{"id":12334,"date":"2002-02-01T18:21:32","date_gmt":"2002-02-01T23:21:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12334"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:05:06","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:05:06","slug":"seven-times-in-a-day-by-debbieb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12334","title":{"rendered":"Seven Times in a Day (by DebbieB)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong> An unfortunate incident that involves his father, leaves Joe with feelings of guilt and fear that Ben may never forgive him for what happened. Adam shares a long kept secret with his youngest brother that helps Joe accept the fact that his father can and will forgive him.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rated:<\/strong> G (7,000 words)<\/p>\n

Seven Times a Day<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shocked, Ben staggered backward from the blow as the fist creased his jaw. \u00a0Staring into the face of his youngest son, Ben witnessed the sudden change of expression as it darted from anger to confusion and then terror as realization of what he had just executed registered within Joe\u2019s mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rubbed the back of his hand across the area of his face that was quickly beginning to bruise while he watched the quivering chin and the sudden onslaught of tears that rolled from the corners of the hazel eyes.\u00a0 Joe stood as if paralyzed.\u00a0\u00a0 Unable to move from the spot where he seemed rooted, his astonished eyes locked into the puzzled brown eyes that stared back at him.\u00a0 Time appeared to stop, no one moved, no one spoke, and the only sound was the chime of the old grandfather clock as it struck the hour.\u00a0 It was enough to bring both father and son back to the present and as Ben reached his hand outward to his son, Joe\u2019s panic seized him and he turned and fled the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As Joe headed out the door, Adam and Hoss were forced to step aside as the fleeing boy shoved his way between them; his only thought was to distance himself from the man whom he had just struck.\u00a0 Without hesitating Joe bounded onto his horse, kicking sharply at the animal\u2019s withers.\u00a0 Cochise broke into a gallop as together boy and horse exited the yard leaving in their wake a gray cloud of dust and three pairs of confused eyes watching his getaway.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe rode blindly, the tears obscuring his vision as he continued to ride hell-bent across the field heading nowhere other than far away from the scene that remained vivid and alive in his thoughts.\u00a0 Joe felt the wind blow his hat from his head as he rode at full speed not caring about anything other than the shame and guilt that had begun to wash over him for what he had brought about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In Joe\u2019s young mind he had committed the ultimate sin, he had, in a moment of uncontrolled rage swung out and struck his father, the man whom he loved and respected more than any other person on the face of the earth.\u00a0 It mattered not to him that he had not intended to strike anyone, lest of all, his father.\u00a0 He had only been trying to pull loose from the hands that held his arm and in his anger had swung blindly in his attempt to wrench free.\u00a0 Much to the shock of his father and himself, Joe had over extended his wild swing causing his fist to connect with his father\u2019s jaw.\u00a0 Stunned and surprised, neither Ben nor Joe could react at first with anything other than bewilderment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe did not know how long he had been riding but when Cochise began to automatically slow his pace Joe realized that it was well past the time to stop.\u00a0 Cochise had worked up a full lather and had begun to blow hard.\u00a0 Ashamed now for what he had forced his mount into doing Joe slid from the saddle and pulled his gear from his horse.\u00a0 Using the saddle blanket, Joe began rubbing down Cochise in an effort to cool the sweating animal.\u00a0 Cochise snorted and blew as Joe worked rubbing vigorously at the rub down while his thoughts returned again to the incident that had transpired earlier.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hot tears sprang into his eyes as he worked.\u00a0 Thoughts of what his father must be thinking seared his conscience and he felt again the pangs of guilt that seemed to be eating away at his broken and troubled heart.\u00a0 How was he going to be able to face his father or his brothers ever again, he questioned himself.\u00a0 Joe wondered what his two older brothers thought about him now for he was sure from the startled looks on their faces as he had ran from the house that they now knew what he had done.\u00a0 Joe was convinced that by this time his entire family hated him for his actions against the patriarch.\u00a0 Joe swiped away his tears; they must, he whispered to Cochise, for he surely hated himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Joe finished with the rub down he lowered his weary body onto a nearby rock and for the first time, looked around to get his bearings.\u00a0 He was surprised to find himself just a short distance from his mother\u2019s final resting-place.\u00a0 Sighing deeply, he forced himself from his seat and saddled his horse.\u00a0 Rather than mounting, Joe led Cochise the short distance to Marie\u2019s burial site where he tethered the horse to a nearby tree.\u00a0 Joe walked the remaining stretch to the grave as a man going to the gallows.\u00a0 Dropping to his knees Joe buried his face in his hands as once again the tears welled up and over flowed from his distraught eyes.\u00a0 Moment\u2019s later loud broken sobs racked his body forcing him to lie face down across his mother\u2019s grave in defeat as he poured out his heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry Mama\u2026I didn\u2019t mean to do it.\u00a0 Honest\u2026I didn\u2019t,\u201d cried Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIt just happened\u2026I\u2019m so ashamed\u2026Mama\u2026what am I going to do?\u201d he continued to cry aloud.\u00a0 \u201cI know Pa hates me\u2026I\u2026I\u2026oh Mama, please help me.\u00a0 Tell me what to do!\u201d\u00a0 Joe cried until he felt he could cry no longer.\u00a0 Joe closed his eyes, exhaustion claiming his body and before long he fell asleep atop the ground that covered Marie\u2019s resting-place.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben tied Buck to the branch next to Cochise and quietly slipped through the trees, entering the clearing where his son lay upon the ground unaware.\u00a0 Ben stood several moments watching and waiting for Joe to react to his presence but soon realized that the boy had given in to his exhaustion and had collapsed.\u00a0 Easing his way forward, being careful not to spook the sleeping boy should he awaken, Ben knelt beside his son\u2019s form and gently gathered the boy into his arms.\u00a0 Joe whimpered softly in his debilitated sleep, opening his eyes slightly not fully seeing whom it was that held him.\u00a0 Ben turned and sat down propping himself against his wife\u2019s headstone and pulled Joe lovingly into his lap where the lad\u2019s head rested against his chest.\u00a0 Tenderly Ben brushed at the stray curls that were damp with sweat and using his thumbs, wiped away the remnants of tears that shone on the young face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben felt his own tears as they clouded his eyes.\u00a0 Watching the boy sleep, Ben\u2019s thoughts turned to the events of the day and with a deep sigh, admitted to his self that he was as much to blame for what happened as his son was.\u00a0 A frown caused his brow to furrow deeply knowing in his soul that Joe would carry the guilt within his young heart and that he himself would have to work feverishly at convincing the boy of his part in the unpleasant mishap.\u00a0 For it was an accident, Ben told himself.\u00a0 He knew instantly by the expression on Joe\u2019s face the minute the boy\u2019s fist had slammed into his chin that it had not been intentional.\u00a0 Though somewhat taken back by the force of the blow, Ben had reacted, as any father would have when suddenly finding himself on the receiving end of a left hook delivered by the hands of one\u2019s own son.\u00a0 It was when tears had so rapidly pooled in the hazel eyes that Ben had understood the erroneous error of miscalculation on his son\u2019s part that the punch had indeed been an accident.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stirred in his father\u2019s arms and suddenly opened his eyes.\u00a0 He was shocked to see his father\u2019s face in the fading light smiling down at him.\u00a0 Startled at finding him self held tightly by the man who he presumed hated him, Joe struggled to pull free from the restraining arms that stopped him from rising.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet me go,\u201d cried Joe trying to wiggle free from his father\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s smile faded, \u201cJoseph, stop.\u00a0 Be still son, we need to talk,\u201d Ben said tightening his hold around the squirming body, which only intensified the boy\u2019s efforts at freeing himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2026I don\u2019t want to talk.\u00a0 Just let me go!\u201d cried Joe struggling with all of his might against his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could not look his father in the eye, but the large dark bruise on the side of the elder Cartwright\u2019s chin did not go unnoticed by the younger Cartwright.\u00a0 Joe instantly struggled harder; the dark blemish a gruesome reminded that he had raised his hand against his own father.\u00a0 Joe felt his own body shudder in reproach of himself and his hasty actions and fought against the queasy feeling that had suddenly turned his stomach upside down giving him the feeling that he might vomit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was forced to loosen his hold and as he did so, Joe was able to jump to his feet where he took several steps backward, widening the distance between himself and his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben took a step forward but stopped when Joe held his arm outward, preventing him from coming nearer.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, its all right son.\u00a0 I know that it was an accident,\u201d Ben stated in a calm voice taking another step in Joe\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe trembled, as much from the cold as from the fear he felt at having his father so close.\u00a0 He wanted to believe his father\u2019s words but the guilt he felt would not allow his thinking to fully absorb his father\u2019s statement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d shouted Joe, \u201cYou hate me, I know you do.\u00a0 Adam and Hoss hate me, too,\u201d sobbed Joe, the tears once again streaming from his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe felt the pain hit his stomach and turned his head from his father as the contents spilled forth onto the ground.\u00a0 Ben took another step closer in an effort to help his son but Joe managed to side step him. The look that appeared on Joe\u2019s face was one of agony but Ben knew that it was not from any physical pain but from self-proclaimed condemnation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben noted the haunted look that shone in the tormented eyes that darted around seeking an escape route and knew he had only minutes to try to convince the boy of his sincerity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cListen to me son, I don\u2019t hate you.\u00a0 Neither do your brothers.\u00a0 We all understand that it was an accident.\u00a0 Joe, I know you didn\u2019t mean to hit me.\u00a0 Please Joseph, let me\u2026\u201dstarted Ben but stopped when Joe reached his horse and untied Cochise\u2019s reins from the limb.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe you.\u00a0 How could you not hate me?\u00a0 What kind of a son strikes his own father? I\u2019ll tell you what kind, one who is no good, just a sorry worthless no-account son, just like me.\u00a0 That\u2019s what kind.\u00a0 Now just leave me alone and let me go,\u201d cried Joe turning to mount his horse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Turning his horse around so as to face his father, Joe studied his father\u2019s face in the dim light for the last time.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m leaving Pa.\u00a0 I can\u2019t stay here anymore.\u00a0 I can\u2019t face you ever again, please,\u201d sobbed Joe, \u201cjust let me go\u2026I\u2019m sorry Pa, honest.\u201d\u00a0 And with that Joe spurred his horse leaving Ben standing alone in the dark, large raindrop size tears rolling off his chin as he watched the retreating back of his son disappear into the darkness of night.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slowly with the weight of the world bearing down around his shoulders, Ben untied Buck and swung into the saddle.\u00a0 He realized that his son was distraught and feeling guilty for what had taken place but Ben also bore guilt in his own heart for having allowed a simple disagreement to get so out of control.\u00a0 Ben turned Buck toward the direction that Joe had ridden and kicked gently at the horse\u2019s sides.\u00a0 He was going to follow the boy staying close in case he was needed but holding far enough back so as not to be detected.\u00a0 He would give his son time enough to collect himself before approaching him for a second time.\u00a0 Ben realized that Joe was not thinking clearly, he knew that he had pushed too hard in his demands causing the boy to over-reacted to his terms and forcing Joe to make conditions of his own in regard to equal treatment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It had been one of those days that one wished they could start over and begin anew.\u00a0 The minute that fifteen-year old Joseph had arrived at the breakfast table in a bad mood, Ben knew he should have heeded the warning signs.\u00a0 But tired himself from being short handed and with all the extra work, he had ignored the red flags that seemed to have darted up the first time that Joe had opened his mouth to speak.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Adam had hinted that Joe be made to work more and play less the first shot of the battle had been fired.\u00a0 Within seconds the two brothers were at each other\u2019s throats, angry words flying around the breakfast table like bees to honey.\u00a0 Adam had stood and shouted to his brother that if he wanted to be treated like a man, then it was time to start acting like a man.\u00a0 Joe had taken to the challenge making a grab for his brother\u2019s shirt but was stopped by Hoss\u2019 large hand catching Joe\u2019s in mid-air and forcing the smaller boy back down in his chair.\u00a0 Adam had left in a huff for the barn and Joe had turned angry eyes on his middle brother for interfering in what he had called his business.\u00a0 It was then that Ben stood to reprimand his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat will be enough!\u201d shouted Ben to Little Joe, his usually calm approached to these types of situations now a matter of history.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had hung his head, unable to meet his father\u2019s dark penetrating eyes as he listened for the lecture to begin that he knew was soon to follow.\u00a0 When all had been said and done, Joe faced his father and in a small but apologetic voice, offered his repentance.\u00a0 Ben, unable to stay mad for any length of time at the youngest member of the family forgave his son for the outburst against his brothers and for the bad mood that had served to add fuel to the fire.\u00a0 From there Ben had left for the barn to have a few words with his eldest son in regard to his part in starting an argument that could have been avoided in the first place, had Adam kept his thoughts to himself rather than voicing them at the table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben pulled Buck to a halt behind some tall bushes and waited as he watched his youngest son stop in the clearing.\u00a0 Joe seemed to be trying to decide which way he wanted to go.\u00a0 The road leading to the northeast would take the boy into Virginia City; the left fork to the southwest would lead back to the ranch.\u00a0 Ben was surprised when Joe nudged Cochise and turned him toward home.\u00a0 He had been afraid that the boy might decide to go into town and knowing what the streets where like this time of night, Ben offered up a prayer of thanks that Joe had chosen home over Virginia City.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After following Joe for some distance to be sure that home was indeed where his son was headed, Ben broke from the trail and took a short cut so that he could arrive in plenty of time to have his horse already stabled in the barn before Joe arrived back.\u00a0 He did not want Joe to know that he had been following him; he felt certain it would only cause another unpleasant scene, one in which Ben wanted to avoid at all costs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped at the edge of the barn taking the time to survey the yard and surrounding area before venturing any further.\u00a0 It had not been his plan to return home, but common sense told him that he had no other choice, at least on this night.\u00a0 He had left with no provisions, his horse needed a thorough rub down, one better than what he had given to the tired animal earlier.\u00a0 Cochise also needed food along with fresh water.\u00a0 Joe felt the hunger pangs assault his own stomach and remembered that he had not eaten since breakfast and then because of the unpleasant beginning to his morning, he had only picked at his food.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Seeing that the lights were still on in the house and knowing that food was something that he would have to do without unless he wanted to face his family, which he didn\u2019t, Joe moved silently into the barn and closed the door before lighting the lamp.\u00a0 He saw his father\u2019s big buckskin horse, Buck, in his stall, bedded down for the night.\u00a0 Chubb and Sport had also been cared for and Joe felt a pang of self-pity wash over him thinking that he had been right in believing that his family hated him.\u00a0 He had sent his father away after waking and finding himself in his father\u2019s arms.\u00a0 Joe had been surprised that Ben had turned from him and allowed him to leave without first putting up a fight.\u00a0 For just a brief moment while his father had been holding him, Joe had thought that he had felt his father\u2019s love; the tone of voice seemed to have been full of it.\u00a0 But then guilt had wormed its way into his heart again and those comforting thoughts of fatherly love had vanished.\u00a0 Then knowing that neither Adam nor Hoss had bothered to come looking for him, only served him with more evidence to validate his thinking in regard to his family\u2019s loathing of him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe quickly wiped the tears that pooled in his eyes before they had time to overflow and swore to him self that he would not cry.\u00a0 Adam had called him, \u2018boy\u2019 earlier that morning and when his exasperation had become too much and his tears had made a path down his cheeks, Adam had referred to their father about him, as the baby of the family.\u00a0 Well, thought Joe, I might be the youngest, but I\u2019m not a baby.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Joe finished caring for his horse, he pulled a clean horse blanket from the storage chest against the wall and slowly climbed the ladder to the loft.\u00a0 There he pulled the scattered hay into a deep pile and lay down, spreading the blanket about his shoulders.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Try though he might, sleep was a long time coming for the troubled boy.\u00a0 Every time he closed his eyes he saw again the look on his father\u2019s face as his fist rained its fury upon the older man\u2019s jaw.\u00a0 Joe squeezed his eyes tightly trying in vain to remove the lucid picture from his mind, but his father\u2019s dark and brooding eyes still seemed to find him in the darkness that surrounded the area of the loft.\u00a0 Shivering, Joe rolled his body into a ball and pulled the coarse blanket over his head in hopes of shutting out the memory.\u00a0 It was nearly dawn before Joe was finally able to fall into a fitful sleep and then it was the sounds of voices below him that woke him from his slumber.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Astonishment must have been showing on his face for Joe could not believe his ears.\u00a0 His brothers were laughing and joking with each other.\u00a0 Neither seemed to be concerned as to the whereabouts of their youngest sibling and it bothered Joe to a degree that they appeared unaffected by the fact that he had not put in an appearance at the house all night long.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe cursed himself for not getting enough sleep and again for over sleeping once he had finally managed to get to sleep.\u00a0 He had wanted to be up and gone before his brothers came out to begin their chores.\u00a0 Now it was too late to do anything about it, he could only hope that they would not come looking for him in the loft.\u00a0 Joe had no desire to face either brother, especially Adam, whom he blamed in part for having started all his troubles from the day before.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had no intentions of listening to one of this older brother\u2019s lectures either.\u00a0 Joe scrunched up his face; he could just hear old know-it-all now ranting at him about how he was still a baby and that it would be years yet before he\u2019d be a man.\u00a0 Joe had heard that speech so many times before that he could recite it himself word for word.\u00a0 To himself he mimicked his older brother\u2019s actions as he pictured Adam standing before him looking so much like their father with legs apart, hands on hips and an angry looking frown on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Quietly Joe moved to the backside of the loft, taking his blanket with him and crawled behind the pile of baled hay in the darkest corner.\u00a0 If either Adam or Hoss climbed the ladder they would not be able to see him without coming all the way to the back of the loft and Joe doubted that they would do that, not after hearing them laughing, they just didn\u2019t care, he convinced himself.\u00a0\u00a0 He hoped that should they decide to check his hiding place, they would only peek over the top step and when they did not see him, hopefully they would assume that he had already left leaving behind his horse which was stabled in the barn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam felt better this morning, after having had a long talk with his father, he knew what he had to do.\u00a0 Late last night, unobserved by the other members of his family, Adam had slipped out to the barn to check on his younger brother.\u00a0 He had been standing in the dark at his window and knew the minute that Joe had returned.\u00a0 Adam had found the boy curled into a ball sleeping on the hay.\u00a0 Joe had been tossing about and mumbling in his sleep.\u00a0 Adam had seen the shine of the tears that remained on his brother\u2019s face and listened as the boy had cried out to their father that he be forgiven for his transgression.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam knelt next to Joe as he slept and pulled the coarse blanket that had at some time been kicked away, back around Joe\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 His heart had melted at the sight his eyes took in; Joe looked much younger than his fifteen years. Adam felt his own heart fill with remorse in the part he had played that led up to the unfortunate incident between his father and the young boy curled sleeping on top of the hay.\u00a0 Adam with held the urge to brush at the stray curls that covered Joe\u2019s forehead in fear of waking the boy.\u00a0 Instead, Adam turned toward the ladder and went in search of his father, the need to talk weighing heavy on his troubled mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was standing in front of the massive fireplace, his back to the door and turned suddenly as the front door opened allowing Adam to enter.\u00a0 Adam glanced toward his father surprised to find that he was still up but pleased that he would not have to wake him.\u00a0 He paused just long enough to hang his hat on the peg on the wall behind the door before moving to converse with his father.\u00a0 Ben lowered his tired body into the welcoming comforts of his red chair and crossed his legs.\u00a0 He could tell from the look on his oldest son\u2019s face that Adam had something on his mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d stated Ben, watching his son as Adam moved to sit on the large wooden table facing his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in the barn, curled up in the hay sleeping,\u201d Adam explained.\u00a0 \u201cI was worried about him; I needed to know for myself that he was home and okay.\u201d\u00a0 Adam gave his father a small smile.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben returned the smile and leaned forward placing his hand reassuringly on Adam\u2019s knee and patted gently.\u00a0 \u201cI know, I found him myself sometime after mid-night.\u00a0 I was standing in the shadows when he rode in and I waited until he had time to settle in before I went to check on him.\u00a0 He was tossing and turning then too, I heard him whimpering and wanted to go to him but decided that perhaps the time wasn\u2019t quite right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I had to stop myself from waking him up,\u201d Adam paused, raising troubled eyes to look into his father\u2019s caring eyes.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2026when I was watching him sleep, I suddenly realized some things.\u201d\u00a0 Adam swallowed forcing the lump that had suddenly seemed to grow in his throat to go away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben watched as Adam searched for the words that he wanted to say.\u00a0 When Adam said nothing, Ben at last spoke up.\u00a0 \u201cWhat kind of things, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was then that Ben noticed the sheen that suddenly announced that tears were forming from the depths of his son\u2019s dark troublesome eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAdam?\u201d encouraged Ben, \u201cwhat things are you referring to, son?\u201d he asked again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath, \u201cI realized just how young Joe really is.\u00a0 I understand now how hard I\u2019ve been on him lately and that I have been expecting too much of him.\u00a0 I accused him of wanting to be a man but acting like a boy.\u00a0 Then when I expected him to act like a man I turned around and then I treated him like a boy, which is really what he is.\u00a0 I realize that he isn\u2019t capable yet of doing all the things I demanded of him, oh, he tried, but I was just too ignorant to understand the reasons why he seemed to always be doing the opposite of what I expected him to do.\u00a0 Seeing him curled up sleeping in the barn loft and hearing him cry, I realized that I was giving the boy mixed signals, no wonder he stays mad at me most of the time and tries to avoid me at all costs.\u00a0 He must hate me Pa, if I were in his place, I guess I would hate me too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam laughed, the tone being more a sound of derision than joyful.\u00a0 Pinching the bridge of his nose he slowly raised his head again and looked into his father\u2019s face and seeing the understanding he had hoped to find.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I have to tell him,\u201d whispered Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes Adam, I agree.\u00a0 I think it might help him to know that he isn\u2019t the first,\u201d Ben stated calmly, leaning over and resting his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks Pa, for understanding I mean.\u00a0 I\u2019ll talk to him first thing in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 Adam rose as did Ben and each man stood briefly staring into the eyes of the other both remembering another time much like this before Adam\u2019s arms found their way around his father\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cGood night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood night son,\u201d replied Ben, watching Adam slowly make his way up the stairs toward his room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam heard the scurrying of feet above his head as he and Hoss entered the barn, Joe was awake.\u00a0 Adam knew that as long as he remained in the barn, Joe would be forced to stay in the loft.\u00a0 As he and Hoss worked, they made small jokes about silly things, laughing as they went about their daily routine.\u00a0 When they were just about finished, Adam pulled Hoss into the tack room and in a subdued whisper explained to him that he needed to speak with Joe in private.\u00a0 Hoss took his cue, saddled Chubb and led his horse from the barn pulling the door closed behind him to give his brothers more privacy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As soon as the door was closed, Adam turned to the ladder that would lead him to his brother\u2019s hiding place.\u00a0 Joe, who had heard Adam\u2019s boots sounding his approach, grabbed his blanket and hurried to hide behind the bales of hay stacked in the corner, unaware that his brother knew he was in hiding.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled to himself as he slowly made his way to the pile of hay that still held the indention where Joe had been sleeping. \u00a0Sitting down, he pulled his knees upward to his chest and folded his arms across the top of them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe peeked from behind his wall of hay trying to see what it was that Adam was doing.\u00a0 When he saw his brother making himself comfortable he frowned, knowing that now he was trapped.\u00a0 There was no way that he could escape his hiding place as long as the older boy stayed where he was.\u00a0 Joe silently cursed himself for not having left before the day had begun.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat and smiled, the expression hidden from his little brother\u2019s view.\u00a0 He had heard the gentle mumbling of the boy who thought he was undetected.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I know you\u2019re there,\u201d he said at last, \u201cyou might as well come out.\u00a0 I have something I\u2019d like to say to you,\u201d Adam informed his brother, hoping that Joe would join him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Realizing that his older brother knew of his hiding place, Joe frowned but refused to move or acknowledge his brother\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u00a0 You can just stay there, I can tell you just as well from here, and I know you can hear me.\u00a0 Maybe this is better anyway, at least now you can\u2019t run so you have to listen to what I have to say,\u201d stated Adam softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, about yesterday\u2026\u201d he began.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t wanna talk about yesterday, or the day before that or the day before that one.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you just go away and leave me be?\u201d proclaimed Joe in an angry voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam turned slightly from his position in the hay, \u201cBecause Joe, I don\u2019t want to leave you alone.\u00a0 I have to tell you something.\u201d\u00a0 Adam paused briefly and then continued.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I know how you feel.\u00a0 I mean, the guilt, the shame, and the fear, all of it.\u00a0 I understand those feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you?\u00a0 I hit him Adam.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t possibly understand how that makes me feel.\u00a0 He hates me, I know he does\u2026hell Adam, I hate myself,\u201d cried Joe, the tears beginning to roll slowly from his sad eyes.\u00a0 He brushed at them with both hands smearing the dampness across his cheeks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam heard the soft whimpers and felt the sting of tears in his own eyes as he recalled the feelings he himself had felt many years ago; quickly he hurried on to explain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI understand little buddy, because I hit him too.\u00a0 I was just about your age, Pa and I had been arguing, just like you and he had been.\u00a0 I was mad Joe; mad at Pa, mad at your mother, mad at my lot in life, mad at the world it seemed and I took it out on him.\u00a0 He was just about to turn me across his knee for back talking Marie when I swung out and clipped his jaw.\u00a0 Boy was he shocked, but then hell, so was I.\u00a0 Neither one of us could say a word, we just stood there staring at each other.\u201d\u00a0 Adam stopped, his long kept secret now exposed, he turned when he caught sight of his brother out of the corner of his eye and watched as Joe moved closer.\u00a0 The expression of both disbelief and shock clearly etched onto the young face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you really hit him Adam?\u201d asked Joe softly not knowing for sure that he had heard correctly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI sure did.\u00a0 I will never forget the thoughts that ran through my mind then, little brother.\u00a0 Everything that you are feeling now, I felt then.\u00a0 I was scared, I just knew that Pa hated me; I knew he was disappointed and ashamed of me.\u00a0 I thought he would never be able to forgive me, but Joe\u2026he did,\u201d explained Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sat down next to Adam watching the face of his brother.\u00a0 Adam nonchalantly slipped his arm around his brother\u2019s shoulder and pulled him closer to his own body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up at Adam and saw from the expression on his brother\u2019s face that Adam was telling him the truth.\u00a0 \u201cHow long did it take him?\u201d\u00a0 Joe wanted to know.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled recalling how quickly his father had embraced him, each of them begging the other for forgiveness.\u00a0 \u201cOh, just about as long as it took him to put his arms around me.\u00a0 Joe\u2026Pa understood about why it happened, he didn\u2019t blame me any more than he blamed himself.\u00a0 He just stood there and held me letting me cry while he whispered in my ear how much he loved me.\u00a0 Of course being that I am one stubborn fool, it took me a very long time to forgive myself.\u00a0 I still have times when I think back to when it happened and experience those old feelings all over again. But he did forgive me, Joe, and he still loved me.\u00a0 I was so scared that he would stop loving me, but he never did.\u00a0 And, he hasn\u2019t stopped loving you either.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut I\u2019m not like you Adam, I\u2019m always doing things wrong and getting into trouble. Do you really think Pa will forgive me?\u201d cried Little Joe, unaware that his father stood on the top rung of the ladder listening to their conversation and not the least bit aware that he had already received the forgiveness that he longed for.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had seen his father\u2019s approach and smiled down at his little brother.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know Joe, why don\u2019t you ask him?\u00a0 He\u2019s right here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned startled eyes up at his father who now stood behind him and rising slowly to face the man whom he loved, he looked beseechingly into the compassionate eyes staring down at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026\u201d began Joe unable to control the trembling that suddenly consumed his body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before Joe could say another word, Ben\u2019s arms encircled his young son and pulled him into his chest holding tightly to the quivering shoulders.\u00a0 Ben leaned down and placed a kiss atop the mass of dark curls that covered the head of his beloved son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa\u2026\u201dwhimpered Joe, \u201cplease say you forgive me, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben raised Joe\u2019s chin upward and smiled down, \u201cOf course I forgive you Joseph.\u00a0 I love you son, always remember that.\u00a0 I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI love you too, Pa.\u00a0 And I am sorry.\u201d\u00a0 Joe placed his head back down against Ben\u2019s chest hearing the sound of his father\u2019s beating heart beneath his ear, his own arms closing around Ben\u2019s waist in a tight embrace.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam stood patting both his father and brother\u2019s backs as he moved toward the ladder wanting to give the pair time to restore their broken relationship.\u00a0 \u201cSee you later,\u201d he tossed over his shoulder as he climbed down.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved himself and his son to the pile of hay and sat down, pulling Joe down with him.\u00a0 \u201cI think we need to have that talk now, don\u2019t you son?\u201d smiled Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded his head but refused to relinquish his space close to his father and made sure that he snuggled as near to him as he could.\u00a0 Ben smiled, understanding the boy\u2019s need for comfort and reassurance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced up at his father, \u201chow do you do it, Pa?\u201d he asked quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow do I do what?\u201d Ben said offering Joe his handkerchief to dry his eyes with.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPut up with me.\u00a0 How do you stand it?\u201d said Joe, smiling now that he knew he had his father\u2019s love and forgiveness once again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh, it\u2019s not so hard.\u00a0 There are times I\u2019ve wondered about it but for the most part, you aren\u2019t such a bad kid,\u201d teased Ben, ruffling the dark curls and laughing at Joe\u2019s expression of mock surprise.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cListen to me for a minute Joseph.\u00a0 I\u2019ll try to explain.\u00a0 You see, when one becomes a parent, your life suddenly and forever changes.\u00a0 First off, it is no longer just your life.\u00a0 It takes on new meaning, you see, what might have been important before might not be so important after you have a child.\u00a0 Your priorities change, you live for your children not so much for yourself anymore.\u00a0 Your values are changed as you suddenly realize that what the most precious thing to you is, is the babe you hold in your arms not your worldly possessions.\u00a0 No matter what son, I consider you, Adam and Hoss the three most valuable things in my life.\u00a0 Without you, I would have no life; life would have no meaning, no joy, and no happiness.\u00a0 The three of you are my very reasons for living, breathing and going on day after day whether or not things go right or wrong,\u201d Ben studied his son\u2019s face and watched as the boy absorbed the importance to the meaning of his chosen words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had grown quiet as he listened to his father speak, overcome by the love that poured forth from each word that his father uttered.\u00a0 Joe rested his head against the broad shoulder and whispered softly.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben gave the slender shoulders a gently squeeze.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, when you become a parent, you learn the true meaning of understanding, compassion, love, respect and most of all, forgiveness.\u00a0 You see son, without those, there would be no family, least ways not the way that the four of us know it.\u00a0 Joe, even parents do some things wrong.\u00a0 There is no perfect parent and there is no perfect son, not of this world at least.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stopped suddenly and placed his hand over Joe\u2019s mouth to stop his words.\u00a0 \u201cAnd before you say it, that includes your brother Adam.\u201d\u00a0 Ben laughed when he saw the smile spread across the younger boy\u2019s face under the fingers that still silenced his unspoken words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, there is only one perfect father, our Heavenly Father, and only one perfect son, Jesus.\u00a0 There is no way that either of us can completely live up to those standards.\u00a0 I have tried all of my life to live as close to God\u2019s word as I could.\u00a0 And I have tried to instill in each of you, the same values.\u00a0 Our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally and forgives each of us daily, sometimes several times a day when we do things that displease Him.\u00a0 If he does that for each of us, myself included, who am I to withhold my forgiveness to one of you when you do wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you see son, my love for you is as God\u2019s love is to me, unconditional and without exceptions.\u00a0 That is why forgiveness comes so easily for me.\u00a0 The Good Book says in Luke: 17:4 \u2018And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I want you to always remember this, no matter how many times you mess up, no matter how angry with you I may become and no matter that I might be disappointed or ashamed of you at times, I will never stop loving you.\u00a0 Nor will I never not forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stressed the last point wanting to make clear his intentions so that his son would always know that no matter what, he had a father that would always be there for him when he was needed and would regardless and without question or exception, love him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe remained seated and quiet for several minutes before turning misty eyes up at his father.\u00a0 \u201cThank you Pa.\u00a0 I mean for understanding about yesterday and all, and for explaining everything to me.\u00a0 I hope that when I become a parent, I can be as good at it as you are cause I think you\u2019re the best.\u201d\u00a0 Joe leaned over, slipped his arms around his father\u2019s neck and placed a kiss on Ben\u2019s cheek.\u00a0 Ben returned the gesture by holding the boy tightly to his heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI only have one question though Pa,\u201d said Joe, pulling free and standing to face Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw the twinkle that had returned to Joe\u2019s eyes and noted the way they darted about in merriment.\u00a0 Briefly he wondered where his son\u2019s line of questioning was headed.\u00a0 A large smile graced the senior Cartwright\u2019s face as he watched Joe kick around the loose hay on the floor while trying to hide his smile from his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what might that be?\u201d asked Ben, knowing full well he had just taken the bait, hook, line and sinker in one large bite.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u2026I was just wondering, who hits harder, me or Adam?\u201d piped Little Joe, a mischievous smile spreading across his angelic face as he forced a look of innocence to stay in place.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben burst out laughing at the sight his youngest son portrayed and grabbed him in a headlock.\u00a0 \u201cI do, and don\u2019t you ever forget it, you little scamp!\u201d said Ben giving Joe\u2019s bottom a solid whack before releasing him.\u00a0 \u201cNow get, you have work to do!\u201d laughed Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe ran for the ladder and as he turned he laughed again, \u201cI love you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And with that the curly head moved downward out of sight from his father\u2019s view leaving Ben alone with his thoughts and his memories.\u00a0 Unaware of his actions, Ben rubbed the sore spot on his jaw, smiled and had to admit that with the way his chin ached, he hoped that this would be the one and only time Joe\u2019s fist connected with his face.\u00a0 Woe-be-gone to the man that might one-day tangle with the boy that Ben knew would some day become a man with a very powerful left hook.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

February 2002<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Forgiveness,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: An unfortunate incident that involves his father, leaves Joe with feelings of guilt and fear that Ben may never forgive him for what happened. Adam shares a long kept secret with his youngest brother that helps Joe accept the fact that his father can and will forgive him.<\/p>\n

Rated: G (7,000 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9052,"featured_media":11263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2401,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/normal_Leprechauns3.jpg?fit=400%2C300&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12174,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12174","url_meta":{"origin":12334,"position":0},"title":"Without Malice (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"January 1, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Little Joe's best friend is killed in an unfortunate accident and Joe holds himself responsible.\u00a0 How will he ever overcome his guilt? Rated G \u00a0WC 8200","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-6.jpg?fit=303%2C240&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12223,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12223","url_meta":{"origin":12334,"position":1},"title":"Time Will Tell (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"January 1, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Adam's 21st birthday is almost here, and Ben has something special to give to him.\u00a0 But does his youngest son's insatiable curiosity ruin the entire surprise for both Ben and Adam? Rated G \u00a0WC 14,100","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/1870-watch.png?fit=600%2C565&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/1870-watch.png?fit=600%2C565&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/1870-watch.png?fit=600%2C565&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2944,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2944","url_meta":{"origin":12334,"position":2},"title":"Horace Greeley Comes To The Ponderosa (By frasrgrl)","author":"frasrgrl","date":"February 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0An old friend of Bens, from his younger, wilder days comes to visit. 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Rated:\u00a0K+\u00a0 Word count:\u00a02843 Emily's Sir Eric Series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Ben \/ Hoss"","block_context":{"text":"Ben \/ Hoss","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1017"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Cherry-Tree.jpg?fit=500%2C375&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12118,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12118","url_meta":{"origin":12334,"position":4},"title":"Baring Souls (by DebbieB)","author":"DebbieB","date":"May 31, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0Find out what happens weeks after Adam brings Joe home with life threatening wounds. Will the brothers be able to keep their secret made \"Between Brothers\" or will they bare their souls to their father...and each other? 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