{"id":1546,"date":"2009-12-18T14:39:08","date_gmt":"2009-12-18T19:39:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1546"},"modified":"2026-07-29T11:40:54","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T15:40:54","slug":"just-another-unfortunate-accident","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1546","title":{"rendered":"Just Another Unfortunate Accident (by the Giggly Sisters)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>The Giggly Sisters turn their discerning eye on the accidents that befall a certain member of the Cartwright family.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> T \u00a0WC 1900<\/p>\n

Just Another Unfortunate Accident<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was one thing about the Giggly Sisters, Joe mused, while grooming Cochise in the barn: although they were strangely partial to seeing him maimed (and even went so far as to maim him regularly in their stories) ever since they arrived at the Ponderosa his life had been remarkably accident-free. His mind full of visions of their radiant loveliness, Joe completely failed to see the pitchfork lying in a strategically dangerous position on the floor. That was the thing about American barns in the 1860s \u2013 they were literally littered with lethal implements and Health and Safety legislation was but a glimmer in the future.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Striding manfully across the barn, his gun belt hanging at a highly suggestive angle, Joe managed to ignore the fact that once again his trousers were woefully short and barely grazed the tops of his boots. Then suddenly, he was aware of an excruciating pain as the tines of the pitchfork drove upwards and viciously impaled themselves in his foot. Joe recoiled instinctively from the agony, but sadly was not able to avoid the rebound of the pitchfork, which clonked him soundly on the head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Collapsing in a crumpled heap on the ground, Joe only had time to arrange his curls to tousled perfection and then utter a faint but emotive cry of \u201cPa!\u201d before succumbing to the pain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben couldn\u2019t work out why Joe was taking so long in the barn, especially as the Giggly Sisters were perched on the sofa, showing off their shapely legs, with Paw snuggled between them, munching on an apple. A cry of \u201cPa!\u201d rang through the air and then Hoss came thumping into the house, carrying the unconscious body of his younger brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood thing Joe\u2019s so portable, what with all them unfortunate accidents he has,\u201d Hoss observed presciently and made to lay Joe down on the sofa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot the sofa \u2013 it\u2019s rock hard!\u201d the redhead said sharply. \u201cNo place at all for someone with a major maim. Take him up to his room.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss could see the sense in this and just hoped Joe\u2019s room had not been perambulating around again, as was its wont. Ben indulged himself with a quick ruffle of Joe\u2019s curls and an anguished look. \u201cJoe!\u201d he cried. It was his favourite line, because it was so easy to remember. It fitted all occasions from terror (where Joe looked as though he would be killed) to delight (Joe had come home from the saloon on time for once, and unmolested, too!)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Luckily for Hoss, Joe\u2019s bedroom was exactly where it should be, and the bed was almost long enough. His sweet feet stuck out over the end, but this wasn\u2019t a problem with this particular maim. They needed to get his boots off to examine his foot.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m doing that,\u201d said the blonde, jealously, to Ben, as he bent over to pull off Joe\u2019s boot. The redhead smirked. She was holding Joe\u2019s hand, admiring their nice shape, and clean, unbitten fingernails.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stymied, Ben remembered his other line. \u201cHoss, get the doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With a big grin, Hoss lumbered out the door. He loved going for the doctor. Well, it made a pleasant change from the barn. He frowned slightly. He did recall one time when Pa had told him to \u2018get the car and get the doctor\u2019. He hadn\u2019t understood the first part at all, but Pa had been under a lot of stress, what with Joe falling off his horse, almost exactly as poor, pretty Marie had done.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back in the bedroom, the blonde was gently easing Joe\u2019s socks off, and admiring his nice pink toes, and the redhead was stroking Joe\u2019s curls. Ben felt distinctly left out! \u201cI\u2019ll get some water,\u201d he said, and hurried to the door. Opening it he bellowed, \u201cHop Sing! Get some water!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With a jerk, Joe woke up. Ben’s voice wasn’t the most soothing of tones in the sickroom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I thought you were knocked out?” the redhead said in a confused voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe smiled bravely. “It’s just a Cartwright Concussion: a hard blow to the head (often with the butt of a gun) which knocks you out a treat, but has absolutely no other side effects whatsoever.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben took up the story. “In many ways it’s really rather similar to the classic “bloodless bullet wound\u201d, which Joe models so well in numerous eps. You know there’s been a major injury but there’s remarkably little blood. Look at The Deadly Ones, for example. Nothing but a small damp patch on Joe’s little green jacket, and even that had disappeared without trace by the following week.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sure enough, when the girls examined Joe’s foot carefully, they could see that there was very little blood indeed. Joe closed his eyes and winced in a brave way, then tossed his head fitfully on the pillow and moved his legs in an agitated fashion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“He suffers so well!” the blonde said in a hushed undertone, as Adam came in bearing a bowl of steaming water and a pile of cloths. The Ponderosa was well supplied with these handy cloths, which came in a variety of sizes and were equally useful for cleansing wounds, moping down fevered bodies or using as a napkin when the normal red-checked ones were in the wash. He looked down at Joe, who was still writhing in anguish and wondered if he’d have to touch him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doctor Paul Martin was none too pleased at being summoned by the Cartwrights yet again. He spent so much time attending to all their various mishaps that the rest of his medical practice had virtually dwindled away to nothing and his waiting room was nearly always empty. Then there was that time in The Thunderman when Paul had a change to make a little extra money by nursing a stroke victim in the surgery, but then the Cartwrights had interfered and insist on taking the patient back to the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To make matters worse, Ben even suggested that as his family gave Paul so much business, they really should qualify for a discount. Not that any money had ever been seen changing hands, despite the many times the good doctor patched the Cartwrights back together. Paul Martin’s finances were consequently in ruins and he had applied to deliver the Territorial Observer to outlying ranches as a way of making a little extra cash.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

However, ever hopeful that one day Ben would actually cough up some readies, Paul dutifully turned up each and every time. He felt quite at home on the Ponderosa, and was even considering the proposal from one fanfic writer that he ought to take up residence there, just so he was on hand for these little eventualities.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He examined Joe extremely casually, and dissolved a pain powder in a glass of water, and watched Joe drink it down. This was one of his pleasures. He didn\u2019t bother with morphine for the Cartwrights. Well, it was expensive, and besides, it was so much more enjoyable watching the faces Joe made when swallowing the stuff.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s as strong as a young bull, Ben,\u201d he declared, in the immortal line he apparently said so often. (This writer has yet to hear it, but that\u2019s by-the-by). \u201cGive him some broth, and he\u2019ll be fine in no time.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBroth!\u201d exclaimed the sisters, in unison. \u201cThat nasty watery stuff Hop Sing makes? What good will that do him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe perked up at this. He\u2019d always wondered why they\u2019d insisted on feeing him broth when what he really wanted was a good steak. All the fanfic writers seemed hooked on broth, too, and he really wasn\u2019t much into soup. He wondered if it had something to do with that jelly-like soup (or was it soup-like jelly?) they\u2019d been forced to consume in one of the episodes. Now it had been disgusting!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paul Martin looked down his nose at the sisters. \u201cDo you know anything about illness?\u201d he enquired.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve both suffered more than our fair share of maims,\u201d retorted the redhead, \u201cand I was never offered broth!\u201d She screwed up her beautiful face as she remembered one thing. \u201cI was offered semolina,\u201d she recalled, shuddering. \u201cI don\u2019t eat that when I\u2019m well!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The blonde made a disgusted face, too. Joe wondered how it was possible for two people to look so stunningly gorgeous when looking so disgusted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“My husband’s a doctor,” the blonde said firmly, conveniently failing to mention that he a scientist and not a medic. Paul looked impressed – perhaps there was light at the end of the tunnel if another hapless doctor could be persuaded to take on the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“What was that miracle drug you gave Joe in MBK that cured him so completely?” the redhead asked curiously. “You could make a fortune marketing that!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“That was another doctor altogether!” Paul snapped huffily, for he had a shrewd idea that the sisters knew of his financial woes. However, he remembered another staple in his medical kit: the amazing salve that enabled various nasty wounds to heal so completely that not a single trace of a scar was left. He could call it “Doc Martin’s Wonder Salve TM” and it would be a sure-fire best seller! Newly invigorated, Paul bustled off happily, quite forgetting to ask Ben for payment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben bustled over to the bed and pulled the covers firmly up to Joe’s neck, completely obscuring his golden-hued, totally gorgeous body from view. He had rather an annoying habit of doing this, as many frustrated viewers can attest. Paw looked at the rather scabby blue candlewick bedspread and neatly hooked it off with a flick of his outstretched claws.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pulling up a chair, Ben sat down beside Joe, who was looking much better, despite the extremely cursory treatment from the doctor, and held one of his son’s extremely attractive hands tenderly. “You’ll be all right now, son!” he said comfortingly, and wondered if Joe ever went for a manicure. He reached over to stroke the wonderful curls lovingly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sister sighed once more. \u201cA Joe\/Pa moment,\u201d said the redhead, with a little catch in her voice. \u201cAnd after a wonderful maim.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The blonde simply couldn\u2019t find her voice, which was a very unusual occurrence. She simply drank her fill of this most essential of Bonanza moments.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Looking over at them, Joe smiled. \u201cYou do suffer so wonderfully,\u201d said the blonde. \u201cThe way you move you legs, telling us silently that you\u2019re in agony. And the moaning, and calling for Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben involuntarily looked at the bear, which gave him a toothy grin.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe best bit is,\u201d said the redhead, \u201cyou\u2019ll be back to normal again in a day or two, ready to be maimed on next week\u2019s show, or the next fanfic story.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe glanced at Ben, wide-eyed at this thought, and caught his father struggling with laughter. \u201cOh, Pa!\u201d he said, reproachfully, and Ben stroked his hair again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s your best line, son,\u201d he said. \u201cSay it again, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The sisters laughed, but Joe could tell, by a certain gleam in the redhead\u2019s eye, that she was already planning his next unfortunate accident.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0The Giggly Sisters turn their discerning eye on the accidents that befall a certain member of the Cartwright family.<\/p>\n

Rated: T \u00a0WC 1900<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":1242,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,4,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1546","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-41-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1546","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1546"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1546\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}