Summary: \u00a0Advice sought and given, but why bother?\u00a0 Co-winner of the 2017 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament.<\/p>\n
Rated: \u00a0K+ \u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: \u00a05,764<\/p>\n
Aunt Agnes Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n Advice<\/a> <\/p>\n Advice<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n He\u2019d been asked<\/em> for advice.<\/p>\n Adam knew he hadn\u2019t imagined the hand on his arm, the subtle tug toward a quiet corner, and the urgent whisper\u2014all done with a humble air of embarrassed hope.<\/p>\n Fifteen years earlier . . . or even ten years . . . or so (who was counting anyway?) he would have found his youngest brother\u2019s trust in his ability to figure things out and solve any and all problems endearing.\u00a0 He would have dropped everything to give the kid his full attention and the benefit of his hard won wisdom.<\/p>\n Apparently, he was still that brother.<\/p>\n The two of them shared a quick conversation in which after giving Joe\u2019s tale of woe his full consideration, Adam devised a well-reasoned, rock solid solution that was practically guaranteed to succeed. By the conclusion of their talk, Joe\u2019s spirits were soaring, and Adam was feeling pretty good about things himself.<\/p>\n That sense of satisfaction lasted just long enough for Adam to witness Joe sally forth and proceed to do the complete opposite of his wise counsel.<\/p>\n Why did he even bother?<\/p>\n At that moment\u2014watching Joe merrily cast himself into a river of chaos while ignoring the available safe haven\u2014something snapped inside Adam Cartwright. He\u2019d always reserved the very best of himself for his family.\u00a0 To see his efforts disregarded\u2014not for the first time\u2014well, he was through with it.\u00a0 He would no longer cast pearls before swine. For too long, he had rejected all opportunities to exercise his talents outside of the Ponderosa. That was over. Leaving his brother to struggle with his own petty little problems, Adam departed in search of a little appreciation.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Two weeks later, Adam pushed his way through the swinging doors into the dim, smoky interior of the Silver Dollar saloon. Dropping a parcel of correspondence onto the sticky bar, he accepted a cool mug of beer. Savoring that first, long swallow, he regarded his fellow patrons with interest. A clutch of miners and cowboys were paying rapt attention while one of their number was reading from the Territorial<\/em> Enterprise<\/em>. Whatever the man was sharing was encouraging appreciative murmurs and even spontaneous applause.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are they reading?\u201d Adam asked the bartender.<\/p>\n \u201cYou haven\u2019t heard about Aunt Agnes?\u201d Sam replied, wiping the bar top with casual efficiency. When Adam shrugged, he dropped the rag and leaned over the bar to explain.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all anyone talks about.\u201d Sam told him. \u201cA fellow can write a letter with, you know, a question to this widow woman, Aunt Agnes, in care of the Territorial<\/em> Enterprise<\/em>, and in a few days, she\u2019ll have answered his question right there in the newspaper.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSam,\u201d Adam said, \u201cI don\u2019t think anyone needs to write a letter to the newspaper to tempt one of Virginia City\u2019s charming ladies to offer advice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u00a0 This is different. The fellow writes in anonymously. The widow don\u2019t know who he is, and he don\u2019t know who she is. It\u2019s a lot more private, and you know . . . less embarrassing for everyone.\u201d Sam paused in his explanation to allow a burst of laughter and raucous cheering from the reading group to subside.<\/p>\n \u201cBesides, she gives real good advice. Look, this is it right here.\u201d Sam handed over a bedraggled copy of the newspaper folded to reveal a column headed by the title, \u201cAsk Aunt Agnes\u201d and accompanied by a sketch of a smiling middle-aged woman seated at a desk, pen and paper in hand.<\/p>\n \u201cPopular, you say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep,\u201d Sam replied. \u201cUm, Adam?\u00a0 Do you think this picture actually looks like Aunt Agnes?\u00a0 I sure would like to meet her.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam returned the newspaper to Sam and slapped a couple of coins onto the bar top.\u00a0 Collecting his mail, he turned to the bartender before stepping outside.<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t count on it.\u201d<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Within a mere month, Aunt Agnes\u2019s advice became the talk of the town, and her influence over Virginia City\u2019s citizens was obvious. When thorny questions\u2014whether ethical concerns or romantic woes\u2014were discussed, it became fashionable to ask \u201cwhat would Aunt Agnes say\u201d and proceed accordingly.<\/p>\n Who could blame them?\u00a0 Aunt Agnes was just so sensible, so compassionate, and so very right about so very many things.\u00a0 Because of her guidance, businesses prospered, families reunited, and the spirit of cooperation prevailed over selfish concerns.<\/p>\n The newspaper\u2019s editor, Dan de Quille, was over the moon with the increase in sales. He could have sold special editions containing nothing other than Aunt Agnes\u2019s advice but for the resistance of his star columnist who declined all offers of further fortune and glory. The savvy widow did accept a bottle of fine bourbon whiskey shipped all the way from Kentucky and presented to Aunt Agnes as a token of appreciation for a job well done.<\/p>\n That bottle, cushioned inside the latest batch of letters and then tucked within a saddle bag, survived the long rough trip to Aunt Agnes\u2019s residence. Spirited inside the fine home under the noses of an unsuspecting family, the token took place of honor on the columnist\u2019s desk\u2014proof that plenty of people understood the value of good advice.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Adam wasn\u2019t a man prone to keeping secrets. That was not to say he was indiscreet or couldn\u2019t be trusted with a confidence.\u00a0 However, he\u2019d always believed in the value of being open and above board in all of his dealings. At the very least, being forthright made it easier to keep a story straight.<\/p>\n He had to admit that these clandestine activities were much more fun than he had ever imagined.\u00a0 Not only did he get the chance to exercise his particular talent for telling others what to do, but that talent was praised and admired rather than ignored and resented. It felt good, and as a consequence he found that he was responding to everyday irritations with relaxed cheerfulness rather than biting sarcasm.<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t bother him a bit that his alter ego was garnering all the credit for his accomplishments.\u00a0 Writing an advice column under his own high-and-mighty name would never have worked\u2014and, of course he would never have heard the end of it from his brothers.\u00a0 Impersonating a middle-aged woman ensured that no one would guess the true author\u2014and it was a well-established precedent besides. If Ben Franklin could have Silence Do Good, Adam Cartwright could certainly have Aunt Agnes.<\/p>\n Finding time for his side job was surprisingly easy. The family was long accustomed to the sight of him at his desk scribbling away at some paperwork. He\u2019d even found time to answer letters during the round up.\u00a0 Mentally composing pithy words of wisdom while gathering errant cattle from hill and hollow was just distracting enough to make the hard work enjoyable.<\/p>\n A trip into town once a week to attend to ranch business and visit with his old friend, Dan, enabled the pair of them to exchange a passel of questions for a bundle of answers.\u00a0 Adam made sure to answer as many questions as quickly as possible while Dan published the answers slowly to keep the pipeline full and the readers happy. It was all working out perfectly. It looked like Aunt Agnes would enjoy a very long life.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Sometimes, there were just not enough hours in the day.\u00a0 Not only was Adam responsible for the ordinary town errands\u2014picking up the mail, delivering contracts to the family attorney, and bringing home any needed supplies\u2014he\u2019d need to hire a temporary cook, pick up the guests arriving on the afternoon stage, and squeeze in a moment to see Dan. Adam enjoyed visitors as much as the next man, but Pa\u2019s old chums often ended up inhabiting the guest rooms for weeks. If you counted the regular addition of Hoss\u2019s strays (which Adam did), there could be a noticeable lack of elbow room inside the ranch house.<\/p>\n As it happened, the arrival of these particular guests had required extra effort.\u00a0 Justin Locke, a major importer of fine dyes and textiles, was well accustomed to the finer things in life. However, Hop Sing was visiting family in California, and the Cartwrights agreed that the menu of beans, bacon, and beef the men usually subsisted on during their cook\u2019s absences was not appropriately hospitable. They would need someone to fill in for Hop Sing while their guests visited.<\/p>\n Soon after he began asking around, Adam was blessing his lucky stars.\u00a0 Hanson Ellis, the head cook at one of Virginia City\u2019s fancier restaurants, was available and interested in the position. Apparently, Hanson and the restaurant owner had creative differences, and Hanson had decided to pursue other opportunities. At least that was the story Hanson told.\u00a0 He agreed so readily to Adam\u2019s terms, it actually seemed a mite suspicious. Looking at the tall, blonde cook shift and nervously wring his hands reminded Adam of the gossip linking the man to several young lady patrons. If that information was to be believed, Hanson was a bounder and a cad.\u00a0 And if memory served, the restaurant owner had a na\u00efve daughter that might have seemed ripe for the picking. He wasn\u2019t the sort of fellow Adam preferred to hire on at the ranch, but surely the man could behave for a few weeks. Well, his options were limited, so with fingers crossed, he offered him the job. Setting the man up with a rented horse, he instructed the new cook to get a head start toward the ranch. With any luck, they\u2019d all enjoy a decent supper that night.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n The afternoon stage arrived nearly on time, and Adam welcomed the latest guests to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Justin Locke was a sturdy fellow, clad in an expensive suit and snowy white shirt that gleamed in contrast with the indigo cravat tied around his neck. Adam could understand his friendship with his father. The man was abundantly good natured with a shrewd head for business and a keen observer of people\u2014with the notable exception of his daughter.<\/p>\n The daughter, dressed in a fashionable indigo gown that complemented her twinkling eyes and admirable figure, simpered and clung to Adam\u2019s arm throughout the drive back to the ranch in a manner just short of inappropriate. It appeared the young miss was experienced in exercising her considerable charms and must have felt a little constrained during the long journey at her father\u2019s side. Attractive, flirtatious, and empty-headed\u2014Jeanie Locke was just the type of girl to put a jingle in Little Joe\u2019s spurs. Adam expected the next weeks to be quite entertaining.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Hanson\u2019s culinary skills did not disappoint. From that first night\u2019s dinner onward, every meal served was a masterpiece.\u00a0 Breakfast eggs were not merely fried or scrambled, but whipped and blended with mushrooms and grated cheese into fluffy omelets. Lunch became a midday buffet of cut meats, soups, breads and pie.\u00a0 Suppers were multi-course events from the dainty appetizers to the elegant dessert.<\/p>\n Hoss was the new cook\u2019s enthusiastic admirer, and Hanson basked in his praise. Joe was a bit more muted in his appreciation, perhaps because he sensed a rival for Jeanie\u2019s affections. Regardless of Joe\u2019s feelings, Adam counted the choice a success.\u00a0 Pa was satisfied, everyone was fed, and if Hanson was spending a bit more effort than polite in catching Jeanie\u2019s attention, Adam figured Joe could handle the competition.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Given all the energy that Joe and Hanson were putting into winning Jeanie\u2019s favor, it never occurred to Adam that he himself might be the target of her inclinations. One balmy evening, he had just managed to slip away from the after-dinner conversation with the unspoken intent to pay Aunt Agnes a call.\u00a0 He\u2019d almost made it to his room when the predator pounced, and he found himself trapped between the wall at his back and the press of an eager young lady to his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam,\u201d she whispered, \u201cI have been hoping and hoping that you might ask me to take an evening walk.\u201d Soft, persistent fingers traced a coy path up and down his arm.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s so pretty outside, and the moon and the stars are so bright . . . don\u2019t you think we could have a nice time?\u201d She sighed softly and leaned her head against his shoulder.<\/p>\n Drat!\u00a0 Why couldn\u2019t he attract a sensible, refined lady instead a giggling girl?\u00a0 He had been so sure she was the type to be smitten with Joe\u2019s looks, laughter and boyish spirit. Instead, she seemed to prefer her men to be tall, dark, and hirsute. While he couldn\u2019t argue with her taste, this was bound to make things awkward.<\/p>\n Shifting aside to put more space between them, he took her hands to prevent any more wayward activity.<\/p>\n \u201cMiss Jeanie,\u201d he said with a friendly and (he hoped) fatherly smile, \u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019m too much of a stick in the mud to provide pleasant company. I have a bit of headache, as well as a great deal of work to do.\u00a0 Perhaps Joe might take you for a walk?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou, sir,\u201d she replied, \u201care far too serious. There\u2019s always a great deal of work to do, and I know the very best way to cure your ailment.\u201d Before he quite understood what she intended, Jeanie Locke was surging up on tiptoes to press her lips against his own. It seemed she was telling the truth; Jeanie was certainly able to cure whatever ailed a man.<\/p>\n They clung together long enough for Adam to rethink his preference for sensible refined ladies when they heard a sound beside them. Breaking the kiss, Adam opened his eyes to see his brother glaring at the two of them.\u00a0 Jeanie, without even a hint of embarrassment, patted Adam\u2019s cheek possessively, and glided into her own room.<\/p>\n \u201cI never meant . . .\u201d Adam started to explain when Joe cut him off with a rude gesture.<\/p>\n \u201cSave it,\u201d Joe growled.\u00a0 Head high, Joe marched into his own room and slammed the door hard behind him.<\/p>\n Things were definitely going to be awkward.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going on up there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing, Pa!\u201d Adam answered hastily. \u201cDidn\u2019t mean to make so much noise. Good night.\u201d<\/p>\n Finally alone in the sanctuary of his own room, Adam took a moment to settle his nerves. Everything would be fine in the morning.\u00a0 He would explain to Jeanie that the two of them were ill-suited for each other.\u00a0 She would probably cry at his rejection, but he would convince her that he was right.\u00a0 Then he would make amends to Little Joe.\u00a0 No doubt Joe and Jeanie would fall into each other\u2019s arms and pursue the course of true love until it was time for her to depart, or Joe fell for someone else.<\/p>\n At least Adam could still count on Aunt Agnes.\u00a0 Sitting down at his desk, he adjusted the light before opening the latest parcel of letters.\u00a0 He worked diligently for an hour, reading and responding to a number of questions\u2014most of which he had already heard versions of and answered in previous letters.\u00a0 Seemed like there wasn\u2019t much new under the sun.<\/p>\n Opening the last letter, he was struck with a sense of familiarity.\u00a0 The color and weight of the stationary looked just like the sort that was used at the Ponderosa. Holding the letter up to the light to peer at the watermark, he confirmed his suspicion.\u00a0 It was the same type of paper. Huh, that was a coincidence. Scanning the page, Adam was brought up short by the poignant message.<\/p>\n Dear Aunt Agnes,<\/em><\/p>\n I am in love with the most beautiful, wonderful girl in the world.\u00a0 However, she\u2019s smitten with another man who can\u2019t possibly love her as I do.\u00a0 How can I make her see that I am the man for her?<\/em><\/p>\n Yours truly,<\/em><\/p>\n Overlooked\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n That hit uncomfortably close to home.\u00a0 Surely, surely the letter wasn\u2019t from Little Joe. The carefully shaped block letters didn\u2019t resemble Joe\u2019s back-slanted scribbling in the least. Although, it could be Joe if his youngest brother was trying to conceal his identity.<\/p>\n Adam chewed on the end of the pen. Maybe, he could just go and talk to Joe?\u00a0 No, that wouldn\u2019t work.\u00a0 If Little Joe wanted Adam\u2019s advice, he knew where to find him.\u00a0 It seemed Joe was more interested in Aunt Agnes\u2019s interpretation of the problem than what he probably considered the same tired platitudes from his oldest brother. The least Adam could do was save Joe from embarrassment and make sure Agnes provided helpful suggestions.<\/p>\n Tapping his fingers against the desktop, Adam pondered what to say.\u00a0 Finally, he began to write.<\/p>\n Dear Overlooked,<\/em><\/p>\n You sound like a man of sincerity as well as action. Try to demonstrate your regard with a profound display of affection that sets you apart from your rival.\u00a0 If that does not win you the fair lady\u2019s heart, find a private moment and declare your feelings openly.\u00a0 If she does not share your feelings, wish her well and step aside.<\/em><\/p>\n Yours truly, <\/em><\/p>\n Aunt Agnes <\/em><\/p>\n That ought to do the trick.\u00a0 He could ride to town at dawn (thus avoiding further encounters with Jeanie) and prevail on Dan to make certain this letter was published in the next edition. Joe would be certain to see the paper. Adam wasn\u2019t concerned that his brother would be flummoxed by the advice. If there was one thing Little Joe Cartwright understood it was how to make a grand gesture.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n If Adam had hoped that Aunt Agnes\u2019s influence would have a calming effect on the romantic tensions on the Ponderosa, he was sadly mistaken.<\/p>\n At his earliest opportunity, he had taken Little Joe aside and attempted to apologize for the incident and show the kid he had no interest in the ardent Miss Locke. Joe refused to listen, told him everything was \u201cfine\u201d and scurried away before Adam had said his piece.<\/p>\n Jeanie was not cooperating.\u00a0 While Adam was attempting to convince Joe he was not interested, Jeanie stuck to him like paint.\u00a0 If Adam sat on the settee, Jeanie was also there close enough for her skirt to cover his leg.\u00a0 If he sat in the leather chair, she balanced on the arm\u2014or overbalanced and landed in his lap.\u00a0 Everywhere he went, she was at his elbow, cooing and trying to steal a kiss.<\/p>\n Almost as challenging as avoiding Jeanie were the series of misadventures Adam was experiencing. Salt rather than sugar somehow found its way (repeatedly) into his coffee. One heel from his best pair of boots came off without warning turning his ankle and nearly sending him sprawling. Any item he set down seemed to grow legs and disappear.\u00a0 Apparently the ranch house had gained a malevolent imp whose sole purpose was to pester Adam into distraction.\u00a0 Frankly, Adam expected better of Joe.<\/p>\n Their normally peaceful house was swept away in a tide of turbulence. Joe\u2019s temper was simmering, Hoss was having a good laugh at his expense, and Pa was looking increasingly concerned.\u00a0 Even Hanson was distracted and out of sorts with the situation. The only person in the house without a clue to what was happening was coincidentally the only person who could have done anything about it\u2014Justin Locke.<\/p>\n Adam could do nothing but hold on, dodge Jeanie, and hope that Little Joe\u2019s grand gesture turned the tide.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Finally the day of salvation was in sight.\u00a0 All the local sights had been seen, stories had been told and retold, and the business dealings that Justin had put aside began to urgently demand his attention.<\/p>\n On their last evening at the Ponderosa, Hanson had outdone himself with the number and complexity of the dishes. He had gone to great pains to prepare a special dish for Jeanie and placed it before her beneath a chase silver dome.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is this?\u201d she asked.\u00a0 With a flourish, Hanson lifted the cover to reveal an artfully arranged dish of deep blue mushroom caps over greens and rice.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you might like this,\u201d he said. \u201cThese are indigo mushrooms. They\u2019re the color of the pretty dresses you wear . . . and your pretty eyes.\u201d\u00a0 Hanson was beaming.<\/p>\n \u201cLook, Adam!\u201d she cried. \u201cHave you ever seen anything like this?\u00a0 Here take a taste.\u201d\u00a0 She cut into one of the mushrooms and would not relent until she had fed Adam from her fork.\u00a0 Hanson seemed first crestfallen, then appalled at her reaction.<\/p>\n Hoss must have noticed the cook\u2019s response because he quickly piped up with words of praise.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s about the prettiest thing I ever seen. Where\u2019d you find somethin\u2019 like that?\u00a0 Those don\u2019t grow around here, do they?\u201d<\/p>\n Hanson replied to Hoss\u2019s questions without even looking in his direction, his gaze instead intent on Jeanie.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re more common back east, but I know how to find delicacies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re always mixing mushrooms into stuff,\u201d Hoss continued while spooning a helping of the dish onto his own plate. \u201cYou must know a lot about them.\u201d Hanson merely shrugged and retired to the kitchen.<\/p>\n Thankfully, the dinner party subsided into a more normal tone and broke up earlier than usual in expectation of the Locke\u2019s early departure the next morning. Adam waited patiently for the shoe to drop, but Joe surprised him by going to bed without attempting to speak with Jeanie.\u00a0 Maybe the kid had gotten over his infatuation quicker than normal. It was probably a sign the boy was growing up.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n The morning was a bustle of frenzied activity.\u00a0 Breakfast was eaten, all bags were packed and loaded into the buggy, and good-byes were said.<\/p>\n While Pa and Justin Locke were thumping each other\u2019s backs and promising to stay in touch, Jeanie was saying her own farewells.\u00a0 She shook hands with each of the Cartwrights sons as formally as a duchess on her estate and without a trace of her usual coquettishness.<\/p>\n Adam could only suppose that with every departure, she washed her hands of any romance she had created and looked forward to breaking new hearts at her next stop. Frankly, Adam was relieved at the clean break, but a glance at Hanson suggested the cook didn\u2019t share his feelings. The man looked devastated and infuriated by turns.<\/p>\n Finally, Joe was at the reins with their guests safely ensconced in the back of the buggy. With a little cloud of dust, the buggy rambled out of sight.<\/p>\n Surely, now everything could get back to normal.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n They split up a couple of miles from the house. Hoss and Walt headed out to the south pasture to check the herd while Adam rode to the nearest line shack to repair and resupply it.<\/p>\n The structure was, in fact, more than the usual shacks they maintained. Left behind by a prospector turned farmer turned \u201cgoing back East where I belong,\u201d it was a real cabin, properly divided into meagerly furnished rooms and a porch. The Cartwrights often used it as a temporary camp and gathering place before round ups. After the summer storms, the place needed significant repair.\u00a0 Adam sighed at the state of the roof alone. From the look of things, he might end up spending the night. Tying his horse and shedding his gun belt, he pulled out his equipment and got started.<\/p>\n Oddly, working up a sweat climbing up and down a shaky ladder to repair the roof proved more relaxing than avoiding the unwelcome attentions of a determined female had been.\u00a0 Adam was enjoying the change of pace.\u00a0 By the time the sun was high in the sky and he was ready for a break, he spotted a rider coming his direction.\u00a0 He was back on the ground cleaning up when Hanson rode up. The cook ambled over with a canvas bag in hand.<\/p>\n \u201cI figured you\u2019d be hungry,\u201d Hanson told him handing over the bag.<\/p>\n Adam took a peek inside. Hanson had practically packed a picnic lunch with a large wrapped sandwich, hand pies and a corked bottle of apple cider.<\/p>\n The men sat down together in the shade of the cabin\u2019s porch. Adam unwrapped what looked to be a meat pastry, still warm from the oven. The savory aroma made his stomach rumble.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to come all the way out here,\u201d Adam told Hanson, \u201cbut I\u2019m glad you did. Are you going to have some of this?\u201d\u00a0 Hanson shook his head and gestured for Adam to help himself.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t mind coming out,\u201d Hanson replied. \u201cYou all have been nice to work for, and I like to see people enjoy what I cook.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam took a large bite of the sandwich.\u00a0 The flaky pastry broke into buttery layers that enhanced the cooked beef and mushroom gravy.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t realized what an appetite he\u2019d worked up. Too quickly, the sandwich was gone, washed down with the cider.\u00a0 Hanson agreed to take a pie, and they spent several minutes eating and not saying much. Finally, Hanson got up and spent a few minutes clearing away the remains of the meal.<\/p>\n \u201cI meant what I said earlier.\u00a0 I hate to have to leave things this way.\u201d Hanson said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u00a0 We could use you until Hop Sing gets back, and I\u2019ll be happy to write you an excellent reference.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMuch appreciated,\u201d Hanson gave Adam a sly grin and sat back down on the porch.\u00a0 \u201cBut I think I\u2019ll be moving along after we talk a spell.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind?\u201d<\/p>\n Hanson cleared his throat. \u201cI took a bit of a fancy to Miss Jeanie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry about that,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cI did my best to shake her loose.\u201d Hanson answered with an unbelieving glare. Adam threw up his hands in a placating gesture.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, really . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat I saw happening,\u201d Hanson said, \u201cwas the big man of the house stringing along a pretty girl so\u2019s he could feel good about himself. It didn\u2019t matter what I did. Why\u2019d you think I cooked up all of those fancy meals? You aren\u2019t so much.\u00a0 But even when you were choking on coffee or falling down the stairs, she acted like you hung the moon.\u201d<\/p>\n That explained the malevolent imp.<\/p>\n \u201cHanson,\u201d Adam figured he might try a soothing approach. \u201cJeanie Locke is about as deep as a puddle in July. She doesn\u2019t know how to appreciate anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n Hanson didn\u2019t seem to hear. \u201cI tried everything I knew to do.\u00a0 I even wrote that Aunt Agnes.\u00a0 She said to do somethin\u2019 big. That\u2019s just what I did.\u00a0 I found those indigo mushrooms because I figured Jeanie would be tickled with them.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t give a thought to all the trouble I went to.\u00a0 I tried to talk to her this morning and let her know how I felt, but she pretended that she hadn\u2019t even been flirting with me. She told me to leave her alone, or she would have her pa thrash me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s rough, Hanson.\u00a0 I know you may not believe me now, but she\u2019s not worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n The big cook jumped to his feet and began pacing back and forth across the porch. Adam watched him warily, but soon found the constant movement was making his head hurt and his stomach a bit queasy.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s where you\u2019re wrong, Adam. Jeanie Locke was worth plenty. I could have been set up like a king instead of scrounging around for jobs.\u00a0 Someone\u2019s got to pay for that, and I reckon that someone is you.\u201d<\/p>\n When Hanson crouched down in front of him, Adam\u2019s attempt to jump to his feet ended in a clumsy flop onto his back.\u00a0 Panting with the effort, Adam rolled over to his hands and knees trying to find his way to standing.<\/p>\n \u201cYou might as well take it easy,\u201d Hanson sneered. \u201cYou ain\u2019t goin\u2019 nowhere.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat . . . have you . . . done?\u201d<\/p>\n Hanson took his time answering, and Adam was darn sure he wouldn\u2019t like what he was about to hear.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss called it right. I do know a lot about mushrooms. I like to cook with \u2018em. There were some nice ones in that sandwich you just wolfed down. I figure you\u2019ve got a couple of hours before it\u2019s too late for anyone to help you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re\u00a0 . . . crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, crazy like a fox.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done this before, and all I gotta do is keep you company for a few hours and mosey along my way when things start to get nasty.\u201d<\/p>\n Who did this two-pastry chef think he was dealing with?\u00a0 Adam Cartwright didn\u2019t sit around waiting to die. With a shout that surprised him as much as it surprised Hanson, Adam lunged for his pistol\u2014only to have it kicked away far from his grasping hands . . . too far for his dwindling strength.<\/p>\n Hanson was laughing. The man wouldn\u2019t shut up.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s gut was twisting and cramping. He fell to the floor and curled around himself. His blood was rising to pound a mad cadence in his ears until he couldn\u2019t hear Hanson laughing any more, but in his imagination he heard hoof beats and shouts, and he saw Joe and heard him call his name.<\/p>\n XXXXXXXXXX<\/p>\n Adam woke slowly\u2014squinting through heavy eyelids at the dim light.\u00a0 Weakly, he shook his head to cast off the fragments of nightmares filled with pain and panic.\u00a0 Controlling his breathing eased the nausea. Where was he?\u00a0 A pillow under his head, a scratchy blanket and musty quilt tucked around him\u2014in the cabin? An attempt to sit up was halted by both weakness and a sore belly. Her shifted uncomfortably and became aware that he was naked within his cocoon.\u00a0 Funny how he couldn\u2019t remember any of it.<\/p>\n \u201cLook who\u2019s awake.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned carefully toward the voice and waited patiently for his eyesight to clear.\u00a0 Little Joe was seated in a faded armchair next to the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you . . . get here?\u201d His throat was so dry and sore, he wasn\u2019t even sure he was speaking out loud.<\/p>\n \u201cHold on before you try any witty conversation,\u201d Joe said. \u201cSee if you can keep down some water.\u201d Joe held a spoon of water to his lips, and as the liquid trickled down Adam\u2019s throat, he was sure he\u2019d never experienced anything before as miraculous.<\/p>\n Joe must have been satisfied with Adam\u2019s response because he helped him drink several more swallows before Adam sank gratefully back into the pillow. He watched Little Joe putter around, dipping a cloth in a basin of water before laying it across his hot forehead. Joe pushed up the elbows of his long john shirt and settled back into the chair.\u00a0 What the . . . why was Joe sitting around in his long underwear?<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are your clothes?\u201d Adam whispered.<\/p>\n Joe snorted in amusement. \u201cThat\u2019s the question you want to start with? Well, brother, in case you haven\u2019t figured it out, you\u2019ve been sick and for a while things got kind of unpleasant for you. Our clothes are soaking and I\u2019ll hang them out in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n Oh, perhaps it wasn\u2019t all a just nightmare after all. Joe was blessedly quiet, giving him time, letting him figure things out on his own. Hanson has poisoned him; he could remember collapsing in pain.\u00a0 But . . .<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you know?\u201d Adam struggled again to sit up.<\/p>\n Joe shushed him and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019ll lay still and rest, I\u2019ll tell you. I got into town and put the Lockes on the stagecoach. I strolled over to the Silver Dollar to, you know, take the edge off the trip. I\u2019m just sitting there when Clem comes in.\u00a0 He shows me this wanted poster\u2014described ol\u2019 Hanson to a tee.\u00a0 Said he was wanted for poisoning a fellow in Saint Louis.\u00a0 I knew that hombre wasn\u2019t right, Adam. You never did pick up on the way he looked at you\u2014like you were the cause of all his troubles. I did my best to keep an eye on him, and I tried to stay between him and Jeanie.<\/p>\n Anyway, I just had a feeling that he might have it out for you because he couldn\u2019t have Jeanie.\u00a0 Clem and I hightailed it out here, and we found him standing over you, laughing.\u00a0 He ain\u2019t so tough when he\u2019s not being sneaky. It was easy to take him.<\/p>\n But you, brother, weren\u2019t doing so good. I made you swallow a bunch of salt water to try to bring up the poison, but I reckon it didn\u2019t all come up \u2018cause you\u2019ve been pretty bad off.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe ducked his head and swiped a shaky arm across his face.\u00a0 Lord, he must have been really sick to scare his kid brother so bad.<\/p>\n Adam maneuvered a hand from under the blanket and reached out to touch Joe\u2019s knee.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a good nurse.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHah! Well, I don\u2019t wanna make a habit of it, so be more careful what you eat next time.\u201d\u00a0 Joe favored him with a watery grin.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry about Jeanie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry? Give me a little credit.\u00a0 I never had any feelings for her. Something about all those blue dresses she wore was just all wrong.\u00a0 But Hanson sure had feelings for her, didn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe . . . wrote Aunt Agnes . . . for advice.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snorted with laughter.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you tell him to do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMake a big gesture,\u201d Adam whispered before he realized what he had divulged.\u00a0 \u201cYou KNEW?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBrother,\u201d Joe paused to wipe Adam\u2019s face again. \u201cDisguising yourself as a fussy widow lady isn\u2019t exactly a stretch. I knew . . . Pa knew . . . Hoss knew, heck even Hop Sing knew who Aunt Agnes really was.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut, why didn\u2019t you say something?\u201d Adam\u2019s mind was reeling, and it could have been from more than the poison.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy should we ruin it for you?\u00a0 You were walking around whistling and smiling at everyone. It was pretty nice. Besides, you\u2019re good at giving advice.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam managed a weak huff of disbelief. \u201cYou never listen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, I do. I listen hard every time. Thing is, your advice is always about playin\u2019 it safe. Sometimes, the reward is worth a little risk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t say anything.\u00a0 Go to sleep. Clem was going to get word to the Ponderosa about what happened as soon as he got Hanson to jail.\u00a0 I expect to see Pa at first light, and it would be better for both of us if you didn\u2019t look so puny by then.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam closed his eyes. He was too tired to argue, even too tired to think. \u00a0He hoped he said what he was thinking loud enough for Joe to hear.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s good advice.\u201d<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Written for the 2017 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament.<\/p>\n My challenge words\/phrases were:<\/p>\n During the round up <\/p>\n Next Story in the Aunt Agnes Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nAunt Agnes’s Dilemma<\/a><\/p>\n
\nInterpretation
\nIndigo
\nImp
\nCadence<\/p>\n