{"id":15419,"date":"2017-10-30T19:17:20","date_gmt":"2017-10-30T23:17:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15419"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:41:02","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:41:02","slug":"trust-and-tight-spaces-by-psw","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15419","title":{"rendered":"Trust and Tight Spaces (by PSW)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0 WHIB\/WHN for The Silence at Stillwater; or, a wrongful arrest and its aftermath, as told by the reluctant arrestee.<\/p>\n

Rating: K+\u00a0 Word Count: 17,757<\/p>\n

Disclaimer: \u00a0All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. \u00a0The original characters and plot are the property of the author. \u00a0The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

Trust and Tight Spaces<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prologue<\/strong><\/p>\n

When people ask why I’m a drifter, I can name a dozen quick reasons without even thinkin’ hard.\u00a0\u00a0In the end, all those reasons really boil down to just two — trust and tight spaces — but those ain’t ever on the list.\u00a0\u00a0Those ain’t anybody’s business but mine.\u00a0\u00a0Lately, since I went on the Cartwright payroll, I’ve been letting myself start to think that maybe they don’t have to be my business, either … but I shoulda known better.\u00a0\u00a0Layin’ here on the ground under the moon, drunk and aching, without a fire or a bedroll or anything but my saddle to call my own (even my horse is technically stolen, though I doubt Mr. Cartwright will send the law after me), I do know better.<\/p>\n

Trust and tight spaces.<\/p>\n

Maybe I don’t get to leave those two behind.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter One<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was riding along toward a little town called Stillwater that morning, minding my own (and Mr. Cartwright\u2019s) business, when I met them on the road\u2014five or six men moving at a pretty good pace.\u00a0\u00a0My own horse had lost a shoe and I was mounted on an unfamiliar gelding who seemed not much happier with the trade than I was, so when I saw the tin badges and realized they were a posse of some sort I didn\u2019t pull up to talk like I normally would have.\u00a0\u00a0It was a mistake \u2026 though in the end I\u2019m not sure how much difference it would have made.<\/p>\n

They had me surrounded in about five seconds flat.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, fellas.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I grinned and tried to calm my restive horse, fighting back a wave of unease.\u00a0\u00a0There was nothing that said they weren\u2019t just looking for information, but there was also nothing particularly friendly about any of them.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s goin\u2019 on?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere you been this morning, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n

The speaker was probably not five years older than me.\u00a0\u00a0In the interests of self-preservation, I didn\u2019t make an issue of it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBack that way.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I nodded over my shoulder, and saw that two of them now sat squarely in my path, guns drawn.\u00a0\u00a0My mouth dried and I looked back around, forcing my grin wider.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve found it throws people off, smilin\u2019 when there\u2019s nothing funny.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s this about?\u201d<\/p>\n

The speaker drew his pistol as well.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re gonna need to come with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, not a chance.\u00a0\u00a0I shifted in my saddle, ready to pull around and skedaddle (as Hoss would say).\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhy don\u2019t you just tell me what\u2019s goin\u2019 on, and then we\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

One of them crowded close and grabbed for my reins.\u00a0\u00a0I jerked away, snapping, \u201cHey!\u00a0\u00a0Hands off!\u201d, and that\u2019s when another one of them shot me.<\/p>\n

It was just a graze across my right arm, but it bled pretty good and hurt like he\u2019d just hit me with a branding iron.\u00a0\u00a0The leader started yellin\u2019\u2014that apparently hadn\u2019t been part of the plan, if they even had one\u2014and I wheeled the horse, thinking to run while they were distracted.\u00a0\u00a0The next thing I knew all five pistols were pointed straight at my head.\u00a0\u00a0I did the only thing I could do.\u00a0\u00a0I dropped my reins, raised my hands, and asked again.<\/p>\n

\u201cFellas, what\u2019s this about?\u201d<\/p>\n

I would ask that question a dozen times that day, and not one of them ever gave me an answer.<\/p>\n

The speaker told me to throw down my pistol and my rifle, which I did.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLook, is there somethin\u2019 I can clear up for you all?\u00a0\u00a0Whoever you\u2019re after, it ain\u2019t me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0They ignored me completely, now that I was no longer a threat.\u00a0\u00a0Somebody collected my weapons, then they herded my horse around and started down the road.\u00a0\u00a0Since we were going toward Stillwater, which was the direction I was headed anyway, I didn\u2019t make much of a fuss.\u00a0\u00a0Once we were there, I figured, maybe the sheriff (I didn\u2019t see any sheriff\u2019s badge among them, only a bunch of deputies) would be more inclined to listen to reason.\u00a0\u00a0Barring that, the Cartwrights were due into town later that day.<\/p>\n

So na\u00efve.\u00a0\u00a0I would laugh at myself now, if only there was anything funny about it.<\/p>\n

They set a ground-eating pace, and we were sitting in front of the Stillwater jail in no time.\u00a0\u00a0I started to dismount, but the next thing I knew three of them grabbed me and yanked me down, pulling me off balance and leaving me sprawled on my back in the dirt.\u00a0\u00a0I landed on my wounded arm (of course), and it sent up a fresh wave of nausea and protest.\u00a0\u00a0I glared up at the leader while one of them led the horses (including mine) away.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey!\u00a0\u00a0There\u2019s no need for that!\u201d<\/p>\n

No response.\u00a0\u00a0Two of them yanked me to my feet, and I\u2019d had enough.\u00a0\u00a0Lightening quick, I sent my fist crashing into the nearest jaw.\u00a0\u00a0The deputy cursed, and one of the others slammed a blow into my bullet graze.\u00a0\u00a0My knees buckled, and it was all I could do to stay upright.\u00a0\u00a0They tugged me toward the door, and I just stumbled along inside, hopin\u2019 the sheriff didn\u2019t mind me bein\u2019 sick all over his desk\u2014my stomach was rolling like a wagon wheel.<\/p>\n

The sheriff was sitting with another man.\u00a0\u00a0I would realize pretty quick that whatever was happening here centered around his friend, but for the moment I only cared about one thing.<\/p>\n

\u201cSheriff!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I jerked away from the grip on my arm and stalked across the room.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThese men are out of line.\u00a0\u00a0They came out of nowhere and just\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes moved past me, and he nodded.\u00a0\u00a0A sharp blow slammed my kidney.\u00a0\u00a0I stumbled forward into the desk, knocking pens and paperwork every which way, and then I came around swinging.<\/p>\n

Apparently, dialogue was going to get me nowhere.<\/p>\n

I met with a fist in the face, but that had never deterred me.\u00a0\u00a0All four \u2018deputies\u2019 were moving in, so there were at least plenty of targets.\u00a0\u00a0I got in a couple of good hits before taking a punch to the jaw and one to my bullet wound at the same time.\u00a0\u00a0Explosions went off behind my eyes, and my fists dropped.\u00a0\u00a0That was all they needed.\u00a0\u00a0All four were on me then, punching and kicking until the world narrowed to the wood grain of the floor in front of me, and then went black.<\/p>\n

All this, and I still didn\u2019t know why I was even there.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

I been fightin\u2019 my whole life.<\/p>\n

It ain\u2019t that I don\u2019t like other people.\u00a0\u00a0I do.\u00a0\u00a0I like people a lot.\u00a0\u00a0I just don\u2019t like all of them\u2014and definitely not all of them like me.\u00a0\u00a0There\u2019s something about the blunt truth that seems to rile people.\u00a0\u00a0When you grow up on an army base, though\u2014especially when you\u2019re on your own for a good bit of that growin\u2019 up\u2014you learn not to let people\u2019s dislike get under your skin.<\/p>\n

And you learn that fightin\u2019s just another way to get things done.<\/p>\n

When I was young, it was the other kids.\u00a0\u00a0Things are different for army brats\u2014at least, they were for me and most of the others I knew.\u00a0\u00a0With all the shuffling around, the coming and going of soldiers and families at Fort Despair (Delaney), there was never time to know any of the other children for very long.\u00a0\u00a0That sense of ease and loyalty that comes from growing up side by side never came for us.\u00a0\u00a0It was a fend-for-yourself type of world, and we did.\u00a0\u00a0We fought out personal grievances, we fought for our place in the pack (when there were enough kids to bother), we fought to defend the little ones from the older (when there was a need, and there often was).\u00a0\u00a0We fought when we were bored and there was nothing else to do on a hot summer afternoon.\u00a0\u00a0It was as good as any other form of entertainment, and though sometimes a passing adult would make a half-hearted effort to break things up, for the most part we were left to our own devices.<\/p>\n

When I got older\u2014after my pa died and I was thrust into a strange sort of half-life that was part abandoned child, part desperate man, and all brash front\u2014it was the younger soldiers.\u00a0\u00a0Some of them weren\u2019t that much older than me, really, and I was already smarter than a good few.\u00a0\u00a0Neither of those facts were always to my advantage, but things worked out my way often enough that I kept coming back for more.\u00a0\u00a0I learned a lot from them (and not only about fighting\u2014about how to survive, and how\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0to survive), even if they didn\u2019t always intend to be teaching me.<\/p>\n

When I became a man\u2014different people had different ideas about just when that happened, but I was convinced it had occurred far before anyone else, fool kid\u2014it was the other men (of course).\u00a0\u00a0Soldiers, drifters, town folk, gamblers, saloon patrons.\u00a0\u00a0Whoever and whenever.\u00a0\u00a0Oh, I didn\u2019t go out of my way to start any fights.\u00a0\u00a0I also didn\u2019t go out of my way to avoid them, especially after I left the Fort and struck out on my own.\u00a0\u00a0When you drift, it\u2019s important for the people in any new place to know two things if you intend to keep yourself in one piece and out of jail:\u00a0\u00a0you\u2019re not there to cause trouble, but you\u2019ve also got no problem finishing it.\u00a0\u00a0This generally tends to keep you both on the sheriff\u2019s good side, and off the troublemakers\u2019 list of potential targets.\u00a0\u00a0Of course, if there is a brawl the sheriff will probably throw you out of town regardless of how it started\u2014but that\u2019s just life.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s always another town.<\/p>\n

Somewhere along the way, I also learned somethin\u2019 else.\u00a0\u00a0Not all fights are fought with fists, and the ones that aren\u2019t are generally the more dangerous.\u00a0\u00a0Bruises fade, broken bones knit, but when a man gets inside your head the results can be \u2026 unpredictable.\u00a0\u00a0That\u2019s where the real danger is, especially when you\u2019re on your own, and plenty of men know this.<\/p>\n

Yep.\u00a0\u00a0A good fist fight is a far better thing.<\/p>\n

That being the case, you figure out pretty quick to keep any potential weakness\u2014and every man has them, don\u2019t let anybody try ta fool you\u2014away from prying eyes.\u00a0\u00a0After a while, it gets so you don\u2019t have to even think about it anymore.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s just second nature, and it\u2019s safer that way.<\/p>\n

Trust is a funny thing when you don\u2019t have home or family or friends.\u00a0\u00a0You can (and do) learn to trust your life to another man\u2019s (or woman\u2019s) hands\u2014the barest of strangers, even.\u00a0\u00a0There\u2019s no other choice.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s the only way to stay alive in a land like this.\u00a0\u00a0But you never learn to trust\u00a0yourself<\/em>\u00a0to him.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been in my share of jails over the years (I used to blame it on drifting, but having heard some of the Cartwrights\u2019 stories, I\u2019ve decided there must be an element of just pure chance involved, too), and Stillwater\u2019s was not like most.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t know if the building started out life as something else or if the builders were just paranoid, but the small space and tight windows (not to mention the number of cells, which I didn\u2019t see until later) gave off more of a prison feel than a jailhouse.\u00a0\u00a0In any case, there definitely wasn\u2019t much room to pace.<\/p>\n

I woke to a doctor bandaging my arm and one of the \u2018deputies\u2019 pulling off my boots.\u00a0\u00a0Neither did anything to control my fast-increasing dread.\u00a0\u00a0The doc said there was \u2018nothing much wrong\u2019 with me, though a bullet graze, a pounding, whirling head, a churning stomach, and a dozen throbbing aches between my head and feet sure didn\u2019t seem to back up that statement.\u00a0\u00a0The \u2018deputy\u2019 surveyed my boots, then dropped them like they weren\u2019t worth his trouble.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t know if he was lookin\u2019 for evidence (of\u00a0what?<\/em>) or just checkin\u2019 if they would fit him.\u00a0\u00a0Either way, I was glad he didn\u2019t take them.\u00a0\u00a0No man likes to be without his boots in time of trouble.<\/p>\n

Still nobody would tell me what was happening, or why I was there.\u00a0\u00a0I must have asked five times before they locked me in and disappeared, arguing with the doc over something and not paying me a lick of attention.\u00a0\u00a0Even the crazy old drunk sharing the cell seemed to know more than me, though I never did decide how much of what he said was true and how much was just him tryin\u2019 to get under my skin.<\/p>\n

Could have told him he didn\u2019t need to do any\u00a0tryin\u2019<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Five paces across, five up and down.\u00a0\u00a0Five across, five up and down.\u00a0\u00a0My world had shrunk to a small dim cell, a babbling drunk with a boot obsession (and a wife-beater, I found out later, adding whole new levels to his charm), the voices (and rock-throwing kids) outside the tiny barred window, and my own feverish imagination.\u00a0\u00a0They brought in another man after a while and locked up him down the hall.\u00a0\u00a0I tried to call out, compare notes, but somebody cut us off pretty quick and I was back to pacing.\u00a0\u00a0Not good.\u00a0\u00a0Already, the little room seemed smaller with every lap \u2026 but if I\u00a0didn\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0move, it would smother me where I sat.<\/p>\n

Henry Young, he was hung, awful young.<\/em><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know Henry Young, and right then I didn\u2019t care\u2014but the words scratched into the stucco wall gave my careening brain something to lock onto.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0still<\/em>\u00a0wake up repeating them in a crazy sort of loop in my head, and it\u2019s been two weeks since we left the place.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m only glad my mindless attempt at finding a rhyme for my own name fell flat.\u00a0\u00a0That would have been so much worse.\u00a0\u00a0Luckily, there\u2019s not much pertinent that goes with \u2018Candy\u2019.<\/p>\n

What was happening?\u00a0\u00a0Why was I there?\u00a0\u00a0I had protested that they couldn\u2019t just arrest a man for no reason\u2014but they could.\u00a0\u00a0There was nothing to stop them.\u00a0\u00a0It wasn\u2019t like I had never seen it happen, and that type of thing generally didn\u2019t go well for the arrestee.<\/p>\n

The walls were close, and my mouth was dry.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t think three canteens would have wet it.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not actually tight spaces that bother me, though I can\u2019t say I\u2019m terribly fond of them.\u00a0\u00a0But, they ain\u2019t usually an issue unless there\u2019s no way out.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s being\u00a0trapped<\/em>\u00a0that\u2019s the problem.\u00a0\u00a0Has been ever since I can remember.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I was just born this way, or if it\u2019s too many things I\u2019ve seen piling up on each other, or some combination of both.\u00a0\u00a0When I was little I never could stand to have a door closed behind me, not if I was in the room by myself.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m guessin\u2019 it drove my mama crazy (thought I can\u2019t say for certain, because I don\u2019t remember that much about her).\u00a0\u00a0She was never able to just shuffle me off somewhere and get her work done.\u00a0\u00a0I always started screaming the second I heard that latch click.\u00a0\u00a0But lots of kids have childhood fears that go away over the years, and I don\u2019t have a problem being in a closed room now\u2014long as there\u2019s an unlocked door or a window for me to climb out.<\/p>\n

Being trapped, though, not being able to get away if I need to \u2026 that\u2019s a big part of what drives me from place to place, never staying long enough to put down roots.\u00a0\u00a0Roots anchor you in, and I can\u2019t stand that.\u00a0\u00a0No man likes to admit that his fears play such a large (if generally unnoticed\u2014less fear, maybe, and more a pressing restlessness always doggin\u2019 my steps) part in his decisions, but the pattern was set long before I knew it for what it was.<\/p>\n

Habits like those are hard to break, even if I wanted to.<\/p>\n

If we\u2019re being completely honest, I\u2019m amazed I ever agreed to work for the Cartwrights.\u00a0\u00a0Ben Cartwright\u2019s is the only unsolicited job offer I\u2019ve ever accepted\u2014my only job I haven\u2019t sought out for myself in a work line, or at a ranch house, or outside the saloon in some two-bit town with no name and no future.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve had a few offers, but I turned them down.\u00a0\u00a0Every one.\u00a0\u00a0I pick where I work, and for who, and for how long.\u00a0\u00a0The Cartwrights \u2026 I guess they caught me on an off day, with their laughin\u2019 and easy ways.\u00a0\u00a0Ain\u2019t too many men in this country willing on short notice to be friendly with a man like me, and I\u2019d been on my own for a good long stretch.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe I was just ready to hear other voices besides my own.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m pretty sure that while Hoss and Joe were laughin\u2019 over my list of stipulations\u2014my employment could terminate any day, any way, on either side\u2014Mr. Cartwright was taking it all in and notin\u2019 down real good that I\u2019m not somebody who rides for the brand.<\/p>\n

He hired me anyway.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe that\u2019s why, against all odds and common sense, I\u2019m still there.<\/p>\n

My mama felt trapped.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s one of the only things I\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0remember clearly about her.\u00a0\u00a0She hated the army, she hated the fort that was our home.\u00a0\u00a0I remember hearing my folks argue about it, at night after they thought I was asleep.\u00a0\u00a0Sound travels pretty good through a cracked door, but no one was about to shut it behind me.\u00a0\u00a0She wanted out, and many was the time I heard her threaten to take me and go.\u00a0\u00a0She never did, and now she\u2019ll be in that place she hated forever, her grave right alongside the other soldiers and family members who never made it out of Fort Despair.<\/p>\n

Pa took me huntin\u2019 not long after she died (more of an excuse to just spend the day with me, I think, since I was too small to even hold a gun, much less use one), and we came on a fox in a trap.\u00a0\u00a0I saw it before my pa could turn me away, leg broken and bloody and made worse for all its efforts to free itself.\u00a0\u00a0Pa put a quick end to the animal\u2014said we couldn\u2019t just leave it trapped.\u00a0\u00a0\u2018Trapped\u2019 was a word I associated with my mama, though he didn\u2019t know it, and for months after I had strange, vivid dreams of both my mama and that fox tearin\u2019 themselves up trying to get free\u2014be it from a hunter\u2019s trap or an army fort or, more often, a hunter\u2019s trap\u00a0inside<\/em>\u00a0an army fort.<\/p>\n

They went away after a while, only to resurface three years later when the major called me to his office to tell me my pa had been killed along with three other men on a routine supply detail that had been due back into the Fort later that evening.\u00a0\u00a0Pa had been dead for two days already\u2014I\u2019d been an orphan for two days and hadn\u2019t even known it.\u00a0\u00a0Somehow one of the wagons had slid off into a gully, either nobody knew exactly how or nobody was telling.\u00a0\u00a0Pa and the others had been down tryin\u2019 to salvage what they could, not knowing it had been raining hard off to the north.\u00a0\u00a0The gully washer had caught them with no chance to climb out\u2014probably no chance to do anything more than see it coming before they were gone.<\/p>\n

The high rock walls and rushing water added a feel of hopeless finality to my mama\u2019s struggles to free herself from the hunter\u2019s trap, while the barking fox ran circles around her in the center yard of Fort Despair.\u00a0\u00a0Funny enough, my pa never showed up in those dreams\u2014only the walls and the water.<\/p>\n

That one stuck for a couple of years, on and off.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d wake up panting and sweating, with my heart racing, and glad nobody else had heard.\u00a0\u00a0It was hard enough for the major to constantly be finding another family to take me in (deaths and transfers and life itself being what they were), without me causing lost sleep every few nights.\u00a0\u00a0By the time I was fourteen and he decided it was easier to just stick me in a corner of the soldiers\u2019 bunk, I wasn\u2019t dreaming so much anymore, and it didn\u2019t matter anyway.\u00a0\u00a0Most of the soldiers snored or mumbled or spent the night tossing and turning.\u00a0\u00a0A little extra noise wouldn\u2019t have made any difference.<\/p>\n

Anyway, that was the year I saw \u2026 well, I don\u2019t talk about it\u2014don\u2019t think about it, most of the time don\u2019t even really remember it happened\u2014but it made all those dreams from before seem kind of unimportant.\u00a0\u00a0Childish.\u00a0\u00a0Oh, I was no innocent, living on an army fort and without folks to keep me out of all the things that kids my age shouldn\u2019t see or hear \u2026 but that was the year I learned what people are really capable of doing to each other, and that I wanted no part of it.<\/p>\n

Any nightmares I\u2019ve had since have been of that.<\/p>\n

I still have one every now and again, even all this time later.\u00a0\u00a0Not often\u2014every couple of years or so, maybe\u2014but when they come, I know it\u2019s because I\u2019ve stayed too long in one place.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s far past time for me to pack up and move on.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, you\u2019re next.\u00a0\u00a0Come on!\u201d<\/p>\n

I was glad when they finally came for me, even though I didn\u2019t trust them and didn\u2019t have any idea what would come once I left the cell.\u00a0\u00a0Could be another beating, for all I knew.\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0\u00a0Surely anything had to be better than this not knowing\u2014this pacing and guessing and tryin\u2019 to pry information out of a crazy old man who made it obvious he wasn\u2019t telling everything and who might not (for all his hinting) actually know anything.<\/p>\n

They shuffled me out past that other prisoner on his way back in, and I had time for a good look.\u00a0\u00a0His face wasn\u2019t in much better shape than mine.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t know if they timed it that way on purpose, as a warning, but whatever the case it just added another knot to my gut as we entered the outer office.\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff was there, and that other man\u2014still sittin\u2019 in that same chair by the desk\u2014but neither of them seemed to be in much of a talkin\u2019 mood.\u00a0\u00a0I went to sit down, and the \u2018deputy\u2019 jerked me back.\u00a0\u00a0Apparently, I wasn\u2019t allowed to sit until I was told.<\/p>\n

Well, I hoped they hurried up on that, because black spots swirled in front of my eyes the longer I stayed upright, and a spot just south of my left kidney was killing me.\u00a0\u00a0Sitting wasn\u2019t any less painful \u2026 but at least there was less chance of falling on my face.<\/p>\n

What came over the next few minutes was bizarre and frustrating and\u2014I\u2019ll admit it\u2014frightening.\u00a0\u00a0They emptied my stuff onto the desk and riffled through it, payin\u2019 special attention to the money I\u2019d been carrying for Mr. Cartwright.\u00a0\u00a0I bluffed about holdin\u2019 somebody accountable if something out of my bags turned up missing, but they ignored me.\u00a0\u00a0I asked who was in charge, and they ignored me.\u00a0\u00a0They asked who I was and where I was from.\u00a0\u00a0I gave them the truth, hoping it would help.\u00a0\u00a0It didn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0After all these years, I can tell pretty well when a man doesn\u2019t believe a word I say.<\/p>\n

They asked about the money, and I explained.\u00a0\u00a0They asked if I could prove my story, and I couldn\u2019t\u2014no receipt (why would\u00a0I<\/em>\u00a0have a receipt when it was Mr. Whalin who paid\u00a0me<\/em>), no riding partner, no \u2026 but wait.\u00a0\u00a0There was that farm at mid-morning, and the old man who traded me a fresh horse.<\/p>\n

They seemed almighty interested in that.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was his name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHaines, Baines, somethin\u2019 like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPraise be.\u00a0\u00a0Praise be!\u00a0\u00a0I think my prayers have been answered.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man by the desk burst into noisy, almost teary life, and when I asked what was going on, the deputy wrapped my bandana tight around my neck and pulled.<\/p>\n

Oh, that got my attention.<\/p>\n

They were tryin\u2019 to\u00a0hang<\/em>\u00a0me.<\/p>\n

They were tryin\u2019 to hang me, and wouldn\u2019t even tell me\u00a0why<\/em>\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n

Things got tense after that, as if everything before was just a Sunday ride by the lake.\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff hammered me with questions I didn\u2019t understand and had already answered.\u00a0\u00a0My head pounded, and my gut was tight, and fear left a bitter taste in my mouth.\u00a0\u00a0I scrambled for proof, for someone to back up my story.\u00a0\u00a0He didn\u2019t want to hear it.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, if you don\u2019t believe me, ask Sam Whalin!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in Big Forks.\u00a0\u00a0We got you here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright can vouch for me.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s probably at the hotel right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what you say, he hasn\u2019t seen you for two days.\u00a0\u00a0He doesn\u2019t know what you\u2019ve been up to.\u201d<\/p>\n

How could I prove my innocence (of\u00a0what?<\/em>) if they wouldn\u2019t even check my story?\u00a0\u00a0In the meantime, the sheriff had started asking about a partner I didn\u2019t have, leaning close\u2014right in my face\u2014tying my brain and my temper in knots.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what you want!\u00a0\u00a0If you just tell me what you\u2019re after, I know I can straighten it out!\u201d<\/p>\n

That wasn\u2019t going to happen.\u00a0\u00a0No one had any intention of telling me anything.<\/p>\n

More questions.\u00a0\u00a0They asked again about my partner (who didn\u2019t exist), and my horse (borrowed from that old man).\u00a0\u00a0Halfway through that, a couple more \u2018deputies\u2019 dragged in yet another prisoner, and the sheriff asked if I recognized him.<\/p>\n

Why should I?\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t know him, and in any case I could barely see straight at that point, around the black spots and the pounding in my head.<\/p>\n

They didn\u2019t believe me.<\/p>\n

I felt like I was maybe gettin\u2019 close to throwing up again.\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff had a quick exchange with his friend by the desk, and the next thing I knew, the man was headed for the door.\u00a0\u00a0I jumped on that.\u00a0\u00a0If somebody was headed out, into the town, maybe there was still a chance to get this whole ugly mess cleared up \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you please send somebody over to the hotel, see if Mr. Cartwright\u2019s in yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh-uh.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why not?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll come lookin\u2019 for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cListen.\u00a0\u00a0We are not gonna have any outside meddlin\u2019 right now.\u00a0\u00a0You see, I passed the word.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was when I knew I was in real trouble.<\/p>\n

I mean, I\u2019d already known\u2014I\u2019m no fool\u2014but \u2026 they weren\u2019t just not checking my story.<\/p>\n

They were\u00a0hiding<\/em>\u00a0me in here.<\/p>\n

Swift panic left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I almost didn\u2019t even feel it when the \u2018deputy\u2019 knocked my bullet graze to get my attention.\u00a0\u00a0I rose and followed him blindly back into the cells.\u00a0\u00a0My only clear thought as he locked me in, beyond wonderin\u2019 how they\u2019d managed to pump all the air out of my cell, was that the Cartwrights would be in town soon, if they weren\u2019t already.\u00a0\u00a0They\u2019d figure out eventually I was missing, and (like I told the sheriff) they\u2019d come lookin\u2019 for me.\u00a0\u00a0This whole crazy town might be tryin\u2019 to keep me out of sight \u2026 but something I\u2019ve learned.\u00a0\u00a0When three Cartwrights are on the trail of somethin\u2019, you\u2019d best hide it good if you didn\u2019t want it found.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t think that family knows how to give up, and right now I was countin\u2019 on that hard.<\/p>\n

I hoped they\u2019d hurry it up, though, because the walls were closing in fast.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

A\/N:\u00a0\u00a0The dialogue in this chapter is taken from the episode.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

For all that I wanted to strangle him myself and\u00a0earn<\/em>\u00a0my place in that jail, the crazy, boot obsessed, wife-beating drunk gave me the first ray of hope I\u2019d seen\u2014after he got done informing me my name was more suited to a horse or a lapdog.\u00a0\u00a0I added \u2018woman\u2019 myself, just to beat him to it.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d heard them all (and others beside), so it was nothing new.\u00a0\u00a0It didn\u2019t even upset me, not anymore.\u00a0\u00a0I told him my name had taught me how to fight, and it was (among other things) the honest truth.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve developed an appreciation for that name over the years.<\/p>\n

Still doesn\u2019t mean that being compared to a saloon girl is something I generally enjoy.<\/p>\n

By that point, things had gone from bad to worse.\u00a0\u00a0I wouldn\u2019t have thought that possible, after being beaten and questioned and threatened \u2026 but that was before they came back with a little boy bandaged up like an Egyptian mummy I saw once in a slideshow.\u00a0\u00a0I heard them talking to the guy down the hall, and then they came and opened the door to my cell.\u00a0\u00a0The poor kid was burned and dazed, but he looked right at me and said I was the man he saw.<\/p>\n

(\u201cYeah, I think so \u2026 Yeah \u2026 Yeah, I\u2019m sure.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Even without knowing\u00a0anything<\/em>, I knew that was bad.<\/p>\n

His pa (Burnham, the name was Burnham) went for his gun.\u00a0\u00a0With no place else to go, I dove for a corner and prayed.\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff and \u2018deputies\u2019 wrestled him down and dragged him away, leaving me shaking and shaken.<\/p>\n

What?<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0What was happening here?\u00a0\u00a0What had I supposedly done?<\/p>\n

Lonnie the drunk scurried over as soon as they were gone to pester me for details I didn\u2019t have \u2026 but that worked out all right.\u00a0\u00a0In the course of telling him for maybe the fourteenth time that\u00a0I didn\u2019t know<\/em>, I managed to learn that old man Haines was Burnham\u2019s father-in-law.\u00a0\u00a0It didn\u2019t explain anything, but it was something.<\/p>\n

And then Lonnie mentioned he\u2019d be going home soon.<\/p>\n

It was like the sun had shone directly into our stinking little cell.<\/p>\n

I grabbed on.\u00a0\u00a0Of course, counting on a man like Lonnie the drunk could still end badly, but it was the only good news I\u2019d had all day.\u00a0\u00a0I all but begged him to find the Cartwrights, and promised him my employer would pay him for his trouble.\u00a0\u00a0It wasn\u2019t even a promise I was hesitant to make\u2014Ben Cartwright would do it, without question or argument.<\/p>\n

He was that kind of man.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

I told Mr. Cartwright once, \u201cWhen I first met you all I couldn\u2019t believe it.\u00a0\u00a0The way you are, the way you care about each other.\u00a0\u00a0I guess I just wasn\u2019t used to it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0We had been trapped in a dark mine shaft together for weeks at that point.\u00a0\u00a0We were out of water and time, or I never would have said something like that out loud.<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t make it any less true, and there are still times it catches me off-guard.<\/p>\n

I owe him my sanity from those days, though I\u2019ve never told him so.\u00a0\u00a0He probably knows anyway\u2014Ben Cartwright knows a lot of things about a lot of people.\u00a0\u00a0The only reason I didn\u2019t go completely crazy, imprisoned in my own worst nightmare, was that every time I started to panic he would throw that aggressive calm of his over me like a blanket, and\u00a0it<\/em>would smother me instead of those walls.\u00a0\u00a0Sounds stupid, maybe, but that\u2019s as close as I can get to explaining.\u00a0\u00a0Even that couldn\u2019t hold me completely\u2014I tried to blow myself up before the end, and ended up sobbing on the ground with my employer rubbing circles on my back like I was his baby boy instead of a hired hand he\u2019d known for less than three years.\u00a0\u00a0In contrast, almost the last thing he said to me before lack of water overwhelmed us was that he was worried about Hoss and Joe.<\/p>\n

We were the ones dying, and he was worried about them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never met anyone like the Cartwrights\u2014not in the army, not after.\u00a0\u00a0At first, they made me downright wary.\u00a0\u00a0They assume the best about a man right off.\u00a0\u00a0You don\u2019t have to worry about earning their loyalty, only losing it \u2026 and they give with both hands.\u00a0\u00a0With a Cartwright at your back, you don\u2019t need to look over your shoulder.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re covered.<\/p>\n

What is there about that to distrust?\u00a0\u00a0I know it sounds strange.\u00a0\u00a0In all my years, though, I\u2019d never seen that kind of open generosity, especially directed at strangers or hired hands.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s unusual enough among family and people who have known each other for years.\u00a0\u00a0A man in my shoes has to be cautious, has to take care of himself.\u00a0\u00a0Sure, you learn to give and take a kind of temporary loyalty in order to stay alive in country like this.\u00a0\u00a0You count on your fellow hands during a cattle drive, or when you\u2019re branding steers, or when you\u2019re out huntin\u2019 down rustlers.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s a dangerous life.\u00a0\u00a0You might even be able to count on them during a saloon brawl or a problem in the little town at the end of the line.\u00a0\u00a0But for the most part, the real loyalty I\u2019ve seen has been fairly exclusive\u2014meant to protect and establish, whether it\u2019s freely or grudgingly given (and believe me, there\u2019s as much of the second as the first).<\/p>\n

It isn\u2019t that way with Ben Cartwright and his sons.\u00a0\u00a0You have their protection, their friendship, their affection even (the open, obvious affection baffled me the most \u2026 I hadn\u2019t known that from even my ma and pa, much less anybody since) right there at the start.\u00a0\u00a0Oh, they\u2019re not na\u00efve, as I first thought, or weak.\u00a0\u00a0They know the risks and watch for them.\u00a0\u00a0But it\u2019s a risk they take, and from what I can see, it pays off more often than otherwise.\u00a0\u00a0Might not seem like it on the surface, with the number of crazy situations that family finds itself in \u2026 but not everyone can be a jackass or a madman.\u00a0\u00a0Most people, in fact, aren\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0For myself, I know it didn\u2019t take long before I was responding in kind\u2014probably long before I even realized I was doing it.<\/p>\n

Mr. Cartwright would say something about the Good Book and the Golden Rule, Hoss would compare it to gentling some wild thing, and Joe would just laugh.\u00a0\u00a0Whatever the case, why ever they do it, it\u2019s good to have somebody to really count on for a change, and it\u2019s good to know that kind of man trusts you to do the same for him.\u00a0\u00a0The drifting still calls to me\u2014I don\u2019t know if it will ever be out of my blood completely\u2014but I know when I do go, it won\u2019t be the same.<\/p>\n

Maybe that should make me nervous, but it doesn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0Not yet, anyway.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

It seemed to me like forever before they released him, and I paced a rut in the floor waiting.\u00a0\u00a0The possibility of finally alerting the Cartwrights to my situation was so close, and I thought I might crawl out of my skin with any more delay.\u00a0\u00a0Lonnie ignored me for the most part\u2014no more complaints about my boots (which were not as cheap as he claimed) or questions about what I had done\u2014and I was just as happy for it.\u00a0\u00a0I wanted his help, not his chatter.<\/p>\n

I heard them come for Vern down the hall, and when they brought him back I called to him through the little window in my cell door.\u00a0\u00a0After hearing what he had to say, I almost wished I hadn\u2019t\u2014things were bad enough without knowing they were bribing men to offer false testimony against me.\u00a0\u00a0I believed him when he said that he was sorry for it, but his apology didn\u2019t do me much good.\u00a0\u00a0The walls were gettin\u2019 stronger, the cell smaller.\u00a0\u00a0The air was so thick I could barely swallow.\u00a0\u00a0There wasn\u2019t much time to dwell on that, though, before I overheard a whispered conversation outside the other window, with the other prisoner\u2014the one they\u2019d been trying to pin on me as a partner.\u00a0\u00a0I couldn\u2019t quite follow it, but I heard enough to know he was guilty of\u00a0something<\/em>\u00a0\u2026 even if it had nothing to do old man Haines.<\/p>\n

And then, finally, they released my cell mate.<\/p>\n

They came for me not long after, dragging me back into the outer office for more \u2018questions\u2019 (which were soundin\u2019 less like inquiries and more like accusations all the time).\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff and Burnham didn\u2019t give the talking too much chance this time, and I figured when a couple of the \u2018deputies\u2019 dragged me off into a side room that had been the plan all along.\u00a0\u00a0They were losing patience, and ready to force the issue.\u00a0\u00a0Only, I wasn\u2019t playing that game.\u00a0\u00a0Silence was the only defense I had left, and it would take a lot more than fists and boots to make me break it.\u00a0\u00a0Their blows had taken on a new kind of viciousness, and on top of the pains and bruises I already had, it wasn\u2019t too hard to fake a semi-conscious state before they could do any real damage.\u00a0\u00a0I might have been surprised when they dumped me in with that third prisoner instead of taking me back to my own cell \u2026 but I was past that point.\u00a0\u00a0I had stopped expecting anything sensible out of them, and was just doing my best to hang on for the ride.<\/p>\n

As soon as I rolled over and saw that my new cell mate was free of bruises, I knew something wasn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n

John was quick to talk, and it seemed to me that he knew a little too much about everything\u2014temporary deputies, their heavy-handed tactics, and finally (finally<\/em>) the reason behind it all.\u00a0\u00a0The look on his face when he told me about the robbery and murder of Mr. Burnham\u2019s wife and father-in-law, and the burning of the man\u2019s place \u2026 well, if I hadn\u2019t been ready to pin it on him before, that reminiscent little half-smile went a long way toward convincing me.<\/p>\n

And here he was, unbeaten and comfortable in his cell.\u00a0\u00a0Which meant what?<\/p>\n

It meant somebody\u2014one of those temporary \u2018deputies\u2019, most likely\u2014knew<\/em>.<\/p>\n

When John produced a knife from his boot, claiming it had been overlooked and spinning escape plans, I went right along with him.\u00a0\u00a0Now, I\u2019m not stupid\u2014far from it, I like to think.\u00a0\u00a0It was a risky play, but it was also becoming blindingly obvious that if I stayed where I was, I was going to hang.\u00a0\u00a0I was pretty sure that John and whichever of the \u2018deputies\u2019 might be his partner (I had my suspicions about that, too) didn\u2019t intend to let me just walk out of this place \u2026 but I\u2019d worry about that as it happened.<\/p>\n

I trusted the Cartwrights to do everything they could to help me.\u00a0\u00a0The thing was, I didn’t trust\u00a0Lonnie to go to my employer, even for twenty bucks\u2014not after hearing the sheriff warn him to keep quiet.\u00a0\u00a0I also couldn\u2019t guarantee they\u2019d be able to help me even if he did.\u00a0\u00a0For whatever reason, the sheriff and Burnham seemed determined to pin things on me no matter the evidence, so working within the law (as Mr. Cartwright surely would be) would get them nowhere fast.\u00a0\u00a0I was feeling like that trapped fox from so many years back, and I was startin’ to understand perfectly\u00a0that little fella\u2019s willingness to sacrifice a limb to escape his fate.<\/p>\n

I only hoped my own attempts went better than his.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

A\/N: The boy’s lines in this chapter are taken from the episode.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was the work of a few seconds to overcome the two \u2018deputies\u2019 who brought our dinner, take their guns, and lock them into our cell.\u00a0\u00a0It took even less time than that for me to turn the tables on my new \u2018ally\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0He really had no idea I was on to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou first,\u201d I told him, nudging him toward the outer door with my gun in his ear.\u00a0\u00a0When he dragged his feet and started calling to somebody named \u2018Jim\u2019 before he ever even stuck his head out, I knew I\u2019d figured the right of it.\u00a0\u00a0John had barely cleared the door frame before a shot sounded.\u00a0\u00a0He fell back, clutching his arm, and I dragged him inside, slamming the door behind us.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe tried to kill you, mister!\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want him dead.\u00a0\u00a0This man knew what was going on\u2014he could get me out.<\/p>\n

No way was I letting him get killed for a coverup.<\/p>\n

Of course, with a shot sounded, everyone and their great aunt Nelly would know there was a problem down at the jail, and we would be surrounded in no time flat.\u00a0\u00a0Time was short, and I needed some sort of bargaining chip.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, mister.\u00a0\u00a0Start talking!\u201d I barked, shaking him \u2026 and he did.<\/p>\n

It was pretty much what I expected\u2014everything the sheriff and Burnham had been trying to pin on me for the past day, except with John and that deputy Jim (the one who really\u00a0enjoyed<\/em>\u00a0the hitting) substituted for my role in the whole stinkin\u2019 mess.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d never been a rich man, but how anyone could murder an old man and a woman, then set fire to a house with a little boy inside just for eight hundred bucks was more than I could understand.<\/p>\n

The gunshots outside were gettin\u2019 closer and comin\u2019 faster.\u00a0\u00a0I knew the truth now, but I\u00a0didn\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0know what to do with it\u2014how to get that gunfire stopped, or how to convince the sheriff and his pal Burnham to give me a fair hearing.\u00a0\u00a0I was crouched beside John, thinking furiously around my pounding head and aching ribs, when I heard my name bellowed across the din.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, please.\u00a0\u00a0Please<\/em>\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n

I scrambled across the room to the window.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHoss?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah!\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, that was one of the sweetest sounds I had ever heard.\u00a0\u00a0The tension eased in a blinding rush, washing me over with ringing ears and a wave of lightheadedness.\u00a0\u00a0I sagged against the wall.\u00a0\u00a0The situation wasn\u2019t settled, not by a longshot, and there was still a good chance of getting shot again before it was all over \u2026 but I had help.\u00a0\u00a0Even if things went south in a hurry, at least I was no longer so desperately alone.<\/p>\n

I grinned back at my reluctant companion.\u00a0\u00a0No doubt John was less excited by the timely arrival of the Cartwrights than I was, but at the moment I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0\u00a0I really,\u00a0really<\/em>didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell them to hold their fire!\u00a0\u00a0We\u2019re comin\u2019 out with our hands up, we got somethin\u2019 to tell the sheriff!\u201d<\/p>\n

Muffled yelling and a silence that seemed to stretch on for years, and then Sheriff Austin\u2019s voice.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cEverybody, hold your fire!\u00a0\u00a0Prisoners are coming out.\u201d<\/p>\n

This was it, then.\u00a0\u00a0I had no idea what would happen when we stepped out that door, but I sure wasn\u2019t staying in this jailhouse any longer.\u00a0\u00a0Pushing John in front of me, we edged outside.<\/p>\n

A gunshot and breaking glass above my head greeted our appearance.\u00a0\u00a0More shots, and men running every which way \u2026 and then a couple of people dragged Jim from the saloon, and the sheriff and Cartwrights were converging there on the porch.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m not sure I even really registered how close I\u2019d just come to being shot in the head\u2014my one goal was to get John to the sheriff and get the truth out.\u00a0\u00a0I gripped his arm and dragged him across to where the others were gathered.\u00a0\u00a0A few heads turned toward us, Joe\u2019s hand landed briefly on my back as we passed (it was nice to not be slugged or manhandled for a change), and then we were facing the sheriff.<\/p>\n

\u201cSheriff, that\u2019s one of your killers.\u00a0\u00a0This is the other one.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s ready to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well,\u00a0that<\/em>\u00a0news certainly set the crowd buzzing.\u00a0\u00a0Austin looked for a second like he\u2019d been poleaxed \u2026 but then he jumped right in, motioning to two of the men crowded around (neither one was wearing a tin star, which was fine with me\u2014I\u2019d had enough of badges lately).\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGet these two over to the jailhouse.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He looked around at me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou too, Canaday.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was the first time he\u2019d called me by name since I\u2019d met him.\u00a0\u00a0I suppose that meant something, but just then I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0\u00a0I shook my head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI didn\u2019t\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0anything, Sheriff.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m not going back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0His eyes were hard, his jaw set.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAll I got so far is your word.\u00a0\u00a0Can\u2019t hang a man on that, \u2018specially not one I\u2019ve known as long as Jim Hale.\u00a0\u00a0Nobody\u2019s goin\u2019 anywhere but my office until we figure out just what\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were going to hang me on less!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0No way was I setting foot in that jail again.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI already know how you \u2018figure things out\u2019, Sheriff, and I\u2019m not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

A hand gripped my shoulder, and Mr. Cartwright stepped up beside me.\u00a0\u00a0Joe and Hoss flanked us on either side, casting dark glances between me and Sheriff Austin.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d almost forgotten they were there\u2014strange, since I was so glad to see them, but my mind was scattered in a hundred different directions.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSheriff, we will come to your office long enough for you to get a statement from Candy.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I wasn\u2019t going back there.\u00a0\u00a0I tried to jerk away, but his hand was like steel on my shoulder.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHe will go no farther than your front room, and we will be there to witness the entire proceedings.\u201d<\/p>\n

Something in my employer\u2019s voice or expression backed Austin down.\u00a0\u00a0He nodded once, then turned and crossed toward the jailhouse without even looking at me again.\u00a0\u00a0I started to shake my head\u2014I\u00a0wasn\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0going back there\u2014but Mr. Cartwright squeezed my shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy, let\u2019s get this all straightened out so there are no more questions.\u201d<\/p>\n

Apparently, Sheriff Austin isn\u2019t the only one who backs down when Ben Cartwright talks.\u00a0\u00a0I was nodding along before I ever even intended to agree, and wondering at the same time just how the man\u00a0does<\/em>\u00a0that.\u00a0\u00a0In the end, I guess it just made sense.\u00a0\u00a0Realistically, I probably couldn\u2019t expect to leave town without stepping foot in the jail again at least once.\u00a0\u00a0If nothing else, I\u2019d need to make sure John stuck to the same story he\u2019d told me.\u00a0\u00a0At least this time I had some backup.\u00a0\u00a0I took a long breath, steeling myself.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright pressed my shoulder again, and Hoss gripped the other.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou all right?\u201d he muttered as we started across the street.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019d they do to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Was I all right?\u00a0\u00a0No, but I would make it.\u00a0\u00a0Sometimes, that\u2019s all a man can really hope for.<\/p>\n

\u201cTheir questioning methods lack finesse,\u201d I finally admitted.<\/p>\n

I felt their eyes on me\u2014Joe\u2019s and Hoss\u2019s, at least.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright was already five steps ahead of us, striding into that jailhouse looking loaded for bear.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t so much as glance at them.\u00a0\u00a0I knew how I must look, but I didn\u2019t want to talk about it just now.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0couldn\u2019t<\/em>, actually\u2014at this point, I only had enough energy and focus for the task at hand.\u00a0\u00a0One thing at a time.\u00a0\u00a0Next minute, we were ducking through the door into a room full of people and chaos, close walls and heavy thick air, and there was no more time for questions.<\/p>\n

Not their questions, anyway.<\/p>\n

Sheriff Austin and Jim Hale were faced off over the desk, both yelling and both gettin\u2019 pretty red in the face.\u00a0\u00a0They were also doin\u2019 their best to ignore my buddy John, but he was bound and determined to get his two cents into the din.\u00a0\u00a0He wasn\u2019t goin\u2019 down alone.\u00a0\u00a0No, sir\u2014he\u2019d make sure of that.\u00a0\u00a0The sheriff saw me enter, and jerked his head to the men holding the prisoners.\u00a0\u00a0They dragged Jim and John into the next room.\u00a0\u00a0Austin hesitated only long enough to stab a finger at a chair and order me to, \u201cStay!\u201d before following them in.\u00a0\u00a0I sank into the nearest seat, shuddering a little.<\/p>\n

I knew what went on in that room.\u00a0\u00a0I had a dozen deep, good-sized bruises and several awfully tender ribs to prove it.<\/p>\n

The thick door slammed, muffling but not completely blocking the sounds of renewed argument.\u00a0\u00a0I ignored the noise\u2014as long as it wasn\u2019t me in there, I didn\u2019t really care to hear it.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright paced toward the closed door, hands on his hips.\u00a0\u00a0Joe looked back around in time to see me wince as I settled into the chair.\u00a0\u00a0My back, my kidney was killing me.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe sitting wasn\u2019t such a great idea.\u00a0\u00a0I rose again, shifting back and forth to try to find a comfortable position.\u00a0\u00a0No such luck.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

I shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCoupla kidney shots.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me take a look.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Before I could even protest, Joe had the back of my shirt yanked up.\u00a0\u00a0He sucked in his breath, and Hoss\u2019s muttered, \u201cCandy \u2026\u201d had me craning over my shoulder, even though I knew I\u2019d never be able to see.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat bad, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s fingers lightly brushed the most tender spot.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYa bleedin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

When a man does work as prone to injury as ranching, such questions cease to be embarrassing.\u00a0\u00a0I couldn\u2019t answer him, though.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAin\u2019t had any water since this morning, it hasn\u2019t been an issue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe peeled away and went slamming out the front door.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss shook his head after his little brother, then helped me work my shirt and vest back down.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSomethin\u2019 in here can help?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0We surveyed the room, and it was Hoss who discovered the ragged pillow on a cot in the corner.\u00a0\u00a0He snagged it and stuffed it into my chair, then I lowered myself slowly back down.\u00a0\u00a0I admit that the thought of sitting on the pillow Sheriff Austin might be sleeping on tonight gave me a sort of childish amusement.\u00a0\u00a0Joe came back in with a canteen and thrust it toward me.\u00a0\u00a0I took a long drink, and that warm, stale water was like liquid gold.\u00a0\u00a0I drained what was left, and Joe swapped out that canteen for another.\u00a0\u00a0I took another quick swig then corked it, resting it on my lap.<\/p>\n

They were still going at it in the next room.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright leveled an irritated glare at the closed door, then joined us.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCandy, what\u2019s been going on here?\u201d<\/p>\n

I gave them a quick summary of the day\u2019s events, heavy on the facts (or their lack) of the murder investigation and light on the gory details.\u00a0\u00a0They didn\u2019t need those, anyway\u2014they could see it all for themselves.\u00a0\u00a0My employer shook his head when I finished.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cUtterly ridiculous.\u00a0\u00a0What kind of a lawman just grabs a man off the road and beats a confession out of him?\u201d<\/p>\n

It happened more often than you\u2019d want to think about.\u00a0\u00a0We both knew that.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t get any confession out of me!\u201d I protested, and he smiled faintly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m sure he didn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright patted my shoulder absently, then drifted back toward the closed door.\u00a0\u00a0The noise levels had dropped, though I didn\u2019t know if that meant anything.\u00a0\u00a0I looked up at Hoss and Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid Lonnie find you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss snorted.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBetter you than me, in a cell with that man all day.\u201d<\/p>\n

I chuckled softly, rubbing when it pulled my sore ribs.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWell, he kept things from getting too quiet on me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Which was truer than they knew.\u00a0\u00a0Even as downright exasperating as that crazy old drunk had been, it was still better than staring at those four walls alone, trying not to think about what might or might not be coming.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHe\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

The back door swung open, and Sheriff Austin appeared.\u00a0\u00a0I closed my mouth, and Mr. Cartwright rounded on him.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSheriff, what\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s over, Jim confessed.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Austin held up a hand, and the smile he offered my employer was nothing short of ingratiating.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI wouldn\u2019t of thought it, not of Jim Hale.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He turned that forced smile on me, and it was all I could do to not stand and smash my fist into it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWon\u2019t need a statement, Mr. Canaday.\u00a0\u00a0Got everything we need from Jim and his partner.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019re free to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that was it.\u00a0\u00a0After everything, this man was just going to grin and shoo me out the door.\u00a0\u00a0The turnabout was so sudden it left me swaying.\u00a0\u00a0I felt more than saw the Cartwrights trading glances behind me, but for the minute I was only interested in one thing.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhere\u2019s my stuff?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Austin grinned again, head bobbing.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll just grab that for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0You do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

He dumped the contents of my saddlebags out onto his desk, and I snatched up Mr. Cartwright\u2019s money first thing.\u00a0\u00a0An awkward silence fell while I counted it\u2014at this point, there was no way I was going to trust that it was all still there.\u00a0\u00a0Of course, it was my employer\u2019s money and he could have done that himself \u2026 but it had been my job to deliver it safely, and I was glad he didn\u2019t take it from me before I was ready.\u00a0\u00a0It felt like at least one thing right out of such a terribly wrong day.<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights lined up at the desk, radiating disgust in that way only the Cartwrights can.\u00a0\u00a0It was too much for Austin, whose grin was starting to look downright painful\u2014served him right\u2014and he finally started babbling to break the silence.\u00a0\u00a0I could have done without it, but I had no plans of speaking to him again long enough to tell him so.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0was <\/em>shocked out of my count long enough to turn a disbelieving glance on the man when he mumbled that it, \u201cTurned out all right.\u00a0\u00a0Right men in jail, nobody hurt.\u201d \u2026 but by that point I was pretty much done with the money, and done with this place.\u00a0\u00a0I handed the cash to Mr. Cartwright and grabbed for my gun belt.\u00a0\u00a0I rejected Sheriff Austin\u2019s forced apology with a few sharp words\u2014it was more annoying than his silence, and I wished my employer had just left the matter alone\u2014and headed for the door while Mr. Cartwright lectured the sheriff about presumption of innocence in a tone that Joe probably remember well from when he was about eight.\u00a0\u00a0They caught up with me standing in the street, unsure of where to go or what to do next.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get you over to the doc,\u201d Mr. Cartwright said, coming up beside me.<\/p>\n

I shook my head.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t need him.\u201d<\/p>\n

They stared at me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCandy, that\u2019s just ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay, maybe.\u00a0\u00a0Still \u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m not going there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are your plans for getting home, then?\u00a0\u00a0I know you won\u2019t be riding like this.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe man told me there was nothing much wrong with me while I could barely sit up straight and a thug with a badge was busy yanking my boots off, then he just walked out like the whole thing was none of his business!\u00a0\u00a0And I\u2019m guessing he didn\u2019t tell you he knew where I was?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I had no doubt they\u2019d checked with the doctor right at the beginning of the search\u2014the town doc was always one of the first places you looked for a missing man.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright shook his head.\u00a0\u00a0I nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m not going there.\u00a0\u00a0Where\u2019s my horse?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss laughed shortly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou ain\u2019t seen your back, but I have.\u00a0\u00a0You ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 on a horse any time soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

What, then?\u00a0\u00a0I wasn\u2019t staying here another hour, let alone another day \u2026<\/p>\n

My employer sighed, then crossed his arms.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCandy \u2026 all right.\u00a0\u00a0We\u2019ll rent a wagon.\u00a0\u00a0You ride back to the Ponderosa in there, and when we get home you\u2019ll sit still for Doc Martin.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I started to protest\u2014not for any real reason, but just because I was feeling ornery and out of sorts\u2014but he cut me off.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOr we head straight to that doctor\u2019s office right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

And he\u2019d do it, too.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright sometimes forgets himself\u2014I\u2019m his employee, not his son.\u00a0\u00a0Still \u2026 most of the time it\u2019s nice to know they care.\u00a0\u00a0I guess I can\u2019t really expect to have that without putting up with the rest.<\/p>\n

Besides \u2026 riding horseback right now sounded like the purest form of torture.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I nodded, slinging my saddlebags over my shoulder (and wishing I hadn\u2019t, when they hit about three different bruises).\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLet\u2019s go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

A\/N:\u00a0 Dialogue in this chapter through \u201c\u2026 This is the other one.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s ready to talk.\u201d is taken from the episode.\u00a0 Dialogue after that is my own. (With the notable exception of \u201cTurned out all right.\u00a0\u00a0Right men in jail, nobody hurt.\u201d\u00a0 The sheriff did actually say that as beat up Candy stood by his desk counting the money…)<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was coming on to evening by the time we pulled out of town, but no one suggested staying overnight.\u00a0\u00a0There are times when an hour\u2019s travel and a campfire are a far better option than a bed in the finest hotel\u2014and Stillwater\u2019s hotel was definitely not that.\u00a0\u00a0My battered self didn\u2019t appreciate the ride too much, even well-padded with straw as the wagon bed was, but there was no question that it was my only choice.\u00a0\u00a0My ribs and kidney were killing me, and I was still getting a few dark spots when I stayed upright for too long.<\/p>\n

Even with all of that, I was asleep by the time we made camp.\u00a0\u00a0It had been one heck of a long day.\u00a0\u00a0The first thing I knew about stopping was when Joe shook me awake to eat.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake it slow and easy,\u201d he warned (unnecessarily) as he helped me out of the wagon bed.\u00a0\u00a0Even that short time of inactivity had every bruise and pulled muscle well on its way to locking up, and I was panting with the effort by the time I settled near the fire.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWould have just left you there,\u201d Joe apologized, \u201cbut it\u2019s gonna get cold tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded, taking the plate of beans and cup of coffee from Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0And \u2026 yep, there it was\u2014the ever present can of peaches.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t think we ever go anywhere without one or both of them packing a can along.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s mostly a joke because of that first day we met, when I strolled into their camp past the guards (pathetic guards\u2014Joe always protests that he was posted across camp, but I lump him in with the rest since it gets a rise out of him every time) and asked for peaches instead of water or coffee or beans.\u00a0\u00a0I never turn them down, though, when I find a can sitting next to me at supper.<\/p>\n

I like peaches.\u00a0\u00a0And they dull the taste of Joe\u2019s coffee.<\/p>\n

After supper they attacked me with alcohol and bandages (someone must have visited the doc before we left town).\u00a0\u00a0I wanted to just leave it, but that wasn\u2019t a fight I was going to win.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, we\u2019re at least gonna wrap them ribs and look at your arm,\u201d Hoss told me in a voice that brooked no argument\u2014so I didn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0They unwrapped my bullet graze and cleaned it again, though the doc\u2019s original bandage had held up well enough.\u00a0\u00a0Then they helped me out of my shirt and vest, and spent a while staring like I was the bearded lady in a traveling carnival.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou gonna get to it, or do I just sit here and freeze all night?\u201d I finally snapped.\u00a0\u00a0That shook them out of it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d Hoss muttered.\u00a0\u00a0Joe was a little more direct.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look awful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well, I feel awful, so at least there\u2019s that.\u201d<\/p>\n

There wasn\u2019t much anybody could do about most of it\u2014bruises tend to just stick around until they\u2019re ready to fade, no matter what you try.\u00a0\u00a0They wrapped up my ribs, which made me feel a little better, and offered a dose of laudanum (someone had definitely been to the doc).\u00a0\u00a0After a moment\u2019s hesitation, I took it.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t like being drugged, and I really don\u2019t like it out on the trail\u2014but I just hurt all over.\u00a0\u00a0Besides, with all three Cartwrights camped out around me, it was a pretty fair bet that I\u2019d be safe enough overnight.\u00a0\u00a0Better to sleep as well as I could tonight, because the trip home tomorrow wasn\u2019t going to be any hog-killin\u2019 time, that was sure.<\/p>\n

I could barely move when I woke in the morning.\u00a0\u00a0It was warmer by the fire, true, but I wondered if the trade-off of sleeping on the solid ground had been worth it.\u00a0\u00a0It took both Joe and Hoss to get me back on my feet.\u00a0\u00a0I shook them off long enough stumble behind a bush (I\u00a0was<\/em>\u00a0bleeding, turns out, but they didn\u2019t need to know that), then let them pull me back up into the wagon.\u00a0\u00a0The straw that had seemed so deep yesterday didn\u2019t help much today, and every position I tried just found a new spot that hurt.\u00a0\u00a0I thought it was going to be a long, long ride back to the Ponderosa \u2026 but the next thing I knew, Hoss was shaking me awake in the yard.<\/p>\n

Huh.\u00a0\u00a0Apparently I\u2019d been more exhausted than even I knew.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s already gone to town for Doc Martin,\u201d Mr. Cartwright told me as I eased to the ground.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou just head up to bed.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss, go with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got it,\u201d I objected, taking a few slow steps.\u00a0\u00a0The Cartwrights do hovering better than any old maiden aunt, and I was startin\u2019 to feel a mite smothered.\u00a0\u00a0Oh, they had a reason, I could admit that\u2014but I\u2019d spent the last day in a cell the size of a saddle bag, feeling trapped and close on to panicked.\u00a0\u00a0I needed the space.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy \u2026\u201d my employer started, but I cut him off.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got it!\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt more than saw the glance they exchanged, but I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0\u00a0I started toward the house, and was relieved when neither one followed.<\/p>\n

I continued to be relieved until I reached the foot of the stairs.\u00a0\u00a0Then my bedroom started to seem a long way up, and I wished for a minute that I still lived in the bunkhouse with the rest of the hands.\u00a0\u00a0That didn\u2019t last long\u2014it was a given that my bed in the house would be a far sight better than any cowhand\u2019s bunk, once I reached it.\u00a0\u00a0Still, I had to get up those stairs first.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou still got it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s drawl from the doorway was part annoyed, part amused.\u00a0\u00a0If he\u2019d sounded concerned I would have toughed it out, so I was glad he didn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cGet over here, you big lug.\u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled and ambled over.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOkay, then.\u00a0\u00a0Slow and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEasy.\u00a0\u00a0Yeah, I got\u00a0that<\/em>\u00a0part.\u201d<\/p>\n

The trip up the stairs was as much as I could handle, and I collapsed facedown across my bed\u2014oh, my bed was heaven\u2014without even feeling what that did to my ribs.\u00a0\u00a0After a second I felt somebody tugging at my boots.\u00a0\u00a0I knew it was Hoss, but even so panic flashed and I kicked out hard.\u00a0\u00a0It was too much like waking in that cell with my head spinning and a doctor pouring alcohol on my gunshot wound and that \u2018deputy\u2019 trying to take my boots \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d I gasped, when he protested.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cJust leave them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy, you can\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave \u2018em!\u201d<\/p>\n

For a minute Hoss was still, then he just wandered back out the door, muttering and shaking his head.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t even watch him go\u2014I was asleep before he made the hall.<\/p>\n

The next interruption was Doc Martin.\u00a0\u00a0I dragged myself up and mumbled something I hoped sounded like \u2018thanks for coming\u2019, though I would have been just as happy for him to leave again so I could go back to sleep.\u00a0\u00a0I shooed him (and Joe, standing in the doorway) out of the room so I could take care of personal business before we got started\u2014there was no way I was doing those stairs again today\u2014then eased back onto the bed and called him in.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou just go on downstairs,\u201d I told Joe when I caught sight of him still in the hall.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t need any audience for this.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The doc shut the door firmly behind him, putting an end to that conversation before Joe could so much as nod.\u00a0\u00a0Paul Martin surveyed me for a minute, rubbing thoughtfully at his jaw, then shook his head and crossed to the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s this house, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0\u00a0I always thought it was Ben and the boys themselves, but now I see it\u2019s anyone who takes up permanent residence here.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He set the bag beside me, snapping it open.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019d suggest running before it was too late, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think we\u2019re already there, Doc.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I grinned, ignoring that suggestion of \u2018permanent\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0I had made a deal with myself a long time ago that it wasn\u2019t a topic I planned to think too closely about, and so far I was still happy with that.\u00a0\u00a0Doc Martin chuckled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid it does seem that way, young man.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He leaned close to peer into my eyes for a second, then stood back and crossed his arms.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWell, let\u2019s have it, then.\u201d<\/p>\n

I told the doc about yesterday in detail, unlike the Cartwrights\u2014there was no point in dragging the doc all the way out here and then not taking advantage.\u00a0\u00a0He checked me as I went.\u00a0\u00a0The head injury wasn\u2019t bad\u2014probably a minor concussion, but nothing serious.\u00a0\u00a0The bullet graze wasn\u2019t too bad either, and it had already been cleaned out twice.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss\u2019s wrap job on my ribs was good enough, no need to put either one of us through redoing that.\u00a0\u00a0He barely even glanced at most of the scrapes and cuts and bruises \u2026 but when he got to the kidney bruise, I could tell he wasn\u2019t happy.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this from one hit?\u201d he asked, running light fingers over it.\u00a0\u00a0I shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I confessed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThere were a lot of boots involved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doc Martin just looked at me for a long minute, then sighed, squeezed my shoulder (on an unbruised spot), and knelt beside the bed.\u00a0\u00a0I wasn\u2019t sure at first what he was doing, but when he pulled out the chamber pot I scowled and looked away.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no embarrassment quite like being a patient.<\/p>\n

He shoved it back under quickly enough, but I didn\u2019t like his expression when he stood.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDoc?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy \u2026 I\u2019ll tell you, I don\u2019t like the look of that.\u00a0\u00a0I want you in bed for the next week, then we\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA\u00a0week<\/em>?\u00a0\u00a0Doc, come on, I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA kidney laceration like this one is nothing to take lightly.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Paul Martin could look fierce as the toughest gunfighter, if he needed to.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re bleeding now, and if that turns out to be the worst of your problems I\u2019ll be happy.\u00a0\u00a0But with injuries like this, there\u2019s a possibility of infection, and of leakage.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Leakage?<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Well, that sounded \u2026 not pleasant.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t stress how important it is for you to rest and not put any more stress on that kidney.\u201d<\/p>\n

A week in bed.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d go insane \u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAnd after a week, you think it\u2019ll be all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter a week, you might be able to get up.\u00a0\u00a0Injuries like this can take over a month to heal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA\u00a0month?<\/em>\u201d\u00a0\u00a0No, no \u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t just sit around for a month, Doc.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve got work here!\u00a0\u00a0I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, someone else will have to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

My bedroom suddenly felt a whole lot smaller.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLook, Mr. Cartwright is payin\u2019 me to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBen Cartwright won\u2019t turn out any hand with an injury, much less one he thinks of as the next thing to family.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The doc snapped his bag closed again, and glared down on me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDo I need to have one of them come in here and ride herd on you all week?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, that threat backed me down\u2014all the more because I knew he\u2019d do it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I forced myself to relax, sinking back onto the bed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo, I\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

He surveyed me again, and the touch of a grin reappeared.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t let them get to you.\u00a0\u00a0They mean well, and they don\u2019t know how to recuperate alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

I let out a long breath, thinking of my employers (my friends).\u00a0\u00a0Finally I shrugged, returning the grin.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI know.\u00a0\u00a0And I appreciate it\u2014I ain\u2019t had anybody or a place like this for a long time.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe ever.\u00a0\u00a0But, alone is what I know how to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Doc Martin paused in the doorway.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019d get over it, if I was you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Probably good advice, for the time being\u2014but easier said than done.\u00a0\u00a0I thanked him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll leave some more laudanum with Ben.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t like to have any at the bedside for the first couple of days at least\u2014too easy for the patient to wake up confused and overdose.\u201d<\/p>\n

That made sense, too, although it gave them all legitimate access to my room.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d never get them out.<\/p>\n

Then again, the bickering would be a distraction.\u00a0\u00a0And I wasn\u2019t completely opposed to a game of checkers or two, as long as nobody tried to sleep at my bedside \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks again, Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n

A week in bed, a month (maybe more) recovery.\u00a0\u00a0I thought I might claw my way out of my own skin.\u00a0\u00a0And there wasn\u2019t a thing I could do except make the best of it.<\/p>\n

So I did, and I found I didn\u2019t really mind visitors every now and again (or maybe more often), and I slept good those first couple of nights, exhausted and dosed with laudanum as I was.\u00a0\u00a0No dreams.\u00a0\u00a0The pain backed off after a couple days, though, and the dose along with it.\u00a0\u00a0That done, I started to get restless \u2026 and I shouldn\u2019t have even been surprised when I woke up a couple days in with screams in my ears and the smell of smoke and blood in my nose and a desperate need to get\u00a0out<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0was<\/em>\u00a0surprised, though, and torn.<\/p>\n

I had always considered that dream my cue.\u00a0\u00a0Problem was, for once in my life I had found someplace I wasn\u2019t ready to leave.<\/p>\n

Turns out, just ignoring it wasn\u2019t the best idea ever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

If I hadn\u2019t been confined to my bed for that first week and to the house for another, I might have done all right for myself.\u00a0\u00a0Yes, I\u2019m driven by a lot of things, and that dream is one of them \u2026 but I\u2019m a man, not a steer.\u00a0\u00a0Sure, you can argue I\u2019ve been taking the path of least resistance for most of my adult life, and you\u2019d probably be right.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve just never seen any reason\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0to.\u00a0\u00a0I like to think that if push comes to shove, though,\u00a0I\u2019m<\/em>\u00a0still more in control of myself than some stupid dream or any sense that my bedroom was about a third the size it used to be.<\/p>\n

I had managed to beat back the restlessness these past years, after all, and that was sayin\u2019 somethin\u2019\u2014if\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d actually been willin\u2019 to have that conversation.<\/p>\n

The thing is, tryin\u2019 to explain \u2018restless\u2019\u2014the real thing\u2014to somebody that never has been ain\u2019t all that easy, and after Ann I just decided it wasn\u2019t worth the effort.\u00a0\u00a0Seems like people tend to go around thinkin\u2019 we\u2019ve all got somethin\u2019 that\u2019ll settle us, and that once you find\u00a0your<\/em>\u00a0somethin\u2019, you\u2019ll just naturally be content to sit still with it.<\/p>\n

It don\u2019t always work that way.\u00a0\u00a0Who knows \u2026 maybe it never does, and no one will admit it.<\/p>\n

Ironically, it\u2019s Hoss Cartwright (maybe the most settled man I know) I\u2019ve heard describe it best.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright had finished tellin\u2019 me over dinner one night early on about his oldest son Adam, who had gone to Australia for a job opportunity with a startup mining company owned by a friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a good chance for him to use that education of his,\u201d he told me, but I could see that even though he was proud, he was also worried that Adam might find some reason to stay.<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe snorted.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cA good chance for him to find some fine city with opera and poets and indoor plumbing and plant himself.\u00a0\u00a0You know he misses all them things.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

It was more wry observation than criticism, but Mr. Cartwright scowled.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cJoseph\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Before he could say anything, Hoss just chuckled and shook his head, forking in another mouthful of prime beef.\u00a0\u00a0My employer turned his glare on his middle son.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHoss, you have something to say?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe, where do you think Adam\u2019s gonna find opera and indoor plumbin\u2019 at a minin\u2019 camp?\u00a0\u00a0And Pa, you don\u2019t have ta worry\u2014Adam\u2019ll be back.\u00a0\u00a0This is where he wants ta be.\u00a0\u00a0It was just gettin\u2019 so\u2019s he itched so bad beneath the skin that it was either go for a while, or tear himself apart from the inside.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hoss shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSides, it ain\u2019t like that kinda thing comes along every day.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Mr. Cartwright lifted one dark eyebrow.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOh he told you that, did he?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Hoss met his gaze evenly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMatter of fact, he did.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Yep.\u00a0\u00a0Adam Cartwright sounded to me like a man who knew\u2014and Hoss, I have discovered time and again, is a man who listens.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0My big friend might not understand it personally, but he\u2019s willing to forgive it in others.\u00a0\u00a0And if that sounds high-handed, that\u2019s not at all what I meant.\u00a0\u00a0That conversation was a turning point for me, actually\u2014it was when I knew I could relax and let myself start to feel a little comfortable here.<\/p>\n

When I eventually went, at least one of them would understand.<\/p>\n

Three years, though, and still stickin\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0I been proud of that.<\/p>\n

And now this.<\/p>\n

It probably won\u2019t come as any surprise that I do my best thinking\u2014my best workin\u2019-through\u2014in the saddle.\u00a0\u00a0I need air, and space, and my own time to wrestle a problem down.\u00a0\u00a0Give me that, and I really think I coulda laughed in the face of that old nightmare and my fast-shrinking bedroom and everything else that\u2019d been followin\u2019 me around since I\u2019d been dragged off the road, falsely arrested, and repeatedly beaten in a two-bit town nobody\u2019s ever even heard of unless they\u2019ve got to ride straight through.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t have that, though.\u00a0\u00a0I had the inside of a bedroom, then the inside of a great room, and well-meaning friends.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s more than a lot of people have\u2014more than\u00a0I\u2019d<\/em>\u00a0ever had, for sure\u2014and any other time I woulda been grateful.<\/p>\n

With no work to do, though (Doc was pretty insistent on no heavy lifting, and for people who never follow his advice themselves, those Cartwrights are downright eagle-eyed about makin\u2019 sure other people do), and nothin\u2019 to look at besides the wrong side of four walls, and nothin\u2019 to distract me for a good chunk of the day, it all got to looming pretty large.\u00a0\u00a0In the middle of the night, when I\u2019d wake up two seconds from screaming like I had that day and there was nothin\u2019 ta hear but silence and Hoss\u2019s snores, I had a hard time forgettin\u2019 the images.\u00a0\u00a0In the middle of the day, on the couch or the porch while everybody else was out and there was nothin\u2019 ta hear but silence and Hop Sing in the kitchen, I had a hard time not thinkin\u2019 back on those memories.\u00a0\u00a0And when evening came and everybody else was stretched out around the fire and the checkerboard, restin\u2019 up after a hard day\u2019s work, I was just dreadin\u2019 what was probably comin\u2019 that night.<\/p>\n

I was dog-tired and on edge, and exhausting myself even more with pretending that wasn\u2019t the case (because the Cartwrights\u00a0talk<\/em>\u00a0about things, and I just wasn\u2019t going to).\u00a0\u00a0The drive for the open road was so strong by the end of that second week that if I\u2019d been able to sit a horse for any length of time, I\u2019d have been gone as soon as I could get one saddled.\u00a0\u00a0Wouldn\u2019t have\u00a0wanted<\/em>\u00a0to go, but I would have.<\/p>\n

And that was the problem\u2014at least, part of it.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0couldn\u2019t<\/em>, even though I didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n

I guess maybe at that point I really was more steer than man.\u00a0\u00a0If that analogy holds.<\/p>\n

They noticed, of course, no matter what I did.\u00a0\u00a0Probably\u00a0because<\/em>\u00a0of what I did.\u00a0\u00a0They\u2019re none of them blind, and we\u2019ve known each other (and worked together) long enough for them to have a pretty good idea of what\u2019s normal with me and what\u2019s not.\u00a0\u00a0What little amusement I was gettin\u2019 those days, actually, came from watching them try to handle me.\u00a0\u00a0It was so very typical.\u00a0\u00a0Joe\u2019s conversation was filled with the casual\u2014reports of the weather and daily activities\u2014and always worked around to an open-ended, hopeful question about my day.\u00a0\u00a0Mr. Cartwright\u2019s was less subtle, filled with pipe smoke and hints about the need to talk things through.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss never said much of anything, just lounged in the area in case I should be taken with the sudden urge to get something\u2014anything\u2014off my chest.<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights really are good folk, and I felt almost bad I couldn\u2019t oblige them.<\/p>\n

Almost.<\/p>\n

The whole uneasy little dance finally spun out of control when I feel asleep on the couch one afternoon after lunch, safe in the knowledge that the sun was shining and I didn\u2019t have to see my bed for hours yet, only to dream of screams and fire and blood.\u00a0\u00a0I jerked awake, angry at the dream and furious with myself.\u00a0\u00a0Was it not enough at night, did I also have to start fending this off during the daytime?\u00a0\u00a0A scent of burning \u2026 something \u2026 drifted from the kitchen, and I knew what had set me off.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t even stop to think.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I was yelling even as I stalked into the kitchen.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

The little cook was already cussing in Cantonese\u2014I can\u2019t understand him, of course, but you won\u2019t convince me he wasn\u2019t\u2014and turned a glare on me that would have cooled any sane man off right quick.<\/p>\n

I kept on.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cIt stinks in here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing slammed a roasting pan down on the table and turned dark eyes on me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat you complain about?\u00a0\u00a0Mistah Candy cook his own supper?\u00a0\u00a0No, never!\u201d<\/p>\n

Whatever was in the pan\u2014pork?\u2014wasn\u2019t something that I or anyone else was going to be eating anytime soon.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMaybe I oughta start.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I eyed the blackened mess.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat have you been doing in here, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t fair.\u00a0\u00a0I know it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0But just at the moment, I didn\u2019t much care.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing cooking!\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing get water and wash dishes and peel sweet potato and butcher chicken!\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing do too much at once, no need Mistah Candy in here telling how to do job!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell maybe you\u2019d better get some help, if dinner\u2019s gonna look like this!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, what?\u00a0\u00a0No help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Mistah Candy rest!\u00a0\u00a0Not here in Hop Sing\u2019s way while he\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve\u00a0been<\/em>\u00a0restin\u2019!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0It wasn\u2019t a bad idea, actually.\u00a0\u00a0No heavy lifting involved in peeling potatoes or washing dishes.\u00a0\u00a0If either of us had thought of it while we were a little less hot, we probably would have been happy with that arrangement.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019ve been restin\u2019 until I can\u2019t stand the sight of this place!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat your problem!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing picked up the nearest sharp implement\u2014a meat cleaver\u2014and brandished it.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut you get out Hop Sing\u2019s kitchen!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d had it.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d had it, and I didn\u2019t care that I wasn\u2019t supposed to be on horseback.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou no come back in here and tell Hop Sing dinner smell bad!\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing go back to China if no one appreciate his cooking!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you do that,\u201d I muttered, then pushed out the back door.\u00a0\u00a0It slammed behind me with a satisfying crash.\u00a0\u00a0My little temper tantrum wasn\u2019t fixing anything, for sure, but it felt good to let off some steam.\u00a0\u00a0I stalked across to the tack room, gathered my saddle and bridle, and whistled my horse (someone had retrieved him from the Burnham place, and I was just glad it hadn\u2019t been me) over from the other side of the corral.\u00a0\u00a0By that point, the cook was watching from the doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere you going?\u00a0\u00a0Mistah Candy not supposed to be on horse!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s just too bad.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I saddled up, ignoring the pull in my lower back.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI need a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDrink in house,\u201d Hop Sing insisted, crossing the yard.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cMistah Ben have whole shelf good liquor.\u201d<\/p>\n

He did.\u00a0\u00a0Far better than anything I was likely to get in town, and he wouldn\u2019t even say anything if I drank it.\u00a0\u00a0Not much of anything, anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to drink here.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m sick of this place.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I swung into the saddle, and caught my breath when the ache in my kidney flared to startling life.\u00a0\u00a0Everything else from Stillwater was healing nicely, I guess I really hadn\u2019t believed this was so much worse than the rest.\u00a0\u00a0Hop Sing grabbed for my reins.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou stay!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMove, Hop Sing.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I pulled around, making sure not to plow the cook over (he\u2019s my friend, after all) and kicked my horse to a cantor.<\/p>\n

I slowed down as soon as I was out of sight\u2014even that little bit of jarring was far more painful than I had expected.\u00a0\u00a0I sat for a minute rubbing at my back, considered turning around, and finally kept on.\u00a0\u00a0It would take forever to get to town this way \u2026 but what else did I have to do with my time?<\/p>\n

By the time I stopped in front of the Silver Dollar, I almost fell out of the saddle.\u00a0\u00a0That drink was more a necessity now than just a bored desire, and I wondered if I\u2019d be able to actually get back onto the horse on my own.\u00a0\u00a0Course, that was a problem for later.\u00a0\u00a0I staggered inside, dropped into a chair in the back corner, and ordered a beer from the first girl that came by.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t as good as I\u2019d wanted it to be, but I didn\u2019t really care.\u00a0\u00a0And quantity eventually made up what quality was lacking.<\/p>\n

It was sometime after dark when one of the girls\u2014Evie, a nice gal who could down whisky and deal cards with the best of them\u2014cut me off.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy \u2026 look, I know I ain\u2019t supposed to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, you\u2019re not.\u00a0\u00a0Bring me another beer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to go home.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019ve had enough of home lately.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, then go find a room somewhere.\u00a0\u00a0This ain\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t want a room, I want a beer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis ain\u2019t you!\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t know what\u2019s goin\u2019 on, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t me?\u00a0\u00a0What\u2019s that supposed to mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

She gripped my half-empty mug for emphasis.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI mean that you drink, honey, but not like this, and not alone.\u00a0\u00a0I ain\u2019t never seen you do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, now you have.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I tried to pull the mug back from her.<\/p>\n

Evie held it fast.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSome guys I\u2019d let it go, but I don\u2019t like to see it from you, Candy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I ain\u2019t so different from those other guys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you are.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0She planted her palms on the table and tried to catch my eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cLook.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m guessin\u2019 Hoss or Little Joe ain\u2019t in town, I\u2019da seen \u2018em already.\u00a0\u00a0Why don\u2019t you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0leave me alone?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I snatched for the mug and ended up knocking it off the table instead.\u00a0\u00a0It shattered on impact, spreading glass splinters and warm beer over my boots and Evie\u2019s heels.\u00a0\u00a0I started to swear roundly, but was cut off by a large hand gripping my shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy, let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n

I twisted around to glare at Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI ain\u2019t leavin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you are.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe rounded the table, tipping his hat to Evie.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cSorry about the mess.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded, and I snarled.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t you apologize for me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you do it!\u201d he snapped.<\/p>\n

He was right.\u00a0\u00a0Somewhere deep down in my alcohol-induced haze, I even knew it.\u00a0\u00a0But all the beer in Virginia City didn\u2019t have me feeling any less contrary than when I rode in.\u00a0\u00a0I looked from Joe to Evie, then just walked around them and out the door.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss followed on my heels.\u00a0\u00a0Behind me, I heard Joe say somethin\u2019\u2014probably apologizing for me again, darn him.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t hear Evie\u2019s low reply, and right then I didn\u2019t particularly care.<\/p>\n

The open air cleared my head, but not enough.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t pay you for an opinion!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I twisted, dodging but not entirely avoiding Hoss\u2019s iron grip, and flung the words back over the batwings.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI gave you the price of a beer, and that\u2019s all I want!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGo on now!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hoss shoved me hard, and I did a nosedive across the boardwalk.\u00a0\u00a0He snagged me before I hit the ground\u2014probably more worried about my kidney than I was\u2014but shook hard.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat are you doin\u2019?\u00a0\u00a0Ain\u2019t no call ta be sassin\u2019 that little gal.\u201d<\/p>\n

I pulled away, stumbled to the hitching post, and began the far too difficult process of unlooping the reins.\u00a0\u00a0Joe reappeared, scowling.\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t matter, I could do that too.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you ever apologize for me!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss batted my hands away from the reins, and I let go \u2018cause Joe pulled me around hard.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019s your problem lately?\u201d<\/p>\n

I stumbled back from him.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo problem.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I laughed, wondering just when they\u2019d put Virginia City on a carousel.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat makes you think I got a problem?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe tried to take my elbow, but I jerked away.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat\u2019re you doin\u2019?\u00a0\u00a0Evie\u2019s a nice girl, she\u2019s always been a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Hoss chimed in, tugging all three horses away from the post.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhat were you thinkin\u2019, yellin\u2019 at her like that?\u00a0\u00a0That ain\u2019t no way ta treat a lady.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe tried \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Why\u00a0was<\/em>\u00a0I so mad at her?\u00a0\u00a0And why wouldn\u2019t the road stay straight?\u00a0\u00a0And why were the shadows doin\u2019 crazy dances?\u00a0\u00a0\u201cShe tried to cut me off.\u00a0\u00a0She said \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what I see, that was a good idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/em>\u00a0decide when I\u2019ve had too much!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cApparently not fast enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Candy, let\u2019s go home.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe sighed, and tried to snag me again.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe gotta talk about this.\u00a0\u00a0You can\u2019t just\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou Cartwrights like to talk, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I laughed.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cTalk<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0Pour out your souls.\u00a0\u00a0Cry on big Ben\u2019s shoulder.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I spun out of his reach and staggered right into my horse.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNot me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t even supposed ta\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I ain\u2019t goin\u2019\u00a0home<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t a decision I\u2019d actually made.\u00a0\u00a0The words were just out, and I couldn\u2019t take them back.\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t want to \u2026 even though I\u00a0did<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss gaped, and I giggled again.\u00a0\u00a0I dragged myself onto the horse, and wondered why I\u2019d been so worried it would hurt.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t feel a thing.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI ain\u2019t goin\u2019 back.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m headed out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss pushed forward.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCandy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, boys.\u00a0\u00a0Tell your pa he can keep my last week\u2019s pay.\u201d<\/p>\n

I tipped my hat, wheeled the horse, and bolted.<\/p>\n

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t remember what direction I went, or how long I rode, or when I finally slid out of the saddle.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t even know if my \u2026 oh, wait.\u00a0\u00a0Yep, horse is still here, that\u2019s good.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n

Nothin\u2019 else is, though.<\/p>\n

The ground is cold, and I hurt.\u00a0\u00a0Not sure I could stand up even if I wanted to.\u00a0\u00a0Seems like there mighta really\u00a0been<\/em>\u00a0some reason to worry.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m free, though.\u00a0\u00a0Yep.\u00a0\u00a0Ain\u2019t trapped anymore\u2014not by the ranch house or the Cartwrights or Doc Martin or my own kidney.<\/p>\n

Hmm.\u00a0\u00a0Never been trapped by a kidney before \u2026<\/p>\n

I\u2019m out in the open, starin\u2019 up into the moon, on my own again.<\/p>\n

The way I like it.\u00a0\u00a0Wait.\u00a0\u00a0Do I?\u00a0\u00a0Dunno\u2014it\u2019s been a while, things mighta changed.\u00a0\u00a0I<\/em>\u00a0mighta changed.<\/p>\n

Okay.\u00a0\u00a0The way things\u00a0should<\/em>\u00a0be, then.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t know what I\u2019m gonna do now, though \u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n

The scent of bacon and beans and strong coffee woke me.\u00a0\u00a0And my headache.<\/p>\n

Boy, did I have a headache.<\/p>\n

I tried to muffle my groan, but it must\u2019ve escaped anyway because the next thing I knew footsteps approached and then a strong, bitter scent assaulted me.\u00a0\u00a0Dang it<\/em>, Joe musta made the coffee.\u00a0\u00a0I batted a hand in front of my face without opening my eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m nauseous enough already.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo fatback, then?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0And entirely too chipper to be anything but a deliberate attempt to make me gag.\u00a0\u00a0It almost worked, too \u2026 but I managed to keep my stomach in line.\u00a0\u00a0Barely.\u00a0\u00a0I tried to roll away from the coffee odor, but the pain in my kidney was too much for me.\u00a0\u00a0I settled back with a gasp.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Joe, was he supposed ta be up on a horse yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFunny,\u201d I groaned, fumbling (still without opening my eyes) for the mug I knew had to be close by.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cReal funny.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hoss closed my fingers around it, and then I heard footsteps retreating.\u00a0\u00a0I laid flat on my back for a few minutes, wondering how I was going to drink coffee without getting up, and then slowly\u2014slowly\u2014opened my eyes.<\/p>\n

The sun was up, but fortunately we were in a stand of trees that kept us a little shaded.\u00a0\u00a0From my position on the ground, I suspected Joe and Hoss had just left me where they found me the night before, though somebody had tossed a bedroll blanket over me.\u00a0\u00a0I turned my head cautiously.\u00a0\u00a0A buckboard sat off to my left with the horses.\u00a0\u00a0To my right was the fire, crackling in a little open spot between trees.\u00a0\u00a0Joe sat cross-legged beside it, wolfing down a plate of bacon and beans, and Hoss was just settling back in.\u00a0\u00a0He saw me looking and lifted his mug before slurping loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou fellas come prepared.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou might\u2019ve meant to quit, but you headed back toward the Ponderosa.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He ate another mouthful of beans, and washed it down with a good gulp of black sludge.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAlmost made it, too\u2014we ain\u2019t but twenty minutes from home.\u00a0\u00a0We had plenty of time to get supplies.\u201d<\/p>\n

Huh.\u00a0 Well, so much for dramatic exits.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI ain\u2019t quittin\u2019.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0With a hangover, in the light of morning, things didn\u2019t seem quite so urgent as before.\u00a0\u00a0Anyway, I was on the other side of a good long sleep with no dreams at all\u2014though a variety of past observations told me I probably shouldn\u2019t depend on a night of drinking every time I wanted to avoid a nightmare.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0\u00a0Didn\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n

I got one elbow beneath me and propped up enough to swallow a scalding mouthful.\u00a0\u00a0For a couple of minutes we were all quiet, as Joe and Hoss ate and I wondered just how many hammering miners could fit inside one person\u2019s skull.\u00a0\u00a0My back didn\u2019t even bear thinking about.<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s question came out of the great wide nowhere.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Joe, you remember that ol\u2019 hummin\u2019bird last month?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well \u2026 this oughta be good.\u00a0\u00a0I hoped he would get to the point fast, because my brain wasn\u2019t followin\u2019 too well this morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s tone said that he didn\u2019t know either where Hoss was headed, but he was willing to play along.\u00a0\u00a0I took another drink, my thoughts drifting back.<\/p>\n

We all three remembered the hummingbird, no doubt.\u00a0\u00a0It was just not one of those things a man runs into every day\u2014unless he knows Hoss Cartwright, that is.\u00a0\u00a0Joe and I had rode in that evening to find Hoss crouched in the loft.\u00a0\u00a0We didn\u2019t even have to ask what he was doin\u2019 up there\u2014he called down to us as soon as we appeared in the doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey!\u00a0\u00a0One of you come take this little guy.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Joe and I exchanged a curious glance, then Joe handed off his reins and crossed over to the ladder.\u00a0\u00a0He scrambled up a few rungs, then held up a hand.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss dangled over the edge, placing something in Joe\u2019s outstretched palm.\u00a0\u00a0When Joe rejoined me a minute later, a tiny bird rested there.\u00a0\u00a0It was so still I thought at first it was dead, but then I saw the smallest of movements and knew it still hung on.\u00a0\u00a0Sick, then?\u00a0\u00a0Hoss joined us the next minute, carefully lifting the little creature from his brother\u2019s grasp and exiting into the yard.\u00a0\u00a0We followed.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBeen trapped in the barn all afternoon.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I looked back at the barn doors\u2014the entrance and the loft were both wide open.\u00a0\u00a0He saw my gaze and nodded.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah, plenty of room for him ta get out, he just couldn\u2019t find it, poor little feller.\u00a0\u00a0Kept missin\u2019 the mark, and he didn\u2019t trust ol\u2019 Hoss ta help him until he was just too tuckered out for anything else.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

We trailed along as Hoss rounded the house and approached the wild honeysuckle crawling in tangled glory up its back walls.\u00a0\u00a0He held his huge hand with its tiny passenger right out to one of the little blooms, and waited.\u00a0\u00a0After a long minute, the bird stirred enough to insert its beak.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou two can get along now, if you want.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Hoss spoke calmly, so as not to upset the little guy.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThis is like ta take a while.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

We left him there, waiting patiently for that little bird to drink enough to be able to fly away again.\u00a0\u00a0And eventually it did.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d never seen anything like it, so I wasn\u2019t likely to have forgotten already.<\/p>\n

I grunted when Hoss\u2019s gaze turned on me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0His voice was expectant\u2014unreasonably so, since I still wasn\u2019t following.\u00a0\u00a0Well what?\u00a0\u00a0I lifted a pained eyebrow, inviting him to get to the point.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAin\u2019t you about tuckered out yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

I almost laughed aloud.\u00a0\u00a0Might have, if my head didn\u2019t hurt so much.\u00a0\u00a0A hummingbird.\u00a0\u00a0Only Hoss Cartwright could make a comparison of man to hummingbird sound not only reasonable, but downright wise.\u00a0\u00a0Across the fire, Joe was eyeing his brother with that little half-smile of affectionate pride you\u2019ll see from him every once in a while.<\/p>\n

It was something I\u2019d learned quick about the Cartwright brothers.\u00a0\u00a0A lot of people (not everybody, but enough)\u00a0\u00a0think of Hoss as sort of lumbering along in his little brother\u2019s wake, but it ain\u2019t that way.\u00a0\u00a0Sure, Joe is the face of the Ponderosa right behind Mr. Cartwright, and is the more savvy in business and management.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s clever and quick-tongued and good with a gun and (if the ladies are any indication) right charming.\u00a0\u00a0But Joe, maybe more than anybody else, is also as fully aware of Hoss\u2019s (many and varied) areas of expertise as his own, and knows how to hand over the reins without fuss when that gap is crossed.<\/p>\n

Joe Cartwright still blatantly adores his big brother.<\/p>\n

That lack of petty jealous between the Cartwrights was one of the things that impressed me when I first came here, and convinced me that maybe the Ponderosa was a place worth stayin\u2019 for a while.<\/p>\n

All of which had nothin\u2019 to do with the reason both Hoss and Joe were now watching me with barely concealed impatience while I mulled over the moral of Hoss\u2019s hummingbird story.<\/p>\n

Tuckered out.\u00a0\u00a0I was at that.<\/p>\n

I rested my head back on the ground and stared up into the trees, taking a long slow breath.\u00a0\u00a0This was Hoss and Joe.\u00a0\u00a0They\u2019d proved themselves to me time and again\u2014I guess they\u2019d earned a little better than I\u2019d been givin\u2019 them these past weeks.\u00a0\u00a0All right.\u00a0\u00a0But, it was easier to accept defeat if I didn\u2019t look it in the eyes.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t handle bein\u2019 \u2026 pinned in, is all.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I realized too late that they\u2019d have every right to be offended\u2014the Cartwrights had been nothin\u2019 but helpful and hospitable\u2014but the silence that followed was thoughtful more than anything else.<\/p>\n

\u201cStillwater or after?\u201d Hoss finally asked.<\/p>\n

Oh, I didn\u2019t want to think about this.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBoth, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCandy, your kidney\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know about my kidney, Joe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0It twinged in time with my throbbing head, and I wondered just what kind of damage I\u2019d done yesterday.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cTrust me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, you might not like it, but you got no choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

Exactly.\u00a0\u00a0But it made me sound like a pouting five year old, put that way.<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t nobody\u2019s particularly fond of recuperatin\u2019,\u201d Hoss offered, and I struck at the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Talking<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0This was why I didn\u2019t do it\u2014because nothin\u2019 ever comes out the way you mean it, and nobody understands what you\u2019re really tryin\u2019 ta say.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI know it.\u00a0\u00a0But I \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Slow down, boy.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI just always been that way.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s part of why I don\u2019t stick around.\u00a0\u00a0Part of why I gave your pa all those rules when I hired on.\u00a0\u00a0I don\u2019t like \u2026 I just can\u2019t be trapped somewhere.\u00a0\u00a0I gotta be able to \u2026 even if I\u00a0don\u2019t<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I sounded like an idiot.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAh, just forget it!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I hit the ground again, more angry with my own inability to articulate\u00a0anything<\/em>\u00a0worth saying than at them for forcing the issue.\u00a0\u00a0My head and my kidney both jarred painfully.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Great fallback.\u00a0\u00a0Eloquence at its finest.<\/p>\n

I could feel them exchanging glances\u2014didn\u2019t even have ta look to know.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you know I\u2019m afraid of heights?\u201d Joe asked finally, around another mouthful of breakfast.<\/p>\n

What now?\u00a0\u00a0I snorted.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cJoe, everybody knows that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEverybody does know that, little brother,\u201d Hoss agreed, settling back on his elbows and swirling the tar in the bottom of his coffee cup.\u00a0\u00a0Joe pulled a face at his plate, muttering beneath his breath, then reapplied himself to his bacon and beans.<\/p>\n

Seemed like we were all bein\u2019 downright religious about not lookin\u2019 at each other.<\/p>\n

I was entirely at peace with that.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, they didn\u2019t always.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was expectin\u2019 some sort of response.\u00a0\u00a0The least I could do was oblige.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI had no intention of anyone ever knowin\u2019, actually, but it kind of forced itself.\u00a0\u00a0Between the screaming nightmares and my temper I almost drove off my family\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, now Joe, you know that ain\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd all the rest had me feelin\u2019 so insecure I did something stupid and almost destroyed a fifteen year friendship.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now I did look around.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n

“Mitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0That woulda been a real loss \u2026 Mitch is a good guy.<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe glared over at Hoss.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI open up to the man, and he says \u2018huh\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss downed the rest of his coffee.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHuh.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe snorted and returned to his breakfast.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss grinned, then glanced back to me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n

I wished they understood just\u00a0how much<\/em>\u00a0my head was hurting.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWell what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Joe snapped, looking up.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAny of that sound familiar at all?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah.\u00a0\u00a0Okay.\u00a0\u00a0I was a hummingbird and \u2026 Joe.<\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t sure which was better.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t been screamin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Hoss agreed, \u201cbut ya ain\u2019t been sleepin\u2019 neither.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou all been spyin\u2019 on me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He barked a laugh, almost spilling coffee from the pot onto himself instead of into the mug.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYour sleepin\u2019 habits just ain\u2019t that interestin\u2019, friend.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Well, then?\u00a0\u00a0I lifted an eyebrow.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cEven with all that rest, you ain\u2019t exactly been fresh as a daisy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Right.\u00a0\u00a0All right.\u00a0\u00a0I scrubbed at my forehead and nodded.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe, I told myself.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s just Hoss and Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, yeah.\u00a0\u00a0I got my own \u2026 dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

They waited, and I muttered a few curses.\u00a0\u00a0How did I get myself into this, again?<\/p>\n

Oh yeah.\u00a0\u00a0I went to work for the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

\u201cI \u2026 when I was young, I slipped out one day, just me and one of the horses from the Army remuda.\u00a0\u00a0Just ridin\u2019 around, not really doin\u2019 much, but I topped a rise and I saw \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The memories were fuzzy, indistinct after so many years of trying to forget, but I still knew the basics like they had been burned into my brain that day.\u00a0\u00a0I looked away from Hoss and Joe.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cIt was an Apache village.\u00a0\u00a0\u2018Bout a half-dozen men, I don\u2019t know who they were.\u00a0\u00a0If they were soldiers, they weren\u2019t wearin\u2019 any uniform.\u00a0\u00a0Drunk cowboys, maybe, or …\u201d\u00a0\u00a0After all these years,\u00a0who<\/em>\u00a0they were didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0\u00a0It was done.\u00a0\u00a0I gripped my mug tightly, glad for the scorching heat of the metal.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAnyway, they were forcin\u2019 some of the women and children into a coupla those brush wikiups, then they \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I took a long breath, remembering the bright spark and the billowing smoke.\u00a0\u00a0I had been close enough to hear the rush of air as the dry leaves and brush went up in flames.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThey set the wikiups on fire.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe made a smothered sound, but I ignored him.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThem Indians were screamin\u2019 and tryin\u2019 ta run, but the men kept shootin\u2019 ta keep them in.\u00a0\u00a0Nobody could get out \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

I stopped there, though the memory didn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0I had wanted to bolt, or to even just make myself turn away, but in the end I hadn\u2019t been able to do anything but just crouch there on that hill.\u00a0\u00a0It was a senseless and cruel assault, and I couldn\u2019t understand it.\u00a0\u00a0And then the Apache men had returned, while the attackers still laughed and drank and fired shots into the air, and blood of those men had soaked the ground around those burned huts.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t remember creeping away.\u00a0\u00a0I didn\u2019t sleep for weeks.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow old were you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s voice jolted me back to the present.\u00a0\u00a0I shook my head, clearing it in a rush of movement and throbbing pain.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cFourteen.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled in a long breath.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI spent a long time puttin\u2019 it behind me, I don\u2019t really remember it too clearly.\u00a0\u00a0If things start ta get tight, though \u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Well, there wasn\u2019t any controlling my dreams.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe nodded slowly.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI can understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was glad they didn\u2019t ask a bunch of questions.\u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t think I could have handled that.\u00a0\u00a0We just sprawled in silence for a few minutes, listening the crackle of the little fire (so different from the one back then) and the morning bird chatter.\u00a0\u00a0I finished my cup of coffee, and Joe finished his plate of beans.\u00a0\u00a0Hoss might\u2019ve been almost asleep, but I knew better.<\/p>\n

To my surprise, I was the one who talked first.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re still scared of heights.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded cautiously.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cUh huh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what good came from spilling your guts?\u00a0\u00a0Dragging it all out into the open for everybody?\u00a0\u00a0It didn\u2019t fix anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cNo.\u00a0\u00a0But it\u2019s a lot smaller now.\u201d<\/p>\n

Huh.\u00a0\u00a0All right.\u00a0\u00a0That sounded \u2026 good, at this point.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d have to think about that.<\/p>\n

Hoss tossed the rest of his coffee onto the fire.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe better be gettin\u2019 on in, if you don\u2019t want Pa out here checkin\u2019 up on us.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0That was the last thing I wanted.\u00a0\u00a0I nodded.\u00a0\u00a0He sat up, rested his huge forearms across his knees, and studied me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cYou know you ain\u2019t got any choice but ta sit still for a while.\u00a0\u00a0Ya probably ain\u2019t got any choice \u2018bout seein\u2019 Doc Martin again, neither.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019d done that to myself.\u00a0\u00a0No use to fight it.\u00a0\u00a0It was probably a good idea, anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, what do ya need?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo ya don\u2019t try ta go runnin\u2019 off or drinkin\u2019 yourself into the ground or quittin\u2019 again.\u00a0\u00a0We ain\u2019t got the time ta keep trackin\u2019 ya down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess not.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0I chuckled, and spent a moment picturing Mr. Cartwright\u2019s reaction to that possibility.\u00a0\u00a0No, better to avoid that.\u00a0\u00a0I returned my thoughts to Hoss\u2019s question.\u00a0\u00a0Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I guess.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI need somethin\u2019 to\u00a0do<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0Outside.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n

I stared.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOkay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it ain\u2019t like ya gotta just sit and stare at the walls, but ya gotta say somethin\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0Seemed ta us like ya needed the rest more than anything else.\u00a0\u00a0If that ain\u2019t the case, say so.\u201d<\/p>\n

I snorted a laugh, and wished I hadn\u2019t when both my head and my kidney protested.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Had I really been doing this all to myself?<\/p>\n

No, not all of it, I decided pretty quickly.\u00a0\u00a0But some of it.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe even most of it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re saying that hummingbird had ways out if he\u2019d looked.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss chuckled, pleased.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThat hummin\u2019bird weren\u2019t really trapped at all.\u00a0\u00a0He just thought he was.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0He rose, in a smooth motion that didn\u2019t seem possible for such a big man, and ambled off toward the buckboard.\u00a0\u00a0I shook my head after him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere does he get this stuff?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe grinned, standing as well.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWho knows?\u00a0\u00a0It seems so obvious once he says it, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t that the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

I knew they weren\u2019t going to let me help pack up camp, and I felt too awful to even make the offer, so for once I just let them do all the work.\u00a0\u00a0I laid there like a slug, watching as Joe put out the fire and scrubbed off the dishes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing\u2019s got a whole mountain of potatoes behind the back door.\u00a0\u00a0Bet he wouldn\u2019t mind handin\u2019 those off to somebody else.\u201d<\/p>\n

I grimaced.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cHop Sing will probably flay me alive when he gets hold of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Joe\u2019s chuckle left no doubt that they\u2019d all heard about\u00a0that<\/em>\u00a0incident.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cBut after that, I\u2019m pretty sure he\u2019d be happy to put you to work.\u00a0\u00a0He hates peelin\u2019 potatoes.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Sounded good.\u00a0\u00a0I nodded, settling back in.\u00a0\u00a0Sounded good for when I could move again at all.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cCourse, there\u2019s always big Ben\u2019s shoulder, if you need.\u201d<\/p>\n

What?<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0I stared.\u00a0\u00a0What was he \u2026 vaguely, a memory of last night filtered through my pounding head.\u00a0\u00a0Somethin\u2019 about \u2026 oh.\u00a0\u00a0Dang<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I groaned, and closed my eyes.\u00a0\u00a0Had I really said that out loud?<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ain\u2019t gonna tell your pa I said that, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s cackle rebounded off the trees, leaving me with the decided impression\u00a0that<\/em>\u00a0ship had long ago sailed.<\/p>\n

Maybe there was still time to quit, after all.<\/p>\n

fin<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Candy Canaday,\u00a0Hoss Cartwright,\u00a0jail \/ jailed,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright,\u00a0trapped<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 WHIB\/WHN for The Silence at Stillwater; or, a wrongful arrest and its aftermath, as told by the reluctant arrestee.<\/p>\n

Rating: K+\u00a0 Word Count: 17,757<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10468,"featured_media":15418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-13-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/B9A0D8E7-94C4-41DB-9211-B2683815781B.jpeg?fit=832%2C640&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15419","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10468"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15419"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15419\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/15418"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15419"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15419"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15419"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}