{"id":13766,"date":"2017-01-20T15:45:36","date_gmt":"2017-01-20T20:45:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13766"},"modified":"2025-10-01T17:02:41","modified_gmt":"2025-10-01T21:02:41","slug":"imperfect-memory-by-jc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13766","title":{"rendered":"Imperfect Memory (by JC)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0 A conversation overheard at a party evokes Adam\u2019s memories of Marie and the integral role she played in his own first love. (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series)<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0T \u00a0 (47,245 words)<\/p>\n

Ties That Bind series<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ties That Bind<\/a>
\nImperfect Memory<\/a>
\nA Pearl Without Price<\/a>
\nA Piece of Cake<\/a>
\nSomething About Amy<\/a>
\nGuarding the Henhouse<\/a>
\nWhen Angels Cry<\/a>
\nNo Ordinary Day<\/a>
\nWinter of Discontent<\/a>
\nInterval<\/a>
\nGently, Full of Grace\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

IMPERFECT MEMORY<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author\u2019s note \u2013 This novella was first posted in the Bonanza World library where it received the Great Romance award in a 2007 reader\u2019s poll. It includes a non-canon Cartwright born during the flashback portion of this story.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Preface \u2013 The Enigma of Adam and Marie<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Writers who tackle this subject are faced with the task of creating a history between two characters who never interacted in the series, and they rely mainly on inference, speculation and in some cases other fan fiction for a basis. It really comes down to what you want to believe.<\/p>\n

You could make the case that Adam would have resented Marie’s “intrusion” into the Cartwright lives after having Ben and Hoss to himself all those years. The resulting changes would likely have been very difficult at first. But after watching Adam as a man, I don’t see him as the kind of boy who would hold a grudge for a long time, especially against someone his father loved. From Marie’s point of view, she would have realized that “winning” Adam, though it might take time, was very important to the success of her marriage. She would use her talents to that end.<\/p>\n

At the time of this story, Adam’s grudging acceptance of Marie has given way to admiration and other feelings he might not have expected. By no means traditional, their relationship is as complex as the line between love and hate is thin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Though nothing can bring back the hour<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

We will grieve not, rather find<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Strength in what remains behind<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>–William Wordsworth<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

CHAPTER I — Whispers and Echoes<\/strong><\/p>\n

“It was a nice party, didn’t you think so, son? …Adam?”<\/p>\n

Entrenched in thoughts that precluded\u00a0the present,\u00a0he was only vaguely aware of someone speaking to him when he heard his name.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, Pa.\u00a0 Did you say something?”<\/p>\n

“I was merely talking about the party.\u00a0 I think everyone had a good time, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Considering their generous host, I’m sure they did.”\u00a0 He raised a glass of Ben Cartwright\u2019s “special” punch, the one he kept in the kitchen for those who\u00a0enjoyed a\u00a0little more\u00a0kick to their liquid refreshment.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. “Well, it makes a man feel good being able to show hospitality to his neighbors.”\u00a0 He rose from his chair and stretched his arms above his six-foot frame.\u00a0 “It’s been a long day, though.\u00a0 I think I’ll go on up. \u00a0What about you?”<\/p>\n

“No, I think I’ll take another look at that timber contract with Sperry.”<\/p>\n

“At this hour?”<\/p>\n

“I’d\u00a0just like to have it firm in my mind before the meeting tomorrow.”<\/p>\n

“Well, suit yourself.”\u00a0 Ben yawned.\u00a0 “See you in the morning.”<\/p>\n

“Goodnight, Pa.”<\/p>\n

Adam\u00a0loosened his tie as he sat down at the desk and pulled the contract from the drawer. It was no different from the dozens of others he had\u00a0negotiated\u00a0in the past, and he could probably quote it by heart.\u00a0Though he intended to read over it, his eyes kept drifting from the page.\u00a0Contrary to what he had told his father, there was something else\u00a0keeping him up on this particular night.<\/p>\n

Leaning back in the chair, he frowned as he recalled the conversation between\u00a0Minnie Shaw and\u00a0Grace Robertson at the party.\u00a0He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but they were standing in front of him\u00a0talking loudly enough for him to hear, and he couldn’t help but listen when\u00a0they made reference to his sister.<\/p>\n

“Looks like Ben’s\u00a0girl is the belle of the ball tonight,” said Minnie.<\/em><\/p>\n

Grace nodded. “I remember when she was just a skinny little\u00a0thing,\u00a0cute as a bug, but mostly knees and elbows and not very lady-like.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam smiled behind them.\u00a0 That was a fairly accurate description of his youngest sibling during what some people might refer to as her “awkward years.”\u00a0 Jilly hated wearing a dress almost as much as Joe hated being trussed up in Sunday clothes when he was a kid.\u00a0 She looked every bit a lady now, though, as the attentive young men flanking her would no doubt agree. They seemed to be hanging on her every word.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I guess all those years in San Francisco paid off,” Grace continued. “What surprises me is how much she grew up to look like her mother. I never saw it in her before.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Well, you can sure see it now.\u00a0 Though for Ben’s sake I hope she’s nothing like her.\u00a0 That’s all he needs.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Minnie, shame on you. You know it’s not polite to speak ill of the dead.”\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re not thinking the same thing because you remember her as well as I do.\u00a0 And you know the old saying —\u00a0the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Of course I remember, but don’t you think you’re being a\u00a0bit harsh?\u00a0 She’s not her mother, and she has nothing to do with things that happened nearly twenty years ago. I think Jilly is a lovely girl and her father has every reason to be proud of her.”\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

“Pretty is as pretty does, so we’ll see.\u00a0 If you\u00a0ask me,\u00a0though, that girl’s a heartache waiting to happen, just like Marie Cartwright.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I didn’t ask, so let’s just drop the subject and try to enjoy the rest of the evening.”\u00a0 Grace let go a long sigh.\u00a0 “My, but I hope you’re wrong…”<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0woman staring back at him from the gold frame on the edge of the desk was smiling.\u00a0 He rested his chin in his hand and shook his head.<\/p>\n

“You still have people talking after all these years, did you know that?”<\/p>\n

If she knew, she’d probably just throw back her head and laugh. Truth was, Marie never cared much about what people thought of her, at least not those she knew she couldn’t win, and she had an eye for knowing.\u00a0She could read\u00a0a person\u00a0like she\u00a0could read cards,\u00a0and she had a keen sense of\u00a0when to keep playing and when to fold and cut her losses.\u00a0 People wasted a lot of time chasing what they could never have, and she didn’t waste a minute of hers trying to curry the favor of those in Virginia City.<\/p>\n

Men liked her for the same reason many women didn’t, because she was beautiful. Not that\u00a0beauty is anything to hold against someone, but she\u00a0made absolutely no attempt to hide hers, choosing instead to wear it\u00a0like a medal,\u00a0flaunting it in their plain faces. That’s what rankled at first, the fact that she\u00a0could make\u00a0them feel inferior simply by walking into\u00a0a room.\u00a0 It soon became apparent to some that\u00a0she was well aware of her effect on men and even enjoyed it,\u00a0though she was a married woman.\u00a0 Depending on which camp\u00a0a person\u00a0belonged to, she was either delightful or scandalous. Whispers about her “questionable” Creole\u00a0background circulated\u00a0rumors,\u00a0innuendo and\u00a0epithets which were occasionally stanched by a few kinder and gentler souls, though with marginal success.<\/p>\n

Adam learned most of this from his father after the fact, though he was able to observe some things for himself.\u00a0\u00a0Once he recovered from the shock of suddenly having a stepmother, and a young\u00a0one at that, he conceded that Marie was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.\u00a0 As a mature twelve year old, he was beginning to\u00a0have\u00a0a new appreciation for the female form, and during his most honest and unselfish moments he could understand why his father might want to marry her.<\/p>\n

Little Joe came right along (in retrospect, Adam was sure there were people\u00a0counting the months between the wedding and the birth), cementing them as a family.\u00a0Marie tried hard not to play favorites, but he was\u00a0her baby after all, and she was utterly taken with him from the first moment he entered their lives.\u00a0 But then, so seemed everyone.\u00a0 Curly-headed Joseph Francis Cartwright was\u00a0by all accounts an angelically beautiful child who quickly became the darling of\u00a0those within his sphere, and his arrival even softened some of the community’s brittleness toward the new Mrs. Cartwright.<\/p>\n

Motherhood seemed to have offered\u00a0Marie a form of redemption, one\u00a0which she accepted graciously, but it turned out to be only a temporary reprieve.<\/p>\n

In\u00a0her defense,\u00a0Adam supposed she was unprepared\u00a0for\u00a0the\u00a0tedium\u00a0and isolation of ranch life in the untamed\u00a0West, and he felt his father was partly to blame.\u00a0During their whirlwind courtship\u00a0certain future\u00a0realities seemed to have been neglected in the pursuit of a more immediate happiness. Though daunted from the beginning by a harshness she had not imagined, Marie embraced her new home and family with a grace and grit Adam came to admire.\u00a0But no matter how much she resolved to leave\u00a0New Orleans\u00a0behind, the city seemed determined not\u00a0let her go.<\/p>\n

Over time her boredom with the Ponderosa seemed to gnaw at her, and though she and his father never argued in front of him, Adam sensed the strain in their relationship.\u00a0 Their open affection for one another, once so effusive it\u00a0was almost embarrassing to witness,\u00a0slowly cooled to a polite deference.\u00a0\u00a0It was a subtle shift, detectable perhaps only by\u00a0the discerning eye of someone close,\u00a0though no less disquieting in its\u00a0implications.\u00a0 As far as most people knew, the Cartwright skies were sunny, but beneath the public pleasantries and stoicism Marie’s frustration churned like a dust boil on the horizon.<\/p>\n

Her only release was riding, and the faster the better.\u00a0 She preferred to ride alone for that reason — a practice widely frowned upon, one that only fueled further conjecture about Ben’s ‘French Quarter wife’ who seemed to have too much time on her hands.\u00a0 Some people thought he had gotten in over his head by marrying a woman he couldn’t control.\u00a0 Others shook their heads, remembering her first husband, that poor Jean DeMarigny who died saving Ben’s life. Such a nice young man wouldn’t have left his beautiful wife back in New Orleans without cause, and some believed they knew why.<\/p>\n

Nothing short of an edict from her husband could have stopped her, and so far, he hadn’t issued one.\u00a0 Sometimes Marie seemed to be running for her life, or maybe she was trying to outrun it. Adam wasn’t sure which; he just watched her in awe.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ride with me?”<\/p>\n

It was more a challenge than a request, and he jumped at\u00a0it that day.\u00a0His father and Hoss were delivering supplies to an ailing neighbor and Little Joe was napping under Hop Sing’s protective eye, so there would be no\u00a0distractions.\u00a0Marie\u00a0was going to be in\u00a0for a surprise.<\/p>\n

Their race was by no means disappointing.\u00a0 Adam gave her a run for the money all the way, but she finished half a length ahead of him in the end.\u00a0 Cantering her horse to a walk afterwards, she turned to him with a look of exhilaration.<\/p>\n

“That was\u00a0wonderful,” she gasped, catching her breath. “You’ve gotten very good.”<\/p>\n

Winded, he could only nod at first. His heart hammered in his chest, and every part of his body tingled with the adrenaline coursing through his veins.\u00a0 It was great to be young and strong and alive on a day like this, and he wished the feeling could last forever.<\/p>\n

He pulled up next to her and grinned.\u00a0 “You know I’m gonna beat you next time.”<\/p>\n

Her laughter bubbled up from deep inside her, warm and rich like a mineral spring. “I expect you to.”\u00a0 She\u00a0patted her horse’s neck and smiled.\u00a0 “Let’s give them a rest before we go back, shall we?”<\/p>\n

The sun was still high over the\u00a0blossoming meadow, its gentle heat diffused by the barest hint of a breeze. Marie lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes, smoothing her hair.\u00a0 It was the color of honey, both light and dark depending on your view.\u00a0 From where Adam was standing it shone like gold.<\/p>\n

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.\u00a0 “The meadow even smells beautiful this time of year, don’t you think?”<\/p>\n

At fifteen he was a head taller, so she had to look up to him now.\u00a0 He knew height was no measure of a man but\u00a0that didn’t stop him from enjoying the feeling, and he smiled. \u00a0 “Yes, it does.”<\/p>\n

“I’ve always loved spring,” she murmured.\u00a0 “Everything is so fresh and new and unspoiled, like a promise unbroken.”<\/p>\n

The wistfulness in her voice was like a shift in the wind.\u00a0 His smile faded as he stared at her.\u00a0 With her hair falling on her shoulders, her skin dewy and pink from the race, she looked very young, but her eyes harbored an old sadness that troubled him.\u00a0\u00a0For the first time since she came, he realized\u00a0how much he wanted her to be happy here.<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong if you don’t want to,” he heard himself saying. “Just tell me if there’s something I can do.”<\/p>\n

His concern seemed to take her by surprise.\u00a0 For an instant he thought she might cry, but he should have known better \u2013 Marie was not a woman given to tears.\u00a0 Instead she smiled. \u00a0 “I do believe you’re destined to be someone’s knight in shining armor, but you don’t need to worry about me. \u00a0You’ve already helped me more than you could know.”<\/p>\n

He closed his eyes as she pressed her lips to his cheek and whispered her gratitude.\u00a0 She was soft and smelled like springtime.<\/p>\n

A moment later she was mounting her horse and he was still standing there.\u00a0 “I really think we should be going.\u00a0 Little Joe is probably up, and Hop Sing will be\u00a0threatening to quit if somebody doesn’t rescue him soon. Besides, I’d like to get home before your father.”<\/p>\n

He had to hurry to\u00a0keep up with her,\u00a0but it didn’t matter. \u00a0Pa was waiting for them in the yard, his hands on his hips,\u00a0and even from a distance Adam could see that he was not pleased.\u00a0His greeting was terse.<\/p>\n

“I’d like to speak with you privately. Adam can take care of the horses.”<\/p>\n

It was a tone Adam knew well but it was the first time he had heard it directed at Marie. He gauged her reaction as he took the reins from her.<\/p>\n

She\u00a0acknowledged her husband with a nod, her chin high, shoulders squared as he escorted her\u00a0to the house.\u00a0It was always her way.\u00a0\u00a0Adam imagined Marie would maintain the bearing of a queen even if she were being led to the gallows.<\/p>\n

He\u00a0may have admired her for it,\u00a0but the thought didn’t give him much comfort.\u00a0 He couldn’t help but be a little anxious, wondering what kind of trouble was brewing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER II — A Piece of the Sky<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam took his time in the barn and again in the bath house, washing up.\u00a0 Supper was on the table when he finally came inside but only half of his family was present.\u00a0 It was not a good sign as far as he was concerned.<\/p>\n

“Pa said we should go ahead and eat,” said Hoss, lifting a squirming Little Joe into his high chair.<\/p>\n

At two and a half, Little Joe was still on the smallish side, but what he lacked in size he made up in stubborn.\u00a0 Luckily he had a couple of older brothers who knew how to handle him.<\/p>\n

“Cut it out, Short Shanks,” warned Hoss.\u00a0 “I’m too hungry to put up with you tonight.”<\/p>\n

“I want Mama.” Little Joe pouted, kicking the table leg.<\/p>\n

“She’s busy.\u00a0 Here,” said Hoss, placing a bowl and spoon in front of him.\u00a0 “You can feed yourself.”<\/p>\n

Of course he was perfectly capable, though not without making a mess.\u00a0 Marie didn’t like messes, so she usually helped him over everyone’s objections except Little Joe’s. He was\u00a0used to being the center of her world and enjoyed it very much.<\/p>\n

“Oh, no he can’t,” said Adam, winking at Hoss.\u00a0 “Only big boys can do that.”<\/p>\n

“I’m a big boy, Adam.\u00a0 See?”<\/p>\n

Adam grinned as Little Joe shoveled a spoonful of stew into his mouth as proof.\u00a0 He was a pretty good kid in spite of being spoiled rotten.\u00a0“Sure you are, buddy. Let’s not forget this, though.”\u00a0 He\u00a0tucked a\u00a0napkin around his neck.\u00a0 “Where’s Pa?”<\/p>\n

“Upstairs with Ma,” said Hoss.\u00a0 “They’ve been up there a while.”<\/p>\n

Whatever the discussion, it was apparently serious.\u00a0 Adam sat down and helped himself to a serving of stew.\u00a0 He didn’t know why his father was upset with Marie, but she had not seemed surprised. It was almost as if she had expected a confrontation.<\/p>\n

A few moments later his father came down the stairs alone.\u00a0 Adam tried to read his face\u00a0but couldn’t.<\/p>\n

“Hey Pa, I’m feedin’ me!”<\/p>\n

“And you’re doing a mighty fine job, too,” he replied, wiping his youngest son’s chin.\u00a0 “You’re getting to be such a big boy; you won’t even need that chair much longer, will you?”<\/p>\n

Hop Sing entered with a plate of hot biscuits.<\/p>\n

“Is Ma comin’ down?”\u00a0 Hoss asked.<\/p>\n

“No, I’m going to take a tray up to her in few minutes.\u00a0 Hop Sing, would you mind?”<\/p>\n

“Is Mama sick?” asked Little Joe.<\/p>\n

“No, son; she’s just tired.\u00a0 She’s resting.”<\/p>\n

“Ain’t you gonna eat, Pa?”<\/p>\n

“I’ll have something later, Hoss. I think I’ll take my pipe out on the porch and get some air.\u00a0 Adam, take your time, but perhaps\u00a0you could join me when you’re finished.”<\/p>\n

“I’m finished!”\u00a0 Little Joe announced.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing pretended\u00a0a frown. “Only little boy\u00a0who eat all supper get cookie for dessert.”<\/p>\n

“Okay, oh boy!”<\/p>\n

His father’s smile as their eyes met gave Adam reason to\u00a0believe that maybe the storm\u00a0had passed without any damage.\u00a0\u00a0He sure hoped\u00a0so.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Except for the\u00a0slow creak of the rocking chair and the chirp of crickets in the yard, the evening was silent.\u00a0 Twilight had deepened to darkness above them, revealing the stars one by one, and\u00a0Pa had yet to say\u00a0a word. He had\u00a0merely acknowledged\u00a0his son’s presence\u00a0with a nod, puffing his pipe.\u00a0 His\u00a0mood had\u00a0mellowed since the afternoon, but something was still weighing on\u00a0him.\u00a0 Adam waited.\u00a0 Silence could be your friend sometimes.\u00a0 Then again, too much of it could make a\u00a0body nervous.\u00a0 He was relieved when Pa’s voice finally cut through the smoke and shadows.<\/p>\n

“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever live long enough to understand\u00a0women.\u00a0 For a man who’s had three wives, I seem to know very little.\u00a0 Of course, I didn’t have much time with your mother, or with Inger for that matter, but they were both so different from Marie.”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir, I imagine that’s true.”\u00a0 Inger was his only\u00a0means of comparison, the only real mother he’d\u00a0ever\u00a0had, and\u00a0for such a little while.\u00a0 Marie was nothing like her. Marie was like no other woman he’d ever known.<\/p>\n

“I never knew a man could love a woman so much who makes him so angry. One minute I’m ready to strangle her and the next minute I’m….” his voice trailed off into the night.<\/p>\n

“Are you sorry you married her?”<\/p>\n

Adam could tell from the way he shifted in his chair that he was surprised by the question. A sigh preceded his answer.\u00a0 “There have been days when I think we’ve both been sorry.\u00a0\u00a0Son, I know you’re perceptive enough to realize things have not always been as they should between us.\u00a0 But I don’t want that to become your burden.”<\/p>\n

“I just wish Marie could be happier here with us.”\u00a0 He didn’t give voice to his nagging fear that she might one day decide to leave and take Little Joe with her.<\/p>\n

It was almost as if Pa had read his thoughts. “It has\u00a0been hard for her, coming here, harder than we imagined for\u00a0many reasons. But this family is as important to\u00a0Marie as it is to me, and I’m not just talking about Little Joe.\u00a0She loves you and Hoss too, very much.\u00a0We had a long talk this afternoon\u00a0about a lot of things, and we both realized we\u00a0have too much at stake to risk losing it. There are going to be a few changes\u00a0around here, and we’re going to make them work, for all our sakes. So don’t you worry about this family; we’ll be fine.”<\/p>\n

“I’m\u00a0really glad to hear it, Pa.\u00a0 But if you don’t mind my asking, why were you so angry with her when we came home?\u00a0 Did you tell her she couldn’t ride today?”<\/p>\n

“It never occurred to me that I should have to tell her such a thing at a time like this. Of course she knew better; she took advantage of my absence and your ignorance of the situation to have her own way. Well, it won’t happen again.\u00a0 She won’t be taking that horse out again\u00a0for a long while.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t understand.\u00a0 Ignorance of what situation?”<\/p>\n

Pa cleared his throat.\u00a0 “Remember when I said there were going to be a few changes around here?<\/p>\n

“Yes.”<\/p>\n

“Well, one of them is getting Little Joe out of his crib in the next few months, because someone else will need it by then.”<\/p>\n

Adam felt his jaw drop. “You mean Marie is…she’s having a baby?”<\/p>\n

“You sound surprised.”<\/p>\n

“I guess I am.”<\/p>\n

“Well, don’t be too shocked. After all, there are those days when I don’t want to strangle her….”<\/p>\n

Adam heard the smile in his father\u2019s voice, and he smiled too, there on the porch in the dark.\u00a0 How about that? Instead of losing a sibling he was gaining one.<\/p>\n

Move over Little Joe.\u00a0 You’re about to get some competition<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Even the moon seemed to be smiling.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mama!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe hurled himself toward the figure descending the stairs, but Ben\u00a0caught him before he could do any damage.\u00a0 “Hold on, son.\u00a0She’s got her hands full.”<\/p>\n

“Mama, guess what? I ate my supper all by myself!”<\/p>\n

Marie pretended to be shocked. “You didn’t!”<\/p>\n

“I did so!\u00a0 Did you\u00a0eat your\u00a0supper, Mama?”<\/p>\n

“As a matter of fact, I did.”<\/p>\n

“Not much,” said Ben, eyeing the tray as he took it from her.<\/p>\n

“I couldn’t possibly eat all that food.\u00a0 It was more than enough for two people.”<\/p>\n

Adam hid his smile at her remark. It might be a while before Hoss and Little Joe found out\u00a0another Cartwright was on the way, but Pa had taken him into his confidence like a man. It made him feel like one too, and though his father’s frankness was a little unexpected, he was grateful for it.<\/p>\n

“I had a cookie, Mama.\u00a0 Did you have one?”\u00a0 Little Joe was already in\u00a0her arms.<\/p>\n

“As a matter of fact, I had two.\u00a0\u00a0I was saving them for some young men who might want to hear a bedtime story, but they never came.\u00a0\u00a0 I was beginning to get a little lonely up there all by myself.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s voice\u00a0softened in sympathy. “Were you sad?”<\/p>\n

“If I was, I’m not now.”\u00a0 She smiled.\u00a0 “Do you have a kiss for me?”<\/p>\n

He delivered a noisy smack to her cheek and threw his arms around her neck, giving her an exaggerated squeeze.<\/p>\n

“Mama, could you read to me ‘n Hoss?”<\/p>\n

“I suppose I could.”<\/p>\n

“And could we have the cookies, too?”<\/p>\n

Marie looked skeptical.\u00a0 “Did you really eat all your supper?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, see?”\u00a0 He opened his mouth as wide as he could.<\/p>\n

“I don’t see anything.”<\/p>\n

“That’s because it’s in my tummy!”\u00a0 He giggled at his own joke, buoyed by his family’s chuckles.<\/p>\n

“Hoss, what you do think of the idea?”<\/p>\n

He smiled at her. “I like it fine.”<\/p>\n

“Well then, why don’t you boys go up with your father and get ready for bed?\u00a0 I’ll be there in a minute.”<\/p>\n

“You come now, Mama,” coaxed Little Joe, releasing his hold on her reluctantly.<\/p>\n

“In a\u00a0minute, Joseph.\u00a0 I want to talk to Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Adam, were you bad today?”\u00a0he asked over Pa\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

Adam grinned.\u00a0 “I don’t think so.”<\/p>\n

Hoss traipsed after them, pausing\u00a0to hug Marie.\u00a0 “I’m glad you’re feelin’ better, Ma.”<\/p>\n

“I feel fine, Hoss,” she said, smiling.\u00a0 She bent down to kiss him and\u00a0whispered something.\u00a0 Adam had no idea what she said but it had him beaming all the way up the stairs.<\/p>\n

Marie was watching him, too.\u00a0 “Little Joe is so lucky to have\u00a0two such wonderful brothers.”<\/p>\n

“The kid’s in for a surprise, isn’t he?”<\/p>\n

The corners of her mouth lifted slightly.\u00a0\u00a0“So your\u00a0father did\u00a0tell you.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0wasn’t sure if the pink in her cheeks was from\u00a0the\u00a0sun or if she was blushing.\u00a0 “He did,” he\u00a0grinned.\u00a0 “You wanted to talk to me?”<\/p>\n

“Let’s sit down.”<\/p>\n

She positioned herself on the settee and motioned for him to sit next to her.\u00a0 For the second time that evening, he found himself waiting.<\/p>\n

She took a deep breath before she began.\u00a0 “I’m afraid I owe you\u00a0apology, Adam.\u00a0\u00a0Your father pointed out, and rightfully so, that I put you in an awkward position this afternoon.\u00a0 I behaved selfishly and carelessly, and I took advantage of you.\u00a0 I hope you’ll forgive me.”<\/p>\n

He figured Pa must’ve given her a good lecture, because her apology sounded more like his words than hers, and he suspected she might be chafing a bit under it.\u00a0 He almost smiled.\u00a0 “Well, I would’ve felt awful if anything bad had happened…”<\/p>\n

She looked chagrined at his words.\u00a0 “I know, and I am sorry.”<\/p>\n

“But I’m glad you asked me.”<\/p>\n

Her penitent expression changed to one of amusement.\u00a0 “So am I.\u00a0 And don’t worry, you’ll get your rematch…one of these days.”<\/p>\n

He grinned.\u00a0 “It’s okay.\u00a0 I can wait.”<\/p>\n

“Another year and I probably won\u2019t stand a chance against you.”<\/p>\n

They smiled at one another.\u00a0 At what point had they become allies?\u00a0 He couldn’t say, but it felt good.<\/p>\n

“Can I ask you something, Marie?”<\/p>\n

“Always.”<\/p>\n

“Did you ever think about leaving?”<\/p>\n

Her dark eyes clouded, and she looked down at her hands in her lap.\u00a0 A sigh escaped her lips.\u00a0 “A person can think about a lot of things and never do any of them.”<\/p>\n

He had been right, then.\u00a0 He stared at his boots, wondering why he had asked.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I had a child taken from me. It was the worst pain in the world.\u00a0 I could never do that to your father any more than I could leave Little Joe behind.\u00a0 My children are blessed to be Cartwrights and I want them to grow up here where they belong, with the three finest men I know.”<\/p>\n

He felt her hand on his arm as she continued.\u00a0 “I know it’s hard to give your heart to someone you could lose, especially when it has happened before.\u00a0 But you really don’t have to guard yours so closely. I’m not here to break it.”<\/p>\n

Touching his cheek where she kissed him goodnight, he watched her until she disappeared at the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Spring eased into a summer that passed largely without incident, at least\u00a0until the day Hoss broke his arm. He spent six weeks in a sling after his efforts to rescue a cat from a tree turned sour.\u00a0 During the excitement that followed the foiled attempt, an unrestrained Little Joe had a run-in with a patch of poison oak and broke out\u00a0in hives that same night.\u00a0 Oatmeal baths and calamine only went so far in soothing his misery, which\u00a0was as much his mother’s as his own.\u00a0Even with Hop Sing’s help,\u00a0she nearly wore herself out between her two patients.<\/p>\n

On top of that, Pa worried about Marie being sick with the baby.\u00a0 Adam didn’t remember her being so ill when she was carrying Little Joe.\u00a0 More than once he had to rush to get the basin for her just in time. The heat and exhaustion finally took its toll, and after a fainting spell at the bottom of the stairs that left her with a goose egg on her forehead, the doctor ordered her to bed for a month.\u00a0 Marie resisted with what strength she had, but Pa’s will was iron clad. He stood firm, at least until the sickness subsided and her appetite returned.\u00a0 Adam suspected that was his plan all along, and he was aiming high just to get what he really wanted.\u00a0 Shoot for the moon and you’ll at least get a piece of the sky, Adam remembered him saying.\u00a0 Whether he was building a ranch or raising a family, Pa always kept the moon in his site, and most of the time it paid off.<\/p>\n

With time and rest\u00a0and food she could finally keep down, the bloom returned to Marie’s cheeks along with her old vivacity.\u00a0 The lap Little Joe was so fond of grew smaller as she grew rounder, and though he didn’t know it, he was already sharing his mother with someone new.\u00a0 She seemed to dote on him even more than usual, lavishing her affections on him as if each day was her last opportunity. He wouldn\u2019t be her baby much longer.\u00a0 Time was spiriting them both away from this precious moment in their lives, and Adam couldn’t help but think how lucky they both were to have had it at all.<\/p>\n

The wheel of seasons turned once more with the arrival of September, mild temperatures and golden afternoons that reflected the sense of contentment\u00a0on the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Pa and Marie had not only made good on their agreement, they seemed to have fallen in love again. Their playful affection in front of the family was merely a token compared to\u00a0the small\u00a0intimacies\u00a0observed unaware —\u00a0a look, a smile,\u00a0a\u00a0touch —\u00a0revealing a tenderness that could only be genuine.<\/p>\n

Maybe the moon wasn’t so unreachable after all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER III — A Fortuitous Occasion<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Now, you’re sure you’re up to this?”<\/p>\n

Marie\u00a0finished tying her bonnet\u00a0and gave her husband a peck on the cheek. “Stop being an old mother hen.\u00a0 That’s my job,” she reminded him.\u00a0 “I feel fine.\u00a0 It’s such a beautiful day, and I’m looking forward to this as much as the boys are.\u00a0 I only wish you were coming with us.\u00a0 It would do you good to relax and see some of your friends for a change.”<\/p>\n

“First things first, I’m afraid. \u00a0If that herd in the south pasture is infected, I can’t afford to wait even a day to find out.”<\/p>\n

Adam felt guilty about going on a picnic and leaving his father with so much work and worry. “Pa, are you sure you don’t need me?”<\/p>\n

“Gib and I can handle it.\u00a0Besides, Marie needs you to ride herd on those two today,” said Pa, jerking his thumb toward Hoss and Little Joe in the back of the wagon.\u00a0 “You boys mind your Ma and your older brother, you hear?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir, Pa,” said Hoss, echoed by Little Joe.<\/p>\n

“They’re good boys and they’ll be fine,” said\u00a0Marie.\u00a0“You just take care of yourself out there with those cattle.”<\/p>\n

“I will.” He smiled and placed his hand on her middle. “I hope this one doesn’t give you too much trouble today.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry. This one’s probably too tired from keeping me up most of the night.”<\/p>\n

“I know you\u00a0didn’t\u00a0get much rest, and that’s what concerns me.\u00a0 It’s going to be a long day for you.”<\/p>\n

“Ben, I’m having a baby, but I’m not an invalid. I’ve had more than enough rest these past few weeks, trust me. I need this day,” she entreated him with a beguiling smile.<\/p>\n

There was a moment\u00a0that followed,\u00a0a window to\u00a0what was secret and sacred between them, so brief and so subtle that most people would have missed it, but it was enough to make Adam drop his eyes before they kissed.<\/p>\n

“Ready, Mama?”\u00a0 Little Joe’s hopeful voice\u00a0chimed from the wagon.<\/p>\n

“Ready, darling.”<\/p>\n

“Well, they’re all yours, son,” Pa said to Adam. “Stay on the main\u00a0road\u00a0as much as you can.\u00a0Be sure to leave in plenty of time to\u00a0get back before sundown. Keep an eye on everyone, and,” he\u00a0added in a low voice, “don’t let her get too tired.”\u00a0 His reluctance to let\u00a0Marie out of his sight still showed in his face.<\/p>\n

“I’ll look after her.”<\/p>\n

“I know I can count on you. There is one more thing, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir?”<\/p>\n

“There will be plenty of work tomorrow.\u00a0 Enjoy yourself today,”\u00a0 Pa\u00a0smiled.<\/p>\n

Adam grinned.\u00a0 “Thanks, Pa.”<\/p>\n

He urged the team forward, and the chorus of farewells behind him\u00a0was soon replaced by\u00a0Little Joe’s\u00a0excited prattle to Hoss, who listened with the patience of a saint.\u00a0 Adam was counting on him to help keep their youngest brother occupied at the picnic, in case a certain young lady happened to be\u00a0there. His heart beat just a little faster at the thought of seeing\u00a0her again.<\/p>\n

Marie’s voice penetrated his thoughts.\u00a0 “So,\u00a0is there any chance I’ll get to meet the lovely Miss Lafferty today?”<\/p>\n

Startled by the fact that she seemed to have read his mind,\u00a0he felt his face go red.\u00a0 “How do you know about\u00a0Colleen?”<\/p>\n

She looked amused.\u00a0 “Your father couldn’t recall her first name, but he did\u00a0say she was very pretty, and that the two of you seemed to\u00a0get on very well.”<\/p>\n

He cleared his throat. “Yes, she is pretty, but I don’t know\u00a0whether or not she’s going to be at the picnic.”<\/p>\n

“Well, it will be a shame if she isn’t,” she said, moving closer to him and slipping her arm through his, “considering the fact that you look so handsome and you smell so nice…”<\/p>\n

He kept his eyes on the road; his ears felt like they were on fire.\u00a0“Don’t,” he said, with more force than he intended.<\/p>\n

She let go of him.\u00a0 “What’s the matter?”<\/p>\n

“I just wish you wouldn’t make fun of me.”<\/p>\n

“Is that what you think?\u00a0 I wasn’t making fun of you.\u00a0 Honestly, I\u00a0would never do that,” she assured him.\u00a0 “You are a prize, or at least you will be someday.\u00a0 Believe me, I know whereof I speak. You’re not angry with me, are you?”<\/p>\n

He attempted a frown, but they both knew he wasn’t. He was beginning to wonder if he could ever be.<\/p>\n

Marie\u2019s pretty mouth curved into a smile.\u00a0 “Oh, Adam, the world is going to be your oyster one of these days.”<\/p>\n

He wasn’t exactly sure\u00a0what it meant, but he allowed himself to smile back knowing it was something good, welcoming her shoulder next to him as they rolled\u00a0toward\u00a0the promise of the day ahead.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mrs. Cartwright, I didn’t think we’d be seeing you today. We heard you were confined to bed.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The surprise in Grace Robertson’s\u00a0voice matched her expression.<\/p>\n

“Only temporarily, Mrs. Robertson,” said Marie.\u00a0 “I’m feeling much better, particularly now that the weather has turned.”<\/p>\n

“Where is your husband?”<\/p>\n

“Ben had some pressing business back at the ranch.\u00a0He sends his regrets to everyone.”<\/p>\n

Minerva Shaw pursed her\u00a0lips in disapproval.\u00a0 “You mean he let you come alone, in your condition?”<\/p>\n

“I’m not exactly alone, Mrs. Shaw, as you can see.”\u00a0 Marie smiled over at Adam, carrying the\u00a0hamper she had packed for the picnic.\u00a0 “Hop Sing baked enough blackberry pies for the whole territory.\u00a0 Where would you\u00a0like them?”<\/p>\n

“Over there.”\u00a0 Mrs. Robertson pointed to\u00a0a makeshift table under a stand of trees.\u00a0 “I believe Mrs. Lafferty is organizing the desserts.”<\/p>\n

Adam’s heart nearly skipped a beat at the\u00a0mention of the name.\u00a0 Marie smiled.\u00a0 “How fortuitous,” she murmured, with a sly glance at him.\u00a0 “Thank you, Mrs. Robertson.\u00a0 Come on, boys. We have pies to deliver and people to meet.”<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty was tall\u00a0and rawboned with pale eyes and angular features made more severe by the tightly wound bun perched on top of her head.\u00a0\u00a0She was nothing like Colleen,\u00a0Adam thought as he acknowledged their introduction.<\/p>\n

“Colleen mentioned meeting you and your father, but not the rest of your family. I had no idea they were so young.”\u00a0 She brushed a wisp of hair away from her face with a large hand and directed a thin smile at Marie.\u00a0 “When is your time, dear?”<\/p>\n

“Not for three months yet.”<\/p>\n

“Well, if it isn’t young Mr. Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

Adam turned to accept the hand that accompanied the booming voice.\u00a0 “It’s good to see you again, Mr. Lafferty.”\u00a0 He tried not to smile too much at the girl next to him.\u00a0 “Hello, Colleen.”<\/p>\n

She returned his greeting with a dimpled smile of her own.\u00a0 “Hello, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Now, who have we here?”\u00a0 Mr. Lafferty’s hands were on his hips as he\u00a0grinned down at Little Joe, clinging to Marie’s hand.<\/p>\n

“These are my brothers, Little Joe and Hoss, and this is my stepmother, Marie.”<\/p>\n

“How do you do, Mr. Lafferty, Colleen?”\u00a0 Marie smiled her most engaging smile.<\/p>\n

“Call me Angus,” he said.\u00a0 “Where is Ben?”<\/p>\n

“He so wanted to come, but I’m afraid the Ponderosa won this round.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad it didn’t keep the rest of you away.”\u00a0 He smiled. “If you need anything at all today, we’re at your service.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”<\/p>\n

Adam turned to Colleen, lovely in a lavender blue dress that nearly matched her eyes. “It’s good to see you.”\u00a0 As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he had said something a little less…common.\u00a0 She probably thought he was boring.<\/p>\n

She smiled and chewed her bottom lip.\u00a0 “I was hoping you’d be here today, and I was so afraid you might not come.”<\/p>\n

“We almost didn’t, but I’m glad we did.”\u00a0 He knew he had Marie’s stubbornness to thank in this case.<\/p>\n

“Colleen…” Mrs. Lafferty called.<\/p>\n

“Coming, Ma,”\u00a0she answered over her shoulder.\u00a0 “I have to help my mother now, but maybe we can go for a walk later.”<\/p>\n

“I’d like that.”<\/p>\n

She smiled. “Until then,”\u00a0she whispered, planting a quick kiss on his cheek before she dashed away.<\/p>\n

Adam stared after her, startled,\u00a0but in a way that felt more than good. He turned around just in time to see Marie look away.\u00a0 Hoss didn’t even try to\u00a0hide his grin.<\/p>\n

Little Joe tugged on Marie’s arm. “Mama, that girl kissed Adam!”<\/p>\n

“Did she now?”<\/p>\n

“You saw!”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t see a thing,” said Marie. “Why don’t we get you something to eat?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe frowned at her, and then glanced over at Hoss, who merely shrugged.<\/p>\n

“Well, I did see.\u00a0 And I don’t want any girls kissin’ me.”<\/p>\n

His mother\u00a0laughed. “You just wait a few years and see if you don’t change your mind about that.”<\/p>\n

“But what if I don’t want to?”<\/p>\n

“Cheri, the right woman can always change a man’s mind.”<\/p>\n

“Huh?”<\/p>\n

“Little Joe, I think maybe this is one of those things we’re gonna understand when we’re older,” said Hoss.<\/p>\n

“Well, not me.\u00a0 Hoss, can you ride me on your back?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, buddy, hop on.”<\/p>\n

Adam and Marie watched them gallop away. “Your father was right,” she said. “Colleen is\u00a0a very pretty girl.”<\/p>\n

“Mm hmm.”<\/p>\n

“You know, I think Little Joe’s\u00a0probably going to need a nap before\u00a0the day is over, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

He met her smile with a grin.\u00a0 “That sounds like a good idea to me.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was nearly an hour after lunch before Marie was able to finally persuade Little Joe to join her on the quilt she had spread out for them.\u00a0\u00a0By then Adam had worked up the courage to look for Colleen.\u00a0 He didn’t know why he was nervous when he had been so anxious to see her, but\u00a0the thought of being alone with her\u00a0made his stomach quiver.\u00a0 What\u00a0if he couldn’t think of anything\u00a0to say?<\/p>\n

He spotted her\u00a0among the crowd\u00a0watching her father and some of the other men pitch horseshoes.\u00a0 She was leaning against a tree, eating an apple, and he thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.\u00a0 His mouth went dry and his palms got sweaty just watching her.<\/p>\n

He was on the verge of turning around when she saw him.\u00a0 “Adam!\u00a0 There you are.”\u00a0 She smiled. “I thought maybe you had forgotten about me.”<\/p>\n

“No.”\u00a0 His voice cracked a little and he cleared his throat. “I didn’t forget.\u00a0 I had to help Marie with my brothers.”<\/p>\n

“Do you and your stepmother get along well?”<\/p>\n

“We didn\u2019t always, but we do now.”<\/p>\n

“She’s very\u00a0beautiful, and a lot younger than I would’ve imagined.”<\/p>\n

“She’s twenty-seven.”<\/p>\n

“That’s the same age as my brother.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t know you had a brother.”<\/p>\n

“I hardly know him myself. He’s been on his own for a long time.”\u00a0 She took his hand. “Come on; let’s go down by the creek.”<\/p>\n

He declined a bite of her apple and let her lead him down.\u00a0 \u00a0She moved with the confidence of someone who knew\u00a0what she wanted and where she was going, and he wondered if she ever got nervous about anything.<\/p>\n

The creek bank was deserted and still, except for the trickle of water and the rustle of leaves above them. The feeling of the sun on his face and Colleen’s hand in his made him sigh for the sheer pleasure of being.<\/p>\n

She moved closer to him,\u00a0lifting her dark lashes to meet his eyes, and smiled.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0“Would you like to kiss me?”<\/p>\n

Her invitation was unexpected, but at that particular moment he could think of nothing he wanted more. He put his hands on her shoulders\u00a0and met\u00a0her lips tentatively.\u00a0 They were soft and warm, parting\u00a0just enough for him to taste her sweet apple breath.\u00a0She put her arms around\u00a0his neck\u00a0and kissed him back with so much enthusiasm that he was forced to stop and come up for air.<\/p>\n

He stared at her,\u00a0wide-eyed and\u00a0dizzy from the experience. \u00a0She smiled up at him. “I’m glad you like me, Adam, because I like you.\u00a0 I think you’re the nicest,\u00a0handsomest boy I’ve ever known. And I love the way you kiss me.”<\/p>\n

Adam wasn’t sure who was kissing whom, but before he could figure it out he heard someone calling his name.<\/p>\n

“Adam Cartwright!”\u00a0 It was Mr. Miller.\u00a0 “Hurry up!\u00a0 Your stepmother needs you — your brother’s hurt!”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam could hear Little Joe before he ever got a glimpse of him. After nudging through a sea of onlookers, he found him wailing in Marie’s arms.<\/p>\n

“Hush, darling. It’s all right, just a little blood. Look, here’s Adam.”\u00a0 She handed her son\u00a0to him\u00a0with a rather\u00a0desperate look. “See what you can do with him,” she murmured before turning away.<\/p>\n

“What’s wrong, buddy?” Adam tried to comfort him as he looked\u00a0him over. He saw no\u00a0sign of injury. “What’s the matter?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe protested with all the ferocity a three year old could muster.\u00a0 “I want Hoss!” he sobbed, holding his arms out in the direction of his mother, who paid him no mind as she threaded her way through the milling throng. Adam’s stomach clenched as he followed her, afraid of what he might find.<\/p>\n

Hoss was sitting up\u00a0on the quilt holding a bloody rag to his forehead, looking a little dazed.\u00a0 Marie knelt next to him. “Let me see, sweetheart.”\u00a0 She removed the cloth, revealing\u00a0a crimson trickle from his hairline and a respectable lump above his left eyebrow.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty squatted in front of him, assessing the cut on his scalp. “It’s not too deep.\u00a0Scalp wounds can bleed a lot, and that makes them look worse than they really are. How many fingers am I holding up, son?”<\/p>\n

Blue eyes focused. “Four.”<\/p>\n

“Who’s this pretty lady?” He put a hand on Marie’s shoulder.<\/p>\n

Hoss managed a faint smile. “Ma.”\u00a0 Marie smiled and\u00a0patted his hand.<\/p>\n

“You know where you are?”<\/p>\n

“At the picnic.”<\/p>\n

“What did you eat for lunch?”<\/p>\n

Hoss thought for a few seconds.\u00a0 “Fried chicken and biscuits, an apple, lemonade and blackberry pie.\u00a0 Two pieces.”<\/p>\n

A chuckle rippled through the crowd. \u00a0Mr. Lafferty grinned.\u00a0 “Looks like his head’s clear now.\u00a0 Little Joe, your brother’s going to be fine, but I think he needs to take it easy the rest of the day.”<\/p>\n

“Feel better, Hoss?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, buddy.\u00a0 Come over here and sit by me, okay?”<\/p>\n

“What happened?” Adam asked as Little Joe wriggled out of his arms.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty straightened up.\u00a0 “Horseshoe\u00a0caught him.\u00a0Nobody’s fault, really.\u00a0 Just a case of being in the right place at the wrong time, you might say.”<\/p>\n

“Good thing you have such a hard head.”\u00a0 Adam’s tone was\u00a0teasing, but he felt a little sick inside, thinking how much worse it could have been.\u00a0 It\u00a0might’ve have been Little Joe, and he\u00a0wouldn’t have\u00a0been\u00a0anywhere near to prevent it.<\/p>\n

“I’m really glad you’re all right, Hoss.”<\/p>\n

Adam had all but forgotten Colleen.\u00a0 Hoss answered with a\u00a0shy smile. “Thanks.”<\/p>\n

Marie put her arm around Hoss and kissed his cheek.\u00a0 “I want you to rest while I gather our things. We’ll need to be leaving soon. Joseph, I need someone to stay with Hoss and make sure he sits quietly.\u00a0 That’s a very important job — do you think you can do it?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe’s green eyes were wide and serious as he nodded. “Yes, Mama.\u00a0 I can do it.”<\/p>\n

She smiled. “Thank you. I won’t be long.”<\/p>\n

She rose, swaying a little when she got to her feet, and she might have fallen if Mr. Lafferty hadn’t been standing near enough to steady her.<\/p>\n

“Are you all right, Mrs. Cartwright?”<\/p>\n

Adam hurried to her other side, alarmed to see her suddenly so pale.\u00a0 “Marie?”<\/p>\n

“I’m all right. I just stood up too quickly, that’s all,” she assured them.\u00a0 “I’m fine, really.”<\/p>\n

“Are you\u00a0sure?” Adam tightened his arm around her.<\/p>\n

“Yes,\u00a0I\u2019m sure.\u00a0 I\u00a0just need a moment.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, get Mrs. Cartwright some water, please.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, Pa.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Miller brought over a chair.\u00a0 “Would you rather lie down?”\u00a0 Adam asked.<\/p>\n

“No, the chair is fine.”<\/p>\n

“Put your head down,” Mr. Lafferty instructed, kneeling next to her.<\/p>\n

Adam looked on, feeling helpless. Colleen returned in a moment with the water which Marie accepted gratefully.\u00a0 Her color had already improved.<\/p>\n

“Better?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, thank you.”\u00a0 Marie smiled.\u00a0“I’m sorry to be such a bother.”<\/p>\n

“It’s no bother, I assure you,” said Mr. Lafferty.<\/p>\n

“Well, you’ve come to our rescue twice today, and I’m very grateful to you; we all are.”\u00a0 She looked up at Adam and Colleen and smiled before she turned back to him.\u00a0 “I’d like to invite you and your family to Little Joe’s birthday party next Saturday.\u00a0 We’ll have a barbecue with all the trimmings. I do hope you’ll come.”<\/p>\n

“How could\u00a0anyone refuse such a charming invitation? We’d be delighted.”<\/p>\n

Adam knew he should be grateful too, but gratitude wasn’t exactly what he felt watching Mr. Lafferty with Marie. He wondered where Mrs. Lafferty was while her husband was playing Sir Galahad this afternoon.<\/p>\n

Colleen was also watching them, her expression inscrutable. “So, Little Joe’s having a birthday party?”<\/p>\n

“I guess so.\u00a0 It’s the first I’ve heard of it.”<\/p>\n

“It should be very interesting, don’t you think?”<\/p>\n

“What do you mean?”<\/p>\n

She arched a brow as her lips formed a coquettish smile.\u00a0 “I think you know just what I mean.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was a quiet ride home with Little Joe and Hoss both asleep in the back of the wagon.\u00a0Though Marie didn’t complain,\u00a0the rigid\u00a0seat and bumpy road afforded little comfort to a woman in her condition. As much as he enjoyed seeing Colleen, Adam wondered if the picnic had been such a good idea. He gauged the rate of the sun dipping into the trees. They should make it home before dark even at this pace, but\u00a0he wished\u00a0for Marie\u2019s sake they\u00a0were\u00a0closer.<\/p>\n

She shifted next to him and put a hand to her back, drawing a deep breath and letting it out slowly.\u00a0\u00a0The jarring ride was taking a toll on her even if she wouldn’t admit it.<\/p>\n

“Are you all right?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just hard to stay in the same position for very long.”<\/p>\n

Her smile did not convince him.\u00a0 “We could stop for a minute if you like.”<\/p>\n

She took a long look over her shoulder at her sleeping sons as she considered the idea. “No, let’s keep going. We’ll all feel better\u00a0when we get home.”<\/p>\n

“Are you\u00a0sure you’re all right?”<\/p>\n

“I said yes, didn’t I?”\u00a0 Her peevish response was softened by a slightly amused expression as she shook her head.\u00a0 “You’re beginning to sound like your father.”<\/p>\n

“I’m beginning to understand why he worries about you.”<\/p>\n

“Too much worry isn’t good for a person, and you’re too young for that.\u00a0 And while we’re on the subject, there’s no need to mention that little episode this afternoon.\u00a0 It was nothing at all.”<\/p>\n

“If it was nothing at all, then why are you afraid to tell him?”<\/p>\n

She struck an indignant pose.\u00a0 “I am not afraid to tell him!”<\/p>\n

“Prove it, then.”\u00a0 He challenged her with a sidelong glance. “Otherwise, I’ll tell him. Don’t think I won’t.”<\/p>\n

It was all he could do to keep\u00a0a straight face at her\u00a0wide-eyed disbelief.\u00a0 She stared at him for a moment and then sank back against the wagon seat, her lips molded into a distinct pout.<\/p>\n

“Incroyable.<\/em>”\u00a0 She muttered one or\u00a0or two other French words she probably thought he wouldn’t understand.\u00a0“All right, you win. Checkmate.”\u00a0 Her frown\u00a0gradually disappeared in a sigh as\u00a0she resettled herself next to him. “You are definitely your father’s son.”<\/p>\n

He allowed himself to smile at that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER IV \u2013 <\/em>Celebration and Revelations<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>The\u00a0afternoon of Little Joe’s party was picture perfect.\u00a0 Pa had been skeptical of Marie’s idea at first but gave in on the condition that the hostess get plenty of rest during the week and not lift anything heavy, including the birthday boy.\u00a0 Adam doubted he would even attempt\u00a0to hold her to the latter.\u00a0 Pa tended to pick his battles with Marie carefully, though these days they seemed to be few and far between. In fact, when Adam overheard them that morning, fighting was obviously the last thing on their minds.<\/p>\n

He\u00a0was bent over in\u00a0the\u00a0stall inspecting\u00a0a stone bruise on his horse\u00a0when\u00a0he heard them come in.\u00a0 It was\u00a0clear they thought the barn was empty.<\/p>\n

“Ben, really, I have too much to do.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“You don’t need to do anything, my love, except this.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Marie’s soft laughter\u00a0dissipated into an even softer sound, followed by a sigh and his father’s baritone rumble.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

“Mrs. Cartwright, if you weren’t my wife I’d get down on my knees and ask you to marry me right now.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Mr. Cartwright, if I wasn’t your wife\u00a0you should be ashamed for not asking me six months ago. \u00a0Now you can help me by hanging those lanterns….”<\/em><\/p>\n

She looked so happy and beautiful that day, relaxed and radiant with the new life she carried.\u00a0 There was no hiding it any longer; in fact, Little Joe had recently very become curious about his mother’s expanding girth.\u00a0 Pa explained the situation to him by reminding him of the litter of puppies Bridie had delivered a few weeks earlier.\u00a0 He seemed satisfied with the analogy between dogs and humans, even if he wasn’t overly impressed by the prospect of a new baby in the family, but he did have one question.\u00a0 “Pa, how do the babies get into the mamas?”<\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss exchanged grins.\u00a0 Even though Adam doubted Pa had had that talk with Hoss yet, he’d been around bulls and cows long enough to know a few things. They both waited to see how their father would respond.<\/p>\n

As ever, Pa was the resourceful diplomat.\u00a0 “Little Joe, why don’t we see if Hop Sing has any \u00a0doughnuts he can spare, hm?”<\/p>\n

“Okay, oh boy, doughnuts!”<\/p>\n

Adam chuckled. Doughnuts — an easy answer to life’s difficult questions. “How about you, Hoss?”<\/p>\n

“I’m right behind ya, older brother.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Colleen and her father were among the last of the guests to arrive. Adam had all but given up hope when he spotted their wagon.\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty wasn’t with them.<\/p>\n

“Miriam isn’t feeling well,”\u00a0 Mr. Lafferty explained.<\/p>\n

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” said Marie.\u00a0 “I hope it’s nothing serious.”<\/p>\n

“No, nothing serious. She insisted that we come, especially since Colleen has been so anxious to see the Ponderosa.”<\/p>\n

“Well, we mustn’t disappoint her then,” said Pa, smiling.\u00a0 “I’m sure Adam can find time to show\u00a0her around.”<\/p>\n

“I’d like that,” was all she said, but\u00a0her eyes and her smile said more, and\u00a0at that moment\u00a0Adam knew he was going to have a hard time thinking of anything\u00a0but\u00a0kissing her again for the rest of the afternoon.<\/p>\n

Their first chance to be alone was later in the day\u00a0after\u00a0Little Joe’s cake\u00a0had been\u00a0cut and\u00a0served, when\u00a0he walked her down to the corral.<\/p>\n

“You\u00a0sure have a lot of horses.”<\/p>\n

“These are mostly surplus stock Pa’s selling to the army.\u00a0 Not all of ’em though.\u00a0 See that bay roan over there?\u00a0 That’s Bill; he’s a really good cutting horse.\u00a0 We’ll keep him.”<\/p>\n

“What’s a cutting horse?”<\/p>\n

“Sometimes you have to separate cattle from the rest of the herd, and they don’t always\u00a0move in a straight line.\u00a0 You need a quick, smart horse to cut ’em out and\u00a0turn ’em where you want ’em to go.”<\/p>\n

“Oh. What about that one?\u00a0 She looks like she’s going be a mother.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, we’re\u00a0keeping her, too.\u00a0 Pa promised her foal to Hoss.”<\/p>\n

“What’s her name?”<\/p>\n

“We just call her Girl.”<\/p>\n

“Which one is the father?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t think he’s in this bunch.”<\/p>\n

“Why do you say that?”<\/p>\n

“Well, except for a couple of mares they’re all geldings.”<\/p>\n

“What’s a gelding?”<\/p>\n

“You don’t know much about horses, do you?” He smiled.\u00a0 “Geldings are males that…don’t breed. They can’t.”<\/p>\n

“Are they born that way?”<\/p>\n

“No…” He stopped short of explaining, enjoying the reaction in her face as meaning became clear.<\/p>\n

“Why would you do that?”<\/p>\n

“They make better saddle horses if they’re not…thinking of other things.”<\/p>\n

“Like girl horses, you mean.”<\/p>\n

She smiled, and the back of his neck suddenly felt prickly and very warm.\u00a0 “Yeah.”\u00a0\u00a0 He cleared his throat and changed the subject.\u00a0 “I’m sorry your Ma’s sick.\u00a0 What’s wrong with her?”<\/p>\n

Colleen shrugged and looked away.\u00a0 “She just\u00a0doesn’t enjoy being around a lot of people. Believe me, she’s happier staying home.”<\/p>\n

That explained\u00a0Mrs. Lafferty’s\u00a0solitary\u00a0demeanor at the picnic.\u00a0 “I’m sorry.”<\/p>\n

“She wasn’t always this way. She was even pretty when she met my father.\u00a0She was his nurse, back in St. Louis.”<\/p>\n

“Was he very ill?”<\/p>\n

“No, he was a doctor.”<\/p>\n

“Your father is a doctor?”<\/p>\n

“Was,”\u00a0she corrected him. “He gave up his practice before I was born, though it’s still hard for him not to treat people as patients.”<\/p>\n

“So that’s why…”\u00a0 No wonder\u00a0Mr.\u00a0Lafferty\u00a0seemed so assertive with Hoss and Marie.\u00a0 “Colleen,\u00a0why doesn’t\u00a0he set up\u00a0a practice here?\u00a0 We only have one doctor, and we could sure use another one.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I’m afraid you can’t count on Pa. I told you, he gave up medicine,”\u00a0she said over her shoulder.\u00a0 She was leading again and he followed.<\/p>\n

“Why?”<\/p>\n

“A woman died, and he blamed himself.”<\/p>\n

“How did she die?”<\/p>\n

“Childbirth.”<\/p>\n

“My mother died when I was born,” said Adam, trying to picture the woman he never knew.\u00a0 “It happens sometimes, and it’s no one’s fault. Why did your father blame himself?”<\/p>\n

“Because he promised her he would be there, and he was with another patient when her time came.”<\/p>\n

“He couldn’t help not being there if he was just doing\u00a0his job.\u00a0I don’t understand why he would give up being a doctor because of that.”<\/p>\n

“Well maybe you’d feel differently if you were the one out\u00a0sewing up a couple of drunks while your wife was bleeding to death.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.” The disconcerting image left him with an uneasy feeling. “I’m sorry.\u00a0 I didn’t know your father was married before.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, I’m afraid my mother was his second choice. She’s never\u00a0been able to forget it either, any more than he can forget his first one.”<\/p>\n

“She shouldn’t expect him to forget her.\u00a0A man can love more than one woman in his lifetime.”\u00a0 That was one thing he learned from Pa. “Your father loved your mother enough to marry her, too.”<\/p>\n

Colleen smiled as though she were somehow indulging him.\u00a0“In the first place, my father couldn’t love my mother because he was already in love with a perfect\u00a0memory, and in the second place, he married her because of me.”<\/p>\n

He tried not to look shocked at this second revelation, but\u00a0the admission\u00a0didn’t seem to bother her.\u00a0 “They never told me. I overheard them talking once. They don’t know\u00a0how much I know.”<\/p>\n

“But you said you had an older brother.”<\/p>\n

“Half brother, same as you. My mother was also married before. Her first husband treated\u00a0her badly before he left her with a baby. She was young and\u00a0could barely take care of herself, so she sent him to live\u00a0with relatives. She was lucky to find training as a nurse, and then she went to work for my father. He was\u00a0good to her, and of course\u00a0she was very grateful.\u00a0 After his wife died, she\u00a0was afraid he would go mad with grief and guilt, and she was determined to do whatever she could to help him get over it.”<\/p>\n

“She must have loved him very much.”<\/p>\n

“I suppose.”\u00a0\u00a0Colleen plucked idly at the bark of\u00a0a tree\u00a0where they had paused on their walk.\u00a0 “Though I’m not sure my mother can ever really love anyone because she doesn’t love herself.\u00a0 I think it was more a case of two lonely, wounded people trying to find their way out of the dark, and I was the light they had in common.”<\/p>\n

The picture she painted of her parents contrasted sharply with his\u00a0own view of\u00a0Pa and Marie, and it occurred to him that Colleen\u2019s life might not have been a very happy one.\u00a0 “I’m sorry,” he said again.\u00a0“For all of you.\u00a0 But if those things hadn’t happened you wouldn’t be here right now, and I’m not sorry for that.”<\/p>\n

There was nothing coy in her expression when she raised her eyes.\u00a0 He was standing near enough to see the pale sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose, and it was almost as though he was seeing the real Colleen for the first time.\u00a0 The breeze caught a strand of her hair and he brushed it away from her face as he leaned in to kiss her.<\/p>\n

This time it was his turn to lead.<\/p>\n

They\u00a0managed to make it back to the\u00a0party before they were missed, and Marie only raised\u00a0a slight\u00a0eyebrow at the ripped seam in Colleen’s dress, which she graciously mended with no one else the wiser.\u00a0 It was the absolute truth that\u00a0it snagged\u00a0on the tree bark, but Adam didn’t find it necessary to supply every detail of that lovely autumn afternoon, and Marie didn’t ask.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t until he was on his way upstairs to bed that night when she stopped him. She looked troubled.<\/p>\n

“What is it, Marie?”<\/p>\n

“You’re a good boy, Adam, but young hearts can run wild sometimes.\u00a0If you’re not careful you could find yourself taking on the role of a man before you’re ready.”<\/p>\n

He felt his color rise. When was she going to realize he was not a boy?\u00a0 “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”<\/p>\n

Her smile\u00a0seemed almost\u00a0sad.\u00a0“I’m afraid you do.”<\/p>\n

It was a long time coming but\u00a0when sleep finally arrived, two women haunted his dreams,\u00a0a blue-eyed, raven-haired beauty\u00a0and a dark-eyed charmer with hair of honey-gold.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER V \u2013 Deliverance<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Adam — wake up, son.”<\/p>\n

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he opened his eyes his father’s face hovered over him like a specter,\u00a0grim and gray in the shadowy dawn.<\/p>\n

“What is it, Pa?\u00a0 What’s wrong?”<\/p>\n

“The baby is coming.\u00a0 I sent Gib for the doctor, if he can find him, and I want to you take the wagon and get Mrs. Shaughnessy. If the doctor doesn’t get here in time we’ll\u00a0need her help with the birth.”<\/p>\n

Adam threw back the quilt and reached for his trousers on the bed post.\u00a0 “But I thought the baby wasn’t due for another three weeks.”<\/p>\n

“That’s what we all thought, and that’s why Marie didn’t wake me three hours ago when she should have.”<\/p>\n

“How soon do you think?”<\/p>\n

“She says not for a while, but then again, she didn’t think she was in labor, so she could be wrong about that too.”\u00a0 Pa tried to keep his voice light, but Adam could hear the worry.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Little Joe were still sleeping when Adam passed their room.\u00a0 He wanted to see Marie before he left. She was propped up against the pillows with her hair fanned out behind her, sweat drops beading on her pale forehead in spite of the cold.\u00a0 His father was wringing out a cloth for a compress.<\/p>\n

She managed a smile when he entered.\u00a0 “Sorry to wake you.”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right,” he assured her.\u00a0 “Looks like someone decided he couldn’t wait to join the fun around here.”<\/p>\n

“And what makes you so sure this baby is a boy?”<\/p>\n

“Girls are never early.”<\/p>\n

She laughed as though she were grateful for the diversion.\u00a0 “Did you hear that, Ben?\u00a0 Your very serious son just made a joke.\u00a0 Things can’t be all bad, can they?”<\/p>\n

“Of course not,” said Pa, wiping her brow. “Everything’s going to be fine. Adam, stay here. I’ll be right back.”<\/p>\n

He left quickly without looking at him.<\/p>\n

Marie’s obvious discomfort made Adam nervous.\u00a0He hadn’t been this close when Little Joe was born. “Don’t worry. As soon as Pa gets back I’m going to get Mrs. Shaughnessy.”<\/p>\n

“No, that would be a wasted trip, I’m afraid.\u00a0 Your father’s so distracted, he quite forgot that Mrs.\u00a0Shaughnessy is visiting her sister and won’t be back for several days. None of us thought we would need her\u2026so\u2026 soon.”<\/p>\n

She gripped his hand as a pain nearly doubled her over.\u00a0 The best he could do for her was hold on and not let go.<\/p>\n

In a moment she lay back and closed her eyes\u00a0as she murmured under her breath. She was praying, still holding his hand.<\/p>\n

“Is it always this way?”<\/p>\n

She opened her eyes and looked over at him. “It’s always\u00a0work bringing new life into the world.\u00a0 Punishment for original sin, you know; and perhaps a few of my own.”<\/p>\n

He didn’t like to think of Marie being punished any more than he liked seeing her in pain.\u00a0 “I’m sorry.\u00a0 I wish there was something I could do.”<\/p>\n

“There is. You must listen to me, Adam, and hear what I have to say even if it is hard.”<\/p>\n

There was something in her eyes that made him afraid.\u00a0 He didn’t want to hear, but he knew he had to.\u00a0 “All right.”<\/p>\n

“Things may not go well today.” Her voice was shaking.\u00a0 “Your father and I both know it.\u00a0 He is as strong a man as ever was, but he has had to bear so much…he needs your strength, and so do your brothers.\u00a0 I know you’ll be strong for them.”<\/p>\n

He knew what she was saying, and he\u00a0wanted to scream at her for even suggesting such a thing. How could she?\u00a0It was too much to ask. Besides, who would\u00a0be strong for him?<\/p>\n

It was as if she read his mind.\u00a0 “I know it seems unfair of me to ask, but what is fair?\u00a0 Certainly not life or you wouldn’t have lost your mother in the first place.”<\/p>\n

“You can’t leave us.”\u00a0 He knew he sounded like a petulant child but the words would not remain unspoken.<\/p>\n

“Do you think I want to? It’s not up to me. Don’t make this harder, I need you to promise me, Adam \u2013 my peace is in your hands.”<\/p>\n

He realized then, he had never before seen her cry.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’ll do whatever you need me to do, always,” he promised. “But you are not going to die today.”<\/p>\n

She closed her eyes and continued her litany in French. “Sainte Marie, M\u00e8re de Dieu, priez pour nous\u00a0p\u00e9cheurs maintenant et \u00e0 l’heure de notre mort.” \u00a0Holy Mary, Mother of\u00a0God, pray for us\u00a0sinners\u00a0now and at the hour of\u00a0our death….<\/em><\/p>\n

He heard his father on the stairs and met him in the hallway.<\/p>\n

“Why does Marie think she is going to die?”<\/p>\n

Pa looked startled by the question.\u00a0 He peeked into her room and turned back to Adam, his face set into a grizzled frown.<\/p>\n

“What did she\u00a0say to\u00a0you?”<\/p>\n

“She said things might not go well, and that you knew.\u00a0 She asked me to…be strong for you.”<\/p>\n

Pa ran a hand through his\u00a0hair and drew a shaky\u00a0breath. It was the first time Adam ever thought he looked older than his age.<\/p>\n

“When the doctor was here a few days ago, he said the baby was breech and that it could be a very difficult birth, even with his help.\u00a0 If he’s not here when she delivers…Hop Sing and I will do the best we can, but I don’t know.\u00a0 I just don’t know….” his voice cracked.<\/p>\n

Adam felt sick. Sick and angry, and in spite of what he told Colleen about such things happening and being no one’s fault, he wanted to blame someone.\u00a0 There was no one but God.<\/p>\n

Then he remembered something.\u00a0He grabbed his father by the shoulders.\u00a0 “Pa, Mr. Lafferty is a doctor!”<\/p>\n

Pa stared at him, uncomprehending. “What are you talking about, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Colleen told me he had a practice in St. Louis but he gave it up\u00a0after his first\u00a0wife died.\u00a0He’ll come for Marie.\u00a0I know he will.\u00a0 Let me go to him.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, of course.”\u00a0 Pa nodded.\u00a0 “Angus is a good man. He’ll help us if he can.”\u00a0\u00a0 They both knew it was a desperate hope, but better than none if the doctor didn’t get there in time, and they couldn’t count on that.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

The morning was bitter, too cold even for snow, and the wind scourged Adam’s face like a whip as he drove his horse\u00a0across the open meadow.\u00a0 Cutting\u00a0across the hogback was\u00a0a risk this time of year, and he couldn’t afford to take any chances.\u00a0 It was ten miles using\u00a0the main roads, an hour by his most optimistic estimate, and another hour home plus the time in between.\u00a0 He dared not tarry. \u00a0 Marie needed every minute he could save; there\u00a0were none to spare.\u00a0 A lot of bad could happen in the next\u00a0two hours.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty answered his pounding at the door with a\u00a0look of absolute surprise.\u00a0 “Adam Cartwright!”\u00a0 He put down the rifle he was holding and opened the\u00a0door wider to let him in.\u00a0 “What on earth…?”<\/p>\n

Adam stumbled into the house and into his arms, where his trembling knees gave way after the strain of the ride.\u00a0 Mr.\u00a0Lafferty guided him\u00a0to a chair.<\/p>\n

“What’s wrong, boy?”\u00a0 He\u00a0frowned, looking him over.<\/p>\n

“I’m\u00a0all right,” he assured him,\u00a0his chest heaving to catch his breath.\u00a0 “It’s Marie.\u00a0 The baby’s coming early…she needs a doctor.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty’s\u00a0frown traveled to Colleen, standing nearby\u00a0with her mother.\u00a0\u00a0“I told him, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“Then I guess she also told you I don’t practice any more.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I can\u2019t help you.”<\/p>\n

It never occurred to\u00a0Adam that he might refuse.\u00a0He stared at him in disbelief.\u00a0“You’re sorry? Marie\u00a0could die if you don’t come!\u00a0\u00a0How could\u00a0you live with that on your conscience?”<\/p>\n

“A man learns to live with a lot of things he thinks he can’t.”<\/p>\n

Adam stood up.\u00a0 “I know you have your reasons for not wanting to be a doctor, Mr. Lafferty, but I didn’t figure it was because you were a coward.”\u00a0 He heard Colleen gasp but he kept his eyes locked on the man in front of him. He would not make it easy for him.<\/p>\n

“Angus.”\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty’s voice was quiet but firm.\u00a0 “You know what you have to do.”<\/p>\n

There was a long pause in the room as she held out his medical bag.\u00a0 Adam breathed a sigh of relief when he took it.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty put on his coat and scarf.\u00a0 Adam followed him to the door but he stopped him.\u00a0 “Your horse is winded. I can be halfway there before he’s ready to go again.\u00a0You could use some food and rest yourself.\u00a0 Colleen will\u00a0get your breakfast.”\u00a0 The\u00a0hesitancy in his manner was gone now, replaced by an air of\u00a0authority that made it clear this was not a request.<\/p>\n

Adam watched him\u00a0ride away, feeling numb from cold and dread.<\/p>\n

“My father\u00a0is not a coward.”\u00a0\u00a0Colleen\u2019s tone rebuked him all the more with its gentleness.<\/p>\n

“I didn’t say it to hurt him. I guess I would have said anything to get him to come.”<\/p>\n

She put her arm through his and leaned her head\u00a0against his shoulder, consoling him.\u00a0 “He’ll do what he can, Adam. We’ll just have to pray that it’s enough, for both of\u00a0them.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0ate from\u00a0courtesy and necessity, not from hunger, and he couldn’t say whether or not the food was good because he scarcely tasted it going down.\u00a0He was merely marking time until he could begin his return.\u00a0Mrs. Lafferty withdrew unceremoniously to her room,\u00a0and to\u00a0her credit Colleen\u00a0didn’t\u00a0burden him with questions or idle chatter.<\/p>\n

She did admonish him as he was getting ready to leave. “You should have worn gloves. I don’t know how you managed to keep from freezing to death on the way over.”<\/p>\n

He brushed away her tender scold with a frown as he buttoned his coat. “I’ll be\u00a0fine.”<\/p>\n

“Are you sure?”<\/p>\n

Her liquid blue gaze softened him, reminding him once again that she was just about the prettiest girl he’d ever known.\u00a0“Yes. Thank you\u00a0for breakfast.”<\/p>\n

“You’re welcome.” She draped a wool scarf around his neck and pulled him toward her. “Be careful, Adam. I don’t\u00a0want anything to happen to you.”<\/p>\n

Under different circumstances he would have returned her kiss with\u00a0ardor, but today it was a distraction he knew he didn’t need.\u00a0 There were more important things happening in the world.\u00a0\u00a0She seemed to understand that, too.<\/p>\n

What was unfinished between them would have to wait.\u00a0 Watching her wave goodbye from the porch, remembering how\u00a0it\u00a0felt to hold her that day by the corral,\u00a0he hoped it wouldn’t be long.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Adam, guess what — Mama’s havin’ a baby with Mr. Lafferty!”<\/p>\n

Little Joe’s\u00a0interpretation of the facts made him smile in spite of himself.\u00a0 He didn’t bother taking off his coat before scooping him up to give him an affectionate squeeze.\u00a0 “Is that so?”<\/p>\n

“Uh huh. Where were you, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Somebody had to get Mr. Lafferty.”<\/p>\n

“But you didn’t come with him.”<\/p>\n

“Little Joe, I done told you Adam had to rest his horse.\u00a0 A man’s got to take care of his animal,”\u00a0said Hoss.<\/p>\n

“That’s right,” said Adam.\u00a0 “Any news?”<\/p>\n

“Nothin’ yet. Pa told us to stay down here and wait. That was a while ago.”<\/p>\n

“I wanna see Mama,”\u00a0said Little Joe.<\/p>\n

“Not now, buddy. You just have to be patient,” said Adam.<\/p>\n

“What’s patient?”<\/p>\n

“It means we have to mind Pa and wait like he said. How many times do I have to say it?”<\/p>\n

The edge in Hoss\u2019s tone put Adam on guard.\u00a0 He rarely spoke that sharply to anyone, much less Little Joe, except when he\u00a0was sick or terribly upset.\u00a0 Most likely he was sick from worry and pushed to\u00a0the limits of his own patience by a three year old’s unflagging curiosity.<\/p>\n

“Why don’t I go upstairs and see what I can find out?”<\/p>\n

Hoss brightened, nodding, “Yeah, Pa didn’t say nothin’ about you stayin’ down here.”<\/p>\n

Adam set Little Joe down with a friendly warning.\u00a0 “You stay with Hoss and don’t give him any trouble, you hear?\u00a0 I’ll be back in a minute.”\u00a0 Hoss rewarded him with a grateful smile.<\/p>\n

He heard Marie’s stifled cries as he reached the top of the stairs, and through the crack in the door he saw\u00a0his father standing by the bed holding her hand.\u00a0 “It’s all right, sweetheart.\u00a0 Angus says you’re doing fine.”\u00a0 Pa\u2019s face was pinched and grave in spite of his words.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty’s voice came from somewhere at the foot of the bed. “I know\u00a0you’d really like to push right\u00a0now, Marie, but not yet.\u00a0I’ll tell you when. Just hold on.”<\/p>\n

“Mon Dieu,” she gasped. “I can’t do this.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, you can. We’re almost there, I promise you.”<\/p>\n

“Ben…please, God, help me!”<\/p>\n

Her\u00a0sobs\u00a0ripped Adam like\u00a0jagged glass. He pressed his back against the wall as fear pumped a cold sweat to his forehead.\u00a0The possibility that\u00a0Marie might die suddenly seemed\u00a0too real. How could he go back downstairs and tell his brothers everything was all right when it might not be?\u00a0 All he could do was to listen and wait.<\/p>\n

“Okay, I’ve got a\u00a0hold now.\u00a0\u00a0A good strong push should do it, Marie. Ben, help her sit up a bit, give her some leverage.\u00a0 Hop Sing,\u00a0be ready\u00a0with that towel.\u00a0 There we go, that’s it.\u00a0Good girl.”<\/p>\n

A protracted groan ended in another sob. “I can’t!”<\/p>\n

“You’re doing it now, don’t stop.”\u00a0 Mr. Lafferty’s voice was calm but firm above his father’s murmured encouragement. “Come on…almost…almost…there.\u00a0All right,\u00a0the worst is over now, you can rest a bit. I’ll take it from here.”<\/p>\n

Marie released a\u00a0ragged\u00a0cry as she let go of her pain. Afterwards, Adam could hear Pa comforting her, and Mr. Lafferty was saying something to Hop Sing.\u00a0 He strained his ears for an infant’s cry but none came. A new fear struck him even before his father spoke.<\/p>\n

“Angus, is something wrong?”<\/p>\n

Marie moaned.\u00a0 “My baby…please let me see my baby.”<\/p>\n

Adam peered into the room once more with a morbid dread.\u00a0 Mr. Lafferty was placing the baby into Marie’s arms.\u00a0 “Well, she’s little and not very loud, but she’s with us and that’s what counts.”<\/p>\n

She?\u00a0 <\/em>Adam had a feeling this would be the first of a few surprises for Little Joe, who had made it quite clear on more than one occasion that he expected a baby brother.\u00a0 On the other hand, Hoss would be pleased.<\/p>\n

Marie was crying again.\u00a0 “Oh, Ben\u2026\u00a0 She’s a miracle, isn’t she?\u00a0 I can hardly believe she’s here.”<\/p>\n

“She probably wouldn’t be if it weren’t for you, Angus,” said Pa, his voice trembling.\u00a0 “How can we ever thank you?”<\/p>\n

“You really should thank your son.\u00a0 He’s the reason I’m here.\u00a0 He’s a remarkable young man,” said Mr. Lafferty, opening the door with a\u00a0smile.\u00a0 “Why don’t you come in and say hello to your sister, Adam?”<\/p>\n

Pa’s eyes were especially bright as he pulled him into his embrace.\u00a0 A pale and exhausted Marie smiled up at him.\u00a0 “Come and see.”<\/p>\n

Adam sat down carefully on the edge of the bed. The mewling from the blanket was nothing like Little Joe’s lusty announcement of his entrance into the world.\u00a0 He had been round and red and raucous, with\u00a0legs like a bullfrog. This\u00a0one looked more like a china doll, her head crowned with a spate of black curls.\u00a0 She was a girl, all right.<\/p>\n

“She’s pretty.”\u00a0 He met Marie’s dewy eyes and smiled.<\/p>\n

“You were truly a knight in shining armor today,” she whispered.\u00a0 “For both of us.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty spoke up behind him.\u00a0 “I hate to rush you, but I’m not quite finished with\u00a0my patients,\u00a0so if you gentlemen could excuse us for a while…”<\/p>\n

“Of course,” said Pa, cuffing Adam on the shoulder.\u00a0 “Come on, son.\u00a0 Let’s\u00a0go\u00a0tell the boys.”<\/p>\n

Their reactions were pretty much what Adam predicted.\u00a0 Hoss was thrilled, and Little Joe expressed his disappointment with tears.<\/p>\n

Pa took him in his lap to console him, “Little Joe, you’ve already got two brothers, don’t you think it will\u00a0be nice to have a sister, too?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe pouted, “I want to be a big brother like Adam and Hoss, with a little brother like me.”<\/p>\n

Adam laughed.\u00a0He\u00a0knelt down in front of him, face to face.\u00a0“Little Joe, I don’t think there could ever be another little brother in the world like you.”<\/p>\n

“Ain’t that the truth,” said Hoss.<\/p>\n

“But you and me and Hoss are gonna be big brothers together, and she’s gonna need all three of us.\u00a0Okay?”\u00a0 Little Joe’s skeptical look prompted him further.\u201d You\u2019ll like her, I promise. You just wait and see.”<\/p>\n

A grudging sigh preceded his reply. “Oh, all right.”<\/p>\n

Adam grinned, and Pa caught his eye as he straightened up. Something in the way\u00a0his father looked at him made him feel taller than he did the day before.<\/p>\n

It was a\u00a0grand feeling.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty excused himself shortly after the doctor arrived, which was\u00a0around noon. He wouldn’t\u00a0accept anything for his services,\u00a0not even a meal, but Adam knew Pa would find some way to\u00a0try\u00a0and\u00a0compensate him.\u00a0He could never repay him though, not for what they owed him.<\/p>\n

Adam brought Mr. Lafferty\u2019s horse from the barn where he had fed and watered him along with his own.\u00a0 He was grateful for\u00a0the chance to talk to him alone.\u00a0 “I just wanted to thank you again and tell you I understand why this was probably very hard for you. I meant no disrespect to you before, and I’m sorry if I…”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty interrupted him.\u00a0 “No need to apologize at all.\u00a0You kept\u00a0me from making a terrible mistake. You were right.\u00a0I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t at least tried. Thank you, Adam.”\u00a0 He thrust out his hand\u00a0and smiled.\u00a0 “I\u2019m sure we’ll be seeing each other. You’re welcome anytime.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, sir.” Adam returned the handshake and the smile.\u00a0 “Mr. Lafferty?”<\/p>\n

“Yes?”<\/p>\n

“What was your first wife’s name?”\u00a0\u00a0He hadn’t planned to\u00a0ask the question, but suddenly\u00a0it seemed important to know.<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty didn’t answer at once, but when he did his smile seemed to come from somewhere\u00a0deep and warm.\u00a0\u00a0And he was still smiling when he rode away.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Hickman didn’t stay long. He said Mr. Lafferty had done his job so well his immediate services weren’t required, but he would be back tomorrow to check on Marie and “the baby.”\u00a0 At the end of her first\u00a0day she still had no name.\u00a0 Several\u00a0suggestions had been\u00a0narrowed to two, Louisa\u00a0and\u00a0Mary. Adam\u00a0was laying odds on the latter, after their grandmother Cartwright,\u00a0so when Pa made the announcement that evening it was a surprise.<\/p>\n

“Jillian Marie,”\u00a0he said. “We’ll call her Jilly for short.”<\/p>\n

“I’m glad you told us about Angus,” said Marie.\u00a0 “I’m sure\u00a0his wife\u00a0must have been\u00a0as lovely as her name.”<\/p>\n

The three of them exchanged smiles. To Adam, it seemed right. He had a feeling\u00a0Jillian Lafferty had more than a little to do with the way things worked out that day.<\/p>\n

“She sure is tiny. \u00a0Ain’t she cute,\u00a0Little Joe?”\u00a0 Hoss\u00a0had been grinning all afternoon, and he just\u00a0couldn’t seem to take his eyes off their new baby sister.<\/p>\n

Little Joe, perched in his father’s arms so he could see,\u00a0didn’t venture his opinion on the subject one way or the other.\u00a0 “Why’s she sleepin’?”<\/p>\n

“That’s what babies do, mostly,” said Pa.<\/p>\n

“When’s she gonna wake up?”<\/p>\n

“When she’s hungry, which should be soon I hope,” said Marie.<\/p>\n

“I’m hungry now.\u00a0 Can I have a cookie?”<\/p>\n

“Little Joe, is that all you ever think about?” asked Hoss.<\/p>\n

“No, I like doughnuts, too. Can I, Mama, please?”<\/p>\n

Marie sighed and suppressed a smile as Little Joe entreated her. Though she tried not to show it, anyone could see he was her weakness, and like as not would always be.\u00a0 “Be careful what you ask for, cheri<\/em>; with a face like that you’re liable to get it.\u00a0 Yes, you may have a cookie and then it’s bedtime for you.\u00a0 But first I’d like a goodnight kiss.”<\/p>\n

He complied enthusiastically. “‘Night, Mama.”<\/p>\n

“Aren’t you going to say goodnight to your sister?”\u00a0 Pa asked.<\/p>\n

“‘Night, Jilly for short.\u00a0 Maybe when you wake up you can have a cookie, too.”<\/p>\n

Adam stared after him\u00a0before turning his attention back to the child in Marie’s arms. He\u00a0tickled the tiny chin and grinned. “Well, Jilly, in case you missed him, that was Little Joe, and I think I’d better warn you, he’s a tough act to follow.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER VI \u2013 A Long Winter<\/strong><\/p>\n

The day which\u00a0began in turmoil and uncertainty ended peacefully; a little too peacefully perhaps.\u00a0\u00a0Aside from sleeping, babies are expected to\u00a0cry and eat, but Jilly did neither one to amount to anything.\u00a0 Marie tried several times unsuccessfully to interest her in a feeding but couldn’t keep her awake long enough. By the next day she was getting a little frantic.<\/p>\n

Dr. Hickman returned that afternoon. He was\u00a0a\u00a0good doctor\u00a0though his manner\u00a0could be\u00a0a bit stiff, even gruff at times, and he never stayed longer than necessary because he always had other people waiting to see him. “So many patients, so little time,” he grumbled more than once.\u00a0His bluntness\u00a0was mostly born of\u00a0frustration with the limits of frontier medicine and being spread too thin, but he was not\u00a0an unsympathetic man.<\/p>\n

Adam knew something was wrong when he left. He could see it in his\u00a0face as well as his father’s.<\/p>\n

The doctor had been very candid about Jilly, but there wasn’t much he could do.\u00a0 Nature would just have to take its course.\u00a0 Even if Marie could get her to nurse, he cautioned, the baby had a lot of ground to cover by coming three weeks early and was a likely candidate for illness; even a cold could be fatal. In his experience, babies in her situation had precarious infancies which many did not survive.<\/p>\n

The joy of\u00a0Jilly’s arrival was now tainted with a grim dose of reality. It happened;\u00a0babies died, more often than people liked to acknowledge,\u00a0but it was\u00a0easier to accept the fact in general terms than specifically.<\/p>\n

Adam allowed himself some time to sit with the news before going up to see Marie that evening.\u00a0 Knocking softly in case she was asleep, he almost hoped she was.\u00a0 She wasn’t. Dr. Hickman had assured Pa she was recovering well physically, but\u00a0her red-rimmed eyes reflected a deeper distress in spite of her smile.<\/p>\n

He lowered himself into the chair on the side of the bed where\u00a0his sister\u00a0lay sleeping.\u00a0 “How’s she doing?”<\/p>\n

“It’s hard to say. I’m not sure she even knows she’s been born.”<\/p>\n

“She sure doesn’t look like Little Joe, does she?”<\/p>\n

“Your father\u00a0says she reminds him of you.\u00a0Maybe it’s the hair.”<\/p>\n

He smiled.\u00a0 “She has a cleft in her chin, too.”<\/p>\n

“Would you like to hold her?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, if it’s all right.”<\/p>\n

“Of course. You remember how, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

“I think so.”<\/p>\n

The wee bundle in the crook of his arm weighed next to nothing \u2013 it was almost\u00a0as much\u00a0blanket\u00a0as baby. Adam stroked her cheek, marveling that someone so tiny and so fragile could\u00a0hold such power.\u00a0The lump in his throat\u00a0surprised him.\u00a0 He hadn’t expected to love her\u00a0so soon.<\/p>\n

“This is my penance, you know.”<\/p>\n

He looked up in surprise.\u00a0 “What do you\u00a0mean?”<\/p>\n

“God is punishing me. He’s not going to let me keep her.”<\/p>\n

Her tone carried a quiet resignation, a concession to the inevitable that\u00a0disturbed him.\u00a0\u00a0“Why would God punish you?”<\/p>\n

“Because he knows I didn’t want her.”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/p>\n

“You have to understand. I was confused…having second thoughts\u00a0about your father and me. I was beginning to think I\u00a0had made \u00a0the wrong decision\u00a0rushing into marriage and coming\u00a0to a place\u00a0where I\u00a0might never belong.\u00a0When I found out I was going to have another child, I was angry. I felt\u00a0it was a terrible mistake. And I prayed…” her voice broke.\u00a0“May God forgive me for being so selfish and\u2026 foolish.”<\/p>\n

He frowned. “I understand. You were thinking of leaving, and another baby\u00a0didn\u2019t fit into your plans. So what changed your mind?”\u00a0 The words came out harsher than he intended.<\/p>\n

Marie dropped her eyes for a moment.\u00a0\u00a0“She did. Last spring, the day we ran the horses, do you remember?\u00a0 There in the meadow, I felt her for the first time…I knew I’d been wrong, so wrong about a lot of things. \u00a0I knew I had to go home to your father and try to set them right.”\u00a0 She paused, unable to keep the tears from her voice.\u00a0\u00a0“She wasn’t a mistake; she kept me from making one. She opened my eyes to everything I had to lose, and I’d trade the rest of my life not to lose her now.”<\/p>\n

In the aching silence that\u00a0followed, words from a Sunday sermon\u00a0whispered across time.\u00a0\u00a0And a little child shall lead them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>Adam looked down at the baby stirring in his arms.\u00a0Where was she leading them?\u00a0 Part of him feared the answer.<\/p>\n

Jilly stretched\u00a0and\u00a0blinked, her\u00a0pink mouth puckering in a pout.\u00a0 “Here,” he murmured to Marie, “I think maybe she needs her mother.”<\/p>\n

Tiny fingers grasped his thumb in a tenacious grip as he handed her back. Maybe it was a good sign.\u00a0 That’s right. You\u00a0just keep holding on. You’re one of us now, and we\u00a0won’t\u00a0let you go easy.<\/em><\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Her\u00a0ideas about penance and punishment notwithstanding, Marie could not abandon her baby to the whim of God. On the contrary, she poured herself into the task of coaxing her to live. It was a painstaking process and sometimes painful to watch,\u00a0particularly as it affected Little Joe. He didn’t understand why his Mama was so preoccupied and weepy or why he couldn’t get close to his baby sister, much less play with her.\u00a0His petulance\u00a0was\u00a0forgivable under the circumstances, and no one resisted the tendency to\u00a0appease him whenever possible, especially Hoss.\u00a0 It was no wonder to Adam\u00a0that Little Joe grew up thinking\u00a0their middle brother\u00a0hung the moon.<\/p>\n

Jilly persevered on her own timetable, oblivious to the gloomy odds assigned to her. No one could call her plump by any stretch of the imagination, but she did begin to flesh out a bit, and in her case a little in either direction\u00a0made a big difference.\u00a0 More awake and alert now, her dark\u00a0eyes were quick to engage the eager faces before her, and\u00a0if she hadn’t already won Adam’s heart she would have surely captured it the first time she smiled at him. \u00a0Every day she was with them made it harder to imagine life without her.<\/p>\n

December came and went, along with a Christmas of quiet hope and gratitude. January blew in with a second blast of winter more harsh than the first.\u00a0It took a lot of\u00a0wood to keep the fire going,\u00a0and that was\u00a0Adam’s job. Though not unbearable once you\u00a0found your rhythm, splitting logs was still backbreaking work, and some evenings\u00a0he\u00a0went to bed so tired he didn’t even feel the cold.\u00a0\u00a0The days were short and the nights were long; between ranch work and his studies, the winter was busy and blessedly uneventful.<\/p>\n

Physical labor\u00a0had its rewards, though.\u00a0 It pleased\u00a0him more than he let on when Marie commented on his broadening shoulders; he wondered if Colleen would notice.\u00a0\u00a0In the three months since Jilly was born he hadn\u2019t seen Colleen even once, but she\u00a0teased him in dreams that were\u00a0sometimes\u00a0shamelessly vivid, and the woodpile usually reaped the benefit the next day.<\/p>\n

He awoke\u00a0with a headache one morning in February but\u00a0shrugged it off and did his chores as usual.\u00a0 The snow had\u00a0lately turned to rain, and a\u00a0bone-chilling\u00a0drizzle drove him indoors long before\u00a0noon,\u00a0where he fell asleep in front of the fire. When Hoss woke him for lunch the\u00a0ache in his head extended to his whole shivering body. His cough alerted\u00a0Marie, who\u00a0took one look at him and\u00a0ordered him to bed.<\/p>\n

Fever and chills and the pain in his chest could only mean one thing — pneumonia. He was no stranger to it; his latest bout was around this same time last year, and it kept him\u00a0bedridden for\u00a0nearly three\u00a0weeks.\u00a0 Once again he marveled at the\u00a0suffering the human body could endure and remain alive.<\/p>\n

“Here, son — take a bit of this.”\u00a0 He felt\u00a0the\u00a0cup at his lips as his father’s voice filtered through the haze of his delirium. “\u2026Just a little tea for now.”<\/p>\n

There were other voices in the fog and darkness…Hop Sing’s…Marie’s…Mr. Lafferty’s?…and hands,\u00a0cool on his face…Colleen.<\/em>\u00a0Colleen was there.\u00a0Her hair spilled over her\u00a0shoulders onto his\u00a0chest as she comforted him. He wanted to put his arms around her but he couldn’t move, he couldn’t even speak, and the thought occurred to him that he might really be dying.\u00a0 If he was, it was a sweet death; there was no pain except the longing of love unfulfilled, what might have been.\u00a0 If he couldn’t show her, he wished he could at least tell her he loved her.\u00a0 <\/em>The thought expressed itself in a moan, but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t there when he opened his eyes.<\/p>\n

“How are you feeling?”\u00a0 Pa’s hand was on his forehead.<\/p>\n

“Better, I think.”<\/p>\n

“You’ve been in and out the past couple of days, but your fever’s down.\u00a0 Marie said you seemed to be sleeping peacefully when she checked on you earlier. I think that\u00a0plaster must have done you some good. You’re breathing easier, I’d say.”<\/p>\n

“I am.”\u00a0 The heaviness in his chest had subsided. “Was Mr. Lafferty here?”<\/p>\n

“No, it was Dr. Hickman.\u00a0 He\u00a0stopped by on his way back to town to see how Jilly was doing.\u00a0 He said you’re not as sick as you were last year,\u00a0thank\u00a0goodness, but you’ll still need to take it easy for a while.”\u00a0 Pa smiled and patted his hand.\u00a0 “In the meantime, you need to get your strength back.\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing’s\u00a0got some broth all ready for you. I’ll get it.”<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes once\u00a0more, as if he could will Colleen back to him. Of course, she hadn’t really been there; she was only as real as his dreams. But some dreams could come true, and the ache he felt now was hope for what could be and fear of what might not.\u00a0\u00a0He loved Colleen and\u00a0that scared him a little.\u00a0What if she didn’t feel the same way? Or what if fate intervened to keep them apart? Life was uncertain, and love seemed to put it even\u00a0more at risk.\u00a0 The more you love, the more you could lose.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER VII \u2013 A Young Man\u2019s Fancy<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam shifted in the saddle once more to counter the new weight on his hip.\u00a0 It would take some getting used to, but he didn’t mind one bit.\u00a0 This was something he had looked forward to for the past year. “When you’re sixteen,” Pa had promised him, and a promise from Pa was the next best thing.<\/p>\n

The gift was a surprise to Marie though,\u00a0who was quick to voice her objections when Pa presented it to him for his birthday last month. “This is not New Orleans,” Pa reminded her.\u00a0 “A man needs to know how to use a gun out here even if he never has to, and odds are he will sooner than later.\u00a0 If I don’t equip my sons for life in this land, I’m no real\u00a0father to them.”<\/p>\n

Marie must have known it was a battle she couldn’t win,\u00a0and there was no point in wasting breath. But the worry in her eyes remained.\u00a0 Adam was sorry to see it,\u00a0yet at the same time he was a little hurt that she still thought of him as a boy.\u00a0 He wasn’t a twelve-year-old who needed to be reminded to wash behind his ears or go to bed, and she had a tendency to forget that sometimes, even though he had outgrown two sets of clothes since last spring and was nearly as tall as Pa.\u00a0 Well, almost.<\/p>\n

Pa understood. The gun was a rite of passage, not to prove he was a man but because he was one.<\/p>\n

He had been practicing for months using Pa’s old Paterson Colt. It was a belt model with a much shorter barrel than his newer\u00a0holster model,\u00a0but\u00a0it\u00a0didn’t take him long to adapt\u00a0to the difference in heft and balance.\u00a0 He warmed under the admiration in his father’s\u00a0voice as he demonstrated his handling skill.<\/p>\n

“That’s good son, real good. Just remember, a gun is merely\u00a0a tool, no better and no worse than the man\u00a0carrying it.\u00a0\u00a0He should only use it when\u00a0all else fails,\u00a0but if he has to, he’d better be prepared to pull the trigger.”<\/p>\n

Pa looked him straight in the eye and put a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 “It’s a great and terrible responsibility, Adam; because there’s no giving back a life once it’s taken, including your own. Do you\u00a0understand what I’m saying?”<\/p>\n

“I think so \u2013 \u2018be as wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove,’ is that right?”<\/p>\n

“That’s it, son.”\u00a0 Pa smiled.\u00a0 “You’ll do fine.\u00a0 Just don’t give Marie any\u00a0real reason to worry or we’ll both be in trouble.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Pa.”<\/p>\n

Adam hesitated for a moment, wondering if\u00a0sixteen year old young men\u00a0still hugged their fathers, but\u00a0Pa settled the question for him. That was\u00a0the day he realized he’d never be too old.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just the thought of seeing Colleen again made his heart race. He’d had that same feeling when he ran into her father in town last week, only to have his hopes dashed when he found out she wasn’t with him. A woman sure could do strange things to a man.<\/p>\n

With a deep breath he rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers before knocking on the front door.\u00a0 Heavy footfalls preceded its opening\u00a0by a long haired stranger, and a pair of deep-set eyes raked over him.<\/p>\n

“Who are you?”<\/p>\n

Taken aback by this unexpected presence, he frowned. “Adam Cartwright. I\u2019m here to see Colleen.”<\/p>\n

The stranger\u00a0braced himself in the doorway with one hand on his hip and looked amused. \u00a0“Are you friend or foe?”<\/p>\n

Adam felt his jaw muscles tighten at the man’s smirking proprietary manner. “Friend.\u00a0 Which one are you?”<\/p>\n

To his relief, Colleen opened the door wider behind him. “Neither,” she said, elbowing the tall figure as she stepped onto the porch.\u00a0 “This is my brother, Jason.”<\/p>\n

“Ouch. Watch it, skinny.”\u00a0 His hand went to his ribs, but\u00a0the complaint was merely\u00a0for show.\u00a0\u00a0He nodded to Adam.\u00a0 “Jason Travers. So, you’re Colleen’s friend.”<\/p>\n

“Yes,” he replied, returning\u00a0his inscrutable gaze and wondering\u00a0what he was doing here.\u00a0 From what little Colleen had told him about her brother he’d gotten the impression that he wasn’t much for home and hearth. He was the same age\u00a0as Marie, he recalled, broad-shouldered and lean, smooth-skinned with\u00a0finely sculpted features and\u00a0stormy blue-gray eyes. Adam tried to dismiss the feeling of dislike that nagged at him, for it had no basis that he knew. Not yet.<\/p>\n

“It’s so good to see you, Adam,” said Colleen.<\/p>\n

He gladly focused his attention on the object of his visit.\u00a0 If it was possible, she was even prettier than he remembered. “I saw your father in town the other day and he said it was all right to come by.”<\/p>\n

“You’re always welcome, you know that,”\u00a0she smiled.\u00a0 “Let’s sit out here. It’s such a nice day.”<\/p>\n

“Sure.”\u00a0 He would have been content to sit anywhere as long as it was next to her.<\/p>\n

Jason’s footsteps echoed from inside the house, and he re-emerged buckling his holster.<\/p>\n

“Where are you going?”\u00a0 Colleen asked.<\/p>\n

“I think I’ll go into town and try to get in on a game.”<\/p>\n

“But you told Pa you were going to stay with Ma today.”<\/p>\n

“She’s sleepin’ and won’t even know I’m gone. Besides,” he grinned, “I’m sure Adam would rather not have your big brother around right now.\u00a0 I know I wouldn’t if I were him.\u00a0 Be good, children,” he called over his shoulder, striding toward the barn. “Don’t get too naughty while Papa’s away.”<\/p>\n

Adam\u00a0frowned at the insinuation.\u00a0 Colleen stared at her hands in her lap.\u00a0 “I’m sorry about that,” she murmured. “He can be impossible sometimes.”<\/p>\n

“That\u2019s nothing for you to be sorry about. How long has he been here?”<\/p>\n

“Nearly a month.\u00a0 Pa thought it would be good for Ma, but I don’t know…”<\/p>\n

“Is she all right?”<\/p>\n

“Some days she seems fine, other days are like today.”<\/p>\n

Adam wasn\u2019t sure what that meant. “Where’s your father?”<\/p>\n

“He’s helping Dr. Hickman.”<\/p>\n

He sighed, “Maybe I should go.”<\/p>\n

“No, please.”\u00a0 Colleen touched his arm, and she looked like she was going to cry.\u00a0 “I haven’t seen you in six months, Adam.\u00a0 Please don’t go.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, I don’t want to go, but if your father’s not here…”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right.\u00a0 He won’t mind.\u00a0He likes you. It’ll be all right.”<\/p>\n

“If you’re sure.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry. He knows the kind of person you are.”\u00a0\u00a0She kissed him on the cheek.\u00a0 “You wait here; I’ll bring out some\u00a0lemonade.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I’ll just…wait…out here.”\u00a0 He sat down on the step and used his bandana to wipe the sweat from the back of his neck.\u00a0 Lemonade would be nice. The afternoon was turning out to be a little warmer than he anticipated.<\/p>\n

He held the door for her when she returned with\u00a0a tray containing two glasses and a plate of molasses cookies.<\/p>\n

“I knew there was something different about you,” she said, handing him a glass.<\/p>\n

“What’s that?”<\/p>\n

“Not only are you taller, you’re wearing a gun.”<\/p>\n

He smiled, pleased that she had noticed both.\u00a0 “Pa said I could have one when I turned sixteen.”<\/p>\n

“You’re sixteen?” \u00a0Her brows arched with the question.<\/p>\n

“Last month.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”<\/p>\n

There was something in the way she said the word that put him on the defensive.\u00a0 “Is something wrong?”<\/p>\n

“No. I just thought you were older, that’s all. I’ll be eighteen in December.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I guess that sort of makes us even, because I thought you were younger.”\u00a0 He was relieved to see her smile as he sat down next to her on the step.\u00a0 “I don’t see that it matters much.\u00a0 Between us, I mean.”<\/p>\n

“I suppose you’re right. Here.”<\/p>\n

He accepted her offer of a cookie.\u00a0 “Did you make these?\u00a0 They’re good.”<\/p>\n

She nodded.\u00a0 “Thank you. I do all of the baking, a lot of the cooking, too.\u00a0 I like to cook. I guess it’s a good thing, especially with Jason being here.”<\/p>\n

“How long do you think he’ll stay?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think it would be better if he left sooner than later.\u00a0 He and Pa tolerate each other on the surface, but there’s always tension underneath.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sure they probably don’t see eye to eye on everything.\u00a0It must be hard on you, though. He is your brother, after all.”<\/p>\n

“Half-brother,” she\u00a0corrected him.\u00a0 “Sometimes I have to remind myself that we’re related at all. I was only six years old the last time I saw him, and I hardly knew him then.\u00a0 I don’t really know what I think of him now.\u00a0 He can be funny and sweet and that’s the part of him I think maybe I could learn to love.\u00a0 And then he can be almost cruel.\u00a0 He’s careful about it though. His smiles don’t always mean what people would like to believe they do. I never really know what he’s thinking, even on the days when we’re getting along. Sometimes I’m not sure I want to know.”<\/p>\n

The instinct to dislike Jason Travers raised its head once more.\u00a0 His crude remarks earlier went beyond brotherly teasing, at least in Adam’s mind.\u00a0 What kind of a man would disrespect his sister like that, especially in front of a friend?\u00a0 Then again, considering his absence from her life until now, maybe he didn’t exactly think of Colleen as a sister.\u00a0 The thought made Adam uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

“Has he ever…given you any reason to be afraid of him?”<\/p>\n

“No.”<\/p>\n

“If he ever does, you’ll have to tell your father, and he’ll have to go.”<\/p>\n

“I suppose so,” she replied, brushing the dust from the top of her shoe.<\/p>\n

“Don’t just suppose, Colleen. Promise, okay?”<\/p>\n

“Okay, I promise.”<\/p>\n

“Good.”\u00a0 He took another bite of cookie and looked up to find her staring at him, chin in hand.\u00a0 “What is it?”<\/p>\n

A corner of her mouth lifted.\u00a0 “I was just thinking how dear you are.”<\/p>\n

“I was thinking the same thing about you.”\u00a0 That was an understatement. There was so much more he felt and had\u00a0wanted to say, but face to face the confessional was more daunting than he imagined.<\/p>\n

“Why did you stay away so long, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t intend to. It’s just the way things worked out.\u00a0 After Jilly was born, things were so uncertain for awhile. It was a long, hard winter in a lot of ways. I thought about you every day, though. I even dreamed about you, more than once.”<\/p>\n

“Really?”\u00a0 She moved closer to him.\u00a0 “Tell me about your dreams.”<\/p>\n

“Uh…I don’t think I can.”\u00a0\u00a0 Of course he couldn’t. She would be mortified.\u00a0He realized now it was a mistake to mention them.<\/p>\n

“Why not?”<\/p>\n

“Because…”<\/p>\n

His tongue-tied discomfiture\u00a0expressed itself in a chuckle which seemed to amuse her, and she laughed, too.\u00a0 “Because…” she prompted him.<\/p>\n

“…because if\u00a0you knew you’d probably never speak to me again, that’s why, and I couldn\u2019t stand that.”<\/p>\n

“I see.\u00a0 Well, you’d never have to worry about that\u00a0but you\u00a0don’t have to tell me, since it obviously disturbs you more than it does me.”\u00a0 She smiled.\u00a0 “I must say I’m flattered, though.\u00a0 I was afraid you’d forgotten\u00a0me.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, even if I never saw you again, I couldn\u2019t forget you as long as I live.”\u00a0 There it was, as close to a declaration as he could manage.<\/p>\n

She looked down at her shoes again, and when she looked up a moment later her eyes were full.\u00a0 “Adam Cartwright, do you\u00a0know what you are?\u00a0 You are the most genuine person I’ve ever met, and I’m so glad I know you.”<\/p>\n

“I’m glad I know you, too.”\u00a0 He smiled as she slipped her arm beneath his and leaned against his shoulder.<\/p>\n

I love you, Colleen.<\/em><\/p>\n

That’s what he meant, even if he didn’t say it.\u00a0 But somehow he felt that she already knew.<\/p>\n

They sat on the steps in ambient silence, enjoying the comfort of one another’s presence after so long apart.\u00a0Colleen smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, and her warmth next to him was pleasant even in the heat of the day.<\/p>\n

“Did you hear that?”\u00a0 She glanced over her shoulder toward the door.<\/p>\n

“I didn’t hear anything.”<\/p>\n

“I’m pretty sure I did.”\u00a0 She stood up. “I’d better check on Ma.”<\/p>\n

Adam heard voices from inside the house, so Mrs. Lafferty must have awakened.\u00a0 He was debating whether or not he should\u00a0prepare to leave\u00a0when she appeared at the door.\u00a0 He scrambled to his feet.<\/p>\n

“Adam, how nice to see you,” she said, smoothing her hair.\u00a0 “You’re looking very well. Don’t just stand out there. Come inside, won’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes ma’am. Thank you.”<\/p>\n

“I’m so glad you’ve come to\u00a0call on\u00a0Colleen. She sees so few people her own age.\u00a0You will stay for\u00a0supper, won’t you?\u00a0 I should get started on it right away. Jason will be hungry when he gets home.”\u00a0 The normally laconic Miriam Lafferty was practically tittering.<\/p>\n

Colleen followed her\u00a0to the kitchen. “Ma, Jason didn’t say when he’d be back.\u00a0 He might have supper in town.\u00a0 You should go lie down again.”<\/p>\n

“Nonsense, I’m fit as a fiddle. Besides, Jason likes it when I cook. You know what they say; the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.\u00a0 Adam, did you know Colleen is an excellent cook?”<\/p>\n

His reply was swallowed by the clatter of a skillet as it fell to the floor.\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty stared at it. “Oh dear, how clumsy of me,”\u00a0she muttered, wringing her hands.\u00a0 “I should have been more careful. It’s just that\u2026it was hot, you know.”\u00a0 Her voice became very small.<\/p>\n

“It’s all right, Ma,” Colleen assured her, avoiding Adam’s eyes.\u00a0 “There’s no harm.\u00a0 Come on; let me help you back to bed.”<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty fidgeted with her collar. “Oh, I really should get the men’s supper going.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry; I’ll take care of it when the time comes.”\u00a0 She put an arm around her mother’s waist and led her out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Adam picked up the cold skillet and placed it back on the stove, wondering what he should do.\u00a0 He felt like an intruder, a witness to something he shouldn’t have seen, but something was clearly\u00a0amiss and it\u00a0seemed wrong\u00a0just to stand by.<\/p>\n

Colleen had so far only been able to persuade her mother to sit down.\u00a0 Adam brought\u00a0Mrs. Lafferty a cup of water which she had a hard time holding steady, but she did manage to take a little.\u00a0\u00a0She attempted a smile as she handed it back to him<\/p>\n

“You’re such a kind and thoughtful\u00a0person, Adam.\u00a0 Colleen needs someone like you.\u00a0 She is lovely,\u00a0don’t you agree\u2026too lovely, perhaps.\u00a0 I was\u00a0pretty once, but not like Colleen. It can be a terrible thing to be a woman sometimes….”\u00a0her voice trailed off.\u00a0 “Promise me, Adam.\u00a0 Promise you’ll always be good to Colleen and never hurt her.”<\/p>\n

“Ma, please don’t.”\u00a0 Colleen’s voice was a desperate whisper as she stood frozen next to her, staring at the floor.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty seemed not to hear. “You will promise, won’t you?”\u00a0 Her gray eyes were strangely dark.<\/p>\n

“Yes ma’am, I promise you that. You have my word on it.”<\/p>\n

She seemed satisfied and suddenly\u00a0tired.\u00a0 “I think I will lie down now.\u00a0 You should stay for supper, Adam.\u00a0 Colleen is an excellent cook, in case you didn’t know.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0waited in the living room while Colleen tended to her mother.\u00a0When she emerged a few moments later, he could see that she had been crying.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry,” she said.<\/p>\n

“Don’t be, not on my account anyway.\u00a0\u00a0Look, I don’t want to pry, but something is obviously wrong with your mother.\u00a0 Do you want talk about it?”<\/p>\n

She shook her head.\u00a0 “I can’t, Adam, not right now. I wish I could.”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right. I understand. It’s family business.”<\/p>\n

Colleen smiled a bit.\u00a0 “You would understand that. I’m just sorry she put you in such an awkward position.”<\/p>\n

“How so?”<\/p>\n

“By exacting a promise from you\u00a0when she had no right to ask. You were very sweet with her, though, and I’m grateful.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t say it be sweet or to earn your gratitude, Colleen.\u00a0 That’s a promise I mean to keep.”\u00a0 He touched her cheek.\u00a0 “You must know how I feel about you.”<\/p>\n

“I know you like me.”<\/p>\n

“It’s more than that.”<\/p>\n

“Are you sure?”<\/p>\n

“I’m sure I love you.”<\/p>\n

She was in his arms now, warm and beautiful, the Colleen of his dreams, and he felt his heart run wild as he kissed her this time.\u00a0Marie’s warning echoed faintly in a nether region of his brain, subdued by a more immediate and\u00a0demanding rhythm….<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“If you want me you’ll have to catch me,”\u00a0Colleen laughed over her shoulder.<\/p>\n

He reached her in three strides, locking her in his embrace from behind as she giggled. “Did you think I couldn’t?”<\/p>\n

“I think you could do anything you wanted.”\u00a0 She turned in his arms to face him.\u00a0 “What\u00a0do you want, Adam?”\u00a0 Her voice was soft, her tone no longer teasing.<\/p>\n

He plucked a piece of grass from her hair and smiled, smitten once more by her loveliness.\u00a0 “Do you really need to ask?”<\/p>\n

Maybe it was spring and being sixteen, or maybe it was the invitation in her eyes that prompted his boldness. \u00a0Her lips parted in response to his\u00a0kiss as he molded her to him, and then suddenly she pulled away.<\/p>\n

“Something’s happening,” she\u00a0breathed.<\/p>\n

He followed her gaze to the sky.\u00a0 The blue had faded to a sickly yellow-gray which was darkening\u00a0by the second as\u00a0clouds devoured\u00a0what was left of the\u00a0sun, and there was a charge in the air that made the hair on the back of his neck bristle.\u00a0 The storm seemed to have boiled up out of nowhere; if there were signs he had missed them, and going back to the\u00a0house meant heading straight into it.\u00a0 Their only hope for shelter was in the opposite direction at the old line shack.<\/p>\n

Lightning sizzled, follow by an ominous rumble.\u00a0 The rain wouldn’t be far behind.<\/p>\n

“Come on!”\u00a0 He pulled her by the hand as they sprinted for their horses. “Stay close to me!”\u00a0 Even if they couldn’t outrun the storm, they’d at least have a\u00a0chance to escape the worst of it.<\/p>\n

The line shack was\u00a0further than he thought and more primitive than he remembered. Still, it was a roof over their heads.\u00a0Any port in the storm, he reasoned.<\/p>\n

“What about the horses?”<\/p>\n

“They’ll be all right,” he assured her, hoping he was right.\u00a0 The animals were on their own. He couldn’t worry about them, but Colleen was his responsibility.\u00a0 “Are you okay?”<\/p>\n

“I’m fine, just wet.”\u00a0 She wrung the water from her hair and looked down at her clothes, dismayed.\u00a0 “Look at me. I’m a mess.”<\/p>\n

They were both soaked, and\u00a0Adam couldn’t help looking.\u00a0 The sheer fabric of her blouse as it clung to her left little doubt as to what lay beneath.\u00a0 He forced his eyes to her face before she caught him staring, and he smiled.\u00a0 “You look fine to me.\u00a0 I’m sorry about this.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t be silly.\u00a0 It’s not your fault.\u00a0 I’m the one who wanted to go riding.”<\/p>\n

A thunderclap left her shaking\u00a0in his arms. “Are you afraid?” he asked her.<\/p>\n

She raised her lashes to meet his eyes.\u00a0 “Not with you,” she whispered, “never with you.”<\/p>\n

Even as he kissed her he knew it was wrong, but that knowledge\u00a0wasn’t enough to stop him. The sweet\u00a0ache of\u00a0desire,\u00a0since the beginning of time the undoing of so many, rendered\u00a0him momentarily blind\u00a0to the pitfalls of this new and dangerous path where want triumphed over reason, where there was no return.<\/p>\n

Another crash that rattled the windowpanes jolted him upright.\u00a0\u00a0Drenched in sweat, his\u00a0heart beating nearly out of his chest, he surveyed the four walls of his own room before falling back against his pillow.<\/p>\n

A sound shook him from within, but he didn’t know whether he was laughing or crying.\u00a0 All he knew was that he couldn’t keep living this way.<\/p>\n

There was only clear course of action in his mind, one that had been forming for a while now. Pa would say he was too young, but he wasn’t too young to be in love, and he loved Colleen so much it terrified him sometimes.\u00a0 Mr. Lafferty trusted him, but he’d be shocked to know the sins he had committed with his daughter, even if only\u00a0in his heart and dreams.\u00a0 So would Pa for that matter.<\/p>\n

Worse than that was the feeling that the only way they could keep from ultimately disappointing their families would be to stop seeing each other, and he could never do that now.\u00a0 This was the only way. His father wouldn’t be happy about it, at least not at first, but Adam was determined to make him see that this was for the good of everyone.<\/p>\n

Calmer now but still unable to sleep, he got out of\u00a0bed and put on his robe.\u00a0 A glass of milk sounded pretty good. He met Marie in the hallway, balancing a lamp and a fretful baby. “What’s the matter?\u00a0 Is she sick?”<\/p>\n

“No, the storm woke her.\u00a0 I know she’s tired, but she\u00a0won’t\u00a0settle down long enough to go back to sleep. I was going to take her downstairs because I didn’t her to wake your father.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll take her.\u201d<\/p>\n

“You don’t mind?”\u00a0 Marie looked surprised and then grateful when he nodded.\u00a0 “All right then.\u00a0 Off you go, cherie<\/em>,” she said, giving Jilly a peck on the cheek.<\/p>\n

“Come here, dumpling.”\u00a0 His reward was a wide baby grin as she recognized him.<\/p>\n

Marie smiled. “Sweet dreams.”<\/p>\n

He forgot\u00a0about the milk as they entertained one another for the next half hour.\u00a0 Jilly didn’t seem the least bit tired, even at two am, and everything he did made her giggle.\u00a0By two thirty she was nestled against his chest, clutching his robe in her tiny fist, her chin quivering in slumber.\u00a0He could’ve taken her back to her crib then but he was content just to hold her.<\/p>\n

Jilly shuddered and breathed a little sigh.\u00a0 Adam patted her back, resting his cheek on top of her downy curls.\u00a0 It made him a little sad to think of leaving her, but he and Colleen would have their own children after they were married.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER VIII — A Big Step<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam!”\u00a0 The lone diner at the breakfast table greeted him with a syrupy grin.<\/p>\n

“Hey, yourself.\u00a0 Where is everybody?”<\/p>\n

“Mama’s in the kitchen, gettin’ me more pancakes.\u00a0 Want some?”<\/p>\n

Adam took the seat next to Little Joe’s stool and yawned. “Maybe in a minute. I think I’ll start with coffee.”\u00a0 He righted his cup in his saucer and was looking for the pot when Marie\u00a0brought it out from the kitchen,\u00a0the baby\u00a0secured in one arm.<\/p>\n

“You\u2019ll want this; it\u2019s fresh. We finished the first one.”\u00a0 She smiled as she poured.<\/p>\n

“Thanks.\u00a0 I didn’t mean\u00a0to sleep so late.”<\/p>\n

“Well, don’t worry about it.\u00a0 Your father and I felt you were entitled after last night.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t mind it.”\u00a0 He\u00a0gave his sister’s foot a little shake.\u00a0“How’s my girl this morning, huh?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Jilly rewarded him with a wide smile.<\/p>\n

“Just full of herself, I’d have to say.\u00a0 Do you think you\u00a0could hold her while I finish up in the kitchen? Hop Sing went into town with your father and Hoss, and I’ve got a little too much help right now, if you know what I mean.”<\/p>\n

He feigned a sigh. “Oh, I guess so, if I have to.\u00a0 Come here, you. Hey Little Joe, watch this.”\u00a0\u00a0 He held Jilly in front of him and nuzzled her tummy with his nose.\u00a0 She burbled and laughed.<\/p>\n

“Why is she laughing?”<\/p>\n

“She’s ticklish, just like you are.”<\/p>\n

“Do it again, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“She likes it when you make faces at her, too.”<\/p>\n

“Let me try.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe puffed his cheeks, crossed his eyes and contorted his expression a dozen different\u00a0ways, all of which amused Jilly.\u00a0\u00a0“She’s almost like a real person,” he said afterwards.<\/p>\n

“She is a real person, Little Joe.\u00a0 She’s a baby now, but one of these days she’s\u00a0going to\u00a0walk and talk and run and play, and she’ll want to do all of that with you.”<\/p>\n

“Me?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.\u00a0 I mean you’re her big brother, but you’re not that much older.\u00a0 You’ll be growing up together. She’ll probably want to do everything you do.\u00a0 You’ll have to look out for her.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe considered the idea for a moment as he studied her.\u00a0 “Can I hold her?”<\/p>\n

“Not here at the\u00a0table,”\u00a0said Adam, helping himself to some scrambled eggs.\u00a0“Finish your breakfast.”<\/p>\n

“I’m finished.”<\/p>\n

“Not with your milk.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe picked up his\u00a0cup and drained the contents without stopping for air.\u00a0 “Okay, done.”\u00a0 He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and hopped down from his seat.<\/p>\n

The hopeful green-eyed stare made Adam put down his fork with a sigh.\u00a0 Once his baby brother got an\u00a0idea into his head it was hard to put him off.<\/p>\n

“Come on over here.”<\/p>\n

At his instructions, Little Joe climbed into the chair by the fireplace.\u00a0 “All right, sit still.\u00a0She’s squirmy.\u00a0 You’re gonna have to hold on to her so she won’t fall.”\u00a0 Adam set\u00a0her in front of him, between his legs.\u00a0 “Have you got her?”<\/p>\n

“Yep.\u00a0 Don’t worry, Jilly. I won’t let you fall.”\u00a0 He tickled her ear with his nose and she giggled.\u00a0 “See, she likes it when I hold her.\u00a0 Look Mama, I’m takin’ care of Jilly,”\u00a0Little Joe beamed.<\/p>\n

Adam turned to see Marie smiling down at them, and he thought he saw tears in her eyes.\u00a0 “Mes anges<\/em>. You\u00a0make your Mama very proud, though sometimes I think you’re both growing up too fast.”<\/p>\n

“When Jilly gets bigger we’re\u00a0gonna play together and I’m gonna look out for her, just like Adam said.”<\/p>\n

“That’s as it should be.\u00a0 You’ll always do well if you listen to your big brother.”\u00a0 She smiled at Adam, “Go and have your breakfast. I’ll take over from here.”<\/p>\n

“No no, Jilly, not\u00a0my hair..,\u201d said Little Joe. \u201c Ouch, she’s pullin\u2019 my hair…Mama!\u00a0 Take her, I’m done!”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hop Sing and Hoss\u00a0arrived home\u00a0with the supplies shortly before noon, but to Adam’s disappointment his father was not with them.\u00a0By mid-afternoon he still had not returned.\u00a0Adam tried to allay his impatience with a book but it wasn’t working<\/p>\n

He\u00a0looked up to see Marie paused in her sewing, watching him. “What is it?” he asked.<\/p>\n

“I was about to ask you the same question.”<\/p>\n

“Nothing, why?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I don’t know.\u00a0 You just seem a little restless today, pacing around like a cat in a cage\u00a0all morning, pretending to read that book when it’s fairly obvious your mind is on something else.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not pretending. I am reading.”\u00a0 It was a poor attempt, anyway.<\/p>\n

“It must be a very difficult book then, for you to spend fifteen minutes on the same paragraph,”\u00a0she smiled.<\/p>\n

Refocusing his attention on the book, he turned the page with no idea what he had just read.\u00a0 “I just need to talk to Pa about something.”<\/p>\n

“It’s Colleen, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

Adam\u00a0fidgeted under her knowing gaze. \u00a0It was\u00a0disconcerting, the way\u00a0Marie could see right through him sometimes.\u00a0 He didn’t answer.<\/p>\n

“She’s very important to you, isn’t she?”\u00a0 She was no\u00a0longer smiling.<\/p>\n

“Yes, but I don’t expect you to understand or approve.”<\/p>\n

She seemed to flinch at his words, and her response made him regret his tone.\u00a0 “You judge me too harshly, Adam.\u00a0 I’m not so far from sixteen that I can’t remember what\u00a0it feels like. The truth is that I do understand, and that is why I ache for you. I know how easily a young heart can be broken, and I also know there is no way I can keep you from that.”<\/p>\n

“It’s not that I don’t\u00a0appreciate your concern, Marie, but it\u2019s not up to you to keep me from anything,”\u00a0he said, rising from the chair. He hadn’t imagined getting into this discussion with her but it seemed to have been more or less thrust upon him, and emotions that were already raw gave rise to a resentment\u00a0he thought long buried.<\/p>\n

“I’m not your son,\u00a0and\u00a0I’m not a boy like Hoss or Little Joe, and you just can’t\u00a0accept that, can you? \u00a0Look at me, Marie. I’m not twelve years old anymore.\u00a0 I’m a man, and I can make my own decisions.”<\/p>\n

“You’re wrong, Adam.\u00a0 I don’t think of you as a boy. You’re more of a man than most men I know.\u00a0 But the world\u00a0at sixteen looks very different than it does at twenty-one, and so does love.\u00a0 You won’t\u00a0really understand that until you’ve\u00a0learned it first-hand, as I did.\u00a0I just hope it’s not a bitter lesson.”\u00a0 She looked down before continuing.\u00a0 “I suspect you’ve already given your heart.”<\/p>\n

“I love Colleen and I intend to marry her.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”\u00a0 Her shoulders sagged with a small sigh.\u00a0 “So it’s gone that far, has it?\u00a0 Have you asked her?”<\/p>\n

“Not yet,” he admitted.\u00a0 “But I know she loves me, and she’ll say yes.”<\/p>\n

Marie got up from her chair and crossed the room to the window. She kept her back to him when she spoke. “Have you thought about what your father will say?”<\/p>\n

He had given the matter quite a lot of thought during the past few hours, mentally rehearsing the answers to every argument his father was bound to raise. “I’m sure he’ll try to talk me out of it, but he won’t stop me. He can’t.”<\/p>\n

She dropped her head for a moment before turning around, and for the second time that day he saw her tears. “No, I don’t suppose anyone could,” she said quietly, “not if you’ve made up your mind. What will be, will be.” A baby’s cry from upstairs diverted her eyes from his. “Excuse me.”<\/p>\n

He frowned as he watched her go. She hadn’t really argued with him at all, and yet he felt somewhat deflated. Deep down he knew that her words had only been prompted by concern, and his response had been unnecessarily harsh. He would apologize, but he wouldn’t change his mind.<\/p>\n

There was no going back to his book when Hoss and Little Joe bounded down the stairs, but it didn’t matter because Marie had been right about that \u2013 he hadn\u2019t really been reading it. Besides, his brothers were a much more effective distraction. A half hour later his father finally came home.<\/p>\n

Little Joe greeted him with characteristic enthusiasm. “Hey, Pa! You sure were gone a long time today.”<\/p>\n

He scooped him into his arms with a grin. “What’s the matter boy, did you miss me?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir! Next time you go to town, can I go?”<\/p>\n

“Well, maybe we’ll all go next time, how about that?”<\/p>\n

“Yippee!”<\/p>\n

“And how are my girls?” He set Little Joe on his feet, kissed Marie and took the baby from her. “You were still asleep when I left this morning, Jilly,” he said, jostling her in his arms.<\/p>\n

“Careful, Ben. She’s full of milk,” her mother warned.<\/p>\n

“She pulls hair too, Pa,” said Little Joe.<\/p>\n

“Oh, she does, does she?”<\/p>\n

“Pa, I need to talk to you about something,” said Adam.<\/p>\n

“Sure, son. Oh, I almost forgot. I saw Angus Lafferty in town today and invited him and his family for dinner Saturday night. I thought it was about time we got together to celebrate.”<\/p>\n

“Celebrate?” Marie’s voice sounded a little strange. Adam didn’t trust himself to look at her.<\/p>\n

“Yes,” said his father. “After all, if it wasn’t for Angus, well, we might not be such a happy family right now.” He gave Jilly a squeeze and a kiss.<\/p>\n

“Of course,” said Marie. “You’re right. It’s a lovely idea. Come on, Little Joe; let’s get you washed up for supper. You too, Hoss.”<\/p>\n

Ben turned to Adam. “Now what was it you wanted to talk about, son?”<\/p>\n

“It can wait until after supper,” said Adam. “Uh, you might want to get cleaned up yourself, Pa.” He pointed to his vest.<\/p>\n

“Uh oh. Here, can you take her for me? Oh…sweetheart, let go…ouch!”<\/p>\n

“Told ya, Pa!” Little Joe hollered.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Things had gone well at the bank, and Pa was in high spirits at supper. Marie busied herself with the baby and Little Joe and didn’t have much to say.\u00a0 Adam caught her eye once; she acknowledged him with a rather poignant smile which he gratefully returned.\u00a0 He was only just beginning to realize how much her opinion mattered to him, and how much he disliked being at odds with her.<\/p>\n

There was bread pudding for dessert, one of Pa’s favorites. “Mmm, I think you’ve outdone yourself, Hop Sing.\u00a0 Perhaps you could make another one for Saturday night.\u00a0 We’ll have four more for dinner.”<\/p>\n

The\u00a0cook bobbed and smiled\u00a0at the compliment.\u00a0\u00a0 “Yes, Mistah Cahtlight.”<\/p>\n

Marie looked up in surprise.\u00a0 “Four?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you.\u00a0 Colleen’s brother is visiting.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t know Colleen had a brother,” she said.<\/p>\n

“Half-brother,” Adam volunteered, wary at the prospect of this unexpected guest.<\/p>\n

“Yes, he’s Mrs. Lafferty’s son from her first marriage. You met him, didn’t you, Adam?\u00a0 What’s his name?”<\/p>\n

“Jason something or other.\u00a0 He’s a lot older than Colleen.\u00a0 They’re not very close.”<\/p>\n

“I see,” said Marie.\u00a0\u00a0“I\u00a0get the\u00a0feeling you weren’t\u00a0very impressed by him.\u00a0\u00a0What is\u00a0he like?”<\/p>\n

Adam could think of a few choice words to describe him but decided against them. “Well, I didn’t have much time to get to know him, but as far as I could tell, he likes to play cards and he’s very rude.”<\/p>\n

“Well,” said his father, “it\u00a0sounds like it could be an interesting evening.”<\/p>\n

Marie was still\u00a0looking at Adam.\u00a0 “I’m\u00a0sure it will be.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

With Hoss and Little Joe tucked in bed and Jilly on her way, Adam had his first chance to speak to his father.\u00a0 He was suddenly more nervous than he thought he would be.<\/p>\n

“Well, son?”\u00a0\u00a0Pa lit his pipe and waited for him to answer.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and plunged in. “Pa, I want to ask Colleen to marry me.”<\/p>\n

The\u00a0stunned silence that followed\u00a0lasted only a few seconds, but it seemed to swallow the room until his father found his voice. \u00a0“Married?\u00a0 You want to get married?”<\/p>\n

“That’s right.”<\/p>\n

Pa sank back into his chair.\u00a0 “Well, I certainly didn’t see this coming,” he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief.\u00a0 “Adam, I know Colleen is a very lovely young lady and I can see why you’re so fond of her, but marriage?\u00a0 It\u2019s an awfully big step.\u00a0 You hardly know one another.”<\/p>\n

“I know her well enough to know that I love her.”<\/p>\n

“Son, I know you believe\u00a0that,\u00a0but at sixteen it’s\u00a0very easy to confuse love with something\u00a0that only feels like love for a while. Only time\u00a0can tell if it\u2019s true.\u00a0 Now,\u00a0you have\u00a0to think about your future.\u00a0 What about your plans to go to college?”<\/p>\n

“They aren\u2019t set in stone, Pa.\u00a0 I can have a future here without going to college. Plenty of people have done it.\u00a0 You did.”<\/p>\n

“But surely\u00a0Colleen must know how important this is to you, and if she loved you she wouldn’t want you to give it up for her.\u00a0 Now it seems to me that the wise thing would be to wait until after…”<\/p>\n

Adam cut him off. ”No,\u00a0I don’t want to wait that long. I\u00a0can’t. I want to marry Colleen now.”<\/p>\n

His father gave him a hard stare.\u00a0 “Adam, is there a particular reason for this urgency, something you haven’t told me?\u00a0\u00a0 Have you and Colleen\u2026is she in trouble?”<\/p>\n

“No, it\u2019s not that.\u00a0 We haven’t, Pa. I swear.”\u00a0 At least he could say that much with a clear conscience.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, son.\u00a0 I was sure I raised you better than that, but I had to ask.”<\/p>\n

Adam had prepared himself for his father’s objections and had no intention of backing down.\u00a0He\u00a0rose from his chair.\u00a0“Pa, I\u2019d like to have your blessing, but I don’t need your consent to get married.\u00a0 I’m old enough and so is Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“I’m well aware of that, Adam. If you’re determined to do this I can’t stop you.\u00a0\u00a0But I would be remiss in not voicing\u00a0my concerns.\u00a0\u00a0Tell me, how do you intend to provide for a wife and a family?\u00a0 I know it’s just the two of you now, but that’s likely to change in the natural course of events\u00a0once you’re married. You could find yourself with two or three extra mouths to feed before you’re even twenty.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll get a job, of course.\u00a0 I thought maybe I could work for you, hire on as a hand.\u00a0 You could pay me wages like Gib and Ed.”<\/p>\n

“I suppose so, though the\u00a0bunkhouse is no place for a husband and wife.\u00a0 Have you thought about where you will live?”<\/p>\n

“I thought we could live here in the house until we can get a place of our own.”<\/p>\n

“Of course, you’d be welcome here for as long as it’s practical. It might\u00a0be a little difficult for Colleen, though.”<\/p>\n

“How do you mean?”<\/p>\n

“I’m talking about two women living in the same house where only one can be mistress.\u00a0 After a while that can become a rather sticky situation.\u00a0Every woman wants and needs her own home, especially when she starts having children.”<\/p>\n

“I know what you’re trying to do, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“Am I doing it so badly?”<\/p>\n

Adam returned his father’s half-hearted smile.\u00a0 “No. You’re just doing what you feel you have to.\u00a0 I wouldn’t expect anything less.”<\/p>\n

Pa rubbed his forehead.\u00a0“I guess I’ve said all I can say.\u00a0This is your decision to make, not mine. \u00a0Even though it’s far against my better judgment, if you’re determined to go through with this I won’t oppose you. In fact, I’ll do what I can to help you, you know that.\u00a0Just know that it won’t be easy.”<\/p>\n

“I know.\u00a0 But you’ve told me\u00a0more than once\u00a0that nothing worthwhile comes easy.”<\/p>\n

“Well, it’s good to know you were listening.”<\/p>\n

Adam smiled. “I hear everything you say, even when I\u00a0don’t want to.\u00a0 Pa, I’m ready for this.”<\/p>\n

“Who am I to say you’re not?” His father’s\u00a0furrowed brow relaxed a little, though his expression was still wistful.\u00a0 “I love you, son.\u00a0I just want you to be happy.”<\/p>\n

“I love you, too, and\u00a0I\u00a0want you to be happy for me.”<\/p>\n

Pa cleared his throat and rose from his chair.\u00a0“I wish you and Colleen\u00a0all the best.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks, Pa.”<\/p>\n

The handshake became\u00a0an embrace, and Adam didn’t know if he was more surprised by\u00a0his father’s unexpected kiss or the sting of his own tears.\u00a0 Embarrassed, he brushed them away quickly, but Pa didn’t bother.\u00a0 Pa wasn’t afraid to cry.<\/p>\n

“Well, I guess Saturday night will be more of a celebration than we planned,” said Pa as they started up the stairs together, “after you’ve spoken to Angus, that is. He probably won’t be expecting this. It’s liable to be a big surprise.”<\/p>\n

“I guess you’re probably right. At least I know he likes me, and I think Mrs. Lafferty does too.”<\/p>\n

Pa smiled. “I’m sure that’s true.\u00a0\u00a0 Goodnight, son.”<\/p>\n

“G’night, Pa.”<\/p>\n

Adam lay in bed for a long time\u00a0that night,\u00a0too excited to sleep, mentally rehearsing what he would say to Mr. Lafferty when he asked for his daughter’s hand.\u00a0Colleen’s face and form swirled in his head until he finally succumbed to\u00a0dreams of wedded bliss that put a spring in his step the next morning.\u00a0 It wasn’t until later in the day that he half-remembered\u00a0the other dream.\u00a0 It was more\u00a0feeling than memory, but it was enough to make him wish Colleen’s brother would go back to wherever he came from, preferably before Saturday night.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER IX \u2013 A Reckoning Force<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam finished buttoning the cuffs on his new shirt and surveyed his reflection in the mirror.\u00a0 Frowning, he picked up the brush and attempted to smooth his hair one more time.\u00a0\u00a0He should have let Marie cut it when she offered yesterday. It was too long and too curly, but there was nothing he could do about it now.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Hey, yourself,”\u00a0he muttered, fiddling with his tie.<\/p>\n

Little Joe hopped onto Adam’s bed, making himself right at home.\u00a0 “Whatcha doin’?”<\/p>\n

Hoss answered for him as he entered the room.\u00a0 “He’s gettin’\u00a0himself all gussied up for Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“Why?” asked Little Joe.<\/p>\n

“Cause he’s sweet on her,”\u00a0 Hoss grinned.<\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes but didn’t respond.\u00a0 Maybe if he ignored them, they would just go away.<\/p>\n

Little Joe wrinkled his nose. “What’s that smell?”<\/p>\n

Hoss walked closer to Adam and sniffed.\u00a0 “Smells like ladies.”<\/p>\n

“It’s lilac water,” Adam growled.\u00a0\u00a0 “Doesn’t anybody knock around here?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe answered his question with another question. “Are you gonna let Colleen kiss you again?”<\/p>\n

Adam jerked the tie loose from around his neck and whirled toward his brothers.\u00a0 “All right, that’s it!\u00a0 Get out, both of you, now!”<\/p>\n

“What’s going on in\u00a0here?”<\/p>\n

Marie\u00a0stepped aside when Hoss ushered Little Joe past her through the doorway. “Come on, Little Joe, I think we’re makin’\u00a0him nervous.\u00a0 Sorry, Adam.”\u00a0 Hoss’s expression was a mix\u00a0of sympathy and amusement.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Adam,” Little Joe echoed.\u00a0 “Don’t worry.\u00a0 You look and smell real pretty.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks.”<\/p>\n

He turned back to the mirror with a sigh, and made another clumsy attempt with the tie until Marie intervened.\u00a0 “Here, let me.\u201d\u00a0It wasn’t his brothers who were making him nervous, and they both knew it.<\/p>\n

“There,” she said when she was finished. She smoothed his shirt with her hands and rested them on his shoulders.\u00a0 “Little Joe was right.\u00a0 You do look pretty. Colleen is a very lucky girl.”<\/p>\n

She smiled, but it was that same sad smile he had seen that day\u00a0in the meadow, the one that troubled him.<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry, Marie.\u00a0 Everything’s going to be fine,\u00a0you’ll see.”<\/p>\n

“I pray so, cheri<\/em>, with all my heart.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

The evening couldn’t have begun more perfectly. Colleen and her family arrived on schedule and without her brother, much to Adam’s relief. In spite of any misgivings she may have had, Marie welcomed them warmly, taking great care to put Colleen’s mother at ease. Of course, she had some help from Jilly.\u00a0At nearly nine months, she\u00a0was a happy, adorable baby, rosy-cheeked and all smiles\u00a0— the picture of health, Mr. Lafferty\u00a0noted with pleasure, and his wife seemed captivated by her.<\/p>\n

“Would you like to hold her?” Marie asked.<\/p>\n

“Oh, could I?\u00a0 Do you think she would mind?”<\/p>\n

“Not at all.\u00a0 She loves everyone.”<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty smiled as Marie placed Jilly in her arms.\u00a0 It wasn’t the tight-lipped nervous smile Adam had seen before, it was much softer, and it seemed to lift years from her face.\u00a0 As she bounced the baby in her lap, delighting in her laughter, he caught a glimpse of the lovely woman she must have been.\u00a0 He was glad to see her happy.<\/p>\n

“Her hair is so pretty,” said Mrs. Lafferty, fingering Jilly’s dark curls.\u00a0 “It reminds me of Colleen’s.\u00a0 I could hardly keep my hands from it.”<\/p>\n

Adam stole a glance at Colleen next to him, whose hair was still very pretty and tempting to the touch, but that wasn’t all he longed to fill his hands with as he returned her smile.<\/p>\n

“How long until dinner?” he asked Marie.<\/p>\n

“We have a few minutes yet.”<\/p>\n

He turned to Colleen. “Would you like to take a walk?”<\/p>\n

“I’d love to.”<\/p>\n

“Would you excuse us?”<\/p>\n

“Certainly,” said Mr. Lafferty.<\/p>\n

“I wanna go.” Little Joe squirmed in his mother’s lap.<\/p>\n

“Not this time,” said\u00a0Marie, securing her hold on him.\u00a0 “I need you to stay right here with me.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

They walked outside to a sunset\u00a0Adam would’ve ordered for the occasion if he’d had the power.\u00a0 Sky and earth converged in a blaze of red and gold and every hue in between as day yielded to the blue shadows of twilight.\u00a0 Shoulder to shoulder with Colleen on the porch, his fingers curled around her hand as she slipped it into his.<\/p>\n

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

She was looking at the view, but his eyes were on her.\u00a0Her black hair\u00a0tumbled\u00a0loosely past her shoulders, and her skin\u00a0glowed like the moon on new snow.\u00a0 “I think it’s one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.”<\/p>\n

She turned and smiled, stopping him when he leaned in for a kiss.\u00a0 “Not here.”\u00a0 She tugged on his arm with a mischievous grin and led him away from the house toward the barn.\u00a0 Like a lamb to the slaughter, he followed.\u00a0 It wouldn’t have mattered where.<\/p>\n

Colleen was in his arms the moment they stepped inside.\u00a0 “Now,” she whispered.\u00a0 “Kiss me before I die.”<\/p>\n

He needed no further prompting after missing her so, and when their lips met it was like tossing a lighted match into a pile of dry brush.\u00a0 He pulled her close,\u00a0burning like the sky, to the point where he felt his whole body might burst into flames.<\/p>\n

The next few seconds were a blur, and everything happened so quickly\u00a0he wasn’t sure what happened first.\u00a0 The best he could figure was that the cat startled Colleen, who jumped and knocked them both backwards, causing him to kick over a bucket which startled the horses, and somehow the two of them wound up on the ground in a very awkward position. Mercifully, a pile of hay broke their fall,\u00a0and after he rolled her over and made sure she wasn’t hurt, they spent the next few moments convulsed in laughter at\u00a0the absurdity of their situation.<\/p>\n

When they recovered themselves sufficiently, he helped her to her feet.\u00a0 “I’m sorry,” he chuckled, pulling hay from her hair as she dusted herself off.\u00a0“This isn’t what I had planned.”<\/p>\n

“No harm done,” she assured him with a smile he had come to know.\u00a0 “Where were we?”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, wait…”<\/p>\n

“What’s wrong, Adam?\u00a0 Don’t you like kissing me?”\u00a0 She stared up at him with that\u00a0pretty pout, her arms around his neck.<\/p>\n

“That’s the problem.\u00a0 I like it too much.”\u00a0 He\u00a0tried to ignore her fingers in his hair as he warned her.\u00a0 “To be honest, it makes me want to do terrible things to you.”<\/p>\n

The corners of her mouth turned up in a way most beguiling.\u00a0 “I don’t think you could ever do anything terrible to anyone.”<\/p>\n

“If you keep kissing me like you did before, I’m liable to forget myself.”<\/p>\n

“Do you know what I think, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/p>\n

Her lips were very close to his as she answered. “I think you worry too much.”<\/p>\n

Colleen Lafferty was a force to be reckoned with, and any resolve he had to put her off was gone by now.\u00a0 He gave her the full force of his kiss, boldly allowing his hands to roam where they naturally wanted to go.\u00a0 After all, they were going to be married, and he intended to settle\u00a0that matter\u00a0in a hurry, as soon as…<\/p>\n

“Well, well, caught in the act. I knew it was bound to happen.”<\/p>\n

The intruder startled them both, and though his face was hidden in shadow Adam had no trouble identifying the sneering voice.\u00a0 He felt more irritation than guilt as he loosened his hold on Colleen.\u00a0 “I thought you said he wasn’t coming.”<\/p>\n

Colleen frowned.\u00a0 “What are you doing here, Jason?”<\/p>\n

“I believe I was invited,\u00a0same as you.”<\/p>\n

“But you told Ma you were going into town.”<\/p>\n

“I changed my mind,” he said, coming closer. “That’s not a crime is it? I decided I shouldn’t pass up a chance to visit the Ponderosa.”<\/p>\n

“What made you decide to come in here instead of going on up to the house?”\u00a0 Adam knew his tone was less than polite, but he wasn’t feeling very hospitable toward Colleen’s brother at the moment.<\/p>\n

“Well, I heard\u00a0a commotion when I rode up and thought I’d see what it was. You oughta thank me.\u00a0If I hadn’t come in when I did you two might’ve burned down the barn.”\u00a0 He chuckled at his joke.<\/p>\n

“It’s not what you think,” said Colleen.\u00a0 We were just…”<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to explain it to me.\u00a0 What you and your young swain do in the dark is your own business.\u00a0Then again, the old folks might not see it that way.”<\/p>\n

“Please, Jason,\u00a0don’t cause any trouble.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t worry, darlin’.\u00a0I’ll keep your little secret.”<\/p>\n

“There’s nothing to keep,” Adam retorted.\u00a0 “We were only kissing.”<\/p>\n

“You do look\u00a0thoroughly kissed, I’ll say that,”\u00a0he smirked, brushing a piece of hay from\u00a0Colleen\u2019s shoulder and\u00a0straightening her dress.\u00a0“But I’m not sure I believe the part about ‘only’.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t care what you believe,” said Adam.<\/p>\n

“Fair enough,” said Jason.\u00a0 “Why don’t we all\u00a0go up to the house together, hmm?”\u00a0 He put his arm around Colleen and led her toward the door.<\/p>\n

“Colleen, wait a minute…”<\/p>\n

“We’d better go, Adam. They’ll be expecting us back. Oh, you’d better fix your shirt.”<\/p>\n

Adam tucked in his shirttail and followed them, scowling.\u00a0 Of all the times for a person to show up, and it had to be him.\u00a0 He now had reason enough to dislike Jason Travers.<\/p>\n

Pa met them at the door.\u00a0 “We were just about to send out a search party,”\u00a0he joked.\u00a0 “Dinner’s ready.”<\/p>\n

“Better set another place,” growled Adam.<\/p>\n

“Oh?”<\/p>\n

“Mr. Cartwright, this is my brother, Jason,\u201d Colleen explained.<\/p>\n

“I hope my coming at the last minute isn’t an inconvenience.”<\/p>\n

“Not at all,” said Pa,\u00a0shaking his hand. \u00a0“We’re very\u00a0glad you could join us.”<\/p>\n

Speak for yourself. <\/em>Adam shot his father a look to let him know his enthusiasm was not shared by all.\u00a0 Pa’s brows arched\u00a0with a silent question; Adam rolled his eyes and shook his head. No, not yet. <\/em><\/p>\n

“My wife\u00a0is upstairs putting the baby to bed, but\u00a0she’ll be down in a minute and then we can get seated for dinner. Please make yourselves comfortable in the meantime. I’ll go tell Hop Sing we have another guest.”<\/p>\n

“Jason,”\u00a0Mrs. Lafferty greeted her son. The lines had returned to her forehead. “I’m glad you decided not to stay in town.”<\/p>\n

“Hello, Ma.” He and Angus acknowledged one another with a curt nod, nothing more.<\/p>\n

Jason looked down at Little Joe, who was staring up at him like he had two heads.\u00a0 “Who might you be?”<\/p>\n

“That’s Adam’s brother, Little Joe,” said Colleen, smiling, “and that’s his other brother, Hoss.”<\/p>\n

“Howdy,” said Hoss with a smile for Colleen.<\/p>\n

“Adam said you like to play cards,” said Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Adam stepped forward to intercept\u00a0him. “Little Joe, why don’t I help you get washed up for supper?”<\/p>\n

“I already washed.\u00a0 Mama helped me.”<\/p>\n

“Then let’s get you to the table.”<\/p>\n

“I wanna wait for Mama.”<\/p>\n

“No need to wait any longer, cheri,” said Marie, tripping lightly down the stairs.\u00a0 “I’m sorry for the delay.”<\/p>\n

“Your timing is perfect, my dear,” said Pa.\u00a0 “By the way, we’re privileged to have Colleen’s brother with us tonight after all.\u00a0 Jason, this is my wife, Marie.”<\/p>\n

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet the lovely Mrs. Cartwright,” said Jason, lifting her hand to his lips with a smile.\u00a0 “Thank you for having me in your home.”<\/p>\n

For a moment, Marie seemed taken aback,\u00a0but\u00a0her recovery was so quick Adam wondered if anyone else noticed.<\/p>\n

“Any brother of Colleen’s is welcome here, of course.” \u00a0She took her husband’s arm.\u00a0 “Shall we sit down?”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pa took his usual seat at the head of the table, with Mr. and Mrs. Lafferty and Jason on his left.\u00a0 Marie sat at the other end so she could tend to Little Joe. That left the bench from the front porch for Hoss, Colleen and Adam.\u00a0 It was a little crowded, but Adam didn’t mind that at all.\u00a0In fact, Colleen’s warmth next to him\u00a0dispelled his earlier irritation, especially when her leg brushed\u00a0his.<\/p>\n

“Angus, I understand you’ve been staying pretty busy helping Dr. Hickman,” said Pa.<\/p>\n

“Yes, I have been.\u00a0 He doesn’t seem to mind sharing his case load.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t doubt that. The man’s pretty hard pressed. This territory is more than one doctor can handle.\u00a0\u00a0Have you given any thought to establishing your own practice here permanently?”<\/p>\n

“Well, to be honest, I never thought I would ever consider it again,\u00a0but yes, I am\u00a0thinking\u00a0about it. There are a lot of good people here.\u00a0 I’ve grown quite fond of some of them already.”<\/p>\n

“From what I understand, the feelings are mutual,” said Pa.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty smiled at her husband.\u00a0 “Angus was always a wonderful doctor.”<\/p>\n

“He certainly has my endorsement,” said Marie, smiling as well.<\/p>\n

“Amen to that,” said Pa.\u00a0 “We owe you so much that we can never repay, Angus.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty almost seemed embarrassed by their praise.\u00a0 “I don’t know about that.\u00a0 All I know is that if it weren’t for Adam I’d still be running away from myself. I think I’m the one who’s indebted.”\u00a0 He smiled.\u00a0 “Adam, Colleen tells me you’re planning to go to college back east. Are you thinking of Harvard?”<\/p>\n

Adam could feel his father’s eyes on him as he contemplated his answer.\u00a0 “Uh, I haven’t actually made up my mind about that yet.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty pressed him further. “What are your interests?\u00a0 What would you like to study?”<\/p>\n

Colleen was smiling at him.\u00a0 She had been impressed when he told her his ambitions when they first met.\u00a0 He cleared his throat. \u00a0“Well, I had thought about architecture or engineering, but I’m not sure.”<\/p>\n

“Well, whatever you decide, I’m sure you’ll do very well,”\u00a0he said. “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and I know you won’t waste it. This country needs more educated men.”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir. Thank you.”<\/p>\n

Pa offered him a look of sympathy before\u00a0redirecting the conversation.\u00a0 “Jason, how long will you be staying?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, I don’t know.\u00a0 Until the wind changes, I guess. I’ve never been one to let the grass grow under my feet, at least not for the past fifteen years since I took to the road.”<\/p>\n

“That’s a long time for such a young man.”<\/p>\n

“I’ve been on my own since I was thirteen.\u00a0\u00a0A man gets a different\u00a0kind of\u00a0education that way, the kind of things you don’t learn in books.”<\/p>\n

“You mean like playin’ cards?”\u00a0Little Joe asked.<\/p>\n

“Eat your dinner, Joseph.”\u00a0 Marie’s voice was quiet but firm.<\/p>\n

Jason seemed amused by the question.\u00a0 “Yes, among other things.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled at\u00a0Marie.\u00a0 “That’s quite a boy you’ve got there, Mrs. Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you.”\u00a0 She offered him a polite smile before returning her attention to her\u00a0son.<\/p>\n

“You left home when you were thirteen?”\u00a0 Hoss was staring across the table\u00a0at Jason with\u00a0a puzzled frown.\u00a0“That’s only three years older than me…and three years younger than Adam.”\u00a0 He seemed pleased with himself for figuring out the last part.<\/p>\n

“Yes, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Makes a\u00a0boy grow up too fast, especially when he sees things he shouldn’t. Of course, if I’d had a home like this I never would’ve left.”<\/p>\n

Adam felt Colleen\u00a0stiffen next to him. He\u00a0had nothing but sympathy for Mrs. Lafferty, whose demeanor since her son’s arrival had\u00a0shifted from happy to tense and was now\u00a0edging toward miserable.<\/p>\n

“Jason, please…” she whispered.<\/p>\n

“Now Ma,\u00a0there\u2019s no need to fret.\u00a0 It’s not your fault.\u00a0 You couldn’t have known how it was, you were nowhere near.\u00a0 Besides, that’s all water under the bridge now, and things worked out in the end, didn’t they?\u00a0 I mean, here we are together now, one happy family.\u00a0 In fact, I’d like to propose a toast, if I may.”\u00a0 He lifted his glass.\u00a0 “To family, friends… and future generations.”<\/p>\n

There was an awkward moment of silence before glasses were slowly raised in response.\u00a0The toast was a mockery as far as Adam was concerned, and he felt like a hypocrite even following his father’s lead. Jason\u00a0didn’t care about family or friends, and Adam suspected the\u00a0part about future generations was a jab at him and Colleen, based on his crude assumption of what went on in the barn. His smirk in their direction confirmed the feeling.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty’s hand brushed her glass as she reached for it, knocking it over in the middle of the table. She looked like she wanted to crawl under it, away from all their eyes. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry,”\u00a0she murmured.<\/p>\n

“Uh oh, there’s a mess,” said Little Joe, shaking his head.<\/p>\n

Marie shushed him promptly.\u00a0 “It’s all right; it’s only water,” she assured Mrs. Lafferty.\u00a0 “I’ll get a towel from the kitchen and we’ll have it right up.”<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty rose from her chair also, and for a moment she just stood there, wringing her hands.\u00a0 “I’m so very sorry,” she repeated. “Please excuse me.”\u00a0 She fled the room in tears before Marie could return with the towel.<\/p>\n

Jason pushed away from the table with a sigh.\u00a0 “Well, I suppose one of us should go after her.”<\/p>\n

Mr. Lafferty was already on his feet.\u00a0 “I’ll go.”\u00a0 He kept his voice low but there was no mistaking its contempt.\u00a0 “You’ve\u00a0done enough already.”<\/p>\n

Adam glanced at his father, and judging from his expression\u00a0he didn’t like what he had just seen, though he said nothing.\u00a0 But Colleen had a few\u00a0things to say.<\/p>\n

“How could you, Jason?”<\/p>\n

“Is it my fault she spilled her drink?”<\/p>\n

His cavalier response set her off. “You know what I’m talking about.\u00a0 You\u00a0couldn’t let her\u00a0enjoy just one evening, could you?\u00a0\u00a0I’m beginning to think the only reason you came back here is to punish her for what you think she did to you.\u00a0Like you said, you’ve had fifteen years, so when are you going to grow up enough to stop blaming her for\u00a0your miserable life?\u00a0 It’s not her fault, and it certainly doesn’t give you the right to ruin hers and everyone else’s around you.”<\/p>\n

“Is that all?”<\/p>\n

“No, there is one more thing. You’re my brother, and I know I’m supposed to love you, but right now I think you’re the most despicable person I’ve ever met.”<\/p>\n

Jason dropped his\u00a0eyes for a moment,\u00a0and it seemed as if her last words might have wounded him a little.\u00a0 \u00a0He rose from the table.\u00a0 “Well, I guess I’ll be going into town after all. Thank you kindly, Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright.”\u00a0 He nodded farewell to Pa and to Marie, who stared after him with troubled expressions.<\/p>\n

Colleen was near tears.\u00a0 Adam squeezed her hand.\u00a0 “Are you all right?”<\/p>\n

“I’m fine.\u00a0I just need to check on my mother.\u00a0\u00a0Would you all please excuse me?”<\/p>\n

It pained him to let her go, but he knew he wasn’t needed. This was a family matter, and their privacy had\u00a0been shattered enough.\u00a0\u00a0He caught a\u00a0sympathetic glance from Marie as he watched her clean up the spill. His hopes for proposing to Colleen that night\u00a0were fading,\u00a0like the water spots on the tablecloth.<\/p>\n

It was no surprise when Mr. Lafferty returned to express his regrets that they wouldn’t be able to stay and to beg their forgiveness.\u00a0 Miriam had not been well lately, he explained, and the strain of the evening had been too much for her. Pa and Marie were quick to assure him they understood, even if they\u00a0didn’t understand everything.<\/p>\n

At his invitation, Adam followed Mr. Lafferty outside.\u00a0 Colleen wanted to say goodnight. She met him on the porch while her parents waited in the wagon.<\/p>\n

“I’m so sorry, Adam.\u00a0 I don’t know what else to say.”<\/p>\n

“Believe me; you’re not half as sorry as I am. I wanted this to be a special evening.”<\/p>\n

She managed a\u00a0smile. “It started out that way, didn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“Yes it did.”\u00a0 He longed to kiss her again, but her folks were there waiting.\u00a0 “I’ll come to you,” he promised.<\/p>\n

She pressed her lips to his cheek.\u00a0 “Come soon,” she whispered.<\/p>\n

Wild horses couldn’t keep me away<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The wagon disappeared into darkness, and the creak of wheels was soon swallowed by the stillness of the night.\u00a0\u00a0Adam plopped down on the front step and jerked his tie loose, in no hurry to go back inside.\u00a0 He didn’t want to talk to anyone and he knew he wouldn\u2019t be able to sleep.<\/p>\n

An owl called to his mate. Adam rested his head in his hands as they carried on their courtship above him.<\/p>\n

Damn her brother<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER X \u2013 Fateful Intervention<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam tugged at his collar, chafing in the sweltering heat of the church house.\u00a0 His misery had plenty of company that morning.\u00a0 Every bench was filled, mostly with women\u00a0and children who fanned themselves and fidgeted while\u00a0most of\u00a0the men stood in the back. Adam had given his seat to a\u00a0rather large woman he didn’t know, and that didn’t sit well with Little Joe. After an apprehensive appraisal of the stranger, he\u00a0sent a scowl over his shoulder\u00a0to his oldest brother. His body sagged when Marie whispered something to him, and Adam didn’t have to see his face to know his expression.\u00a0 A moment later, Marie handed Jilly to Hoss and pulled Little Joe onto her lap. That seemed to satisfy him.\u00a0 It was probably what he really wanted anyway.\u00a0 He still had a bit of a jealous streak where his mother and sister were concerned.<\/p>\n

Adam rested his back against the wall next to an old man\u00a0dozing\u00a0in the corner.\u00a0 A soft snore became a snort which garnered a few disapproving looks\u00a0but more snickers from those who were close enough to hear.\u00a0 Adam grinned\u00a0at Ross Marquette who had just come in.\u00a0His presence didn’t\u00a0quite make up for Colleen’s absence, but Adam was sure glad to see him.<\/p>\n

The preacher was a circuit-rider who passed through once a month, usually every fourth Sunday.\u00a0This morning he seemed intent on making up for the other\u00a0three.\u00a0 He had already sermonized for the better part of an hour with no signs of slowing, much less\u00a0stopping.\u00a0\u00a0There were those in Virginia City\u00a0in dire\u00a0need of spiritual\u00a0discipline, and he was giving them their fill.<\/p>\n

“Brothers and sisters, let not sin reign in your mortal body,”\u00a0he was saying,\u00a0\u201dThe lust of the flesh and\u00a0the lust of the eyes are worldly sins, fathered by the Devil himself.\u00a0Do not be deceived.\u00a0 God is not mocked. When a man looks on a woman with lust, he has already sinned in his heart, as though he had committed the act in the flesh. And when sin is conceived, it brings forth Death.”<\/p>\n

It wasn’t the heat that made Adam tug\u00a0at his collar this time.\u00a0\u00a0Ross nudged him and winked. “If he’s right, if thinkin’s the same as doin’, a\u00a0man might as well enjoy himself, wouldn’t you say?”<\/p>\n

It wasn’t any kind of\u00a0insinuation. Ross was just being Ross. Adam grinned, “Well, I doubt a girl’s father would see it that way. My Pa neither.”<\/p>\n

When the service was finally over, they took advantage of their positions near the door to be among the first ones out. Adam knew\u00a0Ross was probably itching for a smoke even if it was Sunday.\u00a0 Sheriff Coffee stopped them before they could duck out of sight.<\/p>\n

“Is Angus Lafferty inside, by chance?”<\/p>\n

“No,” said Adam.\u00a0 “Why?”<\/p>\n

“I had to arrest a couple of men last night for fightin’ and bustin’ up the saloon.\u00a0One’s hurt pretty bad, needs a doctor.\u00a0 Hickman’s\u00a0over at\u00a0Abe Foster’s\u00a0place deliverin’ a baby so I reckon I better send someone out\u00a0to get Angus.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll go.”<\/p>\n

“If it’s all right with your Pa I’d appreciate that, Adam. There he is.”<\/p>\n

The sheriff waved him over and explained the situation.\u00a0 “Of course, that’s fine,\u201d said Pa.\u00a0 “You have your horse.”<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. He had ridden into town\u00a0with the idea of stopping by to\u00a0see Colleen on the way home.<\/p>\n

“Thank you, Adam,” said the sheriff, his mouth set in a grim line.\u00a0 “One more thing — you might better tell\u00a0Angus it’s his stepson, in case his wife wants to come along.”<\/p>\n

“Oh…”<\/p>\n

The word came out almost as a sigh, and\u00a0Adam stopped short of the\u00a0other one that conveyed his true feelings. Here was more drama with her brother, who seemed to be everywhere in his life all of a sudden.\u00a0The irony was almost too rich.<\/p>\n

“How bad is it?” asked Pa.<\/p>\n

“Hard to say. One thing’s for\u00a0sure, he got the worse end of the deal goin’ up against Dooley Smith.\u00a0He walked into the cell on his own last night, but he ain’t moved\u00a0an eyelash this mornin’,\u00a0not even when I tried to wake him up for breakfast.\u00a0It’s more than just sleepin’ off a drunk.\u00a0\u00a0I don’t think he knows he’s in this world. For all I know he may not be for long.”<\/p>\n

Pa’s face grew somber. “You go on, Adam.\u00a0 I’ll find Marie and let her know what’s happened.\u00a0 We’ll stay in town until you get back with Angus.\u00a0Maybe you should speak\u00a0with him privately first and tell him Roy thinks it might be pretty serious.”<\/p>\n

“All right.”<\/p>\n

Ross fell in next to him as he started for his horse. “You want\u00a0me to\u00a0go with you?”<\/p>\n

“No, that’s okay. You’ll\u00a0miss the picnic.”<\/p>\n

“So will you.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry about me. I can afford to miss a meal more than you can,” Adam grinned.<\/p>\n

“Hey, I may be lean, but what’s here is all prime,” he joked, flexing a bicep.\u00a0“Well, I reckon you’d rather see Colleen than eat anyway.”<\/p>\n

“I sure didn’t want to have to see her this way.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, she’s liable to be mighty upset about her brother.”\u00a0 Ross frowned,”He must have been blind drunk or just plain crazy to take on Dooley.\u00a0\u00a0That man’s at least 250 pounds of muscle, and he ain’t the kind to go gentle on\u00a0the fella that riles him.\u00a0 Reckon what started it?”<\/p>\n

“Who knows?”\u00a0\u00a0Adam removed his tie and put it in his saddlebag.\u00a0\u00a0 “Nothing would surprise me.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

He made it to the Lafferty home\u00a0in half an hour.\u00a0 Colleen answered the door almost before he finished knocking.<\/p>\n

“I\u00a0heard you ride up.”\u00a0 She smiled, opening the door to invite him in.\u00a0 “I was hoping you’d come.\u00a0 Ma didn’t feel like going to church this morning.”<\/p>\n

“Is she all right?”<\/p>\n

“She’s better.\u00a0 She’s in her room resting right now.”<\/p>\n

“How are you?”<\/p>\n

“I’m fine.\u00a0 Thank you for asking.”\u00a0 She smiled again.\u00a0 I’ll bet you haven’t eaten, have you?”<\/p>\n

“No, I left in kind of a hurry.”<\/p>\n

“I’m glad for that.\u00a0 Sit down; I’ll fix a plate for you.”<\/p>\n

“Is your father home?”<\/p>\n

“Yes, he’s at the barn, I think.\u00a0 Why?”<\/p>\n

“I need to talk to him.”<\/p>\n

“Oh?”<\/p>\n

“Sheriff Coffee sent me to get him. He’s got a man at the jail who needs a doctor.”<\/p>\n

“I see.”\u00a0 She\u00a0looked disappointed.\u00a0“So that’s why you really came. Never mind me.”<\/p>\n

He caught her by the waist as she turned away\u00a0and brought her back around to face him.\u00a0\u00a0“I was coming anyway.\u00a0 That’s why I brought my own horse this\u00a0morning.\u00a0\u00a0When Sheriff Coffee said he\u00a0needed someone to ride out here I\u00a0knew I didn’t want it be anybody but me.”<\/p>\n

Her mouth slowly curved upward.\u00a0 “I guess I believe you.”<\/p>\n

“You should.”<\/p>\n

He faltered, gazing\u00a0into those blue eyes, thinking if ever a girl wanted kissing….but he couldn’t, not without telling her the whole truth first.<\/p>\n

“What is it, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“It’s Jason.\u00a0 He’s the one who’s hurt.”<\/p>\n

“What happened?”<\/p>\n

“A fight in the saloon last night. I don’t know the details.”<\/p>\n

“So that’s why he’s at the jail,” she frowned. “How bad is it?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know. Sheriff Coffee’s no doctor, but he couldn’t wake him up this morning…he thought maybe your Ma might want to come.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, no…”<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, Colleen.\u00a0I meant to tell your father first. I didn’t want to upset you, but I guess there was no way around it.\u00a0 He is your brother, no matter what.”<\/p>\n

“He doesn’t feel like my brother very much of the time, and he may have gotten what he deserved for all I know. But if something happens to him\u2026it’s just liable to kill my mother.”\u00a0 She finished her sentence on the verge of tears.<\/p>\n

From what he knew of Miriam Lafferty, he figured\u00a0she might be right. Adam didn’t want to see her hurt that way.\u00a0“Let’s try not to worry about\u00a0the bad that\u00a0could happen,” he consoled her.\u00a0 “Let’s just get your father to town so he can help him.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam loaned Mr. Lafferty his horse and drove Colleen and her mother to town in the wagon.\u00a0 They stopped first at the jail, only to find it empty.\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty uttered a small cry as she peered through the bars at the blood\u00a0stained cot.<\/p>\n

“Where is my son?”<\/p>\n

Adam took her\u00a0arm and led her away.\u00a0\u00a0“Come and sit down.\u00a0 I’ll go\u00a0find out.”<\/p>\n

Approaching footsteps belonged to Sheriff Coffee.\u00a0 He\u00a0removed his hat when he saw Mrs. Lafferty.<\/p>\n

“What have you done with my son, Sheriff?\u00a0 Where is he?”<\/p>\n

“Ma’am, your husband had us\u00a0take him\u00a0over to Doc Hickman’s so he could tend to him. Adam, your Pa\u2019s there too.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“He’s in here.”\u00a0 Pa ushered Mrs. Lafferty and Colleen through a curtain into a back room before joining Adam in the parlor to wait.<\/p>\n

“How is he?\u00a0 Any change?”<\/p>\n

“Marie sat with him a while.\u00a0She said he opened his eyes for a few seconds and tried to speak.”<\/p>\n

“That’s a good sign, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“You’d like to think so, but he’s been bleeding from his ear, and that’s not a good sign.\u00a0 Angus says it could be\u00a0from the brain.”<\/p>\n

“Does he think he’ll make it?”<\/p>\n

“It depends on the damage.\u00a0 It’s too soon to tell how bad it\u00a0is, and that could be another heartbreak even if he lives.”<\/p>\n

Adam knew what he was thinking.\u00a0 Ross had an uncle, his father’s youngest brother Gus, who got kicked in the head by a horse a couple of years ago.\u00a0 He didn’t die right away, but you could hardly call what he did in the meantime living.\u00a0There were three things he could do on his own — breathe, open his eyes and mess himself.\u00a0 It was a cruel fate for a young man of only twenty-two, but it was worse for the people who loved him.\u00a0 Mr. Marquette told Pa that every day was like an open wound that wouldn’t heal. It wasn’t until after they buried him that they finally stopped grieving.<\/p>\n

It was a depressing subject, so Adam changed it.\u00a0“I guess Sheriff Coffee let Dooley go.”<\/p>\n

Pa nodded.\u00a0 “He paid for half the damages, and Roy didn’t think it was necessary to hold him now that he’s sober.”<\/p>\n

“Any idea what started the fight?”<\/p>\n

“Dooley wouldn’t say.\u00a0 He just told Roy it was personal.\u00a0 The bartender said there wasn’t any reason for it to go on as\u00a0long as it did.\u00a0 Dooley had him\u00a0beat a long time before it was over.\u00a0 Everybody in the place told Jason\u00a0to stay down, but he wouldn’t.”\u00a0 Pa shook his head. “I don’t know what that boy\u00a0was thinking, but if he was trying to get himself killed he sure picked a hard way to go.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, hard for everybody.”\u00a0 Adam stared at the curtain and wondered what was happening behind it.<\/p>\n

“I guess things haven’t worked out the way you intended with Colleen so far.”<\/p>\n

“No,” he admitted with a frown.\u00a0 “And I know it’s not the time to ask her, so I guess I’ll just have to wait.”<\/p>\n

Pa\u00a0smiled.\u00a0 “Love is patient, remember that.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll try.”<\/p>\n

Pa got up\u00a0and stretched in front of the window.\u00a0 “There’s Marie.”<\/p>\n

Adam hadn’t given much thought to the rest of his family; in fact, he had forgotten they were even in town. “Where are the others?”<\/p>\n

“They’re with Mrs. Hawkins.\u00a0 Marie went over to check on them and try to get Jilly down for a nap, but it looks like somebody had other plans.”\u00a0 He opened the door to\u00a0let her in.\u00a0 “Everything okay?”<\/p>\n

“The boys are fine. Hoss is playing checkers with Mrs. Hawkins, and Little Joe’s asleep.”<\/p>\n

“But no luck with this one, I see,” he said, reaching for his fretful daughter.<\/p>\n

“No. She fell asleep during her feeding and woke up screaming when I put her down.”<\/p>\n

Pa bounced Jilly on his\u00a0arm, trying to coax a smile.\u00a0“That doesn’t sound like you, honey. What’s wrong?”\u00a0 She turned her face into his chest and whimpered. He put a hand on the back of her neck.\u00a0 “She feels hot.”<\/p>\n

Marie looked tired. “We’re all hot. There’s no breath\u00a0in this miserable town.”\u00a0\u00a0There was an edge to\u00a0her voice that Adam\u00a0seldom heard, though she was quick to apologize.\u00a0 “I’m sorry,” she murmured, massaging her forehead. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”<\/p>\n

“I know, and it has been a very long day for all of us.” Pa glanced at Adam.\u00a0 “Son, do you think you could…”<\/p>\n

“Sure, I’ll\u00a0take her.”\u00a0 He eased Jilly out of his father’s arms.\u00a0 “Is it all right if we go outside?”<\/p>\n

“Yes,” said Marie.\u00a0 “She’s probably just teething.\u00a0You can bring her back if she gets too fussy, or if you just get tired of her.”<\/p>\n

“We’ll be fine.”<\/p>\n

Adam stepped out onto the porch.\u00a0 Marie had been right; there wasn’t a breath of air stirring.\u00a0 He sat down in the swing and balanced Jilly on his lap.\u00a0 “Let’s get this\u00a0bonnet off.\u00a0\u00a0It’s got to be as bad or worse than wearing a tie.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0earned a smile when he blew across the top of her damp curls.\u00a0 They made a game of it after that until she nearly giggled herself hoarse, and the next moment she was rubbing her eyes.<\/p>\n

“You are sleepy, aren’t you?\u00a0 Let’s try this.”\u00a0 He unfastened the tiny buttons on the back of her dress and pulled it\u00a0over her head, leaving her in nothing but a\u00a0slip and a diaper.\u00a0 “That\u2019s better now, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

She yawned and settled in the crook of his arm. The rhythm of the swing made her eyelids heavy, but she raised them once to smile up at him. He smiled back and planted a\u00a0soft kiss on her brow, watching her\u00a0lashes flutter before finally resting on her pink cheeks.<\/p>\n

The door opened.\u00a0 “Mind if I join you?”<\/p>\n

“Please do.”<\/p>\n

Colleen\u00a0sat down gently, careful not to disturb the baby.\u00a0 “Are you in the habit of undressing young ladies?”<\/p>\n

He grinned, “I can\u2019t say that I am. I was just trying to make her more comfortable so maybe she would sleep.”<\/p>\n

“Mission accomplished, I’d say.”\u00a0 Colleen smiled as she studied\u00a0the sleeping face.\u00a0 “She\u2019s so pretty. \u00a0She looks like she could be yours.”<\/p>\n

“Well, Pa did say she reminded him of me when I was a baby, so I guess maybe there is a little resemblance.”<\/p>\n

“Yes.”\u00a0 Her smile faded, “I was watching you from the\u00a0window before I came out.\u00a0 It almost made me cry.”<\/p>\n

“Why?”<\/p>\n

“Because I can see the\u00a0way you feel about her, and she’s going to grow up knowing how much her brother loves her. I suppose I’m a little envious of the two of you.”<\/p>\n

She was thinking of her own brother, and Adam was at a loss how to comfort her. “Any change at all in there?”<\/p>\n

She\u00a0shook her head. “Ma wants to take him home but Pa says he shouldn’t be moved right now.\u00a0He said maybe tomorrow, so we’ll be staying the night. Or until he dies, whichever comes first.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“Part of me doesn’t want to care at all, and the other part me can’t help but grieve for the family we were never able to be.\u00a0 Maybe we could have loved each other if we’d had the chance. Maybe it would have made a difference. I don’t know.”<\/p>\n

Adam put his arm around her.\u00a0 “I wish there was something I could do.”<\/p>\n

Colleen wiped her eyes and even managed a smile.\u00a0 “You’re doing it.”<\/p>\n

He looked down at the child asleep in his arms.\u00a0That lump in the throat feeling\u00a0the first time he held her was nothing compared to what he felt for\u00a0his sister\u00a0now. He also thought of his brothers\u00a0and the person he might or might not be\u00a0without them, and he knew for a fact\u00a0it was true. That kind of love always makes a difference.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XI \u2013 Life in the Balance<\/strong><\/p>\n

The world took a strange turn after that Sunday, reminding Adam that things are not always what they seem.\u00a0\u00a0 Life\u00a0has a way of\u00a0shuffling\u00a0the\u00a0possible with\u00a0the improbable\u00a0and\u00a0dealing a hand you never expected.<\/p>\n

To start with, Jilly wasn’t just teething as Marie had\u00a0suggested.\u00a0 She slept the rest of the afternoon and\u00a0all the way home, where she revived with an\u00a0uncharacteristic bad\u00a0temper.\u00a0 No amount of consoling or cajoling could persuade her to\u00a0take any supper, so she was put to bed once more.\u00a0\u00a0She woke\u00a0just before midnight with a raging fever. Marie and\u00a0Pa both walked the floor with her, but by the next morning she was too sick even to cry.<\/p>\n

For obvious reasons, they sent for Dr. Hickman. The dark circles under his eyes testified to his long hours at Sally Foster’s bedside the day before.\u00a0 She would probably live, but her twin boys had died within a few minutes of each other shortly after birth.\u00a0\u00a0Dr. Hickman\u00a0was tired, you could see it in his face and hear it in his voice when he told the story,\u00a0but it wasn’t just physical.\u00a0 He was soul weary\u00a0from squaring off with Death so many times\u00a0and losing.<\/p>\n

He had nothing in his black bag for Jilly.\u00a0 She would either live or die with or without his help.\u00a0 Of course he didn’t say it in those words. He was as kind as his practicality would allow.\u00a0 He had seen other children with the same fever this time of year and many of the older ones did recover. His only prescription was a \u201cwait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Hickman did\u00a0have some surprising news.\u00a0 Jason Travers had regained consciousness during the night.\u00a0 It wasn’t clear how much he remembered or even understood, but he recognized his family and they were taking him home to care for him.<\/p>\n

Adam pondered the news with mixed emotions.\u00a0 He was happy for Colleen and her mother and a little ashamed of himself for what else he was feeling, but he couldn’t help it.\u00a0 Not that one was fairer than the other, but the thought that Jason would live while\u00a0Jilly might die was as bitter as wormwood.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, Adam didn’t have to struggle long with his conscience.\u00a0 Jilly’s fever broke and she came back to herself so quickly that it was hard to imagine she had\u00a0ever been so ill.\u00a0\u00a0Dr. Hickman, who admitted to twice giving her up, said she must have been born under a lucky star.\u00a0 He smiled when he said it.<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights hardly had time to take a breath before the other shoe dropped.<\/p>\n

There was no way\u00a0Adam could have known, but if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with Colleen he might have noticed the change in Marie. She had been pale and tense while Jilly was sick, and that was understandable, but it wasn’t until that morning when Little Joe spilled his milk he knew something\u00a0was wrong.<\/p>\n

He never expected to see her lose her temper that way with her “petit ange” as she called him.\u00a0 Neither did Little Joe; and it nearly crushed him. The table fell silent except for his\u00a0quiet sobs.<\/p>\n

Marie\u2019s hand flew to her mouth the moment she realized what\u00a0she had done,\u00a0and she was near tears herself when she picked him up to console him. He clung to her as she kissed him and murmured her apology.\u00a0 “I’m so sorry, my love.\u00a0 Your Mama is tired and cross\u00a0these days, but it\u2019s not because of you. Please forgive me.”<\/p>\n

Fortunately, forgiveness comes easily for a four year old.\u00a0 The two of them made amends with a hug and more kisses, and Little Joe seemed content to be back in his mother’s good graces when she set him back down on the floor.<\/p>\n

She drew in a sharp\u00a0breath as she stood up and had to steady herself against the back of the chair.\u00a0 Pa had been cleaning up the spill and was by her side in an instant to catch her before she collapsed.\u00a0 “Just get\u00a0me upstairs, please,” she whispered, her face contorted in pain.\u00a0 Pa picked her up and carried her, and for once she didn’t protest that he was making too big a fuss.<\/p>\n

“Mama!”\u00a0 Little Joe called after them, bewildered and frightened.<\/p>\n

Pa didn\u2019t turn around as he answered.\u00a0 \u201cStay there, Joseph!\u00a0 Adam, don\u2019t let him come up.”<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s heart was in his throat as he answered.\u00a0 “Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

They hadn’t told anyone about the baby.\u00a0 By the time Marie was certain enough to tell Pa, she already suspected something was wrong so they agreed to keep it between themselves.\u00a0 Dr. Hickman came once more, this time to confirm the loss.\u00a0 Marie would be fine after a few days rest, he said, and he saw no reason why she couldn’t have more children in the future.<\/p>\n

“Is Mama havin’ another baby?”\u00a0 Little Joe surprised Adam with the question.\u00a0 No one had mentioned it to him, but Adam supposed the last time he was forced to stay downstairs while a doctor tended his mother was still fresh in his mind.<\/p>\n

“No,” he answered truthfully.\u00a0 “She just needs some rest, so she’s going to stay in bed awhile.\u00a0 You can see her later.”<\/p>\n

“Okay.”\u00a0 Little Joe seemed satisfied.\u00a0 “I’m glad she’s not. I don’t want another baby.”<\/p>\n

“You don’t?\u00a0 Why not?”<\/p>\n

Little Joe didn’t look up from his blocks. “We already have a baby.\u00a0 We don’t need another one.”<\/p>\n

“You love Jilly, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I guess.”<\/p>\n

Adam smiled at his nonchalance. Truth was Little Joe adored his sister, in spite of the fact that she had upset his world by forcing him to share his mother.\u00a0 As far as Adam could see, Jilly was the best thing that could have happened to both of them.\u00a0 She was everybody’s child, but Little Joe had always \u00a0belonged to Marie.\u00a0\u00a0Mother and son\u00a0were both learning how to share.<\/p>\n

“Little Joe, if your Mama does have another baby sometime, you’ll love that one just as much.”<\/p>\n

“Mama doesn’t need another baby.”\u00a0 Little Joe put the finishing touch on his block tower and sat back to survey his work. He met his oldest brother’s eyes with a look Adam would come to know well.\u00a0 The issue\u00a0was settled, at least in his mind, but he added one more thing for emphasis as he got to his feet.<\/p>\n

“Jilly’s enough.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

The upsets that kept them apart only made Adam miss Colleen more. According to Dr. Hickman, Jason was making\u00a0good progress in spite of his head injury, and Angus expected a full recovery in time.<\/p>\n

No one seemed to know who or what started the fight at the Sazarac, or if they did they weren’t talking.\u00a0 In most cases like that the trigger was either money or a woman or both, but whatever it was remained a mystery and no longer seemed\u00a0to matter. Dooley must have decided he’d had enough of Virginia City, because he paid his part of the damages and left town without further comment.\u00a0There was one\u00a0surprising revelation, however. \u00a0According to what Sheriff Coffee told Pa, one of the girls who worked in the saloon left the same day, but not before she paid Jason’s share.\u00a0 She told the sheriff\u00a0she knew there were a lot of stories going around about him, but\u00a0she wanted his family to know he had been kind to her and had given her the money so she could go back\u00a0home to Chicago, and\u00a0it was more than she needed.<\/p>\n

That certainly didn’t sound like the Jason Travers Adam knew; but he had to admit he didn’t really know much about him.\u00a0 Neither did Colleen, for that matter.\u00a0 Now was her chance, since it looked like he was probably going to be around for a while.<\/p>\n

It was too soon to tell whether or not that was a good thing, but with\u00a0the break in the\u00a0weather and crises averted, it seemed\u00a0like the right time to pay a call on a certain young lady.\u00a0 Goodness knows Adam had waited long enough.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XII \u2013 The Faces of Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

Colleen didn’t wait for him to come up to the house. She met him in the yard, and the\u00a0smile on her face assured him that she was as happy to see him as he was to see her.<\/p>\n

“Hello, Stranger.”<\/p>\n

“Hello yourself,” he replied, grinning.\u00a0 Kissing her would have to wait.\u00a0 There were spectators on the porch.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty welcomed him.\u00a0 “It’s good to see you, Adam.\u00a0 How is your family?”<\/p>\n

“Fine,\u00a0thank you.”<\/p>\n

“We heard the baby was sick, and then Marie…we had no idea. I’m so sorry. I do\u00a0hope she’s feeling better.”<\/p>\n

“She is. She’s anxious to start riding again. I don’t know how much longer Pa can hold her off.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty’s smile tightened a bit.<\/p>\n

“I understand she has a fondness for horses.”\u00a0 Jason stepped forward, leaning on a cane.\u00a0 “Hello, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Jason.”\u00a0 He shook his hand as he looked him over. Other than the limp the only visible sign of injury was a\u00a0fresh scar\u00a0above his right eye. “We heard you were up and about.\u00a0\u201c<\/p>\n

“He’s getting better every day,” Colleen smiled. “Pa says his recovery\u00a0is nothing short of amazing.”<\/p>\n

Jason smiled. “Well, I’ve had a couple of pretty good nurses, so maybe that had something to do with it.”<\/p>\n

Mrs. Lafferty placed a hand on his cheek, and the look that passed between them was almost tender.\u00a0 “He has been a good patient,” she said, smiling.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0“Stay for supper, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“If it’s not too much trouble, then yes ma\u2019am, thank you.”<\/p>\n

“It\u2019s no trouble at all. Angus may not be back for a while, but I can have everything ready in about an hour.\u00a0 Colleen, could you help me in the kitchen for\u00a0a minute?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, Ma.”\u00a0 Colleen smiled at Adam.\u00a0 “Excuse me.\u00a0 I won’t be long.”<\/p>\n

“Is there anything I can do?”<\/p>\n

“You can keep Jason company until I come back.”<\/p>\n

“Right.” \u00a0 That\u2019s just what I came for.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

“Sit down, Adam,” he said, lowering himself into a chair.\u00a0 “Let’s talk a while.”<\/p>\n

“What’s on your mind?”<\/p>\n

“You.”<\/p>\n

“Me?”<\/p>\n

Jason nodded.\u00a0 “I owe you an apology. I behaved badly the last time we saw each other; there\u2019s no other way to put it.\u00a0 I said some things I shouldn’t have said, and I want you to know I’m truly sorry.\u00a0 I hope we can put that behind us now.\u00a0 I think we should, for Colleen’s sake, don\u2019t you?”<\/p>\n

Adam was\u00a0wary but willing to try, at least — for Colleen’s sake. “Yes,” he agreed.<\/p>\n

“Good.”<\/p>\n

Colleen came back out on the porch with a pail.\u00a0 “Which one of you handsome gentlemen would like to help me pick some blackberries?\u00a0 Ma decided she needs more for her cobbler.”<\/p>\n

Jason pushed himself to his feet. “All things considered, I’d say that’s a job for Adam.\u00a0 I think I’ll go see if Ma needs anything else.”\u00a0 He winked and grinned at her.\u00a0\u00a0 “Watch out for the thorns.”<\/p>\n

Adam watched him disappear inside.\u00a0 “Was that really your brother?”<\/p>\n

She laughed.\u00a0 “I think so.\u00a0 It’s wonderful, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“I’d have to say it’s a definite improvement. He seems like a different person.”<\/p>\n

“You know something? I think underneath he has\u00a0always been this person.\u00a0I mean even before, there were moments when I would catch a glimpse of him but then he would turn away, like he didn’t want me to see him. I don’t know why, but I think for some reason he was afraid.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, why do you suppose he came here in the first place?”<\/p>\n

“I’ve wondered about that sometimes.\u00a0 I just think maybe he got tired of running.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe. \u00a0He apologized to me for the other night. I wasn’t expecting that.”<\/p>\n

“He told me he wanted to make things right. I’m glad, Adam.”<\/p>\n

She looked so happy, he could only smile. He took the pail from her and held her hand as they walked.<\/p>\n

“Well, anything that makes you glad makes me glad.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“You hold the bucket. I’ll pick,” she instructed him when they reached the thicket by the creek.<\/p>\n

“I can help.”<\/p>\n

“You are helping.\u00a0 This way I can pick with two hands. Just stay close. It won’t take me long.”<\/p>\n

“Yes ma’am. I’m right behind you.”<\/p>\n

He was content to watch her;\u00a0 he would have only been in the way. In fact, it\u00a0was contentment just to be near her, no matter what she was doing.<\/p>\n

“Ouch.”\u00a0 She drew back her thumb with a grimace.<\/p>\n

“Let me see. Hold still,”\u00a0he cautioned her as he removed the thorn. “Sorry.”\u00a0 He put her thumb to his lips, tasting the blood and the blackberry juice as he kissed it.<\/p>\n

Her fingers caressed his cheek, and her sigh went right through him when he kissed her palm, and then her wrist, where he felt her pulse racing with his heart.<\/p>\n

“Colleen, I…”<\/p>\n

She was too close for him to finish what he wanted to say, whatever it was.\u00a0 They were through talking, for now at least….<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam ate everything on his plate that evening at supper, but he didn’t taste a bite of it.\u00a0His mind was too full, swerving between the reason for his visit and what happened on the creek bank that afternoon.\u00a0 Colleen seemed perfectly at ease, but he felt himself nearly blushing when Mrs. Lafferty asked him if he liked blackberries. He would never be able to eat them again without remembering.<\/p>\n

Alone with Colleen\u00a0on the porch afterwards, he finally had the chance to ask the question that had been burning a hole in his brain.\u00a0 Except it didn’t come out\u00a0quite the way he intended.<\/p>\n

“I think we should get married.” He was so nervous he just blurted it out, and he could have kicked himself for it. He hadn\u2019t even spoken with her father yet.<\/p>\n

She looked dumbfounded at first, and then she smiled.\u00a0 “You mean because of this afternoon?\u00a0\u00a0 We were just kissing.”<\/p>\n

It amazed him sometimes, the way she could simplify things. “It was more than that and we both know it.”<\/p>\n

“All right, maybe it was,” she conceded. “But it’s nothing you’d have to marry a girl over. Honestly, Adam.\u00a0There’s no reason to feel guilty about this afternoon.”<\/p>\n

“Is that why you think I’m asking, because of\u00a0this afternoon?\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s not why. I don’t feel guilty for wanting to be with you, but I would have felt guilty if it had happened, and the reason is because I love you and I don’t want our first time to be that way. I want you to be my wife.”<\/p>\n

“You’re serious.\u00a0 You’re really asking me to marry you.”<\/p>\n

He put his hands on her shoulders.\u00a0 “Colleen, I’ve been trying to ask you for a month now.\u00a0 And I would have if it hadn’t been for your brother.”<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth, but no words came. He didn’t like what he saw in her face.<\/p>\n

“Say something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her answer was postponed by the opening of the door behind them.\u00a0 Adam\u00a0wondered what he could’ve done to make God hate him so much as he dropped his hands and glared at Jason.<\/p>\n

“Sorry to interrupt. Ma doesn’t like me smoking in the house.”\u00a0 Jason struck a match on the post and held it to his cigarette.\u00a0 “I’ll be in the barn if anyone needs me.”<\/p>\n

“You forgot your cane,” said Colleen.\u00a0“I’ll get it.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t need it.”<\/p>\n

“Jason, it’s dark and you could\u00a0fall.”<\/p>\n

“In this moonlight?\u00a0 I think not.”\u00a0 He exhaled a smoke ring skyward before turning back to her with a smile.\u00a0 “You don’t need to worry about me, but it’s nice that you do.”\u00a0\u00a0 He kissed her on the cheek and stepped off the porch into the yard.\u00a0“Carry on.”<\/p>\n

They watched until he disappeared into the barn.\u00a0The limp was barely noticeable.<\/p>\n

“Colleen…”<\/p>\n

“Let’s sit down, Adam.”<\/p>\n

She took his hand and led him to the steps,\u00a0and there was that awful moment when\u00a0she took a deep breath\u00a0and pulled her words together before she looked at him.\u00a0 He knew\u00a0his heart was about to get broken, but he sat there anyway.<\/p>\n

She was still holding his hand when she spoke.\u00a0 “I’ve never lied to you, Adam, not about the way I feel about you.\u00a0\u00a0You make me feel so good in every way when I’m with you. I don’t think I ever told you I loved you, but I do.\u00a0 And that’s why I can’t marry you.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t understand. If you love me, then why not marry me?”<\/p>\n

“Because I’m afraid we’re too young.”<\/p>\n

“You mean you think I’m too young.”<\/p>\n

“I mean both of us. In some ways you seem older than me, but you are only sixteen.”<\/p>\n

“I’m not too young to know what I want, Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“You wanted to go to college when I first met you.\u00a0 It seemed really important to you. What about that?”<\/p>\n

“There’s something I want more now. People change.”<\/p>\n

“That’s just what I mean.”<\/p>\n

“Well, maybe I’m\u00a0a little too thick-headed to understand, so could you just explain it a little more, because I’m confused.”<\/p>\n

She looked away for a moment, and then she stared at her lap as she answered.\u00a0 “The first day I met you, I thought you were the handsomest boy I’d ever seen.\u00a0 I was sure you had a lot of girls.\u00a0 I just wanted you to notice me.\u00a0 I had already made up my mind that if you came to the picnic I was going to try to get you to kiss me. But you were so different from the way I thought you would be.\u00a0 I meant it when I said you’re the most genuine person I’ve ever known. I should\u00a0have known I was the first girl you ever loved.\u00a0 I am, aren’t I?”<\/p>\n

“Yes.”<\/p>\n

Tears spilled from her eyes as she looked up.\u00a0 “I’m so sorry you picked the wrong one.”<\/p>\n

He touched her cheek. “I didn’t pick the wrong one, Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t you see, Adam, what I’m trying to tell you?\u00a0 There were other boys before you, some I thought I loved. But it wasn’t love. I’m not even sure I would recognize it. How do you know if you love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them?\u00a0\u00a0What I feel for you might be that kind of love,\u00a0Adam, but I can’t be sure right now.\u00a0 There’s a part of me that wants to say yes, because it means we could be together.\u00a0But\u00a0I\u00a0could end up\u00a0hurting you and losing the dearest friend I’ve ever had, and I won’t do that. I can’t.\u00a0 Please understand.”<\/p>\n

He pulled his hand away and shifted his weight forward, elbows on his knees.\u00a0 “So what do we do now?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t think we have to do anything, do we?”<\/p>\n

“You mean you wanna\u00a0keep things the way they are?”<\/p>\n

“Why not?”<\/p>\n

He could feel his throat tightening\u00a0as he answered. “What if I decide I can’t?”<\/p>\n

“What are you saying, Adam?”<\/p>\n

He took a deep breath and stood up.\u00a0 His insides were shaking but he kept his voice calm.\u00a0 “I think maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”\u00a0 The words didn’t sound as bad as they made him feel.<\/p>\n

“Oh.” Her voice sounded very small. “Are you sure this is what you want?”<\/p>\n

“It’s not what I want, but I think it’s probably best.”<\/p>\n

“If you really think so…”\u00a0 She stood up and wiped her face.\u00a0 “Pa’s home.”<\/p>\n

There was no time left to talk before Mr. Lafferty rode into the yard.\u00a0 “You’re late, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“I know.\u00a0It’s hard to get away from a patient sometimes.\u00a0 I stopped by your place this afternoon, Adam,” he said, shaking his hand.\u00a0 “Your father said you were headed\u00a0our way.\u00a0 It’s always good to see you.”<\/p>\n

“You almost missed him,”\u00a0said Colleen.\u00a0 “Adam was just leaving, weren’t you?”<\/p>\n

“Yes,” he said, though he couldn’t seem to make his feet move or tear his eyes away from hers.<\/p>\n

She solved his dilemma by making the first move.\u00a0 “I’ll warm your supper, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you, sweetheart.\u00a0 Adam, take care going home.”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

He gathered his horse’s reins and was about to mount when Jason walked out of the barn.\u00a0 “You don’t look too happy, Adam \u2013 trouble in paradise?”<\/p>\n

So the old Jason hadn\u2019t completely vanished.\u00a0\u00a0 “That’s none of your business.”<\/p>\n

“Point taken.\u00a0 Do me a favor, will you?”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/p>\n

“Thank your stepmother for me.\u00a0She sat with me that day\u00a0in the jail. \u00a0I didn’t remember too much when I woke up, but tell her I remembered that….if it’s not too much trouble for you.”<\/p>\n

“Sure.”<\/p>\n

“See you around then.”<\/p>\n

“Not likely.”<\/p>\n

Adam rode off into the night faster than he should have and without looking back.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

He hadn’t wanted to cry, but when\u00a0you’re\u00a0sixteen and\u00a0lose\u00a0your first love,\u00a0your heart doesn’t give\u00a0you much say in the matter.\u00a0 At least he had the darkness to hide him.\u00a0 When he got home he remained in the barn long after he had taken care of his horse while he waited for the lights in the house to go down.<\/p>\n

He wasn’t surprised, though,\u00a0when he heard footsteps.\u00a0 Pa wouldn’t be able to sleep without checking on him first. Though he dreaded it, he sat up and braced himself for the questions that were\u00a0bound to come.<\/p>\n

“Adam?”<\/p>\n

“I’m here.”<\/p>\n

Pa stepped forward with the lantern. The darkness withdrew from the flickering flame, revealing the concerned lines in his brow.<\/p>\n

“We heard you ride up a while ago.”<\/p>\n

“I just needed some time to myself.”<\/p>\n

“I see. I guess I don’t need to ask how things went for you this evening.”<\/p>\n

“She turned me down.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, son.\u00a0 Do you want to talk about it?”<\/p>\n

“Not really, no.”<\/p>\n

Pa squeezed his shoulder with a smile that was both sympathetic and sad.\u00a0 “I understand.\u00a0But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.\u201d\u00a0 He turned to go.<\/p>\n

“I never thought she’d be the\u00a0one I’d have to convince. I\u00a0thought all\u00a0women wanted to get married.”<\/p>\n

Pa hung the lantern and\u00a0pulled up a crate across from him.\u00a0 “I suppose most of them do, eventually.\u00a0 But there are all kinds of women, just as there are all kinds of men.\u00a0 They don’t all want the same things at the same time. What did Colleen say?”<\/p>\n

“Something about our being too young to know what we really want and whether or not it’s the right kind of love, how she wants to be with me but she doesn’t want to ‘hurt’ me.”\u00a0 He tossed the straw he\u00a0had\u00a0crushed between his fingers. “She’s the\u00a0one who doesn’t know what she wants.”<\/p>\n

“Well, at least she’s wise\u00a0enough to realize that.\u00a0 As\u00a0much as\u00a0it hurts now, it would be much worse to rush ahead and find\u00a0out afterwards you’ve made a mistake.\u00a0 It seems to me\u00a0Colleen cares a great deal for you.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, she loves me,” he snorted. “I’m the dearest ‘friend’ she’s ever had.”<\/p>\n

“There are many faces of love, Adam \u2013 and that\u2019s no small thing.\u00a0 In fact, there’s no better place for two people to start.\u00a0 Perhaps the best thing is to let time take over and follow where it leads.”<\/p>\n

“I can’t, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“What do you mean, you can\u2019t?”<\/p>\n

“I can’t just be Colleen\u2019s friend. We’ve gone too far to ever go back, and I can’t stay where we are now because it’s too…hard. I told her that.”<\/p>\n

“So it’s all or nothing\u00a0then.”<\/p>\n

“I guess so.”<\/p>\n

“Well, that’s too bad.\u00a0 I’m sorry for both of you.”\u00a0 Pa stood up slowly.\u00a0 “I’ll leave the light. You can come in when you’re ready.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t want it to be this way,\u00a0but she’s asking too much.”<\/p>\n

Pa looked down at him for a moment, not unkindly, but was that sympathy in his face or disappointment?\u00a0 “It seems to me that you’re the one who gave the ultimatum.\u00a0 Goodnight, son.”<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, before I forget,” he added over his shoulder.\u00a0 “Marie thought you might be hungry when you got home, so she saved some dessert for you.\u00a0 She knows how much you like blackberry pie.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks.”\u00a0\u00a0Adam cast an upward glance after his father\u00a0was out of earshot.\u00a0Blackberries.<\/em> Was that supposed to be funny?<\/p>\n

He pulled his knees to his chest and lowered his head, letting his tears fall into the dust.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XIII \u2013 What Friends Are For<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marie didn’t ask him any questions.\u00a0 Of course, Pa had told her all she needed to know, but to her credit she didn’t press for more information.\u00a0 She expressed her empathy\u00a0in subtle ways without words —\u00a0a lingering smile; a gentle touch; the last piece of chocolate cake; a shirt mended and neatly pressed, left on his bed along with one of her favorite books, a volume of poems by Wordsworth.<\/p>\n

As much as\u00a0he might have preferred to remain in his private world of pain, life wouldn’t allow it.\u00a0 There was work to be done, studies to pursue, and even if he wanted to he couldn’t be sad in the middle of his family, where it was lively and warm. \u00a0Little Joe discovered his talent for entertaining his sister\u00a0and it became their new favorite pastime.<\/p>\n

Jilly was learning all sorts of new things.\u00a0 She could stand alone and was beginning to take a step or two.\u00a0 It wouldn’t be long before she’d be running after Little Joe as Adam had predicted.\u00a0 Marie’s pride in her baby’s progress seemed tinged with a sort of melancholy.\u00a0 “Don’t leave me too quickly, cherie,” he heard her say.\u00a0 “We need more time, you and I.”<\/p>\n

Time is a two-edged sword, and in Adam’s case the passing of days and the resilience of youth\u00a0eased the burden on his heart.\u00a0Besides his family, Ross was a terrific diversion.\u00a0 He was sympathetic in his own matter-of-fact fashion, though he acted a little disappointed that his counsel had not been sought earlier.<\/p>\n

“I coulda told ya you were makin’ a mistake.\u00a0 You need to spread yourself around a little more, boy. A fella ought to have a few notches on his gun before he turns professional.”<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head and grinned. “Ross, you’re plumb awful sometimes, you know that?\u00a0 But I’m sure glad you came over.”<\/p>\n

“Well, that’s what friends are for, ain’t it?\u00a0 Now about that dance Saturday night…you’re in, right?”<\/p>\n

“I dunno…”<\/p>\n

“Well, I do. It’s just what the doctor ordered.”\u00a0 Ross pulled him into a\u00a0choke hold and growled low into his ear.\u00a0“Don’t make me hurt you now.”<\/p>\n

“Okay, okay, since you put it that way.”<\/p>\n

Ross let go and pushed him away with a chuckle.\u00a0 “That’s better.”<\/p>\n

Adam flexed his neck and rolled his shoulders.\u00a0 “You know somethin’, Skinny?\u00a0 You’re stronger than you look.”<\/p>\n

“Uh huh.\u00a0 Appearances can be deceivin\u2019, can’t they?”<\/p>\n

He and Ross had divided the better part of the afternoon between riding the rim and working on a fast hand.\u00a0 They could both outdraw the Bonner brothers any day of the week,\u00a0and when it came to each other they were pretty evenly matched.\u00a0Or so they had been.\u00a0 Adam bested him eight out of ten\u00a0that day.<\/p>\n

“You’ve been practicin’ without me.\u00a0 You’re not\u00a0lookin’ to kill somebody, are ya?”<\/p>\n

Adam slipped his gun back into the holster with a satisfied smile.\u00a0 “Well, I had to do somethin’, and no, I’m not.”<\/p>\n

“That’s good to hear.”\u00a0 Ross rolled a cigarette.\u00a0 “Want one?”<\/p>\n

“No thanks.”\u00a0 Adam didn’t share his friend’s fondness for tobacco.\u00a0 “I don’t think a man ought to have too many vices, and I’ll take whiskey over a smoke anytime.”<\/p>\n

“The way I\u00a0figure it, the average man’s got at least five vices — drinkin’, smokin’, cussin’, fightin’…and women.\u00a0 I’ve got the first four down pretty good, ” he grinned, snuffing out his match.<\/p>\n

“What about the fifth?”<\/p>\n

“Workin’ on it, same as you.\u00a0 Though I might outdraw you on that one.”<\/p>\n

“No contest. I’m out of that game.”<\/p>\n

Ross took a deep draw on his cigarette and exhaled with a measured breath.\u00a0 “No man’s out of it until he’s dead.\u00a0 Colleen ain’t the only pretty girl in the world.\u00a0 You’ll have to give in sooner or later.\u00a0 That’s the law of nature, and the nature of man.”\u00a0 He stretched out on his back and took another drag as he contemplated the sky.<\/p>\n

Adam leaned back on his elbows next to him.\u00a0 “Ross, I had no idea you were such a philosopher.”<\/p>\n

Ross winked\u00a0at him before he slid his hat over his eyes.\u00a0 “I’m\u00a0dang good, ain’t I?”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

“See?\u00a0 What’d I tell you?\u00a0 Just what the doctor ordered. I’ll even let you have the first pick.”\u00a0 Ross flashed \u00a0a toothy grin.<\/p>\n

“You go ahead.” Adam tugged at his collar, wondering why he ever let Ross talk him into anything.<\/p>\n

He\u00a0ignored the directive and pointed to a petite blonde in a green dress.\u00a0 “How about that one? I ain’t ever seen her before.\u00a0 She’s pretty.”<\/p>\n

“Ross, I know what you’re trying to do and I appreciate it, but I’m not in the market.”<\/p>\n

“Market for what?\u00a0 This ain’t a cattle auction, son, it’s a dance.\u00a0 That’s what people do here, and that’s why we came.\u00a0 I didn’t take a bath to stand around and sip cider all evenin’ with a bunch of old ladies.\u00a0 Besides,” he\u00a0whispered, “we can\u00a0do a lot better than this watered-down stuff, if you know what I \u00a0mean.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah?”\u00a0Adam followed his gaze across the room to where Rick and Jeff Bonner were watching them, both\u00a0grinning like ghosts.\u00a0\u00a0 “I dunno, Ross…”<\/p>\n

Ross\u00a0slapped him on the shoulder and changed the subject.\u00a0 “She’s lookin’ over here.\u00a0 Now’s your chance.”<\/p>\n

She was a pretty girl, but Adam\u00a0just wasn’t in the mood, at least not right now.\u00a0 “You ask her.\u00a0 You’re the one she’s lookin’ at anyway.”<\/p>\n

“Me? You sure?”<\/p>\n

“Go ahead.”<\/p>\n

“All right. I’ll put in a good word for you.”<\/p>\n

The sight of them together made\u00a0Adam smile.\u00a0 She was so tiny and Ross was so tall she had to crane her neck to look up at him, but they somehow seemed to fit together, especially when she said something that made him laugh.<\/p>\n

Ross introduced\u00a0her afterwards. Her name was Delphine, and\u00a0Adam liked her immediately.<\/p>\n

“Nice girl,” he said as they watched Todd McCarren escort her back onto the floor.<\/p>\n

“Yeah.”\u00a0 Ross was wearing a strange expression, one that made Adam smile again.\u00a0 He wouldn’t mind dancing with Delphine himself, just as a friend, of course.\u00a0He could\u00a0put in a good word for Ross,\u00a0though it might not be necessary judging from the way she had looked at him.<\/p>\n

Adam was beginning to relax when he noticed them.\u00a0 They must’ve\u00a0just walked in because\u00a0Jason was taking Colleen’s wrap. Adam cursed to himself, but he couldn’t stop staring.<\/p>\n

He knew from memory that the blue of her dress was a perfect complement to her eyes, but it wasn’t just the color that was stunning. It hugged her form in a way that invited every man’s attention, baring her neck and the tops of her shoulders.\u00a0 He swallowed hard, remembering the suppleness of her skin beneath his fingers.\u00a0\u00a0Why did she have to come, and looking like that?<\/p>\n

Adam glared at the slack-jawed Bonners, who were busy filling their eyes and most likely their imaginations.<\/p>\n

Ross\u2019s hand was on his shoulder. “Take\u00a0it easy, boy.”<\/p>\n

His heart was beating so loud and fast he couldn’t hear himself think. Colleen hadn’t seen him, and\u00a0he thought it might be better to keep it that way,\u00a0at least for now.<\/p>\n

“I’m gonna get some air,” he told Ross.<\/p>\n

“You look you need more than air. Come on.”<\/p>\n

He motioned to Rick and Jeff, who followed them outside to the alley.<\/p>\n

“Howdy boys, fancy meetin’ you here,” Rick greeted them. “Hey, did you see what\u00a0just\u00a0walked in?\u00a0Lord, have mercy…”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I’d sure like to wake up next to her,” said Jeff.<\/p>\n

“Heck, who could\u00a0sleep?”<\/p>\n

Their laughter was cut short by the long arms of Ross Marquette, who grabbed them both by their collars.\u00a0 “Shut up, you morons!”<\/p>\n

“What did we say?”<\/p>\n

Ross pulled them into a private conference.\u00a0 Adam couldn’t hear what he said, but they were both contrite afterwards.<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Adam,” said Jeff.\u00a0“We didn’t know she\u00a0was your girl, or we woulda never said nothin’ in front of you, honest.”<\/p>\n

“That’s right.\u00a0 Here, this’ll make you feel better.”\u00a0 Rick offered him the bottle he pulled from his vest.\u00a0 “It’s brand new.\u00a0 You can go first.”<\/p>\n

He knew he shouldn’t \u2013 Pa certainly wouldn\u2019t approve \u2013 but at that moment Adam didn\u2019t care. “Thanks.”\u00a0 He put the bottle to his lips and turned it up.\u00a0It went down warm and smooth, like his sigh afterwards.\u00a0 “That’s good stuff,” he said, passing it back to Rick.<\/p>\n

“Adam.”<\/p>\n

The voice came from\u00a0behind him.\u00a0 His first instinct was guilt as he spun around, but it was only Jason.\u00a0\u00a0 He frowned. \u201cWhat do you want?”<\/p>\n

“I just wanna talk to you.\u00a0Alone would be best.”<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to, Adam,” murmured Ross. “Not if you don’t want to.”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right.”<\/p>\n

“We’ll be right here if you need us,”\u00a0Rick assured him.<\/p>\n

“Thanks.”<\/p>\n

Adam walked to the edge of the street where Jason was standing.\u00a0 “So talk.”<\/p>\n

“What are you doing out here?”<\/p>\n

“If that’s all you wanted to know you wasted a trip outside, because what I’m doing out here or anywhere is none of your business.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen is my business.”<\/p>\n

“Well, she’s got nothing to do with me anymore.”<\/p>\n

“Why?\u00a0 That’s what I want to know. Why did you leave that night?”<\/p>\n

“Why don’t you ask her, now that you two are so close?”\u00a0 He wasn’t jealous, he told himself.<\/p>\n

“I did ask her.\u00a0 All she said was that you didn’t want to see her anymore.\u00a0 Now I can respect a person’s privacy but I can’t\u00a0abide\u00a0to hear a girl cry herself to sleep and not know why.”<\/p>\n

Adam was silent as he recalled the hurt on\u00a0Colleen’s face and in her eyes that night.\u00a0 He had pushed that image out of his mind because he didn’t want to acknowledge her pain while he was so deeply rooted in his own.<\/p>\n

“I have to know, Adam.\u00a0 Did you take advantage of her and then ride off?\u00a0 Because if I find out you did…”<\/p>\n

“I did no such thing. For your information I asked Colleen to marry me and she turned me down.\u00a0 Satisfied?”<\/p>\n

Jason looked confused.\u00a0 “I don’t get it.”<\/p>\n

“What don’t you get?”<\/p>\n

“You love her, but you’re giving up on her, just like that?”<\/p>\n

“She doesn’t want me.”<\/p>\n

“Then why does she cry?”<\/p>\n

Adam’s\u00a0pride and impatience with the\u00a0discussion\u00a0made his response even more curt. “I don’t know. You’ll just have to ask her.”<\/p>\n

Jason sighed.\u00a0 “I brought her here tonight because I thought you might be here, too and maybe…. Won’t you at least come back inside and dance with her, just once?”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0dropped his eyes, flooded by memories\u00a0of when their love\u00a0still had life,\u00a0especially that\u00a0afternoon they came so close to giving themselves to\u00a0each other.\u00a0\u00a0He didn’t think he could hold her again, not even for a few moments, knowing they never would.<\/p>\n

“No.\u00a0 She won’t lack for partners.\u00a0 She doesn’t need me.”<\/p>\n

“I think you’re making a big mistake, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Think whatever you want.”<\/p>\n

Adam left him standing in the street and went back to his friends.\u00a0 “Everything all right?”\u00a0 Ross asked.<\/p>\n

“Yeah, all right.”\u00a0 He accepted the bottle from\u00a0him and took another long swig.\u00a0 “Big brother’s just trying to stick his nose in where he has no business, but I set him straight.”<\/p>\n

“You’d better be careful, Adam,”\u00a0Jeff warned him. “I heard he killed a man when he was just a kid, back in New Orleans.”<\/p>\n

Adam gave him a hard look. \u00a0“Who told you that?”<\/p>\n

“That’s just talk on the street. Who knows if it’s true or not,” said Rick.\u00a0 “But I’ll tell you something that is true.\u00a0 Dooley Smith turned up dead as a door nail day before yesterday.\u00a0 Somebody shot him.”<\/p>\n

“Dooley’s dead, no foolin’?\u00a0 I thought he just left town,” said Ross.<\/p>\n

“Guess he came back. Not for long, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Any idea who did it?”\u00a0 Adam asked.<\/p>\n

Rick shook his head.\u00a0 “Nah, but I reckon there might be a few people who thought they had a reason.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe.” Adam could think of one person, but he didn’t say it out loud.<\/p>\n

They passed the bottle around again. The night grew warmer\u00a0and the whiskey tasted sweeter as the moon climbed higher.\u00a0 It seemed\u00a0very far away when Adam tried to bring it into focus later, in fact, there were two of them at first.\u00a0His head buzzed pleasantly, but mostly he was numb.\u00a0He had enough sense to know he’d\u00a0pay\u00a0for his sin in the morning, but at that moment he judged it a cost worth bearing.<\/p>\n

Ross was holding him up.\u00a0 “What are you laughin’ at?” Adam asked him.<\/p>\n

“Do I look like I’m laughin’?”<\/p>\n

Truthfully, Ross didn’t look\u00a0too happy. “Must be me then,” he said, chuckling for reasons he couldn’t fathom.<\/p>\n

“I might laugh too if I had half a bottle in me, though it won’t be too funny when it comes up later.\u00a0 Dang it, Adam, I ain’t ever seen you drunk like this.”<\/p>\n

“That’s probably ’cause I ain\u2019t ever been drunk like this.”<\/p>\n

“Well, one thing’s for sure.\u00a0You can’t go back to the dance.”\u00a0\u00a0Ross propped him against the wall.\u00a0 “You\u00a0stay right here and wait for me.\u00a0 I’m gonna go\u00a0inside and say goodnight to Delphine, and then I’m gonna\u00a0get you home, if you think you can ride, that is.”<\/p>\n

“I can sit a horse, Ross.\u00a0 You don’t have to worry ’bout me.”<\/p>\n

“We’ll see. Stay here.”<\/p>\n

Adam pushed his hat\u00a0up\u00a0away from his\u00a0forehead and gave him a mock salute.\u00a0\u00a0 “Yes sir.”\u00a0\u00a0 He felt warm and sleepy,\u00a0and he knew he was probably smiling too much at the girls who passed by but he didn’t care.\u00a0They were all so pretty.\u00a0 He crossed his\u00a0arms and closed his eyes, and a moment later he heard someone say his name.<\/p>\n

“Adam, are you all right?”<\/p>\n

Colleen was\u00a0there when he opened his eyes, looking like an angel from a dream. His mouth was dry and his tongue was thick, but he\u00a0managed a hello.<\/p>\n

“Hello,” she said softly before repeating her question. “Are\u00a0you all\u00a0right?”<\/p>\n

She was close enough to touch, and oh, how he wanted to. Wanting her was something he had yet to master.\u00a0 Then he saw Jason over her shoulder.<\/p>\n

“I’m fine.”\u00a0 Was that a lie?\u00a0 Maybe it was. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself to know. His stomach was starting to pitch.<\/p>\n

“I don’t think you are,” she was saying.\u00a0 “You should go home.\u00a0We can take you in the wagon.”<\/p>\n

Sweat beaded on his brow. “No, no, that’s not necessary.\u00a0 I have my Ross, I mean my horse, and we’re fine.\u00a0 There he is, see? Ross, I mean.”<\/p>\n

Ross was there to steady him as he staggered.\u00a0 “I’ll get him home,” he promised her.<\/p>\n

“Are you sure you can?”<\/p>\n

“Well, it won’t be pretty but we’ll manage.”<\/p>\n

They said goodnight and\u00a0Ross helped him onto his horse, but not\u00a0until after he had nearly puked his guts out.<\/p>\n

“Think you can make it now?”<\/p>\n

Adam’s\u00a0head was pounding and his stomach was still flopping, and he knew it was bound to get worse before it got better.\u00a0\u00a0“I’ll make it,” he mumbled, righting himself in the saddle.\u00a0 “You don’t need to worry ’bout me.”<\/p>\n

Ross handed him the reins. “Maybe you oughta worry about yourself.\u00a0 You’re the one who’s gonna have to face the wrath of Ben Cartwright on top of one of the worst hangovers in the history of drinkin’.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0moaned. Ross was right.\u00a0 “I feel sick.”<\/p>\n

“Figured you might.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XIV \u2013 Learning from Mistakes<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Well, here we are.\u00a0 Home sweet home,” said Ross.\u00a0 “Come on, boy. Might as well get it over with.”<\/p>\n

The night had cooled considerably, and the crisp ride home\u00a0had\u00a0cleared his head enough to give him\u00a0plenty of time to dread his reception.\u00a0 Pa was\u00a0gonna be\u00a0some mad.\u00a0 Furious might not even come close.<\/p>\n

“I can walk.”<\/p>\n

“Sure you can. Let’s go.”\u00a0 Ross put an arm around his waist and guided him to the door.\u00a0 It seemed like a much longer walk than he remembered.<\/p>\n

Marie answered the knock and gasped when she saw them.\u00a0 “What happened?\u00a0 Is he hurt?”<\/p>\n

“No ma’am,” said Ross.\u00a0 “He’s just feelin’ a little under the weather.”<\/p>\n

The worry faded from her face, replaced by raised eyebrows and then a frown.\u00a0 “I see. Oh, Adam…”<\/p>\n

“You want me to put him up in his room?”<\/p>\n

“No,\u00a0put him in here,” she said, leading them to the bedroom next to the kitchen.\u00a0 “I don’t trust him on the stairs, and besides, I don’t want to take a chance on waking anyone.”<\/p>\n

Hope springs eternal, and here at least was a glimmer. “Is Pa asleep?”<\/p>\n

“You’re not that lucky. He’s over at the bunkhouse.\u00a0I’m surprised you didn’t run into him. He’ll be back any minute.”\u00a0 Marie pulled the covers\u00a0down for him.<\/p>\n

He sat down on the edge of the bed\u00a0and contemplated his boots.\u00a0 They should probably come off, he decided.<\/p>\n

“I can put his horse up before I go, if you want,”\u00a0Ross offered.\u00a0 He seemed in a hurry to get gone, and Adam couldn’t exactly blame him.<\/p>\n

“Ben can do it.\u00a0 I have a feeling he’s going to need a diversion…” Marie sighed.\u00a0 “Thank you for bringing him, Ross.\u00a0 You should go on home before your\u00a0mother gets anxious. Be careful.”<\/p>\n

“Yes ma’am.\u00a0 See ya around, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Yep.”\u00a0 Maybe, depending on whether or not there was anything\u00a0left of him after his father\u00a0got through\u00a0with him.<\/p>\n

Marie removed his boots, and then she\u00a0began unbuttoning his shirt.\u00a0 He smiled\u00a0at her.\u00a0 “You smell nice.”<\/p>\n

“You certainly don’t.\u00a0 Let’s get this off and get you cleaned up.”<\/p>\n

He wasn’t much help as she tugged his arms from his sleeves, making the process awkward for both of them.\u00a0 Her hair was down, and it brushed against his bare chest as she reached across him. It was soft, and it tickled.\u00a0 Even her hair smelled nice. Marie was nice.\u00a0 Good to him too, even\u00a0back when he wasn’t always good to her. How wrong he had been to think\u00a0he could never love her.<\/p>\n

He didn’t know what possessed him to do the unthinkable. Drunk as he was, it sobered him up in a heartbeat.<\/p>\n

She had every right to slap him; he deserved it.\u00a0 But she didn’t.\u00a0 She didn’t say\u00a0anything, either. \u00a0She\u00a0just sat there for a few seconds and then she got up and walked out of the room.<\/p>\n

Adam lay back against the pillow with his\u00a0eyes closed and cursed himself. How on earth could he have done such a thing?\u00a0 He was in enough trouble already before this, but he didn’t even care about that anymore.\u00a0\u00a0He had ruined things\u00a0between him and\u00a0Marie. She probably despised him now. That was worse than any punishment Pa could hand him.<\/p>\n

A moment later she was back with a basin of water and a cloth and began washing him.\u00a0 At first he couldn’t even look at her, he was that ashamed.\u00a0 But if she was angry he didn’t feel it. What he saw\u00a0in her face when he finally glanced up at her\u00a0was not judgment at all.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry,” he said in a voice that sounded like someone else’s. \u201cI don’t know what came over me.”<\/p>\n

She almost smiled.\u00a0 “I’ve been kissed by drunks before, and I’ve never taken it personally.\u00a0 Was Colleen at the dance?”<\/p>\n

He dropped his eyes again.\u00a0 “She was there.”<\/p>\n

“Did you dance with her?”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t dance with anyone.”<\/p>\n

“Too busy having fun, I suppose.”<\/p>\n

The front door creaked open.\u00a0 “That’s your father. I don’t know how much\u00a0I can\u00a0help you there, but I can at least prepare him.”\u00a0She\u00a0shook her head with a sigh.\u00a0“I’m afraid you’re going to wish you had danced.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Footsteps, and there was Pa, a shadow looming\u00a0over him.\u00a0 Even in the dim light\u00a0the scowl was evident, and it wasn’t hard to imagine the\u00a0jaw muscles clenching in\u00a0unspoken anger. Adam waited. The only thing more unsettling than the\u00a0silence was the fact that the bed was\u00a0starting to spin.\u00a0\u00a0He closed his eyes to try to stop it.<\/p>\n

Pa never uttered a word.\u00a0 After a while there were more footsteps, and then a\u00a0door closed heavily\u00a0in the distance.\u00a0 Adam forced his eyelids open only\u00a0to find\u00a0to an empty room.<\/p>\n

He turned his head, dreading the thought of having to lift it from the pillow.\u00a0Luckily the basin was right beside him.\u00a0 His father may have granted him a momentary reprieve, but his stomach wasn’t nearly as forgiving.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

He woke the next day with a cotton mouth, feeling like he’d\u00a0spent the night\u00a0under a log pile.\u00a0Marie had left him a fresh shirt, and after cleaning up as best he could without a bath he put it on and dragged himself to the table. He looked\u00a0like “death warmed over” according to\u00a0Hoss, who ventured his\u00a0opinion and left the questions to Little Joe.\u00a0Youngest brother didn’t disappoint.<\/p>\n

“Why’d you sleep downstairs, Adam?\u00a0 You\u00a0sick?\u00a0 What’s wrong?\u00a0 Your eyes are all funny and red.”<\/p>\n

“Let him be, Joseph.”\u00a0 Marie set a cup of coffee in front of Adam.\u00a0 “You can start with this and then you should eat something.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0watched her as she sat down and began spooning eggs onto\u00a0Little Joe’s\u00a0plate. If she was upset about last night she didn’t show it.<\/p>\n

Little Joe was studying him with sympathetic interest.\u00a0 “You got the miseries, Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Guess you could say that.”\u00a0 He took a sip of the strong hot liquid and massaged his throbbing temples.<\/p>\n

“Maybe you need some castor oil.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe you should concentrate on your breakfast and let Adam\u00a0worry about himself,” said Marie.<\/p>\n

He had every reason to worry.\u00a0 Marie seemed to read his mind as he glanced at Pa’s vacant seat.<\/p>\n

“Your father left at daybreak to check on some cattle.\u00a0 He said he hoped to be back before noon.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.”\u00a0 Adam\u00a0mulled the information, wondering\u00a0what it might mean for him. Sometimes waiting was worse than the punishment, but he doubted it in this case.\u00a0 Pa had already had plenty of time to stew over his coming home drunk as a sailor, and he wondered if Marie had told him everything.<\/p>\n

Her\u00a0mind was apparently on other things this morning, like trying to get Jilly to eat breakfast.\u00a0 She wasn’t\u00a0having much luck.\u00a0\u00a0Every time she brought the spoon up to her mouth Jilly turned away.\u00a0Marie pleaded with her.<\/p>\n

“Come on, baby, please take a bite for Mama.”<\/p>\n

Jilly smiled. “Mama.”<\/p>\n

“Hey, she said Mama!\u00a0 She can talk!”\u00a0 Little Joe’s jaw dropped.<\/p>\n

“She can say a few words.” said Marie.\u00a0 “Open your mouth, sweetie.”<\/p>\n

Jilly reiterated her refusal with a\u00a0shake of\u00a0her head.<\/p>\n

“Can you say Little Joe?”\u00a0 He leaned across the table toward his sister. \u00a0She clucked her tongue at him.<\/p>\n

“Oh, I give up,” said Marie, handing her the spoon.\u00a0 “You just want to play, don’t you?\u00a0 Well, I guess you’ll eat when you get hungry enough.”<\/p>\n

Jilly took the spoon and started banging on the table.<\/p>\n

Little Joe wasn’t ready to give up yet.\u00a0 “Say my name, Jilly.\u00a0 Say ‘Little Joe’.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t think she can just yet. But she knows your name even if she can’t say it.\u00a0 Watch,” Marie instructed him as she\u00a0got Jilly’s attention.\u00a0 “Where’s Little Joe?”<\/p>\n

Jilly looked\u00a0over at him and grinned.\u00a0 “That’s right!” he exclaimed.\u00a0 “She does know!”<\/p>\n

“She knows all of her brothers,” said Marie, smiling.\u00a0 “Jilly, where’s Hoss?”<\/p>\n

Hoss was on her right.\u00a0\u00a0She swiveled her head toward him and returned his adoring smile.\u00a0“You sure are smart,” he said, patting her hand.\u00a0 “How about Adam?\u00a0 Where’s Adam?”<\/p>\n

“Dada?”<\/p>\n

“Not Daddy,” he corrected her. “Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Dada,” she repeated.\u00a0 She smiled across the table at her oldest brother.<\/p>\n

Little Joe laughed. “No, Jilly.\u00a0 Adam’s not your daddy. Pa is.”<\/p>\n

“Papa.”\u00a0 She looked around the room.<\/p>\n

“She knows the\u00a0difference,” said Marie. “She\u2019s trying to say Adam, and that’s how it comes out.”<\/p>\n

“Well, that’s\u00a0pretty silly,” said Little Joe.<\/p>\n

Adam grinned.\u00a0 “She can call me whatever she likes.\u00a0 I don’t mind.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe got off his\u00a0stool and went over to Jilly.\u00a0 “Come on Jilly, try to say my name.\u00a0 Say\u00a0‘Little Joe’\u00a0— you can do it, come on!”<\/p>\n

Jilly leaned over the edge of her high chair toward his eager face and blew a\u00a0wet raspberry at him.\u00a0 Hoss nearly busted a gut laughing, but Little Joe was indignant.<\/p>\n

“Mama, did you see what she did to me?”<\/p>\n

Marie stood up and started clearing the table.\u00a0 “Don’t get so close next time. Sit down and finish your breakfast\u00a0so Hop Sing can get these dishes washed before lunch.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe complied, muttering under his breath.\u00a0 “Dumb baby.\u00a0 I don’t know why everyone thinks she’s so great. All she does is pull hair and spit on people.”<\/p>\n

Adam nearly choked on his biscuit trying not to laugh. Marie topped off his coffee on her way to the kitchen, almost chiding him with her smile.\u00a0 “Now, aren’t you glad the sun came up this morning after all?”<\/p>\n

He smiled his thanks.\u00a0 He didn’t know how he would feel later whenever Pa got home, but\u00a0at that moment, looking around the table he couldn\u2019t argue,\u00a0his aching head notwithstanding.<\/p>\n

A soak in the tub and a few hours later Adam was feeling more like himself. Lunchtime came and went, and still no Pa. Marie took Jilly upstairs for her\u00a0nap while he watched his\u00a0brothers setting up the toy soldiers for battle. \u00a0As usual, Hoss was listening while\u00a0Little Joe was chattering. Patience has it rewards, and Hoss’s reward for getting his ears talked off every day was the fact that he could sometimes get Little Joe to do something when no one else could.\u00a0 Adam had a feeling it would always be that way.<\/p>\n

Marie had just come back downstairs when Pa came in the door.\u00a0 Adam caught her eye for a few seconds before she hurried to welcome him.\u00a0\u00a0 He was more than willing to let her go first.<\/p>\n

Pa hung up his hat and put away his gun and holster. He looked tired but he smiled at Marie and kissed her. They spoke quietly for a moment before he greeted the rest of them.<\/p>\n

Little Joe jumped up.\u00a0 “Hi, Pa!\u00a0 You missed lunch.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll have something in a little while.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll take care of your father,” Marie assured him.\u00a0 “In the meantime, I think you’re due for a nap.”<\/p>\n

“A nap!\u00a0 I’m too big for a nap!”<\/p>\n

“Young man, you’re not too big to mind your mother, is that clear?”\u00a0 Pa’s voice was firm.<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

Little Joe sighed and took his mother’s hand.\u00a0 As they started up the stairs, Marie turned to Hoss.\u00a0 “I could use your help too, Hoss, after you’ve put those away.”<\/p>\n

“Yes’m.”<\/p>\n

Adam read Hoss’s parting look of sympathy, the one that wished him luck but gave him no odds.\u00a0 His headache was beginning to come back, or maybe\u00a0that was just his heart pounding in his ears.<\/p>\n

Pa spoke from behind him.\u00a0 “You can thank Marie for giving me time to sit with this. I guess she figures it’s been long enough.\u00a0 What about you, Adam?\u00a0 Are you ready to get it over with?”<\/p>\n

He felt his father’s hand on his shoulder, and he swallowed.\u00a0 “Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

“Let’s sit down.”<\/p>\n

Adam slumped\u00a0on the sofa\u00a0opposite his father’s chair.\u00a0 Pa leaned back and studied him for a long moment.\u00a0 “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” he finally said.<\/p>\n

He managed a small smile.\u00a0 Pa didn’t.<\/p>\n

“Adam, your behavior last night was disappointing, not to mention disgraceful.\u00a0 Would you care to explain it?”<\/p>\n

He lowered his head, knowing he had no answer that would appease his father. \u00a0“I can’t Pa. There’s no excuse for what I did.”<\/p>\n

“You’re right.\u00a0 But I still want to know why you thought it would be worth the trouble you’re facing today.”<\/p>\n

“I wasn’t thinking about today.\u00a0 I didn’t want to think about anything after…”\u00a0 He was reluctant to bring Colleen into this; it sounded too pathetic even to him.<\/p>\n

“Son, I\u00a0know you’re upset about Colleen, and I’m sure it must’ve been painful seeing her last night, but I’ve never known of a sorrow that could be drowned in a bottle. A lot of people have tried it, only to find it rising up double the next day.\u00a0 It just heaps misery upon misery, wouldn’t you say?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”\u00a0 Obviously Marie had filled him in.\u00a0 He wondered if she\u2019d told him everything.<\/p>\n

Pa continued. “I know young men have a tendency to sow wild oats sometimes, and maybe you’re no different, but I’ve always believed you were.\u00a0 I’m not blaming anyone else because you alone are responsible for your actions.\u00a0 No one forced you, you chose.\u00a0 But it was a poor choice.\u00a0 I hope you see that. And speaking of choices, I have to tell you your choice of companions worries me a little.”<\/p>\n

“Ross is a good friend, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“I don\u2019t mean Ross.\u00a0 I’m talking about the Bonner brothers.”<\/p>\n

He didn’t remember mentioning them to Marie.\u00a0 “How did you know?”<\/p>\n

“A father can know more than a son thinks he does.”<\/p>\n

Adam searched his father’s face for a clue to what that might mean but found none.<\/p>\n

Pa’s tone softened.\u00a0 “I don’t mean to make light of your pain, Adam.\u00a0 I was sixteen once.\u00a0 I know how it feels, believe me.”<\/p>\n

“Did you ever drink yourself blind over a girl?”<\/p>\n

The question seemed to catch him off guard.\u00a0 “Whether I did or didn’t doesn’t excuse you.\u00a0 My point is that a wound like this is more tender than deep.\u00a0 It still hurts, and I know\u00a0it’s hard to believe it now, but when it heals you’ll have to look hard to see the scar. The first time life opens a vein you’ll see the difference and know what I mean.\u00a0 Either way, a bottle only makes things worse.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve seen it destroy many a man who underestimated its strength.\u00a0 Some of them were good\u00a0young men.\u00a0 Do you understand, son?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

“And do you also understand that I will not tolerate any further such behavior as long as you live under my roof?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

“Good.”\u00a0 Pa stood up.<\/p>\n

Adam couldn’t believe his luck.\u00a0 He had thought it possible that Marie might not mention the unmentionable, but he never dreamed he might get off with a lecture and a warning about the evils of drinking.<\/p>\n

“Now about your punishment…”<\/p>\n

Here it comes.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I’ve decided you can dig the new outhouse, starting first thing in the morning.\u00a0 Oh, and no more Saturday nights in town until I say otherwise. Any questions?”<\/p>\n

“No sir.”\u00a0 All in all, he figured he was getting off pretty easy.\u00a0 “Well, just one.\u00a0 Who was she?\u00a0 The girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa paused\u00a0at the bottom of the stairs.\u00a0 He looked confused at first, and then he smiled.\u00a0 “Millicent Hughes.”<\/p>\n

“What happened?”<\/p>\n

“Let’s just say she did us both a favor.\u00a0 If she hadn’t broken my heart, I probably wouldn’t have gone to sea, and then I never would’ve met your mother.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XV \u2013 What a Man Knows<\/strong><\/p>\n

“What are you two looking at?”<\/p>\n

“Nothin’, Adam.”<\/p>\n

It was\u00a0his first trip to town since the dance.\u00a0 A month of hard work and self-recrimination\u00a0had sobered him for good, he would swear it. With his hands calloused from digging\u00a0a new\u00a0outhouse and post holes and anything else Pa could dream up, he found his patience\u00a0with the Bonner brothers \u00a0wearing thin on this late summer afternoon.<\/p>\n

Adam glared at them. “Well, put your eyes back in your heads then.”<\/p>\n

“We didn’t mean any disrespect to your stepmother,” said Jeff.\u00a0 “She is just about the finest lookin\u2019 woman around here, though. You gotta admit that.”<\/p>\n

“Aw, he’s used to her,” Rick reminded him.\u00a0 “He probably don’t even notice.”<\/p>\n

“A man would have to be dead to live with somebody like that and not notice.”<\/p>\n

Thankfully Marie was out of earshot, down the street on her way to the dressmaker.<\/p>\n

“Just shut up, will you?”<\/p>\n

“All right, no need to get in a huff, Adam.”<\/p>\n

“Maybe he’s got a guilty conscience,” said a voice behind him.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0innuendo came from Frank Whaley, a rangy cowhand in his early twenties, more swagger than salt.\u00a0 Adam had seen him earlier in the mercantile when he was helping Marie with Jilly, saw the way Frank\u00a0was watching her. If Pa had been there he wouldn’t have dared.<\/p>\n

“What’s that supposed to mean?\u00a0 You might as well say it to my face.”<\/p>\n

Frank’s smile was more of a sneer. \u201cYou and your pretty stepmother and that baby you were totin’\u00a0around this mornin’\u00a0make a cozy little family.\u00a0 That\u00a0button’s\u00a0got your brand all over her if I’ve got eyes.”<\/p>\n

Rick protested. “Come on, Frank, everybody knows that’s his sister.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I wasn’t the only one who heard her call him Daddy. How about it Adam?\u00a0 Are French Quarter women as good as they say?”<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s anger turned from fire to ice in his veins, and he\u00a0replied with an\u00a0uppercut that sent\u00a0Frank sprawling into the dust, where he lay\u00a0stunned.\u00a0 His hand ached from the impact, but it felt good just the same.\u00a0 Besides, it was the only answer a question like that deserved.<\/p>\n

His mistake was in turning his back.\u00a0 Rick’s warning came too late.\u00a0 There was a blow from behind just before the ground came up to meet him.<\/p>\n

In terms of strength they were pretty evenly matched, though\u00a0Adam was quicker;\u00a0he almost had him beaten, but Frank wasn’t ready to lose.\u00a0 He picked up an empty bottle and raised it over Adam’s head.\u00a0Shards of glass rained down on him but Adam never felt the blow.<\/p>\n

The shot startled them both, and Adam couldn’t have been more surprised to see who fired it.<\/p>\n

“What are you doing here, Travers?”<\/p>\n

“Just trying to even the odds, Whaley.\u00a0 Looks like you fight the same way you play cards.”<\/p>\n

“And you’ve got a bad habit of stickin’ your nose where it don’t belong, just like you did with Dooley.”\u00a0Frank growled. “You know what that got you.”<\/p>\n

“You’re not threatening me, are you?\u00a0 You ought to thank me for stopping you.\u00a0 If you had cracked that boy’s skull you’d be headed for jail — or worse if you\u2019d killed him.”<\/p>\n

“He threw the first punch.\u00a0 Ask them.”\u00a0Frank jerked his head toward the Bonners.<\/p>\n

“I’m sure he had a reason.”<\/p>\n

A crowd was beginning to gather. Adam caught Rick’s eye and shook his head.\u00a0 Rick nodded his understanding.\u00a0 “Frank asked for it, all right.\u00a0I ain’t gonna repeat what he said, but he got what\u00a0was comin’ to him.”<\/p>\n

“That’s for sure,” said Jeff.<\/p>\n

“Figures.”\u00a0 Jason picked up Frank’s hat and handed it to him.\u00a0 “If I were you I\u2019d get out of here before the sheriff shows up.”<\/p>\n

“Too late,” said Roy.\u00a0 “I heard the shot.\u00a0 What happened here?”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right, Sheriff.\u00a0 It was just a friendly warning.”<\/p>\n

Roy frowned.\u00a0 “What are you mixed up in now, Travers?”<\/p>\n

“Frank would’ve opened Adam’s skull with a bottle\u00a0if he hadn’t blasted it out of his hand,” said Jeff admiringly.<\/p>\n

“You two were fightin”?\u00a0 Roy surveyed the evidence on their faces with a scowl before addressing the crowd.\u00a0 “All right, folks, show’s over.\u00a0 Just go on back to your business, there’s nothing more to see here.\u00a0 “Now,” he said, turning back to Adam and Frank, “which one of you wants to tell me what this was about?”<\/p>\n

Frank stood silent and sullen.\u00a0 Roy shifted his gaze to Adam.\u00a0 “Well?”<\/p>\n

“It was personal, that’s all.”<\/p>\n

“I kinda had that figured out on my own. I guess what I should be askin’ is, are ya done with it?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir. I’m done,” said Adam.<\/p>\n

“Frank?”<\/p>\n

Frank rubbed his jaw and stared at the ground.\u00a0 “Yeah.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I guess there’s not much for me to do here.\u00a0 You’re not drunk, and if I arrested everybody that took a notion to\u00a0settle a personal matter with their fists I wouldn’t have time to do my real job.\u00a0 All \u00a0right,\u00a0Frank, I reckon you can go.\u00a0 I know you don’t have enough sense to stay out that saloon, but you better not cause me any more trouble today.\u00a0 If I so much as see you spit on the sidewalk, I’ll be on you\u00a0like stink on a skunk.”<\/p>\n

Frank took his leave without comment, but not before leveling a cold look at Jason.<\/p>\n

“Are you through with me?” Adam asked.<\/p>\n

“Not just yet. I don’t think I’ll be needin’ you boys, though,” he said,\u00a0dismissing\u00a0Rick and Jeff.\u00a0 “I’ll have my eye on you, too, so watch your steps.”<\/p>\n

Adam\u00a0sat on a crate\u00a0while Roy examined his head for any cuts from the glass. “I don’t see anything that needs a stitch. You’re mighty lucky Travers came along when he did.”<\/p>\n

“Guess so. I’d have had him in a fair fight, though.”<\/p>\n

“I reckon you would’ve, from the looks of things.\u00a0 That Frank Whaley’s a mean-mouthed son of a gun, and I’m sure you had good reason to be riled with him, but\u00a0do you think\u00a0fightin’ him was a good idea?\u00a0 What’s your Pa gonna say when he finds out?”<\/p>\n

Adam didn’t answer. The prospect was too gloomy to consider, especially in light of the recent past.\u00a0Roy patted him on the shoulder.\u00a0 “Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up now?\u00a0 You can use the\u00a0jail while I make my rounds.”\u00a0 He nodded to Jason and went on his way.<\/p>\n

Adam beat the dust from his hat and placed it back on his head.\u00a0His next\u00a0words didn’t come easy but he knew he had to say them.\u00a0 “Thanks.\u00a0 I guess I owe you now.”<\/p>\n

“Forget it.”\u00a0 Jason\u00a0reloaded his pistol as he continued.\u00a0 “You handled yourself pretty well with Whaley.\u00a0His biggest mistake was underestimating\u00a0you.\u00a0 Next time you won’t have that advantage, but maybe he’ll think twice\u00a0before he makes you mad.” His eyes shifted from Adam’s face\u00a0to\u00a0a point\u00a0beyond.\u00a0“Wait a minute.”<\/p>\n

“What is it?”<\/p>\n

“Do you want your stepmother to see you before you get cleaned up?”<\/p>\n

“Not if I can help it.”<\/p>\n

“Then we’d better go the back way.\u00a0 Come on.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was the long way around, but Adam managed to make it\u00a0to the jail without running into anyone he knew.\u00a0 News of the fight would soon be all over town and there would be no keeping it from Marie.\u00a0 Except for a cut on the inside of his lip that left it twice its size\u00a0he hadn’t bled much, but the blue-tinged swelling under his\u00a0right eye was going to get worse before it got better.<\/p>\n

“I\u00a0didn’t see your Pa in town today,” said Jason.<\/p>\n

“He’s at a cattle auction\u00a0in Arizona,\u00a0won’t be back for a couple of days.”<\/p>\n

“I guess that’s a point in your favor then, at least for now.\u00a0 What are you going to tell Marie?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know.”<\/p>\n

“Is the truth that inconvenient?”<\/p>\n

“It’s nothing she needs to hear.”<\/p>\n

“I see,” he said slowly.\u00a0 “You know, I had a feeling this might have been about her.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t say that.\u00a0 What makes you think it was?”<\/p>\n

“Because I know Whaley. He thinks a woman is only good for one thing, and he’s too dumb to know when to keep his vile mouth shut. Like I said, I figured you had good reason to put yourself out there, and defending a lady’s honor is the one that makes the most sense.”<\/p>\n

“I guess you had good reason to put yourself up against a\u00a0mountain like\u00a0Dooley Smith.”<\/p>\n

Jason\u00a0didn’t answer right away.\u00a0\u00a0 “I guess there are things a man just has to do sometimes, reasonable or not.”<\/p>\n

“Some people thought you killed him, before they caught that fella with his saddle gun.”<\/p>\n

There was another long pause before he replied.\u00a0 “People think a lot of things, but that\u00a0doesn’t\u00a0make ’em so.”<\/p>\n

“No, it doesn’t.”\u00a0 Adam didn’t know if it was intended as a rebuke or not, but he felt a little uncomfortable for bringing up the subject.\u00a0 “What are you doing in town today?”<\/p>\n

“I guess you didn\u2019t hear.\u00a0 I moved into the hotel three weeks ago.”<\/p>\n

“No, I didn\u2019t. Why?”<\/p>\n

“Four was definitely a crowd, especially now that I’m back on my feet. \u00a0I thought about just moving on but I decided to stick around for a while, mainly because of my mother, you know.”\u00a0 He was staring through the bars into the cell where he lay near death a few weeks ago.\u00a0 “I never meant to stay this long, and now it’s kinda hard to leave.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sure she and Colleen would both be sorry to see you go.”<\/p>\n

“You still think about her, don’t you?”<\/p>\n

It was more an assertion than a question, and Adam didn’t affirm or deny it.\u00a0 He couldn’t help thinking about Colleen sometimes, even when he would rather forget.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0heavy door creaked open, and he heard Roy\u00a0call him from the front room.\u00a0 “Adam, you in here?”<\/p>\n

“Yes sir.”<\/p>\n

There were other voices too,\u00a0Little Joe’s\u00a0chief among them.\u00a0 “Why is Adam in jail, Mama?”<\/p>\n

“Good luck,” murmured Jason as they walked out together.<\/p>\n

“I’m not in jail, Little Joe.”<\/p>\n

“See, Marie?\u00a0 I told you\u00a0he was all right, didn’t I?”<\/p>\n

Marie didn’t say anything at first. When she did speak it wasn’t to him.\u00a0 “Hoss, would you take\u00a0Little Joe outside, please?”<\/p>\n

“Why don’t we all go outside?” said Roy. “I’ll be glad to take the little one for a few minutes.”\u00a0 He smiled as he lifted Jilly from\u00a0her mother’s arms.\u00a0 “Come on, honey.”<\/p>\n

Jason tipped his hat to Marie as he followed them.\u00a0 “Don’t be too hard on him.”<\/p>\n

Adam waited, and in the seconds that dragged\u00a0by her silence was like Chinese water torture.\u00a0Finally he broke.\u00a0“Say something, please, so we can get this over with.”<\/p>\n

“I’m waiting for your explanation.”<\/p>\n

It wasn’t until that moment he made up his mind. “I’ll tell you what I told Sheriff Coffee.\u00a0 It was\u00a0personal.”<\/p>\n

Her brow arched in displeasure. “Your father is going to want more of an answer than that when he finds out.”<\/p>\n

“That’ll be between him and me.”<\/p>\n

“Are you trying to protect me?\u00a0 Is that why you won’t tell me?”<\/p>\n

His height gave him the advantage of being able to look down at her, and he used it, along with a firm reply.\u00a0 “Just let it go, Marie.”<\/p>\n

She lifted her chin.\u00a0 “All right, but I want to tell you something.\u00a0 I’m not a schoolgirl, Adam, and I’m certainly not naive.\u00a0 I know how some men look at me, how they’ve always looked at me. It’s something your father has had to come to terms with, that and the fact that to some people I’ll always be that ‘French Quarter woman’.\u00a0 But none of that matters to me, because I know\u00a0who I am, and the\u00a0only people who matter are those I love.”\u00a0\u00a0She brushed his bruised cheek with her fingertips.\u00a0 “The last thing I want is for one of them to be hurt because of me. It’s so unnecessary.”<\/p>\n

He didn’t have to tell her, and in a way he was glad she knew.\u00a0 “There are some things a man knows he\u00a0has to do. He doesn’t even\u00a0have to think about them.\u00a0 Maybe I did it for myself as much\u00a0as anyone.”<\/p>\n

She weighed his words for a moment.\u00a0 “Well, I can’t stand in the way of your being a man, because that’s what you are.\u00a0 Was it worth it?”<\/p>\n

He smiled, wincing just a little.\u00a0“Yes, it was.”<\/p>\n

Outside, Adam took charge of Jilly so Marie could thank Jason for what she called his “excellent timing”.<\/p>\n

“Dada,” she grinned.<\/p>\n

Roy laughed. “She sure is a cutie. I think she looks a little like you, Adam. Well, I got to go over to the courthouse. Give my best to your Pa when he gets back.”<\/p>\n

“I will. Thanks.”<\/p>\n

“Dada,” Jilly repeated, patting Adam\u2019s colorful cheek.<\/p>\n

He pulled her hand away from his face and scolded her with a tickle that made her laugh out loud. “You’re cute, all right, but you’re gonna get us all in trouble if you don’t learn how to say my name.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Any worries Adam might have had about his father’s reaction to the fight were dispelled after he arrived home.\u00a0 Pa was in good humor, warmed by the enthusiastic greeting from his family, particularly Little Joe, who threw himself into his arms.<\/p>\n

“Pa, you’re back!\u00a0 You were gone a long time! We missed you!\u00a0 Did you miss us?”<\/p>\n

“I certainly did,” he chuckled, giving him a big squeeze before setting him back on his feet so he could embrace Hoss.\u00a0 “My ears were so empty I couldn’t wait to get home.”\u00a0 He smiled at Marie.\u00a0 “Ten days is a long time,” he said, leaning to kiss her.\u00a0 He tugged Jilly’s ear.\u00a0 “How’s my little girl, huh?”<\/p>\n

She squealed\u00a0in delight when he lifted her into the air above his head.<\/p>\n

Pa laughed with her.\u00a0 “I declare, Jilly.\u00a0 I think you’ve grown since I last saw you.”<\/p>\n

“What about me, Pa?”<\/p>\n

“You know, I believe you do look taller.\u201d\u00a0 He ruffled Little Joe\u2019s hair before acknowledging his eldest with a handshake.\u00a0 \u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\n

“It’s good to have you home, Pa.”<\/p>\n

“It’s good to be home, son.\u00a0I heard you had a little trouble in town the other day.”\u00a0 Pa looked him squarely in the face, but he didn’t look angry, not at all.<\/p>\n

“Not too much,” he replied cautiously, wondering how he knew.<\/p>\n

“I stopped on my way back and talked to Sheriff Coffee.\u00a0 He told me you were all right.”<\/p>\n

“I’m fine, Pa.”<\/p>\n

Pa was still looking at him.\u00a0 “I’m glad to hear it, really glad.\u00a0 Well, I’m starved,” he said to Marie.\u00a0 “Is there any chance of a man getting something to eat around here?”<\/p>\n

She slipped her arm through his. “Right this way, sir.\u00a0 Your wish is my command.”\u00a0 They both smiled at Adam before they strolled toward the house.<\/p>\n

And that was it.\u00a0 Pa never brought up the matter again.\u00a0 People could sure surprise you sometimes.<\/p>\n

The biggest surprise was Jason Travers.\u00a0 Adam was still trying to figure him out.\u00a0 He certainly seemed different from the man who arrived a few months ago.\u00a0 The smugness and the cynicism were gone, and he actually seemed to care about his family.\u00a0 There was no denying that if he hadn’t come along when he did Adam would’ve fared a lot worse against Frank Whaley.\u00a0 He owed Jason for that, and he was grateful.\u00a0 But as much as\u00a0he wanted to, he still found it hard to trust him completely, just as he couldn’t completely forget Colleen.<\/p>\n

The next time he saw her was at church the following Sunday.\u00a0 She was there with her father; her mother wasn’t doing well at all according to what Angus told Pa, so they weren’t staying for the picnic afterward.\u00a0 Adam only spoke with her briefly before Little Joe came up missing right after the service.\u00a0 A frantic searched followed\u00a0until he was located at the livery stable half an hour later, and by the time Adam thought of\u00a0Colleen again she was already gone.<\/p>\n

The rest of that day held nothing of interest for him, and as he watched Ross with Delphine, he couldn’t get Colleen out of his head.\u00a0 She’d seemed glad to see him, but\u00a0subdued and\u00a0sad, too.\u00a0 She looked like she could use a friend.<\/p>\n

Was it pride that made him throw away something that might’ve been salvaged between them?\u00a0 The guilt that pricked his conscience wasn’t for not feeling strong enough to be her friend.\u00a0 It was for not even wanting to try.<\/p>\n

That night he dreamed of her once again.\u00a0\u00a0 She was wearing a dress that matched her eyes, and they were dancing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XVI \u2013 A Shift in the Wind<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the days following Little Joe’s Sunday disappearing act, Hoss was unusually quiet.\u00a0 They all knew he blamed himself because he was supposed to looking after his younger brother, but even after Pa and Marie both assured him ‘all’s well that ends well’ the mood seemed to linger.\u00a0 That was the unusual part.\u00a0 Hoss wasn’t a moper, and Adam was beginning to\u00a0suspect it was something else altogether.<\/p>\n

On Friday they got up early to finish their chores so they could go fishing, just the two of them.\u00a0 It was Adam’s idea, and he was glad to see Hoss perk up at it. \u00a0They hadn’t had much leisurely brother time lately, and it seemed long overdue.<\/p>\n

They lazed on the creek bank, relishing the glow of a sun that was just warm enough.\u00a0 This was Adam’s favorite time of year, when summer threw off the sultry mantle of August and slipped into September like a shimmering second skin.<\/p>\n

Hoss liked to fish, and he had the patience for it that Adam lacked.\u00a0 Hoss was patient and methodical about everything — that was his way.\u00a0 Impulsive and impetuous, he was not.\u00a0 If he wasn’t sure about something, he had a tendency to let it simmer before he made a decision, especially if it was a difficult one.\u00a0 That’s what he had been doing all week, Adam decided.\u00a0 Simmering.<\/p>\n

Adam waited until he felt the time was right before he asked, “Hoss, you wanna tell me what’s been bothering you lately?”<\/p>\n

“What do you mean?”<\/p>\n

“Hey, this is me you’re talkin’ to, remember?\u00a0 I know you were upset about Little Joe, but that’s over and done with, so what’s wrong?\u00a0 You know you can tell me, whatever it is.”<\/p>\n

Hoss looked troubled.\u00a0 “I don’t know if I should tell anybody.\u00a0 It’s probably none of my business, anyway.”<\/p>\n

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?\u00a0 If\u00a0it’s true I’ll tell you.”<\/p>\n

He took a deep breath and\u00a0stared out over the water.\u00a0 “The day we were lookin’ for Little Joe, I saw Colleen and Jason. They didn’t see me.\u00a0 I stayed out of sight cuz I knew somethin’ was wrong.\u00a0 Colleen\u00a0was cryin’.”<\/p>\n

“Why was she crying?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know.\u00a0 Jason shushed her, told her to calm down.\u00a0\u00a0 He hugged her and she was still cryin’.\u00a0 I didn’t mean to spy on ’em, Adam.\u00a0 It’s just that Colleen was so upset.”\u00a0 He paused, frowning.\u00a0 “I like Colleen.\u00a0 She’s always been nice to me.”<\/p>\n

“I know, and it’s okay.\u00a0 You didn’t do anything wrong,” Adam assured him.\u00a0 “You know, her mother’s pretty sick right now, and Colleen’s worried and sad about that.\u00a0 I’m sure that’s what it was about. After all, Jason is her brother.\u00a0 Mrs. Lafferty is his mother, too.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I know.”\u00a0 Hoss was still frowning.\u00a0 “Like I said, I like Colleen, and Jason helped you in the fight, so he’s not a bad fella, right?”<\/p>\n

“There’s more, isn’t there?\u00a0 What are you not telling me?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know if I should say.”<\/p>\n

Adam felt his patience slipping.\u00a0 “You’d better say.\u00a0 There’s no room to turn around on this trail.\u00a0 We’re ridin’ all the way to the end, so out with it.”<\/p>\n

His brother looked like he’d just as soon have a tooth pulled.\u00a0 “It’s bad for a brother to kiss his sister, ain’t it?”<\/p>\n

“Depends,” he replied slowly.\u00a0 “Is that what you saw?”<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, looking glum.\u00a0 “The way Pa kisses Ma when he thinks nobody’s watchin’.”<\/p>\n

“You must be mistaken.\u00a0 I mean\u2026surely you are.”\u00a0 Adam\u00a0stumbled over the\u00a0words,\u00a0knowing Hoss would never make a mistake about something like that.<\/p>\n

“I hope so,” Hoss muttered.\u00a0 “But I ain’t.”<\/p>\n

The warmth was snuffed out of the day like a candle in a blue norther.\u00a0 They packed up their gear in silence and headed for home.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Neither of them spoke on the way back.\u00a0It wasn’t Hoss’s fault, but Adam was too\u00a0upset to try to talk him out of his misery.<\/p>\n

He remembered with disgust the Jason he first met\u00a0— his disrespect toward Colleen, his insinuations about the two of them that night in the barn, the way his eyes raked over her and the familiar way he touched her. Brother or no, Adam’s\u00a0gut told him then something wasn’t right.\u00a0He should have trusted his\u00a0instincts.\u00a0\u00a0Colleen had seemed wary of him at first, but after\u00a0his fight with Dooley she let her guard down.\u00a0 All this time,\u00a0Jason had been living under the same roof with her, watching her.\u00a0 Wanting her.<\/p>\n

Did anyone else know?\u00a0 Did Jason move out on his own free will, or did Angus throw him out?\u00a0 He should have done it a long time ago,\u00a0in Adam’s opinion, but maybe he was too preoccupied with his wife to notice how vulnerable his daughter was to a man like that.\u00a0 Adam sensed it from the beginning, and maybe if he hadn’t been so full of pride and self-pity he would have been there to protect her.<\/p>\n

There\u00a0seemed to be\u00a0plenty of blame to go around, but the bulk of it lay squarely on one person, as far as Adam could see.\u00a0 His anger at Frank Whaley paled next to what he felt for Jason.\u00a0 Frank didn’t pretend to be anything other than what he was.\u00a0 Jason was far more deceptive and dangerous, gaining people’s goodwill and trust and then using it to get what he wanted.\u00a0\u00a0 The thought of what he may have gotten from Colleen\u00a0made Adam sick inside.\u00a0\u00a0 If Jason\u00a0hurt her in any way, Adam would see that he paid for it.\u00a0 He would not let this pass.<\/p>\n

Fate seemed to be listening.\u00a0 Adam drew up short as they approached the house.\u00a0Apparently they had a visitor. Hoss had an eye for horses, and he recognized this one, too, even before they spotted the owner.<\/p>\n

“Adam…”<\/p>\n

He heard the warning in his brother’s voice but didn’t\u00a0linger to hear the rest.\u00a0 The enemy was in the camp, and Adam rode to meet him.<\/p>\n

Jason saw him too, and he waited.<\/p>\n

“I was just about to leave. Marie said she wasn’t sure when you’d be back.”<\/p>\n

Adam dismounted. “So you\u2019re\u00a0here to see me?”<\/p>\n

“That’s right.\u00a0 I want to talk to you.”<\/p>\n

“You saved me lookin’, then, because I wanna talk to you, too.”\u00a0 He turned to Hoss.\u00a0 “Go in the house. I’ll tend to the horses.”<\/p>\n

“Adam, I\u00a0think…”<\/p>\n

“Go on, Hoss. Now.”<\/p>\n

He didn’t often use that tone with him, which was probably\u00a0why it was effective.\u00a0 Hoss obeyed, but not before shooting Jason a look that would drop a man cold if it were a bullet.<\/p>\n

“What did you want to talk to me about?”\u00a0 Adam kept his voice calm.<\/p>\n

“I’m leaving town.”<\/p>\n

Some good news for a change. “What’s that to me?”<\/p>\n

“Nothing, except that I’m taking Colleen. I just wanted you to know.”<\/p>\n

Adam stared at him, momentarily tongue tied.\u00a0He hadn’t expected this. “Angus won’t let her go with you.”<\/p>\n

“In case you haven’t noticed,\u00a0Colleen’s old enough to make up her own mind about\u00a0where she wants to go\u00a0and doesn’t need her father’s permission.\u00a0 But since you mentioned it, you might as well know that Angus has already agreed to it.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t believe you.\u00a0 He’d never agree to something like that.”<\/p>\n

“He would if it was best for Colleen. It’s not good for her to be here\u00a0right now, and things will only get worse if she stays.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know what this is about, but I do know that you’re the last person she needs to be with.\u00a0\u00a0You’re no good for her. \u00a0Hoss saw the two of you in town the other day when you thought you were alone.”\u00a0\u00a0The cards were on the table now.<\/p>\n

Jason seemed surprised.\u00a0 “It’s not what you think,” he replied, frowning.\u00a0 “And as much as you want to believe it, I am not a threat to Colleen. But my mother is.\u00a0 She tried to hurt her last night.”<\/p>\n

Another deception.\u00a0 “Why would she do a thing like that?”<\/p>\n

“Adam, you haven’t seen my mother in quite a while.\u00a0Her\u00a0world has\u00a0little to do with the one you and I live in.\u00a0 She doesn’t even know her own family half the time.\u00a0 Angus can’t control her.\u00a0 It’s not safe for Colleen. I’m not going\u00a0to\u00a0leave her here.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know how you talked Angus into this, but I’m not buying it.\u00a0You’re just using your mother as an excuse to get Colleen.\u00a0 You’re obsessed with her, aren’t\u00a0you?\u00a0 This is so wrong, you can’t possibly defend it!\u00a0 She’s your sister, or have you forgotten?”<\/p>\n

“That’s not exactly true.”<\/p>\n

“Half-sister then — it doesn’t matter!\u00a0 Miriam is your mother; that makes you blood.”<\/p>\n

Jason looked almost sorry. “It would if she were Colleen’s mother, too…but she’s not.”<\/p>\n

“You’re lying!\u00a0 You’re just saying that so you can justify yourself!”<\/p>\n

“I’m not the one who\u00a0kept the truth hidden all these years.\u00a0 Angus and my mother are the ones who\u00a0lied to Colleen. They may have thought they were doing it to protect her, but they’ve only ended up hurting her.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen said her parents married because of her — if Miriam isn’t her mother, then who is?”<\/p>\n

“Angus’s first wife died when Colleen was born. He needed someone to take care of his little girl, and my mother needed someone to love.\u00a0 I guess she saw it as a second chance.”<\/p>\n

Jillian Lafferty was Colleen\u2019s mother.\u00a0Adam didn\u2019t want to believe it, but his heart told him it was true.\u00a0Still, he didn\u2019t understand. “Why would\u00a0they lie about it?”<\/p>\n

“Apparently there was bad blood between Angus and his wife’s family.\u00a0\u00a0 He was afraid they would try to take\u00a0the baby\u00a0if they\u00a0found out\u00a0she was\u00a0their granddaughter. \u00a0The lie was easier than the truth, for everyone except Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“So you told her.”<\/p>\n

“I had to. It wasn’t fair for her not to know. ”<\/p>\n

“Well, I guess that cleared the way for you, didn’t it? \u00a0How long did\u00a0it take\u00a0after I was out of the picture?”<\/p>\n

“I’m gonna overlook that because I know you’re upset, Adam.\u00a0 You shouldn’t have given up so easily.\u00a0I tried to tell you that night at the dance, remember? \u00a0But it’s too late to do anything about it now.\u00a0 I’m sorry.”<\/p>\n

Adam’s insides were flailing, but his voice was steady, though muted through clenched teeth.\u00a0 “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”<\/p>\n

“Okay, well, I just wanted you to know how it was.\u00a0 Colleen and I are leaving tomorrow.\u00a0 I’m taking her to Sacramento. We’re getting married.”<\/p>\n

Married.<\/em>\u00a0 The word ripped his heart like a dagger.\u00a0 \u201cDo you love her?”<\/p>\n

Jason took a moment to answer. \u00a0“I tried not to\u2026guess I didn\u2019t try hard enough. I\u2019m certainly not as noble as you are, Adam;\u00a0you’re the better man, I won’t pretend otherwise — but I intend to do right by Colleen. I’m the one who’s gonna marry her. It can’t be any other way now.”<\/p>\n

“I think I\u2019d like to kill you.”\u00a0 His strangled response sounded like it came from someone else.<\/p>\n

Jason sighed. “Well, you’ve wantin’ to have at me since we met,\u00a0so we might as well get it over with.”\u00a0 He unbuckled his holster and dropped it.<\/p>\n

It was all the encouragement Adam needed. He lunged at Jason, knocking them both to the ground where they grappled in the dirt. He landed a couple of solid blows before Jason flipped him over and straddled him.<\/p>\n

“Jason, don’t!\u00a0 Stop it!”<\/p>\n

Jason\u00a0loosened his hold on Adam\u00a0as Marie rushed toward them.\u00a0He stood up and spat out blood.\u00a0 “He came at me.\u00a0 I didn’t want to hurt him.”<\/p>\n

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”\u00a0Marie\u2019s voice was cold.<\/p>\n

Adam waved her away as she tried to help him up.\u00a0 “I’m all right.”\u00a0\u00a0 It was only after he got to his knees that he realized his mouth was bleeding, too.\u00a0 He stood and turned away from both of them.<\/p>\n

“Marie…”<\/p>\n

“There’s nothing you can say, Jason. \u00a0I think you should just leave now.”<\/p>\n

“He had his chance.\u00a0I even tried to give it back to him. I never meant to hurt anyone, Marie, least of all you.”<\/p>\n

Adam heard him ride off and he felt\u00a0Marie’s hand on his shoulder, but this time he didn’t move away.\u00a0“He’s going to marry Colleen.”<\/p>\n

“I know,” she murmured. “Did he tell you why?”<\/p>\n

He turned and saw the sadness in her face. “Adam, Colleen is going to have a baby. I’m so sorry.”<\/p>\n

That was the moment he realized he had not entirely given her up no matter what he\u2019d said before; and if his pride hadn\u2019t gotten in the way this might never have happened.\u00a0 If only\u2026but it was too late.<\/p>\n

“He’s not\u00a0gonna to\u00a0get away with this. I’m gonna to make him pay for hurting her.”<\/p>\n

“You’ll do no such thing.”<\/p>\n

He jerked his arm free. “Let go of me, Marie.”<\/p>\n

“Think, Adam. Is that really how you think it was?”<\/p>\n

She\u00a0was wrong.\u00a0 She had to be.<\/em>\u00a0 “He had no right…”<\/p>\n

“She gave him the right, or he never would have.”<\/p>\n

“How do you know?\u00a0\u00a0And why are you defending him?”<\/p>\n

“I’m not defending either one of them. I just know he’s not that kind of a man.”<\/p>\n

He stared at her. Some\u00a0things were finally beginning to make sense.\u00a0 I heard he killed a man when he was just a kid, back in New Orleans<\/em>. \u00a0“Well, I guess maybe you would. Just how long have you two known each other?”<\/p>\n

“Long enough.”<\/p>\n

“Does Pa know?”<\/p>\n

“Your father and I have no secrets from one another.”<\/p>\n

He turned his back to her and stepped away with the terrible knowledge that everything she\u00a0said was true.\u00a0\u00a0Pain and rage urged him to cry out, and though he didn’t,\u00a0shattered hope drove\u00a0him back to his knees.<\/p>\n

The world wavered before him as his breath came hard and fast.\u00a0\u00a0 He felt her arms around him.\u00a0 “Go away,” he whispered, though he didn’t have to strength or the will to make her.<\/p>\n

Marie didn’t let go. She rested her head against him and quietly shed the tears he somehow couldn’t.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

CHAPTER XVII \u2013 Love Laid to Rest<\/strong><\/p>\n

What happened at the Lafferty house the next day would be talked about in one context or another for years to come, how Miriam Lafferty\u00a0tried to kill her family before turning the gun on herself.<\/p>\n

Word came to the Ponderosa that afternoon by way of Sheriff Coffee after he made arrangements for the bodies to be moved.\u00a0 Dr. Hickman was doing what he could for the living, but two were\u00a0headed for the undertaker.<\/p>\n

Adam barely remembered the ride into town with Pa.\u00a0 They covered the miles swiftly in silence, with a weight on his heart so oppressive he could hardly breathe.\u00a0 What he did remember was Colleen’s blood-stained dress, crumpled on Dr. Hickman’s floor. \u00a0It was the one she wore the night he didn’t dance with her.\u00a0 Why had he been so stubborn?\u00a0\u00a0It all seemed foolish now. \u00a0Even though he knew the blood wasn’t hers, she was wounded just the same.\u00a0 The man she loved, the father of her unborn\u00a0child, was dead, and so was the only mother she’d ever known.<\/p>\n

According to Angus, Miriam had become agitated, nearly hysterical, when she found out Jason and Colleen were leaving.\u00a0 Angus had tried to calm her and thought he had succeeded when he persuaded her to go lie down.\u00a0 A few moments later she came out with his pistol and fired before anyone knew she had it.\u00a0 That first shot hit Angus in the shoulder and stunned them all, even Miriam.\u00a0 It was as if someone else’s hand had pulled the trigger.\u00a0Jason eased toward her,\u00a0telling her they knew she didn’t mean to hurt anyone and asking her to please give him the gun.\u00a0 She looked as though she might comply, and then she shot him point blank in the chest.<\/p>\n

“He went down and Miriam dropped the gun; that’s when I was able to get it.\u00a0 Colleen was screaming. I had to pull her off of him to see if there was anything I could do, but I knew better.\u00a0 He was dead when he hit the ground.\u00a0 When I looked up Miriam was gone.\u00a0 And then we heard the shotgun go off inside the house. I went in…” Angus dropped his head and shielded his eyes, but Adam could hear the tears in his voice.\u00a0 “I couldn’t let Colleen see her.”<\/p>\n

Colleen was in shock when Angus brought her in. Dr. Hickman had given her something to help her sleep.\u00a0 Sleep was best for both his patients, he said.\u00a0 There really wasn’t more anyone could do at the moment.<\/p>\n

“I’d like to stay anyway,” Adam told him.\u00a0 “I’d like to be here when she wakes up.”<\/p>\n

“It might be a while.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t mind.\u00a0 I just want her to know she has a friend.”<\/p>\n

“Suit yourself,” said the doctor.\u00a0 “There’s plenty of coffee and a blanket if you need it.”<\/p>\n

“Thanks.”<\/p>\n

Pa put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. \u00a0“It’s good of you, son. I’m sure it will mean a lot to her. See you in the morning.”<\/p>\n

“\u2019Night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

He pulled the chair closer to the bed so he could hold her hand.\u00a0 “I’m so sorry, Colleen,” he whispered.\u00a0 “I’m sorry for everything.”<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

The funerals were brief, the mourners few.\u00a0 Angus and Colleen moved into the boarding house, returning to what had been their home only to collect their personal belongings.\u00a0 Angus had decided to sell everything else and return to St. Louis.\u00a0 They had friends there and a job waiting.<\/p>\n

Adam stayed as close as he could to Colleen in the time they had left.\u00a0 Though it was bittersweet knowing she was leaving, he intended to make good on his promise to Mrs. Lafferty, to always be good to her and never hurt her. It was a promise he felt he had been remiss in keeping.<\/p>\n

He marveled at Colleen.\u00a0 She was sad but not bitter.\u00a0Being bitter\u00a0can’t change\u00a0the past, she said,\u00a0it can only make\u00a0a person\u00a0hard.\u00a0\u00a0In spite of everything, she still\u00a0referred to Miriam as her mother\u00a0and said she could never blame her for what happened. “My mother didn’t pull that trigger,” she told Adam. “She wasn\u2019t even there.”\u00a0\u00a0Their relationship was different now, and strangely, more comfortable, marked by a deeper affection and understanding.\u00a0 Being in love and truly loving someone almost seemed like two separate things, and it was because he loved her that he knew he would have to let her go.<\/p>\n

Saying goodbye is never easy no matter how prepared a person thinks he is.\u00a0 Adam felt his resolve crumbling on that last day.\u00a0 They made small talk for as long as they could.<\/p>\n

“Folks around here are going to miss your father.\u00a0 They’ve gotten spoiled by having two doctors.”<\/p>\n

Colleen nodded.\u00a0 “Pa liked it here, and I know he’s happy to be practicing again, which he wouldn’t be if not for you. But there are too many shadows.\u00a0 He needs a place where he can start over.\u00a0 Besides, everyone here knows I’m not married.”<\/p>\n

She didn’t duck her head when she said it, and for that he admired her.\u00a0 “Yes, but you could stay here, and marry me.”\u00a0 It wasn’t an impulsive offer, for Adam had given the idea considerable thought.\u00a0 “No one would have to know the baby isn’t mine.”\u00a0 Some people might suppose\u00a0it was\u00a0anyway.<\/p>\n

“You and I would know.”<\/p>\n

“It wouldn’t matter.”\u00a0 It was the truth, at least for him.\u00a0 He would love any part of her, even another man’s child.<\/p>\n

“You’d really do that?”<\/p>\n

“If you would.”<\/p>\n

She smiled the saddest lovely smile.\u00a0 “That\u2019s why I won\u2019t. I can’t take your future, Adam.\u00a0 It’s too precious for you to give it up for me.\u00a0 I’m not worthy.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t say that, Colleen. It’s not true.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes filled with tears before she looked away.\u00a0 “I’ve had enough secrets and deceptions in my life.\u00a0 My baby is going to know who his father was.”\u00a0 She put her hands to her face and wiped her cheeks. ”I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cry today.”<\/p>\n

“It’s all right. You can cry with me.”<\/p>\n

She came into his arms, sobbing. “Oh, Adam — you are the dearest, truest friend I’ve ever had.\u00a0 I know I hurt you once by saying that, but I don’t think you know how important that makes you to me.”<\/p>\n

“I do now,” he whispered. He kissed her cheek, mingling her tears with his own. “I promise I do.”<\/p>\n

He held her long after she quieted, trying not to think how much he would miss her and what they might have had. At last he gathered his\u00a0courage and eased himself from her.<\/p>\n

“You have to promise me something.”<\/p>\n

“What?”<\/p>\n

“Promise me that you’ll never think you’re not worthy of the very best things in life, because you are.\u00a0 You are a remarkable person, Colleen Lafferty, and no one knows that better than I do.”<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 “I promise I’ll try to live up to your opinion of me.\u00a0 I do want to make something of my life.\u00a0 My father is going to train me as his nurse.\u00a0 Who knows, maybe I’ll even be a doctor someday.”<\/p>\n

It was his turn to smile. “You’ll have all the men in town doing themselves bodily harm just to get a house call.”<\/p>\n

“I can promise you something else too,” she said softly.\u00a0 “No matter how many men I meet, there won’t be anyone to take the\u00a0place reserved for you in my heart. I’m going to keep you there always and love you forever.”<\/p>\n

She was crying when she kissed him.\u00a0 It was almost more than he could bear.\u00a0 “Colleen…”<\/p>\n

“Adam, please let me go before I change my mind,” she whispered.\u00a0 “I have to go.”<\/p>\n

She needed his strength, and he gave it to her though it broke his heart again.\u00a0 They were on different paths, destined to cross but ultimately divergent.\u00a0 So he sent her off with a tender kiss and\u00a0a promise to write and to never forget.<\/p>\n

He would think of her often through the years, and of the summer he was sixteen,\u00a0that feeling of owning the world and being at its complete mercy, and he came to the conclusion that his father was indeed a wise man.<\/p>\n

And\u00a0he\u00a0made good on his promise not to forget, not\u00a0Colleen Lafferty or the\u00a0lessons of first love.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

True to human nature, sympathy for another’s misfortune\u00a0gave way to grumbling over personal inconvenience as people lamented the loss of their\u00a0affable new doctor.\u00a0 The tragic circumstances coupled with the fact that Miriam Lafferty had been a virtual recluse gave rise to a great deal of speculation. \u00a0 What kind of a woman would try to kill her husband and murder her own son?\u00a0 They ignored or simply refused to accept the fact that she was merely ill.\u00a0 There had to be some other dark\u00a0explanation.<\/p>\n

From what folks recalled, Miriam was a plain, shy woman, an unlikely match for a handsome, gregarious man like Angus Lafferty.\u00a0 People sensed an unhappy union, perhaps fueled by jealousy over the doctor’s hours away from home and his friendships with new people.\u00a0 They remembered with particular interest Angus\u00a0and Marie Cartwright at the picnic the summer before, how she seemed to have captivated him.\u00a0 Of course, she had that effect on men, didn’t she?\u00a0 She had the audacity to attend without her husband, and in her condition!\u00a0 Why, the very idea…it wasn’t proper, not at all.\u00a0 Poor Miriam Lafferty couldn’t hold a candle to a woman like that.\u00a0 And then there was Miriam\u2019s son, Jason, a good-looking, enigmatic stranger with a murky\u00a0New Orleans past. Everyone knew Marie Cartwright came from New Orleans, too (the French Quarter, mind you).\u00a0 A coincidence, perhaps — but it seemed doubtful, especially since there were one or two rumored witnesses who would swear that the reason Jason Travers nearly got himself killed in a saloon brawl was his chivalrous if foolhardy defense of\u00a0the aforementioned Madame Cartwright.<\/p>\n

No one could verify or disprove the latter; after a few beers and a few years some people seemed to remember things that never happened at all.\u00a0 Still, the gossip remained plausible to those who wanted to believe it, being precisely the sort of fodder that buries reputations and breeds myths, like the ones that chased Marie\u00a0even beyond her days.<\/p>\n

It was a while before Adam got around to asking\u00a0her about Jason.\u00a0 It was really none of his business, and he told her so.\u00a0 “You don’t have to tell me.\u00a0 I’ll understand if you’d rather not.”<\/p>\n

She smiled\u00a0with the indulgence she so often afforded her younger children.\u00a0 “Since you put it that way, I will tell you.\u00a0 In fact, I’ve been wondering when you were going to ask.”<\/p>\n

A pensive silence followed, as though she were picking through the threads of her memory before she\u00a0began. “He was a wild boy living on the streets when I met him. I was still at the convent where I was raised after my parents died, helping with the young ones, giving serious thought to taking my vows.\u00a0 Can you imagine that?”<\/p>\n

He smiled, trying to picture her as a nun.\u00a0 No, he could not.<\/p>\n

“He spoke to me in the marketplace that day.\u00a0 He asked me my name and told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. The next\u00a0day I saw him\u00a0helping\u00a0our caretaker repair the fence around the garden.\u00a0It was the first of many little\u00a0odd jobs for which I found out later he wasn’t even getting paid. He said he just wanted to be near me.”\u00a0\u00a0She smiled. “He was\u00a0bold and handsome in a careless sort of way, almost as if by accident.\u00a0 Underneath the bravado was a gentleness I’m sure most people never saw.\u00a0 We were the same age, though he was much wiser in the ways of the world than I was then. I was terrified the sisters would find out about us, but I just couldn’t keep myself from him….I was thoroughly smitten.”<\/p>\n

“How old were you?”<\/p>\n

“Sixteen…we were sixteen,”\u00a0her voice trailed off and she was quiet again.<\/p>\n

“What happened?”<\/p>\n

“He came to me one day, and I knew something was terribly wrong.\u00a0 He said the police wanted to arrest him for\u00a0a robbery and a murder the night before, and that he had to\u00a0go away. I knew he was innocent. He couldn’t have been where they said he was because he was with me, and I wanted to go to the police and tell them so.\u00a0 He said\u00a0no one would believe us and that I would be disgraced and thrown out of the\u00a0convent for nothing.\u00a0 He said his only chance was to leave the city. I begged him to take me with him, but he said no, he couldn’t, because he would be on the run and\u00a0couldn’t take care of me.\u00a0 He said he didn’t\u00a0want me to get hurt…but it was too late for that.”<\/p>\n

He’d been her first love, and he’d broken her heart.\u00a0 Adam could see it in her face.<\/p>\n

She\u00a0seemed far away as she continued.\u00a0 “He had no one, and he was only trying to stay alive. I’m afraid I didn’t make it easy for him to leave, but he had no choice. He said he loved me but he couldn’t ask me to wait for him because he didn’t know when he would be able to come back.”<\/p>\n

“Did he ever come back?”<\/p>\n

She nodded.\u00a0 “After a few years, yes.\u00a0 The police had long since cleared him, since they caught the real murderer in another robbery. He came back just before I married Jean.”<\/p>\n

“Did he know you were getting married?”<\/p>\n

“I hadn’t even decided myself until then. Seeing Jason again helped me make up my mind. You can\u2019t go back, no matter how much you might want to. It only took one evening for us to realize we were two very different people at that point. No matter what we felt for each other in the past, it wasn\u2019t enough; some things just weren’t meant to be.”<\/p>\n

She\u00a0grew quiet again, and then she sighed.\u00a0“I didn’t see\u00a0him again until he showed up here for dinner that night. I could never have imagined such a thing if I lived to be a hundred. I only went along with him because I was so shocked.”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0recalled the look on her face. “You covered yourself well.. Did he ever say why\u00a0he pretended not to know you?”<\/p>\n

“He told me later that he only wanted to see me again, not cause me any trouble with my husband, in case he was the jealous type.\u00a0He apologized for that night, for everything that happened.\u00a0 The whole evening was so bizarre and awkward; it was\u00a0as if\u00a0I\u00a0really didn’t know him, because he wasn’t anything like the\u00a0person I remembered. I didn’t know what to expect after that, but I did tell your father about him as soon as I had a chance.”<\/p>\n

“I’m glad you did.”<\/p>\n

“I had to. One of the first things I learned about Ben Cartwright is that he places a premium on the truth. He doesn’t shy away from it, even if it’s not pretty. He has never been afraid of the truth\u00a0about me, and that’s why\u00a0I can tell him; and why I love him so.”<\/p>\n

Adam smiled.\u00a0 “I’m sure he’s glad you decided not to become a nun.\u00a0 So am I.”<\/p>\n

“That makes three of us,” she laughed.<\/p>\n

He had a feeling there might have been more to the story, but it was hers and she had a right to keep it.\u00a0 They never mentioned Jason Travers again, and it wasn’t until years later that\u00a0he had any reason to think of him at all.<\/p>\n

Adam wondered if Pa saw the same thing he did when he first looked into Clay Stafford’s storm colored eyes.\u00a0 He was Marie’s first-born, taken at birth by a mother-in-law who despised her and blamed her for the loss of her own son.\u00a0\u00a0Adam didn’t fault Marie for neglecting the truth of the matter,\u00a0for he\u00a0could honestly believe she hadn’t known, but it seemed pretty clear in hindsight that old Mrs. DeMarigny had gone to a lot of trouble for nothing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter XVIII \u2013 Strength in What Remains<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam wasn’t there when she\u00a0died.\u00a0 If\u00a0only he could have known, he would never have gone on that roundup.<\/p>\n

Tragedy had skirted them just the week before.\u00a0 Jilly, by that time an inquisitive toddler, had escaped her mother’s attention and fallen into the water trough.\u00a0 Hoss heard the splash and pulled her out just in time.\u00a0 Marie cried over both of them, lavishing them with so many hugs and kisses that Little Joe nearly got jealous, but only until she took him in her arms as well.\u00a0 “We take so much of this life for granted,” Adam heard her tell Pa that evening while\u00a0they watched their little ones at play.\u00a0 “Wouldn’t it be heaven if we could hold onto these days forever?”<\/p>\n

There were no omens, no warning that the world as they knew it was\u00a0coming to an end.\u00a0 Adam was all packed and ready to go when Marie handed him something in a brown wrapper.<\/p>\n

“What’s this?”<\/p>\n

“Open it and see.”<\/p>\n

It was\u00a0the scarf she had been knitting.\u00a0 “I thought this was for Pa.”<\/p>\n

“I think you need it more than he does.\u00a0 It can get pretty cold when the sun goes down this time of year.”\u00a0 She smiled up at him.\u00a0 “I want you to promise me you’ll take good care of yourself out there. Come back in one piece.”<\/p>\n

“I will.\u00a0 Thanks for the\u00a0scarf.”\u00a0 He kissed her on the cheek.\u00a0 “And you,” he warned Jilly as he scooped her\u00a0up to give her a squeeze, “be a good girl and stay out of that water trough, you hear?”<\/p>\n

“Oh, don’t worry, she will,” Marie laughed.<\/p>\n

In his last memory of her, she was smiling and waving goodbye,\u00a0with her baby on her hip and the sun turning her hair to gold.<\/p>\n

He\u00a0made it back in time for the funeral. \u00a0The day was mostly a blur, but he remembered the unexpected snow that afternoon.\u00a0 It was if the angels were crying along with them.\u00a0 All except for him.\u00a0 He was so numb inside he couldn’t shed a tear.<\/p>\n

Cruel and unrelenting life went on. \u00a0Practical matters demanded their attention, not just the running of the ranch but also the care of two\u00a0young children.\u00a0 Mrs. Shaughnessy was generous and helpful in that area.\u00a0 In fact, she offered to take Jilly and keep her\u00a0until things settled down a bit, but Pa declined. Adam was glad.\u00a0Mrs. Shaughnessy meant well, but the family needed Jilly\u00a0at home, particularly Little Joe.<\/p>\n

How do you explain forever to a child? Adam wasn’t sure his youngest brother understood that his mother was never coming back. What Little Joe did understand was that his whole world had been devastated by her absence, and his father was too bereft for comfort; even his older brothers were sometimes at a loss amid their own grief. \u00a0His greatest and sometimes only consolation was Jilly. She was too young to grieve, so she was never sad or uncomfortable with him. She was his reassurance that not everything in his life had changed.<\/p>\n

On one of many sleepless nights, Adam was passing\u00a0by the room his brothers shared when he heard whispering.\u00a0 There was moonlight enough for him to see that Hoss was asleep, but Little Joe wasn’t. Adam knelt next to his bed.<\/p>\n

“Hey Buddy, how’d you get Jilly out of her crib, huh?”<\/p>\n

“I\u00a0stood on\u00a0the\u00a0chair.”<\/p>\n

“I didn’t know you were that strong.”<\/p>\n

“I’m\u00a0five now.”<\/p>\n

“I know.\u00a0 You’re a big boy, but I don’t know if Jilly’s big enough to sleep in your bed.\u00a0 She might fall off.”<\/p>\n

“I won’t let her.”\u00a0 Little Joe patted her back as she slumbered next to him.\u00a0 “She likes to be with me.”<\/p>\n

“Sure she does. Still,\u00a0I need to take her back.”<\/p>\n

“Please, Adam, don’t take her away. I don’t want anybody to take her away.”<\/p>\n

His plaintive tone pricked Adam’s heart. “You don’t\u00a0have to worry about that, Little Joe.\u00a0 No one’s\u00a0going to take Jilly anywhere except back to\u00a0her own bed, I promise, okay?”<\/p>\n

“Okay.”<\/p>\n

Adam lifted her gently,\u00a0trying not to wake her.<\/p>\n

“She smells like Mama,”\u00a0Little Joe murmured in a sleepy voice.<\/p>\n

Her hair smelled like lilacs.\u00a0 Mrs. Shaughnessy had put lilac water in her bath that afternoon, the way Marie did.\u00a0\u00a0He felt his throat tighten.\u00a0 “You go to sleep now, okay?\u00a0 You can play with her in the morning.”<\/p>\n

Her eyes were open, so he took her downstairs and rocked\u00a0them closed again, breathing in memories. When he\u00a0put her back to bed he was careful not to disturb his father, for whom sleep was his only escape from the sorrow that consumed him.\u00a0 Adam’s heart ached for him, for all of them.<\/p>\n

In the two weeks since Marie’s death he hadn’t really cried, but that night\u00a0when the tears\u00a0came, he\u00a0finally understood what Pa meant about life opening a vein\u2026.<\/p>\n

~*~<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2026If only you could have stayed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The woman in the picture merely smiled.<\/p>\n

Adam\u00a0felt eyes on him before he looked up. “Are you coming down\u00a0or are you\u00a0just going to stand there all night?\u201d<\/p>\n

“Is that an invitation?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, why not?”\u00a0 He leaned back in his chair and regarded his sister with a slow grin. “What are you doing up so late?”<\/p>\n

“I couldn’t sleep, and I\u00a0thought maybe a cup of tea would help.\u00a0What’s your excuse?\u00a0 Dare I ask\u00a0what sorrows you’re drowning while you’re pretending to be working?”<\/p>\n

He arched a brow at her playful impertinence as she perched on the edge of the desk. “And what makes you think I’m drowning sorrows?”<\/p>\n

“Well, the party’s been over for\u00a0hours\u00a0but I know Pa’s recipe when I smell it.\u00a0 Besides, you had that rainy day look.”\u00a0 She\u00a0noted the picture of her mother.\u00a0 “What were you doing just now?”<\/p>\n

“Woolgathering, mostly.”\u00a0 He smiled and changed the subject. “Did you enjoy\u00a0yourself tonight?\u00a0 You looked like\u00a0you had your hands full.”<\/p>\n

“I had a wonderful time\u00a0except for Joe putting me on the spot.\u00a0 Thanks to him, Charlie Evans\u00a0asked me to\u00a0the picnic.”<\/p>\n

“Really? I\u00a0trust you let him down easy.”<\/p>\n

“I told him I’d go.”<\/p>\n

“Oh…I see. But you don’t really want to.”<\/p>\n

“Would you?”<\/p>\n

“Sorry, he’s not my type.”\u00a0 Not\u00a0hers either, if he was any judge.\u00a0Not that there was anything wrong with being only a few inches over five feet, but Charlie Evans was one of the shyest people he’d ever met, and he stuttered when he was nervous. \u00a0 “Why’d you say yes?”<\/p>\n

“I couldn’t think of a good excuse off the top of my head, and you know how I hate to hurt people’s feelings.”<\/p>\n

“Poor Jilly,” he teased. “You’re just like Hoss sometimes, too nice for your own good.”<\/p>\n

“I know.\u00a0 Darn that Joe,” she frowned.\u00a0 “Why can’t I be more like him?\u00a0 Wait a minute, what am I saying?”<\/p>\n

They both laughed.\u00a0 Jilly picked up Marie’s picture and studied it for a moment.\u00a0 “I wish I could remember her the way\u00a0he does, though I don’t suppose she was as perfect as he makes her out to be.”<\/p>\n

“She wasn’t perfect, but she was quite a woman.”\u00a0 He took the picture from her and set it back in its rightful place. “I used to think there could never be anyone like her.”<\/p>\n

“I think I\u2019d like to hear your version of her.”<\/p>\n

He considered the idea, wondering if he could ever do her justice, and he settled on this.\u00a0 \u201cHer favorite poet was Wordsworth, her favorite season was spring, and she loved her family more than anything else in the world. The rest will have to wait for another day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou loved her too, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The affection in\u00a0her dark eyes and\u00a0tender smile was warmly familiar, and he basked in it for a moment until a voice intruded.<\/p>\n

“Doesn’t anybody sleep around here?”\u00a0\u00a0 Joe padded down the stairs in his bare feet.\u00a0“What are you two up to?”<\/p>\n

“I came down for some tea,” said Jilly. “Would you like some?”<\/p>\n

“I think I’d rather have a sandwich if you don’t mind.”<\/p>\n

“Why should I mind if you make yourself a sandwich?”<\/p>\n

“I thought\u00a0as long as you were goin’\u00a0in the kitchen anyway you wouldn’t mind makin’ it for me, oh lovely sister of mine,” he grinned.<\/p>\n

“Don’t you ‘lovely sister’ me!\u00a0\u00a0You’ve got some nerve\u00a0expecting a favor after what you did to me tonight.”<\/p>\n

“Me?\u00a0 What’d I do?”<\/p>\n

“Charlie Evans,” Adam\u00a0volunteered.\u00a0 “It seems\u00a0our lovely sister\u00a0has a date for the picnic she hadn’t planned on, and she thinks it’s your fault.”<\/p>\n

“How can it be my fault?”<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is your fault!\u00a0 He never would have asked me if you hadn’t\u00a0talked him into it. Admit it!”<\/p>\n

Joe hemmed and hawed for a moment before he confessed. “I only did it for you.\u00a0You could’ve said no.”<\/p>\n

“And you could have kept your nose out of my business in the first place.\u00a0 Besides, you knew I wouldn’t have the heart.”<\/p>\n

“Joe,” said Adam, “why Charlie?”<\/p>\n

“Why not Charlie? He’s a nice guy.\u00a0If she’d give him a chance I’m sure he’d grow on her…look,\u00a0I wasn’t trying to be funny, I know he’s short, but… Okay, you wanna know why Charlie?\u00a0 Because he’s harmless, that’s why.\u00a0He can be trusted, unlike some of those other coyotes hangin’ around here tonight.\u00a0 I’m just lookin’ out for you, Jilly, that’s all.”<\/p>\n

She\u00a0rolled her eyes.\u00a0 “I’m doomed to be an old maid. I just know it.”<\/p>\n

“All right, maybe I got a little carried away.\u00a0 If you really don’t want to go with him, just tell him you changed your mind.”<\/p>\n

“I can’t do that!”<\/p>\n

“Well, maybe I can get him to\u00a0change his mind,” Joe offered.<\/p>\n

“Just forget it.”<\/p>\n

“No, I got you into this; I’ll get you out of it. Let me think…”<\/p>\n

“Really, you’ve done enough…”<\/p>\n

He ignored her.\u00a0 “Let’s see…I could tell him you have a \u2018condition\u2019 that might be contagious, something that would scare him away…like…leprosy?\u00a0 No, that’s no good…it has to be something a little less\u00a0obvious but disgusting, too…how about lice?\u00a0 Never mind, I’ll think of something….”<\/p>\n

“So help me, Joe —\u00a0if you say one word to him, I’ll fix your wagon with Ellie, I swear!”<\/p>\n

Their banter from the kitchen made Adam smile.\u00a0 He glanced fondly at the woman in the picture. Though absent in body, she remained very much alive and present in spirit, especially at times like these.<\/p>\n

You’d be proud of them, Marie.\u00a0 They’re everything you hoped for.<\/em><\/p>\n

Rising to follow the sound of her children’s laughter, he could almost hear hers as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

~END~<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags: Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Angst,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Bonner brothers,\u00a0ESA,\u00a0Family,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Jilly Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright,\u00a0Marie Cartwright,\u00a0Sister<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 A conversation overheard at a party evokes Adam\u2019s memories of Marie and the integral role she played in his own first love. (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series)<\/p>\n

Rating: T (47,245 words)<\/p>\n

Ties That Bind Series, links to stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10253,"featured_media":5719,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1005,7,23,30,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-a-u","category-drama","category-prequels","category-romance","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-30-id","wpcat-3-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":3459,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13814,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13814","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":0},"title":"A Pearl Without Price (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"January 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam Cartwright knows well there are some things in this world that money can\u2019t buy, and other things are priceless. (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series) Rating: K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (1,425 words) Ties That Bind Series, links to stories within the series are included.","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1091"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":15151,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15151","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":1},"title":"Something About Amy (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"August 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Tennyson said, \"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.\" \u00a0What would Joe Cartwright say? (WHI\/WHN for The Truckee Strip and part of the Ties That Bind AU series) Rating K+ \u00a0 (1782 words) Ties That Bind Series, links to stories within the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/truckee60.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/truckee60.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/truckee60.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/truckee60.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14080,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14080","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":2},"title":"A Piece of Cake (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"March 27, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0How hard can it be, taking care of two little boys for one day? \u00a0That's what Joe thinks.... (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series) Rating: K \u00a0 \u00a0(1661 words) Ties That Bind Series, links to stories within the series are included.","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Calamity-over-the-Comstock-8.jpg?fit=634%2C563&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Calamity-over-the-Comstock-8.jpg?fit=634%2C563&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Calamity-over-the-Comstock-8.jpg?fit=634%2C563&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15799,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15799","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":3},"title":"No Ordinary Day (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"January 3, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: It was supposed to be an ordinary trip into town for the Cartwrights, but dying wasn't on anyone's list. (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series) Rating: K+ (2088 words) Ties That Bind Series, links to stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/laketahoe.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/laketahoe.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/laketahoe.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/laketahoe.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":21849,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=21849","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":4},"title":"Interval (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"May 2, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 What is it like, being a Cartwright daughter?\u00a0 Only one person could tell you, and it might not be what you think. Chronologically, this story takes place shortly after Winter of Discontent and is an expansion of a recent Pine Cone Challenge bit posted in the forum, the prompt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/san-francisco-1800s.png.jpeg?fit=785%2C588&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/san-francisco-1800s.png.jpeg?fit=785%2C588&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/san-francisco-1800s.png.jpeg?fit=785%2C588&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/san-francisco-1800s.png.jpeg?fit=785%2C588&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15265,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15265","url_meta":{"origin":13766,"position":5},"title":"Guarding the Henhouse (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"September 2, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A too-pretty girl, a Saturday night dance, and a little moonlight mischief.\u00a0 Not to worry\u2014Adam's got it covered. (Part of the Ties That Bind AU series) Rating: T\u00a0 (2870 words) Ties That Bind Series, links to stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/adamreading.jpg?fit=211%2C223&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13766","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10253"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13766"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13766\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13766"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13766"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13766"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}