{"id":12867,"date":"2016-05-07T12:24:10","date_gmt":"2016-05-07T16:24:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12867"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:10:18","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:10:18","slug":"another-fine-mess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12867","title":{"rendered":"Another Fine Mess (by Puchi Ann)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>: \u00a0Little Joe thinks he’s found the perfect way to raise money to help Virginia City’s needy orphans, while providing a few side benefits for himself and his friends. \u00a0Originally published in Bonanza Gold.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0K \u00a0(7,470 \u00a0words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Another Fine Mess\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Little Joe Cartwright bounced up from the settee to greet his father at the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, son,\u201d Ben chuckled, as always amused by the energy and enthusiasm of his fifteen-year-old.\u00a0 He returned Joe\u2019s exuberant hug and then acknowledged the more subdued welcome of his two older sons\u00a0 with a warm smile.\u00a0 \u201cSorry I\u2019m late, boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did your meeting go?\u201d Adam asked with a quirk of his mouth that some might have read as a smirk.<\/p>\n

Ben recognized it as the empathy of a man who had also suffered through a meeting with three nuns.\u00a0 \u201cOh, you know,\u201d he drawled with a shrug.\u00a0 \u201cWith\u00a0 ninety youngsters to look after, there\u2019s always someone needing their attention more than they need mine!\u201d<\/p>\n

The boys all laughed.\u00a0 Then, tumbling one word after another like stones in an unrelentingly rockslide, Little Joe asked, \u00a0\u201cBut you got things all settled, didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 We\u2019re still havin\u2019 that grand to-do, ain\u2019t we?\u00a0 I want to hear everything you got planned!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, me, too,\u201d Hoss agreed, \u201cbut cain\u2019t we do that \u2018round the supper table?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, how can you think of your stomach at a time like this?\u201d Joe complained, though he dutifully moved toward the dining room.<\/p>\n

Hoss grinned broadly.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t thinkin\u2019 of my stomach, little brother.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinkin\u2019 of yours, \u2018cause you\u2019re sure \u2018nough gonna skinny down to nothin\u2019 if Hop Sing heads back to China!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure we\u2019re all eager to avoid that,\u201d Ben said as he pulled out his chair at the head of the table.\u00a0 \u201cAnd we\u2019re all eager to enjoy the wonderful meal you\u2019ve prepared, Hop Sing,\u201d he added with a significant glance toward the empty doorway to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

The Chinese cook, who had predictably been eavesdropping just out of sight, popped into the doorway.\u00a0 \u201cYou lucky this time,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cLoast beef not all burned up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen serve it,\u201d Ben suggested pointedly.<\/p>\n

With a harrumph Hop Sing disappeared, soon returning with a platter piled with roast beef, potatoes and carrots.\u00a0 Ben helped himself to a hearty helping and then passed the platter to his right, where Little Joe sat.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it is gonna happen, ain\u2019t it?\u201d Joe asked as he dragged potatoes and carrots into his plate after a slice of beef.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d Adam inquired as he received the platter from Joe.<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cWell . . . nuns, you know . . . they might think a good time is . . . well . . . sinful or somethin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed.\u00a0 \u201cConsidering your definition of \u2018a good time,\u2019 that\u2019s a distinct possibility, but I can\u2019t imagine the sisters disapproving of any sort of good, clean fun, especially since it\u2019s intended to benefit their orphanage.\u201d\u00a0 He passed the platter on to Hoss.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing put a bowl of peas and a plate of sliced bread on the table and slowly left again, ear stretched to catch the ongoing conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d Ben said, taking a helping of the peas, \u201cand I think we have enough fun lined up even for your capricious taste, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe crinkled his nose.\u00a0 He knew Adam had just insulted him, even if only in jest, and he suspected Pa had, too, but couldn\u2019t be sure without consulting a dictionary.\u00a0 \u201cSo, what\u2019s on tap?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor you, sarsaparilla,\u201d Adam twitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Joe protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, all right.\u201d\u00a0 Ben spread his hands in an appeasing gesture.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s enough teasing.\u00a0 As I said, there will be a number of activities available, and the fair for the Nevada Orphan Asylum is being well supported in town.\u00a0 Merchants have generously donated prizes for the contests, restaurants are giving the profits of their food booths to the orphans, and the ladies will be supplying baked goods for sale.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of contests?\u201d Hoss asked.\u00a0 \u201cI know Adam and Ross are running a shootin\u2019 gallery, and I heard, maybe, there was gonna be a pie-eatin\u2019 contest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe snickered.\u00a0 \u201cWe all know which one you\u2019re most interested in!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben chided, \u201cwhen I said \u2018enough teasing,\u2019 that included your brother Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 Joe lowered his head and looked suitably chagrined.\u00a0 At least, he hoped so.\u00a0 He took a side peek at his father and deemed it safe to continue.\u00a0 \u201cShooting and pie.\u00a0 Anything else?\u00a0 Anything I\u2019d be interested in?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRacing and roping,\u201d Ben replied, adding with a twitch of his lips, \u201cand a kissing booth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s head bounced up.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s gonna be great!\u201d he declared.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor the orphans, you mean,\u201d Adam said with a wink at his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yeah, them, too,\u201d Joe said quickly.\u00a0 \u201cThem, especially,\u201d he added in response\u00a0 to the arch of his father\u2019s eyebrow.\u00a0 He bobbed his chin in rapid emphasis.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad to hear that, Joseph,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd just what is it you plan to do for Virginia City\u2019s orphans, young man?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe, Pa?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s pitch rose almost to a squeak.\u00a0 \u201cWhy, just support all the booths and contests I can.\u201d\u00a0 He turned a charming smile on his father.\u00a0 \u201cOf course, I could do more if I had a little extra cash.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked severe.\u00a0 \u201cAre you asking me for money, young man?\u201d<\/p>\n

Recognizing the danger signals, Joe swallowed hard. \u00a0\u201cWell, no . . . not exactly.\u201d\u00a0 With renewed courage he plunged on.\u00a0 \u201cI was just thinkin\u2019 that you\u2019d want to donate some yourself to the orphans, but you\u2019re gonna be busy runnin\u2019 the whole to-do, and Adam\u2019s gonna be busy with the shootin\u2019 gallery, and Hoss is gonna be busy eatin\u2019 pie, so that sorta leaves . . . me\u00a0 . . . to do the spendin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam grabbed his napkin and coughed into it.\u00a0 When he regained control, he commented, \u201cWhat you\u2019re saying, then, is that you are volunteering to help the orphans by having a high time for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sincerely tried, but he couldn\u2019t see a thing wrong with that.\u00a0 \u201cWell . . . yeah,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n

Both Adam and Hoss burst out laughing, and even Ben couldn\u2019t keep a straight face.\u00a0 \u201cWell, at least, he\u2019s honest,\u201d Adam conceded, buttering a slice of bread.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd inventive,\u201d Ben agreed.\u00a0 He cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cHowever, I would suggest, Joseph, that you use that inventive mind of yours to come up with some way to earn your own money to spend at the fair.\u201d<\/p>\n

Worry wrinkles creased Hoss\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cUh . . . Pa?\u201d\u00a0 Though he spoke to his father, his anxious gaze was riveted on his brother Adam.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded his understanding of Hoss\u2019s plea for help.\u00a0 \u201cPa, are you sure you want to unleash that inventive mind on the unsuspecting citizens of Virginia City?\u00a0 Given Little Joe\u2019s propensity for mayhem when in pursuit of financial gain . . .\u201d\u00a0 He let his voice trail off in a manner suggestive of impending catastrophe.\u00a0 Hoss, having been the most frequent victim of that \u201cpropensity for mayhem,\u201d nodded in vigorous agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, just a doggone minute!\u201d Joe squawked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I admit some of your younger brother\u2019s schemes can be a little . . . well, ill conceived,\u201d Ben said, \u201cbut since any project benefiting the fair must meet the approval of the committee chairman\u201d\u2014he tapped his own chest\u2014\u201cthat should head off anything too outlandish.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWanna bet?\u201d Adam suggested dryly, chin resting on his curled fingers.<\/p>\n

Joe glared at Adam, but struck out at an easier target.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about Hoss?\u201d he demanded.\u00a0 \u201cHe ain\u2019t doin\u2019 nothin\u2019 but eatin\u2019 pie!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least, I\u2019m payin\u2019 my own entry fee, little brother,\u201d Hoss snorted.<\/p>\n

\u201cBesides which, he\u2019s helping me set up the shooting gallery first thing that morning,\u201d Adam declared.\u00a0 \u201cFace it, Little Joe: you\u2019re the only one making no contribution to this project.\u00a0 But, then, all play and no work is your sworn motto.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s nostrils flared, and he half rose from his seat before Ben ordered him to sit down.\u00a0 \u201cYour brother\u2019s point is well taken, Joseph,\u201d he said sternly, \u201cand if you wish to prove him wrong, do so with your actions.\u00a0 You\u2019ll have plenty of time to mull over some appropriate way to help the orphans while you\u2019re catching up on your chores tomorrow.\u00a0 Don\u2019t think for one minute that I didn\u2019t notice the ones you neglected, young man, and don\u2019t forget to wash and polish the surrey for church the next day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe slouched down in his chair.\u00a0 \u201cIt can\u2019t be my turn for that again,\u201d he protested, though feebly, for he knew Pa tended to keep accurate record of that sort of thing.<\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss again joined in laughter at their brother\u2019s expense.\u00a0 \u201cOh, it\u2019s your turn, Shortshanks; I guarantee it,\u201d Hoss cackled.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd even if it weren\u2019t, it might insure you stay out of mischief for at least one afternoon,\u201d Adam threw in with a maddening grin.<\/p>\n

Joe looked toward his father, but finding no sympathy there, he picked up his fork and with determination dug into his supper.\u00a0 He\u2019d show them.\u00a0 He\u2019d come up with the best doggone money-making scheme Virginia City had ever seen!<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Though Little Joe felt obliged to complain about any extra chore, especially on a Saturday, he didn\u2019t really mind washing and polishing the family surrey.\u00a0 It was a big job, of course, but since he\u2019d started taking notice of girls, he relished driving into town in a sharp-looking rig.\u00a0 Besides, this June morning was sunny and warm, and the gentle breeze off the pines pleasantly brushed his bare torso as he wiped the seats clean of dust and sloshed soapy water over the dirt-caked wheels and running gear.\u00a0 It was the kind of job, too, that left a fellow\u2019s mind free to think.\u00a0 Joe was supposed to be thinking about ways to raise money for the orphans, of course, but his mind kept wandering to more enticing subjects, like how a light wind like this would ruffle Belinda Bartlett\u2019s golden-brown curls across her porcelain shoulders.<\/p>\n

Loud ejaculations in caustic Cantonese interrupted Joe\u2019s reverie, but Belinda\u2019s angelic image still floated before his eyes as he turned toward the ranting cook and tried to sort through the intermingled Chinese and broken English.\u00a0 \u201cWhy you all-a-time make mess in yard?\u201d he finally made out.<\/p>\n

Casting a glance at the mud puddle spreading out from the surrey in all directions, Joe shrugged nonchalantly.\u00a0 \u201cAw, come on, Hop Sing.\u00a0 You know I need water for this job.\u201d\u00a0 He gestured toward the nearby pump.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing wagged his finger at the boy.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Adam always take bucket to side of house, not make mud where family must walk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2019s got longer legs,\u201d Joe argued, \u201cso it don\u2019t take him so long to haul water around the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing snorted.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Adam got longer brains, you mean.\u00a0 He no make mud for track in on Hop Sing clean floor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still chattering Cantonese castigations, the Chinaman hitched up his loose blue pantaloons and made his way back to the kitchen, practically on tiptoe.\u00a0 Joe giggled.\u00a0 With his pants hiked up to reveal bare ankles above soft blue slippers, Hop Sing looked like a girl guarding her hemline.\u00a0 If only he had been!\u00a0 As the image of his latest heartthrob melded with that of the cook, a wistful smile curved Joe\u2019s lips.\u00a0 If only beautiful Belinda could have been here, instead, lifting her skirts to protect them from the accommodating mud and showing a bit of shapely ankle as she did.<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s eyes snapped wide as inspiration hit.\u00a0 That was it!\u00a0 The perfect idea for making money\u2014and creating a bit of luck for himself to boot.\u00a0 Tripping over the water bucket, Joe tromped through the sudsy rivulet now rushing toward the front door and charged into the house.\u00a0 \u201cPa!\u201d he yelled as he careened around the corner into the alcove, where his father and Adam were going over the books.\u00a0 \u201cPa, I\u2019ve got it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, take it outside,\u201d Adam ordered brusquely.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re tracking mud everywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked at the muddy footprints in his wake.\u00a0 \u201cOh, sorry,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll wipe it up in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 He spun back around to face the desk.\u00a0 \u201cPa, I got a great idea for the orphans!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s fine, Joseph,\u201d Ben said with the gruffness that customarily edged his voice when he was working on the books.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be glad to hear all about it\u2014after I\u2019ve finished here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted, shaking his head with determination.\u00a0 \u201cYou said I had to run it by you, remember?\u00a0 And it\u2019s got to be now so\u2019s I can get started on planning and getting things together and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben spread his palms to cut off the stream of words.\u00a0 \u201cAll right, all right.\u00a0 What is this wonderful\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd hopefully nonfatal,\u201d Adam contributed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIdea,\u201d Ben finished with a stern glance at his eldest.<\/p>\n

Adam prudently pursed his lips and perched on the corner of the desk.<\/p>\n

Joe spared a flickering sidewise glare at Adam, but excitement quickly replaced it.\u00a0 \u201cA horse and buggy cleaning enterprise,\u201d he announced and rocked back on his heels to await the accolades sure to meet this marvelous money-making proposition.<\/p>\n

They were slow in coming.\u00a0 Ben looked at Adam; Adam looked at Ben; they stared deep into each other\u2019s eyes and into their own souls.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t . . . see . . . anything wrong with that,\u201d Ben finally said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not!\u201d a clearly perturbed Joe cried.\u00a0 \u201cWhy would there be?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause it\u2019s coming from you,\u201d Adam said bluntly, \u201cand you have a genuine knack for dragging us into one fine mess after another.\u201d\u00a0 He looked at his father.\u00a0 \u201cThere has to be a catch somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d Joe demanded.<\/p>\n

Adam scratched behind his ear.\u00a0 \u201cWe have to hogtie you to make you do that chore here, but you\u2019re volunteering to spend an entire day doing it for someone else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s face fell for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cThe whole day?\u201d he asked, voice quavering.\u00a0 Just as suddenly, his countenance lifted.\u00a0 \u201cNo, of course not.\u00a0 It\u2019s the fair folks\u2019ll want their rigs lookin\u2019 nice for, see?\u00a0 So I\u2019ll just be offerin\u2019 this service in the morning, say \u2018til about eleven.\u00a0 That\u2019ll give me time to get cleaned up for lunch and ready for my own fun in the afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked at Adam; Adam looked at Ben.\u00a0 \u201cI know there\u2019s a catch,\u201d Adam said reluctantly, \u201cbut I can\u2019t find it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben leaned back in his padded chair and surveyed his youngest son.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m afraid you might be biting off more than you can chew, Little Joe.\u00a0 It\u2019s a mighty big undertaking for one young man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe waved the concern aside.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I\u2019ll get help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what will convince your little friends to spend their morning sloshing in mud and suds when they could be lined up at the kissing booth?\u201d Adam inquired with a skeptical arch of his eyebrow.<\/p>\n

Joe resisted the temptation to plow his fist into Adam\u2019s nose.\u00a0 \u201cNo problem,\u201d he said tersely.\u00a0 \u201cOnce I point out the benefits, they\u2019ll be lining up to help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rocked swiftly forward in his chair, suspicion resurfacing on his face.\u00a0 \u201cWhat benefits?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe turned a beguiling countenance of cherubic innocence upon his father.\u00a0 \u201cWhy, the benefit of helping the orphans, Pa.\u00a0 What else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam rested a palm on his brother\u2019s slim shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou said \u2018benefits\u2019\u2014plural.\u00a0 That implies more than one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s lower lip puckered and he looked hurt.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t never been good at grammar, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s the truth,\u201d Adam conceded with a sigh.\u00a0 He would later wonder why he had let himself be so easily distracted, but now he only admonished, \u201cCommunication skills are important, Little Joe; you should study harder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was seething inside, but he only said, with appropriate meekness, \u201cYeah, I\u2019ll do that\u2014next term.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam gave the boy\u2019s shoulder a pat of approval and shrugged at his father.\u00a0 \u201cHe probably can line up enough help.\u00a0 He is a persuasive little fellow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Like everyone else in a radius of fifty miles from Virginia City, Ben had reason to know\u2014and frequently regret\u2014how persuasive his youngest could be.\u00a0 This time, however, those persuasive powers appeared to be channeled in a beneficial direction, and he saw no reason to withhold his consent.\u00a0 \u201cAll right, Little Joe.\u00a0 Provided you can get others to help, you may run your horse and buggy cleaning enterprise.\u00a0 Now, wipe up that floor!\u201d<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Little Joe\u2019s eyes widened with incredulous shock.\u00a0 \u201cBut, Hoss, how can you possibly say no?\u201d<\/p>\n

One ankle crossed over the other, Hoss lolled against the side of the barn.\u00a0 \u201cOh, it\u2019s easy, little brother.\u00a0 I seen enough of your schemes to smell a trap.\u201d\u00a0 He thrust his nose mere inches from Little Joe\u2019s.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 caught this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrap!\u201d Joe squealed, jumping back.\u00a0 He spread his palms in indignation.\u00a0 \u201cI offer you a chance to do something for a bunch of poor orphans and you call it a trap?\u201d<\/p>\n

The mention of the orphans niggled at Hoss\u2019s conscience, but he steeled himself against a ploy he\u2019d seen Joe use before.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m already doin\u2019 plenty for the orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlenty,\u201d Joe scoffed.\u00a0 \u201cJust stuffin\u2019 your face with pie.\u00a0 Like Adam said, all you\u2019re doing is havin\u2019 a high time for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was talkin\u2019 about you,\u201d Hoss reminded his younger brother, but he winced under Joe\u2019s disdainful eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019d\u2019ve said it about you if he heard how you\u2019re tryin\u2019 to weasel out of a little real work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWeasel!\u201d Hoss protested. \u00a0\u201cThat\u2019s a hoot, comin\u2019 from you!\u00a0 And I\u2019m already helpin\u2019 Adam with the shootin\u2019 gallery, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s early,\u201d Joe argued, \u201cand then you ain\u2019t got nothin\u2019 to do \u2018til two o\u2019clock.\u00a0 Plenty of time to help out . . . if you really care about those orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss wilted.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you know I do.\u00a0 I care a lot about those poor little tykes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe folded his arms and fixed his brother with an indicting stare.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know no such a thing.\u00a0 All I see is me askin\u2019 for help and you turnin\u2019 me down, when you\u2019re the best man for the job.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt don\u2019t take much know-how to wash a buggy,\u201d Hoss grunted.\u00a0 \u201cAny of your friends can help with that.\u201d<\/p>\n

He started to walk off, but Little Joe grabbed his arm.\u00a0 \u201cAnd they will,\u201d he assured his brother earnestly.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do any buggy-washin\u2019.\u00a0 What I need you for is skilled labor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s hands began to wave with wild excitement.\u00a0 \u201cThis isn\u2019t just any old horse-and-buggy washin\u2019 service, see?\u00a0 This bein\u2019 a special occasion, folks\u2019ll want their rigs lookin\u2019 extra nice, so we help \u2018em with that\u2014for an extra price, of course. \u00a0That\u2019s where you come in, big brother, \u2018cause when it comes to plaitin\u2019 hair on ponies, ain\u2019t nobody in this whole territory got you beat!\u201d<\/p>\n

A bashful blush crept over Hoss\u2019s face, but his smile said he relished the compliment.\u00a0 \u201cAw, you\u2019re just soft-soapin\u2019 me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe punched Hoss\u2019s broad shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the truth, brother!\u00a0 You got a touch with horses that\u2019s a regular gift.\u00a0 Everybody says so.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s smile spread wider.\u00a0 \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the talk of the territory, I swear.\u201d\u00a0 Little Joe crossed his heart with one hand.\u00a0 He leaned close.\u00a0 \u201cBesides that, you got to think of the benefits.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cTo the orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThem, too, but\u201d\u2014Joe lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper\u2014\u201cI meant the benefits for you . . . and me . . . and all our workers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss blinked blearily.\u00a0 \u201cYou lost me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe cast a cautious glance around, to make sure he wouldn\u2019t be overheard.\u00a0 \u201cWhat always happens when we wash the buggy, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s face scrunched in thought.\u00a0 \u201cIt gets clean?\u201d he asked hesitantly.<\/p>\n

Joe exhaled with gusty exasperation.\u00a0 \u201cI meant to the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still not following his younger brother\u2019s drift, Hoss shrugged slowly.\u00a0 \u201cIt gets wet?\u201d he ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cExactly!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s a benefit?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss slowly shook his head.\u00a0 Sometimes there was just no understanding the way this youngun\u2019s mind worked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot by itself,\u201d Joe explained, with what he felt sure was admirable patience, \u201cbut think, Hoss.\u00a0 All the ladies of Virginia City will be decked out in their finery, and when they pass our operation\u2014which we\u2019ll put at a real busy corner of town\u2014they\u2019ll see this mud puddle they got to get past\u2014we\u2019ll make sure it spreads real wide\u2014and they won\u2019t want to get their skirts all muddy, so they\u2019ll hike \u2018em up and we\u2019ll see some mighty fine-lookin\u2019 ankles.\u201d\u00a0 He gave Hoss a cunning wink.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe . . . if we\u2019re lucky . . . we might even see a little more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss stared straight ahead, clearly visualizing the picture Little Joe was painting.\u00a0 \u201cYeah,\u201d he murmured dreamily.\u00a0 He shook himself and plastered a serious look on his face.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re right, Joe.\u00a0 I should be doing more for those little homeless waifs.\u00a0 I reckon I could help you out a mite, so long as I\u2019m through by two, for the pie contest.\u201d<\/p>\n

The noonday sun was no brighter than Joe\u2019s approving smile.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll be through way before two,\u201d he promised.<\/p>\n

* * * * *<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Little Joe smiled across the surrey seat at his father as they drove into Virginia City.\u00a0 \u201cSure is a fine day for the fair, ain\u2019t it, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA beautiful day,\u201d Ben agreed, as he noted the cloudless sky and the mild breeze that gave promise of a day ideal for outdoor pleasures.\u00a0 \u201cHeaven is surely smiling on our desire to help the orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stopped the surrey in front of a newly constructed grandstand on C Street.\u00a0 \u201cHere you go, Pa,\u201d he said cheerily.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 Ben reached over to pat his son on the arm.\u00a0 \u201cAnd thank you for driving so carefully and stirring up so little dust.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHad to keep the rig lookin\u2019 its best,\u201d Joe said with a grin.\u00a0 At sight of his father\u2019s arched eyebrow, he added quickly, \u201cAnd your good clothes, too, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben laughed as he climbed down.\u00a0 \u201cI thank you on behalf of my good clothes, even though I know they weren\u2019t your chief concern.\u201d\u00a0 He had at first objected to using the family surrey for just the two of them, but had bowed to Joe\u2019s insistence that their sparkling vehicle would be the best advertisement for the horse-and-buggy washing enterprise.\u00a0 It was polished to a gleam and the horses, bedecked with ribbons braided into their manes and tails, were groomed to perfection.\u00a0 Little Joe had painted banners to hang on each side, proclaiming where and when similar splendor might be purchased.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve worked hard, setting up this project, son,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe flashed a smile even more dazzling than the surrey in all its glory.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa!\u00a0 Well, I guess I better get to advertising.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 A flicker of concern crossed Ben\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cYou drive real careful, Joe.\u00a0 You know how crowded the streets in town can get, especially with all that\u2019s going on today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I will, Pa,\u201d Joe assured him.\u00a0 \u201cDriving slow gives people more time to read the sign, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded his approval.\u00a0 \u201cSlow is what I like to hear. \u00a0You keep that thought in mind, boy.\u00a0 And, Joe, you might drive down and see if your brothers need any help setting up the shooting gallery.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Pa,\u201d Joe whined, \u201cThey should have that all finished by now.\u201d\u00a0 Adam and Hoss had driven the buckboard, loaded with needed supplies for building and stocking the shooting gallery, into town much earlier.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat may be, but it won\u2019t hurt to check,\u201d Ben admonished.\u00a0 \u201cPeople on that end of town need to see your advertisement, too,\u201d he added with a chuckle.<\/p>\n

Joe grinned then.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, that\u2019s right!\u201d\u00a0 He drove off, whistling and wondering, every time he passed a pretty lady on the street, how she\u2019d look navigating a soon-to-be prominently placed mud puddle.\u00a0 When he arrived at the end of the street, where Sheriff Coffee had deemed it safe to use firearms, Little Joe bragged profusely about the job his brothers had done on the shooting gallery.\u00a0 Since Adam accepted the praise without demurring, Joe assumed neither his services nor Hoss\u2019s were needed. \u00a0He offered his middle brother a ride back up to their work station.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019d you talk Mr. Cass into lettin\u2019 you set up right in front of his store?\u201d Hoss asked as they drove slowly up C Street.<\/p>\n

\u201cEasy,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s good for business.\u00a0 When folks see how fancy you fixed up our horses, they\u2019ll want ribbons braided into their horses\u2019 hair, too, so we send them to Cass\u2019s store for the ribbon and we braid it in, no extra charge.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo extra charge!\u201d Hoss objected.\u00a0 \u201cHow we gonna make money that way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo charge for the ribbon,\u201d Joe explained.\u00a0 \u201cWe charge for your braiding, of course, \u2018cause that takes real craftsmanship, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d\u00a0 Typically, Hoss\u2019s face flushed rosy at the compliment.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019ll do my best, little brother . . . for the orphans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, for the orphans,\u201d Joe quickly agreed.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Hoss,\u201d he asked pensively, \u201cyou reckon you can tell anything about how a gal looks under her skirts by how she looks above \u2018em?\u201d\u00a0 In his mind, this wasn\u2019t even a change of subject, since helping the orphans and helping himself to a peek under some girl\u2019s skirt was one and the same mission.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0 Crimson began to creep up Hoss\u2019s neck..\u00a0 \u201cI just cain\u2019t believe the places your mind goes, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt don\u2019t go no places yours ain\u2019t been first,\u201d Joe alleged with a pout, \u201cand I was just askin\u2019 your opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss was now red as a beet.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t got no opinion about such things.\u201d\u00a0 With a challenging jut of his chin, he declared, \u201cIf you need an opinion so bad, you could ask Adam, but I\u2019m bettin\u2019 you won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCinch bet!\u201d Joe laughed, and Hoss caught the infection.\u00a0 Both boys were almost doubled over when Joe pulled up before Cass\u2019s general store, where three of Joe\u2019s closest friends leaned against the wall, awaiting his arrival.<\/p>\n

Followed by Mitch and Tuck, Seth jogged down the three steps to the street.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s got you two so frisky?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe grinned broadly as he greeted each of his friends with a hearty handclasp or a clap on the back.\u00a0 \u201cJust lookin\u2019 forward to a mornin\u2019 of hard work.\u201d\u00a0 He gave them a saucy wink and added, \u201cand its rewards, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Mitch drawled with his best attempt at a sophisticated leer.\u00a0 \u201cI hear those rewards\u2019ll be substantial.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure hope so,\u201d Tuck put in with a nervous chuckle.\u00a0 Of them all, he was the most shy and awkward around girls, but just as interested as the others in today\u2019s promised scenery.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, before you get lost in contemplatin\u2019 the rewards,\u201d Joe said, \u201chelp me unload the surrey.\u00a0 Then I\u2019ll drive around and do a little more advertising.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss pinned his brother in place with an iron grip.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, you ain\u2019t\u00a0 leavin\u2019 all the work to us, while you traipse around town.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe pressed his palm to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, how could you think that of me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe \u2018cause he lives with you,\u201d Seth suggested with a smirk.<\/p>\n

\u201cPreach it, brother!\u201d Mitch exclaimed, and Tuck piped in with an energetic amen.<\/p>\n

\u201cHa ha,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cLook, I do have to drive down to the orphanage and drop off the signs the kids are gonna carry around for us, but I\u2019ll just make one turn around town, and then I\u2019ll do my share of the sloppy work.\u00a0 Honest!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis I gotta see,\u201d Hoss snorted, but his characteristic grin broke through.\u00a0 Joe was noted for shirking work whenever he could, but between the four of them, they could probably make him toe the line today.<\/p>\n

When Joe returned, however, he plunged into the work with the eagerness he could always muster when excited about any project.\u00a0 He directed where each aspect of the operation was to set up and assigned each man his role.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, you and Tuck take care of grooming and prettifying the horses right in front of the store, where folks can see your fine work.\u00a0 Me and Seth\u2019ll wash the rigs back here in the alley, and, Mitch, you can tote water for us.\u201d\u00a0 He nudged his friend in the ribs.\u00a0 \u201cBe sure to slop some out where folks\u2014and you know what kind I mean\u2014gotta step down into the street to get across the alley.\u201d<\/p>\n

Seth scowled.\u00a0 \u201cYou and me ain\u2019t gonna get much of a look-see, working back in the alley.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll trade off, so everyone gets a fair shake,\u201d Joe promised, \u201cand whoever\u2019s on water duty needs to keep a sharp eye out and give skirt alerts to the rest of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, that\u2019ll work,\u201d Seth agreed.\u00a0 \u201cGet to sloppin\u2019 water, Mitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSoon as we get a customer,\u201d Mitch vowed.<\/p>\n

The first customer soon arrived, and before long the boys had buggies and horses lined up to receive their service.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t long, either, before Mitch hissed, \u201cSkirt alert!\u201d<\/p>\n

Work was suspended as a dainty boot stepped down from the boards in front of Cass\u2019s store.\u00a0 \u201cOh, dear,\u201d said a buxom young lady as she lifted her red calico hemline above her bootlaces.\u00a0 The mud puddle wasn\u2019t too wide yet, though, and she managed to step across it with only the heel of her shoe touching the slime.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d Joe assessed after the lady had passed, \u201cbut we could use a bigger puddle, Mitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mitch nodded and dutifully sloshed water over the rim of the next bucket he toted into the alley.\u00a0 The puddle spread promisingly.<\/p>\n

The boys worked on, ears open for skirt alerts and bodies in sudden need of rest breaks every time one was announced.\u00a0 As the puddle widened, the skirts rose higher and with them the satisfaction of the work crew.<\/p>\n

Seth was on sentry duty when a tartan taffeta skirt swished down the walkway.\u00a0 When he softly called, \u201cSkirt alert,\u201d Hoss raised his head and stared, entranced, at the honey-gold ringlets peaking out beneath a feathered bonnet.\u00a0 Like every girl before her, this one gazed with dismay at the mud in her path, but before she could lift her skirt and take a tentative step, Hoss rushed in front of her and said, \u201cLet me help you, Miss Marty.\u201d\u00a0 He circled her slender waist with his strong hands and swung her clear of the mud puddle to safety on the other side of the alley.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, you dear thing!\u201d Marty cried and rewarded her knight in shining armor with a kiss on the cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat ain\u2019t the way this is \u2018sposed to work,\u201d Seth hissed in Joe\u2019s ear.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is sweet on Marty Lou,\u201d Joe whispered back.\u00a0 \u201cIt won\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter not,\u201d Seth grunted and went back to work.<\/p>\n

It was business as usual for the next fifteen minutes, and the boys got quite nice looks at a couple of raised skirts.\u00a0 The next lady, however, paused at the step and batted her blue eyes pleadingly at the big man braiding ribbon into a horse\u2019s mane.\u00a0 \u201cHoss Cartwright, be a darlin\u2019 and help me across, won\u2019t you?\u201d she asked in a syrupy southern drawl.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, sure, ma\u2019am,\u201d Hoss said.\u00a0 As before, he walked over, circled her waist and swung her to dry ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe perfect gentleman, just like Marty Lou said,\u201d the young lady sighed as she leaned forward to kiss Hoss on the cheek.<\/p>\n

Joe strode briskly over to his brother as soon as the girl was out of sight.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, this ain\u2019t the way we planned it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss was still staring, dreamy-eyed, at the latest recipient of his gallantry.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t got no complaints,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon not!\u201d Joe snorted.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook himself and turned his attention back to his brother.\u00a0 \u201cWell, what was I supposed to do, Joe?\u00a0 She asked me, straight out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I guess it couldn\u2019t be helped,\u201d Joe conceded, \u201cbut that had better be the last one, brother!\u201d\u00a0 He stomped back into the alley and started scrubbing a buggy wheel with fire-fueled vigor.<\/p>\n

A glint hardened in Hoss\u2019s alpine blue eyes.\u00a0 Though generally easy-going, he had a temper, too, and no one could ignite it as easily as Little Joe.\u00a0 I\u2019m a grown man<\/em>, he growled inwardly.\u00a0 I don\u2019t take orders from some snot-nosed kid!<\/em>\u00a0 And to prove it, when the next skirt alert was given, he planted himself at the edge of the alley and without waiting to be asked, lifted the lady across.<\/p>\n

For the next half hour Hoss made himself available to every lady who passed that way, and most rewarded him with a kiss or a squeeze of his brawny shoulders or, at the very least, a grateful smile.\u00a0 While he reveled in the adulation, however, the temperature of the other four young men rose beyond correlation with the thermometer that warm spring day.\u00a0 \u201cSome of them ladies been past here more than once,\u201d Tuck whispered to Joe<\/p>\n

as he set down a bucket of water.\u00a0 \u201cI think they\u2019s doin\u2019 it deliberate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey ain\u2019t the only ones,\u201d Joe groused, giving Hoss the evil eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s spoilin\u2019 everything,\u201d Mitch complained.<\/p>\n

\u201cSelfish, purely selfish,\u201d Joe said, loud enough to be heard on the street.<\/p>\n

Hoss tried to tell himself he didn\u2019t care, but he did.\u00a0 A little voice inside kept siding with Joe in those accusations of selfishness.\u00a0\u00a0 Hoss finally decided that he wasn\u2019t being fair to the others, who deserved to have their hard work rewarded, too, and he determined that, unless asked, he wouldn\u2019t save any more girls from having to lift their skirts.\u00a0 Just in time<\/em>, he thought, when he saw the next skirt headed their way.\u00a0 It belonged to an older woman with rigidly erect posture and a prim face.<\/p>\n

Joe saw her, too, and a cunning smile lifted one corner of his mouth.\u00a0 This time he was the one to hurry forward to the lady\u2019s aid.\u00a0 \u201cWhy, Miss Jones,\u201d he said sweetly.\u00a0 \u201cWe surely don\u2019t want you<\/em> getting your skirts all muddy.\u201d\u00a0 He raised his voice and called, \u201cOh, Hoss, come help Miss Jones, please.\u201d\u00a0 He leaned close to the schoolteacher and confided, \u201cHe\u2019s such a gentleman; he\u2019s been helping all the pretty young ladies like yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abigail Jones\u2019 hand fluttered at her throat.\u00a0 \u201cOh, my!\u00a0 Such chivalry!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss looked askance at his brother, but he knew the little conniver had him.\u00a0 He just hoped Miss Jones wouldn\u2019t reward him with a kiss; that was one favor he didn\u2019t need.\u00a0 Little Joe stood to one side, hoping the exact opposite.<\/p>\n

Fear of that result may have distracted Hoss, or perhaps the mud puddle had simply grown wider than he remembered.\u00a0 Though he\u2019d successfully maneuvered a dozen ladies over the barrier that morning, this time, just as he hoisted Miss Jones skyward, his boot hit a slick surface of mud and skidded out from under him.\u00a0 He landed on his back in the middle of the puddle and with a gasp of shock the schoolteacher flopped down on top of him.<\/p>\n

Aghast, the others rushed to help her up, but since they pulled in four different directions, Miss Jones found her skirts dragged through the mud, first one way and then another.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go!\u201d she screamed.\u00a0 All four let go at once, and the schoolteacher fell crosswise over Hoss\u2019s still-prone body. The big man\u2019s hands circled her waist and lifted her up, but Miss Jones was wriggling so frenetically that Hoss couldn\u2019t hold her, and suddenly she plopped, bustle first, down into the mud once more.\u00a0 With a screech of outrage, she struggled to her feet and stood in the alleyway, wringing out her dripping skirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cMa\u2019am, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d Hoss said as he clambered to his feet.<\/p>\n

Hands held up to ward him off, Miss Jones backed away.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you touch me, you\u2014 you womanizer!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss splayed the fingers of both hands across his chest.\u00a0 \u201cWomanizer?\u00a0 Oh, no, ma\u2019am!\u00a0 You don\u2019t think I did that on purpose, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do,\u201d Seth accused harshly.\u00a0 He scooped up a handful of mud and fired it at Hoss.<\/p>\n

Mitch nodded in grim-faced agreement as he picked up ammunition of his own.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, you been womanizin\u2019 every gal that came by.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd \u2018cause we complained, you pulled this stunt to get us in trouble with our teacher,\u201d Seth continued, launching another mud ball.<\/p>\n

Hoss ducked that missile, but the one Tuck threw hit him smack in the mouth.\u00a0 Sputtering, he turned toward his brother, but Joe just stared back.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I wouldn\u2019t,\u201d Hoss protested, seeing the doubt in his brother\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

Apparently, Joe either concluded that Hoss was guilty, one way or another, or felt his best interests lay in siding with his friends, for with a yell he joined the melee of mud slinging.<\/p>\n

Feet tromping up and down, Miss Jones shrieked at them all to stop, but no one listened.\u00a0 A crowd gathered, some egging the boys on, others yelling in protest of the mayhem.\u00a0 \u201cSomeone call the Sheriff!\u201d\u00a0 Miss Jones screeched.<\/p>\n

News spread fast and far, all the way to the end of the street in both directions.\u00a0 A man ran past the shooting gallery, calling \u201cFight!\u00a0 Fight\u00a0 in front of Cass\u2019s store!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam instinctively knew who was involved.\u00a0 \u201cHold the fort, Ross,\u201d he called to his partner as he vaulted over the counter.\u00a0 \u201cI have a feeling the family honor is at stake.\u201d\u00a0 Legs pumping, he raced up the street, but pulled up short at the sight of both his brothers and Joe\u2019s three friends wrestling in the mud, splattering it on any onlooker foolish enough to get too close.\u00a0 Glancing up the street, Adam whistled as he saw Roy Coffee, with Ben Cartwright at his heels, pounding toward the fracas.\u00a0 He stepped back, crooked his elbow across the back of a horse with half-braided tail and with a wry smile prepared to watch the show.<\/p>\n

\u201cTarnation!\u201d Sheriff Coffee bellowed when he saw what the commotion was all about.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss!\u00a0 Joseph!\u201d Ben roared.\u00a0 \u201cStop that fighting!\u201d<\/p>\n

No one paid either of them the slightest attention.\u00a0 With grim looks both men waded into the middle of the muck and started hauling boys out by the collar.<\/p>\n

Little Joe swung around, prepared to smash a mud-filled fist into whoever had grabbed him.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u201d he squeaked, fist falling to his side.<\/p>\n

No one felt strong enough to handle Hoss, but once he saw the irate face of his father, no one needed to.\u00a0 Mud dripping from nose, cheeks and chin, Hoss docilely got up and moved to stand sheepishly next to his younger brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould someone care to explain what\u2019s going on here?\u201d Ben demanded.<\/p>\n

Several someones cared to explain\u2014all at once, all at the top of their lungs, with wild gesticulations and stabbing of accusative fingers.<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough!\u201d Ben shouted.\u00a0 Massaging his aching temple, he glowered at his youngest son.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose I should have expected no better from you.\u201d\u00a0 His voice sharpened as he turned to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cBut I had hoped, young man, that you, at least, could be trusted to keep your mind on the reason you\u2019re supposed to be here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHah!\u201d Joe snorted.\u00a0 \u201cHe started it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo such a thing!\u201d Hoss hollered back.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re the one that wanted to look up girls\u2019 skirts; I was just helpin\u2019 \u2018em get past your trap, you dadblamed little\u201d\u2014howls of laughter from the men in the crowd and cries of consternation from the ladies cut off his explanation.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s face reddened, whether with wrath or embarrassment at the public proclamation of his sons\u2019 lechery none could have said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the truth,\u201d Hoss plowed on.\u00a0 \u201cJust ask Miss Jones here.\u201d<\/p>\n

He seemed to have an unerring instinct for looking for help from all the wrong quarters that afternoon.\u00a0 Miss Jones glared at him and then rounded on his father.\u00a0 \u201cWomanizers, the lot of them\u2014you\u2019ve raised a pack of womanizers, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re not all mine,\u201d Ben argued, but he quickly drew the two who were to his side and marched them over to the schoolteacher.\u00a0 \u201cBoth of you apologize right now for your disgraceful behavior,\u201d he ordered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMa\u2019am, I really am sorry,\u201d Hoss said at once.\u00a0 \u201cIt was an accident, honest.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to get your nice dress all dirty.\u201d\u00a0 He looked so sincere that no one, least of all Miss Jones, could have doubted him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, too,\u201d Little Joe said in answer to the nudge from his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I apologize, as well,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cI will, of course, pay for having your garment properly cleaned, Miss Jones, and one of the boys will gladly escort you home so you can change and then accompany you wherever you might wish to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t trust either of them near me,\u201d Miss Jones declared with a flounce of her bedraggled bonnet.\u00a0 Then from the corner of her eye, she spotted a tall man, clothed all in black, leaning against a horse just yards away.\u00a0 \u201cHowever, if your eldest son, whom I know to be a gentleman, would offer me that courtesy . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

Too late, Adam tried to make himself invisible behind the horse.\u00a0 Ben jerked his head to order his eldest into service, and with a promise to himself to make his younger brothers pay later, Adam moved slowly forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, show\u2019s over,\u201d the sheriff announced.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s all get back to the fair for some good, clean<\/em> fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still laughing, the crowd broke up as Adam reluctantly offered the schoolteacher his arm.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head at the quintet of mud-coated culprits before him.\u00a0 \u201cThis business is now closed,\u201d he dictated.\u00a0 Lips pursed in thought, he stared for long moments at his two younger sons, who shifted from foot to foot as they waited for doom to descend.\u00a0 \u201cI should give you both a thorough dressing down,\u201d Ben said finally, \u201cbut due to other pressing responsibilities, it\u2019ll have to wait \u2018til later.\u00a0 For now, I want all of you boys to get yourselves cleaned up, and then you can go on to the fair.\u201d\u00a0 He drew five greenbacks from his wallet.\u00a0 \u201cHere\u2019s a dollar for each of you, every penny of which you will spend at the kissing booth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surprised smiles broke out all around, with one exception.\u00a0 Passing them with Miss Jones clinging cloyingly to him, Adam jerked to an abrupt halt.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re rewarding them for this\u2014this outrage?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

Ben stepped close, so only Adam\u2014and, of course, Miss Jones\u2014could hear him.\u00a0 \u201cNot exactly.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just say I\u2019m redirecting their boyish curiosity to a more appropriate part of a lady\u2019s anatomy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Feeling that justice had departed from the face of the earth, Adam rolled his eyes and stalked down the street with his own personal ball and chain firmly locked onto his arm.<\/p>\n

Left alone, the mud wrestlers made their way to the water trough and started scrubbing up with a cake of soap Mr. Cass had donated to the cause.\u00a0 \u201cSo, who\u2019d you think had the best ankles?\u201d Joe asked as he lathered his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cSally Jennings?\u201d Tuck suggested shyly.<\/p>\n

Seth shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cRita Sanchez.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRose Johnson,\u201d Mitch offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarty Lou McPherson,\u201d Hoss said with a wistful sigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t even see hers,\u201d Joe scoffed.<\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, but I been thinkin\u2019 about what you asked this mornin\u2019, Joe, and I reckon you can sort of tell what\u2019s under a skirt by what\u2019s above it.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Joe rinsed his face, he mentally reviewed the ankles and faces he\u2019d seen that morning.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, you might be right.\u201d\u00a0 He flashed an impish grin at his friends. \u00a0\u201cSoon as we change into clean clothes and get some food in our bellies, we\u2019ll continue our study down at the kissing booth and see how the way a girl kisses compares to . . . other things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mitch finger-combed his wet hair into place.\u00a0 \u201cSpeakin\u2019 of study, you reckon Miss Jones will lay into us once school starts up again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed as he pulled clean clothes from the back of the Cartwright surrey.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s more likely to kiss us for settin\u2019 her up so pretty with Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shuddered.\u00a0 \u201cSure glad I ain\u2019t still in school.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, Hoss, I thought you liked kisses,\u201d Joe teased.<\/p>\n

Hoss snorted.\u00a0 \u201cJudgin\u2019 by the face and ankles\u2014which I got all too good a look at\u2014not hers!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe, after today, Adam\u2019ll be able to tell us for sure,\u201d Joe snickered.<\/p>\n

Hoss grinned knowingly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m bettin\u2019 you ain\u2019t gonna ask.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCinch bet!\u201d\u00a0 Joe cackled.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be stayin\u2019 as far from older brother as I can for about\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA week?\u201d Hoss suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least a month,\u201d Mitch chimed in.<\/p>\n

\u201cSix to be safe,\u201d Joe concluded, \u201cbut I\u2019ll worry about that later.\u00a0 There\u2019s girls waitin\u2019 to be kissed, fellows, and for once I aim to follow Pa\u2019s orders to the letter!\u201d<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

Author\u2019s Note:\u00a0 This story is based on an 1864 Nevada newspaper article, decrying the embarrassment afforded ladies forced to lift their skirts ankle-high to avoid mud puddles created by the practice of washing horses and buggies on the corner of two main streets.\u00a0 And now you know who started it!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Little Joe thinks he’s found the perfect way to raise money to help Virginia City’s needy orphans, while providing a few side benefits for himself and his friends. \u00a0Originally published in Bonanza Gold.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0K \u00a0(7,470 \u00a0words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48,"featured_media":12868,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-prequels","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-30-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1675,"today_views":2},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/mudpuddle3.jpg?fit=360%2C270&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15525,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15525","url_meta":{"origin":12867,"position":0},"title":"Ben Raised His Boys RIGHT (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 4, 2001","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: The trials of a Cartwight father. 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