{"id":1475,"date":"2009-08-20T13:43:56","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T17:43:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1475"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:13:22","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:13:22","slug":"a-trip-to-town","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1475","title":{"rendered":"A Trip To Town (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>The Giggly Sisters go to town with the Cartwrights (in more ways than one).<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> MA \u00a0WC \u00a02500<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Trip to Town<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI think we\u2019ll need to go into Virginia City to do some shopping,\u201d Ben Cartwright said, coming down stairs. \u201cI seem to need some new clothes, and I\u2019m sure that goes for everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cShopping!\u201d said the redhead, with a gleam in her eye. \u201cI love to shop!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe, too,\u201d said the blonde. \u201cWhen do we leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh, first things first,\u201d said the patriarch of the Ponderosa. \u201cI\u2019ll need to look up \u2018Joe\u2019s Big Book of Danger<\/em>\u2019 to see what perils might befall him in the big city.\u201d He went across to the bookcase in the study (which was against the front wall today, while the window was in the sidewall) and took down a thick tome. Joe and the girls went to peer over his shoulder. The book narrated every single misfortune that had ever befallen the youngest Cartwright, both televisual and in fanfic. Consequently, it was very large and incredibly detailed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll need to beware of bank robberies, fights in the saloon, and being dragged up dark alleyways,\u201d Ben said, turning page after page of beautifully illustrated maims. The sisters could hardly wait to get their hands on that book and savour it very slowly. They could not help noticing that Joe appeared to have had his left kidney removed twice, but as different authors were involved, perhaps this was understandable.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe could read their minds perfectly. \u201cYou haven\u2019t maimed me in an age,\u201d he said, apprehensively. \u201cAre you going to do that this time?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, since we have self-inflicted maims,\u201d said the blonde, \u201cit only seems fair to share the angst with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou told me it didn\u2019t hurt,\u201d Joe protested, admiring the tattoo of Cochise on the redhead\u2019s arm, and having a sneaky peak at Paw, who now immortalised in illustrated form on the blonde\u2019s hip.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt didn\u2019t at the time,\u201d said the redhead, breathing seductively in his ear. Joe had to concentrate really hard on what she was saying. \u201cBut it\u2019s a little tight and itchy now it\u2019s healing. A little kiss better would be nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben cleared his throat. \u201cJoe, were you listening?\u201d he asked, although it was clear to them all that Joe had only been listening to the girls. “Stay away from those alleys, whatever you do! Something nasty also seems to happen whenever anyone goes near one of them.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss were waiting by the barn with the horses. Hoss looked a trifle perplexed and was scratching his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“‘Taint right, no sirree!” he muttered in an abstracted fashion. “Dadburn tree ain\u2019t got no business darting around like that. Plumb confuses a critter.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam leaned against the barn wall laconically and studied his long legs critically. “What Hoss is trying to say is that the tree and shrubbery at the side of the barn appears to have moved.” Joe craned his necked curiously and, sure enough, the awkwardly-placed shrubbery at the side of the barn was gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Well, that’s a definite improvement!” he said cheerily. “It was always a tight squeeze getting past there.” He looked at Hoss, who retorted<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I were accustomed to getting Chubb to skedaddle by there, real careful like. I don’t like it when things change.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Why are you wearing a stetson, instead of your normal 10-gallon hat then?” the blonde enquired and a look of horror crept across Hoss’s face.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Someone’s playin’ tricks on me!” he cried, belting back to the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben patted Buck on the nose, removing his hand just before the skittish animal swallowed it and then did a double take.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Where’s Buck’s normal bridle? The one with all the medallions on it? You know I like him to wear that, as it matches my conchos!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam rose to his full height and stretched elegantly. “That was the only bridle in his stall, Pa. No doubt the other bridle will turn up somewhere.” He turned to Sport and gracefully swung into the saddle. It was at this point that the sisters began to realise that things were not quite as they should be. Turning around, they observed Ben giving Joe a leg-up onto a small skewbald pony and began to get rather concerned.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Cochise?\u201d asked the redhead. \u201cAnd why aren\u2019t you doing your usual swing mount?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd look at his pants!\u201d exclaimed the blonde in tones of great distress. The redhead looked, and saw at once why her sister was upset. \u201cThey\u2019re long enough, but they don\u2019t fit your butt at all!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked down, and frowned. \u201cI don\u2019t understand this,\u201d he admitted, studying the baggy folds of material with distress. \u201cWhere did this pony come from?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s Smartie,\u201d said the redhead, knowledgeably. \u201cHe\u2019s one of the ponies from Elen\u2019s riding school. He canters brilliantly, but he doesn\u2019t like the whip. Elen\u2019s too tall for him.\u201d She frowned, because it would be a real disaster if Joe had shrunk enough to fit on little 12.2hh Smartie! However, she realised that Joe\u2019s legs were trailing on the ground on either side of the extremely portly pony.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sisters looked at Adam, who was sitting Sport in a manner that would warm the cockles of the instructors\u2019 hearts at the riding school. His heels were down, his back was straight, and he had a beautiful line from his shoulder, to his hips and down to his heels. It made a pleasant change from the ungainly way he generally stuck his legs out. \u201cAdam, how did you manage to get your leg over so gracefully?\u201d asked the redhead. Her sister sniggered, and Joe choked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy back doesn\u2019t hurt,\u201d Adam said, sounding surprised. He looked at Hoss, who had managed to find his 10-gallon hat, then at Joe and Ben. \u201cPa, where are your conchos?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked down, and sure enough, his vest was completely bare of conchos. This was an unheard of occurrence. \u201cSomething strange is going on here,\u201d Ben announced, as though nobody else had noticed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Perhaps a drink would help?” the blonde suggested tentatively, unable to remember if anything other than beer and whiskey was available in the saloon, but before she could say anything else, the redhead hissed<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Be careful what you say! Some people don’t even want us to mention alcohol in the same breath as Bonanza. Remember how we got flamed the last time!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Heck, that’s just plum rude!” Hoss said stoutly, for he was very fond of the sisters and hated to see them upset. “The drinks are on me, ladies!” He swept a low and courtly bow and ushered the girls in. Joe followed them, rubbing his hands together and looking forward to a few hands of poker. He wandered over to the corner table, only slightly perplexed that the usual out-of-tune piano had been replaced by a chamber orchestra. David Rose was obviously on holiday, for the music was soft and mellow, with nary a glockenspiel to be heard.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Room for another, boys?” Joe asked convivially, drawing up a chair. The cowboys looked up from their cards and then slowly nodded their agreement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“We play real serious here,” advised one in a blue shirt. “No dealing from the bottom of the pack and pay up your debts at the end of each hand. Understand? We play snap like gentlemen and we don’t take any prisoners!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked down in horror and saw that the cowpokes were indeed engrossed in a fiercesome game of snap, using matchsticks as counters. There was a cry of “You hurt me!” and a bleeding hand was cradled to its owner’s chest. Hurriedly making his excuses, Joe joined the rest of the family at the bar, where they were all sipping cups of coffee.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the saloon girls came over and accosted the redhead. \u201cNo tattoos in here,\u201d she said to the redhead, who had pulled off her jacket. \u201cI don\u2019t approve. And I won’t allow talk about them in this establishment.” Her tone was strident and unpleasant and the sisters blinked in surprise<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blinking at this bit of blatant discrimination, the redhead glanced round. Sure enough, there weren\u2019t any tattooed cowboys in the saloon this particular day. \u201cMy tattoo is tasteful,\u201d the redhead pointed out, remembering her manners. \u201cAnd I don\u2019t have anything against anyone who doesn\u2019t have a tattoo.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m buyin\u2019 this lady a drink,\u201d Hoss said, obviously annoyed. \u201cSo shut up if you don\u2019t want me to do something we\u2019d both regret.\u201d The girls gawped: Hoss was normally such a pleasant and polite man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The saloon girl, who was dressed in a high-necked, frilly blouse, floor length skirt and what looked like a dozen flannel petticoats, backed off. There was scarcely a single inch of flesh to be seen, other than her face and hands.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere is something strange going on,\u201d Joe said. \u201cDo you know the cowboys are playing snap?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go and hit the shops,\u201d suggested the blonde.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cStay away from alleys,\u201d Ben warned Joe again, as they parted company. \u201cDo you think it\u2019s wise to go to the bank, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s easier to shop if I have money,\u201d Joe explained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A sensation not unlike a frisson of danger shivered down the girls\u2019 spines. Was it possible that at last Joe was going to be maimed? After all, every time he went to the bank, he was either robbed or he was shot\/hit over the head or maimed in some other way. It was almost as if the stagehands couldn’t be bothered erecting the sets for the bank unless they knew some gratuitous (but highly welcome) violence would ensue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But this time was different. They went in and were greeted pleasantly, Joe withdrew some money and then they left. No robberies, no maiming. Something was definitely wrong.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back out in the main street, they were nearly knocked down by Hoss, sprinting nimbly past and then hurdling agilely over a fully-laden wagon and clearing it by a good three feet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNice style!\u201d commented the blonde, who had been a handy little hurdler in her youth. \u201cNot quite what you\u2019d expect from Hoss, though, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI think he had good reason! Look!\u201d Joe pointed to the saloon door, where the over-clad saloon girl was standing pouting amorously. Hoss cast a terrified look back over his shoulder and redoubled his efforts to put as much distance between himself and his admirer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was waiting for them in the general mercantile and he did not look happy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you be out of black shirts?\u201d he fumed. For a moment he considered throwing his hat on the ground and stamping on it in a petulant fashion, but decided this would be beneath his dignity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The shopkeeper advanced nervously, holding a pile of shirts. \u201cPerhaps you\u2019d like to try these on sir?\u201d Adam picked up a pale green shirt between his thumb and forefinger and regarded it with extreme distaste. Before he could deliver a cutting remark, a familiar bellow rattled the windows of the shop.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo conchos! What do you mean no conchos? I always have conchos on my waistcoats. Six on each in fact!\u201d Ben emerged from behind the counter where he had been trying on a variety of floral patterned vests. He still had one on, and it looked utterly ridiculous. Pale pink with cabbage roses wasn\u2019t quite his style!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know if I want to shop in here,\u201d Joe said. \u201cI certainly don\u2019t want pants that don\u2019t fit my butt. I\u2019d rather not wear any than face that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s all right,\u201d said the redhead, peering out of the window. \u201cI see Gap has opened up just across the road. They\u2019ll put you right. Come on.\u201d They crossed the road, noticing that this time they didn\u2019t have to avoid a stagecoach being driven at breakneck speed through the totally unsuitable streets. They didn\u2019t even have to dodge drunken cowboys riding home from the saloon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you notice the saloon didn\u2019t have any liquor?\u201d asked Joe.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere weren\u2019t any fights, either,\u201d said the blonde. \u201cAnd while I’m not averse to a little product placement, Gap seems about 100 years ahead of its time. It’s like this whole town is bewitched. It’s very odd.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An evil laugh shattered the unnatural stillness that surrounded them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou girls are entirely too irreverent, so we thought we\u2019d show you just what life would be like if all the things we treasure about the dear Cartwrights were suddenly changed. Not quite so much to giggle at now, is there?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For once the sisters were silent. They looked at the imposing figure with some trepidation. The blonde cleared her throat and managed to ask<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI am the Keeper of the Flame! It is my duty to preserve everything we hold sacred about the Cartwrights. You two having been enjoying yourselves far too much and I simply won’t stand for it. There are standards we must uphold.” She gestured widely to a coterie surrounding her, with similarly set expressions, \u201cThese are my acolytes. You may call them my Vesta Virgins.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWow, that\u2019s big of you!\u201d commented the redhead. \u201cAnd who appointed you? God?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Keeper of the Flame ignored that question. \u201cHow do you like it when there\u2019s nothing to laugh at?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t say there\u2019s nothing,\u201d ventured the blonde. “And anyway, I’d say we were more sinned against than sinning.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d agreed the redhead. \u201cBen in a floral vest is priceless, it has to be said! And Hoss in an ordinary hat was wonderful and his athletic skills were a revelation to everyone. I don\u2019t care what colour shirt Adam wears, but green is different from black and that girlie red, and we can easily fix Joe\u2019s pants.\u201d She smiled. \u201cEven the extraordinary has its moments, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The blonde nodded. She smiled at Joe, who was frowning at the Keeper of the Flame and her Vesta Virgins. \u201cAnd besides, given how poor continuity is, it\u2019ll all be back to normal tomorrow. Joe will wear short pants with his green jackets and Adam will be dressed all in black. Hoss will have on his huge white hat and Ben will have his beloved conchos back.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBuck will have his bondage bridle with the medallions on it,\u201d interjected the redhead, \u201cSmartie will have turned back into Cochise, and Adam will have his bad back again.\u201d She gave Joe a sunlit smile. \u201cAnd we\u2019ll still love Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sisters smiled broadly as Ben, Adam and Hoss joined them, closing ranks. \u201cThe world would stop turning if we stopped loving Joe,\u201d they chorused. They knew what really mattered was that the Legacy would continue and that was the important thing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0The Giggly Sisters go to town with the Cartwrights (in more ways than one).<\/p>\n

Rated: MA \u00a0WC \u00a02500<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,690],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-ma-rated","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-690-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":841,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1535,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1535","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":0},"title":"In A Matter of Speaking (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0The Giggly Sisters turn their inimitable eye on the patterns of speech found at the Ponderosa. Why does Hoss talk like that? Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01400","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Hoss-smile.jpg?fit=285%2C326&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1552,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1552","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":1},"title":"Kidnapping the Brothers (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0In their 50th outing, the Giggly Sisters join forces with their friends from the BonanzainAussie board. 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Rated: K+ \u00a0(1,400 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1582,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1582","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":3},"title":"Spring Forward (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Paschal Musings from the Ponderosa. Rated: T \u00a0WC 1250","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1559,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1559","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":4},"title":"Many Heads make Light Work (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Spotting regular guest stars can tax even the most ardent Bonanza fan. The Giggly Sisters set things straight. Rated: T \u00a0WC \u00a01600","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1601,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1601","url_meta":{"origin":1475,"position":5},"title":"The Party (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0The Cartwrights are going to have a party for the Giggly Sisters. But who will they invite? 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