{"id":1531,"date":"2009-08-05T14:30:19","date_gmt":"2009-08-05T18:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1531"},"modified":"2026-07-29T11:42:20","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T15:42:20","slug":"if-you-want-to-get-ahead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1531","title":{"rendered":"If You Want To Get Ahead (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>The Giggly Sisters tackle the thorny problem of what hat to wear.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01700<\/p>\n

If You Want To Get Ahead<\/strong><\/p>\n

Since arriving at the Ponderosa, the Giggly Sisters had noticed that all the Cartwrights habitually wore hats. It seemed only logical that they too should acquire suitable headgear. The only question was: what hat to choose?<\/p>\n

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\u201cI still don\u2019t see what\u2019s wrong with a nice beret,\u201d the blonde said. She came from a military background and had only just been weaned off forage caps.<\/p>\n

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Joe sighed deeply and gave her a consoling hug. \u201cIt\u2019s just not the done thing!\u201d he advised, in soulful tones.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWouldn\u2019t a nice crash cap be safer?\u201d the redhead enquired. \u201cAnd you can get lovely racing silks in all sorts of colors too!\u201d<\/p>\n

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Ben Cartwright shook his head in disbelief. \u201cThis is a Western my dears!\u201d he advised, making full use of his resonant voice. \u201cThe clue is in the genre! Westerns generally mean cowboy hats \u2013 we don\u2019t want to confuse the viewers now, do we? The only time you\u2019ll see other headgear is to denote characters of different ethnic backgrounds.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cLike those Mexican soldiers in The Deadly Ones<\/em>?\u201d the blonde ventured tentatively. She\u2019d just discovered her school panama and tried it on.<\/p>\n

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\u201cExactly my dear, but do try to acclimatize yourself to the American idiom,\u201d Adam responded, whipping the offending hat off her head and flinging it away like a straw Frisbee.<\/p>\n

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\u201cExactly how did you choose your hats?\u201d the redhead asked, noticing that her sister was a little distressed by this and was hugging their pet bear, Paw, for comfort. Paw, who simply didn\u2019t have the shape of skull that accommodated headgear without a struggle, was currently sporting a rather misshapen Glengarry.<\/p>\n

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\u201cI ain\u2019t too sure,\u201d Hoss admitted, gloomily. \u201cI jist picked it up to try on an\u2019 I was stuck with it.\u201d He eyed his ten-gallon hat with disgust. \u201cAn\u2019 folks keep tellin\u2019 me it\u2019s a sugar-loaf hat, but that ain\u2019t what I was told. \u2018Sides, who\u2019d wanta eat that?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI\u2019ve got a black hat because I hate to follow the crowd,\u201d Adam said sententiously. \u201cGoodies are supposed to wear white hats, but I suit black better. And it\u2019s a lovely contrast for the viewers to have a goodie in a black hat.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI had a black hat to start with,\u201d Joe commented, wistfully. \u201cIt went real well with my grey cord jacket and my little blue jacket.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cOh, the LBJ,\u201d the redhead sighed. She had never completely reconciled herself to the green jacket. It had been about then that Joe\u2019s pants had become desperately short.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAll my hats have been tan or grey,\u201d Ben stated. \u201cIn true goodie style.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt was just a pity that continuity never paid any attention to which hat you wore, because you had on a grey one in The Gift<\/em>, which changed to a tan one and then back again, in the course of less than two minutes,\u201d the blonde noted. \u201cWhile you were talking to Emeliano.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Ben cast an eye over at continuity, but as usual, they weren\u2019t paying any heed to what was going on. Small wonder they never got a credit at the end of the show. Actually, he wasn\u2019t entirely convinced that they even existed. He looked across at the script girl, but she merely shrugged her shoulders and went off to lunch. She seemed to spend a lot of time there, which accounted for those little incongruities that the sisters delighted in noticing.<\/p>\n

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\u201cYou wore a different hat in the original credits, didn\u2019t you?\u201d the blonde asked Adam, who groaned loudly.<\/p>\n

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\u201cDon\u2019t remind me! I hated that hat! I looked like Henry Fonda playing a mid-western Quaker with exceptionally bad grace!\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cNever mind, your later hat was jolly nice!\u201d she consoled him. \u201cAnd did you ever notice that you and Joe have almost identical hat bands? Leather studded affairs?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI\u2019ve never liked my hatband,\u201d Ben confided. \u201cThat\u2019s why I always tie my neckerchief around it when it\u2019s hanging on the hat rack. That way, I can\u2019t see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The sisters had noticed this, even if they\u2019d never actually seen Ben remove said scarf before putting the hat back on. It just seemed to obligingly dematerialize.<\/p>\n

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\u201c\u2019Course, it\u2019s a downright mystery how my hat stays on the hat rack at all, what with the weight of that there crown. Looks like a vol au vent left too long in the oven, if you asks me.\u201d Hoss looked at his hat in disgust.<\/p>\n

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He seemed a trifle dejected, so the sisters rushed to console him.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt\u2019s very distinctive,\u201d the redhead said soothingly.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAnd I bet it\u2019s ever so handy for keeping sandwiches in,\u201d the blonde added. \u201cLots of room and no danger of them getting crushed.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cDo you have different hats for winter time?\u201d asked the redhead, trying to ignore her sister, who was now modeling a fetching Russian-style fur hat. Luckily, she had the cheekbones to carry it off. \u201cNice warm woolly ones with pompoms on them?\u201d She smiled beatifically. \u201cAfter all, you had all those sheep in Blood on the Land<\/em>, and you had to do something with the wool. Knitting hats would keep you busy on long, dark winter evenings.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cWe wear the same hats year round,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cIf you have a good hat, it keeps you warm and dry in winter and cool in summer.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cHow do you keep the brims turned up?\u201d asked the blonde, who had found a glorious bit of fluff that passed for a hat. The redhead tried it on. She had always had a fancy for frivolous hats and had a particularly fetching one in black velvet and feathers.<\/p>\n

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Smiling and nodding, Ben ignored this question, because he didn\u2019t actually know the answer to it. Did Hop Sing farm the hats out to one of his cousins for starching? Were they put onto model heads to be steamed? Well, it didn\u2019t matter to Ben as long as his hat was there for him to put on when he needed it.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWhat kind of hat would you like?\u201d he asked the sisters.<\/p>\n

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\u201cI always fancied a white straw topper with black ribbon and black veiling,\u201d replied the redhead with a straight face. She had once seen such a creation, but had decided to leave it where it was in the shop. \u201cOr one with great long feathers sticking out of it. Very fetching.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cOr a baseball cap,\u201d the blonde suggested. \u201cUseful brims for keeping the sun out of your eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

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It was clear that Ben didn\u2019t know if he was being teased or not. He glanced at Joe and saw that the boy was fit to burst. Catching his father\u2019s eye, Joe let go and started to giggle. His laugh, though slightly manic, was quite contagious, and soon they were all giggling helplessly. Joe managed to resist the temptation to roll on the ground, cackling wildly, although he had done that once in Hoss and the Leprechauns<\/em>. However, the press office had been besieged with fan mail from viewers who were overjoyed at the delightful views this presented, that the production company had been obliged to hire an extra 10 people just to answer them. Repeat performances had been strictly vetoed.<\/p>\n

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\u201cOf course a brim keeps the sun out of your eyes!\u201d Ben said a trifle testily. \u201cThat\u2019s another reason we always wear our hats outside. We don\u2019t want any unsightly wrinkles around our eyes, do we?\u201d<\/p>\n

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The girls stared intently into Joe\u2019s eyes and wondered exactly what color they were. Some writers described them as green, while others insisted they were hazel.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWatch The Stillness Within<\/em> again,\u201d Joe advised, realizing what they were thinking. \u201cThere\u2019s a great close up of my poor, blinded eye there and it\u2019s quite clearly green. Or even clear green. I forget now. It was all rather traumatic and of course, some people never bothered to write and offer a crumb of comfort.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Adam sighed deeply. \u201cFor a start, that\u2019s a much later episode,\u201d he said reasonably. \u201cAnd anyway, you couldn\u2019t have read it, could you? Being blind and all.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Sensing a little friction, the redhead decided to revert to the original topic. \u201cBuck seems to have sensitive eyes, because they\u2019re often half-shut against the sunlight, poor creature. Why not get him a wee straw hat, like the donkeys wear at the beach?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cI hardly think that would be appropriate!\u201d Ben said stiffly, wondering if the glare from the medallions on Buck\u2019s bridle made things worse. Perhaps if he cut back on the polishing regimen that might help.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThere\u2019s another thing about hats,\u201d Hoss confided. \u201cAt socials an\u2019 such like, we all stick our hats on a table. Joe and Adam often find that someone has taken their hat by mistake. Course, it don\u2019t matter that much for Joe, \u2018cos if\u2019n he gets left with a hat that\u2019s too big, his ears stop it from sliding over his face.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Joe, who was inclined to be rather sensitive about his ears and spent lengthy hours arranging his curls to disguise the fact they stuck out ever so slightly, shot Hoss a most unfraternal look. Impervious, his brother continued unabashed,<\/p>\n

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\u201cFunny thing though \u2013 no-one ever seems to take my hat. Cain\u2019t understand it!\u201d<\/p>\n

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The Cartwrights sat with fixed expressions and the girls bit the insides of their cheeks in a valiant effort not to smile.<\/p>\n

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\u201cImagine that!\u201d the blonde said at last.<\/p>\n

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\u201cQuite remarkable!\u201d her sister added.<\/p>\n

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\u201cYup, and it\u2019s pretty tough too. \u2018Ceptin\u2019 of course when some people thunk it hard!\u201d<\/p>\n

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Joe gulped hard, remembering his antics at the end of The Gift<\/em>. \u201cI must have been suffering from sunstroke! After all, I galloped across half of the Arizona desert without a hat, didn\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Hoss grinned cheerfully, for he knew that all true cowboys had dents in their hats. And an extra dent or two just added character, after all.<\/p>\n

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*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0The Giggly Sisters tackle the thorny problem of what hat to wear.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01700<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1531","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1531"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1531\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1531"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1531"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1531"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}