{"id":12310,"date":"2006-05-01T04:44:55","date_gmt":"2006-05-01T08:44:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12310"},"modified":"2026-04-14T14:24:35","modified_gmt":"2026-04-14T18:24:35","slug":"thoughts-joes-apology-by-debbieb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12310","title":{"rendered":"Thoughts… Joe’s Apology (by DebbieB)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0Joe finally makes his apology to his older brother.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/strong>\u00a0 G (1,400 words)<\/p>\n

Thoughts Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thoughts from the Man in Black<\/a>
\nThoughts, This Time from Little Joe<\/a>
\nThoughts, Hoss’ Own<\/a>
\nThoughts… Joe’s Apology<\/a>
\nThoughts… Ben’s<\/a>
\nThoughts… Leilani Speaks Out<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thoughts… Joe’s Apology<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam seemed so\u2026different. The last few days, since he and Leilani went there own ways has surprised me. In the very beginning, Adam was quite, withdrawn\u2026angry\u2026and hurt. Since my older brother has always been the quite one, I wasn\u2019t totally taken back by his actions on that part of his personality, and since most folks think he\u2019s a withdrawn individual, that didn\u2019t phrase me much either. But the anger\u2026well, I can\u2019t say that I blamed him. I mean after all, the poor boy gave his heart away. How was he to know before hand that she\u2019d rip it into a million pieces and then throw it back in his face? I knew she was a hussy from the very beginning\u2026too bad big brother hadn\u2019t seen it. Now\u2026if he had only asked me\u2026well\u2026Adam wouldn\u2019t have, he thinks of me as a kid still and for sure wouldn\u2019t ask or even WANT my advice on women\u2026not that I had much experience in that category.<\/p>\n

And then there was the hurt\u2026and I think most of that was my fault. Remember? I laughed at him that evening at the supper table. Oh\u2026I didn\u2019t mean to\u2026and to be honest, I wasn\u2019t really laughing AT Adam\u2026I was laughing because I found it odd that HE was the one getting dumped this time instead of ME! But Adam hadn\u2019t seen it that way and when I saw the pain in his eyes, I instantly regretted opening my mouth in the first place. That\u2019s always been one of my many vices\u2026speaking first and thinking later.<\/p>\n

But a day or so later, Adam seemed to have put the entire matter behind him. I suspect that it must have been because of the talk Pa had with him. I\u2019m not sure, but I was glad to have my brother back. Oh, I still felt guilty about my part in hurting him, and though he made point after point to make me laugh when we were together, I just couldn\u2019t find the courage to broach the subject to him. Inside, I felt like a heel\u2026a\u2026trader and I so wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but something kept holding me back. Too bad that unexplained \u2018something\u2019 couldn\u2019t hold my mouth shut when it needed shutting!<\/p>\n

And then last night, I was out in the barn putting my horse up. I noticed that Adam hadn\u2019t come in yet, so\u2026I lingered, finding little things to keep me busy, hoping that Adam wouldn\u2019t be too late in getting home. After about half an hour, I heard him ride into the yard. I was standing in the shadows when he led Sport into the barn and stabled him. I watched for a moment as Adam unsaddled his mount. He looked tired and I wondered if perhaps his sadness wasn\u2019t still lingering just a bit in spite of the fact that he put on a happy face when one or all of us were about.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I stepped from the shadows and said hi to him.<\/p>\n

Adam spun around, pistol drawn and pointed at me. I was startled!<\/p>\n

\u201cHey big brother\u2026you ain\u2019t gonna shoot me now, are you?\u201d I said in a trembling voice, recognizing my mistake of not letting my presence be known the instant my brother had entered the dimly lit barn.<\/p>\n

For a moment, a dark angry glare crossed my brother\u2019s face but the expression died instantly when he realized whom he was pointing his gun at.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou little fool,\u201d he said with a twinge of annoyance lingering in his tone. \u201cThat\u2019s a dam good way to get yourself shot!\u201d he stated as he turned to finish grooming his horse.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026I know\u2026I didn\u2019t mean to take you by surprise\u2026I\u2019m\u2026sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cForget it kid\u2026just don\u2019t do it again,\u201d Adam said, this time lightly as he cast me a lopsided grin. \u201cHow come you\u2019re out here\u2026you\u2026aren\u2019t waiting for\u2026me, now, are you?\u201d Adam said teasingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNO\u2026\u201d I said too quickly. I have no idea why I denied it; I had been waiting for my brother. \u201cI was\u2026um\u2026working\u2026yeah, that\u2019s it, I thought I\u2019d get a head start on the tack room\u2026it\u2019s my turn to clean it, you know,\u201d I knew I was stumbling over my words, but did he?<\/p>\n

Adam stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. I felt the guilt I\u2019d been carrying, wash over me like a dose of cold water.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou, Joe? Working when you don\u2019t have to\u2026no\u2026\u201d he said, leaning against the wall. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just come out with it\u2026and tell me what\u2019s on your mind?\u201d<\/p>\n

I lowered my head\u2026dam this guilt\u2026dam my big mouth!<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright Adam,\u201d I said, knowing my voice was low and soft. \u201cI was waiting up for you\u2026I\u2026was\u2026ere\u2026um\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome now little brother\u2026don\u2019t tell me that you\u2019re having trouble saying what\u2019s on your mind? You sure haven\u2019t had that trouble anytime in the past?\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked up at him then, stunned\u2026was he referring to me laughing at him? God, I hope not. I felt the words rushing into my mouth and all I had to do was open wide and they spilled out, like milk from the bucket when the cow kicks and knocks it over.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Adam\u2026I didn\u2019t mean to laugh at you and\u2026I\u2026I didn\u2019t mean to hurt you\u2026anyone with any common sense, except me of course, could tell you were hurting and it wasn\u2019t my intention to make you feel worse than what you were already feeling\u2026I\u2019m sorry, I don\u2019t know why I can\u2019t keep my shut. I\u2019m always blabbering when I should just shut up, just like Pa says, I\u2019ll never learn when to talk and when not to. It\u2019s been eating me up inside, how I made you feel and I\u2019ve even lost sleep and I can\u2019t eat\u2026I feel just plain stupid and I can\u2019t stand the guilt anymore\u2026I\u2019m sorry, did you hear me\u2026I said I\u2019M SORRY!\u2026..Dam it, Adam, say something!\u201d<\/p>\n

He surprised me then and HE started laughing. I know I must have looked like an idiot\u2026I certainly felt like one. But then he surprised me further when he came over to me and placed his hand at the back of my neck and pulled me close to him. We were eye to eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will say something\u2026now that you\u2019ve managed to stop talking,\u201d Adam said and then grinned at me. I noticed his dimples and I relaxed some, lowering my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I know you didn\u2019t mean to laugh\u2026and I know that you didn\u2019t intentionally mean to hurt me. Oh\u2026at first it did hurt, but it wasn\u2019t because you laughed\u2026the hurt was caused because\u2026well\u2026because I knew exactly WHY you were laughing. You saw, for the first time, me\u2026in a situation more fitting for yourself\u2026well\u2026it\u2019s true\u2026\u201d Adam snickered then. \u201cI brought all of this on myself\u2026I know that\u2026now I know it. I acted like\u2026a kid\u2026I reacted to Leilani more so like\u2026you would have. I should have known right from the start\u2026what you\u2026even Hoss knew\u2026she was\u2026rotten to the core!\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt myself start to giggle. When I looked up into my brother\u2019s eyes, they were dancing with merriment.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam\u2026honest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know pal.\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt his fingers gently squeeze my neck and then Adam did something he hadn\u2019t done in many years. He pulled me into his embrace and hugged me tightly. When we pulled apart, he was still grinning at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know Joe, I did learn one thing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d I remember asking.<\/p>\n

\u201cI learned that just because something is beautiful, shaped well, and smells nice\u2026doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s all rosy. Even roses have thorns!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHeh?\u201d I muttered. \u201cOh\u2026I get it\u2026I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam blew the lamp out and slipped his arm about my shoulders. Together we walked to the house. I knew that he\u2019d forgiven me and things would be right between us once again\u2026at least until the next time.<\/p>\n

When we got to the porch, he stopped me. \u201cWell,\u201d he said with surety. \u201cIt was fun while it lasted!\u201d<\/p>\n

He left me standing alone in the dark.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was fun?\u201d I called after him and then hurried inside. I was dying to know\u2026what had been fun\u2026did he mean\u2026NO\u2026Adam wouldn\u2019t do THAT\u2026would he? And if he had\u2026WHAT on earth would Pa say if he found out that Adam\u2026my quite, reserved, private older brother, had had himself a \u201cfling\u201d?<\/p>\n

\u201cADAM\u2026\u201d I had to know the details\u2026for future references of course!<\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

Next Story in the Thoughts Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thoughts… Ben’s<\/a>
\nThoughts… Leilani Speaks Out<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0Joe finally makes his apology to his older brother.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 G (1,400 words)<\/p>\n

Thoughts Series, links to all the stories within the series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9052,"featured_media":11800,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1091,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-joe","category-drama","wpcat-1091-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1648,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/A-J.jpg?fit=400%2C320&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12309,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12309","url_meta":{"origin":12310,"position":0},"title":"Thoughts, Hoss’ Own (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 1, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0Hoss has thoughts of his own concerning his older brother's broken heart. Rated:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (1,180 words) Thoughts Series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12308,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12308","url_meta":{"origin":12310,"position":1},"title":"Thoughts, This time From Little Joe (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 1, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"ummary:\u00a0Joe's thoughts on Adam's heartbreak. 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