Summary: 13 year old Adam Cartwright struggles between being a boy and becoming a man.<\/p>\n
R: \u00a0T \u00a0 WC \u00a0 (3,570)<\/p>\n
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The Breach<\/strong><\/p>\n Time: Spring of 1843<\/p>\n Thirteen year old Adam Cartwright sat on the edge of his bed. He was waiting for his father to come upstairs for a \u2018necessary talk\u2019 with him. For as long as Adam could remember, a necessary talk had always meant a tanning. Adam knew, also that his father took these \u2018talks\u2019 seriously. There would always be the customary five lashes with a belt and then Ben would discuss with him why he was being punished. Then Ben would hug him and tell him that he loved him; there would be no anger or hurt feelings between them. A hurt backside was the only residual after the \u2018necessary talk\u2019 was over. Most times Adam knew he deserved to be punished. But not today. He felt right, justified, and would tell his father that after his tanning was over.<\/p>\n Adam hated the waiting. Sometimes it seemed worse than the actual tanning. He had already been dismissed from the dinner table without supper. His step-mother Marie had met her husband at the front door as soon as he walked in the door. Adam, Hoss and Little Joe all shared glances as they tried to hear the hushed words the two adults whispered.<\/p>\n Marie had returned to the table and sat down. Ben had taken his time as he unbuckled his gun belt and place it and his hat on to the credenza behind the front door. All eyes were on him as he walked to his place at the table. He did not sit down, choosing to stand behind his chair. He rested his hands on the back on his chair and turned to look and Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam,\u201d Ben began in a tone of voice that was dark and indicative of controlled anger.<\/p>\n Adam squared his chin and forced his courage forward and spoke, \u201cSir?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are excused,\u201d his father replied and then looked down at his plate on the table.<\/p>\n Marie watched the silent exchange of questions between the younger Cartwright boys. She could imagine their questions. \u201cWhy was Pa upset?\u201d \u201cWhy did Adam have to go to his room?\u201d \u201cIs Pa mad at me too?\u201d They didn\u2019t know what was going on, but they dared not make a move. But neither did Adam, who continued to stare at his father.<\/p>\n Ben did not look up when he spoke again. \u201cI said that you are excused,\u201d he stated a little louder and firmer. \u201cGo on to your room. I\u2019ll be up later for our necessary talk.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam could hardly believe what he had just heard. Surely he was too old for a necessary talk; but still, he stood. He pushed his chair back up to the table. He did so slowly, almost in an act of defiance. Adam noticed that Hoss\u2019s eyes began to tear. Hoss knew about necessary talks. At seven, he had already had a few. It was the look on Little Joe\u2019s face that concerned him. Wide eyed after hearing his father speak in such a harsh tone to his beloved oldest brother, he leaned in towards his mother almost hiding behind her. That made Adam angry. How dare his father frighten Joe. But Adam said nothing as he headed for the stairs. He would have his say with his father, but he would not risk a scene now that would upset his brothers further.<\/p>\n As Adam walked up the stairs, he heard a chair scrape the floor. Adam turned and watched as his father pulled out his chair and sat down. Then he heard the most surprising sound. He spoke to Hoss and Joe with a lightness in his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, did you have a good day today? How was school, Hoss? Where you able to wait until lunch to eat or did you have to steal a pinch of that pie or nibble a chicken leg at recess?\u201d And then Ben laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cAhw, Pa,\u201d Hoss replied embarrassed. His face turned a slight pink.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what about you, little scamp?\u201d Ben asked Little Joe and he reached to tousle his soft curls. \u201cDid you play with your blocks today?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned at his father and scooted from his chair and over to his father, who picked him up and placed him on his lap.<\/p>\n From the top of the stairs, Adam stared down at his family. He didn\u2019t understand the change in his father just then. Maybe, Adam thought, it was to lighten the mood. He could hardly blame him for that. He would have done the same thing. He saw the looks of Hoss and Joe. How they had tried to make themselves still and silent as Ben spoke. They were just too young to understand the grown up relationship he and his father were trying to build; without success most times. They knew nothing of the events that had led up to now and he intended it to stay that way.<\/p>\n Adam got tired of sitting, waiting so he thought of things to do that would occupy his mind. He always kept his room neat and organized so there wasn\u2019t much to straighten up. He walked over to his dresser and straightened his brushes and combs and whatever else lay there. He glanced at his image in the mirror. His hand went to his face and he rubbed it over his chin and cheek. He\u2019d have to start shaving everyday soon. Katie Beth Cameron had told him that after church last Sunday when they had stolen away behind the old building for a kiss. She had been the first girl he had kissed. Adam had noticed other changes in his body as well. He was becoming a man. And to Adam that meant that he should not continue to be treated the same as Hoss and Little Joe. He, himself, gave orders to the hands everyday and when he came home he was treated as a child. That was what had started the argument between him and Marie. Normally the two got along just fine. But today she had pushed him over the edge. He would be glad when he could tell his side of the story. His father would see that he was right and Marie was wrong.<\/p>\n The door opened suddenly and Adam jumped. Ben always knocked. He had always respected their privacy. But tonight he did not knock. Adam turned around quickly and met the angry glare of his father. \u201cWhere is your night shirt?\u201d Ben spoke in a tone tempered with self control.<\/p>\n \u201cI, uhm, didn\u2019t, uhm, \u201cAdam faltered noticing that it was a razor strop that his father held in his hand and not a belt.<\/p>\n \u201cPut it on,\u201d Ben continued in the same tone of voice. Adam stood motionless for a moment, not knowing if he was going to be allowed the privacy to undress. When Ben spoke again, Adam knew. \u201cI said put it on.\u201d<\/p>\n From where he was standing, Adam pulled off his boots and his trembling fingers reached for his shirt buttons. He didn\u2019t dare look in to his father\u2019s eyes now as he stripped to his under shorts and then reached for his night shirt and slipped it on. Ben approached him and indicated he was to lie down on the bed. Adam took a deep breath and waited. And then they came.<\/p>\n One. Adam flinched.<\/p>\n Two. Adam held his breath. Only three more to go. He could make it.<\/p>\n Three. He flinched again as one strike hit the same area as the one before.<\/p>\n Four<\/p>\n Five. Adam breathed and readied to move, but his father was not through.<\/p>\n Six. Adam gasped.<\/p>\n Seven. \u201cPa,\u201d Adam whispered.<\/p>\n Eight. Oh how they stung. Reflectively Adam\u2019s hand went to his backside. \u201cMove it,\u201d his father instructed. Adam\u2019s resolve began to break and a sob threatened to escape, but he held it<\/p>\n Nine. . \u201cPa, please. Please, Pa,\u201d he cried. And Adam broke, tears streamed down his face and on to the bed. \u201cPlease stop\u201d, he begged. Would it ever be over?<\/p>\n Ten. And Adam fell in to sobs<\/p>\n Then Ben stopped. He had never disciplined his son with so many licks, but this time it was necessary. His heart broke as he looked down at his eldest child, sobbing. It had to be this way. He had to break Adam and he felt he had. Yet there was one more thing that Ben did that shocked Adam. It might have been the worst of all. Ben turned towards the door and without a word opened the door. With one more glance at his sobbing son, he closed the door behind him. When Adam realized that there would be no talk tonight, that his father would not speak the usual loving words to him, his sobs turned to utter despair. For he now knew that he had let his father down.<\/p>\n Ben leaned against the door frame just outside Adam\u2019s room and listened for a moment to his son\u2019s sobs. The tears that Adam had not seen in his fathers eyes now spilled over and ran down his cheeks. Marie exited from their room and came and stood beside him. She knew how hard this was for Ben and why. She and Ben had talked recently about the need for Adam to behave more as an adult since he now had added responsibilities. Ben knew that the turning point was now. The argument with Marie had confirmed it. Marie knew also that Ben would explain it to Adam in the next day or two. Marie placed her hand on his arm. \u201cHe will know that you still love him, Ben,\u201d she said and offered a small smile then turned and walked back to their room. Ben took a deep breath and then started down the hallway after her. As he stood just inside his room, he could still hear Adam\u2019s sobs. He was thankful that both Hoss and Little Joe were sound asleep and did not have to hear. He had waited until they were asleep before going to Adam\u2019s room. Now he himself was emotionally spent. He listened for a moment longer then shut the door to their room.<\/p>\n Adam crawled up on his bed and buried his face in his pillow as his sobs continued. He tried to stop. It wasn\u2019t the pain in his backside that hurt as much as his father\u2019s walking away from him. He had never done that before. His father must have been so bitterly upset that he could not even stand to be in the same room with him. Fellowship was broken between the two of them and it broke Adam\u2019s heart. His sobs continued for awhile until he was totally exhausted. With the little strength he had left, he closed his eyes and the few tears that he had not brushed away still clung to his cheeks and he fell asleep.<\/p>\n Marie finished pinning up her hair and straightening her bureau as she went. She glanced at Ben\u2019s reflection in the mirror. He looked tired. He hadn\u2019t slept well and had tossed and turned most of the night. She turned to look at him. \u201cWhat are you going to do about Adam?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n Ben let go of a long sigh. \u201cI\u2019m not sure, Marie,\u201d he answered. \u201cHe needs some time to think. He\u2019ll be too sore this morning to sit a horse so he\u2019ll have to stay home. I want him to stay in his room all day. Hop Sing can bring him his meals. Then tonight, I\u2019ll have a talk with him.\u201d He turned to look at this wife. \u201cYou and Little Joe still going in to town today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. I\u2019d already promised Joe and Mrs. Cameron is expecting us. I\u2019ll leave after breakfast and ride along with Hoss so he won\u2019t have to ride to school alone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat will be good,\u201d Ben replied and then he sighed. \u201cLet\u2019s go get some breakfast. I\u2019ll stop by and tell Adam he is staying home today.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben opened the door to Adam\u2019s room and looked in. Adam was sprawled on his stomach on top of the covers. His breathing was slow and even and Ben knew Adam was sleeping. He stepped back from the room and quietly closed the door. He didn\u2019t want to wake him. He decided to leave instructions with Hop Sing. He had to get going if he intended to talk to Adam by the afternoon before Marie and the boys got home.<\/p>\n Adam looked down from his bedroom to the front yard. He had heard his father ride into the yard and speak to one of the ranch hands. Adam wanted to see if he could tell what mood his father was in. Hop Sing had told him that his father would be home by the afternoon. He\u2019s seen Marie and Joe leave that morning along with Hoss as he rode his horse Cory and figured they\u2019d be gone all day.<\/p>\n Adam could not tell about his father\u2019s mood so he stepped away from the window. He didn\u2019t want to be caught. He sighed a long tired sigh as he went back and lay on his stomach on the bed. He had dressed as best he could, but was definitely uncomfortable. When breakfast had arrived that morning, Hop Sing had handed him a small jar of salve that he sometimes used to treat burns or scrapped elbows and knees. Adam had applied it liberally and it did seem to take the sting out.<\/p>\n Adam has spent most of the day thinking. He tried to read but could not enjoy it. He could only think how he had disappointed his father. And for what? Just because he thought he was right in his argument with Marie? Adam seldom shed any tears, but a few had fallen earlier as he replayed last evening\u2019s events. He and his father had always been able to talk. Always. And this silence now really was worse than the tanning he had received. It broke his heart not to be able to talk with this father.<\/p>\n Now all the waiting was over. All the anxiety he felt, all the unsurity was about to be over. He desperately wanted to heal the breach between the two of them. Adam heard the front door open and close and his stomach churned and his knees started to fail him. He had placed both of his pillows down on his bed and now gingerly seated himself and waited. It was a few moments before he heard the familiar footsteps on the stairs.<\/p>\n Ben stopped just outside Adam\u2019s door. He\u2019d waited all day for this moment. He couldn\u2019t bear the breach between the two of them. There had never been one to this magnitude. Adam was always at his side. Always helping him make decisions, carry out plans. It has been a difficult day for him. He\u2019d gone over in his head the things he knew he needed to talk to Adam about. He hoped he would be able to explain it so that Adam really understood why his behavior had been wrong. This, in essence, was the last father to child talk they would have. Adam was becoming a man, and he needed to begin behaving as such, and Ben would treat him as a man as well.<\/p>\n This time Ben knocked on Adam\u2019s door and waited for a response. \u201cIt\u2019s open,\u201d Adam spoke as he stood and waited for his father to open the door, all the while keeping his eyes down Ben entered the room and shut the door behind him. He put his hands in his pockets and walked over to where Adam stood. He could hardly believe how tall Adam had gotten. Another year and they would no doubt be eye to eye. Ben pulled up a chair and instructed Adam to sit. He waited the few moments while Adam got settled. He still had not seen his son\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cLook at me, Son,\u201d Ben said gently. Adam raised his head and looked cautiously in to his father\u2019s eyes. Ben saw remorse, regret, anxiety and fear. Adam saw\u2026. He lowered his eyes again. Was it compassion that he saw? Ben didn\u2019t ask Adam to look up again. \u201cSon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarie told me all about the argument that you and she had. She told me how disrespectful you were to her and she told me about the language you used.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir,\u201d he answered. \u201cI\u2019m sorry about that sir. I\u2019ll\u2026.. I\u2019ll apologize to Marie, too.<\/p>\n Ben let out a heavy sigh. \u201cMarie also told me something else about your argument. She told me that you were right.\u201d Adam snapped his head up and stared unbelievably into his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cYes Son. That\u2019s right. Marie said that you were right in what you were saying.\u201d Adam was silent so Ben continued. \u201cDo you know why I punished you, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I was disrespectful,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n \u201cThat yes; but mainly because you were disrespectful when you were in the right.\u201d Ben was silent for a moment, letting the words sink in. \u201cYou see, Adam, it\u2019s not always proper to demand your own way when you are in the right. There are going to be times in your life that you will come upon circumstances where you are right, or your way of doing something is right, but you\u2019ll have to hold your tongue or refuse to be drawn into a fight with someone who is bigger than you, smaller than you or even has a faster gun than you do. What it all amounts to is that you\u2019re going to have to control your temper. You can\u2019t go through life demanding your own way.\u201d Adam shifted uncomfortably. Ben continued. \u201cAdam, you\u2019ve said that you want to be treated like a man, not a boy. I understand that and respect that. And I\u2019ve decided that you are right.\u201d Adam looked up. \u201cFrom this moment on, I will treat you as a man. But it comes with a price. In the future if you disobey me, you won\u2019t receive a tanning. That punishment is for boys. Instead, outside any normal arguments and discussion we have, I will treat you as a man, which means now you have to respect me not only as your father but also as administrator of this ranch. Simply, if you cannot conform to my directions, I will ask you to leave the ranch, just as I would any man who works for me.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked away. He had not anticipated any of this and was unsure what his response should be. Ben pulled his chair closed to Adam\u2019s. \u201cI love you more than words can tell, Son. You\u2019re my firstborn. You will always hold a special place in my heart. We\u2019ve gone through so many things together. In fact, I love you more than life itself and I would do anything for you. I want you to know that it broke my heart to have to punish you the way I did. But I love you too much to allow you to grow up with wrong attitudes and behaviors.<\/p>\n Adam brushed a tear from his eye as he looked into his father\u2019s dark brown ones. \u201cI know, Pa. I love you. You have given up so much for me and I have been a whiney little baby about things all the while demanding to be treated as a man. I\u2019m sorry, Pa. I really am. And it means so much for you to talk with me this way. I know I don\u2019t always say it, but I respect you so much. I, uhm, I want to turn out like you one day, Pa.\u201d Adam couldn\u2019t help the three tears that escaped his eyes before he could regain his composure. Ben smiled at his son.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a fine son Adam. A fine son.\u201d Ben stated then stood. \u201cDo you think maybe before you begin your new Adam the man life that you could give your pa a hug?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam slowly stood. \u201cYes sir, I believe I can do that,\u201d he said smiling and leaned to give his father a hug. Never one to linger in a hug, Adam took a few more seconds to enjoy the new bonding with his father before he let go. As he did, Ben then offered his hand to his son for him to shake. Adam gladly took it and a new bond was created over the firm handshake. Ben turned to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cIf it\u2019s okay with you, Pa. I\u2019d like to stay up here for awhile tonight. I want to think about everything. And I want to practice what I want to say to Marie when I apologize to her.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled. He was seeing his son in a new light now. Oh, he knew there\u2019d still be troubles and disagreements, but he knew that both of them had grown up in the last two days. He was proud of his son and he made a promise to himself to always remind Adam of that.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Son. That\u2019s fine. We\u2019ll see you at supper?\u201d<\/p>\n It was a question. Not the usual directive.<\/p>\n Adam grinned at his father. \u201cYes sir,\u201d he answered. I\u2019ll see you at supper.\u201d<\/p>\n THE END.<\/p>\n