{"id":14374,"date":"2000-01-01T12:25:34","date_gmt":"2000-01-01T17:25:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14374"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:04:13","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:04:13","slug":"the-tiger-puzzle-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14374","title":{"rendered":"The Tiger Puzzle (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Cartwright brothers come to the aid of sisters; however, will they be able to help the damsels in distress? \u00a0If you know the brothers, you know where this is going — risque’.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0T \u00a0(1,135 words)<\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Tiger Puzzle
\nA REALLY Lost Episode
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter One \u2013 Adam<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A lovely blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Adam Cartwright on the Ponderosa. The wire read:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Please come to San Francisco STOP
\n<\/strong>I need help STOP
\nhave a killer jigsaw puzzle STOP
\ncan’t figure out how to get it started STOP
\nlove Mary Bleudress.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Darkly handsome and ever helpful to a lady in distress, Adam immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side. He knocked at the door and she let him in.<\/p>\n

\u201cOO la la Adam! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.\u201d Mary said helplessly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mary was the eldest of three sisters. Their father was one of Ben\u2019s oldest, long lost friends and the two men had always hoped one of the Cartwright boys of the Ponderosa would eventually marry one of the Bleudress girls of San Francisco.<\/p>\n

After Adam Cartwright politely paid his respects to Mary\u2019s father, Schmeckie Bleudress, and made small talk about Ben and Hoss and Joe and the price of cow pies and sheep dip, Mary smiled and said \u201cEnough of this manly man talk, Father. I want Adam to help me with my killer jigsaw puzzle.” She grabbed Adam\u2019s hand and pulled him to the parlor as her two lovely younger sisters, Sally Sue and Bazoomy, retired to their boudoir to sew blue bridesmaid\u2018s dresses.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” He followed the attractive but dimwitted girl inside.<\/p>\n

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”<\/p>\n

Adam decides to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him the puzzle spread over the table.<\/p>\n

Adam studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” Adam shook his head and sighed. Mary was very pretty but not the brightest candle in the chandelier.<\/p>\n

He took her hand and said, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then….” Adam sighed, “Let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Chapter Two – Hoss<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Hoss Cartwright on the Ponderosa, and says,<\/p>\n

“Please come to San Francisco STOP
\nI need help STOP
\nhave a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP
\ncan’t figure out how to get it started STOP
\nlove Sally Sue\u00a0 Bleudress.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sally Sue was the second of the three sisters, as dumb as her older sister and a bit heftier.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side, a big wind as Hoss was a big cowboy and he had also just eaten beans. He knocked at the door and she let him into the Bleudress home. \u201cOO la la Hossie Wossie! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” He followed her inside. Sally Sue was a pretty girl and there was a lot of her.<\/p>\n

The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”<\/p>\n

Hoss decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him the puzzle spread over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said gently, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”<\/p>\n

Hoss took her hand in his large one and said, “Second, bring me a big bowl, a pitcher of milk and a spoon. I\u2019m mighty hungry.” Hoss grinned hungrily.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Chapter Three – Little Joe<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The last blonde sister in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Little Joe Cartwright on the Ponderosa and said,<\/p>\n

“Please, please, please come to San Francisco STOP
\nI need help STOP
\nhave a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP
\ncan’t figure out how to get it started STOP
\nlove Bazoomy Bleudress.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Bazoomy was the third of three sisters.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe immediately dropped everything and rode his coffee-drinking pinto, Cochise, like the wind to her side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe knocked at the door and Bazoomy let him in. \u201cOh Little Joe! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.\u201d She is the smartest of the three sisters.<\/p>\n

Little Joe winked and asked, as if he really cared, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished, Bazoomy?” He followed her inside, eyeing her up and down and shifting his mighty tight tan pants. It was a long lonely winter on the Ponderosa and a long lonely ride to San Francisco and Bazoomy looked mighty appealing.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is your father? My Pa sent his regards,\u201d Joe said politely.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPapa and my sisters are out at Starbucks. They took Cochise along. They won\u2018t be back for hours and hours and hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAha,\u201d Joe winked. Now he knew Bazoomy was the smartest of the sisters for sure.<\/p>\n

Bazoomy winked back creating a huge updraft with her false eyelashes. The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”<\/p>\n

Smiling, Joe decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle, at least for a moment until things get a bit friendlier. She let him in and showed him the puzzle spread over the table.<\/p>\n

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo!?\u201d Bazoomy asks eyeing Little Joe up and down and licking her pert red lips. She also batted her eyelashes and eyes him down and up and up and down again.<\/p>\n

He took her hand in his and said, “It is a picture of a gal, a pert neked gal, Miss Bazoomy. If you would jest take off your clothes so I can get a real good look at what the picture is supposed to look like\u2026 and turn down that lamp and open up that bottle of wine over there\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh me oh my! Little Joe!\u201d Bazoomy swooned as she wiggled her bustle at him. She was glad she was wearing her best Victoria\u2019s secret undies just for the occasion.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy the way, did I ever tell you about my dead Mama and how much you resemble her?\u201d Little Joe winked as the girl started unbuttoning her blue dress.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh you Tiger, you!\u201d Bazoomy whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags: Adam Cartwright, Hoss Cartwright, Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwright brothers come to the aid of sisters; however, will they be able to help the damsels in distress? \u00a0If you know the brothers, you know where this is going — risque’.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0T \u00a0(1,135 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,687],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-modern-day","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-687-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":812,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":723,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=723","url_meta":{"origin":14374,"position":0},"title":"San Francisco Surprise (by Terri)","author":"Terri","date":"March 1, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0WARNING THIS STORY IS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT On a visit to San Francisco the three brothers are out on the town when Little Joe has a surprise experience and gloats about his fortune, but\u00a0it's his\u00a0brothers who have the last laugh. \u00a0 Rated: MA \u00a0WC 1800","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/San-Francisco.jpg?fit=463%2C336&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":15579,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15579","url_meta":{"origin":14374,"position":1},"title":"Tale of a Cougar and Death (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"May 5, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0\u00a0Mix the Cartwright brothers and the Bonner brothers, and this is what you get, more than you bargained for. 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