{"id":10167,"date":"2014-11-30T08:13:57","date_gmt":"2014-11-30T13:13:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=10167"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:11:33","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:11:33","slug":"this-thing-of-darkness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=10167","title":{"rendered":"This Thing of Darkness (by CwrightGirl)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Summary: 2014 BoNaNo Submission.\u00a0 A WHIB for the episode <em>To Die in Darkness<\/em> (S9E28).\u00a0 An extension and analysis of Candy\u2019s spiral into depression and attempted suicide that hopefully offers some explanation and closure.<\/p>\n<p>Rating: T (for mentions of suicide) \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 5455 words.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Author\u2019s Note<\/strong>:\u00a0 Many thank-yous are needed for the creation of this story!\u00a0 First, thank you to the original writer of the episode, Michael Landon.\u00a0 The premise of<em> To Die in Darkness<\/em> is fascinating and thought-provoking, both from a viewer\u2019s perspective and a writer\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 I hope that this humble submission does the characters and creative team behind the\u00a0episode\u00a0justice. \u00a0A second, but equally-important, thank-you goes to jfclover and BluewindFarm for giving me such helpful feedback while I was writing the story!\u00a0 Both of their suggestions and comments were constructively offered, and I am very grateful.\u00a0 Yet another thank-you goes out to all the 2014 BoNaNo participants and supporters who have been so encouraging and accommodating during this past month.<\/p>\n<p>The title is a quote from William Shakespeare\u2019s <em>The Tempest<\/em> (Prospero, V.I.273). \u00a0The italicized section includes direct quotes from the original episode and will acclimate a reader who has not seen the episode so she\/he will understand the story.<\/p>\n<p>Please enjoy, and thank for reading!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>This Thing of Darkness<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYou\u2019re insane, Postley,\u201d Ben Cartwright stated with a hint of defiance.\u00a0 He looked up from the small hole he and his ranch foreman, Candy Canaday, had been held prisoner in for over a month.\u00a0 Despite the unkempt beard that gave Ben a primitive look, he still kept a tight hold on his characteristic dignity and rationale.\u00a0 \u201cYou know that, don\u2019t you?\u201d the eldest Cartwright challenged.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re insane and you\u2019re trying to drive us insane.\u00a0 And it won\u2019t work.\u201d\u00a0 Although Ben\u2019s claim sounded confident, one look at despondent Candy was enough to disprove that theory.\u00a0 In the last few weeks of captivity, Candy\u2019s usually-unshakable attitude had started to crumble.\u00a0 Pushing aside his worry for Candy, Ben continued, \u201cYou know, I feel sorry for you, John.\u201d \u00a0A small, mirthless laugh escaped Ben\u2019s lips when he saw the rage on his kidnapper\u2019s face.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>John Postley sat on the edge of the hole inside the mine with a gleam in his eye that proved he had lost his grip on morality and reality.\u00a0 Granted, serving time for a murder charge without having committed the crime would make even the most well-adjusted man question his sanity, but this act of sadism nowhere near the optimum way to assimilate back into society.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re down there and I\u2019m up here,\u201d Postley reminded them.\u00a0\u00a0 An amused smile that did not reach his eyes spread crossways on Postley\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you feel sorry for me?\u00a0 I\u2019m free to go anyplace I want to.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u00a0 You can\u2019t get away from here.\u00a0 You gotta keep coming back day after day, week after week.\u00a0 You\u2019re just as much a prisoner as we are,\u201d Ben argued.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll never be free.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>At Ben\u2019s mention of time passing, Candy let his head flop sideways to rest on the wall as he nervously sifted dirt through his fingers.\u00a0 Over the past few weeks, the young man had lost his trademark zest for life as the situation got bleaker and bleaker.\u00a0 Ben had expected Candy to be angry, not retreat into himself and become a dejected shell of a man.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s worry for his employee\u2019s psyche grew every day, and Postley\u2019s taunting certainly was not helping. Seeing the otherwise independent and cunning man so vulnerable accentuated the hopelessness of their situation.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Postley\u2019s tongue menacingly curled inside his mouth.\u00a0 \u201cWell, now what if I just go away and let you die?\u201d he proposed.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cOh, you won\u2019t,\u201d Ben predicted, raising his voice so Candy would be sure to hear his conviction.\u00a0 If Candy were listening, he showed no sign of it.\u00a0 \u201cYou can\u2019t.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t have anything to live for.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYou\u2019re sure of that, aren\u2019t ya?\u201d Postley questioned indignantly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re real sure?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cYeah,\u201d Ben nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure.\u00a0 You\u2019re trapped, John.\u00a0\u00a0 And you\u2019ll never be free.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cWell,\u201d Postley snarled, swinging his legs out of the ditch and getting to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll see about that.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see about that!\u201d he repeated.\u00a0 Grabbing the lantern beside him, Postely quickly strode away, leaving the two men to themselves to breathe in the dust and grime surrounding them from all angles.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Ben sighed, glad that Postley\u2019s mocking had ceased but when he looked over at his companion, the rancher felt a chill snake down his spine.\u00a0 Candy had pulled his knees up to his chest as he stared forward to the other wall of the makeshift prison.\u00a0 .\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Before Ben had a chance to engage Candy in conversation and distract him from his dark thoughts, a lit stick of dynamite dropped down into the middle of the suffocating hole.\u00a0 Its deafening sizzling startled both men and they jumped back at the unexpected object.\u00a0 At the same time, they leapt forward towards the dynamite and Candy snatched it first.\u00a0 He held it in his hand and gazed at it with sick fascination.\u00a0 To Ben\u2019s horror, Candy gripped the explosive tighter and did not appear to be getting rid of it anytime soon.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cThrow it,\u201d Ben prompted, sidling up to Candy.\u00a0 Smoke wafted between the two desperate men as Candy struggled with following Ben\u2019s suggesting or finding an escape from this claustrophobic hell that had become his new reality.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s eyes widened in horror as he recognized the resigned look on Candy\u2019s face that could only mean one thing.\u00a0 \u201cThrow it!\u201d he repeated with more urgency.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Candy backed up to create some distance between himself and Ben, but he only took two steps before his back slammed into the wall.\u00a0 \u201cNo\u2026\u00a0 No!\u201d he cried, still fixated on the glowing piece of twine that he thought would end his suffering once and for all.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Ben sprang forward, trying to wrestle the stick out of Candy\u2019s hand.\u00a0 The foreman, who had been looking so weak and frail lately, fought off Ben\u2019s advances with surprising, animalistic strength.\u00a0 Renewing his effort, Ben pulled Candy towards the ground as he struggled to get possession of the dynamite.\u00a0 The spark was only a hair\u2019s length away from the dynamite now and Ben recited a silent prayer for God to watch over his sons as he braced himself for an explosion to end his life.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>But that explosion never came.\u00a0 Instead, the flame went out, rendering the stick benign.\u00a0 Ben pushed himself off of Candy and whispered another prayer of thanks as he collected himself.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Candy sluggishly blinked, returning to his senses as the magnitude of what he had almost done washed over him.\u00a0 Confused and on the brink of despair, Candy picked up the stick, which he now realized felt much lighter than dynamite should.\u00a0 Breathing just as heavily as Ben, Candy took the stick in both hands and exerted a small of amount of pressure on it.\u00a0 A sudden burst of dirt covered in his face.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cIt\u2019s\u2026\u00a0 It\u2019s dirt!\u201d Candy clarified brokenly, swallowing the bile that bubbled up in his throat.\u00a0 Ben refrained from saying anything.\u00a0 He watched helplessly as Candy\u2019s face fell.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s only dirt!\u201d\u00a0 Unable to hold on to even a shred of reserve, Candy pitched forward and started to sob.\u00a0 Covering his face with his hands, he shook his head back and forth, not caring that he was sprawled out on the floor and breaking down in front of the man for whom he held the utmost respect.\u00a0 In that moment, Candy thought of nothing else but his own misery and pain, neither of which had an end in sight.\u00a0 \u201cNo\u2026\u00a0 N-no\u2026\u201d he wept piteously.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Sighing, Ben took one step towards Candy before another voice stopped him.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cWho\u2019s insane now, Cartwright?\u201d Postley jeered, leaning over the edge of the pit to reveal his presence.\u00a0 The kidnapper smiled widely as he saw and heard Candy openly crying after his faux-dynamite trick.\u00a0 As far as Postley was concerned, if he had to torture Candy to hurt Ben, then he would do it and do it gladly.\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s insane now?!\u201d he laughed.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Ben looked up at the giggling man above him and then down at the crying man at his feet.\u00a0 A haunting harmony of Candy\u2019s sobbing and John\u2019s laughing filled Ben\u2019s ears and it was all the ranch owner could do not to scream.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll let you think on that, Ben,\u201d Postley grinned, satisfied that he had found a way to make Ben Cartwright suffer as much as he had in prison.\u00a0 \u201cSee you later, boys,\u201d the old man yelled over his shoulder, this time actually leaving the cave.\u00a0 He left one dim lantern above the filthy and encrusted hole so he could find his way through the abandoned mine.\u00a0 A small amount of kerosene was the only thing keeping total blackness at bay.<\/p>\n<p>With Postley out of earshot, Ben was free to turn his attention to Candy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, God\u2026\u201d Candy moaned as tears kept flowing from his blue eyes that had recently lost their usually luster and warmth.\u00a0 \u201cIt was only dirt!\u00a0 Just\u2026\u00a0 Dirt!\u201d he repeated in anguish.\u00a0 No\u2026\u00a0 no, w-why?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Although Ben felt like he could have joined Candy on the floor of their makeshift jail-cell, he knew that he would have to be strong enough for the both of them if they both planned on surviving this.\u00a0 \u201cCandy,\u201d Ben whispered softly, hoping it would be enough to cut through his foreman\u2019s despair.\u00a0 Candy continued to carry on howling like a madman.\u00a0 Ben dropped to his knees slowly, not wanting to startle the distraught ranch hand.\u00a0 \u201cCandy, please,\u201d Ben beseeched, placing a comforting hand on the frantic man\u2019s back.<\/p>\n<p>Propping himself up on his elbows, Candy twisted his head so he could look at Ben.\u00a0 The Cartwright patriarch looked much too haggard, as if he had aged twenty years in the last few weeks.\u00a0 Or was it months?\u00a0 Candy had lost all sense of time long ago.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026\u00a0 I\u2026\u201d he helplessly stuttered.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know,\u201d Ben soothed as Candy leaned into his touch.\u00a0 Finally managing a sitting position, Candy\u2019s heart-wrenching sobs had diminished into hiccupping cries.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI w-was so clos-se,\u201d Candy lamented, swiping at his eyes to rid them of tears.\u00a0 \u201cIt was almost o-over.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShh,\u201d cooed Ben, unable to hear what Candy was saying under his breath.\u00a0 \u201cIt was a mistake, is all.\u00a0 But we\u2019re both alive and okay.\u00a0 That\u2019s what\u2019s we need to remember.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMistake?\u201d Candy repeated, throwing himself backwards and away from Ben.\u00a0 \u201cThat wasn\u2019t no mistake.\u00a0 No\u2026\u201d he declared as he stood up and began to pace like an animal that had been caged for too long.\u00a0 \u201cNo, sir, I-I\u2026\u00a0 I wish we had another dynamite stick down here.\u00a0 I\u2019d light it myself if I could,\u201d he vowed sadly.\u00a0 \u201cJust to get this nightmare over and done with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben remained silent and stoic, allowing Candy to vent before responding.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m gonna go nuts if I have to stay one more minute in these walls,\u201d the foreman snarled.\u00a0 Although he had found a permanent home on the Ponderosa in the last two years, Candy had spent much of his life wandering.\u00a0 Even as a child, he moved around with his army scout father before Sargent Canaday had been killed while on patrol.\u00a0 To be forced to stay in one place was pure torture for the young man.\u00a0 To be forced into staying in a dark, isolated cave\u2026\u00a0 Ben shuddered to think of what would happen if Candy and he were not rescued soon.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd\u2026 and for what?\u201d Candy burst.\u00a0 \u201cWhy are we even here?\u00a0 Because you misidentified Postley in some trial how many years ago?\u201d\u00a0 He rubbed a shaking hand over his face to keep himself grounded, but Candy could feel himself slipping away into darkness again.\u00a0 \u201cBecause of some stupid jury and some stupid judge years ago, I\u2019m stuck here in this godforsaken pit with hope of ever getting out.\u00a0 God!\u201d he yelled, more to himself than to Ben.\u00a0 \u201cA-a-and that\u2019s not even the craziest part of this whole thing,\u201d he marveled.\u00a0 The flicker of insanity slow appearing in his blue eyes was magnified by the narrow stream of light from the lantern.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou know what the craziest part is, don\u2019t ya?\u201d\u00a0 Ben refused to feed into Candy\u2019s breakdown.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t ya!\u201d Candy repeated vehemently.<\/p>\n<p>With a placating sigh, Ben shook his head.\u00a0 Candy took this as an invitation to continue.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe craziest part is that me bein\u2019 here is your fault,\u201d Candy accused in a tone that cut Ben to the core.\u00a0 \u201cPostley wanted to get back at you, not me.\u00a0 It was just dumb luck I came with you down here in the first place!\u00a0 And now\u2026\u201d he trailed off and lowered his voice.\u00a0 \u201cNow, all I want is some way to end this.\u00a0 That\u2019s all I want anymore.\u00a0 To die.\u201d\u00a0 Letting his back rest against the wall, Candy slid down to a sitting position.\u00a0 \u201cSo I hope you got want, Cartwright,\u201d Candy scoffed.\u00a0 \u201cYour testimony has convicted both of us to a life of darkness or death.\u00a0 And from where I sit\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Candy plopped down onto the ground.\u00a0 The dank chill from the mud crept into his bones.\u00a0 \u201cDeath is lookin\u2019 a lot better than darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Hearing Candy condemn him was almost more than Ben could take.\u00a0 He fought to keep a hold on his temper and leaned on the wall opposite from Candy.\u00a0 \u201cIs that how you really feel?\u201d Ben asked after a moment.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes,\u201d Candy breathed out heavily with more rage than Ben ever thought one man could possess.\u00a0 \u201cYes, I do,\u201d he bit out, taking a deadly tone.<\/p>\n<p>Ben raised an eyebrow and grunted.\u00a0 \u201cIn that case,\u201d the older man causally suggested, \u201cI guess that makes me a murderer, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUhh,\u201d Candy hesitated, unprepared for Ben to agree with him so easily.\u00a0 \u201cYes,\u201d he maintained, pushing down a gnawing feeling of guilt that bubbled up in his gut.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I reckon it does.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHmm,\u201d responded Ben, looking thoughtful.\u00a0 \u201cIf I\u2019m a murderer like you say I am, what would happen to me if we were free?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Stunned, Candy shifted his weight and avoided eye contact with Ben, who was looking crazier by the minute.\u00a0 It unnerved Candy, and for a moment, he forgot about his own misery and sorrow.\u00a0 \u201cI dunno,\u201d he shrugged under his breath, hoping to dismiss the entire subject.\u00a0 Suddenly, hearing someone else talk about taking lives was too upsetting and jarring for Candy to handle.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes, you do,\u201d Ben intensely insisted.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d be hanged, wouldn\u2019t I?\u00a0 Strung up and swinging in the breeze like an old, wet pillowcase bein\u2019 hung up to dry on an August day.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI guess,\u201d stuttered Candy, taken back by Ben\u2019s rather morose description of a hanging.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, yeah you would.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt only stands to reason!\u201d Ben boomed, scooting closer to Candy.\u00a0 He placed his hand on Candy\u2019s shoulder and gently squeezed, but Candy was disappointed and frightened to find that the physical gesture lacked the comfort and warmth it so often provided him.\u00a0 \u201cMurderers should hang.\u00a0 You say I\u2019m a murder.\u00a0 Therefore, I should hang!\u00a0 It\u2019s just common sense.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMaybe,\u201d the young man finally responded after a moment.\u00a0 Candy chewed on his lip as he attempted to follow Ben\u2019s flawed logic.\u00a0 \u201cDoesn\u2019t matter.\u201d\u00a0 He shrugged out of the silver-haired man\u2019s grasp and lowered his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re both gonna die in this ditch anyway, so who cares?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy wait?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even though he did not fully understand what Ben meant, Candy flinched at the very idea of somehow hurrying along death, despite his recent issue with the dynamite.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026\u00a0 Uhh\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Crossing his arms over his chest, Candy leant against the wall for support.\u00a0 He hoped acting disinterested would obliterate any more discussion from death.<\/p>\n<p>Glancing over at Ben, doing his best to avoid eye contact, Candy was surprised to find him removing his neckerchief.\u00a0 \u201cCome on,\u201d Ben summoned.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you\u2019re right, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 Get over here and let\u2019s get this show on the road.\u201d\u00a0 He pressed the dusty cloth into Candy\u2019s hand.\u00a0 Ben raised his chin so Candy could clearly see his neck.\u00a0 \u201cGo on now.\u00a0 You\u2019re a strong man.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t take too long.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Staring at the dark blue neckerchief in his hands, Candy was finally able to grasp what exactly Ben wanted him to do.\u00a0 Stunned, Candy threw the offending object aside as if its touch scalded his hands.\u00a0 \u201cHow can you say that?\u201d he cried.\u00a0 Ben was able to detect a slight change in Candy\u2019s vocal pitch that reminded him of the brazen foreman\u2019s defiant attitude that he dissipated as soon as they were captured.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not really saying that you want me t-\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTo lawfully dispose of a criminal.\u00a0 It just makes sense, what with my being the reason we\u2019re stuck here.\u00a0 I killed both of us, right?\u201d he reminded, echoing Candy\u2019s earlier accusations.\u00a0 \u201cSo you might as well kill me.\u201d\u00a0 Bending down and ignoring the crick in his back caused by weeks off immobility, the ranch owner picked up the cloth and proffered it to Candy for the second time.\u00a0 \u201cTake it,\u201d he prompted.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Candy defensively swatted Ben\u2019s arm away and curled in on himself a little more.\u00a0 \u201cNo, no I won\u2019t.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t what I-\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you or do you not believe I\u2019m to blame for us getting kidnapped?\u201d Ben unceremoniously interrupted.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cY-yes,\u201d Candy half-heartedly answered, unsure of everything he had once been sure of.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThen it\u2019s settled!\u201d Ben declared, angling himself to face Candy again. \u201cOh, oh I see what you mean.\u201d\u00a0 His chocolate eyes widened, indicating he had another idea.\u00a0 \u201cYou can probably do it quicker if you use your hands.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Candy\u2019s jaw dropped at the ludicrous suggestion.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d he dumbly choked out.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you saying?\u201d the slender man asked, although he had an inkling at what the answer was.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, to kill me, of course,\u201d Ben cackled as if Candy had asked the most obvious question in the world. \u201cHang on.\u00a0 I\u2019ll readjust myself here.\u00a0 He turned slightly and was face to face with Candy.\u00a0 \u201cThere.\u00a0 Am I close enough?\u00a0 Can you get a good grip?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Candy cringed and recoiled from Ben.\u00a0 \u201cJesus, do you hear yourself?\u00a0 Do you hear what you\u2019re askin\u2019 me to do?\u00a0 Get a grip!\u201d he barked.\u00a0 Unable to stand Ben\u2019s incessant talking, Candy pressed his palms to his ears in a desperate attempt to drone out the revolting discourse.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo,\u201d refuted Ben, positively giddy at Candy\u2019s word choice.\u00a0 \u201cYou get a grip!\u201d he bellowed frantically.\u00a0 He lunged at Candy and tightly wrapped his two hands around Candy\u2019s two visible wrists.<\/p>\n<p>With strength that betrayed Ben\u2019s haggard and weather body, he peeled the broken man\u2019s hands away from his ears.\u00a0 Shaking and scared, Candy writhed back and forth to no avail.\u00a0 Still trapped in Ben\u2019s grasp, Candy felt his hands being thrust onto Ben\u2019s neck.\u00a0 Candy could have shrieked at the mere touch of his employer\u2019s sweaty skin.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGo on,\u201d Ben jeered, clamping down hard to render Candy\u2019s hands immovable.\u00a0 \u201cGo on, do it, Candy.\u00a0 Do it!\u201d\u00a0 Candy to struggle haphazardly now, shaking and convulsing to free himself from Ben\u2019s iron grip.\u00a0 \u201cKill me!\u00a0 Kill me like I deserve, like I know you want to!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo!\u201d Candy screamed back as he furiously flung himself backward to escape Ben\u2019s vice-grip.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to kill you!\u00a0 You\u2019re crazy.\u00a0 You know that?\u201d\u00a0 He tumbled down to the ground and did not waste a second separating himself from Ben.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re so ready to die, bu-but I don\u2019t want to kill you!\u00a0 It ain\u2019t your fault we\u2019re stuck down here.\u201d\u00a0 Saying that out loud knocked the wind out of Candy and he leaned against the wall for support.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt ain\u2019t your fault,\u201d he let out in a huff as his knees wobbled.\u00a0 \u201cOh, God, what am I saying?\u201d Candy asked despondently.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going insane, aren\u2019t I?\u00a0 I must be if I said this is your fault\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Realization came crashing down on the young man and he stumbled to the ground.\u00a0 \u201cI just\u2026\u201d\u00a0 As if the bones suddenly disappeared from his body, Candy folded in on himself as he shoulders trembled. \u00a0\u201cI gotta get out of here, I-I gotta get out.\u00a0 I can\u2019t stay here anymore, please\u2026\u00a0 Please\u2026\u201d \u00a0\u00a0Guilt and shame washed over him in overwhelming waves and Candy struggled to hold back the tears that suddenly welled in his eyes.<\/p>\n<p>Even from the other side of the hole, Ben sensed that Candy was losing that battle and he hurried to close the distance between them.\u00a0 \u201cCandy,\u201d Ben tentatively said, trying to break through Candy\u2019s crazed mutterings.\u00a0 \u201cCandy, look at me,\u201d he provoked gently.\u00a0 When the emotional man did not pay any attention to Ben\u2019s mild request, the older man took it upon himself to snap Candy out of his breakdown.\u00a0 Ben stretched his hand out and placed it on the nape of Candy\u2019s neck.\u00a0 This time, the warmth and support Candy had grown accustomed to over the years was present and radiated from Ben\u2019s meaty hand.\u00a0 \u201cCandy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Stunned and shaken at his mood swings and lost grip on reality, Candy leaned in to Ben\u2019s hand, as if to test if it were real.\u00a0 Relieved to find that it was, Candy steadied his wavering form against Ben\u2019s broad chest.\u00a0 A comforting thump-thump assured Candy that Ben was neither dead nor insane.\u00a0 Candy could feel his employer\u2019s hand slide to the back of his head and thread itself through the foreman\u2019s wavy hair.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFeels like your hair is gettin\u2019 thin back here,\u201d Ben lulled absently to keep Candy rooted in the present. \u00a0\u201cPretty soon it\u2019ll be fallin\u2019 out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It was such an innocent, simple statement, yet it was enough to crack the dam behind Candy\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 At first, he began to laugh and gasped for air until the large tears dripped down Candy cheeks and his laughter deteriorated into a heart-wrenching cry that erupted from the back of his throat.\u00a0 Locked in Ben\u2019s embrace, Candy was helpless to resist as he sank to his knees.\u00a0 Ben mirrored Candy as the young man sobbed his frustration and fear into Ben\u2019s strong shoulder.\u00a0 Rocking Candy back and forth slightly, Ben thought back to his three sons\u2019 childhoods.\u00a0 How many times had he assumed this position for Adam, Hoss, and Joe?\u00a0 A shudder coasted through Ben as he imagined the sorrow that the three of them must have been facing.\u00a0 Death without closure was a long and painful way to grieve.\u00a0 Still, Ben knew that he had no way to ease their pain.\u00a0 Perhaps he could not stop his sons\u2019 pain, but, Ben noted, he might be able to do something about Candy\u2019s.\u00a0 Turning his attention back to the young man collapsed in his arms, Ben realized Candy\u2019s loud sobs had subsided into quiet weeping.\u00a0 He took that transition as an opportunity to offer fatherly support.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d Ben whispered.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Candy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2026\u00a0 I\u2019m s-so sorry,\u201d he wheezed.\u00a0 \u201cF-for what I said\u2026\u00a0 I didn\u2019t m-mean a-any of it.\u00a0 Really,\u201d he insisted, gulping air as he haphazardly spoke.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not your fault.\u00a0 I know that, I-I do\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He lifted his head up off of Ben\u2019s shoulder so he would be face to face with the man he had come to love as much as the father he had lost at nine years old.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening to me,\u201d Candy mumbled with embarrassment.\u00a0 He shifted himself away from Ben slightly so the two were sitting shoulder to shoulder with their backs against the wall.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere\u2019s no reason to be sorry, Candy,\u201d Ben instantly forgave.\u00a0 Candy never questioned the truth of that statement.\u00a0 He knew Ben was being genuine just by the tone.\u00a0 \u201cBut we can\u2019t let Postely break us.\u00a0 Together, we\u2019re stronger than anything he can throw at us,\u201d he encouraged.\u00a0 \u201cRight?\u201d\u00a0 Candy slowly nodded, taking a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Candy swallowed nervously and fiddled with a tear in his filthy shirt.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just so scared,\u201d he admitted in a small voice that lacked the gusto and attitude that Ben had often associated with Candy.\u00a0 \u201cThese walls\u2026\u00a0 It\u2019s like they\u2019re closin\u2019 in on me more an\u2019 more every day.\u00a0 I close my eyes, and I still see them.\u201d\u00a0 Candy sullenly scrubbed at his damp cheeks.\u00a0 \u201cSuddenly, I can\u2019t breathe, can\u2019t think,\u201d the foreman revealed rapidly.\u00a0 \u201cA-A-And I can\u2019t stop wonderin\u2019 if this is how he felt.\u00a0 How long did he stay alive?\u00a0 Was he hurting?\u00a0 Scared?\u00a0 Did he go blind in the darkness or crazy from not knowing if it was day or night?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben\u2019s brow wrinkled with confusion.\u00a0 He was not sure who Candy was talking about, but the elder man hoped that this was not a sign of Candy spiraling back down into delusion.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, Candy?\u201d he asked, slinging an arm around the quaking man.\u00a0 \u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Candy scratched at his beard, wishing for a razor to shave off the prevalent reminder of his captivity.\u00a0 \u201cMy pa,\u201d he finally whispered.<\/p>\n<p>In all the years Ben had known Candy, the foreman barely ever mentioned his past, especially his family.\u00a0 In fact, the only reason Ben knew what he did about Candy\u2019s childhood was because he ran into a sergeant from Candy\u2019s father\u2019s old outfit.\u00a0 According to him, Candy\u2019s mother had died when he was four and his father, a scout of the U.S. army, had died while serving.\u00a0 After becoming an orphan at the tender age of nine, the soldiers stationed in Fort Delaney took it upon themselves to help raise their fallen friend\u2019s son as best they could.\u00a0 After learning that small nugget of knowledge, Ben was left with many burning questions about Candy\u2019s life, but he never pressed his employee to divulge any details he did not want to discuss.\u00a0 Unfortunately for Ben, Candy had remained tight-lipped and secretive about anything regarding his past.\u00a0 That is, until now.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYour pa?\u201d Ben echoed dumbly.\u00a0 For once in his life, he did not know quite what to say.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe\u2026\u00a0 He\u2026\u201d Candy took a deep breath to prepare himself for recalling such traumatic memories.\u00a0 \u201cWhen w-we found his body,\u201d Candy haltingly explained.\u00a0 \u201cHe was trapped in a hole not much bigger than this.\u00a0 Later it was determined the roof of an abandoned mine shaft crumbled under his feet.\u00a0 He was out on patrol and wasn\u2019t expected to be back for two weeks at the earliest,\u201d he recalled.\u00a0 \u201cAn\u2019 I was used to that, you know?\u00a0 I was okay with my Pa going away a lot because I knew he would come back.\u00a0 He always did!\u00a0 He was the best scout the army\u2019s ever seen. \u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben could hear the swelling pride in Candy\u2019s voice.\u00a0 \u201cI would have loved to meet him.\u00a0 He sounds like a fine man,\u201d the older man encouraged.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, you would\u2019ve, Mr. Cartwright.\u00a0 Really, you two would\u2019ve gotten along so well,\u201d nodded Candy.\u00a0\u00a0 He dropped his voice an octave to reveal, \u201cYou remind me of him all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben was taken aback by such a blatant and meaningful compliment.\u00a0 He patted Candy\u2019s shoulder as he continued his story.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnyway, almost a month past and the rest of the men in the outfit were getting worried.\u00a0 They tried not to let on when they were in front of me, but I\u2019d hear them when they thought I was asleep or occupied with something.\u00a0 I had a slight habit of eavesdropping as a kid.\u00a0 Anytime someone was off duty, he\u2019d go out on his own time and search for my pa.\u00a0 After doing that for two weeks, there was no sign of him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat must\u2019ve been awful,\u201d sympathized Ben.<\/p>\n<p>Candy solemnly grimaced.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think I got spelt more than a couple hours the entire time.\u00a0 I\u2019d be too busy trying to say up, hoping I\u2019d hear someone come running into the fort with my pa right behind him.\u00a0 One morning I was out working with a three year old hose that the Fort was gonna raise up for the cavalry.\u00a0 I\u2019d get to take out the gentle ones and walk \u2018em around, ride em\u2019 a little, use the commands and signals they\u2019d later learn.\u00a0 It made me feel useful and kept me busy,\u201d he explained.\u00a0 \u201cSo when Sargent Ordy, the staff sergeant at the fort, give me permission to go out one day, I had this crazy scheme in my head that I\u2019d go out and find my pa.\u00a0 I knew he was out there somewhere and I\u2026\u00a0 I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben figured that the extra information was merely an attempt at prolonging vocalizing the inevitable.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI waited until the change of watch and snuck away from the post\u2019s perimeter.\u201d\u00a0 Sighing, Candy let his chin rest on his chest.\u00a0 \u201cI was barely four miles from camp when I saw a weird-drop off I never noticed.\u00a0 So I took the horse that way to check it out.\u00a0 I was a curious kid.\u201d\u00a0 He shrugged, ignoring the pain in his head that warned him to stop remembering.\u00a0 \u201cSo I saw this hole.\u00a0 I looked down, don\u2019t know why I looked down.\u00a0 It was stupid.\u00a0 The whole dang thing coulda broke under my feet.\u00a0 And I saw a hand.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben\u2019s blood ran cold when he saw the faraway look in Candy\u2019s blue eyes.\u00a0 The poor man was reliving a horrible experience, but the Cartwright father could somehow sense it would be even more dangerous if Candy were to cease and go back into denial.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2026\u00a0 I\u2026\u201d he stuttered.\u00a0 \u201cI could tell by just his hand, you know?\u00a0 I knew, I knew it was him.\u00a0 I angled my neck to get a closer look and I saw dried blood.\u00a0 It was so dark compared to the light rock.\u00a0 I jumped on that horse and ran him back to the Fort so fast I think we could\u2019ve outrun the wind.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou were the one to find your father\u2019s body?\u00a0 Oh, Candy, that\u2019s awful,\u201d Ben remarked slowly, his heart arching for a son having to experience such pain.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe whole troop went back to the site with me.\u00a0 They retrieved his b-body together.\u00a0\u00a0 Most of it was intact,\u201d he described with as much objectivity as he could muster.\u00a0 \u201cIt was lucky he had been stuck in the caved-in hole, and not exposed to the sun or the buzzards.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben could not imagine anything being lucky about the incident, but he nodded anyway for support.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBoth his legs were broken.\u00a0 One had bone sticking out through the skin,\u201d Candy mechanically explained.\u00a0 \u201cHe was probably alive for days.\u00a0 Days!\u201d he repeated angrily.\u00a0 \u201cMy father had to lie in that godforsaken hole, in pain and alone for days before he died.\u00a0 And I know him.\u00a0 I know how strong he was.\u00a0 He probably hung on for a week, maybe more.\u00a0 God, when I think about how he suffered!\u00a0 And he was so close to the fort, too\u2026\u00a0 Our outfit patrolled up and down his assignment route for miles.\u00a0 No one ever figured\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0Candy\u2019s voice disappeared into a thin moan.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Candy.\u00a0 If I\u2019d known\u2026\u201d Ben paused, unsure how to finish that sentence.\u00a0 In all honesty, there was nothing Ben could do to make this situation better even if he had known about Candy\u2019s sensitivity to small, dark spaces.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t imagine how hard this is for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes you can,\u201d Candy retaliated.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re right here.\u00a0 You know how hard it is.\u00a0 What you can\u2019t imagine is how hard it was for my pa.\u00a0 Hurting, alone, in the dark with no one to rescue him before it was too late,\u201d he said bitterly.\u00a0 \u201cAnd here I am, falling apart and ready to die.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t even injured or alone.\u00a0 If my Pa could see me now, he\u2019d be so ashamed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben leaned back and inhaled deeply, seeing that Candy had finally gotten to the core of his problem.\u00a0 \u201cThese circumstances are enough to push any man to the extreme,\u201d Ben consoled.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot you,\u201d Candy violently countered.\u00a0 \u201cNot my pa.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can\u2019t speak for your father,\u201d Ben gently acknowledged, not wanting to shatter the idealized image that Candy had created for his father over the years.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m sitting here and I\u2019m shaking in my boots.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cReally?\u201d Candy asked, clearly needing proof.<\/p>\n<p>Ben pursed his lips before nodding.\u00a0 \u201cAbsolutely.\u00a0 And that\u2019s not going to go away.\u00a0 But you have to try to concentrate on having hope of getting out of here.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThen how are you so composed?\u201d he beseeched.\u00a0 \u201cWhen I saw that dynamite, I almost-\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know,\u201d Ben quickly intervened.\u00a0 \u201cI know.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll let you in on a secret.\u00a0 Where do you think I get the strength to wake up in here day after day after day and not smash my head into a wall?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Awkwardly shifting at Ben\u2019s graphic description, Candy looked at him and silently pleaded for him to continue.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBecause I\u2019m thinking of my sons,\u201d he answered steadily.\u00a0 \u201cJust the smallest possibility of seeing them again has me hanging on to my sanity and optimism, even if it is only by a thread.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what a family does.\u00a0 And,\u201d he added, placing a sturdy hand on Candy\u2019s neck and cheek.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d bet my life your father was thinking the same thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Inspired by Ben\u2019s honesty, Candy locked eyes with the employer who had come to mean so much more to him than a paycheck.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re my family, too.\u00a0 All you Cartwrights\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI hope you know that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe do, and we feel the same way,\u201d Ben informed him.<\/p>\n<p>A small but genuine half-smile skirted across Candy\u2019s face.\u00a0 Mutual trust and love was not a feeling he had been familiar with since he was nine years old.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI think my father would be glad to know that,\u201d he declared.\u00a0 \u201cAnd, if I have to be stuck down here for God-knows-how-long, the least I can do is make Pa proud,\u201d he vowed with a new, confident hold on his sanity.<\/p>\n<p>Ben smiled, relieved to sense the vigor back in Candy\u2019s voice, even if he could not see it in his expression.\u00a0 \u201cYou already have, Candy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright, Candy Canaday, Friendship, hostage, trapped<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_10167\" class=\"pvc_stats all  \" data-element-id=\"10167\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewBox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveAspectRatio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 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468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=0 \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Summary: \u00a0 A WHIB for the episode To Die in Darkness (S9E28).\u00a0 An extension and analysis of Candy\u2019s spiral into depression and attempted suicide that hopefully offers some explanation and closure.<\/p>\n<p>Rating: T (for mentions of suicide) \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 5455 words.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":190,"featured_media":10168,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,61,40],"tags":[332],"class_list":["post-10167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-missing-scene","category-challenges","tag-b-c","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-61-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1584,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/BoNaNo-Pic.jpg?fit=223%2C226&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":26927,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=26927","url_meta":{"origin":10167,"position":0},"title":"Christmas in July (by Truthwriter)","author":"VCLS","date":"December 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"This story was written for the 2017 Advent Calendar - Day 7 Summary: This piece is based on a reference from the Season One episode, \u201cThe Avenger\u201d. Rating: T (555 words)","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Writing Challenges&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Writing Challenges","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=40"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Advent.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Advent.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Advent.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Advent.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":60892,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=60892","url_meta":{"origin":10167,"position":1},"title":"Your Time Is Gonna Come (by Annie K Cowgirl)","author":"Annie K Cowgirl","date":"November 28, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: I dug my fingernails into the flesh of my palms as the ground reeled beneath me like the deck of a ship in a summer squall. A trickle of dust and small stones rained down as the walls of the Ophir Mine creaked and groaned like an animal in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/Unbenannt-1.jpg?fit=223%2C298&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":64091,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=64091","url_meta":{"origin":10167,"position":2},"title":"Face Down in the Dust &#8212; A Ballad for the Broken (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"September 22, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Adam's friend Ed Payson learns too late that you can hang up your gun, but it won't let you go. (A \"Broken Ballad\" recap in rhyme) Rating T Word Count 250","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poetry&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/bb.jpg?fit=308%2C302&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5400,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5400","url_meta":{"origin":10167,"position":3},"title":"The Last Bullet (by BnzaGal)","author":"BnzaGal","date":"February 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: An afternoon turns tragic. 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