The weeks turned into days. Etta’s furniture and worldly goods had found a new home. Thomas and Harriet Simms arrived a good week before the wedding date. Although pressed to stay at the Ponderosa, they had already accepted an invite from Paul and Rose Martin. Much to Adam’s chagrin his fiancee decided to also stay at the Martin’s. This worked out well for Etta. She now had a base in town and another woman to help with the arrangements. Rose Martin and Harriet Simms, being already very excited, were over the moon at becoming more involved in all the wedding paraphernalia. Especially Etta’s outfits, as well as there own.
A lady no longer present in the household. Adam much to his brother’s amusement became the butt of all jokes and had to put up with copious amounts of teasing. Hoss’s suggestion that he actually did some work for a change. Instead of roaming around the Ponderosa like a cross between a moon struck calf and a rampant bull. Prompted little Joe into a role reversal, he instead of Hoss becoming the peacekeeper. He though getting the worse of the job. Stepping in between his two elder brothers. He was felled by a blow from Adam. This knocked him backward into the dammed up creek, that Hoss and Adam were begrudgingly in the process of clearing. Hoss’s anger doubled at seeing his little brother. Little Joe not yet back to full fitness. Sitting, stunned, butt down in the muddy watering hole. He immediately retaliated. Grabbing Adam in a bear hug, he then lifted him and threw him into the creek. Precisely at the same time as Joe had struggled to his feet. The Hoss propelled Adam crashed into Joe sending him once more backward into the mire. This time, for good measure he had his elder brother for company. With more luck than effort, Joe managed to push himself free. Hanging onto his brother’s shirt for support. Joe floored Adam with a punch that surprised both giver and receiver. Somehow managing to keep his feet Joe turned to Hoss. His big brother was bent double, guffawing at the antics of his now bruised and soaked, smaller siblings. Wrenching free a good sized branch. Which unbeknownst to him was the ‘keystone’ of the dam. He thwacked it hard across his brothers bent body. Hoss though had seen the fruit of Joe’s action. The dam gave way, a swoosh of water smacked into Adam and Joe knocking then both, this time, they landed face down in the now free flowing water. The scene was too much for the big man. The combination of his own uproarious laughter turned his strength and legs to jelly. The swipe of the branch rendered the man useless, he sank to his knees. Unable to assist himself. He too fell face forward and slipped down the muddy bank into the water. His only means of saving himself from a ducking was too grab a hold of a pair of muddy, black clad legs. Adam’s profane, cursing roar was directed at his big brother. Hoss’s bulk of body had Adam pinioned to the creek bed, fortunately it was not yet deep enough to be a danger. Seeing Adam and Hoss flapping about on top of each other, sent Joe into a cascade of high pitched cackling, giggles. Which, if they weren’t securely tied, would have frightened the horses and sent them fleeing back to the safety of their home barn. Where no doubt the cacophony would have been heard by Ben Cartwright himself, giving him cause to wonder what on earth was going on.

Which, in fact, Ben Cartwright did wonder, as he rode toward the creek. He surveyed the sight of two of his offspring cavorting waist deep in the watery bog. The third, having managed to clamber up the bank, was laying helpless on his back, rolling from side to side in hysterics. Before he could come to terms with this. His two eldest had also scrambled up the bank and were in the process, despite their young brother’s pleas of ‘mind my leg’ of catching Joe hand and foot. Suddenly realising what the outcome would be Ben gave vent. His booming voice echoed across the pines, into the Sierra’s and beyond.

“JUMPING JEHOSHAPHAT,” as one, Adam and Hoss froze in mid throw. Even Little Joe ceased his struggling. Thinking he had been saved. Joe smirked smugly at his captors. Eyebrows raised in derision, Hoss and Adam looked at each other and followed through. Giving a squawked yelp Joe sailed through the air and hit the water. “what kind of trio of jack asses have l spawned.”

Preferring to remain in the saddle, which gave him the look and forbearance of an overlord. Ben Cartwright glared at his three mud splattered, soaking wet sons. “what wrong doing have l performed that my penance should be this? Why did the good Lord value me so lowly, that he gave me idiot male offspring? Why could l not have had three civilized daughters sitting at home. Sewing…baking…doing in a manner of cleanliness, whatever young refined females do? WHY IS THAT?” Ben’s sons knew that these questions were not given to be answered…that is all except one son!!

“Well…yer see Pa it…”

“JOSEPH.” Joe snapped his mouth shut and continued to clamber up the slippery bank. In a form of apology both Adam and Hoss stretched their hands out to him in assistance. He gladly accepted and took shelter behind his brothers. “do not, Joseph, add salt to the wound. Adam, your wedding is less than a week away. Do you think that your bride will be pleased to be standing next to a clown with a face the colour of the rainbow…do you?” Adam rubbed his jaw. He could already feel his lip swelling and his eye puffing. Joe, he knew was responsible for his jaw ache. He assumed the masses of debris that had been flying around was responsible for the rest. Wisely he remained silent. His grinning brother didn’t.

“For better or worse eh brother. Reckon Etta’s getting the worse…” Adam’s one raised eyebrow was enough to trail Joe’s words to silence.

“Joseph if you say another word. You can reckon that l will drive you back into that bog myself!!” immediately Ben contradicted himself. “what are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be doing light chores?” For a moment Joe didn’t know whether he should answer or whether he shouldn’t. His father’s eyes directed the former.

“I finished up, an kinda reckoned l’d give my brothers a helping hand.”

“Oh l see…a helping hand?” Ben waited for Joe’s nod of agreement. It came as Joe smoothed his hands down his mucky shirt front. “and this is what you call giving a helping hand is it?”

“No sir, l reckon it aint.”

“For once Joseph you reckon correctly.” Adam and Hoss were content on staying the audience. Little Joe was not. Hoss hummed in silence. Adam sighed in disbelief and shook his head. Joe never knew when to leave well enough alone

Pointing to the broken and scattered dam. “We did unblock it Pa…the dams gone…look.”

Ben’s face reddened in exasperation as he tried to control his ire. “Young man, l can very well see the dam is no longer there. You and your brothers are wearing most of it.” Joe’s fidgeting fingers set about squeezing the fluid from his shirt tails which were flapping outside his pants. Ben couldn’t bear to watch his youngest son’s futile attempts at restoring his clothing. He turned his angry, parental eyes on his middle son. “and you Hoss, you will have to stand alongside your brother. The first of my son’s to wed, and the groom and best man will both be sporting black eyes. The Cartwright’s will be the laughing stock of Virginia City.”

“Pa…Pa, l aint marked Pa, shortshanks only thwacked me on the back.” looking up to the Heavens Ben couldn’t believe his ears. He returned his glare to his boy’s.

“How thoughtful of shortshanks.” Bringing up a long fingered hand to scratch behind his ear. Adam decided the show had gone on for long enough. In an effort to lighten the tone and bring the Cartwright inquisition to a close. Adam completely changed the subject.

“What brought you out this way Pa…that is apart from Buck?” Momentarily thrown, Ben threw Adam an askance glance.

“Yes, yes…l was going into town and wondered if there were a message l could take to your fiancee?”

“Pa?” little Joe wasn’t finished with his verbal shovel, “this aint the way to town Pa.” Hoss sucked in one cheek and Adam closed his eyes.

“Do you really think Joseph, that after all these years, your father needs directions on how to get to town?”

“No sir, sorry sir.” Joe ate his pie humbly. Ben turned his horses head. He wasn’t finished, twisting in the saddle he dealt his trump card.

“When l return l expect to see my ‘children’ all growed up and spotlessly clean.” derisively he swept his coal, black eyes from one son to the other and shook his head. Facing forward he spurned Buck into a lope and rode away.

For a few moments the brothers watched the departure of their father. Rolling his eyes Adam retrieved his hat. Fortunately it had been knocked off early on in the proceedings. It was dry and relatively free from mud. He brushed it with his elbow and slammed it back on his head. Joe stood with his hands on his hips. Still staring at his father’s disappearing back.

“How come he can still make me feel like a ten year old kid?” Joe questioned reflectively. Adam and Hoss tried hard to keep a straight face, but their brothers remark, to them, was the cherry on the cake.

Together their faces cracked and their laughter was double fold. Joe’s puzzlement turned to annoyance. Giving up on them he looked around for his hat. He found it slowly spinning in an eddy of water. His brother’s were still bent over double. He wondered what he had said to stir them up again. If there was one thing set to ruffle Joe’s feather’s. It was being the one left out. “what the heck’s got into you two…what’d l say?” to Joe’s bewilderment his question brought forth even more guffaws. The two men were clinging to each other for support. With the help of a stick Joe snagged his hat. Shook it, bashed it against his leg and firmly thrust it on his head. Hoss’s stetson was laying half submerged. A wodge of debris stopping it from floating away. A grin half lifted Joe’s lip and twinkled his eye.

“Here.” he shoved the hat into his brothers hands. Both Hoss and Adam were vainly trying to suppress their laughter. Hoss took the hat.

“Thanks kid.” Hoss spluttered between gasps of breath. Joe waited patiently. Taking little notice of it’s condition. Without any hesitation Hoss pulled the hat on his head. He closed his eyes to the water streaming down his face. “how thoughtful of you shortshanks.” Hoss’s echoing his Pa’s words set the three of them howling. It took more than a few moments to compose themselves enough to mount up and return to the ranch.

Etta was more than a little peeved to see the state of her fiancee’s bruised face. At first concerned about his puffy eye and split lip. Her laughter though soon turned heads in the restaurant as Adam described the afternoons shenanigans.