{"id":14447,"date":"2017-07-07T10:51:12","date_gmt":"2017-07-07T14:51:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14447"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:41:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:41:08","slug":"like-you-were","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14447","title":{"rendered":"Like You Were (by PSW)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>: Ben reflects. \u00a0Written for the July 2017 Pinecone Challenge, and expanded (very slightly) for inclusion here. \u00a0Prompt\/lyrics: Old man, look at my life, I\u2019m a lot like you were. (Neil Young)<\/p>\n

Rating: K \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 530<\/p>\n

Scenes From Our Next Life Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Like You Were<\/a>
\nYounger<\/a>
\nA Good Life
\n<\/a>Time and Change
\n<\/a>Home
\n<\/a>Warm Milk and Memories<\/a><\/p>\n

Like You Were<\/strong><\/p>\n

Joseph married again this morning.<\/p>\n

To say I was surprised when he told me last week \u2026 I\u2019m not sure that even begins to describe my reaction to his news.\u00a0\u00a0I listened as he laid out their intentions, he and his Catalina\u2014partners, helpmates, friends\u2014and wondered how it could be enough for him.\u00a0\u00a0Had pain and loss truly so dimmed his passion?\u00a0\u00a0Despite my best efforts, he saw the doubt in my eyes, heard it in my voice.\u00a0\u00a0It hurt him, that my response was not what he\u2019d hoped.<\/p>\n

I thank the good Lord that this youngest son of mine is past holding grudges over unintentional offenses, and that he would have forgiven his old man even without the ham-fisted apology I offered the next morning over breakfast.\u00a0\u00a0Joe not only forgave, but smiled and embraced, and I saw that his heart really was lighter than it had been in many months.<\/p>\n

Since Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0Since Alice.<\/p>\n

My son is no fool.\u00a0\u00a0He has thought this whole thing through, and he is content with the path he has chosen.\u00a0\u00a0Without realizing it, though, he has set himself up for so much more.\u00a0\u00a0Watching them together now, hearing their laughter, I believe that soon they will leave behind contentment for happiness.\u00a0\u00a0Joy, even.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s there to be found, in the ashes.\u00a0\u00a0It came to me not once but many times.<\/p>\n

Old man.<\/p>\n

I am.\u00a0\u00a0I have lived long and full.\u00a0\u00a0These last years are not what I had planned\u2014not when I married Elizabeth, or Inger, or Marie, or when I built my Ponderosa alongside three fine sons\u2014but they have a beauty of their own.\u00a0\u00a0It reflects in the burnish of April’s\u00a0coat, as Jamie\u2014the son of my heart, if not my body\u2014brushes her until she shines.\u00a0\u00a0It carries in the sound of clicking checkers, not Joe and Hoss now but Candy and Griff.\u00a0\u00a0I smell it in Hop Sing\u2019s wedding meal, which our faithful friend spurned aching joints and slowing steps to provide for his beloved boy. \u00a0I feel it in the wind-blown dust that settles on me as I sit on my front porch — this beloved land claiming me as thoroughly as I claim it.<\/p>\n

Yet \u2026 I see now that I have been looking upon it all with a kind of bittersweet stagnation.\u00a0\u00a0I wonder how that happened. \u00a0It has never been my way.\u00a0\u00a0It should not surprise me, though, that Joe is moving forward, making some attempt to shake off the twilight that has settled here.\u00a0\u00a0I could wish that my son did not know the pains I endured in my own youth\u2014but he does, and he\u00a0is<\/i>\u00a0my son, and he is only following my example.\u00a0\u00a0Old man, look at my life, I\u2019m a lot like you were.<\/p>\n

Old man.\u00a0\u00a0Yes, I am \u2026 but maybe not so old as I have been thinking.<\/p>\n

They see me sitting alone here, and they\u2019re waving at me to join them.\u00a0\u00a0Here comes Joe to drag me along, just in case.\u00a0\u00a0My son and my new daughter don\u2019t intend to take no for an answer — and I don’t intend to keep them waiting.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Next Story in the Scenes From Our Next Life Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Younger<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Family,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Ben reflects. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rating: K \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 530<\/p>\n

Scenes From Our Next Life Series, links to stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10468,"featured_media":14565,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,1008,8,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-short-stories","category-challenges","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-8-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2795,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/IMG_2126.jpg?fit=844%2C609&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15204,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15204","url_meta":{"origin":14447,"position":0},"title":"Younger (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"September 2, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A quiet, light moment among family. 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