{"id":11913,"date":"2012-01-19T05:57:03","date_gmt":"2012-01-19T10:57:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=11913"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:25:03","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:25:03","slug":"the-most-beautiful-poem-by-hazelmom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=11913","title":{"rendered":"The Most Beautiful Poem (by HazelMom)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/strong>The family is in tatters, one brother promising to kill another, while another drinks his way to…\u00a0 What happened and can the family been redeemed? \u00a0Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (30,620 words)<\/p>\n

Author\u2019s note: This is a long story and I put a lot of heart into it. There are some different time frames. I hope you have no trouble following it. <\/em><\/p>\n

I would like to dedicate this story to an old high school friend of mine who understands how Hoss is feeling a great deal better than I do.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0The Most Beautiful Poem<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss concentrated on his breathing. It wasn\u2019t working for him regular like. It was either coming in short bursts or it seemed to disappear altogether until he caught himself, and focused on breathing again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The grief was so deep and heavy in his gut that it was a struggle to even stand up. Someone from the hotel kept bringing him water and tea, but he had no interest in bringing anything to his lips. At various points, Adam was sitting across from him. It was only then that energy came to the big man. A rage would rise in him like a\u00a0tornado, and he would struggle to brace himself against it. The only way he knew how to deal with it was to pretend Adam wasn\u2019t there. For days now, he ignored him even when he was sitting mere inches away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For his part, Adam seemed to know that talking to Hoss only inflamed him, and so the two brothers sat like statues day after day until the final accounting had been done. Hoss flinched when a harbor captain came in and handed him the ruined calfskin satchel. It contained both his dreams and his nightmares. He sat with the valise in his lap for most of the day, holding it close, but never trying to open it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Late that afternoon, Adam handed him a bowl of stew, and then sat across from him. Hoss toyed with it for a while, but ate very little. He seemed intent on biting back something he wanted to say. After an hour of wrestling with himself, he looked at his brother with tears in his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I ain\u2019t ever been known for my meanness, and I\u2019ll tell you honestly that I\u2019ve been trying to swallow this feeling ever since it came over me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes and waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut if I don\u2019t say what I\u2019m feeling, it\u2019s going to suffocate me. It feels like it will steal the very breath from my body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Adam. You ain\u2019t never tried to hurt me. Even now, I know that you thought you were doing best. And you are my big brother, and I ain\u2019t never had a day in my life where I wasn\u2019t proud of that fact, but I gotta\u2019 tell you that\u2026if I spend anymore time around you, I\u2019m likely to kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam flinched. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t stop you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 mouth started to quiver, and he wrestled with himself, but finally he let out a deep breath and said, \u201cThe only way I\u2019ll survive this is if I don\u2019t ever have to see your face again for as long as you and I walk this earth.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cThe Ponderosa is yours, Hoss. It was always yours and Joe\u2019s. I\u2026was never more than a visitor. The truth of that is what caused this whole mess.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, tears rolling down his big face, and he slowly got up and walked away, clutching the wilted valise. Adam turned to stone and stayed that way until he was sure his brother had left the hotel for the last time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam rubbed his forehead and looked out the window. Virginia City was bustling, and it wasn\u2019t hard to notice that there were new faces every time he came to town. It used to be that the new person got a lot of attention with people crossing the street just to shake hands, and get a good look at the stranger. Now, it was so common that people just nodded friendly-like and kept walking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Seated across from him was the newest visitor to Virginia City. She sat as straight as a two by four, perched on the end of her chair. She didn\u2019t move a muscle while waiting for him to speak.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sighed deeply and said, \u201cYour credentials, Miss Lottie, are admirable, but I do not think this is the right position for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She frowned. \u201cI\u2019ve grown, Mr. Adam. I\u2019m not that same little girl who caused trouble for Hoss all those years ago. I didn\u2019t even come to see Hoss. I just came \u2018cause this is the only teaching job left in the territory.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Lottie, this is not about Hoss. It\u2019s been four years since all that happened. Things have changed. Walter moved to Montana a couple of years back. Most people wouldn\u2019t even remember it. That is not my concern at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t have that much experience, but I\u2019m a hard worker. I like kids. My composition and writing are quite strong. Admittedly, I could be a stronger math teacher, but I never stop learning.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam put up a hand. \u201cYou are an exemplary candidate and, normally, this would be no problem, but the situation is not what you think it is. If I hired you, you\u2019d be the second teacher in town. Mr. Snick has been here for three years already. We are hiring a second teacher to work with a particularly tough group of students, you see.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, you told me earlier that I would mostly be working with boys in their teen years. I am excited for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Lottie, these boys were kicked out of Mr. Snick\u2019s classroom. They\u2019re incorrigible.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She cocked her head. \u201cBut I\u2019m not worried. I\u2019ll work with \u2018em hard, turn them around.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know these boys. We almost lost Mr. Snick over their shenanigans.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you worried that I\u2019ll give up? I won\u2019t do that. I promise. I want this job more than anything. I\u2019ll work hard. I won\u2019t bother Hoss. If you want, I\u2019ll pretend I don\u2019t even know him. I\u2019ll go to church. Won\u2019t ever walk into a saloon. You won\u2019t ever regret giving me this job.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at her sternly. \u201cThese boys lie and cheat and steal. On any given day, Sheriff Coffee is talking about throwing them in a cell and throwing away the key. That is no sort of set up for a young female teacher. I\u2019m afraid it\u2019s just not\u2026 appropriate to put you in a situation like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She blinked hard and looked away. \u201cI\u2019ve been looking for a teaching job for six months. If you don\u2019t give me a chance, I\u2019m going to have to go back to washing dishes again. I really thought enough time had passed\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Lottie, I\u2019d be pleased to have you as a neighbor. This has nothing to do with any past mistakes. I just can\u2019t in good conscience put you in a schoolroom in front of those hooligans. It\u2019d be like me asking you to break horses or something. It\u2019s just not proper.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She nodded, her eyes focused on her lap. He knew she was struggling with tears. \u201cMiss Lottie, let me walk you back to the hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cI ain\u2019t staying there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam noted the worn fabric of her dress and he cussed silently. \u201cWell, Miss Lottie, maybe I forgot to mention that the Virginia City school board always puts up applicants at the hotel while they\u2019re in town.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t remember anything like that in the ad,\u201d she said, blinking wet eyes at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m the president of the school board. If anyone would know, it\u2019d be me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, you better be making a lot of grub, I\u2019m as hungry as a grizzly bear on the first day of spring!\u201d The voice blasted in from the front porch.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou tell him to keep his pants on!\u201d Hop Sing said to Little Joe, as he ran back into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled at Adam sitting in Pa\u2019s red leather chair. \u201cI guess he\u2019s in rare form today. Probably comes from avoiding ranch work all day.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam grunted, but kept his eyes on his book. Joe rolled his eyes. Adam had been like this ever since he\u2019d come in from Virginia City.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stomped in and dropped his hat on the sideboard. \u201cI\u2019m as hungry as\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe put up a hand. \u201cYeah, we know. Glad to see ya\u2019.\u201d Joe turned and cupped his mouth. \u201cHey Pa! The thief is home!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned. \u201cI ain\u2019t no thief. Where do you get off calling me a thief?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright appeared at the top of the stairs, his furrowed brows pointed straight at Hoss. \u201cWhere have you been with a wagonload of my lumber?!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swallowed. \u201cPa, I can explain.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe haven\u2019t seen hide nor hair of you since you took off riding fence, and that was 12 hours ago, and then I come home and a wagonload of lumber is missing!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam slid a bookmark in place and closed his book. Pa didn\u2019t get riled at Hoss that often.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat down looking everything like he was 12 years old. \u201cCan I explain?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben dropped in a chair and folded his arms. \u201cI suspect that I\u2019ve heard this story before.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think so, Pa. This here story is brand new.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll see about that,\u201d he growled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I was riding fence over to the east, and got near the Simpson place, and you know how old Virgil has been hitting the sauce lately, and I figured on checking out his wife and young\u2019uns. And I get there, and there\u2019s little Sally coughing up a lung. She ain\u2019t no bigger than a tadpole, you know. The missus tells me that all the young\u2019uns are sick because there\u2019s a big hole in the roof and they all got soaked after that big rainstorm the other night. And you know what!? I found that no good Virgil just snoring under a tree just as easy as you please while a big hole is sitting up there on his roof.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cWe have heard this story before.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you ain\u2019t, Joe. I never had this particular set of circumstances before. I went over and shook ol\u2019 Virgil, and I\u2019ll tell ya\u2019, he weren\u2019t happy to see me. And I told him we\u2019re setting to fix that roof. And he tells me he ain\u2019t got no money for supplies, and so I told him that I knew exactly where to get my hands on some supplies and\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed. \u201cI know the rest. You came back to the ranch and took that lumber over to Virgil\u2019s and started work on his roof. You figured that none of us were getting rained on, so naturally we didn\u2019t need that lumber like the Simpson\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss beamed. \u201cPa, it\u2019s like you can read my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben winced. \u201cI\u2019ve had practice. So how much work did you get done?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, uh, ain\u2019t much left to do, but it ain\u2019t a two man job so I was thinking that maybe I could borrow a few hands in the morning, and we could go over there and finish it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Virgil?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss darkened. \u201cI told him that I better find him as sober as a preacher when I get back or he and I are going to do a little dancing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you think you could join us for a little work on this ranch sometime tomorrow afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll work extra late.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed. \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to cut me some new lumber, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI figured I could get started right after dinner. I ain\u2019t had nothing on my stomach since breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlright.\u201d Ben softened as he so often did when it came to Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat up. \u201cWait a minute! He wanders off, takes lumber we spent two days cutting, and all you say is \u2018alright\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want me to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned his attention to Hoss. \u201cYou really think you did the Simpson\u2019s any favors? You think Virgil\u2019s going to stop drinking just because you threatened him? He isn\u2019t going to learn a thing from this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was just being a neighbor, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo Hoss, you were thinking about yourself. That\u2019s what you were doing. You couldn\u2019t stand to see that family suffering, and you just had to get involved so you would feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe frowned. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes, the smarter thing is to be strong and let people make their own mistakes. If that family got wet enough, Mrs. Simpson could sure enough take those children to her sister\u2019s house. Then maybe Virgil would learn his lesson.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked confused. \u201cThat would\u2019ve been tough on all of them, especially the missus. She\u2019s got her pride.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, they take advantage of you. It happens all the time. I swear, they can see you coming from a mile away.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss narrowed his eyes at his brother. \u201cWhat are you trying to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNothing. I don\u2019t know.\u201d Adam didn\u2019t meet his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe jumped in. \u201cYou\u2019re trying to say that he\u2019s dumb. That\u2019s what you\u2019re trying to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe! I\u2019m sure your brother was not trying to say that. I think he was just saying\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss jumped in. \u201cPa, you don\u2019t need to explain nothing for Adam. I know what he was trying to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at him sharply.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not saying I\u2019m dumb. I know you better than that plus you and I done had that conversation too many times already. It took me a minute, but I can see you\u2019re in a mood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sighed deeply. \u201cThanks, Middle Brother. I was too hard on you, but mostly it\u2019s about not feeling good about a decision I had to make today.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All of the Cartwrights settled in to their chairs and waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the school again. I should\u2019ve never let them elect me school board president. It\u2019s a nightmare. I swear, Pa, the education in this town was more progressive when I was a boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cYou\u2019re still having trouble getting a teacher for the new schoolroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s outrageous. We have kids running around like regular street urchins. Snick won\u2019t take them all. If he was worth a damn, he probably could; Snick is little more than a dandy. And we\u2019re so desperate that we treat him like the King of Siam. I\u2019ve given him two raises in the last year just so he won\u2019t leave town.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHave you had any applicants?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam worried his bottom lip. \u201cI had one today. I guess that\u2019s what put me in such a mood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo tell us what happened already,\u201d demanded Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss threw Joe a look. Teaching little brother patience was a full time job lately.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at the ceiling and sighed. \u201cAlright, I\u2019ll tell you. Teacher was a woman, and I didn\u2019t think she could handle the classroom. Most of those Snick expelled were boys. It promises to be a pretty tough classroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cUnderstandable.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss cocked his head. \u201cI reckon she must\u2019ve really wanted it; otherwise, you wouldn\u2019t be feeling so low.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He narrowed his eyes at Hoss. \u201cPlus, she\u2019s an old friend of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss pondered that for a moment. \u201cWho would that be?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Lottie Hawkins.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe let out a whistle and Ben shook his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grew a big smile. \u201cWell, I\u2019ll be. I didn\u2019t know Miss Lottie was a teacher. My goodness. How long has it been?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled at him. \u201cThat would be your reaction. Of course, you wouldn\u2019t focus on what she did to our friendship with Walter or the fact that she almost got you killed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAh, she wasn\u2019t nothing, an 18 year old girl. She was scared. She didn\u2019t know what was going to happen. Hope you\u2019re not forgetting what she did to make it right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cShe was young, and you can\u2019t blame her for seeing what a catch Hoss is. I thought she was really a smart little thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow, she wants to be a teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been four years, Adam. She ain\u2019t no 18 year old anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at Hoss. \u201cI thought you\u2019d be a little squeamish. I mean, she almost treed you or don\u2019t you remember her many declarations of love for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat was a long time ago. She\u2019s grown up now. She ain\u2019t thinking about me no more.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that\u2019s what she says.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, did you turn her down because she couldn\u2019t do the job or because you thought she might cause trouble for me again?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s going to be a tough classroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but you ain\u2019t got any other takers.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben leaned forward. \u201cHoss has a good point, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt wouldn\u2019t bother you, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot a bit. In fact, I\u2019ll go into town with you to welcome her aboard.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Hoss\u2019 family shouted at him in unison.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe ain\u2019t seen you in a month of Sundays, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss drained his mug of beer and slammed it down on the counter. \u201cI know, Sam. Pa\u2019s been keeping me busy out on the range.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sam drew him another. \u201cFolks around here are saying you\u2019re hiding out from the new schoolmarm.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss glared at him. \u201cNonsense!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s what I said.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t hiding from nobody. You ever see me hide from someone?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sam pushed another toward him. \u201cNever did, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFolks is talking crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust what I said.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded and picked up his beer. Then he frowned, looked up and down the empty bar, and then leaned closer to Sam. \u201cJus\u2019 between you and me, Sam, how is she doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sam nodded. \u201cWell, she\u2019s hanging in. You know some of those rascals ain\u2019t used to civilized company. You\u2019ve seen some of their families. They sure do keep her on her toes. I heard tell they locked her in the broom closet last week. But, whatever is going on, she\u2019s keeps going back.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cShameful!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHeard tell that there\u2019s going to be a school board meeting this week. They\u2019re going to evaluate her progress.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned. \u201cShe ain\u2019t hardly had a chance to prove herself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBob Watkins said they gotta\u2019 think about how it\u2019s going to look if those ruffians go too far. I mean, who\u2019s going to take a job where the last schoolteacher was locked up by the children and such. Reflects on the town, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 face darkened. He emptied his beer and then marched out of the Bucket of Blood without so much as a \u2018see you later\u2019. He strode all the way down the street to the schoolhouse. Things were quiet, but Hoss folded his arms and settled into wait.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

About 30 minutes later, there was a shout, and a pretty red haired woman ran out the door. She bent over and shook her hair wildly. Hoss trotted over. \u201cWhat have they done, Miss Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked up in surprise, her thick hair wild about her face. \u201cRoss Smalls threw a handful of worms in my hair!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTurn around, Miss Lottie. I\u2019ll check.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Obediently, she turned around and let him search her hair. He picked out two pink earthworms and threw them into the yard. She giggled nervously. \u201cIt sure is good to see you, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He smiled. \u201cSame here. I hear you been teaching the devil\u2019s spawn.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cThey\u2019re not so bad. Nobody\u2019s ever asked them to behave before, and it\u2019s taking a little time for it to catch on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I aim to go in there and set them straight.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She grabbed his arm. \u201cNo! You can\u2019t do that! It\u2019ll ruin everything, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He stopped and looked at her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, they\u2019re not so bad. They\u2019re better this week than they were last week. And last week, they were better than the week before. If townsfolk see you go in that classroom, they\u2019ll think I can\u2019t handle it. They\u2019ll take my job.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOne of those rascals put worms in your hair.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cThey aren\u2019t shutting me up in the closet anymore. Plus, I did three uninterrupted lessons today. That\u2019s a record. We\u2019re getting there, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Hawkins?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They looked up and saw nine faces looking out at them from the front door. The tallest boy spoke, \u201cWe\u2019re sorry, Miss Hawkins. We done told Ross that them worms was an aborted plan, but he don\u2019t listen. We\u2019re aiming to beat him silly right after school for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie pulled and twisted her hair until she could secure it with a comb. \u201cNobody is going to beat Ross.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Eyes widened. One girl spoke, \u201cAre you going to give him to Mr. Cartwright there? My daddy says Mr. Hoss could kill a dozen men if he was riled enough. Poor Ross don\u2019t deserve no workout by Mr. Hoss. He don\u2019t deserve to die over a few worms.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss coughed like he was choking, and then he let go a belly laugh that sounded like a roar. Soon, he was doubled over in laughter. The children looked on, terrified until Lottie broke in. \u201cShame on you, children. Mr. Hoss doesn\u2019t beat children. Have you ever seen him beat young\u2019uns?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The children shook their heads solemnly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally Hoss calmed. He wiped tears from his eyes, and then he stood tall and pointed a finger. \u201cI ain\u2019t goin\u2019 to beat no one, but I oughta\u2019. You scoundrels listen up. When I was a young\u2019un, if I\u2019da put worms in my teacher\u2019s hair, my Pa would\u2019ve whupped me from sunup to sundown. You\u2019re acting like a gang of heathens in there doing misdeeds on your teacher. I ain\u2019t never heard of such doings.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Heads bowed and a chorus of responses sounded, \u201cSorry, Mr. Hoss\u201d, \u201cSorry, Miss Hawkins\u201d, \u201cDidn\u2019t mean no harm.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you better start acting like you can be good students. That\u2019s all I can say. Miss Hawkins\u2019 job depends on it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie blushed. \u201cAw, Hoss, they don\u2019t have to worry about all that. Now get back to your seats, children. I\u2019ll be right there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The students disappeared, and Lottie turned to Hoss. \u201cIt was sure nice to see you, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked at his feet. \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you too, Miss Lottie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She smiled one last time, and then walked back into her schoolhouse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss kicked the dirt around a bit before turning to leave. He almost immediately ran into Clem Foster, Roy\u2019s able deputy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey Hoss!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded. \u201cWhat are you doing over this side of town, Clem? They keep the saloons down the other way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Clem pushed his hat back. \u201cHeard some squallering from this direction and thought I\u2019d check on the new teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged. \u201cAin\u2019t nothing to know. Everything\u2019s peaceful.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThought maybe I\u2019d just wait for her.\u201d Clem sat down on a porch.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned and sat down next to him. \u201cI done told you it\u2019s quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s got nice red hair, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t thought about her hair,\u201d Hoss mumbled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe two of you is just friends, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 burrowed furrowed. \u201cYou ain\u2019t been listening to idle talk, have ya\u2019?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, no, not a bit. But it\u2019s good that you\u2019re here \u2018cause I just want to be clear that you haven\u2019t staked a claim or nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOn Miss Lottie? Well, no I haven\u2019t, and I\u2019m surprised you asked, knowing her history like you do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow don\u2019t get testy, Hoss. I was just wondering. Figured it would be the right thing to run it by you before I asked her to the dance.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would you\u2026you\u2019re courting Callie Saunders.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Clem shrugged. \u201cWell, we had a little falling out. Seems she likes spending too much time chatting up Ike Walters over at the mercantile.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss pondered this for a moment. \u201cYou sure you ain\u2019t just trying to make Miss Callie jealous? Hate to see Miss Lottie used for frog bait.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope. Callie can have ol\u2019 fancy Ike and his clean shirts. I reckon I like redheaded girls with pretty smiles.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sighed deeply. \u201cIt don\u2019t sit right, Dadburnit.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? You\u2019re not courting her, right? Why do you care? Maybe, I ain\u2019t fancy enough for the Cartwright cast-offs.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow, look here, Clem. She ain\u2019t no cast-off. She\u2019s an old friend, and I just don\u2019t want to see her get caught up in nothing. I ain\u2019t got no problem with her dating you just as long as you got her best interests at heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGlad to hear it \u2018cause I think I\u2019m going to ask her after the school board meeting tomorrow night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy wait?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI just want to make sure she\u2019s staying in town, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam took a long draw from the whiskey. Even after many days and many bottles, the liquid felt like fire sliding down his throat. He slammed it back on the table the way a man does when he wants the bartender to notice that he\u2019s dry. Only Adam wasn\u2019t sitting at the bar. He was at a rickety table on the cobblestones outside of a bar, and he was looking out over San Francisco Bay. Around him, the wharf was alive with the activity of men and ships and cargo.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was always a cool breeze coming off the bay, and with it came the smell of salt water, rotting wood, and fish. It climbed into his hair and in his clothes; through his nostrils and down into his belly. Adam tried to shower the smell away, but it refused to dissipate on those nights he chose to wander back to the hotel in center of the city.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He swallowed, and leaned back his head to bellow for service when he noticed the bottle sitting on the table. He had no clear memory of buying it. Hours and days had become blurry, disjointed ventures, and if he\u2019d allowed himself the time to get sober he would\u2019ve been alarmed at the time that had passed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He reached for the bottle, and tipped it unsteadily over his glass. Then a hand was on top of his, and someone was firmly, but gently, taking the bottle away from him. He looked up and squinted at the familiar visage of his youngest brother. \u201cHow in God\u2019s name did you find me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI’ve been in this town three days looking for you, Brother.\u201d Joe found a wooden stool and dragged it over to Adam\u2019s table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stared down at his empty tumbler. \u201cIt was a wasted trip.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou look like the town drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, San Francisco is a city, so technically, I\u2019m the\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe slammed the table. \u201cKnock it off! I don\u2019t want to hear it. Get your stuff. I\u2019m taking you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam gritted his teeth. \u201cI can\u2019t ever go back there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wiped the lip of the bottle and took a swig. \u201cI never thought I would ever see my brother, the great Adam Cartwright, hiding from anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes. \u201cI\u2019m not hiding. You know what I did.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSure. You carefully orchestrated this whole tragedy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was thinking about my own life, Joe. I was only thinking about what I was missing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sighed and stared out at the water for a while. Then he turned back to his brother. \u201cYou\u2019re right. It was about you and what you wanted, but you did it out of love, Brother. You did it because you thought it was best. Nobody blames you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe says he\u2019ll likely kill me if he ever sees me again. You should\u2019ve heard how he said it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could feel his patience slipping away. \u201cLook at me, Adam! You didn\u2019t do anything wrong. What happened\u2026happened. There is no villain here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou really believe that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe laughed. \u201cYou really think Pa would give up on one of us?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does Hoss say?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe took another long swig off the bottle. \u201cHe never came home. You telegraphed us two months ago that he was coming, but he never made it. Pa is sick with worry over both of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam straightened up. \u201cHoss likes to be by himself when he\u2019s grieving. We\u2019ve been through this before.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know. Usually, we can understand that about him, but this time was\u2026so different.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood up slowly, holding the back of his chair for balance. \u201cI have to stay away. I\u2019m reminder of what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cIf you weren\u2019t so mad at yourself, you\u2019d see how wrongheaded that is.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re really worried, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stared out at the sea. \u201cNothing has ever hit him like this before. He\u2019s so lost. I worry\u2026 I worry he won\u2019t ever find his way home again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam braced himself against the saloon. \u201cI can help you find him, but that\u2019s all. When we find out he\u2019s okay, I\u2019m leaving.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam let go of the wall, but his balance was shot, and he fell back against it. \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to get me back to the hotel. I\u2019m going to need food and a hot bath. I can probably travel in a few hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot likely. It\u2019s going to take us at least 12 hours to drain all that snake juice out of you. I\u2019ll get us booked on a stage in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam lurched out into the street, but Joe was there. He slung his brother\u2019s arm over his shoulder and steered him away from the Barbary Coast.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI just think you should ride over there and check on her, is all.\u201d Hoss said to Little Joe before shoveling half a sweet potato into his mouth. \u201cShe may be fixin\u2019 to break up with you again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stabbed his fork in Hoss\u2019 direction. \u201cFor the last time, Brother. I am not going over to her house.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked up from his pork roast. \u201cWhat are the two of you jabbering about?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t nothing, Pa.\u201d Hoss reached for another hunk of pork.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNothing!\u201d Joe shook his head. \u201cThis big ol\u2019 heifer wants me to go over to Lacey Daniels tonight to see if she still wants to go to the dance with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss prodded a knife at him. \u201cShe done broke up with you before the last two dances.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut if I don\u2019t see her, she won\u2019t have a chance to break up with me before this one. I got it all figured out.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe takes advantage of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?! No, she don\u2019t. It\u2019s just a little game we play.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019ll make a fool out of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe leaned across the table. \u201cYou better watch it or I\u2019ll let them in on what you\u2019re really after.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben blinked and looked at Hoss. \u201cDo you think we might all get back to this lovely supper Hop Sing made for us?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGlad to, Pa.\u201d Hoss reached for the green beans.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a moment, silence reigned and then Hoss leaned over to Adam. \u201cWho are you taking to the dance?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe threw back his head and laughed. \u201cCareful, Adam, he\u2019s sizing you up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss threw him a look. \u201cYou must want me to come over there, pick you up, and throw you through that new plate glass window!?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEnough!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam cocked his head. \u201cNow you\u2019ve got me curious. What are you up to, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow come you don\u2019t have a rule against schoolmarms going to dances? It seems wrongheaded to just let schoolmarms run around at night,\u201d declared Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam narrowed his eyes at Hoss. \u201cWhere is your twisted mind taking you, Middle Brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss squirmed. \u201cSince you don\u2019t got a rule on keeping schoolmarms corralled\u2026 I mean, I got an idea. You know, it being Miss Lottie\u2019s first town dance and all, I thought it\u2019d be first rate if Joe would take her. She needs a proper date, but Joe here won\u2019t cooperate.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re worried that she has no date for the dance?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAs her boss, Adam, you could take her!\u201d Hoss beamed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t fall for it,\u201d Joe chortled. \u201cShe\u2019s got a date. That\u2019s the problem. Clem Foster\u2019s sweet on her and Hoss don\u2019t like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss got up and towered over Joe. \u201cPa, I plan on buying you a new plate glass window in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSit down!\u201d Ben ordered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat down reluctantly, a permanent scowl pointed in Little Joe\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben frowned. \u201cWhy do you care about Clem taking her to the dance? I always thought you liked Clem.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t got no problem with Clem.\u201d Hoss looked down at his plate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen why are you bothered that\u2019s she going to the dance with him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt just ain\u2019t right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut there must be a reason.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe rolled his eyes. \u201cPa, don\u2019t bother. He rode me in circles all afternoon with his \u201cit ain\u2019t right\u201d logic. I haven\u2019t got one straight answer out of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you ask her out yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss turned to Adam. \u201cShe don\u2019t want me. She\u2019s grown up. She ain\u2019t having those silly girl dreams anymore. Saw her just yesterday. She\u2019s wearing her hair up; she\u2019s a regular lady.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you were going to stay out of her way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust ran into her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAt the schoolhouse.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cFancy finding her there. Must\u2019ve been quite the surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing came in with a berry pie. \u201cDessert time! There\u2019s enough here for Mr. Hoss to have half of pie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam threw his napkin on his plate. \u201cSorry Hop Sing, I have to get to town for a school board meeting.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stared at the pie for a moment. Then he got up too. \u201cHop Sing, you think you could hide a few pieces for me? I gotta\u2019 go too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at him sharply. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to that meeting with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou got a kid in school I don\u2019t know about?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss bristled. \u201cIt\u2019s a public meeting. I\u2019m a citizen. Ain\u2019t I got a right?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I\u2019m telling you now that you\u2019re not going.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was on his feet. \u201cThat ain\u2019t fair, Adam. He\u2019s got a right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI just want to make sure she gets a fair shake.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hands on his hip, Adam bellowed. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t think I\u2019m capable of making sure of that?!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned to Hop Sing. \u201cYou better put that pie away. I reckon we\u2019re all going to town tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat up on the podium banging away with the judge\u2019s gavel. Lottie Hawkins sat next to him, her hands folded primly in her lap. Once she looked up, and smiled in Hoss\u2019 direction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ike Walters stood up. \u201cI\u2019m just sayin\u2019 that those ruffians need a stronger hand than what this here female teacher brings.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Glen Hurley joined him. \u201cI gotta\u2019 agree with Ike here. If these young\u2019uns get out more out of hand, we ain\u2019t ever goin\u2019 to find a teacher for this school.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThey ain\u2019t so bad,\u201d Hoss growled from his seat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ike turned. \u201cAin\u2019t so bad!? You remember when you and I were in school, and Little Joe had that bad year?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe slid down in his chair and Hoss frowned at Ike. \u201cAin\u2019t no need to bring that up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned to Joe. \u201cWhich year was that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw come on, Hoss. Don\u2019t tell me you still ain\u2019t told your Pa yet about the year you had to ride herd on Little Joe full time. Teacher didn\u2019t even teach you nothing that year. Just passed you on through. Your only job was to make sure that lil\u2019 rascal Joe didn\u2019t drive that schoolmarm crazy with his wild pranks. I reckon it was right after that last Ma of yours died.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stood up. \u201cWe ain\u2019t here talkin\u2019 no old history, Ike. You keep those ol\u2019 tales to yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben folded his arms and furrowed his brow deeply.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have a kid in this school, Hoss. You don\u2019t need to stick your nose in this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam banged the gavel again. \u201cThat\u2019s enough! I mean it, Hoss. You sit down right now. You too, Ike. You don\u2019t have a child in this school either. We need to hear from some folks who have students in this school.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sadie from the Bucket of Blood stood up. \u201cI got my two boys in that school and I say that she stays. They actually like going to school. I don\u2019t got to force them or anything. And yesterday, I caught \u2018em doing homework.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ralph Oberg stood up. \u201cMine are doing much better. My girl, Betsy, is reciting poetry.\u201d He pulled her up by the arm. \u201cRecite something, girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A skinny girl with stringy hair glared at her Pa, but stood up and opened her mouth. \u201cNature is the purest truth I\u2019ve ever known. The sun shines, the winds howl, and the water runs through my fingers clear and sharp\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss smiled as the girl recited for a full five minutes. He wrinkled his nose at old Ike when the storekeeper looked in his direction. At the end of the poem, she sat and there was silence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood up. \u201cI have everything I need to make this decision. As school board president, I have decided that Miss Lottie Hawkins will be given a one year contract with the Virginia City school district.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cheers and cries of frustration filled the air, but Adam ignored them all. He reached over and shook hands with Lottie. Hoss got up, smiling broadly, and clapping with all his might.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned to his youngest son. \u201cOn the way home, you can tell me all about the year Hoss didn\u2019t get any schooling.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe winced, but reluctantly got up and followed him out the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It took a few minutes for the meeting hall to clear. Lottie had quite a crowd of folks shaking her hand and wishing her well. Some of the other school board members had Adam engaged in a discussion at the door. When Lottie\u2019s last well-wisher passed her, she saw Hoss sitting alone in a chair, smiling up at her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She came to the edge of the stage, and he was there, offering her a hand down. \u201cThanks for coming, Hoss. Your support means so much to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shrugged. \u201cIt weren\u2019t nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve been so kind, welcoming me back even though we had a bad history.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t remember nothing bad about it. It was a tough situation, but we both got through it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so glad we can finally be friends. I don\u2019t want you to worry about anything. I\u2019ve let go of all of those\u2026silly feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swallowed. \u201cI\u2019m happy to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going to the dance this Friday night?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026yes, I believe so.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She leaned toward him. \u201cCan you believe that handsome deputy, Clem, asked me to go? I\u2019m sitting in the clouds.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked at his feet. \u201cHe done asked you already.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI bet you can hardly fend off all the ladies who want to go with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His face colored. \u201cWell\u2026you\u2019d be surprised.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly, I couldn\u2019t believe you weren\u2019t married when I came back. I can\u2019t believe nobody\u2019s snatched the best catch in Nevada territory.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shuffled his feet. \u201cYou\u2019re funning with me now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She blinked. \u201cI am not, Hoss. You\u2019re still the kindest, most gentle man I know. Everyone likes you. I\u2019m real proud to have you as a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam came up to the two of them. \u201cMiss Lottie, tell me about that poem Betsy Oberg was reciting.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She blushed. \u201cWell, Mr. Adam, it was really nothing. Just a little something I wrote.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cI was really quite impressed. Do you have others?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCan I see them?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She cleared her throat. \u201cThey\u2019re really very rudimentary.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI would still love to see them.\u201d Adam put a hand on her back and gently led her away. Hoss rubbed his nose, irritated at the big, odd feeling filling his gut.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stood on the porch of the way station. The stage had gotten in an hour ago. It was a quiet little spot; only brush and dirt as far as the eye could see. Most of the passengers were inside waiting for the stationmaster to finish making beans. They were stopping for the night, and he was relieved. Adam had spent most of the ride with his head hanging out the window. His dignity was so important to him, but there he was, nursing the mother of all hangovers in front of a coach full of people. He wouldn\u2019t look at any of them. Joe did his best to keep up friendly chatter, but he could feel his brother\u2019s humiliation, and gave a silent prayer of thanks when the stage finally stopped.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had taken a walk, and it was getting late. Joe wished he\u2019d stayed closer so that he could keep a better eye on him. He spotted the driver and nodded at him. \u201cHey Hank! You seen my brother, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s over there behind the shed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stepped off the porch and trotted over. Curiosity overcame him, and so he didn\u2019t signal his arrival. Instead, he peered behind the back of the shed and he found Adam sitting there, looking out at the sunset, a flask of whiskey in his hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe hit the side of the shed. \u201cCome on, Adam! I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re drinking again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes and turned away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t going to get better if you don\u2019t stop boozin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Without looking at Joe, Adam reached over and handed him the flask. Joe took it and sat down beside him. \u201cI don\u2019t understand this. I don\u2019t understand you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam rubbed his forehead and sighed. \u201cI\u2019m sick, Joe. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll make it back home without that flask. I can\u2019t seem function without it. It\u2019s a bad idea letting Pa see me like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAh, you don\u2019t need this. You\u2019re\u2026you\u2019re sad, is all. Those guilty feelings are eating you up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that simple, Joe. I killed the most sweet and innocent thing that ever walked the earth. I killed both of them, really. It\u2019s only Hoss that\u2019s still breathing, but he\u2019s dead inside. I\u2019ve seen his eyes. Joe, I can\u2019t stand living with myself. Going home, looking for him, facing Pa; you don\u2019t seem to understand what you\u2019re asking of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe swallowed hard. \u201cI ain\u2019t going to be understanding with you, Adam. If I was understanding, I don\u2019t think I\u2019d ever see you alive again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a long time, the two of them sat silently. Then sun set leaving a blaze of color on its horizon. Dusk came and Joe slowly took the flask and handed it back to Adam. Adam winced and pulled it to him. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said in a husky whisper.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe got up and went for a plate of beans. He brought one back for Adam, and stayed with him until he\u2019d eaten every bit of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss didn\u2019t have a date for the dance, but that didn\u2019t make him a wallflower. Hoss was the natural life of any party. Girls loved to dance with him, and guys didn\u2019t feel threatened when their girls wandered off in search of Hoss. He did the best he could, twirling and leading girls across the dance floor, but his heart was elsewhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie Hawkins came in on Clem\u2019s arm, wearing a fetching lavender shawl. For a while, the two of them sat in a corner and engaged in small talk. Joe came in with beautiful Lacey Daniels, but she broke up with him after the first dance, and so he went outside and joined a very select group of men who had been spurned. Between them, they were emptying a whiskey bottle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Pa stayed with the men over by the punch. Ben found that he got more business done at a dance than he did spending a full day in Virginia City.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Miss Callie Saunders was dancing with Ike Walters, and not having a good time. Everyone could see that, as Ike lead her around the room, she kept her eyes on Clem Foster. If everyone were watching Clem, they\u2019d notice that he seemed to look up every time she and Ike danced in his direction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss went outside and grabbed Little Joe before he got too pickled. He pointed him in the direction of a lonely Bessie Williams, and Joe was off, like a dog after a bone. Soon the two of them were dancing around the room to the immense chagrin of Lacey Daniels.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam watched Hoss separate two girls who were squawking over who got to dance next with him. He smiled. Hoss was a magnet of sorts. He brought good energy and everyone wanted a piece of it, but he provided no challenge with his sweetness, and so girls never stayed interested.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam noticed that Miss Lottie and Clem had run out of small talk. She looked down into her lap awkwardly while Clem looked like he was seconds away from getting up and taking Ike Walton\u2019s head off.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was a smooth customer and all the women knew it, so when he strode across the room, female eyes turned. He could sweep a girl off her feet and leave her as dumb as a bowl of jelly at the end of the night. Most girls saw his charm as a curse, but secretly wished for the night when he\u2019d sweep in and steal their good sense as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This time, he walked past all of them, and stopped in front of Miss Lottie. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you dance all night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She smiled. \u201cUh, Clem here isn\u2019t in the dancing mood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to Clem. \u201cYou mind if I steal her for a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Clem didn\u2019t even look at Adam. Ike had just dipped Callie in a very familiar way, and he was seeing red. \u201cYou go right ahead, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam reached out his hand, and soon the two of them were gliding across the floor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie smiled at him. \u201cYou are a lady-killer, aren\u2019t you, Mr. Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He sighed. \u201cI do have a reputation.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo, is this good publicity? School board president dancing with the new teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNaw. It\u2019s just that Hoss was right. Clem isn\u2019t doing anything but staring at Miss Callie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure? Girls don\u2019t usually like to be ignored.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, some girls didn\u2019t come with the man they really wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m no gossip, Mr. Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I don\u2019t want you to get the wrong idea. I really came over because Clem is acting the fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She giggled. \u201cNo worries. I don\u2019t have a crush on my boss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He stopped her in the middle of the floor. \u201cYou still have feelings for Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do that to him. I wouldn\u2019t hurt your family again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat. \u201cWell, you see, we aren\u2019t worried about that anymore. I mean, we\u2019re really not worried about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She cocked her face at him in confusion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes and tried again. \u201cI mean, you\u2019re a woman now. That\u2019s all in the past. You can feel anything you want for\u2026 whomever you want\u2026even Hoss. Do you still have feelings\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked down. \u201cHoss has so many girls. Look at him. He hasn\u2019t had a rest all night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI see.\u201d Dancers were starting to bump into them, and so Adam gathered her up and started waltzing her around the room. \u201cIt isn\u2019t all that it seems, Miss Lottie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam considered his answer. \u201cThere aren\u2019t many women who appreciate what a treasure my brother really is.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Her eyes widened. \u201cWhy ever not?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled at her warmly. \u201cI\u2019ll never understand it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stepped out into the street and grabbed the whiskey bottle from the group of spurned men, and drank from it like he was a man five days in the desert. The group groaned, but Hoss dug in his pocket and flipped out a gold piece. One of the men grabbed it and ran toward the saloon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winced as the fiery liquid filled his insides. He shook his head, and remembered her laughing in Adam\u2019s arms. Then he took what was left in the bottle and emptied it down his gut. The group hooted at his drinking prowess. One of them declared that he\u2019d drunk a whole third of the bottle in one gulp. He got pats on the back and the fellers gave him both sympathetic and admiring looks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was taking a break when he saw his brother empty that bottle. Hoss was a beer drinker. He didn\u2019t touch whiskey unless he was really looking to poison himself and it usually was not a pretty sight. Joe looked back into the dance and saw Adam gliding the dance floor with Lottie Hawkins. He pushed his way through couples dancing until he found Adam and Lottie. He grabbed Adam by the arm and hissed, \u201cHoss is drowning himself over this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Startled, Adam pulled Lottie over to an empty chair and followed Joe. They got outside just in time to see Hoss up end the new bottle of whiskey. The boys were cheering him on. Adam ran into their midst and grabbed the bottle away from Hoss. Hoss lunged for him, but Adam threw the bottle to Little Joe who grabbed it and handed it to one of the men. \u201cHurry up! Take it and get out of here. We\u2019ll handle the grizzly.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss tried to grab Adam, but he missed and ended up falling on his butt in the middle of the street. He pointed a finger at Adam who hovered nearby. \u201cI saw you. I saw what you did! You no good, dirty, girl thief!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow, simmer down, Hoss. I didn\u2019t steal anything. If I recall, you thought it was a good idea that I escort her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat was a dumb idea!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cClearly.\u201d Adam backed up as Hoss struggled to get to his feet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The commotion drew attention, and the porch of the hall was filled with onlookers. Ben pushed his way through them. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here!?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe scratched his head. \u201cIt\u2019s a bit complicated, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss got to his feet and pointed unsteadily at his brother. \u201cHe\u2019s a girl thief, Pa. He\u2019s the lowest girl stealing scoundrel that ever lived.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam noticed half the town watching and shook his head. \u201cLet\u2019s get him out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe and Ben joined Adam and they circled Hoss. \u201cI ain\u2019t going anywhere with the girl thief!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, okay, son. Let\u2019s not have a scene. Just tell me what you do want.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI want more snake juice, Pa. I just want to forget that my brother is a girl stealer.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. Take my arm, and you and I will walk down to the Bucket and have us a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swayed a bit, but accepted his Pa\u2019s arm, and let Ben lead him down the street. Adam picked up his hat and dusted it off. Lottie Hawkins was staring, wide eyed, from the porch. He wanted to talk to her and explain that Hoss was only having a bad night, but Joe pushed him in the direction of the saloon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was a man of his word. He let his son drink more whiskey and then he urged his other sons to join them. Slowly, soothingly, he explained that Adam could never steal a girl from his brother. Within half an hour, a boozy, contrite Hoss was draped around his older brother\u2019s neck, begging his forgiveness. Adam patted him on the back, and assured him all was right again. Pa hired a wagon to take him home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam waited for her to come out of church. She saw him and scurried over. \u201cIs Hoss alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s just fine. Didn\u2019t feel like coming into church. I\u2019m afraid his pride is a little wounded. He\u2019s also worried about what a certain schoolteacher must thinking about him right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think anything. I can\u2019t quite figure out what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sidestepped this. \u201cHow was the rest of your date?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cClem found Callie, and the two of them left together. After Hoss\u2026 I just went home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou still care about my brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked at him for a long moment. Then she slowly nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cSure is a fine day for a picnic. How would you like to come out to the Ponderosa and join us for a lovely afternoon by the lake?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure Hoss is feeling up to it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot at all, but I think you\u2019re just the medicine for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam brought her home, and settled her onto the porch. He bellowed for Hop Sing, and disappeared into the house. Joe came out of the house soon after, grinned madly at her, and ran into the barn. Ben came out and smiled at her. \u201cWhat a lovely surprise!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He sat down next to her and the two chatted about the beautiful spring weather. There was a momentary interruption as Joe pushed an irritated Hoss out of the barn. He looked at Lottie, and his eyes got wide. He tried to get back into the barn, but Joe blocked his entry. Joe then turned his giant of a brother around and pointed at the house. Hoss grinned weakly at Lottie and waved. Joe pushed him again. When he got to the stairs, he stopped and smiled again, but Joe grabbed his arm and dragged him into the house. The door slammed. Her eyes widened as yelling and stomping ensued from within. A stream of curses in a foreign tongue followed. Ben gave her a thin smile and did his best to distract her with small talk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Twenty minutes later, Adam opened the door and appeared with a large basket and a blanket. More foreign curses floated out behind him and he shut the door. He nodded at her. \u201cI\u2019m just going to ready the team.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A few minutes later, Joe brought a reluctant Hoss back outside. His wispy hair had been parted and oiled. Somehow, Joe had stuffed him into one of Ben\u2019s old formal jackets, and he smelled to high heaven like a field of lilacs. Ben wrinkled his nose and got up. \u201cYou sure look nice, Hoss. Doesn\u2019t he look nice, Miss Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sneezed. \u201cHe smells nice too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sneezed again. \u201cMaybe a little too nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe frowned, sniffed his brother, winced, and then pushed him back through the door. By the time Adam pulled the team out, Joe was back with a much less flowery Hoss. The basket was put in the back, and Lottie was hoisted onto the seat. Hoss was then manhandled by his family until he was sitting alongside her. She looked down, \u201cAren\u2019t you all coming along?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam blinked. \u201cWe can\u2019t, Miss Lottie. Uh, there\u2019s a runaway herd of horses that we gotta\u2019 corral.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned at them. \u201cI ain\u2019t heard nothing about this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before another word was said, Joe slapped the rump on the nearest horse and sent the startled team off, jerking the wagon out of the yard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was shocked the first time he saw his oldest son. He and Little Joe got off the stage, and Adam looked like he\u2019d lost maybe 20 lbs. His face was pale, and his hands were clammy and cold when he took Pa\u2019s hand. He said almost nothing while Joe took charge of the conversation. He loaded Adam onto the wagon, and turned down Ben\u2019s offer of supper at the hotel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On the way home, Adam sat silently in the back while Joe updated Pa on some of what he knew and then learned that Pa hadn\u2019t heard anything from Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the ranch, Adam stopped at the porch and stared at the house like he\u2019d never seen it before until Joe whispered something in his ear and steered him toward the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Supper conversation was unnaturally stilted. The fact that Hoss was gone, and Adam was present largely as a ghost was left unaddressed. Ben didn\u2019t know where to start with the questions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got up to get a brandy after dinner. He offered one to his sons, but Joe said no for both of them. Adam quickly excused himself and went up to bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe got up, sat in the red chair and stared at the fire while Ben waited. Finally, he turned to his father. \u201cHe\u2019s as bad as Hoss must be. I ain\u2019t ever seen him like this\u2026not even close. He\u2019s not the same Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s something you\u2019re not telling me. He looks sick.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Pa. Let\u2019s give him a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI should know what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cNot if it can be helped.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got his answers at 3 a.m. that morning. A crash sounded downstairs. Joe got to the stairs before him and flew down them. Adam sat at the dining room table, his fist dripping blood onto the lace cloth. Ben\u2019s brandy set sat on the table next to him. The large crystal sifter lay in pieces on the floor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked up at his father, eyes red and watery. \u201cI\u2019m a common drunk, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe grabbed a towel from the kitchen, and got a hold of Adam\u2019s bloody fist. \u201cPa, get a lantern. Please.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A stunned Ben blinked his eyes, and brought his lantern over to Joe. Joe shined it on Adam\u2019s hand, and meticulously picked shards of glass out of his skin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to get my things and go. It\u2019s the best for everyone,\u201d Adam drawled slowly. \u201cI won\u2019t stay in Virginia City. I won\u2019t bring my disgrace down on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped his work. \u201cJust shut up. Right now, I don\u2019t want to hear a single word out of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam found his Pa\u2019s face. \u201cI can\u2019t live with myself. I used to be so strong and focused, and now all I feel is rage and self loathing and it\u2019s eating me alive. I won\u2019t stay. I won\u2019t infect you with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben took his son\u2019s face in his hands. \u201cYou can survive this! I know about survival! I am the king of survival! You can\u2019t tell me you hurt worse than I ever have!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked away. \u201cYou never killed people you loved.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got close to Adam\u2019s face and hissed, \u201cAnd you haven\u2019t either!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wrapped Adam\u2019s hand in the towel. \u201cI\u2019m thinking back to ol\u2019 Shorty. I\u2019m remembering how we helped him survive the bottle.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2019s not that bad, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked at his father. \u201cHe\u2019s drowning, Pa. I\u2019m telling you this as sure as I\u2019m standing here. We got no time for soft thoughts or sentiments. He\u2019s drowning and there\u2019s only one way to save him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at Joe feverishly. \u201cDo it, Joe. Don\u2019t let anyone talk you of it. You\u2019re just mean enough to save my life. Pa can\u2019t do it. He can\u2019t do it like you can.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cThe west bunkhouse is empty, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe threw Adam\u2019s arm over his shoulder and pulled him to his feet. Then the two brothers faced Ben. \u201cI\u2019m locking him out there and he stays. You can\u2019t visit him or talk to him. I take him meals, but that\u2019s it. No one else has access. He\u2019s going to howl, beg, scream, and threaten, but you will not respond. Do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben just stared at them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stomped his foot. \u201cTell me you understand, Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben swallowed hard and slowly nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe walked Adam to the door and turned. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to see him again until he\u2019s well. Prepare yourself for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright stood like a statue while Joe pulled Adam out to the bunkhouse and locked him in tight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked through the basket, and smiled at Lottie. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe what they got for us here. We got fried chicken, chocolate cake, green beans, and some bread and butter pickles.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie sat on the blanket, her knees drawn up to her chin, smiling out at the lake. \u201cIt sounds wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss set everything out and grabbed a chicken leg. \u201cDig in.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie sighed deeply and reached for the chocolate cake. \u201cToday, I only eat cake.\u201d Then she giggled. \u201cWhat a decadent thing for me to say!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned. \u201cIs decadent a bad thing or a good thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBoth, I guess. For today, it\u2019s wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss put the leg down. Surprisingly, it had little flavor. Plus, his gut was already full with the most astounding sensation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you want to know what I did all those years I was gone?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He nodded eagerly. \u201cTell me all about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt started out rough. The only work I found was cooking in a mining camp. But I got through and the lady running the lunch table let me stay free. I saved every penny I earned. One day, I had enough money for a stage to Denver so I left. In Denver, I got a job cleaning at a lady\u2019s finishing school. One of the ladies took a liking to me, and she let me borrow her books. I\u2019d clean all day, and then at night, I would read about the most extraordinary worlds. After a year, the kind lady hired me as an assistant in her classroom. It was the most wonderful thing in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat, mesmerized; the food on the blanket totally forgotten. \u201cThen what, Miss Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe had me sit for teacher\u2019s examination and I passed. Couldn\u2019t find a job though, so I still worked as an assistant, but she introduced me to people and soon I had quite a little social life. In fact, I even had a fianc\u00e9e.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat up stiffly. \u201cWhat happened to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe was a nice feller. He worked in a feed store. Very upstanding, law-abiding man. Churchgoer. Didn\u2019t spend too much time in the saloons.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWas he killed?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No, nothing like that! We just disappointed each other, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow is that possible?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI may not be a girl anymore, but I\u2019m still a dreamer. He wanted someone more practical, serious-minded.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow did he disappoint you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sighed deeply. \u201cI couldn\u2019t find the poetry in his heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me, Miss Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhen someone is beautiful, I see poetry. Words and thoughts race through my head and that person becomes a poem to me. I tried so hard, but I couldn\u2019t ever find a poem in him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss scratched the back of his head. \u201cThat sounds powerful hard to do. Maybe you didn\u2019t give it enough time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I gave it time. Believe me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt probably don\u2019t work so easy on fellers.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not it. It worked powerful well on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss cocked his head. \u201cYou found poems in me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cA million of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI do declare. I ain\u2019t never heard anything quite like it. Ever found poems in other folks?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve written many poems about my mother and about the teacher who helped me in Denver.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He narrowed his eyes. \u201cHow about Clem? You got any Clem poems?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cNot a one.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon that could change.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot likely.\u201d She turned her attention back to the smooth water.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss studied her profile for a while. He was captivated by her pert nose, and the freckles that dotted her cheeks. \u201cUm, Lottie, I was wondering when you last wrote a poem about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFive minutes ago.\u201d The wind pushed red curls into her face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swallowed. \u201cYou can\u2019t still have that old crush, can you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was a silly girl, Hoss, but I was never dumb.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She turned and looked at him. \u201cI wasn\u2019t wrong to be in love with you all those years ago. It just wasn\u2019t the right time, and I wasn\u2019t the right age, but it was the right feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss tried to clear his throat, but couldn\u2019t lose a peculiar husk that had taken hold. \u201cWhat was that poem you just wrote about me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She took a breath. \u201cSturdy like an oak, strong. A warrior rooted to the ground, shading those he protects, loves\u2026uh, I don\u2019t have the rest of it organized.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked stunned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t an old crush. I\u2019m done with that. I came back, in part, to prove that I was more mature, ready to be a responsible adult, but I saw you, and you were still everything you\u2019d always been. I liked how you talked to my students so stern but yet gentle\u2026how you defended me in the school board meeting. I like watching you be a friend to everyone around you. I even enjoyed watching you dance with those other girls. There\u2019s just something about you that\u2019s very special. When I see you in a room, you\u2019re the most beautiful person there to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Suddenly, he was aware that he was thirsty enough to drink the lake dry. \u201cI\u2026I, uh, don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She brushed a lock away from her face. \u201cI can\u2019t be something I\u2019m not. I\u2019ll always be this way. I can\u2019t hide how I feel. I guess I\u2019m sort of like a poem myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She waited a moment, but Hoss only stared at her. She said, \u201cI won\u2019t embarrass you. I\u2019ll move on. I just can\u2019t hide what I feel. I\u2019m not built for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss reached over and touched her face. \u201cA feller like me is only supposed to dream about moments like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sighed in relief. \u201cYou like me too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He leaned over, and kissed her lightly on the mouth. \u201cYou\u2019re the most beautiful poem I\u2019ve ever known.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was still groggy when he came down the stairs. He stuffed his shirt in haphazardly as he approached the table. He\u2019d come in late the night before from Carson City.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe looked up and nodded. \u201cHowdy, stranger.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam grunted. Morning chatter was not one of his skills. He scooped some ham and eggs onto his plate, and started work on a mouthful of eggs. Suddenly, the front door opened and before he could react, Hoss appeared with a big smile on his face. He slapped Adam hard on the back. Eggs sprayed across the table, and Adam struggled not to choke on what remained in his mouth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe giggled and Hoss sat down, oblivious to the destruction he\u2019d wrought. He started shoveling ham slices onto his plate. \u201cGreat day, ain\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam winced.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cYou\u2019re like a big, friendly tornado, Big Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Little Joe.\u201d Hoss dragged four eggs on top of his ham.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s the blackberry jam?\u201d Adam had given up on his eggs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get it.\u201d Hoss popped up and disappeared into the kitchen. He brought a pot and put it in front of Adam. Then he sat down, and shoveled food in like the first coyote to a carcass.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Five minutes later, Hoss was up again. \u201cSee ya, Brothers!\u201d Then the front door slammed behind him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to Joe. \u201cWhat was that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sighed loudly. \u201cHe\u2019s like that all the time now. It\u2019s insufferable. I think about strangling him sometimes, but Pa would disapprove.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam arched an eyebrow. \u201cYou think?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing came in. \u201cWhere Mr. Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe left, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he coming back?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe threw his hands up in the air. Hop Sing scowled and ran back into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s with Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s crazy for Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d Adam looked up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe says Hoss is in love. Says it\u2019s powerful good luck. Yesterday, he made Hoss sit at the table and touch every single sheet of his writing paper. He wants to send Hoss luck home to his family. He probably just wants him to touch the laundry he\u2019s taking into town or something. Who knows?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is in love, isn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wrinkled his nose. \u201cDisgustingly so.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t think it\u2019s a good thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t sound enthusiastic.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe bit his bottom lip, but it couldn\u2019t contain the smile spreading across his face. \u201cOh, Adam, she\u2019s perfect for him. It\u2019s best thing that\u2019s ever happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cTell me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe leaned forward. \u201cYou should see the way she looks at him. She thinks he\u2019s the best thing since horses. And she\u2019s just like him too. It\u2019s wild. Yesterday, she was over for the day, and the two of them sat with a brand new baby foal the whole afternoon. She sat in the hay, skirts and everything, just petting that foal and she couldn\u2019t have been happier. He brings her home on Sundays, and then goes to visit her two evenings a week. Hell, he\u2019d go more if Pa would stand for it. Last week, He went to visit her, and the two of them spent the whole evening tending to sick Mrs. Lewis and her children. It was her idea, not his. She\u2019s like a tiny, girl Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does Pa think?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe pointed his fork at Adam. \u201cHe loves her. He\u2019s so happy he can hardly see straight. You know how long he\u2019s waited for Hoss to find a good woman who adores him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou think it\u2019ll last?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI hope so. Nobody deserves this like Hoss does.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou think they\u2019re too much alike?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cThey\u2019re both sweet, sensitive people. They don\u2019t carry one mean thought between them. Maybe it would be better if she were more practical. I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t care. They\u2019re happy. I reckon I\u2019d do just about anything to help keep \u2018em that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I\u2019d known all this.\u201d Adam looked pensive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s not going to impact her teaching. The kids are doing great.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s something else.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTell me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it. I\u2019m sure it won\u2019t be a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright sat in a chair across from his oldest friend, Roy Coffee, nursing Roy\u2019s signature brew. \u201cHe locked him in there a week ago, Roy. I\u2019m not allowed to go home until Joe sends for me. I can hardly stand it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy shook his head. \u201cI never heard of such a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe first day was quiet. I didn\u2019t hear a thing. The second day, Adam started pounding on the wall. I couldn\u2019t stand it. Broke the door in. Adam just stood there with bloody hands, and yelled at me to get out. Joe showed up and banished me from my own ranch. I\u2019ve been on the range the last five days. Tried to go back this morning, but Joseph sent me away again. I can\u2019t begin to understand what has happened to my family.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe idea of Adam drinking like that; I can\u2019t get a picture of it in my head.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s been in terrible pain over Hoss, Roy. He feels like he destroyed his brother\u2019s life.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t his fault, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben snorted. \u201cYou\u2019re telling me this. I raised sensitive men, Roy. Maybe it was a mistake. All I know is that one\u2019s trying to kill himself, one has run away from his family, and the youngest one appears to have staged a palace coup.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. Little Joe locking Adam up and then kicking you off your own ranch; wonders never cease.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben let a smile tug at his mouth. \u201cJoseph the usurper; I can hardly believe it. I\u2019m completely proud of him though. He\u2019s my beacon of hope right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy nodded. \u201cYou know, Ben, I never told you how sorry I am about your loss. It wasn\u2019t just Hoss\u2019 loss; all of you lost her. She turned out to be quite special to you, didn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He sighed. \u201cYes, she was. She meant a lot to all of us. She was a very special girl. And my sweet, oversized son was finally getting the happiness he so richly deserved. Seeing them together made me very happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy took a sip of his brew. \u201cI don\u2019t understand why this always seems to happen to the people who deserve it the least.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got the word two days later that he could come home. He was feeling hope on this day because his sons had summoned him, and because he had received a very important letter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The corral in the yard had twenty new horses in it, and he would\u2019ve stopped to really admire them if not for the lone figure sitting on the porch. He resisted the urge to show too much excitement. Instead, he walked up to his eldest son and took the chair next to his. \u201cYou look good, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam snorted. \u201cI look like a lot of things right now, but good isn\u2019t one of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben bristled unexpectedly. \u201cYou look good to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sighed. \u201cSorry, Pa, you\u2019re right. It\u2019s better than it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou stayed in that bunkhouse almost ten days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at him, and for the first time, Ben could see the dark circles under his eyes, and the almost translucent skin of a man who hasn\u2019t seen sun in weeks. There was almost something almost ethereal about him. \u201cJoe saved my life, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t realize how bad it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou should have seen Hoss\u2019 face that moment he knew she was never coming back. We can argue all night and all day about whether or not I am responsible for what happened, but I saw my brother\u2019s spirit die that day. I can\u2019t seem to let go of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYet, you\u2019re here. You didn\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a moment, Ben saw Adam\u2019s characteristic smile tug at the edges of his mouth. \u201cI was taking you and Joe down with me. You didn\u2019t deserve the pain of losing two of your sons and your first daughter. I had to stay focused on that. I may have destroyed Hoss\u2019 spirit, but I guess I realized I had the power to extinguish yours as well. It was enough. You raised me to think about more than myself. I needed time in that bunkhouse to remember that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben couldn\u2019t keep the emotion out of his voice. \u201cThank you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam raised a hand so his father could see the shaking still present in his muscles. \u201cLook at this, Pa. What have I become?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben reached over and covered the shaking hand gently with his. \u201cDo you remember my dark hours?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam thought for a moment. \u201cAfter Inger died and Marie; yes, I remember those times.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI drank. I raged. I left you boys to fend for yourselves on many a night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked down. \u201cWe always understood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben squeezed his hand tightly. \u201cAnd you forgave.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I\u2019m used to being in control. I can\u2019t seem to let go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, and much of that is because I denied you your childhood. You never were given the time to make mistakes and learn from them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you did the best you could.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you did too. There are no guarantees in life. You never tried to hurt your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we all know about the road to hell and what it\u2019s paved with.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, what can I do to help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s voice sounded strangled. \u201cForgive me, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben leaned forward. \u201cI think you\u2019re asking the wrong person. I\u2019m not angry at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cYou need to forgive yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked confused.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pulled out the letter from his coat. \u201cI have a letter I want to share with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes, it\u2019s Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy hands are still shaky, Pa. Can you read it to me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa smoothed out the paper that was already worn from his own hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDear Pa,<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A man who leaves his family for three months and doesn\u2019t let them where he is\u2026 well, he is not much of a man. Doing this to you is a sinful thing. I know you are hurting too.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am lost. My heart is gone. All I got is a big hole in my chest full of hurt and anger. I am not fit for civilized folks. If I came home, I would hurt you all. I told my brother I never wanted to see him again. That is the kind of man I am now.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bring Adam home. Tend to him. I know he hurts too. I do not know if my feelings can ever mend, but I know he deserves better than how I treated him.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I cannot say yet that I am coming home. Do not come to find me. Let me be. I need to be alone. I know you want to talk to me, but I am not ready. I will write again so you don\u2019t worry too much about me.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam gripped his father\u2019s wrist. \u201cGo get him, Pa! Find him. I\u2019m well now. I can leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned to him and frowned. \u201cYou\u2019re not going anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe needs you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben put a hand up. \u201cNo! If this was a letter from Joe, I\u2019d saddle up and go, but not for Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know Joe. His heart is always a week ahead of his head. What he writes today is not how he\u2019ll be feeling tomorrow. Hoss is different. He needs me to trust him. He\u2019ll tell us when he\u2019s ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The water floated around his calves, but for her, it swallowed her legs almost up to her knees. It amazed him how his legs were all muscles, cuts, and bruises carved into his skin from hard, rough work while hers had such delicate, smooth curves; not a scratch on them. He had his arm securely around her waist. It was impossible for him to be near her and not touch her. He liked that she was small and delicate. It made her all the more precious to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She squinted at him in the noonday sun. \u201cYou\u2019re sure you\u2019re ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He snorted. \u201cHoney, I would\u2019ve married you the first week. That\u2019s my big problem. I move too fast. I guess I\u2019ve had some bad experiences with women because of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe have all kinds of time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Lottie, but you and I both know that this was meant to be. I don\u2019t see the sense in going through the motions. I just want to be with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you ready for a lifetime with a silly girl?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He chuckled. \u201cIt sounds good to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot many people find what we have.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He squeezed her to him. \u201cI know. I promise to treasure you every day of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She rested her head on his chest and sighed deeply. \u201cLet\u2019s go tell your Pa we\u2019re getting hitched.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The wedding started out a simple affair. Neither Lottie nor Hoss was much interested in fancy trappings or ceremony. However, Hoss\u2019 lifelong impact on Virginia City\u2019s citizens had been deep. So many people seemed to consider Hoss a member of their family that it didn\u2019t matter what the Cartwrights had planned. People didn\u2019t wait for invitations, and they invited family members from out of town as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally, Roy had to go out to the Ponderosa, and explain that the ranch wasn\u2019t going to be big enough. Ben acquiesced and the reception and dance was moved to the main streets of Virginia City.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben waited for trouble. His middle son had always suffered such terrible disappointments with love. All of them waited for the moment when Lottie Hawkins would prove herself unworthy of Hoss\u2019 heart, but it never came. Lottie Hawkins was as devoted to Hoss Cartwright as he was to her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The wedding itself was a blur. Hoss repeated what he was asked to repeat. He gave her a beautiful ruby ring, and then he kissed her. The rest was chaos. He got slapped on the back, his hand shook, and kissed by so many people he lost track of who was coming at him at any given time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was so excited that you would have thought he was the one with a new wife. He spent the whole evening dancing with every girl he could find and buying drinks for all the men. At the end of the evening, Adam had to throw him over his horse and tie him on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was less effusive, but every bit as happy. Late in the evening, he found his guitar and began playing and singing to his brother\u2019s happiness. He drew quite a crowd; one because he was mighty talented and two because townspeople knew this was probably the only time they\u2019d ever see such a spectacle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Late in the evening, Ben sat on the mercantile porch next to Roy, and watched women gather up their boozy husbands and groups of young girls drift back to their parents\u2019 homes. Groups of cowboys resisted this shift, and Roy knew he still had hours of drinking men carousing the streets. Years of experience had taught him to gather up firearms before they got too rowdy. They could still make a lot of trouble, but at least stray gunshots wouldn\u2019t punctuate the night.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was a good one, wasn\u2019t it, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben grinned. \u201cI reckon it was the best ever. Didn\u2019t she look fine?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe was beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI try so hard to hold onto these moments. I want to find ways to replay them for the rest of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy shook his head. \u201cI wish I knew how to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They sat back in a companionable silence for a time. Then Roy elbowed him and pointed at Hoss who\u2019d sent a group of his friends back to the bar for another bottle. Hoss waited until they were in the bar. Then he grabbed Lottie, and took off in the direction of the International House. One of the men spotted him and shouted to his friends. Hoss literally slung her under one arm and started running for it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy and Ben jumped up and ran out into the street. Roy put his hands up as he slowed the cowboys. \u201cAlright, boys, let him go. The bride deserves to have a wedding night where the groom can still remember her name. Go on now. Leave \u2018em be.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben put his hands on his hips. \u201cAnyone who makes it into the Bucket of Blood in the next thirty seconds drinks for the next hour on me!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss was immediately forgotten as cowboys stumbled over themselves to get inside the saloon. Ben looked at Roy. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t have made a half bad sheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy smiled. \u201cYeah, because the solution to this problem clearly is to get them drunker.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie\u2019s eye blinked open again. She hadn\u2019t slept more than two hours at a stretch the whole night. As Mrs. Cartwright, she was going to have to get accustomed to a couple minor things. One was that her husband snored like a congested locomotive in need of repair. The other was that he was a very active sleeper. One minute, he was hugging her tightly, the next he pushing her off the bed. Nighttimes were going to take some getting used to it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Consummating the marriage was a different story. She felt very safe with him, and two of them talked to each other through every step. The nervousness she had accumulated in anticipation of this moment quickly dissipated. Their lovemaking had been careful and gentle, and was on balance a great deal more pleasant than what she\u2019d been told to expect.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sun shone bright through the lace curtains, and Lottie wondered what time it was. Finding out required more work than she was willing to manage, and so she pulled the covers up and snuggled in closer to her husband.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In a deep gravelly voice, she heard, \u201cGood morning, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She smiled and turned to him. \u201cGood morning, husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSleep good?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She avoided the question by leaning over and kissing him lightly on the cheek.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He rubbed at his face. \u201cWhat time do you reckon it is?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sat up. \u201cIt can\u2019t be too late in the day. Sun isn\u2019t that high in the sky.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He squinted at the window. \u201cI thought we got a room on the west side of the hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss jumped up and leaned his head out the window. \u201cBy God, Lottie, that sun ain\u2019t rising; it\u2019s setting. We done slept through the whole day.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie scrambled out of bed. \u201cYour father expected us for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He threw back his head and laughed. \u201cI\u2019m sure they managed without us. But you better get dressed or folks\u2019ll think we\u2019re up to something in here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The carriage rolled into the Ponderosa yard right at suppertime. Little Joe heard them coming in and ran outside full of good cheer. \u201cHowdy Brother, we missed you at lunch. Hey Lottie!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned. \u201cAin\u2019t no need to bring that up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOoooh! You\u2019re a little grouchy on an empty stomach.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben and Adam came out onto the porch and Joe called to them, \u201cThe lovebirds have finally arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss pointed a finger at him. \u201cYou keep talking like that, and I\u2019m going to throw you up in the air so high you ain\u2019t going to hit ground until the first frost comes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlright boys, you seem to be forgetting that we have a new member of the family now who may not appreciate your antics.\u201d Ben stepped forward, and helped Lottie down from the carriage.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll put the horses up for you.\u201d Joe grabbed the reins.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t no need. We\u2019re going back to the International House for the night. Promised Lottie a honeymoon, and I aim to give it to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Hoss, we can stay here.\u201d Lottie shook the dust from her skirts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo way. I promised you a honeymoon.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grabbed the reins from Joe. \u201cCome on! You can help me go water \u2018em. I\u2019d leave ya\u2019 here but you can\u2019t seem to keep a civil tongue.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They disappeared into the barn, and Adam turned to Lottie. \u201cWhat, pray tell, has gotten into your groom?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie blushed. \u201cI could use some help here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben and Adam led her into the house. She took off her shawl, and found her way to the couch. \u201cI don\u2019t know how to say this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat across from her. \u201cWe\u2019re family now. You can say anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked down at her hands. \u201cHoss is something of a self-conscious bridegroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam arched an eyebrow. \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She cleared her throat. \u201cHe, uh, thinks that people know what we\u2019ve been up to. He thinks men are leering at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A smile tugged at Adam\u2019s mouth but he bit his lip.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe must\u2019ve offered to fatten five or six lips when fellers did nothing more than wave at us. Buster Collins winked and Hoss blackened his eye. Sheriff Coffee had to step in before Hoss tackled a group of hands just off a cattle drive. Poor things were just whistling because they hadn\u2019t seen a female in a month.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like Brother Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was hoping that you would help me convince him that we don\u2019t need to go back to town tonight. I think he needs a few days to get used to being married.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to his father. \u201cWell, Pa, this sounds like it\u2019s right up your alley.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you think so.\u201d Ben growled. Then he went over and patted her on the shoulder. \u201cDon\u2019t you worry. Lottie dear. We\u2019ll set him straight.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam let out a small chuckle and Ben frowned at him. \u201cWell, don\u2019t just stand there! You better get out there before Hoss starts throwing Little Joe around the yard.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat on the creaky steps of the mercantile, eating a plate of beans the owner scared up. He\u2019d been eating irregular for days, but he couldn\u2019t seem to remember mealtimes in the same way he had before he lost her. He was thinner now; his clothes were past due for a good washing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019d lost track of time, and the only way he could determine the time of the year was to take note of the planting, and the lush green in the trees. An easier way would have been to ask someone, but he was conversing as little as possible with folks. He was a stranger in these parts, and so people were naturally curious. There were very few questions he could answer without feeling like someone had punched him in the gut.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A bare leg swung next to his and he startled. There was a young girl sitting next to him on the porch and he hadn\u2019t sensed her approach. He got up to walk away when she spoke. \u201cHowdy, I\u2019m Emmaline. What\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He frowned at her. \u201cYou ought not to sneak up on a strange man. It ain\u2019t proper.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She cocked her head. \u201cAin\u2019t my fault you don\u2019t pay attention to what\u2019s going on around you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He grunted and headed off.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI asked you your name, Mister. You don\u2019t give me a name, and I gotta\u2019 figure you\u2019re hiding from something, maybe got your face on a poster. My pappy\u2019s the sheriff here. I\u2019ll just call him over.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He closed his eyes for a moment. Then turned to her. \u201cName is Hoss Cartwright. You satisfied?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat you doing in these parts?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDrifting. Just drifting and looking at the scenery.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat ain\u2019t much to occupy a man.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m doing just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Her eyes found the ruined valise he carried on the back of the horse. \u201cWhat you got there?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winced but said nothing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked at him oddly and then gestured. \u201cCome here. I want to show you something.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked away for a moment, but then he ambled over. She pointed down the street. A wagon had pulled up to a big white house, and two men were carrying off a lady. Two little boys were standing in the wagon bed hollering for their mother. Hoss looked at Emmaline. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s Betsy Hawthorne and her two boys. She\u2019s been holding down the farm while her husband, Ernest, went over Utah way to work in a silver mine. They barely survived the winter. Ernest lost his crops last year in the drought. So Ernest is shoveling silver, and poor Betsy has to do the planting. Her old mule kicked her in the leg and broke it. My pappy found her crawling back to the farm this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s real tough luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon they\u2019re going to lose the farm to the bank without a crop. Ernest ain\u2019t going to be making much money as a miner; he has no stake. And the way Betsy\u2019s leg is all swolled up, I wouldn\u2019t be half surprised if she lost it. And those little boys ain\u2019t more than 2 and 3 years old\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss narrowed his eyes on the scene. \u201cOne of them boys is about to fall off the wagon.\u201d Instincts kicked in, and before he could think about it, he started running down the street. One of the little ones was climbing over the side of the buckboard. It was looking to be a five foot drop. The little boy thought better of his actions at the moment both of his legs were over the side, and he was clinging desperately to the side. Hoss got there just in time to catch him as he fell. Hoss slung him over his shoulder, and reached in for the other little rascal who was contemplating a jump off the other side. He took the two squirming toddlers up to the porch of the house and sat down with them. They immediately squirreled away from him, and started playing in the dirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI worried they were going to fall out of the wagon, but I reckon I was too wrapped in Betsy and that bad leg.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss turned and saw the sheriff in the doorway. \u201cYeah, I pulled them off just in time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff nodded at him. \u201cMuch obliged, Mr…\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cName\u2019s Cartwright. I\u2019m just riding through.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cStrangers don\u2019t always get involved with local troubles. We\u2019re grateful you stopped.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYour little girl, Emmaline, told me all about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff stared at him for a moment. Then he walked over and sat next to Hoss. \u201cYou spoke to Emmaline?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe was over to the mercantile. Very friendly child. I reckon you don\u2019t want her talking to no strange fellers, but she don\u2019t mean no harm.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did she say to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged. \u201cShe told me about the Hawthorne\u2019s troubles. Said they\u2019re going to lose everything without a crop.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff looked down at his hands. \u201cI wonder why she told you all that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged again, an odd feeling building in his gut.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff frowned. \u201cI been worried about this. They need someone to watch over their things, feed their stock, and I ain\u2019t got the time. Everyone else has their own troubles. Ain\u2019t nobody to step up. How long you in town?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust passing through.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGot no particular place you\u2019re headed?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winced. This was the sort of prying that could get too close to his pain. \u201cI reckon not.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you go out and stay at the Hawthorne place?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shifted. \u201cI ain\u2019t trying to involved in nothing. Just drifting, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNobody\u2019s out there. Just you and that damn killer mule. It\u2019d give you a roof. You could feed the chickens. Just sort of watch over things until I get a hold of Ernest.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff stroked his mustache for a moment. \u201cIt\u2019s your choice, cowboy, but it wouldn\u2019t hurt you none to slow down for a couple of days and it would make a big difference to this family.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an odd feller, Sheriff. It ain\u2019t common practice to send strangers out to watch over people\u2019s stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff looked over into the distance. \u201cI reckon that if Emmaline likes you, then you\u2019re okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo you consult with young girls on these matters, Sheriff?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff kept staring into the distance. Hoss saw a sadness in his eyes that he could relate to very well. Finally, the sheriff turned to him. \u201cI trust Emmaline in all things.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked around the yard of the small farmhouse. There were hens, but they weren\u2019t penned, and he figured they were laying eggs all over the place. The house was small but clean, and he found flour and sugar in the larder. He wandered out to the field and found it half tilled. The plow was still stuck in the ground, but the mule had chewed through his harness and was grazing in a meadow beyond. Hoss looked over the damaged harness. He pulled some rope off the plow, took his knife, and did some splicing. Within a few minutes, he\u2019d repaired the harness, albeit temporarily.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The mule eyed him warily when he approached. Hoss kept his knees bent and his arms spread. \u201cHi there, you little devil. I been hearing about your misdeeds. Bet you think that it was clever to back kick a woman. I\u2019m here to tell you that wasn\u2019t nothing but a coward\u2019s way. Trying to get out of a little bit of work. That field ain\u2019t big enough to cause you even a bit of trouble. You could finish that up in a couple of days. Never seen such a lazy creature. Easy. Easy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss pulled the harness over the mule\u2019s face, ignoring the braying and the teeth the animal bared at him. \u201cI\u2019d like to see you bite me, you ol\u2019 fool. I\u2019d bite you back is what I\u2019d do. I dare you to kick me too. I\u2019m itching to show you who\u2019s in charge around here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He pulled and the mule followed reluctantly. Within minutes, he had the mule back on the plow. The two of them plowed furrows until past sundown.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The pounding of his heart was endlessly fascinating to her, and she loved these moments in the dark when she would lay her head on his hairy chest and concentrate on the sound of his powerful heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shifted a bit. \u201cMrs. Cartwright, if you\u2019re done verifying my good health, I got an order for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Startled, she lifted her head and looked into his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He smiled. \u201cI reckon that a husband gets to give an order now and again, and I been mulling on this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m all ears, husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo more wearing those dadburned nightgowns to bed. I order you to come to bed from now on without a stitch on you. I\u2019m done wrestling with all that material trying to get at you. It\u2019s like wrangling calves at branding time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot a chance, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t asking,\u201d He growled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She kissed him softly. \u201cSorry, I gotta\u2019 turn you down on that. I aim to stay a respectable woman. Plus, that wrestling is good exercise.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was told that husbands were to be obeyed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cYou were misled.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He put his thick arms around her. \u201cI didn\u2019t know I\u2019d married me a willful woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She kissed him again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSay Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI sure would like us to have some young’un\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She leaned into him. \u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been two months since we married.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not a lot of time. I guess my body\u2019s not ready yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYour belly feels round to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She laughed. \u201cThat\u2019s just Hop Sing\u2019s good cooking. Wait \u2018til Adam finishes our house and I have to cook for you. We\u2019ll both lose weight.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure it ain\u2019t a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cA woman looks for more signs than just a bigger belly. Those signs aren\u2019t there yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He nuzzled her neck. \u201cYou happy, Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she said and reached for him again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon we\u2019re happier than most folks. Married folks, I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess you and I are very lucky, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He sighed deeply and squeezed her tightly. \u201cI ain\u2019t ever forgettin\u2019 that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His family was sitting in the living room when he came home from a few days on the trail. Pa, Adam, and Little Joe were on chairs listening to Lottie. There was an air of something, but Hoss couldn\u2019t quite catch it. He stomped his feet, \u201cI got trail dust all the way down my throat and into my belly. Give me a couple of minutes and I\u2019ll join you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss ran upstairs, pulling his shirt out of his pants as he went. Five minutes later, he appeared again in clean clothes, his hair wet and face pink from scrubbing. Lottie got up and rushed him. She hugged him tightly. He frowned. \u201cEverything okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie pulled away. \u201cYeah. I guess so. Adam says they got a replacement teacher coming in for me. I\u2019ll be on the ranch full time soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He patted her back. \u201cDon\u2019t fuss about it, Lottie. We can have those rascals out to the ranch here whenever you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe could have a big picnic as soon as the thaw comes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood up. \u201cI got a letter today\u2026concerning Lottie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss let her lead him over to the sofa. \u201cWhat are you talking about, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shifted his feet, displaying none of his usual confidence. \u201cWell, I better start at the beginning\u2026when Lottie first arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI should tell him about it.\u201d Lottie held his arm protectively.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLottie, you didn\u2019t even know about it until today.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, tell me about it already!\u201d Hoss\u2019 impatience was getting the best of him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was that first month after the school board meeting. I read some of Lottie\u2019s poems. I was very impressed. I asked her if I could show them to a friend, but I didn\u2019t tell her that friend was in New York City. I sent it before the two of you were even courting. I guess I forgot about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy friend works for the company who publishes Walt Whitman. He says that Lottie\u2019s poems have that same sort of raw honesty. He wants to publish her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stood up. \u201cA book?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. Hoss grabbed Lottie\u2019s hand, pulled her to her feet and hugged her. \u201cDid you hear that, honey? Ain\u2019t that amazing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked over her shoulder. \u201cAnd you were all sittin\u2019 here like you were mournin\u2019 or something. You had me scared, Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shifted in his seat. \u201cIt\u2019s a bit more complicated than that, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He frowned at Adam. \u201cOkay. Spit it out then.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sighed. \u201cShe needs to go to New York, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? There\u2019s a publishing house in San Francisco.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe poetry editors are in New York.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss let go of Lottie. \u201cShe\u2019ll send everything by mail.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes. \u201cIt would take years to finish a book that way. She needs to go for a few months and work with an editor. Then she comes back and life goes back to normal.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked at Lottie. \u201cWhat do you think about all this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cI couldn\u2019t leave you like that. I don\u2019t want to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss glared at Adam. \u201cI reckon that settles that. We\u2019ll think about it again when some of them poem editors move west.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam kicked the fireplace. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work like that, Hoss! An opportunity like this\u2026it\u2019s a miracle. Don\u2019t you get it!? He\u2019s going to introduce her to Whitman, the man who wrote Leaves of Grass. Can you imagine?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know who Whitman is.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam pointed a finger at Lottie. \u201cShe\u2019s going to spend the rest of her life wondering what might have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe ain\u2019t! She\u2019s happy here; she\u2019s happy with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got up. \u201cThat\u2019s enough out of both of you! You\u2019re talking like Lottie isn\u2019t even in the room!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie nodded at him. \u201cThanks, Pa. I appreciate it.\u201d She turned to Adam. \u201cI\u2019m mighty grateful to you, Adam. I never thought my scribblings were worth much. The idea of meeting Mr. Whitman is\u2026well, I guess my feet aren\u2019t going to hit the ground again for quite a while. But I am happy here, and I don\u2019t want to leave Hoss right now. In a couple of years maybe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam walked up to her and took her hands. \u201cYour chance is now. Two years from now, you\u2019ll have children underfoot. Think of it. You could be more than just a rancher\u2019s wife. You could be a famous author.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with being a rancher\u2019s wife?\u201d Hoss growled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to him. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t understand, Hoss. The Ponderosa has always been enough for you. Your dreams don\u2019t extend beyond its borders. You don\u2019t seem to realize that most people dream about a chance to do something really big.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho are your heroes, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swept his arm. \u201cI reckon they\u2019re all in this room.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cExactly! You don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to want something more than what\u2019s right in front of you. You don\u2019t know what its like to be happy here, but dreaming of what your life would be if you had an opportunity to design buildings, to create the face of a city. You don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to yearn for something so deep in your gut\u2026\u201d Adam shook his head as if trying to focus himself. \u201cIf she wrote a book, there\u2019s a chance that people would still know who she is 100 hundred years from now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would anyone want people to think about them 100 years later? It don\u2019t make no sense. Folks in the future ought to have enough to do without picking apart the past.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cYou\u2019ll never understand, Hoss, and I pray that Lottie\u2019s generous enough to accept that about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEnough!\u201d Ben glared at both of them. \u201cNeither of you make a lick of sense. I know what it is like to dream. How do you think I went from a ship\u2019s mate to the owner of the biggest ranch in Nevada territory? I also know how to love what\u2019s in front of me. That\u2019s why I\u2019ll never leave this ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t feel bad for telling the truth.\u201d Adam turned to stare at the fire.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pointed. \u201cYour truth, Adam. That\u2019s your truth. Hoss has his. The two of you can\u2019t seem to understand that one truth isn\u2019t better than another.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cI reckon I\u2019m like you, Pa. I can see reaching for beyond, but I still have nothing but love for where I am now. I don\u2019t think either of you two make much sense by not seeing both sides.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam threw up his hands. \u201cI\u2019m going to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked at Joe. \u201cIt is getting late.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All three men headed upstairs. Hoss sat down next to Lottie and stared at the fire. She leaned on his shoulder. \u201cI don\u2019t need to go anywhere, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked down. \u201cBut what if Adam\u2019s right? What if you\u2026resent me in later years?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s imagine life ten years from now. You been tied to the same ol\u2019 Hoss that whole time. Who knows how many young’un\u2019s we\u2019ll have by then? Who knows what hardships are coming to us? Maybe you\u2019ll be dreaming about those fancy places like New York and writing and such. Maybe, you\u2019ll wish that your stubborn ol\u2019 husband had given you a chance for something more.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to leave you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s six months, Lottie. We got years and years together. I\u2019ll even go with you. Can\u2019t let you miss an opportunity to meet Walt Whitman, can I?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019d be like a fish out of water.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned and smiled at her. \u201cI\u2019m a pretty big fish. I reckon I can hold my breath for a measly six months.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe rode up to him quietly. Adam nodded, but returned to staring out the horizon. There was something about dusk in late spring when the land was so lush against the colors of the setting sun. Joe quieted Cochise beneath him and waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam finally turned back to him. \u201cShe would have been pregnant by now. Pa would be dreaming about his first grandchild.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cDon\u2019t go down this road. I\u2019d hate to have to lock you up again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam snorted and looked away. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Joe. That particular chapter in my life is over.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cYou\u2019re thinking of leaving us?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to him sharply. \u201cWhat\u2019s got you thinking that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cThat night all those months ago when we talked about Lottie going to New York; it just felt like some of that was about your dreams too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou still itching to move on? Particularly in view of what\u2019s gone on these last four months? You\u2019re doing better. We haven\u2019t heard anything from Hoss. Maybe you thinking about moving on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t felt any of that. I\u2019m not sure if I even have those dreams of being an architect anymore. I just want\u2026to have what should be here right now. And, unfortunately, that\u2019s just not possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, this hasn\u2019t been rough for just you and Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked startled. \u201cDo I forget that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe squinted at the setting sun. \u201cPa, in particular, wonders if he shouldn\u2019t have encouraged her to go to New York.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe couldn\u2019t have known.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNeither could you. We all have to live with regrets at one point or another. If we\u2019re strong, we can keep them from plaguing the rest of our days. Pa says that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t make me very strong, does it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged, his attention still on the horizon. \u201cYou never held their lives in your hands. It\u2019s time you remember that. You just ain\u2019t got that much power.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. \u201cMore tough love from my little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned to him with worried eyes. \u201cAdam, I\u2019m hanging on by a thread. I seem to be the only one with the strength to hold this family together. Do you know what that feels like? I can\u2019t remember the last time I strung four hours of sleep together in any given night. This family, what we\u2019ve done, who we are, what we feel for one another\u2026I won\u2019t let that go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re telling me this. I need to know this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They sat on their horses side by side as the sun melted into the horizon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to his brother again. \u201cPa says we\u2019re not to go after him. Says he\u2019s not ready. I think you know Hoss better than any of us. What do you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe kept his eyes on the horizon. \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about it. Pa knows where to send his mail. I\u2019ve been thinking on it real hard these days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDo it, Joe!\u201d he said with an energy that surprised both of them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked at him. \u201cLet\u2019s talk to Pa at dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cReady to head to the ranch?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam hesitated. \u201cI got something I gotta\u2019 do before I go home. It should only take me an hour or so. Make sure you leave some of that turkey Hop Sing is roasting.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was a stale joke and it was greeted with silence. There was always enough to feed everyone these days.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was two hours before Adam showed for dinner. He greeted them with what could only be described as a grimace, and he slid so slowly into his seat that both Pa and Joe put down their silverware and watched.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben frowned. \u201cSport throw you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cHorse wouldn\u2019t dare.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe gestured. \u201cWell, what\u2019s got you navigating that chair like it\u2019s a rattlesnake?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam finally settled in and sighed deeply. \u201cIt\u2019s nothing. I\u2026was\u2026I stopped at a neighbor\u2019s to help out with\u2026a horse. Filly kicked me in the gut.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked at Joe. \u201cWe oughta\u2019 get Doc Martin out here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Adam took a breath. \u201cIt\u2019s just a bruise. Nothing more. We don\u2019t need to bother the Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let me look at it.\u201d Ben got up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cSit down, Pa. I\u2019m a grown man. I got a bruise in my side from a filly. I should\u2019ve known better. Now, let\u2019s just stop fussing like a bunch of old ladies. I\u2019m fine. And I\u2019m hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat down slowly. \u201cWe\u2019ve both seen what\u2019s happened to men who\u2019ve bled internally after a kick. I hope you\u2019re remembering that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. Then he turned to Joe. \u201cYou bring it up yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa thinks it\u2019s a good idea, but he doesn\u2019t want me to rush. I think I\u2019ll leave in a few days. I need to finish a couple of projects first.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam frowned. \u201cWhy wait? It\u2019s been long enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben noticed that Adam aborted an attempt to reach for the bread. He slid it closer to him. \u201cWe have to respect Hoss\u2019 wishes. I think, and Joe agrees, that we just need to wait a few days so that Hoss doesn\u2019t feel we\u2019re trying to rescue him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take all of Joe\u2019s projects.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFine. Good. In a couple of days when you don\u2019t look quite so stove up, Joe will ride after him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not stove up!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His family stared at him. Adam closed his eyes for a moment to settle himself. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I don\u2019t mean to sound so impatient. I just\u2026miss him. I want him back here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe all do, son. Joe will go in a couple of days. Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. He looked down at the turkey and potatoes he\u2019d put on his plate and realized that his aching gut had no business taking on food, but all eyes were on him so he picked up a fork and stabbed at the smallest piece of turkey on the plate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked up as Adam entered Roy Coffee\u2019s office. Roy took that opportunity to jump two of Ben\u2019s checkers. Adam smiled. \u201cHow many times have you beaten him today, Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff looked up. \u201cIt don\u2019t mean much. Clearly, the man is distracted.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you buy tickets for Hoss and Lottie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cWe got problems.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat down. \u201cIs it the Sioux uprising out East?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEverything east of Denver is closed down until the army gets it under control.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, they have to be there by May.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019ll take the army most of the summer to clear out those renegades. I don\u2019t reckon the Denver office\u2019ll open again until fall.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about stages going South?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy chuckled. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t. It\u2019ll tack on an extra month each way. Plus, Reconstruction has left a lot of Southerners desperate. Lots of robberies and hijackings. It ain\u2019t good.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at his father. \u201cThey could take a ship out of San Francisco. In fact, I know someone who\u2019s leaving for East Coast at the end of the month. They\u2019ll travel more quickly by ship.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cWe can\u2019t put Hoss on a ship.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe get seasick?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou should\u2019ve seen him, Roy; we took the ship from New Orleans to San Francisco. He was the greenest little boy you\u2019ve ever seen. Couldn\u2019t hold anything down for almost two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, that was years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got up. \u201cAdam, you forget that I\u2019m an old sea dog. You either have sea legs or you don\u2019t. Hoss has no sea legs. Try to picture that how that new marriage will look after two months of Lottie cramped in a small cabin with a sick, cranky Hoss. We\u2019ll be lucky if she doesn\u2019t run screaming from him at the first port they reach.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d hate for Lottie to miss this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, there will be other opportunities.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot like this, Pa.\u201d He turned and headed out the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you headed?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got to send some telegrams.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat in front of them, one hand clutching several messages. There was a hearty fire crackling at his back. \u201cI know a way to make this work. I think sailing is your best option. However, I know Hoss is not much for open water.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stirred next to Lottie. \u201cI don\u2019t know about all that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSwimming in a pond isn\u2019t the same thing as spending two months on the high seas. I\u2019d hate for Lottie to find out the truth of it 300 miles out into the Pacific.\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss put his arm around her. \u201cShe ain\u2019t going nowhere without me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI have a compromise. Curtis Conway is sailing out of San Francisco next week for New York. He\u2019s an executive with Western railroad. We negotiated with him last year. Pa, you were impressed with him. Do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI checked to see if we could book passage for Lottie on the same ship. I thought\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stood up. \u201cHold on there! I don\u2019t care how respectable this fella\u2019 is, it ain\u2019t proper for my wife to travel with some strange man.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat. \u201cHoss, if you\u2019ll let me finish, please. Passage is all booked for this trip, but Conway is taking his wife and eldest daughter on the trip. His daughter is in a cabin without a companion. He would be honored to have Lottie in her cabin.\u201d Adam thrust a telegram at Lottie. \u201cHe writes that his daughter would love to have some female company in her cabin.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss intercepted it before Lottie could take a look. \u201cI don\u2019t care. She\u2019s not traveling by herself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Undaunted, Adam held out another telegram. \u201cThis is from the publishing house in New York. A representative will meet you at the docks. You will have an escort your entire time in New York. You will be staying at the home of a poetess named Amy Malcolm. She has a husband and five children. I\u2019m sure she will have all sorts of advice for you on the subject of being both an author and a wife.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie stood up and slipped her arm through Hoss\u2019. \u201cAs always, Adam, you\u2019ve found a solution to the hardest problem. My husband and I will have to take all of this under consideration.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss relaxed with her words. He nodded. \u201cAdam, I\u2019m ashamed that I can\u2019t be more grateful for all your work. It\u2019s a real big decision. We\u2019ll think on it some.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Within a week, the crop was planted. Within two weeks, repairs had been made to most of the buildings. One evening at dusk, Hoss sat on the porch and contemplated a pigpen. There was a space alongside the barn that had clearly been a pen years earlier, and a notion hit him that he could split a few trees, and remake that structure. The hen house was repaired, and he\u2019d found 12 hens running wild around the farm. Now that they were corralled, there\u2019d be eggs. He figured a week\u2019s worth of eggs would buy him 2 or 3 piglets. A month\u2019s worth of eggs would buy a milking cow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Improving the farm, growing it and bringing it to life was very attractive to him. None of it was his, but it didn\u2019t matter. It would mean something to someone. It wasn\u2019t just what he was building; it was the fact that he was doing something more than drifting from place to place. Hoss found comfort in good, hard labor. The idea that some men sat at desks all day and called it work never made any sense to him. It was in building, fixing, and doing that he felt at his best.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The bushes on the side of the cabin sounded, and Hoss reached for his gun. A barefoot Emmaline came skipping around the corner with a sack slung over her shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss dropped the gun and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, Mr. Hoss, how\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He glared at her. \u201cYou ought not to sneak up on a man. I had my gun drawn, dadburnit!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She swung her bag in front of him. \u201cI got a surprise for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing here anyway? It\u2019s going to be dark soon. You can\u2019t tell me that your pa lets you gallivant about the countryside by yourself. You ain\u2019t more than a bitty slip of a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh, don\u2019t fuss so much. Papa always knows where to find me. Don\u2019t you wanna\u2019 see what I got for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe your Papa lets you run around like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She rolled her eyes. \u201cGuess I can\u2019t wait for you to ask what\u2019s in this here bag.\u201d She emptied two dead rabbits at his feet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He picked them up. They were good size critters, and his mouth was already watering at the stew he\u2019d make of them. \u201cWhere did you get these, Emmaline?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy Papa shot \u2018em this morning. Asked me to bring \u2018em over for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat was right neighborly of him. I hope there\u2019s something on your dinner table tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She grinned a mouthful of crooked teeth. \u201cWe got plenty, Mr. Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cWhy would your Pa think to do this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cYou\u2019re doing a good thing, Mr. Hoss. You\u2019re saving a farm for a family you don\u2019t even know. Papa wants you to know he appreciates it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 face colored as he searched for his skinnin\u2019 knife. \u201cI ain\u2019t doing anything good. Just needed a quiet place for a piece. I ain\u2019t thinking about anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline nodded solemnly. \u201cSometimes a person is so deep in their pain that they can\u2019t see what they do for others. I reckon you\u2019re in that place right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss narrowed his eyes at her. \u201cYou don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sighed and sat down next to him. Her arms were thin and freckled, sticking out of a worn blue frock. \u201cI understand. Most people don\u2019t think girls know anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He cleared his throat. \u201cI wasn\u2019t trying to say that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She watched for a moment while he quickly skinned the two rabbits, cut them into pieces and dropped them into a stewing pot with a bunch of greens and some parsnips. \u201cDid I tell you, Mr. Hoss, that I got a new teacher?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He hesitated for a moment. \u201cI reckon you didn\u2019t, but I ain\u2019t trying to have any sort\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She grabbed his arm. \u201cShe\u2019s the best, Mr. Hoss. She\u2019s pretty and smart and she reads poetry to us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winced at her touch. Emmaline was hitting him too close to what he\u2019d lost. \u201cAin\u2019t you ought to be running along?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline held on tightly. \u201cShe teaches a lot about reading and writing, and she also teaches us about love.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He abruptly shrugged her off. \u201cTeacher ain\u2019t got no business straying away from the 3 R\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline backed away. \u201cTeacher says that some folks love so deep that it goes right to their soul. Losing that person can be like tearing a hole in someone\u2019s soul.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked away from her. \u201cWhy are you telling me this, girl?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She worried her lip for a moment before responding. \u201cI reckon you\u2019re someone who might have a rip in his soul. It shows on your face. I guess I\u2019m just feeling sorry for you is all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stood still, his body shaking. He had to remember that she was a small child who couldn\u2019t know what she was saying. Finally, he turned to her. \u201cI can\u2019t talk about this with you, Emmaline. A man has his secrets.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cToo much, too soon. I\u2019m going to go now, but I\u2019m coming back, Mr. Hoss. You and I are going to be good friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t going no where alone, Emmaline. Give me a moment to set this pot and I\u2019ll walk you home.\u201d He turned and she was gone. He ran behind the cabin and through the surrounding trees, but she was nowhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The next night she brought a blackberry pie. Hoss had never been so hungry for anything in his whole life. It reminded him of home and Hop Sing and sitting around a table with people he loved. He offered her a piece, but she shook her head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEmmaline, I was pretty hard on you last night. I\u2019m real sorry about that. It\u2019s just that\u2026you seem to talk about things that hit me real deep.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sat on the porch and pulled her knobby knees up to her chin. \u201cMy teacher says we ought to do something when we see someone suffering.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shifted. \u201cDon\u2019t get confused, Emmaline. I ain\u2019t nothing but mean inside.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy teacher says it\u2019s possible to heal a soul like yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow don\u2019t get started with that again. I\u2019m grateful for the pie, but that don\u2019t mean I want to hear a bunch of nonsense out of a girl the size of a new calf.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline scrunched up her face. \u201cI reckon I\u2019m going too fast, pushing too hard. I reckon I still got some growing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He relaxed and nodded at her. \u201cThat\u2019s okay now, Emma. We all make mistakes. I reckon it ain\u2019t all bad to have a teacher who tells you about life. It\u2019s just that it\u2019s hard to know how it really is for folks unless you walk in their shoes a bit. You and I won\u2019t ever be able to do that. I\u2019m a man, and you\u2019re a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think I\u2019ll just sit here and listen. Maybe, I can learn a little about the troubles of a big man.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shook his head. It seemed impossible to dislodge the child. He leaned his head against the back of the porch and looked up at the sky. Softly, she asked him only one question, and it cut him some, but he found it was better if he keeps his eyes on the stars. Eventually, he formed words, \u201cYes, Emma, she was very pretty. Her hair was as bright as fire, and when she smiled\u2026I had to remember to keep breathing sometimes\u2026She was a teacher too. She was a wonderful teacher. Everybody loved her\u2026it was easy. She was so filled with good and kind feelings\u2026And she loved me. I could see it every time I looked into her eyes. You can\u2019t imagine what that feels like. Maybe you\u2019ll have it one day, but I ain\u2019t wishing it for ya\u2019. It\u2019s powerful stuff, and life makes us no promises. It can grab something special like that and crush it in an instant\u2026There\u2019s this English feller named Shakespeare who said that it was better to have loved and lost\u2026Well, I can guarantee you, Emma, that Shakespeare never felt nothing this strong\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One hundred miles, his brother, Adam, sat up against the headboard of his bed, in the dark, carefully shepherding every breath he took. The pain in his side was worse with every passing hour. He hadn\u2019t been kicked by a filly as he\u2019d told Pa, but the truth would have invited questions that he wasn\u2019t ready to answer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The simple act of bringing oxygen into his body erupted a firestorm of pain. A man in his condition saw a doctor. A man in his condition would be drinking brandy at this moment to dull the pain. Adam was unwilling to do either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes and prayed that the pain would subside enough so that he could be up and ready for work in the morning. If he could work, Joe could go for Hoss. Adam prayed that some day soon his brother would be ready to look him in the eye again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I don\u2019t know about this.\u201d Lottie sat on the bed while he closed the lid to her traveling trunk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, honey. You gotta\u2019 go and have this adventure. It won\u2019t take more than 6 months. Going by ship might even shorten it a few weeks. \u2018Sides, I\u2019m going to San Francisco with you. We don\u2019t have to say any real \u201cgood-byes\u201d now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll write me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEvery day I will. By the time you get to New York, you\u2019ll have a fistful of letters. It\u2019ll be like you never went anywhere. Might even write you a poem.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She smiled. \u201cI\u2019ll put it in my book.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot if you want that darn book to sell, you won\u2019t.\u201d Hoss sat down next to her and took her hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She leaned into him. \u201cI\u2019ll be very careful, and I\u2019ll write every day, and a few weeks after I get to New York, you\u2019ll have a fistful of letters filled with poems about my wonderful husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He put his arm around her. \u201cYou\u2019re the most precious thing in the world to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A knock interrupted, and there was Pa at the door, clearing his throat. \u201cI hate to interrupt, but you aren\u2019t going to make the Virginia City stage if you don\u2019t go now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Out on the porch, Joe enveloped her in a bear hug and swung her around. \u201cYou take care now, Lil\u2019 Sis.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She laughed at him. \u201cI\u2019m eight months older than you are. I\u2019m not your little anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cAs far as I\u2019m concerned, you\u2019ll always be my Lil\u2019 Sis.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben handed her a beautifully engraved travel valise. \u201cThere wasn\u2019t time for them to send an entire set. Still, I found this piece. I thought it was important that you have top rate traveling gear.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie held it carefully, looking at it from all angles. \u201cIt\u2019s exquisite!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss smiled. \u201cIt\u2019s real nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lottie blushed. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have purchased something so\u2026elegant. I don\u2019t need much.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you kidding? Pa aims to spoil his first daughter-in-law,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe winked. \u201cHe would never do anything so nice for one of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLottie, don\u2019t listen to those sons of mine. You\u2019re a Cartwright now, and I want to make sure you are well taken care of. You check inside that valise. I added some new writing materials, some journals, and a couple of bottles of ink. You can keep all your writings in there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam leaned against the gate to the corral. He tried to look casual, but pain in his side was constant, and he knew he was having a hard time hiding it. Things had become blurry in the last couple of hours, his head was pounding, and sweat poured off his brow. He knew he was fevering again. It had started last night, and it took all of his strength to climb out of bed this morning, but he did it, and finally after two days of stewing, Joe announced at breakfast that he was ready to go after Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam just needed a couple more hours to ensure Joe was out of the territory. Then he would lie down and let the bad ribs heal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was filling his saddlebag with a couple pounds of Addie Murray\u2019s venison jerky when he saw a figure come trotting at him. It was ol\u2019 Virgil Simpson, and Joe reckoned that Virgil was really hurting now that Hoss wasn\u2019t around to raise roofs for him and such. Joe was a generous man as long as he didn\u2019t feel like he was being fooled with. Virgil Simpson left him feeling foolish every time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t got nothing for you, Virgil. I\u2019m headed out of town right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The lanky man stopped. \u201cI ain\u2019t asking you for anything. I\u2019m just inquiring as to your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sighed. \u201cWe haven\u2019t seen Hoss for a few months now. In fact, I\u2019m aiming to go get him now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t asking about Hoss. I mean, we all know he\u2019s hurting after losing Lottie and all, but I\u2019m asking about the oldest one, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s been out to my farm every week for the last six.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes. He came out one day and sat under the tree with me whilst I was drinking, and he talked to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes! Told me all about how he beat drinking spirits. Suggested to me that I could it too. I admit I wasn\u2019t too much interested, but he came out every week. He had no need to put himself out like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy brother, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Virgil kicked the dirt. \u201cYes! Look, I ain\u2019t got no time for your games. He was out to the house three days ago. He saw a depression on the roof Hoss put up. Wanted to get up there and fix it. Said Hoss would expect it. I told him that I\u2019d already been up there, and it weren\u2019t nothing but a little slope, but he had to see for himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe frowned. \u201cI don\u2019t get why you\u2019re telling me this.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw come on, Joe. He fell off the roof. Don\u2019t tell me you didn\u2019t notice him walking funny. Probably stove in 3 or 4 ribs. Cut a nice little hole in his side too. I tried to send for the Doc\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe said a filly kicked him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Virgil shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t know why he\u2019s telling stories, but it weren\u2019t no simple horse kick. I came into town today sure he was over to Doc\u2019s, but Doc hasn\u2019t heard a single thing about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe reflected on Adam gritting his way through the last couple of days, pushing to get Joe on the road and after Hoss. Joe cursed, kicked dirt, and ran down the street to Doc Martin\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben found Adam about a quarter mile from the house. He\u2019d heard Sport\u2019s nervous snorting. It could have been anything, but sometimes a man gets a feeling in his gut. He found the horse untethered, running circles around the path to the west pasture. It took only a few moments for him to find his eldest son, sprawled on his back across the path. From a distance, he was motionless, but Ben was greatly relieved to find that he was breathing. There was a flushed look on his face that told Ben something was very wrong. He knelt beside him, and noted the way his black shirt was damp and plastered to his chest. He slowly unbuttoned it. It was time to really get a look at those ribs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was he thinking!?\u201d Joe paced the living room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat quietly, his chin resting on folded hands. Staring at the fire was oddly comforting, and he was sure he preferred to lose himself there rather than respond to his agitated son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was the dumbest\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph! Sit down, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t feel like sitting\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked up sharply. \u201cSit down!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped and sank into a red leather chair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rubbed his temples. \u201cYou and I both know why he did it. If we knew how badly he\u2019d been injured, you would never gone after Hoss. He didn\u2019t want anything to get in the way of bringing Hoss home.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The door upstairs closed, and Ben and Little Joe turned their attention to Doc Martin slowly padding down the staircase.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stood. \u201cHow is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Martin shook his head. \u201cHe\u2019s got three broken ribs and a nasty infection. He\u2019s got quite a high fever. He could be bleeding internally. I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m very worried. Do you have any idea why he waited this long for treatment?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s complicated, Doc. What can we do?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s sick, Ben, and I\u2019m worried that he\u2019s going to get much sicker. I don\u2019t think that this is going to resolve itself in a couple of days. Infection is deep and if he\u2019s bleeding internally\u2026I just don\u2019t know. It could be weeks before this is over.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou think this could end badly?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s up to Adam and his will to fight this. He\u2019s going to need a lot of encouragement and family; he\u2019s going to need all of you\u2026especially Hoss. He keeps asking for Hoss. It\u2019d be nice if that boy were here right now to calm him down. It might make a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They both sat with Adam through the night. At times, he was lucid and uncomfortable with their fussing, and then other times, he was restless; mumbling to himself and then calling out for Hoss. It was near dawn that Ben looked at his youngest son. \u201cWe both know what he needs more than anything right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. He got up and leaned over Adam, speaking softly. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. I\u2019m going for him. Not coming back until I find him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam ragged breathing started to slow, and Joe smiled. \u201cUh, huh, you don\u2019t get it that easy. If I take off after Hoss, I need guarantees from you. You understand? I need to know that you\u2019re\u2026not going to give up while I\u2019m gone. Promise me!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s head started to loll from one side to the next. It was clear the fever was burning him up. Ben went to the top of the stairs and shouted for Hop Sing to prepare a cool bath. Joe watched Adam closely for a response until Ben prodded him. \u201cHe can\u2019t hear you right now, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs it right to leave him or you right now?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben gripped his arm. \u201cWe all need Hoss right about now. Find him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss tossed and turned on the wooden floor. The family had two beds in the house, but he couldn\u2019t fathom such a breach of courtesy without their permission. The floor was hard on his back especially after the long hours he put into the farm. He was proud of what he\u2019d accomplished. The fields were planted, a new pigpen erected with three little piglets within, the front porch repaired, and he was only 40 eggs short of buying a milking cow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline came every night, and his discomfort about her age and safety seemed to ebb away. She listened well, and he found himself relating tale after tale of his life. There were nights when he told more stories about the Ponderosa than he did about Lottie. At about the time he started yawning, she\u2019d disappear. After awhile, he stopped leaping off the porch after her, stomping through the forest in an effort to find her and escort her home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His dreams had become more vivid, and tonight, he was remembering himself sitting in the dirt, chubby fingers full of yellow dirt. He\u2019d sit there every day until he could see his big brother trudging up the path from the country school. Adam was a solemn boy, but he always found a smile for the chubby blonde boy in the dirt. This would delight him, and he would run down and tackle Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He could feel the gritty dirt running through his fingers. Bugs were curiosities, and he generally picked them up off the ground and sent them to live at one of the big dirt palaces he was building. Then he was dreaming about the day he saw something even better than bugs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was three or four colors all at once and lay still in the prairie grass. It was a snake and it was thicker than a rope. Hoss knew that snakes were dangerous. His Pa had made that point to him several times, but there was something so easy about it, quiet; curled up like a cat in the weeds. His curiosity overcame him, and he reached out and grabbed the tail. It wasn\u2019t gentle like a loose rope. Instead, it was rough, heavy, and tight, and a hissing sound erupted from the grass.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At that same moment, he caught sight of Adam\u2019s straw hat. He leaped up, dragging the snake off the ground with him. Adam stopped and cocked his head at him. Hoss raised his arm to show big brother his wonderful prize. Adam froze. The snake\u2019s head swung around and hovered in front of Hoss. A feeling washed over him, and for the first time in his young life, Hoss was paralyzed with fear.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, let go! Let go and run!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before Hoss could react, the oval head darted at him and bit him on the arm. Hoss howled more in surprise than in pain. The head swung around again, ready to strike a second time when Adam got there and grabbed it out of Hoss\u2019 hand. He didn\u2019t give the snake a chance to orient itself. He turned and swung it hard on a rock. He did it three more times until he was sure the snake was dead.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fear and confusion had enveloped the little boy, and he started wailing at the top of his lungs. Adam grabbed him around the middle, and pulled him through the prairie grass down the hill to their sod house. All Adam could think to do was start screaming Pa\u2019s name over and over.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright came running from behind the hill, and without a word, took the crying boy away from Adam. By this time, Adam had given into tears as well. It took a moment for him to gather enough breath to whisper, \u201csnake\u201d. Ben started searching Hoss\u2019 body until Adam reached over and guided him to the spot on his right arm where there were two small red holes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben let out a gasp, and started running with Hoss for the house. Then he turned abruptly and looked at Adam. \u201cWhat kind of snake?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you kill it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He nodded, sobs hiccupping out of his thin frame.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben let out a deep breath. \u201cGo get it, Adam, and throw it in a burlap sack. I want to see it, but, for God\u2019s sakes, don\u2019t touch it until you are absolutely sure it\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Adam got back to the house, Pa had wrapped a tourniquet tightly around Hoss\u2019 arm, and was grimly sharpening his biggest knife. The little boy lay crying on the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s gonna\u2019 die, isn\u2019t he, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben ignored him. \u201cLet me see the snake.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam dumped it out on the sod floor. Ben came over and squatted over it. He checked the tail, eyes, and the mouth, and then sat back on the ground hard. He picked up the snake and checked it over again. Then he dropped his head between his knees and Adam could hear muffled noises that sounded a lot like crying.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had never felt such terror in his life. That big knife his pa was sharpening could mean only one thing. All he could think to do was climb in the bed with a whimpering Hoss and hold him tightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally Ben lifted his head. Clutching little Hoss, Adam peered at his father feverishly. \u201cYou\u2019re going take his arm, aren\u2019t you? That\u2019s the only way to stop the poison.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cThere\u2019s no need.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t too late, Pa! We gotta\u2019 do something!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stood up. \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Adam. Hoss is going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam clutched the little boy harder. \u201cDon\u2019t lie to me, Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat down on the bed next to them. He ran his fingers through his older son\u2019s dark hair. \u201cIt was a rat snake, Adam. It\u2019s not poisonous. Hoss is going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked up at his Pa. \u201cYou sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cGive that little rascal to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam pushed the little boy into his Pa\u2019s lap and let Ben rock the child. Adam got up and circled the dead snake on the floor. Finally, he kicked it for good measure. Then he advanced on his little brother. \u201cI ever catch you within 50 yards of another snake, Pa\u2019s going to have to get in line to whip your behind. You hear me, Boy!?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss started wailing again, and Ben clutched him tighter. \u201cThat\u2019s enough, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam frowned. \u201cHe\u2019s gotta\u2019 learn.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think your brother is ever going to touch a snake again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe gotta\u2019 be tough. We can\u2019t lose him, Pa. He\u2019s so sweet and good. He brings happiness into this house that we didn\u2019t have before…\u201d Adam swallowed hard. \u201cWe gotta\u2019 watch over him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right. We do. So why don\u2019t you come over here and sit with him while I finish rounding up the cattle.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam got back into bed and held Hoss while Pa finished chores. He didn\u2019t scold him again. A feeling of relief had washed over him, and all he wanted to do was rock the little boy, and tell him stories about cowboys and horses. By the time, Ben got back to the small house, the two boys were sleeping, Adam still holding Hoss protectively against him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat up, breathing hard. The memories were so strong; it felt like his whole life had happened only yesterday.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam put his hand gently on Hoss\u2019 shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019ve been staring out this bay for almost an hour. Do you plan to stay here 6 months until you see that ship again?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sighed. \u201cI reckon I\u2019m going to be counting hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShe wouldn\u2019t want you worrying like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cA ship with a name like Integrity oughta\u2019 be a strong ship, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a strong ship, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think she\u2019s gonna\u2019 enjoy Conway\u2019s family. They\u2019re awfully nice people.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think she\u2019s going to have the adventure of a lifetime.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, never taking his eyes off the horizon over the San Francisco Bay. The water was a deep blue and as calm as he\u2019d ever seen. It was a sunny day, warm even; it was San Francisco at it finest. Hoss pointed off at the north. There was a line of gray clouds. He turned to Adam. \u201cI heard an old-timer saying that the wind\u2019s coming out of the north. He said it\u2019s blowing the trees funny. I been keeping an eye on that gray sky over yonder.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. \u201cStorms are not unusual off the bay.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked at him. \u201cYou ain\u2019t worried?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve travelled by sea, Hoss. We went through plenty of storms. It wasn\u2019t always comfortable, but I always felt safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam patted his back. \u201cCome on, little brother. I\u2019m going to buy you some breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The afternoon brought angry clouds and the evening brought sheets of rain, thunder, and lightening. Sometime after midnight, the wind began. Both brothers tossed and turned in their beds. Then the pitch rose, and Adam saw a woman screaming. He got up and ran toward her, but he seemed unable to catch her. Every time he got close, she disappeared. He called out when he spotted her again and lunged forward.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat up in his bed, breathing fast. It was dark in the hotel room. He looked across the room, and Hoss was still sleeping. The wind howled wildly outside his window. At times, the pitch rose like a shriek. He remembered sitting next to his pa as a boy; the two of them listening to a storm raging outside. Pa told him them to never worry about a wind until it begins to sound like the screams of a woman.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fear flooded his gut, and Adam got out of the bed and headed to the window. The rain was so heavy he could see nothing. As quietly as he could, he pulled on his pants and slid on his boots. He grabbed his coat and headed out the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He could barely see. Cold rain blew through him like icicles. Adam stayed close to buildings to escape the fury of the storm. When he reached the harbor, everything was battened down; there wasn\u2019t a man in sight. Still, Adam could see a small beacon of light, and he pushed through the wind and rain to the harbormaster\u2019s house. He pounded on the door, and fell through into a dimly lit room packed with seafaring men.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An old man with a white beard helped him up. \u201cNot a good night for a walk, young feller.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy sister-in-law is on the Integrity.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the men gestured to a chair. \u201cAin\u2019t much we can do right now but wait.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat slowly. \u201cThis storm\u2026I have a feeling about this storm\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A man with in a captain\u2019s hat looked down at him. \u201cI\u2019ve been on this coast 15 years. I\u2019ve never seen a squall like in this before.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think the Integrity will be okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Men shifted and murmured amongst themselves. The Captain shook his head. \u201cNo way to know, Son. I imagine the Captain saw this coming, and headed for a cove; some place to ride it out. Let\u2019s just hope that\u2019s what happened. Many of us have family out on the water tonight. In fact, a couple of crew members on the Integrity are local boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. A man handed him a cup of coffee that he accepted gratefully. He pulled his coat together around his neck. Shivers ran through his body, but it was only partly caused by the cold rain. These men were not gathered merely to escape the weather. They were sitting vigil for the souls fighting the wind and the waves out on the water.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t imagine we\u2019ll hear anything until after this blows over, but you\u2019re welcome to wait with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam couldn\u2019t quite raise his eyes to meet the captain\u2019s. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Men blew in and out of the harbormaster\u2019s house all night. No one knew anything, but they hadn\u2019t come for news. They came in order to stand quietly next to one another and join in their spirit of each other\u2019s prayers. A few hours after Adam arrived, a sailor stumbled in, bringing the cold and wet with him. He nodded at the door. \u201cThere\u2019s a feller out there, he\u2019s a big\u2019 un, and he\u2019s got himself wrapped around a pole. All he\u2019s doing is staring out into that storm. Tried to bring the dang fool with me, but he wouldn\u2019t listen.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam got up, nodded at the men, and pushed out into the storm. He didn\u2019t need any further description to confirm who the dang fool was. He immediately spotted him as sheets of rain could do nothing to disguise the stubborn profile of Hoss Cartwright. He was clinging to one of the timbers on the pier staring out into the bay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It would take Adam almost half an hour to pry him off the wood, and convince him to go indoors and get out of his wet clothes. He wouldn\u2019t take the coffee Adam offered nor the hot soup. Adam draped a blanket over his shoulders, but he kept shrugging it off. He finally let it go, and quietly sat next to his brother while Hoss stared out the hotel window over San Francisco Bay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam waited until Doc Martin left for the day. He tried himself up on his elbows, but his arms wouldn\u2019t cooperate. He had to content himself with simply raising his head and gesturing to his father. Ben returned to his chair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoc Martin doesn\u2019t think I\u2019m going to make it, does he?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cHe didn\u2019t say anything like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been fevering for 10 days. I\u2019m only lucid a few hours at a time. I saw the look on his face when he was cleaning the wound.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No, you\u2019re hanging in there, Adam. That\u2019s all anyone focuses on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not getting better, Pa. One day, maybe tomorrow, I\u2019m not going to wake up from the fever. The infection is deep. We gotta\u2019 face facts.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben reached for a damp cloth. \u201cYour facts are not my facts.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI kept asking for Hoss. You ended up sending Joe off to find him. We should never have done that. I want to say good-bye to at least one of my brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben cooled his head with the cloth. \u201cThat\u2019s enough, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Adam pushed the cloth away. \u201cYou can\u2019t ignore me, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not doing that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head emphatically. \u201cI need you to do something for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI need to make out a will.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you don\u2019t. You don\u2019t need to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa! I\u2019m not a child! I\u2019m a grown man and I need you to do this for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben hung his head. \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPlease go get paper and pen. I need you to record my will.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had to struggle to stay conscious long enough for this process. He was relieved when Ben finally came back with his pen and paper. Adam nodded at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI, Adam Cartwright, being of sound mind and body decree this to be my last will and testament\u2026Do you have that, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed and then nodded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTo my father, I leave all of my holdings, monetary and stock, to distribute or invest as he sees fit.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben dutifully wrote every word. Adam paused after his statement. \u201cI don\u2019t know who wants my rifle. Who should have Sport? Hoss is too big for him, but he\u2019ll give that animal the best possible care. Joe will run him hard, and that\u2019s what that horse was built for\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All of a sudden, Ben picked up the ink well and threw it hard against the wall. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter, Adam! It doesn\u2019t matter who gets Sport!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Adam winced.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was on his feet. \u201cNone of this matters! Do you think either brother will care what you leave them? Joe doesn\u2019t care if he gets your rifle or your coat or your horse. All he\u2019ll care about is losing you. Hoss is the same way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam furrowed his brows. \u201cI want them to know that they were special to me. I want them to know that I thought about them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThey don\u2019t care about your stuff. They care about you. This has no meaning for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you know me. I don\u2019t have words for my feelings. I don\u2019t tell people what I feel\u2026how will they know?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat down and touched his face. \u201cSon, they know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou are the best of men. You have talents and dreams that extend beyond this ranch. Adam, they know what you feel about them because you\u2019re here. You\u2019re not in Boston designing buildings. You\u2019re not in Europe creating something magnificent. You\u2019re here on this ranch scolding them, mentoring them, teasing them, teaching them, laughing with them\u2026You\u2019ve chosen us, and for the time we have you, we\u2019re blessed. No one questions what you feel for your family. On his worst day, Hoss would never accuse you of not loving your family.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wish they were here. I would say it out loud.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI want you to rest now, Adam. No more talk about wills or dying or regrets. Just rest. You\u2019re going to need the energy so that you can tell them yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He cocked his head at her. \u201cWhere\u2019d you find fresh carrots this time of year?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cMy pa plants early.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss picked up another one and started chewing. \u201cI used to wait all summer for these when I was a young-un. My brother, Adam, once saved up a whole row just for my birthday. Pa says my skin even got orange. I don\u2019t remember it, but he claims it. How\u2019d you ever know I loved carrots?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She sat on the step lower than him and drew circles in the dirt with her bare feet. \u201cHoss, this is the last night I come to visit you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss narrowed his eyes. \u201cI reckoned your pa would catch up with your wild doings. I still can\u2019t countenance how you run around at night like a raccoon.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline pushed stringy brown hair away from her forehead and looked up at him. \u201cMy teacher says I\u2019m done with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shook his head. \u201cYou have the oddest teacher, Emma. I don\u2019t quite understand how you\u2019ve involved her in my stories like you have.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline looked at him solemnly. \u201cYou don\u2019t have bad feelings toward your brother anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss wrinkled his nose and looked off to the setting sun. \u201cI ain\u2019t sure I ever really was mad at him. I think I was mad at me, and I couldn\u2019t face it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou had a rare love, Hoss. My teacher says that while you can\u2019t stop mourning the loss; you need to start treasuring the memories.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned at her. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t be taking advice on love from a slip of a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s from my teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, she\u2019s the busiest body I ever\u2026well, I never met her, but she is the busiest body ever, I reckon.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Emmaline got to her feet and faced him. \u201cShe wants me to leave a couple other messages before I go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss felt anxiety rise up in his gut.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy teacher says that your family needs you very much right now. She also says that you need to read the last entry in the journal in that valise you have.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stopped breathing for a second. Emmaline turned and ran to the meadow. His breath came in a rush and he was on his feet chasing the child through the tall grass. He had run for a full 10 minutes when he realized he couldn\u2019t see her anymore. He stopped a moment to catch his breath. Around him, there was no movement other than a gentle wind ushering in the dusk. He saw the distant lights from the town, and began running that way. He was heaving air by the time he got there, but it was past time he had a talk with the sheriff about that child.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff\u2019s office had a light on, and he found the man sitting alone at his desk. Hoss\u2019 face was red and he was breathing hard, but the sheriff didn\u2019t blink an eye. He just pointed at the chair across from him and waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here about your daughter. She\u2019s been coming out to see me at night. It\u2019s out of hand. Ain\u2019t proper for a child. And she keeps delving into business that ain\u2019t hers to know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want her to stop?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cI want\u2026I want Emmaline to be home safe at night. I want her to stop talking about me to her busybody teacher. I want to know how she knows things about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t control her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat ain\u2019t the kind of thing I want to hear out of a parent. Poor child. I know she ain\u2019t got a mother, but that just means you gotta\u2019 step up. My pa raised three boys with no woman in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think it would be better to show you why your request isn\u2019t possible.\u201d The sheriff got up, grabbed a lantern, and headed out. Hoss shook his head and followed him out. The sheriff walked to the edge of town where a cemetery lay. He knelt in front of a gravestone and lit the engravings. Emmaline Walker 1846-1856.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t make no sense. That\u2019s got to be another Emmaline.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff shook his head. \u201cThat\u2019s my daughter. That\u2019s the only Emmaline I lay claim to.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with ya\u2019, but you got a wild little girl running around claiming to be yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe need a drink, a bottle really. I got one in my desk.\u201d The sheriff turned and walked back into town.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stared at the headstone for another minute. He shook his head and followed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sheriff had coffee cups, and he filled two of them with whiskey. He pushed one of them toward Hoss. \u201cIt was almost nine years ago that she got taken by a drifter. She was playing in the street with her toys and a feller started talking with her. I never coached her to be anything but solicitous with folks. Five minutes later, she was gone. She was all I had left. Her mama and brother had died of fever years earlier.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winced. \u201cDid you catch ’em\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNever did. Found her body though. It was a bad time. I was so angry, so sad. Breathing hurt like needles.\u201d Sheriff shook his head and looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know what that feels like.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff took another swig out of his cup. \u201cI was a bitter man. About five years ago, something happened. A feller named Watson lost his wife. It was a big blow. They had something special, and Watson, well, he didn\u2019t do so good. I used to go out and check on him every once in a while. I went out there one night in the winter, and Watson was doing better. He said he\u2019d had a visitor, but he wouldn\u2019t tell me who. All winter he improved. Started caring for his ranch, talking to people; I was really happy for him. I was visiting again near spring and after a couple of whiskeys he told me that Emmaline had been visiting. Said she\u2019d show up every night and just listen to him. I let him finish, and then I got up and punched his lights out. We didn\u2019t talk for years after that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. This was all beyond what he knew of the world.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTwo years ago, Maudie Allen lost her two babies in a fire. She was inconsolable. Nobody thought she would recover\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss put up a hand. \u201cYou\u2019re fixing to tell me that Emmaline came to visit.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMaudie was afraid to tell me. She thought I\u2019d hit her, but she was feeling so crazy she had to tell someone. I let her talk, and everything she said about Emmaline sounded right. I know it sounds crazy, but I really believe she comes to visit. When you walked up and said Emmaline was talking to you, I figured she wanted me to keep you in town. Hawthorne place needed tending. It seemed like the thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re telling me I been talking to a ghost all these weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sheriff shook his head. \u201cI ain\u2019t telling you nothing. All I know is that my girl seems to come back when someone\u2019s grieving threatens to swallow them whole. I don\u2019t know your story, but I\u2019m betting that you lost someone precious recently.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well I reckon you got a lot to think about here.\u201d He reached into his desk and pulled out a new bottle of whiskey. \u201cTake it. Go back to the Hawthorne\u2019s. Let me know if you need to talk more.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grabbed the bottle and got up. Courtesy demanded that he acknowledge the gesture, but the only thing he could manage was a grunt before he went out into the night.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss tried to sleep, but the sheriff\u2019s fantastic story kept him restless. Interspersed with memories of Emmaline\u2019s words, Hoss couldn\u2019t do anything but stare up at the stars. It was near dawn when he remembered that she told him to look into the valise. He dragged it from where he\u2019d hidden it under a bed. Outside the sun was beginning to rise, and he sat on the porch with it. It smelled musty. He\u2019d carried it around since San Francisco, but he\u2019d never dared open it. It was Lottie\u2019s. Her thoughts, her writings; opening it meant flooding himself with what he\u2019d lost, but he couldn\u2019t run from it any longer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Inside, the smell intensified. Her papers were water-stained and yellowed. At the bottom was a sealskin journal his pa had given her that last day on the ranch. Hoss opened it and found the papers within were as crisp and fresh as brand new. He smiled. Only pa would know to send her off on a sea voyage with a waterproofed journal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss leafed through the empty pages. She\u2019d only had it a week. Toward the front he found a few entries. He found an entry from the night before she\u2019d gone on the ship. She wrote about the excitement and the anticipation. She wrote about the difficulty of leaving him. She wrote that her life felt like a fairy tale adventure.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His fingers lingered over her words. Her writing was so soft and pretty; such a complement to who she was. He swallowed hard and turned the page. The next entry was after she\u2019d boarded the ship. She wrote about meeting on the Conway\u2019s daughter, Meg. She wrote about the difficulty in saying good-bye to him. She wrote about the cramped quarters and the solicitous stewards.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned the page again. Her voice had changed. The storm had begun. She wrote about the rocking of the boat and the motion sickness she felt. She wrote about Meg\u2019s fears and the captain\u2019s assurances that all would be fine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The final page was different. The writing was shaky. Her tone was terse, anxious. Hoss read her words slowly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe captain has us huddled in the hallway with our lifejackets. The Conways are with me; Meg is crying in her mother\u2019s arms. The captain dropped anchor in an inlet, but the waves are so high that the ship still drifts. There was a large cracking sound five minutes ago, and all the sailors disappeared. I fear the worst. The ship is listing to the side, and I suspect we\u2019re headed for lifeboats. \u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI need to put thoughts to paper, just in case. My husband knows that I love him dearly, but I worry that Hoss will lose himself to his grief I don\u2019t return. I worry that he\u2019ll push away his family. I worry that his anger will overwhelm him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIn the event you find this, Hoss, I want you to read this carefully. If I am not with you on this earth then I will be with you elsewhere. Until then, I will be watching over you, and it will break my heart if you lose yourself to this. Remember me with love, not pain. Don\u2019t be angry with yourself. Don\u2019t be angry with Adam. All of the choices any of us made were out of love. Hoss, be grateful that you and I walked a path that few ever find. Honor me by staying the man I\u2019ve loved. Remember that you\u2019re still the most beautiful poem I\u2019ve ever\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The writing stopped, and Hoss caught his breath, imagining the scene of people yelling and screaming, pushing, running, lurching for a place on a lifeboat, his sweet, young wife undoubtedly waiting patiently, hopefully, for her spot. He could feel the fear that must have shook her as the monster storm howled around her, and how panic often turned people into animals. He squeezed his eyes in fervent prayer that the people around her were kind to her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The thought of it all overwhelmed him and sobs erupted from his huge body. He reached for the bottle and took a long swig. Then he took another and another. Soon he was on his feet, shouting his grief into the early morning light. He searched for something to throw, but all he had were his meaty fists, and he drove one of them into the wall of the cabin. The sound of bones cracking made him howl, but the physical pain was almost a respite from the memory of his wife on a sinking ship.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He grabbed the bottle and threw his head back. The bitter fire of whiskey ran down his throat and burned his belly. He choked on it, but kept drinking. He could think of no other way to find release from his agony.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The storm blew for a total of 36 hours. It another day before a trawler came in with news of Integrity. Hoss\u2019 worst fears were confirmed. The Integrity had run aground on some rocks in an inlet. The trawler had spotted lifeboats and had taken as many survivors as possible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The harbormaster organized a rescue boat to collect those who remained. Hoss offered all of his money in an effort to get on that boat, but Adam talked him down. Strength and courage were not enough to make up for the skill he lacked on a boat. The crew would have room for only experienced sailors.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was 5 a.m. the next morning when the boat returned. Adam and Hoss rushed down to the dock, and one of the first people Adam saw was Curt Conway, and relief flooded into his gut. Then he saw Curt\u2019s wife and his daughter, but then he recognized no one else. The rest getting out of the boat were weary, bedraggled strangers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grabbed Conway by the shoulders. \u201cWhere\u2019s my wife? Please tell me where she is.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mrs. Conway grabbed his arm. \u201cLeave him alone, please. He\u2019s exhausted. None of us have eaten in three days. Please!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 eyes filled. \u201cPlease tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Conway avoided his eyes. He turned to his wife. \u201cTake Meg to the hotel. I\u2019ll be there as soon as I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She looked ready to protest, but then she put her arm around her daughter\u2019s shoulder and walked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Conway\u2019s face was burnt from the salt and sun. His eyes were red and rheumy. Adam could see he was in no condition to be standing. He took his arm and steered him to one of the waterfront bars. He waved at the bartender. \u201cWe need some water. Do you have soup? Bring some broth.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He got Conway situated at a table and they sat down with him. Conway looked at Hoss. \u201cIt was so crazy. It was chaotic. There was shouting; half the time, the crew yelled contradicting orders. We barely made it out alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou said you\u2019d watch out for her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Conway nodded. \u201cI did, Hoss, and I tried. I even got her in the life boat, but when I turned to comfort my wife, Lottie climbed back on the ship. I yelled after her. She told me she forgot something. We were ready to launch the boat. The sea was so rough. One of the stewards jumped out and ran after her. Then she reappeared and she had that valise she\u2019d carried everywhere. She saw me and threw the valise at me. The steward was trying to steady the boat so she could get back in, and a wave hit. It was big. The moorings snapped. We thought the boat would capsize for sure. By the time, the boat settled, we\u2019d drifted 40 yards from the ship. She was still standing there on the deck with the steward. Then another wave hit. By the time, we recovered from that one; the deck on the ship was empty, and it was listing badly. The rest of the night was survival. I don\u2019t remember anything more.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked down at the ground. For a long moment, no one spoke.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Hoss. I didn\u2019t bring her back, but I did everything I could have. I really believe that. The valise is\u2026somewhere. I\u2019ll have someone look for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cThank you, Curt. I\u2019m grateful\u2026we\u2019re both grateful for what you tried to do. Let\u2019s get you to the hotel.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss reluctantly followed the two men to the hotel. As soon as Adam got Conway situated, he steered Hoss to their own room. He closed the door quietly behind them and looked at his brother. \u201cI am so terribly sorry, Hoss. I pushed so hard for her to go. I had no idea\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss had walked away from Adam and pulled open the curtains at the window.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath. \u201cI know you loved her deeply. I know\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Adam!\u201d Hoss turned at him. \u201cYou don\u2019t know! You don\u2019t know anything about what I felt, what I feel\u2026 for my wife. You\u2019ve never felt anything like this in your entire life. You have no idea what has just happened to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam hung his head. \u201cYou\u2019re right, Hoss. I never have loved a woman like you loved Lottie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut you understood the writing, didn\u2019t you, Adam?! You understood that her little poems were worth her life. You knew that nothing should get in the way of getting those dumb poems published. You knew she\u2019d never be happy with me if I didn\u2019t let her have this opportunity.\u201d Hoss stood there, tears rolling down his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was wrong, Brother. I was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stepped closer. \u201cI spent my whole life listening to you. I can count on one hand the times I didn\u2019t take your advice. You were the wisest person I ever knew. It got so that I didn\u2019t think about things for myself. If you agreed with something, I figured it was the right way to think. You thought this book had to happen, and I just kept telling myself that you understood things better than I did. I reckoned that if you thought it was a good idea, then it needed to be done.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat on the bed, unable to respond.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve looked up to you, trusted you, loved you\u2026worshipped you, Adam. Now, I can\u2019t even look at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked up. \u201cWhat can I do?! If you know, please tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss squeezed his eyes shut. \u201cJust leave me alone, Adam. Leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, wake up! Come on, Brother. Wake up!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss opened bleary eyes into the sun and the outline of a familiar face. \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled. \u201cGod, I missed you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat up and grabbed Joe in a bear hug. \u201cI\u2019m so glad to see you, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Over his shoulder, he caught sight of the sheriff looking around the property. He put his right hand down to prop himself and let out a howl.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe grabbed that hand and laid it on his chest. \u201cDon\u2019t use it. It\u2019s darn near swollen three times its size.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The hand throbbed and ached. In competition was a headache the size of Wyoming territory. He shook his head. \u201cDadburnit, what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe took his spare shirt out of his saddlebags and began tearing it for bandages. \u201cI\u2019m afraid you got most the answers. The sheriff here sent off a telegram to neighboring towns telling them to keep look out for your kinfolk. I happened to be in Kinbrae when the sheriff was reading his. I rode straight through. The sheriff just brought me out, and we found you sprawled on the porch with an empty bottle of hooch and a hole in the Hawthorne\u2019s wall.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou actually bought pigs?!\u201d The sheriff called out while surveying the work Hoss had done. And the fields are all planted. I\u2019ll be damned if I don\u2019t hear what sounds like a milking cow. Glory be!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe squat before him and started wrapping Hoss\u2019 hand to his chest. \u201cGlad to see you were up to more than just fistfights with walls.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grunted as Joe tied his hand tightly, and then all the memories came flooding back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSheriff says the whiskey bottle was his fault. Said you came into town the other night with some crazy story, and he sent you off with a bottle to calm you down.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 eyes searched for the sheriff, but the man had ducked into the barn. \u201cSheriff tell you much about this crazy story?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cHe said something about some draft mule driving you nuts.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He closed his eyes in relief.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, I didn\u2019t come get you just \u2018cause I missed you. I\u2026we really need you right now. Adam\u2019s sick.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss frowned. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoc\u2019s afraid he\u2019s got blood poisoning. He\u2019s real sick. I know things aren\u2019t right between the two of you, but he really needs us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHelp me up, Joe.\u201d Hoss scrambled to his feet and his eyes fell on the open valise. \u201cLet\u2019s gather up my things and then we\u2019ll go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou gotta\u2019 broken hand. Sheriff pointed out a doctor, but he\u2019s twenty miles in the wrong direction.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need a doc. If we take the pass up over these hills, we can be on the ranch in two days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cIf you wait with that hand, Doc\u2019s going to have break it again to set it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cStop fussing, Little Joe. Help me get these papers in here. Then we gotta\u2019 talk to the sheriff about watching over this here place until the Hawthornes come home. I ain\u2019t letting these animals starve after all this work.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re ready to come home?!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou really that slow, boy? I ain\u2019t said one thing to contradict that notion.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was 3 in the morning on the second day when they got to the Ponderosa. Both of them were exhausted. Hoss had made the whole ride with one hand wrapped to his chest. Muscles were screaming at him that he didn\u2019t even know he owned. Joe took both horses and disappeared into the barn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked at the big ranch house and waited for the memories of her to sting, but he found nothing in his gut but relief. The front door opened and his pa\u2019s big frame filled the doorway, and he knew he was exactly where he needed to be.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa didn\u2019t notice the bad hand, and so when he hugged him, it felt someone was squeezing his hand in a vise, but Hoss didn\u2019t care because it felt right.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey Pa, don\u2019t manhandle him. His hand is pretty busted up.\u201d Joe called from the yard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stepped away in surprise and Hoss shook his head. \u201cDon\u2019t worry on it none, Pa. It\u2019s just real good to see you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stepped up. \u201cIs Adam getting any better?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked at both of his sons and his throat felt thick. \u201cHe\u2019s still with us, but he has been unconscious for the last couple of days. Doc thinks he isn\u2019t going to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head and looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe says he hasn\u2019t done well since I told him I never wanted to see him again. Joe says he didn\u2019t see the Doc \u2018cause he thought that would slow me getting home. Did I do this to him, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben took him by the shoulders. \u201cNo! You didn\u2019t do this! You\u2019ve been grieving. Adam\u2019s been grieving\u2026we\u2019ve all been grieving. You didn\u2019t do anything wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss closed his eyes. \u201cI put all my anger on him, Pa. I was unfair.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo! That\u2019s enough! I can\u2019t have another son trying to destroy himself over guilt. We\u2019ve been hurting\u2026all of us\u2026but we\u2019re together again, and that\u2019s what will heal us. Do you understand that, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo more guilt, son. It\u2019s destroying us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLottie wouldn\u2019t want it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 eyes were filled with tears. \u201cI know that, Pa. I really know that now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou must be tired. The two of you have ridden all night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss smiled. \u201cPa, you\u2019re the one going to bed. I reckon I\u2019ve had a bit more sleep than you have. Besides, I need to be with Adam right now. I\u2019d like to talk to him a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat on the chair and leaned his good elbow on Adam\u2019s mattress. \u201cYou probably figure I oughta\u2019 let you rest now. You figure you know what\u2019s best. Well, Brother, there\u2019s a new sheriff in town, and I say that you\u2019ve done enough resting. Lolling about like this for God knows how long. You really got Pa buffaloed. I\u2019ll tell you that. Why, he thinks that what you need is peace and quiet. Hog jowls! I know what you need. You need the sun and the sounds of this ranch. You done rested five times what anyone else in this family has gotten.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss reached over and wrung out a wet cloth. He carefully placed it on Adam\u2019s forehead. \u201cYep. You\u2019re going to get some light and some noise. All these delicate treatments are out the window. I want you to need rest so bad, you\u2019ll get up and tell us to shut up already.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a gentle knock on the door, and Hop Sing popped his head in. \u201cIt\u2019s really you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss winked. \u201cYou\u2019re probably out of practice with them big meals.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTomorrow, I cook two of everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat you feeding this boy?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBroth.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa didn\u2019t let you put any of those special herbs in, did he?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing shrugged. \u201cHe say it make it bitter. Harder to feed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, I want you to get down there and make some of your most potent soup. Put all the good stuff in. We been too easy on him. He\u2019ll wake up when we give him some to choke on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing grinned. \u201cGood plan! I gather all the best herbs. We bring him back.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing softly closed the door and Hoss turned his attention back to Adam. He found his hand and squeezed it tightly. \u201cI ain\u2019t being hard just to be hard, Adam. You\u2019re drifting. I know that. I was drifting too, but you need something to wake you up; tell you how bad we need you. I ain\u2019t going to talk much on what happened between us. We both got hurt bad. I got such a big dose that I had to point some of it at you, I guess. But, we survived it, and we got work to do, you and I. Lottie\u2019s watching over us, and she\u2019s not going to be happy if one of us gives up. Think how hard she must have fought. She needs us to fight hard too. I need you to fight hard. I don\u2019t think I can ever get better if you leave me. You hear me, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss wet the cloth again. \u201cListen up. This silent guy stuff ain\u2019t fooling me and it ain\u2019t going to make me shut up. I\u2019m gonna\u2019 keep on talking until you start listening. You got it? And when I\u2019m not talking, I\u2019m going to be sleeping right here. Boy, you think it was bad when I was snoring in the next room. Wait until I\u2019m growling right next to your head. In fact, I feel a little sleep coming on. I\u2019m just going rest my head here, and maybe close my eyes a little\u2026hope my snoring don\u2019t bother you none\u2026can\u2019t help it, you know\u2026let me know if you want me to sleep somewhere else\u2026If I don\u2019t hear nothing, I gotta\u2019 figure that you\u2019re happy just to let me snooze\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s good, Adam.\u201d Joe put another spoon of broth to Adam\u2019s lips. \u201cSmells like dirty socks to me, but as long as you\u2019re taking it, I\u2019m going to feed it to you. You should\u2019ve seen Pa when he smelled this. He almost wouldn\u2019t let Hoss feed it to you, but Hop Sing and Hoss put up such a fuss, he just had to leave it alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wiped the corner of his mouth. \u201cReady for some more? You\u2019re lucky to get me for the feeding this morning. Hoss insists on doing it, you know. I reckon he gets quite a bit of broth in you. He\u2019s kinda\u2019 been monopolizing your time. Says he wants to make it up to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe slowly wet his lips with another spoonful. \u201cHoss had to go to town today. He\u2019s got this broken hand and he\u2019s left it too long, and Doc\u2019s gotta\u2019 reset it. You can just imagine how that\u2019s going to feel. They can\u2019t give him laudanum because of how he gets so they gotta\u2019 whiskey him up. Only Roy won\u2019t let Hoss drink whiskey without another Cartwright in town to ride herd so Pa went along. They\u2019re going to do the whole thing at the jail. Liquor him up, reset the bones, and let him drown in the rest. Of course, Roy\u2019s going to have to lock the cell door before he gets too wild.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wiped his mouth again, and filled the spoon. When he brought it to Adam\u2019s lips again, Adam moved his head. Joe sat back and blinked. Adam groaned and his eyes fluttered open. He wrinkled his nose. \u201cWhat is that stuff? I have the most god-awful taste in my mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat on the porch. Hop Sing had alternately brought out coffee, cookies, sandwiches, and lemonade. He hadn\u2019t kept up with the bounty before him, and he anticipated another scolding the next time the cook came out to check on him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The last few days had been kind to all of them. The dark circles under Pa\u2019s eyes seemed to disappear overnight. Joe acted as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Hoss finally came back from town, and sat with Adam almost continually. Surprisingly, they said little to one another. Hoss was reluctant to relive the past, and Adam found that Hoss\u2019 presence answered most of the questions he had.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked up to the sound of a wagon rolling in. Hoss sat in the seat, bringing in the team one-handed. Adam shook his head. Few people realized the strength in that man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhoa there! Whoa!\u201d Hoss looked at Adam. \u201cStill taking advantage of the life of leisure, I see.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI would ask for your help, but Pa would have my hide.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t look Pa\u2019s here though, does it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked off at the horizon for a moment. \u201cI picked up a headstone for Lottie.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cWe should have a service.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sighed. \u201cI reckon we oughta\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat can I do, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He rubbed at his forehead. \u201cI guess I want to pick a good spot for the headstone. I want to do it private-like before there\u2019s any kind of service. I also want to bury something there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss pointed at a strongbox in the back of the wagon. \u201cI want to bury her papers there. It ain\u2019t forever. I\u2019m just not ready for \u2018em yet, I guess. I ain\u2019t ready to share \u2018em. I just want \u2018em some place safe. You thinkin\u2019 about talking me out of it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cIt sounds like the right thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think Lottie would like it if you helped me find the right place\u2026 I would like it if you came.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s breath caught. \u201cYou sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded. \u201cPlease, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A smile spread across his features as he climbed onto the wagon next to his brother. Hoss urged the team forward, but Adam grabbed the reins from him. \u201cIt\u2019s time I got back to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grinned back at him. \u201cSounds right to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI knew you\u2019d say that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSay Adam, you believe in ghosts?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. \u201cI don\u2019t believe in much that I can\u2019t touch and see.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI been hesitating on telling this here story on something that happened to me while I was gone, and I know you\u2019ll probably laugh at me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Hoss, I know you experience the world a great deal differently than I do. If you have a story about ghosts, I want to hear all about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, there was a little girl and her name was Emmaline, and she had a teacher and\u2026 You sure you want to hear all this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: The family is in tatters, one brother promising to kill another, while another drinks his way to…\u00a0 What happened and can the family been redeemed? \u00a0Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (30,620 words)<\/p>\n

Author\u2019s note: This is a long story and I put a lot of heart into it. There are some different time frames. I hope you have no trouble following it.<\/p>\n

I would like to dedicate this story to an old high school friend of mine who understands how Hoss is feeling a great deal better than I do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8565,"featured_media":10192,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[14,15,17,16],"class_list":["post-11913","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-ben","tag-hoss","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1463,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/A-H.jpg?fit=276%2C284&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":14039,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14039","url_meta":{"origin":11913,"position":0},"title":"Stranger in the Night (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"March 8, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A Bonanza Gothic poem written for the 2017 \"Once Upon A Midnight Dreary\" challenge honoring the birthday of Edgar Allen Poe. Rating: K+ \u00a0 (251 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/The-Robe-e1410283539118.jpg?fit=627%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12133,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12133","url_meta":{"origin":11913,"position":1},"title":"Frightened Beyond Reason (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"June 1, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. Any reader wishing to read this series should e:mail the Brandsters:\u00a0 Brandsters2020@gmail.com","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/2-joe.jpg?fit=237%2C221&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12134,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12134","url_meta":{"origin":11913,"position":2},"title":"In My Father’s House (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 1, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. Any reader wishing to read this series should e:mail the Brandsters:\u00a0 Brandsters2020@gmail.com","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12132,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12132","url_meta":{"origin":11913,"position":3},"title":"Chinese Molasses (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"January 1, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. 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