{"id":11379,"date":"2015-07-09T22:12:37","date_gmt":"2015-07-10T02:12:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=11379"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:10:50","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:10:50","slug":"say-something-lessons-of-the-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=11379","title":{"rendered":"Say Something – Lessons of the Heart (by MissJudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong> This is a grouping\u00a0of short stories that show Adam in situations where he is left speechless when it comes to matters of the heart. It begins with a story of youthful naivete, and each progressions shows another episode where he learns something new about love. loss, mistakes and finding a the right person.<\/p>\n

Rating: T (One section has an adult theme) \u00a0 Word Count:<\/strong> 22,056<\/p>\n

(Thanks to Sandspur for her help with this one.)<\/p>\n

Say Something – Lessons of the Heart<\/strong><\/p>\n

One<\/strong><\/p>\n

Betrayal<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s impatience spurred him to pace the sheltered area formed by the boulders around him. He\u2019d asked Becka Miller to meet him in the foothills behind town to have a \u201ctalk,\u201d expecting that she\u2019d arrive shortly after he did, and his surety over what he planned to say to her was waning as his wait increased. He reached into his pocket to make sure the necklace he\u2019d made for her was still there, and was relieved to feel the velvety ribbon slip through his fingers.<\/p>\n

He and Becka had been \u201cfriends,\u201d since the Millers had moved into the area and started farming a few years ago. But that friendship had taken an unexpected turn a couple of weeks back, and he wanted to talk to her about it. The town\u2019s unofficial anniversary celebration today had provided the first opportunity to see her since then.<\/p>\n

The festivities marked four years since the Cass family had taken over the trading post in the territory. They\u2019d transformed it into a general store around the time that Ben had brought Marie back from his final fur sale in New Orleans and had started ranching instead of trapping. Other settlers had stayed put once there was a hint of prosperity in the wind, and there were now enough people in the small community to support the store as well as a boarding house, livery stable, and saloon.<\/p>\n

Adam checked the path leading from town and sighed in frustration at seeing it still empty. He sat on a rock, and continued to think about those earlier days when the Cartwrights had gotten to know their first neighbors. The Cartwrights and Millers had often met up when they\u2019d gone to town, and since Adam and Becka had been the oldest, they\u2019d watched out for their brothers and sisters while their parents talked and got supplies.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d always thought Becka was nice. But she was also the only girl near his age he\u2019d ever known, so he had no comparison. She was good with kids, demonstrating patience with the strong personalities of Hoss and Joe, and her four younger sisters. She\u2019d always thought up the games they\u2019d played. Hoss and Little Joe could go for hours playing tag, hide-and-seek, or watching bugs, but girls always wanted rules\u2026and winners, and that\u2019s where Becka excelled. Adam\u2019s role had been to keep order and put Becka\u2019s ideas into a workable plan.<\/p>\n

He and Becka had joined in the activities when they were younger, but had taken to keeping watch from a distance when they\u2019d become teens. Their talks had been interesting\u2026at first. But Adam had soon discovered that aside from sharing stories about their families and commiserating over the never-ending work in a family business, they had no common interests. He was studying with a professor from Harvard to prepare for college, while her favorite reading material was a Tiffany Blue Book<\/em> she\u2019d brought with her from the East. She\u2019d hold the catalogue like a sacred manuscript while showing him a drawing of an \u201cexquisite piece of jewelry,\u201d while describing the gems it held and detailing where she\u2019d wear it. But if he brought up a subject that he was studying or a book he\u2019d read, she\u2019d roll her eyes and change the subject.<\/p>\n

He had never considered Becka more than a friend, because his mind and heart were filled with loftier goals; he had his eye on a prize in Boston. His dream of going East to college had started the day he\u2019d read an article about the number of prestigious universities in the city where he\u2019d been born. The goal had remained a dream for years because of one insurmountable problem: his lack of a formal education. That article had said that incoming students had to be studied in Latin and Greek, and proficient in advanced math, English, and history. It had noted, in a polite way, that those lacking such qualifications need not apply.<\/p>\n

Adam had suspected he could learn these things; it was the opportunity to learn them that had been absent. His first teacher had been his father, but while his pa was smart, he had little knowledge of most of the required subjects. Adam had studied with a primary teacher who\u2019d taken care of him and Hoss while his father had been in New Orleans. Her greatest gift had been leaving her secondary textbooks with him when she\u2019d headed back home to Illinois. He and Marie had worked through those books after she\u2019d come home with his father. He\u2019d enjoyed those hours working together, and had come to respect her intelligence. But she couldn\u2019t teach him what she didn\u2019t know either.<\/p>\n

His \u201cdream\u201d had become a possibility two years ago when he\u2019d found a professor from Harvard doing wildflower classification on their property. Adam had convinced Dr. Metz to be his tutor. It had taken more convincing to get his father to agree, but Ben had finally invited Professor Metz to stay with them through the winters, and work with his son. The seasoned educator had recently declared that his prot\u00e9g\u00e9 would be ready for anything Boston could throw his way after another year of rigorous study.<\/p>\n

Adam was convinced that meeting Dr. Metz was providential\u2014nearly miraculous\u2014so he wasn\u2019t about to waste the gift by losing his focus. But Becka had done something that had thrown his mind into a whirlwind.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights had joined the Miller\u2019s to celebrate Becka\u2019s birthday. Everything had seemed normal until Becka had taken his hand and led him toward the barn to \u201cShow him something.\u201d<\/p>\n

He reviewed the scene in his mind as he continued to wait.<\/p>\n

Becka climbed the ladder to the loft, calling down for him to follow. She let herself fall back into the soft pile of hay and then reached up for his hand, tugging him down next to her. He wondered if there might be a litter of kittens hiding somewhere, but when he didn\u2019t hear any mewing, he was left with a growing sense of puzzlement. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you want me to see?\u201d he asked. \u201cShow me so we can get back before the game the kids are playing becomes the usual war of wills.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019ll be fine for a few minutes,\u201d she said as she winked and gave him a sly smile. \u201cI wanted to show you this\u2026\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

His eyes flew open in surprise when Becka edged nearer and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. He\u2019d pulled away in surprise. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d she pouted. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026nothing\u2019s the matter\u2026I just wasn\u2019t expecting\u2026that.\u201d His swirling thoughts left him thinking that the kiss had made him feel pretty doggoned good. \u201cWe can try that again; this time I\u2019ll be ready.\u201d He took her shoulders, drawing her near and kissed her softly. The contact sent warmth throughout his body, and he instinctively deepened the kiss. He was breathing fast when he pulled back the second time, and went back in quickly for another round.<\/em><\/p>\n

Becka wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer until there was no space between their bodies. The warmth turned into heat until reason stuck an icy tentacle into his brain, making him pull away again.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNow what\u2019s wrong?\u201d Her voice was strained and edgy.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure why we\u2019re doing this,\u201d he answered honestly. \u201cWe\u2019re friends Becka. This is a big step away from friendship.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

She pulled her hair back behind her shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019re a man, and I\u2019m a woman. It was bound to happen.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t be 15 for a month, and you turned 14 today, so we\u2019re not quite a \u2018man and woman\u2019.\u201d He chuckled while continuing to tamp the fire that had driven him. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s pretty old in some places, Adam,\u201d she teased, as she leaned in and kissed him again.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam began breathing faster as he relived what had happened next.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you noticed how different I\u2019m looking these days?\u201d she asked.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI think you look very nice, but I\u2019m not sure what you mean by different.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve become a woman.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

Her comment had made him take a good look at her. The baggy, little-girl dresses had been replaced by a form fitting one that accentuated her small waist and\u2026other things that hadn\u2019t been there when he\u2019d seen her before the winter months had kept the families apart. She\u2019d always been pretty, but now her face was more delicate; her lips fuller; cheeks higher\u2026all pushing her towards beauty.<\/p>\n

She stood and twirled around with her hands on her hips, sending her skirt and hair whirling around her. Adam began to experience something he\u2019d only felt in his dreams. His cheeks blazed, but she hadn\u2019t seemed to notice as she\u2019d sat next to him again. <\/em><\/p>\n

She took his hands then, and directed them to where hers had been resting around her waist. \u201cSee how thin and shapely I\u2019ve become?\u201d she said as she guided his hands up her bodice until they cupped her breasts.<\/em><\/p>\n

His body began to react to the intimacy, and he yanked his hands away. \u201cThis isn\u2019t right,\u201d he whispered. His words dissolved in a cloud of turmoil as he climbed down the ladder and left the barn.<\/em><\/p>\n

That brief interlude had muddled his dreams; bringing upheaval to plans that had seemed perfectly sound. He\u2019d wondered if this was love. And if it was, then how could he leave her behind when he left for school. His thinking had given him a headache, but he\u2019d finally discerned that his physical reactions to her advances were not love. He truly had no feelings for Becka, and to push this any further for the pleasurable reactions it might bring just spelled trouble.<\/p>\n

Something else had kept his mind in turmoil. The entire episode in the barn had seemed too sudden and forced. Becka had never flirted or given him any indication of her changing feelings, yet she\u2019d pushed him to kiss her and touch her in ways that were improper. He thought he should talk to his father about it, but he couldn\u2019t let his plans be rerouted, even if the detour was pretty and had soft\u2026lips.<\/p>\n

He decided he would tell Becka he could remain her friend but nothing more. He didn\u2019t want to be unkind, and decided to give her something with a meaning he could share with her. Shortly after they\u2019d arrived here, he\u2019d found a creek-weathered stone that had been shaped into a heart by the water\u2019s action over thousands of years. He\u2019d polished it to a high gloss, and snuck ribbon from Marie\u2019s sewing basket that he\u2019d woven into a delicate sling to hold the stone, leaving strings long enough to tie around her neck. He\u2019d been pleased with how it had turned out, and had hoped she\u2019d like it.<\/p>\n

Now as he waited for her to show up, he wondered if he\u2019d been a fool to put any thought or effort into the situation. He\u2019d waited until after lunch before he\u2019d gone to her and said, \u201cI have something for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it?\u201d she\u2019d asked abruptly, but then she\u2019d smiled and said she liked getting gifts.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot here.\u201d He\u2019d tipped his head, indicating a place up in the hills. \u201cLet\u2019s go where we can talk privately.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019d given him a surly look, but said, \u201cYou go on ahead. I\u2019ll come as soon as I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been waiting since then, and had decided to leave when he heard footsteps heading his way.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Abigail Jones had awakened feeling hot, sticky and irritable with no interest in attending the town festivities taking place later. But at breakfast, her mother had reminded her that if she wanted her teaching business to grow, she would have to mingle with the parents who might entrust their children to her.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d come back to her room and curled up on the bed, letting her mind revisit the events that had brought her here\u2026<\/p>\n

Abigail and her mother had ended up in Cass\u2019s Crossing** when their trek to the California gold fields had gone awry last fall. Her father had been an assayer and mineralogist in Ohio who\u2019d been offered a remarkable salary to come West, and the three members of the Jones family had decided to head toward a new life. The unfortunate truth had been that Mr. Jones had led an easy and sedentary life that hadn\u2019t prepared him for the rigors of pioneer travel. He hadn\u2019t lost his humor or intention to finish the trip, but the illnesses and injuries he\u2019d experienced along the way had taken their toll, and he\u2019d died just as the group had prepared to cross the Sierras.<\/p>\n

Abigail\u2019s mother could handle the wagon on flat terrain, but there was no one to help her navigate the difficult mountain passage. The leader of their caravan had told the Jones women that allowing them to continue would slow the group and put everyone at risk with winter coming in the high country. He\u2019d brought them here in hopes that they could find a driver and finish their trip the next summer. Abigail and her mother had made the best of their situation. They\u2019d taken a room at the new boarding house, and grown so comfortable in their new community that they\u2019d decided to stay.<\/p>\n

Abigail had trained to be a teacher in Ohio, and the fact that this small town had no school had been disappointing. But she\u2019d solved that by taking on pupils for private lessons.\u00a0 The Cass children and the two younger Cartwrights were the first to attend her classes in the boarding house dining room.<\/p>\n

If she had been different, Abigail might have been lonely in her new surroundings. Becka Miller was the closest to her age, but the difference in years and interests was too broad for a friendship to develop. Then again, Abigail had never held the same interests as other young women she\u2019d known, and she\u2019d become comfortable with her mother as her companion.<\/p>\n

The young teacher was also satisfied in her own company, and liked being alone as she walked the hills behind the boarding house or indulged in her favorite pastime of reading. She could lose herself for hours exploring the wonders of history and science or losing herself in the stories and poetry of love on the pages of her books.<\/p>\n

There was one person with whom she felt an intellectual kinship. She knew Adam Cartwright was studying with a professor, and that he planned to go to college. Her favorite days were those when he\u2019d <\/em>come for his brothers, and they\u2019d talk about what they were reading. He was young, but she felt he already possessed the heart of a poet, the soul of a warrior, and the quick wit of an intellectual. The one hope she held in deepest secret, was that perhaps someday\u2014after he returned from school\u2014he might see her as the woman he would love. Being three years older than he would make no difference when they were both in their twenties, but it did now, and she never gave a hint of flirtation.<\/p>\n

Abigail shook off her thoughts, and roused herself from her malaise to get ready. It was near noon, and she could hear voices and laughter through her open window, indicating the festivities had begun. She slipped into her dress and made her way outside where conversations billowed and fell around her like the dust she kicked up she headed toward the center of activity. With nothing to add to any of the topics being discussed, she went to the food table, and took her plate to join her mother and the other women in the shade of the mercantile\u2019s porch roof. She remained there long enough to appear social, before making her way to where the children were playing, hoping to find the one person she might engage in a meaningful conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Adam?\u201d she asked Hoss as he ran by in the midst of a game of tag.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, howdy, Miss Jones,\u201d he shouted back as he passed. He wasn\u2019t as fast as the smaller, wiry children and got caught quickly. \u201cI don\u2019t know where my older brother got to,\u201d he said as he removed his hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. \u201cI saw him talkin\u2019 to Miss Becka and then he sorta disappeared.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abigail shouted her thanks as Hoss ran off again. She looked around to see if she might spot the missing Cartwright, and saw Becka having an animated discussion with her father near the livery. The Millers were not students of Abigail\u2019s, and although she would have liked the five girls in her class, she knew the family ran a large farm with no outside help, and figured Mrs. Miller was doing a satisfactory job with the basics.<\/p>\n

Adam was nowhere to be seen, so by Abigail\u2019s estimation, she had given as much time to the event as was warranted, and she headed back to the boarding house; grabbed a book and blanket on her way through, and proceeded to a cozy oasis she\u2019d discovered in the foothills, nestled beneath a growth of scrub trees. The blanket provided enough padding to make a comfortable seat in the sparse grass, while the branches overhead filtered the bright sunlight, making it the perfect spot to read. She leaned against the sun-warmed rocks to let the story of Romeo and Juliet take her away to a place where there was no talk of cattle, crops or the cost of a bolt of fabric. Her eyes grew heavy in the afternoon warmth, and she fell asleep dreaming of handsome young men who would die to prove their love.<\/p>\n

She had no idea how long she\u2019d been dozing, nor did she realize there was anyone nearby until she heard voices from the other side of the bolder she was resting against. The male voice belonged to Adam Cartwright, and she thought the person responding was Becka Miller. She assumed they didn\u2019t expect anyone to be so close to them because the path to their side of the boulder began at the far end of town, while hers originated behind the boarding house. Abigail soon realized they were having a very personal conversation, but there was no way for her to leave without them hearing her, so she tried reading again; hoping her concentration on written words would keep her from hearing their spoken ones. It didn\u2019t work, and she soon found herself listening carefully.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam had met Becka on the path and had taken her hand. He\u2019d wondered what was going on when his attempt to kiss her cheek was rebuffed with a stiff-armed shove to his chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo why\u2019d you want to see me?\u201d she asked once they were out of view from below.<\/p>\n

Her coolness toward him now seemed as odd as her forwardness in the barn, and for a moment he thought he should just yell, \u201cYou\u2019re it!\u201d and run away after tagging her. She\u2019d probably think he was crazy, but maybe it would save him from making a bigger fool of himself. \u201cBecka,\u201d he said as he gathered his courage. \u201cUm\u2026I wasn\u2019t aware that your feelings for me were changing until your birthday.\u201d He cleared his throat. \u201cI have<\/em> noticed how pretty you\u2019ve become, and I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

She bounced on the balls of her feet as she interrupted him. \u201cAdam Cartwright, are you proposing to me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He thought he might actually have to push his jaw back up from where it had dropped with her question. When the surprise left him able to use his mouth again, he answered, \u201cNo! Why would you think that?\u201d His mind was moving like a stallion in full stride headed toward a cliff, and his tongue had dropped the reins. \u201cI can\u2019t think about marriage until I finish school; I\u2019ve got too much to do… It\u2019s just that after\u2026what you<\/em> did in the barn\u2026I just wanted to straighten things out\u2026um, marry you\u2026no!\u201d His voice dropped to silence as the rational part of his brain finally yelled whoa. He\u2019d seen his father try to \u201creason\u201d with Marie, and it always seemed that the more the man said, the deeper he dug himself into a hole. He knew that he\u2019d fallen into a similar pit of quicksand, and the best thing to do was shut up before his head went under.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll I\u2019ve heard about from you for the last two years is how you can\u2019t wait to go away to school,\u201d she spat at him. \u201cWhy you\u2019d leave your pa\u2019s ranch to be with all those snooty people is beyond me. Life is different for me, Adam. I\u2019ve got responsibilities to my<\/em> family.\u201d<\/p>\n

His brow wrinkled as he tried to find any sense in what she\u2019d said. \u201cWhat have I done to upset you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her tone softened as she stared at the ground. \u201cMy pa is going to make an announcement today that I\u2019ll be marrying Rufus Grainger. When you started talking, I thought maybe you<\/em> wanted to marry me, but since you don\u2019t, then I\u2019ll become Mrs. Grainger when the preacher comes through.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her revelation shocked him so much that he had to sit on a rock to take it in. \u201cYou\u2019re barely 14, Becka. Is this the Rufus who works for us<\/em>?\u201d She nodded. \u201cHe must be in his late twenties. What can you have in common?\u201d He thought a moment longer. \u201cDo you care for him?\u201d<\/p>\n

She sat next to him. \u201cI hardly know him, but it really doesn\u2019t matter how I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen why are<\/em> you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me ask you something. Is it likely that you would want to marry me soon?\u201d<\/p>\n

He wished he could say something that would make her turn from this course, but he couldn\u2019t, and shook his head. \u201cAttending college is the only thing I\u2019m certain about right now. I think going to Boston is my destiny.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen maybe you can understand that helping my family is my<\/em> destiny. I don\u2019t get a say in how I do it; it just has to be done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow does marrying Rufus help your family?\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked away and chewed at her bottom lip before turning back. \u201cMy father always said that my mother was \u2018blessed\u2019 with many offspring, and he<\/em> was \u2018cursed\u2019 by them all being girls.\u201d She noted Adam\u2019s grimace and quickly added, \u201cIt\u2019s just a joke between him and Ma.\u201d She looked away and sighed. \u201cBut now Pa wants to make the farm bigger. Your ranch and Cass\u2019s store buy up everything we grow, and he wants to plant more crops and raise more chickens and pigs to sell to the wagon trains before they make the Sierra crossing. My sisters and I do as much as we can, but he needs a man\u2019s help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe could hire someone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t have enough money to do that and<\/em> buy the extra seed and stock. Besides, the few men he\u2019s hired in the past have taken off to the gold fields or to work on the Ponderosa where the money\u2019s better. I\u2019m old enough now to take a husband who\u2019ll stay put. Pa said he married Ma when she was my age, and it worked out fine, and he promised he\u2019d find someone who\u2019d be good to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam knew that not all families were like his, but this was an eye-opener. His father expected loyalty and hard work from his sons\u2014especially the oldest one\u2014yet Adam knew that his father would never \u201cmake\u201d him do anything like this to increase the profitability of the ranch. In fact Pa always encouraged him to chart his own course.<\/p>\n

Becka broke into his thoughts. \u201cDidn\u2019t you say you had something for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He pulled the homemade necklace from his pocket and held it out to her.<\/p>\n

She snorted. \u201cIt looks like a rock tied to a ribbon.\u201d<\/p>\n

His cheeks grew hot with her assessment of his gift. \u201cI guess it is. But what it signifies is important. The heart was shaped over thousands\u2026maybe millions of years as water in the creek rushed around it. To me, it represents how we\u2019re formed by everything that happens to us in life.\u201d He smiled at her. \u201cWhen you look at it, it can remind you that we might not see how every day things affect us, but one day we\u2019ll become something extraordinary.\u201d<\/p>\n

She held it up and looked it over before laughing. \u201cYou\u2019ve always had pretty words, Adam, but they don\u2019t mean a hill of beans out here.\u201d Then she pried the stone from the woven ribbon and tossed it to the ground. \u201cIt\u2019s just a rock and it belongs with its own kind.\u201d<\/p>\n

She tried to leave then but Adam grabbed her arm to stop her. Her crude rejection of his gift had made him wonder if she had ever the nice girl he\u2019d thought her to be. \u201cTell me something. Why did you think I might propose to you? We\u2019ve never done anything even close to courting, except\u2026\u201d His soul went cold as he realized that their \u201cmeeting\u201d in the barn had seemed off. \u201cJust what was your performance in the hayloft about?\u201d<\/p>\n

Color shot into her cheeks as she tried to move away, but he held on, insisting on an answer. \u201cIt was nothing,\u201d she finally snapped.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t nothing, but I\u2019m pretty sure it wasn\u2019t what it seemed to be either.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sighed explosively. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to like what I have to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust say it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen Pa told me I had to marry, he said he\u2019d spread the word at the saloon that he was looking for a son-in-law of good character.\u201d Her blush deepened from the mild color of embarrassment to the deep crimson of hurt. \u201cHe didn\u2019t feel too good about having to do it there, but said it was where single men went, and one of them was probably lonely and looking to settle down.\u201d<\/p>\n

He released her arm. \u201cRufus is one of the nicest men we have working for us. He doesn\u2019t drink much that I\u2019ve ever seen, and he\u2019s soft spoken, doesn\u2019t fight or cuss, and he\u2019s easy to talk to. I guess you\u2019re \u2018lucky\u2019 that he\u2019s the one who accepted your father\u2019s proposition. But that doesn\u2019t explain where the hay loft fits into this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her words were spoken through a clenched jaw. \u201cMa was worried some when she saw how old Rufus was, and told Pa that maybe I\u2019d be happier with someone younger. Pa thought about it and said it\u2019d be a feather in his cap to get a Cartwright in our family, and so they set up a plan where that might happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth was hanging open again. \u201cWhat kind of plan,\u201d came out in a squeak?<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d been telling my folks about your school talk, and how I didn\u2019t think you could be convinced to put that aside. So Pa plotted out for me to take you to the loft when your family came over. Ma told me what to do to get you riled up some…you know, the kissing and touching part. Pa planned to wait long enough to give me a chance to get you going, and then bring your pa to the barn, telling him he had a new plow. When they walked in, I was to start hollering at you to stop, and make sure my hair and dress were mussed enough to look like you\u2019d been doing something bad. We\u2019d have had your pa as a witness to your intentions, and my pa would have insisted that you marry me to keep my good name.\u201d She looked over at Adam and laughed spitefully. \u201cBut you<\/em> tore out of there like the devil was lickin\u2019 at your britches before they ever got there, and I wasn\u2019t sure what to do then. Pa said I could still say you\u2019d sullied me somehow, but Ma said your Pa wouldn\u2019t believe it unless you\u2019d been caught, and if he got mad, Ben Cartwright would pull the Ponderosa\u2019s business from us. Pa saw the truth in that, and gave Rufus the good news that he was about to take a wife. He said maybe Rufus was better anyhow since he wouldn\u2019t waste time reading or dreaming about what he\u2019d lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

The fried chicken and potato salad he\u2019d had for lunch propelled up his esophagus, threatening an unceremonious exit as he considered what had almost happened. He managed to take a deep breath to calm his stomach and stop the dizziness that made him feel as though he\u2019d fall flat on his face if he stood. The question of how he could have been so na\u00efve; so easily duped by a family with a scheme, and how his entire future could have been derailed by his innocent kisses, kept circling his mind until he was forced to rest his head on his knees and breathe deeply.<\/p>\n

Becka wasn\u2019t sure what to do. She thought Adam looked like he was going to be sick. While she waited for him to raise his head, she scanned the dirt in front of her, looking for the heart-shaped stone. She couldn\u2019t pick it out from the others, but recalled Adam\u2019s description and realized that it was a pretty good depiction of her life. Time would wash bits of her away until she\u2019d be someone entirely different. Marrying young didn\u2019t bother her; she just wished she had more say in what stream she\u2019d be forced to await her transformation. She sighed deeply, knowing she should get back for the big announcement. Yet she had a moment of remorse as she realized she\u2019d lost a friend. She touched his shoulder. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to hurt you; I just did what I had to do.\u201d she said contritely. When he didn\u2019t respond, she added, \u201cSay something, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

He brought his head up slowly and shrugged her hand away. In the last few minutes he\u2019d been able to sort through what he\u2019d heard, and realized how close he\u2019d come to losing his future. The good news was that he was no worse-for-wear. He grinned at her. \u201cAll of us who are anything, will spend our manhood in unlearning the follies, or expiating the mistakes of our youth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her nose wrinkled in disgust. \u201cYou\u2019re so strange, Adam,\u201d she said before hurrying away.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam was certain he\u2019d heard a chuckle at the end of his talk with Becka, and suspected someone had heard the appalling conversation.\u00a0 If true, then this episode of his life would be the fodder of every joke in town for months to come. He climbed silently atop the boulder and felt his heart sink when he saw Miss Jones exiting a sheltered den below him.<\/p>\n

Abigail stretched to relieve the kinks she\u2019d gotten while waiting for Becka and Adam to leave. She shaded her eyes to follow the upward flight of a small wren, and saw Adam Cartwright staring down at her, looking most displeased. A startled yip escaped with the comprehension that she\u2019d been caught eavesdropping. She tried to get away, but he slid down the rock and stepped in front of her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you got an earful,\u201d he said accusingly. \u201cYou have a fine story to tell your friends at my expense.\u201d He spoke in a falsetto. \u201cPoor Adam Cartwright: he\u2019s too stupid to know when a girl is trying to engineer a marriage proposal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes bulged as she listened, and she started to laugh when he finished. \u201cYou\u2019re forgetting one important fact; I have no friends, and therefore no one to tell this tale of woeful naivet\u00e9 and machination.\u201d She watched the lines of anger dissolve from his cheeks as his jaw loosened. \u201cBesides, you make it sound like you have something to be ashamed of. The person I feel sorry for is that lame-brained girl who\u2019s being forced into marriage to avoid paying a hired hand.\u201d She tapped her foot as her lips pinched into an angry pucker. \u201cHow dreadful for that family to hatch a scheme that would have ended your plans and bring you into their servitude.<\/p>\n

Adam blushed. \u201cYou confirmed what I was thinking. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGlad to help,\u201d she said, and then giggled. \u201cI assume I got caught because I thought your closing remark was brilliant. I laughed because I knew she wouldn\u2019t have a clue that you\u2019d insulted her. It was the perfect Shelley quote.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re familiar with Shelley?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s too risqu\u00e9 for mother, so I read his works when I\u2019m out of the house. Wasn\u2019t your quote from the book of Percy\u2019s letters his wife published after his death? My copy arrived recently, so it\u2019s still fresh in my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor Metz let me read his book over the winter.\u201d He smiled for the first time. \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I was rude, but I was feeling a little undone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI imagine you were, yet I feel worse for her than you.\u201d She chuckled as his eyes rounded. \u201cDon\u2019t look so surprised. Despite the ugliness in their intention; you came out of it with your life intact. You will still go to Boston and attend a fine university, and you<\/em> have a family that supports your aspirations. On the other hand, she has parents who see her as a commodity, no different than their eggs and potatoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded thoughtfully. \u201cThat\u2019s insightful Abigail.\u201d He laughed and shook his head. \u201cI\u2019m thankful that you overhead instead of someone else. You don\u2019t find humor in other people\u2019s discomfort or feel the need to make awkward moments more difficult.\u201d He took her blanket and book, and offered his arm. \u201cI\u2019ll walk you back to town.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two sat on the boarding house porch talking about contemporary writers until they saw Ben coming their way. Adam waved . \u201cHi, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was wondering where you\u2019d gone,\u201d Ben \u00a0tipped his hat to Abigail. \u201cI imagine you two were discussing your favorite books again. We\u2019ll be leaving soon, son, so finish up and get to the wagon.\u201d He\u2019d started to walk away when he looked back. \u201cDid you hear the big announcement from the Millers? It sure surprised Marie and me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI heard about it earlier.\u201d He turned toward Abigail and winked before adding, \u201cSeems like the Millers had a crop ready and went ahead with the harvest. I hope Rufus and Becka will be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

**************************************************************************<\/p>\n

Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

First Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Seven Years Later in Boston)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe I graduate tomorrow. These four years have gone so fast,\u201d Adam remarked to Melinda, the niece of Abel\u2019s nearest neighbor, and the young woman he\u2019d grown to love during his years in Boston. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re staying with your aunt tonight so you can go to the ceremony with Grandfather tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t miss it, Adam. Did you get your cap and gown?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019mon inside; I\u2019ll show you.\u201d He grabbed her hand and led her from the front steps, into the Stoddard parlor where his gray morning coat, black trousers, white tie, and shirt hung from the bannister next to his black graduation robe. \u201cLook at this.\u201d He rubbed his finger across the matching emblems on the front panels of his gown. \u201cThe white crow\u2019s-feet indicate that I\u2019m graduating with a science degree.\u201d<\/p>\n

Melinda hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek. \u201cYou\u2019re going to look so handsome I can barely breathe thinking about it.\u201d She looked over the clothing again. \u201cI thought you\u2019d wear a special collar or braid\u2026something to show that you\u2019re at the top of your class.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey don\u2019t allow any extras to be worn with Harvard gowns, but I wrote you about the speech I\u2019ll give in Latin at commencement. That\u2019s the honor given to top students.\u201d He chuckled when he observed Melinda\u2019s sidelong glance. \u201cI know\u2026writing and delivering something in Latin hardly seems a reward, but it is a longstanding tradition.\u00a0 I also get to walk at the front of the undergraduates in the procession from Cambridge to the Yard.\u201d He turned her toward the array on dining room table. \u201cAnd those are the awards and plaques I received at the class banquet last week.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWow. You really are smart!\u201d She teased until she saw him blush, and quickly changed the subject. \u201cIs your speech ready?\u201d She laughed when he rolled his eyes. \u201cI should if you\u2019ve practiced it instead?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded. \u201cI had it approved a while ago, and I\u2019ve gone over it so much with Frankie that he groans whenever I open my mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s nice that your roommate is so accommodating.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re more than roommates, Melinda. I\u2019ve spent so much time at the Wadsworth home that Frankie\u2019s parents call me their second son, and I think of him as a brother. Having my grandfather and the Wadsworths around made it easier to be away from home.\u201d He glanced over as he pulled at a wrinkle in the lower part of his gown, and saw the hurt look wash across Melinda\u2019s face. He listened to make sure that Abel wasn\u2019t coming downstairs before he drew the beautiful young woman to him for a deep kiss. \u201cI left someone out of that statement, but it wasn\u2019t an oversight. My life changed forever the day I saw you and fell out of that pine tree. What I feel for you is something I never expected to find while I was here. I wish we could have been together more than just a few weekends and holidays each year, but thinking of our next meeting kept me pushing through my classwork so I could enjoy our time when it occurred.<\/p>\n

Her blush was accompanied by a smile. \u201cI love you too, Adam. I think that\u2019s what you were saying.\u201d His kiss indicated his answer. She pushed back and grinned before kissing his nose. \u201cI have to get back to my aunt, so let\u2019s go over the plans for tomorrow one more time. I know you\u2019re spending tonight in your dorm, so I won\u2019t see you until after you\u2019ve been inducted in the \u2018fellowship of educated men.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t wait for the morning,\u201d he said, twirling her around. \u201cA bagpipe will wake us, and the seniors will go to breakfast together for the last time. Then we all go to church, and after that we\u2019ll begin the formalities of graduation. The Wadsworths will stop for you and Abel around nine and go to the campus so you can see the end of our procession. Then you\u2019ll head into the hall for the ceremony, and finally, Grandfather will take us all out for dinner at the Union Oyster House.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s pretty costly, isn\u2019t it?\u201d She smiled. \u201cYour grandfather is usually more frugal.\u201d\u00a0 The Oyster House was the oldest restaurant in Boston, and Melinda knew the distinction allowed them to command hefty prices. Abel Stoddard seemed to have a comfortable income, but not one that would allow such a generous outlay for a group that included her and the Wadsworths.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy father sent money to pay for my graduation. It\u2019s Pa\u2019s way of making the day special since he can\u2019t be here.\u201d He organized his thoughts again. \u201cI have the senior party at Harvard tomorrow night. I\u2019ve helped at those so I know what goes on, and I intend to take full advantage of that rite of passage. I plan to sleep a little later the next morning, and then I still have to clean out my room and see a few professors before heading back here.\u201d He pulled her close for a quick kiss. \u201cThat just leaves the picnic at the Wadsworth\u2019s the day after. Their coach will pick us up around one.\u201d He nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Melinda smiled as she glanced up at the clock. \u201cIt all sounds wonderful. I have just enough time to hear your speech\u2026in English, so I\u2019ll know what you\u2019re saying.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are a number of presenters, so student speeches are limited to a sentence or two. Basically mine says that our next great challenge will be to act<\/em> in life: to consider each situation rationally, rather than to let impulse force our reaction<\/em>. Our faith in God, our laws, our families, and our fellow man, along with the mental discipline we\u2019ve learned here, will allow us to face each opportunity with discernment.\u201d<\/p>\n

She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, \u201cIt\u2019s perfect, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam put his arms behind his head as he tried to fall asleep in his dormitory bed. Frankie was already snoring, making it even harder to doze off. Yet that wasn\u2019t causing his insomnia. It was the company of his memories from the years since his dream of attending college had become a reality.<\/p>\n

After three years of studying with Professor Metz on the Ponderosa, they\u2019d left for Boston where he\u2019d tested and qualified at several universities. The professor had told Ben about the likelihood of this happening, and he\u2019d also gone over the costs involved. Before they\u2019d left, Ben had told his son to choose the best, and Adam had.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d spent the first months in Boston living with his grandfather and working at a livery while he\u2019d gotten to know his way around the city. The distance between Abel\u2019s house and Cambridge had been too long for a daily trip, so he\u2019d stayed at the campus dorms where he\u2019d been paired with Frankie Wadsworth, a member of a wealthy, founding-father family with a large estate outside town. The two roommates had grown up differently, yet they\u2019d had common interests, had both chosen the engineering program, and they both had loyal, close-knit families.<\/p>\n

Frankie had taken him home for a weekend early on, and he\u2019d been invited to return whenever he was available. He\u2019d come to know and care about the Wadsworths during these visits. Frank Wadsworth and Ben Cartwright had come from different backgrounds, but Adam had found that the two men were alike in their forceful characters, and the way they approached their destinies. Being taken in by this Eastern family had lessened his loneliness for his own opinionated father and pesky brothers.<\/p>\n

Going to college had been the \u201ccake,\u201d but the frosting had been spending time with his grandfather. Adam had wondered about Abel Stoddard since his father had first told him about the old sea captain. The hope of finding out about his mother had driven him as well, and the summers and holidays he\u2019d spent in the Stoddard home had proven idyllic in that regard.<\/p>\n

His grandfather was a serious man, but he possessed a quick wit and quiet, strong philosophies. Adam had come to know that there were episodes in the man\u2019s life that still bothered him. As they\u2019d walked home from a pub one evening, Abel had said that bad decisions he\u2019d made around the time of his grandson\u2019s birth, might have added to his daughter\u2019s difficulties. He hadn\u2019t elaborated, but Adam had seen the agony in the older man\u2019s eyes. The brief admission had left Adam certain that he hadn\u2019t been the only one to feel guilt over his mother\u2019s passing.<\/p>\n

Abel hadn\u2019t touched Elizabeth\u2019s room since Ben had left with Adam, and it had become her son\u2019s place of refuge the first months in Boston. He felt her presence whenever he sat on her bed, surrounded by the things that had been hers. He\u2019d always had dreams of his mother, but she\u2019d always seemed so far away. Now she was a part of him.<\/p>\n

Another incredible thing had happened in Boston. At the start of his sophomore year, he\u2019d met Melinda after he\u2019d fallen from a ladder.\u00a0 He\u2019d been helping his grandfather prune a tall pine when Abel had released his steadying grip on the implement to greet a neighbor and her niece. Unfortunately, he\u2019d simultaneously changed his center of gravity while trying to get a better look at the pretty girl below him, and the ladder had arced away from the house, depositing him in a hawthorn. He\u2019d been seriously injured, and Melinda Hayworth, the young lady at the center of it all, had visited during his recovery.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d met many young ladies during his first year in Boston. They\u2019d come from wealthy families who\u2019d been invited to the Wadsworths\u2019 parties. The pampered lovelies assumed he was wealthy because of his association with Frankie\u2019s family. He\u2019d often wondered what they\u2019d have thought if they had known that his fine suits had been borrowed from his host, and that his \u201cfortune\u201d was measured in acres of grazing land and timber, and heads of cattle in the pasture.<\/p>\n

Those girls were flirtatious and eager, but he couldn\u2019t abide their reluctance to show their intellects. It wasn\u2019t proper etiquette for ing\u00e9nues to voice opinions on any meaningful issue, and Adam had grown tired of conversations about upcoming cotillions or having tea with a prominent hostess.<\/p>\n

In Melinda he\u2019d found a perfect combination of beauty and intelligence. She\u2019d trained as a teacher, worked as a governess for a Boston family, and kept an eye on her aging aunt whenever she could get away. He loved that she kept abreast of all that was going on in the city, and articulated her views. They\u2019d talked for hours whenever their schedules had allowed them to be together, and Adam had fallen in love. He\u2019d held back initially because his experience with Becka Miller had made him wary of believing his feelings in matters of the heart. But Melinda had proved to be the antithesis to Becka. She was loving, constant, and honest, and he\u2019d finally allowed himself to admit his feelings\u2014at least to himself.<\/p>\n

The thought of leaving Melinda behind made him sigh in the darkness. He wished she could come with him, but she\u2019d set her sights on a goal he could understand and support. She\u2019d decided to go to college, and had accepted a scholarship to a woman\u2019s university in Illinois. There would be a lengthy separation and he was torn about the time they\u2019d be apart. This eased as he made a decision that would restore order to his complicated future, and he smiled as he finally drifted off.<\/p>\n

It seemed like he\u2019d only been sleeping minutes when he heard the cacophony of \u00a0bagpipes outside the window. A broad smile crossed his lips as he jumped from his bed and hollered, \u201cC\u2019mon, Frankie, it\u2019s time to commence!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam leaned against the rail of the Wadsworths\u2019 veranda and recalled the excitement of the last three days. He\u2019d loved every minute of his graduation, and his only regret had come from his father\u2019s absence. He was anxious to get home and start on the projects his father had outlined in recent letters\u2026and to see how his education could benefit their ranch operation.<\/p>\n

The one downside to proceeding with his life was that it required \u201cleaving\u201d people behind again. He\u2019d left his father and brothers to come here, but he\u2019d felt their presence within himself every day he\u2019d been away. He knew that Abel and the Wadsworths would be in his thoughts the same way once he was back on the Ponderosa. And hopefully, Melinda would become a promise for his future.<\/p>\n

Melinda touched his arm. \u201cWhere are you, Adam? \u00a0We left the dance because you wanted to talk to me. We\u2019ve been standing together for a few minutes already, and I don\u2019t think you know I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took her hand and kissed it before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her closer. \u201cI was thinking about getting home. There\u2019ll be so many changes. Pa built a new house from sketches I drew up before I left, and I can\u2019t wait to see my brothers. He wrote that Hoss is as tall as a tree, and Little Joe is full of schemes and ideas like always, but he\u2019s better at pulling them off now.\u201d He tightened his hold around her. \u201cBut I also wish I could stay here\u2026with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She snuggled closer. \u201cI do wish we could stay like this forever, but alas\u2026time will move forward.\u201d She looked into his eyes. \u201cI should have put my arm on my forehead for the full dramatic effect.\u201d They both chuckled. \u201cDid you finalize the plans for your trip?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take the train to Kansas next week. I wrote you that I was going with a supply caravan, but a few weeks ago I read about a stage company that leaves from Atchison. They\u2019re trying to win mail contracts out West and the article said they were allowing a few passengers on their cross-country routes free of charge. I telegraphed them about the offer, and a ticket arrived yesterday. Their letter said to be prepared for a rough trip since they\u2019re running roads that aren\u2019t well established.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds miserable.\u201d She shuddered.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose it will be, but a stage stops only to get a fresh team and a short rest, or when there\u2019s bad weather, so I\u2019ll be home in no time, compared to going overland by wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Melinda touched his cheek and breathed a kiss onto his lips. \u201cI wish it were different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout that.\u201d he stepped back and took her hands. I\u2019d like to borrow some words from Shelley that seem to fit my intention.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe fountains mingle with the river,
\nAnd the rivers with the ocean;
\nThe winds of heaven mix forever
\nWith a sweet emotion;<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nothing in the world is single;
\nAll things by a law divine
\nIn another’s being mingle–
\nWhy not I with thine?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She bit her bottom lip. \u201cLove\u2019s Philosophy,\u201d* she whispered. \u201cYou know me so well, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo, Melinda Hayworth, will you marry me? I know we can\u2019t do it until you\u2019re done with school.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Melinda figured Adam would ask her to be his fianc\u00e9e before he left for home, and she also knew she would refuse\u2026for now. She tried to smile. \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d She saw his frown as his brows drew together, and she looked away as she fought to control her tears. \u201cI know we\u2019ve talked about marrying, and while I want to be your wife\u2026now isn\u2019t the time for us to be making plans for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth hung open just as it had some years back when Becka Miller had tried to trick him into proposing. Now he wanted to be engaged, and the love of his life didn\u2019t want him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Melinda waited for his reply. Finally, whispered, \u201cSay something, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d He shook his head and looked down at his feet. \u00a0\u201cI thought you loved me .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you with all my heart. But I want you to think back to your graduation message. You warned your classmates about reacting to situations. I think this proposal is a reaction to the upheaval in your life right now. You\u2019re so organized and logical that you want to put everything in order before you leave\u2014including us. But we can\u2019t put our future in order yet.\u201d Melinda brushed a wisp of hair back from his forehead and rested her hand on his cheek. \u201cYou\u2019re going home, and I leave for college soon. You\u2019ve been my example and my greatest champion in proceeding with my education. And you<\/em> said that you need <\/em>to help your family.\u201d She raised his chin so he\u2019d look at her. \u201cOur separation will last several years, and an engagement over all that time and all those miles would seem endless.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded while holding her hand in place against his face. His mind agreed with her, but his heart ached. He did feel an obligation to repay his father in effort for what he\u2019d taken from the family resources. The Ponderosa was bringing in good money but he knew his father had made sacrifices to pay for his education. It was more than that though. He had missed working at his side, and needed to have that again. \u201cI thought our separation might be tolerable if there was a goal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe will be together one day, Adam. But we\u2019ll be better in our journeys if we\u2019re not promised to something that\u2019s too distant to be real.\u201d<\/p>\n

His voice rose in pitch and his cheeks reddened. \u201cAre you doing this so you can be courted by others\u2026to see if I pass muster in comparison?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d The tears she\u2019d controlled began to overflow. \u201cI want you<\/em> to be free to try whatever you want while we\u2019re apart. And I\u2019m not talking about being with other women. You should have the freedom to try every opportunity you\u2019re offered, and I can do the same.\u201d She laid her hand on his chest. \u201cWe love each other, Adam. Our promise to be together again will remain here in our hearts, not tied to a promise given at an emotional time. We\u2019ll both live to the fullest, and that will make us even better people when we reunite. Our marriage will be the culmination of our trust and love.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam drew her towards him and held on tight. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I hurt you. Everything you said makes sense, and I want you to have a wonderful time at school, just as I did.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cCount on you to remind me of what I said in my speech. You were right; I did react to the thought of losing you and tried to fix things in the future that can\u2019t be set yet. Time and life are demanding masters, and they may set us on courses we can\u2019t imagine right now.\u201d He nestled his cheek in her hair. \u201cI will miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I will miss you. But I\u2019ll write every week.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI promise to do the same.\u201d After a long kiss he led her to the door. \u201cWe should get back in before they come looking for us.\u201d Adam stopped with his hand on the knob. \u201cYou must promise that when we\u2019re together again and I propose, you\u2019ll say yes without doubts or conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n

She winked. \u201cMy love, when that time comes, I\u2019ll propose to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

*********************************************************************************<\/p>\n

Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lost Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Ten months after getting home from school)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Jerry rode up next to Hoss. \u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s goin\u2019 on with your brother? He\u2019s been surly lately, and today it\u2019s worse than ever. Half the hands are talkin\u2019 about tyin\u2019 him up, coverin\u2019 his clothes with honey, and letting the fire ants have a feast.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss laughed. \u201cWell at least it\u2019s only half-a-them want to torture him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry\u2019s head bobbed up and down. \u201cThat\u2019s true, Hoss, but the other half wants to shoot him.\u201d<\/p>\n

The young man had noticed his brother\u2019s dark mood as well, and he\u2019d determined that Adam\u2019s grumpiness was tied to the weekly post arrival. This had been going on for a couple of months already, but Jerry was right: it had gotten unbearable over the last two weeks. He had hollered at the hands, sulked around the house, and Hoss thought there would be all-out war the previous night when Adam had snapped at their father over some minor difference of opinion. But Pa just grinned when Adam had stomped upstairs.<\/p>\n

That had prompted Hoss to ask Pa the same question Jerry had just posed. His father had assured him that Adam would be fine if they gave him time. It had been Pa\u2019s grin and failure to apply the house rule of parental respect that had convinced Hoss this was a matter of the heart. Hoss had received the same disciplinary leniency a year back when he\u2019d<\/em> been churlish after his pledge of love had been rejected.<\/p>\n

Having an inkling of what was wrong, and sharing it outside the family were steers of a different color, so Hoss shrugged and replied, \u201cI don\u2019t rightly know what\u2019s goin\u2019 on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jerry nodded. \u201cI bet it\u2019s a woman. The only time I get that mad-dog mean is when a gal I\u2019m sweet on tears my heart out and tramps on it.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s sourness persisted through the week, and worsened after the mail arrived. No one wanted to be around him. Hoss stayed in his room until he knew Adam was done with breakfast, and even Ben took his coffee out to the porch if his eldest sat across the table from him wearing an expression that dared conversation. At age eleven, Little Joe took particular pleasure in telling of his older brothers\u2019 indiscretions at the table and watching the ensuing turmoil as Pa reigned justice. But even Joe was silent; eating quickly before heading anywhere Adam wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Ben had given his eldest a wide berth with his behavior. He knew Adam had been forced to make many adjustments since returning to the ranch. He\u2019d distinguished himself at school, but now he\u2019d become just \u201cthe boss\u2019s kid\u201d again. The hired men had no idea how much the boy had accomplished while he\u2019d been away, and they\u2019d made him prove himself to them again\u2026as a drover. He had endured the same pranks and hazing he\u2019d gone through as a teenager, and he\u2019d gotten through the new round with composure and humor.<\/p>\n

It hadn\u2019t ended there; Ben had done his own unintended hazing with his son. Adam\u2019s trophies, citations, and awards for academic achievements had provided evidence of the young man\u2019s aptitude, and that had made his father uneasy. He\u2019d pulled a tight rein on the boy, refusing to accept or even listen to his suggestions. It had taken Adam\u2019s decision to leave the ranch to work in San Francisco before father and son had finally talked about their rift. They\u2019d been working well together since then as he helped Adam learn the ranch business from the ground up, and his son contributed his engineering knowledge to improve their operation.<\/p>\n

Ben had a good idea what was bothering his son. He\u2019d witnessed this sort of behavioral breakdown with others when they were…in love. Letters from Abel had mentioned a neighbor\u2019s niece\u2014a lovely young woman who had visited her aunt regularly\u2014and even more regularly after she\u2019d met his grandson.<\/p>\n

He could understand the feelings that came from being separated from the one you cared about. He\u2019d fallen in love with Elizabeth when he was still sailing, and the months they\u2019d been apart had seemed interminable. It made him wonder if his mood aboard ship had grown equally as menacing when their voyages dragged on. Maybe it was a case of like father: like son. But whatever the cause, he realized that Adam\u2019s temperament was affecting everyone, and it had to be addressed.<\/p>\n

Ben pulled Adam aside as he prepared to leave for a cattle drive to the San Francisco markets. All three boys were near the door when he called Adam over, and he smiled when he heard Hoss and Little Joe speculate that Adam was about to have a \u201cnecessary talk.\u201d His oldest boy was too big to have the old-fashioned application of hand to backside, but Ben had to admit that this talk was \u201cnecessary.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSit down,\u201d he commanded after he dropped into the green chair behind his desk. He waited for compliance. \u201cYou\u2019re entitled to your privacy when it comes to your personal business, Adam. What I will address is your behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s tone held the same sharp edge he\u2019d been honing all week. \u201cI don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben snorted. \u201cThen you\u2019re the only one who doesn\u2019t. The men are complaining; your brothers hate coming to the table and hide from you the rest of the time, and even I try to avoid you when the mail arrives and there\u2019s nothing for you. I assume you\u2019re expecting an important correspondence that hasn\u2019t come, and the disappointment has built upon itself until it has become\u2026quite apparent. You\u2019re a strong young man, and you must<\/em> find a way to deal with this more productively.\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u201cyoung man\u201d in question slouched down in his chair, and blew a long breath through his clenched teeth. He looked up with a wry smile. \u201cI thought I was<\/em> doing a good job of handling it, but it seems I may be wrong about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you like to talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s just that I thought\u2026\u201d He paused as he drew a deep breath. \u201cAnyway, I\u2019ve given it enough time. Several letters from Grandfather and the Wadsworths have made it here, so the ones I\u2019ve been waiting for could have arrived as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWould these be from a young woman?\u201d Ben asked gently.<\/p>\n

A nod. \u201cI\u2019ve sent her a letter each week since I\u2019ve been back, and she said she\u2019d do the same. We were\u2026friends, and\u2026I\u2026miss her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCould you enlist Abel to find out if all is well?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe mentioned seeing her and that she got off to school as planned. I don\u2019t want to involve him any more than that. I know how busy I was when I started at Harvard. She\u2019s probably so immersed in her studies that she\u2019s\u2026forgotten…\u201d He sighed, and then smiled and stood. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I\u2019ve been so hard to live with.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben knew this was all his son would divulge, but he also knew it had taken a lot for him to admit this much. He walked over and laid an arm around Adam\u2019s shoulders as they moved toward the door. \u201c\u2019Friendships\u2019 are never easy to leave behind, but your life is full of fresh opportunities. You won\u2019t ever forget her, but you\u2019ll be able to move forward without her.\u201d He gave his son a playful punch to his arm. \u201cBeside, looking back just gives you a sore neck.\u201d<\/p>\n

********************************************************************************<\/p>\n

Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

Physical Expressions<\/strong><\/p>\n

The cattle drive had taken them across the treacherous passes of the Sierras, and they\u2019d reached Sacramento where they would drop off a third of the herd at that market before continuing to San Francisco. Adam had made a concerted effort to keep his feelings in check since becoming aware of how it had affected others, and much as his father had predicted, this long drive\u2014the first since he\u2019d been home, and his first time in charge\u2014had forced him to concentrate on cattle business rather than on what he\u2019d lost.<\/p>\n

During long evenings in a saddle watching steers, he\u2019d been able to think things through and he\u2019d come to terms with his loss. He\u2019d decided that he wanted Melinda to have the life she wanted, even if he wasn\u2019t in it. He finally accepted that the attention her life demanded of her in her studies took precedence over him. What did still astound\u2026and wound him, was that she forgot about him so quickly.<\/p>\n

His thoughts had turned to her again last night as he\u2019d ridden watch, and he\u2019d let his heart say goodbye as he\u2019d wished for her happiness, and forgave her for not caring as much as he had. His anger had dissolved in the clear, crisp air, and he\u2019d vowed to look forward as his father had advised. This absolution had left him feeling so free that he decided to join a few of his crew when they went into Sacramento the next evening to let off some steam.<\/p>\n

They were staying at a spread near the city for a few days of grazing before moving to the coast. Of course they were paying for that privilege, and had to watch the herd carefully so no steers wandered into the surrounding fields. But the grass in their section was good, and the beef seemed as content as the men to have a breather. The bonus of the stopover was that they could get by with a smaller crew at night, and they were close enough to town that Adam could schedule a rotation of his men to have a night away.<\/p>\n

The sun had begun its decent as Adam worked a lather in his shaving cup to get ready for his evening in town, and he smiled as he recalled what cattle drives had been like before he\u2019d gone to school. He\u2019d started working with herd when he was fourteen, but he\u2019d never been on a drive without his father before he\u2019d left for college. The drovers were decent men, yet his father must have had misgivings about letting his son go alone with them.<\/p>\n

He finished shaving and slipped into a clean shirt as he considered what to expect in town.\u00a0 There\u2019d be drinking and flirting with the barmaids, and the men who had a few dollars left after that might gamble. While he wasn\u2019t \u201cwell acquainted\u201d with those vices, he knew he could hold his own. Harvard was a serious school, but students indulged in revelry on the weekends. There were many pubs that catered solely to the scholastic crowd who\u2019d spend the better part of their allowances on Saturday night, and then stumble back to the dorms singing bawdy sailing songs or the Harvard hymn with more concern for volume than pitch. He figured that had prepared him for anything he might face tonight.<\/p>\n

Adam was tucking in the tails of his shirt when Jerry came by and grabbed hiss sleeve, ending his recollections. \u201cC\u2019mon, kid,\u201d he said, \u201cthe rest of us is ready to go, and this night ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 any younger.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s expectation of being able to relax in town had been more than met by the time the clock struck ten. They\u2019d stopped at a cheap bar on the edge of town to get started, and then moved to a more expensive one in the city that had a revue. The first act had ended, and during intermission, the five men began to discuss the ups and downs of the drive.<\/p>\n

Jerry listened a bit before sitting back in his chair and addressing Adam. \u201cWe gotta say, we\u2019re glad you got shed of that bur you had under yer saddle a couple weeks back.\u201d His long belch set the group laughing, but he shushed them to continue. \u201cI think we was all scared you might bite our heads off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed. \u201cI heard\u2026sumpthin\u2019 like that.\u201d He stopped to consider why his words didn\u2019t sound right, and laughed again as he realized he was \u201cwell-oiled.\u201d \u201cSu\u2026sorry I was so…\u201d He ended with a shrug.<\/p>\n

The others at the table saluted him with their glasses, but Jerry said, \u201cI suspected you had gal troubles. Them females can always turn a good man into\u2026\u201d He squinted as his mouth pulled to a pucker. \u201cWell, I guess they turn us into what you was like.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another drover named, Slim, pounded his hand against the table. \u201cYup. Them gals\u2019ll do it every time.\u201d He smiled slyly. \u201cBut if one a them purdy gals up on stage came over here, I\u2019d follow after her like a danged puppy dog just hopin\u2019 for a pat on the head.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

By the end of the second show, the five men at Adam\u2019s table had polished off another bottle of passable whisky. The two older hands who seemed little affected by the empty bottles of liquor lined up in front of Adam, said they were heading back to the herd, while the other two headed to the stage in hopes of interesting the pretty girls in having a drink with them.<\/p>\n

Adam was ready to call it a night, but assumed he\u2019d fall off his horse if he tried riding in his \u201cloosened\u201d condition, so he decided to stay in town. He told his men he had to come back for business in the morning anyway, so he would save time staying over\u2026 At least he thought that\u2019s what he\u2019d told them, because his words weren\u2019t coming out quite as he intended. He bid his men goodnight and made it from the table to the saloon door without having to stop, although he could have sworn the floor was moving like a ship on a wild sea. The cool night air allowed him to focus better as he looked up the street, hoping to find lodging. After weaving along for a block, he saw a sign for The Boardroom<\/em>. His memory wasn\u2019t working well, but he did recall seeing something bearing this name not long ago. His father had left a matchbox sitting on the arm of his chair after lighting his pipe, and Adam had noticed the ornate printing on the container as he\u2019d walked by. He\u2019d asked where it was from, and had been left wondering when Pa had grabbed the box and stuffed it deep into his pocket. When Adam had pressed him, he had mumbled that it was a hotel in Sacramento, and then quickly changed the subject. The print on the sign was the same style as on the box, and since his father had said it was a hotel, Adam decided he didn\u2019t need to look any further. \u201cThisss\u2019ll do,\u201d he slurred aloud as he turned and stumbled up the steps to the door.<\/p>\n

The lavish interior and glittering light from the chandeliers revealed the varied hues of the blue velvet chairs in the lobby. He smiled lopsidedly, happy that he\u2019d found a nice hotel in the part of town known for entertainment rather than hostelry. He unintentionally kicked the spittoon as he approached the front desk, and managed to right the receptacle before it spilled. The effort made him dizzy, and leaned heavily against the counter to keep from slipping off the side. When he was anchored securely, he hit the bell several times and gave the clerk a broad smile. \u201cI\u2019d like a room, my good man,\u201d he requested in a loud voice that surprised him. \u201cI\u2019m\u2026I\u2019m s-s-sorry,\u201d he added with a giggle, \u201cI s-s-seem to be a little drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019ll be 40 dollars,\u201d the clerk told him.<\/p>\n

\u201cF-f-forty dollars?\u201d Adam howled. \u201cThat\u2019s a ver\u2026that\u2019s a very ex-or\u2026\u201d He sighed while composing his thought. \u201cThat\u2019s a lot for a hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not a hotel, sir,\u201d the clerk explained. \u201cWe\u2019re a gentleman\u2019s club: the best in the city, serving the finest clients with the most beautiful hostesses.\u201d His voice took on a tone of mild disgust. \u201cIf you are unable to afford our rates, then I\u2019d suggest you go back to where you came from.\u201d<\/p>\n

A striking blond came to the counter after hearing raised voices. \u201cIs there a problem?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think the kid knows where he is,\u201d the clerk sneered, nodding toward his patron.<\/p>\n

She gave the potential guest a good looking over and smiled appreciatively, before asking him, \u201cIs that true, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI jussst want a room. I got the money.\u201d He yawned as he fumbled through his pockets, and finally gave up, shrugging. \u201cI know I have a wallet s-s-somewhere, but I\u2019m so tired, I could fall asleep right here on the counter.\u201d He pointed toward the nearby furniture. \u201cLet me sit down and look for it.\u201d He headed toward a settee but tripped on a carpet edge and sprawled onto the floor. He looked up at the blond who was now standing over him, grinning. \u201cJust let me stay here. I\u2019m\u2026used to sleepin\u2019 on the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry cowboy,\u201d the woman said as she pulled him to his knees and chuckled. \u201cWhat would our other customers think if they saw you snoring in the middle of the floor? You got a name?\u201d<\/p>\n

He thought about that. \u201cI\u2019m sure I do. Wait a second\u2026yeah, it\u2019sss Cart-wright.\u201d<\/p>\n

She tipped her head to take a better look. \u201cAre you related to Ben Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy faaather.\u201d He retrieved his hat from where it had flown with his fall, and stuck it on his head backwards. \u201cI think he might have stayed here once. I saw matches with this name\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe has,\u201d she cut him off as she made him stand up and walk to the couch. She sat next to him and reached inside his coat to find his wallet. After ruffling through the bills, she told the clerk, \u201cHe\u2019s got enough. Help me get him to my room.\u201d The young man had drifted to sleep against her shoulder, so she raised his chin and spoke loudly enough to startle him. \u201cI\u2019m Bonnie, and I saw some papers in your wallet that say you\u2019re Adam Cartwright. So, Adam, we\u2019re going upstairs now and I\u2019ll take care of you tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled sleepily. \u201cThank you, Bonnie. You\u2019re very attrative, um attrackive\u2026oh heck\u2026yer pretty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, cowboy.\u201d She grinned as she and the clerk each took an arm and helped him up the stairs.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

He awoke with a start that sent his head and stomach spinning. After a few deep breaths he was able to push himself up enough to take a look around. He noticed the woman who\u2019d helped him earlier sitting across the room, stitching a needlepoint while she hummed softly.<\/p>\n

Bonnie put her work aside and came to the bedside. \u201cHow you doing?\u201d She grabbed a chamber pot from under the bed when she noticed how pale he\u2019d gotten and handed it to him in time to catch his exiting stomach contents.<\/p>\n

He dropped back to the pillows as he groaned, and looked away. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

She spoke gently. \u201cDon\u2019t apologize. I\u2019m here to take care of you. And you\u2019ll feel better sooner for getting rid of that. In fact I\u2019d say you were lucky that much hadn\u2019t already gotten into your system.\u201d After placing the evidence of his debauchery outside the door, she returned to the bedside with a carafe of water and a glass she gathered from the dresser. \u201cI want you to drink a good deal of this, and then I\u2019ll get you a warm bath.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam faced her again, noticing that she\u2019d changed into a filmy robe over a figure-revealing satin gown. \u201cIs this\u2026a brothel?\u201d he asked as his eyebrows rose into his hairline.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a gentleman\u2019s club, like the man said downstairs. We\u2019re a respectable, high-class establishment, as you figured out from the price, and that\u2019s a good thing for you. If you\u2019d gone to a different hotel in your condition, they\u2019d have emptied your wallet and hauled your handsome behind out to the garbage pile in the alley. Here we protect our customers\u2014unless they\u2019re looking to cause trouble. For those who show up \u2018unaffected,\u2019 we have a billiard room, a poker room and a first-rate bar and restaurant. On the other hand, if someone just needs a safe place to talk things out, sleep it off or forget their troubles, we let them do that too. We\u2019ll decide where this evening goes for you once you\u2019re feeling better.\u201d<\/p>\n

He glanced toward the clock, surprised to see he\u2019d only been there an hour. Yet after expelling a good amount of liquor, and getting a little sleep, he felt less groggy. With the increased clarity came another thought from earlier. \u201cDid you say that my father stayed here?\u201d<\/p>\n

She blushed. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have said anything. We ensure anonymity. Rest assured that no one will know that you were here tonight unless you tell them.\u201d She winked at him. \u201cAnd maybe you can forget that I said anything about Ben. He\u2019s a nice man and I wouldn\u2019t want him to feel embarrassed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam blanched and swallowed hard. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t\u2026I mean you don\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re worried that I\u2019m the one he sees \u2018if\u2019 he comes here,\u201d she smiled, \u201cI\u2019m not. But we all get to know our returning customers.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mind had seemed clearer a minute earlier, but now it was spinning again. He kept asking himself why he was here, and then why his father would come here. He just wanted a hotel with a soft bed where he wouldn\u2019t hear a single moo, and he wouldn\u2019t have to pretend to be in a good mood. He\u2019d been able to put Melinda out of his mind a good deal of the time during the trip, but she still crept into his thoughts when he least expected her there. He wondered what she\u2019d think if she could see him right now, but then she had<\/em> advocated taking advantage of each opportunity…although this probably wasn\u2019t what she\u2019d envisioned.<\/p>\n

He thought he should leave and go to one of the other hotels Bonnie had mentioned, before this went any further. Yet, he had to admit that she did make him feel at ease. He was hit with another thought that made his heart beat faster and blood rush to his cheeks. He hadn\u2019t ever been with a woman\u2026not in the way he figured she was ready to provide. There had only been one saloon in Virginia City where you could get a girl for a price, but in the talk with him about such things, his father had cautioned him about indulging…where he lived. Pa\u2019s gospel was that gossip could cause irreparable damage to a man\u2019s personal and business reputation, so he should think long and hard about where he was before he \u201clet off steam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Living in the territory before he\u2019d left for school had given him no opportunities to be \u201cwith\u201d a woman. Becka and Miss Jones were the only two females even close to his age, and he\u2019d always been so busy with work on the ranch and studying that carnal exploration had never been a concern. Once he\u2019d gotten to Boston he\u2019d been with his grandfather and then too busy keeping up in school to think about it. Once he met Melinda, he wouldn\u2019t have compromised her, or betrayed her by going to a brothel.<\/p>\n

Things were different now, and his mind raced. It seemed that his future with Melinda was as nonexistent as her letters, so maybe it was time to go ahead. If his father felt this place had enough discretion to keep his reputation unsullied, then it would do the same for him.<\/p>\n

He was starting to sweat with the effort of his thoughts, making him feel worse again. He realized that Bonnie was familiar with such bad behavior in her patrons when she gave him a knowing look and produced another receptacle from under the bed, telling him to let it go; that it was a very good thing. His previous thoughts about ending his sensual innocence, dissolved in embarrassment as he retched miserably until he felt better. \u201cI think I should go to a regular hotel,\u201d he said softly when he could finally speak.<\/p>\n

Bonnie shook her head and clucked at him while wetting a cloth. \u201cYou\u2019ve already paid for this room, so you\u2019ll stay where you are.\u201d She dabbed the sweat from his forehead, cheeks and neck. \u201cYou still need to get some water in you, but you\u2019ll sober pretty quickly now that you\u2019ve lost a lot of what ailed you. And you\u2019ll feel a whole lot better tomorrow if you don\u2019t just fall asleep now.\u201d She handed him a glass and motioned for him to drink. \u201cI don\u2019t know why it is, but the men who drink water along with their booze never get as drunk or as sick as those who don\u2019t.\u201d Bonnie dabbed away the water that had trickled down his chin, and smiled. \u201cTell me something; have you ever had this much to drink before?\u201d<\/p>\n

A shake of his head reminded him to stay still as the room spun. He moved one leg off the bed so his foot was on the floor, hoping it would anchor him and keep the scenery around him from moving. \u201cI usually drink beer and get full before I get drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what was different about tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was with my crew. We took turns buying bottles and passed them around. I guess I didn\u2019t monitor my consumption.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid the others \u2018monitor their<\/em> consumption\u2019 better than you?\u201d<\/p>\n

He had to think about that. Everyone at the table had been pretty carefree by the time the group had broken up, but the two who\u2019d headed back to camp hadn\u2019t seem \u201cdrunk,\u201d, and the two who were flirting with the dancing girls had actually sobered up a little by the time he\u2019d left. The truth became clear as he pictured the evening. The bottles had always ended up in front of him, and he\u2019d refilled his shot glass far more frequently than his companions. He groaned as he realized he was lucky to be conscious, and even luckier to have stumbled into this gentleman\u2019s club where Bonnie had taken him into her care. \u201cI had the most,\u201d he finally admitted as he closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think you should drink another glass of water, and then a long soak to relax.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam slipped deep into the warm water of the tub. He\u2019d bobbled a little as he\u2019d stood, and after Bonnie helped him with his shirt buttons she\u2019d left, saying she\u2019d be right back. His head was beginning to throb, but the water he\u2019d downed had calmed in his stomach and he felt better. He wasn\u2019t slurring his words, and he could think clearly. He knew he\u2019d still pay for the evening with a headache, but thanks to Bonnie\u2019s treatments, the payment might not be as costly.<\/p>\n

She stuck her head inside the room after a gentle knock, and entered when she saw he was submerged. \u201cI brought you some peppermint tea. It\u2019s as good as water, and the mint will help your stomach settle even more. I also brought a baking soda rinse to freshen your mouth.\u201d The man from the desk followed her in with two buckets of hot water that he added to the tub. She waited for Adam to finish the tea and then tucked a small pillow behind his head. \u201cI\u2019m going to sew while you relax. But I\u2019ll keep talking now and then so you don\u2019t fall asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d just begun to doze when her voice snuck into his consciousness, asking him again why he\u2019d had so much to drink. \u201cDoes it make a difference?\u201d he responded cautiously. So far her care had been aimed at making him comfortable. But this question was treading onto different ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt makes no difference, but I\u2019m wondering why you\u2019d do that. I saw your student card from Harvard in your wallet, and you don\u2019t look like the kind of man who gets drunk regularly: at least not to this extent. So why so much tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

He thought about it and couldn\u2019t find a logical answer. \u201cIt\u2019s my first cattle drive without my father along and I just let loose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI doubt that\u2019s it. That card said you were studying engineering, so I\u2019m betting you have a very logical mind. Isn\u2019t engineering all about mathematics and figuring out how things work?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s pretty accurate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo why would an engineer drink himself sick the first time he got shed of his pa? Seems to me you were probably drinking for some reason that seemed<\/em> logical at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes my room rate include you analyzing my motives?\u201d He snapped. \u201cI got drunk, and probably won\u2019t do it again. There doesn\u2019t have to be a reason except that I wanted to.\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed. \u201cThe gentleman doth protest too much, methinks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sent a small wave of water out the end of the tub as he turned toward her. \u201cYou know Hamlet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust because I work here doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m stupid, Mr. Cartwright. I know Shakespeare because I like to read, and I love the classics.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re not smart.\u201d He thought about his statement and realized it didn\u2019t sound right. \u201cI was just\u2026surprised. Not a lot of people out here read Shakespeare.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I started out in Boston. In fact my father taught at a boys\u2019 academy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo how\u2019d you end up here?\u201d<\/p>\n

She chuckled. \u201dI came to \u2018here\u2019 San Francisco after my father died, hoping to support myself as a maid or shopkeeper. I came \u2018here\u2019 to the boardroom after I found that being a hostess was far more lucrative.\u201d Her voice took on a serious edge. \u201cI don\u2019t think of myself as a fallen dove, a harlot or any of the other nasty names people give those who do what I do. I provide a service to men who need gratification without complications\u2026and I\u2019m good at my job. I work here because the clientele are gentlemen, and the woman who runs the house pays me well and keeps me safe and healthy. I know I won\u2019t ever find a \u2018proper\u2019 husband here, but I\u2019ll have enough money soon to go wherever I want.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry if I you thought I was judging you,\u201d he offered sheepishly. \u201cIt\u2019s just that I\u2019ve never\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever used the services of a gentleman\u2019s club?\u201d she asked with a grin, \u201cOr never experienced \u2018gratification\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

Another small wave of water exited the tub as he turned away. \u201cI\u2019m not sure how this conversation got headed in my direction again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bonnie walked over to him and laid her arms around his shoulders. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. I knew everything about you two minutes after meeting you.\u201d She heard him snort, and continued. \u201cI spotted your innocence the minute I saw you. Can\u2019t say what it is exactly, but I could tell. I could also tell you had money by the fine clothes and leather you were wearing, and I figured you\u2019d been drinking to forget something\u2026most probably a betrayal by a woman you thought would marry you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She chuckled as she heard him sigh. \u201cDon\u2019t even try to deny it. I read you<\/em> like a book, but I also read the name and address on the well-worn piece of paper in your wallet accompanying your student card and money. If it was a name and location that meant nothing to you, you\u2019d leave it out in the open, but you keep this particular name where no can see it but you. Its location also confirmed what I figured about you being single. A wife might go into her husband\u2019s wallet to get cash for her errands, so you wouldn\u2019t leave the name of a lover in there. So it\u2019s the name of someone you hold dear, even though your feelings about her are private. And the final clue was that her address is in Boston, and that, along with seeing that your student card expired some months back, leads me to the conclusion that she has failed to remember you since you parted.\u201d<\/p>\n

She could tell by the mild blush on his face that she\u2019d been right about most of it. \u201cThere\u2019s something else, she continued. \u201cAll those clues made me think you decided it was time to experience this part of life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBull.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe only bull in here is coming from you.\u201d She dropped her robe to the floor and knelt by the tub as she slid her arm down his slippery chest.\u201d<\/p>\n

His protest of her hand placement dissolved into a throaty moan as he leaned back and allowed her to continue.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ll allow me, I\u2019ll help you forget what you can\u2019t change.\u201d She grabbed an oversized towel, holding it up for him to wrap around himself when he stepped from the tub, and smiled as she got a first look. \u201cYou are a finely built man,\u201d she whispered as she took his hand and led him to the bed. \u201cAre you ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s heart, mind, and body were in a tug of war. \u201cThis doesn\u2019t seem right somehow. There\u2019s no love…\u201d<\/p>\n

She touched his cheek and looked into his eyes. \u201cThis isn\u2019t about love tonight. This is about need and comfort. You\u2019re not betraying anyone; it\u2019s just between you and me. You\u2019ll go your way when you leave here, and remember me with gratitude, not love.\u201d She removed the towel and had him sit on the edge of the bed while she slipped from her gown. \u201cFirst lesson,\u201d she breathed into his ear, \u201cis learning the human body. There are so many wondrous places to explore\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Bonnie braced herself on her elbow, and looked down at Adam. \u201cYou\u2019ve been silent for almost five minutes. You better say something soon or I\u2019ll call the undertaker.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t have words to describe what he\u2019d just experienced, although he was sure there were many medical and physiological terms for it. All he knew was that he didn\u2019t feel drunk anymore, and his body was settling down from the fire that had driven him. Bonnie had done things to him he\u2019d only read about in the lewd novels that had been passed around school with the erotic passages marked for easy reading. But she\u2019d also taken the time to teach him about what would please both of them. He smiled up at her. \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say or how to thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI accept tips,\u201d she answered playfully\u2026and honestly, before getting out of bed. After slipping into a robe, she sat next to him and kissed his forehead. \u201cI\u2019m going to leave now. You should rest soundly until morning. I\u2019ll arrange for breakfast and some headache powder to be brought up early. I imagine you\u2019ll need both.\u201d She walked to the door. \u201cYou\u2019re a gentle man, Adam Cartwright, and a quick and willing learner. It\u2019s been my pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n

*******************************************************************************<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Relearning Old Lessons<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Eleven years later)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go inside and give them a little privacy,\u201d he said to his father after Laura ran to Will.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s first steps since falling two-stories from a ladder had been tentative and stiff, but they had accomplished his goal. His cousin and his ex-fianc\u00e9e were leaving\u2026together.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d tried to reason with Will after overhearing the conversation where his cousin and Laura had professed their love. Adam had assured him that he wasn\u2019t \u201cbeing the bigger man\u201d in letting Laura go. He had even confessed to him that his proposal had been fueled by a desire to have his own home and family, not love, and his feelings for Laura weren\u2019t strong enough to support a marriage. It had gotten even stranger when he\u2019d told Will that he held no bad feelings toward them for falling in love, and wanted them to be happy\u2026while Will had remained adamant that he couldn\u2019t take Laura from him.<\/p>\n

His talk with Laura had produced agreement, but still no action. She\u2019d conceded that their marriage would never have worked\u2026if it ever had gotten that far, but said she\u2019d never be able to convince Will to take her with him. After all\u2026Will was too worried about Adam still needing her. All he\u2019d gotten from that assessment was that Will wanted to leave Laura behind as a babysitter, perhaps to assuage his guilt in the matter.<\/p>\n

Those conversations had prompted his decision to do something dramatic to move the pair away from being star-crossed lovers and to living happily ever after\u2026or at least leaving. There had been only one thing he could think of that would end their guilt about his accident and repeal their misguided intention of staying apart to atone for it. \u00a0He\u2019d decided he\u2019d have to stand and prove his self-sufficiency. As he\u2019d considered making his \u201cstatement\u201d he\u2019d suspected he could make it upright without trouble; the trickier part had resided in whether he would remain that way. Taking a step wouldn\u2019t have been possible if he hadn\u2019t been able to balance himself.<\/p>\n

As he\u2019d sat in his \u201cconveyance\u201d watching Will prepare the buckboard to leave for town, and then endured his cousin\u2019s final admonishment to \u201ckeep up the exercises,\u201d accompanied by Laura\u2019s doe-eyed, chaste goodbye to her lover, he\u2019d decided it was time to go for it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d pushed up and felt the exhilaration of standing. That feat had allowed him to take a wobbly step toward Laura, and he\u2019d made her turn to face him. Her relief in seeing him there had been palpable. His<\/em> relief had nearly made him jump for joy, but that would have pushed things too far, so he\u2019d stayed earthbound. His first step had turned into another and another until he was on his way inside. He knew his father was itching to lend a hand, but he hoped he\u2019d control his urge until the happy couple was out of sight.<\/p>\n

Hearing the wagon rumble past the barn, he looked at Ben with a pained grin. \u201cThey\u2019re gone now, Pa, so I could really use your help.\u201d He felt the man\u2019s strong arm wrap around his back to give him the support he needed to inch his way through the door and across the room to the red chair. He groaned in agony as he lowered himself into the soft leather. \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d he said softly as he tried to get comfortable.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head and smiled broadly. \u201cDid you know you could walk, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled. \u201cStand\u2026maybe, but walking surprised me as much as you. I\u2019ve felt strength returning to my legs for days, but I wasn\u2019t sure what that would mean in mobility.\u201d He sighed loudly as the tensions of the last weeks began to float away. His chuckle restarted and crescendoed to a laugh that echoed from the beams. He continued until tears ran down his cheeks, and he had to lean forward to catch his breath and relieve the cramping in his back.<\/p>\n

Ben sat across from him on the low table, and laid a hand on Adam\u2019s knee as the young man eased himself back in the chair. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d He waited through a period of silence, and finally prodded, \u201cSay something, son. I\u2019m getting concerned that you may have reinjured yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pushed up straighter and smiled to relieve his father\u2019s worry. \u201cI was just giving thanks for…so many things.\u201d He patted his father\u2019s hand. \u201cA lot of bad decisions were solved with the steps I just took. But then, you tried to warn me I was doing things for the wrong reason.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did.\u201d He thought a moment and frowned. \u00a0\u201cI wonder if putting Will and Laura together so often in your absence might have pushed Laura toward him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, if Laura and I had been right for each other, there\u2019d have been no temptation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did<\/em> you propose if you weren\u2019t \u2018right for each other?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam blew out a long breath and made a decision. \u201cWhat I\u2019m going to tell you has to remain between us.\u201d He waited for his father\u2019s nod. \u201cI proposed to a young woman named Melinda while I was in Boston.\u201d He watched his father\u2019s expression change from shock to humor, and asked, \u201cWhy are you grinning like that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were engaged? You said you were so grouchy because you hadn\u2019t heard from a \u2018friend!\u2019 I knew she was more than a friend, but didn\u2019t guess that you were engaged to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was never engaged,\u201d He answered sharply. \u201cShe said no.\u201d Adam knew he\u2019d crossed a line of respect with his tone. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. I\u2019m not comfortable talking about things like this. It was her reason for refusing that applies. We knew there would be a long separation before we could think of marriage, and she told me that the proposal came out of my attempt to order my life during a time of change and uncertainty. We agreed that we\u2019d each use the time apart the best we could, and then plan our future later.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMelinda sounds like a smart woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe is. But I didn\u2019t learn that lesson well enough back then, and let outside pressure affect my decision to marry Laura.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI liked Laura, and I also knew she needed help, first with telling Peggy about her father\u2019s death, and then with the ranch. Being with her was\u2026pleasant, but If we could have taken our time without outside interference, we would have realized we weren\u2019t a good match. It all went wrong when Laura\u2019s aunt showed up. The agenda for her trip was to get Laura married, and she manipulated everyone to accomplish her<\/em> goal. She tried goading me into jealousy, and when that didn\u2019t work as well as planned, she convinced Laura to move away. I knew that wasn\u2019t what Laura wanted, but I wouldn\u2019t be coerced into proposing. The deeper problem was that Laura<\/em> couldn\u2019t bear her aunt\u2019s pressure and wouldn\u2019t tell her what she really wanted, and went along with whatever the woman suggested. I cared enough for Laura that I could see the fear and reluctance in her eyes the day she was supposed to leave. So much happened that day, and I \u2018reacted\u2019 by doing the only thing I knew would protect her from what was happening. I proposed.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI should have forced Laura to talk honestly to her aunt instead.\u201d Another sigh. \u201cThat\u2019s Laura though. She can\u2019t be honest with others because she\u2019s not honest with herself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t love Laura at all?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn some ways, but we had little in common. The bigger issue was that we had different ways of handling problems, and that always put us at odds. We both knew it wouldn\u2019t work soon after our engagement, but we went on pretending\u2014maybe hoping that it would become real if we acted like it was. I distanced myself from her by building a house that would have been a symbol of what I couldn\u2019t feel, and she realized that she wanted a different Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded thoughtfully while pacing to the gun cabinet and back. He looked down at his eldest, smiling like a cat hiding a finch in its mouth. \u201cThere\u2019s something more here than Laura, Will, and you falling off the roof. When I said that Melinda was smart, you replied that she \u2018is.\u2019 That tense tells me that you have updated information.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do,\u201d Adam admitted sheepishly. \u201cI saw Melinda in Sacramento when I got stuck there and missed the engagement party. I rescued a woman who was being assaulted by a couple of drunks outside the jewelry store where I was picking out Laura\u2019s wedding ring. I recognized who it was while helping her up. We were uncomfortable at first, but that changed when we realized that we\u2019d each written letters for months, but neither of us received any of them. There\u2019s no explanation as to where they ended up, but we accepted it as a sign that our lives were supposed to go the way they did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHas she married?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d Adam closed his eyes as he thought back to having been with Melinda those days, and shivered. \u201cI came home intending to honor my vow to Laura, but I knew it was over the minute I walked into her house. Something had changed in both of us. If we\u2019d have talked honestly that day, we would have saved ourselves a lot of trouble. I fell the next day, and we continued the charade here while I recovered. At first I was too intent on walking again to care about it, but lately I was gritting my teeth whenever she\u2019d come in the room, and I\u2019d cringe when she spoke to me in the same cajoling tone she uses on Peggy. And even though she was playing the role of nurse here, I could tell she was as absent from me as I was from her.\u201d He laughed. \u201cI\u2019d decided to force an honest discussion with her today, and ask that she move back to her ranch. But providence stepped in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you contact Melinda now?\u201d<\/p>\n

His laugh became a groan as he readjusted himself in the chair. \u201cFirst of all, those steps I took nearly did me in, and probably set my recovery back a few weeks. If I wasn\u2019t so relieved at how things turned out, I\u2019d be howling with the pain I\u2019m in right now. So\u2026I\u2019ll take one step at a time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t think Melinda will marry in the meantime?\u201d<\/p>\n

His smile held a satisfied set. \u201cThe first thing I loved about Melinda was her honesty, and she hasn\u2019t changed. She\u2019s done so much with her life in the years we\u2019ve been apart. She\u2019s an educator and an author\u2026\u201d His words silenced as the smile continued.<\/p>\n

The knowing father nudged Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI can see how much you \u2018think\u2019 of her. What you didn\u2019t answer is whether she\u2019ll stay single.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026\u201d He shook his head. \u201cWe took a walk our last day in Sacramento, and ended up at the jewelry store where we\u2019d met. She pointed out an expensive bracelet that she said she\u2019d \u2018loved\u2019 from the first moment she\u2019d seen it. Then she looked at me and said she couldn\u2019t have it yet, but she knew her patience would be rewarded because the best things are always worth waiting for.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled as he nodded. \u201cThey always are, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Their conversation ended as Joe and Hoss rushed in the front door.<\/p>\n

Hoss pointed outside when he saw his father and Adam. \u00a0\u201cHey, we just seen Will and Laura headin\u2019 down the road on the buckboard, and they was smoochin\u2019! What\u2019s that all about?\u201d<\/p>\n

Before either of them could answer, Joe asked. \u201cAnd why is Adam\u2019s wheelchair sitting out there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCalm down, you two,\u201d Ben ordered. \u201cWe\u2019ll tell you about the day if you give us a chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam gave his brothers the abridged version of the story, leaving out any mention of Melinda.<\/p>\n

\u201c I\u2019m glad you can walk again,\u201d Joe offered and accepted his brother\u2019s thanks. He winked at him before adding, \u201cI\u2019m glad for a number of reasons, but mostly because I could see you was getting\u2019 ready to blow your top over your circumstances.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u201d Adam grumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t tell me you didn\u2019t hate getting carried up and down the steps, and you growled about the wheelchair\u2026even though you pretended to be excited about our modifications.\u201d Joe giggled. \u201cAnd I noticed those eye rolls you\u2019d do behind Laura\u2019s back when she\u2019d tell you to be a \u2018good boy\u2019 and eat your vegetables or do your exercises. Heck I wish Pa would\u2019a seen those snarly glares you gave him behind his back when he had to help you use the porcelain facility.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re probably right.\u201d Adam nodded at his brother. \u201cI tried to keep my humor when Peggy was around, but I was getting impatient with a lot of things. And I\u2019m sure Pa knew exactly what I was doing behind his back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I did,\u201d Ben agreed. \u201cNot all of it was behind my back either. Yesterday you told me where I could stick my exercises.\u201d \u00a0He stood and pointed at Adam. \u201cAnd now I saw that grimace when you moved again, so we should cut this short so your brothers can help you upstairs to rest before dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam yelped as he stood, and bobbled until he got his sea legs again. \u201cWhat I\u2019d like to do is use the guestroom down here until I can handle the steps. I can use a cane to get where I need to go without much help if I\u2019m on the ground floor.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

He made it to the room off the dining area, using Hoss\u2019s arm for support, but he was sweating and drawing short, ragged breaths as he eased onto the bed. His brothers continued talking and asking questions until Ben reminded them that Adam was there to rest.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d he said as Ben removed his slippers and rearranged the pillows. \u201cI wonder if I did the right thing today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes narrowed making his brows met above his nose. \u201cFrom what I could see, you gave two people a chance to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

He crossed his arms behind his head. \u201cWhen I found out about Will and Laura, I made it clear to him that I didn\u2019t love her and wasn\u2019t going to marry her. He brushed it off by saying I was trying to save my pride by giving Laura to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose he was embarrassed at being caught with the woman you were still engaged to.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cEven Laura admitted that she knew it would never work for us, and I told her to go with Will and be happy. But she said he said he wouldn\u2019t take her from me<\/em> in my condition<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shrugged. \u201cMaybe that makes some sense\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam cut in. \u201cI know Will is family, and we\u2019ve found out that most of the trouble he was in came from being in the wrong place, or getting mixed up with the wrong people. But if you look more closely, you see a pattern of him making excuses and running away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI began to wonder if the romance with Laura was a case of wanting something until he actually got it, and then using me as his excuse when it looked like he might actually have to do more than talk about being with her.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cWhat sort of man would leave behind the woman he claimed to love, expecting that she continue tending to another man she doesn\u2019t<\/em> love or want to have a life with? It was only his<\/em> reluctance, not hers\u2026or mine\u2026that was keeping them apart, and it didn\u2019t make sense unless he was running away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm.\u201d Ben pondered Adam\u2019s statement. \u201cSo when you stood and walked, you were testing Will as much as your legs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a good way of putting it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe seemed happy when she went to him, didn\u2019t he?\u201d Ben wanted to believe that his nephew had changed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe did. Let\u2019s hope it wasn\u2019t just being caught off-guard, and not knowing what else to do.\u201d Adam grew silent.<\/p>\n

Ben pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it over his son. \u201cRest now. I think what you did today will make Will and Laura face the truth. Only time will prove whether they can make it work.\u201d He patted Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019ve got your own decisions to make now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned over as he tried to get comfortable and muttered, \u201cAin\u2019t that the truth,\u201d as he closed his eyes and dozed off.<\/p>\n

***********************************************************************************<\/strong><\/p>\n

Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eternal Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tonight\u2019s the night<\/em>, he thought as he worked pomade through his hair, and then used a brush to tame his wet curls into waves. \u201cI hope I\u2019m not rushing this,\u201d he mumbled just as his grandfather walked past his open bedroom door.<\/p>\n

Abel stopped and peered in, smiling as he saw how his grandson was dressed. \u201cDid you say something?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s head snapped toward the doorway. \u201cJust talking to myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man smiled as he entered the room. \u201cYou know what I always say about talking to yourself\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one thinks you\u2019re crazy until you answer yourself too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I\u2019ve fallen into bad habits in my years of living alone, and can easily have entire conversations with myself. It\u2019s no wonder my friends think I\u2019m daft.\u201d Abel winked. \u201cYou look nice. Are you taking Melinda someplace special?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned to the mirror, giving his reflection a quick once over and found one thing missing. He grabbed the narrow black tie from the dresser top and folded it before tucking it in his pocket, deciding to put it on when Melinda was ready to leave. He was getting used to \u201cdressing up\u201d for his life in Boston, but he still didn\u2019t like it. There were occasions on the Ponderosa when a suit was necessary apparel, but most of the time he\u2019d worn work clothes, leaving the shirt neck open and sleeves rolled up. He pushed aside the discomfort of the stiff white collar rubbing at the back of his neck, and turned toward Abel, remembering that his grandfather had asked a question. \u201cI made reservations at that new restaurant overlooking the water.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know which one you mean, but you know me; I\u2019d prefer a pub over a fancy eatery.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d agree with you most times. The nicest part about the restaurant is its location next to the park with a path along the harbor. It\u2019s a warm spring evening so I thought we\u2019d take a walk after dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel grinned slyly. \u201cIs it just a walk you\u2019ll be takin\u2019, son, or is there more to it than that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve only been back two months, but you see can right through me already.\u201d Adam laid an arm around his grandfather\u2019s shoulders. \u201cThis has to remain between us\u2026got it? I know Sadie is your confidant as well as your housekeeper, but you can\u2019t tell her. I don\u2019t want her feeling sorry for me and patting my head if Melinda says no.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCaptain\u2019s honor,\u201d Abel vowed as he raised his hand in a salute. \u201cI can\u2019t imagine the young lady refusing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam drew a deep breath and blew it out slowly. \u201cShe did twelve years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAye, but it was the right decision then. I doubt either of you could have predicted that your time apart would stretch on for so many years. Yet, you seem to have picked up where you left off without any trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cWe did, and we\u2019ve promised to be honest about those years.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel took a step back and eyed Adam warily. \u201cHonesty is a good thing in theory, but be careful about sharing too much. Sometimes all truthfulness does is create hurt feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wondered about that, but we decided we\u2019d prefer to hear about these\u2026people\u2026from each other now, rather than to be blindsided by a reference to them or a situation later.\u201d<\/p>\n

And how\u2019s that going?\u201d Abel asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell enough,\u201d He noted the doubtful look in his grandfather\u2019s eyes, and he sputtered, \u201cYou must think I was quite the lady\u2019s man back home. There were only a couple of women I felt strongly about, and Melinda knows who they are\u2026and<\/em> the circumstances under which those feelings grew.\u201d He looked towards the mirror and grabbed his brush to tame a section of hair that had begun to curl again. \u201cAnd it\u2019s not like Melinda lived in a convent during those years. In fact she was the one who suggested we do this and told me first about the proposals she received.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHad she thought seriously about marrying any of these\u2026suitors?\u201d<\/p>\n

Melinda had told him that she could never think seriously about accepting because the men who\u2019d made them had never lived up to her memories of him. But he wasn\u2019t about to share that with his grandfather. \u201cHer reasons for telling me were as I mentioned. Her parents and sister live in Boston now, so it\u2019s likely to come up at some point with them\u2026or at least from her mother.\u201d He grimaced. \u201cYou remember Margaret, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel chuckled and nodded. \u201cAye; she\u2019s a beautiful and intelligent woman like her daughter, but with a razor sharp tongue and little discretion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t seen her since I\u2019ve been back, but that\u2019s as I remember her too. Melinda knows her mother will enjoy dropping the names of her prosperous and well-known beaus, just to see my reaction. It will deflate Margaret\u2019s sails if I already know about them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a good plan.\u201d A wicked smile played at the corners of his lips. \u201cI was playing devil\u2019s advocate, son. You and Melinda are a perfect pairing, and your honesty will forestall future discomfort.\u201d Abel reached around Adam\u2019s shoulders to give him a quick hug before stepping away, \u201cI\u2019m glad you were able to fall in love with her again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAgain?\u201d Adam laughed. \u201cI never stopped. But Melinda is a strong-willed woman, and she will have no problem refusing me if she has any doubts.\u201d The clock\u2019s hour-chime startled the two men, and made Adam grab his wallet and hat. \u201cOur reservation is in an hour, so I better get going.\u201d He nudged Abel. \u201cI know you\u2019re thinking that the restaurant is only a ten-minute walk from here, but you\u2019re forgetting that no matter what time I arrive next door, I will wait at least a half-hour before she\u2019s ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel led the way from Adam\u2019s room down to the parlor, and shook his grandson\u2019s hand before sending him on his way. \u201cI know you\u2019ll be in late, but maybe when you walk past on the way home from the park, you can find a way to let me know how it went.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam began his walk next door and realized the short distance seemed to be stretching more each day, and he hoped his proposal would soon close that divide.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d arrived back in Boston two months ago, but Melinda had been away promoting a teaching system she\u2019d developed\u2014the same one that had brought her to Sacramento. Although he\u2019d been planning to come East at some point, his return had been spurred by something other than wanting to marry the girl next door to his grandfather. The mess with Laura had left him careful about making decisions for the wrong reasons. But when he received news that Abel had suffered a stroke, he\u2019d lit a fuse to his fears that had exploded any doubts. Telling his father that he was leaving\u2026with no set plans of returning\u2026was the hardest thing he\u2019d ever done. But he\u2019d been given a happy sendoff, and he\u2019d carried his family with him on the journey east.<\/p>\n

Abel had made good progress by the time Adam had arrived, and the presence of his grandson had seemed to be the catalyst to making a full recovery. With his grandfather on the mend, he\u2019d been able to start his new life in Boston. He\u2019d joined the Wadsworth engineering firm and was proving himself invaluable to the father of his college roommate. The Wadsworth family had welcomed him back into their family even though their son now lived in San Francisco. Frank hadn\u2019t changed a bit while Adam had been away, and the older man called him, \u201cson,\u201d just as he had twelve years earlier.<\/p>\n

While Abel\u2019s health had returned, Melinda\u2019s homecoming two weeks ago had almost given his grandson a stroke. Adam thought back to the day when she\u2019d pulled up to her house in a buggy with another man who\u2019d accompanied her inside. \u00a0He and Abel had been in the yard and he\u2019d seen her arrival\u2026and that she\u2019d taken the man\u2019s arm while laughing at something he\u2019d said as they\u2019d walked to her door. He\u2019d had to swallowing the lump in his throat that had seemed to obstruct his breathing and left his head spinning as he\u2019d tried to come to grips with what he\u2019d seen. He thought he\u2019d be prepared for the possibility that she\u2019d moved on with her life, but he hadn\u2019t been.<\/p>\n

His sadness had lifted when they\u2019d emerged from the house minutes later, and she\u2019d given the same man a peck on the cheek while thanking him for picking her up at the station\u2026and sending along her best wishes for his wife<\/em>.\u00a0 Melinda had turned then; had seen him in the yard, and had run to him. They\u2019d met halfway, where they had clung to each other as they would to a raft in a stormy sea. The embers left burning in Sacramento had burst into a bonfire, and they\u2019d spent every day together since then.<\/p>\n

He shook his head and sent thanks heavenward as the memories receded. A year ago he\u2019d made bad decisions that had almost cost him everything, but fate had intervened. The few hours he\u2019d spent with Melinda in Sacramento had reminded him of what real love felt like, and he\u2019d faced that he couldn\u2019t be happy in the direction he\u2019d been headed. He\u2019d gone through a physical and emotional recovery afterwards that had brought him to this moment\u2026and he was happy.<\/p>\n

He knew his proposal tonight would end what social standards considered a very short courtship, but he couldn\u2019t wait any longer, and he hoped they\u2019d have an even shorter engagement. One important fact remained: nothing could move forward unless Melinda said yes.<\/p>\n

He knocked loudly when he reached her front door, and stuck his head inside. \u201cAnyone ready to go to dinner?\u201d He\u2019d seen her get home from her job with a scholastic publishing company nearly two hours before, so he hoped she wouldn\u2019t have too much left to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cMake yourself at home,\u201d floated down the stairs. \u201cI\u2019m just about done.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled up at Melinda when she appeared at the head of the stairs. It seemed a good omen that she was wearing the same green dress she\u2019d worn in Sacramento. Her cheeks were flushed from what he figured were her hurried preparations\u2026and he thought she\u2019d never looked more beautiful. The only thing he couldn\u2019t figure out was why she had a death grip on an over-stuffed shoe box.<\/p>\n

She blew a breath upwards, trying to cool her face while noting Adam\u2019s questioning stare. Making no reference to the package, she asked, \u201cDid you see the business section of the paper today? There\u2019s an article about what Wadsworth Engineering is doing to renovate that old dock on the St. Charles River. It mentions their latest acquisition, a bright engineer named, Adam Cartwright, who will use his experience in harbor construction to lead the project.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrank showed it to me as soon as I walked in the office today, and then he said I\u2019d better live up to my press.\u201d They both laughed while she came down the steps and motioned for him to follow her to the table.<\/p>\n

She slid her chair closer to him, still holding the box on her lap, and chewed her lip before beginning. \u201cYou recall that Aunt Lynne was getting forgetful back when you were here for school?\u201d He nodded. \u201cIt got worse that summer before I left for college. She didn\u2019t always recognize people and would often live in a sort of made-up world. She had lucid moments when she\u2019d know how bad it was, and since she and I were so close, she asked me to help her. I made arrangements for the bank to pay her bills and hired a woman to live with her while I was away. She became a little more lost each year I was gone, and after I graduated, I came back here and helped until she died.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tipped his head as his brow rose. \u201cI remember you telling me some of this in Sacramento. Did something come up regarding Lynne that\u2019s making you look so concerned?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded, while tears flooded from her eyes. \u201cI solved a mystery today.\u201d She choked out a chuckle at his surprised expression, and sniffed while allowing him to dab the moisture from her cheeks with his handkerchief. \u201cI inherited this house when she passed, but it was such a sad and busy time that I stored her things in the attic. I had plans to go through them later, but I started traveling for my book then, and never got to it. Today I remembered her having a crocheted lace shawl that would look nice with my dress, and I went to look for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you find it?\u201d he asked, thinking the elusive clothing item held the mystery.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but I found this too.\u201d She set the box on the table and lifted the cover, allowing an overflow of envelopes to cascade onto the table.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes popped open as he fanned out the correspondence and spotted familiar handwriting. \u201cThese are the letters I sent to you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe ones I sent to you are in there too!\u201d She started to cry again as she bowed her head.<\/p>\n

He touched her face gently, making her look at him. \u201cWhy are you so upset?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure whether I\u2019m crying because I\u2019m mad about never getting them or out of joy because we have proof that our promises were kept.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you have any idea why Lynne didn\u2019t give them to you?\u201d He sorted through and began counting the number of envelopes from him. \u201cI wrote every week for months, and I\u2019d say most of them are here.\u201d He separated another pile addressed to him.<\/p>\n

Melinda composed herself and sat up straighter as she took his hand. \u201cI think I know how they got here, but not why she hid them.\u201d She sniffed again and borrowed his hankie. \u201cYou didn\u2019t know that I got an offer to a better school after you left, and since you didn\u2019t get my letter telling you about it, you sent your first letters to Illinois. The school must have forwarded those here because I used Aunt Lynne\u2019s as my home address. You told me that you\u2019d sensed something was wrong and sent later letters to Lynne\u2019s address, hoping I\u2019d get them here.\u201c<\/p>\n

She slumped back in her chair and sighed. \u201cThe bigger mystery is why the letters I wrote to you before I left that summer didn\u2019t reach you.\u201d Her face crinkled in thought. \u201cYou know\u2026I laid them on the table with the outgoing post, and I\u2019m betting Lynne found them and stashed them before our housekeeper took them out. \u00a0As for the rest that I sent to you from school\u2026I saw notes on most of them saying there was no such destination, so the mail station on campus didn\u2019t post them to the territory correctly. \u00a0I used this address for returns, and they came back to Lynne.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat makes sense, but didn\u2019t it seem odd to you that you never received mail here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe gave me correspondence from school and my family, so I never knew there was anything missing.\u201d<\/p>\n

He winked. \u201cNow for the really mysterious part; why did she hide them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been puzzling through that, and wonder if she remembered you and suspected what they were and worried that if I was in love, I\u2019d go off with you and leave her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhew,\u201d he whistled. \u201cThat makes sense. She must have been afraid of being alone.\u201d He reached in the box again and pulled another envelope out. \u201cThe ones on the bottom are addressed to Lynne, and seem older. I wonder why they\u2019re together with ours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThose are her<\/em> love letters. Lynne was in love with a young man who was forced to marry someone else. But he and Lynne continued a torrid love affair through those letters, and by meeting in New York once a year for a few days of blissful union.\u201d She laughed at Adam\u2019s expression. \u201cThose were Lynne\u2019s words not mine. She once told me she got the best parts of him, while his wife got the leftovers.\u201d She nodded toward the table. \u201cOne day when I was about 16, I was helping Lynne to clean her closet and I found this box. She read some to me and told me about her trysts. I was speechless. My aunt was always a progressive thinker, but what she did was shocking, considering her upbringing! What saved her from scandal was that they were discreet enough to never get caught. I packed this box in with her clothing after she died, and never looked inside because I thought I knew what it contained. I wouldn\u2019t have looked today except the string around it broke when I lifted it, and the lid went flying.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam had continued looking through the trove of correspondence while Melinda spoke, and gave her a \u201ccaught ya\u201d grin. \u201cDid you enjoy reading the ones from me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her tone was wounded. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t open them without you, and quite frankly I think they need to remain part of our past. I can\u2019t remember everything I wrote and I\u2019m sure it\u2019s the same for you. We were young, and\u2026\u201d She stopped to consider why he\u2019d asked the question. \u201cThey all looked sealed to me. Were some of them opened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think all of mine were, but none of yours.\u201d He picked out a few and showed them to her. \u201cSome were pulled open, See?\u201d He showed her the small tears on the flap where it had been lifted. \u201cI think the heat and humidity in the attic resealed them.\u201d He picked out another and squeezed it to reveal a cut. \u201cThe rest of them were slit open on the bottom.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s how Lynne opened things. She used a sword-shaped letter opener that was a gift from \u2018him.\u2019\u201d The impact of this information sunk in as Melinda groaned. \u201cLynne must have read your letters.\u201d She shivered as a sour look crossed her face.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s fine, honey,\u201d he vowed. \u201cThere\u2019s no harm done, and it\u2019s nice that something good came out of all my penmanship. I agree that we\u2019ll let them rest in peace. But,\u201d he teased, \u201cI\u2019m taking custody of mine so you can\u2019t publish them one day if you get mad at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Melinda\u2019s mind was still considering why her aunt had opened Adam\u2019s letters. She drew a sharp breath as her hand flew to cover her mouth. \u201cOh! Oh my goodness, Adam.\u00a0 I think I know what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut with it!\u201d he said as he moved his chair closer and wrapped his arm around her waist.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the cloudiness of mind she was experiencing, I never quite knew what was true. Some things were so far off, but I\u2019d play along because she\u2019d get irritated if I tried to correct her.\u201d She sighed deeply. \u201cI just remembered her coming into my room shortly after I got home after graduation. She looked so happy that day, and she was excited to tell me about something wonderful that had happened while I\u2019d been gone.\u201d Melinda frowned. \u201cI was busy trying to get ready for my new job as a copy reader so I barely listened, and certainly didn\u2019t think it through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did she say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe told me a rambling story about how her lover had begun writing to her again after years of silence. She said he\u2019d gone out west, and he wrote that he missed her with all his heart; that he loved her, and would return to marry her one day. Oh\u2026.,\u201d Melinda groaned. \u201cShe also said she\u2019d written to him, and couldn\u2019t understand why her letters had come back unopened.\u201d Melinda chuckled sadly. \u201cI knew her beau had died years before, and figured she had gone through her old letters and thought he was alive. If I\u2019d questioned her about them, I might have realized that there was something off. But I had no desire to go through that again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cSo she was probably reading my letters, and thought she<\/em> had written yours. It probably started out just as you said: that she took yours thinking you\u2019d leave. Then later when my letters arrived, she entered into a new fantasy.\u201d He grinned. \u201cIt might have tipped you off if she\u2019d mentioned names. There aren\u2019t many families with a Hoss.\u201d He kissed her cheek. \u201cBut I\u2019m sure she adapted what I\u2019d written to fit her delirium.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her nod came with a teary whisper. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry\u2026for her and us. Her confusion kept us apart all those years. I hope you\u2019re not too angry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t be mad. I\u2019ve come to a few conclusions, and one of them is that life happens as it\u2019s meant to. In reality, we only \u2018lost\u2019 time, while we gained so much. It\u2019s as you said when I proposed: we both were able to experience life and we\u2019re stronger for it. And now we\u2019re together again, and have the proof of our promises on the table in front of us. It\u2019s kind of\u2026perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n

She laid her head on his shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mind was racing. His plan was to propose later in the park, but it seemed that fate was stepping in again. He pushed his chair back and dropped to his knee while taking her hand. \u201cSpeaking of things being perfect, maybe it\u2019s the perfect time to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

She interrupted. \u201cI think I know where this is leading, and I can\u2019t let you do it, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her preemptive refusal stunned him. That\u2019s it, I\u2019m joining<\/em> a monastery. He stood silently, retrieved his hat from bannister post, and headed for the door. His exit stalled when he heard Melinda laugh. That was too much. He faced her again and strode to the middle of the room, intending to say something; although once he\u2019d positioned himself, he had no idea what that would be.<\/p>\n

Melinda came over and led him to the couch, forcing him to sit. \u201cI don\u2019t think that went the way I\u2019d envisioned it. I was planning to do this tonight, but I knew what happened just now provided the perfect setting for a proposal, and I had to stop you.\u201d She noticed how red his face had become and said, \u201cYou better say something, sweetheart, or I think your head might explode.\u201d<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t understand how she could find humor in the situation. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you want to marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I want<\/em> to marry you, but I told you twelve years ago that when the time was \u2018perfect,\u2019 I\u2019d propose to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

His hurt look softened as curiosity overrode his anger. \u201cYou did at that.\u201d<\/p>\n

She reached for his hand as she sat next to him. \u201cUsing the words once said to me by someone I love very much\u2026<\/p>\n

Nothing in the world is single;
\nAll things by a law divine
\nIn another’s being mingle–
\nWhy not I with thine?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

She saw him smile, and asked, \u201cAdam, my love, will you marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are the only one I want, Melinda; the one I have always needed and loved.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you too, Adam.\u201d She grinned devilishly. \u201cBut I need an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps this will do\u2026<\/p>\n

And the sunlight clasps the earth
\nAnd the moonbeams kiss the sea:
\nWhat are all these kissings worth
\nIf thou kiss not me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, \u201cThat\u2019ll do,\u201d before doing as his answer prompted.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

They continued to seal their engagement until the clock sounded the quarter-to chime, and Adam said they should go ahead with their dinner plans so they\u2019d have the strength later to pick up where they\u2019d left off.<\/p>\n

Abel had been keeping vigil at his window, waiting to see the young couple leave for their evening out. His eyes brightened when he saw them come out the door. He noted that his grandson had his arm wrapped around Melinda in a very forward and protective manner. He also couldn\u2019t help but notice their pink cheeks; their easy laughter or the fact that Adam looked toward the window where Abel was standing, and then kissed her in a way that wasn\u2019t proper for a couple that wasn\u2019t engaged. Abel knew exactly what it meant. \u201cHa!\u201d the wise old captain laughed quietly. \u201cYou knew your eagle-eyed grandpa would be keeping watch behind the curtain, didn\u2019t you, son, and you wanted me to know you popped the question early. And by Jove, I know the answer too.\u201d<\/p>\n

He waited until they passed the house before he hurried to the kitchen, snuck up behind his housekeeper, and gave her a peck on the cheek.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow what\u2019ll you be doin\u2019 that for, you old sea devil?\u201d she teased.<\/p>\n

He twirled her around and ended with a little jig, before shouting, \u201cThe lass said yes!<\/p>\n

The End\u2026<\/strong>
\n*It is always hard writing prequels about \u201cVirginia City\u201d because it didn\u2019t exist before the silver strikes in 1859. However, the Cartwright history must have started there long before, so fanfiction writers have created an early version of the place where Ben and his boys hung out and got supplies. Even canon from the scripts has Ben calling it Virginia City in, Marie, My Love<\/em>, when he tells Marie that he has two sons there. In my stories I like to honor history while trying to honor canon as well. Since there really wasn\u2019t much of anything where V.C. stood back in the 1840s when my story takes place, I created a small town growing because settlers heading across the Sierras decided it would make a good place to stay. There may have been a trading post, and where there was a store, people began to gather. I have Will Cass setting up his mercantile there which brought a sense of community to the area and encouraged the building of a saloon, boarding house, blacksmith shop\u2026\u00a0 Cass\u2019s Crossing is entirely fictional, used as a means to give a non-existent place a location. I do refer to it as Virginia City later in the story after Adam returns from school. It still wouldn\u2019t receive that name for another 10 years. One Bonanza episode featuring Henry Comstock, shows how it got the name of Virginia City. However\u2026it had to be called something besides \u201cthe town\u201d in my story, so I turned to canon.<\/p>\n