{"id":12720,"date":"2010-03-21T23:00:07","date_gmt":"2010-03-22T03:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12720"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:23:58","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:23:58","slug":"not-a-day-goes-by-by-arrenall","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12720","title":{"rendered":"Not a Day Goes By (by Arrenall)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/strong>\u00a0When the unthinkable happens, those left behind must find a way to get on with life.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0 \u00a0T \u00a0(4,433 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Warning: \u00a0I can\u2019t think of anything sadder in Bonanza-land than Hoss dying and leaving his best friend behind.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read other stories that dealt with the aftermath, but couldn\u2019t quite get my head around what really would have happened.\u00a0 This is my attempt to do just that.\u00a0 Also, I live in the land of denial.\u00a0 In my little world, there is no such thing as that little red-headed kid.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not a Day Goes By<\/strong><\/p>\n

He knew his father needed him. He knew it and yet he could do nothing about it. He felt empty inside. His heart hurt like a big hand was squeezing it, and the sadness reached clear down to his soul. There was nothing left to give to anyone. Adam was here now. He\u2019d take care of Pa. Joe watched his father as they both stood watching the passengers come off the stage.<\/p>\n

Adam had come as soon as he\u2019d received the telegram. It took days, so he missed the funeral, but he arrived in Virginia City and was met at the stage by his grieving father and his silent brother. The tears started as soon as Adam saw his father\u2019s stricken face. His Pa had aged. Not just the aging one would expect to see after being gone for so many years, but the kind that only extreme grief causes.<\/p>\n

Adam stepped to his father and took him into his arms. A tight, quick hug and a \u201cgood to see you, Pa,\u201d and then he stepped over to his younger brother. Joe looked different. For one thing, his hair had turned gray. More salt and pepper really. Pa had written him many times and it was mentioned that Joe had started graying several years ago.\u00a0 It was dismissed with a light remark — \u201clike father, like son.\u201d<\/p>\n

No, it wasn\u2019t that. Joe was different. There was no spark in the green eyes.\u00a0 The mouth was pressed into a firm, straight line. There was no smile for his returning oldest brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d Adam whispered and took his brother\u2019s shoulders. Joe\u2019s eyes finally met his, almost as if he\u2019d just noticed him, and without a word, Joe pulled him into a hug.<\/p>\n

After a moment, Adam took Joe\u2019s shoulders and eased him away.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go home,\u201d Adam said as he reached for his father\u2019s shoulder as well.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

The ride to the Ponderosa was silent.\u00a0 Joe rode along side the buggy as it trundled down the road from town.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Adam turned to his father who seemed intent on watching the road.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to go visit Hoss before we go home. Can we?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben gazed at him with his liquid, understanding eyes and smiled sadly. \u201cOf course, son.\u201d He clicked to the horses to pick up the pace a bit, as he\u2019d let them slack off with his daydreaming.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I\u2019m going to take Adam to visit Hoss\u2019 grave. Would you like to come?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Pa,\u201d was the only reply.<\/p>\n

Near the house, Ben turned off the main road onto a smaller track that led to the lake. Ben had allowed Joe to choose where he would like to bury his brother, and Joe had chosen the bluff overlooking Lake Tahoe where his mother had been buried years before.\u00a0 It was a beautiful, untouched spot that Joe visited often.\u00a0 Ben knew that when his time came, he would be placed beside his beloved wife and son there as well.<\/p>\n

As they neared the place where the buggy would have to be left, Adam noticed that Joe hung back, not keeping as close as he had.<\/p>\n

Ben pulled the horses to a stop and lowered himself down and tied off the lead rope to a tree branch.\u00a0 Adam waited as his Pa completed this little chore, and then they walked together to the clearing where his beloved younger brother was waiting.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell me about it, Pa,\u201d Adam said simply.<\/p>\n

Ben looked over the lake with a faraway look. \u201cIt was truly memorable, Adam.\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry we couldn\u2019t wait for you to get here.\u00a0 There must have been two hundred or more people out here that day. I\u2019ve never attended a bigger send off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe had caught up with them and walked quietly behind, holding his hat in both hands.<\/p>\n

The grave itself was fresh. The broken ground had been fashioned into a mound and grass had yet to begin growing. There were dried and withered flowers all over the mound, and a few fresh ones near the large headstone.\u00a0 The stone was simple and rough- hewn. It simply stated:\u00a0 Eric Cartwright<\/strong>,<\/em> Our beloved Hoss<\/strong>,<\/strong> and the years of his birth and untimely death.<\/p>\n

Adam knelt and ran his hand over the fresh cut stone. \u201cThis is perfect, Pa,\u201d he said as he looked up, tears streaming unchecked down his face.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded, unable to speak.\u00a0 Joe stood beside him and quietly put an arm around his father\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n

Joe had been here daily, sometimes several times a day, over the past week.\u00a0 He\u2019d spent the night twice.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t seem to stay away.\u00a0 He wondered if somewhere in his heart he had to keep checking to see if it was real.<\/p>\n

Joe hadn\u2019t slept since that horrible day, at least not for more than a few minutes at a time.\u00a0 He would come awake, sitting straight up in his bed, sweating and crying, certain that he\u2019d heard Hoss calling for help. Several times he\u2019d gone to Hoss\u2019 room to lie down in his brother\u2019s bed instead of his own.\u00a0 Sleep would come from sheer exhaustion, but the unutterable grief always stole it from him.<\/p>\n

After a few minutes of silence, Adam rose to his feet and returned his hat to his head.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for bringing me, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m ready to go home now.\u201d\u00a0 He started off walking back to the buggy without looking back.<\/p>\n

Adam had visited home three years before, at Christmastime. It had not occurred to him that it would be the last time he was to see one of his brothers.\u00a0 Joe and Hoss had seen him off at the stage, joshing and kidding him the whole way. They had not changed a bit. They were two of a kind, never tiring of ribbing each other and finishing each other\u2019s sentences.\u00a0 Adam had often marveled at their closeness.\u00a0 They were more than brothers; they were lifelong best friends.<\/p>\n

For his part, Adam loved them both, but had always been closer to Hoss, in age as well as spirit. Joe was twelve years younger and was almost more of a son than a brother at times. Adam found himself the second father as his younger brothers grew. The bond his brothers shared was theirs alone, but rather than jealousy, which was foreign to him, he admired it and nurtured it.<\/p>\n

Their common bond, no matter their age differences or different temperaments, was their father.\u00a0 The man who had not only raised three sons mostly alone, but had also built an empire as a legacy for them.\u00a0 Nothing, not even his Ponderosa, was more important to him than his sons, and Ben Cartwright reminded them of that every day, not in words so much as in deeds.<\/p>\n

Adam reached the buggy and climbed in and waited for his father and brother. It was Pa who appeared first.<\/p>\n

As he untied the lead rope and climbed in, Ben said, \u201cJoe\u2019s gonna stay a little longer.\u00a0 He\u2019ll see us at the house.\u201d\u00a0 He flicked the reins and the team slowly turned.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, tell me, Pa.\u00a0 How are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben continued to look ahead.\u00a0 \u201cMe?\u00a0 I guess I\u2019m gettin\u2019 along all right, son.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had my moments, but remember, I\u2019ve buried three wives. It never gets easier, but I\u2019ve learned a thing or two.\u00a0 It\u2019s Joe I\u2019m worried about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know what you mean. He\u2019s taking it hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMore than you\u2019ll ever know, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t imagine what it must have been like for him. I\u2019ve never known two brothers who were closer.\u201d Adam smiled to himself as he remembered moments from their lives. The bull. The racehorse. The many times he and Hoss had to fetch Joe from town to keep him out of trouble or to get him out of trouble. The time Red Twilight had shot Hoss and Adam had to keep Joe from killing the man in cold vengeance.<\/p>\n

His thoughts were interrupted by his father. \u201cHe told me he feels like he\u2019s lost a part of himself.\u00a0 I understand it, but I don\u2019t know what to do to help him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe there\u2019s nothing we can do except just be here for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure that your being here will help,\u201d Ben said as he reached over and patted Adam\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno, Pa.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what to say either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll know when the time comes.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Joe had not reappeared for supper. It was a happy Hop Sing who had greeted Adam at the door.\u00a0 Happy for Adam\u2019s arrival, but the underlying sadness shown through. He had fixed a meal like all meals he had ever prepared at the Ponderosa. Good and plentiful.<\/p>\n

After Hop Sing had left the room, Ben leaned over toward Adam. \u201cHe\u2019s been preparing big meals every day just as if Hoss were still here. Joe\u2019s not eating much at all. I feel like I have to eat just to keep Hop Sing happy,\u201d he chuckled. \u201cI suspect he\u2019s taking the leftovers out to the bunk house.\u00a0 He just can\u2019t bring himself to cut back. His heart is broken; I can see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded and tried to force himself to make a dent in the mounds of food in front of him.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

When the grandfather clock by the door struck eleven and Joe had still not returned, Adam put his book down and looked over to his father. \u201cPa, you\u2019ve been reading that same page of the newspaper for the last hour.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben folded the paper and tossed it onto the table. \u201cI know. I can\u2019t concentrate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHas Joe been staying out all night?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. \u201cYeah, twice this week. First time I rode out looking for him.\u00a0 You know, just to be sure he was okay. Found him up at the bluff, just sitting and staring.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t talk about it; just wanted to be left alone, so I did.\u00a0 The second time I rode out there again.\u00a0 He was okay, so I turned around and came home.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to push him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all have to grieve in our own way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Adam.\u00a0 I just wish he\u2019d let me try to help. Talk to me. Go to town and get drunk. Something!\u201d Ben shook his head in resignation.\u00a0 \u201cWe used to be able to talk about anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I\u2019ll bet if a month ago you had asked Joe what the worst possible thing that could happen to him would be, I\u2019ll bet this would never have entered his mind. To him, losing Hoss was unimaginable. Something that he couldn\u2019t prepare himself for because to him, it could never happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand that, Adam. No one\u2019s ever prepared.\u201d Ben leaned back and closed his eyes. \u201cIt was just so sudden; such a shock.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t have a chance to say goodbye. None of us did.\u201d<\/p>\n

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, then Adam stood and stretched his stiff muscles. \u201cI think I\u2019m going to ride out. Maybe find Little Joe.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019ll talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWorth a try, son. Bring him home, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI will, Pa.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry. Goodnight.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

There was a full moon which was the only reason Adam was able to see well enough to guide his horse along the narrow track to the bluff.\u00a0 He carried a lantern as well, but its small pool of light paled in the bright moonlight so he blew it out.<\/p>\n

Adam stopped when he reached the clearing and swung down from his mount. He could see Joe in the silvery light, sitting beside Hoss\u2019 headstone.\u00a0 Something about his posture expressed a great sadness, much more than words could. Adam sighed, took a few steps forward and called Joe\u2019s name.\u00a0 There was no answer and Joe appeared to have not heard him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d he called louder, not wanting to startle him.\u00a0 Joe had been known to draw if someone came up behind him. \u201cJoe, it\u2019s Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam walked toward Joe, not bothering to be quiet. He stood beside him for a moment and then lowered himself to the ground beside his brother.\u00a0 Joe had not moved.<\/p>\n

Adam put a hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cJoe, don\u2019t you want to come home now?\u00a0 Pa\u2019s worried about you,\u201d he said gently.<\/p>\n

Joe turned around, mildly startled.\u00a0 \u201cOh, hi Adam. I didn\u2019t hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, come home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot yet, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat still for a few minutes. The lake was a deep, midnight blue with the silver moonlight scattered across its surface like stars. It was breathtaking in the day, and more so on a night like this.<\/p>\n

Turning back to his brother, Adam watched Joe carefully.\u00a0 There were no tears, no expression at all really.\u00a0 He sat very still, sometimes closing his eyes, sometimes staring at nothing.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, what are you thinking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t answer for a minute.\u00a0 Then he lowered his head and picked up a small stick, drawing lines in the soft earth.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I can\u2019t stop thinking about him.\u00a0 I guess in the last few days I\u2019ve sat here and thought about everything. All the things we did together, all the times we got in trouble\u2026you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I know.\u00a0 I guess it\u2019s natural to remember the good times with someone you\u2019ve lost.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been doing that too.\u00a0 Like that time me and him bought that racehorse and raced him against you in the Virginia City race.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. I thought you were gonna beat the tar outta him for bettin\u2019 against your own horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you imagine me or anyone else beatin\u2019 the tar outta Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I guess not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, it\u2019s okay to cry for him.\u201d Adam picked up a stick of his own to scratch in the ground. \u201cBut if I know Hoss, he\u2019d be mighty put out if he thought you were makin\u2019 yourself sick over this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes flashed and he stood up suddenly. \u201cWhat do you know, Adam?\u00a0 What do you know how I feel? You haven\u2019t even been here!\u201d<\/p>\n

The change of Joe\u2019s mood was like a lightning bolt.\u00a0 Adam stood up to meet him eye to eye.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I didn\u2019t mean\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t here when he was in that river. He needed us, Adam!\u00a0 He needed us and we weren\u2019t there! Neither one of us were there!\u201d Joe turned and strode toward the edge of the bluff.<\/p>\n

Adam tossed down his stick and followed. \u201cJoe, please wait.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t, Adam.\u00a0 I can\u2019t leave him out here all alone.\u201d\u00a0 Joe had stopped and stood looking out over the lake below, his shoulders shaking.<\/p>\n

Adam walked around to face him and put both hands on his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe. I know I wasn\u2019t here and I should have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

The sobs had started down low in his belly and were working their way up to his throat. Joe\u2019s throat was constricted, and hurt like a knife cut him.\u00a0 As Adam gathered him into his arms, Joe\u2019s legs gave out and they both sank to their knees. The sobs would no longer stay inside and Joe buried his face against Adam\u2019s shoulder to muffle them. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam held Joe tightly, one hand around his back, the other stroking his hair.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, Joe.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u201d\u00a0 Adams throat tightened up and he could no longer speak.\u00a0 He just held on.<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

Joe was weak and what little energy he had left came out of him with the deep heaving sobs. Adam found he was holding Joe up, and had to sit on the ground to support his weight against his chest.\u00a0 Joe still clung tightly to him although the sobs had lessened.\u00a0 Adam could feel him relaxing against him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t answer, but nodded his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I could change what happened and make it all go away. I wasn\u2019t here and I wish I had been, but it\u2019s not your fault and it\u2019s not my fault what happened.\u00a0 Hoss would not change a thing he did to save that little girl even if he knew what would happen. You knew him better than anyone and I know you know it\u2019s true.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded again. After that, there was silence for a long time. Adam thought Joe had gone to sleep, but then Joe found his voice once more.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t leave him out here alone, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d Adam stroked Joe\u2019s mass of curly hair.\u00a0 \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

It was the first gray shafts of dawn that woke Adam.\u00a0 After the light came the sounds of morning and he opened his eyes.\u00a0 The lake was still there, though the sparkles of moonlight were gone.\u00a0 It was a misty blue with fog rolling across its surface.\u00a0 The chilly air was crisp and smelled of damp leaves and flowers.<\/p>\n

Adam glance down at his lap where his brother lay curled up on his side with his head resting on Adam\u2019s folded up jacket which lay atop his outstretched legs.\u00a0 He had managed to move Joe over to a nearby tree so he could rest his back up against it.\u00a0 Joe had been limp with exhaustion and hadn\u2019t resisted or helped, but had been unwilling to let Adam go.<\/p>\n

The days of no sleep and little food had taken their physical toll and the unrelenting grief had taken an emotional one. Utter exhaustion was the result.<\/p>\n

Adam was afraid he\u2019d stiffened so that he wouldn\u2019t be able to move when Joe finally did wake.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t willing to move Joe until he was ready, so he resigned himself to sitting there for as long as it took.<\/p>\n

Last night, the gulf of distance and time that separated them had vanished and Joe was left with only his brother. The one who had helped him grow up to be the man he\u2019d become.<\/p>\n

Adam was reminded how much he missed his brothers, and how much he missed his home. He didn\u2019t regret the last eight years, but somehow his career, his business, his yearning to travel just didn\u2019t seem as important to him anymore.<\/p>\n

Adam was startled out of his reverie by a sound in the brush.\u00a0 He looked to the east to see his father emerge from the trees carrying a white bag.\u00a0 He watched as his Pa moved to Hoss\u2019 headstone and paid silent respects.\u00a0 Then he came to sit beside him and Joe.<\/p>\n

Watching Joe sleep, his father reached out to touch Joe\u2019s head, but then changed his mind and pulled back. \u201cAre you okay, son?\u201d he said, searching Adam\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled, unable to stop himself.\u00a0 It was a beautiful morning, he had the two most precious people in his world with him, and he had just made a decision that made him happier than he\u2019d been in a long time.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m alright, Pa,\u201d he said, looking down at Joe, \u201cand Joe\u2019s gonna be alright too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. Relief and love filled his craggy features and the lines of tension seemed to fade at once.<\/p>\n

Ben reached for the bag he\u2019d brought. \u201cHop Sing thought you\u2019d be hungry so he sent some food, and I brought the coffee pot.\u201d He rose and began gathering pieces of wood for a fire. Adam watched, regretting that he was unable to help, but content to stay where he was as long as Joe needed him.<\/p>\n

In no time, Ben had a fire going and the coffee pot on. He dug around in the bag and handed Adam a biscuit with bacon wrapped in a colorful napkin.\u00a0 Adam took it gratefully and began eating right away, not waiting for the coffee.<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

It was finally the coffee that woke Joe. He smelled it, and he heard voices before he opened his eyes. He was cold and stiff and his hip hurt where he lay on hard ground. He had slept, really slept for the first time in days, and the sharp edge of exhaustion had dulled. It was still there, waiting to drag him down again, but he felt stronger now. Strong enough to sit up and face what he had to.<\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes and first saw feet.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s no doubt.\u00a0 The voices had stopped suddenly.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t stop talkin\u2019 on account of me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be with you in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pushed himself up, his arms weak, but able at last to right himself. He rubbed his eyes and wiped a hand over his face.\u00a0 He could feel the dried, salty tears, and the stripes of corduroy impressions on his cheek. He looked at his father\u2019s shining brown eyes.\u00a0 \u201cMornin\u2019, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMornin\u2019, son. It\u2019s a beautiful morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

A steaming cup of coffee appeared in front of Joe\u2019s nose and he took it gratefully.\u00a0 \u201cMornin\u2019, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled, but said nothing for a moment.\u00a0 Then, as if a sudden idea hit him, he rose quickly.\u00a0 \u201cUh, mornin\u2019 Joe, uh, I\u2019ll be right back,\u201d and he hurried off into the bushes.<\/p>\n

Joe giggled as he sipped the strong hot coffee.<\/p>\n

Ben said nothing, but his heart was full to bursting. That staccato cackle was a sound that he had been afraid he would never hear again. It was as if Hoss\u2019 passing had pulled all of the life out of their home. The love had remained, but without the life they\u2019d shared, the love was an amorphous mist, hard to see and harder to hold.<\/p>\n

Joe looked at his father and saw the questions he wanted to ask, but wouldn\u2019t. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m okay, now.\u00a0 I know I just have to give it time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTime is the only thing you can give it, Joe. It doesn\u2019t make the loss any less, but it gives you strength. More every day, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes glistened with tears, unshed this time and he was determined to keep it that way.<\/p>\n

Adam returned and silently slipped back into his seat of leaves by the tree.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are we talking about?\u201d he asked, as if he didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Joe raised is cup. \u201cWe\u2019re talking about getting on with life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cWell, that\u2019s a good start.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe lowered his cup and stared into its brown depths. \u201cYou know, you hear people talk about a broken heart, but now I know what they really mean. It hurts. It actually hurts your heart. Sometimes it goes away for awhile, but then it comes back and the ache starts all over again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cThat part doesn\u2019t go away, son. It doesn\u2019t hurt as bad after awhile, and you may not feel it as often, but it never goes completely away.\u201d He drew his legs up and rested his coffee cup on his knee. \u201cAnd I\u2019m not so sure I\u2019d want it to. It\u2019s what reminds me. It\u2019s what tells me I haven\u2019t forgotten. Not a day will go by that you won\u2019t stop and think of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been pretty selfish, Pa,\u201d Joe said, his voice raspy. His throat was dry and hurt.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, son. I don\u2019t think so. You\u2019ve been a man who was hurt so bad that he couldn\u2019t feel anything anymore. It\u2019s not easily shared with anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam set his cup down. \u201cPa of all people can understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and said no more.\u00a0 They sat in silence for a long time, each keeping his own thoughts.<\/p>\n

Finally, Adam cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cPa. Joe. I\u2019m going to leave for Boston tomorrow\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Adam,\u201d Ben said in protest.<\/p>\n

Adam held up a hand.\u00a0 \u201cThe sooner I leave, the sooner I\u2019ll get back.\u201d\u00a0 He looked at his father and brother, their faces slack with profound puzzlement.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going back to close up shop, sell it if I can, and sell the house. I have competitors who would love to buy me out just to get me out of their hair.\u00a0 Maybe even my staff would like to buy the business. I have some very talented young architects working for me.\u201d\u00a0 His thoughts wandered back to his firm in Boston, proud of what he\u2019d built out of nothing. \u201cAnyway, as soon as all the business is taken care of, I\u2019m coming home. For good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Sarah?\u201d\u00a0 Both Joe and Ben had started to ask the same question, but Ben got it out first.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll ask her to marry me and come home with me. If she says no\u2026well, either way, I\u2019ll be back in six months at the latest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s father couldn\u2019t hide the shine in his eyes. \u201cAdam, are you sure?\u00a0 After all you\u2019ve worked for.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I\u2019ve had all night to think about it, and to tell you the truth, I was thinking about it before last night.\u201d Adam took a long swallow of coffee and tossed the empty cup on the ground. \u201cI\u2019m ready.\u00a0 It\u2019s what I want to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes were filling with tears again. He wiped at his eyes disgustedly.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t seem to do anything else lately. \u201cAdam, not because of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, it\u2019s because of me,\u201d Adam said flatly. \u201cIt\u2019s because of this place.\u00a0 This is where I belong. Hell, I might even start another firm here; build it up out of nothing, just like I did in Boston.\u00a0 Far as I know, there are no professional architects in the greater Virginia City area\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe began to laugh. The first real laughing he\u2019d done in over a week.\u00a0 His sides hurt, the tears rolled out unchecked and he slapped his brother\u2019s knee.\u00a0 Adam smiled and looked at his father. With no words, he knew his Pa approved wholeheartedly.<\/p>\n

Adam stood and brushed the dried leaves from his pants. Joe followed suit and they both reached down to pull their Pa to his feet.<\/p>\n

As Adam and Pa started collecting their things, Joe walked over to Hoss\u2019 grave. Quietly, and only for himself and his brother, he said, \u201cWe\u2019re gonna be okay, Hoss.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe felt two hands, one on each of his shoulders.\u00a0 He looked around to see his father and brother and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I\u2019m ready to go home now.\u201d<\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

Title is from \u201cNot A Day Goes By (That I Don\u2019t Think of You)\u201d by Lonestar<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0When the unthinkable happens, those left behind must find a way to get on with life.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0 \u00a0T \u00a0(4,433 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9538,"featured_media":10210,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7,23],"tags":[14,15,16],"class_list":["post-12720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-ben","tag-joe","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1905,"today_views":1},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/serious-Hoss.jpg?fit=269%2C298&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":11341,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=11341","url_meta":{"origin":12720,"position":0},"title":"Sharp Draw (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"June 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Ben has to accept that his youngest is growing up. \u00a0His older sons help him and Little Joe make that transition with one very important lesson that Little Joe has to learn from Adam and Hoss. \u00a0 Rating = PG \u00a0WC = 1153","rel":"","context":"In "Brothers"","block_context":{"text":"Brothers","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1009"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/brothers.jpg?fit=296%2C226&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":18230,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=18230","url_meta":{"origin":12720,"position":1},"title":"Gusty Gumption (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"August 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A little vignette following (at some point later) the events of 'A Dime's Worth of Glory'. 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Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 Word Count:\u00a0 1086","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/ETG-14.jpg?fit=687%2C544&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/ETG-14.jpg?fit=687%2C544&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/ETG-14.jpg?fit=687%2C544&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":36426,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=36426","url_meta":{"origin":12720,"position":4},"title":"The Hayloft (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"February 16, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 In this prequel, Ben tries for a romantic interlude, but the weather and hay fever conspire against him. Rating: PG\u00a0 Word Count: 1,619","rel":"","context":"In "Ben Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Ben Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1004"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/TheHayloft.png?fit=380%2C374&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":49274,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=49274","url_meta":{"origin":12720,"position":5},"title":"Little Joe’s Island (by LindaBl)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"May 22, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Synopsis:\u00a0Little Joe has another crazy dream. All the Cartwrights and Hop Sing are aboard the Dixie I when it is shipwrecked. [It is a comedy parody which combines Bonanza and Gilligan's Island]. There's even a song you can sing along :-) Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 \u00a0Words: 1730","rel":"","context":"In "Crossover"","block_context":{"text":"Crossover","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12720","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9538"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12720"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12720\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10210"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12720"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12720"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12720"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}