{"id":13689,"date":"2002-08-24T13:06:36","date_gmt":"2002-08-24T17:06:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13689"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:35:24","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:35:24","slug":"the-mark-of-a-man-by-gillian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13689","title":{"rendered":"The Mark of a Man (by Gillian)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>As the weeks turn to months, Ben’s indifference weighs heavy on Adam’s shoulders.\u00a0 Will it take a tragedy to bring him home?\u00a0 And once home, will he see his son in a new light?<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T (14, 025 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Mark of a Man<\/strong><\/p>\n

With special thanks to my Muse, Brenda.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright looked up from the desk as the grandfather clock chimed ten o’clock and scrubbed at his tired face. He stretched and smiled as Hop Sing came padding quietly with a tray with one of his herbal teas and a snack.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou drink tea then go to bed,\u201d he ordered the seventeen-year-old. \u201cYou too tired to work now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam took the tea and sipped at it gratefully. \u201cI’ll go to bed soon, Hop Sing. I’ve just got to do the payroll for tomorrow. There’s nothing else that can’t wait at least for tonight.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI wish Pa would come home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing agreed. Adam had been up before dawn for weeks now, and rarely got a decent night’s sleep, between the work he needed to do to keep the ranch running, and having to comfort his baby brother, Little Joe, when the nightmares started. Adam was exhausted but things had to be done and Ben Cartwright wasn’t there to do them.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere Mr Cartwright this week?\u201d Hop Sing asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cTucson, Arizona.\u201d Adam replied. That was this trip. The last trip had been to San Francisco, the one before that to Sacramento. Pa had even gone as far as St Louis. The trips, Ben said, were for business reasons but Adam knew the truth was that Pa couldn’t bear to be at home on the Ponderosa. In the four months since his wife Marie had died, Ben Cartwright had spent no more than two or three weeks at home. Even when he was home, he didn’t take an active role in running the ranch. When Adam attempted to involve him, Ben simply waved him away and told him that he’d worry about it later. The only thing he had done was sign a couple of contracts but that was because Adam had insisted, forcefully. Even then, all Ben had done was sign them. Adam had done all the work for them. He hoped desperately he’d got them right. If he’d got them wrong there was no one to turn to. The responsibility was all on his shoulders, and not just for the ranch. He had his brothers to take care of too.<\/p>\n

He had barely got to bed when Little Joe’s scream woke him. He crawled out of bed and went in to the small boy sitting up in bed, sobbing bitterly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want my Mama,\u201d he sobbed.<\/p>\n

Adam picked him up and cuddled him. \u201cI know, Little Joe, I know,\u201d he said, soothingly, rocking the five year old in his arms. \u201cCome on, you can sleep with me. Remember, I told you Mama’s in heaven, watching you?\u201d he added, climbing into bed and pulling the miserable little boy in close to him. Joe cuddled close, and fell asleep again, as Adam softly sang him a lullaby. He could hear Hoss’ snores as a counterpoint to his songs, and he smiled to himself. At least one of the Cartwright boys was getting a good night’s sleep. He fell asleep quickly himself, with Little Joe’s warm little body curled next to his.<\/p>\n

Adam was up again before dawn. There was so much to do. By the time Hoss came downstairs, he’d got the payroll money ready. Thank goodness Pa had arranged for his signature to be on the payroll account before Marie had died. Otherwise, they’d be in a real pickle. Pa had never expected that Adam would have to do this, but it had just been a precaution in case he was ever away. It had been part of his sixteenth birthday present. Marie had suggested it. If he were old enough to have the responsibility of carrying a gun, he was old enough to be a signatory to the ranch’s working accounts, she had told Ben firmly. Ben had laughed at her but he had agreed, as a sign, he’d told Adam, of his appreciation of Adam’s growing maturity. None of them had expected the then sixteen year old Adam to have the running of a major spread like the Ponderosa. But then, none of them had expected Marie to be thrown by her horse and killed, either. He scrubbed hard at his eyes. He didn’t have time to cry.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

He smiled at his little brother as Hoss sat down at the breakfast table.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Adam,\u201d he said cheerfully, grabbing the biggest stack of pancakes, \u201cAin’t it good it’s Saturday. I c’n help ya today, an’ there’s no school.\u201d Hoss hated school. He wasn’t cut out for booklearning, unlike Adam, who liked nothing better than to sit down with a good book. Not that Adam had time for that. The only reading he’d done since Marie’s death had either been stories for Little Joe or the ranch paperwork.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure is, Hoss,\u201d Adam agreed. \u201cDo you think you could keep Little Joe entertained this morning? That way I can pay the men and have a chance to get that fence in the south pasture fixed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, his mouth full of pancakes. \u201cI can do that. D’ya think I could take him fishing? He likes that, an’ it’d keep him out of under Hop Sing’s feet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. Hop Sing could do with a rest from Joe’s constant activity too. \u201cYeah, but be careful. You know what he’s like.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just then the youngest Cartwright came down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. He’d sort of got dressed, but he carried one boot in his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can’t find my other boot, Adam,\u201d he said. As Adam rose to help Joe find it there was a knock on the door. The boys looked at each other anxiously as Hop Sing opened the door. Adam wasn’t comforted when Sheriff Roy Coffee came in.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, boys,\u201d he said cheerfully. Roy Coffee was an old friend of Ben’s and had known the Cartwrights for many years. He smiled at Adam, knowing how worried the boy was about his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I haven’t got any bad news about your Pa,\u201d he said reassuringly. He nodded at Adam’s visible relief. \u201cI just wanted to tell you to be careful. There’s a been a few robberies at isolated properties in the area. I don’t think it should affect you \u2013 most of them seem to be on the other side of Carson City but I just thought I’d warn you, seeing as your Pa is out of town. Any idea when he’s coming home?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head sadly. \u201cNo. The last we heard he’d arrived safely in Tucson, but that was two weeks ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy felt a momentary flash of anger at Ben. What he was doing to this boy was just unreasonable. Roy had no children of his own, and he stood in the place of an uncle to these boys. He’d had a special place in his heart for Adam ever since he’d first met him, when he’d seen the eight year old, with toddler Hoss in tow, face up to him, trying to protect his little brother from this unknown man. Adam needed the love and support of his father not the burden of running a ranch. Roy resolved to talk to Ben just as soon as he came home.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d said Adam \u201cI’m sorry, Sheriff, I’m forgetting my manners. Would you like some breakfast?\u201d He hoped Roy would stay. The prospect of having someone else to share the burden with, just for a few minutes, was very attractive.<\/p>\n

Roy grinned at him. \u201cThought you’d never ask, boy. I’d love some of Hop Sing’s cooking.\u201d After half an hour \u2013 time neither he nor Adam could really spare, but of immense value to Adam \u2013 Roy pushed back his plate and got to his feet. Adam rose too.<\/p>\n

\u201cTime I got to work, too,\u201d he said as he crossed the room and buckled on his gunbelt.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you get much time to practice with that?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not really,\u201d Adam replied.\u201d I don’t think I’ve had a really good practice since before Marie died.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you’ll come with me now, and have a practice,\u201d Roy told him sternly. \u201cYou can’t allow yourself to slacken off in that department.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Sheriff,\u201d Adam protested. \u201cI don’t have time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNor do I, but in this instance I’ll make time. Come on, boy. You need to do this for your brothers’ sakes, ‘specially with those robberies I was telling you about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam acquiesced. Roy had hit a nerve with his mention of his brothers. Roy made him practice for both speed and accuracy.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never know when you’ll need both, boy,\u201d he said in response to Adam’s protests. He watched Adam critically for about fifteen minutes, occasionally offering a word of advice. He patted Adam on the back approvingly. \u201cThat was well done, Adam. If you got more time to practice you’d be better still, but I think your brothers are in safe hands.\u201d And he rode off smiling, leaving a pleased Adam to get on with paying the ranch hands.
\nThe ranch hands on the Ponderosa were for the most part good men. Many of them had been with the Cartwrights ever since Ben had first started hiring permanent men. The foreman, Charlie, had been with Ben almost from the beginning. He liked and respected Ben, and he had known Adam for many years. The men liked young Adam too and they had felt for the grief of their boss. Some of them had come, worried, to Charlie as the days started to stretch into weeks and Mr Cartwright still didn’t seem to be taking interest in his ranch. They were partly concerned for their jobs until Adam had taken the bull by the horns, as it were, and called them all together.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know I’m awful young,\u201d he’d begun, \u201cbut you know me. With your help we can keep the ranch running until Pa is ready to get back into it. I can’t tell you how long that will be, but anyone who isn’t prepared to work with me is welcome to collect his pay and leave. I need your help, fellas. I can’t do it alone. There won’t be anything for anyone if we don’t keep it running.\u201d<\/p>\n

Only three men decided to take their pay and leave. The rest decided to take their chances and backed Adam. Most of the men were pretty impressed with the job Adam was doing. Adam was just grateful that they accepted his authority. It made his job a bit easier.<\/p>\n

He rode in that afternoon after he’d fixed the fence on the south pasture. He was both a bit relieved and worried when he wasn’t instantly besieged by his little brothers. \u201cHope they’re all right,\u201d he thought, as he led his horse into the barn. He’d go down to the creek to check on them after he’d settled his horse. He sighed. One more thing to do. He was so tired. He’d love to take time out for a long hot bath but unless he had it at midnight he didn’t see how he was going to manage. He walked into the big room of the house to see the very welcome sight of his father sitting in the big leather chair by the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d he said happily. \u201cI’m glad you’re back. How was your trip?\u201d He waited hopefully for his father to speak, knowing that his father’s tone would tell him what he was so desperate to know.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy trip was fine, Adam,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

Adam was disappointed. He’d hoped Pa would be feeling better, but his tone and the fact that he hadn’t made any effort to rise were sure signs that things hadn’t really improved.<\/p>\n

He swallowed the unaccountable lump in his throat, and said, \u201cHave you seen Hoss and Little Joe? They were going to go fishing. Would you like to come down to the creek with me to find them?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cNo, you go ahead. I’m still too tired from the trip.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shoulders drooping, Adam left to find his brothers. He met them halfway to the creek. \u201cLook Adam,\u201d Little Joe yelled. \u201cI caught five fish. That’s even more than Hoss did!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss grinned. \u201cYeah, well, if I didn’t hafta spend so much time baiting your hook, I coulda had time to do more fishin’ meself, \u201c he retorted.<\/p>\n

Adam grinned back, then immediately sobered. \u201cPa’s back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYay!\u201d yelled Little Joe, dropping his fish in his eagerness to see his father. Adam grabbed him. He didn’t want Joe to run to his father only to be turned away. Not that Ben set out to reject his sons. He just couldn’t see past his grief to the pain his behaviour was causing them.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon’t yell like that, Little Joe, slow down,\u201d he said gently. His eyes met Hoss’ in a moment of silent communication. \u201cPa’s still very tired from his trip,\u201d he explained to Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tired from his trip or not, Ben announced at breakfast the following morning that he was planning to take Wednesday’s stage to Sacramento. He had some business there to take care of. Adam felt like crying, and Hoss’ face fell.<\/p>\n

Little Joe did cry. \u201cNo Pa, no! I don’t want you to go away again. I want you to stay here!\u201d Ben didn’t reply. He abruptly left the table and went to his room. It was left to Hoss and Adam to console their tearful little brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy’s Pa goin’ away again, Adam?\u201d he asked. \u201cDoesn’t he love us no more?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course he does,\u201d Adam told him, but in his heart he wondered himself. He went upstairs to his father’s room, and knocked on the door. His father invited him in much to his relief. Adam had been well trained to obey his father’s rules from a very early age. He would have found it very difficult\u00a0 to simply barge in uninvited but he’d planned to do that if necessary. Pa was going to church with them if he had to drag him there, he decided, although he had no idea how he would accomplish this. At least Little Joe could sit next to him for a while. He decided on the direct approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, it’s almost time for church,\u201d he announced.<\/p>\n

Ben looked at him, and shook his head. \u201cI’ll give church a miss today, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

He hadn’t thought about it either way, really. He didn’t feel like facing all those well meaning people. On the other hand, if he went to church he wouldn’t have to be in this house surrounded by his memories.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath. \u201cNo Pa. You have to come to church. If you don’t go we’re not going either.\u201d He shrugged his shoulders, leant against the doorframe and continued in the most disrespectful tone he could summon up. \u201cAfter all, if it’s not important for you then it’s not important for us. I can find better things to do than waste all that time sitting around in church. There’s plenty of work to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stopped and waited hopefully for his father’s response. If things had been normal, Adam would have been on the receiving end of a very stern lecture for his attitude and tone, at the very least. The lecture wasn’t forthcoming, but he did get a response from his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t like that attitude, young man. Today is the Lord’s Day. I can see that you certainly need to get to church. You know Marie expected you to respect the Sabbath.\u201d<\/p>\n

He rose to his feet. \u201cSee that your brothers are ready. I\u2019ll be down shortly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam almost skipped down the stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Early the next morning, Adam and Charlie had to go out to the lumber camp to get the last of the timber shipped out to fill the contract for the mines. Hoss had school, much to his disgust, so that left Little Joe home with Hop Sing. Hop Sing would have been very happy if Ben had taken over the care of his youngest son that day. He had a lot to do and he had to go into town to pick up some supplies. Ben hadn’t made an appearance before either Adam or Hoss had left, so it looked like he had no choice but to take Joe with him, he grumbled to himself. He wasn’t happy about it but\u00a0 Ben had shown no signs of leaving his room before he had to leave. By the time Hoss came home from school Ben had emerged from his room. The silence just suited his mood and he sat in his big chair and thought about Marie. He knew he should look at the paperwork and see what was going on but he couldn’t summon up the interest. Hoss came in. His simple loving nature was usually a comfort for Ben, but not even Hoss’ gentle presence eased Ben’s pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Pa,\u201d he greeted him. He looked around for Hop Sing. There was usually a snack waiting for him when he came home. There was usually a very noisy little brother too. \u201cWhere’s Hop Sing and Little Joe?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cI’m not sure. I think they might have gone to town.\u201d He went back to considering the fire.<\/p>\n

Hoss sighed and went out to do his chores. While Adam was working so hard he’d been doing Adam’s too. Adam had so much to do. He liked to help him when he could. Hoss got to work cleaning out the stalls and had just about finished when he heard hoofbeats. He was pleased. Adam was back. It hadn’t taken him as long at the lumber camp as he’d expected, Hoss thought happily to himself. He ran out of the barn to greet his big brother, but pulled up short in astonishment. It wasn’t Adam and Charlie. It was two strangers. Hoss didn’t like the look of them. Their drawn guns didn’t make him like them any more than the nasty look on their faces.<\/p>\n

\u201cStand still, kid!\u201d one of then ordered. \u201cYa move, we plug ya.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss stood still. He was scared. He stared at the man with big eyes. Although he stood only a head shorter than his older brother, he was only eleven. The man who spoke dismounted, while the other one continued to point his gun at Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyone else inside the barn?\u201d he asked. Hoss shook his head. \u201cWhat about in the house?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss gulped. \u201cM…my Pa,\u201d he said, his voice shaking.<\/p>\n

The man gestured with his gun. \u201cYou start walkin’ towards the house. Real slow. Yore Pa’s Ben Cartwright, ain’t he? The one they reckon is a bit tetched in the head.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss was indignant. \u201cThere ain’t nothin’ wrong with my Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHa!\u201d said the man. \u201cThat ain’t what we heard, is it Bert? We heard that ever since yore Ma died, Ben Cartwright’s gone a bit…\u201d and he tapped his temple with his finger.<\/p>\n

Bert laughed nastily. \u201cShore is, Zeb. Plumb loco. That’s why we come here, kid. It’s a good chance to share some o’ that Cartwright money, seein’ as ol’ Ben don’t seem ta want it. Now get movin’. An not a word or you’ll be sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss obeyed. He walked slowly toward the house and entered the great room. Ben was sitting in the chair, still staring at the fire. The two outlaws shared a grin when they saw this.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Hoss yelled. \u201cLook out!\u201d Ben leaped to his feet instinctively and turned to see the men holding a gun on Hoss and on himself. He froze. His gun was right on the other side of the room. There was no way he could get to it.<\/p>\n

Zeb turned to Hoss and slapped him, hard. \u201cI tole ya, not a word, ya brat. Ya yell again an….\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was shocked and disgusted. \u201cLeave him alone-he’s just a boy! Whatever you want, you talk to me,\u201d he said angrily.<\/p>\n

Bert exchanged a glance with Zeb. Ben Cartwright didn’t look ‘tetched’ to him but then they had the guns and he didn’t. They’d come for money and they were going to have it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Mis-ter Cart-wright,\u201d he drawled, stretching out the syllables so that there was no way of mistaking the menace in Bert’s voice. \u201cWhat we want is what’s in yore safe, an’ anythin’ else we fancy. An’ if ya don’t do as we tell ya…the kid gets it first.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss gulped again and watched his father anxiously. What would Pa do? He needn’t have worried. Grief stricken as Ben was, he would let no one hurt his sons.<\/p>\n

He nodded. \u201cVery well.You can have whatever money is in the safe. But if you hurt my son I’ll hunt you down if I have to go to hell to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He should have known he could trust Pa.<\/p>\n

Ben walked over to the safe with Bert close behind him. Bert wasn’t worried about Ben grabbing him or anything. Zeb would shoot the boy if Ben tried anything, and he was a good enough judge of men to know that Cartwright wouldn’t take any chances with the boy’s life. Zeb stood holding Hoss with his gun held to the boy’s temple. Hoss didn’t dare move. He was scared of Zeb. His face still stung where Zeb had hit him.<\/p>\n

Ben knelt and unlocked the safe. He had no idea if there was any money in it or not. He hoped there was. If it was empty these men might hurt Hoss in their efforts to force him to get some. He breathed again as he saw some stacks of notes.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d said Bert. \u201cNow get up and go over there,\u201d he ordered. As Ben was getting to his feet Bert hit him with the butt of his gun and knocked him out.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d yelled Hoss in fear.<\/p>\n

Zeb hit Hoss again. \u201cI tole ya to shut up, kid. Ya Pa ain’t dead-yet. But if ya don’t do as we tell ya, he will be.\u201d He shoved Hoss roughly in front of him. \u201cI’ll jest keep ya with me in case yore Pa wakes up.\u201d<\/p>\n

They pulled all the money out of the safe, but left the documents they found there. Neither of them could read, and they had no interest in papers. They searched the rest of the house too, taking what they thought were saleable but not easily recognisable items of value.<\/p>\n

Bert, his arms loaded with loot, grinned at Zeb. \u201cI reckon we’ve got about everythin’ we can sell, now. Grab the kid, an’ let’s go\u201d He poked Ben with his foot. Ben stirred slightly. \u201cSee kid, he ain’t dead,\u201d he smirked, \u201cbut that’s only ‘cos I didn’t wanna kill him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Zeb pushed Hoss out of the house.<\/p>\n

Bert noticed a gold picture frame on the desk. He’d already grabbed two out of the bedrooms, but he’d overlooked this one. That would be easy to sell, he thought, and easy to carry. He picked it up, balanced it precariously on the top of his load, and left the room, feeling very pleased with himself.<\/p>\n

Outside, Zeb had half pushed, half dragged Hoss over to the horses. He checked around, but there didn’t seem to be anyone else in sight. Good, he thought to himself. He didn’t want to take the kid with. Hostages were a pain, and tended to get the sheriff after you. As Bert came out, he let Hoss go. Hoss turned to go into the house and saw Bert with the picture frame on the top. He knew what it was. He’d seen Bert stuff the pictures of his mother and Adam’s mother into his sack. The only picture left that it could be was Marie’s. He stared at Bert for a minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease don’t take that picture,\u201d he begged. \u201cIt’s my Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bert laughed that nasty laugh again. \u201cYa mean this one, kid?\u201d And he deliberately pushed the picture onto the ground and stomped on it. The glass crunched under his foot. He laughed again.<\/p>\n

Bert’s action enraged Hoss. It took a great deal to move the normally placid boy to anger, but this wanton damage to Marie’s picture did it. He forgot about guns. He forgot about everything but his need to stop this man from taking Marie’s picture away. He launched himself at Bert.<\/p>\n

\u201cDadburn it!\u201d he yelled, pummelling Bert’s chest with his fists. \u201cYou can’t have my Ma’s picture!\u201d<\/p>\n

His onslaught knocked Bert flying and he dropped the bag with the loot in it in an effort to fend off the angry boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet off me, ya brat!\u201d he yelled, trying to grab Hoss. He didn’t succeed. Hoss was almost as strong as a grown man, and his anger made him stronger. \u201cZeb,\u201d he yelled. \u201cDo something! Get this crazy kid off\u00a0 of me!\u201d<\/p>\n

Zeb did. He fired a shot over Bert’s head to see if that would stop the crazy kid. It didn’t, so he yelled, \u201cKid! Back off or I’ll shoot!\u201d Zeb took aim. Hoss didn’t hear him, but someone else did.<\/p>\n

Adam and Charlie had had a long but very successful day. They had seen the last wagonload of the timber for the mine leave. They had worked very hard and they were both tired, hungry and pleased with themselves. They entered the yard just as Bert yelled at Zeb and they saw Zeb fire his first shot. They saw Zeb taking aim squarely at Hoss. Adam heard Zeb yell \u201cBack off or I’ll shoot.\u201d There was no time to stop him any other way, so he drew his gun and took aim himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cHold it right there Mister!\u201d he yelled.<\/p>\n

Zeb turned slightly at Adam’s yell and fired just as Adam did. Zeb’s shot went wild as he crumpled onto the ground. Dismounting quickly, Adam ran over to the fallen man and knelt by his side. The spreading patch of red across the front of the man’s shirt alarmed him. The bullet had hit Zeb squarely in the chest. Adam ripped open the shirt to try to stop the bleeding, but flinched at the sight of the still bleeding wound in the man’s chest. His heart skipped a beat. Was he dead? He reached for the man’s wrist and searched for a pulse. He couldn’t find one. He tried the man’s neck anxiously. He paled as he realised he couldn’t find one there either. The awareness hit him hard. The first time he fired at a man he killed him! He doubled over and was violently sick, over and over. He just didn’t seem to be able to stop. Ben came over to him and held him gently as his son retched his heart out. Charlie had Bert tied up and Hoss was sitting on the ground holding Marie’s picture and crying.<\/p>\n

Adam finally stopped. He wiped his mouth and looked up at his father, wide-eyed, stunned. \u201cHe’s dead, Pa\u201d he said, his voice shaking. \u201cHe’s dead.\u201d He held out his bloodstained hands to his father. \u201cHis blood is on my hands, Pa. I killed him. He’s dead,\u201d he repeated. Ben put his arm round Adam’s shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou saved your brother’s life, son,\u201d he said softly. \u201cYou did what you had to do.\u201d He led Adam over to the porch and pushed him down into one of the chairs gently.<\/p>\n

Adam looked up at him. He was clearly in shock. \u201cI killed a man, Pa,\u201d he repeated. He began to shake.<\/p>\n

Charlie looked at Ben. He had a trickle of dried blood running down his neck. Hoss was still crying. Adam looked the worst of the three. There was a smear of blood across his face where he had wiped his mouth. His hands were red with Zeb’s blood. Charlie wasn’t sure which of these Cartwrights needed the most help, but he wasn’t the one who could give it. \u201cI’ll get the doctor, Boss,\u201d he said to Ben.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cYes, and ask the sheriff to come out here please. I’d take Adam and these crooks myself, but I don’t think Adam’s in any state to ride, and I can’t leave Hoss either. You take these two,\u201d he said, pushing a dazed Bert towards his horse.<\/p>\n

Bert pulled away from Ben and turned to Adam. \u201cYou shot my partner. S’pose ya think it makes ya a big man now? Well it don’t. I’ll get ya for this,\u201d and he spat at Adam’s feet. Adam recoiled from the venom in Bert’s tone.<\/p>\n

Ben glared at him. \u201cGet him out of here, Charlie,\u201d he snapped, \u201cbefore I’m tempted to take the law into my own hands.\u201d He squeezed Adam’s shoulder reassuringly.<\/p>\n

Charlie slung Zeb’s dead body over his saddle. He looked at Ben again. His tone was the decisive one that he’d missed hearing over these many months. Ben Cartwright was back to take charge, he thought approvingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, Boss,\u201d he said, mounting his horse and riding off.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Ben called, \u201cCome here.\u201d Hoss ran to his father to be hugged and comforted. He sat Hoss down next to Adam knowing that the comforting touch of his brother would do each a great deal of good. It wouldn’t take Hoss long to regain his equilibrium. He smiled at his younger son.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were very brave, Hoss,\u201d he said. \u201cI’m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss’ lip quivered. He held out Marie’s picture to Ben. \u201cThey broke it Pa,\u201d he wailed. They dropped it on the ground an’ stood on it. That’s why I got so mad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears ran down his face. Adam instinctively put his arms round his little brother, whether to seek or give comfort, Ben wasn’t sure, and Hoss hugged him back. They sat like that for a long while. Finally, Hoss stopped crying.<\/p>\n

Ben took the picture and looked at it. He wanted to cry too, but he found a smile from somewhere. \u201cWe can get new glass put on it, Hoss. The picture isn’t damaged, see?\u201d he comforted him. \u201cNow you take it inside and put it on my desk, and put the other things away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded and ran off.<\/p>\n

Adam was still shaking. \u201cI killed him Pa,\u201d he repeated. \u201cI did it. I took a life.\u201d His face was\u00a0 pale. Ben wrapped his arms around his son. He was so cold.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn’t mean to, Pa. I didn’t mean to kill him,\u201d Adam whispered.<\/p>\n

Ben wasn’t sure what to do for Adam. He was so stunned by what he’d done. He took Adam inside, gently washed the blood off him and wrapped him up in a blanket in front of the fire. He wished Hop Sing were around. Adam needed one of those special teas of his.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Paul Martin arrived with the Sheriff. \u201cBen, what’s going on here? Charlie said there’s been a robbery and Adam had shot a man?\u201d Paul said. \u201cLooks like you need some help, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben fended him off. \u201cI’m fine. I’ve got a bit of a headache where they hit me. It’s Adam I’m worried about. He killed the man who was shooting at Hoss – saved Hoss’ life – and he’s in shock.\u201d He led the way into the house. The others followed.<\/p>\n

Paul took one look at Adam. \u201cYou’re right. He is in shock. I think he might need something. Where’s Hop Sing? One of his teas…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s what I thought, but he’s in town with Little Joe, thank heaven,\u201d Ben replied.<\/p>\n

Roy interrupted. \u201cI need to know what happened here, Ben. You know I have to investigate.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. He told Roy everything he knew up to the point where he’d been knocked out, while Paul tended to Adam. \u201cI can’t tell you what happened then, Roy. All I know is after I came to, I ran outside just as Zeb fired at Hoss. Adam came and shot Zeb and saved his brother’s life. You’ll have to ask Hoss what happened while I was unconscious.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s fine. I’ll talk to him in a bit. It’s Adam I need to talk to now.\u201d He looked at Ben directly. \u201cThat boy’s been under enormous pressure while you’ve been away, Ben. He doesn’t need this as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was uncomfortable. He knew what Roy was saying was true, but he didn’t want it pointed out to him. \u201cI don’t know how much you’re going to get out of him,\u201d he said, dealing with the most important matter at hand at the moment.<\/p>\n

Roy knelt by Adam. \u201cAdam,\u201d he said gently, \u201ctell me what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked at him. \u201cI killed him. I killed him, Sheriff. I did it. I used my gun to take a life.\u201d His voice was despairing.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you killed him, Adam. Tell me why you fired at him.\u201d he said, patiently. Roy had had a lot of experience in dealing with this sort of thing.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cI killed him. I didn’t mean to…he was gonna shoot Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean, you didn’t mean to, Adam?\u201d Roy asked. \u201cI need to know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was aiming at his gun hand,\u201d Adam said sadly. \u201cI yelled at him and he turned so I hit his chest instead of his hand. All that practice didn’t count for anything. I didn’t mean to kill him, Sheriff. I just wanted to stop him from hurting my little brother. If I hadn’t yelled…he might still be alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you hadn’t yelled your little brother might be dead,\u201d Roy informed him. \u201cZeb Marsh wouldn’t have hesitated to kill Hoss. So quit beating yourself up about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was worth a try, he thought, but Adam was a sensitive boy. Telling him not to beat himself up about it wasn’t going to have much effect.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, from what I’ve heard here, and from Charlie, I’d say it was justifiable homicide, and as far as I’m concerned there’s no need for me to take it any further. I think Adam should be proud that he saved his brother’s life. That Zeb was a mean …\u201d he glanced up and saw Hoss was listening and changed what he was going to say,\u00a0 \u201cso and so. I wonder why they came to the Ponderosa? That’s a long way from their usual haunts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cThey said they came ‘cos everyone knew Pa’d gone ‘plumb loco’.\u201d He looked up at his father. \u201cYou ain’t, are ya, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled down at him. \u201cNo son. I’m not.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy smiled. \u201cI’m glad you’re back, Ben. Those boys of yours need you. Especially Adam.\u201d He shook hands with Ben and left.<\/p>\n

Paul came over to him. \u201cI’ve given Adam a sedative. I’ve put him to bed and now I’ll look at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time Hop Sing came home with Little Joe, all the excitement seemed to be over. Everything was back where it should be. The only physical evidence of their experience was Marie’s damaged picture sitting on the desk. Ben smiled at his baby son as he came in the room, a bag of jelly beans squashed in his grimy hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Hoss,\u201d he said proudly. \u201cMr. Cameron gaved me some jelly beans for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what have you got for me, Little Joe?\u201d Ben asked with a smile, holding out his arms. He’d nearly lost one son today, and it was only thanks to another that he hadn’t. He’d been feeling so sorry for himself he’d almost forgotten how important to him these boys were.<\/p>\n

Little Joe’s face lit up. \u201cI got a big hug for you, Pa,\u201d he yelled, nearly strangling his father in his joy. Ben hugged him back.<\/p>\n

Hoss was telling Hop Sing all about their afternoon adventure. Ben only caught a few words, but he suddenly realised this was something Little Joe didn’t need to know about. He told Hoss quietly not to say anything to his little brother. If Little Joe asked for Adam, he was to say he wasn’t feeling well and had gone to bed early. He would tell Little Joe what he thought he could understand later. Hoss agreed. He didn’t want Little Joe frightened. He was only a baby.<\/p>\n

Adam woke late the next morning. He looked puzzledly at the clock when he realised it said nine o’clock. He leaped out of bed. Why was the house so quiet? Where was Little Joe? And Hoss? The chores had to be done. The men had to be organised. Why had no one woken him? What was wrong? He pulled on his clothes and then stopped abruptly. He dropped heavily onto the bed, his head in his hands. He’d shot a man yesterday. The very first time he’d had to aim at a man and he’d killed him. He hadn’t meant to kill anyone. He’d just been trying to protect Hoss. All that practice had only been fun. He’d been so proud of his skill; so happy when Roy had praised him for being such a fast accurate shot. He hadn’t really thought about carrying a gun that could take a life. Pa had told him it was a responsibility to carry a gun but he hadn’t realised how great a responsibility it was. He didn’t want that kind of responsibility. He had killed one man. He wasn’t going to risk killing anyone else. The solution was simple. He wasn’t going to carry one any more. This was one burden he could choose not to have.<\/p>\n

There was a gentle knock at the door and his father came in, with a breakfast tray in his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning, son. How did you sleep?\u201d He watched Adam carefully.<\/p>\n

Adam looked up at him, and Ben’s heart was wrung by the sadness on his son’s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cI slept fine, I guess, Pa,\u201d he said. \u201cPa, what am I going to do? I killed a man yesterday.\u201d His voice was despondent.<\/p>\n

Ben sat down next to him, and patted his shoulder comfortingly. \u201cI told you yesterday, son, you did what you had to do. You saved your brother’s life. Thanks to you, Hoss is outside playing with Little Joe. It’s unfortunate that Zeb Marsh died, but I don’t think you could have done anything different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe not, Pa, but I have to live with it,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s true, son, you do. And it takes a certain kind of courage to be able to do that. How much harder would it have been to know you could have saved Hoss and didn’t? Would you swap Hoss’ life for anyone else’s?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cI’d give my own for his,\u201d he said so softly that Ben only just heard him.<\/p>\n

Ben gently squeezed Adam’s arm. \u201cI know, son. Just as I would for you-for all of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled gratefully at his father. Put like that, Adam thought, it didn’t seem quite so bad. It wasn’t death itself that bothered Adam. He’d seen plenty of dead people before, and even helped to bury some of them, and some of those had died violently. It was just that he had done the killing this time.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are Little Joe and Hoss?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’ve kept Hoss home from school today. We have to go into town to see the Sheriff and sign statements about what happened here,\u201d Ben said. \u201cCome on, son, we’d best get ourselves into town and get this over with\u201d As they rose to leave, Ben suddenly grabbed Adam and hugged him. Adam wasn’t much of one for hugging usually, but this time he enjoyed the warmth and comfort of his father’s embrace, and hugged his father back.<\/p>\n

They had saddled the horses and were just about to mount up when Hoss said, \u201cHey Adam, you forgot your gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cNo I haven’t. I’m not carrying one anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben frowned. \u201cAdam, go and put your gun on,\u201d he ordered.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d he said, distressed. \u201cI don’t want a gun anymore.\u201d Ben thought he sounded just like Little Joe. If this wasn’t so serious, he would have laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt the moment, Adam, that doesn’t matter. You need to wear your gun into town today. Now go and put it on.\u201d The tone Ben used was one that told Adam his father would permit no defiance. Adam obeyed, reluctantly. Ben could see Adam’s distress, and he understood it, but he knew that there would be problems if Adam chose not to wear a gun. \u201cI know you don’t want to wear it, son, but there’ll be talk if you arrive in town without it,\u201d Ben explained. He couldn’t think of a way to explain to Adam that he would be handicapped, his reputation damaged, if he didn’t carry a gun. \u201cIt’s like getting back on a horse that threw you. You have to face your fears, boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam buckled on his gun belt, deeply unhappy. He was afraid to wear it.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Roy smiled at the young man as he walked into the office with his father and brothers. Little Joe had been told the bare minimum, but Ben had decided to bring him along simply because he wanted all three of his sons with him. He’d neglected them long enough. All Little Joe knew was that two men had tried to rob them and Adam had saved Hoss’ life.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, Adam,\u201d Roy said. \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled politely at Roy. \u201cI’m Okay, I guess, Sheriff,\u201d he said. He didn’t sound okay to Roy. Roy thought he sounded drained, defeated, miserable. He didn’t look or sound like a seventeen-year-old boy should sound, but that was only to be expected. He was a responsible young man. He’d spent the last four months running the Ponderosa, shouldering that huge responsibility without complaint. He needed time to play, to learn to lighten up, but this death was going to prey on the boy’s mind, unless his friends and family could do something to prevent it. \u201cWe\u2019ll have to find a way to help him,\u201d Roy told himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’d like you to write down what happened and sign the statements. Hoss, you tell me what happened and I’ll write it for you,\u201d Roy said, grinning. He knew Hoss’ spelling was atrocious! Hoss grinned back, relieved. It took a while, but eventually it was all finished to Roy’s satisfaction. Even Adam smiled, though, when Roy had to call Hoss back to sign his statement with his real name. Pa only called him Eric when he was mad with him, and Hoss couldn’t understand why he had to write Eric on formal documents.<\/p>\n

As they were leaving Roy said, \u201cAdam, I’m glad to see you wearing your gun today. I was afraid you might not want to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn’t want to. Pa made me.\u201d he replied. \u201cI don’t understand why you and Pa think it’s so important. I’m afraid to wear it,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s simple, Adam. You killed a man yesterday. The whole town knows it. The stories will fly around, but most people will believe the truth-that you shot Zeb Marsh because he was shooting at Hoss. If you don’t wear a gun you are telling people that you aren’t able to face up to what you did, and maybe things aren’t quite as the story you’re telling goes. Your reputation is at stake here, boy. You don’t want people pointing the finger at you or talking behind your back. You don’t want people saying Ben Cartwright bought you out of trouble. You did what you had to do. You hold your head up high, Adam, and let people know that Adam Cartwright is a man of integrity.\u201d he said, with an emphasis on ‘man’.<\/p>\n

Adam unconsciously straightened his shoulders and stood just that bit taller. Ben met Roy’s eyes and nodded his thanks. The affection between Roy and Adam was mutual, and Roy’s words had started the healing process. There was a long way to go yet, though. \u201cDon’t worry, Adam. Just remember, walk tall,\u201d Roy said as they left the building.<\/p>\n

Ben decided to keep his sons close by him for the rest of the day. This didn’t upset Hoss. He was delighted to have an extra day off school. Little Joe was happy too. He and Hoss played with Little Joe’s toys in the big room. They were both happy to have their father and brother so close and so attentive to them. Ben kept Adam close by too. They were going to go through the books. Before they started Hop Sing came in with some coffee for Ben and a snack for Adam. He knew Adam hadn’t eaten any breakfast.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou eat now, Mr. Adam,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Adam stared at him. Hop Sing had never called him Mister before.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do man’s work, you have man’s name. You earn it.\u201d Hop Sing said, decisively. Ben raised an eyebrow but said nothing to Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

He flicked Adam’s head gently with his fingers. \u201cDon’t let it go to your head, boy,\u201d\u00a0 he warned him.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled nervously. What if Pa didn’t think he’d done a good enough job? What if he’d made some awful mistake somewhere and put the Ponderosa in jeopardy? Adam need not have worried. Ben had spent a good part of the night looking through the books. Adam had done a wonderful job. Not only had he kept the ranch going, he had done so profitably. They owed no money. They had two new contracts for lumber and one for cattle, and they were very favourable. He had had a long talk with Charlie about the ranch. When he had attempted to thank Charlie for keeping the place going, Charlie had shaken his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn’t me, Boss. It was Adam. I can tell the men what to do, but I can’t plan it all. Adam did that. Worked out what needed to be done, when it needed to be done. Did all the figuring and planning for those new contracts. Sure, he talked with me about it, but Adam did all the work. And he was there working alongside the men,\u201d he grinned. \u201cThey’ve taken to calling him Mister. Seems they felt it was more like having a boss if they did, an’ most of them think Adam’s done a real fine job. I think so, too. Took real good care of them brothers of his too.\u201d Charlie had hesitated at this point. He was an old friend, but he didn’t want to overstep the mark. \u201cIt’s been awful hard for a kid of his age, Boss. I hope you’re gonna take over now, ‘cos he’s about had it. He’s exhausted. Little Joe wakes with nightmares every night, an’ Adam’s up with him, and then up with the dawn. An’ now this business with them crooks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was very impressed with what Charlie had told him, but slightly amused too. Adam was just a boy. He’d just better not let this \u201cMister\u201d business go to his head, he thought, with a private grin.<\/p>\n

He smiled at his son. \u201cI’ve been looking at the books, Adam.\u201d He glanced at Adam and saw the anxiety written all over Adam’s face. He quickly reassured him. \u201cNo, son, you have nothing to worry about. You’ve done a wonderful job, Adam. I know it hasn’t been easy for you. I’m very very proud of you, son.\u201d He held up the contracts he’d been studying. \u201cYou can take me through these contracts though.\u201d<\/p>\n

They had his signature on them, but he didn’t remember them at all. Adam was enormously relieved. His father’s approval was so important to him. As they worked through the books together, and Adam explained his reasoning behind the contracts, Ben came to have a real appreciation of the work his son had done. He hadn’t entirely believed Charlie about Adam doing all the work, until he realised that unless Adam had done as Charlie claimed Adam would have been unable to discuss the work done with such confidence and understanding. He began, too, to realise just what Adam had had to deal with. The Cartwrights were happy to spend the day together, and for the first time for many nights, Little Joe slept the night through.<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t, though. In the early hours of the morning, Ben was woken by a frightened yell from Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Adam yelled. \u201cStop. That’s my brother!\u201d Ben rushed to him. Adam was sitting bolt upright in bed, crying. Ben put his arms around him. Adam clung to him. \u201cI was too late, Pa,\u201d he sobbed. \u201cI was too late.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s all right, son,\u201d Ben soothed him. \u201cYou just had a bad dream. Hoss is just fine. You can hear him snoring.\u201d Ben held Adam until his tears eased, and he felt he could go back to sleep. He tucked Adam in and kissed him as if he were Little Joe. Adam smiled sheepishly up at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, would you stay with me for a while?\u201d he asked, swiping his hand across still-wet eyes. It was an endearingly child-like gesture, Ben thought, as he pulled the chair up closer to Adam’s bed. Adam tucked his hand into his father’s trustingly, seeking reassurance. Ben squeezed it, and settled into the chair. He stayed with Adam long after he fell asleep.<\/p>\n

The next morning was back to normal as far as Ben was concerned. School for Hoss. Ben was surprised when Adam rose as Hoss was leaving. \u201cGoing somewhere, son?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cYes sir. I’m going to ride to school with Hoss.\u201d Hoss was pleased with the idea. He liked having company on the long ride to school. Ben wasn’t so pleased. There was work to be done. But Adam was still looking pale and drawn, so Ben decided to permit it. It might make Adam feel better.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right son. Be as quick as you can.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was chopping wood when three o’clock came around. He went to meet Hoss.<\/p>\n

Hoss was surprised when he saw Adam waiting for him. \u201cHi, Adam. Did Pa say you could come?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. \u201cDidn’t ask him. I didn’t want you to come home alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben came looking for Adam. The only person he could find was Hop Sing, but when he grumbled at Hop Sing about Adam leaving without telling him, Hop Sing merely shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Adam man now. He make own decisions,\u201d Hop Sing informed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cA man!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cHe’s a seventeen year old boy and I expect him to tell me, no, ask me if he may do something! He’s not old enough to run his own life!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing shook his head. \u201cIn here,\u201d he said, gently touching Ben’s chest, \u201cMr. Adam always a boy – your boy. But while father away boy grow into man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben wasn’t convinced. As far as he was concerned, Adam was still a child who needed his father’s protection and guidance. When Adam came home with Hoss he was surprised by his father’s anger.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do not leave this ranch without asking me if you may do so!\u201d Ben yelled at him. \u201cYou know better than to go off who knows where without letting someone know!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam flushed. He knew Pa was right. He’d just forgotten in his haste to get to school to meet Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m sorry, Pa,\u201d he said. \u201cI was just in a hurry. It won’t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mollified by Adam’s immediate and obvious contrition, Ben accepted his apology. \u201cHaven’t you two got chores to do?\u201d He watched the two boys leave then called Adam back. \u201cWhere were you in such a hurry to get to that you couldn’t let me or Hop Sing know?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

Adam looked just a little defensive. \u201cI went to meet Hoss at school,\u201d he said. He squared his shoulders. \u201cI’m going to meet him every day, from now on.\u201d<\/p>\n

He waited for his father’s explosion, but it didn’t come. Ben looked at him thoughtfully. Clearly Adam needed to do this. His sense of responsibility wouldn’t let him leave his work unfinished without good reason.<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand, son,\u201d he said. \u201cYou may do that for the time being,\u201d he held up his hand to stop Adam interrupting. \u201cYou may do that provided you don’t let it interfere with your work. Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Things about the ranch seemed to have returned to normal. Ben was his usual irascible self, the ranch was running smoothly and as far as he could see, the boys had settled down too. All except for one thing. Adam almost refused to let Hoss out of his sight. At first Hoss enjoyed having Adam about, but it began to be embarrassing when he kept on doing it. The other kids were beginning to make fun of him, but the final straw came when Adam insisted on escorting him to his friend’s place one Saturday, a couple of weeks later.<\/p>\n

He protested to Ben, loudly. \u201cIt’s not fair, Pa,\u201d he said. \u201cI know it makes Adam feel better, but all the other kids are makin’ fun of me. Sayin’ I’m a big baby who can’t go anywhere without his nanny. Tell him to stop it, Pa,\u201d Hoss begged. He didn’t want to hurt Adam’s feelings, but he was eleven years old. He wasn’t just a baby like Little Joe.<\/p>\n

Ben patted Hoss’ shoulder. \u201cAll right, Hoss. I’ll talk to him.\u201d He wasn’t sure that Adam would like this, but Hoss hadn’t taken too long to overcome any after effects from the robbery. He’d thought Adam had seemed to have got over it too; the only after effects were that he had become Hoss’ self appointed protector and it was driving the normally easy going Hoss crazy.<\/p>\n

When Adam came in that afternoon to tell his father he was going to meet Hoss, Ben stopped him. \u201cJust a moment, Adam,\u201d he said pleasantly \u201cI want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cSorry Pa, I can’t just now, I have to go and meet Hoss,\u201d he replied, as he headed for the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Adam,\u201d Ben said firmly. \u201cThat’s what I want to talk to you about. Come back here and sit down,\u201d he ordered Adam in that \u201cdo as I tell you\u201d tone that his sons knew well. Adam obeyed, but it was with extreme unwillingness.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I have to meet Hoss,\u201d he repeated apprehensively as he sat. There was an undertone of fear in Adam’s voice that worried Ben. Adam sat on the very edge of the seat, his whole posture showing his desperate anxiety to be on his way.<\/p>\n

Ben frowned slightly. \u201cI’ll be blunt, son. Hoss doesn’t want you to pick him up any more. He’s beginning to feel you don’t trust him. And you’re embarrassing him. When you were his age I remember you complaining at me when I wouldn’t let you do things by yourself, and the area is much safer now than it was then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked unhappy. \u201cBut Pa,\u201d he protested, \u201cI just want to keep him safe. I have to look after him. I promised Inger. And I nearly didn’t the other day…I wasn’t here to keep him safe. Pa, please,\u201d he begged. \u201cPlease. I have to do this.\u201d He was almost in tears, a most unusual thing for Adam.<\/p>\n

Ben hesitated. It wouldn’t hurt Hoss to let Adam nursemaid him, but it might hurt Adam. He had been wrong about Adam having got over the shooting. He should have known Adam would take it to heart. Adam’s fears had to be dealt with now, before they got any worse.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Adam,\u201d he said firmly. \u201cI know you’re worried, but you have work to do. I want all that wood chopped before supper. I suggest you get on with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam’s face fell, but he knew there was no point arguing with that particular tone of his father’s.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir,\u201d he said, in almost a whisper.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled at him. \u201cDon’t worry, son. Hoss will be fine, you’ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam chopped the wood, but he didn’t get the job finished before supper. He spent more time looking anxiously down the road to see if Hoss was coming than actually chopping wood. Ben left him to it. There was only so much a paternal order could do. Perhaps if Adam saw Hoss come home safely he would settle down a bit, he thought. He didn’t get much work done himself that afternoon, as he watched Adam and worried about him. He worried more when Adam began having nightmares. He wouldn’t tell his father what they were about but Ben had a fairly good guess. Not that that was hard, when Adam was yelling, \u201cNo! Stop! Don’t shoot!\u201d every night. The only nights he didn’t have that nightmare were when Adam was with Hoss during the day, or if Ben let Adam meet Hoss. On those nights Adam slept soundly.
\n* * *<\/p>\n

Ben met Roy one afternoon in Virginia City when he went in to get the mail.<\/p>\n

\u201cGot time for a coffee, Ben?\u201d Roy asked. \u201cI’m glad I caught up with you. I wanted to tell you that I heard Bert Smith escaped on his way to being tried in New Mexico. He was wanted for murder there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don’t think he’ll come back here, do you?\u201d Ben worried. \u201cHe did threaten Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t think so. He’ll be anxious to get away-maybe go down to Texas or even Mexico. If he’s caught he’s due to hang in anyone of half a dozen states. I didn’t want to tell Adam, but I just thought I’d mention it to you,\u201d Roy replied comfortingly. \u201cHow’s Adam doing, Ben? Got over the shooting yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cNot as well as I’d like. Still tries to nursemaid Hoss, much to Hoss’ disgust. He isn’t sleeping too well either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe always was sensitive. Maybe getting away from the ranch might help. Take him with you on one of those business trips of yours,\u201d Roy suggested. \u201cHe might benefit if he’s away from the ranch. And you’ve been teaching him to do those things for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOn a business trip?\u201d Ben replied. \u201cHe’s just a boy. I can’t let\u00a0 him…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe’s not just a boy, Ben. He’s a young man,\u201d Roy retorted. \u201cHe was man enough to run the ranch and take care of his brothers. Let him see that you’ve got confidence in him.\u201d He grinned at his friend. \u201cI hear the men call him Mister.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben grinned in reply. \u201cYeah. Still amuses me whenever I hear it. But they respect him,\u201d he said thoughtfully.<\/p>\n

Roy nodded. \u201cDon’t want to be pushy, here, Ben\u201d he said, \u201cbut seems to me about the only person who doesn’t respect him as a man is his father.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was inclined to be indignant at this, but finally he nodded. \u201cYou could be right, Roy. I don’t think there’s been any of my so called friends who hasn’t pointed that out to me in the last few weeks. Even Hop Sing did.\u201d He smiled mockingly at himself. \u201cSeems to me that perhaps I may be wrong. All right, then Roy. I’ll think about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

So Ben was thinking about it. He finally decided that he would, so he was quite taken aback when Adam refused to go.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can’t, Pa. Who’ll look after Hoss and Little Joe if I go away?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben scowled at him. \u201cLast time I looked I was the person in charge around here, Adam. Leave me to decide what is best for your brothers-and for you, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam opened his mouth to argue, when Ben cut across him. \u201cYes, I know I left you to run the ranch and take care of your brothers, and I’m sorry that it came to that. But now I am here, and I think I know better than you what needs to be done. Hoss and Little Joe will be fine. We’ll only be gone a few days, and I want you with me. We will be leaving on Wednesday. And that is all the discussion I want to hear about it. Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Ben decided to go up to the high pastures to check on some cattle they were using to fill the contract Adam had tendered for.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooking good,\u201d he said approvingly to the hands as they rounded up the cattle.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Boss,\u201d said Jake, who was in charge up there. \u201cWhere do you want us to take them?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben thought for a moment. \u201cPut them in the eastern pasture,\u201d he said. \u201cThat little lake will give them plenty of water.\u201d The hands did as they were asked, and met Adam on his way back from Virginia City with the mail. He stopped and had a chat to Jake. Jake was one of Adam’s strongest supporters.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, Mr. Adam,\u201d he said, taking off his hat and wiping his face.<\/p>\n

Adam grinned at him. He didn’t think he would ever get used to being called ‘mister’. He’d tried to persuade them not to, but they kept doing it. He’d stopped arguing with them. \u201cWhat are you doing with those cattle?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright said to take them down to the eastern pasture,\u201d Jake began.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cNo, don’t do that,\u201d he said. \u201cThat water’s gone sour. Take them to the Old Meadow instead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jake looked\u00a0 at him, just a little worried. It was one thing to do as Mr. Adam said when Mr. Cartwright was away, but Mr. Cartwright was here, now.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s okay, Jake,\u201d said Adam, understanding his problem. \u201cI’ll explain to Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was unfortunate that Ben wasn’t home when Adam got home. Adam put the problem out of his mind and got to work on the books. Ben had decided there was no reason why Adam couldn’t keep doing them, since he did them so well.<\/p>\n

Ben came home by way of the Old Meadow just as Jake arrived there with the cattle. He called Jake over. \u201cI thought I told you to take them to the eastern pasture?\u201d Jake was a little nervous. Mr Cartwright didn’t sound pleased.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir, you did,\u201d Jake replied, \u201cbut Mr. Adam said the water there was sour and we should bring them here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben raised an eyebrow. \u201cMr. Adam did, did he?\u201d Well, he would have a word with \u201cmister Adam\u201d just as soon as he got home. \u201cLeave them here, for now, Jake. It’s getting late. Time you knocked off for the day anyway.\u201d The men finished securing the fences, while Ben turned for home. He was angry. It was one thing to tell the men what to do; it was quite another to countermand his orders. By the time he got home he had worked himself up into a fine temper.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Adam was working on the books when his father stormed into the house. He took one look at his father’s furious face and hastily got to his feet. Ben wasn’t normally too fussy about insisting his sons rose when he entered a room. Manners in the Cartwright household were fairly informal, except when they had company. The other times his sons were very careful about respectful behaviour was when their father was angry. Adam had no idea what his father was angry about, but he wasn’t taking any risks.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow dare you?\u201d Ben yelled, slamming his gun belt down on the table. \u201cHow dare you contradict my orders to the men? I tell the men to take the cattle to the eastern pasture and they tell me \u201cMISTER Adam\u201d told them to do otherwise! I told you not to let that\u00a0 \u201cmister\u201d business go to your head! I am in charge around here, boy, and don’t you forget it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tried to explain. \u201cI’m sorry, Pa, I was going to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell me?\u201d shouted Ben. \u201cYou do not tell me anything! You ask me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Pa,\u201d Adam tried again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t want to hear it,\u201d Ben yelled. \u201cI give the orders around here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam got mad. Pa simply wasn’t listening. \u201cI told them to take the cattle to the Old Meadow because the water in the eastern pasture is no good and we might have lost them. I was only thinking of the good of the ranch!\u201d he yelled at his father. \u201cAnd if you’d been around during the last few months you’d have known about that water!\u201d He stopped, horrified. He hadn’t meant to say that. \u201cI’m sorry Pa,\u201d he said. \u201cI didn’t mean …\u201d His voice trailed off at the look of pain and dismay on his father’s face.<\/p>\n

Adam’s words stopped Ben in his tracks. Adam was absolutely right. It wasn’t really fair of him to expect Adam to have done other than he did. He’d relied on Adam for so long, even before Marie had died. It was only because Jake had called him ‘mister’ that he was so annoyed. Adam had done exactly as he would have wanted him to do. What was it about the men calling Adam ‘mister’ that so annoyed him? He wondered to himself. He wasn’t ready for Adam to be a man, yet, in spite of having always treated him as being older than his years, even when he was just a toddler.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, however…He looked at his son. \u201cYou are right, Adam. If I had been around I would have known that, and you did the right thing. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain. But you must remember there can only be one person in charge here. \u201cMister Adam\u201d isn’t quite ready to take over from me just yet. And you just watch your manners, young man. You may be seventeen, but I expect respect from you. I am still your father.\u201d Ben’s tone was milder now.<\/p>\n

Thank goodness that storm was over, Adam thought. \u201cI’m sorry I raised my voice to you, sir,\u201d he apologised.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you should be,\u201d snorted Ben, settling into his favourite chair, \u201cbut I accept your apology. Just remember, boy, you may be too old for a tanning, but you’re not too old to be disciplined.\u201d Adam grinned at him. There had been times, riding home after a long dreary day in the saddle, working at whatever particularly unpleasant task his father had assigned him as punishment, that he’d wished Pa had simply tanned him and got it over with! His father smiled back as Adam went back to the books.
\n.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The trip to Sacramento was uneventful, but interesting for Adam. He worried about his little brothers, but Ben kept him too busy and the town was too interesting for him to have too much time for worry anyway. Ben took him to the theatre and to a concert, and left him to browse in a bookshop for an afternoon with ten whole dollars to spend on new books. Adam had been very surprised when his father had given him the ten dollars, with instructions to spend it on himself. He wasn’t to spend it on his little brothers either.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s an awful lot of money, Pa,\u201d Adam said. \u201cI’m sure you need it for something for the ranch.\u201d He offered it back.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed to himself. Adam was always so careful with his father’s money. \u201cIt’s a gift, son. Consider it a bonus for all the extra work you had to do while I was away. A man has to worthy of his hire, and you are.\u201d Ben grinned at him. Adam smiled proudly at that and went into the bookshop with a light heart.<\/p>\n

He also worked with Ben and the lumbermen on the completion of one of the contracts that Adam had tendered for. Ben wasn’t sure who was prouder when the Sacramento businessmen he was working with congratulated them on the work that had been done.<\/p>\n

\u201cA well thought out and executed contract,\u201d was the verdict. \u201cYou’ve done a good job, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d said Tom Biddlington, the yard manager.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled, and shook his head. \u201cThank you, but the credit should go to Adam, here,\u201d he said proudly. \u201cIt was all his work. He left me nothing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two older men laughed, and Adam smiled politely while inwardly he was doing a dance of joy. Pa really was proud of him, he thought to himself. Pa would never had said he was publicly like that if he wasn’t. The other thing that happened, or rather didn’t happen, much to Ben’s surprise was that Adam didn’t have a single nightmare in the five days they were away. The only explanation he could think of was that while Adam was away from the ranch, where he knew he couldn’t do anything, his driving need to protect his brothers was eased. Added to that, he thought, was that there was a lot more for Adam to think about. Those thoughts gave Ben an idea. He wrote a letter and posted it while they were in Sacramento.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

A few days after their trip to Sacramento Ben told Adam that he wanted to go out to the lumber camp early the next morning. He wanted Adam to work right through the contract from beginning to end. The lumber camp was a good four hours ride away. Adam wanted to protest but he knew better than to do so. Ben had decided that he’d been sufficiently indulgent of Adam’s fears, and that it was time he started to deal with them. He wasn’t completely unfeeling, though.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you’re worried about your brothers,\u201d he said as they rode out that morning, \u201cbut you don’t need to be. They’ll be just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was neither comforted nor convinced, but he kept his worries to himself. Ben distracted him by talking, at length and in depth about the contract, so Adam didn’t have time to worry. He didn’t have time to worry while they were at the lumber camp, either. There was a lot to do to finish the lumber they were sending out for the second contract that Adam had tendered for, and Ben basically sat back and let Adam do all the work. Adam had been very surprised when, as they arrived, Ben had turned to him and said, with a smile, \u201cWell, son. it’s your contract, go get it finished off and shipped out.\u201d He slapped his son gently on the back. \u201cI’ll be here if you need me, but you wrote the contract. You go do the work!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam enjoyed himself enormously. With Pa there as backup, he could enjoy what he was doing. Ben watched him carefully but left him to it. It perhaps took longer than it would have if Ben was doing the final checking and signing of the worksheets, but Ben didn’t mind the extra time. Adam was doing an excellent job. It was only his inexperience that slowed them up a little, and that was something only time would fix. As the last wagonload rolled out, Ben wandered over to his tired but happy son.<\/p>\n

\u201cA very good job, son. Well done,\u201d\u00a0 Ben praised. \u201cIt’s getting late. Do you want to sleep here, or go home now?\u201d Ben could have kicked himself when he saw Adam’s face fall. The boy had put all his fears away, and he had thoughtlessly dragged them all back. He didn’t wait for an answer. \u201cOn second thoughts, I think I’d rather go home now. I promised Little Joe I’d be home in time to put him to bed tonight.\u201d That wasn’t strictly true, but it would give Adam a chance to save face.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled at his father gratefully. \u201cI’ll get the horses, Pa,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

They rode home at a reasonable pace, but it was hot, and after a couple of hours Ben decided both he and the horses could use a quick water break. When they stopped Adam said, worriedly, \u201cPa, I’ve had a strange feeling that we’re being watched. I’ve had it since we left the lumber camp.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you seen or heard anything that might make you think that, son?\u201d Ben asked him. Adam shook his head. \u201cNo, it’s just a feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I think you’re letting your imagination run away with you,\u201d Ben said firmly. He wasn’t exactly dismissing Adam’s fears, but he put them down to his anxiety about his brothers. \u201cI’ll take the horses down to the water.\u201d<\/p>\n

While Ben took the horses down to have a drink, Adam took advantage of the break too. Ben heard footsteps behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was quick, Adam\u201d he began. He was interrupted, by a voice he’d heard before. \u201cI ain’t Adam, and you put yore hands up, real quick.\u201d Ben did as he was told. \u201cNow turn around real slow like, an’ keep them hands up,\u201d was the order.<\/p>\n

Ben turned around. Facing him, looking even meaner than he had the last time he’d seen him, was Bert Smith. \u201cThrow your gun over here,\u201d he ordered. As Ben did so, Bert said, \u201cI told ya I’d get yore boy fer shooting Zeb. When your boy comes back, I’m gonna let you squirm, an’ watch while I shoot him. An’ then while he’s hurting, he’s gonna watch while I kill you. Then I’ll kill him.\u201d He laughed unpleasantly.<\/p>\n

Ben glared at him. He was thinking hard about how he was going to get out of this. It all really depended on what Adam would do. Adam wore a gun at his father’s insistence, but he hadn’t drawn it since the shooting. Ben didn’t know if Adam was going to be able to use it. Would Adam be able to overcome his fears?<\/p>\n

Adam returned while Bert was speaking. He stopped as he heard voices. He crept quietly to the edge of the trees and peered around the tree trunk carefully. He didn’t like what he saw. He recognised Bert, and although he couldn’t make out what Bert was saying he could see clearly enough Bert holding the gun on his father and his father’s gun lying out of reach on the ground. He licked his lips nervously. There was really only one option here. He didn’t dare yell. Bert might fire at his father. The safest thing he could do would be shoot the gun out of Bert’s hand. He was an accurate shot – he knew that. He took a deep breath and wiped the sweat off his face. He dried his hands on the seat of his pants. His father’s life depended on him.<\/p>\n

Ben saw the glint of the sun on Adam’s gun. He was greatly relieved – not because of the threat to his life, but because Adam was going to use it. It took all of his willpower not to watch as Adam knelt, though. He didn’t want to give Bert any reason to look towards Adam’s position. He decided to distract him. \u201cMind if I put my hands down? I’m getting tired. I don’t know why you came back. I’d have guessed you’d be in Texas or Mexico by now,\u201d he remarked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI s’pose you c’n put your hands down-slowly,\u201d Bert said. \u201cWhen I’ve got my revenge for Zeb, I’m goin’ to Mexico. He’d do the same for me. An’ I can’t go to Texas, I’m wanted there.\u201d Ben thought he sounded proud of himself. He put his hands down very slowly.<\/p>\n

As he did so, Adam knelt and taking careful aim he fired at Bert’s gun hand.<\/p>\n

The sound of the shot reverberated in the still mountain air. Ben saw the gun spin into the air and he didn’t hesitate. His fist shot out and he cracked Bert hard on the jaw. Bert took a swing at Ben, but Ben’s fist hit him again, even harder. Bert toppled over and measured his length in the dirt. He lay very still. Ben looked down at him. \u201cThat one was for Marie,\u201d he said with satisfaction. \u201cIf I’d seen him break Marie’s picture I would have killed him with my bare hands,\u201d he told his son, who had rushed over to his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa? Are you all right?\u201d he asked anxiously.<\/p>\n

Ben grinned at him. \u201cI am.\u201d He rubbed his hand where he had hit Bert. \u201cBit of a sore hand though. Get some rope and tie him up,\u201d he told Adam. Then he smiled at his son. \u201cThat was a fine piece of shooting , son. How are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel fine, Pa\u201d Adam replied, just a little puzzled. \u201cWhy don’t I feel bad about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably because you knew it was what you had to do. You didn’t kill any one, but you kept faith with yourself. I did wonder if you’d be able to use your gun, but I knew I could rely on you, Adam. I had to. Thank you, son,\u201d Ben said, squeezing Adam’s shoulder affectionately. \u201cLet’s get him to Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy was surprised and impressed when Ben and Adam turned Bert Smith over to him. \u201cYou want to tell me what happened?\u201d he asked, as he gave them a cup of coffee.<\/p>\n

Adam took a sip of the coffee. \u201cThis is awful coffee, Sheriff,\u201d he grinned.<\/p>\n

Roy grinned back. \u201cIt’s certainly not as good as Hop Sing’s,\u201d he agreed. \u201cHow did you come up with him?\u201d He pointed over his shoulder to the jail cell with his thumb.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess he must have been following us,\u201d said Ben. \u201cHe took me by surprise while Adam was off in the bushes. There wasn’t much I could do. It was Adam. He fired at his gun hand. A beautiful clean shot, Roy, you would have been proud of him.\u201d Roy had told him of the practice session while Ben was away. \u201cI’m very proud of him.\u201d he smiled at his son.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled back-a real smile. \u201cI was scared. I knew I had to get him first time and I was afraid that\u00a0 I might kill him too. But I could see it was a choice of him or Pa….and that was no choice at all. I have to keep my family safe-even if I have to do things I’m afraid of doing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben exchanged an uneasy glance with Roy. Adam had handled his need to use his gun well, but it had just reinforced his need to take care of his family. Ben hoped that the letter he had sent off in Sacramento would help solve Adam’s problem.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

When the reply came to his letter Ben sat Adam down. \u201cAdam, I know you wanted to go to college and I was against the idea of you leaving to go so far away, but I’ve changed my mind. I’ve got the college application papers here.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stopped at the look on Adam’s face. Joy, quickly followed by resignation and disappointment. Adam had been at first overjoyed. He wanted so much to go to college, and Pa had been so against it. Then he’d remembered. He couldn’t go. He was needed here.<\/p>\n

He shook his head. \u201cI’ve changed my mind Pa. I don’t want to go any more. I know how much it would cost and we need the money here.\u201d He got to his feet. \u201cThanks anyway, Pa,\u201d he said awkwardly as he turned to leave the room.<\/p>\n

Ben wasn’t having it. He’d tried to be patient, but he’d had enough of Adam’s nonsense. Despite what he thought, the Cartwrights could manage without him. He wasn’t indispensable. He was disappointed, too. Adam had been harping on going to college for some time, and Ben had been reluctant. He’d thought Adam would be delighted with his surprise. \u201cSit down Adam,\u201d he ordered. \u201cI haven’t given you permission to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam obeyed. \u201cI’ve tried to be understanding, Adam, but I’ve about had enough. I’ve told you before. I am in charge here. And it is up to me to decide what we can and cannot afford. Now, we are going to fill in these forms, and when we find out what you have to do to prepare for the entrance examinations to the college, you are going to do it. And you are going to do it to the best of your very considerable ability. Do I make myself clear?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam swallowed hard. Why was Pa making this so difficult? He knew they could afford it. He should have told Pa the truth in the first place. Telling lies always got him into trouble, especially telling lies to Pa. He gulped a little. Now he was going to have to admit to Pa he’d been lying. If there was one thing that really made Ben angry, it was being lied to.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm Pa,\u201d he said, a little nervously, \u201cI…I should have told you the truth in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben raised an eyebrow. He’d known that Adam was lying. Adam knew as much about the ranch’s finances as he did, since he usually left Adam to do the tedious arithmetic. He folded his arms and glowered at Adam. \u201cWell, boy? I hope you have a very good explanation for lying to me.\u201d His voice made Adam gulp again. It always amazed Adam that his father could make him feel about six, with just the tone of his voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was afraid you’d be mad with me if I told you the truth,\u201d Adam admitted candidly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHumph,\u201d Ben snorted. \u201cI’m mad with you now. You know I don’t like being lied to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m sorry, Pa. I shouldn’t have lied to you.\u201d He eyed his father a little nervously. \u201cI can’t go to college, Pa. I’m needed here. I have to look after you, and Hoss and Little Joe. I promised…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Adam,\u201d Ben said flatly. \u201cYou’ve done a fine job of looking after your brothers and me, but it’s my job. And it’s my job to take care of you. I think you should let me do it.\u201d He crossed the room and put his arm around Adam’s shoulders. \u201cI’m sorry I wasn’t here to help after Marie died,\u201d his voice faltered a bit, \u201cand I appreciated you stepping into my job while I wasn’t up to it, but you have to lead your own life, son.\u201d He paused thoughtfully. \u201cI know what an enormous sacrifice you would be making if I let you do this. I know how much college means to you. It makes me very proud that you are prepared to do that for the sake of your family. Since I came back, my friends,\u201d he smiled a little, \u201chave been telling me that you’re not a boy any more; that you’re a young man. I didn’t want to believe them. You’ll always be my boy. But the mark of a man is that he is prepared to make sacrifices, to do what he thinks is right in spite of the cost to himself. You’re not quite a man yet, but I am very proud of the man my eldest son is becoming.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled at the pride and pleasure on Adam’s face. \u201cBut I’m not going to let you give up college. I promised you once, a long time ago, a home and an education.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t remember that,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled reminiscently. \u201cNo reason you should. You were only four, and you were asleep on my lap at the time. The home you have. The education you’re going to get.\u201d He grinned at his son suddenly. \u201cYou have to live Adam Cartwright’s life, not mine. So I’ll send off those forms to the college and see where we go from there. In less than twelve months Hoss will be old enough to have his own rifle, and you can teach him to shoot before then. So you won’t need to worry about taking care of Hoss. It’s time you started taking care of Adam. Are we clear now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cYes sir,\u201d he said. He was uneasy, but Pa’s tone had said there was to be no argument. And he really did want to go to college so much.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the meantime,\u201d Ben said. \u201cThere is work to be done. Why are you sitting around here while the day is wasting?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 As the weeks turn to months, Ben’s indifference weighs heavy on Adam’s shoulders.\u00a0 Will it take a tragedy to bring him home?\u00a0 And once home, will he see his son in a new light?<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T (14, 025 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10266,"featured_media":11269,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1016,23,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13689","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-pa","category-drama","category-prequels","wpcat-1016-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-30-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2713,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/house1.jpg?fit=3038%2C2000&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45476,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45476","url_meta":{"origin":13689,"position":0},"title":"Friend (by AMG)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"March 28, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Let it be a tribute to one Rating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 \u00a0Words:\u00a0 9,895","rel":"","context":"In "Hop Sing"","block_context":{"text":"Hop Sing","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1010"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":63076,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=63076","url_meta":{"origin":13689,"position":1},"title":"Part of the Family (by JoanS.)","author":"JoanS","date":"June 11, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Hop Sing tries to help the Cartwrights overcome the death of Marie. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (9,950 words","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":13957,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13957","url_meta":{"origin":13689,"position":2},"title":"The Good Samaritan (by Susan G)","author":"SusanG","date":"December 12, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Helping and not expecting anything in return.\u00a0 It's a matter of paying it forward. Word Count: \u00a020,000 \u00a0Rated: \u00a0T","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"Little Joe","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Screenshot_20250722_085103_YouTube.jpg?fit=801%2C720&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Screenshot_20250722_085103_YouTube.jpg?fit=801%2C720&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Screenshot_20250722_085103_YouTube.jpg?fit=801%2C720&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Screenshot_20250722_085103_YouTube.jpg?fit=801%2C720&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7505,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7505","url_meta":{"origin":13689,"position":3},"title":"QiXi: The Seventh Night of the Seventh Moon (by freyakendra)","author":"freyakendra","date":"December 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A Chinese fairy-tale, an all-too-human Hop Sing and a carefree moment of make-believe usher the Cartwrights into a nightmare involving Chinese assassins and a beautiful, young woman two men will do anything to possess. 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