{"id":12012,"date":"2014-06-17T20:33:18","date_gmt":"2014-06-18T00:33:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12012"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:11:42","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:11:42","slug":"shame-by-pbeaking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12012","title":{"rendered":"Shame (by pbeaking)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0 <\/span>The loss of Marie has caused Ben to lose his desire for life itself. He has withdrawn from his work, his friends, and most importantly his family. He has taken his anger out in town and now must face the consequences for his actions. Can Roy Coffee and his boys help Ben realize that life is still worth living?<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 K+ (4,820 words)<\/p>\n

Shame<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThere is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Washington<\/em> Irving
\n(1783-1859)<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright awoke with the sun pouring in through a barred window. For a moment he was disoriented and confused. He struggled with the weight of his eyelids, finally relenting and allowing them to close. The pain he was feeling, both physical and mental, was intense. He struggled to remember…<\/p>\n

Suddenly, his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of keys rattling. Ben begrudgingly opened his eyes to see his friend, Roy Coffee, enter his jail cell.<\/p>\n

\u201cI brought you a cup of coffee, Ben,\u201d he simply stated.<\/p>\n

The man was barely able to rotate his feet off the end of the cot and position himself wearily at its edge. As he reached for the hot liquid, Roy\u2019s sheriff badge reflected the sunlight. Ben quickly retracted, burying his face in his hands to avoid the brightness.<\/p>\n

Roy Coffee looked sadly down. This scene was becoming more and more familiar. He knew his friend was grieving and needed time, but he also knew he had a job do.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere you go, Ben. It might help a little,\u201d he prodded.<\/p>\n

He then reached out and took hold of his shaky hand, guiding it toward the awaiting cup.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and accepted. \u201cAre you hungry?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head no and started slowly sipping the hot liquid. The two remained quiet for some time.<\/p>\n

After a moment Ben softly asked, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy smirked then replied, \u201cI think you mean what didn\u2019t happen, Ben. The way I figure it you poured your sorrows into I don\u2019t know how many glasses then decided to take it out on the saloon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked down and coldly stated, \u201cI\u2019ll pay for the damages.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy heaved a huge sigh and disgustingly replied, \u201cOh, I\u2019m sure you will, Ben. Money will fix up everything and make it all right, huh? Well, there are just some things that money won\u2019t fix and you of all people should know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy deliberately turned his back on his friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, I have something to say to you… as sheriff here. I\u2019ve tried to be patient and allow you time, but this… this latest… explosion… well…\u201d His voice trailed off as he hung his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what? Roy. What are you trying to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy heaved a huge sigh again. \u201cWhat I\u2019m trying to say is that this is your new home… for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben arose from the cot and grabbed Roy\u2019s shoulder, spinning him around violently. His anger quickly dissipated, however, when his eyes met the fury raging out of Roy\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would say it would not be in your best interest to follow your intentions right now,\u201d the sheriff coldly stated.<\/p>\n

Both men remained frozen in their respective positions for several moments. Finally, Ben averted his eyes and released his hold. He turned back towards the cot with his head hung down.<\/p>\n

Roy silently breathed a sigh of relief. He quickly exited the cell and locked the door behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long?\u201d Came a meek voice from within.<\/p>\n

\u201cA week… maybe two at least… It will give you time to think things through… with a clear head anyway. God knows I have enough charges to make it longer if need be.\u201d Roy then turned to leave.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Boys?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Ben. Mrs. Callahan can look after Little Joe. Adam and Hoss will be fine with Hop Sing.\u201d He then walked quietly out of the room.<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright awoke with a start to find himself sleeping again in his father\u2019s chair. He sat up and rubbed his face with both hands. This had become common routine for the young man over the past month as his father struggled with the pain of losing yet another wife. Adam had seen it before when Hoss\u2019s mother, Inger, had died…the deadpan gaze, the bedraggled appearance, the somber mood… but nothing like this. This time there was anger…anger that Adam could tell was building.<\/p>\n

What surprised his eldest son most was the lack of sentiment towards the rest of the family. They all were grieving, too. Little Joe was struggling with understanding death and what it meant. Hoss was trying to be a big boy and take it like a man, but he was so sad and confused. Right now both needed their father\u2019s guidance not absence.<\/p>\n

Adam found himself at the center, struggling to keep things up and running on the ranch. The boy was physically and mentally exhausted from his efforts at trying to fit into his father\u2019s shoes… something a young man his age should not be expected to do.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Adam\u2019s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. He arose to answer. He wasn\u2019t surprised to see Roy Coffee standing in the doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Adam, I need to talk to you and Hop Sing,\u201d he simply stated.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded and motioned the man to enter. He then went into the kitchen to retrieve Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

The three were soon engaged in discussion around the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019re going to lock him up… I thought you were our friend!\u201d Adam bellowed, slamming his fist down on the coffee table.<\/p>\n

Roy shot Hop Sing a look that indicated he wanted to talk with the boy alone. Hop Sing immediately complied.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Mr. Coffee… Hop Sing take good care of boys while Mr. Cartwright away. Tell Mr. Cartwright… no worries… Hop Sing now go prepare Mrs. Callahan\u2019s room …\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing arose from his chair and made his way up the stairwell. He paused for a moment at the top, staring down with a look of concern clearly evident on his face. His eyes gazed down particularly on the eldest son. Adam sat head down, hands folded together between his legs, and eyes glued to the floor. He could feel the shame, anger, and fear dwelling within the young man. He was so much like his father, yet Hop Sing could tell he was struggling to understand. He could only hope that with time, things could be mended. With that, he sadly shook his head and continued on around the corner.<\/p>\n

Roy let the boy brew for a few moments before continuing.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I know it\u2019s hard to understand this right now, but I\u2019m keeping your father locked up because I am his friend. He can\u2019t do any harm to himself or others in that cell alone. It will give him time to think and work out his emotions. Try to understand, son. It\u2019s the right thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam felt tears welling in his eyes as he processed the sheriff\u2019s words.
\nAfter a moment he spoke softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Coffee, I don\u2019t want Joe and Hoss to know where Pa is… I\u2019m going to tell them that he had to leave town on business.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy simply stated, \u201cAll right, son. If that is what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded.<\/p>\n

Roy then continued. \u201cYou\u2019re welcome to visit him at any time.\u201d<\/p>\n

With those words, Adam arose and moved over to the fireplace, resting his arm on the mantle. Roy could see the tears starting to build in his eyes. He slowly walked over to him, placing his arm on his shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam. I know what you\u2019re thinking, son. I\u2019ve been there myself. It\u2019s always tough the day you find out your hero… the one you most admire and respect in your life… is only human.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam could not hold back the tears any longer and allowed them to slowly cascade down his cheeks. Roy could tell the boy was embarrassed and tried to lighten the situation.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust remember, Adam, heroes always need their sidekicks.\u201d He then patted the boy reassuringly on the back before turning around and finding his own way to the door.<\/p>\n

Adam smirked as he watched Roy leave. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around the room. His brothers would be waking up soon and he needed to be ready to talk with them. He could only hope that things would get better.<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss Cartwright sat in school with his mind millions of miles away. He missed his Pa and couldn\u2019t understand why he went away without even saying goodbye. Adam had told him that it was important business and that he had to leave suddenly, but that he would be back in a few weeks and everything would be fine.<\/p>\n

Just then, Hoss\u2019s thoughts were interrupted by his teacher\u2019s gentle touch and soft voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cClass, I think we will break for lunch now and continue our discussion upon our return.\u201d<\/p>\n

The young lady smiled down at Hoss before turning to the class and saying, \u201cClass dismissed.\u201d<\/p>\n

A wave of children instantly arose and headed outside the door. Hoss was right amongst them, hurrying to get to his favorite spot under the big pine tree. No matter what the worries, Hoss always found time to eat lunch. Somehow he didn\u2019t seem as upset on a full stomach as he did on an empty one.<\/p>\n

The boy sat down and eagerly began to eat. It wasn\u2019t long before a group of boys approached him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Cartwright? I hear your father is serving time,\u201d an older boy said.<\/p>\n

Hoss looked up at them with a puzzled look.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t know what cha mean,\u201d he simply stated.<\/p>\n

The boys snickered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy Pa told me that your Pa is a criminal. He busted up the saloon and is sitting in jail right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy paused to watch the effect of his words before continuing. He then turned to his audience and said.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust imagine that… Ben Cartwright, Virginia City\u2019s most well respected citizen, rotting in a jail cell. Now if that don\u2019t beat all.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy let out a cackle and the other children around followed suit.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a lie! My Pa is out of town on business,\u201d Hoss coldly stated.<\/p>\n

Again there was laughter.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo is that what they told ya, huh? Figures. They wouldn\u2019t want you to be ashamed of your Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss said nothing. He sat there with an angry pout on his face. The older boy stood relishing in the moment.<\/p>\n

Suddenly one of the younger boys started to chant, \u201cHoss is a son of a criminal… Hoss is a son of a criminal…\u201d<\/p>\n

All the boys joined in around him. Hoss stood up with tears starting to form in his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop it! Stop it! It\u2019s a lie I tell you, it\u2019s a lie!\u201d<\/p>\n

The chant grew louder as more children joined in around them. Finally Hoss could not keep his anger inside any longer and threw himself at the older boy, flinging his arms left and right and left and right. Another boy grabbed him and threw him to the ground and the fight was on…<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy Coffee sat at his desk quietly reading the paper. His eyes drifted over to the jail cell door. His prisoner had been very quiet the last few days, not eating or drinking much of anything. The sheriff usually found him in two positions: sitting on the edge of the cot, head down, hands folded between his legs, or stretched out with his face to the wall. Roy had seen this behavior before and to him it was a good sign. Ben was doing some thinking… thinking he so much needed to do.<\/p>\n

Just then, the door to the jailhouse burst open and in came Hoss Cartwright at a dead run. He ran immediately over to the jail cell door, flinging it open and rushing inside. Roy instantly arose and followed in pursuit. There was a moment of silence as the three of them stood stunned, each processing the situation.<\/p>\n

Roy looked over at Hoss and he couldn\u2019t believe his eyes. His face was swollen and red, his lip was cut, and his left eye was already beginning to turn a deep purple.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened to you boy?\u201d he questioned. Hoss ignored him and turned his frustrations on his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s true! It\u2019s true!\u201d He blurted out. \u201cI told them it wasn\u2019t, but it\u2019s true!\u201d<\/p>\n

He shot his father a look… a look that pierced through Ben\u2019s heart like a dagger. Ben quickly arose from the cot and leaned against the bars of the cage. Tears began to well in his eyes. He then instinctively reached out for his son, figuring the boy would come running to him for comfort. Instead, Hoss remained in place, averting his eyes away from his father. He covered his face with his hands as he began to sob.<\/p>\n

Ben said abruptly, \u201cRoy… Please…\u201d gesturing towards the lock on the cell door. Roy walked over to the cell and quickly unlocked it. It took but a moment for Ben to rush to his son and scoop him up into his arms.<\/p>\n

Ben cradled the boy for some time as both father and son wept. He then carried the boy into the cell and laid him down on the cot.<\/p>\n

Roy knew they both needed time with each other. He closed the cell door, locking the two inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go get some ice and liniment for the boy,\u201d he said and swiftly left the room. Hoss and Ben soon heard the outer room door close. They were finally alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere does it hurt, son,\u201d Ben softly said.<\/p>\n

Hoss couldn\u2019t look at his Pa, but muttered, \u201cMostly my face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben placed his finger on the boy\u2019s chin and gently turned it from side to side. \u201cYes, I can see why, son. You really took some hard licks. But we\u2019ll get you all fixed up again just as soon as Roy…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, Pa? Why?\u201d Hoss blurted out with such force that Ben jumped at the intensity in his voice. \u201cJust tell me why?\u201d<\/p>\n

The tears started to build again in Hoss\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cShhh… son,\u201d Ben said as he reached down and began gently stroking the boy\u2019s hair, allowing himself time to gather his own thoughts.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? You ask.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben heaved a huge sigh. He could tell his son\u2019s question stemmed far deeper than just knowing his whereabouts. He looked deep into the eyes of his son and spoke out with a heavy heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, son, if you had asked me \u2018Why birds sing?\u2019 or \u2018Why there are stars in the sky?\u2019 I could answer you just like that. But, the \u2018why\u2019 I think you are truly asking about really doesn\u2019t have an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss looked up at his father puzzled. Ben stroked his hair once more and then continued.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see son, we often ask these \u2018why?\u2019 questions when life does not go the way we planned it. I asked \u2018why?\u2019 when Adam\u2019s mother died. I asked \u2018why?\u2019 again when your mother died and I find myself asking \u2018why?\u2019 again now with the loss of Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n

He averted his eyes at the thought of her and moved swiftly away from his son. There was a long silence as Ben fought back his emotions.<\/p>\n

Finally, Ben found his words and softly muttered, \u201cI still do not have my answers, son…nor do I expect I ever will.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you don\u2019t stop living just because of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both Ben and Hoss jumped at the sound of another voice in the room. They had not heard or seen the sheriff return. Roy walked over to the jail cell and unlocked the door. He quickly brushed past Ben and brought the ice and liniment over to a box near the cot.<\/p>\n

Roy looked down at the disheveled boy and smiled. \u201cHoss, life is filled with uncertainties and unknowns… to be honest with you, son, I think that\u2019s truly the beauty in life itself. There\u2019s no guarantees, no promises that things will end up a certain way. Some things are just out of your control and you have no choice but to continue on living… to embrace life and go after it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He then leaned down close to Hoss\u2019s ear and whispered \u201cI think your father knows that too, son. Just give him some time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy then left as quickly as he came. He spoke out as he closed the cell room door, \u201cIf\u2019n you need anything, just holler.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben stood staring out at that door for some time. He first felt anger. \u201cWho does he think he is?\u201d<\/em> he thought.<\/p>\n

Then he felt pain as his friend\u2019s words came rampantly flowing back. Deep down he knew Roy was right. He had to keep living… if not for himself, for his boys.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s thoughts were interrupted by his son\u2019s voice. \u201cPa, it hurts somethin\u2019 awful,\u201d he whined.<\/p>\n

Ben quickly turned his attention back to his middle son.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let\u2019s see if we can do something about that then.\u201d<\/p>\n

He reached for the ice, wrapping it inside a piece of cloth, and gingerly placing it over his son\u2019s eye. The boy winced at the coldness.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake it easy now, son. Take it easy. Everything is going to be all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smirked at hearing those words come out of his mouth. The words had been spewed purely out of instinct… a father\u2019s duty to calm and ease the fear in his son. Yet, how could he possibly believe it himself? His mind was filled with so many uncertainties.<\/p>\n

As he opened the jar of liniment and began applying it to his son\u2019s battered face, he did know one thing for certain. He was going to try and make things right again. He owed that to the boys… and to his beloved Marie.<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy Coffee had no sooner sat down when Adam Cartwright burst into the jailhouse.<\/p>\n

\u201cSheriff Coffee… have you seen Hoss?\u201d He stammered. \u201cSome boys beat him up and he ran off… I\u2019ve got to find him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was visibly shaken and breathing heavily. Roy walked over to the boy and guided him to a nearby chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake it easy, son. Your brother is safe. He\u2019s in with your Pa right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam breathed a huge sigh of relief and then buried his face in his hands. The boy had reached his breaking point. The pain was so intense that he couldn\u2019t keep what he was feeling inside to himself any longer. Adam attempted to use the palms of his hands to hold in the tears, but they had already made their decision to fall. He started to rock back and forth as he felt himself beginning to crumble. Roy could see that the boy was struggling… struggling to be strong… struggling to be bold… struggling to be brave…But most importantly he was struggling to hide his pent up emotions.<\/p>\n

Roy knelt down to Adam\u2019s level and grabbed a firm hold of both his shoulders. \u201cLet it out, boy… Let it all out.\u201d He stated. Then he pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him. Adam could not hold back any longer and relented.<\/p>\n

A little while later, Adam was the first to speak. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he softly said, as kept his eyes averted to the ground.<\/p>\n

Roy arose and looked down at the boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry?\u201d he questioned.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry for what…for being human…for showing emotion?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy eyed the boy up and down before continuing.<\/p>\n

“Oh I see, men aren\u2019t supposed to show those kinds of emotions, huh? Well, son let me tell something. I don\u2019t think there is a man around that hasn\u2019t shed a few tears.\u201d<\/p>\n

He turned away from the boy and made his way back to his desk. He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on it, eyeing the boy before he spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, look at me,\u201d he sternly stated. When the boy did not comply he repeated his request again. \u201cLook at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam begrudgingly raised his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cTears are not the mark of weakness, son. They are a mark of power. Don\u2019t ever forget that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam once again averted his eyes. Then he looked towards the jail cell door. Roy could tell he was trying to gain enough courage to enter. He decided to help out with the situation by walking over and swinging the door wide open. He then unlocked the jail cell, stepping inside. Ben was sitting on the edge of the cot gently rubbing more liniment on Hoss\u2019s wounds. Roy could tell the boy was fast asleep.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s he doing, Ben?\u201d he questioned softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he seems to be fine… sore… but fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you find out anymore information about what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess some boys told him I was in jail and he didn\u2019t know about it. Adam apparently told him that I was out of town on business,\u201d Ben stated matter-of-factly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you want me to do? Tell him the truth? Tell him that his Pa was sitting in jail feeling sorry for himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben and Roy jumped at the sound of hearing Adam\u2019s forceful voice behind them. The boy stood staring intensely at his father, fists clenched at his sides.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you want me to tell him that his Pa didn\u2019t care about him anymore… That he only cared about himself. That he was nothing more than a town drunk that people laughed at and made fun of… Is that what you wanted him to hear?\u201d<\/p>\n

The commotion suddenly awoke Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa… what\u2019s going on?\u201d the boy questioned as he tried to groggily lift his head up from the pillow.<\/p>\n

Ben turned towards his middle son and gently said, \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Hoss. Lie down and rest.\u201d The boy was too tired to fight and complied.<\/p>\n

He then quickly turned his attention back to his oldest boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst of all young man, like or not, I\u2019m still your father and I expect you to speak to me with respect… regardless your beliefs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s voice was stern and his eyes intense. He arose from the cot to approach his eldest son. His father\u2019s nearness quickly lessened the rage within Adam and he averted his eyes.<\/p>\n

Ben could see the boy had more he wanted to get off his chest. He reached out to gently take hold of his shoulder as a means to encourage him to continue. Adam instead forcibly pushed his arm away and abruptly turned his back on him. This motion pained Ben, but he knew he had it coming and it was well deserved. He gave Roy the eye indicating that he wanted the two of them to be alone.<\/p>\n

Roy quietly walked over to Hoss and said, \u201cC\u2019mon boy, I bet if we look real hard in my desk we just might find a gumdrop or two.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss hesitantly arose from the cot and eyed his father and brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease don\u2019t be angry with Adam, Pa. He didn\u2019t mean to lie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s eyes began to fill with tears. Ben smiled down at his son and reassuringly stated, \u201cI\u2019m not mad at your brother, Hoss. We just need to talk some things out, okay? Now you go with Roy, and see if you can find those gumdrops.\u201d He gently directed the boy towards the door.<\/p>\n

Father and son stood waiting until they were alone. Ben wasted no time in addressing the issue and promptly continued their conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo on…,\u201d he stated… You have a right to be angry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam fidgeted for a moment not knowing exactly what to do or say. He WAS angry… angry at how his father left everything to him… expecting him to keep things going… to take care of his brothers and run the ranch.<\/p>\n

He thought about the hours he stayed awake waiting for his father to stumble in the door… he thought about how he helped him crawl into bed night after night… he thought about how Little Joe kept asking where his mother was over and over… and he thought about what people said under their breaths as he walked by…<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s nostrils flared as he thought and thought and thought.<\/p>\n

But how does a young man put all those frustrations into words? His father was waiting…<\/p>\n

Finally, Adam did the only thing he could think of doing. He turned around abruptly and walked over to face him. He looked deep into the eyes of his father and then leaned into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle.<\/p>\n

Ben instinctively returned the embrace. The boy had conveyed all his hurt, pain, and shame into one piercing glare… a glare that spoke louder than words. He felt the boy\u2019s resentment and hostility… He felt the disappointment and loss of trust. He felt the boy\u2019s fear of losing not only his mother but his father…And then, he felt his son\u2019s love.<\/p>\n

That moment would be a memory that would live in Ben\u2019s heart forever.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s legs began to weaken and his body started to tremble. Tears began to stream down his face. \u201cOh God\u201d he thought, \u201cAfter all that I have done to him… after all that I have put him through… he still loves me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, son… so sorry,\u201d he mumbled, squeezing the boy even more tightly as he spoke. \u201cPlease forgive me… forgive me…\u201d<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

It was the longest week of Ben Cartwright\u2019s life. He was tired of sleeping on a hard cot and staring at the sunlight through barred windows. He had a family that needed him and he just wanted to get home and make things right again. Roy could sense his eagerness, but as sheriff, he had a job to do.<\/p>\n

One morning, Roy came in as usual. He opened the jail cell door and handed Ben a cup of coffee. Ben swung his legs off the end of the cot and eagerly accepted.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you hungry,\u201d Roy asked. Ben simply nodded as he took his first sip.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let\u2019s see what we can rustle up at the hotel then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy turned and started walking out the door. When he realized his friend was not following, he turned around once more.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, ya coming?\u201d he questioned. I can\u2019t stand here all day waiting for ya you know. I\u2019ve got a job to do.\u201d He then smiled broadly at him.<\/p>\n

Ben at first was stunned. He then quickly jumped to his feet and followed the sheriff out into the office. Roy had his gun belt and personal possessions waiting for him on his desk. The two took care of some final business then headed outside towards the hotel.<\/p>\n

Ben breathed in the air as if he had never done so before. He looked up at the sun and the clouds and took in the beauty of the day.<\/p>\n

As they neared the hotel, Roy tipped his hat in greeting to the banker\u2019s wife. \u201cMorning, maam,\u201d he simply stated.<\/p>\n

The woman smiled broadly and said, \u201cSheriff.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then she proceeded to shoot Ben the dirtiest look. Roy could tell this gesture bothered the man and tried to get his mind off of it by engaging him in small talk. Unfortunately, by the time they reached the hotel lobby, the incident was weighing heavily on his friend\u2019s mind and the joy of being a free man seemed to have dissipated.<\/p>\n

Roy grabbed his friend\u2019s arm just before they entered the restaurant. This made Ben pause and turn towards him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know… the way I figure it, Ben…\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy raised his hand and rubbed his chin in thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe more things a man has to be ashamed of, the more respectable he is…\u201d He then shot Ben a huge smile.<\/p>\n

Ben snickered and Roy slapped him on the back as he led him into the restaurant.<\/p>\n

A moment later, Ben\u2019s attention was directed to a nearby table as a curly-haired four year old exuberantly blurted out his greeting for all to hear.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!Pa!\u201d The boy was instantly on his feet and running towards Ben at full speed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe…son…\u201d Ben said as he scooped him up and held him in his arms.<\/p>\n

A moment later, Hoss had his arms around his middle and Adam was standing alongside in greeting.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s good to have you back, Pa. We\u2019ve missed you,\u201d his eldest son stated.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s good to be back, son.”<\/p>\n

Ben stood eying his three boys for a moment. Deep down, he knew there would be days of struggle ahead. There would be problems they all would have to face because of what had happened. Yet, once again, life seemed livable. All he could do… all any of them could do… was just start over and take it one day at a time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Grief<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 The loss of Marie has caused Ben to lose his desire for life itself. He has withdrawn from his work, his friends, and most importantly his family. He has taken his anger out in town and now must face the consequences for his actions. Can Roy Coffee and his boys help Ben realize that life is still worth living?<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 K+ (4,820 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50,"featured_media":1231,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,1008,41,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12012","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-hurtcomfort","category-prequels","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-30-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2406,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/storm.jpg?fit=615%2C407&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12134,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12134","url_meta":{"origin":12012,"position":0},"title":"In My Father’s House (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 1, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"DebbieB passed away Christmas 2021. Any reader wishing to read this series should e:mail the Brandsters:\u00a0 Brandsters2020@gmail.com","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Pondarosa-House-3.jpg?fit=564%2C401&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17358,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=17358","url_meta":{"origin":12012,"position":1},"title":"Blessings In The Balance (by Hart4Ben)","author":"Hart4Ben","date":"June 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Lost in grief following Marie's death, Ben is jolted out of his despair. 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