Written for the 2016 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament<\/p>\n
Summary: \u00a0There comes a time when a man looks into the mirror of his own life. \u00a0What does he find? Memories of hard times, memories of his childhood, little moments full of fun and mischievous. \u00a0And as a man there are challenges which had to be faced with courage.<\/p>\n
Warning: \u00a0character death\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rating:\u00a0T+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count : 5633<\/p>\n
Looking Back Over the Years, He was Always There for Me<\/strong><\/p>\n My words were : deputy \u00a0squirrel \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0rainbow \u00a0\u00a0morbid \u00a0\u00a0bed<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 1830<\/p>\n I was a small baby, wrapped in a blue blanket, falling peacefully asleep, as each one of the following words flew up through the air to land gently upon me.<\/p>\n “It was your mother who gave you life, she loved you so much, son.” \u00a0 The words were whispered in my ears, softly, tenderly.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, son, it\u2019s bedtime.\u201d<\/p>\n I heard Dad\u2019s voice and I was given a kiss on the top of my head. \u00a0Dad had washed me, I had enjoyed being in the warm water. \u00a0But the first time Dad had washed me, I had expressed my discontent with loud screams. \u00a0Dad had sat me in the big bathtub and I had splashed with my little hands and had giggled madly. \u00a0And now I was in his arms, his pleasant face so close to mine, his mimics were making me smile, and I was making him smile. \u00a0I grabbed his lips, and touched his cheeks and he grimaced and asked me “What are you doing, son\u00a0?” \u00a0in such a funny way that it made me giggle. \u00a0I put my tiny fingers in his mouth, he kissed my fingers and that made me gurgle with delight.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n I was crying. \u00a0I was shrieking with displeasure for the whole world to hear. While I was crying, a breeze suddenly whifted into the room and as I turned my head towards the door I saw that my Dad was coming towards me. \u00a0I knew that it was my Dad because I could recognize his scent anywhere.\u00a0 As my Dad was trying to work out what was wrong with me and why I was crying,\u00a0 I was trying to tell him that my diaper was wet and that I needed changing. \u00a0Like all grown ups he didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to tell him and within minutes he picked me up, placed me on his shoulder,\u00a0 began rubbing my back with one hand.<\/p>\n “Shhh, Adam, everything will be fine. \u00a0Dad is here,” he whispered to me, trying to comfort me.\u00a0 But I continued to cry even louder and then he got it.<\/p>\n “Oh, what do we have here? \u00a0A wet bottom?”<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Each time I had something nasty in my diaper, Dad was there to clean it. \u00a0But the first time he had held his breath and he had called for help. \u00a0And I had screamed and wiggled to get away. \u00a0Dad had tried to hold one of my\u00a0 legs, and then the other, but nothing had seemed to work. Finally, my two legs had been held rather tightly, and my bottom had been wiped clean. But as I had heard different voices around me, I supposed my Dad had learned the technique from somebody else.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “Shhhhh\u2026 It’s okay\u2026” I heard Dad’s voice murmuring, gently rubbing me. “Come on\u2026 it’s going to be fine. Daddy’s here for you, son. Everything\u2019s gonna be alright. I saw Dad raising his hand and brushing the tears away from my eyes.<\/p>\n “Dad\u2019s gonna to feed you, otherwise you\u2019re going to bring the sky down, son.”<\/p>\n And Dad gave me a baby bottle full of milk and I started suckling strongly. I was so hungry.<\/p>\n I was called Adam, I was three months old, and I used to spend most of my time in my cradle or in my Dad\u2019s arms or in the arms of two other different people, who I only knew because of their odor and their voice.\u00a0 One was called Grandpa, and the other was a Miss somebody. I knew their voices, theirs were different from Dad\u2019s voice, and their hands were different from my Dad\u2019s hands, because of Dad\u2019s special way of\u00a0 speaking to me, of holding me. \u00a0My Dad had a special odor which I was able to recognize.<\/p>\n Even though we lived in the same house, both me and my Dad had different rooms, my Dad\u2019s room was close to the nursery, but I didn\u2019t know exactly what my Dad was doing when he left me on my own,\u00a0 mostly grown up stuff I thought.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n My dad had one shirt, I often grabbed it with my tiny fingers. \u00a0Each time he picked me up and held me against his chest, I liked the contact of it. \u00a0Once, as he was holding me in his arms, I had even sucked at his skin, as he hadn’t been wearing any shirt. \u00a0I had rubbed my lips against his skin, it had comforted me. At that moment,\u00a0 I had heard Dad, telling me it was dark and he had called it “the night.” So I gradually learned the difference between night and day. \u00a0Compared to me he was a big man, well my Dad was bigger than me because I was smaller than him and to me he was a giant even though he wasn’t really. \u00a0My Dad’s eyes were full of love and mine were full of mischief, that was what I had heard him telling me. I heard him telling another face nearby, that I would become a charmer later in life.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Daddy bent over and gathered me in his arms and I reached out my tiny hand to touch his cheek. I was being held against his shoulder, my heartbeat could be felt against his strong body.\u00a0 I was at that moment cradled in my Dad’s arms, I was so tiny, had ten little fingers and ten little toes. \u00a0“You\u2019re going to end up with a full head of hair,” that was what I was told by Dad.<\/p>\n \u201cSuch a sweet little angel, aren\u2019t you?\u201d I heard him whisper. \u201cYou look just like your Mummy.\u201d<\/p>\n I could feel his hand rubbing my back , it was calming me.<\/p>\n \u201cDaddy loves you so much, do you know that ? I know you\u2019re gonna grow up and you\u2019re gonna be so strong and so brave, but I promise that I will always be there for you when you need me. And I\u2019ll always keep you safe and make sure you\u2019re happy.”<\/p>\n And then, a few seconds later, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n 1835<\/p>\n Dad looked out the window. \u00a0The rain had finally stopped, revealing a beautiful rainbow in the sky. \u00a0Dad always told me that the heavens were shining down upon us in each moment of our life. \u00a0I was lifted up and Dad took me out of the ranch.<\/p>\n “Pa, I\u2019m a big boy now, I can walk,” I protested.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to be held anymore. I was five now and I didn\u2019t want to be treated like a baby. It made my Pa smile.<\/p>\n “Yes, you are, son, you\u2019re a big boy, you\u2019re my big boy, and you\u2019re Mama\u2019s treasure.”<\/p>\n My Pa had so often told me about my Mom who was now at the other end of the rainbow, explaining to me that a rainbow was a kind of bridge between heaven and earth.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n My Pa was busy teaching me how to build a bed. There was a lot of work that needed to be done around the ranch in which Pa had found a job. \u00a0My Pa could use my extra pair of hands and he had told me, it would be a good learning experience for me. I held up the pieces of wood while my Pa nailed them into place. First he had started to chop the timber that was needed to make a bed for me in the bunkhouse, as Mr. Random had accepted my presence around my Pa. \u00a0Close to the bunkhouse, my Pa would add a small room.\u00a0 Building the new section in the house led to one particular mishap as my Pa dropped a beam of wood on my foot.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u00a0Son,\u201d my Pa placed a\u00a0 kiss on my cheek. \u201cIf only I could do something to make you feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMake it rain today, and I’ll forgive you,\u201d I added, while rubbing my foot. No bones were broken as my Pa had asked me to put some special protection in my shoes. \u00a0If I hadn\u2019t had that, my foot might have been broken.<\/p>\n \u201cAh, that one\u2019s hard to do. Seems like I\u2019ll never be forgiven then,\u201d my Pa said looking preoccupied.<\/p>\n “I really did want to have rain, because when the rain stops, a rainbow appears, and when I see a rainbow, it seems to me, Ma is smiling at me.”<\/p>\n I saw my Pa grinning and he tousled my hair, telling me, it was a very lovely message. \u00a0And he said to me: My Pa knelt down before me, taking my hands and smiling tenderly.\u00a0 I threw my arms around his neck.\u00a0 My Pa held me close. \u00a0I felt so good.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Within a few short days the small extension to the bunkhouse was completed. It wasn\u2019t a large room, but there was room enough for two beds. I was carried and gently placed in my new bed. \u00a0My Pa pulled the covers up over me and kissed me on my forehead.<\/p>\n “Good night, son.”<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n While my Pa had hard work to do, I had some chores to be done, chores were just a part of life, a part of helping my Pa and of making my contribution. \u00a0I happily did my regular chores, and my Pa rarely had to force me, simply because I knew I didn\u2019t get to do anything fun until my chores were done. \u00a0I also carried the responsibility of the lives and well being of the animals. \u00a0I had to milk, feed and give water to the goats each morning, then I was also responsible for keeping our room clean. In the evening I would gather the eggs. \u00a0On the weekends I gave the dog a bath although I didn\u2019t count this as a chore, I loved playing in the water. I was proud to help and I did my best to please my Pa and Mr. Random.<\/p>\n Oh gosh, my first attempts at collecting the eggs had been terrible. \u00a0The first day I had broken the eggs, the hens had frightened me and I had dropped the basket. \u00a0My Pa had saved me and had dried my tears. Mr. Random hadn\u2019t scolded me, and my Pa had told me, we could thank him for being so kind to us. Some bosses could be so mean and fire men for minor offenses. “Egg money” helped some families survive, so taking care of chickens was an important chore.\u00a0 My Pa had told me, chickens were very useful to humans. \u00a0Chickens could be kept as pets, for breeding, for egg laying and of course could be eaten too.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n On that particular day, I was seeding plants and I had to water the garden, when I saw an unexpected show. \u00a0The rooster had left the chicken\u00a0coop and was exploring new horizons. I stopped digging and looked at the bird. \u00a0What should I do? \u00a0Bring it back to the coop?\u00a0 My Pa had told me, lots of animals as well could eat chickens. \u00a0The chickens’ predators included owls, raccoons, hawks, snakes, opossums and foxes. \u00a0The rooster came close to the steps where the cat was drinking its milk. First the cat paid no attention to the visitor, and the audacious rooster ventured towards the bowl. \u00a0I burst into laughter as the cat raised its paw and slapped the rooster around its head. \u00a0The rooster gave up and went back to pecking the ground. \u00a0I managed to catch it and bring it back into the chicken coop.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “What are you looking at, boy?” \u00a0I was asked while my Pa was repairing the fence.<\/p>\n “Look Pa, look, what is it?” I asked, pointing at the small animal running towards the tree.<\/p>\n I was explained that it was a squirrel. \u00a0It was grey with reddish brown tinges on its back, it had a large bushy tail.<\/p>\n Pff; it ran so fast, what was it looking for?<\/p>\n My Pa used the back of his hand to wipe away sweat and shrugged and continued his work.<\/p>\n It was surely looking for nuts, to bring home; for its family.<\/p>\n I knew that Pas had to bring food home for their families, so I could imagine that squirrels did the same for their own families<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Pa and I were doing some chores around the ranch.<\/p>\n “Look Pa, look, it\u2019s back!”<\/p>\n The squirrel was sitting in the tree right above my head, waiting for just the right time before making its jump.\u00a0 It jumped out of the tree and landed in my hair. I screamed out in surprise at the sudden impact on my head. I jumped and ran around trying to get the squirrel out of my hair. \u00a0My Pa couldn\u2019t help but laugh at my reaction.<\/p>\n “Now, that\u2019s an unexpected visitor in your hair, son.”<\/p>\n I stumbled and fell into the water, the squirrel having jumped off my head and having landed on the ground before I hit the water. \u00a0The squirrel sat on the edge of the pond looking at the water where I had fallen in. \u00a0I had mud in my hair and all over my clothes.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Later at the ranch, I was given a bath. \u00a0Mrs. Random accepted to wash my dirty clothes and we both laughed at what had happened to me during the day.<\/p>\n After dinner my Pa and I had fun while playing cards, it was called “Who’ll take six?” and this game allowed me to show how strategic I could be. \u00a0My Pa had taught me how to play. \u00a0In this game, he explained, the players wanted to score as few points as possible.<\/p>\n My Pa had laid out four cards face-up to start the four rows, then dealt five cards to me and to himself.<\/p>\n “Your turn, Adam.” \u00a0I chose the best card from my hand, then added it to the rows, with my card being placed in ascending order.<\/p>\n My Pa had to put down one card.<\/p>\n “You take all the cards, Pa.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, son, you’re right. \u00a0I can’t place my card anywhere else. \u00a0So it’s the sixth. \u00a0Oh boy, that will give me a high score.”<\/p>\n It made me laugh. \u00a0Because each card had a point value, between one and eight points. Pa had already told me that each time he would teach me a new game, he wouldn’t ever cheat in order to let me win. He always said, if I won I would win fair and square. And this is just what happened that evening. I really enjoyed the taste of victory, because I knew\u00a0I had deserved it and that I had won\u00a0 honestly.<\/p>\n A few minutes later, my Pa told me, it was bed time but before putting out the lamp, my Pa, instead of telling me a story, wanted to test my mind.<\/p>\n “Well, son, \u00a0a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird were racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who would get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?”<\/p>\n As I had seen the squirrel running so fast, that was my final answer. \u00a0But Pa insisted on repeating the question, so I would have plenty of time to think about it.\u00a0 Then I got it. \u00a0None of them would catch the banana, because no animal would get a banana from a coconut tree. \u00a0My Pa told me, he was proud of me and I was glad, I had been able to escape the verbal trap.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “No Adam, you stay with me.”<\/p>\n “But Pa, the snake, it will…”<\/p>\n In fact a small drama was taking place just below us. \u00a0The squirrel, the one which had landed on my head, was fighting a snake. And that was the reason why my Pa had stopped me from going further. He didn\u2019t want me to be bitten by the snake. \u00a0But I really did want to save the squirrel.<\/p>\n “ADAM, STAY HERE!” my Pa’s firm voice stopped me, but I chose to interrupt him with a great sigh.<\/p>\n “Paaa. . .Why do I have to ?” I added, with a disgusted look on my face.\u00a0 I did notice my Pa’s eyebrow raised for effect as he pointed\u00a0 his finger towards me.<\/p>\n “Because I asked you to.”<\/p>\n “Oh, yes, sir.” I turned my back\u00a0 away from what I was watching with a defeated look. I walked towards my Pa. \u00a0His tone of voice was\u00a0 not one to be defied and I knew I would be in big big trouble if I were tempted to disobey. \u00a0I was now a big five-year old boy and one or two sessions on my Pa’s knees had taught me a lot about consequences. \u00a0As Pa had often told me “The discomfort will pass, but I hope the lesson will remain.”<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n At bedtime.<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps you\u2019d like to tell me again why it\u2019s so important that you should obey me.\u201d<\/p>\n I hung my head. \u00a0And now, I was about to be lectured.\u00a0 My chin was planted firmly against my chest.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m waiting, Adam.\u201d\u00a0 My Pa hadn’t raised his voice but his tone had become even sterner.<\/p>\n I raised my head.\u00a0 I knew the answer to this but I was stubborn and didn\u2019t want to follow the rules. \u00a0But I gave up because I knew my Pa was more stubborn than I, and that when he was determined to get an answer, he always managed to get one from me.<\/p>\n \u201cI should obey you because sometimes something bad could happen to me if I didn’t I could be hurt, or even killed.\u00a0\u00a0 When you tell me to do something it\u2019s for my own good or for my safety,” I recited to show him that I’d learnt my lesson. But I could’t stop myself from changing the subject of the conversation.<\/p>\n “Pa, are you really sure the squirrel is safe?”<\/p>\n As I saw my Pa’s exasperated face, I started to regret my question.<\/p>\n “Adam, you\u2019ve already asked me that question, and I\u2019ll answer you once again. \u00a0Be assured the squirrel\u2019s quite safe.”<\/p>\n I couldn\u2019t understand how it was possible, I had seen the snake biting the squirrel several times, it should have been dead. \u00a0But my Pa reassured me, that it was safe.<\/p>\n “Son, I don\u2019t know how it\u2019s possible, but I’m telling you the truth, nothing did in fact happen to the squirrel. \u00a0Maybe they have a protein in their blood that allows them to survive the snake venom. \u00a0Squirrels have been known to be ferocious and to attack and injure snakes.\u00a0 My Pa told me, the squirrel had clearly been the aggressor in this brawl and when the snake had managed to escape into the wild, he had been the one with cuts from the fight with the squirrel.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n There was something I loved. \u00a0I liked being with my Pa and watching him work. \u00a0My Pa was chopping wood and I was filling the boxes up, it was my job and it was great to do that together. After that there was something else to be done, my Pa gave me a wooden crate and I had to weed in Mrs. Random’s garden. \u00a0Only when the crate was full, was I allowed to stop. \u00a0At first I didn’t particularly like to do that, I’d got splinters on my hands and it was hot. \u00a0And it made me sweat. \u00a0Mrs. Random told me to wait for the evening to do it, and I accepted that idea. \u00a0She\u00a0 had shown me which plant was growing where it was not wanted. \u00a0She told me a weed was defined as any plant that was considered undesirable, unattractive, or troublesome. \u00a0As I had no Ma, it was pleasant to work with her, she had a different way of acting with me.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n 1845<\/p>\n To truly make story time memorable, my Pa always did his best to really get into the tale. \u00a0Each time a story was supposed to be scary, those were my favorite, he thought\u00a0 dramatic pauses and sudden “Boos!” were appropriate. \u00a0My nine-year-old brother Hoss and I were very good listeners and would sit on the edge of our seats each time our Pa was telling us a story. \u00a0Of course, scary stories were only told at night as the campfire was dying down, for maximum impact. \u00a0The adventurous tales were punctuated with plenty of thrilling phrases and expansive gestures.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?”<\/p>\n I saw Pa thinking hard and I was scratching my head.<\/p>\n “I give up, son, tell us the answer.” \u00a0Pa concluded his hard thinking.<\/p>\n With triumph in his voice, Hoss announced, “The horse’s name is Friday!”<\/p>\n Our Pa burst into laughter and we congratulated Hoss, it was a good one.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n It was my turn to tell a story.\u00a0 Pa had already told us some great stories from the time when he was a sailor. I had several stories in my mind, but 90\u00a0% of them would put me in big trouble and I didn\u2019t want my mouth to be washed with soap. \u00a0Well, which story did I have to choose? \u00a0Mitch had told me that witches were thought to transform into owls and suck the blood of babies. \u00a0I knew I wouldn\u2019t share this one. \u00a0I wanted to keep it in my mind, there I had separate boxes for stories. This one wasn\u2019t to be told here tonight.<\/p>\n “Adam, we\u2019re waiting. \u00a0What are you going to tell us?” \u00a0Hoss asked, before putting another marshmallow into his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cYou mustn\u2019t be so impatient, Hoss. \u00a0Oh, yeah, I know, and what about this one. \u00a0An Owl that entered the house must be\u2026.”<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t finish my sentence as the owl had to be killed, or else it would fly away and take the luck of the house with it. \u00a0I didn\u2019t want to tell him a morbid story, it would scare him too much and he would finish his night into my bed, and I had no intention of sharing my bed with my brother. \u00a0I had to find something else.<\/p>\n “Oh, now, I know, I\u2019m gonna tell you the story of a shoe.”<\/p>\n Hoss looked at me with a funny expression on his face, and he repeated the word “shoes.” Pa scolded him because he was interrupting me, he had to let me go on.<\/p>\n “So, I\u2019m gonna tell you the story of a shoe, a special shoe. \u00a0A shoe which can transport people all around the world. \u00a0But it happens just once, when the night is purple and the stars are blue.”<\/p>\n I knew how to change the expression in my voice. \u00a0After all, I had heard Dad telling stories, I knew how to catch attention.<\/p>\n “Once you\u2019re in that special shoe, you can expect to experience one extraordinary journey. \u00a0No need to take any luggage with you, only your dream and the power of believing in it.”<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n A few minutes later.<\/p>\n “You two get changed and I\u2019ll be back in a minute to say goodnight. Okay?” \u00a0Pa threw some water on the fire to extinguish\u00a0the falling\u00a0ashes and the glowing coals.<\/p>\n “Yes sir,” Hoss and I replied and walked towards the stairs, while Pa marched to the settee in which our Baby brother Joe was sleeping. \u00a0He lifted him up and carried him into his bed.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “Listening to tales while gathered around a campfire and eating roasted marshmallows is what I prefer,” I told Pa before closing my bedroom door.<\/p>\n “Thanks Adam, for the story you told. \u00a0It was beautiful and you surprised Hoss.” \u00a0Pa tousled my hair and patted me on the back.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n 1855<\/p>\n I felt a hand on my shoulder and moved away again, struggling to stay on my feet while trying to even out my breathing. \u00a0I lost my balance and found Pa\u2019s hands on me, steadying me as he guided me to sit on the bunk. \u00a0I didn\u2019t want to meet his eyes, I didn\u2019t want to give him the explanations he was asking for.\u00a0 Pa unbuttoned my shirt and gently pulled it off. \u00a0I gave in and cooperated, wondering for the first time just how badly I was hurt. \u00a0He ran his hands over my ribs, checking for damage. \u00a0I involuntarily gasped as he found where the damage had been done. \u00a0There was one thing I couldn’t deny, when Hoss handed out a beating, he did a good job. \u00a0There was one great bruise that was beginning to swell on my hip. For sure the bruises would stay a few days and would go through all the colors of the rainbow.\u00a0 Oh boy, my body was so sore, I had bruises on my right side and on my face, and my back was painful as my brother had thrown me against the door.\u00a0 Hoss had fallen under the spell of a beautiful shady lady from San Francisco and he had asked to her to be his wife, believing his love could change her. \u00a0But she had tried to seduce me and she had kissed me. \u00a0Hoss had seen the whole scene and for the first time he had given me a real\u00a0beating.\u00a0 Pa had stopped him, because at no time had I fought back.\u00a0 Hoss had been so angry with me, he had punched me so hard.\u00a0 I knew he could have killed me, if Pa and Joe hadn’t stopped him. Later.<\/p>\n There was a terrible storm in my mind.<\/p>\n Hoss, I understand why you were angry with me, and I understand why you punched me. I was kissing your Regina, the woman you had decided to marry. \u00a0I know you were deeply in love with her, and I know how angry you were. \u00a0I didn’t fight back, I told Pa, I didn’t punch you. \u00a0I saw anger in your face, I saw that fire in your eyes. \u00a0I know I’ve lost your respect since that day. \u00a0I know I’ve lost the admiration you had for me. \u00a0I was close to Regina, of course, but it wasn’t me that tried to kiss her, she was the one who came to me and she gave me that kiss. \u00a0I know I should have stopped her. \u00a0I didn’t know you were there. \u00a0Your eyes saw only me and that kiss, and now your mind refuses to accept what I’m trying to tell you. \u00a0Because you can’t accept the idea that you’re wrong about the woman you love. <\/em><\/p>\n That hard thinking while I was in my bed deprived me of my sleep. \u00a0As I wanted things to be right between him and me, I stood up and knocked on the door of his bedroom. \u00a0And we talked and I told him, how sorry I was. \u00a0And he told me, everything was forgotten. \u00a0And he apologized for the blows.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n 1865<\/p>\n It was an ordinary evening, I was alone at home, my father had ridden into town. \u00a0Suddenly I heard a quiet knock on the door.\u00a0 I rushed into the hall, stroking my hair a bit before I opened the door, checking who the knocker was.<\/p>\n \u201cHello,\u00a0 gentlemen, what brings you here?”<\/p>\n Ned Peterson, Clem Foster and Deputy Pete removed their hats as I told them to come in and enjoy a cup of coffee or a brandy.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, we have bad news from the town.\u00a0 Your father and Roy Coffee were attacked while they were talking in our office. They were shot twice, they were transported to the house of Dr. Martin.\u00a0 But he was not successful in stopping the bleeding. I\u2019m sorry to have to tell you, but your father and Roy have passed away,\u201d Ned Paterson paused. I saw him shaking his head in disgust. \u00a0All their years on a big city beat hadn’t been enough to\u00a0 prepare them for this violence and cruelty.<\/p>\n \u201cPaul Martin did everything he could, the injuries were too severe. \u00a0We\u2019re so very sorry, it\u2019s such a terrible, terrible loss for all of us, for all our community.\u201d<\/p>\n My world seemed suddenly to have fallen apart. \u00a0I felt as if the ground were giving way under my feet. Feeling faint, I went to sit down in shock and silence. \u00a0I swallowed hard and tried to keep control, but my voice was shaking and was breaking as I\u00a0 spoke.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLet me have a moment to saddle my horse, I\u2019m riding back to town with you.” \u00a0I ran my fingers through my hair, confused, I stood up.<\/p>\n “No, first of all, I have to tell Joe and\u2026.”<\/p>\n In fact, Joe was the only one I would be able to bring the news to, as Hoss was already waiting for Pa in heaven.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course, we\u2019ll wait for you, Adam. Again, we\u2019re so very sorry to have to deliver this incredibly sad news.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d I whispered. \u00a0I was trying to contain the tears that were trying to escape from my eyes.\u00a0\u00a0 Ned Patterson touched my arm gently and the two other men smiled\u00a0 at me with compassion and opened the door.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Joe and I came into the room where our father had been transported. \u00a0We slowly walked towards him. \u00a0We looked down at his lifeless body. \u00a0I could no longer hold back the burning, salty tears and Joe started to cry too as he sat in the chair next to our father\u2019s head.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe, you\u2019re gone, Pa!\u201d Joe whispered as he touched his snow white hair.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n It seemed like I had been sitting in the chair for an eternity. \u00a0In reality, it had only been a few hours. \u00a0Still, I rose from the chair and stiffly walked to the window trying to stretch out the kinks in my neck. \u00a0My head lowered as the tears became more frequent. \u00a0There was a terrible, dull, aching pain inside of me; a pain due to loss. \u00a0That feeling you get when you realise you will never see somebody you love and care about again. \u00a0I would never be able talk to him again. I wouldn’t be able to tell him my troubles, he wouldn’t be there to listen to me, when I needed his advice. \u00a0He was gone. \u00a0I had had the same feeling when we had burried my brother Hoss. \u00a0Now, my father was gone too. Forever.<\/p>\n I saw Joe\u2019s tears and pulled him into\u00a0 a comforting hug, allowing him to sob into my shoulder.<\/p>\n “Oh Adam, it\u2019s so hard.\u00a0 Why did he have to be gone? \u00a0Why did he have to leave us?”<\/p>\n Both of us finally made our way towards the open grave. \u00a0I knew what I had to do, but having to do it was another thing.<\/p>\n As Clem watched in our direction and shook his head, Joe and I took the rifle we had brought and we each fired a single shot; Clem did the same and all the men around the grave. \u00a0Clem used Roy Coffe’s gun, Joe and I had the gun and the rifle which had belonged to our Pa . A gun salute, a symbolic gesture for two great men, who had been gunned down just two days before.<\/p>\n “We come to this place with heavy hearts, and have questions we don’t really understand,” the preacher said as the ceremony began. “We are gathered together today to share the grief we are all feeling and to ask God to help us\u00a0 find sufficient strength to bear our sorrow and to be able to sow seeds of hope for the future.”<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n “Roy Coffee and Ben Cartwright had been good guys, men that had made a difference,” the Reverend said during the funeral. He said their lives had been taken “senselessly and in an act of cowardice” on the night of August 28th.<\/p>\n \u201cBye, Pa,\u201d I whispered quietly, closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath, before turning my back on my dead father and going out of the graveyard. \u00a0Dad had said that he would always be there for me, he had promised me that, when I was a tiny baby. \u00a0During 35 years he had kept that promise.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Clem, the deputy still hadn\u2019t found the person who had killed them, but whoever it was, if I ever came across them, I would kill them, as slowly and painfully as possible, like they had done to our father and\u00a0 Roy Coffee. \u00a0Their death was disgustingly terryfying. \u00a0I made a promise, I would find the man who had killed my father.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Clem made us swear our oath; Joe and I became deputy sheriffs, it happened a few hours after the day our father had been buried. \u00a0In his little speech Clem welcomed us and told us that we could count on him for any help we might need in tracking down the killer.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\n“Memories and dreams are precious things, Adam.\u00a0 They’re always there when you need them most.”<\/p>\n
\nIt wasn\u2019t that I hadn\u2019t deserved a beating, in his view of things. \u00a0I could even agree, up to a point. After all, he must have seen me kissing her.\u00a0 It was the only explanation for that kind of fury. \u00a0But even then, he should have known I wouldn\u2019t seduce his woman. \u00a0He should have known she was the one to have made the move. \u00a0True, I should have pushed her away in the first instant.\u00a0Why hadn\u2019t I ? Instead I had let her kiss me, and had even enjoyed the burning feeling for a moment, I had to be honest. \u00a0Regan was beautiful, and for a little while I had almost believed in her.
\n**********<\/p>\n