Summary: \u00a0 A letter from a far away island makes Ben remember an old love.<\/p>\n
Rating: \u00a0 K+ \u00a0\u00a0Word Count: \u00a01,636<\/p>\n
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Emma<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben Cartwright looked around the table, sighing as he thought about the letter that sat on his desk, begging to be opened. Joe shared a glance with Adam and Hoss, but none of them knew what was going on with him. Ever since he got home from town, he\u2019d been sullen and moody.<\/p>\n As his sons moved to the living room for their afternoon coffee, Ben decided he\u2019d had enough.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I\u2019ll have an early night,\u201d he declared, shuffling to his desk to get the letter that had robbed his mind of peace before he even opened it.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you feeling alright, Pa?\u201d Joe asked anxiously. Ben felt guilty for being such a bear with them that day, but he couldn\u2019t help it. Taking a deep breath, he gave a shaky smile.<\/p>\n \u201cJust fine, son, just tired. I\u2019ll see you boys in the morning,\u201d Ben clamped his hand around the envelope, feeling like it was going to burn a hole through his hand any second, then he straightened his back and marched up the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what that was about?\u201d Joe asked his brothers, Adam shook his head, casually flipping to the next page of his book. Hoss sent a glance up the stairs, he had the same question.<\/p>\n In his room, Ben sat down at the desk, clearing away all the papers that were there, then, still nervous about the letter, he stood up, and built a fire in the fireplace, all the while wondering about the letter that seemed to glare at him from his desk.<\/p>\n \u201cEnough!\u201d Ben ordered himself, wiping the sweat from his palms. He\u2019d waited all day. Time to get it over with.<\/p>\n The letter was postmarked from Trenton Island. That alone set Ben\u2019s heart to racing. Sitting at his desk, he carefully opened it, and pulled the single sheet of paper out.<\/p>\n 19 August 1861<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Mr. Cartwright,<\/em><\/p>\n My name is Agatha Young. I live on Trenton Island. I know we\u2019ve never met before, but I think you might know someone who lives on this island: Emma Taylor.<\/em><\/p>\n You might not be the right person, but seeing as how my research has only shown me one Ben Cartwright that could have known her, it\u2019s my gut feeling that you are indeed the one I\u2019m looking for.<\/em><\/p>\n Emma Taylor died this Sunday, around noon. In her belongings, we found several unsent letters dated in the late 1820\u2019s early thirties. <\/em><\/p>\n She lived alone and had no close family, but we thought that maybe you would be a friend, and as a friend, you\u2019d want to know of her death.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry for being the bearer of such horrible news. <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Best,<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Agatha Young<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Ben stuffed the letter back into its envelope with a strangled sob. It was what he feared all day.<\/p>\n He heard the boys moving around downstairs and prayed that they wouldn\u2019t check on him.<\/p>\n This was one story they could never hear.<\/p>\n The story of Emma.<\/p>\n As if 32 years had not gone by, Ben could remember her, but then again, he felt it was impossible to forget someone he loved so deeply.<\/p>\n Sitting down, he grabbed his current journal and flipped to the next blank page. He hadn\u2019t written in it for a month.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 19 August 191861<\/em><\/p>\n Emma is dead. It\u2019s been a long time since I wrote about Emma, hasn\u2019t it? 32 years. Ben stopped, he couldn\u2019t keep writing. <\/em><\/p>\n Sitting back, he saw her face in his mind. A short, doe eyed lady who\u2019d given his life a breath of fresh air when the ship he was on needed repairs. <\/em><\/p>\n It was late at night when they docked, and Able Stoddard ordered him to come with him. They didn\u2019t know what to expect, but what they didn\u2019t expect was a small woman, lantern in one hand, the other resting on her hip, staring at them.<\/em><\/p>\n That was the first night Ben met Emma. She\u2019d persuaded her father to help the sailors,\u00a0 and soon the whole island was trying to help, sharing space, and food. But Emma, she got his heart.<\/em><\/p>\n Thinking back, Ben remembered being slightly anxious, he\u2019d never met a woman before that simply stared at him. <\/em><\/p>\n As soon as Emma realized she\u2019d been caught staring at him, she ran. <\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n His mind was a whole line of memories one after the other. He remembered chasing after Emma, following her into the woods, seeing nothing but darkness until finally, she stopped at an old, nearly broken down cabin. But the one that came first was a much sadder one.<\/p>\n \u201cEmma?\u201d Ben held the lantern as high as he could, trying to get some light into the darkness. <\/em><\/p>\n She stepped onto the porch of their meeting place, wrapped securely in her shawl, the wind was cutting.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBen?\u201d Ben gulped, he no longer felt courageous.<\/em><\/p>\n She opened the door for him, greeting him with a kiss on the lips, the difference was this time Ben didn\u2019t kiss back.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBen, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d She took the lantern from him, blowing out the light and setting it on the table. Ben was frozen.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEmma, I lied.\u201d He whispered it, but she still heard.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAbout what, Ben?\u201d Ben thought he would stop breathing. You can do this! He told himself. Honestly, he didn\u2019t have a choice, but it was hard. So hard.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t see you anymore.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d Emma\u2019s arms seemed pinned to her side. She was confused, and it showed on her face. First, he said he lied; then he stated that they couldn\u2019t see each other. What was going on?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEmma, I lied\u2026 I should never have started seeing you. I should never have put you through it. But God, I love you!\u201d Ben was crying, a sight that Emma never thought she would see.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand,\u201d Emma sat down on the settee, feeling like she\u2019d lost her equilibrium. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEmma\u2026 I\u2019m engaged,\u201d Ben stumbled over the words, his heart constricted as her face fell. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEmma, please believe me. I love you; I love you more than I can say.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou belong to another,\u201d was all Emma could respond. She clasped her hands together.\u00a0 Ben felt despair wash over him, rubbing his pants he felt the letter rubbing against his hand.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhy. Why did you pursue me if you were engaged to be married?\u201d She was on her feet, yelling at him. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBecause I was going to end the relationship,\u201d Ben admitted in a whisper that Emma almost missed.<\/em><\/p>\n To Emma, this was even worse. He loved her, but in the end, she wasn\u2019t good enough for him. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cEmma\u2026\u201d She was sobbing, Ben wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but he resisted.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAm I not good enough?\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n “You are more than good enough, you are perfect, but Liz\u2026\u201d Emma\u2019s breath caught hearing \u201cLiz.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s pregnant. Emma, I can\u2019t abandon her.\u201d God knew if Elizabeth Stoddard wasn\u2019t pregnant then Ben Cartwright wouldn\u2019t be in that situation. The young man cursed himself bitterly for having hurt Emma.<\/em><\/p>\n Emma turned away from him, not wanting Ben to see just how much he hurt her. <\/em><\/p>\n Suddenly, she pulled herself to her full height, and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.<\/em><\/p>\n Taking that as his cue to leave, Ben wiped the tears from his own eyes, and with one more heartfelt apology, started into the night<\/em><\/p>\n He\u2019d barely gone 5 feet when she opened the door again, calling him back.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBen, I want you to have this,\u201d there were still tears trailing down her face, and she tried for a smile, but she failed. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t deserve it,\u201d Ben declared, unable to look her in the eyes.<\/em><\/p>\n Emma looked at him, she wanted to hate him, but it wasn\u2019t in her heart to do it, so she wouldn\u2019t. Instead, she forced him to take the package, telling him, \u201cthis is for your ranch, Ben. I know you\u2019ll find it one day,\u201d before running back to the cabin and shutting the door. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Emma. So sorry,\u201d the words flew into the wind. Ben knew then that it would be the twelfth of never before he saw her again. And it hurt.<\/em><\/p>\n A knock on the door interrupted Ben\u2019s thoughts. He ran a hand wearily over his eyes and prepared for whoever was on the other side.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Adam had been the one elected to check on him.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Adam?\u201d Ben opened the door, hoping that there was no sign of distress on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you alright? We were worried.\u201d Adam crossed the threshold into the room, looking his father squarely in the eye.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry I was such a bear all day, Adam. I\u2019m fine. I\u2019ll see you tomorrow,\u201d Ben responded, wanting more time to himself.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re sure you\u2019re not feeling poorly?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, son. I feel just fine, I was going over some mail and paperwork,\u201d and memories, Ben silently added.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright then, see you tomorrow,\u201d Adam closed the door behind him, still wondering why his father was acting so strange.<\/p>\n Ben walked over to his closet and got a box from the top shelf. He carefully brought it down and removed a pair of worn chaps.<\/p>\n He\u2019d had them so long that they were falling apart, but he refused to throw them out. They were the last reminder of love lost.<\/p>\n On the outside looking in, Ben seemed perfectly moral, upright, courageous and strong, especially to his sons. But not even they knew the whole story. They knew of many of his escapades as a young man, eager to make his way, and knock down anyone who stood in his path. But no one knew the story of Emma.<\/p>\n Putting the letter along with the chaps in the box, Ben vowed that they never would.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Written for the 2017 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament.<\/p>\n The words\/phrases dealt to me were:<\/p>\n lantern <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright<\/p>\n
\nchaps
\ndelectable
\non the outside looking in
\nthe twelfth of never<\/p>\n