{"id":14356,"date":"2017-05-17T20:58:51","date_gmt":"2017-05-18T00:58:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14356"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:41:11","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:41:11","slug":"doubt-that-the-stars-are-fire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14356","title":{"rendered":"Doubt That The Stars Are Fire (by McFair_58)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/strong>You asked for it – the next installment of the Joe Cartwright\/Bella Carnaby story. Eight years have passed since Joe and Bella met. Both have experienced great tragedy. A letter from Ben Cartwright paves the way for them to meet again. But is it too late for their love? \u00a0This story takes place post-canon.<\/p>\n

Rated PG-13\u00a0for adult situations, language, and intense emotional drama. \u00a0(62,200 words)<\/p>\n

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This story is rated PG-13, but the third part is rated ‘M’ out of caution due to one loving and lovely scene.<\/p>\n

Wet Bottom, Warm Heart Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wet Bottom, Warm Heart<\/a>
\nSunshine With a Little Hurricane<\/a>
\nIn the Light as in the Darkness
\n<\/a>Doubt that the Stars are Fire<\/a>
\nAn Unspeakable Dawn<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doubt that the Stars are Fire<\/strong><\/p>\n

PROLOGUE<\/p>\n

The lovely blonde woman stood by the window, a letter in her hand.\u00a0 She had read it a dozen times and was about to make it a dozen and one.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t put her finger on it, but there was something about the perfectly penned words that bothered her.<\/p>\n

Spreading the folds of her elegant lavender silk dress wide, she sat on the window seat that filled the southern end of the vast drawing room in her four story brick home and read it again.\u00a0 Paying close attention, she perused the carefully written lines.\u00a0 She had received dozens of letters from this man over the years, all filled with news and fairly dripping with affection.\u00a0 She smiled at the intensity of pride she detected when the man spoke of the diversified interests he had \u2013 the lumber industry, silver mines, cattle breeding and horses.\u00a0 Earlier this year she had cried with him when a cherished family member died, and laughed at the antics of the young red-headed boy who could never take the missing loved one\u2019s place, but whose earnest presence had filled the void it left just a little bit nonetheless.\u00a0 The letters were among her most cherished possessions.\u00a0 She knew this man as well as she knew herself.\u00a0 He was no liar.<\/p>\n

But he wasn\u2019t telling her the truth.<\/p>\n

The young woman stared at the two page letter in her hand and then laid it aside on the cherry table that butted up against the wall.\u00a0 Rising, she crossed to the rosewood secretary.\u00a0 Using the key she wore around her neck, she unlocked it and lowered the drop-front.\u00a0\u00a0 The rest of the man\u2019s letters were archived there, kept in a small cedar box, including those of the last six months \u2013 the ones that had been nearly impossible to read.\u00a0 They spoke in guarded terms of the descent into darkness of the one she loved.\u00a0 Lifting the lid, she placed her fingers on the top one.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t exactly hidden them.\u00a0 Still, she had been afraid Mary would find them, or Michael.<\/p>\n

The woman choked.\u00a0 Her breath came in quick little gasps.\u00a0 Dear Michael…she had<\/em> loved him with all of her heart.<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

That was a lie.<\/p>\n

Not with all<\/em> of her heart.<\/p>\n

There was a part of it she had never given him.\u00a0 He\u2019d known and yet he had loved her anyway \u2013 had married <\/em>her anyway.\u00a0 She owed him everything.\u00a0 If not for Michael, her family would have been destitute, lost after her father\u2019s sudden illness.\u00a0 It was all her ma could do to care for him and it seemed, for a time that her little brother and sister would be forced into menial labor, or even worse, end up on the street.\u00a0 Michael had been a good husband and a wonderful provider. \u00a0They\u2019d met when she came to his house to deliver the dresses she had fashioned for his youngest sister, Martha.\u00a0 Michael had been in his early forties.\u00a0 He\u2019d opened the door and smiled at her, and she had been taken at once with his dark brown, almost black hair, that was shot through with silver and his wide green eyes. \u00a0She\u2019d made several trips to deliver the goods and on the last one, he had asked her to stay to dinner.\u00a0 In spite of his family\u2019s objections, he\u2019d continued to see her and had, a month later, asked her to marry him.\u00a0 When she hesitated, Michael had taken her hand in his and told her that he knew \u2013 he knew<\/em> there was someone else. \u00a0Did she love him?\u00a0 \u2018Yes\u2019, she had said.\u00a0 Then he asked, \u2018Can you be with him?\u2019<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

She told him then about her family, about her father who suffered from apoplexy, and about her hard-working mother.\u00a0 About her dear little brother and sister.\u00a0 About….<\/p>\n

Him.<\/p>\n

Michael had listened intently.\u00a0 He\u2019d released her hand and touched her face.\u00a0 He\u2019d offered then to care for her family and for her and to never ask questions if she would promise to remain faithful to him.<\/p>\n

And she had.<\/p>\n

Until he had died.<\/p>\n

With trembling fingers the young woman inserted the key into the desk\u2019s central compartment keyhole and turned it.\u00a0 This opened an inner hidden door in the secretary.\u00a0 She turned the key upside-down and inserted it again, repeating the motion.\u00a0 There was a click and the sound of gears moving, and then the bottom of the compartment fell away to reveal a secret chamber below.\u00a0 The blonde\u2019s smile was wistful.\u00a0 The desk had been a present from her husband.\u00a0 Michael told her he valued her secrets and this was his way of showing his faith that neither they nor she would do anything to part them.<\/p>\n

Quickly, she drew the stack of letters out of the recessed chamber.\u00a0 This stack was bound with an ancient ribbon adorned with a small tarnished ring fashioned out of silver paper.\u00a0 She sighed as she tucked a lock of honey-blonde hair behind her ear and then slipped her finger into it.\u00a0 This<\/em> was that missing part of her heart, these missives she had received and cherished for eight long years.\u00a0 The oldest were faded . The newest darkened with her tears.\u00a0 With a sigh, she slipped her finger back out of the ring and untied the ribbon.\u00a0\u00a0 Selecting the letter on top, she returned to the window and unfolded the sheet.\u00a0 It was the last one she had received from him.\u00a0 The words stabbed her like a knife.\u00a0 First of all as a woman and, secondly, as a friend.\u00a0 How had he survived, this man she knew so well \u2013 this man who loved so deeply and was wounded so easily?<\/p>\n

Had <\/em>he survived?<\/p>\n

Looking at the letter she\u2019d left on the table, written by another who loved him, she began to doubt it.\u00a0 They were hiding something from her.\u00a0 Both men.\u00a0 One out of love, and the other, she feared, out of false pride \u2013 or if not pride, then something worse.<\/p>\n

Fear.<\/p>\n

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought her out of her reverie.<\/p>\n

Mary stood in the open doorway.\u00a0 Her husband\u2019s eldest sister was old enough to be her mother.\u00a0 She was a hard woman with dull dishwater blond hair that she kept tightly knotted at the back of her neck.\u00a0 Mary hadn\u2019t approved of their marriage.<\/p>\n

Just as she didn\u2019t approve of her.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d the young woman asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cRafe is here.\u00a0 He\u2019s wondering if you\u2019re still determined to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Raphael Ashton was her husband\u2019s younger brother.\u00a0 Though Michael\u2019s will had left everything that was his to her, there were business holdings, accounts, and other things still connected to their late father\u2019s shipping business that had passed to Rafe.\u00a0 It made them partners in a way.\u00a0 Rafe had made it very clear that he disapproved of her travel plans.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she replied at last.\u00a0 \u201cI am determined <\/em>to go.\u00a0 Please remind Rafe that he has no say whatsoever over what I choose to do or where I choose to go.\u00a0 I am using Michael\u2019s money, not the family\u2019s, and as you know I need consult no one about what I do with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mary\u2019s sour face told her what she thought of that.<\/em><\/p>\n

Her sister-in-law\u2019s pale eyes moved past her to the open compartment in the desk and the stack of letters resting there.\u00a0 She had been foolish not to close it the moment she realized someone had come.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose those are from him<\/em>,\u201d Mary sniffed.<\/p>\n

The young woman\u2019s jaw set in defiance.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u00a0 He is my friend.\u00a0 Is there anything wrong with keeping a friend\u2019s letters?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing, if the man is only<\/em> a friend.\u201d\u00a0 Mary\u2019s pale eyes narrowed.\u00a0 \u201cI warned Michael about you.\u00a0 About marrying damaged <\/em>goods.\u201d<\/p>\n

They\u2019d been over this before \u2013 so<\/em> many times it was no longer worth the effort to argue.\u00a0 \u201cIf that\u2019s what you think.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s what I know<\/em>.\u00a0 You forget.\u00a0 I watched with him<\/em> at the wedding.\u00a0 I warned Michael it was him<\/em> you loved.\u00a0\u00a0 Why my brother wouldn\u2019t listen \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

She rounded on the other woman.\u00a0 \u201cHe knew!\u00a0 Don\u2019t you understand, Michael knew!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was why<\/em> she had finally agreed to marry him.\u00a0 Michael knew she loved another man and didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 All the younger men had cared.\u00a0 They\u2019d wanted every fiber of her being and she simply couldn\u2019t give it.\u00a0 Michael understood that a piece of her heart remained on that thousand acre ranch in Nevada.<\/p>\n

Looking at Mary, she wondered how two siblings could be less<\/em> alike.<\/p>\n

The older woman straightened her sober black skirts and stiffened her back.\u00a0 \u201cWell, if that is<\/em> true, it is a sad thing.\u00a0 You used<\/em> my brother.\u00a0 You are no better than a strumpet.\u201d<\/p>\n

With that, Mary left the room.<\/p>\n

The young woman began to shake. The letter fell from her fingers.\u00a0 She followed it quickly to the floor.\u00a0 Placing her head in her hands, she began to sob.\u00a0 How had she come to this?\u00a0 How?\u00a0 How<\/em> had she gone from that joyful child who loved life to a woman who only wished it would end?<\/p>\n

The blonde woman\u2019s eyes returned to the letter on the table.\u00a0 She\u2019d sensed in the older man\u2019s words a desperate cry.\u00a0 The man she loved needed her as much as she needed him.\u00a0\u00a0 She didn\u2019t how she knew, but she did.\u00a0 As she knew she had to go.<\/p>\n

She had to return to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

It took all of the blonde woman\u2019s strength to rise and return to the secretary.\u00a0 She replaced the letters in the secret compartment, turned the key, activated the inner mechanism, and hid them once more from prying eyes.\u00a0 Then she went to the table and picked up Ben Cartwright\u2019s letter and read the last paragraph again.<\/p>\n

You asked and I can tell you Joseph is well.\u00a0 He continues to work with the horses and that has brought him peace as regards his loss.\u00a0 He had a run in with an outlaw a short time ago, but it was nothing serious.\u00a0 A broken arm, nothing more.\u00a0 Joseph says to tell you hello and that he will write soon.\u00a0 He apologizes for the lack of letters this last few months.\u00a0 His hands had to heal after the fire.\u00a0 That and the break prevented him from writing.\u00a0 He says to tell you there is nothing to worry about.<\/em><\/p>\n

He is fine.<\/em><\/p>\n

Fine.<\/p>\n

Well, she was fine<\/em> too.<\/p>\n

Bella Carnaby Ashton laughed and the sound was bitter.<\/p>\n

She should have been a Cartwright after all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

PART ONE<\/p>\n

ONE<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBen, you better come quick!\u00a0 It\u2019s happening again!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright dropped the ledger he was holding to his desk top and turned toward the office window.\u00a0 The shout had come from the front yard.\u00a0 It was late September.\u00a0 They were experiencing what was known as Indian summer and the air in the house was stifling.\u00a0 He had opened the window in the vain hope that some cool early evening air would make its way in.<\/p>\n

Enormously vain.<\/p>\n

Closing the ledger, the older man rose wearily from his chair.\u00a0 As he rounded the desk, he exchanged a glance with his youngest son, Jamie, who was settled on Marie\u2019s striped sofa with his nose in a book.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s love of reading was suddenly at war with another, deeper love.\u00a0 A love they shared.<\/p>\n

One that had pushed them both close to the brink more than once over the last six months.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think Joe\u2019s hurt?\u201d Jamie asked as he put the book down and rose to his feet.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think it.<\/p>\n

He knew<\/em> it.<\/p>\n

Ben crossed to the front door and threw it open.\u00a0 His assistant foreman Jim Appleby, his grizzled face shining with sweat, was standing just outside in the yard.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben asked even though he knew he didn\u2019t need to.<\/p>\n

Jim gave him a sympathetic look.\u00a0 \u201cYep.\u00a0 I know you told me to call you if…well….\u201d\u00a0 The ranch hand hesitated.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSeems Joe took exception to somethin\u2019 one of the new men said.\u00a0 He\u2019s in the bunkhouse yellin\u2019 at him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s gaze went in that direction.\u00a0 He could hear raised voices and see movement within the quarters where their men were housed.\u00a0 If Jim had called him, there was something more.\u00a0 Joseph could take care of himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich <\/em>new hand?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim winced.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAbel Ramsey.<\/p>\n

A chill snaked down the older man\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood God….\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel Ramsey, along with a dozen or so other drifters, had been hired on in preparation for the fall cattle drive.\u00a0 Ramsey was a hard-living man.\u00a0 He was also a half-foot taller than Joe and weighed at least one hundred pounds more than his still slender son, and had a penchant for fighting that was legendary.\u00a0 At one time Abel Ramsey had been a bouncer in one of the houses of ill repute in Carson City.\u00a0 He\u2019d also been known to prize fight from time to time.\u00a0 He was a powerfully built man with a strong musculature.<\/p>\n

Trouble was, Candy said, Abel had even more<\/em> muscle between his ears.<\/p>\n

Jim moved closer and dropped his voice.\u00a0 With an eye to Jamie, who was standing in the open doorway, staring toward the bunkhouse, he muttered, \u201cI tell you, Ben, it seems sometimes that youngest of your three is trying<\/em> to get himself killed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded.\u00a0 Sadly, Joe had come close to succeeding several times in the past few months. \u00a0There had been brawls in the saloon and brawls in the street, but that wasn\u2019t the worst of it.\u00a0 Joe was pushing himself beyond endurance and expecting the men to go with him.\u00a0 That had caused brawls at home.<\/p>\n

Like this one.<\/p>\n

As the argument within the wooden structure grew louder and more heated, the older man blanched.<\/p>\n

\u201cJim, what\u2019s the date?\u201d<\/p>\n

The other man snorted.\u00a0 \u201cEasy to lose track, ain\u2019t it?\u00a0 September 12th<\/sup>, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

How could he have missed it?<\/p>\n

It was six months to the day since Joe\u2019s wife, Alice, and his unborn child had been murdered.<\/p>\n

The signs had been there.\u00a0 He\u2019d noticed how tense Joe had become over the last week or so.\u00a0 His son had barely eaten or slept for days.\u00a0 He\u2019d often come down early in the morning to find him sitting, staring into the fire.\u00a0 Everyone in the household from Jamie to Hop Sing had felt Joe\u2019s baseless wrath.\u00a0\u00a0 At first, the older man had felt nothing but sympathy for his son.\u00a0 Joe had been through so<\/em> much and he felt he owed him time to come to grips with all he had suffered.\u00a0 As if the sudden death of his brother and the murder of his wife and the loss of his child had not been enough….<\/p>\n

Then, there was Tanner.<\/p>\n

A few days before, in spite of his best intentions, Ben\u2019s patience had run out.\u00a0 By his own admission, Joe had always been moody and prone to fly off the handle with little or no cause.\u00a0 Hard as that was to deal with, his son had also been just as prone to admit he was wrong and apologize.\u00a0 \u2018Sorry \u2018was a word Joseph Francis Cartwright knew all too well.\u00a0 This week, there had been no apologies.\u00a0 His son\u2019s anger had simmered and boiled over at the least provocation and he had stubbornly and sullenly refused to express any kind of regret.\u00a0 Several days before they had come to words.\u00a0 Joe had ripped into Hop Sing about something their cook and friend had shifted in his room, bringing the man from China near to tears.\u00a0 He\u2019d taken his son aside and told him he was acting like a child.<\/p>\n

There was an old phrase.\u00a0 \u2018If looks could kill\u2019<\/em>.<\/p>\n

He had known its meaning that day.<\/p>\n

Joe had slammed out of the house and gone to the barn and mounted and ridden away.\u00a0 He was gone three days without sending word.\u00a0 When his son returned, it was obvious he\u2019d been drinking and had been in another brawl.\u00a0 Nothing was said.\u00a0 No questions were asked.<\/p>\n

Joe knew it as well as he did.\u00a0 His actions had proven his father\u2019s point.<\/p>\n

Since his son\u2019s return tensions had run high but, for the most part, they\u2019d gotten along amicably enough.\u00a0 It was time to get ready for the cattle drive and, like every man on the ranch, Joe had more than enough work to do.\u00a0 They had a record number of beeves this year and it would take all of them to get them to winter pasture.\u00a0 On top of that, they\u2019d secured a new contract with the army and there were a dozen horses to be busted and broken.\u00a0 Ben chewed his lip thoughtfully.\u00a0 The horses were Joe\u2019s area of expertise and \u2013 usually \u2013 his salvation.\u00a0 When his son was with his horses it seemed he could forget \u2013 for just a moment \u2013 the life that had almost been.<\/p>\n

Almost.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know what Ramsey said to upset Joseph?\u201d Ben asked Jim as the shouting grew louder still.<\/p>\n

Jim looked slightly sick.\u00a0 The other man touched his temple with two fingers.\u00a0 \u201cHad somethin\u2019 to do with Joe not bein\u2019 right up here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot right?\u201d<\/p>\n

The ranch hand looked apologetic.\u00a0 \u201cCause of what happened with Tanner.\u201d\u00a0 At his look Jim added, his voice pitched low once again, \u201cIt\u2019s all over town, Ben.\u00a0 Some say Tanner broke Joe just like he\u2019s been breaking those high-spirited horses all these years.\u00a0 Sorry to say, there\u2019s men a plenty who have been waitin\u2019 for somethin\u2019 to take Joe Cartwright down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie \u2013 who was still on the porch \u2013 had shouted.\u00a0 His call came just as a man barreled backwards out of the bunkhouse door.\u00a0 It took\u00a0 a second to realize it was Candy Canaday.\u00a0 His current foreman rolled over twice and landed on his feet.\u00a0 Candy\u2019s chest was heaving.\u00a0 His chiseled features were set in anger.\u00a0 Ben expected to see Abel Ramsey come flying out of the bunkhouse after him.<\/p>\n

Instead it was Joe.<\/p>\n

Joseph Francis was thirty-one years old now.\u00a0 He\u2019d gained some bulk over the last five years, adding muscle so his lithe frame filled out.\u00a0 As a boy and young man, Joe had been deceptively thin.\u00a0 Larger, powerful men thought of him as an easy mark and were often surprised by how long it took them to defeat him \u2013 if<\/em> they defeated him at all.\u00a0 The one thing they didn\u2019t understand was the boy\u2019s determination.<\/p>\n

He looked very<\/em> determined now.<\/p>\n

Joe was between Candy and the bunkhouse.\u00a0 His lower lip was split and bleeding, and there was a deep gash over his right eye.\u00a0 He was breathing quickly, drawing air in through flared nostrils and snorting it out just as quickly.\u00a0 His son\u2019s mouth, which had once been so quick to smile, was a thin line drawn in rage.<\/p>\n

Joe stormed up to Candy and jabbed a finger in his chest.\u00a0 \u201cI told you to keep out of this and I meant it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy was wiping blood from his own lip with his thumb.\u00a0 \u201cYou want me to listen to you, Joe?\u00a0 Make sense and I will!\u201d he countered.\u00a0 \u201cRamsey could have killed you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can fight my own battles!\u201d Joe shot back.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, pardon me!\u201d their foreman snapped.\u00a0 \u201cThe fact that you were on the ground with a boot in your spleen kind of seemed to me a pretty good indication that you can\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n

His son\u2019s jaw tightened.\u00a0 \u201cI would have taken him down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDown with<\/em> you, you mean?\u00a0 Into the grave?\u201d\u00a0 Candy shook his head.\u00a0 He reached out with one hand.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, admit it.\u00a0 If I hadn\u2019t stepped in you\u2019d be dead!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s gaze went to Jamie.\u00a0 The boy had left the porch and was standing in the yard to the side.\u00a0 His adopted son was ghostly pale.\u00a0 Jamie adored Joe.\u00a0 He looked up to him.\u00a0 Unfortunately, like the rest of them, the newest Cartwright had been forced to come to terms with his older brother\u2019s current penchant to attract trouble like the proverbial moth to the flame.<\/p>\n

Realizing it was time, the older man moved toward Marie\u2019s son.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, that\u2019s enough,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

His son started and then pivoted on his heel.\u00a0 Ben had seen many looks out of those green eyes in a little over thirty years \u2013 anger, sadness, humility and<\/em> humiliation.\u00a0 The face his son turned toward him now held a new one.<\/p>\n

Fear.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa….\u201d he stuttered.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPa, I…can\u2019t….\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a noise.<\/p>\n

The roar of a bull elephant couldn\u2019t have been louder.<\/p>\n

Joe swung around just as Abel Ramsey exploded out of the bunkhouse turning the air blue with curses.\u00a0 Ben winced as the behemoth that was Ramsey charged and his son\u2019s body took the full brunt of the man\u2019s anger.\u00a0 Before anyone could do anything, the powerful drifter drove Joe to his knees and then to the ground and then, as his son lay there supine, began to pound him.<\/p>\n

For one stunned second they all remained where they were.\u00a0 Then Candy and Jim Appleby were on the move.\u00a0 Ben remained where he was and drew his gun.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to shoot the man, but he would if it meant saving his son\u2019s life.\u00a0 Raising the gun, he fired two rounds into the air. \u00a0Then he pointed the barrel at Ramsey\u2019s chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cAbel!\u00a0 Abel Ramsey!\u00a0 Stop!\u00a0 Stop it now!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben had seen rabid animals before.\u00a0 The look out of Ramsey\u2019s eyes was the same.\u00a0 His hands were on Joseph\u2019s throat and his fingers were closing.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink man!\u00a0 Is it worth your life?\u201d he shouted.<\/p>\n

\u201cAbel!\u201d\u00a0 It was Candy this time.\u00a0 \u201cYou kill Joe, you kill yourself.\u00a0 Let him go!\u00a0 Do you hear me?\u00a0 Let him go<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s face was crimson and his chest rose and fell unevenly as he struggled for air.<\/p>\n

Was he going to watch his son die before his eyes?<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s finger tightened on the trigger.\u00a0 Candy was pulling at the big man now.\u00a0 He was still shouting; trying to reason with him.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Jamie called, his voice quaking.\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t you gonna shoot him?\u00a0 He\u2019s gonna kill Joe!<\/p>\n

He was<\/em> going to.\u00a0 But God was gracious.<\/p>\n

Abel Ramsey let go.<\/p>\n

Later, when he considered what had happened, there was little Ben could recall about the next few moments.\u00a0 Men pouring out of the bunkhouse.\u00a0 Ramsey\u2019s beefy hands opening as he rose. \u00a0Joseph\u2019s battered form dropping to the earth like a sack of meal.\u00a0 Candy shouting at the men, rallying them.\u00a0 One of them finding a rope and binding Abel\u2019s hand with it.<\/p>\n

Jamie, in the dirt, kneeling by Joe, shaking him and calling him by name.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d run to Joe\u2019s side.\u00a0 His son\u2019s skin was livid and his lips were tinged with blue.\u00a0 Almost as soon as he felt panic overwhelm him, Joe coughed and drew in a great gasp of air and began to breathe.<\/p>\n

It seemed it was over.<\/p>\n

Seemed.<\/em><\/p>\n

Sadly, the older man knew better.\u00a0 He\u2019d sailed the seas for many years.\u00a0 During that time he\u2019d often seen young lads, new to the sailor\u2019s life, rest easy after they weathered a storm, not realizing what was yet to come.\u00a0 Looking at his son now as he staggered to his feet and leaned heavily on his younger brother, he \u2013 a seasoned sailor \u2013 recognized the moment for was it was.<\/p>\n

The calm before the storm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Supper that night was quiet.<\/p>\n

Very, very <\/em>quiet.<\/p>\n

As soon as he could, Joe dismissed himself from the table and headed out to the barn.\u00a0 Candy had eaten with them and, when his friend followed him out the door, he was afraid he would try to talk to him.\u00a0 Instead, sensing his mood, Candy had merely bid him goodnight and headed for the bunkhouse.<\/p>\n

His \u2018mood\u2019.\u00a0 That was all it seemed he had<\/em> lately \u2013 moods.\u00a0 Joe snorted and then winced at how much it made his head hurt.\u00a0 His fingers explored the gash over his eye.\u00a0 It had required two quick stitches, which Candy had obliged him to do, saving him a trip into town to see the doctor.\u00a0 It might not be the prettiest job \u2013 and who knew if it would leave a scar \u2013 but he had long since gotten over his vanity.<\/p>\n

\u2018Long since\u2019 being six months ago.<\/p>\n

Joe drew a deep slow breath in through his nostrils and let it out through his lips.\u00a0 Involuntarily his hand went to his throat.\u00a0 He\u2019d tied a kerchief around it for supper.\u00a0 The sight of himself in the mirror as he left his room had made him feel like he was seventeen again, but it hid the bruises left by Abel Ramsey\u2019s fingers.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t stop Pa\u2019s eyes from going to his neck.\u00a0 Time and time again.\u00a0 He knew he\u2019d scared his father, taking on a giant like Ramsey.\u00a0 He\u2019d scared himself.<\/p>\n

Mostly because he couldn\u2019t stop <\/em>himself.<\/p>\n

Yeah, Ramsey had made him damn<\/em> angry, saying what he did in front of the men.\u00a0 Still, it wasn\u2019t like he hadn\u2019t heard it half of his life.<\/p>\n

Look, there\u2019s Joe Cartwright, old Ben\u2019s mollycoddled son.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

You see Joe Cartwright over there?\u00a0 Pretty boy ain\u2019t got a brain in his head.\u00a0 Good thing that ain\u2019t the part the ladies are interested in.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright?\u00a0 Ain\u2019t you heard?\u00a0 Since his wife died, he ain\u2019t right in the head.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe laughed again as he reached up and untied the kerchief.<\/p>\n

Well, he couldn\u2019t argue with that last one.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been managing \u2013 at least as well as a man can \u2018manage\u2019 when dealing with a horror that went beyond belief.\u00a0 Oh, he\u2019d had his bad days.\u00a0 Hell, he\u2019d had days when all he could do was sit in a corner and cry.\u00a0 But that was to be expected.\u00a0 After all, his whole life was a train wreck where everybody died but him.\u00a0 There were moments when he didn\u2019t want to go on.\u00a0 But that\u2019s what they were \u2013 moments.\u00a0\u00a0 With each passing day, everyday life had seemed a little more possible to endure.\u00a0 After all, he had his work and still had Pa and Jamie.\u00a0 Thinking of the boy his father had adopted, Joe shook his head.\u00a0 How he wished he could apologize to his two big brothers.\u00a0 He\u2019d had no idea <\/em>what they had to put up with!\u00a0 He loved Jamie, but there were times when the boy\u2019s enthusiasm and energy were enough to drive him….<\/p>\n

Bad<\/em> choice of words.<\/p>\n

Arriving at the barn, Joe opened the smaller door and entered through the workshop area.\u00a0 Moving quietly, so as not to frighten the horses, he went to where Cochise was stabled and slipped into the slat-wood box that was his friend\u2019s home.\u00a0 Picking up a brush, he began the rhythmic motion that was grooming Cooch\u2019s coat.\u00a0 It was something he did \u2013 groom Cooch \u2013 when his nerves had him jumping higher than a kite.\u00a0 He\u2019d done it so often over the years, it was a wonder the poor horse had any hair left!\u00a0 He kept it up for about five minutes while the animal shifted, wrinkling his back muscles in delight or disdain, he wasn\u2019t sure which.\u00a0 Eventually, he gave up and returned the brush to its housing.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t working tonight.\u00a0 That kite was still<\/em> flying high.<\/p>\n

Moving over to a bale of hay, Joe plunked his weary body down and lowered his head into his hands.\u00a0 Since the fire he\u2019d been plagued by nightly terrors that left him bathed in sweat and trembling from head to toe.\u00a0 There was never any sound.\u00a0 Like a magic picture show, the images went round and round in his head.\u00a0 He was driving the wagon.\u00a0 He saw the flames and realized what was happening.\u00a0 Jumping from the wagon, he\u2019d run toward the house and try to pound the door in.\u00a0 In real life he hadn\u2019t seen her, but in his dreams Alice was always standing in the window, in the midst of a rain of fire, calling out to him.\u00a0 Calling with no sound.\u00a0 As his pa grabbed him and dragged him back, a man\u2019s hands circled her waist, reminding him of, well, of what he was sure happened before<\/em> she was murdered.\u00a0 He\u2019d end up laying on the ground with the pain in his fried hands pounding, almost too great to bear, and then she\u2019d reappear.\u00a0 Alice would walk out the door bearing before her the shriveled and burnt corpse of their child, and offer it to him.<\/p>\n

As if the responsibility for their deaths was his.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe sighed.\u00a0 Just when he thought it couldn\u2019t get any worse, it did.\u00a0 Recently, the nightmares had intensified.\u00a0 They were no longer silent.\u00a0 Now they were accompanied by that song.\u00a0 The one Bill Tanner had whistled incessantly.<\/p>\n

That damn<\/em> song.<\/p>\n

Joe lifted his tear-streaked face and ran the back of his hand across his eyes.\u00a0 He sniffed as he looked toward the house where his pa and Jamie were, waiting for him to show.\u00a0 His house with the comfortable, warm bed he\u2019d slept in for over thirty years.\u00a0 There was many a man would kill to sleep in a bed like that.<\/p>\n

Not him.\u00a0 He\u2019d decided to give up sleeping.<\/p>\n

It was wearing him down and he knew it.\u00a0 His frayed nerves were close to breaking.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know where that was going to lead him, but he had a notion \u2013 either that mad house Ramsey\u2019d said he needed, or to that place by the lake where his mama lay resting.<\/p>\n

Rest.<\/p>\n

God, he needed to rest.<\/p>\n

It was why he\u2019d taken Ramsey on, even though he was twice his size and three times as mean.<\/p>\n

He wanted<\/em> to die.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

His green eyes closed.\u00a0 Not now.\u00a0 Not….<\/p>\n

Joe drew a breath and forced a half-smile as he turned.\u00a0 \u201cShouldn\u2019t you be in bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cIt ain\u2019t that late.\u00a0 I\u2019m sixteen, you know?\u00a0 I ain\u2019t a kid anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

How familiar that sounded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he replied with a ghost of a smile.\u00a0 \u201cIf Pa heard you say \u2018ain\u2019t\u2019, he might just treat you like one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou say it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He snorted.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I do.\u00a0 Don\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie was kicking at some old straw on the barn floor.\u00a0 It took a second, but he asked what Joe knew he was going to ask.\u00a0 \u201cCan I talk to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Jamie, if Pa sent you out here to scold me \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

The redhead glanced toward the house.\u00a0 \u201cPa don\u2019t…doesn\u2019t know I\u2019m here.\u201d\u00a0 He looked a little embarrassed.\u00a0 \u201cIn fact, he told me to leave you alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s brows peaked toward the tangle of silver curls on his forehead.\u00a0 \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe said you needed time by yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie looked straight at him.\u00a0 \u201cI think he\u2019s wrong.\u00a0 I think…you spend too <\/em>much time alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sage wisdom from a sixteen year old kid.<\/p>\n

Joe patted the hay bale beside him.\u00a0 Jamie hesitated only a moment before joining him.\u00a0 Then the two of them sat there in silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d he asked a minute later.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m right sorry about everything you\u2019ve been through, Joe.\u00a0 You know that, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

How could Jamie wonder about that?\u00a0 Then, with sudden insight, he realized the boy was taking the distance he had put between them personally, just like he<\/em> had always done as a kid.\u00a0 Jamie didn\u2019t think he wanted to be alone.\u00a0 Jamie thought he didn\u2019t want to be with him.<\/em><\/p>\n

Moved, Joe sniffed back another stream of tears.\u00a0 \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen why….\u201d\u00a0 The boy paused.\u00a0 He did that thing, where he pursed his lips and wrinkled his brow, looking for all the world like a kid working a sum.\u00a0 \u201cHow come you don\u2019t want me around?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want you <\/em>around.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want anyone<\/em> around.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow come?\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked at his hands.\u00a0 How did he explain it?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want the stares, the concern or the pity.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t want to have to think about what it was that caused <\/em>his family to feel they had to give those things to him.\u00a0 Because every time he looked up and found one of them watching him, he had to wonder why.\u00a0 Then he had to remember.\u00a0 He had to remember the brother that was no more.\u00a0 Had to remember Alice.\u00a0 Remember the child he had lost.<\/p>\n

Remember Bill Tanner and the torture he had suffered at a madman\u2019s hands.<\/p>\n

He felt Jamie\u2019s hand on his arm.\u00a0 \u201cAre you all right, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t stop them.\u00a0 The tears began to flow.\u00a0 He managed for a moment and then a great sob escaped him and suddenly, he couldn\u2019t breathe.<\/p>\n

Finally, he managed to choke something out.\u00a0 It was one word, but it was everything.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

He thought for sure Jamie would panic and go running for their pa.\u00a0 Instead, the pressure from his hand increased and then his little brother slid in closer to him and circled his shoulder with his arm.\u00a0 For a moment they sat there, saying nothing.\u00a0 Then….<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 Please<\/em>, don\u2019t give up.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie drew a breath.\u00a0 \u201cI know you want to.\u00a0 I saw it…\u00a0 I saw it in your eyes today.\u00a0 Joe, you think no one would care.\u00a0 That we\u2019d be better off without you like you are.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t true.\u201d<\/p>\n

He turned his head.\u00a0 Jamie was so earnest, it almost made him smile.\u00a0 \u201cIt ain\u2019t, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I….\u201d\u00a0 His adopted brother cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cI know you lost who you loved, but, well, I love you<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 A different light entered the boy\u2019s eyes, reflecting, perhaps, a bit of his own anger.\u00a0 \u201cYou just ain\u2019t thinkin\u2019 straight.\u00a0 Do you really want to do to your pa and me the same thing those bad men did to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

There were no words.<\/p>\n

He was struck to the core.<\/p>\n

Joe caught his little brother\u2019s shoulder with his fingers and squeezed it.\u00a0 Unburdening himself to a teenage boy seemed unfair, but \u2013 suddenly \u2013 he needed <\/em>to talk to someone.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie, I….\u201d\u00a0 He sniffed and swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t…know what\u2019s wrong.\u00a0 It\u2019s like I\u2019m in a dark place where there\u2019s no light and no way to find any.\u00a0 I know there\u2019s something there in the dark with me, waiting to pounce, waiting to…devour me.\u00a0 I fight it.\u201d\u00a0 He looked at the boy, who was staring at him wide-eyed.\u00a0 \u201cI fight it for all I\u2019m worth, but there\u2019s no winning.\u00a0 No amount of grit or guts can put me on top and…it\u2019s beginning to pull me down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stopped himself.\u00a0 He\u2019d been about to say, \u2018And I know when I reach bottom, that\u2019s the end.\u00a0 There\u2019ll be nothing left \u2013 nothing left of me<\/em>.\u2019<\/p>\n

How had that Shakespeare fellow Adam liked so much put it?\u00a0 For some morbid reason the passage from Macbeth was one of the ones his brother had read that stuck with him.<\/p>\n

Out, out, brief candle!\u00a0 Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more.\u00a0 It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou wanted to die today, didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 You wanted Abel Ramsey to kill you\u201d<\/p>\n

The question came at him like a bullet from a Colt.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t dodge it.<\/p>\n

Maybe he didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Joe admitted with a sigh.\u00a0 \u201cBut he didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know what reaction he expected, but it wasn\u2019t what he got.\u00a0 Jamie shot to his feet.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s jaw was tight and he was snortin\u2019 air like a bull ready to charge.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what you are?\u00a0 You\u2019re selfish!\u00a0 You ain\u2019t thinkin\u2019 about anybody but yourself!\u00a0 Do you think this is what Alice would have wanted?\u00a0 You behavin\u2019 like a baby?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Tears of anger streamed down the boy\u2019s face.\u00a0\u00a0 He threw his hand out and pointed toward the door.\u00a0 \u201cYou want your pa to lose all<\/em> of his sons?\u00a0 You want to kill<\/em> him too?\u201d<\/p>\n

He should have felt shame.<\/p>\n

Instead, he felt rage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you know?\u00a0 You\u2019re a child!\u00a0 You haven\u2019t lost \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I don\u2019t know \u2018cause I ain\u2019t lost anything important?\u00a0 What about my ma dying when I was little?\u00a0 And what about my pa?\u00a0 What about me watching him being tarred and feathered, and then watching him waste away and die?\u201d\u00a0 Jamie was furious.\u00a0 His anger made him bold.\u00a0 \u201cI know your pa\u2019s ashamed of you.\u00a0 I think Alice would be too!\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t mean it.<\/p>\n

The sound of the back of his hand contacting Jamie\u2019s cheek echoed through the barn along with the boy\u2019s sobs.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hate<\/em> you!\u201d he screamed.<\/p>\n

And was gone.<\/p>\n

Joe stood unmoving.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t angry with the boy.<\/p>\n

He hated himself too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s head came up from the book he was reading as the front door flew open and Jamie ran up the stairs.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even have time to ask what was wrong or scold the boy for leaving the door open before he disappeared.\u00a0 Seconds later there was another slam<\/em> as Jamie\u2019s bedroom door was closed, apparently with vigor.\u00a0 At the sound Hop Sing came out of the kitchen, a dishcloth in his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich boy make so much noise?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben had to smile in spite of everything.\u00a0 Hop Sing refused to stop referring to Joe as a \u2018boy\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

The man from China frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhere Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

He was also the only one who could still get by calling Joe that<\/em> as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the barn, I think.\u201d\u00a0 Unfortunately, he was fairly certain that was the place Jamie had fled.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing tucked the dishcloth behind the waistband of his apron.\u00a0 A determined look settled on his face. \u00a0\u201cHop Sing go to barn and tell Little Joe to come in and stop worrying father.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, no.\u201d\u00a0 He put the book down and rose.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go talk to Joseph, that is, if he hasn\u2019t saddled Cochise and ridden off again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen boy get better,\u201d his old friend breathed.\u00a0 It was more of a question than a statement.<\/p>\n

Ben placed a hand on Hop Sing\u2019s shoulder and for a moment they stood there, united in their concern for this man they had reared and loved from a child.\u00a0 Then, with a shake of his head, he turned and walked out the door.<\/p>\n

As soon as he entered the yard, Ben saw that the smaller door to the barn was open.\u00a0 In all likelihood Joe was still within, as he would have had to open the larger one in order to ride out.\u00a0 Quietly, the older man crossed the yard and stepped in.\u00a0 Joe had his hip anchored on the edge of the table they kept in the area that served as a sort of office.<\/p>\n

There was a whiskey bottle in his hand.<\/p>\n

As he watched, his son placed something in his mouth and then he lifted the bottle and took a long, drawn out swig.\u00a0 Curious \u2013 in truth, frightened \u2013 Ben cleared his throat, making it apparent he was there.<\/p>\n

Joe looked at him, his expression as sheepish as it had been when, as a boy, he\u2019d caught him kissing a girl in the church closet.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa,\u201d he said, his voice feeble.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, yourself.\u201d\u00a0 The older man crossed to the table.\u00a0 Taking one of the chairs from its side, he pulled it back and sat in it.<\/p>\n

He said nothing.<\/p>\n

Joe remained silent for several heartbeats and then asked, \u201cIs Jamie okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t know.\u00a0 He ran straight up the stairs to his room and locked his door.\u201d\u00a0 Ben paused.\u00a0 \u201cDo you <\/em>know anything about that?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cI guess he was angry with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see.\u201d\u00a0 He studied Marie\u2019s boy.\u00a0 The beating Joe had taken earlier was evident in his split lip and the bruising on his face and neck.\u00a0 But there was something else.\u00a0 Something…indefinable.<\/p>\n

Something wrong.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd did Jamie have a reason<\/em> to be angry?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked straight at him.\u00a0 It seemed he had aged a decade in the last few hours.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I need to go away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben steeled himself.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen this coming.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a grown man.\u00a0 I can\u2019t stop you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s expressive eyebrows danced.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s it?\u00a0 No argument, just goodbye?\u00a0 It\u2019s been nice to know you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man spread his hands wide.\u00a0 \u201cObviously, I don\u2019t want you to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt might be nice to hear it,\u201d his son said quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if I had said \u2018no\u2019, you would have acquiesced and gone docilely back into the house?\u201d\u00a0 Ben shifted.\u00a0 \u201cIf you want to go, there\u2019s nothing I can do to keep you from it.\u00a0 I can tell you, though, that it won\u2019t work. \u00a0Joseph, what\u2019s wrong is inside<\/em> you.\u00a0 You\u2019ll take it with you wherever you go.\u201d<\/p>\n

His son stood and walked over to look out the window that fronted on the house.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re speakin\u2019 from experience, I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked over his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not you, Pa.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if….\u00a0 If I\u2019ve got in me what you <\/em>had in you to make it through.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rose and walked to his son\u2019s side.\u00a0 He placed a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 Joe was trembling like a leaf.\u00a0 \u201cYou<\/em> may not know, but I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

His son was silent for a second.\u00a0 \u201cDid Candy tell you what Abel Ramsey said to me?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man shook his head and lied.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRamsey said Bill Tanner broke me, Pa.\u00a0 Broke me like a wild mustang.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw grew tight even as tears appeared in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you know what?\u00a0 He\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

His fingers tightened on his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cSo what if it is?\u00a0 Joseph, you know why we tame horses.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s not about breaking them.\u00a0 It\u2019s about teaching them to bend.\u00a0 It\u2019s about taking something that is wild and reckless, something that might injure itself or others, and turning it into something positive that has a purpose.\u00a0 Joseph,\u201d he paused, \u201cdo you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son crumpled before his eyes.\u00a0 Ben caught him just as he hit his knees and circled him with his arms.\u00a0 Together they knelt in the dirt and debris of the barn.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s fingers gripped his pale blue shirt, digging into the fabric as he desperately clung to him.<\/p>\n

His face pressed into his shoulder, his son breathed, \u201cPa, help me.\u00a0 I\u2019m so alone.\u00a0 I can\u2019t find my way back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not alone, Joseph.\u00a0 You\u2019ll never <\/em>be alone.\u201d\u00a0 Tears streamed down his face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m <\/em>here and I\u2019ll help you find your way back.\u00a0 Son,\u201d his voice grew stern, \u201clook at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe did as he was told.\u00a0 His face was that of the child he had been.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you trust me?\u201d<\/p>\n

It took a second, but he nodded.<\/p>\n

Ben forced a smile.\u00a0 \u201cRemember that time when you were five and climbed Eagle\u2019s Nest?\u201d\u00a0 He knew he did, and so he continued.\u00a0 \u201cIt was night by the time I found you.\u00a0 I could hear you crying.\u00a0 I was coming to get you, but you couldn\u2019t see me.\u00a0 You thought you were all alone.\u00a0 That no one was coming.\u00a0 That you would never make it home.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 He placed his hand over his son\u2019s trembling one.\u00a0 \u201cAm I right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded again.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you did<\/em> make it home.\u00a0 Someone did<\/em> come.\u00a0 You were not alone.\u201d\u00a0 Ben drew a breath.\u00a0 \u201cSon, you\u2019re not alone this time either.\u00a0 We\u2019ll make it through this.\u00a0 You\u2019ll<\/em> make it through this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sniffed.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

He ran his hand through his son\u2019s curly locks, marveling as the light streaming through the window turned them to pure silver.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe remained still for a moment and then he said, \u201cI need to apologize to Jamie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI imagine you do.\u201d<\/p>\n

His son rose to his feet.\u00a0 Joe ran the back of his sleeve over his face, wincing when he hit his sore lip. Then he smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a shy grin, Joe disentangled himself and headed out of the barn.<\/p>\n

Ben remained behind for some time, thinking.\u00a0 Joseph had always been a study in contradictions.\u00a0 Vibrant and alive one moment, optimistic and enthusiastic, and then just as suddenly sullen and depressed and given to dark moods that at times frightened him.\u00a0 The thing that saved Marie\u2019s boy was that there had always been a balance, as many good days as bad, as much laughter as anger.<\/p>\n

It had been many weeks since he had heard his son laugh.<\/p>\n

Rising slowly, Ben made for the door.\u00a0 As he walked, his foot encountered something laying on the floor.\u00a0 Reaching down, he realized it was the liquor bottle Joe had been holding.\u00a0 With the memory of his son guzzling the whiskey came another. What was it Joe had swallowed just as he came in the barn, or was it only his imagination that he had?\u00a0 Maybe his split lip was hurting him?\u00a0 Perhaps, he had been wiping away a trickle of blood.<\/p>\n

Relegating his concern over what he had seen to the back of his mind, Ben Cartwright concentrated on the needs of the moment as he headed toward the house, leaving that question for another time.<\/p>\n

It was a mistake.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

TWO<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella nodded to the servant who stood in the street by the family carriage.\u00a0 He would wait for her until she was done and then take her to the stage depot.\u00a0 From there, she\u2019d travel to the port on the Colombia River and board the steamship \u2019City of Chester\u2019 and be on her way.<\/p>\n

The blonde woman mounted the steps to the front door of the building in front of her.\u00a0 She waited a moment, gathering her thoughts, and then opened it and went in.\u00a0 The door was attached to the modest white house her parents and siblings had moved into after her father\u2019s illness rendered him incapable of keeping a farm.\u00a0 It was much smaller than the one her pa had built when they first arrived in Canyon City, Oregon, but was lovely nonetheless. \u00a0They\u2019d lost the big house after Pa took ill, when he couldn\u2019t work anymore and pay the taxes.\u00a0 After that they\u2019d rented, but the places they could afford were in the bad end of town and they had to worry all the time about someone breaking in or stealing from them.\u00a0 The house she stepped into now was in a fine part of town.\u00a0 It was neat and comfortable.\u00a0 Since Jack was away at college, it was just her ma and pa, Sophie and Benjie-Joe living at home so they had plenty of room.<\/p>\n

The blonde woman smiled as she closed the door behind her.\u00a0 She could see her youngest brother\u2019s scowl.\u00a0 He\u2019d been at the tail end of the line and so had been the one \u2013 like Little Joe \u2013 who got the nickname that stuck way past its time. \u00a0Her youngest brother was almost seventeen now.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d have to remember to call him Benjamin.<\/p>\n

As she paused just inside the parlor, Bella heard a noise off to the right that indicated someone was in the kitchen.\u00a0 Instead of calling out, she headed that way.\u00a0 The cook room was to the rear of the house and looked out on a yard that went back some forty or fifty feet.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t much, but then land in Canyon City land was at a premium.\u00a0 It was big enough to house a chicken coop and a few other small outbuildings, and went sideways with a stable and barn.\u00a0 Since his sickness her pa couldn\u2019t manage much more than that and, truth to tell, he only managed what he did due to the fact that Benjamin had elected not to go to college.\u00a0 Ben said he didn\u2019t want to go in debt and was saving up money to go later, but they all knew he\u2019d stayed home because they needed him.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s left side had never fully recovered.\u00a0 His muscles were weak.\u00a0 He just couldn\u2019t do the heavy work any more.<\/p>\n

As she approached the kitchen, passing through a little side parlor into which the early morning light was spilling, Bella stopped.\u00a0 The window curtains were open and a golden shaft struck the ornate silver frame on the table.\u00a0 The elegant sterling frame looked a little out of place in her parents\u2019 humble home with its handmade wooden items and out-of-date settee.\u00a0 She crossed over to the table and picked the frame up and stared at the smiling couple whose images it held.\u00a0 It had been a housewarming present from Michael to her parents \u2013 just as the house itself had been a present to her, so she would know they were taken care of.\u00a0 She\u2019d been an old twenty-three at the time she married him.\u00a0 Michael had been a young forty-two.\u00a0\u00a0 Bella smiled as she remembered her ma and pa\u2019s \u00a0reaction the first time she brought him to their home.\u00a0 Ma\u2019d caught her by the arm while they were working in the kitchen and said how much he looked like an older Little Joe.\u00a0 Pa said he reminded him of Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 Bella sighed as she returned the likeness to the table.\u00a0 She should have loved him more.\u00a0 Michael was such a good man.\u00a0 He had deserved better.<\/p>\n

Remorse stabbed her and she began to weep.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella?\u201d a voice called from the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cIs that you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde woman ran her hand quickly under both eyes before turning toward the footsteps that indicated her mother was approaching.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she replied, even as the older woman appeared.\u00a0 Her ma was still beautiful.\u00a0 Pa said she was slender as a sapling but sturdy as an oak.\u00a0 Mary Carnaby was nearing fifty, but her hair \u2013 for the most part \u2013 was still dark brown.\u00a0 Like Joe\u2019s had been the last time she\u2019d seen him, it was shot through with silver that made it spark like lightning when the sun hit it just right.\u00a0 Her mother had aged, though, since the apoplectic fit her pa had four years back.\u00a0 She had a lot to do to take care of Pa even though \u2013 thank God! \u2013 he could do more for himself now.<\/p>\n

Her mother came to her, took her by both arms, and pressed a kiss on her brow.\u00a0 Then she stood back and stared at her as if she was judging horse-flesh.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look thinner,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Bella shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe a little.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you eating?\u201d\u00a0 Before she could answer, the older woman added, \u201cAre you eating enough?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThree times a day, like everyone.\u201d\u00a0 Bella paused.\u00a0 \u201cMary gets mad if the family doesn\u2019t eat together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother\u2019s tight lips and crinkled eyes told her just what <\/em>she thought of Mary!<\/p>\n

\u201cAll that silly French food, I suppose,\u201d Ma said with a shake of her head.\u00a0 Catching her arm, the older woman started to draw her toward the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cYou just come with me.\u00a0 I have a pot of chicken and noodles on the stove.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella resisted and her mother turned to stare at her.\u00a0 Her raised brows asked the question.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t stay long.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ma was staring again.\u00a0 \u201cAnd why is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde woman hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cMama, I….\u201d\u00a0 She drew in a deep, steadying breath.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to Nevada.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t know what she expected her mother\u2019s reaction to be.\u00a0 Fear, maybe, for her making such a long journey.\u00a0 Disapproval, perhaps, that she was chasing a man.\u00a0 After all, she was recently widowed.\u00a0 If word got out that she was going to visit the man she\u2019d once loved….<\/p>\n

Did <\/em>love.<\/p>\n

The older woman let out a breath.\u00a0 With it came the words, \u201cIt\u2019s about time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella blinked.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother removed her work apron.\u00a0 Folding it so the clean side was out, she laid it carefully across the back of a nearby chair.\u00a0 Then she took her hand and drew her over to the settee.\u00a0\u00a0 They sat and turned toward each other as her mother took both of her hands in her own.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to the Ponderosa.\u201d\u00a0 It was a statement, not a question.<\/p>\n

She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes Joe know you\u2019re coming?\u201d<\/p>\n

This time she shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 I\u2019m not wiring ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you tell me why?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her forehead furrowed with a frown. \u00a0\u201cMa, I don\u2019t know if Joe would want to see me.\u00a0 I….\u00a0 I can\u2019t take the chance he would tell me not to come.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother was startled. \u201cDo you think he would?\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t know what to think.\u00a0 Joe hadn\u2019t written her since, well, since everything<\/em> had happened.\u00a0 And from what his father said in his letters, she thought he might not want to see anyone.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 Bella paused, seeking the right words.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think…since Alice died he\u2019s…lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother raised a hand to touch her cheek.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure it isn\u2019t you<\/em> who are lost?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella sniffed in tears as she rose to her feet and began to pace.\u00a0 \u201cI know what I\u2019m doing, Ma.\u00a0 I\u2019m not running away from<\/em> Michael\u2019s death any more than I am running to<\/em> Joe.\u00a0 He\u2019s my friend.\u00a0 I\u2019m worried about him.\u00a0 Mr. Cartwright is hiding something.\u201d\u00a0 She turned and looked at her mother.\u00a0 \u201cSomething is wrong!\u201d<\/p>\n

A slight smile curled her mother\u2019s lips.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t agree more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, it was not the reply she expected.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother rose and came to her side.\u00a0 \u201cSomething has been wrong <\/em>since you returned from the Ponderosa eight years ago.\u00a0 Since you ran from life and from the man you love.\u201d<\/p>\n

They\u2019d talked.\u00a0 Ma knew why<\/em> she\u2019d left.\u00a0 That she\u2019d been….<\/p>\n

Afraid.<\/p>\n

\u201cMa….\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mother took her hand and drew her over to the window.\u00a0 As the glare from the sunlight died down, she saw her pa and little brother outside.\u00a0 Benjamin was chopping wood.\u00a0 Pa, who was seated beside him, was stacking it.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe looks a little stronger,\u201d Bella said hopefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe is.\u00a0 But your pa will never be what he was.\u00a0 He\u2019ll never be able to do what he did.\u201d\u00a0 Her mother turned toward her.\u00a0 \u201cBella, you know we almost lost your pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere were no Indians.\u00a0 There was no evil man with a gun.\u00a0 There was no desert to die of thirst in or mountain of snow to be buried under, and he still<\/em> almost died.\u201d\u00a0 She squeezed her fingers.\u00a0 \u201cNothing is certain in this world.\u201d\u00a0 The older woman paused.\u00a0 Then she smiled.\u00a0 \u201cWell, no, that\u2019s not true.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella waited.\u00a0\u00a0 When her ma failed to go on, she asked, \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLove, child.\u00a0 Love<\/em> is certain.\u201d\u00a0 The older woman hesitated again.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the only constant we have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Ma, loving someone hurts…so much.\u201d\u00a0 Tears entered her eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI was so….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTerrified?\u201d<\/p>\n

She hung her head in shame.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was afraid when your pa took ill too,\u201d Ma said, her voice growing wistful.\u00a0 \u201cI was afraid Levi would die.\u00a0 But you know what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u00a0 looked up.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEven if Levi had<\/em> died, I wouldn\u2019t have traded the time I\u2019ve been with him and loved him to escape the pain his death would have brought me. \u201d\u00a0 She held her gaze.\u00a0 \u201cYou married Michael because it was safe, because he was over forty and had survived.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t really safe, was it?\u00a0 Michael died anyhow.\u00a0 Bella, anyone, anywhere<\/em> can die at any time.\u00a0 We have to be brave.\u00a0 We have to choose <\/em>to love for whatever time we are granted.\u201d<\/p>\n

The tears fell from her eyes to strike their joined hands.\u00a0 \u201cI was so stupid,\u201d she breathed.<\/p>\n

Her mother\u2019s laugh was gentle.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you were young.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Ma reached toward her, there was a knock at the door.\u00a0 The older woman frowned and then went to open it.\u00a0 Bella heard her exchange a few words with whoever it was, and then watched as the older woman backed up so they could enter.<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s breath caught.<\/p>\n

It was Michael\u2019s brother Rafe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mary Carnaby noted her daughter\u2019s body language as the young man entered the room.\u00a0 Rafe Ashton was a handsome, well-monied son of wealth who bordered on being spoiled, though he did have the redeeming quality that he loved her daughter.\u00a0 It was evident to anyone who was in the company of the pair.\u00a0 Rafe had been extremely jealous of his older brother when Michael and Bella married and had actually gone away to Europe, she believed, as a result of a broken heart.\u00a0 He had recently returned to handle his brother\u2019s estate.\u00a0 Rafe had come to see them a few days back to assure them that their home was safe even with Michael\u2019s demise.\u00a0 In case of his death before theirs, a small trust had been established to keep them there until they passed and to help with other things like their children\u2019s educations.\u00a0 She\u2019d watched Rafe standing by the table, staring at the image of his brother and the woman he loved in the silver frame.\u00a0 Unlike his brother and sister who had dark hair and light eyes, Rafe\u2019s hair was blonde with reddish tones\u00a0 and his eyes and brows were brown as the coat of a bear.\u00a0 Everywhere he went he had eligible young ladies flocking after him.\u00a0 But Rafe had eyes for only one.<\/p>\n

His brother\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Carnaby,\u201d Rafe acknowledged her with a nod.\u00a0 \u201cAnd how do you fare today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m well,\u201d she answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd your husband?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s out in the yard with Benjamin.\u00a0 Mr. Carnaby is as well as can be expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am glad to hear it.\u201d\u00a0 The handsome man\u2019s eyes went to her daughter.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you, Bella\u00a0 Are you well?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe couldn\u2019t see it, but she<\/em> could \u2013 Bella\u2019s ramrod straight back, her clenched fists; the way her lips drew into a line as her blue eyes sparked.<\/p>\n

Her daughter was ready for a fight.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you follow me here?\u201d Bella demanded, her tone rude.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella.\u201d<\/p>\n

That curly blonde head whipped toward her.\u00a0 \u201cMama, I…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are in my<\/em> house where Mr. Ashton is a guest.\u00a0 You will keep a civil tongue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella glared at him a moment and then looked down.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

Drawing a breath Mary turned to the young man.\u00a0 \u201cWould you like a drink?<\/p>\n

Rafe seemed quite unaffected by Bella\u2019s attitude.\u00a0 \u201cThank you.\u00a0 That would be very welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her daughter went straight for the parlor door.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll get it,\u201d she said, and was gone.<\/p>\n

Michael\u2019s brother watched Bella go and then turned a bemused face toward her.\u00a0 \u201cDid I say something wrong?\u00a0 Or, do you think, it is merely the fact that I exist?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He was a charmer, with that thick head of sandy red hair and those deep dark brows and eyes.\u00a0 Mary smiled inwardly.\u00a0 She\u2019d bet he\u2019d gotten by with just about everything when he was little!<\/p>\n

\u201cBella is a little on edge today,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I?\u201d Rafe asked, indicating a chair.<\/p>\n

She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cOf course, forgive me for not offering.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he sat, Rafe said, \u201cI have been knee-deep in my late brother\u2019s affairs since very early this morning, trying to wrap up loose ends before the stage leaves today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going somewhere so soon?\u201d she asked.\u00a0 \u201cBella said you\u2019d only arrived a week ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, she does mention me \u2013 without curses, I hope.\u201d\u00a0 He laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI came in six days ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you going?\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes shot to the kitchen into which Bella had disappeared. \u201cI intend to see your daughter to Nevada.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh dear.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes Bella know?\u201d<\/p>\n

He frowned slightly, as if there was no need for her to<\/em> know.\u00a0 Then he said, \u201cShe is an unmarried woman now and cannot travel alone.\u00a0 She must have a chaperone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you\u2019ve appointed yourself to be<\/em> that chaperone?\u201d<\/p>\n

He was unperturbed.\u00a0 \u201cOf course.\u00a0 I am her closest male relative \u2013 on my brother\u2019s side.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mary\u2019s eyes flicked to the kitchen.\u00a0 She could hear Bella slamming drawers.\u00a0 \u201cDoes my daughter know about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u00a0 It\u2019s what I came to tell her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella was horrified.<\/p>\n

She glanced at her little sister Sophie who was joyfully banging cupboard doors and rattling glasses so that their mother would think she was getting them all drinks.\u00a0 She had snuck back to the edge of the parlor and hidden behind the accordion doors to listen to what Rafe had to say.<\/p>\n

Come with her indeed.<\/p>\n

If wishes were horses!<\/p>\n

The blonde woman though furiously.\u00a0 What was she going to say?\u00a0 How<\/em> was she going to stop him?\u00a0 The idea of traveling weeks by stagecoach\u00a0 and days by steamship with Rafe at her side fawning and hinting and practically slobbering on her was more than she could bear!<\/p>\n

A finger tap on her shoulder made her turn.\u00a0 Sophie, who was about twenty, stood behind her.\u00a0 She was carrying a tray that held four<\/em> glasses of cider.\u00a0 Her sister peered out from under the wave of golden-brown curls on her forehead and asked, \u201cCan I<\/em> take them in?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever for?\u201d Bella replied.<\/p>\n

Sophie looked past her.\u00a0 Her cheeks flushed.\u00a0 \u201cI think Rafe\u2019s beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 Her little sister let out a little sigh.\u00a0 \u201cEven his name<\/em> is beautiful.\u00a0 Raphael….\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella took hold of the tray.\u00a0 \u201cRafe Ashton is a self-centered, self-indulgent, Beau Brummell!\u201d she snapped, careful to keep her voice low.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re just saying that because you don\u2019t think I\u2019m good enough for him, and because you want him yourself!\u201d Sophie shot back.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I…? \u201c\u00a0 The blonde woman blew out an exasperated breath.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I neve<\/em>r!<\/em>\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t marry that fancy Dan if he was the last man on the Earth!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, right<\/em>.\u00a0 Because you\u2019re going to marry your cowboy now and go live with him in the Wild West where a rattler will eat you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella rolled her eyes.\u00a0 \u201cRattlers don\u2019t eat people.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBella?\u201d<\/p>\n

They both turned toward the sound.<\/p>\n

It was Ma.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Ma\u2019am,\u201d they said in tandem.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Ashton is waiting on his drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella pulled the tray from her sister\u2019s grip and rounded the folded accordion door with it.\u00a0 She plastered a false smile on her face as she said, \u201cHere we are.\u201d\u00a0 Crossing over to Rafe, she served him first and then beat a hasty retreat to sit beside her mother on the settee.<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I join you?\u201d Sophie asked, her voice all sweetness and light.<\/p>\n

Rafe took a sip, put the glass down, and then rose to his feet.\u00a0 He crossed to Sophie and, taking one of her hands in his, lifted it to his lips and planted a kiss on the top.\u00a0 \u201cI have a few matters of business to discuss with your sister concerning my late brother\u2019s affairs and, for that, we need privacy.\u201d\u00a0 At her petulant look, he added,\u00a0 \u201cHowever, when I am finished, I would be most grateful if you would accompany me on a short stroll.\u00a0 I would be the envy of the town with such a beauty as you on my arm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella had one word for that.<\/p>\n

Yuck<\/em>.<\/p>\n

For a second Sophie was dumbstruck.\u00a0 She blinked, drew a breath \u2013 which was a good thing because Bella though her sister had forgotten how to breathe \u2013 and then turned and floated to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Her mother was laughing.\u00a0 \u201cThat was sweet of you, Mister Ashton.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRafe,\u201d he said with a charming smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cRafe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Double yuck.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd just what business do you have to discuss with me?\u201d Bella asked, knowing full well what it was.\u00a0 \u201cFrom what I\u2019ve been told, all of Michael\u2019s affairs that can be settled at this point have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cAll of Michael\u2019s business <\/em>has been settled, but…. \u00a0Sister Mary and I have talked and we agree you simply cannot go to Nevada alone.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t be prudent or proper for an unmarried woman to do so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, and I suppose traveling with you \u2013 an unmarried man<\/em> \u2013 would<\/em> be wise?\u201d she countered sharply.<\/p>\n

Rafe looked surprised.\u00a0 \u201cSince I am your brother-in-law, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella was at a loss.\u00a0 What was<\/em> she going to say?\u00a0 How <\/em>was she going to foil Rafe\u2019s well-thought out plan?\u00a0 As she sat there, mortified, her eyes alighted on her youngest brother outside the window.\u00a0 Benjamin had finished his work.\u00a0 With a nod to Pa, who remained in his chair, he headed for the back door.<\/p>\n

Benjamin.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBut I\u2019m not going alone!\u201d she blurted out.<\/p>\n

Her mother and Rafe exchanged a look even as Bella heard the back door open and swing shut.<\/p>\n

The first little crack in Rafe\u2019s oh-so-charming<\/em> armor appeared as he scowled and demanded,\u00a0 \u201cAnd just who<\/em> is going with you?\u00a0 There is<\/em> no one to go with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her brother appeared in the doorway of the parlor, cider in hand, drawn by their voices no doubt. \u00a0Ben had been working hard and sweat dripped from the ends of his auburn curls.\u00a0 The simple clothes he wore \u2013 a pair of dark canvas trousers and a well-worn burnt-orange work shirt \u2013 clung to his slender frame.\u00a0 He smiled at her when he saw her looking and then something else entered his brown eyes.\u00a0 They had always been close.\u00a0 In some ways, she\u2019d raised him since their ma was so busy with her work and then, with their pa.<\/p>\n

Ben knew something was wrong.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere he is!\u201d she exclaimed happily, springing to her feet and crossing over to her brother.\u00a0 Linking her arm in his, she announced,\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s Benjamin.\u00a0 Ben is going to go with me!\u201d<\/p>\n

God love him, her brother resisted asking where.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure am,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Ben put his arm around her shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t let my big sister go alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella locked eyes with her mother.\u00a0 She knew it would be a hardship.\u00a0 She had some cash set aside, so she could pay for someone to do Benjamin\u2019s chores while she was gone, but it would still be tough for their pa.<\/p>\n

Rafe was staring at the two of them.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s a boy,\u201d he finally said.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey!\u201d\u00a0 Benjamin protested.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m almost seventeen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella hid a smile.\u00a0 \u2018Almost\u2019 meaning in half a year.<\/p>\n

\u201cStill,\u201d the older man protested.<\/p>\n

Her ma rose then and went to Michael\u2019s brother.\u00a0 She placed a hand on his arm.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Rafe. I was about to tell you.\u00a0 You see, Benjamin Joseph is named after two of Bella\u2019s dear friends, Benjamin and Joseph Cartwright.\u00a0 He has his heart set on meeting them and, well, this is<\/em> a perfect opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n

The look out of her mother\u2019s eyes said she mean<\/em>t it.<\/p>\n

Benjamin was beaming too.\u00a0 \u201cYeah,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s right!\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe, being a creature of deception himself, glared at her brother.\u00a0 He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it just as quickly, evidently deciding that \u2013 for the moment at least \u2013 he\u2019d been outmaneuvered.<\/p>\n

Thank God!<\/p>\n

\u201cVery well,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cSince you seem to think an sixteen year old boy is enough to keep your daughter safe on trip of some five hundred miles or more, I yield to your better judgment.\u201d\u00a0 Rafe\u2019s glare shifted from Ben to her.\u00a0 \u201cI saw that your belongings are out front with Michael\u2019s man, so this is goodbye, Bella.\u00a0 I pray you have a safe and successful trip and will call upon you at your return.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella wanted to melt into a puddle.\u00a0 Instead she held her hand out and let him kiss it \u2013 and kept from wincing.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Rafe.\u00a0 I\u2019ll see you in a few months.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe was already nodding to her mother.\u00a0 \u201cMadame.\u201d\u00a0 A second later he was out the door.<\/p>\n

Bella sighed.\u00a0 Sophie was going to have a fit!<\/p>\n

As the door closed, their mother\u00a0 chuckled softly.\u00a0 \u201cI was afraid, for a moment there, that he might take off the roof!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 The older woman\u2019s eyes shifted to her brother.\u00a0 \u201cBenjamin, I hope you don\u2019t mind going with your sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHeck, no!\u201d he said, and went on in spite of their mother\u2019s disapproval of his choice of words.\u00a0 \u201cWhere am I going?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella laughed.\u00a0 \u201cNevada.\u00a0 To the Ponderosa!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s brown eyes lit like a sky with fireworks.\u00a0 He grinned from ear to ear.\u00a0 \u201cYou mean I really do<\/em> get to meet the legendary Cartwrights?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n

Her brother suddenly sobered.\u00a0 He looked out the window to where their pa was sitting soaking in the sun.\u00a0 \u201cIs it okay, Ma?\u00a0 Really?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 \u201cI know you need me here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll pay for someone to come and help,\u201d Bella assured her mother.<\/p>\n

Her mother squeezed her hand.\u00a0 \u201cI know you will.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 You two go and have your great adventure.\u201d\u00a0 Turning to her brother, their ma said, \u201cYou\u2019ll need to pack, son.\u00a0 Bella is leaving shortly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben hesitated only a moment and then he shouted, \u201cHuzzah!\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella laughed.\u00a0 \u201cHuzzah?\u201d<\/p>\n

He grinned.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, huzzah.\u00a0 Or maybe it should be, \u2018yeehaw\u2019!\u00a0 I get to be a cowboy!\u201d<\/p>\n

At that, Benjamin put a hand to his backside and began to slap it and then he and his pretend horse made their way up the stairs as quickly as they could in order for him to pack.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Ponderosa will never be the same,\u201d her mother said with a sigh.<\/p>\n

Bella crossed to the window and looked out, her eyes following the retreating coach that held Michael\u2019s brother.<\/p>\n

She certainly hoped not.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THREE<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMister Cartwright?\u00a0 Mister Cartwright, you can come in now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was seated by the office window, looking out.\u00a0 He started from where his thinking had taken him and turned away to look at the young lady who\u2019d stepped into the room.\u00a0 Jennie had dark brown eyes and a winning smile that belied the fact that, most of the time, she was welcoming people with…well…with problems.<\/p>\n

People like him.<\/p>\n

His grin was forced, but the charm was still there.\u00a0 \u201cI thought I told you to call me \u2018Joe\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jennie was a sweet girl, barely twenty, and from what she\u2019d told him the last time he\u2019d come to Carson City to see Doctor Beverly Brandon, just married.\u00a0 There was a ring on her finger now.\u00a0 She blushed prettily as she stepped out of his way.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoctor Brandon will see you now…Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

He rose from his seat and crossed to where she was standing by the office door.\u00a0 \u201cYou be sure to tell that man you married that I said he was one lucky fella.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blush deepened until Jennie\u2019s cheeks were nearly as crimson as the pattern on her blouse.<\/p>\n

As Joe entered the office, Doctor Brandon rose to greet him.\u00a0 \u201cAre you flirting with my receptionist again?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Doctor Beverly Brandon was about Adam\u2019s age, somewhere in his early forties.\u00a0 He was an American, but had gone to Europe to study medicine and returned just in time to treat the veterans of the conflict between the states \u2013 the Confederate<\/em> veterans.\u00a0\u00a0 Brandon had been born in South Carolina and so his family and loyalties were there.\u00a0 Due to that family he had relocated to Carson City in eighteen-seventy and opened a practice.\u00a0 At first there was a lot of resentment but, since he had not fought in the war, when his techniques proved successful with Union veterans as well it turned the tide of opinion toward him.\u00a0 Brandon was a tall man \u2013 at least three inches taller than him \u2013 and slender, with pale yellow hair that laid flat on his head and a thin mustache that curled slightly at the ends.\u00a0 Sometimes the doctor wore glasses, but more often than not, like now, he had them pushed back and perched on his head.\u00a0 Like his office, Beverly Brandon was well-attired in the latest fashion, but there was nothing showy \u2013 everything was utilitarian and comfortable.\u00a0 Everything was about making the people who came to see him comfortable.<\/p>\n

Because, if you were here, you probably thought you were crazy.<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon came around the desk and offered his hand.\u00a0 He studied him a moment and then asked, softly, \u201cI take it things are no better?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe frowned.\u00a0 \u201cDoes it show?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man shook his head slightly.\u00a0 \u201cI have a trained eye.\u00a0 I doubt anyone else would notice.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor released his hand and indicated the chair in front of his desk.\u00a0 \u201cSit down and tell me about the last two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

It had been that long since he had seen him.<\/p>\n

Joe sat down and tried not to squirm.\u00a0 This was hard for him \u2013 really<\/em> hard.\u00a0 All of his life he\u2019d taken on impossible challenges and overcome them.\u00a0 He\u2019d pushed through and survived.\u00a0 He prided himself on the fact that no one could beat him or best him.\u00a0 No one<\/em> could stop him.<\/p>\n

No one, it seemed, except himself.<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon waited patiently.\u00a0 It seemed to Joe that the man always knew what he was going to say before he<\/em> did, anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you\u2019re ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sucked in air and spit it out.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been a bastard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brandon\u2019s blond brows peaked.\u00a0 \u201cI see.\u00a0 And just how<\/em> have you been a bastard?\u201d<\/p>\n

Since Alice\u2019s death and since…Tanner…Joe often found himself unfocused and lethargic.\u00a0 He just had no energy or intent to do anything.\u00a0 But there were times like this, where he felt he might explode if he didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 Literally jumping from the chair, Joe began to pace.<\/p>\n

Where to begin?<\/p>\n

\u201cI jump all over everyone.\u00a0 I got a fuse that\u2019s about an inch long and when it reaches the end, I go off like dynamite.\u00a0 I\u2019ve pissed off about every hand we have and traded blows with half of them and last night….\u201d\u00a0 He paused.\u00a0 \u201cLast night I made my little brother cry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brandon was silent a moment.\u00a0 \u201cThese fights,\u201d he said at last, \u201cdo you instigate them?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe dropped back into the chair.\u00a0 Pacing hadn\u2019t helped.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know why?\u201d<\/p>\n

He met the doctor\u2019s clinical stare and knew there was no point in trying to deceive him.\u00a0 He\u2019d been through this too many times over the last few months.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I figure if I keep pickin\u2019 on every hand we have, sooner or later one of them is gonna be bigger and faster than me and the whole damn <\/em>thing will end.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe \u2018whole damn thing\u2019?\u00a0 Meaning your life?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sunk back in the chair.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blond man nodded.\u00a0 That was one of the reasons he\u2019d kept coming to see Doctor Brandon after Doc Martin\u2019s assistant recommended him.\u00a0 No lectures.\u00a0 Just understanding.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you been taking the medication I prescribed?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 Probably too quickly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs<\/em> prescribed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cMostly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Beverly Brandon stood and came to the front of the desk and leaned on it.\u00a0 He looked at him directly.\u00a0 \u201cAnd if I told you I had \u2018mostly\u2019 checked the cinch before I climbed into the saddle to bust a bronco, would that fly with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe ran a hand across his mouth and favored the older man with a smile that was chagrined.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d say when you broke your neck, that you deserved it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cPrecisely.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just….\u201d\u00a0 Joe hesitated.\u00a0 Somehow it seemed he was insulting the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cI think I should be strong enough to beat this without taking pills.\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor\u2019s lips turned up in a wry smile.\u00a0 \u201cAnd tell me, how is that going for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

He held Brandon\u2019s gaze for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man placed a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cThat, Joseph Cartwright, is one of the first signs I have seen that you are getting better.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s hard, especially for a man like you.\u00a0 I know your reputation.\u00a0 I know how strong you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe scoffed.\u00a0 \u201cHow strong I used <\/em>to be….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u00a0 How strong you are still<\/em>.\u00a0 Joe, science is discovering every day that the human mind can only take so much.\u00a0 Even the strongest man has a breaking point.\u00a0 Your wife\u2019s horrific death,\u201d Brandon paused, knowing the pain he inflicted with his words, \u201cthe death of your child, and your mistreatment at the hands of a madman….\u00a0 Only one <\/em>of those would have been enough to break most men.\u00a0 You survived.\u00a0 You are still here.\u00a0 You are just in need of help to recover.\u00a0 The mind is no different from the body.\u00a0 If you had a broken limb, you would have to let it rest.\u00a0 You need to let your mind and soul rest.\u201d\u00a0 Brandon rose and returned to the desk chair.\u00a0 \u201cThe medication I gave you will do just that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shifted uneasily.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you able to turn your mind off, Joe?\u00a0 Can you banish the flames and the images of being hunted like an animal on your own?\u201d<\/p>\n

His jaw was tight; his nostrils flared as if he was preparing to fight.\u00a0 \u201cYou know<\/em> I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe medication will allow you to do so.\u00a0 That is all.\u00a0 If you take it as I prescribed, an hour or so before you go to sleep, it will help your body and your mind to rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI should be able to do that on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon leaned back and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cShould<\/em>.\u00a0 How I wish I could banish that word from mankind\u2019s vocabulary.\u201d\u00a0 He paused before going on.\u00a0 \u201cYou know most of my patients up until recently were veterans?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201c \u2018What if?\u2019\u00a0 \u2018I should have.\u2019 Do you know how many men, how many families have been ruined by those words?\u00a0 How many lives lost?\u201d\u00a0 The older man leaned forward and met his defiant stare.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, if you are having suicidal feelings, then you are in danger.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to go to your father \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t tell Pa!\u201d he exclaimed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can and I will<\/em>.\u00a0 If I think your life is in danger, I have an obligation<\/em> to do so.\u201d\u00a0 Brandon looked right at him.\u00a0 \u201cHowever, I am willing to wait so long as you take your medication as prescribed and continue to come see me at least every two weeks.\u00a0 Joe, you are my <\/em>responsibility now.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cI would like to say as well, that you are my friend.\u00a0 I like you, Joe.\u00a0 The last thing I want to do is see you hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

He left the word \u2018yourself\u2019 unspoken, but it hung between them.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow many doses have you skipped?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe scowled.\u00a0 \u201cI took one yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the day before?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cAbout three days last week.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to take it every night.\u00a0 Don\u2019t skip any doses.\u00a0 All right?\u00a0 If that doesn\u2019t work, the next time you come, we\u2019ll up the dose to three pills.\u00a0 I\u2019d hate to go any higher, but you can take up to four.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo is more than enough,\u201d he grumbled.<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon stared at him a moment and then laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI was warned about you Cartwrights.\u00a0 Did you know that?\u00a0 You and your father are quite well known in Carson City.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what was the warning?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat the good Lord created man and made him single-minded and determined, and then he made the Cartwrights and gave them a double dose!\u201d<\/p>\n

A smile tickled his lips.\u00a0 \u201cSounds like you\u2019ve been talking to people who know us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, the older man rose to his feet and came to stand before the desk.\u00a0 He waited until Joe rose as well to speak.\u00a0 \u201cI know you can\u2019t hear this now, Joe, but I am going to say it anyway.\u00a0 I admire you.\u00a0 You are not a quitter, no matter what you think at the moment.\u00a0 You have inspired me in the time I have known you and you will continue to do so, I am sure, as your recovery progresses.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know what to say.\u00a0 Telling your doctor he was a liar didn\u2019t seem to be an option.<\/p>\n

The blond man held out his hand.\u00a0 \u201cUntil next time?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe took it.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Doctor Brandon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBev, please.\u00a0 I think we know each other well enough now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Forcing a smile, he agreed.\u00a0 \u201cBev.\u00a0 See you in two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe sure to schedule it with Jennie.\u00a0 That way I\u2019ll know if you back out,\u201d Bev said with a hint of a smile.<\/p>\n

The Joe Cartwright he had been would have laughed and made some cocky remark.\u00a0 But he wasn\u2019t the Joe Cartwright he had been.<\/p>\n

Instead Joe nodded and walked out the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jamie Cartwright drew his mount to a halt and slid from her back.\u00a0 After tethering the animal to the rail, he started for the house.\u00a0 He\u2019d gone to town on his own to pick up the mail and just arrived back.\u00a0 It was supper time and he caught the scent of pot roast with root vegetables on the wind.\u00a0 It made him smile.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s roast beef was one of his favorite things on the earth.\u00a0 There\u2019d be a big hunk of beef sitting in the center of the china platter, swimming in red wine and juices and surrounded by parsnips, potatoes and carrots.\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t beat it!<\/p>\n

Jamie halted just outside of the front door, stopped by a sudden unwelcome thought.\u00a0 Pot roast was one of his big brother\u2019s favorites as well, though sometimes it made Joe sad when Hop Sing served it as it reminded him of Hoss.\u00a0 It reminded him of Hoss too, but the thought made him happy \u2018cause he could see the big man sitting there, claiming all of it and laughing at they tried to get their share.<\/p>\n

Sometimes it seemed like Joe had forgotten how to laugh.<\/p>\n

While he stood there, thinking, the door opened and his pa stepped out.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie!\u00a0 I was just wondering about you.\u201d\u00a0 The older man looked at his empty hands.\u00a0 \u201cDid you get the mail?\u201d<\/p>\n

He knew he had a tendency to be a bit forgetful.\u00a0 It seemed like his mind was always running away with him and he was thinking of the next thing before he had the current one done.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019s in the saddlebag.\u00a0 I\u2019ll go get it.\u201d<\/p>\n

It only took a moment.\u00a0 Jamie pulled the pile of letters out of the leather satchel, tied it off, and headed for the house.\u00a0 Pa was waiting for him and put an arm around his shoulder to let him know he wasn\u2019t mad, and then the two of them headed into the house.\u00a0 Once they were inside, the older man headed for the kitchen to let Hop Sing know they were ready to eat.\u00a0 As his pa disappeared around the corner, Jamie began to file through the letters.\u00a0 He\u2019d sent for information from a couple of veterinary colleges and was expecting to hear back any day.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t really decided if he was going to go to school or not, but Pa and Joe both said it never hurt to look into things.\u00a0 Most of the letters were common stuff.\u00a0 None were from the colleges.\u00a0 There was one that he found interesting.\u00a0 The envelope was made of really expensive paper, like the kind documents were written on, and it was blue.<\/p>\n

It smelled too.\u00a0 Like a girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you have there?\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked up to find that Pa was back.\u00a0 Jamie held the envelope out.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s for you.\u201d\u00a0 He paused and then added with a mischievous smile.\u00a0 \u201cYou got a girl you ain\u2019t told me about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs there no return address?\u201d the older man asked as he came to claim it.<\/p>\n

Jamie shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa turned the letter over and checked the back.\u00a0 \u201cHmm,\u201d was all he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gonna open it?\u201d<\/p>\n

At the moment Hop Sing called them to supper.\u00a0 His pa\u00a0 went to his chair and placed the letter on the table beside it.\u00a0 Then he took his arm and directed him to the table.<\/p>\n

As they sat down Jamie looked at the empty chair opposite him and asked, \u201cWhen\u2019s Joe due back?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man opened his napkin and placed it on his lap.\u00a0 \u201cYour older brother is…less forthcoming about his movements than he used to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie waited.\u00a0 \u201cSo you don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa sighed as he glanced at the door.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I had hoped he would be back by supper.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was legendary how many nights Pa had sat up waiting for his older brother when Joe was the youngest Cartwright in the house. \u00a0He\u2019d tried real hard not to make his pa worry about him, though it hadn\u2019t always worked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI bet he\u2019ll be back before we\u2019re done,\u201d he said encouragingly.<\/p>\n

By the time they finished, Joe had still not appeared.<\/p>\n

As Hop Sing cleared the table, the two of them went into the great room and sat down.\u00a0 He\u2019d left the book he was reading there.\u00a0 It was one from Adam\u2019s old room.\u00a0 It had a funny name, Les Mis\u00e9rables<\/em>, which his pa had told him meant \u2018the miserables\u2019.\u00a0 Victor Hugo had written it.\u00a0 At first he\u2019d passed it by, but after opening it and reading a few pages, he found out that the story was really good.\u00a0 It was big book and he\u2019d been working on it for some time.\u00a0 As his pa took a seat in the red leather chair, Jamie parked on the settee and picked it up.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until ten minutes or so later that he remembered the mysterious envelope and looked up to see if Pa had opened it.<\/p>\n

The older man was sitting with the letter in his right hand.\u00a0 Two fingers of his left hand were perched on his lips and he was staring into the fire.<\/p>\n

It looked like it might have been bad news.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u00a0 Is something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man started.\u00a0 He remained as he was for a moment and then straightened up.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said at last, \u201cin fact I think it might be the best news I\u2019ve had in a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

When he said nothing more, the redhead asked, \u201cCan you tell me why?\u201d<\/p>\n

His pa thought a moment.\u00a0 \u201cDo you trust me, Jamie?\u201d<\/p>\n

It kind of startled him, that question.\u00a0 \u201cOf course I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen, you\u2019ll believe me when I tell you that I can\u2019t explain right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

The question was out before he could stop it.\u00a0 \u201cDoes it have to do with Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment the door opened and along with a chill wind, the object of his question blew in.\u00a0 Joe removed his gun belt and placed it on the credenza. Then he parked his hat and green jacket by the door.\u00a0 When he saw them sitting in the great room, he looked mildly surprised and mightily embarrassed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry I\u2019m late, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their pa rose to his feet and went over to meet him.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you, son?\u201d he asked softly.<\/p>\n

For a moment, Joe said nothing.\u00a0 When he saw him looking, he said, \u201cHey, Jamie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Joe,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

The silence that followed was awful.<\/p>\n

Pa stirred at last.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go tell Hop Sing to fix you a plate.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he turned to leave, Joe caught his arm.\u00a0 \u201cPa, please.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to talk to you first.\u00a0 And to Jamie.\u00a0 If that\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa reached up and cupped Joe\u2019s cheek in his hand.\u00a0 He nodded.<\/p>\n

Jamie watched them as they came over to the hearth.\u00a0 He had to admit that when he first came to the Ponderosa, he\u2019d been a little jealous of how close the two of them were.\u00a0 He\u2019d loved his own pa, but he\u2019d never known that kind of closeness and he\u2019d longed for it.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t take him long to realize that Ben Cartwright had more than enough love to go around.\u00a0\u00a0 Now, when he saw them together, it just made him realize how lucky he was.<\/p>\n

How lucky Joe was.<\/p>\n

They all sat down.\u00a0 Joe took a seat on the hearth and stared into the fire for so long they both thought he wasn\u2019t going to speak.\u00a0 Then, suddenly, he did.<\/p>\n

\u201cI owe you both an apology for today, and for what happened yesterday with Ramsey.\u201d\u00a0 He snorted.\u00a0 \u201cWell, for just about everything, really.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie shuddered at the memory of the big man pounding on Joe.\u00a0 He was glad Pa had pressed charges and Abel Ramsey was in jail so he couldn\u2019t go after his big brother again.<\/p>\n

Pa was shaking his head.\u00a0 \u201cSon, there\u2019s no need \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Pa.\u00a0 There is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve haven\u2019t….\u201d\u00a0 Joe stopped and then started again.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve only been thinking about myself.\u00a0 I\u2019ve caused both of you a lot of grief.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, son \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s temper flared.\u00a0 \u201cNo, it\u2019s not!\u00a0 I\u2019ve been sulking like a little kid, like no one in the world ever went through what I\u2019ve…gone through.\u201d\u00a0 He drew a calming breath.\u00a0 \u201cFor God\u2019s sake, Pa, you lost three <\/em>wives!\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa hesitated.\u00a0 His words were quiet.\u00a0 \u201cBut none in the way you lost Alice, Joe.\u00a0 And none of them were carrying my child at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

They hesitated to speak of it.\u00a0 Almost like when they did, they were telling Joe something he didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

He did, of course.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s jaw was tight and tears shone in his green eyes.\u00a0 \u201cYou lost a child too, Pa,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you lost a brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sniffed.\u00a0 Then his older brother looked at him.\u00a0 There was a hint of a smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd gained one.\u201d<\/p>\n

He grinned back.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look tired, Joe.\u00a0 Maybe we should continue this tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa was right.\u00a0 Joe looked all in.\u00a0 He\u2019d lost weight recently and he knew he\u2019d hardly slept at all. Their bedrooms were near to each other and he\u2019d heard him getting up every night and going downstairs.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s skin was usually a deep golden color.\u00a0 It was pale now and all pinched around his eyes and lips.\u00a0 Jamie met his brother\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 There was something missing in those green eyes.<\/p>\n

A kind of light that had gone out.<\/p>\n

Joe ran a hand over his face.\u00a0 He smiled in that way he had when he was kind of embarrassed, where one eye winked and his lips curled up at one end.<\/p>\n

\u201cI look that bad, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

When Pa said nothing, he piped up.\u00a0 \u201cJust don\u2019t go to near the horses, Joe.\u00a0 You know how skittish they are.\u00a0 You might scare them away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes widened and then took on a look of trouble.\u00a0 Before Jamie knew it, his big brother was over the table and had plowed into him.\u00a0 It took a second to realize Joe wasn\u2019t angry, he was just pretendin\u2019 to be mad like he used to before…everything.\u00a0 Joe caught him in his arms and they rolled off the sofa and hit the floor.\u00a0 After tumblin\u2019 a couple of times, Joe hugged him.\u00a0 He held him for all he was worth.\u00a0\u00a0 Then, he began to cry.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t say nothin\u2019.\u00a0 He just shook.<\/p>\n

Jamie hugged his brother back and they sat there, with pa watching, until \u2013completely exhausted \u2013 Joe fell asleep in his arms.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Later that night, after he had seen Joseph to bed and sat and talked with him as he had done when his son was a child, Ben Cartwright returned to the great room and his red leather chair and the envelope he\u2019d left laying on the table beside it.\u00a0 He sat down and picked it up, withdrew the letter from inside it elegant housing, and read the lines written on the parchment paper again.<\/p>\n

Dearest Ben,<\/em><\/p>\n

I am coming to see you.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t tell Joe.\u00a0 I have to come, and I know he would try to stop me if he knew.\u00a0 Don\u2019t\u00a0 blame yourself.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t reveal his secret.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t what you said in your last letter, but his silence that alerted me to the fact that something is terrible wrong.\u00a0 My little brother and I board the steamship \u2018City of Chester\u2019 tomorrow.\u00a0 It will take a month or so for us\u00a0 to reach the Ponderosa.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t going to write at all, but when Benjamin decided to join me \u2013 he\u2019s the one named for you \u2013 I decided I had best confess.\u00a0 I thought you should know there would be two of us imposing on you instead of one.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

I can see you face \u2013 that slight frown, the way your forehead furrows and the skin crinkles at the corners of your eyes.\u00a0 I know you think me foolish.\u00a0 Most likely I can\u2019t do anything to help, but I have <\/u>to try.\u00a0 I love your son.\u00a0 I have always loved him.\u00a0 The biggest mistake of my life was running from him.\u00a0 No matter what happens, whether Joe accepts me or turns me away, you know I always will.<\/em><\/p>\n

Bella Carnaby Ashton<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Ben ran a hand under his left eye to wipe away the moisture.\u00a0 He was glad Jamie had gone to bed as well.\u00a0 The boy wasn\u2019t there to be upset by his tears.<\/p>\n

Replacing the letter in the envelope, the older man rose and went to his desk.\u00a0 He opened the drawer where he kept his personal correspondence \u2013 the one the boys knew was taboo to rummage through \u2013 and placed the envelope inside.\u00a0 Then he went to the front door and stepped out.\u00a0 Ben stood for a moment, looking toward town, and then went and sat in the rocking chair near the door.\u00a0 With winter coming on the old chair that had witnessed so much of his life at this house would soon move inside, but for the moment it remained and held a comfort of its own.<\/p>\n

The autumn air was crisp and cool.\u00a0 He found it reminiscent of the last time Bella Carnaby had graced their home with her sweet and ebullient spirit.\u00a0 It was hard to believe it had been eight long years.\u00a0 Harder still to believe that she\u2019d been only eighteen and yet had known she loved his son with a passion that time would not dull.\u00a0 He\u2019d been aware that she was in love with Joseph, but had thought her a child.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought hers was the kind of love a girl in her teens has \u2013 a love filled with wild romantic notions and based on physical attraction.\u00a0 At the time be didn\u2019t believe it to be the deep, sure<\/em> kind you needed to marry.\u00a0 Rising, the older man took a few steps away from the house and looked up at his son\u2019s window.<\/p>\n

He wondered now what Bella\u2019s life \u2013 what Joe\u2019s<\/em> life \u2013 might have been if he had encouraged rather than discouraged them to pursue their feelings.<\/p>\n

Ben pursed his lips and shook his head, cutting that line of thought short.\u00a0 What was done was done.\u00a0 It was time to look to the future.<\/p>\n

And maybe, just maybe,<\/em> with Bella\u2019s return his son would have one.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stepped back from the window and dropped the curtain.\u00a0 He\u2019d caught a glimpse of his father outside in the yard and it made his heart sink.\u00a0 Now that he was older and had spent the months he had with Alice thinking about the responsibility of rearing a child, he understood the deep grief he\u2019d caused his father over the years.<\/p>\n

Understood the deep grief he was causing him now. <\/em><\/p>\n

The curly-haired man went to his bed and dropped onto it and placed his head in his hands.\u00a0 Why <\/em>couldn\u2019t he stop this constant jumble of emotion that had him at the point of tears one moment and angry enough to kill<\/em> the next?\u00a0 Why was he continually plagued with horrific images when he closed his eyes \u2013 Alice standing in the window of their house screaming as she burned, his child running toward him, aflame.<\/p>\n

And God damn him, Tanner.\u00a0 Bill Tanner.\u00a0 Always one step behind, always his cast shadow overtaking him.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d awakened from more nightmares than he could count a second after Tanner put the nose of his rifle against his head and only a second before the gun went off.<\/p>\n

Why?\u00a0 Why<\/em> was he so weak?<\/p>\n

Joe glanced at his dresser.\u00a0 There was a bottle of whiskey there.\u00a0 Pa knew about it and hadn\u2019t said anything \u2013 letting him fight his own demons, he guessed.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought about drowning his sorrows.\u00a0 He\u2019d done it before and not all that long ago.\u00a0 After the nitroglycerin explosion that blinded him, he \u2018d thought his life was over.\u00a0 He\u2019d sunk into so deep a melancholia that it seemed to him, at the time, that there was no way out.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t told anyone then, but he had just wanted it to end.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to go on living if he was impaired; if he could only be a burden to those he loved.<\/p>\n

Well, he damn well was a burden to them now.<\/p>\n

Lifting his head, Joe turned and looked at the nightstand by his bed.\u00a0 Rising slowly, wearily, he went over to it and opened the drawer and drew out the small amber-colored bottle he had filled at the apothecary before leaving Carson City.\u00a0 He\u2019d asked the man behind the counter about what was in it and been told that the pill was known for its effectiveness to treat cholera, several kinds of pain, and to help distracted persons.\u00a0 Joe snorted.<\/p>\n

\u2018Distracted\u2019.<\/p>\n

What a polite word for someone who was crazy.<\/p>\n

Sitting on the edge of the bed again, Joe opened the bottle and let two of the little blue pills spill into his hand.\u00a0 The trouble was he didn\u2019t like what they did to him.\u00a0 They made him nauseous and he was thirsty all the time.\u00a0 Worst of all, he needed to make more than the normal amount of runs to the outhouse, which was mighty hard thing to do when you were a man riding fence-line all day or driving cattle across the land.<\/p>\n

On top of all that, just the fact that he needed to take them made him feel like a failure.<\/p>\n

With a sigh, he recapped the bottle and returned it to the nightstand.\u00a0 Rising, Joe walked over to the other side of the bed and poured himself a glass of water.\u00a0 He stood there for a moment, staring at the pills.\u00a0 In spite of what he had told the doctor, he\u2019d never taken two at once.\u00a0 He\u2019d figured one was more than enough.<\/p>\n

Joe placed the pills on his tongue.\u00a0 He tossed a half glass of water after them, swallowed, and then laid down on his bed fully clothed.\u00a0 Within half an hour, he\u2019d drifted off and passed the entire night in untroubled sleep.<\/p>\n

His sleep was untroubled, all right.<\/p>\n

It was when he woke in the morning that the nightmare truly began.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

FOUR<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Jamie looked over his shoulder at his older brother.\u00a0 It was late October and Joe was standing in a patch of mud left behind by a some early snow that had melted, stringing some of Glidden\u2019s new-fangled 15.5 gauge barbed wire along the top of one of the Ponderosa\u2019s boundary fences.\u00a0 The roll of wire, partially opened and played out, was laying in a tangled mess at his feet.\u00a0 They\u2019d traveled out about as far as they could go before Joe had chosen a spot to begin.\u00a0 Pa hadn\u2019t been too keen on using Glidden\u2019s wire on the fence here.\u00a0 He said he thought it seemed right unneighborly, to which Joe had replied that their neighbors weren\u2019t going to be the ones trying to jump a fence and rustle cattle.\u00a0 In the end big brother had stormed off to town, bought a bale of it, grabbed him on his way through the yard, and come up here to start putting it out.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019d done a lot of that the last five days.<\/p>\n

Storming.<\/p>\n

Pa had a couple of words for it.\u00a0 He said everything Joe had been through in the last seven months had left him \u2018touchy\u2019 and \u2018irritable\u2019.\u00a0 The men were using other words for it.\u00a0 When the redhead had been out with the ranch hands , the words he\u2019d heard whispered behind Joe\u2019s back were \u2018thin-skinned\u2019 and \u2018cantankerous\u2019.\u00a0 The miners said Joe was \u2018short-fused\u2019 and \u2018volatile\u2019, just like dynamite.\u00a0\u00a0 They all agreed on one word though \u2013 dangerous.<\/em><\/p>\n

Sooner of later, they said, Joe was gonna get either himself or someone else killed.<\/p>\n

Which was why he\u2019d followed Joe today without asking Pa\u2019s permission.\u00a0 Jamie knew he\u2019d get it when he got back to the ranch house, but he didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t safe to leave Joe alone.\u00a0 He knew it.<\/p>\n

Someone <\/em>had to take care of Joe and since the mysterious Adam and big brother Hoss were gone, it was up to him.<\/p>\n

Jamie studied Joe\u2019s rigid figure.\u00a0 The older man was standing still, facing the bale of wire and staring at it like it was an enemy.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen him do it before, like he was working out strategies so the wire wouldn\u2019t win.\u00a0 It was kind of frustrating.\u00a0 Joe had brought him along to help, but so far he hadn\u2019t let him do anything.\u00a0 The teenager glanced at the sky and realized it was about noon.<\/p>\n

Maybe if he offered to cook….<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you hungry, Joe?\u00a0 I could fix us some grub.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was kneeling by the wire now, straining hard with his gloved hands to unwrap one prickly strand from the other.\u00a0 His jaw was tight and his green eyes narrowed.\u00a0 The muscles in Joe\u2019s arms, built up over a lifetime of hard physical labor, rippled in the sunlight.\u00a0 Even though the air was chilly, he was covered with sweat.\u00a0 It bathed the front of his shirt.\u00a0 To someone just walking by, it wouldn\u2019t look like anything was wrong, but he knew better.\u00a0 Something was definitely <\/em>wrong.<\/p>\n

Joe was shaking like a man with a fever.<\/p>\n

Wincing at the blow of words he expected to get for asking, Jamie moved a little closer.\u00a0 \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Hey, Joe.\u00a0 Are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s head came up; that head of silver curls that were shining in the sun.\u00a0 He looked puzzled and then he said his name, \u201cJamie….\u201d<\/p>\n

Almost like he\u2019d forgotten he was there.<\/p>\n

Jamie sniffed.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t fair!<\/em>\u00a0 He wanted his older brother back the way he\u2019d been. The older brother that always had a smile and a joke, who loved to laugh; the brother who had accepted him and taken him under his wing and been so patient to teach him all the things he needed to know to be a part of the Cartwright family.<\/p>\n

This man was a stranger.<\/p>\n

Jamie took another step.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, let me help.\u00a0 Maybe together we can figure out what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment it looked like Joe was considering it.<\/p>\n

And then all Hell broke loose.<\/p>\n

Joe rose to his feet.\u00a0 He pulled his leather gloves off and threw them to the ground and marched toward him.\u00a0 Stopping several feet away, he growled, \u201cYou<\/em> do it then, if you think I\u2019m<\/em> so incompetent!\u201d<\/p>\n

It took a second before Jamie realized that Joe thought he was complainin\u2019 about how long it was taking to get the wire unrolled.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant.\u00a0 I\u2019m worried \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe flashed him a warning look.\u00a0 He knew enough to heed it.\u00a0 After living with the Cartwrights for near four years, he knew that set of older brother\u2019s jaw and the flash in his eye well enough to be aware that fists ususally followed.\u00a0 Jamie stepped back as Joe headed for Cochise and the canteen that hung from the saddle horn.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy isn\u2019t the food ready?\u201d the older man demanded as he recapped the canteen and turned back toward him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t know you wanted me to cook \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell why the hell did you think I brought you out here?\u00a0 You didn\u2019t think I was going to trust you with that wire, did you?\u00a0 You\u2019re a child.\u201d<\/p>\n

Every word was meant to hurt.\u00a0 Every <\/em>one.<\/p>\n

Jamie fought back tears as his own temper flared. \u00a0\u201cWill you just stop it!\u201d he shouted.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s jaw remained tight.\u00a0 His voice was just as tight \u2013 and quiet.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with me.\u00a0 I\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou keep sayin\u2019 that and it just ain\u2019t true! \u201c\u00a0 His jaw was tight too, but it was from fighting back tears.\u00a0 \u201cI know it.\u00a0 All the men <\/em>know it.\u201d\u00a0 He paused.\u00a0 \u201cPa knows it too, Joe, and it\u2019s killin\u2019 him!\u201d<\/p>\n

His brother\u2019s eyes were trained on his face.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you mention my pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie steeled himself. \u00a0\u201cI may not have been born a Cartwright, but he\u2019s my<\/em> pa too.\u00a0 Every day, most every time you open your mouth, you hurt him.\u00a0 Can\u2019t you see it, Joe?\u00a0 The worry is wearin\u2019 him away!\u201d<\/p>\n

Something different flashed in the older man\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

Was it fear?<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe snarled, in a tone of voice that said he was anything \u2018but\u2019.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry<\/em> if you don\u2019t like the new \u2018me\u2019, but it\u2019s who I am now, so you\u2019re just going to have to get used to it.\u00a0 I\u2019m going back to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d he snapped.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s too dangerous.\u00a0 You get to cooking!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Joe….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI said, \u2018No!\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still fighting back tears, the young man followed his older brother\u2019s progress as he headed toward the fencing.\u00a0 Just as Joe bent down to take hold of the barbed wire, he saw Joe\u2019s gloves on the ground.<\/p>\n

Snatching them from the grass, Jamie barreled toward him, shouting, \u201cJoe!\u00a0 Hey Joe!\u00a0 Don\u2019t!\u00a0 You\u2019ll get hurt!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stood up abruptly and took a step toward him.\u00a0 They met about three feet away from the opened bale of wire.\u00a0 Before Jamie knew it, Joe\u2019s fingers gripped his shirt.\u00a0 He started shaking him and yelling.\u00a0 Jamie didn\u2019t know what was happening, but he knew he was scared as Hell and he had to fight back.\u00a0 When he did, it only enraged Joe more.\u00a0 The redhead saw it coming before it happened.<\/p>\n

The awful thing was he could do nothing to stop it.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u00a0 No!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe pivoted, still holding onto him.\u00a0 As he yelled again, screaming, \u2018I told you to stay away!\u00a0 Don\u2019t you ever listen?\u2019 his older brother shoved him.<\/p>\n

A rat\u2019s nest of barbed wire was a mighty hard place to land.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella Carnaby Ashton glanced over at her brother.\u00a0 Ben made her laugh.\u00a0 Due to her connection to the Ponderosa, Ben had spent his young life reading penny dreadful novels and dreaming of the life of a cowboy hero.\u00a0 Maybe it had<\/em> been a mistake to pass on the books Joe sent to her, she thought as she watched her little brother gawk out the stagecoach window at every cactus that passed by.<\/p>\n

Ben was no doubt\u00a0 looking for hidden Indians or highwaymen.<\/p>\n

Bella shuddered at the thought.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t taken the stage since that dreadful trip through the Sierras five years before when Fleet Rowse had led a band of Indians to attack it and murdered nearly everyone on the coach. \u00a0It hadn\u2019t been easy, but she\u2019d managed to ride a horse or take a buggy or train since then.\u00a0 Michael had known about her fear and always arranged things so she was able to avoid it.\u00a0 Unfortunately, as they were heading to Virginia City, Nevada from Placerville, California, there was really little choice if they wanted to make good time.\u00a0 She\u2019d done her best to hide her terror from her brother, but she thought he suspected.\u00a0 Ben had taken the seat beside her and was always sure he made physical contact from time to time to let her know he was there.\u00a0 He knew from what she\u2019d told him that this was the same route she had taken all those years ago.\u00a0 Ben kept up an endless line of chatter as well, annoying the preacher and his wife who sat across from them.\u00a0 So far, they were the only other passengers traveling on the coach.\u00a0 More passengers might join them, of course, at one of the upcoming way stations.\u00a0 In fact, they probably would.<\/p>\n

Then Ben could irritate them too.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you snickering at?\u201d her little brother asked.<\/p>\n

She turned to look at him.\u00a0 Though Benjamin was going on seventeen, she couldn\u2019t help but think he was the cutest <\/em>thing.\u00a0 He had a round face like their ma and the biggest chocolate-brown eyes.\u00a0 His hair wasn\u2019t quite as curly as Joe Cartwright\u2019s except when it was wet, which it was now because Ben was sweating in the close confines of the coach.\u00a0 The trailing ends of the reddish-brown curls that spiraled down onto his forehead made him look like a Wensleydale sheep.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou,\u201d she fessed up.<\/p>\n

Ben was mock indignant.\u00a0 \u201cWell, if you ain\u2019t got anything better to do than laugh at a fellow….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not laughing,\u201d she corrected.<\/p>\n

His brown brows popped.\u00a0 \u201cNo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m snickering.\u201d\u00a0 Bella reached out to brush one of the errant curls away.\u00a0 \u201cYou are just so<\/em> cute!\u201d<\/p>\n

He batted her hand aside.\u00a0 \u201cFor Gosh sakes, Bella, you don\u2019t tell a grown man he\u2019s \u2018cute\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 His eyes flicked to their fellow passengers who were pointedly ignoring them .\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m almost \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlmost\u00a0 seventeen.\u00a0 I know.\u201d\u00a0 She stifled another giggle.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re just ancient!\u201d<\/p>\n

His anger was a little less \u2018mock\u2019 now.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd I suppose you<\/em> are ancient and all-wise at the grand old age of twenty-six?\u201d<\/p>\n

It was at that moment that Bella recognized the scenery speeding past.\u00a0 She could see it through the open window behind her brother.\u00a0 The low rise of the hill.\u00a0 The long stretch of open land.<\/p>\n

The high ridge made of rock where she had hidden with Little Joe Cartwright and where she thought she had lost him.<\/p>\n

Where she thought he had died.<\/p>\n

Bella shuddered.\u00a0 She barely swallowed the sob that followed it.<\/p>\n

Any trace of annoyance on her brother\u2019s face vanished. \u00a0He took her by the hand.\u00a0 \u201cBella?\u00a0 What\u2019s is it?\u201d\u00a0 Following the trail of her gaze, Benjamin looked over his shoulder and out the window at the passing landscape.\u00a0 When he turned back, his lightly tanned skin had paled a shade. \u201cWas it here?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

All she could do was nod.<\/p>\n

Ben moved closer and slipped his arm around her shoulder.\u00a0 He was quiet a moment and then he asked, \u201cDo you want to talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

She closed her eyes against the memories, but it didn\u2019t helped.\u00a0\u00a0 Everything was there.\u00a0 The Indians attack. The renegades deadly race to overtake the coach.\u00a0 Men falling; arrows piercing their chests and backs.\u00a0 Seeing Joe stuck with a club.\u00a0 Thinking he\u2019d been mortally wounded.<\/p>\n

And the smell.\u00a0 She\u2019d never forget that.<\/p>\n

The smell of roasting meat.<\/p>\n

Showing unexpected concern, the pastor\u2019s wife \u2013 who had traveled most of the way with her nose in a copy of the periodical, The People\u2019s Literary Companion<\/em> \u2013 asked, her voice soft with worry, \u201cAre you all right, child?\u00a0 Do you need the stage to stop so you can get some fresh air?\u201d<\/p>\n

In that moment it dawned on Bella that she might have misjudged the pair.\u00a0 Perhaps their silence had been a way to let her and Benjamin enjoy what was obviously his first trip to the West together and not a judgment on her or her brother.<\/p>\n

She shook her head.\u00a0 She knew if she spoke, the words would come out with tears.<\/p>\n

Benjamin answered for her.\u00a0 \u201cMy sister took this route five years ago.\u00a0 There was an attack on the stage.\u00a0 A lot of people died.\u201d\u00a0 He looked at her and smiled.\u00a0 \u201cBella survived.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the minister\u2019s wife responded, Bella drew in several slow, steadying breaths in an attempt to slow her heartbeat, which was galloping like a racehorse.\u00a0 She smiled at the woman and then turned to her brother.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t think it was possible, but he held her even closer <\/em>as the pastor reached over and closed the curtains on the window.<\/p>\n

Ben said she had survived.<\/p>\n

Sometimes she wondered if there was any truth in that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright stared in horror at the aftermath of his unreasonable anger.\u00a0 His violent reaction to Jamie\u2019s concern had sent the boy directly into the nest of barbed wire that had been created when he unrolled the bale.\u00a0 When he\u2019d shouted for him to keep still, hoping to minimalize the damage, Jamie had fought even harder, his blue eyes wide with fear.<\/p>\n

Fear of him.<\/em><\/p>\n

He\u2019d been so terrified as he saw the barbs bite into his little brother\u2019s skin that he\u2019d dug in and fought to keep the wire away from him.\u00a0 The boy was surrounded by it.\u00a0 It cut into Jamie\u2019s back, arms and legs, but even more frightening had been the large portion of it that dangled perilously above the teenager\u2019s head.\u00a0 Joe had thrown all caution to the wind as it shifted and began to descend.\u00a0 Regardless of the danger to himself he\u2019d moved in, placing his body above the boy\u2019s, and then reached up and taken hold of the menacing metal.<\/p>\n

Forgetting that he was no longer wearing his gloves.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d both emerged alive, as he knew they would, but their battered and wounded flesh showed they\u2019d been through a battle.\u00a0 His upper left shoulder was deeply gashed and his lower legs were covered with deep, jagged cuts as were his arms.\u00a0 Wherever it struck, the wire had not only pulled the skin away but had driven the cloth and sweat and dirt covering it into his open wounds.\u00a0 Every single gash was hot and crimson with blood and hurt like hell<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Jamie was much worse.<\/p>\n

Joe ran the back of his bloody arm across his face, driving away tears, mud, and more blood.\u00a0 His little brother\u2019s skin was ashen white and clammy to the touch.\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s heartbeat was too rapid.\u00a0 The redhead\u2019s chest was rising and falling, but the breaths were short, troubled, and came too fast.\u00a0 There was a slight tinge of blue to his lips.<\/p>\n

He was in shock.<\/p>\n

Joe had done the best he could.\u00a0 He\u2019d managed to untangle himself just as Jamie passed out from the pain.\u00a0 Drawing his thick leather gloves on over hands that looked like something in a meat house, Joe had located the wire cutters and returned to his brother.\u00a0 Taking advantage of Jamie\u2019s unconscious state, he\u2019d begun the most onerous part of freeing him, pulling the wire barbs out of the boy\u2019s tender skin.<\/p>\n

And all the while the tears had flown.<\/p>\n

As he worked, Joe\u2019s thoughts had gone to Adam, recalling that day when his brother had accidentally shot him while they were hunting a wolf.\u00a0 He remembered Adam\u2019s pain and guilt.\u00a0 His never ending remorse.\u00a0 It drove home again to him the fact that he<\/em> was the older brother now.\u00a0 That he <\/em>had to be the responsible one.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes moved to the silent form lying on the ground before him.<\/p>\n

For the last few weeks he\u2019d been anything but<\/em> responsible.\u00a0 Somewhere over the last month he\u2019d lost it.\u00a0 He\u2019d behaved in only one of two ways \u2013 enraged or unhinged.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d kept telling himself it didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 That it didn\u2019t effect anyone but him.\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s earlier words \u2013 so true that they were a spear thrust to his heart \u2013 had caused him to go berserk.\u00a0 The moment the anger in him had turned to rage and boiled over, he had become incapable of rational thought.\u00a0 He told himself he didn\u2019t realize the boy would fall into the wire, that he hadn\u2019t wanted to hurt<\/em> Jamie.<\/p>\n

Joe wet his lips.\u00a0 He struck away more sweat and tears.<\/p>\n

Yeah, he kept telling himself that.\u00a0 He had to.<\/p>\n

Otherwise, he\u2019d go insane.<\/p>\n

It was all Joe could do to rise to his feet and stagger over to where he\u2019d left Jamie lying.\u00a0 He\u2019d bandaged the worst of the boy\u2019s wounds the best he could using strips torn from an extra shirt he\u2019d brought in his saddlebag along with other clothes.\u00a0 Jamie had been shivering and so he\u2019d gone and gathered every piece of cloth he could find \u2013 their extra shirts, pants, their bedrolls, and even the saddle blankets from their horses \u2013 and wrapped the redhead in them to keep him warm.\u00a0 At the last minute he\u2019d rolled one of the saddle blankets up and placed it under the boy\u2019s feet.\u00a0 That was after he remembered Doc Martin always told them to elevate a victim\u2019s feet\u00a0 to increase circulation.<\/p>\n

His main worry for Jamie wasn\u2019t the blood loss though, in truth, both of them had lost more than their fair share.\u00a0 It was the threat of infection.\u00a0 While the wire had been clean , the mud he\u2019d been standing in and filthy sweat-soaked cloth they both wore were not.<\/p>\n

Some of the cuts on Jamie\u2019s skin already looked angry.<\/p>\n

Joe looked up at the sky.\u00a0 It was late afternoon.\u00a0 His father would be wondering where they were.\u00a0 The trouble was, he\u2019d been so enraged when he left that he hadn\u2019t told anyone what he was doing or where he was going.\u00a0 Pa wouldn\u2019t have any idea where to begin the\u00a0 search.\u00a0 In the hopes that it might help, he\u2019d removed Cochise\u2019s saddle and slapped his horse\u2019s hind-quarters and sent him on his way.\u00a0 When the animal returned home without gear or rider, and with a bloody handprint just above his tail, Pa would understand and send someone out to find them.\u00a0 They still had Jamie\u2019s horse. \u00a0The other one they\u2019d brought along with them \u2013 the one attached to the sled that had carried the wire \u2013 had spooked and disappeared.\u00a0 He was afraid to go after it and leave Jamie alone, so he\u2019d decided to rig a travois to carry the boy.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t know how he was going to manage it, given that his hands looked like Hop Sing had taken a meat mallet to them, but he was damn <\/em>well going to do it.\u00a0 This was his fault.<\/p>\n

Whatever pain he experienced, he deserved.<\/p>\n

Joe knelt down beside his little brother.\u00a0 Carefully, with his teeth, he tugged the leather glove off his left hand.\u00a0 He would have preferred to leave it on since the tight fit was stifling the blood flow, but he needed to touch Jamie\u2019s skin to see if he was developing a fever.\u00a0 From the thin sheen of sweat on his brother\u2019s pale freckled face he was pretty sure he was.\u00a0 As crimson blood began to flow between his thumb and forefinger, Joe placed his palm on Jamie\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s fever was low, but it was there.<\/p>\n

As Joe removed his hand, Jamie stirred.\u00a0 His brother moaned and his eyes opened.\u00a0 At first they were without focus.\u00a0 Then, they lighted on him.\u00a0 As recognition dawned, Joe saw it.<\/p>\n

Terror.<\/p>\n

Penitent, he placed his hand on the boy\u2019s chest.\u00a0 As he took in the cuts on Jamie\u2019s face, the deep gash at his hairline that had bled like a stuck pig, and the wounds he could see on other parts of the boy\u2019s lanky frame, Joe sobbed.\u00a0 The words were wrenched out of him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie, I am so <\/em>sorry.\u00a0\u00a0 I never meant….\u201d\u00a0 He paused. \u201cI never<\/em> meant for this to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy\u2019s reddish lashes brushed his pallid cheeks as he fought toward consciousness.\u00a0 Jamie swallowed, winced, and then his blue eyes opened on a world of unendurable pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d\u00a0 His name came out with a moan.\u00a0 \u201cJoe.\u00a0 God, Joe!\u00a0 It hurts!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie\u2019s left hand was the least effected, so Joe took hold of it and gripped it tight.\u00a0 \u201cSqueeze, Jamie! Squeeze my hand.\u00a0 Give it all you\u2019ve got!\u00a0 When you can\u2019t stand the pain, squeeze!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The boy did as he told him.\u00a0 Joe was somewhat surprised by the strength of his grasp.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood!\u00a0 Keep at it!\u201d he commanded, biting back his own pain.<\/p>\n

Jamie was looking around, puzzled.\u00a0 \u201cWhat….\u00a0 What happened?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

What happened?<\/p>\n

God, he wished he knew.<\/p>\n

\u201cI…I lost my temper, Jamie.\u00a0 I pushed you.\u00a0 I swear I didn\u2019t know the bale of wire was there.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t thinking….\u201d<\/p>\n

A small smile \u2013 very<\/em> small \u2013 lifted one corner of the boy\u2019s lips.\u00a0 \u201cYou…ain\u2019t been…doin\u2019 much of…that lately.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe frowned.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThinkin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe touched the boy\u2019s face with his right hand.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr…maybe too much.\u00a0 \u2018Bout…the wrong thing….\u201d\u00a0 Jamie winced and his back arced a bit.\u00a0 When it came back down to earth, he moaned and the light in his eyes dulled.<\/p>\n

Joe forced a smile.\u00a0 \u201cYou get some sleep, you hear?\u00a0 I\u2019m going to build a travois so I can get you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

His brother roused a bit as he said that.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Hurt….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know it will hurt, buddy, but we have to get you \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s voice was firmer.\u00a0 His gaze went to Joe\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cHurt…you.<\/em>\u00a0 You\u2019re…hurt…too….\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe opened his mouth to tell the boy he was fine, but decided he didn\u2019t deserve that.\u00a0\u00a0 He swallowed once and admitted. \u201cYeah, I hurt like Hell.\u201d<\/p>\n

His little brother\u2019s lips curled in a small.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t…let Pa…hear you talk…like that.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie drew a sharp breath as pain shot through him.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019ll wash…your…mouth…with….\u201d<\/p>\n

He was out again.<\/p>\n

Thank God.<\/p>\n

Joe rose wearily to his feet.\u00a0 He\u2019d been pretending all <\/em>month that everything was fine, that he wasn\u2019t out of control; that he could manage whatever was happening to him.\u00a0 It was a lie.\u00a0 Plain and simple.\u00a0 A lie he had been telling to everyone, but mostly to himself.<\/p>\n

As the curly-haired man headed for the tree limbs he\u2019d gathered to build the rig with, recent memory took him unawares.\u00a0 He saw himself on the travois Tom Griswold and Ern had built.\u00a0 He was being pulled toward the Griswolds\u2019 home.\u00a0 The whole way there he was plagued by delusions.\u00a0 The one that held the most horror for him was that of Hoss aiming a gun at him and pulling the trigger.\u00a0 Joe staggered to a stop and looked back.\u00a0 Wasn\u2019t that what he had just done with Jamie?\u00a0 Aimed his anger at him and then pulled the trigger?\u00a0 After that nightmare, he had shied away from his big brother until he was able to come to terms with the fact that it wasn\u2019t real.\u00a0 Hoss wouldn\u2019t<\/em> hurt him.<\/p>\n

This was<\/em> real.\u00a0 He had<\/em> hurt Jamie.<\/p>\n

Would their relationship ever<\/em> be the same?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Candy had come to the main house to talk to Joe, only to be told by his friend\u2019s father that he hadn\u2019t returned and the older man had no idea where he was.\u00a0 As he\u2019d listened to his boss, he\u2019d reached up and fingered the bruise on his chin without thinking and it hadn\u2019t taken Mister Cartwright more than two heartbeats to figure out who had put it there.\u00a0 He\u2019d crossed Joe one time to many the day before and his friend had let him have it.\u00a0 He\u2019d tried to pass it off as something that happened during a friendly disagreement \u2013 boys will be boys \u2013 but the older man would have none of it.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright knew his son was in trouble.<\/p>\n

Like they all <\/em>knew Joe was in trouble.<\/p>\n

Worried for his friend, Candy had made a point of running into Doc Martin\u2019s new assistant and possible replacement while he was in town the day before.\u00a0 He\u2019d invited the man for a beer and then proceeded to\u00a0 pump him for all the information he had.\u00a0 He\u2019d listed Joe\u2019s symptoms from A to Z, starting with the uncontrollable anger and ending with the fact that he\u2019d caught Joe sitting in the barn one day shaking from head to toe and mumbling about things that weren\u2019t there.\u00a0 He told the Doc he was afraid his friend was going crazy.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately,\u00a0 Julian Corwin agreed.<\/p>\n

The young doctor went on to explain that, while the kind of melancholia Joe was suffering from had once been thought as a matter of choice, science had recently proven it to be a \u2018biomedical disorder\u2019 of the emotions and beyond the sufferer\u2019s control.\u00a0 Julian said there had been a mental \u2018reflex\u2019 in Joe\u2019s mind to all he had gone through.\u00a0 The sensation, he said, passed through the victim\u2019s brain without alerting the consciousness.\u00a0 In other words, Joe had no idea of what was going on.\u00a0 It seemed the brain stored up all kinds of images and ideas.\u00a0 When an increasing amount of these \u2018impressions\u2019 were negative \u2013 say, being chased down like an animal by a madman or watching your wife and child burn to death \u2013 these ideas and images became distorted.<\/p>\n

In other words, the brain became diseased.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d asked.\u00a0 So far as Doctor Corwin knew there was no cure.\u00a0 Julian said the fact that it had been seven months and Joe was getting worse instead of better was not a good sign.<\/p>\n

Corwin recommended an asylum.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright cleared his throat.\u00a0 Candy\u2019d almost forgotten the older man had asked him a question \u2013 his boss had asked him what he thought they should do about Joe.<\/p>\n

He sure<\/em> wasn\u2019t about to give him Doctor Corwin\u2019s answer.<\/p>\n

Candy shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cSome men carry grudges for decades. \u00a0No one thinks anything about that.\u00a0 It\u2019s only been a little over half a year.\u00a0 I say we give Joe more time.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure how much more time I can give Joseph.\u00a0 His behavior is disrupting not only this household, but the business of the ranch.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had half a dozen men in here in the last five days telling me they will no longer work with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Must have been the new ones. \u00a0The old hands, like him, were worried sick about Joe.<\/p>\n

Candy ran fingers over his stubbled chin.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose you\u2019ve tried talking to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTried and failed.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s father paused.\u00a0 He got a wistful look in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s times like these that I miss Joseph\u2019s brothers the most.\u00a0 Adam would have given him a strong talking to and Hoss…\u201d\u00a0 He paused.\u00a0 \u201cHoss would have simply been there for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy nodded.\u00a0 He missed the big man too.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt seems like Joe gets along well with Jamie. \u00a0Maybe he could talk to him,\u201d Candy suggested with a smile.\u00a0 It was fun watching the two of them together.<\/p>\n

Well, it had been until lately.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe trouble with Jamie is that Joseph has to be the strong one, the one who has all the answers.\u201d\u00a0 His boss went to the door and put his hand to the latch.\u00a0 Apparently he\u2019d made the decision to go after his sons.\u00a0 \u201cRight now I don\u2019t think Joseph has any answers for his little brother or <\/em>for himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s gettin\u2019 cold out there,\u201d Candy warned as the door opened\u00a0 \u201cYou might want to put on a coat….\u201d\u00a0 The foreman\u2019s voice trailed off as the older man stiffened and then shot outside.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know what he expected to see, but it certainly wasn\u2019t what he saw.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s horse was standing in the yard.\u00a0 Cochise\u2019s saddle was missing.\u00a0 Well, actually everything was missing including his rider.<\/p>\n

Candy went to join Ben Cartwright where he stood at the animal\u2019s side.<\/p>\n

The older man shot him a look.\u00a0 \u201cSomething\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t take much to figure that out.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll get some of the hands and we\u2019ll form a search party.\u201d<\/p>\n

The white-haired man had moved.\u00a0 \u201cCandy,\u201d he called softly.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s father stood to the rear of the animal and he was pale as the day.\u00a0 His boss nodded him over and when Candy looked, he saw why.<\/p>\n

Above Cochise\u2019s tail there was a handprint stamped in blood.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright\u2019s look was grim.<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter make it fast.\u201d<\/p>\n

PART TWO<\/p>\n

FIVE<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella had never been so glad to set her foot down on solid ground as she was when she stepped out of the coach and onto the boardwalk at the stage depot in Virginia City.\u00a0 The minister and his wife, Mister and Mrs. Watson, agreed.\u00a0 In the end the pair turned out to be just about as nice as nice could be.\u00a0 Samuel explained that they were\u00a0 returning to the town after a short absence to resume the post he had held for some six months.\u00a0 They knew the Cartwrights well since theirs was the church the family attended.\u00a0 When she mentioned Joe by name, Emma Watson shook her head and grew sad.\u00a0 The older woman told her that she and her husband had come to Virginia City just after the tragedy and had witnessed the heartbreaking aftermath of Alice Cartwright\u2019s death.\u00a0 The whole town had been stunned.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t known Alice personally, she said, but everyone had told her that the young woman had been sweet and beautiful and completely devoted to Joe.\u00a0 God had given her an upright and honest young man to marry, Samuel remarked.\u00a0 Unfortunately, Alice had been less blessed in her relatives.\u00a0 Her brother had been a shiftless ne\u2019er-do-well and it had been his excess and weakness of character that had brought about Mrs. Cartwright\u2019s untimely end.<\/p>\n

Benjamin was standing beside her gawking.\u00a0 Her little brother had hopped out of the coach as soon as it rolled to a stop, his deep brown eyes wide with wonder.\u00a0 While they\u2019d passed through a number of Wild West towns, none of them had come close to being as impressive as Virginia City.\u00a0 Bella watched with amusement as Ben took in the numerous shops and saloons before his eyes settled on the sheriff\u2019s office.\u00a0 He stared at it as if \u2013 at any minute \u2013 he expected some desperado to come flying out of the door, guns blazing to make good his escape.<\/p>\n

Instead, the brown-haired man she had known as Roy Coffee\u2019s deputy opened the door and came out stretching as if he had just awakened from a nap.\u00a0\u00a0 Clem scratched the back of his neck and then ambled over toward the coach.\u00a0 In one of his earlier letters Ben Cartwright had mentioned that Roy might retire.\u00a0 From the sheriff\u2019s badge on Clem\u2019s vest, it looked like he had.<\/p>\n

Clem tipped his hat.\u00a0 \u201cMister and Mrs. Warson,\u201d he said, looking past her to the minister and his wife.\u00a0 After nodding to them, he turned his attention to her and her brother.\u00a0 \u201cMa\u2019am, welcome to Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella couldn\u2019t help it.\u00a0 She giggled. \u00a0\u201cHello Clem.\u00a0 It\u2019s nice to see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blue-eyed man frowned as he looked from her to Benjamin and back.\u00a0 \u201cI apologize, ma\u2019am, if we\u2019ve met.\u00a0 I don\u2019t seem to….\u201d<\/p>\n

She held her hand out.\u00a0 \u201cBella.\u00a0 Bella Carnaby Ashton.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clem looked like someone had struck him.\u00a0 \u201cBella? \u00a0Little<\/em> Bella?\u201d<\/p>\n

They hadn\u2019t had a lot to do with each other, but they\u2019d met once or twice in the months she\u2019d spent with the Cartwrights.\u00a0 \u201cSo you\u2019re sheriff now?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 His eyes went to Benjamin again.\u00a0 There was puzzlement in them.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd you\u2019re…Mister <\/em>Ashton?\u201d<\/p>\n

This time she laughed out loud.\u00a0 \u201cThis is my brother, Benjamin Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 As Ben nodded in greeting, she sobered.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMy husband\u2019s name was Michael Ashton.\u00a0 He died recently.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clem removed his hat.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear that, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, for gosh sakes! Call me Bella,\u201d she said.\u00a0 The blonde woman glanced at the mercantile and then her gaze traveled over to the saloon.\u00a0 She tried to sound only casually interested as she asked, \u201cSo have you seen Little Joe lately?\u201d<\/p>\n

The sheriff snorted.\u00a0 \u201cLittle <\/em>Joe?\u00a0 I bet you\u2019re the only one can get by calling him that now.\u201d\u00a0 Clem had been smiling, but he sobered too.\u00a0 \u201cJoe was in town last week.\u00a0 It\u2019s been, maybe, four or five days.\u201d<\/p>\n

Relief flooded through her.\u00a0 Joe had been in town and he\u2019d been all right!\u00a0 Still, from the sound of Clem\u2019s voice, it seemed the encounter had not been a pleasant one.\u00a0 Bella waited for Clem to elaborate.\u00a0 When he didn\u2019t, she decided to drop it.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d know soon enough.<\/p>\n

\u201cBenjamin and I need to get to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Where would you recommend we hire a rig?\u201d<\/p>\n

Clem returned his hat to his head.\u00a0 \u201cWell, seeing how it\u2019s Sunday, I don\u2019t know that you\u2019re going to find anything.\u00a0 You\u2019ll need to wait until the livery opens tomorrow morning.\u00a0 You could stay at the International House tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t want to stay in town.\u00a0 She wanted to get to the Ponderosa as soon as possible.\u00a0 Benjamin, on the other hand, seemed to perk up.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that a saloon?\u201d he asked innocently.<\/p>\n

Clem shot her a look.\u00a0 A pitying<\/em> look.\u00a0 \u201cNo, son, it\u2019s a hotel.\u00a0 It does have a dining room and bar, but from the look and size of you \u2013 unless you want to visit my jail in an official capacity \u2013 I think maybe you should give the bar a wide berth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Benjamin flushed red up to his ears.<\/p>\n

She took her brother\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see that Ben stays in out of mischief, Sheriff Foster.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cClem\u2019s fine, Bella.\u201d\u00a0 He eyed her brother warily, as if he wasn\u2019t sure she could do what she promised.\u00a0 \u201cFor both of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The driver was tossing their luggage to the ground.\u00a0 As her brother went to retrieve it, Bella offered the sheriff her hand.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Clem,\u201d she said as he shook it.\u00a0 \u201cIt was nice to be greeted by a familiar face.\u201d\u00a0 As the brown-haired man nodded and moved to talk to the Reverend Watson, she turned to her brother and asked, \u201cAre you hungry?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs a grizzly!\u201d Ben replied.<\/p>\n

Bella shook her head.\u00a0 Ben was always<\/em> hungry as a grizzly.\u00a0 Even though Benjamin was slender as Joe had been at eighteen, he had Hoss\u2019 appetite.<\/p>\n

Thinking of the big man, Bella grew sad.\u00a0 Benjamin would never get to meet Hoss and she would so <\/em>miss his gentle, loving presence.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t imagine how devastated everyone in the Cartwright household had been by his sudden passing.<\/p>\n

Especially Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella.\u201d<\/p>\n

She turned to find Clem approaching her.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded toward a horse and rider racing into town.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t know who the man was.\u00a0 He sat tall in the saddle and looked like he might have been over six feet in height.\u00a0 He had wavy light-brown hair cut short and wore a black hat, vest, and pants, and a deep wine-red shirt. \u00a0There was a black kerchief around his neck as well.\u00a0 He reined his horse in, vaulted out of the saddle, and began to run.<\/p>\n

Turning back to Clem, she asked, \u201cWho is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s Candy Canaday,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cForeman at the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n

A chill snaked along her spine.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you think he\u2019s doing?\u201d she asked. \u00a0\u201cWhy is he in such a rush?\u201d<\/p>\n

Clem said nothing.\u00a0 He merely nodded again.<\/p>\n

She looked.\u00a0 Candy Canaday had reached his destination.\u00a0 The door banged shut behind him as he went inside, setting the shingle hanging above it swinging.<\/p>\n

The shingle with Doctor J. P. Martin\u2019s name on it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright sank wearily into his red chair in the great room.\u00a0 He was completely and totally exhausted.\u00a0 Nearly a day had passed since Joe\u2019s horse had come into the yard unsaddled and alone.\u00a0 He\u2019d fed and watered the animal and then, along with Candy and a handful of the ranch hands, begun to backtrack along the path Cochise had taken to reach the house.\u00a0 There were no surprises so far as that was concerned.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s pinto knew his way home and he\u2019d made a beeline for it.\u00a0 The fact that he was unsaddled gave the older man some small hope in spite of the dried blood he\u2019d found on the animal\u2019s hide.\u00a0 Joe was all right, he told himself.\u00a0 After all, his son would have to have been on his feet to remove all the heavy gear and send Cochise running.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want to consider the other option, that Joe and Jamie had been waylaid by outlaws and robbed, and Cochise had somehow managed to escape.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d started out as early afternoon turned to late, with only a few hours of light left to search by.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t taken him long to figure out where Joe had going.\u00a0 His defiant son had obviously bought some of that new-fangled barbed wire he was so all-fired up about and headed out to one of the boundary fences to put it in place.\u00a0 Still, in spite of the fact that Ben was sure he knew where his son was, he and the other men were forced to make camp as night fell and they found they could no longer see.<\/p>\n

Every sleepless hour was agony.<\/p>\n

Ben knew that under normal circumstances Joe could take care of himself and his younger brother.\u00a0 But circumstances now with Joseph were about as far from normal as could be.\u00a0 On the ride out, the older man had managed to drill Candy and what his foreman told him was chilling.\u00a0 Even though it had come from Paul\u2019s new assistant, he couldn\u2019t manage to dismiss it entirely.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that he didn\u2019t like Julian Corwin.\u00a0 He was a fine young man, it was just that he lacked experience.\u00a0 His head was full of all the latest unproven medical theories and techniques from abroad.\u00a0 Having Julian make a diagnosis as opposed to Paul Martin would have been tantamount to trusting a man who had only read<\/em> about the procedure to castrate one of his prize steers.\u00a0 Paul knew his son.\u00a0 The older man knew all Joe had overcome.\u00a0 Julian, on the other hand, had known Joe less than seven months.\u00a0 Candy hadn\u2019t come out and said it point-blank, but Doctor Corwin thought Joseph was a danger to both them and himself and needed to be….\u00a0 Ben drew in a sharp breath.<\/p>\n

Joseph needed to be locked up.<\/p>\n

Of course, he would never do that.\u00a0 Not even if what Corwin believed was true.\u00a0 He had lived over sixty years on this earth and firmly believed there was nothing<\/em> that love and compassion couldn\u2019t overcome.<\/p>\n

Throughout the morning, Candy had ridden at his side lending his silent support.\u00a0 His foreman was a good man and a loyal friend to Joe.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t have asked for a better man to ride at his son\u2019s side now that his brothers no longer could.\u00a0 Candy was struggling with the doctor\u2019s prognosis.\u00a0 His main concern wasn\u2019t that Joseph was losing his mind, but that his friend might hurt himself deliberately.\u00a0 Paul Martin had expressed the same concern the night Alice died.\u00a0 The physician had brought him<\/em> the bottle of laudanum he\u2019d used to ease the pain of Joe\u2019s burns for fear his son might take all of it at once.<\/p>\n

Ben let out a long, low sigh and shifted in his chair.\u00a0 Much as he wanted to, he simply couldn\u2019t ignore the possibility that both men were right.\u00a0 Joseph Francis Cartwright had a will to live that was unlike any other man he had known.\u00a0 It had brought the youngest of his three sons through illness and injury that would have laid most men in the grave.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s\u00a0 mother had been driven by the same zest for life.\u00a0 It had carried her through until the accident where her body was broken so badly sheer will alone had not been enough.<\/p>\n

Unlike his mother, Joseph\u2019s body was not broken.<\/p>\n

It was his soul.<\/p>\n

Ben shifted again, restless.\u00a0 A moment later, as if on cue, Hop Sing came out of the kitchen and to his side.\u00a0 He looked up at the man from China and favored him with a half-smile, which was about all he could muster at the moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs there something I can do for you, Hop Sing?\u201d the older man asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Cartwright ready for food now?\u201d<\/p>\n

No, he wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 But eating was Paul\u2019s prerequisite for being allowed back in the room where his sons lay.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s nod was less than enthusiastic.<\/p>\n

\u201cI bring it right away,\u201d his cook said.\u00a0 Before he left, Hop Sing placed a hand on his shoulder, lending his silent support.\u00a0 The gesture took no more than two or three seconds, but it was what he needed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d he said, holding back the tears.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, old friend, for everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing had gone with them in search of Joe and Jamie.\u00a0 At the last minute, as he and Candy prepared to set out, the man from China had appeared, medical salves and bandages in hand.\u00a0 Without speaking a word he\u2019d taken a seat in the wagon and looked at them, waiting for their cue.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s sometimes almost supernatural perception where Joseph was concerned was something he didn\u2019t question.\u00a0 His old friend had known Joseph nearly as long as he had and, in some ways, was probably closer to the boy as they had spent so much time together after Marie died.<\/p>\n

He felt no jealousy because of it, just gratitude.<\/p>\n

Ben turned toward the fire.\u00a0 As he stared into it, he scowled.\u00a0 He wished now that he hadn\u2019t argued with Joseph about using that different type of barbed wire along the boundaries of the ranch.\u00a0 It had seemed to him that it would injure as many animals as it would save.\u00a0 They\u2019d used barbed wire before, but this was the new improved 5.5 gauge patented only that year.\u00a0 No one on the range had much experience with it and to him it looked deadly.\u00a0 Joe had vehemently disagreed and had apparently gone to town without his permission to get\u00a0 the wire and set out to prove him wrong.\u00a0\u00a0 Somewhere along the line he\u2019d picked up Jamie, who had most likely been eager to go with the big brother he adored. \u00a0Jamie was having a hard time understanding what Joe was going through.\u00a0 Most likely the boy had thought he could talk to him.<\/p>\n

It had been noon by the time they neared the stretch of land that led to the farthest boundary of Ponderosa land.\u00a0 The autumn sun was riding high in the sky.\u00a0 He and Candy had pulled ahead of the others who were beginning to tire of the search and lagged behind.\u00a0 He\u2019d turned back to hasten them onwards when Candy\u2019s shout spun him in the saddle.<\/p>\n

Something was laying at the bottom of the ravine to the right of the road.<\/p>\n

Ben had scrambled off his horse and made it down the steep bank quicker than the younger man.\u00a0 It took only a moment to recognize the sled they sometimes used to haul bale wire and the dead horse beside it.<\/p>\n

Candy followed him.\u00a0 When it became obvious that neither Joe or Jamie were trapped beneath the broken vehicle and animal, his foreman had walked a few hundred feet in both directions to make sure they hadn\u2019t wandered off.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben felt a weight lift off his shoulders with Candy\u2019s return.\u00a0 Still, his relief lasted only seconds.<\/p>\n

He still had to find his sons.<\/p>\n

The fire in the great room cracked, drawing Ben Cartwright back to the present.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and shuddered.<\/p>\n

He would never forget the moment when he did.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been the one to spot Jamie\u2019s horse standing at the side of the road munching on some grass.\u00a0 Dismounting, he\u2019d approached the animal and it was then that he saw his son Joseph lying on the ground beside it.\u00a0 Ben had barely had time to get over the shock of the blood that coated his son\u2019s arms and face when he saw the travois and Jamie laying on it.<\/p>\n

The boy was barely recognizable.<\/p>\n

Candy set off without a word to get Paul Martin.\u00a0 Hop Sing had done what he could to treat and bandage the boys\u2019 wounds and then they had set off for home, carrying both Joseph and Jamie in the wagon.\u00a0 Both were unconscious.\u00a0 Fear had gripped his innards as they traveled.\u00a0 It looked bad.\u00a0 But God chose to be merciful. As they got to the road that connected to several of the outlying spreads, they heard the jingle of a harness and suddenly a buggy appeared.\u00a0\u00a0 Coming down a different trail than the one Candy had taken was Paul Martin. The physician was returning to town after delivering a baby.<\/p>\n

Glancing at the stairs, Ben let the tears fall.<\/p>\n

It had been an answer to prayer.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Ben eat now,\u201d Hop Sing said softly as he placed a tray on the table.\u00a0 \u201cI bring soup and bread.\u00a0 Not too much for worried father.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked up.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, old friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou want Hop Sing sit with you while you eat?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben considered it as his eyes returned to the stair.\u00a0 \u201cIf you would. Hop sing, go up and see if you can get Paul to tell you anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both his boys were in Joe\u2019s room.\u00a0 Paul said it would be too much for him to run back and forth and, as they both needed the same care, it was just as well they keep them together until he had them stabilized.\u00a0 His old friend rarely cursed, but he had done so when he saw what the barbed wire had done to them both.<\/p>\n

Ben closed his eyes, sickened.<\/p>\n

He had cursed as well when he had seen it.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing go now,\u201d the man from China said and disappeared up the stairs.<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t know how he did it, but somehow he choked the soup and bread down.\u00a0 Just as he finished he heard footsteps on the stairs.\u00a0 He expected Hop Sing and was surprised to find that it was Paul Martin who approached.\u00a0 The doctor looked exhausted.<\/p>\n

He said nothing as Paul moved to the settee and dropped onto it.\u00a0 The physician\u2019s eyes looked haunted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was worse than anything I could have encountered on a battlefield,\u201d his old friend said softly.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s jaw tightened.\u00a0 \u201cHow are they?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul ran a hand over his face.\u00a0 \u201cJamie\u2019s cuts are showing less infection than Joe\u2019s.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid when Joe fell, dirt and debris must have been driven into them.\u00a0 They both have fevers.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor\u2019s gaze sought his and held it. \u201cIf I was you, Ben, I\u2019d send some of the hands out for ice just in case.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think their fevers will go that high?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s will.\u00a0 Maybe Jamie\u2019s.\u00a0 Some of those cuts are deep, Ben.\u00a0 Very deep.\u00a0 The ones you saw on Jamie\u2019s face and chest are nothing compared to his back.\u00a0 Its looks like he landed hard on the stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul Martin hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s his shoulder that\u2019s the worst.\u00a0 The infection\u2019s a concern, but…there\u2019s more.\u201d\u00a0 His old friend paused as if considering his words. When Paul spoke at last, sympathy shone from his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s hope.\u00a0 This kind of accident rarely proves fatal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben blinked.\u00a0 \u201cFatal?\u00a0 I thought you said earlier \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know what I said.\u201d\u00a0 Paul Martin sank back against the padded sofa.\u00a0 \u201cBen, the problem is, Joe has given up.\u201d\u00a0 He held a hand up to silence his protests.\u00a0 \u201cYou know I have seen that young man through just about everything \u2013 gun shot wounds, perilous fevers, broken bones, and just about every kind of emotional trauma there is.\u00a0 Every time there was something there \u2013 a spark of life that refused to dim.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor pinned him with a sympathetic stare.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s gone out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shifted forward, ready for a fight.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 I refuse to believe that!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBen.\u201d\u00a0 His old friend continued to hold his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cI think Joe\u2019s been through more than he can bear.\u00a0 We all have a limit.\u00a0 He\u2019s reached his.\u201d<\/p>\n

He felt betrayed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re giving up?\u00a0 You\u2019re just going to let me son die?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNow Ben, you know I don\u2019t mean that.\u00a0 I will do everything I can to save him, but Joe has to help me!\u00a0 He has to want<\/em> to live and right now, I don\u2019t think he does.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben fell silent as his mind grappled with what the doctor had said.\u00a0 If it was true, there could be only one explanation.<\/p>\n

Joe must feel responsible for what happened to Jamie.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you tell what happened \u2013 how the boys were wounded \u2013 from their injuries?\u201d he asked at last.<\/p>\n

Paul leaned forward.\u00a0 His eyes took on a faraway look, as if he were analyzing it again.\u00a0 \u201cNot really.\u00a0 It seems Jamie became entwined somehow in the wire.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s injuries suggest he was not in<\/em> it, but trying to pull Jamie out of it.\u00a0 The deep cuts are mostly on the one shoulder and Joe\u2019s arms, though there are superficial ones on his legs and lower torso as well.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cThat wire, while it may be a miracle for protecting land, is a misery when it comes to a man tangling with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the infection comes from the mud and other debris being driven into the wounds?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs well as the fact that a man is not meant to have metal in him.\u201d \u00a0Paul scowled.\u00a0 He looked up the stairs and his anger eased. \u00a0\u201cThank God for Hop Sing and his Chinese remedies.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen before how they help wounds close quickly.\u00a0 By tonight, hopefully all the bleeding will have stopped.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben paused.\u00a0 \u201cIs Joe awake?\u201d<\/p>\n

The physician scowled.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose you want to talk to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

He could tell Paul did not approve.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I could.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul Martin regarded him with a clinical eye.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s wise while Jamie and Joe share the same room.\u00a0 Once Hop Sing is done putting on the salve and binding the worst of the cuts, we\u2019ll see about moving Joe into another room.\u00a0 Then, if<\/em> he\u2019s willing, you can talk to him.\u201d\u00a0 His old friend looked directly at him.\u00a0 \u201cYou need to understand this Ben.\u00a0 I won\u2019t have Joe upset any more than he already is.\u00a0 He needs support, not a father\u2019s scolding.\u201d\u00a0 The older man hesitated and then added in a quiet voice, \u201cReally, I think what Joe needs most of all is absolution.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben frowned.\u00a0 \u201cAbsolution?\u00a0 For what?\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor sighed.\u00a0 \u201cFor not being fast enough or strong enough or brave enough, or any of the other things he thinks he wasn\u2019t that allowed Alice to be murdered and William Tanner to do what he did to him.\u00a0 For not taking it on the chin and bouncing back.\u00a0 For not being the kind of man he thinks he needs to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sensed something unspoken.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you trying to tell me, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor rose and came to his side.\u00a0 He placed a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou cast a mighty big shadow, Ben.\u00a0 Joe compares himself to you \u2013 to the man who buried three wives and a son and remained unbroken \u2013 and finds himself lacking.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cPaul, no.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u00a0 Just remember, it has nothing to do with you and everything<\/em> to do with Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

He felt as if he had been struck.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think I can help him?\u201d he asked, his voice shaking.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt may not be you, Ben.\u00a0 If it\u2019s not, the good Lord willing, He will send someone who can<\/em> get through to him.\u00a0 Someone who can bring the old Joe back.\u201d\u00a0 Paul looked up the stairs and added sadly, \u201cAll we can do is pray He sends them soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul left him then to return to the sick room from which Ben found himself banished.\u00a0 Everything that was in him wanted to be in that room with his older and younger sons, but he knew, at the moment, he would only be in the way.\u00a0 If there was anyone he would have trusted to do all they could to care for them, it was the two men who were with Jamie and Joe.\u00a0 Paul\u2019s love for the youngest of his three, for Joe \u2013 whom it seemed had spent more time in Paul\u2019s office than he had in school \u2013 was deep.\u00a0 And as he had come to know his quiet, reticent adopted son, the doctor had grown to love Jamie as well.\u00a0 Paul knew the joy the boy continued to bring into their lives after Hoss\u2019 unexpected death.<\/p>\n

As to Hop Sing, well, there were no words.<\/p>\n

Ben rose to his feet.\u00a0 Bending down, he picked up the tray that lay on the table with what remained of the bread and his empty soup bowl.\u00a0 He had just headed for the kitchen when the door burst open and Candy rushed in.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Cartwright!\u00a0 Mister Cartwright!\u201d<\/p>\n

He pivoted back, concerned.\u00a0 \u201cCandy, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

His foreman was out of breath.\u00a0 \u201cI came as soon as I could.\u00a0 Doc Martin wasn\u2019t in his office.\u00a0 I rode out to the Manners\u2019 place where he was supposed to be, but they said he\u2019d left.\u00a0 I \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy.\u00a0 Candy, it\u2019s all right,\u201d Ben said as he approached the other man.\u00a0 \u201cWe ran into Doc Martin on the way back.\u00a0 He\u2019s upstairs with Jamie and Joe right now.\u00a0 So is Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy\u2019s relief was palpable.\u00a0 \u201cThe Doc\u2019s here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

The brown-haired man turned his attention to the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019s Joe?\u00a0 And Jamie?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben suspected Joe\u2019s friend knew his answer was only a portion of the truth.\u00a0 \u201cBoth are holding their own.\u00a0 Joe has fewer wounds than Jamie, though some of them are deep and infected.\u00a0 Paul expects their fevers to rise.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he spoke the older man heard the sound of a rig rolling into the yard.\u00a0 The door stood open and a glance over Candy\u2019s shoulder showed him it was the kind you could rent in town.<\/p>\n

His eyes went to Candy.\u00a0 The foreman didn\u2019t seem surprised.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got visitors, Mister Cartwright,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Ben pushed past the man and stepped out into the yard.\u00a0 A young man had hopped out of the buggy and was rounding it, headed for the other side.\u00a0 The sight of him took the older man back.\u00a0 The boy was about Joe\u2019s height and reminded him of his youngest when he\u2019d been in his teens.\u00a0 Whoever it was, was slender and had a thick head of curly hair, only its color was a deep auburn instead of brown.\u00a0 The boy glanced at him before offering his hand to someone in the buggy.\u00a0 As she stepped down, Ben saw it was a woman \u2013 a young blonde woman wearing a pretty teal blue dress.\u00a0 A second later, she turned toward the house and lifted her head.\u00a0 Her blue eyes went to Joe\u2019s bedroom window.<\/p>\n

Ben drew a sharp breath as he recognized her.\u00a0 God did indeed <\/em>answer prayers.<\/p>\n

It was Bella.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

SIX<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe.\u00a0 Are you awake?<\/em><\/p>\n

He stirred and then smiled as a slender arm wrapped around his waist and he felt the touch of a soft chin on his shoulder.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Nuh-uh.<\/em><\/p>\n

Laughter, clear as a bell and joyful as a lark\u2019s, sounded near his ear.\u00a0 A second later he felt a gentle nip.<\/em><\/p>\n

You told me to get you up, remember?\u00a0 You have to go to town for supplies.\u00a0 That nursery isn\u2019t going to build itself.<\/em><\/p>\n

He rolled onto his back and looked at his beautiful wife.\u00a0 Alice\u2019s chemise had fallen off one shoulder and the exposed skin glistened like white alabaster in the sun.\u00a0 Joe lifted his head to kiss it and then snorted as she playfully batted him away. <\/em><\/p>\n

One baby at a time, she teased.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe caught her wrist.\u00a0 She was too close to her time to be intimate, but not too close to kiss with passion.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Come here.<\/em><\/p>\n

Alice pulled away.\u00a0 Her hand was so tiny, it slipped right through his larger tanned and calloused fingers.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t, she said, her mood shifting.\u00a0 There are things to do.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe watched her walk across their bedroom.\u00a0 The light spilling in the curtains struck her slender form, showing her legs through the thin fabric of her chemise, as well as enhancing the bump at her waistline that was their child.<\/em><\/p>\n

Like what? he asked as he rolled to one side so he could watch her. <\/em><\/p>\n

She walked to the window and looked out.\u00a0 One hand was on her belly and the other held back the curtain.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Cook. Clean.\u00a0 Come.\u00a0 Go.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

She looked right at him.<\/em><\/p>\n

Die.<\/em><\/p>\n

The house was on fire.\u00a0 He was outside, banging on the door, screaming.\u00a0 Alice was in that same window, her hair on fire, her clothes ablaze; the child in her arms turning to ash.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t stand it.\u00a0 The sight was too much to bear, so he turned away.\u00a0 He turned away only to be confronted by William Tanner.\u00a0 The madman smiled at him and raised his gun.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

I told you that you\u2019d want to kill me, Joe.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t I?\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 I was wrong.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t me you killed.\u00a0 It\u2019s him. <\/em><\/p>\n

Joe closed his eyes. He wouldn\u2019t look because he knew what he would see.\u00a0 Still, he didn\u2019t have to see.\u00a0 He knew that voice.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was Jamie.<\/em><\/p>\n

Why\u2019d you do it, Joe? What\u2019d you wanta go and kill me for? <\/em><\/p>\n

Why didn\u2019t you just kill yourself?<\/em><\/p>\n

With a gasp, Joe struggled to sit up.\u00a0 He was panting hard.\u00a0 The vision wouldn\u2019t go away.\u00a0 Like a pair of malignant hands, the images of his dead wife, of Tanner, of…Jamie tore into his gut, twisting and wrenching, bringing such pain that he was driven back to the bed with a sob.<\/p>\n

God!\u00a0 Take it away!<\/p>\n

God!\u00a0 Take me<\/em> away!\u00a0 Let me go back to oblivion!<\/p>\n

God, please….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella Carnaby Ashton watched in horror as the man she loved thrashed from side to side, twisting the wet sheets that covered him and thrusting them aside as if he meant to rise.\u00a0 She glanced at the door. At the moment she was alone with Joe in what had been his brother Adam\u2019s room.\u00a0 His father had been there, but the poor man had been falling asleep on his feet and about an hour before she had ordered \u2013 Bella smiled in spite of her fear \u2013 she had ordered <\/em>Mister Ben to bed.\u00a0 Hop Sing had made an appearance a moment later to let her know how pleased he was that she had come.\u00a0 The Chinese man promised her he would make sure her brother Benjamin got something to eat and was shown to his room.<\/p>\n

The blonde woman frowned as she recalled the welcome they had received.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright had met them in the yard.\u00a0 She\u2019d been so pleased to see him, but had noticed immediately that something was wrong.<\/p>\n

Dreadfully wrong.<\/p>\n

His embrace was fierce and, when the older man pulled back, there were tears in her eyes.\u00a0 The sight of them terrified her.<\/p>\n

Where was Joe?\u00a0 Was he all right?<\/p>\n

Her questions were answered a moment later by a long, low howl.\u00a0 It was the sound of a wounded animal.<\/p>\n

Or a broken man.<\/p>\n

Her eyes had returned to Joe\u2019s window and then to the older man.\u00a0 A tear trailed down his cheek.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright said nothing.\u00a0 No, that wasn\u2019t right.\u00a0 He shook his head.<\/p>\n

That said it all.<\/p>\n

With a quick glance at her brother, she had flown into the house and up the stairs, passed by Doctor Martin who was just stepping into the hall, and gone to the room she knew so well.\u00a0 Flashes of the visit she had made when she was eighteen came to her \u2013 the night Fleet Rowse kidnapped her, Joe coming to her rescue and being hurt, her fear that he had died and her unbelief when she was told that he hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 She\u2019d been so afraid that everyone was lying to her that she had stolen into his room and laid beside him and placed her head on his chest just so she could hear his heartbeat.<\/p>\n

So she knew he was alive.<\/em><\/p>\n

Paul Martin caught her by the shoulders before she could enter.\u00a0 He tried to warn her.<\/p>\n

Nothing <\/em>could have warned her.<\/p>\n

Paul had preceded her into the room.\u00a0 He\u2019d gone to Joe\u2019s bed and sat beside him and, using brute force, pinned him down.\u00a0 \u2018Joseph!\u2019 he shouted.\u00a0 \u2018It\u2019s Paul. You\u2019re home.\u00a0 Jamie is home.\u00a0 He\u2019s alive.\u00a0 Joe, hear me.\u00a0 Joe!\u2019<\/p>\n

She\u2019d watched those green eyes open.<\/p>\n

She hadn\u2019t known the tortured spirit that looked out of them.<\/p>\n

This morning Joe had been moved to another room, the one that had been Adam\u2019s.\u00a0 Ben had spent the night with him but now it was her turn.\u00a0 Bella reached out a hand and placed it on the forehead of the man she loved, hoping that contact would calm him but doubtful that it would.\u00a0 Joe was no longer trying to rise \u2013 it seemed the previous effort had worn him out \u2013 but he twisted and turned, murmuring words so low she couldn\u2019t understand them.\u00a0 She\u2019d been astonished when she first saw him.\u00a0 In her memory, it was a boy she loved.\u00a0 This was a man.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s skin gleamed with sweat, defining the well-developed muscles in his arms and chest.\u00a0 His face was fuller, and his hair! \u00a0It was all she could do not to laugh as she reached out to touch one of the shining curls.\u00a0 There was brown in it still, but where before there had been streaks of silver, now the silver reigned overall.\u00a0 Looking at him she was struck suddenly by the eight years that separated them.\u00a0 They had both aged.\u00a0 Both changed.<\/p>\n

Both been wounded deeply.<\/p>\n

Was it possible they might still have anything together?<\/p>\n

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Bella leaned forward and took Joe\u2019s face in her hands, careful to avoid any of the cuts the wire had inflicted.\u00a0 He was pale and his hair was soaked through with sweat.\u00a0 So far they had only used wet blankets to try to cool his fever.\u00a0 It was higher now, she could tell.\u00a0 She should probably call the doctor.<\/p>\n

Bella gasped.<\/p>\n

Joe had reached up and caught her hand in his.\u00a0 It was swathed in thick bandages.\u00a0 He fumbled and almost lost his grip, but then recovered.\u00a0 Staring at her but not seeing her, he pulled her fingers to his lips.<\/p>\n

\u201c…here….\u201d he murmured.<\/p>\n

She cupped his cheek with her free hand.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Joe. \u00a0I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n

He frowned, focusing .\u00a0\u00a0 \u201c…thought you…were…gone….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was,\u201d she replied.\u00a0 \u201cI came back.\u201d<\/p>\n

He tried to lift his hand.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t, so she took it and held it to her face.<\/p>\n

Joe smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlice….\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella choked back tears as Joe\u2019s hand went limp.\u00a0 When she released it, his arm fell to the bed.<\/p>\n

She was surprised when another hand fell on her shoulder.\u00a0\u00a0 Turning, she looked up into Ben Cartwright\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t sleep,\u201d he said as he moved past her to touch his son\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s very hot,\u201d she sniffed.\u00a0 \u201cI think his fever is higher.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man looked troubled.\u00a0 He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll stay with him,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIf you would go get Paul….\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella nodded as she rose.\u00a0 She made it to the door before he spoke again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d the older man said.<\/p>\n

She was still sniffing.\u00a0 It kind of helped to keep the tears from falling.\u00a0 \u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know how hard this has to be for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019d shared a lot in her letters.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t put it into words, but she knew Joe\u2019s father was aware of the fact that she had never stopped loving his son.\u00a0 What she didn\u2019t know, was whether Joe had stopped loving her.\u00a0 He\u2019d married Alice.\u00a0 She knew him well enough to know that meant Joe loved her deeply \u2013 more deeply than she had loved Michael.\u00a0 There had been no parents to save, no house to find, nothing that had made<\/em> him marry her.<\/p>\n

Only love.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d she lied.<\/p>\n

The older man smiled wanly as he dipped the cloth he held in the water basin beside the bed and placed it on Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 She noticed how Joe had quieted at his pa\u2019s touch and not at hers.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine?\u201d he repeated.<\/p>\n

She knew she hadn\u2019t fooled him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter you send Paul in, why don\u2019t you go check on your brother?\u201d Ben suggested.\u00a0 \u201cThe last time I saw him he was wandering around the great room looking like a lost soul.\u201d<\/p>\n

Benjamin!\u00a0 Poor lamb!\u00a0 She\u2019d forgotten completely about him.<\/p>\n

As Joe\u2019s father lifted the cloth and ran it through the cold water again, Bella hurried into the hall.\u00a0 She checked Joe\u2019s old room to see if the doctor was there and found Hop Sing sitting with Jamie.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t much showing of him.\u00a0 Only a head of near carrot-red hair sticking out above the covers and one arm that wasn\u2019t bandaged, but showed the cut of the wire.\u00a0 Hop Sing smiled at her and rose to his feet and came to the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan Hop Sing help Missy Bella?\u201d<\/p>\n

She almost melted.\u00a0 Bella remembered the Chinese man\u2019s kindness and longed to fall into it.<\/p>\n

But she had things to do.<\/p>\n

Her eyes went to the bed.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHow is Jamie doing?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoy\u2019s fever is down.\u00a0 Doctor Martin believes cuts are clean and he heal fast.\u201d\u00a0 Hop Sing turned and looked at the bed.\u00a0 \u201cBoy is young and strong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Young.\u00a0 She\u2019d been young once.<\/p>\n

She felt very old now.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing must have seen the look on her face.\u00a0 He touched her arm.\u00a0 \u201cMistah Joe need Missy Bella bad,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cHe doesn\u2019t need me.\u00a0 He has his father.\u00a0 Joe has \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

His fingers tightened on her flesh.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Mistah Joe need you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The muscles in her face tightened.\u00a0 She drew a breath in and snorted it out.\u00a0 Hop Sing watched her, his black eyes never leaving her face.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Joe love Missy Alice,\u201d he said as he touched his chest above his heart, \u201cbut love Missy Bella too.\u00a0 Here.\u00a0 He keep her here, waiting for her to come back.\u201d<\/p>\n

That did it.\u00a0 She started sobbing.<\/p>\n

As Hop Sing put his arm around her, she said, \u201cI have to go.\u00a0 I have to find the doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here,\u201d a kindly voice said.\u00a0 She looked up to see Paul Martin stepping into the room.\u00a0 \u201cI heard you were here, Bella.\u00a0 Thank goodness!\u00a0 Joe needs someone to hang onto.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t know what to say to that, so she said, \u201cMister Ben is with him.\u00a0 He said to tell you to come.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s fever is higher.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t like the look on his face.\u00a0 The doctor nodded and then was gone.<\/p>\n

Bella allowed Hop Sing to lead her over to a chair by one of the upstairs windows.\u00a0 He sat her in it and then went and got her a cool cloth so she could wipe off her face.\u00a0 As she did, he sat on another chair beside her.<\/p>\n

\u201cMay Hop Sing tell you a story, Missy Bella?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood.\u201d\u00a0 The Chinese man took her hand and pressed it between his own.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cBoy once find marble,\u201d he said as he nodded to the sky outside the window, \u201cbig, blue and white marble that look like world outside.\u00a0 He pay all<\/em> he has for this marble, he love marble so<\/em> much.\u201d\u00a0 Hop Sing frowned.\u00a0 \u201cThen, one day, marble is lost.\u00a0 Boy cry much.\u00a0 He search much, but cannot find.\u00a0 In time, he find other marble just as beautiful and he happy again.\u00a0 He play with it and love it much too.\u201d\u00a0 The Chinese man looked right at her.\u00a0 \u201cBut boy never forget first <\/em>marble.\u00a0 Never forget first love that was his world.\u201d<\/p>\n

The room was so still she could hear the tall case clock ticking in the hall below.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Joe love Missy Bella.\u00a0 She his<\/em> first love.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her tears flowed freely now.\u00a0 Hop Sing released her hand, rose, and walked into Joe\u2019s bedroom.\u00a0 He returned a moment later with a fresh handkerchief and held it out to her.\u00a0 She took it.\u00a0 It smelled of bay rum.<\/p>\n

Bella sniffed again and began to bawl.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow is he?\u201d Candy asked quietly.\u00a0 He\u2019d come to Joe\u2019s room and had not been encouraged to find his friend wrapped in ice-covered sheets. \u00a0The day was over now and he\u2019d come back to check on his friend before heading to the bunkhouse.\u00a0 At least the ice was gone.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright turned eyes bleary with worry and a lack of sleep on him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe fever broke at last, about an hour before dusk.\u201d\u00a0 The older man leaned over and placed a hand on his son\u2019s head.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s much cooler now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo how\u2019s the Doc think he is?\u201d he asked anxiously.\u00a0 Joe was pale.\u00a0 Really<\/em> pale.<\/p>\n

The older man rose to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cPhysically?\u00a0 Paul says he\u2019s out of danger.\u00a0 As to everything else….time will tell.\u201d\u00a0 His boss came to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWill you stay with him for a few minutes in case he wakes?\u201d\u00a0 As he nodded his assent, the older man added, \u201cI\u2019ve been forced to neglect Jamie.\u00a0 Now that the crisis has passed with Joseph, I need to be with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t mind my sayin\u2019 so, you need some sleep, sir,\u201d Candy replied.<\/p>\n

His boss ran a hand across his stubbled chin.\u00a0 \u201cAnd a shave!\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cBut both will wait until I know the boy is through the worst of it.\u00a0 Thank God his fever didn\u2019t rise like Joe\u2019s.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what I would have done if they\u2019d both needed me at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d checked in on Jamie.\u00a0 Paul Martin was there.\u00a0 The Doc had the boy heavily sedated, but seemed to think he would be just fine given time.<\/p>\n

Candy\u2019s eyes flicked to Joe.\u00a0 He hoped the same could be said for his friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, I\u2019ll stay.\u00a0 Be happy to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome and get me if Joe comes around.\u201d<\/p>\n

The brown-haired man watched as his boss made his way out of the room and then went to sit beside the bed.\u00a0 He remained still for a few minutes and then shifted.\u00a0 He hated to admit it but he was a bit uncomfortable.\u00a0 Not with Joe, but with his own feelings.<\/p>\n

Normally he didn\u2019t like to admit he had any.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been sitting there maybe ten minutes when he looked over at Joe and found he was awake and watching him.\u00a0 He\u2019d started to rise, to go get Mister Cartwright, when his friend said, \u2018Don\u2019t.\u2019<\/p>\n

Just, \u2018don\u2019t\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re gonna get me in trouble with the boss,\u201d Candy said as he sat back down.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s okay,\u201d Joe rasped.\u00a0 \u201cI got…pull.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy frowned as Joe licked his lips.\u00a0 A second later he went for the water pitcher and cup on the bedside table.\u00a0 \u201cJust pretend I\u2019m your pa,\u201d he said as he reached around Joe, placing his arm around his bare chest and lifting him a bit so he could take a drink.\u00a0 \u201cOtherwise this is going to be embarrassing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c…Ma….\u201d Joe replied with a shadow of a smile as he laid his head back.<\/p>\n

Candy snorted.\u00a0 \u201cNow that is <\/em>embarrassing!\u201d\u00a0 After placing the cup on the stand, Candy sat back down.\u00a0 For a moment, he considered his friend.\u00a0 Joe looked like Hell.\u00a0 Of course, he had every right to after taking on a bale of 5.5 bale wire single-handed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Joe.\u00a0 What happened out there?\u00a0 Did something go wrong with the bale?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was silent for some time.\u00a0 Finally, in a voice he could hardly hear, his friend said, \u201cI<\/em>…went wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo the kid irritated you, huh?\u201d he asked, trying to lighten things a bit.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s gaze was intense.\u00a0 \u201cJamie?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc says he\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 And in case you care, so will you.\u201d<\/p>\n

His friend snorted as he pressed his head back into the pillows.\u00a0 Joe tried to shift his body, but winced with pain and remained as he was.<\/p>\n

\u201cI…don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy had heard about Joe Cartwright\u2019s infamous bouts of self-pity.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t believed it.\u00a0 The Joe he knew was a force of nature equivalent to a hurricane and twister rolled into one.\u00a0 Joe couldn\u2019t abide a man feeling sorry for himself.<\/p>\n

It was like he was watching him die right in front of his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, you\u00a0 gotta snap out of this.\u00a0 You need to \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do I…need to…do?\u201d\u00a0 Joe rose up on one elbow.\u00a0 His chest was pumping hard and sweat broke out on his brow as he spoke.\u00a0 \u201cI nearly…killed…my little brother!\u00a0 What the Hell…do…I need…to do other than die<\/em>…and put everyone who…loves me out of…their misery!\u201d<\/p>\n

He was practically shouting by the time he was done.<\/p>\n

It was a very quiet voice that answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to live.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy turned.\u00a0 He\u2019d been waiting for Mister Cartwright to come and tan his hide.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t expected to find what he did.<\/p>\n

Five-foot three inches of blond-haired blue-eyed female power.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella nodded to Candy as he walked out the door.\u00a0 She knew he was on his way to get Mister Ben.\u00a0 She\u2019d been on her way downstairs to check on her brother when she heard Joe\u2019s desperate plea.\u00a0 She had a few minutes at most, depending on how involved the older man was with Jamie\u2019s care.\u00a0 She\u2019d heard Joe\u2019s father talking in low tones to the boy as she passed the door and glanced in to see him sitting on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d come to do the same with the house\u2019s other<\/em> invalid.<\/p>\n

Joe was laying partly on his right side, staring off toward the wall.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t sure if he\u2019d recognized her when she stepped in, though she\u2019d changed less than he had in the intervening years.\u00a0 Still, he had just come out of a high fever and most likely was confused.\u00a0 In fact, it looked like he might slip back into sleep any moment.<\/p>\n

Bella gritted her teeth and winced at the mess that was his left shoulder.\u00a0 It looked like an angry cat had caught the flesh in its teeth and tried to chew right through.\u00a0 Doctor Martin told her that he thought Joe had protected Jamie from the wire as he cut him free and had taken the brunt of its attack between the shoulder-blade and his neck.\u00a0 Looking down, she saw his right arm was nearly free of cuts, so she touched him there.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe.\u00a0 Joe?\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGo away,\u201d he breathed.\u00a0 There was no anger in the tone, just defeat.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just got here,\u201d she replied, keeping her tone light.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t really want me to leave, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes had closed, but they fluttered back open.\u00a0 With a moan, Joe rolled over to look at her.\u00a0 He frowned and then she saw recognition dawn.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re…here?\u201d he asked, breathless.\u00a0 \u201cI…thought you were….a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

Did he still think she was Alice?<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, do you know who I am?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shifted his arm so her hand fell away, and then caught her fingers in his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it…you?\u00a0 Bella?\u201d<\/p>\n

She squeezed his fingers back and nodded as tears rolled down her face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow?\u201d\u00a0 A second later something flashed in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

Caution kept her away from the real reason for her visit.\u00a0 \u201cRemember?\u00a0 After Michael died, you invited me to come?\u00a0 About a year ago?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMichael.\u201d\u00a0 Joe licked his lips.\u00a0 \u201cYour…husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

She forced a smile.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she repeated and then changed the subject.\u00a0 \u201cYou remember my little brother Benjamin Joseph?\u00a0 He came with me.\u00a0 He\u2019s looking forward to meeting you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pain flash through Joe\u2019s eyes at the words \u2018little brother\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe doctor says he\u2019ll be all right.\u00a0 Like you, it will take some time to mend.\u201d\u00a0 Bella removed her fingers from Joe\u2019s grasp and reached out to brush a stray lock of that glistening sliver hair out of his eyes.\u00a0 It was a simple gesture, at once so common and so familiar she thought nothing of making it.<\/p>\n

Joe practically jumped out of his skin.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t do that,\u201d he said in a voice somewhere between pleading and warning.<\/p>\n

Bella froze where she was.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid I do something wrong?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s green eyes were narrowed.\u00a0 His jaw was tight.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t,\u201d was all he said and then turned his face away.<\/p>\n

She was at a loss as to what to do.\u00a0 Fortunately, she was rescued a second later.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been hearing an awful lot of chatter coming from this room,\u201d Doc Martin said as he stepped in.\u00a0\u00a0 He kept his tone cheerful.\u00a0 \u201cA man\u2019s physician is always the last to know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella withdrew her hand as the older man came to her side.\u00a0 He smiled at her.\u00a0 When she rolled her eyes over to Joe, he gave her a quick shake of his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a young man downstairs who needs rescuing, Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBenjamin?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

Paul Martin smiled. \u201cNo.\u00a0 Candy.\u00a0 Your brother has Ben\u2019s foreman pinned in a corner and is demanding he be told about every highwayman and hostile Indian Candy has ever encountered.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh dear,\u201d she laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I should go.\u201d\u00a0 Bella rose slowly to her feet.\u00a0 She looked at Joe again.\u00a0 He was either asleep or pretending to be.\u00a0 \u201cCall me if you need me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI will.\u201d<\/p>\n

Softly, she said, \u201cI\u2019ll see you later, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

When she got no reply, Bella left the room and headed down the stairs.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She\u2019d wondered why Ben Cartwright hadn\u2019t come into Joe\u2019s room when he heard his son talking.\u00a0 Now Bella saw why.\u00a0 The older man was seated in the great room talking to a stranger who must have arrived while she was upstairs.\u00a0 She looked around for Benjamin, but didn\u2019t see him and wondered briefly if her brother had kidnapped Mister Ben\u2019s poor foreman.\u00a0 Then she saw Candy and Ben coming out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Her brother was beaming from ear to ear.<\/p>\n

When she met him at the door, Benjamin came up to her and pecked her on the cheek. Then he threw a glance at Candy.\u00a0 The foreman nodded and left the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you two up to?\u201d she asked softly, so as not to disturb the discussion going on by the hearth.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy invited me to ride out with him and see the herd.\u00a0 They\u2019re getting ready to move it to pasture for the winter.\u00a0 He said he\u2019d teach me how to rope steers!\u201d<\/p>\n

His enthusiasm was catching.\u00a0 She smiled for the first time since she had seen Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you leaving soon?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cCandy\u2019s going shortly.\u00a0 He said we\u2019ll\u00a0 reach the place where the herd is by sundown.\u00a0 We\u2019re gonna camp out over night.\u00a0 We\u2019ll check it out tomorrow and be back by sundown.\u201d<\/p>\n

She hid her smile.\u00a0 \u2018We\u2019.\u00a0 <\/em>Apparently her brother was a cowpoke already.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure it\u2019s safe?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

Benjamin rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWomen!\u00a0 Always worrying.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cocking her head she replied, \u201cIt\u2019s what God made \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat God made women for.\u00a0 <\/em>She\u2019s my ma too, you know,\u201d he added with a smile.<\/p>\n

A hand on her back startled her.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright had come up quietly behind her.\u00a0 \u201cCandy will take good care of Benjamin, Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

The object of that sentence had stepped back into the house.\u00a0 The brown-haired man had a sturdy corduroy coat in his arms.\u00a0 As he handed it to her brother, Candy smiled at the older man. \u201cTwo Benjamins at the Ponderosa at one time is one too many the way I see it.\u201d\u00a0 His eyes flicked to the younger man and then returned to his boss.\u00a0 \u201cI figure by the time we get back, the kid\u2019ll have a nickname and it will all be sorted out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella raised up on tiptoe to kiss her brother on the cheek.\u00a0 He was just young enough to put up with it and old enough to keep from blushing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou take care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy tipped his black hat and then opened the door.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you worry.\u00a0 I\u2019ll return him with at least three of his limbs intact,\u201d he quipped.\u00a0 The foreman sobered as he turned to his boss.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll come check on Joe when we get back tomorrow, Mister Cartwright, if that\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are always welcome here, Candy.\u00a0 You know that. You two take care.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the door closed behind the two men, Bella turned toward the hearth.\u00a0 The man who had been speaking to Mister Ben was watching them.\u00a0 He was tall and thin and dressed in a black wool top coat with a garnet colored jacquard vest worn over a pair of gray brushed cotton trousers. A pair of gold-rimmed glasses perched on his pale yellow hair and a matching gold chain hung from his watch pocket.\u00a0 He had a thin yellow mustache too, that curled at the ends as he smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t had the pleasure,\u201d the man said as he rose and joined them.\u00a0 He had a thick southern accent and his tone was charming.<\/p>\n

Mister Ben turned toward him.\u00a0 \u201cDoctor Brandon, this is Bella Carnaby Ashton, a dear friend of mine and my son\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor\u2019s interest in her sharpened.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded as he took her hand and bent over it.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I be so bold as to ask if you are just<\/em> a friend or if there is something more?\u201d<\/p>\n

Startled, she turned to Joe\u2019s father.\u00a0 Ben met her gaze, his own concerned.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoctor Brandon is from Carson City,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt seems, unbeknownst to any of us, he has been treating Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

SEVEN<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright didn\u2019t know whether to be furious or relieved.<\/p>\n

He leaned back in his chair as he waited for Hop Sing to bring in the tea and let Bella lead the conversation.\u00a0 She was a charming hostess and quite good at it.\u00a0 Bella was twenty-six now.\u00a0 She had grown from the perky and precocious little girl he remembered into a full-grown woman.\u00a0 It was partially due to the passage of the years, of course.\u00a0 Unfortunately, there was another, more regretful reason for her newfound maturity.<\/p>\n

Bella had been put through the fire.<\/p>\n

As Bella asked Doctor Brandon about his time in South Carolina, Ben let his mind drift, recalling the letters she had sent him after the wedding.\u00a0 Though there was always a longing in them for the life she might have had with Joseph, she\u2019d seemed content with the man she had married.\u00a0 Michael Clark Ashton was well known in the Portland area.\u00a0 His father, Maynard, had been one of the nascent city\u2019s shipping magnates and made a fortune.\u00a0 He\u2019d done business with Maynard\u2019s company a time or two and been well satisfied.\u00a0 When the patriarch of the family died unexpectedly in a shipwreck, the shipping company \u2013 along with all of Maynard\u2019s other diversified interests \u2013 had gone to his children with his eldest son, Michael, taking over the role as president.\u00a0 Michael\u2019s younger brother, Raphael, and his sister, Mary, shared the vice-presidency.\u00a0 He\u2019d met Michael when he was a young man, probably no more than twenty years of age.\u00a0 By the time Bella married him, he had to have been well over forty. \u00a0It had surprised him at first that the young, vibrant creature he\u2019d hosted at the Ponderosa had decided to marry such a staid older man.<\/p>\n

Then he had found out about Bella\u2019s father.<\/p>\n

Several years after the family made the move to Oregon, Levi Carnaby suffered a fit of apoplexy and was left paralyzed.\u00a0 When news of the terrible event reached them he \u2018d offered to help, but Levi and Mary refused any charity.\u00a0 Ben shook his head.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how Bella had pulled it off, but apparently neither of them were aware of the fact that she was marrying to provide them with just<\/em> that.\u00a0 Her letters indicated she loved Michael Ashton, but it was with the love of a woman far beyond her years \u2013 a woman who was willing to sacrifice personal happiness in order to provide for the ones she loved.<\/p>\n

Much as he disagreed with her choice, he had to honor her for it.<\/p>\n

Ben shifted and turned as Hop Sing entered the room.\u00a0 He smiled at his old friend and watched as the man from China brought the tea to the table.\u00a0 He\u2019d prepared three cups.\u00a0 Doctor Brandon insisted he add a fourth.\u00a0 It seemed the physician knew Doctor Kam Lee and, as Hop Sing was eager to hear about the Chinese doctor, he sat down and entered the conversation.<\/p>\n

Ben took a sip as he continued to ruminate.\u00a0 Bella\u2019s letters had begun to intimate that something was wrong with her husband about a year after she and Michael married.\u00a0 Where Ashton had always been the picture of health, suddenly he was constant in pain.\u00a0 They believed it to be occasioned by a back injury he had incurred when serving on one of his father\u2019s ships.\u00a0 Sadly, they were soon to learn it was nothing of the kind.<\/p>\n

It was cancer.<\/p>\n

Bella and Michael went to Europe to seek a cure, but the specialists there held out no more hope for his recovery than did the ones in Portland or San Francisco.\u00a0 Bella wrote once or twice while they were abroad.\u00a0 Upon their return, she began to report faithfully on their life again.\u00a0 Michael\u2019s pain was no better and he had begun to have dark moods.\u00a0 Bella was not only frightened for him but, at times, of<\/em> him.\u00a0 Eventually they discovered that the medication one of the European physicians had prescribed had brought about his anger and actually aggravated his depression.\u00a0 Once they discovered the cause and he stopped taking it, Ashton had again become the man Bella knew and loved.\u00a0 The last six months of their married life had been bittersweet.<\/p>\n

He remembered the tear stains on the letter that announced her husband\u2019s death.<\/p>\n

Ben took another sip.\u00a0 He nodded his appreciation to Hop Sing\u2019s for the choice of Pu-erh tea as his cook rose to leave.\u00a0 It carried quite a wallop and he was going to need the energy to sit up with Jamie tonight.\u00a0 The boy had awakened briefly. Once he realized he was home, the redhead had relaxed.<\/p>\n

That was, until Doctor Martin mentioned Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Cartwright,\u201d Beverly Brandon asked, breaking into his reverie.\u00a0 \u201cWould it be all right for me to see your son before I go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sat his cup down.\u00a0 \u201cIf it is all right with Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n

Professional courtesy was a constant in the medical trade and Doctor Brandon understood.\u00a0 \u201cIs Doctor Martin with your son now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in Jamie\u2019s room,\u201d Bella said.\u00a0 \u201cUnless he\u2019s left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul is heading out tonight for some much needed rest,\u201d Ben explained.\u00a0 \u201cHe said both Jamie and Joe are well enough for him to do so.\u00a0 He needs to attend to other patients and then he will come back the day after tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon rose to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cI have a room in town.\u00a0 I will return tomorrow then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou can stay here with us. We have more than enough room.\u00a0 That way you can see Joseph in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blond man pursed his lips and nodded. \u201cIf it is no trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

He indicated he should sit down.\u00a0 Ben waited a moment and then asked, \u201cWill you tell me what you have been treating my son for?\u201d<\/p>\n

Brandon sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m afraid I can\u2019t, Mister Cartwright.\u00a0 Not without your son\u2019s permission.\u201d\u00a0 The city doctor hesitated.\u00a0 A slight smile lifted his lips and curled the tips of his thin mustache.\u00a0 \u201cI imagine he will be none too pleased to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben imagined he was right.\u00a0 If there was one thing that was a constant with Joseph, it was refusing to admit that he needed any kind of help.\u00a0 \u201cWhat brought you here, then, if you don\u2019t mind me asking?\u00a0 I mean, if Joe didn\u2019t want me to know something was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor\u2019s eyes went to Bella.<\/p>\n

She had moved to sit at his side.\u00a0 Ben took her hand.\u00a0 \u201cYou can talk in front of Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVery well.\u201d\u00a0 Brandon thought a moment as if choosing his words carefully.\u00a0 \u201cI have been seeing your son for several months.\u00a0 In the beginning, it seemed he was improving, but lately….\u201d\u00a0 He hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cLately I have seen signs that have disturbed me.\u00a0 I told Joseph if he failed to appear at his next appointment, I would be compelled to come to you.\u201d\u00a0 The doctor opened his hands wide.\u00a0 \u201cAnd here I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t have to ask what those signs were.\u00a0 Melancholia.\u00a0 Dejection.<\/p>\n

An unbridled temper.<\/p>\n

Ben started to reply, but stopped as Paul Martin appeared at the top of the steps, black bag in hand.\u00a0 He descended to the floor and walked over to them.<\/p>\n

They all rose.<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul,\u201d Ben said, \u201cthis is Doctor Brandon from Carson City.\u00a0 Doctor Brandon, Paul Martin, our physician of long-standing in Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both men inclined their heads and then shook hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoctor Brandon has been seeing Joseph,\u201d Ben said, broaching what he knew would be a touchy subject.<\/p>\n

For a moment Paul said nothing. Then he asked, a hint of disapproval in his tone, \u201cDoctor Beverly<\/em> Brandon?\u00a0 Of South Carolina?\u201d<\/p>\n

Brandon inclined his head.\u00a0 \u201cThe same.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was confused. \u201cDo you know each other?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul shook his head. \u201cMy knowledge of Doctor Brandon is professional,\u201d his said, his tone guarded.\u00a0 \u201cHe has had some success with treating melancholia in veterans of the war between the states.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoth Union and <\/em>Confederate,\u201d the city doctor supplied.<\/p>\n

\u201cJulian, my assistant, is quite a devotee of yours,\u201d his old friend said.\u00a0 \u201cI admit, I have read some of your papers and I am not entirely convinced of the efficacy of your treatments.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben swallowed over his fear.\u00a0 Treatments that Joe<\/em> might be taking.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe success rate far outweighs the failures,\u201d Brandon countered coolly.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut there have been<\/em> failures.\u00a0 I believe one or two of the veterans committed suicide.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere were other factors,\u201d the city doctor replied.\u00a0 \u201cSome cases are more complicated than others.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this what you are treating my son for?\u201d Ben demanded.<\/p>\n

Both doctors turned toward him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen,\u201d Paul cautioned, \u201cJoe is a grown man, responsible for his own choices. Doctor Brandon is, regrettably, not at liberty to tell either you or me the answer to that question without your son\u2019s permission.\u201d<\/p>\n

Regrettably.<\/em><\/p>\n

His son might be in danger but, regrettably, there was not a damn<\/em> thing he could do about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI assure you, Mister Cartwright, the treatment Joe is under is harmless.\u201d\u00a0 Brandon\u2019s gaze was steady.\u00a0 He seemed a man who meant what he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt is one that I have used with dozens of men and all have prospered by it.\u00a0 In fact, President Lincoln before his untimely death was under the same care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben felt Bella stiffen.\u00a0 Her gaze went to the city doctor and then flew to the stairs with concern.\u00a0 He watched her rise.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to go sit with Joe, if that\u2019s all right,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Paul Martin considered it.\u00a0 \u201cHe won\u2019t be awake.\u00a0 I gave him a sleeping draft.\u201d\u00a0 His old friend looked at him.\u00a0 \u201cThe boy was too restless for his own good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doctor Brandon was nodding as if he agreed.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cRest is the best remedy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t wake him,\u201d she replied.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll check in on Jamie too, if that\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben felt suddenly weary.\u00a0 He\u2019d had to cope with two sons injured at once before.\u00a0 But before, he had had a third son to help and he<\/em> had been much <\/em>younger.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is Jamie?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHis fever is slight and the cuts seem to be healing well thanks to Hop Sing\u2019s remedies,\u201d Paul said.\u00a0 \u201cHe should be sleeping as well.\u00a0 I sedated Jamie too so he wouldn\u2019t move around.\u00a0 It\u2019s wise to let those wounds heal properly before he begins to stir.\u00a0 Give it another day or two and he should be able to be up for a few hours at a time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben turned to the young woman who waited near the bottom of the stairs.\u00a0 In some ways Bella put him in mind of Marie.\u00a0 Bella was tiny and petite and simply a stunning <\/em>creature.\u00a0 But it was more than that.\u00a0 In spite of the setbacks life had handed her, he sensed Bella Carnaby Ashton was a woman with a purpose, and that purpose was to see that his older son got well.<\/p>\n

The older man rose and crossed to her.\u00a0 Kissing her on the cheek, he sent her on her way.\u00a0 As he watched Bella mount the stairs, Ben wondered what was behind her sudden impulse to see Joseph.\u00a0 Still, he didn\u2019t wonder very long.<\/p>\n

Whatever it was, it was for his beloved son\u2019s good.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, if that don\u2019t beat all!\u201d\u00a0 Candy shoved his hat back on his head and let out a low whistle.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s dumb, and then there\u2019s plain dumb<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

He and Benjamin had parted ways for the moment.\u00a0 The boy had gone off with one of the older drovers to see what sights there were to be seen when you were looking at a river of beef.\u00a0 He\u2019d taken off to look for strays and had found one sitting in the middle of the road.<\/p>\n

On top of a city slicker.<\/p>\n

Candy moved his horse forward a few steps.\u00a0 \u201cYou need a hand, mister?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet this…leviathan off of me!\u201d came the sharp reply.<\/p>\n

The foreman grinned.\u00a0 \u201cWell now, he looks mighty content.\u00a0 I figure that old beeve was looking for a good cushion to take a rest on after his flight for freedom and you\u2019re it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man was reaching out with his hand, clawing at the dirt.\u00a0 \u201cIf…I could reach my…firearm…I\u2019d shoot it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMister, I think you<\/em> need to think about that.\u00a0 Right now he\u2019s just sitting on you \u2018cause he\u2019s tired.\u00a0 You shoot him and one of two things are gonna happen \u2013 you\u2019re gonna make him mad and he\u2019s gonna rise up and stomp on you, or you\u2019re gonna kill him and a half ton of dead cow is gonna crash down on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen…then…what am I supposed to do!\u201d the man spluttered.<\/p>\n

Candy shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cAsk him politely to move?\u201d<\/p>\n

The city slicker\u2019s skin was pale and covered with a sheen of sweat.\u00a0 His eyes went wide as he stared at the unbothered steer.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy good man!\u201d he exclaimed.\u00a0 \u201cI have money.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you anything you want….\u201d<\/p>\n

The Ponderosa\u2019s foreman shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo deal.\u00a0 Mister Cartwright\u00a0 pays me well.\u00a0 There just ain\u2019t nothin\u2019 I need.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCartwright?\u00a0 Benjamin<\/em> Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy wrinkled his nose.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t occurred to him that this fashion plate might be a friend of the Cartwrights.\u00a0 With a sigh he threw his leg over his saddle and dismounted.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know the Cartwrights?\u201d he asked as he approached.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am practically a relative!\u201d the man snapped.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve come to see Bella Ashton!\u201d<\/p>\n

Damn.<\/p>\n

Candy exchanged a look with the steer.<\/p>\n

There was a lot<\/em> of sympathy in those black eyes.<\/p>\n

Taking the animal by the horns, the brown-haired man began to tug.\u00a0 With a grunt, he said, \u201cThey don\u2019t call them bull-headed for nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI demand<\/em> you free me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m doin\u2019 my best.\u201d\u00a0 Candy stepped back and sized up the beeve.\u00a0 It seemed pretty content.\u00a0 Truth to tell, he\u2019d of been happy to leave the dandy trapped under him until the steer decided it was time to move on \u2013 if he hadn\u2019t been afraid Mister Cartwright would disagree.<\/p>\n

\u201cI got an idea,\u201d Candy said and started to walk away.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you dare leave me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t leavin\u2019.\u00a0 Keep those fancy britches of yours on,\u201d he shot back.<\/p>\n

The Ponderosa foreman stopped at the edge of the road.\u00a0 He cleared his throat and then began to sing.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of an idiot are you?\u00a0 This is not a music hall!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up!\u201d Candy yelled back.\u00a0 Then he started again.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t the best singer, but \u2018get along little dogey\u2019 worked its magic.\u00a0 The steer bellowed, shifted back \u2013 forcing a grunt from its fancy cushion \u2013 and then rose to its feet and started down the road.<\/p>\n

The city slicker climbed shakily to his feet and began to dust himself off.\u00a0 \u201cWhat anyone sees in this untamed wilderness is beyond me!\u201d he snarled.\u00a0 Firing him an angry look, he demanded, \u201cWhat are you going to do about that animal?\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy glanced at the steer.\u00a0 He was munchin\u2019 grass and mindin\u2019 his own business.\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t much I see needs doing,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, that horror almost killed me!\u00a0 I demand you call the sheriff!\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyebrows popped.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u00a0 You planning on having him arrested?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou idiot!\u00a0 I plan on having it shot!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The steer snorted.<\/p>\n

He agreed.\u00a0 Seemed to him it was someone other than that beeve needed shootin\u2019.<\/p>\n

As Candy opened his mouth to reply, the sound of hooves driving hard into the ground caught his attention. He looked and saw Benjamin Carnaby riding hard toward him.\u00a0 The boy drew his mount in and was off its back before it stopped moving.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomeone shot off a gun near the herd,\u201d Ben said, breathless.\u00a0 \u201cHalf of them spooked.\u00a0 George sent me to get you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood lord!\u201d the slicker gasped.\u00a0 \u201cThere are more<\/em> of the ghastly beasts?\u00a0 Will they come through here?\u00a0 Am I in danger?\u201d<\/p>\n

Before Candy could think of a suitable reply, he saw Benjamin\u2019s eyes go wide with surprise.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cRafe!\u201dthe boy exclaimed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe?<\/em><\/p>\n

He tried not to snigger.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am here because your sister has no sense. She needs looking after,\u201d the dandy said as he straightened his fine wool coat that was not so fine anymore.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella\u2019s got me<\/em>,\u201d Benjamin protested.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou<\/em> are a child.\u201d<\/p>\n

The kid\u2019s smile was triumphant.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you <\/em>are covered with shit!\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy wrinkled his nose.<\/p>\n

It was true.<\/p>\n

The foreman inclined his head toward Rafe<\/em> and looked at Benjamin.\u00a0 \u201cFriend of yours?\u201d<\/p>\n

The kid scowled. \u201cHardly.\u00a0 He\u2019s my brother-in-law.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella stood in the hall outside of the room where Jamie slept \u2013 the one that was Joe\u2019s \u2013 her heart pounding hard in her chest.\u00a0 It couldn\u2019t be.<\/p>\n

Could it?<\/p>\n

Not again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Tiptoeing to the door she opened it and went in.\u00a0 She stood just inside of it for a moment, listening to the boy\u2019s breathing.\u00a0 It was even and she thought Jamie was asleep.\u00a0 The draught the doctor had given him should keep him under, but she knew from experience that might not be the case.\u00a0 As she stood there, considering what she should do, her mind returned to the horrific period just after she and her husband had returned from Europe.\u00a0 A very experienced and well-respected doctor had given Michael a medication to help him rest and buoy his spirits.\u00a0 At first it had seemed to work.\u00a0 Her husband had <\/em>been happier.\u00a0 But then, on the voyage back, he grew short-tempered and slipped into a dark melancholia.\u00a0 Michael struggled to contain his temper even with her.\u00a0 One day, after they had returned home, it had boiled over into a rage that left several irreplaceable family heirlooms shattered on the parlor floor.\u00a0\u00a0 In the midst of the fit, he had almost struck her.<\/p>\n

Her husband was old enough and wise enough to realize that something was wrong.\u00a0 The only thing he could pin it down to was the medication the highly acclaimed and lauded doctor had given him.\u00a0 He went to another physician who assured him the pills had nothing to do with his unexpected outbursts.\u00a0 That man said those were the result of his having to face a fatal condition.\u00a0 They had almost given up hope when a friend of the family suggested seeing an old-fashioned general practitioner who had been with Michael\u2019s family since he\u2019d been a child.\u00a0 Doctor Morley took one look at the ingredients listed on the label on the amber bottle and paled.\u00a0 Licorice, rose honey, hollyhock.<\/p>\n

One-third mercury.<\/p>\n

Michael\u2019s brain was slowly being poisoned.<\/p>\n

It seemed the medicine had once been the toast of both continents and considered a wonder drug.\u00a0 Then, reports of effects on the side began to surface \u2013 tremendous mood swings, insomnia and headache, tremors, weakness, and abnormal sensations that made the patient think he was going mad. Rumor had it that President Lincoln had been prescribed the same thing, but had stopped taking it after he lifted one of his cabinet members from the floor by the neck and nearly choked the man to death. Lincoln, it seemed, had the strength of will to choose to discontinue its use.\u00a0 There were others though who clung to the drug in spite of the warnings, as though it was a miracle cure they could not live without.\u00a0 And still others whom it seemed could<\/em> not live without it.\u00a0 There had been suicides.\u00a0 One man\u2019s heart had stopped abruptly.<\/p>\n

It was called Blue Mass.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe….\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Determined, Bella moved into Joe\u2019s room.\u00a0 She cast a quick look at the sleeping boy in the bed and then began to search, looking everywhere a man might hide something he didn\u2019t want others to find.\u00a0 She pulled out drawers and felt under them.\u00a0 She rummaged through Joe\u2019s shirts and pants.\u00a0 While she was sure Joe thought there was nothing wrong with taking the medication, she knew him well enough to know that he would hide it.\u00a0 Her anger flared as she considered the smug doctor from Carson City, so sure he knew better than Paul Martin how to take care of the man she loved.\u00a0 If Joe was taking the pills then that could explain the signs Ben and the others had seen \u2013 his impulsive anger and violent rages, the cruel words he had spoken to those he loved and, most of all, his hatred of himself.<\/p>\n

Five minutes later, Bella stood in the center of the room with her hands on her hips.\u00a0 She\u2019d found nothing, but that didn\u2019t mean she was going to give up.\u00a0 The pills were there, she knew it!\u00a0 Just as she thought to begin again, her eyes fell on the nightstand by the bed.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t searched it.\u00a0 That was where someone who had nothing to hide would put a bottle of pills.<\/p>\n

Bella froze.\u00a0 Then she laughed.<\/p>\n

Joe wasn\u2019t a boy anymore like the one occupying his bed.\u00a0 He was a man.\u00a0 His father wouldn\u2019t go through the things in his room.\u00a0 There would be no need<\/em> to hide the pills.<\/p>\n

Walking to the nightstand, she quietly opened the drawer.\u00a0 It was there.\u00a0 The amber snake.<\/p>\n

A bottle of Blue Mass with a dozen or more pills inside.<\/p>\n

Bella hesitated and then palmed the medication.\u00a0 She closed the drawer and went to the bedroom door. With a last look at Jamie to make sure he was still sleeping, she stepped into the hall.\u00a0 Her eyes went to the room Joe occupied and then to the stairs which led down to the great room where both the doctors and Mister Ben were.<\/p>\n

Which should she choose?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe stirred and opened his eyes.\u00a0 For a moment he had no idea where he was, then he remembered awakening earlier and realizing he was in Adam\u2019s room.\u00a0 He looked at it now with renewed pain.\u00a0 It had been over a decade since his older brother had left to see the world and Pa kept his room like a shrine.\u00a0 Sure, he missed his brother \u2013 he always would \u2013 but you had to move on.<\/p>\n

The second the thought crossed his mind, Joe was shamed.<\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t that what Pa had told him about Alice and Tanner?<\/p>\n

Carefully, mindful of the fact that just about everything he had hurt like hell, Joe pulled himself up and rested his injured back against the pillows.\u00a0 Being in Adam\u2019s room was like a punch in the gut.\u00a0 He could almost see his older brother standing by the bed with his arms folded, one shoulder braced on the wall and one eyebrow cocked high as he softly scolded him.<\/p>\n

If you want to be treated like a man, little brother, you\u2019d better start acting like one.<\/em><\/p>\n

He\u2019s been acting like a child.<\/p>\n

And he didn\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n

Joe had been surprised to awaken alone.\u00a0 From what little he remembered, there\u2019d been someone at his side day and night \u2013 Pa, old Doc Martin, Candy even.\u00a0 And someone else.\u00a0 A woman.\u00a0 In his fevered state he\u2019d thought it was Alice.\u00a0 For the life of him, he couldn\u2019t remember who she was, though he was sure she had told him her name.\u00a0 Joe looked at the door, which was mostly closed.\u00a0 He knew from the comings and goings outside it that Jamie had to be in his bedroom across the hall.\u00a0 The Doc must have kept them together when they first got to the house, since it would have been easier to tend both of them that way, and then Pa had moved him here.<\/p>\n

He had to see Jamie.\u00a0 He had to see that his little brother was all right.\u00a0 He had to \u2013<\/p>\n

Apologize.<\/p>\n

God, how was he going to apologize to someone he almost killed?<\/p>\n

Determined, Joe pushed himself away from the pillows.\u00a0 Gritting his teeth, he moved his lower body to the side and worked his way to the edge of the bed.\u00a0 Once there he stopped, breathing hard.\u00a0 The motion sickened his stomach and put stars before his eyes, but he didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 He was going to get up.\u00a0 He was going to make it across that hall and go into that room and throw himself on the kid\u2019s mercy.\u00a0 He had to make Jamie understand that he loved him, that he would die<\/em> before he would hurt him on purpose.<\/p>\n

Joe sucked in a sob.<\/p>\n

Death was all around him and none of them were his.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t that he wanted to die.\u00a0 Not really.\u00a0 If he was honest with himself, he damn well didn\u2019t<\/em> want to.\u00a0 But he wanted to stop hurting the people he loved and since he couldn\u2019t seem to do that, being out of their life was about the only way he could see to make it happen.\u00a0 He\u2019d made up his mind.\u00a0 He\u2019d go see Jamie and then he\u2019d leave.\u00a0 He\u2019d do it late at night when no one was watching him \u2013 when they thought Doc Martin\u2019s medicine had knocked him flat.<\/p>\n

Medicine.<\/p>\n

Joe scowled.\u00a0 What day was it?\u00a0 And when was he supposed to have gone to Carson City?\u00a0 He\u2019d skipped on visit with Doctor Brandon already.<\/p>\n

If it had been two<\/em>….<\/p>\n

As he stood there, the sound of men\u2019s voices raised in disagreement floated up the stairs.\u00a0 Joe could barely hear them, but he knew one was his pa.\u00a0 Another might have been Paul Martin\u2019s.\u00a0 He thought so but wasn\u2019t sure.\u00a0 The third he didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

At least, he hoped<\/em> he didn\u2019t know it.<\/p>\n

Joe drew a deep breath and, with his badly cut\u00a0 arms, pushed himself up and off the bed.\u00a0 Pain shot through his injured shoulder as he did, taking his breath away.\u00a0 Fortunately, his legs had made it through the battle with the barbed wire in fairly good shape and they carried him to the door where he leaned his head against the jamb and listened.<\/p>\n

\u201c…quackery!\u201d one man exclaimed. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201c…telling me, Paul…son in danger?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201c…listen to….country bumpkin!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Yeah, that third one was Doctor Brandon.<\/p>\n

\u201cOops,\u201d Joe whispered and winced.<\/p>\n

Taking hold of the latch, he pulled the door inward.\u00a0 The problem was, he was leaning his weight on it, so when the door opened he<\/em> swung in with it.\u00a0 A second later he lost his footing and ended up in a painful pile on the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cOuch,\u201d he conceded.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDamn.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour pa will wash your mouth out with soap if he hears you cussing,\u201d a soft voice remarked.<\/p>\n

At last.\u00a0 He was gonna find out who the mystery woman was!<\/p>\n

Joe heard the swish of skirts as the woman sank to the floor behind him.\u00a0 It reminded him of his ma.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t remember much about his mother other than she smelled like lilac and her dress had made that same sound whenever she came into his room and reached over to tuck him into bed.\u00a0 A pair of arms circled his chest and a head rested on his back.\u00a0 Tears wet the cuts the wire had left.<\/p>\n

He tried to turn to look at her, but she held him fast.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing out of bed, you silly boy?\u201d the woman asked softly.<\/p>\n

Her voice was familiar, but not recognizable.\u00a0 It was like he had heard it before, but from a distance.\u00a0 Maybe a long<\/em> distance.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho…?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a small laugh.\u00a0 \u201cWe can\u2019t keep meeting like this, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 \u201cOn the floor?\u201d<\/p>\n

Fingers explored his hair.\u00a0 He thought about shifting away from them, but there was something familiar \u2013 something…calming about the touch.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a creek. \u00a0In the snow.\u00a0 In the presence of a madman.\u00a0 And now, on the floor.\u201d\u00a0 The woman paused.\u00a0 Tears made her voice shake.\u00a0 \u201cJoe Cartwright, don\u2019t you think I\u2019ve rescued you often enough?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her grip on him lessened \u2013 slightly.\u00a0 Enough for him to turn and look.\u00a0 The face that greeted him was one he knew but, like his own, it had changed.\u00a0 That youthful beauty he had admired as a twenty-two year old boy had ripened into a woman\u2019s full splendor.<\/p>\n

Joe lifted his hand to capture her chin in his fingers.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella,\u201d he breathed.<\/p>\n

She smiled through her tears.\u00a0 \u201cYou said<\/em> to check back in four or five years.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time in a long time, he smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI sure did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, here I am,\u201d she said with a shrug.<\/p>\n

Joe frowned.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBella, I….\u201d<\/p>\n

Her finger went to his lips.\u00a0 She shook her head.\u00a0 Then she leaned forward and kissed him.\u00a0 A second later, pulling back, Bella favored him with an impish grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think your Pa is coming up.\u00a0 Shall we give him a surprise?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re crazy,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Bella rose.\u00a0 She held a hand out and then, with effort helped him to stand.\u00a0 Moving on his own, but leaning heavily on her, Joe walked back to the bed and literally fell into it.\u00a0 Bella pushed the door to and then came to the bed and climbed in on the other side.\u00a0 She scooted over until she was next to him and once again circled his waist with her arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you can sleep?\u201d she asked, concern coloring her tone.<\/p>\n

\u201cMm-hmm,\u201d he said, already halfway there.<\/p>\n

Joe felt her hand on his forehead, caressing it.\u00a0 \u201cGo to sleep, little brother.\u00a0 I\u2019m here now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take care you.\u00a0 Everything is going to be all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had shown Doctor Beverly Brandon to the door.\u00a0 Once Paul had pulled from the other man the treatment he had prescribed for Joe, the battle had been joined.\u00a0 Modern medicine warred with good old-fashioned common sense.\u00a0 It had been up to him to choose.<\/p>\n

In the end, his trust in Paul Martin won out.<\/p>\n

Slowly, the older man climbed the stairs.\u00a0 He went to Joe\u2019s room to check Jamie first and then headed across the hall to the room that had been his eldest son\u2019s.\u00a0 Ben listened for a moment and then pushed the door open.\u00a0 The sight that greeted him brought tears to his eyes.\u00a0 Just like they had so many years before, Joe and Bella lay on the bed together breaking the house rules.<\/p>\n

And what a joy it was that they were!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

EIGHT<\/p>\n

\u00a0It was early morning.\u00a0 Outside the dining room window of the Ponderosa ranch house birds were wheeling through the sky, singing out the joy of a new day.\u00a0 Inside the house was quiet.\u00a0 It was that hour just before Hop Sing rose to begin his food preparations for the day, the hour before Ben Cartwright stirred in his bed, placed his feet on the floor and headed for the clothing he had laid out the night before; an hour before the hands stirred in the bunkhouse and the business of the day began.<\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright savored it.\u00a0 It was one of the only times when he could be alone.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d gone to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee.\u00a0 The wonderful aroma came with him into the great room as he carried the enamel pot in and filled one of the delicate china teacups on the table \u2013 the teacups his pa insisted they use so they remained \u2018civilized\u2019.\u00a0 Sitting on his \u2018civilized\u2019 mother\u2019s French settee, Joe broke the rules by placing his socked feet on the sofa table, easing the strain on his wounded back.<\/p>\n

Taking a sip, he savored the brew.<\/p>\n

It was the first time he had been downstairs since…since he\u2019d lost his temper and made a tangle of everything.\u00a0 He\u2019d awakened to the birdsong \u2013 and to Bella Carnaby laying beside him.\u00a0 For a moment he had felt a jolt.\u00a0 He\u2019d moved his hand and encountered a woman\u2019s thigh.\u00a0 For just a moment, laying there with his eyes closed, he wondered if it had all been a dream \u2013 Alice\u2019s brother\u2019s poor choices, the men who had come to make John Harper pay, his house on fire with his wife and child inside.\u00a0 He had nightmares.\u00a0 Always had.<\/p>\n

Maybe this was just one more….<\/p>\n

He\u2019d rolled over carefully, sucking in the agony the motion brought, to find not his shy, pretty wife with her bashful smile and straight honey-blonde hair, but a beauty with spiraling blonde curls, a pert upturned nose, and full lips that beamed even while in sleep.<\/p>\n

In a second it had all come back.\u00a0 The nightmare was real.\u00a0 Alice and his child had died.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t Alice.\u00a0 It was Bella.<\/p>\n

His big sister had come home.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s lips curled at the thought of Bella being his \u2018big\u2019 sister.\u00a0 The idea had been absurd when he was seventeen and she was eleven, but the term had stuck after she rescued him out of that creek.\u00a0 It had seemed even more absurd when she came back at eighteen.\u00a0 Then, his thoughts of the vivacious beauty had been anything other<\/em> than brotherly.\u00a0 And now, here she was again.\u00a0 Older.\u00a0 Wiser.\u00a0 Perhaps a bit world-weary like him.\u00a0 But she still looked so<\/em> young.\u00a0 Staring at her, lying there beside him, he had not seen a child but a young woman who had all of her life before her.<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t deserve to be saddled with a broken old cowpoke like him.<\/p>\n

Joe shifted his feet off the table and leaned over to pour more coffee.\u00a0 He felt ancient.\u00a0 The life he\u2019d believed would happen had gone up literally in smoke, and along with it had burned away all of his youthful desires.\u00a0 He\u2019d made Bella a promise that first time he met her \u2013 that one day he\u2019d marry her.\u00a0 It was a shame.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know if she was still in love with him, but if she was, he was going to have to break her heart.\u00a0 He\u2019d never marry again.\u00a0 Never be a father.<\/p>\n

Never take…that chance.<\/p>\n

As he shifted back, Joe heard a sound.\u00a0 He looked up to find his father descending the stairs.\u00a0 A quick glance at the tall case clock showed him it was only four-thirty.<\/p>\n

Before the older man noticed him, Joe said, \u201cYou\u2019re up early, Pa.\u00a0 Goin\u2019 somewhere special today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright started and then smiled. \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you up, son, but are you sure you\u2019re strong enough?\u00a0 Doctor Martin wanted you in bed through the rest of this week.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYou know Paul.\u00a0 He knows if he tells me Friday, I\u2019ll be up on Wednesday.\u00a0 So he always adds at least two days to his orders.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose he does.\u201d\u00a0 The older man paused.\u00a0 \u201cFresh coffee?\u201d Pa asked as he inclined his head toward the pot.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust made it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMind if I join you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour company is one of the things I value, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019d be pleased to share the morning with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The white-haired man crossed to him, touched his shoulder briefly, and then went to get a cup and saucer from the cupboard.\u00a0 He returned with it, filled it from the pot, and then sat down by him on the settee.<\/p>\n

Before the older man could ask, Joe said, \u201cI\u2019m okay, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust okay?\u201d\u00a0 Those white eyebrows rose high.\u00a0 \u201cNot \u2018fine\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes went to the table before him.\u00a0 He\u2019d placed the amber bottle that had been clasped in Bella\u2019s fingers on the center of the table by the fruit bowl.\u00a0 He\u2019d made his mind up to tell his Pa about it.\u00a0 He assumed Bella had found it in his nightstand drawer, though what she was rummaging around in there for he had no idea.<\/p>\n

He saw his father pale as he followed his gaze.\u00a0 There was a pause and then he said, \u201cJoe, why?\u00a0 Why would you do such a thing without consulting me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He could have said he was his own man and old enough to make his own decisions.\u00a0 He knew, though, that even though that was a part of it, it was not the main<\/em> part.\u00a0 He could have asked Doc Martin for help.\u00a0 No, he\u2019d been ashamed.\u00a0 Ashamed that he needed<\/em> help.\u00a0 Ashamed that he was not strong enough to overcome this on his own.<\/p>\n

Just…ashamed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d his father began.\u00a0 \u201cI….\u201d\u00a0 He drew a deep breath and expelled it very <\/em>slowly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I have been too demanding as a father.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was his turn to be surprised.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u00a0 Pa, that\u2019s not \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n

The white-haired man held his hand out.\u00a0 \u201cHear me out.\u00a0 When Paul and I talked, after you and Jamie had been brought here, he said something that got me thinking.\u00a0 Paul said I cast a \u2018long shadow\u2019.\u00a0 That being Ben Cartwright\u2019s son was not easy.\u00a0 That I made you, and your brothers, feel that you had to be as good and as great as you thought<\/em> I was.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe wasn\u2019t sure what to say.\u00a0 Finally, he admitted, \u201cWell, living up to the example you set hasn\u2019t always been easy.\u00a0 But I wouldn\u2019t have had it any other way.\u00a0 You\u2019re a good man, Pa.\u00a0 The best.\u00a0 What more could there be to strive toward other than bein\u2019 like you?\u201d<\/p>\n

His father swallowed. There were tears in his eyes.\u00a0 His voice cracked as he said, \u201cThank you, Joseph.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing a father could want more than to hear those words.\u201d\u00a0 He paused and his lips pursed for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cI think your brother Adam ran to escape that shadow.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you to…drown in it.\u00a0 I know you are making comparisons, son, and it saddens me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWell, Pa, what can I say?\u00a0 You did lose three wives and I only lost one, and I\u2019m here to tell you I don\u2019t know how after Adam\u2019s ma died you ever had the courage to try again.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father studied him.\u00a0 \u201cAre you telling my you believe you won\u2019t ever marry again?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shifted and sat up.\u00a0 His father didn\u2019t fail to notice how gingerly he moved.\u00a0 The grin he favored his pa with was sheepish.<\/p>\n

\u201cI woke up with Bella in my bed this morning,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

The older man nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou knew?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI left her there,\u201d Pa laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI remember the last time you were hurt and that young woman was in the house.\u00a0 I fought a losing battle to keep you two away from each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

He snorted. \u201cI guess we were pretty persistent.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe is a determined young woman.\u00a0 Just about as determined as you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes flicked to the other man\u2019s face.\u00a0 There was a hint of disapproval in his tone when he asked, \u201cPa, did you invite her here?\u201d<\/p>\n

His father finished his coffee and placed the cup on the table.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 I received a letter that told me she was coming about a week ago.\u00a0 She asked me not to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe scowled.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe believed you would forbid her to come.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was going to rebuke that, but then he thought better of it.\u00a0 Given his mood, that was exactly what he would have done.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I haven\u2019t been the easiest thing to live with this last few months,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n

His father\u2019s eyes went wide.\u00a0 He snorted and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, you haven\u2019t.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been so angry.\u201d\u00a0 The older man\u2019s gaze went to the table and the amber bottle again.\u00a0 \u201cIs that why you sought help from a doctor in another town and began to take medication?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe leaned forward and picked up the bottle with the harmless looking little blue pills inside.\u00a0 He\u2019d spoken briefly to Bella and she\u2019d explained that her husband had been put on them too and it had remarkably changed his personality.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u00a0 The anger came later, after I started to take these.\u201d\u00a0 His eyes went to his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t sleep, Pa.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t get those…images out of my head.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t forget the sound of Bill Tanner walking behind me, whistling that devil\u2019s tune.\u00a0 Doctor Brandon said these pills would help me to relax so I could sleep.\u00a0 They\u2019d keep me from getting so low.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid they?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged as he put the bottle done.\u00a0 \u201cPardon me, Pa, but Hell<\/em> if I know.\u00a0 I guess I wasn\u2019t sad anymore, I was just mad \u2013 so mad I could have torn the world apart.\u201d\u00a0 The curly-headed man sighed as his eyes went to the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019s Jamie doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s sleeping naturally now.\u00a0 Like you, he\u2019s hurting pretty badly.\u201d<\/p>\n

He closed his eyes to try to shut out yet another image of loss and pain.\u00a0 \u201cI wish I could remember just what happened.\u00a0 I was standing by Cooch, getting a drink of water.\u00a0 I\u2019d just gone back to the wire when Jamie said something.\u00a0 Can\u2019t even remember what it was.\u00a0 It made me so<\/em> angry that I….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat you what?\u201d his father\u2019s voice was even, there was no condemnation in it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI shoved him.\u00a0 Hard.<\/em>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize he was that close to the unbaled wire.\u00a0 He fell…into…it….\u201d\u00a0 Joe shuddered.\u00a0 \u201cI tried to catch him, but it already had hold.\u00a0 It started cutting him right away.\u00a0 He….\u201d\u00a0 His eyes flew open and locked on his father\u2019s.\u00a0 They mirrored each other in tears.\u00a0 \u201cJamie pulled away from me, Pa.\u00a0 He was terrified.\u00a0 Not of the wire.\u00a0 Not of being hurt.\u00a0 Of me.<\/em>\u00a0 Terrified <\/em>of me!\u201d<\/p>\n

He felt his father\u2019s hand grip his arm.\u00a0 \u201cJamie loves you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears spilled down his cheeks.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure, Pa?\u00a0 How can you be sure<\/em> he does anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I know Jamie, like I know you.\u00a0 One bad day cannot outweigh the power of over a thousand good ones.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne bad day,\u201d Joe snorted. \u201cThat was one hell<\/em> of a bad day!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo was the one when your brother Adam shot you.\u201d\u00a0 His father lifted his hand.\u00a0 \u201cYou almost died, Joe.\u00a0 Did you stop loving your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not.\u00a0 It was an accident.\u201d\u00a0 He stopped, thought and then said, \u201cMy hurting Jamie wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou meant<\/em> to hurt him then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u00a0 But I shoved him on purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cInto <\/em>the wire?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe paused.\u00a0 Then he sighed.\u00a0 \u201cYou should have been a lawyer, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have been a lawyer, and a doctor, and a rich man and poor man, if not an Indian chief,\u201d he smiled.\u00a0 \u201cA man has to be all those things when he raises four boys in the hopes of making them into men he can admire.\u201d\u00a0 His father\u2019s hand cupped his cheek.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I do admire you, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sniffed back tears and then nodded toward the stair.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose I should go see if Jamie is awake.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he stood up, he reached for the bottle.\u00a0 His father\u2019s hand prevented it.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not planning on taking these again, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella had told him a little about the fight between Doctor Martin and Doctor Brandon.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t sure what to think.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I do, Pa, I won\u2019t hide it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul thinks they caused your unreasonable anger.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Doctor Brandon thinks they keep me from sinking down so far into sorrow I can\u2019t climb out.\u201d\u00a0 He eyed the bottle.\u00a0 \u201cI like Doctor Brandon and I trust him, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll need them anymore, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut….\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll just put them in the drawer.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWill you talk to Paul about it?\u00a0 Please?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore <\/em>you take them again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Pa.\u00a0 Like I said, I think I\u2019m on the mend.\u201d\u00a0 Joe smiled wanly.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, now that Bella\u2019s here, she\u2019s not gonna let me sit around and stew.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got that right,\u201d a light voice proclaimed.<\/p>\n

Joe turned to find Bella standing at the top of the stair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella kept a hand on the rail, steadying herself as she descended.\u00a0 It was as if, in a rush, eight years had simply fallen away.\u00a0 There was a pang of guilt and maybe a shade of regret when she thought of Michael, but this man, sitting on the old striped settee she remembered so well, was the one she loved.<\/p>\n

The one she had always<\/em> loved.<\/p>\n

But did he still love her?<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was rising to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re up early, Bella,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

She merely nodded.\u00a0 She\u2019d awakened to find Joe no longer in the bed and the bottle of Blue Mass gone and she\u2019d grown frightened.\u00a0 She was still dressed from the night before, so she\u2019d hastened into the hall and, after checking the room Jamie was in and finding Joe was not there, headed for the stairs.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d slowed down when she heard Joe and his father talking.<\/p>\n

A slight smile lifted her lips.\u00a0 He was a stubborn one, Joe Cartwright.\u00a0 Obstinate and determined, with a need to do things for himself and not let anyone else show him or <\/em>pave the way.\u00a0 If they told him not to take those pills, he would probably take them just to prove he knew better.\u00a0 She prayed that there would be no need.\u00a0 She had asked God to allow her to help him heal.\u00a0 God seemed okay with the idea.<\/p>\n

Now she had to see if Joe was as well.<\/p>\n

Ever the gentleman, Joe rose shakily to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cSeems I missed you letter telling me you were coming,\u201d he said with just a bit of that ornery smile she remembered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMust have gotten lost in the post,\u201d she replied as she took a seat in the blue chair near the fire, knowing that if she sat down, the two men would as well.\u00a0 Bella smiled sweetly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure I sent one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s father sat down but, surprisingly, Joe remained standing.\u00a0 \u201cNext time I\u2019m in town I\u2019ll have to give the postmaster a piece of my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stood there, like he was planning on going somewhere.\u00a0 The morning light fell in wide beams through the eastern window of the ranch house, settling in his hair and turning the silver curls to gold.\u00a0 Looking at Joe Cartwright, Bella saw the man before her but also the skinny, brown-haired boy she had fallen in love with when she was barely old enough to know what love was.\u00a0 Knowing he would balk at any show of affection before his father \u2013 maybe any show of affection at all<\/em> \u2013 she drew in a deep breath and held it against the sight.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, aren\u2019t you going to sit down?\u201d Mister Ben asked softly.<\/p>\n

Joe favored his father with one of those half-smiles he had, the ones that lifted his lips but failed to reach his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to go talk to Jamie, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s asleep,\u201d Bella said, hoping it wasn\u2019t too quick.\u00a0 Praying Joe didn\u2019t know she wanted him to stand there just a little while longer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll sit with him, then,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019ll be waking up soon.\u00a0 I….\u201d\u00a0 Joe swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cI need to talk to him, Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019s for me as much as for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll call you when breakfast is on the table.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe returned the nod.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 As he moved past her, Joe stopped to place a hand on her shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here, Bella,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve missed you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She covered his hand with hers.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve missed you too, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

And with that, he continued on until he reached the stairs.<\/p>\n

Bella turned to watch him ascend.\u00a0 She knew Mister Ben had too.\u00a0 They had a shared concern and it was that Joe heal; that he become the man they had known or maybe, just maybe, even a better one for all he had been through.<\/p>\n

Pivoting in her seat, she looked at Joe\u2019s father.<\/p>\n

He nodded and then said, \u201cHe\u2019s very wounded, Bella.\u00a0 You know Joseph.\u00a0 He feels things deeply.\u00a0 Alice\u2019s death hit him hard.\u00a0 But I think,\u201d the older man paused, \u201cthe loss of his child hit him even harder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe loved his pa.\u00a0 Loved him in a way that almost passed understanding.\u00a0 She could imagine how the thought \u2013 the hope \u2013 of being a father to his own child had given him a joy that also went past expressing.\u00a0 And then, to have not only his wife but that baby murdered<\/em>….<\/p>\n

She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t imagine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe has…had a hard time letting go.\u00a0 He feels responsible.\u201d\u00a0 Ben hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cThere was nothing he could have done, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella was silent a minute.\u00a0 \u201cWhat can I do to help him?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man considered it.\u00a0 Finally, he said, \u201cBe his friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded, understanding.\u00a0 Not his lover. \u00a0His friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man rose and came over to her.\u00a0 He sat on the low table in front of her and leaned forward to place his hand over hers.\u00a0 \u201cI know you love my son.\u00a0 I know you always have.\u201d\u00a0 He paused.\u00a0 \u201cForgive me for thinking you were too young to know what you were doing when you were here before.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI was <\/em>too young.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I ran away.\u00a0 I was a child with a child\u2019s perception of life.\u00a0 Somehow,\u201d she drew a breath and held it a moment, \u201csomehow I thought that, if I lived in a city, bad things would not happen.\u201d\u00a0 Bella\u2019s laugh was wistful.\u00a0 \u201cApoplexy and cancer are not limited to the west.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cNo, they\u2019re not.\u201d\u00a0 The older man straightened up. \u201cHow are you, Bella?\u00a0 I\u2019ve been so consumed with Joseph and Jamie since you came that I haven\u2019t asked.\u00a0 You lost your husband….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMichael was an amazing man.\u201d\u00a0 She hesitated, unsure of how much to say.\u00a0 \u201cHe…knew I loved your son, but he was all right with that.\u00a0 He took me in, took care of me and my family.\u00a0 He loved me although he knew he had only half of my heart.\u201d\u00a0 She winced.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe less.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew him as a young man.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry I did not get to know the man he grew into.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore he died, he said he was content.\u00a0 He knew I would be taken care of.\u00a0 Michael left fifty-one percent of the family\u2019s concerns to me, with the other part going to his brother and sister.\u201d\u00a0 She paused.\u00a0 \u201cRafe was all right with that.\u00a0 Mary was quite bitter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRafe?\u00a0 He was the younger boy?\u00a0 I vaguely recall him as a little scamp always on his brother\u2019s heels.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella nodded.\u00a0 She hesitated and then said, \u201cHe was determined to accompany me to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 That\u2019s why Benjamin came, to keep him from doing so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u00a0 Is there trouble between you?\u201d<\/p>\n

She made a face worthy of the eleven-year-old she had been.\u00a0 \u201cRafe thinks he\u2019s in love with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man smiled. \u201cThinks?\u201d<\/p>\n

She rolled her eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWell, maybe he is.\u00a0 But I\u2019d rather marry a rattler!\u201d<\/p>\n

This time Mister Ben laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI see, like my son, that you aren\u2019t short on opinions.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella laughed too.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose Rafe is all right, but he is so irritating.\u00a0 He won\u2019t take \u2018no\u2019 for an answer.\u00a0 I\u2019m surprised he didn\u2019t hop on a coach and follow me out here like some lovesick pup!\u201d<\/p>\n

As she finished speaking, the door to the ranch house opened.\u00a0 Along with a strong, bitter wind, Candy Canaday, Mister Ben\u2019s foreman, blew in.\u00a0 He was covered with dirt and dust and looked exhausted.\u00a0 Candy glanced over his shoulder as he settled on the rug near the door and then turned back.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s been a stampede, Mister Cartwright,\u201d he announced.<\/p>\n

Bella was on her feet instantly.\u00a0 \u201cBenjamin?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m all right, big sister,\u201d Ben announced as he too entered the house.\u00a0 Ben looked like he\u2019d been through a whirlwind, but he was grinning from ear to ear.\u00a0 \u201cI haven\u2019t ever seen anything so exciting!\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy threw her brother a look.\u00a0 \u201cKids.\u00a0 \u2018Exciting\u2019 ain\u2019t exactly the word I would have used.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre the cattle settled?\u201d Joe\u2019s father asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 Candy hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cWe caught \u2018em all.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man nodded.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you are both all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella saw the foreman and her brother exchange a look.\u00a0 Neither responded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d the older man demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we\u2019re fine, sir.\u00a0 Trouble is, there was a man got caught up in all the trouble.\u00a0 He\u2019s….\u201d<\/p>\n

Benjamin snorted.\u00a0 \u201cHe<\/em> ain\u2019t too happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

From outside there came a voice, pitched high, nearly hysterical and definitely piqued.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf all of the impossible, brainless, backwoods idiots that I have been forced to endure on this journey, Mister Canady, I swear you are the worst!\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t bad enough that I had to be subjected to the indignity of a bovine making a seat of me, but to be forced to ride on the rear of a ferocious animal….\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy sniggered.\u00a0 \u201cMister<\/em> Canaday,\u201d he repeated, lifting one eyebrow and putting on airs.<\/p>\n

There was something about that voice.\u00a0 Something familiar that sent shivers up Bella\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

Candy was scratching his head.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Mister Cartwright.\u00a0 I tried to be accommodating.\u00a0 Seems that city slicker just didn\u2019t like ridin\u2019 on the tale end of that pack horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCity slicker?\u201d Bella blinked.<\/p>\n

A tall, lean figure with sandy red hair and brown eyes and brows stepped into the house.\u00a0 His elegant suit was covered with noxious brown stains and there were bits and pieces of branches and leaves in his hair.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright stepped past her.\u00a0 \u201cCandy, who is this?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella sighed.\u00a0 She gritted her teeth and told him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is Raphael Ashton, Michael\u2019s brother.\u201d\u00a0 The blonde woman\u2019s lips pulled into a thin line.\u00a0 \u201cRafe,\u201d she demanded, \u201cwhat <\/em>are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe sat beside Jamie.\u00a0 It was a funny feeling because it was his room and this was the chair Pa usually occupied while he was waiting for him to wake up after something bad had happened.\u00a0 His little brother was scrunched down under the covers.\u00a0 His breathing was even like he was asleep, but Joe wasn\u2019t fooled.\u00a0 He\u2019d pulled that one too many times.\u00a0 Jamie was awake.<\/p>\n

He just didn\u2019t want to talk to him.<\/p>\n

Joe closed his eyes.\u00a0 All of his life he\u2019d been, well, what he would have called self-indulgent.\u00a0 It was a hard word and he knew his father would disagree, though Hoss and Adam might have seen it differently.\u00a0 They would have at least smiled and winked at him, knowing they understood what he meant even if that wasn\u2019t the word they would have used.<\/p>\n

Probably<\/em> the word they wouldn\u2019t have used.<\/p>\n

He knew some of it had to do with being the baby in the family.\u00a0 He\u2019d been protected and, probably more than he should have been, allowed to have his way.\u00a0 Adam had told him once that, though their pa had loved Elizabeth and Inger, he had doted on his own ma, Marie.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s ma had been his pa\u2019s first love and Inger, the companion of his journey out west.\u00a0 His ma, the fiery woman from New Orleans, was their pa\u2019s prize.\u00a0 The older man had loved her with a love that was as fierce as she\u2019d been and grieved just as deeply when she died.<\/p>\n

Joe knew he was all that was left of Marie.\u00a0 He knew his pa saw her when he looked at him.\u00a0 He always had and nothing was going to change that.<\/p>\n

So when, as a little boy, he had pulled the same kind of fits his ma had, pushing a little harder than he should, defying his pa\u2019s rules, disobeying orders and such, Pa hadn\u2019t tanned his hide but smiled.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that he was a bad man or spoiled or anything like that, but he had kind of come out of it thinking that the world owed<\/em> him something.\u00a0 And when it didn\u2019t deliver, well….<\/p>\n

He just hadn\u2019t known what to do about it.<\/p>\n

Maybe he should have expected it.\u00a0 The West was a hard mistress.\u00a0 His pa had lost three wives.\u00a0 But somehow, he had thought it would be different.\u00a0 When he married Alice, he had expected to lead a happy life, to have a loving wife and a passel of kids that would call him \u2018Pa\u2019.\u00a0 He wanted to be \u2018Pa\u2019.\u00a0 He wanted to be to his children what his father was to him.\u00a0 He\u2019d wanted it so bad that when it didn\u2019t happen, he\u2019d dropped the reins and let the team run away.<\/p>\n

He still wasn\u2019t sure if he had the strength to chase them down.<\/p>\n

Joe sighed.\u00a0 He glanced at the figure on the bed and said softly, \u201cJamie, I know you\u2019re awake.\u00a0 I don\u2019t blame you for not wanting to look at me, but there\u2019s nothing you can do to keep from hearing me.\u00a0 I….\u201d\u00a0 He hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cSorry<\/em> ain\u2019t enough to say.\u00a0 I wish I knew what was.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was no motion from the figure on the bed.<\/p>\n

He scoffed.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not foolin\u2019 me.\u00a0 I perfected the \u2018pretend-you\u2019re-asleep-and-they\u2019ll-all-go-away\u2019 technique, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie shifted then.\u00a0\u00a0 He had been laying on his back.\u00a0 Now he was on his left side, facing him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d Joe said, \u201cit seems this medicine I\u2019d been taking, the one the city Doc gave me, might have made me lose my temper, but you know,\u201d his smile was chagrined, \u201cI\u2019ve been losing my temper for years and those pills had nothing to do with it.\u201d\u00a0 Joe shifted.\u00a0 He was still in pain, but he didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 He leaned forward and touched the boy, like his pa had always touched him.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s no excuse for those things I said to you.\u00a0 There\u2019s no excuse for treating you like I did.\u201d\u00a0 He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.<\/p>\n

This was it.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie was staring at him.\u00a0 His blue eyes were open but not quite focused.\u00a0 Joe recognized the effects of one of Doc Martin\u2019s \u2018powders\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t sore at you, Joe,\u201d he said softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u201d Joe pursed his lips.\u00a0 \u201cYou oughta be.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy frowned.\u00a0 \u201cI know you didn\u2019t mean for me to get hurt.\u00a0 It\u2019s just….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie drew a breath.\u00a0 \u201cYou scared me, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

He leaned back in the chair, wincing as his injured shoulder contacted the wood.\u00a0 \u201cYou want in on a secret?\u201d\u00a0 As Jamie nodded, he continued, \u201cI scared myself too.\u201d<\/p>\n

The redhead pulled himself up a little higher on the pillows.\u00a0 Joe noted all the cuts he had on him, most of which were healing pretty well due to Hop Sing\u2019s ministrations.\u00a0 Jamie just stared at him for a minute and then said, with words way beyond any wisdom he should have had.<\/p>\n

\u201cI forgive you, Joe.\u00a0 But can you forgive yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

He was honest.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie scowled.\u00a0 \u201cHow come you\u2019re so hard on yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a question he\u2019d asked before.\u00a0 Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know that either.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy was silent a moment and then he said, \u201cYou know what Hoss told me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes teared.\u00a0 He shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe told me that when your mama died, you thought it was your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stiffened.\u00a0 He had never heard this before.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGo on.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss said after your pa took you in to say goodbye to your ma, you came to sleep with him in his room.\u00a0 You were just a little kid.\u00a0 He told me he wrapped you in his arms and held you, hoping you\u2019d go to sleep. When you didn\u2019t, when you kept crying, he asked you what was wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie was looking right at him \u2013 through<\/em> him, maybe.\u00a0 \u201cYou said if only you had told your mama not to ride that big black horse, she wouldn\u2019t have died.\u00a0 Hoss said you were sure<\/em> it was your fault.\u00a0 All the bad things aren\u2019t your fault, Joe.\u00a0 They just happen.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie paused.\u00a0 \u201cHoss told me something else.\u00a0 Do you want to hear it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded.\u00a0 Slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was just before he died.\u00a0 Hoss and I were sitting in the barn working some leather.\u00a0 Braiding it, you know?\u00a0 I was upset because that filly had died.\u00a0 The pretty one with the dappled nose.\u201d\u00a0 Jamie\u2019s voice was weakening.\u00a0 He could tell the boy was tired.\u00a0 \u201cI said I didn\u2019t understand why she had to die and Hoss told me he didn\u2019t know why either, but there was a reason.\u00a0 He was sure of that.\u00a0 \u2018Jamie,\u2019 he said, \u2018there\u2019s a reason and a purpose to everythin\u2019.\u00a0 You hear me, just everythin\u2019!\u00a0 We may never know it this side of Heaven, but I\u2019m sure as shootin\u2019 sure there is.\u00a0 You just gotta trust.\u2019 \u201d\u00a0 The redhead stopped.\u00a0 He waited until he met his stare.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, you gotta believe that too.\u00a0 You just gotta trust.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Out of the mouths of babes, he thought.<\/p>\n

Joe blinked back tears.\u00a0 He nodded.<\/p>\n

This time it was Jamie who reached out to touch him.<\/p>\n

He really didn\u2019t need to.\u00a0 Jamie had touched him already.\u00a0\u00a0 Deeply.<\/p>\n

In his soul.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

PART THREE<\/p>\n

NINE<\/p>\n

It was six o\u2019clock before Ben saw his son Joseph again.<\/p>\n

Apparently whatever had passed between Joseph and Jamie had worn them both out.\u00a0 Leaving Bella and her young brother with their unexpected guest, he\u2019d gone upstairs and found Joseph asleep in the chair by the boy\u2019s bed.\u00a0 Waking him, he had gently \u2013 and adamantly \u2013 suggested<\/em> he return to his current room.\u00a0 For once his son had not fought him and, after depositing Joseph on the feather tick and tucking him in like he had when he was a child, Ben had sat by his bed for a short while and they\u2019d talked.<\/p>\n

Joe insisted on apologizing for just about everything he\u2019d done and said in the last seven months.\u00a0 He hid it to some extent, but his son felt deep shame for his erratic and at times unkind behavior.\u00a0 He said he\u2019d had time to think about it and he thought Doc Martin was right about the pills.\u00a0 Joseph had gone to Doctor Brandon in order to hide the fact that he was going to anyone, knowing neither he nor anyone else at the Ponderosa would have any knowledge of the Carson City physician\u2019s actions.\u00a0 Joe said Doctor Brandon was a kind man and had <\/em>helped him.\u00a0 For a time they had just talked during his appointments, but when the deep melancholia had refused to lift, the doctor had prescribed the Blue Mass pills.\u00a0 Joseph said that, at first, they seemed to help.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t so miserable or cheerless.\u00a0 But then the anger began.\u00a0 He\u2019d been able to control it for the most part until the month before when the doctor had doubled the dose.<\/p>\n

Joe said he had never felt so out of control, not even on the night Alice died.<\/p>\n

They had brushed on the subject of Bella\u2019s visit briefly.\u00a0 Joe commented that he was happy to see her, but he hoped she didn\u2019t think they could take up where they had left off eight years before.\u00a0 He said he was through with that.\u00a0 He confirmed that he was going to stay a bachelor for the rest of his life.<\/p>\n

In other words his fearless, daring, devil-may-care son was scared.\u00a0 Scared to love again.\u00a0 Scared to lose<\/em> again.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, that was something Ben knew all<\/em> about.\u00a0 What his son needed was a helping hand in the right direction.<\/p>\n

Well, maybe a push<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Ben shifted in his seat and looked down the table at the figures arrayed on either side.\u00a0 To his left sat Bella.\u00a0 Firmly planted between her and Rafe Ashton, who held the place of honor opposite him, was her brother Benjamin.\u00a0 He really liked the boy and hoped to spend more time with him.\u00a0 In many ways Benjamin reminded him of Levi Carnaby.\u00a0 Life had dealt a hard hand to that Carnabys when their father was laid low.\u00a0 He\u2019d been talking to Benjamin about it and they had a plan.\u00a0 He was going to try to talk the family into returning to Virginia City.\u00a0 That way Bella would be near, and he and the boys could lend Levi and Mary a hand.\u00a0 From what Benjamin said Bella\u2019s father was better.\u00a0 It was his hope the man could do enough to satisfy his pride while still accepting their help.<\/p>\n

Ben shifted back in his seat.\u00a0 His eyes went to his son Joseph where he was seated to his right as he had been for more than thirty years now.\u00a0 Joseph had made the slow descent down the stairs to join them for the first time since the accident.\u00a0 Doctor Martin arrived late in the day and had gone up to see both his boys.\u00a0 The physician put Joe\u2019s left arm in a sling, more to remind him to protect his injured shoulder than for any other reason.\u00a0 Joseph looked brighter than he had for some time, but he was still far from himself.\u00a0 His son was quiet.\u00a0 Very<\/em> quiet.\u00a0 Now and again his eyes would flick to Bella who sat opposite him, but they never lingered long.\u00a0 Joseph didn\u2019t enter into the conversation.\u00a0 In truth, he couldn\u2019t really blame him.<\/p>\n

Rafe Ashton seemed to be the only one talking and it was mostly about himself.<\/p>\n

A smile tickled Ben\u2019s lips.\u00a0 He remembered his foreman\u2019s keen assessment of the man.\u00a0 Candy had used a single word.<\/p>\n

Jackass.<\/p>\n

Not exactly a polite description but, from what he had observed so far, completely apropos.<\/p>\n

Up until now the most amusing moment of the evening had come when Hop Sing emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray of steaming food intended for Jamie.\u00a0 Rafe had made a remark, not exactly disparaging, but it was obvious the man from the city had a dislike for the Chinese.\u00a0 Hop Sing bowed deeply as he passed their guest and let loose a long string of Cantonese ending with, \u2018Special blessing for honored guest.\u2019\u00a0 He heard Joseph snicker.\u00a0 The youngest of his three, of course, knew more Chinese than the rest of them and so he had leaned in and asked Joe what it meant.<\/p>\n

\u201cOld Chinese proverb, Pa,\u201d Joseph had whispered.\u00a0 \u201cArguing with a fool is like playing chess with a pigeon.\u00a0 No matter how good you are, the bird is going to take a crap on the board and strut around like it won anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nearly blew soup out of his nose.<\/p>\n

Ben listened a moment to their guest as Rafe regaled his captive audience once again, making sure to point up his wealth and attributes.\u00a0 When the man from the city came up for air, he managed to get in.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve asked Hop Sing to hold the dessert until a little later.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we retire to the great room for a brandy?\u201d<\/p>\n

As he awaited his answer, Ben\u2019s eyes locked with Bella\u2019s.\u00a0 She had that look \u2013 the one a drowning woman has when she\u2019s about to go under for the last time.<\/p>\n

Ben put his napkin down.\u00a0 As he rose, he remarked quite casually, \u201cJoe, I\u2019ve missed your expert advice.\u00a0 I have some concerns about which of the shipping lines we should employ to use to move our timber for the army job.\u00a0 Perhaps you could take a look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joseph gave him about as blank a look as he had ever seen.\u00a0 \u201cSure, Pa….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah, here<\/em> it came.<\/p>\n

With a slightly puzzled look, Ben turned to Rafe.\u00a0 \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe stood tall, his back erect; his spine stiff.\u00a0 He wondered for a moment if the man had army training, but then decided if he had it must have been at some boy\u2019s school as there was no hint of the common sense of a soldier about him.\u00a0 Bella\u2019s brother-in-law had changed his clothes \u2013 insisting they burn the ruined ones \u2013 and was now wearing an elegant black dots on gray velvet smoking jacket with a wine-colored satin puff tie and a pair of black trousers.\u00a0 Everything about the man dripped self-conceit \u2013 or maybe more accurately, self-doubt.\u00a0 It puzzled him.\u00a0 Both Michael and Maynard Ashton had been, from what he remembered, pleasant secure men.\u00a0 Perhaps it was because Rafe was the youngest.<\/p>\n

He knew from his own son just how hard it was for the one at the tail end to prove himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs I have a great deal of experience in the shipping business, perhaps I<\/em> could lend you hand,\u201d<\/p>\n

Rafe suggested.<\/p>\n

Joseph was still sitting at the table.\u00a0 Rafe\u2019s back was to him.\u00a0\u00a0 As his son realized what he was doing, his eyebrows danced and he smiled.\u00a0 Ben smiled too.<\/p>\n

The curly-haired man rose slowly and came to stand beside him.\u00a0 \u201cYou know,\u201d Joe said, facing Rafe, \u201cfacts and figures have never been my strong suit.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Pa would benefit from your expertise.\u201d<\/p>\n

If it was possible for Rafe\u2019s chest to puff out any farther, it did.\u00a0 Ben was sure, at last, that it had reached its limits.<\/p>\n

Joseph ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame the tangled silver-gray mass and failing.\u00a0 \u201cI think I\u2019ll just go out to the barn, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to see Cochise.\u00a0 He\u2019s an old friend and I\u2019ve been neglecting him.\u201d<\/p>\n

A sign of life, he thought.<\/p>\n

At last.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou go ahead.\u00a0 Rafe and I will spend a half hour or so on the books and then we\u2019ll have desert.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella was watching the three of them and frowning.\u00a0 He could tell she knew he was up to something.\u00a0 Ben cleared his throat, scratched his chin, and inclined his head toward Joseph who was struggling to pull his coat on over his wounded shoulder.\u00a0 For a moment, her frown deepened.\u00a0 Then Bella grinned and nodded.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing reappeared at the precise moment he needed him \u2013 as usual.\u00a0 The Chinese man had been observing their interaction.\u00a0 After glancing at Joseph who was walking out the door, Hop Sing went to Bella and asked, \u201cMissy Bella go with Hop Sing into kitchen?\u00a0 Help get dessert ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s eyes were still on him.\u00a0 Ben nodded, imperceptibly.<\/p>\n

When he had first met her, Bella Carnaby had been a little girl with imps in her eyes.<\/p>\n

They were back.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would love to, Hop Sing!\u201d she exclaimed.\u00a0 \u201cYou two take your time, Mister Ben.\u00a0 I am sure you will be amazed<\/em> by the knowledge Rafe possesses.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been wrong.\u00a0 The man was<\/em> capable of puffing his chest out even further.<\/p>\n

As Ben turned toward his desk, he breathed a sigh of relief.\u00a0 For a moment there, he\u2019d thought Bella wasn\u2019t going to figure it out.<\/p>\n

Apparently she had forgotten the kitchen had its own door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe was still grumbling as he entered the barn.\u00a0 Just pulling his coat on had about done him in.\u00a0 He was kind of surprised his pa had even let him attempt it \u2013 and<\/em> didn\u2019t rush over to help!\u00a0 Joe\u2019s lips twisted in a wry grin.\u00a0 Probably because that fancy Dan was in the room.<\/p>\n

Pa would have known he wouldn\u2019t have wanted to appear weak in front of Rafe.<\/p>\n

The smile didn\u2019t fade as he thought of his father.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter whether it was Jamie at seventeen or him, over thirty, Pa still ruled the Ponderosa roost.\u00a0 He gave the orders and all of them jumped. Maybe it was some kind of character flaw in him that he didn\u2019t exert himself more and insist on his own way.\u00a0 When he thought back to Adam at his age, he remembered a man who\u2019d always had his own opinion and locked horns with Pa more often that not.\u00a0 It was why Adam had gone away, he was sure \u2013 to be his own man.\u00a0 Hoss hadn\u2019t balked at Pa\u2019s command or his care.\u00a0 His giant of a brother had been possessed of a quiet simple way of doing things when and where he wanted to and, for the most part, Pa seemed to take that in stride.\u00a0 With him, it had always been, well, like Pa thought he needed to be both his pa and<\/em> his ma.\u00a0 Pa\u2019d kept him roped in, and though he\u2019d champed at the bit for more years than he could remember, here he was still in the corral.\u00a0 Truth to tell, he could have set off on his own at any time.\u00a0 Pa wouldn\u2019t have stopped him.\u00a0 But that was the problem.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want to be on his own.<\/p>\n

When Joe thought about it, he\u2019d never been alone.\u00a0 There had always been someone else there. \u00a0At first it was his ma and when she died, Hop Sing, along with his pa and brothers.\u00a0 When Adam left, there had still been Pa and Hoss, and then Candy had moseyed along and become almost another brother.\u00a0 Then there was Jamie.\u00a0 When he\u2019d finally chosen to strike out on his own \u2013 to marry and build his own house \u2013 there had been Alice.<\/p>\n

Joe halted just inside the barn.\u00a0 He wondered if he was capable of living on his own.\u00a0 What would he do if there was no one to talk to?\u00a0 Nothing to do?<\/p>\n

He snorted.\u00a0 Go stir crazy probably.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why he was<\/em> crazy.<\/p>\n

Cochise shifted in response to his entry and nickered a greeting as he approached.\u00a0 His old friend was getting on in years, just like he was.\u00a0 They\u2019d been through a lot together and these days he often chose other animals when it came to the hard and fast riding.\u00a0 Still, there was a bond between them that went almost past reason.\u00a0 Joe patted his friend\u2019s neck and began to brush him using his right hand.\u00a0 He\u2019d been at it about ten minutes when his energy suddenly gave out and he found he needed to sit down. \u00a0Parking the brush where it belonged, Joe moved into the center of the barn and sank down on a bale of hay.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands.\u00a0 He felt old as dirt.\u00a0 Pa might have thirty or more years on him, but he still had a spark in his eye and a spring in his step.\u00a0 His were gone.<\/p>\n

Just…gone.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been sitting there sometime when he heard it \u2013 that swishing that reminded him of his ma.<\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t know how he missed it.\u00a0 She must have moved quiet as an Apache.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a second later he felt Bella\u2019s hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 She stood silently by for a moment and then sat on the bale to his right and laid her head on his good shoulder.<\/p>\n

He almost choked, but he managed to ask, \u201cYou mean Rafe let you out of his sight?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe hadn\u2019t missed the other man\u2019s attentions to her.\u00a0 Rafe possessed a lot of things \u2013 money, status, ships, and a fair dose of conceit.\u00a0 It was obvious he wanted to possess Bella as well.<\/p>\n

She drew in a long breath and let it out in a sigh.\u00a0 \u201cHe thinks he loves me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe thought a moment.\u00a0 It seemed an odd thing to say, but he knew it was true.\u00a0 \u201cI imagine he does.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her head jerked up.\u00a0 She glared at him.\u00a0 \u201cJoe Cartwright!\u00a0 If you think for one minute that I would have anything to do with that \u2013 that popinjay! \u2013 then you have another think coming!\u00a0 That man is one of the most irritating, obnoxious, idiotic asses I have ever \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

She stopped suddenly.\u00a0 He was laughing.<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s jaw was tight.\u00a0 Her eyes teared.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re making fun of me!\u201d<\/p>\n

As she stood up to flee, he caught her hand.\u00a0 \u201cBella, you didn\u2019t hear me right.\u201d<\/p>\n

When she turned back, her jaw was set.\u00a0 Her deep blue eyes were narrowed and her nostrils flaring.\u00a0 She looked kind of like a bull ready to make a killing charge.<\/p>\n

\u201cI said Rafe was in love with you,<\/em> not that you <\/em>were in love with him.\u201d\u00a0 Joe paused.\u00a0 \u201cHow could any man know you and not<\/em> be in love with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

She blinked back tears but didn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n

After a moment he asked, \u201cWill you please <\/em>sit down?\u00a0 It\u2019s making my shoulder hurt to keep you roped.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s eyes went wide.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Joe!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be sorry, just sit down.\u201d<\/p>\n

As she did as he asked, Joe shifted on the bale so he was facing her.\u00a0 He studied her for a moment.\u00a0 The last time he\u2019d seen Bella, other than in a ferrotype, she\u2019d been eighteen and innocent.\u00a0 Life hadn\u2019t levied its punishment yet for making it through the years.\u00a0 She\u2019d been like a spring morning, fine-looking, vivacious, and full of a restive energy that bubbled over with chatter and a childlike joy.\u00a0 She was slightly heavier now.\u00a0 Her thin boyish frame had added the pounds in just the right places.\u00a0 The spring morning was there, but it was giving way to summer.\u00a0 She\u2019d matured like a rosebud that had opened to reveal the full color and splendor of what it was to become.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you, Bella?\u201d he asked quietly.<\/p>\n

She hesitated.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou first.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s lips twisted as they had when she was a little girl holding that rifle on him and staring at him along its sight.\u00a0 She puffed out a little breath.\u00a0 Finally, she said, \u201cMiserable.\u201d<\/p>\n

He blinked.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t the answer he had expected.\u00a0 \u201cMiserable?\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked at her hands.\u00a0 \u201cI was a fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe caught her chin in his fingers and lifted her head.\u00a0 When her eyes finally met his, he said, \u201cYou could never be a fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s small hand covered his.\u00a0 \u201cYes, I was.\u00a0 I ran.\u00a0 I ran from you,<\/em> Joe.\u00a0 I was so afraid I would lose you that I was afraid to have<\/em> you \u2013 to commit to loving you!\u201d\u00a0 Her fingers moved to his face.\u00a0 \u201cI have regretted it every hour, every second<\/em> since then.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was growing uncomfortable.\u00a0 \u201cBella, I can\u2019t….\u00a0 I can\u2019t love you in that way.\u00a0 Not after….\u201d\u00a0 He sucked in air.\u00a0 \u201cNot after what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

She batted her lashes.\u00a0 Tears rolled down her cheeks.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Because you\u2019re <\/em>afraid?\u201d\u00a0 She took his hands in her own and pressed them hard.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, if I have learned one thing, it is that we have to take the moment we are given.\u00a0 We can\u2019t base what we do on what may be, only on what is<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 She held his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cIf someone said to you, I can take away your pain, but you won\u2019t remember the happiness you had, would you do it?\u00a0 Would you choose to erase Alice from your memory?\u00a0 To forget all that you had together?\u201d<\/p>\n

At first he meant to say \u2018yes\u2019, but then images began to flood his mind, not images of Alice dying or of the child he had lost, but of that shy smile his wife had, of the way she looked at him; of the joy she had felt when she told him she was with child. \u00a0He remembered sitting by her in the meadow, talking about their future and her past, knowing that he was rescuing her, bringing joy to her by loving her, and that she was rescuing him too from a life alone.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want to be alone.<\/p>\n

Slowly, he admitted.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t want to forget her, even if it meant there would be no more pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the same with Michael. Oh, I didn\u2019t love him like I love you.\u201d\u00a0 Bella beamed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I do love you.\u00a0 But I loved him, I guess, like a second father.\u00a0 Michael took care of me and my family.\u00a0 I was truly sad when he died.\u201d\u00a0 She paused.\u00a0 An odd look flickered across her face.\u00a0 \u201cCan I tell you something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnything,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnce, after Michael and I made love….\u201d\u00a0 Her eyes flicked to him to make certain it was all right to go on.\u00a0 He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI was laying in his arms and he said, \u2018Tell me about him.\u2019 \u201d\u00a0 Bella bit her lip.\u00a0 \u201cI said, \u2018About who?\u2019\u00a0 And you know what he said, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

He did, but he said he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cMichael said, \u2018Tell me, child, about the man you love.\u2019 \u201d\u00a0 She smiled at him through her tears.\u00a0 \u201cAnd so I told him.\u00a0 I told him about handsome Joe Cartwright with his chestnut-brown hair and emerald eyes, with his high-pitched giggle and fiery temper.\u00a0 Joe Cartwright whom I had met when my parents pulled him bound and beaten out of that burning building.\u00a0 I told him about Joe Cartwright who was my one true love \u2013 who had<\/em> to be since Josie and the moon and that yellow flower said so.\u00a0 I told Michael about coming to visit you and knowing I was going to marry you, and then….\u201d\u00a0 She swallowed. \u201cThen I told him about Fleet Rowse and how scared I was that you were going to die, and how I ran<\/em>….\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe said nothing for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry I never met him,\u201d he said at last.\u00a0 \u201cHe sounds like a good man.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad he found you and you found him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella was holding his hands tightly.\u00a0 She looked into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cOn his deathbed Michael told me to find you.\u00a0 He told me….\u201d\u00a0 She straightened up.\u00a0 \u201cHe told me I would be a fool if I let you go again, and you <\/em>would be a bigger fool if you let me <\/em>go.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe knew when he was beaten.<\/p>\n

He laughed and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cBella, you know what?\u00a0 You\u2019re a force of nature.\u00a0 There\u2019s no stopping you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella scooted in closer to him.\u00a0 \u201cSo,\u201d she asked softly, \u201cdo I go in the house and tell Rafe Ashton that Joe Cartwright is a fool?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe hesitated only a moment.\u00a0 He shifted slightly, easing the pain in his back, and then drew her into his arms. And then, with a passion he thought lost, a fire that he thought had been consumed and gone out forever, he kissed her.<\/p>\n

Joe ran his hand along her face and stared into those wide dark blue eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Bella,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Then he added, with a smile, \u201cIt\u2019s been four or five years.\u00a0 Did you ever find that other feller?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head.\u00a0 \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo,\u201d he asked with a shy grin, \u201cyou think you might want to marry me some day?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella drew in a breath.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019d have to think about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She caught him off guard.\u00a0 \u201cYou…what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her laughter was a balm to his soul.<\/p>\n

\u201cIdiot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then she kissed him back.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had just stepped out onto the porch to look for his son when he saw Bella and Joe coming hand in hand from the barn.\u00a0 A sense of movement in the shadows behind them caught his attention, but he put it down to the autumn wind that was rising, to a branch shifting and casting odd shadows.\u00a0 It looked as if winter might, after all, be on its way.<\/p>\n

\u2018No\u2019, he thought, a smile breaking on his face as he turned his attention to the pair.\u00a0 Life was beginning again.<\/p>\n

It must be spring.<\/p>\n

Ben glanced behind and shook his head.\u00a0 He\u2019d finally managed to free himself from Rafe Ashton and his ideas.\u00a0 Well, no, that wasn\u2019t the right word for it either.\u00a0 He\u2019d been rescued.<\/em>\u00a0 Rafe had headed for the kitchen looking for Bella, remarking as he went that he had never known it to take anyone so long to prepare dessert.\u00a0 The last half hour had been one of the most tiring and exasperating he had ever spent.\u00a0\u00a0 Though, from the looks of the pair approaching him, it had been worth it.\u00a0 He\u2019d waited from the man from the city to return but instead it had been Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Mister Rafe busy.\u201d\u00a0 The man from China made a shooing motion.\u00a0 \u201cYou go find Little Joe and Missy Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Hop Sing told him what he\u2019d done, Ben had bellowed until the rafters shook.<\/p>\n

Before he could say anything to Joe or Bella, the door behind him opened.\u00a0 It was with relief that he saw Bella\u2019s young brother standing there.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs everything in order?\u201d the older man asked with a wry smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, Mister Cartwright,\u201d Benjamin said with a shake of his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think your larder\u2019s ever gonna be the same.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing had Rafe trapped in the kitchen.\u00a0 Their cook had played into Ashton\u2019s prejudice by pretending he was too stupid to open the lock on the larder.\u00a0 When Rafe did it for him, he asked the man from the city to get something for him from a tall shelf he couldn\u2019t reach and then, after he stepped in, locked the door behind him.<\/p>\n

Benjamin came to a halt beside him.\u00a0 \u201cYou think those two are going to be okay?\u201d he asked, his concern for his sister obvious.<\/p>\n

The older man shot him a look.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy shifted uncomfortably.\u00a0 He shrugged and then a grin broke across his face.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to lose my sister, but you know what?\u00a0 I think she\u2019s home at last.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded as he turned back to face his son.\u00a0 Joseph was pale.\u00a0 He was leaning heavily on Bella.\u00a0 Letting him out of the house had been dubious wisdom at best.\u00a0 Still, there was something about him \u2013 about the way Joseph held his body, about the look out of his eyes, that said \u2013 at last \u2013 he had chosen to live.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what have you two been up to?\u201d Ben asked, hiding his smile.<\/p>\n

Joe glanced at Bella and then met his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cJust catchin\u2019 up, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCatching up?\u201d\u00a0 He kept his tone stern.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 Joe pulled Bella a little closer.\u00a0 Her arms went around his waist.\u00a0 She was smiling.\u00a0 \u201cSeems Bella never really found herself another feller.\u00a0 You taught me right, Pa.\u00a0 I made her a promise and I\u2019ve gotta keep it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He remembered that day so long ago when his young son, charmed by the endless chatter and enthusiasm of an eleven-year-old Bella Carnaby, had promised her that one day they would marry.\u00a0 He\u2019d warned him then that, to her, it was a solemn promise and that, if he didn\u2019t mean to keep it, he needed to make that clear to her.\u00a0 Joseph had tried and failed.\u00a0 Bella had been in love with his son from the moment they met.\u00a0 His son had fallen for her on her second visit, but then it had been Bella who, terrified by events, had put an end to it.\u00a0 Bella who had run.<\/p>\n

Bella Carnaby Ashton, who had come back.<\/p>\n

A lot stood between them.\u00a0 Bella was no longer that little mischievous girl.\u00a0 She had married for all the wrong reasons and had buried the man who took her in and loved her even though he knew she didn\u2019t love him.\u00a0 Joseph had lost his brother, Alice and his child, and been tortured by William Tanner.\u00a0 There was a lot of healing to do, but it would happen now.<\/p>\n

It would happen because neither one of them was alone.<\/p>\n

As they reached the porch, Bella kissed his son on the cheek and then looked at him.\u00a0 \u201cI have something I need to do, Mister Ben.\u00a0 Can you watch Joe for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son scowled.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t need watching.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde woman turned, hands on hips, and faced him.\u00a0 \u201cI know you, Joe Cartwright.\u00a0 You\u2019re about to fall down and you\u2019re just too stubborn to admit it!\u00a0 You need to go inside by the fire and get warm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe favored him with a look.\u00a0 \u201cPa, aren\u2019t you going to rescue me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI think you are in quite<\/em> capable hands.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe had taken hold of the rail and was stepping onto the porch.\u00a0 As Bella passed him, aimed at the door, she paused to listen.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

A long string of Cantonese.\u00a0 A high-pitched whine and a string of words that would have made a sailor blush.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think Rafe and Hop Sing are getting to know one another,\u201d he said dryly.<\/p>\n

Bella giggled.\u00a0 She looked at his son and smiled.\u00a0 \u201cBack in a second!\u201d<\/p>\n

As Bella disappeared into the house, Ben moved forward to take hold of\u00a0 Joseph\u2019s good arm.\u00a0 His son glanced at him, defiant, and then relented and let him lead him into the house and to the settee where he practically fell into its soft embrace.<\/p>\n

Bella was nowhere to be seen.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere do you suppose she went?\u201d Joe asked, truly puzzled.<\/p>\n

The older man shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYou have a lot to learn about women if you expect to know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was silent a minute.\u00a0 \u201cWell,\u201d he said at last, his voice soft, \u201cI guess being a confirmed bachelor ain\u2019t in my future.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

His son looked at him.\u00a0 Then he laughed.\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

At that moment Bella reappeared.\u00a0 She came down the stairs slowly, her eyes on Joe, and then went to sit beside him on the settee.\u00a0 Ben felt like he was intruding.<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps I should go rescue Rafe,\u201d he suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Pa,\u201d Joe said, his eyes on Bella.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella drew a breath.\u00a0 She hesitated and then started to speak.\u00a0 \u201cSomeone is missing.\u00a0 Someone I wish could have shared this with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben frowned.\u00a0 He glanced at Joe.\u00a0 Neither of them had any idea where she was going with this.<\/p>\n

Bella held her hand out and opened it.\u00a0 In it was a small ring made of silver paper.\u00a0 It was tarnished and rumpled, but he knew what it was.\u00a0 When Bella had come to the Ponderosa some eight years before, Hoss had been alive.\u00a0 It was he who had opened the envelope telling them that Bella was on her way to see them.\u00a0 It was Hoss who had pocketed the small silver ring meant for Joe that had fallen out of the envelope and kept it until Fleet Rowse was captured and no longer a threat to the pair before him.\u00a0 Hoss who had returned it to Bella before she left.\u00a0 Apparently, she\u2019d kept it all these years.<\/p>\n

Tears fell down her cheeks as she held the ring out to his son.\u00a0 Joseph took it.\u00a0 He slipped it on her finger and asked, \u201cBella Carnaby, will you marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben turned away with tears in his eyes as the pair kissed and went to free what he knew was going to be one irate city slicker.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Outside the Ponderosa ranch house a figure stirred.\u00a0 The tall powerful man left area of the porch and returned to the shadows beside the barn.\u00a0 Joe Cartwright and his woman had been so busy looking at each other as the walked across the yard that they\u2019d failed to see him.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright had missed him too.<\/p>\n

The old man was going to regret that.<\/p>\n

You see, he\u2019d been listening.\u00a0 It looked like Joe Cartwright\u2019s life was going to go on bein\u2019 charmed.\u00a0 He\u2019d lost his woman, but now he had another even prettier one.\u00a0 In spite of everything the golden boy was going to have his golden life with everything he wanted.<\/p>\n

In a pig\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n

The man drew a breath and held it as he looked around the yard.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t sure what he was going to do, but he was going to do something.\u00a0 Something big.<\/em>\u00a0 Since his<\/em> life had been ruined, he sure as Hell was going to ruin the life of the man who had done it to him.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d already tried once and failed.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought Joe Cartwright was on that cattle drive when he fired his pistol and sent the steers running.\u00a0 He\u2019d hoped they\u2019d run over him and crush the life out of him like Cartwright had crushed his hopes when he got him fired.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t a coward.\u00a0 He\u2019d have been just as happy to snap the man\u2019s spine with his bare hands, but snapping a man\u2019s spine meant a noose around your neck.<\/p>\n

A stampede.\u00a0 An accident at a logging camp.\u00a0 A fall from a horse or maybe, just maybe, a house burning down.\u00a0 No one could blame you for that.\u00a0 It was just bad luck.<\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright seemed to have that in spades as well<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

TEN<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rafe Ashton decided to stay for the wedding.<\/p>\n

It had come as a surprise to them all. He had been quite subdued since his initial outburst of anger when he heard Joe and Bella would marry.\u00a0 It was as if he had finally been told \u2018no\u2019 and he was having to come to grips with the fact that wealth and power and things were not always enough to assure that one got what one wanted.\u00a0 That there were things more important \u2013 humility, sacrifice.<\/p>\n

Love.<\/p>\n

This morning Rafe had set out with Benjamin and Jamie on a less than grand tour of the ranch.\u00a0 Jamie had been confined to the house for the two weeks that had passed since Joe had asked Bella to marry him and the boy was fairly bucking at the rail to get back to his normal life.\u00a0 During the last fourteen days he and Benjamin had struck up a friendship.\u00a0 He was sure they would have rather gone alone, but the pair had been gracious enough to include Rafe.<\/p>\n

Maybe the fresh air and the sight of the land would lift the poor man\u2019s spirits.<\/p>\n

The two young people in the house who had no need of their spirits being lifted sat at the breakfast table side by side talking quietly.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s wounds were almost healed \u2013 well, nearly all of them.\u00a0 Doc Martin had examined him the night before and declared his left arm had been compromised by the damage the wire had done to the nerves in his shoulder.\u00a0 It seemed Joe\u2019s days as one of the fastest draws in the West were over.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed.\u00a0 Thank God!<\/p>\n

There had been great debate over when to set the wedding.\u00a0 Once he had decided he no longer wanted to be a bachelor, Joe had been eager to take the plunge.\u00a0 Bella had been too, but she wanted to share her happiness with her parents and so the two had agreed to wait a month.\u00a0 By that time it would be mid-December.\u00a0 So far the snows had held off, but they were soon to come.\u00a0 The Carnabys \u2013 Levi and Mary, Sophie and even Jack, home from college for the holidays \u2013 were all on their way.\u00a0 It was his hope to persuade them to stay.\u00a0 He had a small house in town, bought as an investment on a whim, that he thought would be just right for Bella\u2019s family.\u00a0 He\u2019d mentioned it to her and she agreed she would do everything she could to get her father to agree.<\/p>\n

Meaning, she was going to get her mother to persuade him.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled at the thought and then approached the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what are you two up to?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cDetails,\u201d Joe replied.<\/p>\n

He said the word like it was one that should get his mouth washed out with soap.<\/p>\n

\u201cDetails?\u201d the older man repeated, hiding his smile. \u201cWedding<\/em> details?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son gave him a helpless look.\u00a0 \u201cAre there any other kind?\u201d<\/p>\n

Poor Joe. Growing up in a household with five men and no women.\u00a0 Even though he had had time with Alice, he still had a lot to learn.\u00a0 Alice had been a simple girl and their wedding a simple affair.\u00a0 Bella reminded him of Joe\u2019s mother in that she loved beauty.\u00a0 The young woman loved floral arrangements and piano throws and Battenberg lace anamacasters on the chairs.\u00a0 In the two weeks she had had reign Bella had transformed the ranch house from the sober but welcoming castle he had created into the home he remembered.<\/p>\n

The one he remembered from when Joe had been a little boy.<\/p>\n

Ben glanced at his soon-to be daughter-in-law.\u00a0 One thing Bella had was taste.\u00a0 She was dressed today in a stunning royal blue walking suit with a small back bustle to the skirt and jacket.\u00a0 The color matched her eyes.\u00a0 Her ladies boater hat and fan lay on the table beside her.\u00a0 Once the, er, details<\/em> they were discussing were ironed out, Joe was going to drive her to town to the dressmaker\u2019s for a fitting.<\/p>\n

The older man leaned over his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He smiled as he saw a way to rescue him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re working on the food to be served?\u201d Ben asked.\u00a0 He was still astonished that Hop Sing had allowed Bella to set the menu.\u00a0 It was a mark of his affection for the young woman.\u00a0 In fact, Hop Sing\u2019s affections had even gone so far as to allow her to cook in his kitchen.<\/p>\n

Would wonders never cease?<\/p>\n

Bella nodded.\u00a0 She was chewing on a pencil and looking at a long list.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing said he would be picking up the supplies tomorrow.\u00a0 He insists on getting them on his own or we could do it today.\u201d\u00a0 She glanced at his son.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, we need to finish this before we leave so he knows how much to buy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re just working on the numbers?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat she\u2019s working on is driving me crazy,\u201d Joe grumbled, though his smile was loving.\u00a0 \u201cI tried to get Bella to go to the justice of the peace with me and forget all this nonsense.\u00a0 You know what she told me Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNonsense makes the world go \u2018round.\u201d<\/p>\n

She was right.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you let me take care of this?\u201d Ben asked.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been working with numbers for longer than either of you have been alive.\u201d\u00a0 He winced.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe longer than the two of you added together.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a second he thought she was going to argue.\u00a0 Bella was nothing if not stubborn.\u00a0 Almost as stubborn as Joe.<\/p>\n

Theirs was going to be an interesting<\/em> marriage.<\/p>\n

Joe wrapped his arm around Bella\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got work to do in the stable later, so we need to head back right after your fitting.\u00a0 If we go now, we\u2019d have time to eat lunch at the International House.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde woman smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would too,\u201d his son said as he gave Bella a little squeeze.\u00a0 \u201cI haven\u2019t had many opportunities to show you off and, pardon me Pa, but you look damn <\/em>fine today!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPardoned but not absolved,\u201d Ben deadpanned.<\/p>\n

Joe glanced at him and then, he giggled.<\/p>\n

\u2018Oh, Lord\u2019<\/em>, thank you<\/em>,\u2019 the older man thought as the couple rose from their chairs and Joe headed for Bella\u2019s coat that hung on the coat rack by the tall case clock. They\u2019d been forced to bring it downstairs in to accommodate her voluminous outerwear.\u00a0 \u2018Thank you.\u00a0 Thank you for this woman.\u00a0 Thank You for saving my son.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou need anything in town, Pa?\u201d Joe asked as he donned his own heavy coat.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he replied.\u00a0 \u201cNo, son, there isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

He had everything he needed here.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe winced at the look Bella shot his way.\u00a0 He had shifted his shoulder, trying to ease the pain in it.\u00a0 Even though near four weeks had passed since he\u2019d injured it, there were times it still hurt like the dickens.\u00a0 He tried to hide it from her and managed it most of the time.\u00a0 The curly-haired man\u2019s lips twisted with pleasure.\u00a0 It was a little hard to do when he had his shirt off and Bella\u2019s arms were wrapped around his back.\u00a0 They hadn\u2019t made love yet.\u00a0 Somehow, they both knew that was for their wedding night.\u00a0 But it hadn\u2019t stopped them from, well, enjoying each other\u2019s company.\u00a0 When they did, Bella had a tendency to kiss his scars.\u00a0 He thought it was a little odd, but then again, that was what he had come to expect.<\/p>\n

Women were a whole <\/em>different country.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you in pain?\u201d Bella asked as her hand went to his shoulder and she started to rub it with a circular motion.<\/p>\n

\u201cStiff more than sore,\u201d he answered.\u00a0 Which was kind of the truth.\u00a0 When Paul told him about his shoulder and arm, he\u2019d been upset.\u00a0 He\u2019d prided himself for more than half of his life about being fast with a gun.\u00a0 Then he\u2019d thought about the life he had planned with Alice \u2013 marrying, building his own place, having children.\u00a0 \u2018God moves in mysterious ways,<\/em>\u2019 he remembered singing in church.\u00a0 Maybe this was God\u2019s way of telling him one life was over and another begun.<\/p>\n

Joe glanced at his hip.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t wearing his handgun.\u00a0 It had been a conscious choice to bring a rifle instead.\u00a0 A rifle was for protection.\u00a0 A handgun, well, it was too, but it sent a message that offered a challenge.\u00a0 Turning his eyes to the precious cargo beside him, he knew he wanted nothing to do with anything that might bring Bella harm.<\/p>\n

His days of flying off the handle and leaping before he looked were over.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe.\u201d<\/p>\n

He glanced at Bella and then followed her gaze.\u00a0 There was a tree fallen on the road.\u00a0 Since they were in a buggy, they couldn\u2019t go around it.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow what do we do?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

He looked at the sky.\u00a0 The sun was shining down.\u00a0 They were only about an hour from the ranch house.\u00a0 It was early morning still and the day was crisp and cold.\u00a0 Winter had arrived, but fortunately, so far, there had been little precipitation.\u00a0 The branches of the trees were bare and the grass was brown.\u00a0 In fact, Pa had said just the night before he hoped it either rained or snowed soon.\u00a0 He was worried about someone being careless and something sparking amidst the dead things and starting a fire.<\/p>\n

With a smile, he leaned in and kissed his wife-to-be\u2019s pouting lips.\u00a0 \u201cAfter thirty-plus years of living out west, I wouldn\u2019t be worth my salt if I didn\u2019t come prepared.\u201d\u00a0 He laughed at her expression.\u00a0 \u201cI got an axe in the back.\u00a0 It won\u2019t take much time to clear it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe careful.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Joe climbed out of the buggy and headed for the back, he sighed. He had a feeling he was going to hear that phrase for the rest of his life.<\/p>\n

After palming the axe, he stopped by the buggy seat to drop his heavy coat onto it.\u00a0 A cold wind hit him, chilling him to the bone, but he knew the moment he started chopping he would be too hot.\u00a0 The coat was bulky too and would encumber him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou just sit there looking pretty,\u201d he told Bella.<\/p>\n

She nodded, but said nothing.<\/p>\n

Joe frowned. \u201cIs something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

This time she shook her head. \u201cI just want to get to town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too,\u201d he replied with a smile.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a great big steak at the International House with my name on it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe rolled up his sleeves and then headed for the tree.\u00a0 He began by stripping some of the smaller branches off so he had a clear place to put the axe and then began to hack the small tree trunk in two.\u00a0 He worked himself into a rhythm, raising the axe, bringing it down, striking the wood, and then raising it again.\u00a0 As he worked, he began to hum.\u00a0 It was an old tune Hoss had taught him called \u2018Sky Ball Paint\u2019.\u00a0 His giant of a brother had loved to sing it while they worked.\u00a0 He\u2019d join in and the two of them would add extra verses and then shout to the heavens the chorus of \u2018Singin\u2019 hi ho, whoopee ti yo. Ride him high and down you go, sons of the western soil.\u2019<\/p>\n

Still thinking of Hoss, Joe paused to run a sleeve over his forehead. As he did, he glanced at the buggy to see if Bella was watching him.<\/p>\n

She was gone.<\/p>\n

He puzzled a moment and then decided she had probably felt the call of nature.\u00a0 He knew from experience it took women a heck of a long time to do what needed to be done, so he turned back to his work and began this time to sing.<\/p>\n

So I swore, by heck, I\u2019d break his neck <\/em><\/p>\n

for the jolt he gave my pride.<\/em><\/p>\n

I threw my noose on that old cayuse<\/em><\/p>\n

And once more took a ride.<\/em><\/p>\n

He turned around and soon I found <\/em><\/p>\n

his head where his tail should be<\/em><\/p>\n

So I sez, sez I, perhaps he\u2019s shy<\/em><\/p>\n

Or he just don\u2019t care for me.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Singin\u2019 hi ho, whoopee ti yo,<\/em><\/p>\n

Ride him high and down you go,<\/em><\/p>\n

Sons of the western soil.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe heard it a second before it happened.\u00a0 The sound of a bullet being levered into a rifle\u2019s chamber.\u00a0 Before he could turn, a searing pain ripped through his shoulder and he fell face-first onto the tree and then rolled off of it to the ground.\u00a0 As he lay there on his back, breathing hard, a shadow covered him, cast by a monster of a man he knew all too well.<\/p>\n

Abel Ramsey.\u00a0\u00a0 The man who\u2019d near beaten him to death.\u00a0 The man Pa\u2019d fired because of it.<\/p>\n

The man who was going to kill him.<\/p>\n

The rifle barrel rested against his forehead.\u00a0 Joe kept his eyes open and glared every bit of hate he had in him at the man.\u00a0 At least Bella got away, he told himself.\u00a0 She must have, otherwise Ramsey would be parading her before him.\u00a0 He was that kind of a man.\u00a0 He\u2019d want to hurt him as much as he could before he took his life.<\/p>\n

Yeah, Bella was safe.\u00a0 She had<\/em> to be safe.<\/p>\n

Of course, he knew she wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

There was no way in Hell she would have left him.<\/p>\n

Ramsey was enjoying every minute of it.\u00a0 \u201cI bet you\u2019re wondering where your pretty little friend is,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ve hurt her….\u201d Joe growled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll do what, Cartwright?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t got a hope in Hell of stopping me.\u201d\u00a0 Abel\u2019s lips curled in a sneer.\u00a0 \u201cIf you wonderin\u2019, I ain\u2019t killed her.\u201d\u00a0 As Joe sighed, the monster added, \u201cJust like I ain\u2019t gonna kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cSomehow that barrel resting on my head says different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe way I figure it, Cartwright, someone came along and shot you.\u00a0 Your woman left you to go find help.\u00a0 Ended up she went the wrong way.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was on the road .\u00a0 If Ramsey left him, he could make it.\u00a0 He could go back home for help.<\/p>\n

\u201cTrouble is,\u201d Ramsey said as he shifted the rifle away from his head and\u00a0 toward his chest, \u201cyou tried to follow her and somewhere along the way, you bled out.\u00a0 Get up, Cartwright, time to get movin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he struggled to his knees, Joe asked, \u201cWhere\u2019s Bella?\u201d<\/p>\n

Abel nodded toward the woods.\u00a0 \u201cGot her on my horse, thrown over the saddle.\u201d\u00a0 His grin was evil. \u201cAin\u2019t the most proper way for a lady to travel, but it\u2019ll do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean to do with her?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

Ramsey\u2019s smile became lascivious.\u00a0 \u201cNow, I ain\u2019t rightly decided.\u00a0 Maybe show her what a real<\/em> man is before I kill her.\u201d\u00a0 The rifle returned to the level of his head.\u00a0 \u201cI see it in your eyes, Cartwright.\u00a0 You want me dead.\u00a0 Trouble is, I got your gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bullet had passed from the back to the front and through his right shoulder.\u00a0 He was bleeding from both sides.\u00a0 His heavy coat was in the buggy and he was covered with sweat.\u00a0 Already the sum total of those things were beginning to tell.<\/p>\n

Joe felt exhausted.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet moving, Cartwright, or I might just change my mind about my timing and put you two lovers in the same grave.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The afternoon was ending and still Joe and Bella had not appeared.\u00a0 Ben stood on the porch looking toward town.\u00a0 He knew his son had wanted to deal with the mess the tackle in the stable was in before supper.\u00a0 Joe had told him a few pieces needed to be mended before the men went out again.\u00a0 He could have turned it over to one of the hands, but Joe was very particular about the tools of his trade and preferred to do it himself.<\/p>\n

Benjamin and Jamie, along with a weary and saddle-sore Rafe Ashton, had returned midday. Candy had come to check on things and he had agreed to join the others for an early supper as they were all starved.\u00a0 The four of them were inside now.\u00a0 He and Hop Sing had eaten a late lunch alone just about an hour before.<\/p>\n

It was interesting to watch the change in the young man from the city.\u00a0 Like one of those winds that arose suddenly with killing force and then petered away to nothing, the bluster had gone out of him.\u00a0 He\u2019d know men like that before, so unsure of what they knew that all they could do was pronounce loudly that they knew everything.\u00a0 More and more he was beginning to see that Rafe had felt less a man than his father and brother; perhaps had even had such high expectations put on him as a boy that he felt he could never measure up.\u00a0 Rafe had actually been listening<\/em> instead of talking as Candy and the others explained to him the finer points of running a ranch.<\/p>\n

Apparently the wonders were just going to keep\u00a0 coming.<\/p>\n

Ben heard the door open behind him and watched as Jamie stepped out onto the porch. The boy still bore the scars of his battle with the barbed wire, but mostly he was mended.\u00a0 It did his heart good to know that things were mended between the redhead and his older brother as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo sign of Joe?\u201d Jamie asked as he stopped at his side.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, and I am beginning to worry.\u201d<\/p>\n

At this point Adam would have scolded him, telling him his little brother could take care of himself.\u00a0 Hoss would have looked worried, but agreed.\u00a0 They would have told him he was a worry-wart and he had to remember that Joe was a man now and not a boy like the one who stood beside him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want me to saddle the horses?\u201d that boy said.<\/p>\n

No argument.\u00a0 No scolding.\u00a0 Just a deep love and concern for his big brother.\u00a0 Sadly, like him, Jamie\u2019s life had been marked by tragedy.<\/p>\n

Ben placed a hand on Jamie\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cThey could have decided to spend the night in town.\u00a0 There\u2019s probably nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you don\u2019t think so.\u201d\u00a0 The redhead paused and then added, \u201cJoe told me he wanted me here to work on the tackle today, like it was real important.\u201d<\/p>\n

Implying that something, indeed, had gone wrong.<\/p>\n

Ben looked at the sky.\u00a0 There were, perhaps, three, maybe four hours of light left.\u00a0 Long enough to track the buggy\u2019s progress and make sure Joe and Bella had been on their way to town, if not enough to follow and find them.\u00a0 He would feel mighty foolish if he and Jamie rode into Virginia City and found the pair enjoying a leisurely late meal at the International House.<\/p>\n

As he hesitated, the door opened and Candy, followed by Benjamin Carnaby stepped out.\u00a0 Candy was instantly on the alert.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomething wrong?\u201d his foreman asked.<\/p>\n

The older man shook his head. \u201cJoe and Bella are late returning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s worried something\u2019s happened,\u201d Jamie blurted out, spilling his secret.<\/p>\n

Candy\u2019s smile was a tolerant and knowing one.\u00a0 \u201cI was thinking about taking Benjamin and Rafe to town and sitting in on that poker game that\u2019s been going on now for a week non-stop.\u00a0 Things will just be getting going around midnight.\u201d\u00a0 As he spoke, Ashton too appeared.\u00a0 \u201cRafe here says he plays a mean hand of poker.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes went to Bella\u2019s brother.\u00a0 He <\/em>was either very old or Benjamin was very <\/em>young.<\/p>\n

Probably both.<\/p>\n

Candy knew what he was thinking.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Ben\u2019s just gonna watch.\u00a0 Aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle<\/em> Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s brother shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cThey decided they had to have some way to tell whether people were talking about you or me.\u201d\u00a0 He paused and then grinned.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good name.\u201d<\/p>\n

Big Ben looked at the four eager faces before him.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t fool him for a minute.\u00a0 They were\u00a0 all just as worried about Bella and Joe as he was.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d he said at last.\u00a0 \u201cSaddle the horses.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have Hop Sing pack some grub.\u201d\u00a0 Ben glanced over his shoulder at both the dying light and the path leading out of the yard. \u201cIf nothing else, we\u2019ll make camp and enjoy ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes and groaned.\u00a0 For a moment he had no idea where he was and then he remembered \u2013 he remembered Abel Ramsey\u2019s rifle in the hollow of his back.\u00a0 He remembered Bella\u2019s desperate stare as she lifted her head from the horse\u2019s side and watched him trudge along, half out of his head from dehydration and loss of blood.\u00a0 He had no idea how many hours they\u2019d walked.\u00a0 It had been morning when he\u2019d stopped to chop the tree that blocked the road and it was growing dark rapidly, so he was guessing somewhere around eight hours.\u00a0 He\u2019d fallen several times, even losing consciousness once or twice.\u00a0 The last time he\u2019d just wanted to lay there and die.\u00a0 But Ramsey would have none of it.\u00a0 He\u2019d slapped his face and forced him to his feet and told him to start walking again, threatening to kill Bella if he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

So he walked.<\/p>\n

At this point he knew he<\/em> was done.\u00a0 His only hope was to rescue Bella, so she could live.\u00a0 All the time he\u2019d walked, he\u2019d been thinking of what he could do, though lately his head was so muddled it was hard.\u00a0 He\u2019d talked with God during the long march, coming close to cursing Him.\u00a0 How much could one man be expected to take?\u00a0 Why the Hell<\/em> had He let this happen?\u00a0 In the end he\u2019d fallen just short of curses, but he\u2019d made sure God knew he was gonna be well and done <\/em>with Him if he let anything happen to Bella.<\/p>\n

God had let Alice die.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t let it happen again.<\/p>\n

Joe glanced up at Abel Ramsey.\u00a0 The man was riding behind Bella.\u00a0 One hand held her waistband and the other, the rifle that was pointed at him.\u00a0 Bella had tried to escape once.\u00a0 Ramsey\u2019s answer had been to fire a bullet so close to his head that he\u2019d felt the heat of it sear his skin.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d been real quiet after that.<\/p>\n

He wondered where they were going and why.\u00a0 About halfway through the day Ramsey had bandaged his shoulder so the bleeding would stop and he would be able to keep his feet longer.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw tightened.\u00a0 He had a sick feeling about it.\u00a0 As much as Ramsey wanted to kill him, he wanted to hurt<\/em> him even more.<\/p>\n

He was afraid Ramsey was going to kill Bella and make him watch.<\/p>\n

Tired of the game, Joe called out to the madman who held them.\u00a0 His voice cracked from fatigue and lack of water.\u00a0 \u201cWhere are you taking us?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

Ramsey\u2019s grin was evil.\u00a0 \u201cI got me an idea after I seen you with your woman.\u00a0 I hear tell you\u2019re gettin\u2019 married.\u00a0 I figure the two of you need a home since your other one burned down.\u201d\u00a0 He inclined his head.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s one right ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe scowled.\u00a0 They\u2019d been traveling north, he could tell by the sun.\u00a0 The only thing that lay in that direction was the old line shack where, once upon a time, Bella had spent a few nights with a pony named Freckles.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe line shack,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna take your woman inside, Cartwright, and light a fire and make it nice and toasty warm.\u201d\u00a0 The monster\u2019s eyes gleamed.\u00a0 \u201cReal<\/em> toasty warm.\u201d<\/p>\n

The nightmare returned.\u00a0 Only this<\/em> time it was Bella\u2019s face at the window, screaming for him to save her as her pale white skin blackened and peeled away and her hair turned to flame.<\/p>\n

Joe wasn\u2019t sure what he could do to free her, but he knew full well he wasn\u2019t going to be able to do anything under the threat of Ramsey\u2019s gun.\u00a0 He looked at Bella only to find she was watching him.\u00a0 Those big blue eyes of hers amazed him. There was no fear in them.<\/p>\n

Only trust.<\/p>\n

Joe drew a breath.\u00a0 He knew this land as well as the back of his hand since he and Hoss had played here as boys.\u00a0 He was hoping Ramsey didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Behind him there was a slope running down to a creek.\u00a0 A little ways along the creek was a big old tree with roots reaching out over the water where he could hole up until Ramsey stopped looking for him.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d have to swim for it.\u00a0 It was a gamble whether he could make it or not.\u00a0 Odds were he couldn\u2019t \u2013 not alone.<\/p>\n

Between gritted teeth Joe whispered a prayer.\u00a0 Well, maybe it was less saying a prayer than issuing a demand.<\/p>\n

\u201cGod you keep me goin\u2019 until she\u2019s safe.\u00a0 You get me to that shack in time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked skyward as if waiting for an answer.<\/p>\n

Then he dropped, rolled, and plummeted over the side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not a day went by when he didn\u2019t miss Hoss, but at times like these \u2013 when they needed the best of trackers \u2013 Ben was reminded of another gaping hole his middle son\u2019s death had left in their lives.\u00a0 Not that Candy wasn\u2019t good.\u00a0 He was.\u00a0 And Candy loved his son, he knew it.<\/p>\n

But no one, not even him, had loved Joe like Hoss.<\/p>\n

They\u2019d found the buggy abandoned by the road.\u00a0 Neither\u00a0 Joe or Bella was in sight.\u00a0 A large dark stain on the ground boded nothing but ill.\u00a0 Unfortunately, the light was fading and soon they would not be able to make out anything.\u00a0 If they went on, he knew, it would be on a wing and a prayer.<\/p>\n

They were going to go on.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnything?\u201d he asked, his jaw tight.<\/p>\n

Candy was stooping on the ground.\u00a0 He fingered something and then rose.\u00a0 With a sigh, he admitted, \u201cThere\u2019s a trail of blood heading north.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s on foot.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was something in his foreman\u2019s tone that told him that was not all of it.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a rider.\u00a0 The horse is heavy, so I\u2019m thinking there\u2019s two.\u00a0 There\u2019s something odd about the way the hooves have dug in.\u201d\u00a0 Candy scratched his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m thinking one rider and someone who\u2019s bein\u2019 carried.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAgainst their will?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Candy winced and shot a look toward the two men and the boy who hovered nearby.\u00a0 Rafe was ashen white.\u00a0 Benjamin had barely any more color.\u00a0 Jamie, well, Jamie was scared but he was also determined.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think it\u2019s Bella?\u201d his adopted son asked, his voice hushed by concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt makes sense,\u201d Ben admitted.\u00a0 \u201cWhat I don\u2019t understand is that, even if some man wanted to take Bella, for whatever reason, why make Joe walk?\u00a0 Especially if he is wounded.\u00a0 That\u2019s the act of a madman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr someone who really hates Joe,\u201d Candy said.<\/p>\n

Ben looked at his foreman.\u00a0 His pallor beat Little Ben\u2019s and Rafe\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy?\u00a0 What are you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n

The brown-haired man ran a hand across his cheek.\u00a0 He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t got any proof.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell me anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was in the saloon the other night. There was this guy, blowin\u2019 off about gettin\u2019 even with Joe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 His foreman\u2019s blue eyes fastened on his.\u00a0 \u201cIt was Abel Ramsey.\u201d\u00a0 Candy looked sick.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t have time to tell Joe about it yet since I didn\u2019t see him today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ramsey.\u00a0 The ranch hand he had shamed in front of all the men . The one he had fired for trying to kill his son.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood God.\u201d\u00a0 Ben drew a breath.\u00a0 It shook as it was expelled.\u00a0 \u201cYou said they are heading north.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about that shack we saw when we rode through?\u201d Little Ben asked.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s something, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

He and Candy exchanged a look.\u00a0 The line shack was such a part of their lives that the considered it almost part of the landscape.\u00a0 Bella\u2019s brother, fortunately, saw things differently.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes…\u201d he replied.\u00a0 If Ramsey was headed for the shack, they had a chance.\u00a0 He could find it in the dark and so could his foreman.\u00a0 But it meant abandoning any tracks that might be there and heading blindly into the dark that was fast encroaching.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s going to be rough,\u201d the older man said at last, looking at Rafe and Benjamin.\u00a0 \u201cYou two are not used to the country.\u00a0 Perhaps you should turn back.\u00a0 Jamie can take you back to the ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie bristled, but he saw the boy would be obedient.\u00a0 Still, he knew the men\u2019s answer before they gave it.\u00a0 Rafe, so much changed, said it for them.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019d have to bind our hands and feet to keep us from following.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right.\u00a0 Mount up then.\u201d\u00a0 Ben looked at Candy.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll lead the way.\u00a0 You bring up the rear.\u201d<\/p>\n

The brown-haired man nodded and headed for his horse.<\/p>\n

Ben turned to look at the imposing forested land before them.\u00a0 If Joe had fallen by the wayside, they would ride right past him.\u00a0 By the time they doubled back his wound coupled with the exposure to the cold would, most likely, have taken his life.<\/p>\n

The older man\u2019s eyes lifted to the sky.\u00a0 It was all in His plan.\u00a0 He knew it.\u00a0 He had told his boys that for years. There was some reason this stain of evil had come into the fabric of the beautiful life he had envisioned for his boy and Bella Carnaby.<\/p>\n

Before the night was over, he hoped he knew what it was.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ELEVEN<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Joe.\u00a0 You gotta wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe moaned.\u00a0 He was both too hot and too cold.\u00a0 His shoulder was on fire and his legs were like ice and he just wished he had the energy to tell whoever it was that was trying to wake him to go to Hell.<\/p>\n

Moaning again, he curled into a ball and whimpered instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo…way….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDang it!\u00a0 If you ain\u2019t the laziest thing this side of Reno!\u00a0 What do I got to do, come down there and drag your sorry hiney out of trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n

Down…there.<\/p>\n

Where?<\/p>\n

Where was…down there?<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, you gotta move.\u201d\u00a0 Worry colored the voice as whoever had spoken came closer.\u00a0 A second later Joe felt fingers comb through his muddy hair and then land lightly on his injured shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI know you\u2019re hurtin\u2019, boy, but there ain\u2019t much time.\u00a0 Joe, come on.\u00a0 Bella needs you.\u00a0 She needs you real<\/em> bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella.<\/p>\n

Needs.<\/p>\n

Me.<\/p>\n

With a groan, Joe forced open his eyes.\u00a0 There was a man \u2013 a big<\/em> man bending over him making a \u2018tsking\u2019<\/em> sound with his tongue.\u00a0 The bulk of his massive form blocked out the blinding light that bathed the forest all around them.\u00a0 Joe scowled.\u00a0 Abel Ramsey was big, but this wasn\u2019t Ramsey.\u00a0 If it had been, the man wouldn\u2019t have been trying to get him to his feet.\u00a0 He\u2019d be looking down the barrel of a gun instead of into a beefy face framed in concern.<\/p>\n

A familiar beefy face.<\/p>\n

An impossibly <\/em>familiar beefy face.<\/p>\n

Maybe he<\/em> was dead.<\/p>\n

But then, if he was, all the preachers he\u2019d ever heard had lied.\u00a0 They all said the Good Book promised there\u2019d be no more pain when you got to Heaven and he was in a heck<\/em> of a lot of pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou c…can\u2019t be real…\u201d he finally managed to stutter.<\/p>\n

The big man snorted.\u00a0 \u201cIf you ain\u2019t the orneriest cuss, little brother.\u00a0 You can see me.\u00a0 You can hear<\/em> me.\u00a0 How is it I cain\u2019t be real?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe swallowed over a grief not yet a year old.\u00a0 \u201cBecause you\u2019re…dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

His brother Hoss shifted back on his haunches.\u00a0 The big man lifted the white ten gallon hat on his head and pushed it back, revealing his thinning hairline.\u00a0 He looked much the same, but younger.\u00a0 Or maybe it was healthier \u2013 more vital.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, now, there\u2019s dead and there\u2019s dead, little brother.\u00a0 I just ain\u2019t dead like you understand the word.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s head was swimming. What other way was <\/em>there to understand the word?<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see, to me, Little Joe, you\u2019re the one who ain\u2019t quite livin\u2019 yet.\u00a0 You\u2019re down here on Earth where things are pretty uncertain.\u00a0 Where you get a just about a day of happiness for every year of sufferin\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss paused and then he chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cCourse you always got more than your fair share.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe pulled himself up a bit so he could look directly at the man addressing him.\u00a0 It had to be Hoss.\u00a0 No one else had that cherubic face holding a pair of crisp blue eyes bright as the sky.\u00a0 No one could look so damned content no matter the fact that it was numbingly cold and he was kneeling on a muddy bank knee-deep in wet grass.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow?\u201d Joe rasped.<\/p>\n

He was kneeling too \u2013 well, lying<\/em> was more like it, except he was only half <\/em>on the bank.\u00a0 The other half was immersed in icy water.\u00a0 He\u2019d plunged into the creek and made it to the tree and hidden among its roots for nearly a half-hour while Abel Ramsey searched the area.\u00a0 Once the man had disappeared over the top, he\u2019d managed to swim the few feet to the bank, but that was as far as he got.\u00a0 He\u2019d laid there looking up \u2013 giving<\/em> up \u2013 even though he knew he had to make it up the side of the hill.\u00a0 A prayer had escaped his lips, but it seemed to no avail.\u00a0 God<\/em>, he\u2019d pleaded, I have to find the strength.\u00a0 I have to follow Ramsey!\u00a0 I\u2019ve gotta get Bella away from that madman before he kills her or….<\/em><\/p>\n

The horrific scene he hadn\u2019t witnessed but could not forget flashed before Joe\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Alice fighting off the men who killed her as they had their way with her.\u00a0 Her body had been burnt beyond recognition, so there had been no way to tell, but he knew….\u00a0 Joe sucked in air, suddenly feeling like he might drown.<\/p>\n

Even though she was pregnant, he knew <\/em>what they had done.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe.\u00a0 Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Blinking his eyes to free his lashes of tears and mud, Joe looked up.\u00a0 \u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s somethin\u2019 you gotta learn little brother.\u00a0 And you gotta learn it quick.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss paused.\u00a0 \u201cYou gotta stop over-thinkin\u2019 things like Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was not <\/em>what he had expected to hear.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomewhere\u2019s along the way, Joe, you started thinkin\u2019 like our big brother.\u00a0 Broodin\u2019, you might say.\u00a0 It don\u2019t suit you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u00a0 …what?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe Man upstairs, Joe, Him and me have had some talks about you.\u00a0 He\u2019s got somethin\u2019 mighty special in mind for you and yours. That\u2019s why you\u2019re the one still with Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss let out a sigh. \u201cBut Joe, you gotta make the choice to grab that future.\u00a0 You gotta make it now!\u201d\u00a0 The big man thought a moment.\u00a0 \u201cRemember how you was when we was kids? There was no holdin\u2019 you back, boy! You\u2019d find a way when the rest of us had decided there wasn\u2019t any \u2013 maybe just \u2018cause<\/em> we decided it.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss reached down.\u00a0 His big hand cupped his face.\u00a0 \u201cYou gotta make a way now, Joe.\u00a0 No one else will come in time.\u00a0 You gotta save Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI…can\u2019t….\u201d\u00a0 His shoulder was throbbing and his head was pounding like he\u2019d just awakened from a deep sleep.\u00a0 He felt sick.\u00a0 \u201cHoss, I don\u2019t think I can…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s your problem, Joe.\u00a0 You need to stop thinkin\u2019.\u00a0 Sure<\/em> you can.\u00a0 You can do anythin\u2019<\/em> you put your mind too.\u201d\u00a0 His brother leaned in so close he could smell him \u2013 smell the scent of hay and horse, of tiny animals cuddled to his massive chest, of leather and sweat.\u00a0 \u201cJust keep your eyes on the prize, little brother.\u00a0 I promise you, there\u2019s a rest at the end.\u00a0 You hear me?\u00a0 Now you get up and you take my hand and you get goin\u2019 and save that little gal.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took everything Joe had in him to do as his brother demanded.\u00a0 As he moved, a tidal wave of pain crashed over his tired and sore body and he felt a deep yearning to sink back into the mud and be swallowed by darkness.\u00a0 Denying it, he lifted his upper torso and caught his brother\u2019s hand.\u00a0 As he did, Joe felt strength pass from Hoss into him.<\/p>\n

A strength that got him to his feet.<\/p>\n

A strength that took him up the hill from the creek to flat land.<\/p>\n

A strength that sent him running when he saw the flames rising into the night, consuming the small wooden line shack that stood silhouetted against the trees.<\/p>\n

A strength that turned him to steel as he heard Bella scream.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They were lost.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t believe it, but they were.\u00a0 Between him and Candy Ben had been sure they could find their way through the woods in the dark.\u00a0 Inopportunely, the moon had decided to retreat behind the clouds, taking the stars with it, and there was no way to anchor themselves and know exactly where they were.\u00a0 A creek ran at the bottom of the bank to the left side of them.\u00a0 They\u2019d used its voice to continue on through the dark after the light was gone.\u00a0 The ribbon of water ran near the old line shack on the north end of their property.\u00a0 He\u2019d thought about tearing that old shack down, but it held such memories, he\u2019d let it be.\u00a0 It was there Adam had found Elizabeth Carnaby, and from there the two of them had gone on to rescue Little Joe from Fleet Rowse.\u00a0 Somehow he\u2019d known that line shack had a part to play in their lives that was yet to come.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t imagine what it was.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was fear in the boy\u2019s voice.\u00a0 Crossing over to Jamie quickly, the older man asked, \u201cWhat is it, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

Before the boy could reply, Ben knew.\u00a0 He could see it in the faces of the two men who stood beside him.\u00a0 In fact, the answer to his question was written in the fact that he could<\/em> see them.<\/p>\n

There was a light burning brightly, shining through the trees ahead of them.<\/p>\n

The older man\u2019s heart sank.<\/p>\n

God.<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the shack!\u201d Candy shouted.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s on fire!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben regretted now that they had dismounted.\u00a0 It had been impossible to direct the horses through the woods in the pitch dark, but he would have cherished their speed now.\u00a0 From what he remembered, they were still a good half-mile from the shack.\u00a0 On foot, it would take them at least fifteen minutes to get there \u2013 if not longer.<\/p>\n

More than enough time for everything Joe had dreamed of to go up in smoke.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella crouched against the back wall of the shack, making her body as small as she could and keeping low to the ground where the air was cleaner.\u00a0 When Abel Ramsey had forced her into the line shack, she had known what he intended and she wasn\u2019t about to let him have what he meant to take.\u00a0 She\u2019d feigned weakness and slumped to the floor, forcing him to bend down over her, and then she\u2019d kicked him for all she was worth where it counted most.\u00a0 Unfortunately, while she knocked the wind out of him and caused him to stumble back, he<\/em> knocked into the table that held the coal oil lamp he had placed there.\u00a0 The lamp fell to the floor, shattered, and spread oil everywhere, setting everything on fire \u2013 including Abel Ramsey whose clothes and hair went up like a torch as he ran screaming for the door.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t make it.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d tried to get out, but Ramsey\u2019s flaming corpse had blocked the doorway and she\u2019d been forced to retreat into the back room where once, many years before, she had found Adam Cartwright crawling in the window and knocked him silly using a sack of flour.<\/p>\n

Sadly, in the intervening years, someone had fixed the window.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t get it open.<\/p>\n

She hoped it hadn\u2019t been Joe.<\/p>\n

So here she was, coughing and breathing hard, leaning against lower portion of the wall, watching the smoke creep under the closed door and listening to the crack of the flames as they gnawed at the slender wooden barrier that was all that separated her from a horrible death, and all she could think of was the man she loved.<\/p>\n

Joe wouldn\u2019t survive this.<\/p>\n

The fire would kill them both.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe had managed to keep upright and on his feet.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how, but he wasn\u2019t going to question it.\u00a0 As he staggered out of the trees and into the yard, he realized he was on the back side of the line shack.\u00a0 Involuntarily, his eyes went to the window Adam had used to climb into it all those years ago.\u00a0 What he saw there made his heart stop.<\/p>\n

Bella.<\/p>\n

In the window.<\/p>\n

Calling his name.<\/p>\n

As he ran toward the burning building, Joe looked around for something to use to free her.\u00a0 For the most part the yard was empty since no one was living in the shack right now.\u00a0 Even as he began to lose hope that he would be able to find something, he spotted it.\u00a0 Someone had been negligent, God bless them!\u00a0 There was an axe struck into the stump of a tree beside which lay a pile of ruined kindling.\u00a0 In one movement Joe caught the axe in his hand, finished his run to the shack, and swung it hard.\u00a0 Bella had seen him coming and shifted back.\u00a0 He lost sight of her as the bubbled glass shattered and the bars of wood that had held it in place flew into his face or hit the ground.\u00a0 He could only hope the rush of air wouldn\u2019t suck the flames toward her.\u00a0 He could see the bedroom door was closed.\u00a0 There was time.<\/p>\n

God, there had to be time!<\/p>\n

\u201cBella!\u201d he screamed.\u00a0 \u201cBella!\u00a0 Jump!\u201d<\/p>\n

She appeared again.\u00a0 Her face was ghostly pale, but not blackened. Her hair was not on fire.<\/p>\n

She was alive.<\/p>\n

Joe reached through the broken window as she approached and pulled her out, mindless of his wounded shoulder and the glass that cut into his skin and hers.\u00a0 Her skirts caught on the jagged edges of the wood, halting them briefly.\u00a0 He ripped her free with an almost supernatural strength and they both fell to the ground.\u00a0 At that second there was a sound deep within the structure \u2013 a crack!<\/em> \u2013 and the roof fell in.\u00a0 The reenergized flames exploded through the door that had kept Bella safe and raced into the room where she had been.\u00a0 As the fire continued on, consuming everything in their path, streaking across the burning floor and toward the window, Joe felt Bella\u2019s arms circle his waist, lending him strength.\u00a0 He gave her a weak smile and then leaned heavily on her as she led them away from the ruin.\u00a0 Together they made it to the other side of the shack, upwind of the flames that were now dancing among the dry grasses and leaves.\u00a0 As they stood staring at the devastation one sick man had wrought, Joe\u2019s knees buckled and he dropped to the hard earth.\u00a0 Bella followed him.\u00a0 She circled him with her arms and drew him into her embrace and the two of them sat there, together, both horrified and amazed.<\/p>\n

They were alive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright plunged through the trees, heedless of the stinging bare branches that struck him and cut his exposed skin.\u00a0 Candy and Jamie were shouting for him to stop, that it was too dangerous to get any closer. Telling him he was risking his life needlessly.<\/p>\n

\u2018Nothing<\/em>\u2019, his foreman had said, Candy\u2019s own grief choking the word as he stared at the flames licking high into the night.\u00a0 \u2018Nothing in that shack could have survived.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

He had faced many hard things in his life \u2013 Elizabeth\u2019s death, facing his small son as they traveled and having to tell Adam that they had no money or food; that he had no idea where their next meal would come from.\u00a0 The wagon train west.\u00a0 Inger with an arrow jutting from her breast.\u00a0 Marie and that damned horse.<\/p>\n

Forty years of his son\u2019s illnesses and injuries and all the times Doc Martin had told him in a solemn voice, \u2018It\u2019s up to God.\u201d<\/p>\n

If he died going too close to that burning shack.\u00a0 Well, that was up to God too!<\/p>\n

Candy and Jamie were still yelling.\u00a0 Ben could hear Little Ben too and he thought Rafe as well.\u00a0 He\u2019d outpaced them all by minutes, driven by a strength that was not his own to arrive in time, and so he was alone when he broke through the edge of the trees and came upon a scene straight out of Dante\u2019s Inferno<\/em>.\u00a0 The autumn wind was brisk.\u00a0 It had caught the flames that consumed the line shack and fanned them out, setting the forest on fire.\u00a0 The only blessing was that it would find very little fuel there.\u00a0 Most of the leaves and brush had been driven to the east by the strong wind. The fire would be hot and it would leave nothing but blackened matchsticks trees and brush behind, but it was likely to burn out just as quickly as it had arisen.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s bleary tear-filled eyes scanned the barren land surrounding the shack, desperate, hopeful.<\/p>\n

Afraid.<\/p>\n

It took a moment.\u00a0 Then he realized there was another blessing.<\/p>\n

The sight of two wretched figures huddled together on the side of the shack, away from the fire.<\/p>\n

Candy shouted again and then Jamie too.\u00a0 They were close and would be upon them any moment.\u00a0 The sound of their voices freed Ben\u2019s legs and he began to move.\u00a0 He covered the ground between them in record time and then dropped to the earth beside the two weary, battered, and bloodied children he loved.\u00a0 Reaching out, Ben drew them into his arms.\u00a0 He planted a kiss first on his son\u2019s sooty hair and then on Bella\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Joe was nearly unconscious, but he stirred at the familiar touch.\u00a0 His son\u2019s lips curled slightly, he coughed, and then managed to rasp out a few words.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou…don\u2019t have…to ask me…how we are…Pa.\u201d\u00a0 Those green eyes slid sideways to the woman he loved.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe reached out and took her hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cBella and…me.\u00a0 We\u2019re…fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018Fine\u2019, Ben found, in the next few days, was a relative word.<\/p>\n

Getting Bella and Joe back to the Ponderosa had been an ordeal as they\u2019d had to make certain they steered clear of the advancing fire, which kept changing directions with the wind.\u00a0 In the end it blew back in on itself, which proved another blessing.\u00a0 On the way back to the house they ran into a group of ranchers with a crew of men.\u00a0 They\u2019d grabbed shovels and other tools and were headed into the woods to create fire breaks and contain the blaze.\u00a0 Candy and Rafe \u2013 who was proving to the surprise of everyone to have the Ashton mettle \u2013 stayed to help.<\/p>\n

More and more he was amazed by the young man from the city whom he had thought all but worthless less than a month before.<\/p>\n

In the end he helped his son into the saddle and carried Joe before him on his horse.\u00a0 Bella was able to sit one of the extra mounts they\u2019d brought.\u00a0 Jamie and Benjamin returned to the ranch house with them and stayed until Joseph and Bella were settled.\u00a0 Then, after the pair had eaten and rested briefly, the boys insisted on going out to gather as many of the ranch hands as they could\u00a0 in order to aid of the other ranchers in putting out the fire.\u00a0 He sent his regrets that he couldn\u2019t join them.<\/p>\n

Ben knew he was needed at home.<\/p>\n

Joseph had been through the mill over the last two days.\u00a0 Not only did he have a ragged and ill-tended bullet hole through his shoulder, he\u2019d lost a lot of blood and was completely exhausted.\u00a0 From what he\u2019d been able to glean from Joe\u2019s fevered ramblings, he knew his son had lain in a creek, crawled up a hill, and then walked several miles before he reached the shack.\u00a0 What he had faced there was beyond ken.\u00a0 Bella was in better shape, though her lungs had been effected by the smoke and she had little strength.\u00a0 She was in the room next to Joseph\u2019s sleeping and gathering strength.\u00a0 He knew, once she was awake, that nothing on Earth would stop her from being at Joe\u2019s side and so, selfishly, he relished the time he had sitting with his sleeping son.\u00a0 It would soon pass as all things must pass.\u00a0 He would diminish and Bella increase in Joseph\u2019s life, as she should.<\/p>\n

That was, if Joe still intended to marry her.<\/p>\n

He simply couldn\u2019t understand how the Good Lord had allowed this to happen.\u00a0 How He allowed something as horrible as this to come to pass at a time when it seemed Joseph had made peace with his grief at last.\u00a0 He wondered if that fear his son had known \u2013 the fear that any woman he married might end up as Alice had \u2013 would be rekindled by Abel Ramsey\u2019s mad act.<\/p>\n

As Ben sat there, holding one of his son\u2019s bandaged hands, the past became all too present and he wondered if Joseph had it in him to begin again.<\/p>\n

As if in answer, Joe stirred.\u00a0 The older man leaned forward and ran his hand along his son\u2019s silver locks as he gently called his name.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Joe, can you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n

His answer was a weak smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou…came back,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n

The older man frowned.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t go anywhere, Joseph.\u00a0 That was you.\u00a0 You were searching for Bella and you found her.\u00a0 She\u2019s here.\u00a0 She\u2019s safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

His son\u2019s eyes rolled behind the lids, but didn\u2019t open.\u00a0 \u201cI got up,\u201d he said, clear as a bell.<\/p>\n

Ben felt Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 It was hot, but not as hot as it had been before the doctor had come and given him some medicine to bring it down.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think he was delirious.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was that, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI got…up,\u201d he repeated, more slowly this time and with less strength, \u201c…no…holding back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben wondered if he should get Paul since this was the first time Joseph had been able to link more than two words together.\u00a0 The doctor was downstairs getting some much needed rest.\u00a0 He\u2019d been detained along the way to the Ponderosa by several burn victims and had only arrived at daybreak today.\u00a0 Paul had brought word with him that the fire was finally out.<\/p>\n

Coming to a decision, Ben laid his son\u2019s hand down gently and pulled the cover over it and\u00a0 then rose to his feet.\u00a0 As he turned to leave, Joseph spoke again.\u00a0 Once more his voice was clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess I showed you, middle brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben spun to look at his son, but Joseph was unconscious again.\u00a0 As he stood there, wondering, the older man shivered.\u00a0 There was a nip in the air.\u00a0 No, a tingle.<\/em>\u00a0 Like the aftermath of a shock.\u00a0 He stood puzzling it over for a moment and then went to the door and headed down the stairs.<\/p>\n

As Ben\u2019s footsteps fell silent, the shadows in the room shifted.\u00a0 For a moment it seemed they coalesced into a giant form that hovered over the sick bed and then, with a wind that kissed Joe Cartwright\u2019s sleeping form, was gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bella stepped out into the hallway of the Ponderosa ranch house.\u00a0 Her gaze went to the stair and then so did she, watching as Joe\u2019s father headed over to the table to talk with Doctor Martin who was sitting, reading a newspaper.\u00a0 It was the second day since she and Joe had been rescued and borne away from the fire.\u00a0 Mister Ben had allowed her to make her feeble way to Joe\u2019s room the first night to see that he was all right, but then had promptly marched her back to her room and told her to remain in bed \u2013 her own<\/em> bed.<\/p>\n

Only Ben\u2019s impressing upon her just how much<\/em> Joe needed his rest had kept her away.<\/p>\n

Until today.<\/p>\n

She just couldn\u2019t stand<\/em> it any longer.<\/p>\n

Creeping back from the stair, Bella put her hand to the door of Joe\u2019s room and pushed it in.\u00a0 She found him sleeping, which was no surprise.\u00a0 Once she understood what he\u2019d done to save her \u2013 deliberately rolling down that hill into icy water, laying on a muddy bank half-frozen, and then walking several miles to the shack with a gaping hole in his shoulder \u2013 not to mention pulling her out of a house on fire \u2013 she marveled that he was alive.<\/p>\n

She marveled that they were both<\/em> alive.<\/p>\n

Taking a seat on the chair that was pulled up beside the bed, Bella reached out and took hold of one of Joe\u2019s bandaged hands.\u00a0 He\u2019d cut them both pulling her through the window.\u00a0 His poor hands bore the scars of the two times he had faced death in order to save the woman he loved.\u00a0 The first time he had failed and that failure had nearly killed him.\u00a0 This time he had won.\u00a0 Still, she wondered if he knew he had.\u00a0 Would the Joe Cartwright who woke up be the man he was meant to be, or would he instead be the man he had almost<\/em> become?\u00a0 A man afraid of life, afraid to take a chance on love.<\/p>\n

Afraid to love her.<\/p>\n

Bella sniffed.\u00a0 A tear fell on the white bandage.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d a soft voice said.<\/p>\n

She looked and was surprised to find Joe watching her.\u00a0 His green eyes were dulled by pain but seemed clear and focused.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d she answered back.<\/p>\n

His lips curled in a wry smile.\u00a0 \u201c…gotta stop…meeting…like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

She reached out and brushed a lock of sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.\u00a0 \u201cI talked to Doctor Martin about training to be a nurse.\u00a0 Seems I\u2019m going to have need of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed and then winced.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry!\u00a0 Should I get \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d squeezed her hand.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 Stay.\u201d\u00a0 He licked his lips and swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll be chased out…soon…enough, I figure.\u201d<\/p>\n

She raised up and kissed him on the lips and then sat back down.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood….\u201d Joe murmured as his eyes closed.<\/p>\n

He seemed to be weakening.\u00a0 Bella was suddenly scared that she had done something wrong by coming to his room.\u00a0 \u201cDo you need me to get the doctor?\u00a0 Or maybe your Pa?\u00a0 I can come back.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a motion, like he was shaking his head.\u00a0 He drew in a breath.\u00a0 When he began again, his voice was stronger.<\/p>\n

\u201cI…need to tell…you something, Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt can wait,\u201d she said with a frown as she watched him shift, painfully pulling his sore body up onto the pillows so he could look at her.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it can\u2019t,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou…need to understand.\u00a0 The fire…was…well…a gift.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment she thought he was out of his head.\u00a0 When she placed a hand on his skin to check his temperature, Joe laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her lips quirked.\u00a0 \u201cYou could have fooled me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBella, for so long…all I could see….\u00a0 Didn\u2019t matter if…my eyes were open…or not.\u00a0 All I could see was Alice in that window with the flames behind her.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes closed.\u00a0 \u201cAlice…burning.\u00a0 My child….\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears spilled down her cheeks.\u00a0 What happened at the shack had given her a deeper understanding of what he had been through.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe, that you had to go through it again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 His voice softened as he opened his eyes and took hold of her hand.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 It was God\u2019s gift.\u00a0 I…I couldn\u2019t save Alice.\u201d\u00a0 Tears rolled down his cheeks.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t save her, but I saved you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

She lifted her other hand to brush a tear away.\u00a0 \u201cYes, you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe slid down a bit.\u00a0 His head sank back into the pillow.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s over,\u201d he breathed.\u00a0 Seconds later, he was asleep.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d a stern male voice declared from close behind her, \u201cI hesitate to think what those grandchildren of yours are going to be like Ben.\u00a0 Neither Bella nor Joe seem to know the meaning of the word \u2018no\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella turned to smile at Paul Martin and Joe\u2019s father and then she looked back at the man she loved.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a \u2018no\u2019 left in her life now.<\/p>\n

From now on, for both of them, it was only \u2018yes\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

TWELVE<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was waiting on his son to finish dressing.\u00a0 As Joe pulled on the formal charcoal-gray cutaway sack coat he had purchased for today\u2019s event, Ben took the opportunity to wander over to his son\u2019s cherry wood dresser.\u00a0 A warm winter light was streaming in the window.\u00a0 It struck the set of photos Joe had propped there, turning their silver frames to gold.\u00a0 The first was of his mother; ever, always, and forever the young Marie he had met in New Orleans and brought home to be his bride.<\/p>\n

The second was of Hoss.<\/p>\n

Ben sucked in emotion that threatened to choke him.<\/p>\n

This day, in every <\/em>way, was bittersweet.<\/p>\n

The older man felt a hand on his shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou okay, Pa?\u201d Joe asked, his tone soft and understanding.<\/p>\n

Ben sniffed and wiped one eye.\u00a0 Then he nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI just wish your brother could be here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe moved past him to pick up the image of Hoss.\u00a0 It was one from a year or two before his middle son died so tragically.\u00a0 The big man had on his dress suit with satin vest and was holding a bowler hat.\u00a0 Hoss was grinning from ear to ear.\u00a0 At first it had surprised him when, out of all the ferrotypes they had, Joe had chosen this one to remember his middle brother by.\u00a0 The reason, of course, was the curly-headed man, also in his Sunday best, standing beside his giant of a brother, fighting to contain his laughter.<\/p>\n

The portrait wasn\u2019t just a likeness of Hoss, it was the picture of all the two brothers had been.<\/p>\n

Joe stared at the photo a moment and then returned it to its spot.\u00a0 When he turned to look at him, there were tears in his boy\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Not unshed like his, but streaming down his cheeks.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw him, Pa,\u201d Joe said quietly.<\/p>\n

Ben blinked.\u00a0 The statement made no sense.\u00a0 Of course, Joe had seen his brother nearly every day until he\u2019d passed.\u00a0 And, of course, he could not have seen him recently.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand what you mean, Joseph.\u00a0 When<\/em> did you see your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe turned to look out the window.\u00a0 It had snowed the night before, just enough to coat the barren trees and brown grass so they glistened.\u00a0 Luckily, it had not been enough to keep their guests away.\u00a0 Ben waited as his son fought for words.\u00a0 When he spoke Joe didn\u2019t turn, but continued to gaze at the crisp blue sky.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw Hoss the day Abel Ramsey shot me and took Bella,\u201d he said, his voice hushed with the memory. \u201cThe day of the fire.\u201d<\/p>\n

That horrible day.<\/p>\n

It hadn\u2019t been quite a month since then.\u00a0 In some ways, the events of that day felt as present as if they had happened yesterday.\u00a0 He could have lost them both.<\/p>\n

Almost<\/em> lost them both.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou saw your brother<\/em> that day?\u00a0 You mean in a dream?\u201d\u00a0 Joe had been very ill.\u00a0 He had lain unconscious for some time and had probably been delirious.<\/p>\n

Joe turned to look at him.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure, Pa, but I think I really <\/em>saw him.\u00a0 I was laying half in and half out of that creek, soaking to the skin, so cold and so tired I just couldn\u2019t<\/em> go on.\u00a0 Ramsey had Bella.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw tightened still at the thought.\u00a0 \u201cI knew he\u2019d kill her and that he might…before….\u201d<\/p>\n

He touched his son\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, there\u2019s no need to rehash this today of all days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut there is, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe sucked in air and quieted his voice.\u00a0 \u201cThere is.<\/em>\u00a0 I was laying there and all of a sudden, Hoss was there too.\u00a0 He was looking down at me.\u201d\u00a0 Joe glanced out the window again. \u201cThe forest was bright with a golden light and he was right in the middle of it.\u201d\u00a0 His son\u2019s lips curled with amusement as he turned back.\u00a0 \u201cHoss told me I\u2019d become too much like Adam for my own good.\u201d<\/p>\n

They\u2019d hoped Adam could make it today.\u00a0 He\u2019d sent his best wishes, but unfortunately the ship he had booked passage on had run aground on its way to England.\u00a0 A package had arrived from him the day before addressed to Joe and Bella.\u00a0 Everyone was guessing what it might contain.<\/p>\n

Ben took a moment, trying to understand what his son was telling him.\u00a0 \u201cYou spoke<\/em> to Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like I\u2019m talkin\u2019 to you, Pa.\u00a0 He told me to stop lookin\u2019 back and start lookin\u2019 forward, and to remember who I was.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man\u2019s lips curled a bit at that.\u00a0 \u201cAnd who are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed this time.\u00a0 \u201cI think the words \u2018orneriest little cuss\u2019 were a part of the description.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s hand fell to his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 For a moment they just stood there, saying nothing.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think Hoss is here today, Pa,\u201d Joe said softly at last. \u201cI just…feel<\/em> he is.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man drew in a breath and then he nodded.<\/p>\n

He felt it too.<\/p>\n

A second later there was a rap at the door.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, you better hurry up,\u201d a strong male voice called.\u00a0 \u201cYou take any more time makin\u2019 yourself pretty and I\u2019m gonna use it to run off with that little gal you\u2019re marryin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe placed a hand over his and held it there a moment before heading for the door.\u00a0 When it opened, it revealed Candy Canaday standing outside.\u00a0 The brown-haired man was just about as \u2018gussied-up\u2019 as he had ever seen him.\u00a0 Candy had a brown sack-coat on with darker brown Callahan dress trousers.\u00a0 His unruly curls had been tamed by a healthy dose of pomade.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s eyes flicked to his son.\u00a0 Joseph\u2019s hair was down to his collar.\u00a0 His curls were natural and about as wild as a day in the Hebrides.<\/p>\n

The older man sighed.<\/p>\n

On his wedding day, he chose<\/em> to look like a riverboat gambler.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can have her,\u201d Joe said with a wink as Candy stepped into the room.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m warning you though.\u00a0 If you do, life as you know it is over.\u00a0 You think I\u2019m <\/em>willful and mulish!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n

His son laughed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Pa.\u00a0 Those are the words Bella used to describe herself when she told me what I was gettin\u2019 myself into.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was so good to see his son smiling and laughing again.\u00a0 The last year had been a journey from purgatory to his own private hell for the youngest of his original three.\u00a0 All of that sorrow and pain seemed buried at last.\u00a0 Joe would never forget Hoss or Alice, nor completely dismiss the evil William Tanner had done him, but he was alive and he had chosen<\/em> to live and to move on.\u00a0 He and Bella had initiated a little ceremony of their own the night before.\u00a0 They had come to the upstairs hall and hung a likeness of Joe and Alice near the end of it by the window \u2013 right next to one of Bella and Michael Ashton.\u00a0 The love and loss they had known had made them the people they were today and they had chosen to honor that rather than to ignore it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d watched them as they came back down the staircase and went to sit before the fire. And then he had left them alone.<\/p>\n

That word \u2018alone\u2019 returned the smile to the older man\u2019s lips.\u00a0 Being \u2018alone\u2019 in the Ponderosa ranch house right now was quite a chore.\u00a0 The house was filled to the rafters with family.\u00a0 The week before the Carnabys had arrived \u2013 Levi, Mary, Sophie, and Jack.\u00a0 Benjamin, of course, had been with them already.\u00a0 Little Ben, as they called him, and Jamie had grown thick as thieves and there were times he wondered if Jamie might not move out of the house and in with Bella\u2019s family.\u00a0 Rafe Ashton remained as well.\u00a0 The young man had undergone quite a change and was interested in learning all he could about the mining and timber industry so he could expand the family business to the frontier.\u00a0 It seemed that, once he decided to leave the pampered life of the city behind, Rafe found what he had been looking for \u2013 a chance to make a place and a name for himself.\u00a0 The older man chuckled.\u00a0 He had nearly split his pants laughing the day before when Rafe and Candy had ridden into the yard.\u00a0 The once elegant man from the city was wearing chaps and had been covered from head to foot in dirt and muck.\u00a0 Where before the scent of Rafe\u2019s expensive cologne had arrived at least a minute before him, now he had the distinct smell of\u00a0 \u2018odour de horse\u2019<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Rafe had tried his hand at busting a bronco.<\/p>\n

It seemed that wonders didn\u2019t <\/em>ever cease.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes returned to his son, Joseph, who stood trading jibes with his friend as Candy straightened his string tie.\u00a0 If someone had told him six months before that he would see his son happy, content, and at peace, he wouldn\u2019t have believed them.<\/p>\n

God was<\/em> good.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re heading down, Pa.\u00a0 You coming?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a minute.\u00a0 I have to see your bride.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joseph cocked his head and grinned.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not thinkin\u2019 of running off with her?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben dismissed his son with a wave of his hand.\u00a0 The only place he was going to take that girl was to the great room where their guests and the preacher were waiting.<\/p>\n

As he stepped into the hall, Ben turned back to look into his son, Joseph\u2019s, room.\u00a0 The light outside the window was dazzling and it filled the area just beyond the bed.\u00a0 He could almost make out a shape in it.\u00a0 A large broad form.\u00a0 Or so it seemed before it vanished.<\/p>\n

The older man smiled as he closed the door behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWill you keep still?\u201d her mother pleaded, not for the first time.\u00a0 \u201cVeils don\u2019t pin themselves in place, you know!\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella drew a breath, tightened her muscles, and tried to hold still.<\/p>\n

And failed.<\/p>\n

As she continued to wiggle, Bella apologized.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Ma.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t hold still!\u00a0 I\u2019m, well, all excited and thrilled and kind of scared and sort of…terrified…and…everything<\/em> all at once.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older woman looked at her over her spectacles.\u00a0 She pulled two hairpins from her lips and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s called being in love.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s blue eyes narrowed. \u201cBut you\u2019re<\/em> in love and you aren\u2019t all scared and nervous and…well...crazy<\/em> all the time!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ma\u2019s eyes sparkled.\u00a0 \u201cWho says I\u2019m not?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s hair was a pile of pinned curls.\u00a0 Her brother Jack had brought her a set of gold-edged ivory combs back from the city, and her Ma had used them to pull up the sides of her hair and trap most of her spiraling curls.\u00a0 A few had escaped and a few she had arranged in soft tendrils that framed her face.\u00a0 Sophie had worked paper flowers and pearls into them.\u00a0 The little veil that would fall down the back was the last thing to go on and, so far, it just didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

Go on, that was.<\/p>\n

Her sister Sophie made a huffing noise and crossed over to where they stood. She\u2019d been fussing with her own hair, trying to make herself \u2018gorgeous\u2019 and \u2018dazzling\u2019 as she said, so that Rafe Ashton would notice her.\u00a0 Sophie didn\u2019t need to worry.\u00a0 When she\u2019d come into the Cartwright house with the rest of the family with her nose and cheeks all pink from the cold, and her nicely plumped breasts showing over the neckline of the green dress she wore, Rafe had definitely noticed.\u00a0 Sophie had begged their mother and Ma had agreed to let Rafe sit with the family since he had none of his own to be with today.<\/p>\n

Sophie, of course, had already claimed the chair beside him.<\/p>\n

The Cartwright\u2019s great room had been set up for the ceremony, with the groom\u2019s family and friends on one side and hers on the other.\u00a0 Hop Sing had helped her choose the decorations and prepare the menu.\u00a0 Since it was almost Christmas, she had wanted holly and berries and ivy and pine greens.\u00a0 The man from China had hung the greens and then dusted them with a fake snow and dripped tinsel from the boughs, transforming the room into a wonderland.<\/p>\n

A wonderland in which she was going to become Mrs. Joseph Cartwright!<\/p>\n

\u201cHere, let me,\u201d Sophie said as she took the veil and pins.\u00a0 Her sister stared at her a moment and then commanded in a stern tone, \u201cStand still!\u201d\u00a0 Bella blinked and froze.\u00a0 That was all it took for Sophie to swoop in and pin the veil to her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve just got the touch,\u201d her sister smirked as she returned to the mirror and her primping.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Ma said as she stood back to admire her.\u00a0 \u201cI may be your mother, but I\u2019m telling you the truth when I say I have never seen<\/em> a more beautiful bride!\u201d<\/p>\n

She had chosen a simple two piece gown of cream-colored silk gauze trimmed with silk-embroidered net lace.\u00a0 The sleeves of the bodice were flared and it had a \u2018V\u2019 neck that plunged down to reveal the top of her breasts.\u00a0 The bustle-back underskirt was made of the same fabric and edged with three flounces of lace.\u00a0 The whole ensemble was decorated with tiny satin bows and there was one great big bow above the bustle, which was attached to the belt around her waist.<\/p>\n

Her mother took her by the shoulders and turned her around so she could look in the floor-length mirror Mister Ben had moved into her room.\u00a0 Bella took one look at herself and burst into tears.<\/p>\n

A second later she was smothered in loving arms.<\/p>\n

Bella struggled to keep the tears from falling as she considered all God had given her.\u00a0 Her father was waiting for her downstairs.\u00a0 Though he would never fully recover from the fit of apoplexy he had suffered, her pa was here and he was alive and he was going to give her away!\u00a0 She\u2019d been so happy to see her family.\u00a0 She had missed them so<\/em> much.\u00a0 Her only sadness was at the thought that they would leave her soon.\u00a0 But she needn\u2019t have worried.\u00a0 Unbeknownst to her, Joe\u2019s father had been corresponding with hers.\u00a0 Today, as the two older men sat side by side, grinning from ear to ear, Mister Ben told her that he had sold a property he owned in town to her ma and pa and the entire Carnaby Family was moving out Nevada.\u00a0 She\u2019d been so thrilled, she\u2019d thrown her arms around Mister Ben and kissed him.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s father had winked at her and told her she had to be sure to give Rafe a kiss too.\u00a0 Michael\u2019s brother had been in on it and had signed the Oregon\u00a0 property and the house her folks were currently living in over to them so they had the money for the move.<\/p>\n

The Carnabys were coming to Virginia City!<\/p>\n

A soft knock on the door made them break apart.\u00a0 As they all wiped away tears, her ma called out, \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Ben, Mary.\u00a0 Is Bella ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mister Ben was going to walk her down the stairs and then turn her over to her pa.<\/p>\n

Her mother went to open the door.\u00a0 \u201cTake a look for yourself, Ben,\u201d she said as she opened it and stepped back.<\/p>\n

The older man moved into the room.\u00a0 He was silent for a moment and then he said, \u201cI don\u2019t believe I have ever seen a young woman look more beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella beamed.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome, Sophie,\u201d her mother said as she headed out the door, \u201cit\u2019s time we joined your father and brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s father continued to stare at her.\u00a0 \u201cElizabeth Carnaby,\u201d he said with a smile and a shake of his head.\u00a0 \u201cOh, how I remember the first time we met.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too.\u00a0 I was eating jam and you were sitting on your horse looking so sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I had lost my son,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Little Joe had gone missing.\u00a0 His pa and brothers had just about given up hope of finding him alive and with good cause. \u00a0They had<\/em> almost lost Joe to some evil men who had hurt him and then abandoned him, leaving him in a burning cabin to die.\u00a0 Her parents had rescued Joe and then left him in her care.\u00a0 She\u2019d only been eleven at the time.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d known then she was going to marry him one day.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s father came to stand before her and took hold of both her hands.\u00a0 \u201cI have you to thank that I didn\u2019t,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

She shifted, a little uncomfortable.\u00a0 \u201cIt was ma and pa pulled Joe from that burning cabin \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man reached up and cupped her cheek in his big hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not talking about the time when you were eleven, or even when you were eighteen and you saved him from Fleet Rowse.\u00a0 Bella, Joseph was as lost as a man could be when you came here a few months back.\u00a0 I know….\u00a0 I know…without you…I would have lost him for good.\u201d<\/p>\n

She blinked and sniffed, and then burst into tears anew.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, now, look what I have gone and done.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled.\u00a0 \u201cThat shows you what I know about women.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sucked in a small sob.\u00a0 \u201cMister Ben….\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man laughed.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to be my daughter-in-law, Bella, don\u2019t you think we can drop the \u2018mister\u2019 now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her lips twisted.\u00a0 She winced.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen….\u201d<\/p>\n

At that moment there was a knock on the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Bella,\u201d Ben said, \u201cthis is it.\u00a0 Are you ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019d been ready since that night of the full moon when she\u2019d been eleven years old and had leaned over the water and rubbed a posy beneath her chin and seen the face of her true love.\u00a0 She saw it again five minutes later as she descended the stairs and Joe turned to watch her come down.\u00a0 His eyes held the same love, the same joy, and the same desire as hers.<\/p>\n

Twenty minutes later they were man and wife.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There had never been such a celebration at the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Oh, they\u2019d had parties over the years \u2013 plenty of them \u2013 but this was one that celebrated not only a wedding but a new lease on life for the man who held his beautiful wife in his arms and waltzed her around the dance floor.\u00a0 Candy had tried to cut in a few minutes earlier and they had both flatly refused him.\u00a0 His friend insisted with a wink that as the best man it was his right and then proceeded to warn Joe that he was going to take what was his before the night was over \u2013 even if he had to deck him to do so.\u00a0 At the moment their foreman was dancing with one of the many neighbors who had been invited to the wedding.\u00a0 She was a married woman and the pair were having fun teasing her husband by dancing close to where he stood.\u00a0 The man watched them with a look somewhere between amusement and annoyance.\u00a0 Joe looked over his shoulder and spotted his father taking a turn around the floor with Bella\u2019s mother.\u00a0 Even Jamie was dancing with one of the girls he had known at school.\u00a0 Rafe Ashton and Sophie Carnaby had been dancing but had disappeared outside.<\/p>\n

Big brother Jack and little brother Benjamin were already on their way out the door.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing, of course, was king of the kitchen and prince of the Ponderosa, shouting out orders and keeping everything running as smoothly as it possibly could.\u00a0 There were an awful lot of people in the house and the punch was flowing.\u00a0 It was spiked, of course.<\/p>\n

Joe had done it himself in honor of his two missing brothers.<\/p>\n

After the wedding they\u2019d all gathered to share champagne and cake and what presents had been brought were opened.\u00a0 He saved Adam\u2019s for last and was touched to find his brother had sent them a beautiful punch bowl and glasses.\u00a0 In it was a note saying his real<\/em> present to them was a house.\u00a0 He would design it to their specifications and come home to supervise the building of it.\u00a0 Joe thought about it long and hard, and he hoped Adam wasn\u2019t too disappointed, but he\u2019d decided that he and Bella \u2013 and any children to come \u2013 would live in the ranch house with Pa.\u00a0 He knew he would feel better having Bella in the house with Hop Sing when he was gone and, besides, Pa deserved the happiness of having a house full of boisterous boys again.<\/p>\n

Joe grinned.\u00a0 And maybe a girl or two!<\/p>\n

And so it was, when the day finally ended and the last glass of champagne had been drained, Joe headed up the stairs to the room they were to share.\u00a0 Pa had bid them goodnight, and then he and Jamie had headed into town.\u00a0 For the next few nights the older man was going to stay at Paul Martin\u2019s house.\u00a0 Jamie \u2013 willingly \u2013 had been farmed out to the Carnabys.<\/p>\n

It seemed funny to turn toward a different room.\u00a0 Pa\u2019d insisted they take his as it was the largest upstairs.\u00a0 For near a month now the door to the bedroom had been sealed.\u00a0 His father had opened it just today to show him what had been done.\u00a0 Along with Jamie and Hop Sing, the newly refurbished room was the family\u2019s present to the two of them.\u00a0 It was stocked with new furniture, including a large, heavily-carved four poster bed made of walnut, and a copper bath tub.\u00a0 Pa was going to sleep in the downstairs bedroom for now, and Jamie had shifted his room to the end of the hall to give them what privacy the small space could afford.\u00a0 As soon as he had time, he was going to write to Adam to thank him for his present and ask him if he would design a new wing for the ranch house instead.\u00a0 Pa was sure older brother would agree.<\/p>\n

Joe stopped with his hand on the latch.\u00a0 He\u2019d carried Bella up the stairs and over the threshold a short time before.\u00a0 He\u2019d kissed her and then turned her over to her mother so the older woman could help her change.\u00a0 Her sister Sophie had been there too.\u00a0 Seemed it took three women to get one<\/em> woman out of her fancy clothes!\u00a0 He\u2019d passed them in the hall a short time before.\u00a0 Bella\u2019s ma had touched his arm and smiled at him as she said that she hoped they slept well.\u00a0 Sophie had blushed red.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been kind of surprised when he blushed red as well.<\/p>\n

Joe stood just outside the door, thinking.\u00a0 It was near impossible for him to believe it had been almost fifteen years since he and Bella met.\u00a0 She\u2019d been his ornery twin in female form, all pigtails and pluck.\u00a0 Over the years he had watched her grow into a beauty.\u00a0 He chuckled still when he thought of himself at twenty-two, all confused by the fact that the pigtails were gone and the bloom was on the rose.\u00a0 They\u2019d almost made love then.\u00a0 They\u2019d come darn close to it \u2013 close enough Pa would have had his hide if he had known!\u00a0 They could have been with each other over the last few weeks.\u00a0 He imagined his pa thought they had been.\u00a0 But something held them back.\u00a0 Oh, they\u2019d necked and had a good time exploring one another\u2019s bodies, but they had not yet consummated their love.\u00a0 Both of them, he thought, somehow knew that the moment would be a special thing and it was too precious to rush.\u00a0 Oh, they\u2019d make love plenty of times in the years ahead.\u00a0 Joe grinned.\u00a0 If it was up to him, probably more than once a night.\u00a0 But that first time, well….<\/p>\n

It was something neither one of them had expected to ever see.<\/p>\n

It was a gift from God.<\/p>\n

Smiling, Joe rapped on the door.<\/p>\n

Like he needed to.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you ready, Mrs. Cartwright?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At Joe\u2019s knock Bella drew a breath.\u00a0 She turned quickly and looked in the bureau mirror.\u00a0 Her hair was loose and it fell in a cascade of golden curls to her shoulders.\u00a0 Her elegant wedding gown had been removed and carefully packed away.\u00a0 She was attired now in the fine hand-embroidered muslin chemise she had worn beneath it, her wedding corset, and pantalettes.\u00a0 Her mother had told her to leave the pantalettes and corset on, insisting with a smile that men needed to earn what they got.\u00a0 She\u2019d blushed as her mother said it and was blushing now.\u00a0 For some reason she felt awkward and shy.\u00a0 Though they had caressed and kissed and come close to ecstasy, this would be their first time making love.<\/p>\n

Everything that was in her hungered for it.<\/p>\n

And yet….<\/p>\n

She loved Joe so<\/em> much and she knew what it was to face losing him.\u00a0 She\u2019d seen him sick; near death before.\u00a0 The future opened suddenly before her with all of its joys and sorrows, triumphs and tragedies \u2013 with all of the possible outcomes of a life lived together in an uncertain world.<\/p>\n

And she was afraid.<\/p>\n

Tears formed in her eyes and fell silently as the door opened in.\u00a0 Joe was still dressed, but only in his trousers and shirt.\u00a0 He\u2019d removed his tie, and the white shirt he had worn had been pulled out of his pants and lay open, revealing his well-muscled chest.\u00a0 She\u2019d found over the last few weeks how strong he had grown and been amazed by the gentle power in his hands.\u00a0 He was no longer the slender, willowy boy she had fallen in love with, but had matured into a potent, powerful man.<\/p>\n

Joe closed the doors and walked over to her.\u00a0 He took her hand and simply stood, looking at her for a moment.\u00a0 Finally, he reached out and touched her cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cTears?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

She sniffed and nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf joy, or of something else?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella\u2019s jaw tightened.\u00a0 She wouldn\u2019t lie to him. That was no way to begin their marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

His green eyes held hers.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t dismiss what she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you tell me about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

She slipped her hands inside his shirt and, with the strength of her fear, held him tightly.\u00a0 Bella laid her head against Joe\u2019s smooth chest and sniffed again as his fingers ran through her hair.\u00a0 She thought a moment and then, with a little puff of breath, said, \u201cLife, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d he said in that way he had, making it a statement and a question at one time.\u00a0 \u201cYou mean \u2018life\u2019 in general, or living it?\u201d<\/p>\n

She realized how ridiculous she sounded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m being silly.\u00a0 Forget \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

His hands caught her face and turned it up toward him.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u00a0 I won\u2019t forget it and you\u2019re not bein\u2019 silly.\u00a0 We\u2019ve both been through a lot.\u00a0 Most would think it was more than a man or woman could bear.\u201d<\/p>\n

She held his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cBut not you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s smile was wistful.\u00a0 \u201cI did once.\u00a0 I thought I\u2019d never take that chance \u2013 never<\/em> love again.\u00a0 But then someone wise told me I was over-thinkin\u2019 things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella frowned.\u00a0 \u201cOver-thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n

He pulled her close, so her head was against his chest again.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s today that matters, Bella.\u00a0 Not yesterday or tomorrow.\u00a0 Pa used to say the Good Book told a man to let the days worries be sufficient for the day.\u201d\u00a0 He planted a kiss on her hair. \u201cNow, I don\u2019t know about you, but I think the man upstairs knows a sight more than you or me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo God told you?\u201d she asked, looking up at him.<\/p>\n

Joe snorted.\u00a0 \u201cThat wasn\u2019t the \u2018man\u2019 upstairs I was thinkin\u2019 about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe….\u201d<\/p>\n

A finger on her lips stilled her question.\u00a0 The kiss that followed took her breath away.\u00a0 Joe pulled back and looked at her.\u00a0 A smile curled the ends of his mouth as he noticed her corset was still on.\u00a0 Moving behind her, he pressed his lower body into hers as he began \u2013 slowly, deliberately \u2013 to undo her corset strings.\u00a0 She\u2019d laced it properly, so he had to begin at the bottom.\u00a0 With each cord he loosened, the garment shifted, allowing a little more play.\u00a0 When he was done, Joe ran his hands inside it and pulled out, lengthening the cords and allowing the stiff, multilayered garment to fall to the ground.\u00a0 Her husband took hold of her arms then and backed her toward the window.\u00a0 The moonlight was streaming in and it bathed her figure. Through the thin muslin he could see the curve of her breasts, her waist; the shape of her thighs.<\/p>\n

They were all his as she<\/em> was all his.\u00a0 Come death, come life.<\/p>\n

Come love.<\/p>\n

Joe reached under her gown and loosened the tie on her pantalettes and let them fall to the polished wood floor, and then he bent down and caught her in his arms and bore her to the bed.\u00a0 Bella lay there on the feather tick breathless, enjoying his<\/em> enjoyment of her.\u00a0 She ran her fingers through his sabled-silver curls as he lifted her gown above her waist and then reached up and removed his shirt, revealing his tanned skin and tightly-muscled chest with all of those scars she knew and loved.<\/p>\n

Then he waited.<\/p>\n

Bella frowned, unsure for a moment of what she was to do.\u00a0 Then she realized he was giving her<\/em> a chance at the pleasure he\u2019d enjoyed.<\/p>\n

Curling her form toward his, Bella caught the button of the waistband of Joe\u2019s trousers and unbuttoned it, and then moved on to the ones that went down the front.\u00a0 When she\u2019d finished, she ran her hands inside the soft cloth, brushing his hips with her fingers, and pulled his trousers down.\u00a0 When his naked body was revealed, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his powerfully built form.\u00a0 As she did, she felt him shiver.\u00a0 He leaned in, pressing his damp, gleaming body against and into her own.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s mouth sought hers and found it even as his hand moved to caress her breasts.\u00a0 She made a little noise and he answered it.\u00a0 Her arms went around his back, her fingers digging into his flesh as she urged him enter her, to take her \u2013 to move her beyond this world and to a height she had never known.<\/p>\n

Instead, he pulled back.<\/p>\n

Bella frowned, startled, all but dismayed.\u00a0 Had she done something wrong?<\/p>\n

Was Joe displeased with her?<\/p>\n

Then she saw his smile.\u00a0 He kissed her lips as his hand dropped below her waistline.\u00a0 Her husband had known other women, she knew it.\u00a0 Not only Alice, but others like Julia Bulette.\u00a0 He was the handsome young cowboy every woman wanted to possess both body and <\/em>soul.\u00a0 Now she understood why.\u00a0 He wanted <\/em>her.\u00a0 His well-developed form was tensed like a spring waiting to be sprung.\u00a0 But he chose to deny himself for the moment.<\/p>\n

Though he wanted that pleasure, he wanted her<\/em> to have pleasure too.<\/p>\n

With the fingers of one hand, Joe caressed her in her most private places.\u00a0 The other he used to explore her breasts.\u00a0 His lips sought one breast\u2019s center and he kissed her there.\u00a0 Then with a wicked grin, he used his teeth to nip her flesh.<\/p>\n

Bella cried out in pleasure. \u00a0Her back arched and she moaned.\u00a0 Joe touched her face.\u00a0 He kissed her again.<\/p>\n

And then he took her.<\/p>\n

Body and<\/em> soul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

EPILOGUE<\/p>\n

The door to the Ponderosa ranch house slammed shut behind the handsome curly-headed youngster that had just entered.\u00a0 \u201cPa!\u201d he shouted.\u00a0 \u201cPa!\u201d<\/p>\n

A man\u2019s form appeared at the top of the stairs.\u00a0 His hair was white; the expression on his face one of long indulgence.<\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t it about time you learned to enter the house without raising the dead?\u201d the man asked as he caught the rail and headed down the stairs.<\/p>\n

The boy\u2019s curly blond head ducked.\u00a0 When he looked up, his face wore a sheepish grin.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you think the dead need raisin\u2019 now and again?\u201d he asked innocently.<\/p>\n

The white-haired man sighed.\u00a0 Now <\/em>he understood.\u00a0 No matter what he said to this child of his, it made no difference.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s enthusiasm for life was unrestrained, as was his penchant for getting into scrapes from which he had to be rescued \u2013 frequently.<\/p>\n

\u201cEric,\u201d Joe Cartwright sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat am I going to do with you, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you can\u2019t toss me out with the bath water \u2018cause I\u2019m the oldest,\u201d Eric grinned as he headed for the table in front of the hearth and the bowl of apples waiting there.<\/p>\n

Joe continued down the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cAnd as oldest, you know, you should set an example for your younger brothers and sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he spoke, the door flew open and the rest of the troop blew in.<\/p>\n

All nine of them.<\/p>\n

Eric was seventeen.\u00a0 His youngest was just under two.\u00a0 He<\/em> was just shy of fifty, and their sainted mother was forty-one.<\/p>\n

And every bit as beautiful as the day he had married her.<\/p>\n

Bella came in last on the arm of his father.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was over eighty<\/em> and still ruled the roost \u2013 or at least Pa thought he did.<\/p>\n

Joe finished his descent.\u00a0 He steeled himself for the onslaught he knew was coming.\u00a0 They had quite a crew.\u00a0 The most unexpected thing was that the girls outnumbered the boys.\u00a0 There were five of them and he swore every single one of them took after his mother for spit and fire.<\/p>\n

Or more probably his wife.<\/p>\n

There was Marie and Elizabeth and Inger, and then Laura and Alice.\u00a0 The boys were Eric Joseph, Levi Carnaby, Adam Martin, and Benjamin Coffee Cartwright.\u00a0 Ben was the baby Bella was carrying in her arms.\u00a0 Life was a circle, he decided.<\/p>\n

His pa was nearing the end of his time on earth and his youngest son\u2019s life had only begun.<\/p>\n

His family had been away for two weeks.\u00a0 Bella had taken them all to her mother\u2019s house in Virginia City.\u00a0 Her Pa had passed within the year and she\u2019d wanted to visit to cheer her mother up.\u00a0 All the other Carnaby kids were out of the house and married.\u00a0 Sophie had managed to rope Rafe Ashton.\u00a0 He\u2019d sold his share of the eastern shipping business to his sister Mary and they\u2019d settled in San Francisco.\u00a0 Jack had gone to Europe and met up with brother Adam, who had given him a job.\u00a0 They were there somewhere still, booting around the continent together.\u00a0 Little Ben, as they\u2019d all called Bella\u2019s youngest brother for years now, was hardly \u2018little\u2019.\u00a0 He was twenty-eight and was the foreman of the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Ben hadn\u2019t married yet and sometimes they questioned just how old he was as he and Eric \u2013 their youngest \u2013 had been known to tear up the town.<\/p>\n

Joe had meant to join them to see Bella\u2019s ma before they returned, but the business of the ranch had kept him bound to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 His pa had built an empire to leave to his sons and, since he was the only one remaining, he\u2019d made damn sure to keep it in good stead in order to pass it on to Benjamin Cartwright\u2019s grandchildren.\u00a0 Like his pa, he made his boys work the land.\u00a0 Eric was a bit of a dreamer.\u00a0 In some ways he reminded him of his giant of a brother.\u00a0 Even though Eric was small like him and his mother, he had a heart as great as Hoss\u2019 and liked nothing more than a day sitting on the edge of the lake fishing and enjoying the beauty of God\u2019s creation.\u00a0 Adam Martin took after his namesake.\u00a0 He was a thinker.\u00a0 At twelve Adam was already coming up with plans to improve the ranch and move it into the next century.\u00a0 So far Benjamin did little but cry and gurgle, but it seemed to him that he took after his aged grandfather and one day would be a man among men<\/p>\n

His girls worked hard too, though he had to admit, he was softer on them.\u00a0 Bella chided him all the time for it.\u00a0 Of course, she more than made up for any indulgences he gave them.\u00a0 It was his girls now, running the kitchen and cooking for Hop Sing who was still living and in his seventies.\u00a0 They took care of the Chinese man who had taken care of him, even though their former cook spent most of his time yelling in Cantonese and then translating it so they\u2019d understand what they were doing wrong.<\/p>\n

Five girls in chorus shouting \u2018Pa!\u2019 broke him out of his reverie and let Joe know he was in<\/em> for it.<\/p>\n

Little Alice was the first one to plow into him.\u00a0 Joe caught her and lifted her in an embrace.\u00a0 As she ringed his neck with her tiny arms, the second wave came.\u00a0 This time it was Laura and Inger.\u00a0 Marie was the oldest and she held back.\u00a0 Elizabeth, who wanted nothing more than to be like her older sister, stayed with her, though he could tell she was dying to jump into the melee.<\/p>\n

Joe caught his pa\u2019s eye as the older man made for his red chair, which was still butted up against the hearth.\u00a0 Pa lowered himself carefully into it and then shot him a look that said, \u2018And I thought raising three boys<\/em> was a challenge!\u2019<\/p>\n

Life had been good to them.\u00a0 Oh, they\u2019d had sickness and their share of scares.\u00a0 Bella had almost died when Adam was born.\u00a0 She\u2019d ended up with an infection and for a week he thought he\u2019d lose her.\u00a0 She told him his love had called her back.\u00a0 He\u2019d been frightened after that to be with her, for fear she\u2019d get with child and he\u2019d have to face it all again.\u00a0 Joe smiled as he sat on the step and let his youngest girls crawl all over him.\u00a0 In the end it had been Eric who had reminded him he had to live for the day.\u00a0 Just like Hoss, his oldest son told him he had to stop looking back and instead look forward.<\/p>\n

Joe smiled.<\/p>\n

That boy didn\u2019t even know what \u2018back\u2019 meant.<\/p>\n

Bella had taken off her coat and hat.\u00a0 She stood with her hands on her hips, assessing the damage her homecoming had caused.\u00a0 Her blue eyes met his, asking if he needed rescuing.\u00a0 Joe smiled, pinched his nose, and went down under the tidal wave of women.<\/p>\n

To the sound of his pa\u2019s laughter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Later that night, when the brood was in bed, he and his pa sat before the fire.\u00a0 It was autumn.\u00a0 His birthday was passed and Bella\u2019s was on the horizon, which meant their wedding anniversary was just around the corner.\u00a0 Pa was reading a letter from Jamie.\u00a0 His little brother had gone off to veterinary school like he\u2019d wanted.\u00a0 He\u2019d had every intention of returning to the Ponderosa, but a pretty little filly with hair as red as his had put a stop to that.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t too far away.\u00a0 Just in Sacramento.\u00a0 Jamie had opened a practice there and was doing well.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look tired, Pa,\u201d he said as his father let the letter fall to his lap.\u00a0 \u201cWould you like me to help you to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man\u2019s room was permanently on the ground floor now.\u00a0 No one slept in the rooms he and his brothers had occupied.\u00a0 Adam had\u00a0 jumped at the idea of designing the new wing and had come home for a year to supervise it as he promised.\u00a0 Since then he and his family had occupied it.\u00a0 But they\u2019d always shared their meals in the old dining room and their evenings together in the great room with his father.\u00a0 The older man was not only the heart of the Ponderosa, but the biggest part of his<\/em> heart.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know how he would survive it when he had to let him go.<\/p>\n

His father stirred.\u00a0 \u201cI was thinking about Bella,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Joe grinned.\u00a0 Bella and his pa were best friends.\u00a0 It had been a joy to see a little of the emptiness the older man felt at the loss of the women he had loved filled with by her joyous presence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about her?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, Joe, if it hadn\u2019t been for those men who tried to kill you, we never would have met Bella.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cora Violetta Gertner\u2019s ne\u2019er-do-well brothers had been out rustling cattle when, at seventeen, he\u2019d stumbled on them.\u00a0 They\u2019d been bound and determined he wouldn\u2019t tell anyone and had beat him and left him for dead in a burning cabin.\u00a0 Bella\u2019s folks had pulled him out of it, and then she had spent the next week or so looking after him.<\/p>\n

Joe nodded as he stretched out a hand to touch the older man\u2019s sleeve. \u201cIt\u2019s like you always told us, Pa.\u00a0 God makes good out of bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father smiled. \u201cYou have a fine family, Joe.\u00a0 Although I can honestly say, I had no idea what to do with those girls when they came along!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/em> don\u2019t have any idea what to do with those girls now!\u201d he laughed.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re an undiscovered country.\u201d<\/p>\n

His pa nodded and then fell silent.\u00a0 The flames cracked and popped.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw your brother,\u201d Pa said out of the blue.<\/p>\n

Adam stayed in touch.\u00a0 It had been more than three months since they\u2019d heard from his far-wandering brother, though.\u00a0 His father was probably confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cHoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe swallowed over a lump in his throat.\u00a0 \u201cPa, Hoss\u2019 been gone almost twenty years.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man lifted a trembling hand and touched his heart.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s never gone.\u00a0 Your brother is here.\u201d<\/p>\n

His pa was old, he told himself.\u00a0 He was probably just having one of his \u2018moments\u2019.\u00a0 \u201cSo what\u2019d big brother have to say?\u201d Joe asked as nonchalantly as he could.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe?\u00a0 What have I done?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright\u2019s lips curled with amusement.\u00a0 \u201cLearned that you\u2019re not Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

He loved his older brother, but Adam was a stick-in-the-mud who wouldn\u2019t take a step forward without considering two behind and two ahead of it.<\/p>\n

\u201cNine kids doesn\u2019t leave a man much time to brood,\u201d he snorted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re beautiful children.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour brother is watching out for them.\u201d\u00a0 His father made a \u2018tsking<\/em>\u2019 sound. \u201cEspecially that oldest one.\u201d\u00a0 The older man\u2019s black eyes danced and his lips curled as he looked at him. \u201cI think they call that \u2018karma\u2019 nowadays.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe supposed that was better than calling it \u2018payback\u2019.<\/p>\n

They sat in silence a time after that.\u00a0 Finally, as the clock struck ten, Joe said, \u201cIt\u2019s late, Pa.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think you should be getting to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

His father nodded.\u00a0 Then he looked straight at him.\u00a0 \u201c Have I told you lately, Joseph, that I love you?\u201d<\/p>\n

His fingers brushed the older man\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cAll the time, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTell your children.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do, Pa.\u00a0 Every day just like you taught me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Twenty minutes later, after he had seen his father to bed, Joe sat by the fire with a book in hand, staring at the embers as they flashed a pale orange, pink, and blue.\u00a0 He was near fifty, an age a lot of men didn\u2019t live to see.\u00a0 He\u2019d had a long and eventful life, and God had been gracious enough to see him through it to an end he could never have imagined.\u00a0 As a young man, all he had longed for was to measure up to the shadow his pa had cast.\u00a0 To be as good and as strong and as loyal and honest a man as Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 It was hard for him to admit, but he thought he\u2019d done it.\u00a0 He had five beautiful girls, four sons, a wonderful wife, and a life that seemed at times to be something out of a dream.\u00a0 The Ponderosa was thriving. \u00a0There would be plenty and to spare for all of their children when they came into their own.\u00a0 Like Job out of the Bible, he\u2019d lost a lot \u2013 his oldest brother\u2019s presence, his middle brother, Alice and the child she carried \u2013 but like Job, it had all been restored.<\/p>\n

A hundred-fold.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you coming up to bed?\u201d a soft voice asked him.\u00a0 Joe recognized his wife\u2019s touch as she wrapped her arm around his waist and sat beside him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust thinkin\u2019,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Bella indicated the book in his hands.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n

It was one of Adam\u2019s.\u00a0 His brother\u2019s namesake had been reading it and left it on the table by the hearth.<\/p>\n

\u201cHamlet,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cHamlet?\u201d\u00a0 Bella\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cSince when, Joe Cartwright, do you read Shakespeare?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I gotta be able to talk to the boy about something.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d read Hamlet, of course, years ago.\u00a0 It was one of the few plays by that Shakespeare fellow he actually liked.\u00a0 It was sad in some ways, but there was a lot of truth in it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat passage was Adam Martin on?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked at her and then he slipped his finger into the book, opening it to the place that had been marked by a gold-edged leather strip.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s see,\u201d he said, \u201cAct two, scene two.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bella frowned.\u00a0 \u201cPolonius and the king?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hamlet was pretending to be crazy so he could find out if his uncle murdered his father or not.\u00a0 His uncle, who was now king, was talking to his councilor, Polonius, who had found a letter Hamlet had written to his daughter Ophelia.\u00a0 The puffed-out old man thought the reason for the prince\u2019s madness was his unrequited love for the girl.\u00a0 He\u2019d found a letter Hamlet had written and read it to the king.\u00a0 \u2018Doubt thou the stars are fire,\u2019 <\/em>it said.\u00a0 \u2018Doubt that the sun doth move.\u00a0 Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe looked at his beautiful wife.\u00a0 He closed the book and replaced it on the table and then turned to her and took her face in his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t no liar,\u201d he said, with a bit of his boyish charm.\u00a0 \u201cBella Annabelle Carnaby Cartwright, I love you.\u2019<\/p>\n

She snuggled up against him.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph Francis Cartwright, I love you too, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

And they lived happily ever after.<\/p>\n

Forever.<\/em><\/p>\n

Next Story in the Wet Bottom, Warm Heart Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

An Unspeakable Dawn<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Candy Canaday,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Jamie Hunter Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright,\u00a0JPM,\u00a0SJS<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Eight years have passed since Joe and Bella met. Both have experienced great tragedy. A letter from Ben Cartwright paves the way for them to meet again. But is it too late for their love? \u00a0This story takes place post-canon.<\/p>\n

Rated PG-13\u00a0for adult situations, language, and intense emotional drama. However one section is rated M.\u00a0(62,200 words)<\/p>\n

Wet Bottom, Warm Heart Series, links to stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10058,"featured_media":30536,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[2,23,41,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14356","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-actionadventure","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","category-romance","wpcat-2-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Joe-squint-clean-lt-scaled.jpg?fit=2429%2C2560&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14356","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10058"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14356"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14356\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/30536"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14356"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14356"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14356"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}