{"id":10352,"date":"2013-10-11T11:23:45","date_gmt":"2013-10-11T15:23:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=10352"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:13:44","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:13:44","slug":"chopped","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=10352","title":{"rendered":"Chopped (by bahj)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>: It’s a race against the clock as the three Cartwright brothers use whatever’s on hand to prepare a dinner for twenty!<\/p>\n

Rated<\/strong>: Family Friendly\u00a0 Word count<\/strong>: 1800<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chopped<\/strong><\/p>\n

Blank faces stared at the large, tightly bound roll on the table in front them.<\/p>\n

Clearing his throat, Adam Cartwright spoke up first. \u201cBarbed wire?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou said something sharp and pointy,\u201d his sixteen-year-old brother, Little Joe, replied defensively.<\/p>\n

Hoss started snickering and Little Joe frowned. Adam slowly folded one arm across his chest, rested his head in his other hand, and sighed deeply; looking for all the world the picture of a martyred saint.<\/p>\n

\u201cSticks, Little Joe,\u201d he said finally. \u201cI meant sticks. How am I supposed to make skewers out of barbed wire?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow should I know? I\u2019m in charge of keeping you stocked up on supplies, not cooking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss fell back into one of the small chairs surrounding the kitchen table and began to laugh so hard his brothers almost considered joining him. Almost.<\/p>\n

Ignoring the loud chortles, Adam opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a now red-faced Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow was I supposed to know what you meant? \u2018Joe I need something sharp and pointy, quick?\u2019 That\u2019s all you said, so that\u2019s what I got!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam held up a hand in surrender and glanced nervously at the pocket watch he\u2019d set on the shelf above the stove. \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got less than thirty minutes. There\u2019s no time to whittle sticks now, just go get a pair of wire cutters and I\u2019ll see what I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe rolled his eyes and shrugged. \u201cWhere are the-\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFind them!\u201d Adam roared.<\/p>\n

Adam sent Hoss a withering glare, as Little Joe scurried out the side door. Hoss took his oldest brother\u2019s cue and quickly wiped the smile off his face. \u201cHey, don\u2019t look at me, older brother. I\u2019m doin\u2019 just fine on my part.\u201d With those words a worried look came over Hoss\u2019s face. \u201cMaybe I\u2019d better go check on them biscuits though.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tried not to show his alarm as Hoss made a mad dash for the outdoors. Having to prepare a dinner for twenty people had left the three brothers little room to spare in the oven, so Adam had placed Hoss in charge of making campfire biscuits. Following on his brother\u2019s heels, they raced around the back of the house to where they had set up a large campfire. Upon arriving, Hoss squatted down near the coals, and using an iron hook, lifted the lid.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee, they\u2019re just fine,\u201d Hoss said proudly, as he slid on a glove and picked up the steaming biscuits for his brother to examine. It only took him a few seconds to see that Adam was not smiling. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s veins bulged as he ran a hand roughly through his hair. \u201cPlease tell me there\u2019s more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss stood up and fidgeted nervously. \u201cMore?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, we\u2019re supposed to serve twenty people that\u2019s why I told you to use the giant cast iron pot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I only heard you say, cast iron so I grabbed this here pan. And I thought you said ten people, not twenty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou only made six biscuits!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, they\u2019re big. I figured we could cut \u2018em in half.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously vulgar, though Hoss couldn\u2019t quite make it out. \u201cCalm down, big brother, I\u2019ll make more.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no time!\u201d Adam said, spinning around and marching toward the house. A sudden thought struck him and he turned on his heel so quickly that Hoss collided with him. There was a loud crack followed by groans as Hoss rubbed his eye and Adam his jaw. Hoss\u2019s eye was already swelling when Adam spoke. \u201cHoth, make thure the table ith thet for twenty, not ten.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, Adam, did you bite your tongue? Adam . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam stormed toward the house, rubbing gingerly at his jaw. His tongue was throbbing, and his heart was racing. How their pa had thought they could pull off this dinner without Hop Sing was beyond him. He tried not to think about the fact that while he and his brothers had spent the day polishing, scrubbing, and slicing, their pa had been in Virginia City, dressed in his finest suit entertaining a group of railroad delegates. Piper\u2019s Opera House was putting on a gala performance with music and dramatizations in honor of the delegates. Adam had to admit that having the new rail line come in would do wonders for both Virginia City and the Ponderosa, but as the day wore on, he vowed that next time, he and his father would switch places.<\/p>\n

Entering the kitchen through the side door, he stopped short, a twisted mess of barbed wire blocking his path.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d he yelled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m working on it,\u201d Little Joe answered, his voice coming from somewhere near the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d Adam demanded.<\/p>\n

“When I loosened the roll it went everywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam waded his way to the table, and something
\nresembling a mix between a sob and a hysterical laugh emanated from his lips.<\/p>\n

Little Joe, with torn clothes and full of cuts from head to toe, was furiously working with a pair of now mangled scissors, trying to cut smaller pieces off the barbed wire.<\/p>\n

\u201cThtop!\u201d Adam commanded and grabbed the scissors from the boy\u2019s hands. \u201cI thaid wire cutterth not thithorth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Little Joe blinked in confusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind,\u201d Adam screeched, \u201cjutht get thith wire out of here. All of it!\u201d<\/p>\n

In the end, it took all three of them, struggling together to get the wire out of the house. They\u2019d almost made it the barn, when Hoss stopped, sniffing the air. \u201cHey, what\u2019s that . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was halfway back to the kitchen before Hoss finished his statement. A cloud of black smoke was billowing from the open doorway and windows, but he didn\u2019t hesitate to wade through it. A moment later, he rushed out clutching the handle of a flaming pan. He quickly dipped it into one of the nearby rain barrels. Hoss and Little Joe looked on sympathetically before tiptoeing into the barn.<\/p>\n

Adam stood with his hand submersed in water, as he conteplated going inside, packing his bags, and leaving for Mexico. He grimaced as he pulled the blackened pan out of the water. He only had about ten minutes before the delegates were supposed to arrive and he doubted that serving half a biscuit was going to do anything to help get them timber contracts they were after. He let go of the pan and it hit the bottom of the barrel with a thunk similar to the one he felt in his stomach. There was one last hope, and yelling for Hoss and Little Joe, he headed back into the smoky kitchen. His brothers came on a run and he started handing out orders.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe, you go make thure the table ith thet for twenty.\u201d He waited a moment for Hoss to translate and then told his middle brother to gather up all the carrots and potatoes they had cut up earlier that morning. Looking frantically around the room full of dirty dishes, he finally spotted a clean one. Grabbing Hop Sing\u2019s largest frying pan, he quickly added a few dollops of leftover bacon grease. The overheated oven, had the grease popping in no time, and Adam began throwing in the meat he had cubed earlier for skewers.<\/p>\n

\u201cThrow in those vegetableth,\u201d he told Hoss, as he ran down the cellar steps.<\/p>\n

Taking no chances on this dish burning, Hoss stirred ferociously as he waited for his brother. Adam returned with a shout of triumph just as Little Joe dashed in from the dining room.<\/p>\n

\u201cDone,\u201d said the teenager. His eyes widened as he watched Adam uncork one of their pa\u2019s most expensive wine bottles.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam that\u2019s-\u201d Hoss started, but Adam silenced him with a fierce glare.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019th the leatht pa can contribute,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Little Joe took a step back from their wild-eyed oldest brother as he approached the stove top and held the bottle of wine over the sizzling pan. Neither of them even considered mentioning the scorch marks left on the ceiling when the wine erupted into flames a moment later. Adam continued to work like a mad man and soon the flames had died down and the pan was bubbling. He began tossing in any spices, or herbs within reach. Little Joe started to feel sick to his stomach, but when Adam threw in a few spoonful\u2019s of butter, Hoss\u2019s stomach growled.<\/p>\n

Adam glanced up at the pocket watch. Only two minutes to go. He knew the vegetables would be underdone and the meat too red, but he hoped the tasty wine would make up for all of that. He ordered Little Joe to get a dish big enough for him to pour his conglomeration into. Little Joe ran from the room and was back a moment later with the large bowl of apples they kept on the living room table. He quickly dumped the apples into the sink and Adam followed him to the dining room. With only one minute to spare, Adam shouted for his brothers to put anything on the table that was fit to eat. By the time horses could be heard entering the front yard. The dining room table was laden with undercooked stew, two cans of beets, one jar of pickles, a dirty bowl quickly wiped and filled with apples, and a plate of large biscuits that had been cut into fourths.<\/p>\n

The sad state of the table was not what caught the attention of Ben Cartwright as he entered the room. It was the sorry condition of his three sons, with their clothes torn, dirty, and slightly singed. Hoss\u2019s right eye was swollen shut, and Little Joe looked as if he\u2019d fought with a broken window and lost. A large bruise graced the left side of Adam\u2019s jaw, and his right eye was twitching in rhythm with the large grandfather clock near the front door.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys?\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi pa,\u201d Hoss ventured, \u201c. . . are the men comin\u2019 in?\u201d<\/p>\n

The three brothers watched the emotions play across their father\u2019s face. Confusion, fury, amusement, sympathy, and back to confusion all in the space of about ten seconds.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh,\u201d Ben said finally. \u201cThe men . . . oh, they . . . they decided to stay in town . . .the hotel offered to fix up a banquet for them . . .later tonight. I came back to see if you boys wanted to join us.\u201d<\/p>\n

No one moved an inch for the space of the next several minutes, except for the occasional twitch of Adam\u2019s eye. The sound of the kitchen\u2019s side door slamming shut finally broke the silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, and Hop Sing was in town,\u201d Ben said. \u201cHe got back early from San Francisco, so I gave him a ride home.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: It’s a race against the clock as the three Cartwright brothers use whatever’s on hand to prepare a dinner for twenty!<\/p>\n

Rated: Family Friendly\u00a0 Word count: 1800<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":9517,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[14,17,16],"class_list":["post-10352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-hoss","tag-joe","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/brothers.jpg?fit=399%2C299&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10352","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/16"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10352"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10352\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9517"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10352"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10352"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10352"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}