{"id":12099,"date":"2004-01-25T10:09:57","date_gmt":"2004-01-25T15:09:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12099"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:18:56","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:18:56","slug":"a-royal-pain-by-debbieb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12099","title":{"rendered":"A Royal Pain (by DebbieB)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Adam and Hoss think their littlest brother is a royal pain…but Ben is beginning to think all three of his sons are a royal pains, and the knowledge soon leads him to taking refuge in the hayloft.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 <\/strong>G (9,075 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Royal Pain<\/strong><\/p>\n

Joe was nothing more than trouble to his older brothers, according to their thinking. Adam and Hoss hurried to the barn to escape from the little boy. Hoss quickly shut the door and turning his back, rested against the thick wood.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhew, that was close,\u201d he said, giving Adam a wide grin. \u201cI thought for sure he saw us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026but we shouldn\u2019t have run off from him. I hate to make him cry\u2026and if he does and Pa finds out why\u2026we\u2019ll be the ones in trouble\u2026again,\u201d Adam said as he moved into the stall to saddle his horse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sauntered over to his brother\u2019s side and propped his large beefy hand against the pole.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026shucks\u2026now ya makin\u2019 me feel bad. But dadburnitall Adam, the kid can be a royal pain at times\u2026always underfoot. Ya know, I nearly stepped on him this mornin\u2019 when I got outta the bed. He was hidin\u2019 under the rug and I dang near broke my neck tryin\u2019 to get outta his way; stubbed my big toe, too\u2026hurt like the blazes!\u201d fumed Hoss with a scowl on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked over at Hoss whose face was scrunched into a scowl and laughed. \u201cDon\u2019t feel so bad, Hoss, I went out to the outhouse a little while ago\u2026thinking to catch a minute or two alone to read the paper. Not more than five minutes later\u2026guess who came knocking at the door?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe royal pain?\u201d Hoss snickered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe royal pain\u2026he wanted to know if I could make him a sandwich\u2026and me in the privy!\u201d Adam laughed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI told him to go find Hop Sing\u2026that was his job, making sandwiches and Little Joe said he tried asking Hop Sing and \u2018Hoppy\u2019 told him to ask Pa. Then Little Joe commenced to take about five minutes telling me that he couldn\u2019t find Pa\u2026I wasn\u2019t at all surprised, Pa left to go into town for the day. He told me he needed a little break and wouldn\u2019t be home until late.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss suddenly snapped to attention. \u201cLate? How late? Does that mean we\u2019re stuck with the kid until then?\u201d grumbled Hoss. \u201cI had plans today\u2026I was goin\u2019 to ride up to the lake and meet up with my friends and do a little fishin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess Pa wasn\u2019t planning on coming home until after Joe was in the bed, which means\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHi ya Hoss, hi ya Adam,\u201d the wee voice called from the doorway. \u201cWhat\u2019cha doin\u2019 hidin\u2019 in here?\u201d smiled the little curly headed boy as he pulled the door shut behind him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned and smiled at his older brothers. \u201cIs ya playin\u2019 hide and seek?\u201d he asked happily, unaware of the frowns that both older boys was wearing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCan I play too\u2026who\u2019s it and who we hidin\u2019 from? Is it Hop Sing\u2026or Pa? Oh wait\u2026I dun forgot, Pa said he had\u2019ta go into town, so it must be Hop Sing\u2026ain\u2019t that right? Heh Adam, heh Hoss?\u201d Joe smiled, revealing the missing teeth in the center of his mouth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d said Adam in a firm voice as he glanced at Hoss and then at the eight year old. \u201cWe\u2019re not playing hide and seek and we\u2019re\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen how\u2019s come ya in here with the door shut, like ya was? Are ya doing somethin\u2019 ya don\u2019t want Pa to know about? What is it, heh Adam, heh Hoss? Tell me, I promise not to tell Pa\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShort Shanks,\u201d Hoss said, placing his hand down on the boy\u2019s head and spinning Joe around so that he could see the tiny face. \u201cWe ain\u2019t doin\u2019 nuthin\u2019 wrong\u2026why would ya think that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe made a face and shrugged his shoulders. \u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026maybe cause I seen ya sneak outta the house last night and come in here with Pa\u2019s bottle of whiskey?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled innocently up at his middle brother. Hoss took a large gulp and swallowed, looking over at Adam who was grinning from ear to ear.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph\u2026hmm\u2026I did bring the whiskey in here\u2026but hmm\u2026it t\u2019weren\u2019t for me, ya see\u2026it was for medic\u2026midis\u2026it was for medical reasons\u2026yeah, that\u2019s it,\u201d grinned Hoss sheepishly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWas ya sick?\u201d Joe inquired.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026no\u2026I dun said it t\u2019weren\u2019t for me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen who? I didn\u2019t see no one else in here but you\u2026and I saw where ya hid it.\u201d Joe pointed to the far back corner of the barn. \u201cThere in that crate\u2026so if\u2019n it weren\u2019t for you\u2026tell me who\u2026or I\u2019ll tell Pa and he\u2019ll\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOUCH! Why\u2019d bop me up the side of the head?\u201d groaned Joe, rubbing the spot where Hoss\u2019 hand had bopped him lightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s fur askin\u2019 too many dadburn questions, Little Joe. Ya know, ya ain\u2019t nuthin\u2019 but a royal pain in the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHOSS!\u201d cautioned Adam, laughing at the expression on his brother\u2019s face. \u201cCareful\u2026he has a knack for mixing fact with a very vivid imagination.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026yeah\u2026say Joe,\u201d Hoss said in a milder manner. \u201cI suppose I did take a swig or two outta the bottle, but I t\u2019weren\u2019t lyin\u2019 when I said it was for medical reasons. See this here cut on my finger? Well, I cut it adoin\u2019 sumthin\u2019 I t\u2019weren\u2019t suppose to be doin\u2019 and I didn\u2019t want Pa makin\u2019 a big fuss over nuthin\u2019, so\u2019s I brought the whiskey out here and poured it over my finger\u2026understand?\u201d Hoss said, kneeling down so that Joe could see the cut on his finger.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSure Hoss\u2026I get the picture\u2026ya tryin\u2019 to pull the wool over my head, ain\u2019t ya?\u201d Little Joe said, placing his hands on either side of his waist and scowling as deeply as he could at his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOver my eyes,\u201d corrected Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah them too, Adam,\u201d Joe said, turning back to Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wanna go fishin\u2019 with ya\u2026today\u2026or I tell Pa!\u201d he stated determinedly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss glanced at Adam, his face of mixture of anger and frustration. Adam stepped forward and glancing at Hoss and then down at Joe, Adam placed his hand on Joe\u2019s arm and smiled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, you can\u2019t go with Hoss\u2026not today, Pa said you were to stay with Hop Sing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNO! I wanna go fishin\u2019\u2026or I tell Pa about Hoss sneakin\u2019 his whiskey\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam set his jaw firmly. \u201cNow look here, Joe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe backed a step away from his brother and folded his arms across his chest.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFishin\u2019 or tellin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to Hoss, his eyes had grown dark and he was hard pressed to hide his ire at the little boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Hoss\u2026what\u2019s it to be?\u201d he said between clinched teeth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNeither!\u201d snapped Hoss making a grab for the youngest Cartwright.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe tried to get away as he ran for safety but had forgotten the closed door. Hoss reached the boy in two long strides and grabbed Joe up in his arms, slinging the wiggly boy over his shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll teach ya about blackmail, ya little\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOUCH! That hurts\u2026ouch! Stop Hoss\u2026stop! Adammmm!\u201d cried Joe as Hoss swatted his backside for the third time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam quickly grabbed Hoss\u2019 arm and stopped any further wallops. He snatched Joe from his brother\u2019s arms. Joe wrapped his arms around his oldest brother\u2019s neck and buried his face against Adam\u2019s shoulder and cried.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam cradled the weeping boy in his arms as he scowled at Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026ya shouldn\u2019t have done that,\u201d Adam scolded gently.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell dadburnitalltoblazes Adam, the little rat ain\u2019t got no call squealin\u2019 on me, either!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe raised his head and turned tear filled eyes up at Hoss. He sniffled his nose and wiped it dry with the sleeve of his shirt. His chin quivered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t of told on ya Hoss\u2026I ain\u2019t no tattle-tail\u2026I just wanted to go fishin\u2019 with ya\u2026that\u2019s all, ya big galoot!\u201d Joe returned his head to Adam\u2019s shoulder and resumed his whimpering.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss lowered his head, ashamed of himself for what he had done. He walked slowly over to where Adam was standing, holding Joe in his arms and placed a tender hand to Joe\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026shucks, Little Joe\u2026I\u2019m sorry. I shouldn\u2019t\u2019va walloped ya like I dun. Forgive me\u2026please?\u201d he offered, peeking down at Joe\u2019s face. \u201cPurty please?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe raised his head. His lower lip was puckered out in a pout as he looked at Hoss and he refused to smile when Hoss tried to make him laugh by making a face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe slowly shook his head back and forth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope\u2026I ain\u2019t never gonna forgive ya. Ya was mean to me\u2026and ya hit me and ya know ya ain\u2019t suppose to, cause I\u2019m just little\u2026\u2019member, Pa warned ya that ya might hurt me\u2026and ya did too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI said I was sorry, Joe\u2026what more do ya want from me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The minute the words were out of his mouth, Hoss could have bitten his tongue. He had allowed his eight year old brother to lead him right into a trap and now it was too late.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wiggled down from Adam\u2019s arms and made himself comfortable on a bale of hay. He crossed his little short legs, squinted one eye closed and tapped his pointer finger to his temple as if in deep thought.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s see now,\u201d he began slowly. \u201cFor starters, I sure could use that new lagger ya won from Henry the other day. I ain\u2019t got none\u2026I lost mine to Mitch the last time I placed marbles and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam snickered at the look on Hoss\u2019 face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026Joe\u2026I ain\u2019t even got to use it yet\u2026and \u2018sides, it\u2019s my favorite\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026ya asked me what I wanted\u2026ya goin\u2019 back on ya word? Cause if\u2019n ya are\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNO! Dadburn ya ornery hide, Little Joe\u2026so help me\u2026one of these days!\u201d growled Hoss as he began pacing back and forth in front of the boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd for seconds\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, don\u2019t you think you\u2019ve asked enough of Hoss?\u201d Adam said as he sat down next to Joe on the bale of hay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope\u2026he dun hit me three times\u2026now, Hoss,\u201d Joe said matter-of-factly, \u201cfor seconds\u2026ya gotta give me that last piece of apple pie ya got hidden in ya coat pocket\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? Hoss\u2026I thought you said Hop Sing told you there wasn\u2019t any more of that pie?\u201d Adam practically shouted. \u201cI only got one piece and you ate two at supper last night and now you\u2019re hiding the last piece?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd it\u2019s mine,\u201d Little Joe beamed, holding out his hand to Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss made a face and pulled the pie, wrapped in brown paper, out of his coat pocket and begrudgingly so, handed it over to Joe, who smiled up at his older brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe unwrapped the pie and smiled at both Adam and Hoss before taking a big bite that filled out his cheeks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026this sure is good,\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t talk with food in your mouth,\u201d Adam said as he backed Beauty from the stall and then turned to glare at Hoss. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you lied to me Hoss\u2026what\u2019s becoming of you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Hoss\u2026what\u2019s comin\u2019 of ya?\u201d added Joe trying hard to sound like Adam. \u201cYa gonna grow up and be a disappointment to Pa\u2026yeah\u2026ya are,\u201d sighed Little Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd ya won\u2019t live to grow up\u2026\u201d Hoss snapped at Joe. \u201cNot lessen ya change ya sneakin\u2019 ways!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe swallowed the last bite of pie and looked with wide eyes at Hoss as he licked his fingers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s sneakin? Ain\u2019t me\u2026it\u2019s you\u2026and for the third wallop\u2026ya gotta take me fishin\u2019 with ya today\u2026then I\u2019ll forgive ya,\u201d smiled Joe. \u201cDeal?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo deal\u2026I done promised ya my new lagger and gave ya the last bit of pie\u2026that\u2019s \u2018nough\u2026I ain\u2019t atakin\u2019 ya with me. Ya gotta stay with Hop Sing\u2026just like Pa said\u2026ain\u2019t that right, Adam?\u201d Hoss said, turning to his older brother for support.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe appeared to be thinking again, which caused Hoss to glance worriedly at Adam. Joe stood to his feet, standing on the bale of hay so that he could be taller and more easily able to look into Hoss\u2019 face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlright\u2026if\u2019n ya wanna chance it\u2026but I ain\u2019t promisin\u2019 ya that my mouth won\u2019t over load itself at supper tonight,\u201d smirked Joe, jumping down from the bale of hay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He moved toward the door, walking slowly. Joe turned and looked back at Hoss with a sad expression. His hand rested on the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI hope ya fall in the crick, and I hope ya stick ya finger with the hook and I hope ya don\u2019t catch no fish and I hope\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI get the picture Joe\u2026now get to the house!\u201d growled Hoss with a glare.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026shoot,\u201d yapped Hoss as he pulled himself from the now muddy water. He glanced over at Henry and Simon who were laughing at him and gave them a dirty look.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong Hoss, can\u2019t ya stand up today?\u201d teased Simon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNaw\u2026he\u2019s been sneakin\u2019 his old man\u2019s whiskey again, ain\u2019t ya?\u201d Henry laughed as he offered his hand to Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss took the proffered hand and allowed himself to be helped from the water.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t that\u2026I\u2019ve been cursed\u2026that\u2019s what!\u201d he mumbled, taking his hat and wringing the water from it. He poked the inside up and flopped down on his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCursed? By who\u2026ain\u2019t seen no gypsies around here in months,\u201d Henry asked, laughing softly and casting his eyes around to see Simon laughing as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind,\u201d grumbled Hoss, \u201cjust give me the can of worms,\u201d he said, holding out his hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss dug his fat fingers around in the can until he had found the perfect worm. He held the long slimy fish bait up for his two friends to see and then went to work wrapping it securely around the sharp pointed hook.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYEOWEE! OUCH! DADBURNIT LITTLE JOE!\u201d screeched Hoss, dropping his pole and grapping his bleeding finger with his other hand. He hopped around moaning pitifully, holding tightly to his finger.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019cha yellin\u2019 at the kid for\u2026he ain\u2019t even here,\u201d giggled Henry.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026he might as well be\u2026he\u2019s the one what put this curse on me!\u201d Hoss groaned angrily. \u201cAnd we ain\u2019t even caught not one fish\u2026that\u2019s his fault too!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Simon set his pole down and walked over to Hoss who was sucking on his wounded finger.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet me see,\u201d he said as he took hold of Hoss\u2019 larger hand and pulled Hoss\u2019 finger from his mouth. \u201cWow\u2026that don\u2019t look to good buddy\u2026ya got the hook caught good. Ya better go home and let ya Pa look at it and see if\u2019n he can get that thing outta there,\u201d Simon said with a touch of concern in his voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He released Hoss\u2019 hand and stooped down, picking up Hoss\u2019 fishing pole with the juicy red worm attached.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll just use your pole,\u201d Simon said as he walked over to the creek bank and dropped the worm into the water.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stared after his friend and then shrugged his shoulders. \u201cI might as well go home, ain\u2019t no fish bitin\u2019 here today\u2026that\u2019s no thanks to that royal pain,\u201d he grunted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019cha say, Hoss,\u201d Henry called over his shoulder. \u201cDid ya say ya was in a lot of pain? Better get that there finger looked after purty quick\u2026ya don\u2019t want no \u2018fection settin\u2019 up and with all the worm juice ya been handlin\u2019, might lose ya finger\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Henry looked over his shoulder and then glanced at Simon. \u201cWhere\u2019d Hoss go?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Simon pulled back on the fishing pole and smiled as he pulled in a large bass and flung it over his shoulder onto the bank.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t know\u2026but this here worm was the best yet,\u201d he smiled. He picked up his fish and held it so that Henry could see. \u201cBet this here baby weighs close to four\u2026maybe five pounds!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026too bad Hoss didn\u2019t wait around\u2026and he thought there weren\u2019t any fish biting!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOuch\u2026Adam, that hurts,\u201d whimpered Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry\u2026but I have to work the hook all the way through to the other side in order to get it out,\u201d explained Adam as he eased the hook through the flesh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all Little Joe\u2019s fault,\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh for heaven\u2019s sake, Hoss\u2026how in the world could this be Little Joe\u2019s fault?\u201d Adam chuckled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCause, ya heard\u2019em this mornin\u2019, first he said he hoped I fell in\u2026and I did, and then he said he hoped I\u2019d stick a hook in my finger\u2026I dun that too, and then he said he hoped there t\u2019weren\u2019t no fish bitin\u2019\u2026and they weren\u2019t. I tell ya Adam, the boy dun put a hex on me!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had to release Hoss\u2019 finger because he was laughing so hard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cT\u2019ain\u2019t funny Adam, now hush ya mouth!\u201d snarled Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam tried to calm his laughter and picked up Hoss\u2019 hand again working to free the hook from his thumb. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Hoss\u2026but you make it sound as if Joe has magical powers,\u201d Adam snickered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, goshdangit\u2026sometimes he does. Ain\u2019t he always gettin\u2019 his way? Why that little scamp can weasel his way outta anythin\u2019 and have the three of us believein\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026Joe\u2019s just a little boy, the only powers he has is wrapping Pa around his little finger. In that, he does manage to get his way, most of the time\u2026but not always,\u201d Adam assured his brother. \u201cThere, I\u2019ve got it\u2026now, where\u2019s that bottle of whiskey you have hidden. I\u2019ll need to pour some of it over this cut and then we\u2019ll bandage it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s over here,\u201d Hoss murmured as he walked over to the crate where he had hidden his father\u2019s bottle of whiskey. Hoss pulled up the crate and retrieved the bottle, handing it to Adam. \u201cHere ya do it for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlright,\u201d smiled Adam as he pulled the cork from the top of the bottle. He paused and held the bottle up to the light. \u201cIs this the bottle Pa had in the cabinet next to the dining room table?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026why?\u201d questioned Hoss, glancing at the contents of the bottle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSeems to me, you must have taken more than a couple of swigs\u2026it\u2019s over half gone,\u201d observed Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCain\u2019t be\u2026let me see,\u201d Hoss said, taking the bottle from Adam and holding it up to better see. \u201cSure \u2018nough is\u2026\u201d Hoss said in a low voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked up at Adam, a worried frown on his face. \u201cHonest Adam, I only took two itty-bitty swigs.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, someone\u2019s been in here drinking\u2026hey\u2026Hoss, you don\u2019t suppose that Joe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy that little rapscallion! I bet he dun snuck in here after we left this mornin\u2019 and got\u2026\u201d Hoss paused, scrunching up his face. \u201cOh no Adam, if\u2019n Joe\u2019s drunk this\u2026then that must mean that he\u2019s\u2026drunk! Ohhhh\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on Hoss,\u201d Adam said in a hurried tone. He grabbed the bottle from Hoss and poured a small amount over the cut on Hoss\u2019 thumb. \u201cWe have to find Little Joe and if he\u2019s so much as taken one swallow, I\u2019m going to turn that little royal pain in the butt over my lap and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss burst into the house. Adam made for the upstairs and Hoss ran into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d Hoss called out in a loud whisper. \u201cHey Little Joe\u2026Oh, hi Hop Sing,\u201d Hoss grinned broadly as he hid the half empty whiskey bottle behind his back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing stood before Hoss with a quizzical look on his face and tried to look around Hoss to see what the boy was hiding.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026ya seen Little Joe, Hop Sing?\u201d Hoss asked, maneuvering his large frame around so that he kept facing the little servant who kept trying to circle around Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLittle boy not feel verily good\u2026he go to room\u2026what\u2019cha got behind you back?\u201d Hop Sing asked as he tried to peek one more time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNuthin\u2019,\u201d stammered Hoss as he carefully back out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once he was in the dining room, he quickly hurried to the stairs and practically ran up them and down the hall to Joe\u2019s room. He pushed the door wide, not even taking time to knock.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d he called as he rushed toward the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The covers were in a shambles, but after tossing them about, Hoss could not find the boy. He even stooped down and checked under the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGolldangit Joseph\u2026where ya ahidin?\u201d Hoss said aloud.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam burst into the room at that moment and spied Hoss down on his hands and knees. He stepped into the room and quietly closed the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe ain\u2019t in the house, I checked the entire upstairs\u2026and Pa\u2019s just gotten home. Come on, we have to find the boy before Pa does,\u201d issued Adam as he took Hoss\u2019 hand and helped his brother to his feet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWonder where in tarnation he could of gotten too?\u201d Hoss said as he followed Adam out into the hallway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The front door opened and closed. Both boys paused as if frozen in time. Adam placed a finger to his lip, motioning for Hoss to be quiet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cADAM! HOSS! I\u2019M HOME.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought ya said he wasn\u2019t comin\u2019 home til after the little squirt was in the bed?\u201d grumbled Hoss in a whispered voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI did\u2026but Pa must have changed his mind!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJOSEPH! Where are you son?\u201d Ben could be heard shouting. \u201cWell heaven\u2019s sake, where is everyone? HOP SING!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat all the shoutin\u2019 \u2018bout? Boss make lots of noise\u2026what matter?\u201d fumed Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNothing\u2019s the matter Hop Sing\u2026I was just wondering where the blazes everyone\u2019s at,\u201d replied Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen ask softly\u2026no need to shout\u2026Little Joe no feel well\u2026he go upstairs, Hoss hide something behind back he no want Hop Sing to see and he go upstairs\u2026Hop Sing no see number one son\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing spun around on his heels and headed back to his kitchen, muttering in his native tongue, words that Ben was sure he didn\u2019t want to know the meanings of.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh no, he\u2019s coming upstairs,\u201d whined Hoss. \u201cWhat\u2019ll we do, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe back way\u2026let\u2019s go,\u201d Adam said as he grabbed Hoss by the arm and forced his brother to follow him down the back stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rounded the corner at the top of the stairs, just in time to see a movement at the far end of the hallway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d he called, pausing at Joe\u2019s bedroom door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shrugged his shoulders and opened the door, allowing himself to steal quietly inside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Son?\u201d Ben whispered as he inched his way to the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He frowned at the mess the bed covers were in and picked them up from the floor, spreading them neatly across the top of the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben seemed lost in thought, wondering where his youngest son might be. Hop Sing had told him Joe had come upstairs because he wasn\u2019t feeling well, but there was no sign of the boy. Ben went to his room, thinking that perhaps Joe might have crawled into his bed, which he often did when he wasn\u2019t feeling very well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head and moved down the hall to Hoss\u2019 room and then checking in Adam\u2019s. Neither Hoss nor Little Joe was anywhere to be seen. Shrugging his shoulders, Ben made his way back downstairs and to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing was muttering while working at the stove.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing\u2026I thought you said that Little Joe and Hoss were\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss and Adam run through kitchen\u2026make Hop Sing spill flour all over floor and everywhere\u2026I go back to China\u2026cannot Boss control little boys?\u201d gripped Hop Sing as he untied his apron and flung it onto the table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201c*^#&!@\u201d Hop Sing said as he scowled at Ben. \u201cYou want boys\u2026you find boys\u2026I quit!\u201d Hop Sing marched out of the kitchen and to his room, slamming the door loudly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed deeply, stepping over the spilled mess in the floor. His foot hung on a pot that had fallen causing him to stagger forward and hit the pots and pans that were suspended from the beam overhead. The motion caused Ben to reach outward, knocking the cooking utensils to the floor in a deafening clatter. Ben pinched up his face at the racket and made a grab for the table. His only success in righting himself resulted in his hand hitting the sugar tin that was sitting on the table and knocking it to the floor as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood grief,\u201d sputtered Ben in frustration.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was forced to use both hands to free his foot from the pot. He sat down in the chair and pulled his foot from its brass prison. His toes ached from being swished into the pot. Ben removed his boot and rubbed his toes. From outside the kitchen door, Ben heard voices. Assuming that his sons were headed toward the house, Ben reached for the door and swung it wide, just in time to see the barn door being pulled shut.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With boot in hand, Ben stepped out into the late afternoon sun, looking toward the barn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cADAM?\u201d he called, limping as he made his way across the yard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stopped at the barn door and slipped on his boot. He pulled the door wide and stood in the doorway waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark interior.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026Adam?\u201d he called again as he stepped inside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s gotta be in here,\u201d whispered Hoss. \u201cAnd we gotta find him quick like, afore Pa find US!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShh\u2026be quiet Hoss, I\u2019ll check the loft, you keep an eye on the house and tell me if Pa comes out,\u201d Adam ordered as he climbed the ladder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Carefully Adam made his way to the back of the dark loft. He smiled down at the sleeping boy curled into a tight ball. Adam squatted down and gently turned his little brother over unto his back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes flickered and then opened, taking a long moment to come into focus. When he was awake enough that he could recognize his brother, Little Joe smiled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy\u2026\u201d he hiccupped, \u201cAdam,\u201d Joe grinned, squinting his eyes and swaying slightly as he tried to rise up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026have you been into Pa\u2019s whiskey,\u201d Adam asked as he steadied the little fellow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2026me?\u201d giggled Joe with a crooked smile on his face. He hiccupped again. \u201cI only tooked two witty tiddy shawollows,\u201d Joe giggled again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re drunk!\u201d muttered Adam in disgust.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t dwunk!\u201d stammered Joe as he tried to push Adam away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShh\u2026be quiet Little Joe and let me help you up. We\u2019ve got to get you sobered up before Pa finds you and thinks I let you get this way,\u201d grumbled Adam, pulling on Joe\u2019s arms to get him to stand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTshh\u2026goths to be quiet,\u201d hiccupped Joe as he leaned against Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He had his finger pressed against his lips in a silencing motion and looked up at his older brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI only drunked three witty tiddy shawollows,\u201d Joe snickered. \u201cIt thwas hot\u2026goin\u2019 down my\u2026hiccup, throat and practically burned my goosle,\u201d giggled Joe<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes as he stood to the edge of the ladder and looked down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPsst\u2026Hoss, he\u2019s up here,\u201d Adam said. \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to help me, the little scamp\u2019s as drunk as a skunk!\u201d Adam whispered in a low voice. \u201cAny sign of Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope,\u201d Hoss whispered back as he slowly climbed the ladder. When he got to the top, he paused and extended out his arm. \u201cHere, hold this,\u201d he said, passing the half empty bottle of whiskey to his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHI YA HOSSIE!\u201d chirped Joe happily.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam quickly clamped his hand over Joe\u2019s mouth to silence the giggling boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShh\u2026I told you to be quiet Joe!\u201d Adam ordered sternly as he backed Joe away from the edge and waited for Hoss to climb the ladder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkey Dokey,\u201d babbled Joe, giving his brothers a lopsided grin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss scrunched up his face and glanced at Adam. When he turned his attention back to this little brother, Hoss leaned down into Joe\u2019s face and took a whiff of his brother\u2019s breath.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhew weee\u2026\u201d he groaned. \u201cHow much of that whiskey did ya drink?\u201d he asked Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head, swaying backwards and fell back on his behind, giggling and hiccupping.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t dwink much\u2026only four widdy tiddy shwallows, honjest, Hossie,\u201d laughed Joe as he fell from his sitting position onto his back. He groaned softly. \u201cI don\u2019t shfeel sho good,\u201d Joe murmured drunkenly as he passed out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell I wonder why,\u201d grimaced Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss froze at the sound of the barn door being pulled opened. They stared in shock at one another before Adam made the first move. He placed his finger to his lips and then gathered Joe into his arms. With a nod of his head, Adam motioned for Hoss to follow him. They returned to Joe\u2019s hiding place and carefully laid Joe on the pile of loose hay. Hoss quickly and quietly pulled the bundles around them, hiding them from any prying eyes. Together, as if they were in a conspiracy, they hunkered behind the wall of hay and waited until the intruder left the barn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The brothers glanced sideways at one another and Adam watched as Hoss gulped. Joe moaned softly, drawing both boys\u2019 attention to himself. They watched as their younger brother made a face and tried to sit up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026my head hwerts!\u201d he murmured painfully as he placed his hand to his forehead.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss covered Joe\u2019s mouth with his hand and glanced worriedly at his older brother. He leaned down and whispered into Joe\u2019s ear.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBe quiet\u2026do ya wanna have Pa find ya drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes were wide as he stared up at the angry look on Hoss\u2019 face and shook his head. He pulled Hoss\u2019 hand away from his mouth and then spat into the hay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa hand takes wike worm juice!\u201d he muttered in a low whisper and spat again. \u201cYuk!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to Joe and shook a warning finger in the boy\u2019s face. \u201cDon\u2019t say another word\u2026or so help me I\u2019ll\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Footsteps could be heard climbing the ladder and all three Cartwrights froze, afraid to move so much as a muscle. They stared straight toward the top rung of the ladder that they could see through the slit in the bales of hay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh Lordy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes scanned the dark loft, sure that he had heard voices as he came through the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026Little Joe\u2026are you up here?\u201d Ben called softly, feeling a little silly for talking out loud to the obviously, empty hayloft.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben climbed back down the ladder and turned to leave, but stopped short of the door. He glanced over at the horses standing in the stalls and slowly made his way over to them. Ben ran his hand down Beauty\u2019s side and then twisted his mouth up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm,\u201d he muttered to himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The horse had obviously been standing for sometime, there was nothing to indicate that he been out recently, which only proved to Ben that Adam had gotten home some time ago. Again, Ben\u2019s eyes scanned the darkened barn. He walked over to the tact room and pushed opened the door and made a quick survey of the room. Disgusted, he shut the door and started toward the barn door, glancing at Chubby who whinnied softly at him as he passed. Both Adam and Hoss were home, but where on earth could they be?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben made his way slowly back to the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once Adam was sure Ben had left the barn, he turned to Hoss, pointed at Joe who had passed out for the second time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWould you look at him\u2026he don\u2019t have a care in the world!\u201d snapped Adam as he held the whiskey bottle up and looked at the contents.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019ll we do with\u2019em? For sure we cain\u2019t take him inside and let Pa find\u2019em drunk,\u201d Hoss protested.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know that,\u201d Adam said in a gruff voice. He grinned wickedly and pulled the cork from the bottle and took a long swig. \u201cIf ya can\u2019t beat\u2019em\u2026join\u2019em,\u201d he laughed in a mocking tone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026why not,\u201d laughed Hoss taking the bottle from Adam\u2019s outstretched hand and turning the lip up to his mouth and doing as his brother had done.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHot dang\u2026this sure \u2018nough is good stuff,\u201d Hoss snickered, glancing down at Joe who had curled up into a ball and looked as if nothing was amiss as he softly began to snore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m surprised the boy isn\u2019t sick,\u201d smirked Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He sat down next to Hoss and took the bottle from his large hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou better not drink any more, Hoss\u2026Pa will have my hide if he finds out that I let you have any of this,\u201d he ordered as he took another swig from the bottle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWait\u2019ll Pa finds out I dun snuck it outta the house, that\u2019s one wallopin\u2019 and then when he finds out I let the \u2018pain\u2019 get his hands on it and get himself good and drunk, that\u2019ll be another wallopin\u2019,\u201d groaned Hoss. \u201cSo the way I figure it\u2026I might as well get drunk too,\u201d Hoss laughed, taking the whiskey from Adam and downing half of what was left in the bottle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The big boy sputtered and began coughing. He made a face that caused Adam to start laughing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGive me that,\u201d Adam ordered. He laughed again and turned the bottle up, taking several swallows. \u201cWhew\u2026that\u2019s hard on a man,\u201d he grinned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wanna twig,\u201d the little voice from behind them said as he stretched out his hand for the bottle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh no ya don\u2019t\u2026ya already far too drunk as it is,\u201d Adam declared and then hiccupped loudly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe both snickered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa is gettin\u2019 dwunk too, ain\u2019t \u2018cha big budder?\u201d hiccupped Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026am\u2026not\u2026hiccup\u2026drunk,\u201d Adam laughed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNe meither,\u201d added Hoss. He grinned broadly, swayed slightly and then fell back against the pile of soft hay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe giggled. \u201cHossy ture tain\u2019t told his wicker\u2026can he, Adammm\u2026\u201d Joe turned to search his oldest brother\u2019s face. \u201cAdammmm\u2026is ya tick?\u201d stammered Joe in a slurred voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had staggered to his feet and moved to the other side of the loft. His stomach churned from drinking the strong liquor too quickly and when his inner muscles constricted, Adam began to vomit. Several times the hot, sour acid boiled into his mouth and spewed over.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOhhh\u2026\u201d he groaned when he was able to get his stomach under control. \u201cI don\u2019t feel so well,\u201d he moaned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly Adam inched his way back to where Joe sat grinning and Hoss snored loudly. Adam glanced at Joe and made a face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow in the world do you do it, Little Joe\u2026aren\u2019t you feeling poorly?\u201d he asked, running his long slender fingers through his raven hair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope!\u201d giggled Little Joe, speaking far to loud. \u201cI dun told ya\u2026I didn\u2019t dwink but seben widdy tiddy shawollows of twisky,\u201d Little Joe giggled again. \u201cI can hold my wicker\u2026too bad Hossy tain\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled innocently up at Adam. \u201cYa sure is gonna be in wots of twouble twin Pa finds out that ya let me git dwunk,\u201d Joe said with a bit of superiority in his voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cME!\u201d shouted Adam, grabbing his head with both hands. He turned angry, dark eyes over at Joe. \u201cI am not the one who let you get drunk\u2026that was compliments of \u2018Hossy,\u2019\u201d glared Adam, taking a swift look at his middle brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI had nothing to do with this!\u201d he declared in his own defense.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The little royal pain raised his hands in bewilderment and shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa could tooken the bottle atway from Hossy\u2026but ya didn\u2019t\u2026Pa\u2019s gonna wanna know why ya didn\u2019t\u2026and ya is too twunk\u2026jist like me and him,\u201d hiccupped Joe. \u201cNow ya and Hossy is both gonna be in big twrouble,\u201d Joe giggled, slurring his words further.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He gave Adam a beaming smile that only further angered the older boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam wanted nothing more than to turn the boy over his lap and give Joe what he felt the boy deserved, but his pounding head and his churning stomach forbid him from doing so. He groaned softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, Hoss was right about you\u2026ya ain\u2019t nuthin\u2019 but a royal pain in the butt! Now shut up and let me think!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat down in his red chair, his thoughts a mixture of unsettled emotions. He glanced at the grandfather clock as it chimed the hour. It was six o\u2019clock, passed the dinner hour. His growling stomach stressed that point and caused Ben to rise from his chair and go to the kitchen. He stopped at the door, surveying the mess. Carefully he picked his way through the mess in the floor to the door of Hop Sing\u2019s quarters. Ben pressed his ear against the door, listening for any sound or movements that would tell him that Hop Sing had not been true to his promise of leaving.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Softly, Ben rapped on the door, listening. \u201cHop Sing\u2026please,\u201d he muttered. \u201cI know you\u2019re in there\u2026please open the door.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing\u2026please\u2026I\u2026I need your help. The boys seem to be missing. Their horses are in the barn, but I can\u2019t find them\u2026Hop Sing\u2026please\u2026I\u2019m worried about them\u2026what if something has happened\u2026especially to Little Joe? He loves you Hop Sing\u2026don\u2019t you care anything about helping me find him? He may ask for you\u2026what do you want me to tell him\u2026that you didn\u2019t care? What if\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The door swung open wide and Hop Sing had a dark angry glare coming from his almond shaped eyes. He shook his finger in Ben\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo wonder lit\u2019le boy always get his way\u2026he learn art of manipulating people from father. Verily bad, Mis\u2019tr Cart\u2019lite\u2026verily bad!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben lowered his head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Hop Sing\u2026honest,\u201d he said truthfully. \u201cI suppose the boys could be down at the creek fishing, but it\u2019s not like Hoss to miss his suppertime,\u201d Ben explained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBoy come home when he smell food cookin\u2019,\u201d gleamed the little servant. \u201cYou help Hop Sing clean up mess\u2026Hop Sing put supper to cookin\u2019, boys come soon after\u2026Hop Sing promise,\u201d smiled Hop Sing as he tied his apron back around his middle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He handed Ben the broom. \u201cBoss sweep, Hop Sing cook now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben smiled at his friend and took the broom into his hand. \u201cI hope I remember how to use this thing,\u201d he snickered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing paused at the stove and turned around to face his boss. \u201cMis\u2019tr Cart\u2019lite remember, or Hop Sing forget how to cook. Maybe never find little boys,\u201d he said with a mischievous grin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAlright\u2026I get the message, you can be boss\u2026for now,\u201d laughed Ben. \u201cBut once this mess is cleaned up and supper is on, we have to find the boys\u2026I\u2019m worried Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo need, Hop Sing know where boys are.\u201d The little Chinaman laughed at the shocked look on Ben\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYOU WHAT!\u201d shouted Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stirred softly, pulling his huge frame into a sitting position. His head was pounding and he propped it between the palms of his opened hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOhhh golly Miss Molly\u2026\u201d he groaned, turning to see Adam just sitting up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa look awful,\u201d Hoss whispered, running his hand over his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam slowly turned to look Hoss\u2019 way. \u201cYou don\u2019t look so great yourself,\u201d muttered Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t feel so great, that\u2019s for dang sure,\u201d Hoss managed to say between moans. \u201cI have a headache the size of Texas.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know the feeling,\u201d muttered Adam. \u201cLook at him, he\u2019s sleeping like a baby,\u201d Adam said poking Joe in the shoulder. \u201cHey buddy, wake up,\u201d Adam urged.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWonder what time it\u2019s getting to be,\u201d Adam said, rising slowly to his feet. \u201cHey, Joe, come on pal, wake up,\u201d he groaned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSuppertime,\u201d said Hoss sniffing the air. \u201cHop Sing\u2019s baking a ham, and roastin\u2019 sweet tators,\u201d announced Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He rose slowly, swaying slightly in so doing. \u201cOhhh\u2026why\u2019d ya let me drink that stuff?\u201d he grumbled at Adam, staggering as he tried to take a couple of steps. He held out his arms to steady himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss gently tapped Joe with the toe of his boot. \u201cCome on ya little pain in the butt\u2026get ya self up from there. I reckon its dun time to face the music,\u201d growled Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026my head hurts,\u201d Joe whined as he turned over onto his stomach.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam leaned down and took Joe by his arm and pulled the boy upright. \u201cCome on, I\u2019ll help you,\u201d he offered, grinning at Hoss. \u201cLook at those red eyes.\u201d His expression suddenly changed. \u201cPa\u2019s going to know right off, what we\u2019ve been up too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss scrunched up his face. \u201cYeah\u2026I sure do hope he waits until my head stops poundin\u2019 afore he wallops me,\u201d sighed Hoss as he led the way to the ladder. \u201cI sure ain\u2019t much hungry\u2026that supper does smell purty good, but my stomach is floppin\u2019 like a fish outta water,\u201d Hoss complained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe too,\u201d Adam agreed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre we all gonna get a lickin\u2019?\u201d Joe asked with a worried look. \u201cI only took two itty bitty little swallows\u2026really,\u201d he said as he stumbled precariously toward the ladder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss stopped and looked at one another. \u201cSure ya did Short Shanks,\u201d smirked Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Hoss reached the bottom of the ladder he waited until Adam was down and both helped to guide Joe carefully down the rungs. All three were still pretty wobbly on their feet and turning toward the door as though they were one, all three paused and stared in shock at the dark angry scowl on Ben Cartwright\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSO!\u201d Ben shouted loudly, making all three of his sons to cringe. \u201cYOU\u2019VE BEEN HERE ALL THE TIME! DO EITHER OF YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU? AND YELLING\u2026I\u2019VE CALLED YOUR NAMES AT LEAST A DOZEN TIMES EACH!\u201d stormed Ben as he stood with hands on hips, glaring at his sons.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd YOU, young man,\u201d he said, pointing to Little Joe, \u201cwhere the blazes have you been all day? Hop Sing said you went to bed because you were not feeling well\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe made a sickly face and lowered his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, what\u2019s wrong son,\u201d Ben said, changing his tone as he knelt down on one knee and took Joe by both arms. He was surprised to feel the coolness of Joe\u2019s flesh beneath his sleeves and to feel the tremors that seemed to course their way through the boy\u2019s body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, what\u2019s wrong son\u2026answer Pa, and look at me,\u201d Ben ordered gently.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He quickly glanced up at Adam and Hoss who happened to be exchanging looks between themselves.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben raised Joe\u2019s head and looked the boy squarely in the eye.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026you\u2019re eyes are awfully red, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pressed his hand to the boy\u2019s brow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo fever.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned Joe\u2019s face gently from side to side. He sighed deeply.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIf I didn\u2019t know better, I\u2019d swear you have been\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe hiccupped loudly into Ben\u2019s face and then giggled, placing his hand over his mouth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhew!\u201d Ben grimaced. \u201cYoung man\u2026you have been DRINKING!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOhh\u2026please don\u2019t shout, Pa,\u201d Joe begged, as he placed his hand to his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben gave Joe a gentle shake. \u201cAlright little boy\u2026where did you get the whiskey?\u201d the irate father demanded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe gulped and glanced up at Hoss and then at his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUmm\u2026I sorta\u2026found it,\u201d Joe stammered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSorta found it? What kind of an answer is THAT?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the truth\u2026honest Pa\u2026I\u2026umm\u2026found it; over there,\u201d Joe said in a wee voice as he pointed to the crate where his middle brother had hidden the bottle of whiskey the night before.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stood to his feet and swapped looks between Adam and Hoss. Adam was looking over his shoulder, obviously trying not to look into his father\u2019s angry face. Hoss was staring at the ground beneath his feet and fidgeting with a button on his shirt. Ben singled Hoss out as the most likely to tell him the truth, without avoiding the necessary.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved slightly to stand in front of Hoss. He heard his middle son swallow hard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026what can you tell me about this?\u201d Ben said as he placed his finger under the boy\u2019s chin and raised his son\u2019s head upward. Ben immediately noted the redness of Hoss\u2019 eyes that matched his younger brother\u2019s.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI take it, you have been drinking as well?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYessir,\u201d murmured Hoss. \u201cJist a teeny-tiny bit, honest,\u201d he said in a humbled tone. \u201cI\u2026I\u2026took the bottle from the cabinet and snuck it out here to the barn.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss looked into his father\u2019s eyes, blinking back tears.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut I didn\u2019t \u2018tend to drink it, honest\u2026I used it to pour over my cut finger,\u201d Hoss said quickly, holding up an injured finger on his right hand and then the one on his left hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked carefully at both fingers. \u201cHow did you hurt yourself?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI cut this one on\u2026on\u2026that new saw\u2026and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe saw I told you to leave alone?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss gulped, \u201cYessir.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben picked up the second cut finger. \u201cAnd this one?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss made a face and turned to scowl at Little Joe who had moved to the empty crate and sat down. \u201cHe dun this one!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? I didn\u2019t hurt ya! Ya hurted me when ya tossed me over ya shoulder and whipped my butt!\u201d shouted Joe, rising and moving to stand in front of Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI whipped ya butt cause ya deserved it\u2026ya was tryin\u2019 to blackmail me\u2026and \u2018sides, ya took my new lagger and\u2026ate the last piece of apple pie\u2026and ya put a hex on me\u2026and ya nothin\u2019 but a royal pain in the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben held up his hands for silence. \u201cSTOP IT!\u201d he bellowed, giving both Joe and Hoss angry glares. \u201cWhat the blazes is the meaning of this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss both started talking at once, each one\u2019s voice growing louder as they tried to be heard over the other.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBE QUIET!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned to Adam who had sat down on a bail of hay and was slumped over with his head in his hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?\u201d stormed Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly, Adam raised his head, made a frown and shook his head, lowering it once more to his hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026by that\u2026I take it that all three of you have been hiding out here in the barn while I\u2019ve been about crazy with worry, looking for you\u2026not to mention the fact that I\u2019ve had to practically get down on my hands and knees and beg Hop Sing not to quit and go back to China\u2026while my three sons were getting drunk in my own BARN!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam raised his head slowly and looked up at his father. \u201cDo you have to shout? There is nothing wrong with our hearing\u2026just our heads.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben puffed up like a peacock and pointed his finger at his oldest son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou watch your tone, young man\u2026I hold you responsible for all of this!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s face paled and he quickly stood to his feet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe\u2026why me? I didn\u2019t do anything!\u201d he proclaimed his innocence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam pointed his finger at Joe while glaring at his father. \u201cHe\u2019s the one that got drunk!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe jumped to his feet. \u201cHey wait a minute\u2026ya can\u2019t pin this on me\u2026Hoss took the bottle from Pa\u2019s cabinet and snuck it out here\u2026I only founded it\u2026and beside, big brother, ya was the one puking your guts out up in the loft, ya puked and gagged and puked and gagged\u2026I was just takin\u2019 a nap.\u201d Joe stuck his tongue out at his oldest brother and folded his arms across his chest. \u201cHmp\u2026so there, Mister Smarty Pants!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026no need for you to be rude, and certainly no need for you to be so descriptive of your brother being sick,\u201d Ben stated.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss stepped forward, his head held low.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t neither of them, their faults, I took the whiskey without asking, and I did hide it in the barn.\u201d Hoss looked up with a troubled expression on his face. \u201cI didn\u2019t know that Joe was watchin\u2019 me\u2026and I certainly didn\u2019t know that he\u2019d sneak a few swigs\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTwo Hoss\u2026just two itty bitty swigs,\u201d Joe chirped from his perch on the sawhorse. He smiled at his father when Ben looked his way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, however many\u2026I didn\u2019t figure on Joe drinkin\u2019 any of it, and I wasn\u2019t plannin\u2019 on it either, like I dun said, I needed it for my finger. Once I was alone\u2026I couldn\u2019t resist\u2026so I tried a swig\u2026but just one\u2026honest\u2026until this afternoon,\u201d confessed Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood to his feet faced his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe threatened to tell on Hoss if he didn\u2019t give him his new lagger and the last of the pie and then tried to blackmail Hoss into taking him fishing this afternoon. When Hoss refused to take him, Joe put a hex on Hoss\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cA hex?\u201d Ben was hard pressed to hide his smile.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Little Joe said\u2026aw\u2026it don\u2019t make no never mind now, Pa.\u201d Hoss looked at his little brother and lowered his head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Joe I got ya into so much trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHold on a minute,\u201d Ben said. \u201cDid you force him to drink the whiskey?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw shoot, Pa\u2026ya know I\u2019d never do a thing like that, course not,\u201d Hoss quickly replied.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen your little brother made his own trouble, by doing something he knew he shouldn\u2019t have,\u201d Ben spun around and faced Joe. \u201cIsn\u2019t that right, young man?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe gulped and nodded his head. \u201cYessir,\u201d he said in small voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood, I\u2019m glad you understand that\u2026and we will be talking later about your little scheme to blackmail your brother!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe gulped again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned back to Adam. \u201cAnd you, young man\u2026I\u2019d like to know how you play into all of this. Didn\u2019t I send you to the north pasture this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI went\u2026everything is under control, I might add.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood, now answer my question? How did you manage to get mixed up in all of these shenanigans?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. \u201cBelieve me Pa, it wasn\u2019t easy. You see it\u2019s like this\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, thank you for your honesty, son. However, you did make a couple of misjudgments. You should have had Hoss return the bottle of whiskey immediately and then report the incident to me, second, you should have taken your little brother under control and given him a much deserved paddling. You know as well as they do, that when I am absent, you are in charge. You failed to do your duty, thus giving your two brothers prime opportunity to reek havoc and to end up drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned his attention to Hoss and Joe who were sitting side by side on the crate now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you,\u201d he pointed at Hoss, \u201cwill be punished for taking the whiskey, and for leaving temptation in your little brother\u2019s path. He could have gotten seriously ill from drinking so much\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTwo Pa\u2026just two iddy bitty\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSwigs.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rolled his eyes upward and sighed deeply.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph\u2026you knew better than to touch the bottle, period\u2026no ifs, ands, or, butts about it\u2026you knew better. You will receive just punishment for your foolishness in trying to persuade your brother into doing something that he did not have to do. You were told to stay home with Hop Sing\u2026by the way\u2026that\u2019s another matter we need to discuss\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHurry it up, Hoss, this water is getting hot!\u201d growled Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He was standing over the stove, sweat beaded on his brow and dripped onto his cheeks, leaving tracks through his flour-coated face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI cain\u2019t help it\u2026this pan is too big!\u201d Hoss snapped in return.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMove over and let me try,\u201d Adam said, setting the water down on the table and turning to the stove. \u201cThere\u2019s no way that pan is too big to fit into the oven!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey, what\u2019s taking so long in there?\u201d Ben called from the dining room table where he, Hop Sing and Little Joe were waiting for their breakfast.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026we\u2019re hungry!\u201d shouted Joe, grinning over at his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss had been issued kitchen duty for a week, which meant that it was up to them to prepare breakfast for the family and then to clean up the mess that they made doing so.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was having second thoughts about issuing such orders, for he hadn\u2019t had a really good cup of coffee in four days, and the lack of one was setting his nerves on edge.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was made to polish the silver, a job that he detested and made no beans about letting his father know about it. Ben had listened to his youngest son\u2019s constant complaining for days on end and had vowed never to purchase another silver anything for as long as he lived.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When his head had begun to pound, either from the steady flow of complaints or from the lack of good coffee, Ben had sent Joe to the chicken house to clean up after the hens. Joe still complained, but the only ones listening were the chickens\u2026,which could account for the lack of fresh eggs each morning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was weary of hard biscuits and overly cooked bacon, mush and burnt toast. Hop Sing complained that by lunchtime, his kitchen was still a mess and he couldn\u2019t find anything he needed and spent the rest of the afternoon trying to find his knives, his wooden spoons, his favorite mixing bowl, his lard can\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed as he glanced at his pocket watch. It was already nine thirty and still no breakfast. He shook his head in repentance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t take anymore, Hop Sing,\u201d he said as he pushed back his chair. \u201cJoseph, go fishing\u2026take Hoss with you\u2026tell Adam to go to town\u2026have some fun. I\u2019ll be back later. Hop Sing\u2026I want a good supper when I get home\u2026make sure you out do yourself\u2026and make some coffee\u2026I\u2019m going to need it!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben reached into the cabinet and selected a bottle of whiskey. He turned to see everyone, including Hoss and Adam, staring in stunned silence at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded his head at the small group and started toward the door, the bottle tucked safely under his arm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be in the loft\u2026if\u2026and I mean only if\u2026you need me. If not, I\u2019ll see each of you at supper!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d echoed Adam, Hoss and Little Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot now\u2026I said suppertime!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The brothers stood watching as Ben walked across the yard and into the barn, pulling the door closed behind him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The royal pain giggled, \u201cPa\u2019s gonna get drunk\u2026wonder why?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam tousled the top of Joe\u2019s curls and smiled, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t have any idea, would you Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNope\u2026but somethin\u2019 must be drivin\u2019 him to drink,\u201d Hoss snickered and laughed at the confused look that spread across his little brother\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026ya reckon he\u2019s got a pain, some where?\u201d Little Joe asked innocently.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam both burst into a merry sound of laughter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, he\u2019s got a pain, Little Joe, a royal pain\u2026but don\u2019t fret ya self, he\u2019ll grow outta it\u2026someday!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE END<\/strong><\/p>\n

January 2004<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Adam and Hoss think their littlest brother is a royal pain…but Ben is beginning to think all three of his sons are a royal pains, and the knowledge soon leads him to taking refuge in the hayloft.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 G (9,075 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9052,"featured_media":11583,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1008,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12099","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-humor","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/4Cs.jpg?fit=400%2C401&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12099","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9052"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12099"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12099\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11583"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}