{"id":1487,"date":"2009-08-20T13:53:31","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T17:53:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1487"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:13:22","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:13:22","slug":"an-indoor-bathroom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1487","title":{"rendered":"An Indoor Bathroom (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>On a cold, snowy day, the sisters want to know about something related to everyone’s comfort.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n

An Indoor Bathroom<\/strong><\/p>\n

The blonde looked out of the window of the Ponderosa ranch at the blizzard howling outside. She shivered. That was a huge fireplace, but it didn\u2019t do much to warm the room on a cold day like this. The door opened and Hoss came in, along with a whirl of snow.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat on earth were you doing outside on a day like this?\u201d asked the redhead from her perch on the stonework by the fire. She felt the cold, and this was by far the warmest spot.<\/p>\n

Hoss blushed, and mumbled something that nobody caught. Really, his diction was appalling. However, Ben, Adam and Joe didn\u2019t appear to need his answer. They just nodded knowingly. The sisters exchanged glances. Was this some male right of passage they didn\u2019t know about? Was Hoss inventing thermal underwear, and trying it out?<\/p>\n

\u201cI beg your pardon?\u201d the blonde said, her diction as clear and precise as ever. \u201cWe didn\u2019t quite catch that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, Hoss blushed and muttered something. However, by that point, he was thawing out over the fire, and the redhead caught what he said. \u201cYou were at the outhouse?\u201d she repeated, incredulously. \u201cIn this weather? Are you mad?\u201d<\/p>\n

With great composure, Adam said, \u201cWe try not to use the chamber pots if we don\u2019t have to. For certain things, the outhouse is preferable.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde gave a little wriggle, and Ben wondered if she wanted to use the outhouse. \u201cBut you have an indoor bathroom,\u201d she said. \u201cWhy not an indoor toilet, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI assure you, young lady, we don\u2019t have an indoor bathroom,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou had in Calamity Over the Comstock,\u201d the redhead pointed out. She was now hugging Paw, the sister\u2019s pet bear, who was lovely and warm. \u201cCalamity Jane had a bath in it, and Hoss went to give her a towel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEric!\u201d Ben bellowed, and then wondered if that should have been \u201cErik\u201d. That was the trouble with those foreign names: they all sounded the same and then caught you out unawares with their different spelling. \u201cWere you spying on a lady guest?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sir!\u201d Hoss rushed to explain. \u201cI didn\u2019t see nothin\u2019, no ways!\u201d He sounded rather put out. \u201cAnyways, how come I was supposed to know we had an indoor bathroom? An\u2019 if we did, how come that young filly in The Spitfire used a bathtub in the bedroom?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked sour. \u201cMy<\/strong> bedroom, if I remember correctly. And just where was I sleeping then?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben assumed an innocent look, but he was desperately trying not to think about bedrooms, because ever since the Giggly Sisters had arrived at the Ponderosa, he had his suspicions, but he preferred not to think about these things too deeply.<\/p>\n

The Giggly Sisters looked at one another. They knew that many fanfic writers went on about the washhouse at the ranch, but they\u2019d never seen so much as a trace of that fabled place. Could it possibly be an invention? Or was it one of those Ponderosa specialities \u2013 a room that sometimes existed but generally didn\u2019t? After all, if the Cartwrights did have a proper bathtub, why wasn\u2019t there a \u201cJoe in the bath\u201d scene every week? It would save viewers ruining their tapes of The Crucible as they constantly rewound and played the bath scene in slow motion, lovingly lingering over the full extent of the golden one.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo,\u201d drawled the blonde, \u201cWhat do you do, when \u2026 err, nature calls?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe use chamber pots for our personal needs,\u201d Ben said stiffly. He was rather uncomfortable with the way this conversation was developing.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t I know it!\u201d Hop Sing moaned, as he ran down the stairs in his trademark agitated fashion. \u201cAnd who is it who has to empty them? Me, of course. And I don\u2019t even seem to have a place to sleep!\u201d He scuttled off, looking utterly disgusted, and the sisters couldn\u2019t blame him. They wouldn\u2019t want to empty other people\u2019s chamber pots either.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what about Enter Mark Twain?\u201d the redhead said. \u201cRosemary was being bathed somewhere outside. In the bunkhouse, perhaps?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if she was in the bunkhouse, where were the ranch hands?\u201d asked the blonde, sitting down on the hideously uncomfortable settee, and bracing herself so she wouldn\u2019t slide off. Paw, feeling that the redhead was warm again for the moment, hopped over to give the blonde a hug.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you have to mention that?\u201d Adam enquired.<\/p>\n

Joe laughed. \u201cBrother, you sure needed a lesson that day! Fancy thinking she was a boy! I had no trouble telling that Cal was a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up, Joe!\u201d Adam muttered, making threatening motions with his hands. Joe continued to laugh, knowing that Adam touched him only under extreme duress.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm, yes well,\u201d Ben said, and picked up his paper. It appeared to be that day\u2019s edition of the Territorial Enterprise<\/em>, but quite how it had come to be at the ranch was just one of those things it was better not to talk about.<\/p>\n

They all waited for some great pronouncement, but then discovered this was Ben\u2019s way of closing the subject. However, the redhead wasn\u2019t so easily put off, as certain education department members were discovering, and she cleared her throat. \u201cSo why don\u2019t you put in an indoor bathroom?\u201d she asked. \u201cWe all know you bathe \u2013 Hoss even mentions Adam doing it in The Way of Aaron.\u201d She paused and gave Adam a speculative look. \u201cThere again, the way he does that suggest this is an unusual occurrence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you implying?\u201d Adam demanded, looking angry. Paw bear gave a low growl.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing,\u201d returned the redhead. \u201cBut we\u2019ve seen Hoss in the bath in The Courtship, and Joe in the bath a couple of times, but we\u2019ve yet to see you in the bath.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe sat with a rather disgruntled expression on his incredibly handsome face. He still looked utterly gorgeous, just a little hacked off. \u201cAdam always gets to go first,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cThen I have to use his bathwater.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am the eldest,\u201d Adam said smugly. \u201cThere have to be some recompenses for putting up with you, little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s positively inhumane!\u201d cried the redhead. \u201cMind you, it does explain why Joe kept his long johns on in The Crucible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss felt he should defend his family\u2019s reputation for cleanliness. \u201cWe go swimming in Lake Tahoe,\u201d he ventured, but this earned him two beady stares.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the winter?\u201d the redhead enquired and was gratified to see the Cartwrights flush.<\/p>\n

Ben thought it best to end this rather unseemly little conversation before things really got out of hand. \u201cWe have several bath tubs and we bathe in our bedrooms,\u201d he intoned and tried valiantly to ignore Joe\u2019s sotto voce comment of, \u201cWhen I can find my room, that is!\u201d<\/p>\n

However, the blonde was not so easily distracted. \u201cThese chamber pots \u2013 are they red and white to match the rest of the china then?\u201d<\/p>\n

For once, Ben found himself incapable of speech and could only nod weakly. He opened up the Territorial Enterprise<\/em> and immersed himself in its deathless prose. The size of the broadsheet meant that it effectively shielded him from the rest of the room and he could just ignore the remainder of this conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about when you go on those long stagecoach journeys?\u201d the redhead asked, having really got into her stride now. \u201cThat must be terribly difficult!\u201d<\/p>\n

A thunderous knock at the door interrupted her and Joe got up to answer it. Paw turned around and stood on his hind legs looking over the back of the settee with great interest as Doctor Paul Martin bustled in.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve come for my payment!\u201d he announced and Ben lowered the newspaper in surprise. There had been no maimings on the Ponderosa for at least a week. Mind you, the bunkhouse had disappeared again, with all the ranch hands inside, so there was no way of telling of they were all right or not, but nevertheless \u2026<\/p>\n

Paul looked highly displeased. He patched up the Cartwrights faithfully for years, but the sheer amount of time he spent riding out to the Ponderosa and tending to them had placed the rest of his medical practice in jeopardy. Consequently, he\u2019d been obliged to look for ways in which to supplement his income and had recently started to deliver the Territorial Enterprise<\/em> to outlying ranches.<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was a canny man when it came to money and was never actually seen to pay the hapless medic for his services. He stood up and announced, \u201cI just have to pop outside for a personal matter,\u201d and left the room at a brisk trot.<\/p>\n

Doc Martin looked at the girls, who were sitting on the sofa in convulsions. \u201cI hope that bear\u2019s house trained?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts not the bear you have to worry about round here,\u201d the redhead chortled, and ducked as Adam threw a cushion in her direction. He\u2019d rather have thrown something more solid \u2013 like his fist \u2013 but he had been brought up not to hit women. He bet Pa hadn\u2019t even met women like the Giggly Sisters when he had taught his sons that little stricture!<\/p>\n

\u201cI want my money!\u201d Doc Martin insisted. \u201cWhere has Ben got to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnswering a call of nature, outside,\u201d answered the blonde, helpfully. \u201cI have no idea where the outhouse is, but I wish you the best of luck finding it in this storm!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the Mountain Girl, Trudy had a bath upstairs,\u201d the redhead said, her thoughts having returned to the original topic of conversation. \u201cWas that in a portable tub?\u201d<\/p>\n

Doc Martin paused. \u201cDo you know,\u201d he said, leaning over to get a better view of the girls, \u201cin all my visits out here, I never yet saw them having a bath? Ben has never been known to bathe at all!\u201d<\/p>\n

This was something the girls had never noticed before. Hoss and Joe had been in the bath on screen (oh, the bliss of a \u2018Joe in the bath\u2019 scene in every episode!) and Adam had talked about bathing \u2013 although no one had seen him. But Ben! Well, he hadn\u2019t even talked about it! Small wonder the man had made himself scarce!<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d said the blonde, \u201cI think you ought to mount an expedition to Virginia City and get a bathroom installed somewhere in the house. After all, there are enough rooms going around that you could use on as a permanent bathroom.\u201d She smiled at Joe, who was nodding. \u201cAnd while you\u2019re at it, you could get a flush toilet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was frowning at this. A flush toilet indeed! New-fangled nonsense! They\u2019d never catch on! His thoughts were only too easy to read. The redhead was the one who played their ace.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter all, they did it in Little House on the Prairie,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

The blonde went off into fits of giggles, and Joe grinned broadly at the sisters. Adam scowled and Hoss looked blank. He was still trying to figure out how Doc Martin came to be there when he hadn\u2019t had to go for him.<\/p>\n

Ben came back into the room, covered in snow and looking rather wind-blown. \u201cIt\u2019s freezing out there,\u201d he complained. \u201cYou know, girls, I think an indoor bathroom might be just the ticket.\u201d His eye fell on Doc Martin standing there, and he moved hastily towards the stairs. \u201cI\u2019ve just got a little personal matter to take care of upstairs,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing stuck his head out of the kitchen. \u201cAnd guess who\u2019ll have to deal with it after?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

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Summary: \u00a0On a cold, snowy day, the sisters want to know about something related to everyone’s comfort.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":734,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1491,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1491","url_meta":{"origin":1487,"position":0},"title":"Bloomers and Corsets (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0The arrival of a female guest stirs the thorny topic of underwear. 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