{"id":1497,"date":"2009-08-20T14:04:50","date_gmt":"2009-08-20T18:04:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1497"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:13:22","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:13:22","slug":"bonanza-for-beginners-a-spoof-for-stephen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1497","title":{"rendered":"Bonanza for Beginners &#8212; A Spoof for Stephen (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"label\">Summary: \u00a0<\/span>A light-hearted, irreverent look at the world of Bonanza, as explained to a new young Bonanza fan.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"label\">Rated:<\/span> K \u00a0WC \u00a02700<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bonanza for Beginners Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1497\">A Spoof for Stephen<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1495\">A Guide<\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Bonanza for beginners<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was the bright light pouring through the bedroom window that first alerted Stephen to the fact that something was different. The sheer insistence of the sun was simply not consistent with the dull dreichness of a Scottish winter. He got up and pulled open the curtains and was amazed to see that Riverside Drive had disappeared, to be replaced by tall pines, sandy soil and, in the distance, a large, log-built house. Intrigued, he got dressed and ran outside.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In the distance, Stephen could see two young women on horseback. They looked strangely familiar, so he jogged towards them, hoping they would be able to help. Up close, he could see that they were even lovelier than he had even dared to dream.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAren\u2019t you \u2026?\u201d he gasped, slightly out of breath after his run, and they smiled indulgently at him.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m the blonde,\u201d said one, \u201cAnd this is the redhead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019re the Giggly Sisters,\u201d the other girl added.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>So far, so confusing. Stephen decided it was probably best not to enquire any further. It had not escaped his notice that both girls carried whips and, for some reason, this made him feel slightly nervous. He wondered if two girls constituted a posse, but before he could think upon this too deeply, a sudden sound of horse\u2019s hooves aroused him from his reverie.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>A young man came galloping out of the trees, riding on a pinto horse. He was slim, with a muscular torso and wonderfully curly hair and it was immediately obvious that he was an expert rider.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHi there!\u201d the young man called out, his green eyes twinkling merrily and lighting up his incredibly handsome face. The girls sighed in unison and had some difficulty staying on their horses.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWelcome to the Ponderosa! I\u2019m Joe Cartwright!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>To say that Stephen was taken aback would have been somewhat of an understatement. He was utterly gobsmacked. \u201cWhat?\u201d Stephen stammered. \u201cThis is a wind-up, right?\u201d He looked suspiciously at the redhead, who looked the most familiar. He seemed to remember that she had once had fair hair, like her sister, but that memory was almost lost in the mists of time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t worry about a thing,\u201d said the redhead. \u201cYou know me after all, and I\u2019ve never let anything happen to you.\u201d There was a pause, in which the word \u2018yet\u2019 appeared in everyone\u2019s mind. \u201cJust have a good time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLet\u2019s get you a horse,\u201d Joe suggested, to which the lad replied,<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI haven\u2019t ridden much.\u201d He noticed, with great astonishment, that he spoke perfect English. This was a first. He wondered if the elocution lessons he\u2019d been thinking of taking had happened without his knowledge.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d Joe replied, airily, \u201cWe\u2019ll look after you, and if we don\u2019t, continuity will. They don\u2019t go in for people falling off their horses unless they\u2019re villains. Indians do a lot of falling off, so don\u2019t put on any buckskins, war paint or feathers, and you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAll right,\u201d Stephen said, warily, and looked round for his house. It had vanished. He felt a little concerned about this, but he was soon distracted by the arrival of his horse. He had never seen an episode with one of the hands in it before, and it came as rather a shock. He had the impression that the Cartwrights did all the work themselves! However, he was not too sad to see the back of the horse, for it seemed rather frisky.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShouldn\u2019t the bunkhouse be over there?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Joe smiled, revealing his white, even teeth. \u201dWell, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn\u2019t. But don\u2019t worry about it. You\u2019ll get used to that sort of thing happening around here.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201dCuriouser and curiouser,\u201d thought Stephen, following Joe into the house.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>A silver-haired man sat reading a paper by the fireside and his face lit up when Joe entered the room.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJoseph! Good to see you back, son. Who\u2019s your friend?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHi Pa. This is Stephen, a friend of the girls. He\u2019s going to stay for a few days, if that\u2019s alright.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ben Cartwright folded the paper and shook Stephen\u2019s hand warmly. \u201cWelcome to the Ponderosa. I hope you\u2019ll enjoy your stay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Looking around the room, Stephen was almost bursting with excitement. There was the famous horse statue, the gun rack and even the whatnot holding the red and white patterned china. He felt very comfortable here. Joe bounded upstairs, calling,<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m just going to get washed up before lunch!\u201d This was followed by a muffled cry of frustration. \u201cI don\u2019t believe it! My bedroom\u2019s moved again!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTry along the hallway, Joe,\u201d advised Ben and lead Stephen towards the guest bedroom. The girls, who had been watching all this from the sofa, silence groaned quietly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot the downstairs guest bedroom! That\u2019s never a good sign!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy not?\u201d Stephen asked, worriedly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAll sorts of things happen to people who stay in the downstairs bedroom,\u201d they explained. \u201cThey are often villains, or crazy. Look at Tirza.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHmm, I see what you mean,\u201d Ben agreed. \u201cIt was so difficult to agree to Joe marrying her. Thank goodness she decided to go off with her people!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd then there was Gunnar,\u201d the redhead said. \u201cHoss\u2019 uncle. He was a bit suspect, too.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI never really liked him,\u201d mused Ben. \u201cBut he was the Inger\u2019s brother. Oh, Inger, My Love,\u201d he sighed, pensively.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Deciding the patriarch of the Ponderosa needed distracting, the blonde said, \u201cThere wasn\u2019t a nice Joe\/Pa moment in that one. I felt quite cheated.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMe, too,\u201d said Ben. \u201cI do like a nice Joe\/Pa moment. We\u2019re so good at them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The twinkle in his eye assured them that he was gently taking the mickey.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBy the way,\u201d he continued, \u201cAre you feeling alright?\u201d He patted the blonde on the knee abstractedly and thought how fine she did feel \u2026 He gulped hard and forced his attention back to the girls and Stephen, who was looking rather blankly at him. Ben smiled kindly at him. \u201cI forgot, you\u2019re still new to all this, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Stephen nodded dumbly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, this is page three of the story and Joe\u2019s still unhurt!\u201d He turned to Stephen and explained \u201cThe Giggly Sisters here have a penchant for maiming Joe \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe do it jolly well!\u201d interposed the blonde, but just at the moment, there was a loud shot, followed by the sound of Joe moaning piteously.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI should have known they couldn\u2019t go more than 2 \u00bd pages with injuring poor Joseph,\u201d Ben said resignedly. \u201cHoss! Go for Doc Martin, will you? Tell him Joe\u2019s been shot!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAgain!\u201d A weak voice floated downstairs and the girls rushed the aid of their beloved curly-haired boy<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Meanwhile, Hoss appeared out of nowhere, and nodded amiably to Stephen. Stephen gulped. He was as tall as Hoss, there was no doubt about that, but Hoss was at least twice as broad. \u201cHowdy,\u201d Hoss said, politely. \u201cI\u2019ll just go and get the doc. That\u2019s my job here, see?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>His curiosity winning out, Stephen went upstairs. He was a little surprised to see that the stairs did actually lead to bedrooms, because he\u2019d always had the impression that it was a dead end up there. Certainly, the layout didn\u2019t seem to match the downstairs, but no one else seemed to notice, so he decided not to say anything.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ben and the sisters were attending to Joe. Ben stood leaning over, and the sisters kneeled beside him. In fact, the blonde had Joe\u2019s head in her lap. \u201cDoes this mean you\u2019re going to suffer from the Cartwright Curse?\u201d Stephen asked, interestedly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh no, not us,\u201d the redhead said. \u201cNo, we never wear blue dresses, and we haven\u2019t made the mistake of getting engaged to him, either. Don\u2019t worry, we\u2019re in no danger.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere\u2019s that doctor?\u201d Joe gasped. Ben stroked his head tenderly, and the girls gave a little sigh.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho did it, Joe?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA man, Pa,\u201d Joe replied, bravely. \u201cHe climbed out of the window. He was dressed all in black.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t Adam, was it?\u201d Stephen asked, all agog at the thought.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, it wasn\u2019t Adam,\u201d Joe responded. \u201cI know he shot me accidentally on purpose once, but it wasn\u2019t him this time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAre you sure?\u201d asked the redhead. \u201cBecause we haven\u2019t seen him since Stephen got here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHaven\u2019t seen who?\u201d asked a deep voice, and there was Adam, coming into the bedroom from the hall.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou, as it happens,\u201d Ben said. \u201cPoor Joe has been shot again. Help me get him onto the bed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve got a bad back,\u201d Adam protested. \u201cWait a minute.\u201d He went to the door and bellowed, \u201cBetty!\u201d very loudly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Moments later, a dark-haired girl, wearing an outfit identical to Adam\u2019s appeared. Stephen gaped at her in astonishment. She went over to Ben and helped him lift Joe onto the bed. She wasn\u2019t very careful about it, either. \u201cWho are you?\u201d Stephen asked, bamboozled.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBetty Endicott,\u201d she replied. \u201cI\u2019m Adam\u2019s stand in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>There was a burst of hastily muffled laughter at this, and Adam looked offended. He glared at his family, who all tried to look innocent. Only the Giggly Sisters didn\u2019t attempt to hide their hilarity.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI wish you two would go back to where you came from,\u201d he said, venomously.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNow, Adam,\u201d Ben chided. \u201cJust because you\u2019re jealous of your brother, there\u2019s no need to act like a total boor. Besides, your rug\u2019s on squint! How can you expect any self-respecting girl to fancy you if you can\u2019t get your rug straight?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In a fit of pique, Adam tore the said toupee from his head and threw it on the floor. Then, just to compound his childish behaviour, he stamped on it. \u201cIts not fair!\u201d he bellowed. \u201cI want beautiful girls, too!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGrow up,\u201d the redhead advised him.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, at that point, Joe groaned, and moved his legs in that poignant way that he had. It instantly told everyone that he was feeling dreadful, but was bravely trying to hide his agony. They clustered round his bed.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Just then, in the yard, they heard the sound of the buggy, and moments later Doc Martin came in. He examined Joe briefly, and smiled. \u201cAs strong as a young bull,\u201d he said, reassuringly. \u201cI\u2019ll just bandage him up. You should get Roy Coffee out here to investigate.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Of course, what was puzzling Stephen was the not the fact that all the furniture in Joe\u2019s room seemed to have moved around of its own volition, but that Joe\u2019s bed was so short that his feet were hanging off the end of it. The blonde had noticed this too, and was even now pulling off Joe\u2019s boots and stroking his feet tenderly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCome on!\u201d The redhead pulled at Stephen\u2019s arm. \u201cWe\u2019ll go and see Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho\u2019s Roy?\u201d Stephen asked. So many strange things had been happening that he felt a little confused.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The blonde gave a radiant, if somewhat distracted smile, as she was now busy taking Joe\u2019s socks off with infinite tenderness. \u201cOh, he\u2019s the Sheriff of Virginia City. In fact \u2026\u201d, she stopped for a moment and gave her sister a meaningful look. The redhead grinned delightedly and the two chorused, \u201cHe\u2019s the Oldest Sheriff in Town!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As they rode into town, Stephen took the opportunity to straighten up a few things.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen did Adam shoot Joe accidentally-on-purpose? I don\u2019t remember that happening?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe thought he was a wolf,\u201d the blonde explained laconically.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This did not really clear things up, so Stephen persevered. \u201cBut Joe doesn\u2019t look anything like a wolf!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cExactly!\u201d the redhead crowed triumphantly. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you have a little chat with Adam later on? I\u2019m sure he\u2019d enjoy it and he could tell you all about what really happened.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The blonde caught the mischievous look in her sister\u2019s eyes. \u201cWhy not ask him about his toupee too?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAdam wears a toupee too?\u201d Stephen was astounded, but then he hadn\u2019t noticed Hoss\u2019s rather obvious rug until he noticed it moving one day, when Hoss scratched his head.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen, too. They kept an entire family of wigmakers in employment between them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Roy Coffee was one of the oldest men Stephen had ever seen. He moved very slowly and had a disconcerting habit of chewing his moustache.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s an old trick, \u201cthe redhead advised. \u201cWhenever he forgets his lines, he chews on his moustache until he remembers them or he gets prompted.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That made perfect sense to Stephen. It was certainly more effective than Ben\u2019s habit of just standing there, staring wildly, with a certain amount of restrained hysteria.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe doesn\u2019t look as if he\u2019d be able to solve the quick crossword, far less any crimes,\u201d Stephen whispered.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The sisters smiled at his perspicacity. \u201cHow true! That\u2019s why the Cartwrights always have to do all the work themselves: solve the crime and arrest the criminals. There\u2019s really no need for Roy at all, but it reassures the viewers to have a lawman, even if he does creak dreadfully.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Stephen looked doubtful at this, but he remembered his manners and shook Roy\u2019s hand politely, and listened to him ramble on about some of the cases he thought he\u2019d solved.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Later, back at the ranch, Stephen noticed that Joe had miraculously recovered from his earlier gunshot wound, and was up and around again as though nothing had happened. \u201cWhy wasn\u2019t there any blood?\u201d he asked, suspiciously.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh,\u201d Joe replied, with an airy wave of his hand. \u201cThe viewers don\u2019t like too much blood, so we never bleed a lot.\u201d He shot the redhead a sharp glance, which she intercepted without any sign of embarrassment. \u201cApart from in certain fanfics, which are entirely too realistic for my comfort.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou do suffer so well,\u201d the redhead said, admiringly, and Joe grinned back at her.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe does like to maim you,\u201d Stephen said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019d noticed,\u201d Joe said, dryly. He smiled at the blonde. \u201cThey both do. But life simply wouldn\u2019t be the same without them here.\u201d He led Stephen outside, and the girls followed.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNow, look, your time here is almost at an end. You can\u2019t expect to remain her much longer. You\u2019ve done pretty well; you\u2019ve met the family, seen a maim, and met Roy Coffee. Those are the main constituents of an episode. Now, just remember what you\u2019ve learned.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEveryone wears a rug, except Joe,\u201d the redhead said, ruffling his wonderful curls. \u201cAnd Hoss doesn\u2019t care who knows it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd Joe\u2019s bedroom moves constantly, and the bed is too short for him. You got to witness a Joe\/Pa moment, and they are vital to the series.\u201d The blonde was ticking things off on her fingers. \u201cYou know that continuity doesn\u2019t work very well, at best, and frequently not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo,\u201d concluded Joe, smiling, \u201cyou\u2019ll know what to look out for as you watch all those wonderful episodes of Bonanza. And hey, you must watch the end of the one where Adam shoots me accidentally-on-purpose! It\u2019s a must!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The ranch was beginning to look hazy to Stephen. The girls, their radiant beauty undimmed, waved to him. \u201cSee you around!\u201d the called, and Joe waved.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The grey dreich winter morning popped into being, and Stephen realised that he was once more back in his own bed in his own house in Scotland. On the wall were his Bonanza pictures, and he smiled at the picture on the calendar. Okay, he hadn\u2019t really met Little Joe, but it sure felt like it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Getting out of bed, he discovered that his muscles were sore, as though he had been riding recently, although it was years since he last sat on a horse. Glancing out of the window, he saw his neighbour and her friend (the one she kept insisting was her twin sister, separated at birth 2 years apart!) chatting as they prepared to climb into the car. They were both wearing very familiar-shaped cowboy hats.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As one, as though they could feel the weight of his gaze on them, they turned and grinned at him. For a moment, Stephen saw the Nevada sunshine, and he shivered. Had it been a dream? Or had it happened?<\/p>\n<p>The End<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Next Story in Bonanza for Beginners Series<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1495\">A Guide<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_1497\" class=\"pvc_stats all  \" data-element-id=\"1497\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewBox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveAspectRatio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=0 \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Summary: \u00a0A light-hearted, irreverent look at the world of Bonanza, as explained to a new young Bonanza fan.<\/p>\n<p>Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a02700<\/p>\n<p>Bonanza for Beginners Series:<\/p>\n<p>A Spoof for Stephen<br \/>\nA Guide<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":583,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1495,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1495","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":0},"title":"Bonanza &#8211; A Guide (by the Giggly Sisters)","author":"The Giggly Sisters","date":"August 20, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0As a follow-up to A Spoof for Stephen \u2013 or Bonanza for Beginners \u2013 here is the next installment in Stephen\u2019s Bonanza education. Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02200 Bonanza for Beginners Series: A Spoof for Stephen A Guide","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Humor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":61185,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=61185","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":1},"title":"The Meaning of Christmas (by PatD in PA)","author":"Pat D in PA","date":"December 24, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 An explanation of Christmas, between brothers. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (120 words) Written for the 2025 Bonanza Brand Advent Calendar","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Drama&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":49964,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=49964","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":2},"title":"Ponderosa Haiku (by wx4rmk)","author":"wx4rmk","date":"December 25, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 No one signed up for the fourth, so this day was opened to all members in the Forums to try their hand at writing poetry for the season. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 35 words Written for the 2024 Bonanza Brand Advent Calendar","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poetry&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":49984,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=49984","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":3},"title":"The Brightest Gift (by wx4rmk)","author":"wx4rmk","date":"December 25, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam finds an old miner\u2019s lamp and shares the history with his family. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 265 words Written for the 2024 Bonanza Brand Advent Calendar","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poetry&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":61192,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=61192","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":4},"title":"The Animals Talk at Midnight (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"December 24, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Truth or myth, it would be wonderful if they did.\u00a0 Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (120 words) Written for the 2025 Bonanza Brand Advent Calendar","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Drama&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":46774,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=46774","url_meta":{"origin":1497,"position":5},"title":"On the Way West (by wx4rmk)","author":"wx4rmk","date":"December 24, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Though many people choose to write a story for the Advent Calendar, members are free to choose how they wish to respond to their prompt. Drawn for the Bonanza Brand 2023 Advent Calendar.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Prequel&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Prequel","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1497"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1497\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}