{"id":14989,"date":"2000-09-22T13:56:32","date_gmt":"2000-09-22T17:56:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14989"},"modified":"2026-07-22T08:46:22","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T12:46:22","slug":"farewell-by-starlite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14989","title":{"rendered":"Farewell (by Starlite)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0Adam deals with the loss of two of the most important people in his life.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/strong>\u00a0 G (5,600 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Farewell<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright stepped down into the sodden mud of the yard.\u00a0 He looked down as his boots squished while he led his horse over to the corral and tied the rein to the fence railing.\u00a0 Leaning against the railing with arms folded over the top rail, Adam surveyed the landscape that was his own.<\/p>\n

The land and trees that adorned it were different than the ones of his younger days, yet at the same time so similar. As he had so many times in recent days, Adam felt melancholy over the passage of time and the vast distance between his home and the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

As his mind began to drift, Adam recalled the last time he’d been home.\u00a0 He’d been married less than a year and was bringing his wife and newborn son home to meet his family.\u00a0 He was also more than a little miffed over Hoss forgetting to meet them in Carson City as promised.<\/p>\n

Pulling into the yard Adam noticed several buggies and wagons.\u00a0 He was a little confused by all the people that were obviously at the house.\u00a0 Only Hoss knew that he was coming and even he’d apparently forgotten.\u00a0 Adam hoped that Hoss hadn\u2019t planned some type of party to welcome him home.\u00a0 Shrugging off his curiosity, Adam jumped down from the surrey and grimaced as his boots sunk into the wet muddy ground.<\/em><\/p>\n

Trudging carefully, he rounded the buggy and carefully helped his wife down, their son in her arms.\u00a0 Kissing her cheek tenderly, he smiled broadly before placing an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to the front door, where he froze.<\/em><\/p>\n

Even though this was the home of his youth, a house that he himself had helped design and build, it felt awkward to just open the door and walk right in.\u00a0 But he was equally uncertain of the idea to knock upon the broad door.<\/em><\/p>\n

Seeing her husband’s hesitancy, Adam’s wife smiled.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Well, will we be going in?\u00a0 Or will we be staying on the porch?”\u00a0 She inquired with a definite Irish lilt.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Huh?\u00a0 Oh yeah, sure.”\u00a0 Adam answered, finally making up his mind.<\/em><\/p>\n

He grasped the door handle, opened it confidently and stepped inside with one arm still wrapped tightly about his wife for reassurance.<\/em><\/p>\n

He stopped abruptly as he took in the scene before him.\u00a0 People milled about quietly in the large room.\u00a0 Most of them Adam neither knew nor recognized.\u00a0 He sought out familiar faces, hoping for a clue to understand the scene before him.<\/em><\/p>\n

He found his little brother Joe standing by the stairs, quietly talking to a curly redheaded young man.\u00a0 He chuckled as he saw all the silver in Joe’s hair, and couldn’t understand how his father had allowed him to let it grow that long.\u00a0 He surmised that the redhead must be his adopted baby brother Jamie that the family had described to him in their letters.<\/em><\/p>\n

Scanning the room for his father, he found the man sitting in what was once his favorite blue chair.\u00a0 His father looked tired and his hair was almost completely white, Adam noted.\u00a0 He vaguely recognized the older men who stood next to the chair as being the family doctor Paul Martin and the former sheriff of Virginia City, Roy Coffee.\u00a0 While Adam studied his father from across the room, he watched as his father’s eyes lifted and met his.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben saw a different but not unfamiliar figure standing in the doorway.\u00a0 For a moment he thought he was seeing his wife Elizabeth’s father standing there.\u00a0 Squinting, his heart leapt as he recognized his firstborn son.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam!”\u00a0 Ben exclaimed as he quickly rose from his chair and rushed across the room.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Pa.”\u00a0 Adam replied when his father reached him, taking him into his arms in a warm embrace.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam didn’t even notice that his other two brothers had rushed over to him, until he felt Joe’s tearful embrace.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Hey Little brother.”\u00a0 Adam soothed hoping to quell the tears streaming down Joe’s face.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Ahem.”\u00a0 A very feminine voice cleared her throat behind Adam and smiled broadly at the warm reception of her husband.\u00a0 Just then the squalling of a small infant abruptly interrupted the homecoming.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh, honey.\u00a0 I’m so sorry.”\u00a0 Adam apologized then kissed his wife sweetly.\u00a0 Turning back to his father, he introduced his family.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Pa, Joe.\u00a0 This is my wife Mary and our son Adam Jr., or AJ for short.”\u00a0 Adam beamed proudly.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was speechless as he took in the lovely woman and child before him.\u00a0 One of his sons had finally married and presented him with a grandchild.<\/em><\/p>\n

“It’s about time.”\u00a0 Ben teased as he turned back to his son and shot him a slightly amused glare.\u00a0 He hugged the woman warmly and kissed her upon the forehead.\u00a0 “Welcome to the Cartwright family, Mary.\u00a0 May I?”\u00a0 He asked with outstretched hands to the infant that Mary held in her arms.<\/em><\/p>\n

Smiling sweetly at her new father-in-law, Mary passed her son to the man with the warm inviting face.\u00a0 Her husband was right, she instinctively knew Ben Cartwright was a good man.<\/em><\/p>\n

Little Joe smiled broadly at his oldest brother, still unable to speak.\u00a0 He offered his hand in congratulations.<\/em>
\n Adam took his brother’s hand and shook it warmly then clasped his other arm around his brother’s shoulders.<\/em><\/p>\n

“So, when did you get so gray?”\u00a0 Adam teased as he ruffled Joe’s hair.<\/em><\/p>\n

“At least I still have hair!”\u00a0 Joe retorted playfully as he patted the top of Adam’s baldhead before Adam swatted his hand away.\u00a0 “Speaking about gray\u2026” Joe added pointing to Adam’s full salt and pepper beard.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Touche.”\u00a0 Adam acknowledged as he rubbed his hand over his chin.<\/em><\/p>\n

After the brief interchange with Joe, Adam turned to the redheaded lad who stood awkwardly nearby.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Hi, I’m Adam and you must be Jamie.” Adam stated reaching out his hand to the youth.<\/em><\/p>\n

Shyly, uncertain of the older man before him, Jamie stretched out his hand in response.\u00a0 He was relieved as Adam took it and shook it warmly then placed his other hand upon his right shoulder and squeezed affectionately.\u00a0 Jamie felt acceptance by Adam’s loving gesture.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright was cooing his new grandson and admiring his new daughter-in-law when he noticed Adam visually scanning the room.\u00a0 Searching for someone.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam looked about the room searching for a familiar face that was missing from this reunion.\u00a0 In the dining room he noticed Hop Sing standing in black pajamas beaming broadly and winked back at him.\u00a0 He knew the Chinaman would not want to intrude on a private family moment and made a mental note to visit with him later.\u00a0 He only gave a momentary thought to his clothes, thinking the man usually wore a light silver blue.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Pa, where’s Hoss?”\u00a0 Adam asked, confused that he wasn’t there to greet them.<\/em><\/p>\n

The room went suddenly silent where moments before there were happy whispers and small talk as the guests took in the warm sight before them.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam watched his brother’s expression change to immense sadness and noticed as Little Joe’s eyes quickly darted in the direction of the downstairs guestroom.\u00a0 Suddenly a sick feeling overtook Adam and he charged towards the door of the guestroom.\u00a0 He heard his father yell out to him and to his brothers as he made his way to the door.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam, No!\u00a0 Boys stop him!”\u00a0 Ben cried out in horror.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe grasped Adam’s arm and Jamie the other just before he reached the door.\u00a0 Easily he removed Joe’s arm and turned to a very frightened Jamie who let go as well.\u00a0 Slowly he turned the knob and opened the door before him.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam swayed at the sight he beheld, laid out upon the bed was his brother Hoss.\u00a0 His little brother was dead.<\/em><\/p>\n

Quietly, Adam stepped into the room then closed the door behind him and locked it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam had no awareness of the passage of time until he heard his father’s voice through the door.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Adam, it’s time son.”\u00a0 Ben stated quietly, hoping that his eldest would allow them to enter the room.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam found himself on his knees next to his brother’s deathbed.\u00a0 His forehead resting on his folded hands, which were placed upon the bed before him.<\/em><\/p>\n

Without word, Adam stood and gazed upon the big man’s face, slowly he reached into his pocket and withdrew two silver dollars.\u00a0 Bending over his brother\u2019s still form, he very carefully placed a coin over each closed lid.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAve atque vale, frater meum multum amat in pace requietus.\u201d\u00a0 He said in a silent farewell before heading for the door.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben was relieved when he saw the knob turn and stepped back from the door to allow his son back into the dining room.<\/em><\/p>\n

Somehow Adam couldn’t bring himself to look at anyone in the room when he exited the bedroom and was only vaguely aware of his wife as she came up to put her arm around him.\u00a0 He felt his wife’s embrace then a gentle kiss upon his cheek as he heard her whisper ‘I’m so sorry’ into his ear.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam glanced over to the woman who was the love of his life and nodded.\u00a0 Absently he noted that she’d changed her clothes from the dark purple traveling suit to a sedate black dress.\u00a0\u00a0 Adam squeezed her back, then drew her into his chest hugging her tightly for comfort and strength.<\/em><\/p>\n

“AJ?”\u00a0 Adam questioned softly, noticing that their son was not with his wife as he released her from his arms.<\/em><\/p>\n

“A Mrs. Shaughnessy offered to watch him for us.”\u00a0 Mary answered taking his hand in hers.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam gave a small sad smile in return while he looked to his wife.\u00a0 He fondly remembered the woman and would tell his wife later that she just went by Shaughnessy, there was no Mrs.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright quietly walked over to the pair and placed a comforting hand upon his eldest son’s shoulder.\u00a0 He was gratified to see that Adam was now able to meet his gaze.\u00a0 Quietly, the three made their way out to the yard.<\/em><\/p>\n

Upon reaching the porch, Joe, Jamie, Doc Martin, Roy Coffee, a dark-haired man that Adam didn’t recognize and a couple of ranch hands were carrying the casket out into the yard from the outside entrance of the bedroom.\u00a0 Adam quietly indicated that his wife stay with his father before he went over and assisted with putting Hoss’s casket into the horse drawn hearst.<\/em><\/p>\n

Completing the sad task, the Cartwright sons rejoined their father before making their way over to the family surrey.\u00a0 Ben informed Adam, that he and Mary would join them on the long ride out to the lake.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben slowly got into the front seat of the buggy beside Joe who held the reins in hand.\u00a0 Jamie followed into the second row and sat behind his father with the unknown dark-haired man beside him, whom Adam now figured must be the foreman known as Candy.\u00a0 Adam easily lifted his wife into the last seat and climbed up beside her.<\/em><\/p>\n

The ride to the lake was a very quiet and somber affair, only punctuated with some small sniffles from Jamie.\u00a0 Mary tried her best to comfort the young man with a reassuring pat and gentle back rub.\u00a0 Mary looked over to her husband and was saddened to see a very hard and pain-filled expression chiseled upon his handsome face.\u00a0 Adam seemed to stare at the passing landscape without really seeing its beauty.\u00a0 If it weren’t such a horrible day, Mary would’ve been in awe at the magnificent beauty of her husband’s family land.<\/em><\/p>\n

Reaching the lake, Mary was struck by its awesome grandeur.\u00a0 Wordlessly she allowed her husband to lift her down from the buggy and escort her over to her father-in-law.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright welcomed her loving embrace as Adam turned to assist his brothers with the casket.\u00a0 Turning, Ben and Mary walked arm in arm towards Hoss’s final resting place.\u00a0 Reaching the site of the burial, Mary looked around and found the tombstone of another grave, reading the inscription she realized it was the grave of Joe’s mother.\u00a0 Somehow it was sweet that Hoss would not be alone in his slumber.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam walked over to the head of the casket across from his little brother.\u00a0 No words were spoken as he replaced the man at the litter.\u00a0 Behind him was Jamie, then Roy Coffee with Joe across from Adam on the right side of the casket, followed by Candy and Paul Martin.\u00a0 Even though the litter was heavy, no man faltered in their task.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam rejoined his wife beside his father and bowed his head.\u00a0 On the other side of their father stood Joe and Jamie with Candy behind the family next to Roy Coffee and Paul Martin.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam never heard the words spoken that day; his world was a blur as he went through the motions of burying his most beloved little brother.\u00a0 Hoss was Adam’s best friend and confidant, the man who knew him best, even better than his father.\u00a0 They had planned this surprise visit of Adam’s together and now he wasn’t even there to enjoy it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Long after the ceremony was over, Adam still stood staring at the grave of his brother.\u00a0 Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to leave Hoss out there alone.\u00a0 To him, he still had a responsibility to watch over his little brother and couldn’t accept the fact that Hoss would no longer need him to fulfill that task.\u00a0 Joe and Ben seeing Adam’s reluctance to leave walked back over to Adam and gently guided him back to the buggy.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben studied his oldest son with worry, he watched as Adam sat in the blue chair near the fireplace without really seeing and was not taking part in any of the reminiscing about Hoss.\u00a0 Adam had grown very quiet and despondent since returning home after finding out that Hoss had drowned while trying to cross the swollen Carson River, because he was insistent he had to be in Carson City by the 10th.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hearing the cause of Hoss’s demise broke Adam’s heart.\u00a0 He knew the reason for Hoss’s trip even if his family didn’t, he couldn’t believe that he was the cause of such pain and grief for his father.<\/em><\/p>\n

He recalled the last correspondence he’d sent his brother, when he playfully threatened Hoss that he’d better be in Carson City on time, or he’d turn around and head right back home.\u00a0 How he regretted those words that Hoss had so obviously taken to heart.\u00a0 Could his father ever forgive him for the death of his son?<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam was drawn from his mental torture by the sound of his father’s voice.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Huh?”\u00a0 Adam questioned, uncertain of what his father had asked.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I said, why didn’t you tell me about this lovely young lady?”\u00a0 Ben repeated.\u00a0 He was hoping to draw Adam out and get him to talking, believing a change of topic would be the solution.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Well, I did kinda.”\u00a0 Adam began, “Remember about a year ago when I wrote and told you I was thinking about getting married?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Ah hum,” Ben responded shaking his head thoughtfully, he was elated at the news, but Adam never mentioned it again.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Well, we were married the next day.”\u00a0 Adam finished quickly, hoping no one asked for more information as he saw his wife blush out of the corner of his eye.\u00a0 She was sitting on a small ottoman next to his chair and holding his hand lovingly.<\/em><\/p>\n

“The next day?”\u00a0 Joe blurted out, seeing his brother and sister-in-law’s embarrassed reactions.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Yes the next day.\u00a0 You see discretion was the better part of valor.”\u00a0 Adam replied, pointedly looking at Jamie and hoped he wasn’t pressed further.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben grunted in response and Adam saw a scowl of displeasure upon the older man\u2019s face, before his father smiled broadly and winked to his new daughter-in-law.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam blushed a little as he realized the silliness of the whole situation.\u00a0 He shot Little Joe a small warning glance as Joe started with that infectious cackle.\u00a0 Before long, the whole room was chuckling at how long last the oldest brother finally found a wife.\u00a0 He looked across the room and saw his father shaking his head dispassionately.<\/em><\/p>\n

“But I still don’t see why you didn’t tell us, son?”\u00a0 Ben questioned as the laughter faded away.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam grew quiet again as he began to study his wife’s fingers that he held in his hand.\u00a0 Ben was beginning to wonder if Adam would respond.<\/em><\/p>\n

“It was to be a surprise.\u00a0 Hoss knew about it, I’d planned on bringing Mary home for a honeymoon.\u00a0 But with the baby and all, we had to wait until after AJ was born.\u00a0 I’m sorry Pa.”\u00a0 Adam again quieted and turned away from the others in the room to stare at the fire in the fireplace.<\/em><\/p>\n

“There’s no need to apologize son, I’m glad you’re home.”\u00a0 Ben could sense his son’s pain and watched while Adam began to distance himself from the rest of his family.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam’s homecoming was bittersweet, Ben Cartwright was grateful for the return of his eldest, and his new grandson and daughter-in-law, but he wished that Hoss had been there to enjoy it.\u00a0 Ben missed his large gentle natured son; somehow his loss left a large emptiness in his life that nothing and no one would ever be able to fill.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben found himself growing more and more concerned about his oldest son.\u00a0 As the days went by, Adam withdrew even more away from the family.\u00a0 He ate little and rarely slept, dark circles had become permanent fixtures beneath the eyes on his face.\u00a0 He also knew that Adam still hadn’t come to terms with Hoss’s death.\u00a0 Adam was fighting to keep his emotions in tack, forcing himself to not shed a single tear over the horrible loss.\u00a0 Not knowing any longer how to approach his son, Ben went to Mary.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Mary, please tell me what is wrong with Adam?”\u00a0 Ben questioned as he took her hand and sat down next to her on the settee.\u00a0 Adam was out helping his brothers with ranch work and he felt this was an opportune time to see what he could do to help his child.<\/em><\/p>\n

“My husband is sick at heart, Mr. Cartwright.”\u00a0 Mary replied squeezing the elder man’s hand then added.\u00a0 “I’m sorry, Papa.”\u00a0 She was still getting used to calling her father-in-law by such a foreign name.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I know he\u2019s hurting, I just don’t understand why?”\u00a0 Ben almost pleaded.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben had observed Adam and Mary together and knew that his son was deeply in love with the woman and she with him.\u00a0 He could also tell that Adam respected her and that she was probably a close confidant.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mary looked sorrowfully at the man beside her.\u00a0 She too was at a loss to help her husband.\u00a0 Though she didn’t want to betray her husband’s confidence, she felt that his father was the only one who could help him now.\u00a0 She looked down to the man’s hand she held and saw the fingers of a once strong hand the skin now wrinkled with age.\u00a0 With a wistful smile, she looked back to the man’s pleading face and answered his question plainly.<\/em><\/p>\n

“He blames himself for his brother’s death.”\u00a0 Her voice broke.\u00a0 Her Irish accent more pronounced due to her distraught state.<\/em><\/p>\n

“What, I don’t understand.\u00a0 He wasn’t even here\u2026” Ben began to debate the ridiculousness of the statement, before Mary cut him off with a nod of her head.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh, but he didn’t have to be.\u00a0 Hoss was to meet us in Carson City.”\u00a0 Mary stated as a matter of fact raising her eyes to stare intently into Ben\u2019s.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright closed his eyes as the dawn of reason came to him.\u00a0 Yes, he could see why his son would blame himself, even when there was no blame to be placed.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Mary.\u201d\u00a0 Ben was so grateful that Mary had confided in him.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I thank you.\u00a0 I\u2019m a very lucky woman to have married your son.\u201d\u00a0 Mary beamed with pride.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben looked at the lovely woman who sat beside him; he was overjoyed that his eldest son had finally found the true love of his life.\u00a0 Gently kissing his daughter-in-law’s hand, he rose from the settee.\u00a0 He had a great deal of thinking to do.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben waited until he heard Adam get up in the middle of the night and head outside.\u00a0 He’d known for days that Adam had been leaving his room and was going outside to sit on the porch to stare up at the night’s sky.\u00a0 Quietly he dressed to follow his son.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam looked up as he heard someone approach from the front door.\u00a0 He’d expected to find his wife, who on many of his nightly vigils had come out to encourage him to come back inside.\u00a0 He was surprised to see his father.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Pa.”\u00a0 Adam greeted his father.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Son.\u00a0 Can’t sleep?”\u00a0 Ben returned the greeting.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam shook his head sadly in response.\u00a0 He wanted to talk to his father so desperately, but he no longer knew how.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Why Adam?”\u00a0 Ben asked as he sat down on the table beside his son.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam turned a confused glance back to his father, uncertain what he was asking.<\/em><\/p>\n

Seeing his son’s confusion, Ben added.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Why do you blame yourself for Hoss’s death?”<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam visibly shuddered and felt panic rush over him at his father’s question.\u00a0 How do you tell the man who loved you and raised you, that you caused the death of another one of his children.\u00a0 Adam only recently became a father and couldn’t even imagine the pain that his father was going through.\u00a0 He only knew how he would feel if he were to lose AJ.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam could only shrug in response as he turned his eyes to his hands.\u00a0 He fought to keep his emotions in check and watched as his hands began to shake.\u00a0 He felt his father’s hand upon his shoulder, knowing his father expected him to look at him, but Adam kept his eyes downcast unable to meet his father’s glance.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Don’t son.\u00a0 Don’t lessen the man that Hoss was.\u00a0 Don’t cheat him of his pride and the honor of who he was.”\u00a0 Ben stated intently hoping that Adam was listening.<\/em><\/p>\n

Shocked, Adam looked to his father.\u00a0 He would never do that to his beloved brother.<\/em><\/p>\n

“You would’ve been proud of the man that your brother became Adam.\u00a0 He wasn’t the same overgrown boy that you knew when you left.\u00a0 He was a man that I was very proud of and you should be too.”\u00a0 Ben added, hoping to drill his words home.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I was always proud of Hoss.”\u00a0 Adam offered quietly, as his eyes started to become glassy with tears.\u00a0 Was he being unfair to Hoss’s memory by taking on the guilt of his death and blaming himself?<\/em><\/p>\n

“I know son, just remember that Hoss was a man too.\u00a0 A man who made and was responsible for his own decisions; right, wrong or otherwise, he chose to cross the Carson that day.\u00a0 The decision was his and the consequences were his and his alone.\u00a0 Honor his memory Adam, grieve for him, remember him for the good things and forgive him for the bad, son.\u00a0 Hold a special place in your heart for him Adam, but don’t let his passing destroy you.”\u00a0 Ben guided gently, he could tell that he was finally getting through to his son.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam could no longer contain the flood of emotions that had been bottled up inside of him.\u00a0 All the painful grief, loss and regret began to flow from him and he found himself sick to his stomach as tears began to pour down his cheeks.\u00a0 Adam fled from the porch and ran to the side of the house where he began to wretch violently.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben went to help his eldest son.\u00a0 Why did Adam’s emotions always torture him so, he worried?\u00a0 Calming Adam as best he could, Ben took him by the arm and led him back into the house and over to the kitchen.<\/em><\/p>\n

After giving his son a glass of water to rinse his mouth, Ben went over to the stove and stoked the partially banked fire.\u00a0 He put a teakettle on to boil before returning to his son.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Better?”\u00a0 He asked.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam nodded his head slowly in response.<\/em><\/p>\n

When Ben heard the kettle whistle, he retrieved two cups and the kettle and brought them over to the table where his son sat.\u00a0 Pouring his son some tea and a cup for himself, they sat in companionable silence for several minutes before Adam finally spoke again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben would always cherish the late evening with his son as he listened to Adam relate tales of his life with Hoss.\u00a0 There were many things he learned that night about his middle son, but he learned even more about his firstborn.\u00a0 It warmed his heart to know how much his sons loved one another, and he was filled with pride at the men that they had become.\u00a0 He regretted the sun rising the next morning because with it, the night ended and the special time between father and son drew to a close.<\/em><\/p>\n

The next weeks traveled in a blur for Ben Cartwright as Adam’s visit ended all too quickly.\u00a0 Even though Adam had extended his stay by a month, the time just flew by and was now almost at an end.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben knew he would miss Mary and his little grandson terribly, he laughed at how AJ’s uncles tried to make the most of the remaining time left and fought over entertaining the little tyke.\u00a0 But most of all, he would miss his son.\u00a0 Adam’s return had lessened the pain of Hoss’s loss considerably and now Adam would leave again.\u00a0 Ben understood and respected the fact that Adam had forged a life for himself and his family just like he had, and was quite proud of his son’s successes.\u00a0 This time he didn’t even try to encourage Adam to stay, he just reminded him that the Ponderosa was and always would be his home.<\/em><\/p>\n

The last night of Adam’s stay, the Cartwright men sat in the large main room and regaled each other with tales of boyhood antics, lost loves and general mischief.\u00a0 Jamie laughed aloud at the image of his older brothers wrestling in a muddy road, racing horses, trying to out do each other to impress women and the matchmaking of an old maid schoolmarm with a ranch hand.<\/em><\/p>\n

But as before, the night ended too soon and morning quickly arrived.<\/em><\/p>\n

The buggy sat in the yard, ready and waiting for its occupants.\u00a0 Adam had already sent the trunks ahead, deciding that he would make his farewells at the house and not a public display in town.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe and Jamie each in turn hugged then kissed Mary upon the cheek before taking a chance to hold their nephew one last time.\u00a0 Ben escorted Mary and his grandson over to the buggy while Adam said farewell to his brothers.\u00a0 He wanted Adam to feel free to say his good-byes to his siblings without his watchful eye.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam went first to Jamie, and hugged the young man.\u00a0 “If you ever get tired of Joe’s bossiness, you’re always welcomed at my ranch.”\u00a0 Adam teased winking over at Joe.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Bossy, I ain’t the one who’s bossy big brother!”\u00a0 Joe taunted back.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam gave him an exasperated ‘who me’ expression before taking his younger brother into his arms.\u00a0 They held each other for several seconds; Adam was reluctant to let go as he felt Joe began to shudder with tears.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I love you Adam.”\u00a0 Joe croaked out between the tears.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I love you too, Little Joe.”\u00a0 Adam replied patting his brother on the back to calm him.<\/em><\/p>\n

When the embrace was broken, Joe wiped his shirtsleeve across his face and turned to quickly enter the house.\u00a0 Adam nodded to Jamie indicating that he should follow Joe.\u00a0 Taking a deep breath, Adam turned around to make his way to the buggy.\u00a0 His wife and child were already in the seat awaiting his arrival with his father standing next to his side of the buggy.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam went up to his father and felt his father’s strong arms encircle him.\u00a0 Adam returned the embrace with all his heart.\u00a0 He knew if he didn’t go soon, he would never leave.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Always in my heart, Pa.”\u00a0 Adam almost choked on the words.\u00a0 He knew his father would remember them from his last departure from home.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Always and forever in mine, Adam.\u00a0 I love you son.”\u00a0 Ben was almost too overcome by emotion to speak.<\/em><\/p>\n

“I love you too Pa, I love you.”\u00a0 Adam answered fighting the tears that were quickly forming.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam looked up to his father one last time and memorized the face he saw.\u00a0 Nodding sadly, he quickly climbed into the buggy and stared straight ahead as he clucked to the horses to move down the road.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mary looked briefly at her husband beside her and saw silent tears streaming down his face.\u00a0 She chose not to embarrass her strong proud husband and pretended not to notice.\u00a0 She turned her gaze to the lovely scenery, wondering if she’d ever travel to this place again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam never looked back to the man he knew was standing alone in the yard watching his departure.\u00a0 Adam wanted to remember his father’s face always.\u00a0 Somewhere in the depth of his heart he knew he’d seen his father for the last time.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam was brought back to the present by the sound of his son’s voice.\u00a0 He’d never even realized that his son had returned or had walked up to him.<\/p>\n

“Here’s the correspondence Dad.”\u00a0 Adam Jr. handed the mail over to his father.<\/p>\n

Adam took the letters from his son and wistfully recalled that he always addressed his father affectionately as ‘Pa’.\u00a0 But here, fathers were called ‘Dad’.<\/p>\n

“Thank you son.”\u00a0 Adam replied with a nod.<\/p>\n

“Oh, this cablegram also came for you.”\u00a0 AJ added pulling a small folded form from his front breast pocket, and passed it over to his father.<\/p>\n

Nodding his head in silent acknowledgement, Adam took the cable from his son and felt his heart sink.\u00a0 Somehow he knew what the cablegram contained.\u00a0 He had felt it in his heart some days ago.\u00a0 Turning, he walked away from his son, unable to speak further.<\/p>\n

Grimacing in disgust over the filth on his boots, he started to make his way toward his home.\u00a0 Stopping briefly at the door stoop, Adam knocked off the mud that clung fiercely to his boots.\u00a0 Entering his residence with letters and cable in hand, Adam silently entered his study closing and locking the door behind him.<\/p>\n

Slowly he trudged over to his large desk, laying the correspondence to one side he sat down in his leather covered chair with cable still in hand.\u00a0 He sat for several minutes staring at the cable that rested in his hand upon his leg.\u00a0 He dared not open and read it, dreading that his worst fear would be realized.\u00a0 Turning his attention from the paper form, he glanced about the room.<\/p>\n

The walls of his private sanctuary were lined with bookcases that extended the length and breadth of the room.\u00a0 The bookcases were filled with books of every type and he’d read them all.<\/p>\n

He smiled a small smile as he heard in his mind his father’s deep voice warning, ‘All that reading will affect your mind son!’\u00a0 His father was right, it had affected him.\u00a0 It had encouraged him to leave his family home and to travel the world.\u00a0 Finally to settle down on a land so reminiscent of his youth on a continent half a world away.<\/p>\n

Adam was brought abruptly back to the present, as he watched his son ride out of the yard and down towards the fields where they kept their cattle. He wondered if he’d be able to let his only son go when the time came, as his father had done for him.<\/p>\n

It was hard for Adam to believe that it had been seventeen years since he’d seen his father.\u00a0 AJ was just a baby, and Hoss had just passed away.\u00a0 Though his father and he had corresponded many times about visiting one another, the rush of day to day living always seemed to get in the way.<\/p>\n

Glancing back down to the paper in his hand, Adam attempted to strengthen his resolve to quit avoiding the inevitable.\u00a0 With shaky hands he unfolded the sheet and read the words he already knew.\u00a0 His father was dead.<\/p>\n

Somehow he had known, he had sensed his father’s presence pass over a couple of days before.\u00a0 In his heart he’d felt the loss of the man who had virtually raised him single-handedly since a newborn infant.<\/p>\n

No more would he hear the strong deep resonant voice of his father as he instructed him with patient words of wisdom.\u00a0 No more would there be the strong arms to embrace him and protect him from the evils of the world.\u00a0 No more would there be the comforting reassurances to guide him through the trials and tribulations of life.<\/p>\n

Adam felt his heart shatter and break like fine crystal.\u00a0 He imagined that he could actually feel the small delicate pieces tinkling as they crashed into the pit of his stomach.\u00a0 Putting his now heavy head onto his folded arms upon the desk, Adam bitterly wept.<\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:<\/strong> Adam Cartwright, Grief<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0Adam deals with the loss of two of the most important people in his life.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 G (5,600 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10520,"featured_media":48763,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1005,23,41,698],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","category-post-timeline","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-698-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/The-Dark-Gate.jpg?fit=600%2C493&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10520"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14989"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14989\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/48763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}