{"id":1535,"date":"2009-11-02T14:32:23","date_gmt":"2009-11-02T19:32:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1535"},"modified":"2026-07-29T11:40:34","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T15:40:34","slug":"in-a-matter-of-speaking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1535","title":{"rendered":"In A Matter of Speaking (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>The Giggly Sisters turn their inimitable eye on the patterns of speech found at the Ponderosa. Why does Hoss talk like that?<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01400<\/p>\n

In A Matter of Speaking<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright sat in the small cubby-hole he used as a study and tried, vainly, to concentrate on the account books. For some reason, this was a job that took up inordinate amount of his time, although he was never quite sure why. Surely cows didn\u2019t need to be counted every day? Or trees, come to that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But today, he was quite unable to concentrate on entering figures and calculating the totals. The window in his study was currently lurking on the side wall, and this meant that the conversation of Joe and the Giggly Sisters was quite clearly audible. He\u2019d always thought the Scots were a softly spoken race, but these girls had disturbingly cut-glass accents that carried extraordinarily effectively. And the way they laughed \u2013 well, there was no doubt as to why they were known as the Giggly Sisters. Just then, Joe started to cackle wildly, with his unique and contagious chuckle. Actually, if Ben were totally honest, Joe\u2019s laugh was rather manic and he did sometimes wonder about the boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d he bellowed, in time honored tradition. In the wings, the soundmen went into mourning, as all the valves on their equipment blew up simultaneously.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe came trotting in, his curls bobbing eagerly. The sisters had confiscated the hairdresser\u2019s extra-strong hair lotion that morning and Joe was rejoicing in the fact.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHi Pa! It\u2019s a beautiful morning, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The blonde sighed slightly. How perfectly Joe spoke, sounding all his consonants and even managing to work in a diphthong! No sloppy glottal stops at all!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat an impressive voice you have!\u201d the redhead said admiringly. She had trained as an actress and knew how important it was to project one’s voice properly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPeople have commented that I have a built-in cello!\u201d Ben admitted proudly. \u201cAnd of course, I was known as the Voice of Canada.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a certain logic in this. The sisters could easily imagine Ben broadcasting effortlessly to troops across Europe, without the need for any radio equipment at all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The blonde sat down, clearly deep in thought. \u201cYou know, Joe, it\u2019s strange that you are the son with an affinity for the south, whereas you were actually born in New Jersey.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe looked confused and rumpled his curls in a perplexed fashion. \u201cI thought I was born right here on the Ponderosa?\u201d he said plaintively.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cAnd of course, Adam, the model of New England rectitude, was a southerner, born and bred,\u201d the redhead added.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI was?\u201d Adam came in, looking confused. \u201cI don\u2019t remember that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cI think you\u2019re confusing reality and fiction, my dears,\u201d Ben said firmly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd as for Hoss,\u201d went on the blonde ignoring Ben completely, \u201cwhere did his speech come from? Surely you all went to roughly the same school? So, given that you were raised in the same house, why is it that you and Adam speak good, ordinary English, and Hoss doesn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere ain\u2019t nuthin\u2019 wrong with ma accent,\u201d Hoss aid, a trifle huffily. \u201cI jist speaks the way I wants to. Ain\u2019t nuthin\u2019 wrong with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI rest your case,\u201d the redhead commented to the blonde and they both laughed again. No one else quite saw the joke, though. \u201cBut, Hoss, you don\u2019t sound your \u2018ings\u2019, and you say \u2018ain\u2019t\u2019 all the time. Your brothers don\u2019t, although Joe does sometimes use the odd \u2018ain\u2019t\u2019.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI does?\u201d Hoss queried. \u201cI mean, I doesn\u2019t? I mean\u2026\u201d Hoss trailed off, not sure what he did mean.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you never think to correct his grammar?\u201d asked the redhead, who fought a constant battle against the appalling accents and sloppy speech of her home area appearing in her children\u2019s vocabulary. \u201cI know it’s boring, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNow, my dear, you\u2019re making entirely too much of this,\u201d Ben said. \u201cHoss is just a little more relaxed in his diction, aren\u2019t you son?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, ma diction,\u201d Hoss parroted, not too sure what his diction was, but glad to hear it was relaxed. \u201cI knowed all along that was what it were.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cYou\u2019d think you\u2019d been raised by a totally different family all together,\u201d the blonde commented. Ben immediately looked guilty. Was it some subliminal legacy from dear Inger, he wondered?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI says what I thinks, an\u2019 it comes from ma heart!\u201d Hoss said stoutly. \u201cReal feelin\u2019s count more than fancy words, that\u2019s what I reckons!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell said!\u201d Adam applauded. \u201cAlthough there is a lot to be said for the lost art of rhetoric. Not to mention declamation.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cPlease, no more Thoreau!\u201d the redhead pleaded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI blame Miss Abigail Jones,\u201d the blonde ventured. \u201cShe was probably too busy mooning over Adam to bother teaching the children basic grammar. I must say though, it\u2019s a pity Marie didn\u2019t speak French to the boys. Then they all could have been brought up bilingual.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss turned red and tittered slightly. \u201cThat\u2019s illegal in this here territory! Not that I\u2019m small-minded!\u201d he added quickly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cBi-lin-gu-al!\u201d the blonde enunciated clearly, sounding uncannily like Her Gracious Majesty. \u201cIt means speaking two languages.\u201d She saw Hoss opening his mouth and quickly added, \u201cBut not at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing shuffled in. The sole had come off one of his slippers and was flapping loosely around. \u201cOf course, if I had spoken Mandarin to you, boys, you could have been trilingual.\u201d He didn’t bother to add that he\u2019d only learned the language by correspondence course, having spent all his formative years in Oxford and Cambridge. It was funny how all the viewers saw a man of obvious oriental appearance, dressed in Chinese clothes and just assumed he spoke with a sing-song accent. But then, apart from the Giggly sisters, most fans had never noticed the many little incongruities around the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss was still mulling over his strange speech patterns. \u201cI reckons it helps them little kids identify with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, tell us Joe \u2013 does it?\u201d Adam asked jokingly, knowing this was an easy way to get a rise out of his youngest brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t know,\u201d Joe responded, coolly. \u201cThe only little kid around here is you, brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Giggly Sisters tittered as Adam fumed. He had left himself wide open to that one, it had to be said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then there were all those dreadful foreign accents,\u201d the redhead said, before blood could be shed. \u201cCouldn\u2019t you find a real Irish actor? That Emmet Reardon in MBK<\/em>, his accent wandered the globe!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd which land did the gypsies in Dark Star<\/em> come from?\u201d asked the blonde. \u201cAnd why was old Brouha using the same accent as Jean De Marigny\u2019s mother in Marie<\/em> My Love?<\/em>\u201d There was a sigh from everyone around. \u201cAnd Guido Borelli\u2019s sister in The Deadliest Game<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe only authentic one was Zsa Zsa Gabor,\u201d added the redhead. \u201cAnd her accent was so thick I hardly knew what she was saying at all!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMe either,\u201d chorused Joe and Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cStradivarius,\u201d sniggered the redhead and the sisters were off again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d Joe mused, \u201cI think this is just one of those things that we\u2019ll never get an explanation for. We all know that Hoss isn\u2019t really thick, but folks just assume that he is, so they had to make him speak like that.\u201d He smiled at Hoss, who grinned back, showing off his appalling dentistry. He really did look incredibly gormless.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAdam is the educated college man,\u201d he went on and saw his older brother smirk. \u201cEven if he couldn\u2019t possibly have studied what he said he studied in those short years.\u201d The smirk vanished, the sisters noted with satisfaction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd as for me,\u201d he mused, \u201cI\u2019m\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust perfect!\u201d the sisters chorused.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben thought back to a phrase his dear departed Marie had often used: plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose<\/em>! He looked around the living room and was almost relieved to notice that the Indian blanket had decided it was a rug and was once more lying on the floor while the funny gap at the side of the stairs seemed to have disappeared once again. Everything was just as it should be!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0The Giggly Sisters turn their inimitable eye on the patterns of speech found at the Ponderosa. Why does Hoss talk like that?<\/p>\n

Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a01400<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":11293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Hoss-smile.jpg?fit=285%2C326&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1535"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1535\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}