproval and out of his bed within twenty four hours. Just try to see that he takes it easy.”

Joe flashed a concerned look at his brothers, “Whose with him?” Hop Sing, Hoss told him. Joe hadn’t even seen the the Hop Sing go up the stairs.

“He is sedated and will sleep a good twelve hours. He really doesn’t need anyone to sit with him.” Paul Martin explained. “unless it is to see that he stays where he is. Now, l’d commit murder for a cup of coffee.”

Adam grimaced at the doctors choice of words. As if his Pa ‘ roaring his disapproval’ wasn’t bad enough. The inference to the crime of murder. Which was hardly an appropriate remark for a medical man to make. It was possibly though the cherry on top of the cake…maybe even the cherry on top of the wedding cake. Enjoying his own humour, Adam’s soft chuckle creased the brows of everyone in the room. Etta had stood at the doctors request for a drink. Seeing Hoss’s raised palm she reseated herself. The big man padded to the kitchen and returned with the necessary.

The silence in the great room was disturbed only by the chinking of the china cups against the saucers. It was Etta who took it upon herself to try and restore some kind of sense to what had taken place. She left her first question open to whom ever cared to answer.

“Your father, l know was obviously shocked at my appearance. Also at Adam’s announcement. You know him better than l. But l think we took his words in the wrong way.”

“What yer mean Miss Etta?”

“What other way could we take it. He’s never met you before, and yet he was saying he was sorry you and Adam were…” Adam remained silent. He was beginning to realise the path Etta’s thoughts were taking.

“But was he Joe? Was he sorry about what Adam said. You just said yourself that your Pa had never met me before. Is it usual for your father to make such a swift judgement on someone he had never met before?”

“Dadburn, no it aint Miss Etta. Pa aint ever like that.”

“Well what else could he be apologising for?”

“That l don’t know Joe…but earlier on l started to apologise to you for causing this upset…”

“Miss Etta, you aint got no cause to. It weren’t yer fault.”

“Hoss l differ with you there. It was a shock for your Pa, but that is not what l am saying. I wanted to say sorry to Joe…l said, l am sorry. Just those three words. Joe, what did you think l was going to say?” Joe darted his green eyes from one face to the other. He didn’t want to say those words. The words he had expected to hear. Etta continued “Joe expected me to say that his Pa was anything other than well. I think we all thought your father was going to say something we didn’t want to hear. I think we should give your father the benefit of the doubt. Let us try and put this evening behind us, and talk with your father after he has rested. ”

Hop Sing was at the foot of the stairs before his presence was noted.

“Mista Cahtlite deep sleep. Hop Sing have dinna on table pretty quick. Mista Doctah Paul eat with family, yes?”

“Sure he is, aintcha Doc?…Hop Sing l am so hungry l could eat flapjacks offa the belly of a mangy dog.”

“Hop Sing make flapjacks foh bleckfast. Mista Hoss find mangy dog. Mista Hoss eat in barn.”

Hop Sing and Hoss’s banter went a long way to lightening the mood at the table and for the rest of the evening. It wasn’t until a sudden outburst from Joe, directed at Paul Martin. That it was realised that the doctor had forgotten to remove the cast from Joe’s leg. Unfortunately the doctor had been gone for over an hour and was well on the way to Virginia City. Joe was more than a little disgruntled. Hoss became the buffer for his disappointment and bad mood.

After Joe had announced he was going to bed. Hoss’s offer to help him up the stairs was bluntly and cuttingly refused. He shrugged his big shoulders. Hoss, Adam and Etta watched the back of the young Cartwright as he determinedly struggled up the stairs to bed.

“If stubbornness was measured in inches the kid would be over ten foot tall.”

“Aint that the truth.” Hoss agreed. “sometimes though elder brother he don’t help himself.”

Hoss stood up from his fathers favoured chair and stretched. “l wuz going up anyways.” Hoss bade Adam and Etta goodnight. Before he reached the half landing, Hoss turned and put a question to Etta. “are you sure about that Miss Etta? Pa wasn’t gonna say what we thought he wus gonna say?” Etta looked up from where she was sitting. Her head resting on Adam’s shoulder.

“l don’t know Hoss. It was just a guess. When l saw how little Joe reacted to those three words. ‘I am sorry.’ l thought it might of been the same with your father.”

Hoss considered Etta’s answer. He spoke softly to himself as he ascended the stairs.

“Sometimes a guess is good enough.”

The soft glow of lamplight drew Hoss to his father’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar. Little Joe sat on the edge of the bed. His injured leg stuck out awkwardly to the side. He tended to his sleeping Pa. Just as his Pa so many times, had tended to him. Holding his fathers hand. He gently caressed the calloused, creased skin. The words he spoke were whispered.

“Pa, Adam really loves her Pa…l know it’s kinda scary how she looks like mama an all. It aint her fault Pa. I know it seems strange. Still does to me but, l reckon Adam’ll leave. You can’t let him go Pa.”

Not wanting to interrupt this private moment. Hoss stood in the doorway, his arm resting on the door frame. His body though cast a long shadow across the floor. Without turning his head Joe had a good idea who was behind him.

“Sorry Hoss for being so ornery, weren’t your fault.” he continued to stroke and smooth the wrinkles on his father hand. “what we gonna do?” When necessary Hoss could move without making the slightest sound. As he did now. Placing both his large hands on his brothers shoulders, he felt Joe’s body lean into his palms. Using his large fingers and thumbs he gently massaged the tense muscles on Joe’s shoulders and at the base of his neck.

“I reckon we wait an see how things sit tomorrow. And pray that Miss Etta was right. Come on shortshanks you need yer sleep as much as Pa..” Joe nodded. Before he allowed Hoss to help him stand he gently laid his palm on his fathers silver hair. Hoss walked Joe to his bedroom noting that his brother leaned heavily against him, as if in compensation for his earlier refusal of Hoss’s help.

Adam and Etta lingered on beside the fire. In silence they stared at the dying flames.

“Adam l will not stand between you and your family.”

Adam teased the tendrils of hair that hung loose on Etta’s cheek. he twisted the filigree wisps that covered her delicate ear. He wanted this woman so much his hand trembled. His body ached, a strong, urgent, beautiful agony. To be so close to her and not feel her flesh touching his. Her skin was as silk. With one finger he stroked from her cheek bone to her chin. He so badly wanted her mouth pressed against his. Cupping her chin he turned her face to his.

“What are you going to do?” Etta tried to keep her face turned toward the fire. Tried not to feel the heat that was building inside her.

“I don’t know.” and truly she didn’t know what she would do. What if she had been wrong? What if Ben Cartwright, when he recovered, what if, he did not want her to marry his son?” She had been so quick to reassure Joe. Yet now she couldn’t reassure herself. Adam was not to be denied, using a firm, gentleness he succeeded in his efforts.

“I do,” he kissed the mouth he craved, a sweet, soft kiss. “all you have to do is say those two words…I do.” he kissed her again. His desire to lay with her was over powering. “l need you.” he blew soft kisses on her neck upward to the softness of her ear lob. “l need you now.”

As much as her own desire was heightening Etta managed to pull herself away from his hold on her.

“We can’t…your father.” he pulled her back and encircled his arms around her.

“Pa will sleep till noon tomorrow.” he could hardly believe his own words. His fingers tangled in her hair, as he bent his head to kiss the back of her neck. “l will take you this very minute, here, on the sofa.” Etta was drowning in his passion.

“No…no…Hop Sing?” Adam’s hands roamed freely over her body, the curve of her hip. He lifted her slightly to feel the soft roundness of her buttocks in his palm.

“He went to bed ages ago…he does get up early. I don’t think he would appreciate our entwined bodies untidying the sofa.” she could feel his throaty chuckle. She was lost.

“An hour….” before she could finish he swept her into his arms and walked toward the guest room.

“l promise…a full sixty minutes…no more, no less.” Etta threw her head back her laughter bubbling to the surface. Suddenly, remembering the hour it was, and the hour of secret loving that had been promised, she clasped a hand to her mouth and remained silent.