{"id":12255,"date":"2002-09-01T07:48:31","date_gmt":"2002-09-01T11:48:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12255"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:34:46","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:34:46","slug":"never-to-old-to-learn-by-debbieb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12255","title":{"rendered":"Never Too Old To Learn (by DebbieB)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>Both Adam and Joe learn that you’re never too old to learn something new after an accident leaves Joe mortally wounded and his older brother feeling guilty.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/strong>\u00a0 G (18,160 words)<\/p>\n

Never Too Old to Learn<\/strong><\/p>\n

Joe twirled the revolver around his finger imitating what he had seen his older brother do on occasions and smiled to himself when the pistol repositioned its self in the correct manner within his hand. The boy held the gun out before him in his left hand, pretending to point it at an imaginary outlaw and then poised himself for action; with his right hand he hammered away at the trigger, sending make believe bullets into his adversary. When all of his shells were spent, Joe held the pistol barrel up to his lips and blew away the unseen smoke that he alleged boiled from the end of the long barrel. He then flipped the revolver around one more time and slipped it smoothly into the holster he wore hanging loosely from his left side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Running both hands along the rim of his hat in a professional gunman\u2019s manner, Joe nodded his head at his supposed audience and turned, stopping dead in his tracks, a look of total surprise instantly appearing on his young face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTake it off, Joe. Now!\u201d ordered Adam, his hand already extended outward, waiting for the younger boy to place the weapon into his hand. \u201cHow many more times do I have to tell you that this gun is not a toy?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam wore a dark scowl on his face and Joe knew that he had over stepped the boundaries that his older brother had laid out for him in regard to the new sidearm and holster Adam had purchased just four days ago.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Quickly doing as ordered and seeing the look his brother wore the younger Cartwright did as instructed. Joe knew it would take some mighty smooth talking on his part to get himself out of this pickle; it was plain to see that Adam was madder than Joe had seen him in quite sometime.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was just\u2026\u201d began Joe, trying to keep a look of innocence on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know what you were doing boy, you were doing exactly what I told you not to be doing, and that was playing with my new revolver. Now get in the house, we are going to have a talk with Pa, and I need not tell you that he isn\u2019t going to be any happier with you than I am, now get.\u201d Adam snatched the gun and holster from Joe\u2019s hand and pointed toward the barn door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw come on Adam, I\u2019m sorry, I promise I won\u2019t touch it again. Please?\u201d begged Joe, lowering his eyes just slightly for effect and making a smile that he hoped would win his brother\u2019s favor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo way young man, that\u2019s the same promise you made two days ago when I caught you doing the very same thing, now get going,\u201d ordered Adam taking a step toward the door. He paused when Joe made no move to do as instructed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe ignored the way in which Adam\u2019s jaw began to clench and unclench tightly, a fair warning that the older Cartwright brother was not in the best of moods. Joe had seen the look many times before and knew then that it was a sign that there were turbulent waters ahead, but was hoping this time to calm the seas with a little charm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPlease Adam, you know Pa will start yelling at me, and then he\u2019ll probably wallop me a bunch of times and that\u2019ll only make me start yelling and I know how much you hate all that noise. Can\u2019t we just forget it? I don\u2019t wanna make Pa lose his temper, ya know he ain’t been feeling too good today. How\u2019s about if I promise to do all your chores for\u2026hmm\u2026say the rest of the week? Please Adam, please?\u201d begged Joe, hopefully as he watched the angry lines furrow deeper into his brother\u2019s brow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam said nothing, just pointed toward the barn door. When the his brother hesitated, Adam stepped close to Joe and slipped his arm around the smaller boy\u2019s neck, holding firmly to the opposite shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced up, new hope growing in his heart, for he knew what his father would do to his backside if Adam were to tell their Pa that he had been caught playing with the weapon for the third time that week.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you what little brother. We\u2019ll go now\u2026\u201d Adam emphasized the last two words and continued, \u201cand see Pa. I will let you explain to him why you can\u2019t seem to understand that his weapon is not a toy and why you insist on ignoring not only my warnings about playing with this gun, but his warnings as well. And then, little brother, when Pa decides to\u2026as you say\u2026wallop your backside, I promise not to get mad at you for all the bellowing and howling I know you will be doing. How\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was practically dragging his younger brother toward the door. Joe tried to dig his heels into the dirt but the hard packed earth inside the barn made it impossible and he had no other option but to allow him self to be dragged along.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think I like that idea, how about I do your chores for two weeks? Come on Adam, give me a break, please?\u201d protested Joe, purposely trying to set his heels into the dirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stopped half way between the barn and the house and turned dark angry eyes on his brother. His hand had moved to Joe\u2019s arm where he tightened his strong fingers around his brother’s upper biceps and jerked Joe around to face him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t a joke, Little Joe. Don\u2019t you understand how dangerous it is to play with guns? How fast an accident could happen? A gun is used for protection, sometimes killing. It is never meant as a toy for mindless little boys. If this thing were to go off, you or someone else could be killed instantly. Then what Joe, what do you think would happen to our father if you were to be killed just because you were too bull headed to do what you were told? How would you feel if you were playing with it and it went off and someone else were wounded or killed? Think about that, think about the consequences, Joe!\u201d Adam all but shouted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam wouldn\u2019t admit it to his brother, but the same thoughts had crossed his mind when he had entered the barn and seen his younger brother twirling the pistol around in his hand. He had stopped cold in his tracks fearing that Joe might drop the gun and that it might go off accidentally. Adam had forced himself to remain calm, giving Joe the opportunity to place the pistol into the holster before making his presence known to his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t loaded, Adam,\u201d snapped Joe, his calm reserve shattered. \u201cI have enough sense to check a gun before doing anything with it, Pa taught me that much when he taught me how to use my rifle.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t get it do you, boy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cStop calling me that! I\u2019m not a boy, I happen to be fifteen years old!\u201d Shouted Joe, trying to free his arm from the vise like grip that the bigger boy still held about his arm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou might be fifteen but that sure as hell doesn\u2019t make you a man, especially when you act as you are right this minute. And if you were a man, you would know how to follow orders, now get your butt into that house right now or I might just put you across my own knee!\u201d Adam pulled Joe along behind him, Joe muttering under his breath as he followed reluctantly, Adam every so often giving a swift jerk on his brother\u2019s arm to hurry him up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the sound of the door opening, Ben looked up from his newspaper that he had been reading and smiled as his two sons entered the room. His smile quickly faded at the sight of the frown that graced Adam\u2019s face, the way Adam held Joe\u2019s arm tightly and the worried expression on his youngest son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I think Joe wants to tell you something.\u201d Adam gave Joe a dark look and Joe returned the gesture with a look of his own, though Joe\u2019s was one last pleading look that begged for leniency.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Adam failed to meet his brother\u2019s gaze, Joe lowered his head fearing what his father would say once he knew the truth, the disturbing thoughts suddenly causing Joe grave misgivings about what he had done.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was quick to note the tone of voice that Adam used and seeing his youngest son\u2019s reaction to his brother\u2019s announcement, Ben waited patiently while Joe struggled to find words. When Joe said nothing, Ben spoke.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben paused, giving Joe opportunity to speak, which he passed up for the second time. \u201cObviously your brother thinks you need to tell me something important. Do you want to explain this now, or would you rather your brother do it for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe gulped and gave Adam a sideways glance. Adam paid his brother no mind as he slipped the missing bullets back into the revolver\u2019s chamber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell Pa, it was like this\u2026\u201d stammered Joe and paused, looking up to check his father\u2019s reaction. In the background, Joe could hear the clicking of the pistol\u2019s chamber as Adam placed the bullets into their proper place. \u2018One, two, three, four, five, six,\u2019<\/em> counted Joe mentally.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes? What was like this?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s deep voice broke into his thoughts. \u201cHmm\u2026well, I sorta was looking at Adam\u2019s new revolver\u2026and\u2026well\u2026I didn\u2019t ask him first.\u201d Joe kept his head bent low not wanting to see the disappointment he knew would be in his father\u2019s eyes if he looked up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t know, at least as of yet, but their father had caught him as well just yesterday with the new gun. Joe had been doing the same role playing when Ben had happened into the living room and caught his youngest son red handed with Adam\u2019s new weapon in his hand. Joe mentally calculated the number of times that he had been caught since Adam had made his purchase and figured the number to be around three in as many days, or was it four?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLooking at?\u201d barked Adam in an angry voice, \u201cPa, I caught the boy twirling the gun around in some kind of fancy finger work like he was a professional sharp shooter or something. I\u2019d hardly call it \u2018looking at\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t doing nuthing wrong Pa, honest I wasn\u2019t. I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t ask permission first, but Adam was no where around and I checked it first and everything, it wasn\u2019t even loaded,\u201d rushed Joe in his own defense.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, it doesn\u2019t matter whether Adam was around or not, you know that both your brother and I have told you in no uncertain terms that you were not allow to so much as touch that gun. Just because you checked to see if it were loaded or not does not mean that it is okay for you to handle it. You were told the day that Adam bought it to leave it alone, am I right young man?\u201d asked Ben, his hands placed firmly on his hips, his eyes growing darker as he watched the anger beginning to seep into his disobedient son\u2019s mannerisms.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced first at his father and then quickly at Adam who stood to his father\u2019s side staring at his defiant younger brother with a look on his face that made Joe feel inferior to his older sibling. Joe wanted to make a face at his older brother for being such a tattletale but thought better of it since his father was watching every move that he made. Right then he decided that it would be in his best interest to concede, take whatever punishment his father might render and count his losses.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir,\u201d he said softly, allowing his anger at Adam to be known by the tone of his voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad to see that you agree with us. Now, would you mind explaining to me, why you choose to defy me as well as your brother?\u201d questioned Ben, noting the sour apple look that Joe wore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I wasn\u2019t thinking\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell that\u2019s certainly not a first. When have you ever stopped to think about something before you did it?\u201d shouted Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned away from the sight of his brother who had, in truth, scared him more than he wanted to admit when he had found the youngster twirling the new gun around in his hand like a pro.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYour brother\u2019s right Joseph, when will you ever learn to stop and think before you act? I find your answer no excuse for your disobedience\u2026\u201d began Ben as the same thoughts of what might have happened began to cloud his mind as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh sure, Adam\u2019s right, as usual and I\u2019m wrong\u2026so\u2026what else is new?\u201d shouted Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe never has made a mistake has he, no, no\u2026the mighty Adam Cartwright is always right and I\u2019m the bad little boy once again.\u201d Joe took a couple of steps back and turned his anger on his older brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead Adam, tell me I\u2019m acting like a baby, call me a boy, I don\u2019t give a damn.\u201d The dam had cracked and Joe could no longer hold back the unhappy feelings he had been experiencing lately.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAll I\u2019ve ever wanted is for you to make time for me, show me how to use the dang gun the right way, and teach me how to shoot like you, but no, you\u2019re always too busy trying to be perfect, you could care less about me. I hate you!\u201d screamed Joe, the tears he\u2019d been trying to control now slipping down his face as he turned and bolted up the stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJOSEPH!\u201d shouted Ben as he watched in shock while Joe hesitated on the landing and turned to face his parent. \u201cI\u2019ll not have that kind of talk in my house, young man!\u201d growled Ben loudly his index finger held high in mid air and pointed straight at Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa, but I just wanted Adam to teach me how to use his gun. I tried to ask him, twice already and he just brushed me off as if I was nothing. He hates me and I hate him.\u201d Joe added and turned, running the rest of the way up the stairs and once in his room, slammed the door, flung him self across his bed and let the tears flow. In his anger, Joe grabbed Scruffy, his stuffed sleeping companion that Adam had given to him several years earlier as a Christmas gift, and slung the little ragged dog across the room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI hate you too, you\u2026you\u2026worthless ole mutt.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben and Adam stood in silence, each trying to formulate in his mind, the reason behind the youngest Cartwright\u2019s unexpected outburst. Ben moved slowly to his chair behind his desk and lowered his suddenly weary body into it. Adam followed his father and dropped into the spare chair next to the desk and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had seen Adam\u2019s reaction to his brother\u2019s proclamation of unjustified hatred and knew that Joe\u2019s cruel remark had hurt his older son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Are you all right, son?\u201d asked Ben, leaning forward and placing a comforting hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. Ben could feel the tightness of the muscles that rippled beneath the thin fabric of his son\u2019s shirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam raised his head as his troubled eyes meeting his father\u2019s concerned dark, compassionate eyes and Adam could see the unspoken misgivings in their depths.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m somewhat speechless. I had no idea that Joe felt as he did.\u201d Adam brushed his hand across his face and Ben knew that his oldest had nearly been reduced to tears, something that had not happened in many years and Ben watched as Adam quickly brought his emotions under control once more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s smile was meant for comfort and he leaned back in his chair. \u201cSon, was Joseph right in what he said?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam glanced up at his father, a look of uncertainty on his handsome face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI mean, did the boy ask you to show him the gun? Did he ask you to teach him how to use it?\u201d questioned Ben and noted the look of concentration that gathered in the dark eyes that fought to bring from memory a time that Joe might had asked him to show him the new Colt .45.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know Pa,\u201d Adam replied in a near whisper. \u201cI\u2019ve been so busy lately, I can\u2019t remember. I know Joe was in the barn the other day, the day I bought the gun. Mary Ann was here remember? She came over to tell me about the church social and\u2026well I guess that I was busy talking to her. I vaguely remember Joe interrupting us, saying something about the gun, but I honestly don\u2019t remember what he said. I suppose I wasn\u2019t paying any attention, least ways, not to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood to his feet and pulled back the short curtain that covered the window above Ben\u2019s desk. Hoss had just ridden into the yard and was leading his horse to the barn, where Adam knew that Hoss would care for his horse and begin his evening chores.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI probably did brush him off,\u201d he said, still watching Hoss who had stopped to speak with one of the hands that had just come from the barn. Hoss had started to laugh, whatever Pete had said must have been funny thought Adam, and suddenly wished he had something to laugh about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned to face his father and noted that Ben had been watching him and the knowledge somehow left him feeling uncomfortable. \u201cMaybe I should go talk to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was more of a question than a statement and Ben shook his head. \u201cI want to have a word with the boy first,\u201d said Ben, standing to his feet and moving from behind his desk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam reached out his hand and placed it on his father\u2019s shoulder, stopping Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026please don\u2019t be too hard on him. I know what he did\u2026and said\u2026was wrong. But I don\u2019t believe he meant it\u2026at least I hope he didn\u2019t. And about the gun, I don\u2019t suppose there was any real harm done. It was\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben held up his hand for silence. \u201cI don\u2019t think for one minute that Joe meant what he said to you\u2026about hating you, I mean. But playing with the gun is a totally different matter, a matter in which I mean to talk to him about; and about his language, which I will not tolerate in this house.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know that Pa. But maybe I over reacted. It scared the he\u2026it scared me when I saw him twirling it around his finger. He was good, too good and the thoughts of him being able to handle a gun like that\u2026it made all kinds of images run through my head. Maybe I should teach him how to use it, maybe then he wouldn\u2019t be so curious about it\u2026maybe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon, life is full of maybes\u2026but the fact is, Joe was told to leave it alone. He handled it anyway; he blatantly and willfully disregarded our wishes. Now it\u2019s time for him to suffer the consequences of his actions. Isn\u2019t that what I have spent my entire life trying to teach all of you?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Ben placed his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder and squeezed gently.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry son, I\u2019m not going to wallop him, unless he pushes me into it.\u201d Ben smiled, turned and made his way to his youngest son\u2019s bedroom, trying to think of the best way to approach his distressed son without adding fuel to an already smoldering fire.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was still lying across his bed and had not heard the soft knock that his father had rendered to the thick oak door. Gently, Ben eased opened the door and stepped inside the dimly lit room. In the semi-darkness Ben could see his son laying face down on the bed and could hear the soft whimpers that told him that Joe was still upset. Ben slowly approached the bed, his foot making contact with Scruffy who laid belly up in the middle of the floor. Stooping to pick up Joe\u2019s favorite stuffed animal, Ben smiled to himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d he called softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The unexpected sound of his father\u2019s voice so close behind him startled Joe and quickly the boy sprang to his feet, wiping the tears from his face with the backs of his hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t hear you come in,\u201d stammered Joe, turning to hide his embarrassment from his parent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben approached his son with caution, stopping just inches behind Joe\u2019s back. Ben could sense the tremors that still coursed through his son\u2019s body as he extended his hand around to Joe\u2019s front, offering him the stuffed little dog; but Joe refused, shaking his head back and forth and then moved further from his father. Ben held the little animal in his hands and fingered the soft fur, \u201cI think we should have a talk son, please sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced over his shoulder at his father and moved to the edge of his bed where he did as his father had instructed and sat down. The closeness of his father unnerved the distraught boy and again he glanced up, expecting to see anger in the usually caring eyes of his parent. But the anger was not there; instead, Joe saw love and something else he could not name though disappointment came to mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. I know I was wrong to yell at you like I did, and I\u2019m sorry for cursing, I know how you hate that.\u201d Joe sniffed his nose and wiped the back of his hand across the tip end to stop the clear moisture from dripping onto his lip.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sat next to Joe on the bed but made no move to touch his son, instead Ben continued to pick at the soft fur on Scruffy\u2019s body. \u201cI don\u2019t understand your outburst son. Would you mind explaining it to me?\u201d asked Ben and then glanced at Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s lips were pursed tightly together and Ben knew that the boy was fighting back tears. Something was terribly wrong of that Ben was positive, but what?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe, head hung low sniffed again. \u201cI don\u2019t know Pa\u2026honest,\u201d Joe added when he heard Ben sigh deeply. \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I can\u2019t explain it Pa\u2026it\u2019s like\u2026I can\u2019t stop myself\u2026I mean, I try to do what you tell me\u2026honest I do. But sometimes, like when I saw Adam\u2019s gun just sitting there\u2026I wanted to see it\u2026I knew Adam told me to leave it alone\u2026\u201d Joe glanced up at his father, his eyes shining with tears that once he blinked, rolled slowly down his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t help myself\u2026I know that ain\u2019t no reason to do something he told me not to do\u2026but Pa\u2026don\u2019t ya see? I asked him two, three times to show it to me, but he was always too busy with something else and never even answered me.\u201d Joe had begun to whimper and Ben felt his heart going soft for the boy\u2019s dejectedness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe never gives me a second thought, except when I do something wrong, which is most of the time according to him. He can\u2019t stand me Pa\u2026don\u2019t you understand? I\u2019m nothing to him\u2026and\u2026and\u2026well\u2026it hurts cause I\u2026I love him.\u201d Joe\u2019s tears flowed freely and when he felt his father\u2019s arm embrace him, Joe gave in to the need for comforting and leaned against his father\u2019s inviting body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s arms enclosed his son in a tight hug and held the weeping boy while he cried. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa, honest. I know it was wrong to touch Adam\u2019s gun, I won\u2019t do it again, I promise,\u201d wept Joe, truly sorry for what he had done. \u201cIt\u2019s just an old gun anyway, I don\u2019t care anymore, I\u2019ll just wait until you have time to teach me how to use one. I don\u2019t need Adam for that; I have you and Hoss. Heck, even ole Hank said he would teach me if you said it was all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben smiled to himself over the top of his son\u2019s curly head. \u201cI think, young man, that either your older brother or I should be the one to teach you, not one of the ranch hands. However, I\u2019m not sure that you are ready to learn, you haven\u2019t been able to learn obedience as of yet, now have you?\u201d asked Ben, no longer angry with his son, just perturbed somewhat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd where did this, \u2018I hate you\u2019 feeling come from?\u201d questioned Ben, pulling Joe back and looking into the misty hazel colored eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t really mean that Pa, I don\u2019t hate Adam\u2026it\u2019s just that he never takes time for me anymore. He treats me like I\u2019m still a little boy, and he calls me boy, all the time. I hate that, and he knows it, that\u2019s why he does it. Cause he knows it makes me mad and he thinks that\u2019s funny. Well, it isn\u2019t funny, not to me\u2026it hurts my feelings, but he doesn\u2019t care and even that hurts. And then he\u2019s all the time telling me to grow up and act like a man, then when I do, he treats me like a kid again.\u201d Joe wiped away the dampness from his face and stood up walking to the window where he pulled back the drapes and stared out at the fading light. \u201cNothing I do is right. Sometimes Pa\u2026\u201d Joe turned back to his father. \u201cI wish I\u2019d never been born.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Surprised at his son\u2019s statement, Ben crossed the room in three long strides and placed both hands on his son\u2019s shoulders, pulling the curly headed boy to his breast where he held him tightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, you can\u2019t mean that son. Why, I can\u2019t even begin to imagine my life without you. I thank God everyday for you, for all my sons, but Joe,\u201d Ben cupped the quivering chin and forced Joe to look up at him. \u201cI could not live with myself if anything happened to you, I wouldn\u2019t want too. That\u2019s why it scares me so when I see you doing something so foolish as playing with guns. I know you don\u2019t mean to disobey me, not intentionally, but when you do, it angers me, because it scares me that I might somehow lose you. It\u2019s the same way with Adam, whether or not you believe that. Adam loves you son, he always has, and when he sees you walking blindly into unforeseen danger, he has the same fears for you as I do. Can\u2019t you understand that Joseph? We both love you and we both need you just as much as you need the two, or three of us. Hoss loves you as well, son and our lives would never be the same if something happened to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pulled Joe\u2019s head back to his breast and closed his eyes tightly. His heart was beating rapidly and he was sure that Joe could hear the thumping going on in his chest.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa. I didn\u2019t know, I mean\u2026Adam\u2026well\u2026he never says anything like that to me. I can\u2019t even remember the last time he told me he loved me,\u201d whispered Joe in a soft voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know son, Adam isn\u2019t the kind of man who can easily express his feelings. Least ways, not in words, unlike Hoss who happens to be as easy to read as an opened book. But Adam does care Joseph, and we both know that, don\u2019t we? Other wise, why would he be making such a big deal out of everything you do?\u201d Ben smiled raising Joe\u2019s chin upward and brushing away the last lingering droplets of water on his son\u2019s tear stained face with his thumbs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe clung to his father, enjoying the comfort that the strong arms offered to him. \u201cI suppose Pa, but why does he treat me like that? Doesn\u2019t he know how that makes me feel\u2026I mean it makes me feel like\u2026a fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben eased himself and his son onto the edge of the bed, \u201cSon, haven\u2019t you learned by now that Adam is the way he is because that\u2019s just Adam.\u201d Ben laughed softly, \u201cI know that probably doesn\u2019t make a lot of sense to you right now, but how we are is made up of many things that happen to us throughout the course of our lives\u2026things happen Joe to shape who we become and what we are. Sometimes, too many bad things can make us a bad person, but on the other hand it could shape us into a better person than if we had had too many good things in life. Do you understand what I\u2019m trying to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was silent for a moment, his father\u2019s words slowly beginning to take shape in his mind. Joe looked up, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. \u201cYou mean, cause of the way Adam grew up, the hard times you and he had on your way out here, made Adam a man quicker than if he had had an easier life, like I have, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pursed his lips. \u201cSort of, Joseph. Adam\u2019s childhood was not a normal one to say the least, unlike yours. Adam has been forced, mostly because of me, to see a side of life that you have yet to experience. It has hardened him somewhat, to the world around him. He doesn\u2019t remember what it was like to be your age, not that that was so very long ago, but by the time your brother was your age, he was\u2026well\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cA man?\u201d Joe supplied the word that his father was so hesitant to use. \u201cIt\u2019s okay Pa, I understand that his childhood and mine are about as far apart as Boston is to the Ponderosa.\u201d Joe smiled when he looked up and saw his father smiling at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you are more grown up son than what either your older brother or I would care to admit,\u201d laughed Ben giving Joe a tight squeeze. \u201cAdam wasn\u2019t quite a man then, but almost, and you\u2019re getting there as well Joseph. Just please son, don\u2019t rush into it so, it\u2019s making an old man out of your Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa, honest I am. And I\u2019ll apologize to Adam for what I said and for messing with his gun. I won\u2019t do it again, and I mean it this time, Pa,\u201d promised Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben picked up Scruffy from beside of him and looked into the little dark eyes and smiled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGuess you want him back now too? Or are you still mad at him about something?\u201d smiled Ben and offered the little stuffed animal to his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up, surprised that his father had guessed the reason for the stuffed animal to be on the floor. Somewhat embarrassed, Joe accepted the toy from his father and smiled shyly, “Naw, ole Scruff can\u2019t help what big brother does, I shouldn\u2019t have blamed him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben laughed loudly and tosseled the top of his son\u2019s dark curls. \u201cJoseph, I\u2019m not going to punish you this time. I probably should, but I\u2019m going to let you off with a firm and final warning, if you go near that gun again I can promise you that you will not be sitting comfortably for a very long time. Do I make myself clear?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cVery clear, sir,\u201d replied Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved toward the door but stopped and turned, \u201cSupper will be ready soon, you clean up your face and come on down.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir\u2026and Pa?\u201d Joe all but whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes son?\u201d answered Ben, watching his son who had lowered his head somewhat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d Joe met his father\u2019s eyes and smiled. \u201cFor helping me to understand\u2026about Adam I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben returned the smile with one of his own, happy that harmony had been restored to his home. \u201cYou\u2019re welcomed Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time that Joe slipped silently down the stairs, his family had already taken their usual places at the dining room table. Almost shyly, Joe slid into his seat and gave his older brother a quick glance. Adam had not even looked up by the time that Joe was in his seat. Joe could tell by the look on his older brother\u2019s face that Adam was still mad and it bothered him some that his brother would not even look at him. He quickly glanced over at his father, but his father had seemed not to notice and was busy filling his plate. When he looked up, Hoss was watching him and when their eyes locked, Hoss\u2019 brow moved ever so slightly upward before he looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam on the other hand, had been advised, by his father, of the conversation that had taken place upstairs, a short time earlier. Ben had approached his older son, some what put out with Adam that he had some how given Joe the idea that he no longer cared for the boy. Adam was quick to come to his own defense.\u00a0\u00a0 But it was obvious to Adam that his father had already set his mind to the ideas. And before he could justify his actions, an argument had occurred leaving Adam with the same feelings toward Joe as before and now at his father, that he had suffered just a couple of hours earlier. When Adam felt his brother\u2019s eyes on him, he refused to look up and even refused to acknowledge the boy\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe slowly began to fill his own plate though he wasn\u2019t really hungry. He had hoped that after his conversation with his father, he would be able to set things right between himself and Adam but now it looked as if he would have to wait. It seemed clear to him that his older sibling wanted nothing to do with him at present, so Joe continued to fill his plate, ate his supper in silence and then asked to be excused.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI have some unfinished chores that need my attention, is it all right Pa, if I\u2019m excused?\u201d asked Joe in a low voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben, who had been carrying on a conversation with Hoss in regards to the purchase of a few new cattle, had been unaware of the lack of conversation between his other two sons. Joe\u2019s voice broke into his discussion and he turned, \u201cYes Joseph go ahead, do whatever you have to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wiped his mouth with his napkin and pushed back his chair. As he rose slowly, he let his eyes rest on Adam\u2019s face. Adam, feeling Joe observing him again, raised his head to look up at his brother but quickly turned away, his displeasure plainly showing on his handsome face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe started to say something but changed his mind wanting to distance himself from the piercing look of daggers that he could feel boring into his back as he hurried to leave the table. Joe quickly grabbed his hat from the peg and rushed from the house before the pool of tears he felt well within his eyes could spill over. The last thing that Joe wanted was for Adam to see that he had been upset by his older brother\u2019s seemingly unconcern toward him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe went to work on his chores, Adam foremost in his mind. Troubled thoughts reeked havoc with his heart; he worried that he had truly hurt his brother by screaming his hatred out at him. It wasn\u2019t true he told himself, he didn\u2019t really hate his brother; he had just been mad and hurt. Joe hurried to finish his chores so that he could return to the house. He promised himself that he would make Adam listen to an apology, and he would make his brother believe that he would, from now on, do as he was told when Adam gave him specific instructions or orders.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Joe was at last finished, anxious to speak with his brother, he ran the short distance from the barn to the house, shoving the door open so hard that it banged against the credenza behind it. Joe quickly glanced toward the great room, grateful that his father was nowhere to be seen and hurried to shut the door before removing his hat and replacing it on the peg.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss was seated comfortably in the blue chair dosing and snoring softly and Joe had to laugh. Even the sound of the heavy door banging on the credenza had not awakened his middle brother. Joe moved toward the slumbering giant as quietly as a snake slithers through the grass and was just about to tickle Hoss on the tip of his nose when a voice from behind him halted his intentions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t do that if I were you,\u201d barked Adam moving to sit on the settee. \u201cHe might come up fighting, you might get punched in the face with one of those big fists of his.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Something in the way that Adam spoke to him, the ill-mannered tone of voice, set his temper to flaring and Joe turned on his brother, his promise to himself forgotten.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you\u2019d like to see that happen, wouldn\u2019t you, Mr. Perfect?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was spinning the chamber on his new revolver, allowing the bullets to empty onto the settee beside of him, yet he never took his eyes off his brother\u2019s face. Seeing the sudden anger, Adam could not refrain from snapping a nasty retort.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t mind, might knock some sense into that thick skull of yours, but I doubt it,\u201d he snapped and turned his attention back to his revolver.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could not believe his ears; his hopes of making amends with his brother were dashed in a moment of anger, washed away in a flood of words. Joe slowly walked to the red leather chair and dropped his body into the soft folds, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes tightly hoping that he would not begin to cry. Why was it he asked himself, that Adam could reduce him to tears in just a matter of a couple of angry words? Had the remarks been mouthed by anyone other than his older sibling, Joe would have known what to do. But Adam seemed to have some kind of odd affect on him and remembering his father\u2019s words from their earlier conversation, Joe refused to allow himself to be dragged into yet another argument that he was sure to lose.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Ben bellowed, causing Joe\u2019s eyes to pop open, as well as Hoss\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stood just behind Adam with a cup of hot coffee held securely in one hand, the saucer in the other.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon, please make sure that pistol is empty before you clean that thing in here.\u201d Ben nodded towards Adam\u2019s new revolver.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam continued to work the cleaning cloth over the pistol barrel and around the trigger casing, making it to shine more, if that were possible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Don\u2019t worry Pa, I know what I\u2019m doing. I\u2019m not a kid, unlike some people in this room.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The words were barely out of his mouth when suddenly there was a loud blast that rang through the room, and seemed to bounce off the walls, startling all the men in the room. Ben, the cup against his lips, nearly spilled his hot coffee down the front of his shirt; Hoss, jarred from his nap for a second time, almost slipped from the chair where he had once again closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s fingers tightened around the handle of the gun and Ben could clearly see how his son\u2019s hand trembled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what happened,\u201d he stammered, \u201c I thought it was empty,\u201d said Adam, his voice quivering as he spoke.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs everyone all right?\u201d asked Ben, checking the faces of his two younger sons assuring him self that they were unharmed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam glanced at Hoss who just glared at him and shook his head in disbelief. Adam cut his eyes around to look at Joe. The boy was staring at him and the look unnerved him, making him to feel strange and quickly he lowered his gaze looking at the gun in his hand for a quick second before glancing back up at Joe who had yet to speak.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes locked into Joe\u2019s facial expression. Something wasn\u2019t right, Joe was too quiet, he should have been ranting and raving but he had not spoken a word.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d Adam said softly, dropping the weapon onto the settee and standing to his feet as a sick feeling turned his stomach into tight knots.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was then that Adam saw the bright red blood that seeped from between the fingers that clutched his brother\u2019s mid-section.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJOE!\u201d shouted Adam, his heart racing as fear pumped through his veins.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam closed the distance between him self and his wounded brother in two steps. Ben and Hoss, still in shock, sprang to life and joined Adam at his brother\u2019s side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was on his knees, his large strong fingers, gently pulling the smaller fingers of his younger brother\u2019s from the gaping hole in the middle of his belly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh God, Joe\u2026\u201d cried Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d whispered Joe softly, his voice cracking. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean what I said\u2026I don\u2019t hate\u2026you. I\u2026love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stared into Joe\u2019s face as his hand held the blood coated smaller hand of his brother; \u201cI love you too\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had to catch Joe\u2019s body as it suddenly slumped forward against his chest. Numb with disbelief, he quickly gathered the limp body into his arms and rose to his feet. Tears glistened on his face as he looked into his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean to do it Pa, I thought the gun was empty,\u201d cried Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTake him upstairs, quickly. Hoss, go for the doctor and hurry.\u201d Ben gently pushed Hoss in the direction of the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, how bad is it?\u201d asked Hoss, pausing briefly as he watched Adam carrying his little brother upstairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know son, please Hoss, hurry.\u201d Ben took the stairs two at a time and was just in time to see Adam gently lower Joe onto his bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry little buddy, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d whispered Adam, as he worked at pulling Joe\u2019s shirt free from the blood that had already soaked through. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d called Adam looking at his father over the top of his shoulder, \u201che\u2019s bleeding badly.\u201d Adam glanced again at the hole he had made in his brother\u2019s stomach.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGod\u2026so much blood.\u201d Adam\u2019s shoulders began to tremble and Ben placed his hand on his son\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam held up his hands before his eyes, shocked at the blood that had stained both the front and back of his hands. He then glanced down at his shirt where his brother\u2019s blood had seeped through the thin material and had begun to congeal on his upper body where Joe had bled while being carried upstairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPull yourself together Adam, let me have a look.\u201d Ben took Adam\u2019s place next to Joe, his heart racing as he quickly surveyed the damage the bullet had done.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam willingly backed away, giving his father the space he needed. Shocked at what he had done, he held his hands further out in front of him, unable to speak or react. It was Joe\u2019s blood; he had shot his own brother! Adam\u2019s jaw clenched tightly as he fought the nausea that suddenly boiled into his mouth and had to swallow several times willing himself to control the urge to scream out in misery. His eyes were tightly shut; his fingers curled downward making tight fists, the vision of his brother\u2019s eyes when they had been locked into his, Joe\u2019s apology and his declaration of love, all of it making him to cringe in anguish. His father\u2019s voice broke through his stupor and he quickly wiped his hands on the legs of his trousers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe have to stop this blood; hurry son, get me some clean rags to squelch the bleeding and tell Hop Sing to get some fresh water and bandages. I think we\u2019re going to have to probe for that bullet,\u201d ordered Ben holding his opened hand over the wound in an effort to control the blood loss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d said Ben grabbing a towel from the wash table and placing it over the wound in Joe\u2019s stomach. \u201cJoseph, please son\u2026can you hear me?\u201d begged Ben as he focused his observation on Joe\u2019s pale, pain drawn face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe moaned softly and began tossing his head from side to side. \u201cHurts,\u201d he whimpered weakly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know it does son, but you\u2019re going to be okay, the doctor will be here soon,\u201d soothed Ben still watching the blood oozing from the bullet wound.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He was growing worried that he might be unable to stop the blood flow. Ben knew that Joe would go into shock soon if he could not get it under control and he felt himself begin to panic as the realization that he might lose his youngest son began filtering into his thoughts and work their way down into his heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHere Pa, Hop Sing\u2019s coming with the medical supplies. How\u2019s he doing?\u201d questioned Adam moving to look over his father\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s face had turned a pasty white, his lips were slightly blue and he was still tossing his head about on the pillow. Adam felt his own stomach do a flip and for just a moment he thought he might lose his supper.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, put your hand over this, I\u2019m going to get the rest of his clothes off.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved so that Adam could take his place and as soon as Adam had placed his hand on top of the bloody area, Ben quickly pulled Joe\u2019s boots from his feet and then removed the trousers, which by now had become soaked with blood.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam kept his eyes focused on his brother\u2019s face, brushing back a stray lock of hair with his free hand. Adam could see his hand tremble as he brushed the back of his across Joe\u2019s face. He felt sick, he felt all alone and worse he felt like a fool for having done the very thing that he had admonished his younger brother about doing. Guilt washed over the older boy, shame followed in guilt\u2019s footsteps and when Adam could take no more, he covered his face with the hand he had been fingering the soft dark curls with. His usual self-control shattered, his emotions reaching their breaking point, Adam began to weep for his brother, for what he had caused, for the pain that Joe felt and for the life that may be lost forever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben, hearing the broken sobs of his oldest quickly moved to place his hands on Adam\u2019s shoulders. \u201cAdam, please don\u2019t.\u201d It was all he said, it was all he had time to say, for Joe had begun to thrash about on the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam quick; hold him down!\u201d Ben placed his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders and gently forced him back into the bed. \u201cEasy son, take it easy,\u201d whispered Ben while Adam applied more pressure, using both hands this time to stop the blood from oozing any worse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHurts! My\u2026insides are on\u2026fire,\u201d whimpered Joe, opening his eyes just enough to catch a glimpse of his father. \u201cPlease\u2026Pa, make it\u2026stop hurting.\u201d Joe\u2019s body stiffened as a wave of burning pain shot through his body. Suddenly his body went limp and Joe was lost to the world of darkness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe take bullet out now, boy in deep sleep.\u201d Ben had no idea how long Hop Sing had been in the room but he knew he was glad to have his help. Ben glanced at Adam; it was plain to see that his oldest son was in his own world of compunction and would be little help to them. Adam had moved to allow room for Hop Sing and quickly, rinsing his hands clean once again, was now on the opposite side of the bed, Joe\u2019s hand held tightly within his two.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe bleeding\u2019s about stopped Hop Sing, bring the lights over closer to the bed and let\u2019s see if I can get that bullet,\u201d instructed Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing poured a basin of water for Ben to wash his hands in and another with boiling water he had carried from the kitchen. In that basin, he placed what instruments he thought they would need.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With the lights now burning brightly, Ben picked up the long thin tweezers that Hop Sing had sterilized in the boiling water and glanced first at Adam and then at his trusted servant. \u201cWell\u2026God help us all.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In seconds, Ben\u2019s brow beaded with sweat. His hand trembled only slightly as he moved the tweezers as gently as possible into the deep hole in Joe\u2019s mid-section. Using a clean towel, Hop Sing dabbed the tiny droplets of perspiration from his employer\u2019s brow. With a nod of his head, he proceeded on with the daring search for the embedded bullet. Hop Sing stood ready to dab away the blood that had begun to ooze again when Ben had inserted the long thin instrument into his son\u2019s wound.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After several minutes Ben sighed deeply. \u201cI can\u2019t find it.\u201d His anxious eyes searched the faces of both his oldest son and Hop Sing. He could see fear in both the hazel eyes and the dark almond eyes and he knew that the same fear was reflected back to them from his own eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got to get it, Pa. Go deeper,\u201d encouraged Adam who still clung to Little Joe\u2019s hand. \u201cPlease Pa\u2026try again.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben could hear the desperation in Adam\u2019s voice and knew that his oldest son held himself responsible for what had happened. In a blink of an eye, Ben wondered how Adam would survive if his brother died. Realizing the danger that he could possibly lose more than one son, for different reasons, Ben tried again, this time taking Adam\u2019s advice and probing deeper into the jagged opening.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe groaned softly, Ben\u2019s hand froze in position as he waited to see if the boy would open his eyes or not. When Joe made no other sound or movement, Ben continued his tedious task, all the while whispering a prayer that God would guide his hand as he worked to save the life of his youngest and most audacious son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI found it!\u201d whispered Ben in a raspy voice as he slowly pulled upward on the tweezers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In seconds, the bullet was out and Ben dropped it into the basin. The medal shot made a slight pinging sound as it hit the bottom of the bowl and rolled around the base of the china basin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s head shot up and he stared into the eyes of his father. He could see the relief shining through the well of water that had suddenly pooled in Ben\u2019s eyes and felt his own eyes fill with tears of relief as well. Adam scanned Joe\u2019s face but the boy was still out cold and made no sound or movement as Ben hurried to apply pressure on the open wound.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s bleeding again. I can\u2019t see where it\u2019s coming from,\u201d said Ben in a worried voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben glanced at Adam who had stood to his feet and was now bent over his brother\u2019s body looking into the hole that the bullet had made.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t damage anything did you Pa?\u201d he asked, looking up at his father anxiously.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t think so,\u201d Ben was busy wiping the blood from around the wound area so that he could see inside the deep hole. \u201cLooks like a vein has been severed,\u201d announced Ben giving Adam and Hop Sing a swift glance and then, using his fingers, reached into the blood-covered wound and pinched the vein tightly, stopping the flow of blood.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere, that\u2019s it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing quickly wiped the sweat from Ben\u2019s brow before it could drip onto Joe\u2019s body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoctor best hurry,\u201d said Hop Sing softly. \u201cBoy no look too good. Wound need stitching.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All three men automatically looked down at Joe\u2019s face. Hop Sing was right Joe\u2019s face was pale, and when Adam felt his cheek Joe felt clammy but cool to the touch. Adam did notice that his brother\u2019s lips were returning to the natural color where before they had begun to turn blue from loss of blood.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I need you to hold your fingers on this vein, I can\u2019t hold my hand like this any longer,\u201d requested Ben worn out both mentally and physically from having to probe so long for the bullet that had nearly killed his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s face drained of color; he hesitated only briefly before he inserted his long slender fingers into the gashing hole that he had made in his brother\u2019s stomach. Forcing himself to swallow the guilt he felt for having injured his brother in such an inane accident, he pinched his fingers together, the severed vein held tightly in their grasp.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes sought his brother\u2019s face once more; the pained expression he read there would forever be embedded in his memory and in that instant, Adam hated himself for having even bought the new gun in the first place. Had he been able to fore see the future and know what pain his carelessness would have caused, he would have never thought about making the purchase. But now it was too late, Joe lay so near death\u2019s door that Adam feared the boy would die, and thought Adam sadly, if that happened, the boy would die believing that his older brother hated him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t little buddy, I don\u2019t hate you. I\u2019m sorry Joe, honest, I didn\u2019t mean for this to happen,\u201d whispered Adam softly so that his father or Hop Sing, who were busy cleaning up part of the bloody mess, could not hear him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you Joe, honest pal, I always have.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank God, Hoss is back with the doctor,\u201d exclaimed Ben, running to the top of the steps.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPaul, hurry!\u201d he called out and watched as Paul ran across the room and darted up the stairs toward him. \u201cHe\u2019s in his room,\u201d said Ben leading the way, which Paul already knew by heart from the numerous times he had visited the youngest Cartwright in that same room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, Hop Sing,\u201d greeted the family physician as he stepped up to the bed and pressed the back of his hand to Joe\u2019s forehead. \u201cGood, no fever. What the hell happened?\u201d he asked, bending down and investigating the opening that had split Joe\u2019s stomach apart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was total silence in the room, no one spoke at first, until Paul raised his head and looked into the faces of the four men who gathered around the bed. \u201cMaybe I shouldn\u2019t have asked,\u201d he stated quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI shot him,\u201d said Adam softly, not meeting the doctor\u2019s eyes, knowing that he would only find total disbelief in the usually calm and caring eyes of the man who had given each of them his tender care throughout the years.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t mean to do it, it was an accident,\u201d spoke up Hoss, eager to jump to his brother\u2019s defense.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure it would be. Adam, are you all right?\u201d asked Paul, digging in his bag for the instruments that he would need to close the opening.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI am, but Joe here\u2019s not doing too well. I think the bullet severed a vein. I have it clamped off with my fingers,\u201d Adam informed the doctor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI got the bullet out Paul. It was in pretty deep,\u201d added Ben who watched over the shoulders of the physician and his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, yes, I see it. Okay, Adam, I have it now. I want you and your father to go downstairs, Hop Sing can stay and help me,\u201d ordered Paul after seeing the worn expression on all three family member\u2019s faces.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He had known immediately that the ordeal had already taken its toll on each of them and also knew that if they stayed any longer in the room where they could see and hear Joe\u2019s suffering, one or all of them would eventually break down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on son, let\u2019s do as Paul says,\u201d suggested Ben giving Joe one last glance and then moving toward the door. He expected Adam and Hoss to follow him, but both stood stone still.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was watching Joe\u2019s face for signs of life other than the forced rapid breathing that was making his chest rise and fall at a surprising rate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t leave him Pa, I just can\u2019t do it,\u201d Adam turned sad eyes in Ben\u2019s direction and Ben almost relented but quickly changed his mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon please, you need to sit down. Rest while Paul does what he has to do and then you can sit with your brother,\u201d Ben took Adam gently by the arm and led him toward the door giving one last glance over his shoulder at his son who was beginning to moan.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, let\u2019s go downstairs,\u201d Ben nodded his head at Hoss and then toward Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss was quick to get the silent message and stepped between his father and Adam and gently pushed Adam out of the room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once downstairs, Adam collapsed in the blue chair. Hoss hurried to the kitchen to make some sandwiches while Ben poured himself and Adam a brandy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHere son, drink this,\u201d said Ben as he offered the tiny goblet to his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked up, the expression on his face unreadable to his father, and accepted the glass of brandy. Moving it to his lips he downed the sweet tasting liquid in one gulp and handed the glass back to this father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnother one,\u201d he said, allowing no emotion to sound in his voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben obliged his son by pouring a second brandy. \u201cDrink it slowly son,\u201d cautioned Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled; the light that should have registered in the eyes when one generally smiles did not ignite the spark. Adam\u2019s eyes were dull; sadness had exchanged places with the normal brightness that could be found in their depths. Ben\u2019s heart went out to his son, he sensed the guilt that Adam was carrying and knew that his son would suffer days of inner turmoil before coming to terms with what had happened to his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s going to be all right Adam\u2026\u201d began Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you be so sure? Maybe physically, but what about emotionally? He knows I shot him, he knows I was angry with him, what\u2019s to keep him from believing that I shot him on purpose\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, stop right there. Yes, Joseph knows those things, but he also knows that you did not mean for that gun to go off. He isn\u2019t going to blame you for this, it was an accident, for goodness sakes!\u201d Ben stated as he sat on the coffee table and faced his oldest son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s right big brother, Little Joe knows ya didn\u2019t mean to do it. Ya ain\u2019t gonna have\u2019ta worry none about that,\u201d added Hoss as he sat the tray of sandwiches on the table next to his father and helped himself to one.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam leaned forward in his seat, \u201cYou both seem mighty sure of yourselves. Maybe the kid does know\u2026but I can\u2019t forget what happened. It was my fault, I should have been more careful, paid more attention to what I was doing instead of purposely trying to antagonize the boy. For that I cannot forgive myself.\u201d Adam rose to his feet, \u201cI almost killed him, you don\u2019t have any idea how that makes me feel, either of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam made his way to the door and without another word to his family, grabbed his hat from the rack and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once outside, Adam breathed deeply of the fresh air and filled his lungs. His head had started to throb and he rubbed his hand across his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly, Adam made his way to the barn, a ride would help, he told himself. He needed time to gather his thoughts, to calm the untamed anxiety and dread that threatened to override his usual genteel spirit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once at the barn door, Adam turned and glanced up at the upstairs window where he could see the shadows of Doc Martin and Hop Sing moving about in the bedroom that was his brother\u2019s. Suddenly Adam changed his mind; he could not leave, not yet, until he was positive that his younger brother would live. Then, when there was no doubt, he would go, he had too he whispered to himself. How could he stay here knowing what he had done, knowing the agony that he had caused his brother and his family\u2026knowing that because of his carelessness, he might have very well killed his brother. Joe wasn\u2019t out of danger yet; the bullet went deep, the gash appalling and the blood loss great. Adam groaned, his jaw tightened and his fingers folded again into fists and in his frustration, Adam turned and slammed one fist into the hard wooden boards of the barn door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDamn!\u201d he cried out as the pain shot through his hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His other hand covered the aching fist and Adam rubbed hard at the soreness. After a brief moment he slung the sore hand out to his side, shaking his hand, fingers outstretched in a last ditch effort to deflect the throbbing pain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly Adam returned to the house and slipped inside. Ben and Hoss stood in front of the fireplace, heads bowed. Ben poked carelessly at the dying embers with the fire poker. Hoss rested one large foot on the hearth; his fingertips stuffed into the tops of his pants pockets. Both turned at the sound of the door opening and Ben straightened, and smiled a greeting to his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad you came back son. Paul should be down soon,\u201d greeted Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not finished yet?\u201d questioned Adam, rubbing his fist.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d Ben turned, looking toward the top of the staircase as if willing the doctor to appear and give him news of his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened to your hand Adam?\u201d asked Hoss after seeing his brother massaging his fist.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam made a mock smile and held his hand up for Hoss to inspect, \u201cThis?\u201d he said sarcastically. \u201cI was just letting off some steam. I think I might have broken a finger or two.\u201d Adam surveyed his hand, moving his first finger back and forth and frowning at the bruise that was forming over his entire set of knuckles.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in tarnation did ya hit?\u201d asked Hoss who had stepped closer to Adam and was now holding the injured hand in his larger hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe barn door.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe barn door? Shucks big brother, from the looks of this here bruise, is the door still intact? You must\u2019va hit it pretty dang hard,\u201d commented Hoss with a slight smile.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He knew of Adam\u2019s sudden bouts with frustrations and was not surprised by what he was looking at. It wasn\u2019t a first, and it sure would not be the last time that his older brother took his anger out on the barn door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was about ready to make a reply when the sound of an upstairs door could be heard closing followed by the sound of footsteps in the hallway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doc Martin and Hop Sing both sighed in relief that the ominous job of stitching Joe\u2019s wound, both inside and out were finally finished. The physician had given Joe something for the pain; the boy had begun to return to the world of reality and with his return came the suffering and confusion that was common with such injuries.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul quickly washed his hands and then with the help of Hop Sing began cleaning away the mess that had been made. Hop Sing hurried from the room to gather fresh linens for Joe\u2019s bed; Paul bathed Joe to clean away the blood that had accumulated on the young boy\u2019s body. Minutes later, Hop Sing returned with the clean linens and gently the pair moved Joe so that the bed could be remade and Joe situated comfortably beneath the pile of warm blankets.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once he was sure of his patient\u2019s comfort, Paul slipped from the room, ready to face the family of anxious men who waited news of the youngest Cartwright\u2019s condition. The family was waiting at the foot of the stairs, three anxious faces; three sets of worried eyes watched him as he descended to the last step.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d asked Ben before Paul\u2019s foot had been placed securely on the floor. \u201cHow\u2019s he doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul glanced at the three men, taking in each expression one at a time. His eyes lingered a bit longer on Adam\u2019s face and Paul read the inner turmoil that the oldest Cartwright son tried to hide from all of them. Turning to face Ben, he placed his hand on his friend\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not going to lie to you Ben, Joe is in serious condition. He\u2019s lost a lot of blood, more than I would have liked for him to.\u201d Paul noticed Ben cast fearful glances at both of his sons and hurried on with his concerns about Joe\u2019s well being.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was able to repair the severed vein with no problem and stitch together the tears and rips inside. The bullet did not strike any vital organs other than the vein, for that, we can be thankful. I closed the wound, it took several stitches but I believe it will heal nicely. Barring any problems with infection, I think Joe will be fine in time. I am worried about the infection, his wound was opened for a good while, I understand that both you and Adam had to have your hands in and around the wound area, that alone might cause problems, but it couldn\u2019t be avoided I know,\u201d informed the physician.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBen, Adam, Hoss\u2026try not to worry, Joe is healthy and strong. He has a good constitution and should snap back relatively fast. What we need to watch now is for fever. I gave him something for the pain and that should let him rest comfortably for several hours. I want him to sleep, he needs to remain quiet and calm so that his body can begin the healing process and I want someone with him around the clock\u2026\u201d explained Paul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take the first watch,\u201d spoke up Adam quickly as he moved passed his family and the doctor and started up the stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d called Paul, stopping the younger man before he reached the top. \u201cI\u2019m going to be staying here tonight, call me if there is any change.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded his head in acknowledgment and hurried on up and into his brother\u2019s bedroom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBen, I\u2019m worried about Adam. Are you sure he\u2019s okay?\u201d questioned Paul, concern growing in regards to Ben\u2019s oldest son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAw\u2026Adam\u2019s okay, Doc. He feels guilty for what happened to Little Joe, but he knows it was an accident.\u201d Hoss glanced at his father, hoping that his synopsis of his brother\u2019s attitude was correct.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is right Paul, Adam is ridden with guilt. He had been fussing with Joe for playing around with his revolver earlier today and then this evening when Adam was cleaning the gun he failed to make sure that it was emptied. When the thing went off, Adam was just as shocked as the rest of us, and then when he saw his brother had been hit, well, you know Adam. He holds himself responsible,\u201d explained Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s a shame old friend. I know how much that oldest son of yours loves that boy. And I know how much the boy idolizes his oldest brother. If Adam should need anything to help him rest, please let me know Ben, I can give him something to help him relax; he needs to get some sleep so don\u2019t let him sit with Joe for more than a couple of hours. Right now I think I am going to make use of your spare room. Call me Ben, if you should need me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben slipped his arm about his friend\u2019s shoulder. \u201cThanks Paul, for everything. You make yourself comfortable and if you need anything just let Hop Sing know. He\u2019ll get you whatever you need, and if you\u2019re hungry\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul held his hand up, \u201cNo, no, I would just like to lie down and rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAll right Paul, I think I\u2019ll keep Adam company for a while. Hoss, why don\u2019t you get some sleep and you can take the next watch?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSure Pa\u2026sounds good to me. Night, Doc.\u201d Hoss followed his father upstairs but stopped at Joe\u2019s door. \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben paused, his hand already on the door handle, \u201cYes son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou will call me if there\u2019s any change, won\u2019t ya?\u201d asked Hoss quietly and gave his father a sideways glance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw the fear that shone in the usually sparkly eyes of his middle son and knew that Hoss was just as fearful about Joe\u2019s health as he and Adam. Ben reached his hand out and patted Hoss\u2019 shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll call you son, I promise. And try not to worry, Joseph will be fine.\u201d Ben gave his son a smile that he hoped would be more convincing than he actually felt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, night Pa.\u201d Hoss placed his large beefy hand over his father\u2019s and squeezed gently. \u201cPromise me, you won\u2019t worry either.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben lowered his head momentarily and then raised it and smiled again. \u201cI will try son, I will try.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had pulled the chair close to the bed. Joe lay sleeping soundly, his face drawn and pale, dark circles had formed beneath both eyes. Adam felt the lump in his throat and had to swallow, regaining control of his frayed emotions. The blankets had been pulled up to Joe\u2019s neck with Joe\u2019s arms resting on top of the quilts and down by his sides. The boy\u2019s head was turned facing the opposite wall where his cheek rested on the soft pillow. His brow had begun to gather tiny beads of water and Adam thought that Joe looked flushed as well as pale, the dark circles made a stark contrast to the lighter more pronounced whiteness of his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe moved the arm nearest to Adam ever so slightly, bringing his hand closer to where Adam sat. Unconsciously Adam picked up his brother\u2019s hand and held it in his own. With his thumbs Adam caressed the back of Joe\u2019s hand, feeling the coolness of Joe\u2019s flesh. Overwhelmed with unannounced empathy and memories that flooded his thoughts, Adam wrapped his other hand around Joe\u2019s and bending down brought the hand of his brother upward to his lips where he held it for several minutes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Silent tears stung his eyes but Adam willed them away. He would not cry he told himself.\u00a0\u00a0 But one, a lone tear managed to slip past the unseen wall that held the dam in check and rolled slowly down the sun- bronzed face of the oldest Cartwright sibling. Adam felt the pain in his chest, the ache that had seemed to tighten around his heart breaking it in two pieces and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and groaned softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean it, I didn\u2019t mean it,\u201d whispered Adam so softly that he believed only God would hear him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But he was wrong; Ben, who stood in the doorway, had overheard his son\u2019s proclamation and the words spoken by a man with a broken heart and spirit and it tugged at his heartstrings. The concerned father wanted nothing more than to announce his presence, give comfort to his distraught son but instead, stepped away from the door and eased himself out of the room, choosing instead to give Adam his privacy and time alone with his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time that Ben returned to Joe\u2019s room two hours later, Joe had begun to moan. His head turned from side to side somehow trying to free him self from the pain that Ben knew burned throughout his son\u2019s body. Joe\u2019s fingers had latched onto the soft folds of the homemade quilts that covered him and he clung to them as if the soft material were a lifeline that would lead him from the burning agony that plagued his tormented body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned at the sound of his father\u2019s footsteps behind him; his eyes clouded with worry as he gently held his brother\u2019s shoulders to keep him from rising from the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe just started doing this,\u201d explained Adam to his parent. \u201cI was going to come wake you but then Joe started trying to get out of bed and I couldn\u2019t leave him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s okay Adam.\u201d Ben stepped under Adam\u2019s arm, placing himself on the edge of the bed next to Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShh\u2026Joseph, be still son,\u201d ordered Ben in a strong but gentle voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOhh\u2026Hmm\u2026\u201d whimpered Joe, tossing his head, trying to force open his heavy eyelids so that he might see rather than hear the man who spoke so assuredly to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben placed the back of his hand to Joe\u2019s brow and felt the heat that radiated there. \u201cHe\u2019s burning up with fever. Please son, get me some cool water and Adam, wake Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam answered back and sprang into action, getting first the water pitcher from the side table and pouring a small amount into the flowered china basin then placing it on the table next to the bed where Ben could easily reach it. Beside the basin he laid several cloths and without having to be reminded, rushed down the steps and pounded on the doctor\u2019s bedroom door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPaul, wake up!\u201d shouted Adam as he knocked on the heavy door. \u201cPa needs you upstairs quickly, Joe\u2019s spiking a fever.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul\u2019s bedroom door opened at last, revealing the sleepy man who had remained clad in his clothing. \u201cHe\u2019s what?\u201d asked Paul, not fully awaken.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s waking up and he\u2019s got a fever. Pa asked that I tell you,\u201d Adam stated and wished the kind doctor would come to his senses and hurry to help his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFever? I was afraid of that, let me get my things and I\u2019ll be right up son. Tell your father to make sure that Joe does not thrash around on that bed, we can\u2019t risk reopening that wound.\u201d Paul turned back into the room and quickly grabbed his satchel of medical instruments and hurried to join Ben and Adam at Joe\u2019s bedside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time the physician made his entrance, Hoss had also joined the family group and was helping his father hold Joe down on the bed. Ben turned, his eyes full of concern, a mixture of fear and uncertainty on his tired face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s spiked a fever Paul, I thought we should wake you,\u201d Ben explained to his friend.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou did the right thing Ben, now let me have a look.\u201d Paul placed himself above Joe, lowered his hand to the boy\u2019s brow and once the heat penetrated the palm of his hand, Paul pursed his lips tightly together and glanced about the room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t good,\u201d he stated flatly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul grabbed his bag that sat close by and as Adam took his place holding on to his brother, Paul prepared a syringe of medicine for his patient.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in pain as well, Ben. I\u2019m going to give him this injection, it will ease the discomfort and hopefully calm him down enough so that we can do something about this fever.\u201d Paul turned his attention back to his patient and while Adam held Joe gently, the doctor injected the morphine into the fold of Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe whimpered softly as the sharp needle pierced his flesh. Moments later the strong medicine did as it was intended and Joe began to quiet and drifted once again into a deep drug induced slumber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For several hours the men worked at cooling the feverish body. As soon as one cool cloth became too warmed by the raging fever, it was replaced with another cooler cloth. Several times over Ben helped the doctor to wash his son\u2019s steamy flesh with water that had been pumped from the deepest depths of the family\u2019s well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss lost count of the number of times he was made to lower the bucket into the refreshing undersurface of the deep cistern and pull the heavy bucket upward from the darkness far below. Bucket after bucket was hauled to the sick room. Ben and Paul soaked the cloths while Adam placed them on various parts of his brother\u2019s feverish body and then replaced them as soon as needed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam watched Joe\u2019s body shiver as the cool moisture soaked into the hot flesh and slowly began to bring the temperature down. Joe moaned, as his mumbling became incoherent to the ears of those that fought to save his life and strained to understand what it was that Joe was trying to tell them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was so softly spoken that Adam thought he had imagined that he had heard the sound of his name, but when he looked down into Joe\u2019s face, the boy\u2019s eyes were beginning to flutter open.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey, little buddy,\u201d whispered Adam, brushing back the strand of curls that had become glued to his brother\u2019s forehead by the dampened cloth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d moaned Joe, his eyes shutting briefly before re-opening them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They were cloudy and seemed to be looking over the top of his brother\u2019s shoulder and Adam knew that Joe was just semi-conscious, not totally aware of those around him. Joe tried to talk, his words coming out jumbled and unclear, tears formed in his hazel eyes and Adam watched as a single tear traced the outline of his brother\u2019s features and drop onto the pillow next to his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d cooed Adam taking a cool cloth and dabbing at the sweat beads that had accumulated on Joe\u2019s brow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His brother\u2019s one word question stuck into his heart as sharply as if an arrow had pierced the beating organ and Adam felt himself giving in to his feelings of having failed the boy whom he loved as his own.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe continued to moan and toss his head from side to side. The sight ripped at Adam\u2019s heart and again the guilt he felt for having put his brother in such a situation began rising from the pit of his stomach until it reached his throat. This time Adam could do nothing to stop the hot bile that gathered in his mouth and quickly he rose from the bed and grabbed a basin, spewing the acid like liquid into the bowl. Again and again, Adam retched until nothing was left in his stomach to rise to the throat. Weakly Adam excused himself from the room carrying the basin with him to find refuge elsewhere until he could somehow calm his turbulent emotions and upset stomach.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was much later when Joe\u2019s eyes at last opened and searched the room for his family. He felt weak and tired and it took all the strength he could muster just to force his heavy eyelids to remain open. Adam, his mind screamed; he had to talk to Adam. He had to tell him something\u2026but what? His thoughts seemed jumbled, mixed together as if someone had tossed them all into an old sack and shook them up and poured them out onto the hard ground where the dust and dirt had added to the confusion. In his delirium his bare toes kicked at the thoughts that lay at his feet but only one word could be separated from the dusty stack of perplexities that piled on the earth beneath him. One lone word stuck in his head, Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes closed, his body arched and stiffened as a wave of pain coursed through his middle. His mouth popped open, his scream startled the doctor who sat near the edge of the bed and his father who stood guard on the opposite side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cADAM!\u201d screamed Joe as he tossed his head to one side and buried his face into the soft comforts of the pillow where he shut his eyes once more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe allowed himself to drift from the real world around him back into the dark world of repose where he could forget the disconcerted thoughts and the wretchedness that still plagued his body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d cried Ben, kneeling down and running his fingers through the mass of dark curls. \u201cJoe\u2026baby, your Pa\u2019s here son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben cast frightened eyes up at the doctor who had remained calm and who was busy checking Joe\u2019s pulse and listening to his heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s okay Ben, just hurting some and confused. Why don\u2019t you see if you can find that brother of his? I think Joe wants to see him.\u201d Paul sighed lightly and turned back to Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s going to be fine, Ben once this fever breaks and it is coming down. With any luck it will break before morning. Now please, go tend to your other son. He needs you as much as this boy does.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben, torn between the son who struggled to live and the son who wished he could die, nodded his head, the doctor was right. Adam needed him, needed his comfort and reassurance. Joe would sleep now the doctor would see to that and to the fever that still lingered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right of course. Hoss is doing the chores; I\u2019ll go check on Adam. Please Paul, if Joseph wakes up again call me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stretched his weary body and gave his old friend a weak smile as he slowly made his way to the door. There he stopped and glanced again at his youngest son who lay buried beneath the pile of blankets. Joseph so young, so small and looked so frail, thought the worried father with a deep sigh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked everywhere in the house for this son but when his search turned up no one, he went to the barn. Hoss was busy doing the chores, working intently at rubbing down his mount and totally unaware that he had company. Ben stood silently and watched as Hoss rubbed vigorously at the already shiny hairs on his horse. Chubb bobbed his head up and down and snorted softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa hush up now, Chubb, I ain\u2019t ahurtin\u2019 ya none,\u201d growled Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben picked up on the tone of voice that Hoss was using and knew that the large gentle giant had his own private war going on inside his heart. Ben knew his middle son well enough that he knew Hoss was as torn as he was about what had happened to his brothers. He loved them both; Adam had always been his hero, his teacher, and his confidant. Joe had been always been his shadow, sometimes leading him, sometimes following.\u00a0\u00a0 Together the two younger Cartwrights were often finding themselves in some sort of shenanigans that their oldest brother would have to rescue them from. Hoss and Little Joe, buddies, best friends and Ben had often remarked that they must have been joined at the hip for where you found one, you could almost certainly find the other. Ben smiled at the thought of the brotherly affection that his three sons shared. All alike in so many ways, but so very different in others, yet bound by blood, joined by brotherhood, his sons, his life, his greatest accomplishments, thought Ben proudly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Ben spoke at last and smiled when Hoss nearly dropped the brush when he heard his father\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey Pa, I didn\u2019t hear ya come in. How\u2019s Joe?\u201d Hoss pushed aside his big mount, making a clearing to leave the stall, placed the brush back in its proper place and wiped his hands on the legs of his pants.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s resting. Paul says the fever should break by morning. God, I hope so. Have you seen Adam, he wasn\u2019t feeling well a little earlier. I thought I might need to check on him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe was here a little while ago, but left. Said he needed to get some fresh air and would be back later.\u201d Hoss lowered his head, sadness and worry claiming the smile that had graced his face moments before.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe holds him self responsible for what happened to Little Joe. Ya know that, don\u2019t ya Pa?\u201d asked Hoss quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes son, I am aware of that. I think knowing that he caused Joe\u2019s pain and seeing his brother suffering was what made Adam sick in the first place. Did he say where he was headed?\u201d questioned Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo sir, just that he\u2019d be back later. He\u2019ll be all right Pa. Don\u2019t ya worry none; Adam just needs some time. \u2018Sides, Joe don\u2019t hold nothing again Adam, I heard\u2019em tell Adam that he didn\u2019t hate him, that he love loved\u2019em,\u201d Hoss told Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s head darted up and he stepped closer to his son, \u201cJoe said that? When?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust before he fell into Adam\u2019s arms, after he was shot, didn\u2019t ya hear him say it?\u201d asked Hoss, surprised that his father had not heard Joe as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I wasn\u2019t aware he had said anything. I know when I talked to him earlier in his room that he was going to apologize to Adam for playing with the gun against his brother\u2019s wishes and for telling Adam he hated him. Maybe he didn\u2019t get the chance to do so and that\u2019s why this whole matter has Adam ripped apart.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was thoughtful as he considered the possibly that Joe had failed in getting his apology out to his brother and that in turn, part of Adam\u2019s guilt stemmed from the fact that he must believe that Joe still hated him; childish in a sense, but under the circumstances, very likely figured Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I\u2019m sure Adam heard Joe, he had a real funny look about \u2018em. Least ways, I hope he did, he needed ta hear it,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI hope so too, son. It would mean something to your brother, to know that Joe didn\u2019t mean what he said earlier. Well, I\u2019m going back inside, you coming?\u201d asked Ben as he started toward the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m finished here, I wanna go sit with Joe for awhile if\u2019n ya don\u2019t mind.\u201d Hoss finished putting up his things and followed his father to the door. Together father and son slowly made their way to the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI sure will be glad when everythin\u2019 is back to normal around here,\u201d commented Hoss with a small smile on his face as he led the way into the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNormal?\u201d chuckled Ben, \u201cI\u2019m not sure what normal is anymore,\u201d he laughed lightly as Hoss joined in.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam quickly stabled his horse and cared for the animal before hurrying to the house. He was anxious to see how his youngest brother was doing. He had spent the last several hours doing a lot of thinking, making plans that he would follow through with later, but first he had to be sure that Little Joe would be okay. Adam knew his father would not approve, that the older Cartwright would frown on his decision but nonetheless, Adam promised himself that he would make good his covenant that he had made. He needed time, he needed space and he needed to distance himself from those around him. Adam had no idea how long he would be gone, or whether or not he would ever come back, but go he must. His decision had been made, only divine intervention could change his mind now, for he had no intentions of staying where he felt he was no longer welcomed, where his family could look at him with distaste and disapproval, where Joe hated him. And that thought bothered him more than anything else, he was sure that his younger brother not only hated him but also held him responsible for having been shot. Adam had even considered the idea that Joe could possibly think that Adam had shot him on purpose.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had no idea that thoughts such as those were the furthest thing from the young boy\u2019s mind. Upstairs, Joe lay resting. His fever had slowly been declining and after a long night, had slipped into a sound sleep at last. At his bedside remained his father, keeping a vigil throughout the long hours. Ben sat with his chin propped in the palm of his hand; his were eyes closed and he was snoring softly. Joe appeared more relaxed and his breathing more even. Adam slipped into the room and softly made his way around his sleeping father to sit on the side of the bed near his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam placed the back of his hand to Joe\u2019s brow and let out a sigh of relief when the coolness he felt told him his brother\u2019s fever had broken.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d whispered Adam, wishing that his brother would wake up and talk to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyelids batted in an effort to respond but failed to open completely to the gentle urging by his brother. Adam glanced at his father afraid that Joe\u2019s soft moaning and attempts to turn in the bed might awaken Ben and for the time being, Adam had no desire to get into what he feared would end up as an argument. Rising, Adam eased out of the room and into his own to catch a couple of hours of much needed sleep before facing the new day.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d cried Joe softly as he tried to raise his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He could see his father dozing in the chair on the opposite side of the bed from him. His voice was weak; his strength seemed to have been drained from him as a result of his ill-fated accident. It was all he could manage to do to hold his head just inches off his pillow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d he called out again, this time forcing his voice up from deep within his throat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben snapped opened his eyes at the sound of his name and quickly moved his chair nearer to the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, good morning,\u201d smiled Ben, relieved to see his son awake and able to talk to him at last. \u201cHow do you feel, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026I\u2019m fine,\u201d said Joe, placing his head back down on his pillow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw the look of pain that forced his son\u2019s features to become distorted and knew that no matter how badly his son felt, Joe would almost certainly reply that he was \u2018fine\u2019 rather than to admit that he had any pain whatsoever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wanna talk to Adam\u2026where is he?\u201d Joe asked, taking in his father\u2019s sudden worried expression. \u201cI need to tell him something\u2026please Pa\u2026I have too.\u201d Joe reached his arm across the bed and took his father\u2019s hand into his own. \u201cPa, I have to tell him I know it was an accident\u2026please, tell him I want to see him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw the tears that sprang up in his son\u2019s eyes and gently used his fingers to wipe away their dampness and then placed his hand on Joe\u2019s brow to check again for fever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon, Adam\u2019s probably sleeping, and you need to rest, can\u2019t you wait just a little while and try to eat something first?\u201d asked Ben, not even sure if Adam had returned from his previous night\u2019s ride.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t anything to eat\u2026I want Adam,\u201d demanded Joe, determined to see his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t understand Pa\u2026last night\u2026I thought he was here, I thought I heard him calling my name…please Pa…I have to talk to him…now,\u201d sniffled Joe as he tightened the pressure on his father\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben sighed, seeing as how he knew Joe would never give up the idea and sure that the boy would become agitated, Ben relented.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAll right son, you rest while I go find that brother of yours. I\u2019ll be right back in a few minutes.\u201d Ben leaned down and tucked Joe\u2019s hand back under the blanket and smiling down at his son placed a kiss on Joe\u2019s brow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben closed the door softly behind him and hesitated briefly, trying to decided where to search first. A noise down the hall, one that he knew came for his oldest son\u2019s bedroom told him that his search would begin and end on the other side of the bedroom door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Knocking gently, Ben waited for an invitation to enter. When there was none, Ben eased the door opened and peeked inside. Adam was up. He had placed his back to his father and was bending over the bed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d called out Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw his son\u2019s hesitation before turning to face him and as Adam did so, Ben saw the satchel that had been placed on his son\u2019s bed and the array of clothing that was spread neatly on the top of the blanket. Surprised, Ben stepped up to the bed and glanced first at the stacks of shirts and pants then glanced up at his son. Adam had his head turned toward the window, purposely avoiding meeting the dark eyes that he could feel penetrating into his back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going somewhere, son?\u201d Ben asked in a calm quiet voice that displayed none of the inner turmoil that belied his true fears.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m leaving,\u201d answered Adam quickly and returned to his packing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had given much thought as to whether or not he should talk to Joe and tell the boy that he was leaving. Adam knew in his heart that Joe would hold no blame at him for what had happened, but truth was, Adam held all the blame, his heart and soul was consumed with it and he had decided to just go. Stopping in to see Joe would only result in upsetting the boy and Adam had to admit, he wasn\u2019t even sure if he could face his brother. He had hoped to be able to manage to slip out before anyone was awake, but it appeared that lady luck was not on his side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben swallowed hard and silently prayed for guidance. \u201cMay I be so bold as to ask where you are going and why?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam gave Ben a quick sideways glance and continued to fold the shirt that he held in his hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure where I\u2019m going, New England maybe. As to why, I think we both know the answer to that question.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben fought the grief he felt rising and refused to make a reply to his son\u2019s statement. He was fairly sure why Adam was leaving but he wanted to hear it from his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t think I do know, why don\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s own ire began to surface. It wasn\u2019t anger intended at his father, but at him self. Frustrated, Adam tossed the shirt into the satchel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on Pa, you know as well as I do, why I have to go away. You don\u2019t really expect me to stay here, not after what happened do you, not after what I did?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI most certainly do young man. Why should you feel you \u2018have\u2019 to leave as you put it? No one blames you for what happened. Surely you can\u2019t believe that any of us do?\u201d Ben all but shouted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam moved to the window and jerked back the curtains. Hoss was bidding good-bye to Doc Martin down below in the yard. Adam turned slowly back around to face his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDoc\u2019s leaving, I guess that means that Joe is going to be all right. Good, that makes my going easier knowing that,\u201d stated Adam and picked up the same shirt and began to refold it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, the fever broke late last night sometime. Adam,\u201d said Ben, his voice quieter and calmer, \u201cYou didn\u2019t answer my question. Why are you leaving? Don\u2019t you know how that will hurt your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed deeply, unable to meet his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cI\u2019ve already hurt him. I nearly killed him\u2026Pa\u2026if Little Joe had died\u2026I\u2019d\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut he didn\u2019t son. Little Joe is going to be fine; he\u2019ll be up and about in a few days. Why do you feel you have to go? Adam, son\u2026Joe is awake now and he\u2019s asking for you. He wants to talk to you, please, won\u2019t you just go to him?\u201d Ben placed his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam raised his head at last to look into his father\u2019s eyes. Ben noted the haunting look that appeared on his son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t blame yourself Adam, no one else does. It was an accident, pure and simple. Learn from it, we\u2019re never too old to learn. Now please, go to your brother. I\u2019m asking you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben dropped his hand and moved aside. Adam had risen to his feet, his chin up; the young man pursed his lips.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I can\u2019t, you tell Joe I\u2019m sorry for what I did. I\u2019m going Pa; in time he\u2019ll get over it and by then he won\u2019t even miss me. Hell, I doubt that after awhile he won\u2019t even remember me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stood stunned at his son\u2019s words and for a moment could not react nor think clearly. Adam had popped shut the satchel and walked out of the room. At the sound of his son\u2019s footsteps clicking on the stairs, Ben snapped back to his senses and rushed from the room to follow Adam to the door no longer attempting to hide his anger at his oldest son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stopped beside the settee, his eyes spying the new revolver still lying on the cushion where he had tossed it after seeing that Joe had been hit by the stray bullet. Quickly he snatched it up and held it tightly in his hand before turning and tossing it to his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHere,\u201d he said, \u201cGet rid of it, I never want to see it again.\u201d With that the angry young man started toward the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou wait just a minute, young man,\u201d stormed Ben as he placed his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder and forced him to turn around and face him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it Pa?\u201d shouted Adam, his eyes growing dark as he struggled with the multitude of emotions that ran rampant through his heart and soul.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not going to tell Joseph you are leaving, if you want him to know, then you have to be the one to tell him and he\u2019ll want to know why, so you can tell him that as well. But don\u2019t expect me to be the one to make excuses for you,\u201d shouted Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam jerked from Ben\u2019s grasp and grabbed the door, pulling it opened. \u201cThen the boy will have to find out on his own, I have no plans to tell him anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Suddenly Ben\u2019s hand swept passed Adam\u2019s face onto the door, just beneath his son\u2019s hand and shoved the door closed. Adam dropped his head, defeated and hiding the anger he felt and the turmoil that threatened to force him into an emotional breakdown.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t stop me, please Pa\u2026just let me go,\u201d whispered Adam in a broken voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s passion was raw, he hurt for both of his sons; for Joe who had come so close to dying and for Adam whose self-imposed guilt was driving him from his home and from the family that loved and needed him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou walk out of that door and you will be doing Joseph and yourself a grave dishonor. You will be killing him, oh not physically; those injuries will heal in time, but the emotional damage you could do to him, will never heal. That boy loves you, you can claim he doesn\u2019t all you want too, but I am his father as well as I am yours and I know him better than anyone on the face of this earth and I\u2019m telling you, Joseph loves you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved away from the door, his eyes dark with emotion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead, go. If you can live with yourself knowing you have destroyed the boy in the worse possible way, go ahead, run away and wallow in your self-pity and self-hatred.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned and walked away, leaving Adam standing silent at the door his hand still holding the handle but unmoving. On the small landing, Ben paused to glance back at his son, praying that his words would force Adam to see that running away would only make more problems and solve nothing. Silently the anxious father walked the remainder of the way to Joe\u2019s room and stopped just outside of the door racking his mind as to what he should or should not tell his son. He feared that Joseph\u2019s condition was still too weak to endure more stress and feared that the knowledge that his older brother had left without so much as a good-bye or explanation as to why would prove to have negative affects on his son\u2019s recovery.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As expected, Joe was waiting for his father\u2019s return. \u201cI thought Adam was coming? I need to talk to him. Is he coming?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath and quickly eased himself down on the bed. With one hand Ben brushed back a displaced lock of hair and smiled down at his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon,\u201d began Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, what\u2019s wrong? Adam\u2019s not coming is he? He hates me\u2026I knew he did\u2026\u201d cried Joe as tears formed in his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head, \u201cNo\u2026no, precious, that\u2019s not it at all. Your brother doesn\u2019t hate you, in fact, it\u2019s just the opposite.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe dabbed his eyes, \u201cWhat do you mean, just the opposite?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam doesn\u2019t hate you son, he hates himself right now,\u201d Ben tried to explain. \u201cHe holds him self responsible for what happened to you and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Joe was becoming annoyed, \u201che\u2019s leaving isn\u2019t he? Isn\u2019t he?\u201d Joe shouted as loudly as his weakened condition would allow him too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe can\u2019t do that to me\u2026Pa\u2026where is he?\u201d stammered Joe, his voice as well as his chin beginning to quiver while he tried to pull himself upward in a vain attempt to get out of bed and find the brother who had always been his hero.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m right here, Little Buddy,\u201d rang the reply from the doorway and halting the boy\u2019s escape from his sickbed. \u201cDon\u2019t go getting yourself all worked up over nothing. You don\u2019t think I\u2019d really run out on you, do you?\u201d smiled Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rose from the bed to give his oldest son access to his brother. Adam\u2019s eyes met his father\u2019s as Ben turned from the bedside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Pa,\u201d whispered Adam as Ben strolled past.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben blinked away unshed tears and smiled at his son, his relief shining in the smile he gave to Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam placed himself on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow little boy, you get back in that bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes quickly swept his brother\u2019s face smiling at the term his brother had used. Unexpectedly Joe\u2019s arms embraced Adam\u2019s neck and Joe locked his fingers together behind Adam so that his brother could not pull free.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you Adam and I\u2019m sorry for saying I hated you. I lied, I don\u2019t really hate you, please don\u2019t go, don\u2019t leave me again\u2026\u201d Joe could no longer withhold his tears. \u201cI don\u2019t blame you for what happened Adam, honest, I know it was an accident. I won\u2019t touch your new gun again, I promise, just promise me you won\u2019t go away.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey, calm down little buddy,\u201d said Adam softly, suddenly realizing that his father had known all along that his leaving would destroy the boy whom he now held in his arms.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not going anywhere. I promise Joe, I\u2019ll not leave you, so stop crying.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam placed his hands on Joe\u2019s hands and untangled his brother\u2019s fingers so that he could pull Joe free from around his neck and look him in the face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cListen to me for a minute Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe did as Adam had asked and stopped crying. Adam eased Joe back down onto the bed and wiped away his brother\u2019s tears.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I\u2019m the one that should tell you I\u2019m sorry. I was so foolish for not double-checking the chamber. Pa taught me years ago how to properly care for a weapon, and in a moment of anger I forgot the most important rule, \u2018make sure it\u2019s unloaded\u2019\u2026God\u2026how could I have been so stupid?\u201d whispered Adam as his throat thickened with emotion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you ever forgive me? I nearly killed you.\u201d Adam pursed his lips tightly together and moved his head from side to side in loathing of himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve already forgiven you big brother. Maybe you should try to forgive yourself,\u201d whispered Joe softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had seen the pained expression that had embedded its self in the deep furrows of Adam\u2019s brow and the sight of his unhappy brother tore his heart in two. How, he asked himself, could he have thought for one minute that he could hate this brother of his who wore his heart on his sleeve? The mask that usually hid his older brother\u2019s deepest emotions from everyone, including his family had suddenly slipped away, revealing a dispirited and anguished young man. Joe watched the play of sensitivity on Adam\u2019s face and thought that his brother appeared to have aged since the accident and Joe could not help but feel responsible.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026\u201d stammered Adam picking up his brother\u2019s hand from the bed. \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThen don\u2019t say anything Adam. As Pa always says, it\u2019s over, finished, it\u2019s water under the bridge so forget it.\u201d Joe smiled at his brother; he had made Adam speechless.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Only a moment passed before Adam\u2019s face broke into a wide grin, returning his brother\u2019s smile.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDamn kid, when did you get so smart?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe giggled. \u201cOh, I suppose I was born that way, or maybe I just take after my oldest brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam gently pulled Joe into a sitting position and embraced him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa says you\u2019re never too old to learn, guess he\u2019s right. You little brother, have taught me a lot in the last couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, no fooling?\u201d giggled Joe again, \u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLike how much you really mean to me and just how much I love you,\u201d whispered Adam and then planted a kiss on top of Joe\u2019s head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI learned some things too, big brother,\u201d said Joe turning serious and making sure he had direct eye contact with his brother. \u201cLike the meaning of truth and trust, like the importance of keeping a promise, and how much I love you too,\u201d smiled Joe shyly and leaned back on the pillow, his eyes closed momentarily then reopened.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d said Joe softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah kid?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYa reckon we\u2019ll ever learn it all and be as smart as Pa?\u201d Joe glanced up and watched the smile spread across his brother\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think so squirt. We\u2019d have to live an awfully long time to know all that Pa has learned. He\u2019s never even been to college, but he sure has learned a lot just by living. And it\u2019s a good thing for us he has, other wise we could be\u2026well, let\u2019s just say Pa\u2019s one sly fox.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam laughed and Joe joined in, not quite sure of what his brother meant by Adam\u2019s comment about their Pa being a sly fox. Adam saw the doubt on Little Joe\u2019s face and promised himself that he would never tell the boy just how close he came to walking out on him. Had it not been for their father\u2019s wisdom and sharp words, he, Adam, would have missed out on a lifetime of brotherly love.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Smiling down at his kid brother, Adam playfully punched Joe\u2019s cheek.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGo to sleep Joe, you need your beauty rest. I\u2019ll see you in a little while, right now I need to go have a talk with Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAye, Aye Captain,\u201d laughed Joe and closed his eyes as ordered, happy to have his brother back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Within minutes the boy had fallen to sleep and Adam slipped from the room, he had one more apology to make.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE END<\/p>\n

September 2002<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Both Adam and Joe learn that you’re never too old to learn something new after an accident leaves Joe mortally wounded and his older brother feeling guilty.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 G (18,160 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9052,"featured_media":8583,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1091,23,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-joe","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-1091-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adam-joe-brothers-keeper.jpg?fit=1020%2C661&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9052"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12255\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8583"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}