{"id":14746,"date":"2017-08-04T15:01:21","date_gmt":"2017-08-04T19:01:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14746"},"modified":"2026-03-16T17:28:44","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T21:28:44","slug":"the-best-little-bed-and-breakfast-in-nevada-by-jc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14746","title":{"rendered":"The Best Little Bed and Breakfast in Nevada (by JC)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0<\/strong> The Cartwrights entertain house guests. \u00a0Again. \u00a0Joe has a better idea.<\/p>\n

Rating: K++, or maybe T- \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0(4592 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

AUTHOR’S NOTE: \u00a0Now that the \u00a02017 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament is over, I\u2019m posting my unofficial \u201calternate\u201d entry, composed simultaneously. It was a crap shoot, really \u2013 dismal odds either way \u2013 but this one is certainly more fun.\u00a0 Words\/phrases drawn were little, peeved, mountain, prosper,<\/em> and in the root cellar<\/em>.\u00a0 Keep in mind this is totally AU; anachronisms abound! (You’ve been warned. Don\u2019t be a hater.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE BEST LITTLE B&B IN NEVADA<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was 1860-something on the Ponderosa, and the Cartwrights were getting ready to welcome their fourteenth round of house guests of the seemingly never-ending tourist season, which was anytime one of Pa\u2019s old friends happened to be in the vicinity.\u00a0 (It was actually the thirteenth round, but since no one would want to be assigned such an unlucky number they always just skipped it.)<\/p>\n

Hop Sing had grown mighty peeved lately. When he signed on as domestic help for Ben Cartwright and his three sons, he never expected to be managing a hotel, and lately, that\u2019s what it felt like. Where in the world did all these people come from, and how did they know the Cartwrights?\u00a0 Never mind the food and laundry; it was too many chamber pots for just one cook.\u00a0 After the circus troupe last week, he had threatened to quit and go back to China where he\u2019d never even lived before if somebody didn\u2019t lend a hand.<\/p>\n

As usual, the boys were arguing over the division of labor on the ranch.\u00a0 The normal method of deciding was to draw straws, but in the interest of time and for Hoss\u2019s sake, Adam opted to skip it and arbitrarily assigned this least desirable task to the youngest.<\/p>\n

Little Joe was more than peeved.\u00a0 \u201cWhy do I always have to be the youngest?\u201d he scowled.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink about it,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

Joe looked skeptical, certain that sneaky oldest brother of his was trying to pull one over on him.<\/p>\n

Hoss scratched his head, \u201cI reckon it\u2019s cuz you\u2019re the littlest, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s another thing! No man likes to be called \u201clittle\u201d anything!\u201d<\/p>\n

(The Cartwright formerly known as Little had already updated his Facebook page to reflect his preferred moniker, Manly Joe. Hoss was thinking of updating his profile name as well.\u00a0 Eric wasn\u2019t so bad, but it sounded a bit too Nordic for Virginia City. He was leaning toward something like Rock. Or maybe \u00a0Chad.\u00a0 Adam claimed he didn\u2019t have time for Facebook, but he had 50,000 Twitter followers @bullofthewoods and was always tweeting out quotes from Shakespeare or Thoreau, along with his own pithy comments, #Moo).<\/p>\n

Despite his protestations, in the end Joe had no choice but to step up to the pot, which he did however grudgingly.<\/p>\n

In the face of all that peevishness, Hoss remained cheerful as ever.\u00a0 Most of the time, he really enjoyed having guests.\u00a0 There were exceptions though, like that two timing Melinda and her social climbing mother, and that awful Lady Linda who tried to blackmail their Pa.\u00a0 And Cousin Will with his painted on mustache and stretchy pants who didn\u2019t even smell like a Cartwright.<\/p>\n

Some of his all-time favorite guests were Lucky Mercado and his red-headed wife, Dizzy.\u00a0 Pa met Lucky in New Orleans when he was courting Little Joe\u2019s ma, Marie.\u00a0 Lucky was the master of ceremonies and headliner at the Jambalaya Club. \u00a0Dizzy (whose real name was Louise) and Marie were BFFs at the convent where they grew up, until Dizzy got kicked out for putting henna on her hair. After she married Lucky, she was always trying to weasel her way into his show but everybody knew she couldn\u2019t sing a lick (she did have great legs, though).\u00a0 The last time the Mercados stopped by on their way to California they brought their friends Ed and Thelma with them, and when they drove up in their brand new eight-horsepower covered wagon even Adam was impressed. (Ed was sort of a fuddy duddy, but Thelma was a real nice lady.)<\/p>\n

Hoss whistled as he set to work on his assigned task \u2013 setting up for the barbecue that evening.\u00a0 That meant moving tables, putting out chairs, and stringing the Chinese lanterns.\u00a0 Wells Fargo had just dropped off a new box of lanterns from Oriental Trading Company to replace the ones Cousin Muley\u2019s dogs chewed up last month, and Hop Sing had stored it in the root cellar for safe keeping. Hoss loved going in the root cellar because he never knew exactly what he was going to find.\u00a0 Hop Sing was always squirrelling things away down there. Once, Hoss found a carton with a dozen Ghirardelli chocolate bars, and another time a whole case of red velvet Oreos.\u00a0 He was keeping his fingers crossed for double-stuff this time.<\/p>\n

Adam had the cushy job of picking up the guests and driving them back to the ranch. That was his favorite. He loved wearing the chauffeur\u2019s cap and always spent a lot of time working on the signs he held up so the passengers could find him in the town crowd when they got off the stage.\u00a0 He had a brand new four passenger surrey, complete with fringe and running lights, and he was sure that cute Laurey and her Aunt Eller would be impressed. \u00a0They were from Oklahoma. \u00a0Laurey had just broken up with her boyfriend, Curly, and Aunt Eller felt a change would do her good.\u00a0 Adam had always thought Curly was kind of a sissy, and he intended to show Laurey some honest-to-goodness cowboy action. Oklahoma was okay, but it was nothing compared to the near-heavenly thousand square miles of the Ponderosa, where there were plenty of places for a guy and a girl to disappear for a while.\u00a0 And what happens on the Ponderosa, stays on the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller was going to be disappointed to find out her old army buddy Ben wasn\u2019t home.\u00a0 Pa was working overtime on an important business meeting in San Francisco he hoped to wrap up soon. If he didn\u2019t finish before the first snow he\u2019d never make it back through the mountain pass before spring.<\/p>\n

(Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Hop Sing was busy whipping up a triple batch of shrimp parm for guests who wanted to avoid red meat.\u00a0 It was an authentic ancient Chinese secret recipe he got from his friend Kim Lee\u2019s wife, who got it from her Jewish pen pal Mrs. Goldberg in Pennsylvania.)<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Cute Laurey stepped off the stage and squealed in delight when she saw Adam holding up the glittered welcome sign.\u00a0 \u201cLook Aunt Eller!\u00a0 Isn\u2019t he dreamy?\u00a0 He even spelled my name right!\u201d\u00a0 She was sick and tired of correcting everybody who always spelled it with \u201cie\u201d at the end. Hopeless Curly still got it wrong after three years.<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller clomped out behind her in her big army boots.\u00a0 \u201cSo this is Nevada!\u00a0 Smells funny.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cute Laurey was even cuter than Adam remembered, with her bouncy golden curls and pert little nose. He greeted her with a friendly kiss on the lips, keeping it to no more than ten seconds since he didn\u2019t want to seem too forward.\u00a0 Aunt Eller puckered up too but all he gave her was a hearty handshake.\u00a0 He knew better than to trifle with a widow\u2019s affections.<\/p>\n

\u201cWelcome to Virginia City, ladies,\u201d he said, grateful for the chance to show off his dazzling smile. The new dentist, Dr. Holliday, was currently offering a deep discount on teeth whitening for referred patients. \u00a0\u201cNext stop, the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s old Ironsides?\u201d asked Aunt Eller.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2019s in San Francisco on business.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller nodded, with a knowing look, \u201cHe always did have a mind for business.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam put their luggage in the back of the surrey with Aunt Eller and parked Laurey in the front passenger seat.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know the surrey song?\u201d Even Laurey\u2019s eyelashes were cute as she fluttered them at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, yes indeed,\u201d he replied, thrilled that she asked. He had downloaded it from iTunes so he could brush up on it just for the occasion.<\/p>\n

When he finished singing, Aunt Eller let out a long whistle. \u201cHe sings even purtier than Curly, don\u2019t you think, Laurey?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCurly who?\u201d asked dreamy-eyed Laurey, hanging on Adam\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

(Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Manly Joe, still peeved, was busy trying to think up new ways to get out of work or annoy Adam, preferably both.)<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Hoss was putting out the last of the chairs when Adam pulled in with their guests. Setting up for the barbecue was thirsty work, but luckily he\u2019d scored a six pack of Dr. Pepper made with real sugar when he went in the root cellar\u00a0to get the lanterns.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy folks,\u201d he greeted them with a wide grin, \u201cMiss Laurey, Miss Eller.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, Hoss \u2013 you can call me Aunt. \u00a0Everybody else does.\u00a0 My, but you\u2019re gettin\u2019 to be a big feller, ain\u2019t ya?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u2019m, I reckon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you keep it up.\u00a0 There ain\u2019t enough big men in this country.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe emerged from the house, smiling.\u00a0 \u201cWelcome to the Ponderosa, ladies.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller looked him over.\u00a0 \u201cThat one\u2019s kind of puny, ain\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s our brother, Little<\/em> Joe,\u201d said Adam, with emphasis on the adjective. \u201cYou remember him, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shot him a scowl before turning to perky Laurey with his infamous twinkly-eyed grin.\u00a0 \u201cJoe Cartwright, at your service,\u201d he said, kissing her hand.<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller clapped him on the back, propelling him forward.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, you were wearin\u2019 a diaper and a dress last time I saw you.\u00a0 Reckon you\u2019re not finished growin\u2019 yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpeaking of service, we could use your services getting their luggage up to their rooms, if you don\u2019t mind,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

Joe made a face at him and went around to the back of the surrey to retrieve the trunk, but he couldn\u2019t budge it.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s in here, a dead body?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, just women things, but I reckon it is a might heavy.\u00a0 Here, let me get it.\u201d\u00a0 Aunt Eller picked up the trunk and handed it Hoss. \u201cYou don\u2019t mind totin\u2019 it up the stairs for me, do ya?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo ma\u2019am, I\u2019m happy to,\u201d he replied, surprised at the weight in his arms.\u00a0 Aunt Eller might be skinny, but she sure was strong.<\/p>\n

The women followed Hoss up the stairs. Joe picked up the remaining bags, stuck one under his arm and held out his hand to Adam, palm up.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I\u2019m gonna be bellboy, I expect a tip.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked thoughtful.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, here\u2019s one.\u00a0 Don\u2019t go swimming on a full stomach.\u201d<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

Plenty of guests showed up for the barbecue, as any event at the Ponderosa ranked among the highlights of the Virginia City social season. The Cartwrights knew how to throw a party.\u00a0 Friends and neighbors all turned out — Roy Coffee (Clem was minding the jail), Mitch Devlin and his new wife Bunny (whom he met online at RanchersOnly.com), Will Cass and his daughter Sally, Sue Miller and her boyfriend Jerry (they\u2019d been dating for years but no one could ever remember the poor fella\u2019s last name \u2013 Lewis, maybe?).\u00a0 Paul Martin squired his fianc\u00e9e, Beth Cameron, who owned the General Store. (Their engagement took everyone by surprise, especially Ben Cartwright who had more than once cast a wishful eye toward the widow; perhaps that was one reason for his impromptu visit to San Francisco.) Hank and Abigail Myers and the twins Walter and Raleigh were there too, along with Abigail\u2019s mother Mrs. Nutley, Clementine Hawkins, and a plethora of others.<\/p>\n

In Pa\u2019s absence Adam played host, and after introducing the guests of honor he went to work intent on impressing Laurey.\u00a0 He seemed to be succeeding, to Joe\u2019s displeasure.\u00a0 Honestly, he never understood what women saw in the old fussbudget. It was probably because they didn\u2019t know him that well.\u00a0 Hoss was chatting up Sally Cass over by the barn. They were laughing and taking selfies with his new iPhone. Joe didn\u2019t begrudge him at all.<\/p>\n

For once, Joe\u2019s mind wasn\u2019t on girls.\u00a0 It was on business.\u00a0 In spite of what a lot of people thought, he had a shrewd head for it.\u00a0 He\u2019d outsmarted both his brothers in a horse race and gotten not only a one-third share of the purse, but a horse and a new rifle to boot.\u00a0 Nothing personal; it was strictly business.\u00a0 He could recognize a good opportunity when it was staring him in the face, and the Cartwrights were sitting on a gold mine with enormous potential to prosper.\u00a0 Imagine if all the people who came to visit the Ponderosa were paying customers?\u00a0 His head reeled at the possibilities.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t take much to turn this place into the best little bed and breakfast in Nevada, especially if he could get his brothers on board. \u00a0Pa wouldn\u2019t go against all three of them, would he?<\/p>\n

His visions of being a resort ranch tycoon were momentarily derailed by an impatient voice calling his name.<\/p>\n

\u201cBring more shrimp parm from kitchen, chop chop!\u201d said Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, okay!\u201d\u00a0 Who eats this stuff anyway, <\/em>Joe wondered as he hauled the dish out to the table.\u00a0 Personally, he never touched anything that even faintly resembled a casserole, <\/em>wrinkling his nose at the thought.<\/em> \u00a0Adam was allergic to shellfish, and Hoss hated cheese.\u00a0 Maybe Pa liked it.<\/p>\n

(Meanwhile, Adam was tuning his guitar with a gleaming eye on cute Laurey, preparing to move in for the kill\u2026.)<\/p>\n

He\u2019d just finished his standard rendition of \u201cEarly One Morning\u201d and Laurey was gushing. (Abigail Myers was fanning herself with her handkerchief and Hank was sulking.)<\/p>\n

\u201cOh Adam, that was wonderful,\u201d Laurey beamed.\u00a0 \u201cI think you\u2019re the best singer in the whole world!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot so fast\u2026\u201d a voice interrupted.<\/p>\n

The crowd parted, and a lean, well-chiseled stranger sauntered into their midst. He was outfitted in a neon orange silky shirt accented with a blue bandana and a pair of well-worn leather chaps over his jeans. His hat was cocked atop a mass of chestnut curls that could put any girl and even Joe Cartwright to shame.<\/p>\n

\u201cCurly!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy, Laurey.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam stood up slowly, his eyes on the stranger. \u201cCurly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t expect to see you here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess not, seein\u2019 as how I wasn\u2019t invited to the party.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat can we do for you?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was calm, his eyes fixed on Curly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI came for my girl.\u201d Curly\u2019s voice was equally calm.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that a fact?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m not sure she is your girl, Curly, but I know one thing. You\u2019re not takin\u2019 her out of here. Not tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure about that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDead sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo that\u2019s how it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n

The palpable tension rippled through the crowd in whispers and gasps as the two men stared each other down.\u00a0 Laurey clung to Aunt Eller, who hollered, \u201cThere ain\u2019t no call for this, boys!\u201d<\/p>\n

Curly held up a hand, \u201cYou stay out of this, Aunt Eller.\u00a0 This is between Adam and me, and it\u2019s been a long time comin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cToo long,\u201d Adam nodded.<\/p>\n

Roy stepped in.\u00a0 \u201cNow this ain\u2019t nothin\u2019 but foolishness. Boy, you ain\u2019t even wearin\u2019 a gun,\u201d he reminded Curly.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t need one. \u00a0Adam knows there\u2019s only one way to settle this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s that behind your back, Curly?\u201d<\/p>\n

A slow smile spread across Curly\u2019s face as he moved his arm.<\/p>\n

Hoss shouted a warning, \u201cAdam, watch out! He\u2019s got a\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Curly whipped the instrument of doom around him as the crowd gasped collectively.<\/p>\n

\u201cA twelve string! I ain\u2019t never seen one before,\u201d declared Hank in a tone dripping with dread and admiration.\u00a0 Abigail swayed as if she were going to faint. Laurey buried her face in Aunt Eller\u2019s shawl.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s placid expression broke ever so slightly before he recovered.\u00a0 Joe noticed it. Hoss did too.\u00a0\u00a0 Big brother was in trouble, and things were about to get ugly…<\/p>\n

With a practiced grin, Adam picked up his new Spanish guitar which Don Miguel had sent him to replace the one Margarita smashed to smithereens. \u00a0It only had six strings, and he was still breaking it in. \u00a0But he\u2019d faced tougher odds before in the desert.\u00a0 Also whenever Laura Dayton invited him for a home cooked meal.<\/p>\n

\u201cSay when, Curly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Curly paused and scratched his head, \u201c\u2026uh, how do we do this, exactly? Do I go first, or do you want to? It doesn\u2019t really matter to me, but maybe you should \u2013 it\u2019s your party after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you can go first, you\u2019re a guest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, technically, I\u2019m not a guest since I wasn\u2019t invited.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. No one is ever turned away from the Ponderosa,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cEveryone here knows that.\u201d<\/p>\n

The crowd responded in a collective murmur of agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like you\u2019re up, Curly,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cNice hair, by the way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d he nodded.\u00a0 He glanced around and settled his gaze on Laurey, who was watching anxiously as he began.<\/p>\n

You ask how long I need you, must I explain?<\/em><\/p>\n

I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.<\/em><\/p>\n

You ask how long I\u2019ll love you; I\u2019ll tell you true,<\/em><\/p>\n

Until the twelfth of never, I\u2019ll still be loving you.*<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time he finished singing, people were cheering, some of the women were swooning, and Laurey was in his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, what about me, don\u2019t I get a turn?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, you done had your turn,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cBy the way, I think maybe it\u2019s time you learned some new songs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Eller spoke up, \u201cLaurey, how \u2018bout you and Curly doin\u2019 that sweet little ditty you\u2019ve been practicin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow \u2018bout it, Laurey?\u201d Curly grinned.<\/p>\n

She glanced at Adam, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked a little deflated in spite of his smile, \u201cGo ahead; I\u2019m sure everyone would love to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Laurey smiled her cutest, \u201cAll right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t throw bouquets at me; don\u2019t please my folks too much;<\/em><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t laugh at my jokes too much \u2013 people will say we\u2019re in love\u2026.**<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe crossed his arms, listening thoughtfully.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re good aren\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, they are,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, you win some, you lose some,\u201d he grinned. \u201cShe sure is cute, though, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

Actually, Joe was thinking what a great attraction Laurey and Curly would make if he could get them to sign on at the Ponderosa B&B.\u00a0 A dinner show, maybe\u2026yeah. Curly might make a decent ranch hand to boot.\u00a0 Joe made a mental note to ask him where he got his shirts and what he put on his hair to make it so shiny and manageable\u2026<\/p>\n

~*~<\/p>\n

It was no surprise when Laurey and Curly announced their engagement that evening, and a couple of days later they left for Oklahoma with Aunt Eller to prepare for a windswept wedding on the plains. Adam presented the couple with a prize bull as a gift to show there were no hard feelings. Curly was so touched that he gave Adam his twelve string guitar in exchange for his promise that he would never sing to Laurey again. Better safe than sorry, they both agreed.<\/p>\n

Hoss drove them to town to catch the stage, and when he returned he had a telegram from Pa.\u00a0 \u201cListen to this,\u201d he read to his brothers:<\/p>\n

Business concluded. Returning tomorrow on noon stage with a surprise. Pa<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you reckon the surprise could be?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBeats me,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know one thing,\u201d said Adam, \u201cWe need to get this place put back together before he gets here. It\u2019s still a mess from the party.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just then Hop Sing entered from the kitchen, carrying his luggage.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, where are you going?\u00a0 Don\u2019t tell me you have another<\/em> sick relative,\u201d said Adam, skeptically.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t goin\u2019 back to China, are ya?\u201d asked Hoss, looking worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cHeck no,\u201d said Hop Sing. \u201cI\u2019m going home to LA.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a business opportunity I just can\u2019t pass up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of business opportunity?\u201d asked Joe.\u00a0 \u201cAnd what happened to your accent?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing grinned, \u201cThe audition said Chinese cook, and I needed the work, so\u2026 pretty good, huh?\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong, it\u2019s been a great gig, and you\u2019re a swell bunch of guys. But now I\u2019ve saved up enough money to go into business with my cousin Vinny Chan.\u00a0 He\u2019s opening a new kind of Chinese laundry called \u2018dry cleaning\u2019, with plans to franchise.\u00a0 We\u2019re gonna make a fortune! Is this a great country, or what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, you can\u2019t do this to us,\u201d cried Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are we gonna eat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s plenty of leftover shrimp parm in the back of the root cellar. And there are always beans and jerky until you can hire someone else. By the way, my friends call me Jimmy.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the brothers were dismally contemplating life without Hop Sing\u2019s succulent roast pork, powdered donuts and proverbial wisdom, the front door banged open and then shut.<\/p>\n

\u201cSons!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d exclaimed Joe, \u201cyou\u2019re home early!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe weren\u2019t expectin\u2019 you until tomorrow,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cI came in on yesterday\u2019s stage and spent the night in town. I don\u2019t want you boys thinking your father too predictable. I like to keep you on your toes,\u201d he smiled.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d he asked, gesturing at Hop Sing\u2019s luggage.<\/p>\n

\u201cGucci,\u201d Hop Sing\/Jimmy replied.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you like it?\u00a0 I got it on Ebay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVery nice,\u201d said Ben. \u201cAnother sick relative?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot exactly, Pa. Hop Sing is moving to Los Angeles to go into business with his cousin Vinny,\u201d Adam explained.<\/p>\n

Joe added, \u201cThey\u2019re gonna make a fortune.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCookies?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDry cleaning,\u201d said Hop Sing\/Jimmy.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d said Ben. \u201cWell, whatever that is, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll do well. You\u2019ve always had a good head on your shoulders.\u00a0 By the way, your English has improved remarkably since you came to work for us. Your accent isn\u2019t even noticeable anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you said you were bringin\u2019 home a surprise, ain\u2019t that right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed I did, Hoss \u2013 and indeed I have,\u201d said Ben, opening the door once more. \u00a0\u201cBoys, say hello to the new Mrs. Cartwright!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMagnificent Adah!\u201d they shouted in unison.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the flesh,\u201d said Adah, smiling and making a grand curtsey in front of them. \u00a0Then she patted Joe\u2019s cheek. \u201cYou can call me Mommy, dearest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen did this happen?\u201d Adam wanted to know.<\/p>\n

\u201cYesterday,\u201d said Ben, smiling at Adah, \u201cthough we\u2019ve been in a silent partnership for years.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean all those business trips to San Francisco\u2026\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n

Ben shrugged, grinning impishly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I thought Adam was the sneaky one,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I guess this calls for a celebration,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m on it,\u201d Hop Sing\/Jimmy assured them.\u00a0 \u201cShrimp parm for everyone!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOoh, I love shrimp parm!\u201d said Adah.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too,\u201d Ben smiled, \u201cbut I love you more.\u201d\u00a0 He gave Adah a big sloppy smooch.<\/p>\n

Joe threw up in his mouth a little but managed a grin. (It was mostly the thought of shrimp parm.)<\/p>\n

Over a festive if unappetizing dinner, the Cartwrights welcomed their newest family member and said goodbye to an old friend. Hop Sing\/Jimmy passed around the last of the powdered donuts which they washed down with mugs of cr\u00e8me soda and ginger beer, purchased by the case at the new Virginia City Costco. (There was plenty more where that came from, he assured Hoss before he left \u2013 \u201cyou know where.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s lips were starting to swell big time from the shrimp so he excused himself from the table, but not before Joe snapped a picture of him, which he posted on Instagram, #ForAllTheGirlsI’veLovedBefore. Hoss excused himself to go the outhouse, but he really wanted to check out the root cellar for more goodies. The lovebirds excused themselves as well, explanation deemed unnecessary.<\/p>\n

Alone at the table, Manly Joe Cartwright wiped his creamy soda mustache with the back of his hand, looking handsomely reflective. He\u2019d never had a stepmother before, but he was certain they\u2019d get along fine. He hadn\u2019t given up on his idea of the Ponderosa B&B, either. \u00a0No sir, not by a long shot. A new idea swirled in his head beneath the freshly coiffed curls. If he could get Adah on his side, they could do dinner theater\u2026yeah. First thing tomorrow, he\u2019d go to work on Mommy dearest.<\/p>\n

Well, maybe not first thing, Joe grinned\u2026 By all accounts, Adah was indeed a magnificent woman as well as a really good sport. He had to hand it to Pa for doing things his own way and not listening to his whiny sons, for knowing what he wanted and persisting until he got it.\u00a0 That\u2019s what a man does.\u00a0 Joe wanted to be just like his Pa whenever he grew up.<\/p>\n

His reverie was cut short by Hoss, bursting into the room carrying what looked like a treasure chest.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, you gotta see this!\u201d He set it on the table. \u201cIt\u2019s just full of stuff — Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos \u2013 just look!<\/p>\n

Joe peered into the chest and pulled out a box.\u00a0 \u201cNutty Buddies! And Honey Buns!\u00a0 Wait, is that what I think it is?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss held up another box and grinned, \u201cLittle Debbie Oatmeal Cr\u00e8me pies. Are you thinkin\u2019 what I\u2019m thinkin’?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLast one in\u2019s a rotten egg!\u201d<\/p>\n

Later that evening, drained by the sugar rush, the two brothers lolled on the settee with their feet on the coffee table while trying to muster enough energy to mount the stairs and go to bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, do you think Little Debbie is a real person?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno, why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to marry a gal like that,\u201d Hoss sighed, yawning. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sure gonna miss Hop Sing\/Jimmy,\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, me too,\u201d replied Joe, eyes closed. \u201cBut don\u2019t worry; I got the Costco card from him before he left.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss roused enough to send him a look of pure admiration.\u00a0 \u201cYou know somethin\u2019, Joe?\u00a0 I\u2019m beginnin\u2019 to think you are the smart one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u00a0put his hands behind his head and smiled.\u00a0 Most days it was good to be a Cartwright.\u00a0 And this was one of those days.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Epilogue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hop Sing\/Jimmy Chan moved to LA, got married and became a dry cleaning magnate along with his cousin Vinny.\u00a0 His great-great-grandson gained prominence as a martial artist, stuntman, and successful Hollywood actor. Laurey and Curly\u2019s great-granddaughter earned a modicum of fame as a widow who formed a rock band with her five children and toured the country in a psychedelic bus during the 1970\u2019s. Ben and Adah enjoyed a long and happy marriage on the Ponderosa, which for several years was home to the best little bed and breakfast in Nevada under the innovative entrepreneurship of Joseph Cartwright with the help of his brothers, all of whom remained contentedly single, or so we\u2019ve been told.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

~END~<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*from \u201cThe Twelfth of Never\u201d \u2013 lyrics by Jerry Livingston and Paul Francis Webster<\/em><\/p>\n

**from \u201cPeople Will Say We\u2019re in Love\u201d \u2013 lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein<\/em><\/p>\n

Bonanza character acknowledgements:\u00a0 Many thanks to writers Norman Lessing (The Wooing of Abigail Jones), N.B Stone, Jr. (The Burma Rarity), Ed Adamson (The Waiting Game, Between Heaven and Earth), Laurence Mascott (Death at Dawn), John T. Kelly (Broken Ballad), Jerry Adelman (Thanks for Everything, Friend), and Donald S. Sanford (The Magnificent Adah) for Abigail Jones, Hank Myers, Ma Nutley, Clementine Hawkins, Laura Dayton, Mitch Devlin, Beth Cameron, Will and Sally Cass, Sue Miller and Jerry with no last name, and the incomparable Magnificent Adah Mencken.<\/p>\n

Further acknowledgements:\u00a0 Aside from the usual disclaimers, any resemblance to persons living or dead is drawn with the utmost affection.\u00a0 My sincere apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein and anyone else I may have inadvertently offended.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Family,\u00a0Hop Sing,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwrights entertain house guests. \u00a0Again. \u00a0Joe has a better idea.<\/p>\n

Rating: K++, or maybe T- \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0(4592 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10253,"featured_media":5266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,24,1008,4,3,27,13,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-u","category-crossover","category-family","category-humor","category-romance","category-whi","category-whn","category-challenges","wpcat-7-id","wpcat-24-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-3-id","wpcat-27-id","wpcat-13-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":false,"total_views":1237,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Friendship-4.jpg?fit=500%2C373&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":14355,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14355","url_meta":{"origin":14746,"position":0},"title":"Cartwrights Forever (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"June 2, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A tribute in rhyme for everyone who loves the Cartwrights, especially those who love to write about them. 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