{"id":1519,"date":"2009-06-06T14:23:19","date_gmt":"2009-06-06T18:23:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1519"},"modified":"2026-07-29T11:40:15","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T15:40:15","slug":"help-wanted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1519","title":{"rendered":"Help Wanted (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>Running the Ponderosa is a full-time job, as we all know. But who takes care of all the little tasks that make a house a home?<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Help Wanted<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright came downstairs to discover the Giggly Sisters busily arranging yet another bunch of hothouse flowers on the dining table. Their pet bear, Paw, was helping out by biting off the thorns on the roses.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWhere do all these bouquets come from?\u201d the blonde asked curiously. The Ponderosa was never without at least one floral decoration that rivaled the displays seen at state banquets at Buckingham Palace.<\/p>\n

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Ben chuckled merrily. \u201cHaven\u2019t you noticed the preponderance of flowers around here? Not only inside, but outside too?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cThere\u2019s the everlasting geraniums on the windowsill outside the study window,\u201d the redhead volunteered. Of course, these were reserved for the occasions when the study window was on the back wall, behind Ben\u2019s desk. No one was quite sure where they went when the window swapped places with the bookcase and moved to the sidewall. It was mutually agreed that it was probably best not to ask such questions.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAnd then there\u2019s the climbing rose at the front of the house,\u201d the blonde remembered. \u201cIt really is quite remarkable, isn\u2019t it? These harsh winters by Lake Tahoe never seem to do it one iota of damage.\u201d She realized that Ben was shaking his head with pity and remembered that the show was in fact filmed on the Paramount lot in California, whereupon she went rather quiet.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt\u2019s all quite simple: we have a full-time gardener,\u201d Ben explained kindly. \u201cDead-heading the rose bush alone takes him one day a week and it has to be carefully scheduled in with exterior filming. We can\u2019t have viewers seeing him scrabbling all over the porch roof after all. The rest of the time, he\u2019s busy tending the apple orchards and vegetable gardens and tending the herbaceous borders.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The redhead looked rather skeptical. \u201cAnd exactly where would they be?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cRound the side of the house!\u201d Joe said, coming downstairs in his bare feet. The blonde almost swooned. \u201cYou never see the side of the house or even the back, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cAnd did you never wonder what happened to all the manure from the horses? Wonderful fertilizer and so cost-effective!\u201d Ben shook his head in wonder. He never liked to waste anything and still had several boxes of clothes that Adam and Hoss had grown out of, packed away in mothballs, hoping against hope that Joe would grow into them. One day. However, even Ben was beginning to acknowledge that Joe was destined to remain the smallest (and cutest) of the Cartwrights. Except of course for the boy\u2019s ears, which were just a smidgeon too big and stuck out ever so slightly.<\/p>\n

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\u201cDo you have any other people helping around the house?\u201d the blonde asked, slightly breathlessly. Joe was now sitting down and pulling on his socks.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWell, there\u2019s the guy who nips out and lights the porch light every evening. He uses the gardener\u2019s stepladders to do that, of course, because it\u2019s far too high to reach.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI\u2019d often wondered about that!\u201d the redhead enthused. \u201cDo you leave it on all night?\u201d Ben and Joe just shrugged at this. \u201cAnd then what about the outside bell? Why don\u2019t you have a bell-pull and have the bell inside the house? It would be a lot more convenient, wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cNot if you\u2019ve been badly maimed!\u201d Joe answered smartly, thinking of that traumatic time in First Born<\/em>. What would he have done without the bell to pull on? Why, he could have lain out there all night. \u201cVery useful.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cThen why don\u2019t people use it?\u201d asked the redhead. \u201cThey all seem to knock on the door, or just walk in.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI\u2019ve never quite understood that myself,\u201d Ben muttered, reluctant to go into it. This was yet another of those things about living on the Ponderosa that one didn\u2019t enquire too deeply into. How he wished the sisters weren\u2019t quite so observant. Ben cleared his throat. \u201cAnd we have the ranch hands, of course,\u201d he said, reverting back to the original subject.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThe ranch hands who live in the disappearing bunkhouses?\u201d asked the blonde, watching avidly as Joe slid his boots on. The redhead thought what lovely clean, unbitten fingernails Joe had. \u201cIsn\u2019t that rather inconvenient?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cThere always seem to be some around when we need them,\u201d Ben muttered.<\/p>\n

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\u201cBut not when you\u2019re maimed,\u201d Joe put in. \u201cThere\u2019s never been a single hand standing around when I\u2019ve ridden in maimed.\u201d He made a face and the sisters sighed. \u201cThey always seem to be out on the range.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cThere is the little man who does the horses,\u201d Adam suggested, coming into the room.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWhich little man is that?\u201d asked the redhead, while the blonde stopped Joe from going over and bopping Adam one on the nose. Not that he didn\u2019t deserve it, but he might get blood all over the flowers and that would be such a waste when they\u2019d gone to all the bother of arranging them prettily.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWell, I haven\u2019t seen him personally,\u201d Adam admitted. This was a novelty. Adam seldom admitted he didn\u2019t know or hadn\u2019t seen something. Joe hoped someone would record this fact for posterity. \u201cBut someone takes the horses and puts them away in the barn. It\u2019s never us.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cWe\u2019d noticed that,\u201d said the redhead, who wished there was a similar system at her riding school, where she always had to tack and untack her horse. A little man who did that would be invaluable. Ben recalled how he had unjustly accused Joe of leaving his horse intended to in The Deadly Ones<\/em>. Of course, the dear boy had been brutally maimed, causing his father a great degree of angst.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThere\u2019s something else I\u2019ve been wondering about,\u201d the blonde ventured tentatively. \u201cYou know the coffee pot?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Ben, Adam and Joe all nodded vigorously. That wonderful coffeepot that kept beverages hot for hours on end! And way before the thermos flask was even thought of! Quite remarkable.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWell, it starts off white and pristine in the early episodes, even if the pattern is rather indistinguishable. But later on, it gets decidedly mocha-colored. Almost as if the coffee had leeched through, in fact. Seems to me that you need to have a sharp word with whoever does the dishes around here and give them a scouring pad and some sharp words!\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI quite agree!\u201d Ben enthused, patting the blonde on the knee for added emphasis. \u201cI just wish the chap who does Joe\u2019s hair would lend a hand in the kitchen occasionally.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Joe looked black affronted. He was fed-up with the hairstylist trying to brush his curls into submission. Personally, he preferred a bit more bounce around the sides of his head, in order to minimize the angle and size of his ears.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt\u2019s the walls that worry me,\u201d Adam confided. The sisters exchanged startled looks. Hadn\u2019t he designed the Ponderosa in the first place? Adam sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose, always a sure sign of mental distress. \u201cThe plaster work! Haven\u2019t you noticed how rough it is?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cThe country look is very fashionable!\u201d Ben protested weakly. Of course, the fact that rough-hewn plaster work was infinitely cheaper than the smooth variety had nothing to do with it at all. Or so he kept telling himself.<\/p>\n

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\u201cDoesn\u2019t exactly go with the oil paintings,\u201d Adam commented dryly, as Hoss came in from the barn.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWhere did ya git that picture of the scary Injun in Joe\u2019s room from, Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

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\u201cDo you know, some people wonder why I have nightmares?\u201d Joe asked rhetorically. \u201cHow would you fancy waking up in the middle of the night and seeing that staring down at you?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Everyone decided just to ignore this little outburst. Given the least encouragement, Joe was sure to start going on about his moving room, the too-short bed and deplorable bed linen ad infinitum<\/em>.<\/p>\n

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The redhead gave Ben a charming smile. \u201cI\u2019ve always loved the map of the Ponderosa!\u201d she said sweetly. \u201cIt\u2019s a pity you don\u2019t have the Ordnance Survey in America, isn\u2019t it? They would have been able to tell you that north generally faces heavenwards.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI know that!\u201d Ben said through gritted teeth. \u201cAnd I made a stunning allusion to heaven in A Rose for Lotta<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI wore that sexy black shirt in the early season credits!\u201d Joe confided to the girls, who remembered how cute he had been\u2026 but then Joe was cute in everything.<\/p>\n

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\u201cI wonder what happened to that shirt,\u201d the blonde mused.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt got lost in the wash,\u201d Joe confided. \u201cI looked for it for ages, but it never came back.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cCame back from where?\u201d asked the redhead. \u201cDoesn\u2019t Hop Sing do the washing?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cYou must be kidding,\u201d Hop Sing said, having been eavesdropping in the kitchen. \u201cWith all the people who arrive and depart from here, I would never have time for housework and cooking. My number three cousin in Virginia City does the washing.\u201d He shook his head and scuttled off, thereby missing the pointed looks the girls were throwing at the floor. It hadn\u2019t seen a lick of polish in years!<\/p>\n

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\u201cI suppose another of Hop Sing\u2019s cousins does the ironing?\u201d queried the blonde. She wondered if he would tackle her ironing pile, for neither sister liked ironing. \u201cHow useful.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cAlmost as useful as those mattresses I\u2019m always flinging into the back of the buckboard when Joe gits himself maimed again!\u201d Hoss contributed helpfully. \u201cWhere do we git them from, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Ben sighed heavily. Why did his family insist on debating the inconsequential minutiae of life? It was almost as bad as those pedants who wondered why there were sturdy shutters at the downstairs windows. They weren\u2019t content with being told that the shutters were for security, oh no! Some people had to point out that the kitchen had flimsy half-glass doors that could be opened with a blunt butter knife. Mind you, he had always wondered why the curtains on the kitchen doors were always drawn, cutting out the daylight.<\/p>\n

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He looked at his three sons, the Giggly Sisters, and Paw, who was absent-mindedly chewing on an antimacassar. The Ponderosa was a large house and three growing boys caused a lot of wear and tear. Not to mention the growing list of guest stars who breathed their last within these walls, or bled with gay abandon all over the sofa. Ben was a deeply pragmatic man and had steadfastly refused to get a new sofa until all such dangers were passed. He was still waiting and was fully prepared to do so for some years to come. The sofa was consequently incredibly lumpy and avoided like the plague by all right-minded people.<\/p>\n

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\u201cGood, reliable help is hard to come by!\u201d Ben proclaimed loudly. He could vividly recall the early series, when the wooden floors had been dull and badly scratched. Hop Sing had really picked up his standards since then. Mind you, he still couldn\u2019t understand why the faithful factotum left the Indian rug hanging over the banisters, for all the world as if it were a blanket. But good, faithful, reliable help was so hard to come by. And who else but Hop Sing would willingly spend his evenings lovingly crafting those piles of soft cloths, so essential for mopping down fevered bodies?<\/p>\n

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Just as he was about to extol the virtues of the faithful factotum, Ben saw a large tumbleweed roll out from the inconvenient gap at the side of the stairs. Quite obviously, it hadn\u2019t been swept out for quite some time. He then noticed that the sisters were sitting, neatly hemming some rather familiar cloths, while Paw rolled happily across the floor, his shaggy fur buffing it up a treat.<\/p>\n

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\u201cHop Sing!\u201d Ben bellowed, vowing to have a stern word with the boys and girls in continuity. After all, he owed it to the loyal viewers, who were sure to notice such things.<\/p>\n

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*****End****<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0Running the Ponderosa is a full-time job, as we all know. But who takes care of all the little tasks that make a house a home?<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1519","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1519"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1519\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1519"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1519"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1519"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}