{"id":13851,"date":"2005-02-28T04:47:58","date_gmt":"2005-02-28T09:47:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13851"},"modified":"2026-07-22T13:54:25","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T17:54:25","slug":"belonging-by-camera-chic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13851","title":{"rendered":"Belonging (by Camera Chic)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>: It’s 1859, and Joe has received a letter that sends him on a journey to discover where he truly belongs.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (9,750 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Belonging<\/strong><\/p>\n

The stage rumbled into the city, and the seventeen-year-old felt as though his heart was going to pound out of his chest. It was the first trip he had ever taken by himself, and the first time he had been more than a day\u2019s ride from home. Had his reason for the trip not been so serious, he would have been having the time of his life.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The stage came to a jerky halt, and the boy stiffly clambered out. A couple of men were pulling bags from top, and several people stood around, waiting for the other passengers to climb out. He knew there was no one waiting for him. Looking around, trying not to appear too overwhelmed by the huge buildings, he started down the street.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSon!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He turned around, back toward the driver who was calling to him. \u201cYes sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll need to get your bag. We don\u2019t store anything overnight,\u201d the man said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He shook his head slightly. \u201cI don\u2019t have a bag, thanks anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man closed the distance between them. \u201cI don\u2019t want to pry into another man\u2019s affairs,\u201d he said quietly. \u201cBut I can tell you\u2019ve never been out here before. Do you know where you\u2019re going? Have somewhere to stay? This city can be a little overwhelming.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, but I have a place to stay,\u201d he replied with a slight smile. The butterflies in his stomach seemed to grow larger at the lie. He didn\u2019t know if he had a place to stay yet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man sighed. \u201cJust be careful, all right, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He nodded. \u201cI will. Thank you, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sun was getting lower in the sky as Joe pushed on through the trees. He really should have started out earlier, as soon as he had arrived in town, but he was afraid of asking the wrong person for directions and having the reason for his visit questioned. He glanced down at the letter again. His father\u2019s words were easy to read, yet confusing. It didn\u2019t make any sense to him, and in some ways he hoped the letter was wrong. His father was a good man\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHold it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped, and looked to his left, where two men on horseback were waiting with drawn guns.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou can turn around and get off our property,\u201d the man continued.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe tried to swallow, but his throat felt as though it had gone completely dry. \u201cWhose property is this?\u201d he asked, and some of his confidence returned at the surprised strength of the question.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis here\u2019s the Ponderosa, and you\u2019re trespassing,\u201d said the other man, who was larger than his dark haired companion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here to see Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAbout what?\u201d the first man asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNone of your business.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The two men bristled at his rather rude statement, and Joe could tell they were sizing him up. He\u2019d never been in a fight before, and the thought of one now both challenged and scared him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m asking nicely one last time. State your business or get off of the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI already told you. My business is with Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The dark haired man tucked his gun away before he slid off his horse, and the other man followed suit. Joe didn\u2019t move as they came forward. When they were standing in front of him, Joe realized just how much bigger they were, and he had to fight away the uncharacteristic fear that started to form. \u201cI really don\u2019t want trouble,\u201d he said. \u201cI just need to see Mr. Cartwright. It\u2019s important.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re his sons; you can take up anything you want to talk to him about with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That startled Joe, and he knew his expression had faltered for a moment when he saw the glance exchanged between the two. Ben Cartwright had sons?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He saw the dark haired one looking down slightly, and Joe realized that his dad\u2019s letter was still in his hand. He moved quickly, trying to tuck it away, but the man realized that it had something to do with his visit, and grabbed his wrist. \u201cNo!\u201d Joe yelled as the man pulled the letter away. The bigger man caught him and pinned his arms, holding him tightly as the dark haired man unfolded the letter. \u201cNo, don\u2019t read it! Give it back! Give it back!\u201d Joe fought in vain until he saw the expression change on the man\u2019s face, and he knew he had read it all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man stared at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s it say, Adam?\u201d asked the big man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked down, sagging against the man holding him. He had hoped to present his case directly to Ben Cartwright. \u201cPlease don\u2019t send me away,\u201d Joe said quietly. \u201cI\u2026I didn\u2019t know, I grew up and I didn\u2019t know\u2026I just wanted\u2026I just wanted to at least meet him, I\u2019m not asking to be\u2026part of\u2026I\u2019m not trying to\u2026\u201d Joe stopped his incoherent explanation when the dark haired man stepped closer to him, lifting his chin up so he was looking at him. The man searched his face, and finally smiled slightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou do have Marie\u2019s eyes,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho?\u201d Joe asked, but they didn\u2019t seem to hear as the bigger man released him, turning him around so he could see him as well.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d the big man asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded slightly. \u201cThat\u2019s my name\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d The big man swept him up, almost squeezing the air out of him. \u201cJoe!\u201d He dropped him back to the ground, grinning ear to ear and hugged him close again, a beefy arm around his shoulders. Joe couldn\u2019t help but smile back, the man\u2019s joy was so contagious. \u201cWhat happened to you? How did you get here? Are you all right? Where have you been?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cI\u2019m fine, and I\u2019m not really sure\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCan you explain the letter?\u201d the man named Adam asked him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t really know about it. My dad just\u2026gave it to me\u2026before he died.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam looked at it again, and said, \u201cHere, Hoss, it says, \u2018Dear Joe, This is one of the hardest things I\u2019ve done\u2026had to explain to you what happened. First of all, I am not your father. You were kidnapped and given to me by an old friend to care for when you were very young. I raised you as my son, even though I knew your father was anxiously searching for you, for years. It is something I am not proud of, but please believe me, it was the hardest decision I had to make, and I just couldn\u2019t do it. I do love you, Joe, I love you as a son. I never wanted to hurt you. I\u2019ve written this letter, knowing that someday, when you\u2019re grown and I\u2019m gone, you\u2019ll find it. Please don\u2019t hate me. I know what I\u2019ve done is wrong and selfish, and I am sorry if I\u2019ve caused you any hurt. Your father, your true father, is a man named Ben Cartwright. He lives in Nevada territory, and owns a property called the Ponderosa. I\u2019ve heard he is a good, fair man. I\u2019m giving you this information so that you can find him, if you choose to. I truly wish you the best, son. Signed, Samuel Becker.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had managed to keep the tears out of his eyes, and offered a slight shrug. \u201cThat\u2019s what I know,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No one said anything for a few moments, and then finally Adam spoke up. \u201cWe haven\u2019t even introduced ourselves. I\u2019m Adam, and this is my younger brother, Hoss. Well, actually your older brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up, smiling slightly. \u201cIt\u2019s nice to meet you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cLet\u2019s go to the house and find Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All of Joe\u2019s nervousness came rushing back. \u201cDo you think\u2026that he\u2019ll want\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cTo meet you? I think so.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They walked back to the horses, and Adam helped Joe swing up in front of him. As they rode, Joe looked around in amazement. \u201cIs all this yours?\u201d he asked Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026yes, this is all part of the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For the rest of the trip, Joe just looked around at the endless trees. In town, he\u2019d heard that the Ponderosa was the biggest property in the territory, and now he truly believed it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pretty soon they arrived in a clearing in front of an enormous house. Joe slid off the horse, and Adam and Hoss looped their reins around a hitching post. Hoss hurried into a barn, and then came back out a few seconds later. \u201cPa\u2019s horse is still gone. I\u2019ll go find him.\u201d He swung back onto his horse.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t tell him,\u201d Joe called, and Hoss looked back. \u201cI\u2026want to tell him, if that\u2019s all right,\u201d he finished, looking from Hoss to Adam. They both nodded, and then Hoss rode away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHere.\u201d Adam went over to a pump in the yard, splashed some water on his face, and then took a long drink of water. Joe followed suit, grateful to finally wash some of the road dust off.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He followed Adam into the house, and when they got inside, he gasped out loud, and then laughed a little when Adam looked at him. \u201cSorry, it\u2019s just\u2026this room is bigger than my whole house!\u201d He caught himself. \u201cI meant my old house.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam put his hat and gun belt on the sideboard. \u201cDo you want anything? Are you hungry?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the mention of food, Joe\u2019s stomach audibly growled, and he felt his cheeks color slightly. \u201cI guess I am,\u201d he said ruefully.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam walked around a large chair, and tossed him an apple from a bowl on the low table in front of the fireplace. \u201cSit down,\u201d he invited, and then grabbing an apple for himself, sank into a chair. Joe did his best not to swallow the apple whole, and Adam didn\u2019t say anything until they were both done eating. \u201cWhere did you travel from?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIowa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat must have been a long trip.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cIt took several weeks. I\u2019m not really sure exactly how long.\u201d He thought for a moment. \u201cWhat day is it today?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWednesday, the 7th of September.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad died August 9th,\u201d Joe murmured, not even really listening to himself. \u201cHe gave me the letter and some money for fare the day before, and I left a few days later.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWas he ill?\u201d Adam asked quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cHe had been, the last few years. He wasn\u2019t able to do too much around the farm, and the doctors didn\u2019t know what was wrong with him. He got really bad, just so weak and he couldn\u2019t eat at all. He knew\u2026\u201d Joe sighed. \u201cHe gave me the letter, and said he intended for me to get it after he had died. He said he\u2019d had it for years.\u201d Joe looked down. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam, I just\u2026I didn\u2019t believe it. He never did anything wrong, ever. I just don\u2019t understand\u2026 am I really Joe Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sighed. \u201cI don\u2019t know. You certainly\u2026look like Pa in some ways and Marie in others. And that letter\u2026it seems to explain things.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s Marie?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMarie was your mother. She died about 4 years after you went missing; a fall from a horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked away thoughtfully. \u201cWhen I asked about my mother once, he told me he didn\u2019t want to talk about her. Told me he\u2019d tell me later. Someone said that she ran off and left him, and I hated her for years. I feel bad about that now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sank back in the chair. He had never shared so much with anyone other than his dad before, but it seemed\u2026different, now.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The door opened then, and Joe stood up next to Adam. An older man walked inside, followed closely by Hoss. The man had stern features and graying temples. His clothes were covered in dust. He tossed his hat down, and looked towards Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Ben Cartwright. My son tells me you have some sort of business with me,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded, taking a nervous step forward. \u201cYes, sir, I do. I\u2026\u201d he suddenly didn\u2019t know what to say, or where to start. Everything he had rehearsed seemed contrived. He faltered a few times until Adam spoke up. \u201cYou said you had a letter\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced at him and nodded, grateful. \u201cThat\u2019s right. I have a letter\u2026well actually it was given to me by my father\u2026or rather the man I knew as my father. Anyway, he gave me the letter, and said to find you, so I did. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s all true, or why\u2026but here it is\u2026\u201d he walked forward and handed it to Ben, and then watched the man\u2019s face carefully as he read it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben seemed to read it through several times before he finally looked up. Joe wasn\u2019t sure if he believed it. \u201cYour\u2026father\u2026gave you this letter.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe felt as though he was going to collapse, his knees were so weak. \u201cYes\u2026yes, I didn\u2019t know anything about it. He gave it to me\u2026just before he\u2026died\u2026sir\u2026\u201d He couldn\u2019t look at the man\u2019s face anymore, and stared at the floor. \u201cI didn\u2019t know\u2026We\u2019d lived in Iowa for the last ten years, I think, and Texas before that, and I never knew\u2026that he wasn\u2019t\u2026and I just thought\u2026\u201d Joe wished he hadn\u2019t come. There was no way Ben Cartwright would believe him, and why should he want to? He should have just turned around when Adam and Hoss stopped him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you come here for, son?\u201d Ben\u2019s question was gentle, and it gave Joe courage to look up at him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted to meet you, sir, to see what you were like and if the letter was true. I\u2026\u201d Joe glanced away for a moment and shrugged, \u201cI didn\u2019t really have anywhere to go, and I\u2026I was just trying to see if it was true. I don\u2019t really expect anything from you, it that\u2019s what you thought. If you want me to leave right now, I\u2019ll go. I\u2019d completely understood.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou would?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe faltered for a second. \u201cWell\u2026yes\u2026\u201d he said quietly. \u201cI mean, I\u2019ve never seen you before, and you certainly haven\u2019t seen me\u2026well, unless I really am Joseph Cartwright, and then you would have, but I don\u2019t remember you. And\u2026and\u2026you have\u2026other sons\u2026you wouldn\u2019t need me, even if I was your son\u2026\u201d Joe sighed and looked down again. \u201cThere\u2019s no reason in the world you should believe me, and no reason I even believe it myself. My dad probably made it up, so that\u2026\u201d Joe couldn\u2019t bring himself to say or even hardly think that his father had purely financial reasons for sending him here. He started for the door. \u201cI\u2019m sorry for taking up your time, sir\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I asked you to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned back and stared at him, trying to choke back the lump in his throat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWould you like to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cYes sir\u2026I would\u2026but\u2026why?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben moved towards him. \u201cBecause I also want to know if it\u2019s true. Nothing would make me happier than to have my son back.\u201d Ben placed his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders, and for a moment Joe thought he was going to pull him forward into a hug, but he didn\u2019t. Ben turned and put his arm around Joe, and looked at Adam and Hoss. \u201cYou two already knew all this, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss kind of laughed, as Adam said, \u201cWell, we sort of found out by force.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shook his head, and then looked down at Joe. \u201cWell, let\u2019s get you set up. You said you came from Iowa; did you have a good trip?\u201d He started to lead Joe to the stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir, I suppose so. I don\u2019t really have anything to compare it to,\u201d he said with a slight laugh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They reached the landing at the top of the stairs, and Ben stopped. \u201cOh, did you have a bag?\u201d he asked, looking back into the great room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe thought for a moment of lying, and saying it was lost, but then he finally just shook his head. \u201cNo, not really. Just me\u2026and a letter,\u201d he said as lightly as he could.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben glanced back at him with a smile, and Joe was relieved to see no signs of pity in his face. \u201cCome along then\u2026let me show you your room.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe closed the bedroom door behind him with a sigh, leaning on it for a moment. Dinner had been amazing\u2026the largest meal he had ever eaten at one time. He felt a little self-conscious at times; there were so many things he had never seen before. There were two different forks, and two different drinking glasses, and he didn\u2019t even know what some of the food was. They didn\u2019t have to prepare the meal themselves, or even clean up after it. Their cook, Hop Sing, did that. And then he had been overwhelmed with questions from them\u2026where he had lived, how long he\u2019d lived there, any detail of his childhood he could remember. He tried not to talk about Sam much\u2026it hurt too bad.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Walking over to the bed, he picked up a piece of clothing that hadn\u2019t been there before. It was a nightshirt. He smiled a little, but then sat down with a sigh and tears in his eyes. He knew they were trying to be nice, and generous, but he didn\u2019t want pity. He didn\u2019t want them just to give him things\u2026he wanted to earn them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a knock on the door. \u201cCome in,\u201d Joe called.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam walked into the room. \u201cI just came in to say goodnight, and see if you needed anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head, and then glanced around the room with a sigh. \u201cNo, I don\u2019t think so. It\u2019s just so\u2026big. Do you know my old room had just a bed, with enough room to walk around it? Not even a window\u2026\u201d He saw the look on Adam\u2019s face. \u201cI\u2019m sorry; I don\u2019t mean to keep comparing everything. I just\u2026I never thought something like this would happen to me. I don\u2019t want to get used to it.\u201d Even he was startled by this admission, and he quickly stood up, hoping Adam hadn\u2019t been paying attention. \u201cWell, good night to you, too,\u201d he said with a large, fake smile. Adam raised an eyebrow, and Joe\u2019s false happiness disappeared, much to his chagrin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what does that mean?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sat down again. \u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam sat down next to him. \u201cPa\u2019s not going to kick you out.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t really expect him to ask me to stay,\u201d he said with a shrug. Adam didn\u2019t say anything, and after a few seconds Joe shrugged again, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling the man\u2019s gaze brought him. \u201cI just\u2026it doesn\u2019t feel real. It doesn\u2019t feel permanent. I can\u2019t\u2026\u201d Joe stopped himself, and looked away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAre you thinking of leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2026I don\u2019t\u2026\u201d he started quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think I fit in here, even if I am a Cartwright.\u201d Joe found himself clasping his hands tightly together, and he consciously relaxed them, but then didn\u2019t know what to do. He settled them on his knees, but then moved them together again when that felt too contrived. Self-conscious under Adam\u2019s look, he stood up and moved away from him, picking up a carving of some sort from a nearby table. \u201cI don\u2019t have anything,\u201d he whispered. \u201cI can\u2019t just stay here and\u2026take things from you, with no way to ever pay you back.\u201d He closed his eyes, his pride creating a dull ache, it seemed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGiver yourself a chance,\u201d Adam said. Joe could tell that he stood up, and moved a little closer. \u201cWe\u2019re not just going to throw you on the back of a horse with a rope in your hand, you know. We\u2019ll teach you\u2026that\u2019s what big brothers are for.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned back, a spontaneous smile lighting his face. \u201cBig brothers?\u201d he said lightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cSure\u2026we\u2019ve got 17 years to make up for.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe laughed, but then sobered as reality seemed to hit him again. \u201cWhat if I\u2019m not Joe Cartwright?\u201d he asked, trying to keep it light but knowing he failed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you need to stop thinking that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded slightly, looking down. \u201cI\u2019m trying to\u2026\u201d he said quietly. \u201cI just\u2026I keep wondering what\u2019s going to happen if it comes to an end, if I\u2019m not really a Cartwright, and he wants me to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d Adam said quietly. \u201cUntil you believe it yourself, you\u2019re never going to answer that question.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd once I believe it, what will the answer be?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOnce you believe it, you\u2019ll know that would never happen.\u201d Adam reached out and squeezed his shoulder briefly. \u201cGoodnight, little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe watched as he left the room, and then lay back on the bed with a sigh. \u201cGoodnight, older brother\u2026\u201d he tried, and then smiled. \u201cI like the sound of that\u2026\u201d he whispered to himself, and then got up to get ready for bed before the rest of the family came in to say goodnight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, have you ever ridden a horse?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked across the table at Hoss. Joe swallowed the mouthful of bacon, and then shook his head slightly. \u201cNot really. We had plow horses, not saddle horses. I\u2019ve ridden them bareback a few times, but that\u2019s it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss nodded. \u201cWell today we\u2019re gonna get you on a horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled. \u201cI\u2019d like that; that is unless there\u2019s work to do. I can help out with anything you need me to.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Joseph,\u201d Ben said, as Joe turned his attention to him. \u201cA lot of the work on this ranch involves riding. I\u2019d actually like you to work with Hoss the next couple days and try to get used to being in a saddle.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a quick learner,\u201d Joe said with a grin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss let out a short laugh. \u201cWe\u2019ll see how sore you are tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning,\u201d Adam greeted as he walked into the dining room. They all responded as he sat down and poured himself a cup of coffee. \u201cHoss,\u201d he said as he helped himself to bacon and flapjacks. \u201cDon\u2019t forget to leave your clothes out for Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss started slightly. \u201cI almost forgot, thanks Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Joe, I can lend you something while Hop Sing does yours too.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe realized his face must have reflected his confusion, because Hoss piped up, \u201cIt\u2019s laundry day today. Every week on Thursday Hop Sing washes everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded, trying not to appear overwhelmed. \u201cI see.\u201d He went back to eating. Laundry day\u2026 in his old home clothes were done when they needed to be done.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, how come you didn\u2019t have anything with you when you came? Not even a change of clothes, nothing\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up at Hoss, and caught the slightly warning looks on Ben and Adam\u2019s faces. \u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d he said quietly. He looked at Hoss. \u201cAfter\u2026after the funeral, I went back to the house, and there was a man there from the bank. The property was heavily mortgaged, and they were taking everything. He wouldn\u2019t let me inside to get anything\u2026not even a hairbrush, a book, nothing. He sent me away. Luckily, I had the letter and the money for fare on me; otherwise\u2026\u201d Joe shrugged, and glanced away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe day of the funeral?\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cI honestly had nowhere to go.\u201d He looked up. \u201cBut I didn\u2019t come here just to get something, or just to have somewhere to go,\u201d he said to Ben. \u201cI want to work; I\u2019ve worked hard all my life, and I\u2019m not going to change that. I haven\u2019t really earned or deserved any of this, and I certainly don\u2019t feel entitled to any of it. I didn\u2019t come here, and I don\u2019t want to stay here just because it would be easy. I don\u2019t want it to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, it won\u2019t,\u201d Adam said wryly, and Ben chuckled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt is a lot of hard work, and I\u2019m glad that you explained your feelings, but you needn\u2019t worry about it, son. Both Adam and Hoss receive weekly wages, which they can spend or save however they wish, and it will be the same with you. However, you do need to start out with everything you\u2019ll need. Tomorrow I was planning on us heading into town; you\u2019ll need boots and clothing more fitting to ranch work. And don\u2019t worry about not having earned it\u2026 if you like, I\u2019ll take it out of your first week\u2019s pay.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cYes sir, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let\u2019s all finish breakfast. We all have a lot of work to do today.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shut the corral gate and latched it, and then picked up the saddle and walked across the yard towards the barn. Hoss had already gone inside, but Joe had wanted to stay outside a little while longer and practice. As he neared the barn, he heard voices coming from within.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026so he really had no idea?\u201d a man was asking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNone,\u201d Joe heard Ben say. \u201cThat man kept from him everything about his past\u2026lied to him, tricked him into staying there, put him through so much. Joe shouldn\u2019t have had to grow up like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cToo bad you never had the chance to confront him, or to put him behind bars where he belonged,\u201d the other man said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI would have let him know exactly what kind of low-life snake I thought he was. Only the worst sort of human being would do something like that, knowing that it was wrong and doing it anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was silence for a few seconds as Joe stood outside; holding his breathe and feeling as though he couldn\u2019t stop shaking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAt least I have my son back now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned and tried to walk away as quietly as he could. He set the saddle down, and then went quickly into the house and upstairs. A while later he heard Hoss yell up to him, about leaving the saddle outside, but that moment he didn\u2019t really care.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve been awfully quiet,\u201d Hoss commented.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced up from his dinner. They were all looking at him. He merely shrugged and went back to eating. \u201cI really don\u2019t have anything to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIs something bothering you, son?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe paused, considering whether or not to confront his father. Finally he made up his mind. \u201cI heard what you said today. About Sam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyebrows went up briefly, and then he said, \u201cWhat about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s fair. You didn\u2019t know him; I just don\u2019t think you ought to talk about him like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could see his father\u2019s anger at his words build. \u201cJoseph, that tone is unacceptable. And first of all, how can you defend someone like him? Secondly-\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe cut him off angrily. \u201cSomeone like him? What does that mean? He was always nice to me, he treated me like a son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe had no right to take you!\u201d Ben burst out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t take me, the letter says that!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe had no right to keep you. He knew who you were, where you belonged. I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re defending him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know why he did what he did, but-\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe did what he did because he was a selfish, hurtful man.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stood up, quiet fury tainting his voice. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t. He was the kindest, most selfless person\u2026\u201d Joe could tell his father wanted him to hate Sam as much as he did, but he just couldn\u2019t. Sam had been there for him, and given him everything ever since he could remember, and he just couldn\u2019t. He turned and almost ran from the room, ignoring his father behind him. Outside, he started into the woods. He wasn\u2019t sure where he was going, but he just needed some space.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Eventually, he saw water through the trees, and realized he was near the lake Hoss had told him about. He turned towards it, and arrived at the edge. It was a beautiful sight, and it dissolved his anger a little. He just stood for a moment, taking in the blueness of the water and the scent of pines, and then after a few minutes turned and started to follow the shore. After a while he climbed up a hill and then stumbled into a little clearing. With surprise, he saw there was a headstone just in front of him. Curious, he moved so he could see the name. As soon as he did, a shudder went through him and he sank to his knees. \u201cMy mother\u2026\u201d he whispered. It hit him hard, and he dropped his head to the ground as tears threatened to spill.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was starting to get dark when a branch snapped nearby. Joe sat up, startled, and turned to see Hoss coming towards him. He was almost disappointed that it wasn\u2019t Ben.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s kind of funny,\u201d Hoss said. \u201cYou and Pa do exactly the same thing\u2026come here when something\u2019s troubling you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked at the headstone in front of him. \u201cI didn\u2019t even know about it,\u201d he said quietly. \u201cWhy was she buried here?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss sat down on a log near him. \u201cShe loved this spot.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was she like?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss had a rather far off look on his face, bringing back memories. \u201cShe was beautiful. She was kind, and generous. She loved to laugh\u2026she brought so much happiness into our house. I was a little fellow when Pa brought her back, and she was the only mother I ever knew.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWasn\u2019t she your mother?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cNo, Pa was married three times. Adam\u2019s mother, she was from back east. She died right after Adam was born. My mother died during the trip out here\u2026she was killed by an arrow. I do have an uncle\u2026 Gunnar Borgstrom. I\u2019ve never met him, but I\u2019m sure he\u2019s just like my mother. She was a good woman, according to what Adam and Pa have told me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was quite for a long time, his thoughts going in many directions. Finally, rather quietly, he said, \u201cShe must have been heartbroken when I was kidnapped.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d never seen her cry before,\u201d Hoss answered just as quietly. \u201cAnd Pa\u2026it almost killed him. He was gone for days at a time, searching. After she died, he left. For months. When he came back, it was as if he\u2019d lost a piece of himself, too, and had been searching for it but hadn\u2019t found it. It feels\u2026better, now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stared at the ground in front of him, wondering again if he should have come out here. He couldn\u2019t really believe that this was \u2018better\u2019, that bringing up all these old hurts and memories was doing anybody any good, especially if he ended up not being able to stay.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe got up and followed his brother to his horse, swinging up behind him a little stiffly, sore, after the hours of riding this afternoon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes and rolled over. He sat up in the dark and listened. He wasn\u2019t sure what had awoken him, and pushing the blankets aside, got up and went to his door. He quietly opened it, and then poked his head into the hallway, just in time to see someone disappear around the corner to the stairs. Joe stood back for a moment, and then looked towards his bed. He was awake now; it would be awhile anyway until he fell asleep again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe opened the door, and quietly went into the hall and around the corner to the top of the stairs. He knelt down at the top, and watched as Ben put some logs in the fireplace, stoking it up. From the dim light of the growing flames, Joe could see that the man was in his dressing gown. As he watched, Ben got out a pipe and tobacco, and then sat down and started to smoke. Feeling a little foolish just sitting there watching him, Joe got up and went downstairs. Ben looked up as Joe stopped next to the settee where he was seated. \u201cDid I wake you?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cNo, sir, I don\u2019t think so. I wake up a few times every night.\u201d He glanced at the shadows dancing on the wall from the light coming from the fireplace, and then looked back at Ben, who was staring at the flames as he smoked. Joe sighed, and then sat down next to him. \u201cI\u2019m sorry for the way I behaved,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was shaking his head slightly. \u201cWas that the way you were raised?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up in surprise. \u201cNo, sir. He never would have\u2026\u201d Joe suddenly looked down, staring at his hands on his lap as he felt his cheeks burn. This was his father, and he did\u2026 he did deserve the same amount of respect that he had always paid Sam. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019m sorry too. I supposed you had a right to be angry\u2026what you heard me say\u2026\u201d Ben sighed and then put his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders. \u201cIt\u2019s just that I am angry\u2026jealous, even. He had\u2026so much time with you\u2026time that should have been mine. I wish that the way you felt about him, you felt about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe felt tears slipping down his cheeks as he leaned his head against his father. \u201cI want to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI just\u2026it\u2019s so hard for me to believe that he could have done something so wrong. It\u2019s like\u2026it\u2019s like as if someone told Adam or Hoss that you had kidnapped them as a child. They wouldn\u2019t believe it. They\u2026\u201d Joe sighed and closed his eyes. They loved their father too much to believe something like that. \u201cI just don\u2019t know how to give that up,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was quiet for a long time. Finally, he said quietly, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up at him. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s jaw muscles were moving, and Joe could feel his arm around his shoulder was tensed. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have to. It\u2019s not fair for me to ask you to give that up.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut you really want me to,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben said, looking down at him and meeting his gaze. \u201cNo, son\u2026I don\u2019t. I want you to be happy, and if being happy means that you never see me as a replacement for your dad, then so be it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could see just how hard it was for Ben to say that, and he brought his arms up and hugged him as tightly as he could. Never had he seen anyone, not even Sam, do or say anything like that; something that came from so deep inside, and hurt so much to say, but said it anyway because that\u2019s what love was. It was caring about someone else\u2019s needs so much more than your own. Sam had given him a lot. And when times were hard, and they had to go without he always made sure that Joe had food to eat, or shoes for winter; but Joe now realized he had never seen such a deep amount of emotion before. His father was willing to give him up, if it meant he would be happy. \u201cNo,\u201d he said, cradled in Ben\u2019s arms. \u201cYou are my father. What he did was wrong.\u201d Suddenly realizing and admitting that was the hardest thing he ever felt he had done, but at the same time, it was as if a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. He cried into his father\u2019s shoulder. He still didn\u2019t know exactly how he was going to do this; he still felt like an outsider. But somehow now it seemed a little easier to face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe held his reins tightly in his left hand, slid his feet out of the stirrups, took hold of the saddle horn, and then swung his right leg behind him and over the saddle and slid to the ground. He landed, trying to mask the wobbling in his sore legs and keep from collapsing in the dirt next to his horse. After a second or two he composed himself, and then followed the lead of Adam in looping his reins around the post near the store. Ben would have had him ride on the wagon instead of Hoss, but Joe really wanted to work on his riding. Hoss had promised he\u2019d get better and soon outride him if he kept up with it daily, and Joe was determined to make him proud. Joe felt Ben\u2019s hand on his shoulder, and together they walked into the store.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All day they went into different stores, until Joe felt positively dizzy. He\u2019d tried on shirts and pants in one, and Ben had bought him several work outfits and a dressy one and a jacket and hat, along with a number of undergarments. Out of a catalog they ordered boots that would arrive in several weeks from San Francisco. In another store he had purchased a number of personal items including a razor and a hairbrush. After several hours of making stops, they went to a restaurant for lunch. It was the first time that Joe had ever been to one, and the others seemed to enjoy his excitement. Finally, they went into the last store, to purchase some supplies needed for the ranch. Joe wandered outside as Adam and Ben were finalizing their purchases, and he looked up and down the street at the busy people who were rushing by. Maybe he could get used to this\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A man came to a stop in front of him, and Joe greeted him with a nod.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, howdy,\u201d the man said. \u201cDon\u2019t know if I\u2019ve seen you in these parts before. I see you came in with the Cartwrights\u2026friend of theirs?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t particularly like his attitude, but he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He must know his family, somehow. \u201cSort of,\u201d he replied. \u201cI\u2019m Joe Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man snorted, and leaned closer to him. \u201cThere\u2019s one thing I know for sure, and that\u2019s you\u2019re not Joseph Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe felt a glare settle on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow before you get all riled up sonny, maybe you better listen to me. See, I figure you\u2019re just some money-hungry kid who saw a chance. I see the way they\u2019ve been parading you around town, just dropping money on you. Well, I want a piece of that action too. I want 500 dollars, and I\u2019ll keep your secret.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t, do I?\u201d The man leaned closer to him. \u201cThe body of Joseph Cartwright is buried in a nameless grave at the edge of the desert. Old Man Cartwright doesn\u2019t know about it\u2026see, I never told anyone. But I have proof\u2026and I\u2019ll gladly give it to him if I don\u2019t get my money.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could tell he was shaking, but he hoped the man didn\u2019t see it. \u201cYou\u2019re lying\u2026\u201d He had no idea how to argue against him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man laughed. \u201cNo, I\u2019m not. Unless you want to be penniless again, you get me 500 dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cI can\u2019t just ask him for money-\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAsk him for money?\u201d the man guffawed. \u201cWhat do you care\u2026just steal it! That\u2019s what you\u2019re doing anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI am not!\u201d Joe lunged forward and grabbed the man\u2019s shirt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Suddenly the man\u2019s expression changed, and anger covered his face. He pushed Joe away from him, backwards into the street. \u201cYou have two days, fake Cartwright.\u201d The man walked away, and Joe pushed himself off the ground, brushing the dirt from his clothes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey, are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up. \u201cOh, hi Hoss.\u201d He tried to smile, but he felt like crying so he was sure his expression was rather sickly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026just some crazy guy. Just forget it, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid he say any-\u201c<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI said forget it!\u201d Joe instantly felt bad for snapping at him, and sighed and patted his arm. \u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d Hoss said, and then followed Adam and Ben to the horses and wagon. Joe trailed along, and then managed to get on his horse without falling off, for which he would have been proud other than the fact that what the man said was bothering him. On the ride home, he thought about what the man had said, and puzzled it out in his head. Finally he decided to not bring it up. He didn\u2019t really believe him, and there was no point in trying to make trouble by mentioning it if it wasn\u2019t true. By the time he got home, he was almost back to his normal self, and ready to help with unloading the supplies they had purchased.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a roar of laughter, and the last man holding cards at the table threw his hand down in disgust. Joe laughed along with the observers and scooped the money in the center of the table up. \u201cLook at that, Chad, he beat you and he doesn\u2019t even know how to play poker!\u201d a man yelled. Everyone started laughing again, and someone handed Joe a small glass of something. Joe downed the bitter tasting liquid, mimicking the other men he has seen drink a shot of whiskey. He coughed less than he had last time, and glanced around at the men surrounding him. He had lost his brothers a few hours back, and had ended up in this bar. Still no sign of them, and the little voice in the back of his head became more persistent, telling him to get up, leave, and go find them before he got into trouble.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He pushed back the chair, his hands not quite knowing where they were supposed to go, almost. He got to his feet, holding onto the edge of the table for support. \u201cThank you, gentlemen. I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll see you around again. I need to find some lost brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A couple of men clapped him on the shoulder, helping him out as he left the saloon. Outside, he took a deep breath of air, and the contrast between the stuffy, smelly bar and the clear crisp air outside became startlingly apparent. He savored it for a moment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It had been a long, grueling week. He was practicing riding daily, and getting better even though he was so sore he felt hardly able to sit in the saddle. Bruises covered the insides of his legs, and his arm and bottom as well from the falls he had taken. In addition to that, he had taken on all the barn chores, freeing the others to work on moving the herd to a new pasture, and was busily repairing fences in the corral. This morning Ben had congratulated them all for the hard work of the week, and Joe had accepted his wages proudly. Ben had kept some of it as he had promised for the clothing he had purchased, but Joe knew that he still hadn\u2019t kept enough, as it would take at least three weeks of work to pay off everything he had bought him. Ben had merely shaken his head when Joe pointed this out. \u201cJust think of it as catching up on seventeen years of birthday presents,\u201d he had said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Someone was stopping in front of him. Joe turned his attention to the woman before him. She was older, not terribly attractive, and smelled rather like the saloon he had just exited. \u201cLooking for anything in particular, mister?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cNo thank you, ma\u2019am,\u201d he said quietly. Hoss and Adam had informed him of the many wonders of Virginia City, including the places where he could go, and the places he was to definitely stay out of. She seemed to be from one of the banned places. He offered her a small smile and a shake of his head, and then turned and started rather unsteadily down the street.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, there, young Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe turned to see the sheriff walking up behind him. \u201cHello, Sheriff Coffee,\u201d he greeted him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou can call me Roy, son. Where are you headed? I saw your brothers over that way, they were looking for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled. \u201cOh good, I sort of lost them.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy nodded. \u201cWell you be careful, Joe, this town can get mighty crazy at night. I know you\u2019re still not sure of how to use this, so don\u2019t go messing with anyone who\u2019s a troublemaker.\u201d Roy patted the gun at his side, and Joe glanced down at his own. Adam was teaching him to shoot, but there was no way, especially in his condition now, that he was ready to take aim at anything.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t. I\u2019ll be careful, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou see that you do. Good night.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Roy started down the street, and Joe turned in the direction he had pointed out. Just in front of him, there was a crash, and a man went flying out of the saloon doors. There was a roar of laughter, and Joe cautiously made his way up to peer inside, just in case anyone else followed. There was a man at the bar, everyone was patting him on the back and seemed to be buying drinks for him. He downed the shots in front of him, and then turned back. \u201cAnyone else?\u201d he called. There was laughter, shouts, and a few protests as the men goaded each other, daring each other to take him on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Perhaps it was the alcohol in Joe\u2019s system, that made his competitive streak stronger and his common sense all but gone as he pushed open the doors. The little voice in his head was drowned out by the adrenaline rushing through him as he stopped in front of the big man. \u201cHow about me? I\u2019ll do it,\u201d he said. The men laughed and chided him, and the big man looked him over with a smile.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, sonny,\u201d he said, with a laugh. \u201cLet\u2019s see what you\u2019ve got.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His head pounded as he closed and opened his eyes again, and then tried to focus on Hoss. \u201cBut what happened?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, would you be quiet!\u201d Hoss pushed the wet cloth against his head, and Joe yelped.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, no, no hurts\u2026\u201d his words didn\u2019t seem to come out as he intended. He tried again. \u201cIts hurts\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss gave an exasperated sigh. \u201cWould you let me clean you up, for pete\u2019s sake? We can\u2019t take you home like this, Pa would have yours and our hides for sure!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss groaned as he wiped Joe\u2019s face. \u201cFor the last time, I\u2019ve said this three times already. You challenged Big Bob to a fight. You very nearly won. You got drunk. Adam and I found you passed out outside the bar a half hour ago, and he went to get coffee and our horses so we can get you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI unnerstand that. That I un\u2026und\u2026understand. I do. But how did it happen?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou say one more thing I\u2019ll tan your hide myself after Pa gets done!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, I am shocked and appalled at your behavior! You are old enough to know better than to act this way. It is completely unbecoming of anyone to get so drunk that he has to be carried out of anyplace. I am terribly disappointed in you, and your complete disregard for rules of proper behavior!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was the next morning, and Joe felt as though his head was going to fall off. Adam and Hoss had come into his room this morning, informed him that he had to suffer the consequences of his actions, and then hauled him out of bed and made him get dressed. He was a little angry with them for it; he had never been hung over, or even drunk, before, and they seemed more amused than sympathetic.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben turned angrily away, pounding his hand on his desk and making Joe jump, startled. Joe stole a glance at Adam and Hoss, and to his anger, discovered they actually seemed to be enjoying Ben\u2019s tirade. He wished he could just disappear, and that none of this had ever happened. Ben turned back. \u201cI ought to take you outside, and give you a good tanning!\u201d Joe felt his mouth drop open in shock. \u201cDo you have anything at all to say for yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe wasn\u2019t sure what to say. \u201cI\u2026didn\u2019t mean to do anything wrong\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t mean to do anything wrong?\u201d Ben roared.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe flinched.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou went into town, got into a fight, and then got so drunk you couldn\u2019t sit straight on your horse\u2026and you didn\u2019t MEAN to do anything wrong? What did you think was right? No son of mine would be caught acting in such an appalling manner!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe felt as if he had been slapped. The sick feeling in his stomach intensified and he felt hot and cold all over. He knew he had to leave before he either threw up or started yelling back. Joe turned and almost ran for the front door. It was so far away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben yelled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped at the front door, grasping the handle, his knuckles white, shaking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou do not leave when I am talking to you. Come back here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d Joe choked. \u201cPlease, let me go-\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, come back here right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Reluctantly, Joe dropped his hand from the door, and slowly turned back. He couldn\u2019t break his gaze from the floor in front of him, and he couldn\u2019t make his feet move at all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben waited a few seconds, but when it became apparent that Joe wasn\u2019t moving, he said, \u201cSeeing that you don\u2019t know how to properly conduct yourself when you go into town, you are restricted to the ranch for the next month, and if you wish to step off the Ponderosa after that time period, you will do so only in the direct presence of myself, and you will not leave my side. Do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked up, angry tears burning his eyes. \u201cYou can\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe saw Adam and Hoss, who had lost all traces of amusement and were now standing up near their father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, in this house I set the rules and the consequences for breaking them. If you wish to live here, then you will follow those rules.\u201d Joe could tell he was furious as he took a deep breath, and said with some restraint, \u201cI think you ought to go to your room and remain there the rest of the day.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe cleared his throat. \u201cI just need to\u2026step outside for a minute, please\u2026\u201d he mumbled.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded, and Joe practically flew out the door and around the side of the house. He passed up the outhouse; he hadn\u2019t needed anything other than to get away for a few minutes. He sat down just inside the edge of the woods on a stump, and then waited until the throbbing in his head lessened.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After thinking it over, he discovered he was actually more angry with himself. He did know that what he was doing wasn\u2019t right, and he knew he shouldn\u2019t have had so much to drink. He even knew that he should have made sure not to let Adam and Hoss out of his sight. But still, it had happened, and he had let it happen. Joe sighed. He just wanted to fit in; he wished it was easy to know what to say, and how to act. He wished he knew how to stop, and how to prove himself without feeling like he had to prove himself. He wanted to be accepted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe froze as a branch snapped behind him. Shaking his head, he laughed slightly, shaking off the instinctive fear. He needed to stop jumping at everything, too. This was certainly different than the flat, prairie farm he was used to, but he needed to try to feel more comfortable. Suddenly another branch snapped behind him, and he began to think it wasn\u2019t a small forest animal. His heart racing, he turned around.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, well, fake Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With a sinking heart, he realized it was the blackmailer from town. And he had a gun in his hand. The man gestured at him, and Joe reluctantly went ahead of him farther into the woods. With everything that had been going on, he had forgotten about him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cStop right there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stopped, and then turned around.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s my money?\u201d the man asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shook his head. \u201cYou\u2019re not getting it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not? Do you want me to tell Ben about the real Joe Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe frowned thoughtfully. \u201cGo ahead,\u201d he said. \u201cI don\u2019t think it matters anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man glared at him, and then before Joe could bring up a hand to defend himself, the man punched him sharply in the jaw. Joe felt backwards, the pounding in his head almost blinding him and feeling as if he was about to throw up. He felt the man on top of him, and the gun was jabbed at his chest. He looked up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, then, how about this\u2026 you give me the money, and I won\u2019t kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe swallowed, and tried to break away. \u201cLet me go\u2026I\u2019m not giving you anything\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The man glared at him, and then brought his arm up and swung the gun down at his head. Joe put his hands to his forehead as the pain almost overtook him, feeling the warm flow of blood streaming down his cheek, and barely registered the kicks that were being applied to his body.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Somewhere, faintly, there was a call, \u201cJoe! Joseph, where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mustering all the strength he had, he yelled as loudly as he could, \u201cPa! Pa, I\u2019m here! Help me!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a moment of nothing, and then he felt someone near him. \u201cSon\u2026\u201d He was being lifted as though he were a baby and carried back through the woods. Soon he was inside, and Ben was putting him on the settee. His shirt was being tugged off, and there was tea in front of him as someone cradled his head and someone else attended to the cuts on his face. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before, and he was so overwhelmed and he had to close his eyes as he felt tears start to slip down his face. \u201cPa\u2026\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Arms immediately went around him, and he turned his face into his father\u2019s vest. \u201cI\u2019ve got you, son. I\u2019m right here. I\u2019m not going anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe closed his eyes, and within a few seconds everything was gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut what I don\u2019t understand is why you didn\u2019t tell us about him before?\u201d Ben said as he sat down with his coffee. It was almost dark out. Joe had slept most of the day, and then awakened a little bit ago to a stream of questions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know. I guess\u2026 I suppose I just didn\u2019t want it to have an effect on whether you wanted me to stay or not. I mean, I didn\u2019t really believe him\u2026\u201d Joe glanced down at the cup in front of him. \u201cPa? How do you know I\u2019m your son?\u201d he asked, and then looked up at his father.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBecause, son, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled, and then shrugged slightly. \u201cThat\u2019s why then. I didn\u2019t think anything he had to say would change that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cIt certainly wouldn\u2019t, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe saw Adam catch Ben\u2019s eye, and their father seemed to nod, slightly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d Adam said. \u201cYou told us that you moved from Texas. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t really know. We just\u2026moved. There was some sort of fight, I think. A man came to our house. I don\u2019t really remember what was said or what happened. He came, and they argued, and then we had to leave. We left pretty much everything and moved to Iowa. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In response, Adam stood up and then went into the other room and rummaged in a chest. He pulled out a little box, and came back into the room. \u201cJoe, have you ever seen this before?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe took the little wooden box, and opened the lid. At first, all he noticed was that it was a locket. He picked up the piece, and then gasped slightly. \u201cThe locket\u2026\u201d he breathed. He pried it open, and stared at the familiar picture inside. \u201cI remember this. I left it at the house. I wanted to go back, but we couldn\u2019t. I thought it was lost\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a picture of your mother,\u201d Ben said quietly. \u201cWe found it at a house in Texas, the house where Silas Bates, the man who had taken you, lived. He told us you were dead, and he was tried and hung. You loved that piece, and you tried to take it everywhere with you. We figured you had had it with you when you were taken, but we could never figure out how it got to the house or why it was still there, if Silas had indeed killed you on the Ponderosa, as he told us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would he tell you that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe was going to hang for a bunch of different crimes,\u201d Adam explained. \u201cIf anything, he was trying to keep us from finding you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut why did he kidnap me at all?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben shrugged. \u201cHe never said. He was an angry, bitter man. He probably saw it as a way to hurt us.\u201d Ben shook his head, sadness on his face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked down, thinking about his mother. \u201cHow come you never showed me this before?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben got up, and then sat down next to him. \u201cI wanted you to figure out whether you wanted to stay or not on your own.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cI understand.\u201d He thought back to the last couple weeks, from the moment he set foot in Virginia City and then everything up until this point. The work and pain\u2026and the good times too; Ben putting his arm around his shoulder, and Hoss teasing him, and Adam calling him little brother. And the four of them riding into town together. \u201cPa, I want to stay. I know it\u2019ll be hard work, but I can\u2019t imagine anywhere else I\u2019d rather be.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss grinned at him. \u201cGlad to hear it, little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe scoffed. \u201cLittle Joe? Just you wait\u2026I\u2019ll catch up.\u201d He smiled at his family, and then laughed. He was finally starting to feel like he belonged.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE END<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: It’s 1859, and Joe has received a letter that sends him on a journey to discover where he truly belongs.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (9,750 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":11514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[7,23,1007],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-drama","category-joe-cartwright","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1007-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Joe-copy-7.jpg?fit=594%2C592&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13851","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/92"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13851"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13851\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13851"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13851"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13851"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}