{"id":12247,"date":"2005-08-01T07:26:21","date_gmt":"2005-08-01T11:26:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12247"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:10:41","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:10:41","slug":"lonely-hearts-passing-in-the-night-by-debbieb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12247","title":{"rendered":"Lonely Hearts Passing in the Night (by DebbieB)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0 A love story about a gentle giant.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/strong>\u00a0 G (5, 400 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lonely Hearts Passing in the Night<\/strong><\/p>\n

I spied him the minute he walked through the double doors and made his way to the bar. He was like a moving mountain; his size was enormous, just about the biggest man I\u2019d ever seen. The stranger was tall and muscular yet he moved with grace for one so large. It took me a moment to jar myself from the daze this big man had caused me to lapse into, but as soon as I recovered, I slipped softly over to the corner of the bar where I could observe him without being observed myself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGibbme a beer,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The tone of his voice wasn\u2019t as deep as I would have thought it might be. It was average yet it had a gentle sort of ring to it, and I knew instantly that this monster of a man was a sensitive sort, kind and considerate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d I heard him tell Pete, the bartender.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He had manners too, I said to myself. I watched as he tipped his mug up to down the last drops of the frothy brew. It was then that his eyes found mine. When he set down his mug, he smiled at me, causing me to blush slightly, something that I rarely did anymore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When you\u2019re a barmaid and used to the rough and rowdy bunch of cowpokes that wander in, you get accustomed to most everything, good and bad, and after awhile, I think a girl tends to lose her modesty when it comes to some of the things she hears and sees. So when the big man down at the end of the counter smiled warmly at me, it caught me slightly off guard. I instantly thought that the man might have seen me eyeing him\u2026which I was, but I sure hadn\u2019t intended for him to see me doing it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I noticed then the gap between his two front teeth, but not being one to judge a person on just looks, I over looked the slight imperfection. I was far from being a raving beauty myself. I had my own imperfections to contend with so I wasn\u2019t quick to pass judgment on another person.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The gentleman tipped his hat at me in a friendly, almost inviting manner and then turned to Pete and ordered another beer. Pete complied quickly, considering the size of the crowd and when he placed the mug in front of the man, he grabbed it up and turned away, looking for a table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The rain outside had driven the customers indoors so the saloon was more crowded than usual for a weeknight. I spotted a table over in the far back corner that had just come vacant so I walked over to the man and tapped him on the arm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned, looking over my head and then realized I was there, slightly below him. I\u2019m not very tall, just about five foot to be exact, that being my number one imperfection, but standing so close to him, I looked more like a midget, which only enhanced my shortness. His eyes widened slightly at seeing me but he quickly hid the expression and smiled again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOver here,\u201d I said in my soft, southern drawl and then motioned toward the table in the back corner.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know if he\u2019d follow me or not, but deep inside I hoped that he would. There was just something about the man that drew me to him. I wanted to spend a few minutes with him, talk to him, and find out who he was and where he came from.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t have worried; I could hear his big boots clicking on the wooden floor following along behind me. I started to sit down, but he surprised me by pulling the chair out for me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, thank you,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I could feel my face getting hot again. For the life of me, I couldn\u2019t figure out why on earth I was blushing repeatedly. What was it about this tall stranger that caused me to feel giddy as if I had butterflies in my stomach? I sure wasn\u2019t a silly school girl\u2026I was way past the age of that, I was in my \u2018prime\u2019, as some of the older girls called it; but still\u2026this man was different somehow than most of the regulars that patronized the business.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The gentleman carefully pushed my seat closer to the table and then, taking off his big ten-gallon hat and setting it on the table, he pulled out the chair next to mine and sat down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was then that I noticed his blond hair. It was thinning some on the top, and looked windblown, probably from the storm that he so obviously had been caught in. Taking a closer look, I noticed that his clothes were damp from the rain, and somewhat dirty, though certainly not what one would call rags. The gentleman cleared his throat, bringing my attention back to his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was rotund with somewhat of a baby look about it. His cheeks were on the pudgy side, but not to the point of being labeled fat; his lips were full and sensuous. But what really caught my attention and stirred my senses was the color of his eyes. They were like twin lakes, and blue skies all rolled up as one but they were all shiny and bright and deep in their depths I could see a spark of mischievousness that caused them to twinkle. I couldn\u2019t help but to wonder again about the newcomer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He took another swig of his beer and I sensed an uneasiness settle about him and I pondered as to whether or not he might be feeling as backward about talking to me as I was to him. For some unexplainable reason, I found myself tongue-tied, not quite knowing what to say. He just at there quietly and sipped his beer, watching me over the rim of his glass. At last he lowered his mug enough to speak, breaking the awkward silence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy name\u2019s Hoss\u2026Hoss Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know I must have had a bewildered expression on my face, cause Hoss snickered softly, making me smile. I\u2019d never heard the name before; it was strange sounding to be sure.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d I repeated.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes ma\u2019am\u2026\u201d he smiled at me. \u201cMy real name\u2019s Eric, but my family nicknamed me Hoss when I was born,\u201d he explained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI see. But\u2026why Hoss\u2026does it have a special meaning or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes ma\u2019am\u2026my mother was from Sweden, and Hoss in Swedish means, a big, gentle man,\u201d he said and then blushed beet red.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I knew instantly that he was not the sort of man who went around bragging about himself or calling attention to his person. He was shy and modest and quiet too\u2026everything I\u2019ve always admired about a man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s nice,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I meant it too. It seemed to describe Hoss exactly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t tell me your name,\u201d he stated.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw him lower his head slightly and then look at me from lowered lashes. He was bashful!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy name?\u201d I stammered like a fool. \u201cMy name is TarevaChine,\u201d I answered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 eyes almost popped out of his head. I couldn\u2019t help but laugh out loud. I covered my mouth with my hand, afraid that I might offend him for laughing at the look on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTareaWhat?\u201d he stammered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust call me Shanay\u2026it means the same thing as TarevaChine\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhich is?\u201d he asked, grinning broadly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt means\u2026\u201d and then it was my turn to blush. I felt a bit modest. \u201cIt\u2019s an Indian word meaning, \u2018beautiful eyes\u2019,\u201d I explained, lowering my head and falling silent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For a long moment Hoss was silent too. He had stopped laughing. I raised my head at last and looked up at him. Hoss was staring at me\u2026the color of his eyes had darkened slightly and the tint of his cheeks heightened the odd expression I saw in the depth of his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe name becomes you, ma\u2019am\u2026your eyes are\u2026truly beautiful,\u201d he said with such deep feeling that my inner emotions were stirred.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I began to fidget uncomfortably. When Hoss placed his hand over mine, I felt a warm rush of\u2026desire wash over me. I was stunned, for it had been eons since a man moved me so, as Hoss was doing just at that moment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be embarrassed, Shanay\u2026it\u2019s really is a lovely name\u2026and very appropriate,\u201d Hoss said in a deep voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked into his eyes. His look was soft, yet alluring and I suddenly wanted to know all there was about this giant of a man that spoke with such compassion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you. My great grandfather was a Navajo chief. His daughter was my grandmother. She married a white man who took her far away from her people. Back east some place. He wanted her to live as a white woman and she was never allowed to tell anyone, not even his family that she was Indian. My father grew up\u2026never knowing that he was half Indian. He left home at eighteen, seeking adventure and new land. He met and married my mother in St. Louis and then they headed west in search of gold. It was later after his father died, that my grandmother came to live with them. She told my father all about her people and their customs. Papa wasn\u2019t ashamed of that part of his heritage, not like my grandfather had always feared that he would be. When I was born, he named me after my grandmother\u2019s mother, my great grandmother. My mother said my eyes were just like hers\u2026green, which was very odd for an Indian.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was watching Hoss\u2019 face, half expecting to see disgust in his eyes, but it never happened. I had to ask his thoughts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoes that bother you\u2026that I\u2019m part Indian?\u201d I asked. I had to know. Why it mattered I didn\u2019t know for sure, but it did.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would you think that?\u201d smiled Hoss. \u201cIt don\u2019t make no never mind to me. You\u2019re just about the purtiest thing I seen in a long time\u2026if\u2019n ya don\u2019t mind my sayin\u2019 so!\u201d Hoss said and then blushed again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I felt his hand, the one that still rested on mine, squeeze gently. I smiled at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t mind,\u201d I admitted. \u201cIt sounds\u2026nice when you say it\u2026like you really meant it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019d heard it many times before, from many different men, but never like Hoss had said it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t lie to ya, Shanay\u2026you are purty\u2026beautiful in fact.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We talked for a long time, just the two of us. The rain had stopped and most of the customers had wandered home as it was getting near closing time. I\u2019d been on my feet since early morning and I was tired, but it didn\u2019t matter. I really didn\u2019t want the night to end, I enjoyed talking to Hoss; it was as if we\u2019d known one another all our lives.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He was fun to be with, and easy to talk too. I found myself telling him things that I\u2019d never told another living soul. And he didn\u2019t judge me either. He just looked concerned when I told him certain things and then he\u2019d laugh when I\u2019d tell him about other things that I\u2019d done as a child or a young person. The minutes soon turned to hours but it didn\u2019t seem to either of us that time moved so quickly, we were enjoying being together and the chance to just be ourselves.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I managed to turn the conversation around so that Hoss was talking about himself finally. He told me everything I had hoped to learn about him. I learned that he was the second son of a well-to-do, but honest and hard working rancher over near Virginia City and that he had two brothers; Adam was the oldest and most serious, Hoss had said. Adam had been away to college, which had made his family proud though they had all missed him something terrible during the four years he\u2019d been gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe was the youngest member of the family and the one most likely to find himself in trouble. Oh nothing serious and certainly not anything to do with breaking the law Hoss assured me. But more the mischievous type of trouble\u2026and Hoss admitted that he often allowed his youngest brother to lead him astray and more than once he\u2019d taken the blame for something that Little Joe had done, just to keep the boy out of worse trouble with their father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss spoke highly of his pa. I could tell that he admired and loved his father very much. It wasn\u2019t often that a man such as Hoss Cartwright admitted that he cared so deeply for his father and his brothers. Most men I know wouldn\u2019t admit to such things, they\u2019d a thought it silly or unmanly, but not Hoss, he didn\u2019t seem to mind at all that he was telling a complete strange just how he felt about his family. He was proud of them, I could see that right off.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I learned that Ben Cartwright, Hoss\u2019 father, had been married three times and that all three wives had died, leaving him alone to raise his young motherless sons. Elizabeth had been Adam\u2019s mother. She and Mr. Cartwright had married back in Boston. Ben had been first mate to the ship\u2019s captain back then, the captain having been Elizabeth\u2019s own father. When Adam was born, his mother wasn\u2019t very strong and she had died just hours after Hoss\u2019 brother arrived into this world.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Inger was Mr. Cartwright\u2019s second wife and Hoss\u2019 mama. Hoss spoke with deep devotion and love about his mother. He was only a baby when she\u2019d been killed by an Indian\u2019s arrow. I sort of felt uncomfortable when he was telling about the attack that claimed his mother\u2019s life and how much he missed her and how hard a time they had afterwards. It hadn\u2019t been easy for his father, traveling west with a six-year old boy and a baby, alone without a wife and mother to help him. But Hoss told me not to fret about it, it wasn\u2019t like me or my ancestors had anything to do with Inger being killed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss explained about Little Joe\u2019s mother too. He told me how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. Adam wasn\u2019t too keen on her at first, but Hoss said that once Adam found out that she was going to have a baby, his brother\u2019s attitude toward their stepmother changed for the better. After all, Marie loved them both as much as if they had been her own sons, but it took Adam until after Little Joe was born to fully realize that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And then they, Marie and Adam, had reached an understanding. But, shortly thereafter, Marie had been killed in an accident. She fell from her horse and broke her neck. Hoss said that sure was a sad time for all of them. His father nearly grieved himself to death, Little Joe cried constantly for his mama and that left poor Adam to take care of the family until their father could pull himself up from the depths of his sorrow and be a father to all of them again. By that time, Hoss explained, Adam had seemed to become a man over night, shouldering the responsibilities of not only the family but the running of their ranch as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I could see the hurt and pain in Hoss\u2019 eyes when he told me the story of his father\u2019s wives. But when he\u2019d finished, he looked at me and smiled. The sadness and the heart ache was gone and his eyes shown with pride in both his family and their success that blossomed out of the trials and tribulations that they\u2019d been forced to endure.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss leaned back in his chair and yawned, but he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He glanced at me with a slightly guilty look on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPardon me, Shanay\u2026it\u2019s not the company, I assure you,\u201d he said quickly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I guess he might have thought I was thinking that he was getting bored, but I wasn\u2019t thinking that at all. He\u2019d probably have died of embarrassment if he could read my thoughts! I think for the first time in my life, I had fallen in love with a real man\u2026not some fly-by-night gambler, not some young hot-blooded cowpoke or some stiff-collared shop keeper, but with a real man. A man who wasn\u2019t afraid to express himself and who was devoted to his family and who I knew would, if he had to, lay down his own life for the ones he loved. Yep, I was in love\u2026but now\u2026what to do about it?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou never did tell me how someone as purty and sweet as you are, happens to be workin\u2019 in a place like this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019d been lost in my thoughts, so when Hoss spoke again, I must have had a dumb look on my face\u2026I honestly hadn\u2019t heard him say anything.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me?\u201d I stammered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026I don\u2019t mean to pry\u2026honest. I was just wonderin\u2019 how someone like you comes to be workin\u2019 in a joint like this?\u201d Hoss repeated the question.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I rolled my eyes, thinking how in the world could I explain why I was working here without making myself sound like a complete idiot!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d I began, deciding right away that the truth was better than a lie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If Hoss walked away after hearing my story, then so be it, but whatever happened afterwards, I knew in my heart that I couldn\u2019t lie to him. It would be like a betrayal somehow. I felt deep inside my soul that no matter how I came to be in this place, Hoss wasn\u2019t likely to judge me too harshly, if at all. He wasn\u2019t that sort of a man, I\u2019d already learned that tonight, for if anything about me had repulsed him thus far, he would have already been gone, yet here he was, anxious to hear all about me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was on my way to San Francisco\u2026about a year ago. The stage stopped over here for the night. Something was wrong with the stagecoach\u2026I can\u2019t even remember what it was now, but we were forced to stay the night. My funds were almost gone and I was worried that I\u2019d run out of cash before I reached my destination. There had been a man traveling with me on the stage\u2026a\u2026gambler.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I paused to check Hoss\u2019 reaction, but whatever he was thinking didn\u2019t show in his expression for the look in his eyes hadn\u2019t changed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo what happened?\u201d he asked me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe suggested that we share a room for the night\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 eyes widened somewhat at that, and I saw him swallow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCal\u2026that was his name\u2026or so he said\u2026anyway, Cal made the suggestion that we share a room\u2026he said he\u2019d cover the expensive and stay in the lobby for the night. He had seen some men playing poker and wanted to join them, so he wouldn\u2019t really need the room until morning, just to get cleaned up before catching the stage for San Francisco. I didn\u2019t see anything really wrong with that; I didn\u2019t have the ready cash enough to pay for a room of my own, so\u2026I agreed. I knew the door had a lock so I wasn\u2019t worried that Cal might try sneaking back in after I retired.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, we registered as Mr. And Mrs. Cal Morgan without any trouble. When we went upstairs and got settled in, Cal said that he would be willing to help me out some more. I didn\u2019t know what he meant, so I asked him,\u201d I explained, pausing again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2026what was he wantin\u2019 from you?\u201d Hoss asked and I sensed he was beginning to get troubled by what I was telling him. His eyes clouded with suspicion so I hurried to explain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCal said that he could make us some money\u2026by gambling. He assured me he was very good at playing the game, but that after paying for the room, he hadn\u2019t enough for a stake\u2026or at least a good one. And so, he suggested that I lend him what cash I had and said that by adding it to what he had, he could join in the game downstairs and with any luck, double our money.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t too sure at first, but\u2026well, Hoss\u2026he was very convincing\u2026so, like I said, being young and naive and\u2026I suppose\u2026stupid\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy shucks ma\u2019am\u2026 don\u2019t go sayin\u2019 such things about ya self,\u201d Hoss interrupted me. \u201cYa might have been na\u00efve\u2026and bit too trustin\u2019, but ya sure ain\u2019t stupid, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026later\u2026after Cal had taken all my money, won a bundle playing poker and then left me here without anything\u2026I felt like a stupid fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026Shanay\u2026that ain\u2019t so\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI did, Hoss\u2026I really did\u2026well, anyway\u2026I had no other choice then but to find a job\u2026and this was the only job available. I want you to know,\u201d I said, lowering my voice, \u201cthat it wasn\u2019t something that I wanted to do\u2026or had ever done before, honest.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t sure why I wanted him to know that I wasn\u2019t what I appeared to be, but to me it was important. I was dressed for the part, sure, but I considered it a costume, part of the job of getting the men to buy drinks, you know, spend their money. It wasn\u2019t something I liked doing, but then, I was alone and I had to look out for myself just until I\u2019d saved enough money to go home on. I cleared my throat; there was something else that I wanted Hoss to know.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never been upstairs with a man, Hoss\u2026\u201d I blurted out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was blushing crimson I knew, for I put my hand to my face and felt the heat burn my fingers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw shucks, Miss Shanay, I didn\u2019t think ya was that sorta gal\u2026\u201d Hoss muttered softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When our eyes met, I could see that he was telling the truth. Hoss smiled at me and it ran through my mind that he had the sweetest face and warmest eyes of any man I\u2019d ever met before. Suddenly I wanted to be alone with him, I mean, really alone, not sitting in the back corner of a musty old saloon with the lingering scent of whiskey and beer in the air, but alone, just the two of us.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It crossed my mind that I\u2019d like to know what it felt like to be held in this gentle man\u2019s arms and to feel his lips pressing against mine. I had to look away, for I was afraid that Hoss might see the desire in my green eyes and know what I was thinking\u2026longing for.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019d never given myself to any man. I\u2019ve always thought it wisest to save myself for the man I married\u2026or at least truly loved. I\u2019m not a child you understand\u2026just a woman, lonely and in search of someone to share my life with. Wow! I thought\u2026Hoss\u2026what if he were already married. I must have looked as if I\u2019d seen a ghost, because Hoss suddenly took my hand again and held it in his. I could feel the dampness in the palm of his hand and when I looked up at him again, his eyes had grown and taken on a peculiar glow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Shanay, are you alright?\u201d he asked me, looking worried.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u2026of course\u2026why would you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou sorta looked strange\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

I laughed softly to ease the tension. I saw his other hand move to cover mine that he already held in his right hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026are you married?\u201d I asked pointedly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had to know\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe\u2026married?\u201d Hoss snickered. \u201cWhy shucks no\u2026there ain\u2019t no decent woman want to marry up with me,\u201d he laughed, but I saw a smidgeon of hurt come into the blue lakes of his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you know that, Hoss?\u201d I asked quickly. \u201cI think you are a wonderful man\u2026why, you\u2019re kind and gentle and compassionate\u2026any woman would be blind not to see your virtues,\u201d I assured him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know I certainly saw them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re just sayin\u2019 that,\u201d Hoss said haphazardly as if it were all a big joke, but I saw a spark of hope spring forth in his eyes that only seconds ago looked so sorrowful.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m not\u2026I wouldn\u2019t say it if it weren\u2019t so,\u201d I said sternly so that the truth of my words would sink into his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re just too nice, Shanay, to say anything else\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m not Hoss\u2026I don\u2019t say things that I don\u2019t mean. And I don\u2019t think you do either.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026I don\u2019t. I ain\u2019t one to lie, ma\u2019am\u2026my pa taught me better\u2019n that,\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He pulled his chair closer to mine and lifted my hand up to his lips, surprising me with a gentle but warm kiss. I felt my heart flutter and I suddenly felt weak all over. It was hard to swallow. My eyes sought his; he was looking into mine. He was easy to read\u2026it was so obvious that he hadn\u2019t had much more experience with the opposite sex than I have had. But being a woman, I recognized the look for what it was\u2026desire. Hoss wanted me\u2026but that was alright, because I wanted him as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw him swallow hard. The high color had returned to his cheeks as he suddenly let go of my hand. I was caught off guard by the unexpected change that had come over him. Hoss pushed back his chair and stood up. From where I sat looking up, he resembled a giant; he was so tall and broad.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI need to be goin\u2019,\u201d he said in a thick voice that cried aloud with passion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I stood up to face him. I couldn\u2019t believe he was leaving\u2026walking away\u2026why?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss\u2026why do you have to go?\u201d I asked quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The big man lowered his head. I watched him struggling to find the right words to let me down gently. He picked up his big hat and twisted the rim with his fingers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just best, ma\u2019am\u2026\u201d He glanced my direction. I know he saw the tears that had sprung into my eyes. His facial muscles twitched and I knew he felt responsible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d I said, swallowing, \u201cplease don\u2019t go\u2026not yet\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShanay\u2026if I don\u2019t go now\u2026I might never leave\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen don\u2019t\u2026please\u2026I don\u2019t want you to go, stay with me\u2026\u201d I whispered and moved closer. I could barely believe I had practically begged him not to leave me!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss swallowed again as tiny beads of water popped out on his brow. He was still nervously toying with his hat, but I knew he was considering my request. I could almost hear the pounding of his racing heart, or was that mine?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDo you realize what you\u2019re askin\u2019?\u201d he asked in a quivering voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShanay\u2026\u201d It was barely a whisper.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I reached for his hand, half expecting him to pull away, but he didn\u2019t. I began walking slowly toward the stairs, surprised that he followed so willingly. He even allowed me to lead him up to the top but once in the hallway, he hesitated.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked up into his face, unasked questions I know shown in my eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIf I go any further\u2026I won\u2019t be leavin\u2019 until mornin\u2019, Shanay\u2026are ya sure ma\u2019am that you really want\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPositive\u2026I\u2019ve waited all my life for someone special, Hoss\u2026I\u2019ve spent too many lonely nights\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know what ya mean\u2026I\u2019m lonely too\u2026but ya gotta know one thing Shanay\u2026I want you to know it\u2026I\u2026ain\u2019t like other men\u2026I don\u2019t give my heart to every gal I meet\u2026not like Little Joe,\u201d Hoss said and then smiled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I felt my heart swell with love and admiration for this big, strong man who stood before me. I knew he\u2019d give me all the love that consumed him, even if it were just for one night. I\u2019d not disappoint him either\u2026I vowed to return that love one hundred per cent and then later\u2026whatever happened after that, would happen. But at least for one night, we\u2019d both know what it was like to be held and loved and to give ourselves completely to another person who returned that same love.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I squeezed Hoss\u2019 hand, unable to speak for the moment and led him down the hall. At my door, I stopped and looked up at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I open this door, Hoss,\u201d I said softly. I knew my voice was filled with passion and desire and I knew Hoss knew it too. \u201cYou will be mine completely, until morning\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grinned as some the nervousness dissipated. He surprised me by scooping me up into his massive arms and then kissing me full on the mouth. My arms locked about his thick neck and I willingly returned his passionate kiss. No other words were spoken; none were needed. He turned the knob and kicked opened the door with the toe of his boot. Once inside he used his heel to push the door closed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The room was dimly lit but the soft glow of the lamp that I had lit earlier. The soft scent of roses lingered in the air stirred by the gentle breeze blowing in from the opened window. I sighed softly as I nuzzled deeper within the folds of his arms. I heard Hoss moan from deep down in his throat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With his lips sealed against mine, Hoss carried me over to the wide comfortable bed and with such care, as if I were a China doll, lowered me unto the mattress, allowing his solid frame to rest atop my much smaller, more petite frame.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe lamp,\u201d I muttered between kisses that almost smothered me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLeave it on,\u201d he whispered. \u201cI want to look into your beautiful eyes\u2026I want to see everything about you\u2026to know you, to taste you\u2026I want to watch your expression as I devour your body\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I raised up my head up from the mattress just enough that my lips locked with his. He welded his body gently against me\u2026suddenly we were victims of our loneliness as we gave ourselves over to the hidden passion that consumed us.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The rest is private\u2026I shall never tell a soul what transpired that night\u2026never! But it was the most wonderful of nights and since that time I\u2019ve never known another that could compare to it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss is gone now\u2026he\u2019s returned to his home and the family he cared so much about. I\u2019ve moved on too. But I\u2019m wiser now and happier. I\u2019ve known what it is to love and be loved and I\u2019m not so lonely anymore. I have my memories to sustain me and carry me through.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll ever see Hoss again. I did get one letter from him about a week after he left. He sent me some money\u2026to go home on, he wrote and then he added that it wasn\u2019t payment for the night we spent together because, as he said, he could never have afforded what it would have otherwise cost. He lost something that night, and it certainly wasn\u2019t his virginity\u2026but he said he lost his heart\u2026to me\u2026and that it was mine to keep always.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I smiled when I read that because I lost something that night too\u2026my virginity AND my own heart. We were just two lonely hearts passing in the night\u2026never to meet again. My life has been transform from the most commonplace into one of beauty and splendor and sweetness and grace. That\u2019s what love does. I met a man whose love was unselfish yet understanding and kind. His love saw me through his heart, and not with his mind. It cast no judgments on me and I knew after that one night with this treasure of a man that Hoss\u2019 love couldn\u2019t be bought, it was priceless and complete and his love was like pure magic that set my lonely heart free!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Goodbye my sweet darling\u2026I shall hold the memory of our night together in my heart until I have reached the end of my days and even then I shall take your love into eternity with me to last beyond the great forever!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I love you Hoss Cartwright\u2026and I hope that the love we shared that night will be enough for you as well. Please don\u2019t forget me\u2026when you think of me, I\u2019ll be thinking of you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<^><\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

August 2005<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 A love story about a gentle giant.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 G (5, 400 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9052,"featured_media":10210,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[17],"class_list":["post-12247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","tag-hoss","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1061,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/serious-Hoss.jpg?fit=269%2C298&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12305,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12305","url_meta":{"origin":12247,"position":0},"title":"Thoughts from the Man in Black (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 1, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0Adam's reveals his innermost feelings after suffering a broken heart Rated:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (2,000 words) Thoughts Series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/6.jpg?fit=414%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40545,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=40545","url_meta":{"origin":12247,"position":1},"title":"Good Will Toward Men (by Patina)","author":"patina","date":"December 25, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Tis the season for generosity. 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Or was there goodness in her heart that only Adam was aware of? \u00a0 Rated G \u00a0WC 1450 Thoughts Series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/ADAM-FACE.jpg?fit=500%2C375&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12131,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12131","url_meta":{"origin":12247,"position":3},"title":"Celebrating 90 Glorious Years AND 430 Episodes of Bonanza! (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"October 23, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: I wrote this story for David Dortort's 90th birthday party to which I was invited. In the story I used all 430 episode titles so the story might sound a bit strange to some. 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