Summary: A light-hearted look behind the scenes at how one of Bonanza’s most cherished episodes just\u00a0might have come to be.<\/p>\n
Rated K, WC 1200<\/p>\n
Studio Executives Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n The Real History of “The Crucible”<\/a> <\/p>\n The Real<\/em> History of “The Crucible”<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Studio Executive #1:<\/strong> . . . So, here\u2019s what I\u2019m thinking. Little Joe gets captured by a madman in the desert, and the guy tortures him. Big-time family reunion at the end. Whaddya think?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Studio Executive #2:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t we just do that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Studio Executive #1:<\/strong> Who cares? There\u2019s, like, a million women who want to see Little Joe suffer. It\u2019s weird, but it\u2019s ratings.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Studio Executive #3:<\/strong> Stan\u2019s right, though. Seems like every time we turn around, Little Joe\u2019s suffering again. Landon\u2019s got real bruises, you know. Every time he has to take his shirt off, we go into overtime covering them up. The makeup girls are complaining.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> (into the phone)<\/em> Hey, Stella, send the makeup girls something nice. Flowers or tires or something. . . . None of your business why. Just do it! (hangs up)<\/em> So, are we all set then? I\u2019ll get somebody to write the thing over the weekend.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> Hey, here\u2019s a thought. What if we had somebody else suffer instead?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Like who? Hop Sing? (all laugh)<\/em> Okay, I\u2019ll see you all on Monday.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n (Monday morning)<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> What the hell is this? Did anybody read this piece of garbage?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> What\u2019s wrong with it?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> What\u2019s wrong<\/em> with it? Are you kidding me? Little Joe is going to sit around for half an hour of this show, taking crap from the loony guy just because the guy\u2019s playing on his honor and saying, \u201cYou claim you can\u2019t be driven to kill\u201d? Who\u2019s gonna buy that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> Stan\u2019s right. Little Joe\u2019s gonna take one look at this wacko and off him in self-defense, and we\u2019re gonna have 37 minutes of airtime to fill.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> But it\u2019s pretty good writing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> Who cares? I\u2019m gonna get a call from Landon\u2019s agent any minute. I can just feel it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> What does Landon have to complain about? He\u2019s getting a big dramatic reunion with Pa at the end. Remember how well that went over in that episode about the white horse\u2014what was it, \u201cThe Birthday Present\u201d or something like that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> I think it was \u201cThe Gift.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> Who cares? His fan mail was up for weeks<\/em> after that.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> I know, I know, but I\u2019m telling you, this script just doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Well, my wife\u2019s brother wrote it, so you better figure out a way to use it. (long silence)<\/em> Okay, here\u2019s a \u201cwhat if\u201d. What if instead of Little Joe, we had Hoss get captured?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> You mean this wacko guy\u2019s going to take the chance that Hoss<\/em> won\u2019t kick the bejesus out of him?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> It\u2019s gonna be like a budget remake of \u201cOf Mice and Men\u201d\u2014the first time Loony Guy cuts Hoss\u2019 food ration, Hoss is gonna strangle him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> This episode\u2019s getting shorter and shorter.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n (long silence)<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> What if we had Lorne do that role?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> What, the loony guy?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> No, the one who gets captured. Ben Cartwright\u2019s all about honor and crap like that. He\u2019d go for this.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> And then what? A big mushy reunion at the end with Pa falling down, sobbing in his sons\u2019 arms? Uh-uh. Never<\/em> gonna go over with the ladies.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n (another long silence)<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Hey! I got it! What if we swap it around so that Adam\u2019s the one heading out to the desert and Joe\u2019s staying in town to watch the trial?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> You think anybody\u2019s gonna believe Joe would sit around and listen to a bunch of lawyers for three days? Heck, I don\u2019t do that for three minutes<\/em> if I get a choice.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> No, I think Phil\u2019s on to something. Roberts has been complaining that Landon gets all the meaty stuff. Maybe we can get him to stop griping about the scripts if we give him something like this.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> Yeah, but there\u2019s that big dramatic reunion at the end. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019ll go for that.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s not like we can get away with a handshake. \u201cHey, son, glad to see you\u2019re not dead.” “Me too, Pa. What\u2019s for dinner?\u201d Roberts is gonna have to dig deep and get emotional and all that baloney.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> Tell him to watch how Landon does it. That guy can cry if he breaks a shoelace. I think he pulls a hair out of his nose or something.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> That\u2019s it<\/em>! Isn\u2019t Roberts one of those Method actors or something? Tell him it\u2019s an acting challenge. He\u2019ll eat it up.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> So, is this it? We\u2019ll get somebody to retype the script, flip the names, and it\u2019s a go?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s a go. What do you think, Ralph?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> It\u2019s genius. Just wait. The ratings\u2019ll go through the roof. Besides, it\u2019s an emotional tour de force. I\u2019m telling you, it\u2019s Emmy material. It requires such an incredibly gifted and well-trained actor that practically nobody on TV today could manage it. Besides, someday the show will go into syndication, and I guarantee you, this episode\u2019s gonna be the all-time favorite. (looks from one to the other) <\/em> What do you think? Can we sell it to Roberts like that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Only one way to know. Let\u2019s find him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> Hey, guys, before we go, one more thing. Landon\u2019s talking about wanting to write a script. What do you think about that?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> That kid is such a pain in the butt. Every time I turn around, he\u2019s hanging over the camera guys\u2019 shoulders and bugging them with questions. He\u2019s driving everybody crazy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1: <\/strong> Maybe he wants to direct, too. And maybe he could do a little producing while he\u2019s at it, and then the rest of us could go home.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3: <\/strong>We could use him to replace all the stunt men, too. Heck, maybe he can play all four Cartwrights and give the other guys some time off.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Why can\u2019t he just relax and do his lines like everybody else? I swear, if he had his way, he\u2019d have all our jobs.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> So, what should I tell him?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> Tell him if we ever run out of scripts, he\u2019s our guy. (all laugh)<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> Like that could ever happen. \u00a0Come on, let\u2019s go find Roberts and tell him about his shot at an Emmy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #1:<\/strong> We got time for a doughnut or something first? I didn\u2019t have breakfast.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #2:<\/strong> Sure, there\u2019s no rush. I mean, really\u2014it\u2019s not like this episode\u2019s gonna be any different from the other ones. (into the intercom)<\/em> Hey, Stella, can you get some doughnuts in here?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n SE #3:<\/strong> You mean future generations aren\u2019t gonna be studying this friggin\u2019 masterpiece for posterity? (all laugh as Stella comes in and sets a tray on the table)<\/em> Hey, look, they got those chocolate frosted ones with the little colored jimmies on them. Stan, grab me a couple of those, will you?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And the rest, as they say, is history.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tags:\u00a0 Family<\/p>\n
\nLittle Joe Cartwright’s Very, Very, Very Bad Day<\/a>
\nThe Roberts Dilemma<\/a>
\nA Ponderosa Christmas . . . Or Maybe Not<\/a>
\nMen of the Ponderosa:\u00a0 A Valentine’s Day Treat<\/a>
\nOn the Other Hand<\/a>
\nFake History<\/a>
\nA Sharp Idea<\/a>
\nNegotiating Clingers, Going Natural, and the Big-Ticket Item<\/a><\/p>\n