{"id":14445,"date":"2017-07-17T01:36:17","date_gmt":"2017-07-17T05:36:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14445"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:41:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:41:08","slug":"the-telling-of-a-nightmare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14445","title":{"rendered":"The Telling of a Nightmare (by Julee)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/strong>\u00a0Bolstered and strengthened by his father and brothers, Adam comes to grips with his ordeal in the desert, but only after an intense night during which the story is told. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rating K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word Count 4,740<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Telling of a Nightmare<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam woke with a start, his chest heaving and his body bathed in sweat. With his senses still in a fog, he confused the frightful images of his mind with reality and anxiously glanced around the room expecting to see the mocking face of his tormentor. Instead, his eyes landed on the familiar furnishings of his room. \u201cA dream,\u201d he whispered in relief, \u201cjust a dream.\u201d Sitting up, he leaned against the headboard and kicked at the tangle of bedclothes bunched at his waist. Why?<\/em> he wondered angrily. Why can\u2019t I just forget? The man\u2019s dead. Dead and buried!<\/em>\u00a0 Frustrated, he stared into the darkness, refusing to let the tears fall.<\/p>\n

In a matter of seconds, he heard his father\u2019s familiar footsteps treading quietly down the hall. Great! I must\u2019ve yelled out.<\/em> Not wanting to worry him, he took a steadying breath and hurriedly wiped his eyes, getting his emotions under control.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d Ben called softly as he came in. \u201cI heard you calling. Are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam cleared his throat and nodded. \u201cYeah, Pa.\u00a0I\u2019m fine. It was just a nightmare.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alerted by the quiver in his voice, Ben raised his lamp to cast more light into the room. Adam lowered his head, but not before Ben saw his face. He didn\u2019t want to intrude, but Adam was anything but fine and he had no intention of leaving him alone. He put the lamp on the nightstand and sat next to him on the bed. \u201cWell, now that I\u2019m up, how \u2018bout I stay for awhile?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam lifted his head, intending to shrug off his father\u2019s concern, but the warm, gentle eyes that embraced him were his undoing. However childish, he couldn\u2019t deny it; he wanted his father to stay. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said quietly. \u201cI could use the company.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben gave his leg a pat. \u201cYou look beat. Why don\u2019t you lie back down and try to get a little more sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head. \u201cI won\u2019t be getting anymore sleep tonight, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

He gave him a sympathetic\u00a0smile and then got to his feet and pulled a chair over to the bed. Settling in, he studied his son who was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chin and his head down. He was glad Adam accepted his offer without protest, but his need for reassurance worried him all the more. \u201cWould it help to talk?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked up, his face troubled. A part of him wanted to blurt out the truth about Kane and the hellish game of survival he\u2019d been forced to play, hoping his father could help him make sense of it all. But another part of him just wanted to bury it and keep it buried\u2026all of it\u2026the indignities\u2026the desperation\u2026the rage. He\u2019d never felt so out of control and he didn\u2019t know if he could get the words out\u2026didn\u2019t know if he wanted to.<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t miss the turmoil of emotions\u00a0crossing\u00a0his face. Leaning forward, he laid a hand gently on his shoulder. \u201cSomething is\u00a0obviously troubling you, maybe I can help.\u201d He was sure something else had happened in the desert, something beyond the physical hardship of being stranded without food and water, something that had stripped his son of his confidence and self-assurance. He\u2019d never seen Adam so emotionally overwrought as the day they\u2019d found him wandering in the desert. He suspected the dead man had something to do with it, but Adam hadn\u2019t said much, just that his name was Kane and he\u2019d stumbled on his camp. At the time,\u00a0Ben had\u00a0made sure\u00a0he’d gotten a\u00a0decent burial, but after that,\u00a0he hadn’t\u00a0given him a second thought. But now, two weeks later, he wondered if Kane was the one tormenting his son.<\/p>\n

Uncomfortable under his father\u2019s scrutiny, Adam shrugged and gave him a self-conscious grin meant to put him off. \u201cThanks, Pa, but there\u2019s no need to worry. It was just a nightmare.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben raised an eyebrow. He knew that look. It was same one Adam had used all his life when he wanted to avoid the truth. \u201cJust a nightmare?\u201d he asked, questioning him.<\/p>\n

Unable to meet his eyes, Adam stared at the lamp light flickering on the wall for a long moment. He couldn\u2019t fool his father and he wouldn\u2019t insult him by keeping up the pretense. He looked him in the eye. \u201cYou\u2019re right, it\u2019s more than that,\u201d he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, \u201cbut it\u2019s not something you can help me with. It\u2019s something I need to work out on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s face creased with concern. Ordinarily, he respected Adam\u2019s ability to solve his own problems, but this was different. \u00a0Adam<\/em> was different. Something was eating away at him and he feared his reluctance to talk would do more harm than good, so he gently pressed him despite his declaration. \u201cAdam,\u201d he began softly, \u201cwhen those men left you out in the desert, they turned your life into a living hell, a hell most men wouldn\u2019t have survived, a hell more horrendous than you\u2019ve let on. Am I right?\u201d<\/p>\n

After a moment\u2019s hesitation, Adam gave an almost imperceptible nod, confirming Ben\u2019s suspicions. Faced with such directness, he couldn\u2019t deny it; he owed his father that much and more<\/em> if he could just speak of it. But Kane had brought him to his knees and humbled him in the worst way possible and that wasn\u2019t something he could easily admit to his father. In a strange way it was funny, and if he wasn\u2019t so shaken by the truth, he\u2019d laugh at the irony. He\u2019d been so cock sure that day in Eastgate; so sure he could never be driven to murder, yet Kane had proved him wrong. In the end, he not only wanted<\/em> to kill him, he wanted to do it with his bare hands, he wanted<\/em> to choke the life out of him.<\/p>\n

Encouraged, Ben continued, hoping to draw\u00a0him out even more. \u201cYet, you did survive\u2026you used every ounce of your strength to fight your way out of that desert\u2026you got out alive and you should be proud of that. A lesser man might have\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0snapped Adam\u00a0with a disgusted shake of his head. \u201cYou have no idea what I had to do to survive and believe me, it\u2019s not anything I\u2019m proud of.\u201d Eyes welling, the image of his own two hands brutally gripping Kane\u2019s neck came to mind and this time he was powerless to stop the tears from falling. He swiped at them angrily.<\/p>\n

Moved by his raw emotion, Ben blinked back the wetness in his own eyes. It pained him to see Adam so upset and he moved to his side to soothe and comfort him. \u201cYou\u2019re right, I don\u2019t have any idea,\u201d he said softly as he massaged the back of his neck, \u201cbut maybe it\u2019s time I did.\u201d For a long time, Ben simply stood there massaging his neck and shoulders while Adam struggled to get his emotions back under control. This was so far removed from his normally strong, self-assured, independent first born son that Ben did something he didn\u2019t ordinarily do\u2014he cursed the dead\u2014the thieving bastards who\u2019d left him to die in the first place.<\/p>\n

Closing his eyes, Adam concentrated on his father\u2019s hands in an effort to stop the disturbing images from playing over and over again in his mind. Pa\u2019s hands were strong and reassuring just as they had always been, just as they had been that day in the desert. I\u2019d be a fool to keep shutting him out,<\/em> he realized. He raised his head. His eyes were still watery and his voice was husky, but he didn\u2019t care. \u201cI\u2019ve kept some things from you because\u2026well because I thought I could put it all behind me\u2026but I haven\u2019t been able to\u2026so you\u2019re right\u2026it\u2019s time you knew the whole truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u00a0squeezed his shoulder in\u00a0encouragement and offered a silent prayer of thanks. Whatever it was, it needed to be told so they could put it to rest.<\/p>\n

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~<\/p>\n

Dressed in his nightshirt, Joe worriedly paced the length of Hoss\u2019s room while his brother sat on the bed with his arms folded and a frown on his face. Stopping at the door, he looked down the hall for the hundredth time and willed Adam’s door to open. Nothing. With an impatient sigh, he ran a hand through his hair and glanced back at Hoss. \u201cPa\u2019s been in there a long time. What do you think\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss smiled half-heartedly. \u201cAw Joe, quit worryin\u2019. Pa\u2019s just makin\u2019 sure Adam\u2019s all right.\u201d He said it more to convince himself than Joe. Adam\u2019s blood curdling cry had shaken him to the core.<\/p>\n

Joe scowled. \u201cC\u2019mon Hoss,\u201d he replied irritably, \u201cit\u2019s the middle of the night. If\u00a0he was all right, we\u2019d all be in bed right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded. There was no use pretending. Joe was right. \u201cYeah, I know,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n

Concerned, Joe walked over to the bed and sat down next to Hoss. \u201cSo what do you think\u2019s wrong with Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head in thought. \u201cWell, I can\u2019t say for certain,\u201d he replied, \u201cmaybe he just needs more time. You know a thing like that takes a toll on a man, inside and<\/em> out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that\u2019s just it, Hoss. On the outside he\u2019s getting stronger, but on the inside it don\u2019t seem like he\u2019s getting any better at all. I mean, up \u2018til now, I could count on one hand<\/em> the number of times I\u2019ve seen Adam cry as a grown man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell dadburnit, Joe!\u201d Hoss exclaimed, getting his ire up. \u201cYou and I both know Adam went through hell out there and you can\u2019t tell me your<\/em> eyes haven\u2019t welled up a time or two since we been home. I know mine<\/em> have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I know,\u201d Joe said, accepting the scolding. \u201cBut why would sittin\u2019 down at the table set him off?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Hoss asked, scrunching his face in puzzlement.<\/p>\n

\u201cYesterday at breakfast, Adam didn\u2019t get his food right away. He just sat there holding his fork.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged. \u201cSo? What\u2019s wrong with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Joe said uneasily. \u201cIt\u2019s just that he was staring at it, real intense like, and then his eyes got all watery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss frowned and a worried look passed between them. He\u2019d caught Adam staring off into space a few times too and the fierce look on his brother\u2019s face had unsettled him. \u201cCome on,\u201d he said, standing up, \u201clet\u2019s go see what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Relieved to be doing something, Joe got to his feet and followed his brother purposefully down the hall. When they reached Adam\u2019s door, Hoss raised a hand to knock, but having second thoughts, he stopped and gave Little Joe a hesitant look instead. \u201cMaybe we shouldn\u2019t intrude,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

Joe scowled in exasperation and then nodded at the door, indicating he should go ahead and knock. He was tired of worrying and waiting.<\/p>\n

Swayed by his insistence, Hoss knocked softly and pushed through the door. He instantly took in the closeness between father and son and wanted to kick himself, but there was no turning back, he and Joe were standing in the middle of the room with their father\u2019s angry glare washing over them. \u201cUh, is everything all right?\u201d he asked, uneasily.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s countenance softened. He knew the boys were worried, but their timing couldn\u2019t have been worse and he hoped the intrusion didn\u2019t break Adam\u2019s mood and set him back. \u201cAdam\u2019s fine, boys. We were just talking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both boys glanced at Adam and then at each other; neither was convinced, but it was Little Joe who spoke out, angry at being kept in the dark. \u201cIs that right Adam?\u201d he asked sharply. \u201cAre you really fine?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben warned.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa! We\u2019re not blind. We can see you\u2019re both upset.\u201d He looked from his father to Adam, beseechingly.<\/p>\n

Adam eyed his Pa and brothers and sighed. They were all<\/em> upset and it was his fault. Or was it Kane\u2019s; he didn\u2019t know anymore.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, please,\u201d Ben said calmly, \u201cjust go to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Pa,\u201d Adam said with a shake of his head. \u201cIt\u2019s no good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben stood up and laid a protective hand on his shoulder. \u201cWhat\u2019s no good, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled wryly. \u201cBeing evasive,\u201d he said, looking first to his father and then to his brothers. \u201cI didn\u2019t tell you the whole truth about Kane and that damnable camp of his, but I can see now I was wrong. I\u2019ve not only been hurting myself, I\u2019ve been hurting all of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe exchanged a glance. They were really<\/em> worried now. \u201cAre you sure, Adam?\u201d Hoss asked, feeling guilty about barging in. \u201cWe\u2019ll understand if you just wanna talk to Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure,\u201d he said quietly as he glanced from brother to brother, touched by their concern.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled sadly. He was pleased the family would face this together, but he didn\u2019t harbor any illusions; it was going to be a difficult night. Shivering, he wrapped his robe tighter. Adam noticed the gesture. The temperature was dropping and in the wee hours of the morning it would only get colder. \u201cPa, I think we oughta go downstairs, in front of the fire.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded.\u00a0\u201cI think that\u2019s a good idea.\u201d He had a feeling the story they were about to hear would be chilling enough.\u00a0As Hoss and Joe headed out, he picked up Adam’s robe and handed it to him.<\/p>\n

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~<\/p>\n

After donning their robes and slippers, Hoss and Little Joe hurried downstairs to light a fire. Eyeing the wood box, Joe sighed in disgust. It was empty except for some kindling. Hoss chuckled. \u201cToo bad you didn\u2019t fill it this mornin\u2019 like you was supposed to.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe made a face and then trudged out the door while Hoss got the kindling ready. A few minutes later Joe reappeared with an armful of logs. \u201cThere, that oughta do it,\u201d he said dropping his load on the hearth.<\/p>\n

Hoss smiled and lit a match. The kindling caught fire immediately and together they sat on the coffee table adding logs and watching the flames leap, blue-edged and hypnotic. \u201cHey, Hoss?\u201d Joe asked, breaking the spell. \u201cI was thinkin\u2019\u2026maybe we should move this table out of the way\u2026that way we could push the settee and chairs closer to the fire and uh\u2026well, you know\u2026be warmer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss glanced at his brother. He looked young and vulnerable. \u201cYeah Joe,\u201d he said softly. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

In no time at all, they had the furniture rearranged and were trading a satisfied smile when their Pa and brother came down. \u201cWe, uh, thought this would be warmer,\u201d Hoss explained. \u201cI hope ya don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled tenderly. He guessed the real reason for moving the furniture had more to do with keeping everyone close than keeping everyone warm. He wasn\u2019t surprised. In times of trouble, his three sons often huddled together, bolstering and strengthening each other. \u201cIt\u2019s fine, boys, just fine,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Adam glanced at his brothers appreciatively and then walked to the settee and sat down. Wanting to be close, but not wanting to hover, Ben settled in his chair while Hoss uncharacteristically edged Joe out of the seat next to Adam. With no other option, Joe sat in the blue chair, slightly miffed at being gently but firmly pushed out of the way by his big brother.<\/p>\n

Having been roused from a sound sleep by Mister Adam\u2019s sharp cry, Hop Sing had stayed awake listening for any sign he was needed. When he heard the commotion in the living room, he hurriedly got out of bed and went to the kitchen to heat some water. When it was ready, he steeped a pot of tea and poured four cups, remembering to put extra honey into Mister Hoss\u2019s. \u201cHot tea,\u201d he announced as he entered the room and served the steaming liquid.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. Hop Sing never failed to look after them. \u201cThank you, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded and moved to make a hasty retreat, but Adam stopped him before he could disappear. \u201cWait, Hop Sing. Don\u2019t go.\u201d Hop Sing turned and waited expectantly. Adam gave him a warm smile. \u201cI want you to stay, you\u2019re a part of this family too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Honored, he gave a little bow and then took a seat at the table, not wanting to breach the family\u2019s inner circle. He had great respect for Mister Adam and hoped tonight would bring him peace.<\/p>\n

Adam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and stared into the flames. Steeling himself, he drew a deep breath and began. He described how he\u2019d been bushwhacked and left to die\u2026his relief at finding Kane\u2019s camp in the middle of nowhere\u2026the terms of their bargain\u2026and his increasing irritation with his constant prodding to work harder. \u201c\u2026but it wasn\u2019t until the third day,\u201d he continued, \u201cthat I realized I was dealing with a mad man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe exchanged a startled look, their muscles instinctively tensing as they waited for him to go on. Ben closed his eyes with a sinking feeling. \u201cOh, Adam\u2026\u201d he sighed quietly.<\/p>\n

Adam looked neither right nor left, but kept his eyes fixed firmly on the fire, knowing it was the only way he\u2019d get through it all without breaking down. His fists were clenched and his eyes narrow as he continued. \u201cI knew he was desperate to find that vein, but my three days were up and I\u2019d had enough of him and his gold fever.\u201d He looked at Joe. \u201cBy this time, I figured you\u2019d be pretty worried and I wanted to get to Signal Rock. But when I reminded Mr. Kane of our little bargain, he insisted I keep working. When I didn\u2019t, he picked up his gun…and…and shot the mule.\u201d He shook his head, remembering that moment all too clearly.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes widened with shock. \u201cWhat?\u201d he mouthed in quiet disbelief as he looked from face to face, unable to fathom it. Hoss met his gaze, just as stunned. Ben gripped the arm of his chair and the blood drained from his face as realization dawned. He understood now\u2026his son\u2026his boy<\/em>\u2026had been held captive.<\/p>\n

Adam squinted into the fire. \u201cFrom that point on, I<\/em> became his pack animal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head, outraged and confused. \u201cI don\u2019t understand, Adam. Why didn\u2019t you just take your chances and get the hell out of there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause he was already exhausted,\u201d Ben interjected, \u201cand without food and water he never would\u2019ve made it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled mirthlessly, reminded of Kane\u2019s words. \u201cYes, and after all it\u2019s every animal\u2019s<\/em> first instinct is to survive, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss put a steadying hand on his brother\u2019s back. He didn\u2019t understand the full significance of his words, but he understood his brother\u2019s pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe said in regret. \u201cI wasn\u2019t thinking. I didn\u2019t mean\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam raised his hand, gently interrupting his apology. \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Joe. But if it means anything to you, I did try to escape.\u201d He haltingly explained how Kane had tricked him\u2026how he\u2019d tied him up at night\u2026how he\u2019d forced him into that sweltering mine hour after hour\u2026how he\u2019d cut his rations\u2026and how he\u2019d stripped him of his dignity. He left nothing out, speaking until his voice cracked with so much emotion, he couldn\u2019t go on. He covered his eyes with a shaky hand and attempted to pull himself together, but one maddening image after another flooded his brain. Suddenly his chest felt tight and it seemed as though he couldn\u2019t breathe. Filled with self-loathing, he got to his feet and furiously threw his cup into the fire, shattering it to pieces.<\/p>\n

Ben instantly got to his feet and pulled his son into a fierce embrace. Helpless to stop it, Adam\u2019s emotions bubbled to the surface and he buried his face in his father\u2019s chest. With his own vision blurring, Ben held his son tight.<\/p>\n

Stricken, Hoss and Joe looked on, their eyes glistening. At the table, Hop Sing swiped at his eyes as he offered up a prayer for healing. For a long moment nobody moved and only Ben\u2019s soft words of comfort could be heard. When Adam calmed, Ben spoke up. \u201cMaybe you shouldn\u2019t go on…maybe it\u2019s too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam gently pulled from his father\u2019s embrace and took a few steps, turning his back on his family. He swiped at his eyes and gathered his thoughts and when he turned around, his jaw was clenched with determination. \u201cI have to go on, Pa. It\u2019s the only way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, it was the right thing to do. He\u2019d been trying to get Adam to talk for days, but suddenly faced with his overwhelming anguish, it took all his willpower to fight down the urge to protect his son. \u201cYou’re right,” he said, agreeing with a slight nod.<\/p>\n

Turning to face Hop Sing, Adam smiled ruefully. \u201cSorry about the cup, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing shrugged. \u201cNo matter. Cups too small anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoy, that\u2019s for dang sure,\u201d Hoss said with a grin. \u201cI say we smash \u2018em all and get ones a full grown man can wrap his hand around.\u201d<\/p>\n

Grateful to Hop Sing and Hoss for dispelling the awkwardness, they all exchanged smiles and any embarrassment Adam may have felt, disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Joe asked, hesitant to break the mood but anxious to get some questions answered, \u201cwhen we found you, you kept sayin\u2019 there was never any gold.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a sigh of disgust, Adam sat back down. \u201cNo, there wasn\u2019t any gold. It was just a worthless piece of rock and I found out later Kane knew it the whole time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss frowned, shaking his head. \u201cThen why\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? Because I made the mistake of telling him I wanted to track down the men who\u2019d bushwhacked me, but didn\u2019t intend to kill them. He, uh, found that remarkable and insisted even the most civilized of men could be driven to murder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe exchanged puzzled glances. \u201cSorry, Adam, but we\u2019re not followin\u2019 ya.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn my arrogance,\u201d he spat out, \u201cI insisted I wasn\u2019t one of those men\u2026that I could never murder another man\u2026and that\u2019s when the games began. He was determined to prove me wrong, no matter what the cost.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben went on point, picking up on the implication of his son\u2019s words.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t know it until that last day, though. I guess when we heard you calling, it forced his hand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben and the boys exchanged surprised glances. \u201cYou heard us calling?\u201d Ben asked, remembering how he\u2019d strained to hear something\u2026anything<\/em>\u2026that would lead him to his son.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cYeah,\u201d he said quietly, \u201cbut my voice was pretty much gone by then. I climbed up on some rocks hoping you\u2019d see me, but Kane came after me. We struggled\u2026and then when your calls got fainter\u2026I don\u2019t know\u2026I guess I just gave up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s heart lurched. He\u2019d let his son down, just when he\u2019d needed him the most. \u201cAdam, son, I\u2019m sorry. I should\u2019ve known. I never should\u2019ve given up on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam studied his father for a moment and then leaned forward and affectionately touched his leg. \u201cPa, if you\u2019re saying you gave up the search, I understand. I\u2019d been missing for two weeks, you had every reason to think I was dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben put his hand over Adam\u2019s and smiled appreciatively. \u201cThank you for that, Adam, but it\u2019s not easy for a father to fail his son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked down, unable to meet his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cIt\u2019s not easy for a son to fail his father, either.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben squeezed his hand. \u201cWhat is it? What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam lifted his head and settled back in his seat, his eyes once again fixed on the flames. \u201cWe\u2019d gone a couple days without food or water\u2026Kane made me think we were out\u2026but he\u2019d hidden just enough for one of us to get out alive. It was the final step in his plan to prove me wrong\u2026to prove I wasn\u2019t better than him or anyone else\u2026that I could be driven to kill.\u201d He glanced at his father uneasily. \u201cHe put a loaded rifle between us and on the count of five we were both supposed to go for it, but I didn\u2019t wait,\u201d he admitted softly. \u201cI flew into a rage and went straight for his throat\u2026I would\u2019ve killed him\u2026I wanted<\/em> to kill him.\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s gentle eyes held his son\u2019s troubled ones. \u201cBut you didn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he replied, looking away, \u201cbut believe me, it wasn\u2019t out of any sense of right or wrong. I just couldn\u2019t admit he\u2019d won.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head with conviction. \u201cAdam, I\u2019m your father. I know you better than anyone else on this earth. You\u2019re a fine, decent, principled young man and I don\u2019t believe for a minute those principles deserted you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam scowled, impatient with his father\u2019s opinion, however well intentioned. \u201cPa, don\u2019t you understand? I wanted<\/em> to kill him. I wanted<\/em> to choke the life out of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben set his mouth in a stern expression, seeing he needed to take a firm line with his hard headed first-born son. \u201cOf course you wanted to, who wouldn\u2019t? But you didn\u2019t go through with it! Don\u2019t you see? That\u2019s what separates you from the likes of Kane.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked at his father, unconvinced. \u201cYou and I both know, I\u2019ve been forced to kill\u2026to protect our land\u2026to protect the family\u2026and I never took any pleasure in it\u2026but with Kane\u2026it would\u2019ve given me satisfaction\u2026pleasure even\u2026to see him dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you denied yourself that satisfaction, didn\u2019t you? You were enraged with your hands around the man\u2019s throat, yet, something inside you made you stop. What was it?\u201d Ben demanded firmly. He had no choice, if Adam didn\u2019t get his head on straight, it would affect him the rest of his life.<\/p>\n

Exasperated, Adam got to his feet, intending to ignore the question, but Ben stood up and grabbed him by the arm, barely resisting the urge to give him a good shake. When Adam tried to shrug free, he gripped him even tighter and held fast. Hoss and Joe exchanged a worried glance, but stayed out of it. Adam glared at his father. \u201cWhat do you want me to do? Deny the truth?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben snapped, his poker hot eyes burning into Adam\u2019s. \u201cI want you to forget about that insane game and give me a clear<\/em> answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine!\u201d Adam said, shouting back. \u201cI stopped because I was shocked, disgusted, by what I was about to do!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d Ben demanded again, not letting up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI already told you,\u201d he bit out, \u201cbecause I didn\u2019t want it to be true. I didn\u2019t want him to win.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, if Kane had gotten the upper hand, do you think he<\/em> would\u2019ve stopped short of killing you<\/em>? Do you think he would\u2019ve pulled you through the desert, if you\u2019d<\/em> been the one to torture him<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, the man was insane!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, exactly, he was insane\u2026and for a time you got caught up in it\u2026but I want you to think\u2026really<\/em> think back to that moment\u2026and tell me why you didn\u2019t go through with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surprised by his dawning realization, he stared at his father for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. \u201cBecause I didn\u2019t really want to kill him. I just wanted to get away, wanted to get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s shoulders sagged in relief and he released his grip, but not before giving Adam’s arm a loving squeeze. Finally.<\/em> \u201cSo you see,\u201d he said smiling tenderly, \u201cyou didn\u2019t fail anyone, most of all yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Feeling as though he could breathe easy for the first time in weeks, Adam rewarded his father with a tired grin while his brothers made their way over, eager to offer their support. \u201cWelcome back, big brother,\u201d Hoss said, his face shining.<\/p>\n

Joe flashed a grin and slipped an arm across Adam’s shoulders. \u201cThat goes for me too,\u201d he said, his voice brimming with emotion.<\/p>\n

Smiling, Hop Sing rose from the table. It was almost dawn and the family would need to eat before they retired for some much needed sleep.<\/p>\n

THE END<\/p>\n

Written 2008<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Family,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Bolstered and strengthened by his father and brothers, Adam comes to grips with his ordeal in the desert, but only after an intense night during which the story is told.<\/p>\n

Rating K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word Count 4,740<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3892,"featured_media":11570,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,1008,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14445","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-13-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/normal_The_Crucible_47.jpg?fit=400%2C298&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3892"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14445"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14445\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}