{"id":12667,"date":"2009-07-13T19:38:52","date_gmt":"2009-07-13T23:38:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12667"},"modified":"2026-07-22T13:56:17","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T17:56:17","slug":"he-was-laughing-by-calim11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12667","title":{"rendered":"He Was Laughing (by Calim11)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>What Happened Next for the episode \u201cTriangle\u201d<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 K+\u00a0 (7,100 words)<\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Note<\/u><\/em>:\u00a0 This is my 20th<\/sup> posted story for which I am shocked and pleased that I\u2019ve managed this great feat (at least, great to me). So I want to take this time to apologize to Mr. Adam Cartwright for putting him through the ringer in all my stories. I\u2019ve buried him in a cave-in, shot him, beat him, and distressed him in more ways than one, all for the sake of fulfilling my SAS desires. Well, I\u2019m sorry, Mr. C, but I don\u2019t plan on stopping any time soon and you\u2019ll just have to keep your fingers crossed that at some point I will make your life happy. Feedback is appreciated.<\/em><\/p>\n

He Was Laughing<\/strong><\/p>\n

HOSS<\/u><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He was laughin\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I ain\u2019t heard it in so long I was surprised when those deep tones sorta carried over everyone else\u2019s. It made me smile. My brother Adam was laughin\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ya see, it was a mite shockin\u2019 in that . . . well my brother ain\u2019t had it so good lately. A woman he was gonna marry run off with our cousin without even lookin\u2019 back, and afore that, he done hurt hisself real bad fallin\u2019 offa ladder and couldn\u2019t walk for a spell. Then ta top it all off, once he got back onta his feet, he lost two valuable timber contracts which hurt him somethin\u2019 fierce.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now Pa . . . Pa don\u2019t exactly keep his thoughts ta hisself mosta the time and this weren\u2019t no different. When Adam come home without them contracts, he started blamin\u2019 that woman and then Adam for not payin\u2019 attention. They got inta an awful fight and I thought Adam was gonna leave for good this time and I couldn\u2019t say as I blamed \u2018im.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That boy puts in an awful lot o\u2019 work \u2018round the ranch and sometimes I think Pa forgets that. They\u2019s been together so long, seem ta know what the other\u2019s thinkin\u2019 way afore I do, that I think Pa takes \u2018im for granted, doesn\u2019t tell \u2018im often enough how glad he is that he\u2019s here and how much he loves \u2018im. And now that he was feelin\u2019 especially low, what with losin\u2019 out on a family and then not bein\u2019 able ta help us with the round-up on account o\u2019 his back, Pa jest started yellin\u2019. I could tell by the look on older brother\u2019s face it weren\u2019t goin\u2019 down well, and if it hadn\u2019t a been Pa standin\u2019 there, he woulda decked \u2018im. Instead, he jest up and walked right outta the house, got back on his horse and lit out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, I couldn\u2019t jest let \u2018im go, not like that anyway, so\u2019s I gave Pa a hard look and took after my brother. Ya see, I\u2019ve always known Adam would up and leave one day. It\u2019s not that he don\u2019t love the Ponderosa like Joe or me or Pa; he does. It\u2019s jest that he\u2019s got a yearnin\u2019 in his belly ta see other things. I\u2019m thinkin\u2019 that\u2019s \u2018cause he was always movin\u2019 as a young\u2019n. Never stayed in one place long enough ta feel settled \u2018til he come here. And that\u2019s fine if\u2019n he wants ta see the world, but he should leave when he wants, not \u2018cause he\u2019s mad or don\u2019t think Pa respects \u2018im no more. That ain\u2019t a good reason ta walk away from nothin\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A course, he walked away from Laura but — and I haveta say it — that was a wise choice. That woman was jest a whiner, and then ta two-time \u2018im like that . . . well, that wasn\u2019t right. Now I ain\u2019t got nothin\u2019 against Will feelin\u2019 what he did. Sometimes ya cain\u2019t help where yer heart takes ya, but that woman . . .\u00a0 The only good thing about her was Peggy, and Adam loved ol\u2019 Peggy a lot more than Laura, so\u2019s it\u2019s a good thing Will took her offa his hands. But it still rips at yer heart, ya know, thinkin\u2019 ya ain\u2019t never gonna find a woman ta share yer life with.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, I finally caught up ta Adam and we had us a long talk. He and I\u2019ve always been able ta talk about everythin\u2019 and he jest poured out his heart ta me. The last time I heard \u2018im talk like that was when he hadta shoot Ross Marquette. That nearly done \u2018im in but I managed ta git \u2018im talkin\u2019 then and it seemed ta settle \u2018im some. It was the same here. Older brother jest needed someone ta talk to without bein\u2019 judged and we both knew Pa and Joe woulda worried \u2018im ta death about Laura lyin\u2019 ta \u2018im. I ain\u2019t like that. I\u2019ve had my share o\u2019 problems with women and my luck\u2019s run about the same as Adam\u2019s, but I know that callin\u2019 \u2018em names and tossin\u2019 in yer face that ya picked another loser ain\u2019t gonna do ya no good when yer in pain, when yer thinkin\u2019 this is it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I was sure he weren\u2019t gonna leave on the mornin\u2019 stage, I left \u2018im out there in the dark ta gather hisself while I went on home and gave a piece o\u2019 my mind ta Pa. Now, I don\u2019t normally do such things but I was riled and Pa knew it jest from the look on my face. Joe always said I look like a mama bear tryin\u2019 ta protect her cubs when I get like that and I\u2019m thinkin\u2019 he might be onta somethin\u2019 \u2018cause Pa took a step back from me when I came ramblin\u2019 inta the house and slammed the door behind me. I waved my finger and poked \u2018im \u2013 yeah, I poked \u2018im \u2013 and wanted ta know where he got off accusin\u2019 Adam o\u2019 doin\u2019 anythin\u2019 but his best for the ranch and the family. Didn\u2019t he remember that jest a bit ago it didn\u2019t look like Adam was gonna walk again and that has ta prey on a man, that if\u2019n he\u2019s stuck in a chair for the rest o\u2019 his life how\u2019s he gonna prove hisself? How\u2019s he gonna be a man that a woman wants around?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I also wanted ta know why he hadta keep throwin\u2019 Laura up in his face when we all know he felt somethin\u2019 for her, even if\u2019n it weren\u2019t true love, and how could he chastise \u2018im for losin\u2019 them contracts after all he\u2019s been through and the fact that he feels as low as a snake\u2019s belly already without \u2018im harpin\u2019 on \u2018im.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I stopped then, waitin\u2019 for an answer as I stared at Pa noticin\u2019 for the first time I was towerin\u2019 over \u2018im. I ain\u2019t never thought o\u2019 that afore. Pa\u2019s Pa, a towerin\u2019 man by hisself, but this time I felt like a giant protectin\u2019 my brother. I backed away then, \u2018cause it weren\u2019t my place ta scare the man. I was jest so God-awful mad at it all! I jest wanted ta take the world and shake it, hopin\u2019 some happiness would fall Adam\u2019s way.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pa had that look, a stunned look I\u2019d guess ya\u2019d call it, and jest stared at me, and I turned away, stuffin\u2019 hands in my pockets. I apologized for speakin\u2019 ta \u2018im that way but then I turned and told \u2018im that I love Adam for all he\u2019s ever done for me. He held me close when Mama was killed; he looked after me and taught me when we was on the wagon train and then helped me with my learnin\u2019 when everyone else was makin\u2019 fun. He and I share a link that\u2019s different than the one I share with Joe and even with Pa. It runs much deeper. We don\u2019t havta worry about how we\u2019re gonna react or what we\u2019re gonna say and we always know that the other will be there when needed. And even though we\u2019ve come ta blows a time or two, we always made up, always understood that the love we share runs deep and even death wouldn\u2019t split us apart. Pa had ta know that if\u2019n he didn\u2019t already.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked unsteady and sat down in his big chair. Carefully, I rested a hand on his shoulder, tellin\u2019 \u2018im that we all look out for each other and we all look up ta Adam for pavin\u2019 the way for us. But that don\u2019t mean ol\u2019 Adam don\u2019t need help once in awhile hisself and surely don\u2019t need his Pa mouthin\u2019 off at \u2018im like that, especially after what he\u2019d been through.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I left it at that and went ta bed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think Pa ever said nothin\u2019 about what happened but I could tell Adam knew jest by the way he smiled at me the next day and laid a hand across my back. We jest stood there and looked at the lake and I was happy I could be there for \u2018im like he\u2019d been there for me so many times afore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019s my brother and I love \u2018im and I don\u2019t take kindly ta folks — Pa or not — treatin\u2019 \u2018im like dirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, after all this time, it was nice ta hear \u2018im laughin\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

JOE<\/u><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That was Adam . . . I\u2019m sure of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That deep laugh he gives out when he finds something truly funny. I\u2019m just surprised is all. I haven\u2019t heard him laugh like that since, well, since that woman started messing with him . . . that Laura.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I never liked her. She was just way too much work and bellyached over everything! The only good thing about her was her daughter, Peggy, whom I know Adam adored. In fact, I believe he was just marrying Laura to have Peggy as a daughter. Not a very good reason to get married but, for Adam, it was an interesting reason because I never thought he\u2019d do something like that. I always thought he\u2019d marry for love, just like the rest of us.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, I don\u2019t know. Maybe he thought he loved her. I thought I was in love with my fair share of women. I just never thought it would happen to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Of course, he was spending a bit too much time on their new house and leaving her to fend for herself. That\u2019s when Will stepped in. I wanted to just punch him down to the ground when I found out what happened, but Adam told me it was all right. I didn\u2019t believe him, of course, but I still left it alone \u2018cause he was hurting so from his back and I didn\u2019t want to add to it with all my questions. I\u2019m always full of them, always have been, and I annoy the hell out of everyone until I get answers. But this time, this time I backed away. Adam would talk when he wanted, although I was pretty sure he\u2019d only talk to Pa or Hoss. He and I don\u2019t have that type of relationship, never have. Oh, when I was younger maybe, but when he came back from college, it all changed. I wanted to be a man and he wanted to be my Pa, always telling me what to do . . . well, that\u2019s not true. He just wanted what was best for me. He always has. I just took it wrong most of the time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But whether or not he truly loved Laura, its still gotta hurt, being rejected, I mean. You wouldn\u2019t think that would happen to him. He\u2019s good looking, tall, strong and smart. He knows poetry and Shakespeare and how to build almost anything, and yet all those accomplishments haven\u2019t gotten a wedding ring on his finger. I wonder if it ever will.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I got a true feeling of what my brother was feeling when I tagged along with him to Stockton to finalize those damnable contracts, the cause of all our current turmoil. Pa couldn\u2019t go \u2018cause he\u2019d tripped over one of Hop Sing\u2019s chickens and wrenched his knee and the only person who knew the contracts beside him was Adam. Now older brother had just gotten to the point where he didn\u2019t collapse at the end of each day in terrible pain from his back but accepted that he was the only one to go. I went along as kind of a nursemaid, even though I didn\u2019t tell him that, but he\u2019s smart enough to figure it out \u2019cause there wouldn\u2019t be any other reason for me to go with him \u2013 I don\u2019t know anything about the contracts and don\u2019t want too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, we took the stage, which was a huge mistake since it irritated Adam\u2019s back to the point that we had to get off about twenty miles from Stockton and buy some horses or else he wouldn\u2019t have made it in one piece. Then we got there and the meetings and bidding times had changed to where they overlapped each other by an hour. We couldn\u2019t miss these or we\u2019d miss out on the contracts so I had to head to the second one to represent us until Adam could show up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When he did, I knew the first meeting hadn\u2019t gone well by the dark look on his face. But, once again, I kept my questions to myself and let him take over, slipping out the back to make sure we gotta room for the evening, which wasn\u2019t gonna happen. I hated to tell Adam that we were destined to sleep on the hard ground again, but figured once he\u2019d won this contract he wouldn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I met him outside the meeting hall with a smile only to have it wiped clean by the searing look in his eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d was all he said as he limped past me toward the hotel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d I called running after him. \u201cI couldn\u2019t get a room. They were all booked up. All the hotels. Something about a rodeo in town and people comin\u2019 from all over.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I hated to tell him that, watching him stop in the middle of the street, letting his shoulders slump as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Giving a heavy sigh, he turned toward the livery. I trailed after and we got our horses and, without a word, rode out of town heading for home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until much later, after I\u2019d given up tryin\u2019 to get him to talk as we sat across from each other \u2018round the campfire, that he finally spoke up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI lost both contracts,\u201d he said in a dejected voice as he stared into the flames, pulling the collar up on his jacket.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019d said \u201cI\u201d not \u201cwe\u201d. I couldn\u2019t think on how to answer that so just went with the old standby. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe, too.\u201d He sighed then, a heavy desperate sigh. It was like all the problems he\u2019d been facing of late had finally piled up to the top and were about to collapse in on themselves.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll get \u2018em next time,\u201d I tried with a grin, hoping to give him some sort of support. He just harrumphed and painfully eased himself onto his back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to sleep. I think I can still do that right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My heart cringed at those words as I watched him try to find a comfortable position then finally settle. I laid back myself and lost myself in the stars.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t say as I\u2019ve ever felt sorry for my brother. He always seems to have it all. But then I started thinking on his early life on the wagon train with Pa then Hoss, never having many friends as a child, losing his Ma and Inger and then Marie. Then having to shoot his best friend and facing that devil in the desert. For someone who seemed to have everything, he\u2019d lost a lot and never was able to hold onto love for very long.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, the next day we rode on, mostly in silence, and made it home late. I offered to put up Sport for him since I could see he was having trouble with his back. He quietly thanked me then headed on in. It took me a minute to figure out where all the noise was coming from, and I stuck my head outta the barn when I heard the front door slam and saw Adam barrel his way toward me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ripping Sport\u2019s reins from my hand, he mounted and headed out at a fast clip. I called after him but I got no response, so headed toward the house only to see Hoss come out next and I could tell he was fuming mad. I called after him too and got nothing back, so instead went into the house to find Pa pacing back and forth, stopping every once in awhile to hold his knee. When I mentioned that he should sit down before he fell down, I got such a tongue lashing it nearly took my head off about the reason he\u2019d sent me with Adam in the first place was to keep him focused, take his mind off that woman and his back and what did I do? Well, according to Pa, nothin\u2019 much since we lost both contracts. When I tried to fight back, he just glared at me, told me to get outta his sight and stalked into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now I<\/u><\/em> was mad, so I headed back to the barn to talk with Hoss. It seemed the safest place at the moment. But then Hoss came rocketing outta the barn on Chubb and disappeared into the night, leaving me to call after him as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now I was left, hands on hips, with my brother\u2019s ridin\u2019 off into the night and me left behind without so much as a how do you do. So I decided the best thing for me right then was to go to bed, and stomped my way across the yard, through the front door and up the stairs, mumbling to myself about fathers and brothers and contracts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until later, much later, I was awakened by Hoss\u2019 deep voice talking real loud downstairs, talking to Pa like I\u2019d never heard him and wondered how long he\u2019d still be living with us. It was only then I figured out what was going on and got mad all over again but this time I was mad at Pa. And that was a new feeling.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know Pa loves us, not one more than the other, but he often excludes Adam. While he heaps praise on me, he won\u2019t on Adam; he always assumes Adam will be the responsible one. He expects him to do things right and never make mistakes and that\u2019s just impossible, even for big brother. I know losing those contracts was a big blow to Adam; I saw it in his eyes when he walked into the room and his comment of maybe sleep was something he could still do just plagued me. Adam\u2019s not your vulnerable type, never doubts himself — or if he does nobody sees it — so it\u2019s hard to think that he feels that way sometimes. He\u2019s doing the best he can and Pa should know that. He always does the best he can and just because it usually turns out right doesn\u2019t mean he can\u2019t fail.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But he\u2019s my brother and I love him and would do anything for him. And if it meant standing up to Pa to make him see what he was throwing away, then I would.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, there it is again, that laugh. It reminds me of the good times.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

BEN<\/u><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It made me turn, that sound. It\u2019s music to my ears – my eldest son\u2019s laughter. I\u2019ve missed it so. He\u2019s had such a trying time of late what with that woman falling for his cousin, his accident and then . . . me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I preach to my boys about not jumping to conclusions, about hearing all the facts, and what do I do? I jump to conclusions and when I do hear them, I dismiss them. Whatever has happened to my patience? I fear it\u2019s gone the way of my dark hair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, I\u2019ve tried to apologize and he tells me it\u2019s fine but I know it isn\u2019t. I think he believes I\u2019ve lost my trust in him, which is far from the truth. He may not be able to make up his mind when it comes to women but business . . . in business, he\u2019s rock solid, which is why I was floored we lost both contracts.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was no reason, at least as far as I could tell, to come home empty handed. That was right after he\u2019d gotten back on his feet and wasn\u2019t able to do ranch work so took on both contracts like he always does. I blamed him for not paying attention, for letting this thing with Laura and Will distract him. How could I do that? My Lord, my son was going to be married; was building a house to start a new life then it all came crashing down upon him as he fell from that ladder. And what did I do? I accused him of not paying attention. Well, of course he wasn\u2019t paying attention! I wouldn\u2019t\u2019ve paid much attention either, given the circumstances.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I remember it as if it was yesterday, hearing those words come out my mouth and not being able to stop them, seeing the crushed look on his face at their meaning, watching him storm out into the night with Hoss trailing after him. How could I?! He was obviously in pain; wanted to complete those contracts to prove to me that he was still worth something to all of us and I accused him of not caring.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean you lost the contracts?\u201d I asked stunned at the loss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust that, Pa,\u201d he answered in a tired voice that I chose to ignore.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what happened?\u201d I cringe now at the memory of those words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe were outbid on the first contract. There was no way we could go lower, Pa, without losing money.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the second?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He looked at me then lowered his eyes and I had to strain to hear. \u201cI made a mistake in the figuring. I\u2019m sorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fury filled me. I\u2019d been depending on those contracts to support the purchase of four new bulls to further improve our breed and now that was gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re sorry?\u201d I asked as I pushed myself to my feet, wincing at the twinge in my knee. He just nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s all you have to say?\u201d He looked at me then.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want me to say, Pa? I made a mistake. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not sorry,\u201d I said. \u201cYou were never in favor of buying those bulls.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I watched his dark eyes narrow and his jaw set. \u201cAre you suggesting that I intentionally lost those contracts?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIf that woman . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat woman has a name, Pa. Laura. And she has nothing to do with this. Why don\u2019t you just come out and say what you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d I said placing hands on my hips. \u201cI don\u2019t think you care about the ranch anymore, Adam, not since that wo . . . not since Laura. You\u2019ve been depressed and a bear to live with and if you don\u2019t like it here, maybe you should leave and go live in that house you were building for her!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw it then but didn\u2019t recognize it \u2013 the shock that crossed his face soon to be replaced with a crushed look as he stepped back. Fury came next as he spun, grabbed his hat and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. It was then I saw Hoss standing near the kitchen glaring at me with such anger that I could reach out and touch it. He dropped his sandwich onto the table and took off out the door. I heard a horse leave the yard just as Joe rocketed through the front door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d he asked, seeing me pacing back and forth and stopping every so many paces to hold my knee. \u201cMaybe you should sit down, Pa?\u201d he said to me and I nearly took his head off.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019d I send you with Adam, Joe? To keep him focused. What were you doing? Sitting in a saloon charming all the ladies?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow just a minute, Pa, we . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to hear your excuses! Get out of my sight!\u201d I yelled, stomping off into the kitchen. I vaguely heard the door slamming shut as I forced myself to sit at the kitchen table. It was then I heard another horse leave the yard and dropped my head into my hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Maybe it was the fact that I was brooding in the dark kitchen by myself when I heard Joe stomp up the stairs, or possibly that as I paced in front of the fire until the early hours of the morning that I began to understand exactly what I\u2019d done. Oh, I wanted to blame it on the pain in my knee or my sons deserting me when I needed them, but eventually came to understand that I was being a pig-headed numbskull who was putting the benefits of the ranch before the welfare of my sons . . . one son in particular.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam is my rock and always has been. He knows the workings of this ranch better than I do and to accuse him like that of not caring . . . well, I would\u2019ve decked the man that said that to me. And now I might never see him again all because I\u2019m an idiot. I doubt that he would forgive me this time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My attention moved quickly to the door when I heard a horse enter the yard, hoping it was Adam but knowing it wasn\u2019t, and as Hoss barreled into the room, I tensed at the determination written across his face. He came at me and I stepped back, then he poked me and reminded me that maybe Adam wasn\u2019t in love with Laura so much as the idea of marriage but it hurt still the same when he realized his own cousin was moving in on his territory.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow dare ya accuse \u2018im o\u2019 not carin\u2019,\u201d Hoss said to me, his blue eyes flashing their anger. \u201cHe\u2019d lay his life down for any of us; he\u2019d sell everythin\u2019 he had ta save the ranch and ya accuse \u2018im? I cain\u2019t believe that ya don\u2019t know yer own son. I cain\u2019t believe that yer so selfish ta think that he\u2019d do anythin\u2019 on purpose jest ta make ya mad. What\u2019s the matter with ya, Pa? That boy lives and dies for us and ya jest tore his heart outta his chest and stomped on it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t find the words and just swallowed waiting for him to continue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI believe I stopped \u2018im from leavin\u2019 but I wouldn\u2019t blame \u2018im for cuttin\u2019 out, goin\u2019 someplace where he won\u2019t be judged so harshly without benefit of an explanation. I bet ya ain\u2019t even asked Joe what happened. I bet ya accused \u2018im o\u2019 not doin\u2019 his job of babysittin\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yes I had. I never let him explain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s happened ta ya, Pa? Ya used ta care about people\u2019s feelin\u2019s. Is that only when it benefits you? We don\u2019t need them bulls now; they can wait \u2018til the next contract or the next one after that. Why don\u2019t ya put what ya want aside and ask yerself what Adam needs right now \u2013 he needs understandin\u2019 and love. Think ya can give a little o\u2019 yerself ta \u2018im right now, \u2018cause if\u2019n ya cain\u2019t, well, I can. And if talkin\u2019 ta ya like this gets me thrown out, well, maybe I\u2019ll jest move in with Adam at the house he was buildin\u2019 for that woman!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He headed straight for the stairs and slammed shut his bedroom door and I stood there stunned. What had I done? My God, I\u2019d dismissed Adam as if he didn\u2019t matter, not taking into consideration that he was still hurting over the loss of Laura and Peggy to another man, that his inability to work properly at his job was making him uneasy and vulnerable, making him question himself and then the contracts . . .<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All because I wanted some new bulls.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I waited up for him to come home, waited to apologize and make Adam understand that I valued him just as much now as I ever did and that I was proud of him in so many ways. But he didn\u2019t come home that night and I was left with a guilty conscious that was well deserved.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know where he was for a week, couldn\u2019t find him or anyone who\u2019d seen him and I was sure that Hoss had been wrong \u2013 that Adam had left without a word. It wasn\u2019t until Brent Hopkins showed up with two bulls in tow that it occurred to me where Adam had gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re already paid for, Ben,\u201d Brent informed me handing over the bill of sale with Adam\u2019s name scrawled across the bottom. \u201cTold me that he\u2019d come up with the money for the other two by the end of the month. You can pick them up then.\u201d He handed me their tethers, tipped his hat and headed out and I could\u2019ve just cried. This was not the action of a son who didn\u2019t care and I know he probably had to cash in some of his own stock to pay for these.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had to find him. I had to apologize. I had to ask forgiveness.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tossing the bull\u2019s tethers off to a hand, I grabbed Buck and headed out, my intuition taking me to the one place I hadn\u2019t looked \u2013 the house he\u2019d been building for Laura, the house that had caused so many problems. And that\u2019s where I found him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked down on him, seeing him sitting quietly against a rock, just staring at the half finished house. I eased Buck down the trail to leave him next to Sport and slowly walked toward Adam. He never moved, never looked at me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d I said as I neared getting no response. I eyed him then sat down next to him watching him fold arms across his chest. \u201cAre you sure sitting against that rock is good for your back?\u201d I asked hoping to get some response.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt tells me when it isn\u2019t,\u201d came the short answer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I followed his gaze to the struts and braces before us and my heart crushed a bit more at the loss of so many things.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t have been taken aback by the tone, the non-emotional tone that cut so severely through me but I deserved it and he had to know that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve come to apologize for what I said the other night. It was mean and nasty and completely undeserved. I put my wants above everything else and that was wrong.\u201d He didn\u2019t say anything but just kept staring straight ahead. \u201cBrent Hopkins delivered two bulls to me today and told me that the other two could be picked up at the end of the month. Interesting, since I haven\u2019t actually paid for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it, Pa. Your uncaring son bought them for you,\u201d came the tart response, those dark eyes finally meeting mine. \u201cNow, if you don\u2019t mind, you\u2019re trespassing.\u201d He pushed himself up then and swayed a little. I reached out but he moved out of my grasp and walked stiffly away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d I called scrambling to my feet, feeling that each step he took from me was one that I wouldn\u2019t get back. \u201cPlease. What can I do to make this up to you? I\u2019ll do anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He stopped then. \u201cAnything?\u201d he asked without turning and I nodded like a child wanting another piece of candy. \u201cJust leave me be,\u201d came his quiet answer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He started off again to disappear around the back of the house and I could\u2019ve died right then.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I had no choice but to leave. He\u2019d thrown me off his land and I hadn\u2019t come out here to make him uncomfortable, so I mounted Buck and headed out soon to meet Hoss coming toward me in a buckboard. He said nothing to me as he passed and I pulled up to watch him as he came to a stop, Adam coming forward to greet him. They traded smiles then went to work. And what were they doing? They were dismantling the house and stacking the wood into neat stacks, soon to transfer them to the buckboard. He was taking down his dream, his own Ponderosa, removing from his sight everything that reminded him of his loss. And that\u2019s all I\u2019d been doing \u2013 reminding him of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That had been four weeks ago and now I was hearing him laugh. I smiled at the sound, remembering all the other times I\u2019d heard it over the years. Then I turned and headed toward the door. No reason he should see me. If he was laughing, I didn\u2019t want to ruin his evening. Besides it was getting hot in here and a breath of fresh air would do me good.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ADAM <\/u><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw him walk out the door and excused myself from the conversation I\u2019d been having with Harvey Phelps and the antics of his one year old to weave my way through the crowd. The night was chilly and the stars shone brightly and it was nice to take notice of them again after these long couple of months of depression I\u2019d been living since. . . well, since Laura left me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t say as I wasn\u2019t surprised, not much really. I knew it wasn\u2019t going to work but I\u2019d asked her and she\u2019d agreed and it just didn\u2019t seem right to back out. That\u2019s not what I do. I make a promise and I have to stick to it, no matter what. Well, I finally realized that I should thank cousin Will from the bottom of my heart for taking her off my hands because it would\u2019ve been torturous.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ever since she left, I\u2019ve often thought on what it is that keeps a woman from loving me enough to marry me. Everyone tells me I would be a good catch for any woman. So where is this \u2018any woman\u2019? I\u2019ve tried tough girls, small girls, large girls, frilly girls . . . blonds, brunettes, redheads . . . blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes . . . and nothing! Of course, my brothers aren\u2019t doing much better, so I guess it\u2019s just a curse. The Cartwright Curse, as we call it, in full bloom. Just my luck, I\u2019ll find someone on my death bed and then she won\u2019t marry me because I\u2019m gonna die.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t worry so except I\u2019d really like to have children, to give Pa a grandchild, give my brothers nieces and nephews, and I can\u2019t do that unless some poor unsuspecting woman decides to take a chance. But getting married just to get married . . . well, that\u2019s just plain stupid, as Hoss would say.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss. I love that big galoot. I wish I could be as open as he is when it comes to expressing my emotions; it would probably keep me out of a lot of trouble if I could just say I love you or I hate you or I know I made a promise and now I\u2019ll have to break it. But I don\u2019t see that coming anytime soon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ah, the night\u2019s chillier than I thought and I\u2019m putting off the idea that my father is standing about ten paces to my left and I should just go over and stop all this thinking. Thinking always seems to get me into trouble. Well, that and my good old Cartwright stubbornness that I get from both my mother and father. Well, here goes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGetting colder,\u201d I began. \u201cBet the first snow is early this year.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He stiffened and slowly turned, those dark eyes filled with trepidation as they swung my way. I looked away before he could catch me and watched the stars. He cleared his throat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOl\u2019 Paddy Oxford says it\u2019ll be two weeks from now to be exact.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019ve never known him to be wrong,\u201d I answered forcing myself to look at him. I opened my mouth but . . .<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe got the other two bulls,\u201d he quickly said. \u201cThey\u2019re perfect. Should improve our stock for next year.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I nodded. \u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got the money ready to deposit back into your account,\u201d he gave me and I narrowed my eyes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThey were a gift, Pa,\u201d I answered, feeling the hackles rising on my neck. Calm yourself. \u201cI had to do something to make up for . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTo make up for nothing,\u201d he interrupted holding my gaze. \u201cYou didn\u2019t do anything wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want the money, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I glared at him until he nodded then turned and stared out into the night again and I followed suit, wondering if this awkwardness between us would ever end.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He cleared his throat. \u201cIt has come to my attention that I\u2019ve been . . . that I\u2019ve been a bastard to you of late and I want to apologize.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPa . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s true. Please don\u2019t deny it,\u201d he said with a slight frown. \u201cI didn\u2019t handle things very well with you after Laura left and I\u2019m sorry. I was worried about you and I let that feed into my anger toward Laura and Will. Let me finish,\u201d he said as I started to object. He sat down on the bench.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve always wondered why my boys can\u2019t seem to find a woman to settle down with and then you found Laura. I must say I was surprised. She just didn\u2019t seem like the right girl for you \u2013 she had no passion, no fire in her eyes when she looked at you \u2013 and I was worried that you were making a mistake. But how do I gently tell my son that the woman he thinks he loves doesn\u2019t love him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou tried, Pa,\u201d I answered sitting down next to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI did. But it wasn\u2019t my place. I was just afraid that you were walking into a mess, and knowing you, you\u2019d just plow right on ahead because you\u2019d given your word . . . a worthy virtue by the way.\u201d I gave him a slight smile. \u201cBut one that can dig you in deep. Despite you telling everyone that you were fine, I knew you weren\u2019t because this time you really came close and that\u2019s just gotta pull at a man. Of course, I didn\u2019t help by constantly bringing her up every time you held your back or winced or couldn\u2019t get out of a chair without help. That was mean and nasty and something a father shouldn\u2019t do to his son.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then to accuse you of not caring . . .\u201d He broke off then and shook his head, rubbing a hand across his face. \u201cHoss blasted me on that and I deserved it.\u201d He looked at me then and laid a hand on my leg. \u201cYou are my most trusted companion, Adam. With you, I feel that I don\u2019t need to say the same things I need to say to Joe. With us, it is understood that we love each other and trust each other. But in all that, I lost sight of the fact that you are my boy, my son, and I should be open enough to tell you that I value your opinion; I know that I don\u2019t have to look over your shoulder and that you\u2019ll take care of your brothers and me even at the cost of your life. And you do it out of love, not just responsibility. I know all of that and yet I committed a most serious crime \u2013 I forgot for a time. In my haste to pull you from your depression, I trampled on your feelings over and over again and for that I am ashamed. Can you ever forgive me, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked at him, really looked at him and could see the guilt pouring out of him. I admit my feelings had been hurt . . . and yes, I do have feelings. I just don\u2019t spread them out for the world to see like Joe. And he had hurt me, made me question my worth to the family. Did they only look upon me as a worker and not a brother or son? Was I only as good as my brain? Should I move on and try to see if my name was all I was or was there truly more to Adam Cartwright then being Ben Cartwright\u2019s son?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But now with my father giving me that look . . . you know, the one where all he\u2019d really like to do is turn back time and start over. How could I not forgive him and move on? Nursing bad feelings only lets them grow into seething anger that has a tendency to take over a person leaving them with nothing but an empty life.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I gave him a half smile and covered his hand with mine. \u201cI can\u2019t say as I appreciate how you did it, Pa,\u201d I began. \u201cBut I do appreciate that you cared enough to say it in the first place. Laura wasn\u2019t the one and I would\u2019ve ruined three lives instead of just mine. Peggy would\u2019ve been pulled in two trying to figure out which one of us to side with and that\u2019s a decision I would never want her to have to think on at such a young age. I truly loved her and never wanted to hurt her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He gave me a little smile in return and a nod then pulled his hand from mine and embraced me. I returned it, feeling whole again for the first time since Laura left.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat say we go back inside,\u201d I said, \u201cand dance a few dances, drink a few cups of punch, then head on home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like that,\u201d he answered and started forward only to stop as I waggled a finger at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust don\u2019t try to set me up or I\u2019ll turn tail and run,\u201d I said with a grin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve gotta deal. Let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He patted me on the back and the two of us stepped back inside, our laughs mingling with the fiddle music going on inside, both about to be accosted by Clovis Strikhem and Bertha Mae Trindel, the town spinsters.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It took both Pa and I half a second to turn tail and run, both of us laughing as we reached the safety of our horses and ran all the way home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was nice to hear him laughing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was nice to laugh again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 What Happened Next for the episode \u201cTriangle\u201d<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 K+\u00a0 (7,100 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":125,"featured_media":11511,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1090,23,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12667","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-hoss","category-drama","category-whn","wpcat-1090-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-13-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/ACgr.jpg?fit=325%2C310&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12667","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/125"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12667"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12667\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12667"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12667"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12667"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}