Summary: \u00a0The weather is getting colder and the Cartwrights discuss their winter jackets, under the watchful gaze of the Giggly Sisters, and Pa.<\/p>\n
Rated: K+ \u00a0WC 1900<\/p>\n
Hanging Around<\/strong><\/p>\n Autumn had hit the Ponderosa early: bitter, biting winds and sharp hail-showers were making life miserable for everyone. Joe burst through the door, stamping his feet and blowing on his hands in a vain attempt to get some warmth back into the frozen digits.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cCome over here to the fire and get warm, son!\u201d Ben called. The vast fireplace dominated the living space of the downstairs room, but although there were fireplaces in the bedrooms, no viewer had ever reported seeing a fire burning in one of them. However, as winter episodes were restricted to a maximum of one every two years, perhaps this was not totally surprising.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou should be wearing a warmer jacket,\u201d Ben chided gently<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe gave him a skeptical look. \u201cThat\u2019s not possible, Pa \u2013 you know it ain\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben tried not to let exasperation color his tones too greatly. \u201cNow listen here, Joseph\u2026\u201d he boomed, sounding like a lonely bittern whose mate had migrated south for winter. The glass in one of the picture frames shattered, just missing Adam\u2019s face by a scant inch. Ben lowered his voice by a couple of decibels. \u201cI know that little green jacket shows off your slim waist, lean hips and long legs to perfection, but the viewers will understand!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Adam chortled gently. \u201cToo vain to wear the baggy blue-checked, three-quarter length jacket with the silly little half belt at the back?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNothin\u2019 wrong with that coat!\u201d Hoss said stoutly. \u201cIt were mine when I was back in fourth grade.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe fumed silently for a couple of moments. \u201cI\u2019ve got that new sheepskin-lined jacket now!\u201d he reminded his brothers. It was a much better fit than the old blue number, but he always felt a little uneasy wearing it. All that fur meant there was an ever-present risk that Adam would mistake his little brother for a wolf and shoot him again.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSo why weren’t you wearing your furry jacket?\u201d Ben asked, trying very hard to be patient.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe looked desperately to the wardrobe lady for help, but she was busily engaged in hemming his trousers. He\u2019d never quite had the heart to tell her that his pants were inevitably far too short and in danger of exposing his kneecaps to the viewing public whenever he sat down, but then she did make sure the fit around his butt was unparalleled in the history of TV. She seemed to have similar problems fitting Adam’s trousers, which were admittedly much looser in the butt, but were also so long that he was required to sport six-inch turn-ups.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cPa, you know we have that ridiculously small coat rack by the front door?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben nodded. Sometimes he wondered about his youngest son: the boy could be rather dense on occasion. Of course he knew the coat rack! He hung his hat there everyday, after carefully draping his neckerchief around the brim.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWell look at it!\u201d Joe exploded. \u201cThere\u2019s only room for three hats! Anyone who comes in late has to put their hat on the sideboard. And there\u2019s room for two jackets at the most.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hoss got quite animated. \u201cThat\u2019s right! I\u2019ve always wondered why you\u2019d be out in just a shirt while ol\u2019 Adam had that custard-colored coat on in the middle of summer!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt is pale beige!\u201d Adam said stiffly. His back had playing him up dreadfully and he thought he would scream if he ever saw another horse. \u201cAnd it provides a delightful contrast with my normally somber attire, giving a light-hearted glimpse into my playful side.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n At the word “play”, the Giggly Sisters whimpered pitifully and their pet bear, Paw, hid his head under a sofa cushion.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cPlease don\u2019t play that guitar again!\u201d Joe pleaded.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Adam looked mortified, but Ben decided to ignore him. Adam was having one of his pompous days, and all this talk about his playful side made Ben\u2019s teeth hurt. \u201cWhat was your point about the coat rack, Joseph?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHow can I hang my sheepskin coat up there when there isn\u2019t room for my little green jacket?\u201d Joe demanded.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cGood point,\u201d noted the redhead. \u201cAnd where on earth did your little blue jacket disappear to? Or that lovely grey cord one you wore in season one?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAnd where did you have your sheepskin coat during The Other Son<\/em> when you weren\u2019t wearing it?\u201d asked the blonde. She was gently extracting Paw from under the cushion, reassuring the little bear that Adam wasn\u2019t going to be singing. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t on the back of your saddle and your saddlebags weren\u2019t big enough to take the little green jacket, never mind a big warm one.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNice gloves, though,\u201d commented the redhead, who had a bit of a thing about Joe\u2019s well-shaped hands, with his nice, clean, unbitten fingernails. In fact, she had one of his hands in hers, trying to rub some warmth into it. This would have been more effective if her own long, slender fingers weren\u2019t blue with the cold\u2026 \u201cThey were a much better fit than the black ones you wear in later seasons.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThose were mine!\u201d Adam said loftily. \u201cYou can always tell Joe\u2019s gloves\u2026\u201d He left a pregnant pause, because the script girl was making those frantic circling motions that signaled a commercial break. It was nice to leave the viewers in suspense for a few minutes.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n During this time, Hoss had a quick snack and the sisters made some of their delicious mud-like coffee for everyone, using the famous Cartwright coffee-pot that kept beverages hot for at least 3 hours. NASA was currently investigating its remarkable insulating properties with a view to converting it into the next space shuttle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n As normal service resumed, Adam continued smoothly. \u201cJoe\u2019s gloves have a string attached so they can be threaded through the sleeves of whichever jacket he wears!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Even the sisters had to laugh at this one. Ben noticed the look of discomfiture on Joe\u2019s gorgeous face and hastened to explain.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAs a little boy, Joseph had a bad habit of putting his hands in his pockets and ripping them. At first, Marie\u2026”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n “My Love!” everyone chorused dutifully. Ben nodded his head in acknowledgement.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n “\u2026 used to sew them up, but eventually we just got his jackets made without pockets. And he needed somewhere to put his gloves, so the string was the best solution.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI jist put my coat in the barn,\u201d Hoss said. All Hoss\u2019 coats were various shades of brown and looked as if they had been made from left-over horse blankets, so that made sense. \u201cThen I knows where it is an\u2019 I don\u2019 have ta worry about findin\u2019 it when the weather gits cold.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBut none of you actually hang your jackets behind the door,\u201d the redhead pointed out. \u201cJoe\u2019s seems to hang on his bedpost, and I\u2019ve never seen the custard-colored coat hanging up anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Gritting his teeth, Ben forced a smile. He really didn\u2019t like the redhead; she always asked the difficult questions and, rather like a terrier, didn\u2019t let go once she had an idea in her head.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAnd you must feel the cold an awful lot,\u201d the blonde added, smiling charmingly at Ben. \u201cYou often have on a big coat, when Joe and Hoss are going about in shirt sleeves.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cPaw\u2019s gettin\u2019 on a bit,\u201d Hoss explained and Paw looked black affronted. How could he be getting on? He was only a baby, after all. He bared his nice new shiny teeth at Hoss and tried to growl, but he hadn\u2019t quite mastered that yet, and looked surprised when a squeak came out instead. Widening his eyes (a trick he\u2019d learned from Joe), he tried to pretend that he\u2019d intended to squeak all along.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI am not getting on a bit!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cI\u2019m in the Prime of Life<\/em>!\u201d Paw realized that Hoss\u2019 appalling diction had caught him out once more and wished that the big man would learn to pronounce words properly. It did get a little confusing sometimes. \u201cBut my years on the ocean taught me that it’s wise to keep warm.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n “You looked rather nice wearing that black gansey in San Francisco<\/em>,” the blonde assured him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben smiled lovingly at her and gave her knee a quick squeeze. “It had a matching hat!” he reminisced happily. “I often wondered what happened to that outfit – it would have been really cozy when the bad weather closes in.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joe recalled the jacket he had worn during that adventure-packed episode: tight round the hips and with slightly blouson sleeves. Another nice item of outerwear which had mysteriously disappeared. But should he be surprised? After all, how many dear friends and close relatives of the Cartwrights had guest-starred in one episode, never to be seen again?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n “Perhaps our jackets are kept up in the attic?” Hoss ventured.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Adam gave a thin-lipped mile. “Along with all our clothes set aside for Joe to grow into?” he suggested. It is likely that he would have continued, but Joe shot him a “don’t go there” look.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n “You know the most remarkable thing about San Francisco<\/em>?” asked the redhead. The Cartwrights shook their heads, looking remarkably like those nodding dogs you see in the back of cars. The blonde made a mental note to chat to the chaps in promotion about this valuable merchandising opportunity.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n The redhead flashed a charming smile. “Ben and Joe changed pants!”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n A look of complete outrage crossed Ben’s face, but Joe only laughed. As ever, this was slightly disconcerting. So much so that the producer was wondering if “Joe laughs” episodes should be preceded by a warning for those of a nervous disposition. “That’s right!” he crowed in delight. “When we got dressed for that evening out, my pants had belt loops, while Pa’s didn’t!”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ben looked mightily relieved. He had thought for one horrible moment that he had squeezed into Joe\u2019s tight-fitting, too short pants, even though he couldn\u2019t remember doing so. \u201cThat was a slight aberration on the seamstress\u2019s behalf,\u201d he muttered. \u201cShe was under a lot of stress that day.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThat still doesn\u2019t really tell us where your coats are kept,\u201d the redhead said, thoughtfully. She always knew where her big warm coat was. Lord knows, she felt the cold enough that she sometimes wanted to wear it in the house!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s easy,\u201d Adam told her airily. \u201cThey\u2019re kept in the wardrobe.\u201d As everyone gave him blank looks, for a wardrobe, armoire or chiffonier had never been spied in any bedroom in the Ponderosa, he smiled.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThe wardrobe department,\u201d he finished. \u201cSaves cluttering up our rooms.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n A grin lit Joe\u2019s perfect face and the girls had to take several deep breaths. \u201cAnd we don\u2019t get the blame when the clothes go missing!\u201d he crowed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAnd besides,\u201d Ben added, comfortingly, \u201cnobody notices when clothes vanish never to be seen again.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n At this the sisters exchanged glances. After all, they had noticed. Perhaps this was just one of the ever-growing list of things it was better not to mention during the course of daily life on the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n *****End*****<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n