{"id":15511,"date":"2000-12-03T16:07:58","date_gmt":"2000-12-03T21:07:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15511"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:04:40","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:04:40","slug":"15511","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15511","title":{"rendered":"A Peep Came this Way (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Pa should have known better than to let Jamie run an errand.\u00a0 A WHI for A Stranger Passed This Way.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (13,480 words)<\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Peep Came this Way<\/strong>
\nA REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One day Jamie was traveling by himself to do some errand for the Ponderosa. He had a big bank roll of bills. While he was camping out, bad guys came and held him up. They found his autographed picture of his Grandpa Zeb Walton.<\/p>\n

“Who is this? Grandpa Walton?” said the baddie.<\/p>\n

“Don’t touch that!\u201d Jamie squealed.<\/p>\n

The bad men bashed his head in.<\/p>\n

Jamie wakes up the next morning with amnesia. “Who am I?” he says. \u201cWho? Is my name WHO?\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the ranch\u2026. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cShouldn\u2019t Jamie be back?\u201d Ben asked as he sat down to breakfast.<\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged. He sure didn\u2019t miss seeing Jamie snorting down his cocoa and choking on the marshmallows first thing in the morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cBack? Maybe he got lost?\u201d Joe said hopefully. His Heineken bottle green eyes shined at the possibilities of the idea.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat too good to be true!\u201d Hop Sing said quickly removing Jamie\u2019s place setting from the table. He would have to email Adam with that happy update.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile…<\/em><\/p>\n

Jamie woke up. He had amnesia from being hit over the head by the bad guys.<\/p>\n

He stumbled down the road. Just then Mr. & Mrs. Vandervoort came by in their wagon.<\/p>\n

“Look Mama! A boy who looks like Howdy Doody stumbling down the road!” said Mr. Vandervoort.<\/p>\n

“Our dead son Peepy Vandervoort loved Howdy Doody,” sighed Mrs. V. “Give that stumbling boy a ride in our vagon.”<\/p>\n

“Yo! Boy! Get in our vagon and take a load off your tootsies!”<\/p>\n

Jamie climbed in. “I am clueless!” he said truthfully.<\/p>\n

“Oh! Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Howdy Doody, lad?\u201d Mr. V observed as Jamie hauled himself into the back of the wagon.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t recall,\u201d Jamie said truthfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d said Mrs. Vandervoort.<\/p>\n

Jamie nodded like a bobble head. He got a bit queasy and fainted from all the nodding and bobbling.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s keep him and call him Peepy!\u201d said the Vandervoorts in unison<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys! I am going to go hunting for Jamie,” said Ben Cartwright, slllllooooowwwwly walking toward the door.<\/p>\n

“Heck Pa! Do you really think you need to do that?” Hoss and Joe each grabbed one of Ben’s legs in a vain attempt to restrain him.<\/p>\n

“You know we Cartwrights always do the right thing!” Ben reprimanded his sons.<\/p>\n

“Besides if he is dead, we can have a sad funeral… and I can cry!” Joe said, knowing how women couldn’t resist his trembling lip and a single tear trickling down his cheek.<\/p>\n

“Yeah!” Hoss’ eyes lit up. “Kin I give the eulogy? I\u2019ve been workin\u2019 on it for the last few months.\u201d Hoss reached into his vest pocket in pulled out a piece of paper.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the Vandervoorts…. <\/em><\/p>\n

“Peepy, Darling?” Mrs. V. shook the unconscious Jamie. He was sleeping in a big iron bed with his knobby head on fluffy pillow.<\/p>\n

“Peepy?” Jamie said, hoping he hadn\u2019t wet the bed. \u201cPee pee?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeepy Vandervoort. You are my son! Go feed the marshmallow chicks!\u201d Mrs. V. shoved Jamie out of bed and jammed a stupid stocking hat on his lumpy cranium. Amazingly, it improved his appearance dramatically.<\/p>\n

*************<\/p>\n

Eventually, Ben slllllooooooowwwwwllllly rode around searching for Jamie.<\/p>\n

Buck was going so slow he was doing a horsie moon walk. Ben muffled his voice with a sweat sock. “Jamie!” he whispered. “Hmm…guess we can take a rest, Buck. We have been looking for Jamie for about 8 seconds.”<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile….<\/em><\/p>\n

Back at the tulip loving Vandervoorts… They are all pooped out from picking tulips and playing double Dutch jump rope. Mama Vandervoort had served a yummy supper of all her dead son’s favorite foods: Tuna Noodle Casserole, herring souffl\u00e9, pickled turnips, and prune tapioca and cocoa.<\/p>\n

“You say these are my favorite foods, Mama?” said Jamie eating the unfamiliar dishes (all except the cocoa).<\/p>\n

“Absolutely!” said both Vandervoorts.<\/p>\n

“I can’t quite recall,” Jamie said, rubbing his lumpy head. Every time he tried to remember the past, he had a huge headache and sniffled. Then Mrs. V bopped him with a cast iron frying pan and told him he was her son Peepy.<\/p>\n

“Peepy! Mama!” Mr. Vandervoort said quickly trying to change the subject. “Let’s watch not yet invented TV! And put that frying pan away.”<\/p>\n

“Is Peepy’s favorite show on? You know how he loved…er …loves Howdy Doody!” Mama said, shoving Jamie into Peepy’s La-Z-Boy Boy Lounger and pouring him a steaming hot cup of cocoa.<\/p>\n

“No! Der show dat is on is “Dancing Wid de Stars!” said Mr. V.<\/p>\n

“Oh Mama! Oh Papa! I do wish I could dance!” Jamie sighed. He leaned back in the lounge chair and spilled the steaming cocoa in his own lap, causing him to jiggle in pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cDance!\u201d declared Mr. and Mrs. Vandervort, looking at the gawky amnesiac twitching in the La Z Boy Boy. \u201cPeepy? You vant to DANCE?\u201d Their real son Peepy loved to dance and had danced to his death by being nuked in a microwave oven imitating a marshmallow peep.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile\u2026 Back on the trail.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben rode into Milwaukee\u2026. (which is not WEST but EAST of the Ponderosa) He parked Buck near a friendly looking saloon, the Pizza Bowl and sloooooowly went inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy Stranger,\u201d said the bar tender Frank Di Fazio. \u201cBeer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would prefer a Brady Squash\u2026..\u201d Ben hesitated hopefully.<\/p>\n

Frank shook his head \u201cNot here. All we got is Shotz beer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShotz?\u201d Ben raised an eloquent eyebrow.<\/p>\n

\u201cShotz. My daughter La Verne works in the factory. All we got is Shotz. Shotz or milk and coke.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t take a second to make up his mind as he was a decisive, manly man, cattle baron and SUPER DAD. He had no desire to experiment with odd beverages like milk and coke. He would leave that up to Adam. \u201cShotz beer it is. Take your time. I\u2018m in no rush.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank poured long cold brew. \u201cWhat brings you to Milwaukee, Mister? Mister?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCartwright. Ben Cartwright,\u201d Ben said with a friendly smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cCartwright? From the Ponderosa Cartwrights?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cOne and the same. You have heard of me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank grinned and shoved the bowl of peanuts towards the silver haired cowboy. \u201cEveryone has heard of the Cartwrights. Me and La Verne and her roomie Shirley watch Bonanza every Sunday Night. Right after Ed Sullivan.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled proudly. \u201cMe and my boys watch Sullivan too. Hoss just loves Topo Giggio!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t we all! Did you see the Beatles the other week?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben curled up his nose and shuddered. \u201cThose long haired mop tops. They should get their hair cut. I told my son Joseph\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe? La Verne thinks he is a good looking boy but Shirley is more partial to Adam,\u201d Frank poured Ben a second beer. \u201cOn the house, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI told Little Joe those mop tops should get hair cuts. They look like\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRiverboat gamblers?\u201d Frank ventured.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cNo\u2026 mops.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWant some pizza?\u201d Frank pulled a molten pizza out of the oven and started slicing it with one of those sharp metal wheelie slicey thingees. (Editor\u2019s note: Adam Cartwright had invented those pizza slicers the second year after he left the Ponderosa)<\/p>\n

\u201cPizza?\u201d Ben nodded. \u201cI haven\u2019t had any decent pizza since I was a sailor and spent some time in Sicily!\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank slid a slice across the not yet invented Formica counter. \u201cWhat brings you to these parts? Pizza? Milwaukee ain\u2019t near Nevada. \u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m looking for Jamie\u2026my errr\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSon?\u201d Frank ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can say that,\u201d Ben sighed. \u201cWe all make mistakes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike pineapple and spam on pizza?\u201d Frank shuddered.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd blue berry bagels.\u201d Ben looked dramatically nauseous at the concept.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave a picture?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumbled, stained picture of Jamie. It was filed with tiny holes from when Joe used it as a dart board. At least that is what Joe claimed he did. Ben suspected the pin pricks were from when Hoss traced down Tirza and had her put a gypsy curse on Jamie.<\/p>\n

\u201cRed hair?\u201d Frank said.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded sipping his beer. He nibbled on his second piece of pizza. \u201cRed hair.\u201d<\/p>\n

You know, Mr. Cartwright\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBen. Call me Ben. A man who makes such wonderful pizza should call me Ben.\u201d Frank served him a third slice and topped off his beer. Then Ben burped.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, I think he once went out with La Verne. He calls himself Richie Cunningham. \u201c<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cThat makes sense. Boy would change his name if he was on the lam.\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

\u201cHave I seen red haired boy? Why you ask?\u201d the little oriental man glared at Ben Cartwright.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s\u2026\u2026.He\u2019s sort of my son,\u201d he answered with regret. This man reminded him of Hop Sing. Thinking of Hop Sing made Ben home sick. Why hadn\u2019t he listened to Hop Sing\u2019s advise? He sure wished he was back home with his boys and Hoppy and Candy!<\/p>\n

WOWOWOOWOoooOOOO (flash back music)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cahtlight! You no want red hair boy. Little Joe youngest! And if you eat 3 slices pizza, you get heartburn.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben had fire in his belly and he wished he had a bromo or at least a cast iron gut like his boys did.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this dude bothering you?\u201d a tough voice cut through Ben\u2019s reverie. The greasy-haired young man was wearing a black leather jacket, tight black pants and a cool look. Little Joe used to practice those sort of cool looks years ago when he was sixteen or seventeen or thirty two. He also liked tight pants. Joe used to wear a blue jacket in those days.<\/p>\n

Ben once walked in on Little Joe talking to his own reflection in the looking glass over his bureau. He was practicing looking tough and growling tough things like \u201cYou could die from a bad case of slow\u201d or \u201cDraw when you say that!\u201d or \u201cYour mother wears army boots\u201d or \u201cGet out of Walnut Grove, Nellie Olsen!\u201d Joe thought he looked tough but he was just a good boy trying to act like a hard case.<\/p>\n

Ben looked at the leather jacketed boy and realized he too was just a good kid trying to act tough. Ben was wise. He had the power to see through to the heart of people.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your name, son?\u201d Ben\u2019s hand hovered above his pistol and stared at the boy.<\/p>\n

The guy in the leather jacket backed off. \u201cStay cool, man! Stay cool. Arnold, tell him to stay cool!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben stared at the tough. \u201cI said, what\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cArthur Fonzerelli,\u201d said the little oriental man. \u201cPeople call him Fonzie. My name is Arnold. You want to order something? How about a milk shake?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s stomach growled. Those 3 slices of pizza were giving him heartburn. He wasn\u2019t as young as he used to be. \u201cNothing to eat\u2026just a little information and a milk shake for my heart burn. I\u2019m looking for a red haired boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt could be Richie Cunningham. He lives at 565 North Clinton Drive\u2026 or Ralph Malf.\u201d said Arnold.<\/p>\n

Ben had a hard decision to make. How hard did he REALLY want to hunt for Jamie? Besides, he had indigestion from that pizza. \u201c565 North Clinton?\u201d<\/p>\n

Fonzie nodded. \u201cTwo blocks west and turn on the corner, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. The lad called him \u2018sir\u2019. His estimation was correct. Fonzie was a good boy.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the Ponderosa\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI sure hope Pa gets back soon!\u201d Hoss and Joe sighed as they looked at Ben\u2019s empty place at the table. Hop Sing had already used Jamie\u2019s chair for firewood. He used the gaudy turquoise vest for a dust rag and put Jamie\u2019s bed in pig pen where even the pigs refused to go near it.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you boys should go ride west and hunt for Jamie?\u201d Candy said nervously.<\/p>\n

Without a moment\u2019s hesitation, Joe and Hoss shook their heads. \u201cNope!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat idea!\u201d Candy said. It always paid to agree with the boss\u2019 sons.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Adam agrees,\u201d Hop Sing added. \u201cHe emailed me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that settles that!\u201d said Hoss taking charge. \u201cPass the stuffed artichokes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cArty chokes? They could have choked Artie but they sure won\u2019t choke me!\u201d Joe joked as he dug in to the antipasto.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the Vandervoorts.<\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh Mama! Oh Papa! I do wish I could dance!” Jamie sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cDance!\u201d declared Mr. and Mrs. Vandervort looking at the gawky amnesiac. \u201cPeepy? You vant to DANCE?\u201d Their real son Peepy loved to dance and had danced to his death in the microwave.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Mama! Yes Papa! I vant to dance!\u201d Jamie started twitching and spinning much like the ungraceful dance style of his friend Carlton Banks or one of the bulls on the Ponderosa who ate loco weed and then was struck by lightening. He spun and twirled and shook his boney booty and stomped his feet and crashed into Mrs. Vandervoort\u2019s knickknack collection. One of her prize Hello Kitty Figurines smashed to the floor along with the bowl of pickled turnip and herring souffl\u00e9 on the kitchen table.<\/p>\n

\u201cPEEPY!\u201d Mr. and Mrs. V exclaimed.<\/p>\n

Jamie started tap dancing and cha cha cha-ed over the smashed crockery crunching it under his wooden shoes. \u201cI gotta DANCE!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPEEPY!\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking much like a sheep who had been struck by lightening, Jamie leaped stiffly into the air and bowed. \u201cI gotta dance Mama and Papa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVell\u2026 if it makes you happy,\u201d Mrs. V started.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama! You know the dangers!\u201d her husband cautioned. \u201cDancing killed the REAL Peepy!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHush Papa! At least he got on the Ed Sullivan Show!\u201d Mrs. Vandervoort hissed. \u201cDance, Peepy, Dance!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut do it outside!\u201d Mr. V opened the kitchen door and shoved Jamie outside.<\/p>\n

Jamie whirled and twirled his way across the barn yard, stomping chickens, tulips and a goose until he fell exhausted into the manure pit.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood night, Peepy! Sleep tight!\u201d called his \u201cmother\u2019.<\/p>\n

Mr. V. slammed the door and shook his head. \u201cMama, this can be very dangerous!\u201d<\/p>\n

“I LAUGH at danger! HA HA HA!” cackled the desperate Mrs. V. She decided that Peepy needed new patent leather tap shoes instead of the wooden shoes he had been wearing.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright tied Buck at the hitching rail in front of 565 North Clinton, Milwaukee. It was an unassuming, neat clapboard sided home. There was a basketball hoop on the side of the garage. Ben sighed. Years ago, Adam had wanted to put a basketball hoop on the side of the Ponderosa barn but Ben wouldn\u2019t permit it. He said that the thudding and thumping of the ball against the siding would spook the horses and make the milk cow go dry. Adam argued that he could possibly go to college on an athletic scholarship like some of his pals. Ben told him that was balderdash and he could get in on his intelligence and good grades. Ben was right (as always); Adam got into Back East U on his sparkling scholastic record. Ross Marquette got an athletic scholarship, partied hearty, flunked out and came back to Nevada in disgrace.<\/p>\n

And we all know what happened to Ross Marquette.<\/p>\n

Ben knocked at the door and a cute little girl answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello. Who are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs your mother or father here?\u201d the cattle baron. \u201cI\u2019m Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Joanie. I\u2019ll get my mommy,\u201d the sweet girl asked. She had cuter curls than Little Joe and that is hard to find. \u201cMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!\u201d she shouted.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoanie, darling,\u201d an attractive mature woman came quickly to the front door. \u201cNo need to shout.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s heart stood still. He hadn\u2019t seen such a lovely woman in a long time\u2026<\/p>\n

She had auburn hair and wore a feminine dress and an apron. \u201cHowdy, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2018m\u2026\u2026\u2026 looking \u2026..for a red\u2026.. haired \u2026.boy,\u201d Ben said slowly. He was in no rush to find Jamie.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Marion Cunningham. A red haired boy? Could it be my son Richie? Mr.\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCartwright. Ben Cartwright,\u201d Ben said Ben-a-liously. He tipped his hat politely.<\/p>\n

The lovely lady almost swooned. She threw the door open wide and invited Ben inside with a wide smile on her face. \u201cBEN CARTWRIGHT! Come right in! I know all about you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBEN CARTWRIGHT!\u201d squealed Joanie. The little girl jumped up and down and clapped her hands with glee. \u201cBen CARTWRIGHT! We know YOU!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled modestly \u201cYou know me?\u201d Remembering what Frank De Fazio had said about watching not-yet-invented television on Sunday nights, Ben said \u201cYou watch Bonanza?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Cunningham shook her head and said \u201cNo! My husband Howard talks about you and your boys all the time! Joanie, go get Daddy!\u201d<\/p>\n

In a few seconds, the little girl had fetched her chubby daddy from the basement where he was practicing his lines for the Lodge Show, \u201cFiorello\u201c. He was playing Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia. Howard Cunningham had always dreamed of being a mayor.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen! Ben Cartwright!\u201d shouted Howard Cunningham. He embraced his old friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy you old son of a gun!\u201d Ben pounded him on the back. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you in years! Not since you ran for Virginia City Mayor against Wally Cox!\u201d<\/p>\n

The two men laughed and hugged and for a few minutes reminisced about the awful election fiasco when Hoss and Joe backed the two opposing mayoral candidates and Ben had to cast the deciding vote. \u201cYes, and two weeks later, I met Marion here and we left for Milwaukee. I bought Cunningham\u2019s Hardware and changed my name as it was cheaper to change my name than getting a new sign painted.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWise move, \u201cBen nodded. Ben always admired thrift and hard work.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure hope Pa gets back soon!\u201d Hoss and Joe sighed as they looked at Ben\u2019s empty place at the table. Hop Sing had already used Jamie\u2019s stupid school books for firewood. He used the flat moron hat for a chamber pot and put Jamie\u2019s picture in the outhouse.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you boys should go hunt for Jamie?\u201d Candy said nervously. \u201cPay day is coming up and without your Pa around, the hands are worried about getting paid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Without a moment\u2019s hesitation, Joe and Hoss shook their heads. \u201cNo problem. We have the payroll all set. Matter of fact, we are going to have a great big party to celebrate pay day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026. and a bon fire of ugly turquoise vest and bucket dog pictures!\u201d Hop Sing chortled.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat idea!\u201d Candy said. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll toss in the money we get from selling Jamie\u2019s stupid horse to the glue factory. Is that ok?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure!\u201d Joe and Hoss high-fived each other and butted butts.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Adam agrees,\u201d Hop Sing added. \u201cHe emailed me his proxy.\u201d<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat brings you here, Ben,\u201d Howard Cunningham asked cordially.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m looking for this red-haired lad,\u201d Ben said showing him the crumpled, pin pricked picture.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that your son?\u201d Marian asked praying that she could find something pleasant to say about the less than handsome child. She couldn\u2019t imagine how a fine looking man like Ben Cartwright could father such a weird looking boy. Perhaps he was in an accident and his head was run over by a wagon or he was struck by lightning? She decided she had to say something complimentary about the boy. \u201cHe has a nice shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cAdam sent him that shirt from The Gap for Festivus. Jamie disappeared returning from an errand. I fear he was waylaid and robbed of the cash he was carrying. I sure want that cash. I was told a red-haired boy lived here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, you must mean our son Richard,\u201d Marian smiled. \u201cJoanie, go get Richard. He is upstairs doing homework.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. Adam always did his homework upstairs. He missed Adam big time. Jamie always was whining and mewling about doing homework and making a big production over it. He missed Adam.<\/p>\n

A minute later, the Cunningham\u2019s red haired boy Richard came into the room. \u201cDad, Mom, Joanie said you wanted me? What\u2019s up?\u201d Then noticing the visitor, the boy smiled and extended his hand. \u201cHello, sir. I didn\u2019t realize we had company.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking at the boy, Ben\u2019s heart stopped. The boy looked like\u2026\u2026.. OPIE!<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the Vandervoorts \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSo you vant to learn to dance, Peepy?\u201d Mrs. V. asked Jamie.<\/p>\n

He nodded like a bobble head. \u201cYes Mama! Like Fred Upstairs!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeepy, there is no upstairs. Just de roof. \u201cMr. Vandervoort pointed out to the lunkhead boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think Peepy means Fred Astaire, Papa.\u201d Mrs. Vandervoort patted her \u201cson\u201d Peepy\u2019s woolen hat. \u201cPeepy wants to be on \u201cDancing Vit de Stars.\u201d Show Papa how you dance, Peepy!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamie stood up and swung his arms and stomped his feet awkwardly. Frankenstein had more grace. Old Sheba had more grace. Mount Rushmore had more grace.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, he dances like a cow!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo? Vat does that mean?\u201d Mrs. V asked, watching Jamie stumble and stomp and twirl around the living room. She picked up her frying pan and swatted him a couple of times.<\/p>\n

\u201cCows don\u2018t make good dancers; they have two left feet.\u201d Mr. V sighed. As Jamie spun near the doorway, Mr. Vandervoort quickly opened the door and shoved him out.<\/p>\n

Jamie tap danced and cha cha-ed and spun his arms over his head. \u201cBIG FINISH!!!\u201d he said smiling like a jack-o-lantern as he crashed into the chicken house.<\/p>\n

\u201cCluck Cluck Buk SQUAUK!\u201d The chickens exploded out of the hen house and started pecking at Jamie.<\/p>\n

\u201cPapa, go help Peepy out before the chickens stop laying.\u201d Mrs. V sighed. \u201cAnd don\u2019t let Peepy track poop into the parlor.\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the Ponderosa\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

The boys were celebrating in the usual Cartwright party hearty mode. Candy was stringing up colorful lanterns, Hoss was making basins of Pa\u2019s special punch, Joe was indiscriminately proposing to all the voluptuous blond girls, who were immediately accepting and dying, Hop Sing was making sushi and pigs in blankets\u2026. A fabulous time was being had by all.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cSo Peepy, you say you van to dance like a cow?\u201d Mrs. V patted Jamie\u2019s hand as she tucked him into her dead son\u2019s bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Mama. It is my dream to do the BOSSY Nova!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do cows like to dance to?\u201d Mr. V. said tucking the coverlet around Jamie.<\/p>\n

Jamie grinned. \u201cMoosic!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood night, Peepy!\u201d said Mr. and Mrs. V.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood Night Mama & Papa!\u201d said Jamie as visions of sugar plums danced in his lumpy cranium.<\/p>\n

BOINK! Mrs. V gave him one last crack with the cast iron pan and called out \u201cSveet dreams!\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

For a nano-second, Ben Cartwright thought the red haired boy walking into the Cunningham home was Jamie, but it wasn\u2019t. It wasn\u2019t Opie either. The lad was Richie Cunningham.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy old friend Ben Cartwright\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom the Ponderosa Cartwrights?\u201d Richie grinned excitedly. He extended his hand and vigorously shook Ben\u2019s in a firm handshake. \u201cMr. Cartwright! My father speaks of you often. Matter of fact, he lets us stay up to watch Bonanza on Sunday nights\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben smiled modestly.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as we get ready for bed first,” Joanie added.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, we have to wash brush, pee and flush!\u201d Richie explained.<\/p>\n

Ben blushed. That last part was a bit more information than he needed. \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I love Hoss a lot!\u201d Joanie giggled. \u201cAnd Little Joe of course. Mommy likes Adam. She said he is HOT!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoanie Cunningham!\u201d Marion Cunningham turned bright red. \u201cYou come in the kitchen with me and help me start supper. Ben? You are staying, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell \u2026.I should keep searching for my missing boy, Jamie\u2026.\u201d Ben hesitated. He was getting very hungry.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are having meatloaf, Ben,\u201d Howard urged. \u201cAnd no one makes meat loaf like Marion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026.\u201d Ben hesitated. \u201cMeatloaf?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMeatloaf and mashed potatoes. Please, Mr. Cartwright! I sure would like to hear you tell some of your tales about when Dad lived in Virginia City. And I know another red-haired boy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d Ben couldn\u2019t refuse. \u201cYou say you know another red haired boy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Ben,\u201d Howard said leading Ben towards the most comfortable arm chair in the living room. \u201cRichard has a friend Ralph Malf. His father is a dentist\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA dentist?\u201d Ben\u2019s hand slid over his gun. \u201cDoc Holiday was a dentist.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the Ponderosa, the boys were celebrating in the usual Cartwright party hearty mode. All the furniture had been moved out of the house to make room for dancing. Tables filled with delicious delectable donated by the darling daughters of dumpy dowagers hoping to snag a bachelor Cartwright.<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t you concerned about the curse?” Becky Sue Hightower who had her eye on Hoss asked Penelope Ann Pishinpants, the banker\u2019s daughter who had her eye on Little Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cPshaw! Becoming Mrs. Little Joe Cartwright is worth the risk!\u201d Penny pouted. Her sister, Nickela Ann Pishinpants, had set up her not-yet-invented laptop computer and was IM-ing with Adam who was either back east, in Paris or in the Outback of Australia\u2026or in an \u201cOutback Steakhouse\u201d in New Jersey eating French fries.<\/p>\n

Candy and all the hands were eating and joshing, Hoss was still making basins of Pa\u2019s special punch, Joe was still indiscriminately proposing to all the voluptuous blond girls and giving them all numbered tickets for pre-nuptial honeymoon in the hayloft raffle, Hop Sing was making Mulligan Stew a la Annie O\u2018Toole and fondue\u2026. A fabulous time was being had by all.<\/p>\n

There was only one complaint by a few of the female guests: that besides the Cartwright boys who did everything perfectly, most of the single men couldn\u2019t dance particularly well.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m mighty fond of this fondue!\u201d exclaimed Philip Diedershiemer. \u201cTis the best I had since I left Switzerland!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was my mother\u2019s favorite fondue recipe,\u201d Joe explained. \u201cPa loved Mama\u2019s fondue almost as much as her meatloaf. Pa is a real meatloaf fan. He was mighty fond of her fondue.\u201d<\/p>\n

He chugged down a cup of punch and then a second and a third. They were teeny tiny cups and Joe was very dry. It was the first break he had from escorting the 348 winners of the \u201cPre Nuptial Honeymoon With Little Joe\u201d contest to the hayloft. And that prenuptial honeymoon stuff was mighty thirsty work!<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe, Hoss, when do you think Ben is a gonna be back?\u201d asked Roy Coffee. He had a walk-on part in a John Wayne movie and was going to be playing one of the justices in \u201cJudgment at Nuremberg\u201d and didn\u2019t quite feel comfortable leaving Deputy Clem in charge of Virginia City or taking care of Roy\u2019s cat Puffy-poo for more than a week without having Ben Cartwright as back up. The last time Roy was out of town for his annual two week saxophone aficionado convention at Disney World, Clem had fed Puffy-poo store brand cat food from Wal-Mart and upset the kitty\u2019s delicate digestion. It took Doc Martin three weeks and lots of Sun Sweet Prunes to get poor Puffy regular again.<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss shrugged. \u201cJamie disappeared and Pa is hunting for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie disappeared?\u201d Roy stroked his moustache trying not to cheer. Puffy-poo hated Jamie. He smelled like a wet dog.<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss smiled \u201cYUP! Jamie disappeared.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, well\u2026 Jamie disappeared,\u201d Roy smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie Who?\u201d asked Clem.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie Who?\u201d asked Lillian. She was a close friend of Rebecca Kaufman and the two of them were emailing Adam on Nickela Pishinpant’s not-yet-invented laptop while Nickela danced with Candy.<\/p>\n

By the end of the evening, Doc Martin had his hands full. \u201cThat\u2019s the twenty-third gal with a broken foot or twisted ankle or wrenched back from getting stepped on or dropped while dancing with one of the cowhands.\u201d The porch and living room of the Ponderosa was crowded with tearful ladies soaking their tootsies in every available pot, basin or bowl on the Ponderosa. \u201cThis is worse than the Paiute Wars and the time Jigger Thurmond\u2019s bull stampeded thru town!\u201d Doc Martin declared, wrapping a bandage around Connie McKee\u2019s delicate foot. She had been waltzing with Lars Lardass, the blacksmith from \u201cHorseshoes R Us\u201d while she waited for Joe to get up to her number in the \u201cpre-nuptial honeymoon in the hayloft raffle\u201d. Just as Julia Bulette and Lotta Crabtree got into a cat fight over who was next in line, Lardass stomped on Connie\u2019s instep. \u201cIf only those boys could dance as well as the Cartwrights!\u201d she moaned.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back in Milwaukee\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

The Cunninghams are serving a yummy and wholesome dinner to Ben Cartwright: meatloaf, gravy, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, gravy and applesauce and gravy.<\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmm! Marian, this is the best gravy I ever had!\u201d Howard exclaimed appreciatively as he slurped up the last. \u201cBen, did I ever tell you how my wife got her name?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sopped up the last of his gravy with a piece of Wonder Bread. \u201cNo, tell me! I sure hope it is a long story. I\u2018m in no rush.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMom was named after her late uncle, Lord Marion!\u201d Richie explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cLord Marion?\u201d Ben raised his eyebrows. \u201cThe sissy who couldn\u2019t shoot!?!?\u201d The lovely and feminine Marian Cunningham was more of a man that that sissy whose wife Lady Bea tried to seduce Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne and the same,\u201d Marian Cunningham smiled bringing in a fresh hot apple pie from the kitchen. \u201cBy the way, Ralph Malf and his father are coming by for dessert. They should be here any minute with a gallon of vanilla ice cream to top off the apple pie.\u201d<\/p>\n

With that, the doorbell rang and Ben warily slid his hand to his holstered gun. He never much trusted dentists since that run in Little Joe had with Doc Holliday, not to mention the bad orthodenture Hoss had gotten as a kid.<\/p>\n

A red-haired boy with a rubbery face walked in, followed by a lanky dark-haired man. The boy was clearly not the missing Jamie. As weird looking as the kid was, there was absolutely no competition for the UGLY Prize. Jamie was the easy winner. At least the kid could win something besides the annual \u201cKid You Most Want to Toss in the Truckee\u201d contest sponsored by Glad Bags.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowdy Mr. C., Mrs. C.!\u201d Ralph greeted his pal\u2019s parents. \u201cAnd Mr. C also.\u201d He smiled at Ben Cartwright. \u201cThis is my dad, Doctor Malf.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPleased to meet you!\u201d Dr. Malf said pleasantly. He looked vaguely familiar to Ben Cartwright.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave we met before?\u201d Ben asked Dr. Malf as they dug into the hot apple pie topped with vanilla ice cream. It was mighty good but nowhere as good as Hop Sing\u2019s. Ben was home sick.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think so\u2026 though I do watch Bonanza on Sunday nights,\u201d Doctor Malf said polishing his fork with the napkin.<\/p>\n

Ben suddenly realized why Doctor Malf looked so familiar. \u201cDo you have any relatives named Sprague?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed I do! My cousin Howard is a town clerk in\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMayberry!\u201d Ben smiled. “Home of Opie.”<\/p>\n

“People always tell me we look alike, but I don’t see the connection,” Richard said devouring his pie that was better than any pie Aunt Bea ever made.<\/p>\n

“Anyone like some gravy on their pie?” Mrs. Cunningham offered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmmm!\u201d they all chorused.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cPigs love ballet, Mama,” Amnesiac Jamie told Mrs. Vandervoort as he fed the marshmallow chicks and bunnies.<\/p>\n

She looked at the orange-haired boy with as much love as she could muster without blinding herself. The lad frequently did and said odd and weird things, like when he tried to carry their collie around in a bucket or claimed he was going to get engaged so the gal could die. When Mr. and Mrs. Vandervoort tried to correct him or question his odd behavior, Jamie clutched at his head in agony and made his eyes roll in his head and drooled. This was not a pretty sight! That made the Vandervoorts back off Jamie and just agree with whatever he wanted.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, Peepy,\u201d Mrs. V asked. \u201cVhat is a pig\u2019s favorite ballet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSwine Lake!\u201d Jamie said, twirling around the barn yard sprinkling jelly beans to the marshmallow chickens. He almost stumbled over a marshmallow bunny who gave him a dirty look and hopped across the yard.<\/p>\n

Mr. V shook his head. \u201cMama, Vhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeepy vants to be a dancing star, Papa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDis boy isn\u2019t Peepy, Mama. He must have family who miss him and vant to find him.<\/p>\n

If Peepy vas a star, he would be a hit,\u201d she said ignoring her beloved husband\u2019s remark. \u201cA big hit!\u201d<\/p>\n

Mr. V sighed. His wife always wanted to be a stage mother.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the Ponderosa, Hoss has brought out the pi\u00f1ata shaped like Jamie.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow, Big Brother! That sure is a good likeness of Jamie!\u201d Joe grinned. Hoss always did very well in Arts & Crafts in cub scouts. He once made a model of the Ponderosa using popsicle sticks and bits of gum wrappers.<\/p>\n

Hoss picked up a fence post and held it high. \u201cOk folks! Who wants to take a big hit at the pi\u00f1ata?!\u201d<\/p>\n

The party guests all leaped to their feet and cheered \u201cMe ME Me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOk folks! There\u2019s\u2019 plenty of hits on Jamie for everyone!\u201d Roy Coffee restored order. \u201cEveryone jest line up here behind Candy and Hop Sing!\u201d<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Ben was torn at what to do next. He always went the extra mile for his boys. He would give up the Ponderosa and his own life to protect his sons. When Adam was lost on the desert and held prisoner by Kane, Ben hunted for him without giving up. When Hoss was squished on the cattle drive, Ben did everything he could do to get Doctor Bones Mc Coy out of jail to save Hoss. When Little Joe had acrophobia and freaked out on Eagle\u2019s Nest, Ben almost had to fling himself off a cliff to help Joe.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, Jamie was a different story.<\/p>\n

Doctor Malf, DDS had suggested that his cousin Howard Sprague in Mayberry North Carolina knew a red-haired boy named Opie. Fonzie suggested he check out the red-haired Walton family in Virginia. \u201cMrs. Walton is almost a va-va-voom as Mrs. C.!\u201d he said winking at their hostess.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Jamie\u2019s grandfather is Grandpa Walton,\u201d Howard Cunningham reminded Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd don\u2019t forget Bozo!\u201d Joanie Cunningham pointed out. \u201cHe has red hair too! And he sure looks like that Jamie. Just cuter. And Bozo\u2018s feet look smaller.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben wasn’t sure he should travel so far east. What if Jamie was still in Nevada Territory? What if he was in the desert or on top of Eagle’s Nest or being held hostage by Lee Marvin?<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Mrs. Cunningham started to weep.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarian! What\u2019s wrong!\u201d her husband embraced her as she wept on his pudgy shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if Jamie disappeared for good like our son, Chuck?\u201d she wept. “We never saw him again!!!”<\/p>\n

Ben handed her his cattle baron hankie. \u201cChuck?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d Richie explained. \u201cI had an older brother in the early seasons and he just disappeared one day after shooting baskets in the driveway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPoof!\u201d Joanie added. \u201cHe is gone for good. I did get his room, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDisappeared? Do you think he is gone for good?\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes lit up. Maybe that would happen to Jamie?<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Jamie was doing his darndest to master a new tap dance routine.
\nThe amnesiac lad had found a top hat in the barn and put it on his lumpy head over his knitted cap. Tufts of orange hair stuck out at a confused, freakish Bozo-like angle. He was using the heavy iron fireplace poker as a cane and dancing to the music of Mrs. Vandervoort’s Fred Astaire music box.<\/p>\n

He staggered stiffly around the parlor swinging his arms and stomping his feet looking very much like an orange haired Peter Boyle in the not-yet-invented movie, \u201cYoung Frankenstein\u201d. He swung the heavy poker around in an awkward attempt to simulate a cane. Instead, the clumsy boy knocked over things, shattered the windows and speared all the down cushions on the settee that had been newly purchased from Lazlo\u2019s \u201cSettees R Us\u201d.<\/p>\n

Goose feathers floated through the air.<\/p>\n

Jamie sang off key in a cracking voice that sounded like a crow laying a watermelon size egg:<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m puttin’ on my top hat,
\nTyin’ up my white stie,
\nBrushin’ off my snails.
\nI’m dudin’ up my shirt front,
\nPuttin’ in the shirt studs,
\nPolishin’ my snails,
\nI’m steppin’ out, my rear,
\nTo breathe an atmosphere
\nThat simply reeks with class;
\nAnd I trust that you’ll excuse my dust
\nWhen I step on the glass,
\nFor I’ll be there,
\nPuttin’ down my top hat,
\nMussin’ up my white tie,
\nDancin’ in on my snails\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think Papa? Isn\u2019t Peepy amazing?\u201d Mrs. V. asked hopefully. She always wanted to be a stage mother.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmazing? Amazing good or amazing bad?\u201d Mr. Vandervoort groaned as Jamie crashed into the what-not and knocked over a knickknack of a dodo bird in a tutu. The figurine crashed to the floor and shattered into smithereens. It had been one of Mr. Vandervoort\u2019s favorites. He had won it for his wife on the boardwalk in Rockaway playing skeeball on their honeymoon.<\/p>\n

\u201cVell\u2026.You would be a good dancer except for two things, Peepy,\u201d Mr. Vandervort started. He was a man who prided himself on his honesty but his love for his wife blinded him like staring at the blazing sun, at high noon in the middle of Death Valley after having your pupils dilated by your optometrist with that drippy eye drop stuff they drip in your eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are the two things? \u201c Peepy said as Mrs. V helped him to his feet and tried to pick the shards of shattered crockery and pillow feathers from her \u201cson\u2019s\u201d saggy baggy pantaloons.<\/p>\n

\u201cVat are the two things? Your feet.\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

So, even though the Ponderosa was in Nevada Territory, which was west of Milwaukee, Ben Cartwright rode east out on the trail of red-heads. He followed the clues to the Walton farm in Virginia. Jamie wasn\u2019t there. Then he went to Mayberry North Carolina in search of the red-haired boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you tried New York?\u201d suggested Opie, the Mayberry sheriff\u2019s red-haired boy as he handed Ben a cup of coffee through the iron bars. \u201cMy Aunt Bea made this for you, sir. She sent over some ham and cheese sandwiches & pecan pie too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo thanks. Just coffee,\u201d Ben said. Buck had complained all the way from Virginia to North Carolina that he had put on a few pounds.<\/p>\n

\u201cAunt Bea said to ask if you are a widower, Mr. Cartwright, because she is a single lady.”<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a widower but \u2026but\u2026 I\u2019m\u2026I\u2019m spoken for,” Ben lied. He hated to lie to a little boy but Aunt Bea was definitely not his type. \u201cI\u2019m engaged to… to\u2026 Martha Stewart!\u201d Ben had no idea why he said Martha Stewart but it was the first name that came into his head. Perhaps it was the jail connection? “She’s a great home maker and very neat.”<\/p>\n

\u201cI heard tell there is a red-head there named Lu.\u201d Barney Fife suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cLu?\u201d Ben asked. \u201cA red head named Lu?\u201d He took a sip of the coffee. It was almost as good as Hop Sing\u2019s. Too bad Bea was so chunky.<\/p>\n

Ben was very homesick. He hoped everything was under control on the ranch while he was gone and not too many fianc\u00e9es had died. After all, it was spring round-up time and all those funerals could distract Joe and Hoss from calf branding.<\/p>\n

Opie nodded. \u201cHeard Lu caused an awful lot of trouble up north.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat could be Jamie. He sure caused trouble on the Ponderosa.” Ben pointed out from inside the cell.<\/p>\n

Then Deputy Barney Fife pointed out. \u201cLu has wrecked factories, caused havoc in the streets and disrupted shows and broke into places with a side kick.\u201d Fife unlocked the jail cell and let Ben out. \u201cSorry about locking you up, Mr. Cartwright, but it isn\u2018t often we have cowboys wearing a six gun riding into Mayberry on a horse looking for little Opie here.\u201d Barney patted the lad\u2019s head protectively.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed \u201cI explained a thousand times. I was looking for a red-haired boy named Jamie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sheriff Andy Taylor strolled in the front door of the Mayberry Sheriff\u2019s office.\u201d Mr. Cartwright, I fed your horse and brought him round front of the office. Sorry about my deputy\u2019s mistake, Good thing you suggested we wire Sheriff Coffee to check out your story.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes it was. And you said he swore my ranch was ok?\u201d<\/p>\n

Andy nodded as he handed Ben\u2019s gun belt back to him. \u201cYes indeed. He said your boys were jest fine. Jest fine. A couple of broken engagements. That\u2019s all. Ranch is jest fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, as homesick as I am, I had better head to New York City to check out this Lu person. That might be Jamie.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back on the ranch\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

Little Joe came into the house, hung his hat on the hat rack and slowly coiled his gun belt on the sideboard. He wearily blew his nose and wiped the tears from his eyes. \u201cI\u2019m back,\u201d he sighed as he pulled his string tie from his collar. It was the seventeenth funeral he had attended since Pa had gone off looking for Jamie. That is what he got for being so successful at the series of parties he and Hoss had thrown while Pa was away.<\/p>\n

Hoss lumbered down the stairs \u201cGive me a hand with my tie, Little Joe. I got me two funerals before supper time and three more tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBessie Sue would have made a fine sister in-law, Hoss,\u201d Joe patted his brother\u2019s shoulder. \u201cSend my condolences to her family. I would go with you but I have to go out to Peggy Sue’s funeral in Carson City,\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss lifted up his chin and Joe neatly tied his own tie around his large brother\u2019s neck.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow was Jan\u2019s funeral?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cVery touching. Almost as touching as Cindy \u2018s and Marcia\u2019s\u2026\u201d Joe sighed, thinking of the three blond Brady sisters who he had almost married.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarcia, Marcia, Marcia,\u201d Hoss shook his head. \u201cShe was a mighty purty gal.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,” Joe sighed.<\/p>\n

“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,” Candy echoed.<\/p>\n

Candy, who had just walked in the front door said \u201cJoe, Hoss, the hands are getting pretty riled over this. At the rate all these gals are dying, there won\u2019t be any single women left in Nevada Territory. Can\u2019t you boys quit proposing? Just love ’em and leave ’em like the rest of us do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss shrugged. Old habits were hard to break, and with Pa out of town and Adam where ever Adam was, the two of them were cutting loose with the women, falling in love, proposing and triggering the inevitable deaths.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, by the way, Roy Coffee was at Bessie Sue\u2019s funeral. He said he got a wire from the sheriff of Mayberry. Pa was there and he is now on his way to New York City to find this red headed trouble maker, Lu,\u201d Joe reported hoping to change the subject from dead gals to something else.<\/p>\n

\u201cLu? A red-headed trouble maker in New York City?\u201d Hoss said. \u201cThat don\u2019t bode well\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed it don\u2019t,\u201d Candy shook his head and started calculating how long it would be before there were no living single women between fifteen and forty in Nevada Territory. “Joe? Did you say Lu? In New York City?”<\/p>\n

Joe nodded. “That’s what Roy said. Lu, a red head in New York City.”<\/p>\n

Candy shuddered. “I sure hope your Pa ain’t riding after Lu C. That can mean disaster!”<\/p>\n

“OH NO!” Hop Sing gasped. “Lu C! Mr. Cahtlight doomed. Number 42 cousin say Lu C make havoc in New York, California and Europe too!”<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Jamie, wearing his crunched top hat and a black tail suit he had borrowed from the undertaker, sang off key in a cracking voice that sounded like a fingernails scratching the black board in Miss Jones\u2019 school house:<\/p>\n

\u201cHeaven, I’m in Heaven,
\nAnd my heart beats so that I can hardly squeak;
\nAnd I seem to find the happiness I sneak
\nWhen we’re out together dancing, cheek to cheek.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Jamie bumped his boney butt against the pig\u2019s rump<\/p>\n

\u201cOink!\u201d the pig squealed as Jamie (aka Peepy) twirled her around ala Ginger Rogers. \u201cOink!\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cHeaven, I’m in Heaven,
\nAnd the cares that hang around me thro’ the squeak
\nSeem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak
\nWhen we’re out together dancing, cheek to cheek.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Jamie kissed the pig on her snout.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, this is awful!\u201d Mr. Vandervoort. \u201cThe boy can\u2019t dance and he can\u2019t sing!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Peepy wants to be a star!\u201d his wife argued.<\/p>\n

Jamie whirled and twirled and almost tripped over one of the chickens.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh! I love to climb a mountain,
\nAnd to reach the highest peak,
\nBut it doesn\u2019t thrill me half as much
\nAs dancing cheek to cheek. \u201c <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe boy has absolutely no talent and the pig dances better den him!\u201d Mr. V pointed out. \u201cAnd is better lookin\u2019 too. He\u2018s no Fred Astaire!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVell de pig is no Ginger Rogers eeder, Papa!\u201d she argued back.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh! I love to go out fishing
\nIn a river or a creek,
\nBut I don\u2019t enjoy it half as much
\nAs dancing cheek to cheek. <\/em><\/p>\n

Dance with me
\nI want my arm about you;
\nThe charm about you
\nWill carry me thro\u2019 to Heaven <\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m in Heaven,
\nand my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;
\nAnd I seem to find the happiness I seek
\nWhen we\u2019re out together dancing cheek to cheek.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI vont give up Papa!\u201d his wife said adamantly. \u201cPeepy will be a dancing star! I vill never give up! \u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to be in the show!\u201d Jamie whined.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t be in the show!\u201d Mr. Vandervoort spat back. \u201cYou schtink!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOink!\u201d said the pig in agreement.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

The bar was dark, empty when Ben strode in. He had tied Buck to a lamp post on the corner of 47th Street and Broadway.<\/p>\n

There weren\u2019t too many customers in the place this early in the day. There was a bar along one side of the room and the other side had good sized stage and a fake palm tree. A couple of dozen tiny round tables were scattered in between.<\/p>\n

Ben went up to the bar and ordered a brandy squash. A lone piano player was plinking out a tune on the stage.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I help you, sir,\u201d asked the bartender.<\/p>\n

\u201cA brandy squash?\u201d Ben asked. \u201cI\u2019ve worked up a mighty thirst riding up here from Virginia\u2026\u201d He didn’t add that Grandpa Walton and four of his red-haired Walton grandkids chased him down the mountain firing his shotgun at Ben saying “Don’t never mention that whiney Jamie again! And get out of here!” Ben would have fired back but he didn’t want to hit any of the kids or Granny Walton who looked awfully like Mrs. Milford.<\/p>\n

\u201cBrandy squash? Never heard of that,\u201d said the bartender.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally? I would have been sure that in a place like this in New York,\u201d Ben said. He looked around at the saloon. It has a few palm trees painted on the walls and a decidedly tropical motif. It looked like a place he had frequented one time when he was in the Caribbean when he was a sailor.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sir,” said the bartender. \u201cWe have Anisette, Batido de Mango y Papaya, Batido de Papaya, Cafe con Leche Custard, Cafe Cubano Champola de Guanabana, Cuba Libre, Cubata, Cuban Brandy, Cafe Cubano, Daiquiri, Frozen Papaya Coctail, Fruit Punch, Havana Cooler, Havana Special Martini, Mango Rum Punch, Orange Daiquiri, Papaya Coffee Liqueur Shake, Pina Colada, Pinerito Margarita, Pineapple Liquor, Rum Collins, Sangria, Sangria Serrano Havana, Tigre Volador, Toro Techila, Tamarindo Nectar, And a heavy Malaga Spritzer but no Brandy Squash.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm\u2026\u201d said Ben trying to make up his mind from the lavish menu. \u201cBack in home in Nevada Territory, the saloons only serve beer and whiskey and occasionally brandy squash.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bartender nodded and said \u201cIf you tell me how it\u2019s made, I can make it for you,\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, that\u2019s alright, I\u2019ll try one of your house specials. Could you repeat them? It was an awfully long list.\u201d Ben asked cordially. He was in no rush to find Jamie and when would he ever get to NYC? \u201cCould you repeat that menu\u2026slowly this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSlowly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u2026 verrrrrrrrrrrrrry ssssssllllllllloowly,\u201d Ben put a few coins on the polished surface of the bar.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir,” said the bartender. \u201cWe have Anisette, Batido de Mango y Papaya, Batido de Papaya, Cafe con Leche Custard, Cafe Cubano Champola de Guanabana, Cuba Libre, Cubata, Cuban Brandy, Cafe Cubano, Daiquiri, Frozen Papaya Coctail, Fruit Punch, Havana Cooler, Havana Special Martini, Mango Rum Punch, Orange Daiquiri, Papaya Coffee Liqueur Shake, Pina Colada, Pinerito Margarita, Pineapple Liquor, Rum Collins, Sangria, Sangria Serrano Havana, Tigre Volador, Toro Techila, Tamarindo Nectar, And a heavy Malaga Spritzer but no Brandy Squash.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the Ponderosa\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSIGH,\u201d Little Joe and Hoss sighed simultaneously. The two bereaved brothers were sitting side by side, tush cheek to tush cheek, on the settee. Hop Sing carried in a tray holding a fresh pot of coffee and some black and white cookies Adam had sent home by way of the Pony Express from NYC.<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure wish your father was here, ” Candy said. He stood next to the massive stone fireplace nibbling on his cookie. \u201cWe are running out of timber from making all those coffins for the dead fianc\u00e9es. Think he would mind if we used the coffee table to build a couple of coffins?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cGo right ahead, Candy. Dead Delia Denise Dimwoody loved this here coffee table.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood,\u201d Candy said. He reached for the table but Joe\u2019s feet were solidly planted top of the table. \u201cUm…errr\u2026 Joe\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Joe said tearfully. He had been very fond of Dead Delia Denise Dimwoody and would have proposed to her had Hoss not beat him to it.<\/p>\n

\u201cJOSEPH! GET FEET OFF TABLE!\u201d Hop Sing bellowed in a very Ben-like tone.<\/p>\n

Joe jumped four feet into the air.<\/p>\n

\u201cFather tell me tell you keep feet off table while he go look for red-haired misfit Jamie!\u201d Hop Sing smiled.<\/p>\n

“I miss Pa!” Joe wept.<\/p>\n

“Me too!” Hoss wept.<\/p>\n

“Me three!” Candy added.<\/p>\n

“Let’s have a party!” they all said in unison as they leapt to their feet.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back on the Vandervoorts farm<\/em><\/p>\n

“I want to be in the show!” Jamie whined.<\/p>\n

“You can’t be in the show!” Mr. Vandervoort spat back. “You schtink!”<\/p>\n

\u201cWWWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!\u201d wailed the redhead.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright of the Ponderosa was leaning on the bar, pondering the ponderous decision of what drink to have. \u201cHmmm. Should I have a Cuba Libre, Cubata, Cuban Brandy, or Cafe Cubano? It\u2019s so hard to decide.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bartender nodded and wiped the shiny black not yet invented formica-top of the elaborate bar. He hated when the hick tourists came into the Club Babaloo. \u201cHow about one of each?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBack home, we only have beer and whiskey in the saloons,\u201d Ben said pleasantly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou told me,\u201d the bartender eyed Ben\u2019s outfit. \u201cWhere are you from? Texas?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head \u201cNevada Territory.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you here with the rodeo that is playing in Madison Square Garden? \u201c<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cHow about a Sangria Serrano Havana?\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cThat has wine in it. It\u2019s light and fruity. I\u2019m not sure it is the kind of drink a manly man like you would like.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWine?\u201d Ben sighed remembering the afternoon he picked grapes with Joyce Edwards. Joyce was a wonderful gal in many many many many ways.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about a rum and not yet invented coke?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded, \u201cThat sounds just fine. I\u2019m looking for a red-haired trouble maker\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLu C?\u201d The bartender handed the drink to Ben.<\/p>\n

Suddenly angry shouts filled the place. “I want to be in the show!” someone whined.<\/p>\n

“You can’t be in de show!” spat back an angry voice that reminded Ben of those Mexican guys who tried to kidnap Little Joe for a bunch of gold and scared the beejeezus out of him claiming they had his thumb wrapped up like a not yet invented McDonald’s sausage breakfast burrito.<\/p>\n

\u201cWWWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!\u201d wailed the red head.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back on the Ponderosa<\/em><\/p>\n

“I miss Pa!” Joe wept.<\/p>\n

“Me too!” Hoss wept.<\/p>\n

“Me three!” Candy added.<\/p>\n

“Let’s have a party!” they all said in unison as they leapt to their feet.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Party! You stupid cowboys! You go find Mr. Cahtlight! Bring back to Ponderosa!\u201d Hop Sing admonished. Enough was enough. Hop Sing was sick of cleaning up from parties and making casseroles for all the wakes of dead sweethearts. \u201cBring back your father with or without Jamie!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie WHO?\u201d asked Lillian who just happened to be passing by to deliver some more NYC cookies, cakes and yummy baked goods that Adam had sent.<\/p>\n

\u201cJamie, red-haired troublemaker!\u201d Hop Sing muttered and this was followed by a stream of curses in Cantonese, Mandarin and Yiddish. \u201cMr. Cahtlight go to New York and everything go to hell here on Ponderosa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNew York City?\u201d Lillian said as she unpacked the challahs, black and white cookies, brownies, biscotti (aka Mandelbrot), cup cakes, Danish and sponge cake. \u201cAdam is in New York City!\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cI know the perfect spot to spend the evening! Great food, great music. Dancing. You are going to love it, Adam,\u201d said the pretty dark haired girl. \u201cRoss told me about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRoss?\u201d Adam sighed remembering his best pal Ross Marquette. Sadly, he had to kill Ross in a shoot out in the desert.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t look so morose, Adam!\u201d the blonde gave him a quick hug. \u201cGo change your clothes and we\u2019ll all go. It\u2019s an amazing club.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShould I wear my black shirt or my black shirt?\u201d Adam asked her. She was so pretty and had great fashion sense. He had met the girls in a little caf\u00e9 when he first came to NYC and they became fast friends right away.<\/p>\n

\u201cWear your black shirt!\u201d she said emphatically. \u201cThe one you got in Bloomingdales. And your black pants. It looks so metro-sexual!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbsolutely!\u201d said the dark-haired girl. \u201cWe\u2019ll leave at 9 and everyone else will meet us at the club.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled proudly. \u201cDinner! Dancing! And a great Latin show!\u201c Though they were never going to be more than friends, Adam loved these girls and their friends and enjoyed spending time with them.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back at the Ponderosa\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hop Sing sat in the green leather chair behind Ben Cartwright\u2019s desk. He had made a comprehensive list of tasks and gone on not-yet-invented Mapquest \u201cCandy! You go saddle horses. Pack food and make sure boys have plenty clean underwear. Even Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy nodded, \u201cYes sir.\u201d Everyone knew Joe preferred to go with out drawers when given the chance.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have money, Mr. Hoss?\u201d Hop Sing asked.<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded and held up his wallet.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo wave money around, Big Fool Number two son! You look for trouble!\u201d Hop Sing reprimanded Hoss. \u201cYou want get bushwhacked? Put third of the money in boot, third of the money in wallet, third of the money in hat!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss turned red and did what he was told.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have map, Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded and held up the map he printed out from not-yet-invented Mapquest. \u201cGot the map. We are going to find Pa and bring him home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Adam too?\u201d Hop Sing queried.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d Joe winked. \u201cHe\u2019s our brother. He\u2019ll straighten out all this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow go!\u201d Hop Sing ordered.<\/p>\n

When the door closed behind them Hop Sing sighed. \u201cWhat would Cahtlights do without me?\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the Vandervoorts, Mrs. Vandervoort has packed her bags and Peepy\u2019s and left the following note for her husband.<\/p>\n

Dear Klaus,<\/em><\/p>\n

Peepy and I are headed for New York City. Ve vill make Peepy a shtar on Broadvay.<\/em><\/p>\n

Love, Your vife.<\/em><\/p>\n

PS Feed de marshmallow chicks and bunnies and der catz Felix\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

They were waiting for the rest of their FRIENDS to arrive so they could all go to Club Babaloo together. Adam leaned back in the upholstered chair and relaxed while one of the girls played her guitar and sang her latest composition. Phoebe was an odd but likeable girl, who sang pleasantly and played the guitar moderately well but her compositions were awfully weird, stranger than the Frenchman\u2019s poems and those blank verse sonnets that Tirza recited about fish and trees and moon lit rocks of love. How did Little Joe fall for that wacko?<\/p>\n

Adam recalled saying \u201cJoseph Francis Cartwright. When it comes to pretty gypsy girls and using your brains, if brains were dynamite, you don\u2019t have enough brains to blow your nose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd this is my new song!\u201d Phoebe announced. And then she sang<\/p>\n

\u201cSmelly Cat, smelly cat<\/em><\/p>\n

What aren’t they feeding you?<\/em><\/p>\n

Smelly cat, smelly cat<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s not your fault.<\/em><\/p>\n

They won’t take you to the vet<\/em><\/p>\n

You’re obviously not their favorite pet<\/em><\/p>\n

You may not be a bed of roses<\/em><\/p>\n

And you’re no friend to those with noses.<\/em><\/p>\n

Smelly cat, smelly cat<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s not your fault.<\/em> \u201c<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile Mrs. Vandervoort and Amnesiac Jamie head towards the bright lights of Broadway via stage coach, train, Greyhound bus and the Staten Island Ferry.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Peepy! \u201c Mrs. Vandervoort said from the top deck of the Staten Island Ferry. \u201cNew York!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere?\u201d said Jamie, looking at his feet in the shiny new tap shoes Mrs. V had purchased for him in St. Louis before they got on the eastbound train.<\/p>\n

She shoved Jamie up to the rail over looking the churning water of NY harbor. Unfortunately, she shoved him a bit too enthusiastically and he flipped head first over the rail into the murky cold water of the Hudson River.<\/p>\n

\u201cAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa!\u201d shrieked Jamie. He hit the water with a huge splash and sunk below the surface pulled to the bottom by his heavy tap shoes.<\/p>\n

“Glub bbb glubb blub” said Peepy.<\/p>\n

“AAAAAAAAAh! Save my son!” Mrs. V shrieked.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Moments before, on the lower deck of the ferry three men stood by the rails, chatting.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey!\u201d said the tall weird skinny one. He had wiry hair that looked like he had been electrocuted and walked with an oddly uncoordinated manner.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey.\u201d answered the short, balding stocky one wearing a NY Yankees shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho wants to have some fun?!\u201d said the tall weird one.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do!\u201d said the other two simultaneously<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you just sayin’ you wanna have fun, or do you really<\/em> wanna have fun?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI really wanna have fun!\u201d said the third man. He was homely in a handsome sort of way or was it handsome in a homely sort of way. He was a semi-successful comic who had made his tales of nothing into his career. He was opening at the Club Babaloo that evening and was killing time with his two friends by taking a ride on the ferry.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m just sayin’ I wanna have fun.\u201d said the balding stocky fellow.<\/p>\n

The skinny weird guy, called Kramer, was increasingly more excited. \u201cRight now, there are 600 golf balls that I got at the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don’t we drive out to Rockaway and hit ’em…into the ocean?<\/em> Now, picture this…we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our drivers, we tee up, and\u2026\u201d He mimed swining a golf club \u201cThat ball goes sailin’ into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then…\u201d <\/em>With a spread of the arms and a huge enthusiastic grin, Kramer imitates the sound of a golf ball hitting the water.<\/p>\n

The stocky guy, George turns to Jerry, the comic unimpressed. \u201cC’mon, ya wanna go get some lunch?\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Suddenly they hear a shriek and a red-haired boy wearing tap shoes flies past them and lands in the murky water of NY harbor.<\/p>\n

KER SPLASH!<\/p>\n

\u201cSave my Peepy!\u201d Mrs. Vandervoort wailed from the top deck of the Staten Island Ferry.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo something Jerry!\u201d Kramer shrieked as he grabbed a handful of Jerry\u2019s expensive new yellow suede jacket and started shaking him like a toaster with a slice of rye bread stuck in the mechanism.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe?\u201d Jerry whined. \u201cI have to perform tonight at the Club Babaloo! And you know how suede gets ruined by water.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEspecially Hudson River water\u2026\u201d George started.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, Kramer stepped on a banana peel dropped on the ferry deck by a high flying seagull who had filched it from the Fountain Avenue Landfill in Brooklyn. He lost his footing, dropped his grip on Jerry, who knocked George over the rail into the river.<\/p>\n

\u201cAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!\u201d George shrieked as he hit the water seconds after Jamie (aka Peepy)<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Later at the Club Babaloo\u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n

Adam Cartwright was sitting with Rachel, Monica, Phoebe and another young lady. Elaine, who worked with Rachel. The guys had sent word that they were delayed because of some accident at the Staten Island Ferry.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh I see my friend Jerry over in the bar! Move over so I can get through,\u201d Elaine Benis demanded. She jumped up and rudely shoved Adam Cartwright aside before he could ask her to dance.<\/p>\n

Adam shrugged. He would never quite get used to these New York women. He wished the other guys would show up. He was wearing his favorite black pants, black shirt and yellow suede jacket.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t pay her any mind, Adam,\u201d Rachel patted his arm. \u201cLet\u2019s dance. You look terrific tonight.”<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you were Ross\u2019 girl,\u201d Adam said thoughtfully. \u201cI don\u2019t want to cause any trouble with FRIENDS\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rachel threw back her head and laughed melodically. \u201cAdam! You are so old fashioned! We are only dancing the tango. We\u2019re not having S\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s dance, Rachel\u201d His face turning bright red, Adam interrupted before the young lady could say a naughty word…or get fresh with him. Adam Cartwright really didn\u2019t like females to get fresh with him. Pa brought up his boys to initiate the freshness\u2026 They were old-fashioned out on the Ponderosa, even though Joe occasionally dated those forward types like Tirza the gypsy and Lotta Crabtree and Jennifer Beal.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Adam dancing the tango and the rhumba on the dance floor of the Club Babaloo, his own father was leaning on the bar in the corner of the place sipping his drink.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll try one of your house specials. Could you repeat them? It was an awfully long list,\u201d Ben asked cordially. He was in no rush to find Jamie and when would he ever get to NYC? \u201cCould you repeat that menu\u2026slowly this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSlowly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u2026 verrrrrrrrrrrrrry ssssssllllllllloowly,\u201d Ben put a few more coins on the polished surface of the bar. He had been there for many pleasant hours. \u201cTell me that beverage menu again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir,” said the bartender. \u201cWe have Anisette, Batido de Mango y Papaya, Batido de Papaya, Cafe con Leche Custard, Cafe Cubano Champola de Guanabana, Cuba Libre, Cubata, Cuban Brandy, Cafe Cubano, Daiquiri, Frozen Papaya Cocktail, Fruit Punch, Havana Cooler, Havana Special Martini, Mango Rum Punch, Orange Daiquiri, Papaya Coffee Liqueur Shake, Pina Colada, Pinerito Margarita, Pineapple Liquor, Rum Collins, Sangria, Sangria Serrano Havana, Tigre Volador, Toro Techila, Tamarindo Nectar, And a heavy Malaga Spritzer but no Brandy Squash.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Brandy Squash?\u201d Ben sighed for the 23rd time that day as the bar tender refilled his glass with another Cuba Libre.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo brandy squash.\u201d<\/p>\n

A chubby man, wet man bumped into Ben Cartwright and knocked his drink out of his hands. Before the cowboy could get angry, his companion, Jerry Seinfeld the comic waved his hand at the bartender and said \u201cSorry, sorry. Have a fresh drink on me. I\u2019m Jerry Seinfeld and I\u2019m going to be performing my act here at the Club Babaloo tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bartender refilled Ben\u2019s glass with another Cuba Libre and tucked in an adorable fuchsia paper umbrella. Ben glared at it and the bartender quickly plucked it out. \u201cSorry, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sniffed the air. The chubby guy next to him smelled of low tide and dead fish. He glanced at the puddle forming around George\u2019s feet and Ben side stepped away from him. \u201cUmm\u2026 you are a bit drippy. How did that happen?\u201d Ben said cordially. He put out his hand and said “I’m Ben Cartwright.”<\/p>\n

“From the Ponderosa Cartwrights? Bonanza? WOW! I watch you guys every Sunday night!” Jerry shook Ben’s hand enthusiastically.<\/p>\n

Kramer nudged George, “Tell Ben what happened.”<\/p>\n

“The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli. So I started to jump into the water. I won’t lie to you, boys, I was terrified. But I pressed on! And as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don’t know if it was divine intervention, or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Ben, at that moment…I was a marine biologist!”<\/p>\n

“A marine biologist?” Ben raised his eyebrow.<\/p>\n

George ignored the silver haired cattle baron and continued to brag. \u201cI got about fifty feet out, and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot! As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, “Easy, big fella!” And then as I watched him struggling, I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!<\/p>\n

Jerry rolled his eyes, \u201cMammal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever,” George shrugged.<\/p>\n

Ben sighed. He was beginning to get homesick. \u201cHow long do you think it would take for me to get back to the Ponderosa?\u201d he asked the bartender shoving a few coins at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy horse? Hmm\u2026.\u201d the bartender hated for this big tipper to leave. \u201cHave another drink and think about it? Why not stay for the show? Jerry here is pretty funny and Ricky Ricardo does a great musical number with this new girl singer Phoebe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kramer eyes lit up at the mention of Phoebe. He asked \u201cSo what did you do next, Georgie?\u201d<\/p>\n

George continued his baloney tale. \u201cWell, then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself on top of him! Face to face with the blowhole! I could barely see from all the waves crashing down on top of me, but I knew something was there! So I reached my hand in, felt around, and\u2026\u2026pulled out this!\u201d With a flourish, George pulled something out of his inside coat pocket He waved a battered, sodden white felt ten gallon hat. Jerry, Kramer and Elaine look at it in astonishment.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my son\u2019s hat!\u201d Ben exclaimed. He snatched it from George\u2019s hand. \u201cWhere did you get this?\u201d<\/p>\n

A crowd started to gather. Club owner Ricky Ricardo came out of his dressing room.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s goin\u2019 on?\u201d Ricky demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I bravely dove in after the poor red-haired \u2026\u201d George started.<\/p>\n

\u201cA redhead? Lucy? Did you see Lucy?\u201d Ricky grabbed George\u2019s throat. \u201dWhat did you do to my WIFE!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben pulled Ricky off George and he grabbed George by the throat. \u201cWhy do you have my son\u2019s hat!?!?!?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAkkaaagagg!\u201d gasped George. Kramer picked up Ricky\u2019s conga drum and bopped Ben over the head while Jerry dove under a teeny round cocktail table.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop them! Stop them!\u201d Phoebe screamed. She wouldn\u2019t be able to debut her new song if Jerry Seinfeld and Ricky Ricardo were in a brawl.<\/p>\n

Chairs flew through the air and glass shattered. An artificial palm tree crashed into the mirror behind the bar.<\/p>\n

Seeing the up roar at the bar, Adam raced over and tried to break up the brawl. He grabbed one of the men and spun him around.<\/p>\n

\u201cPA!\u201d Adam said recognizing his father. “What are you doing in NYC???”<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Ben exclaimed. “Duck!” He pulled Adam to the left just as a bottle of champagne was thrown at Ricky by Elaine.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Earlier that day at the Staten Island Ferry Terminal\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThink we can stop for coffee? Coochie is tired,\u201d Joe said sliding from his saddle and landed on the grey planks of the dock. He and Candy and Hoss had been riding east for days following Ben\u2019s trail from Milwaukee, to Virginia and North Carolina and then to New York City.<\/p>\n

\u201cTicket agent said there won\u2019t be room for us and the horses on this boat,\u201d Hoss said. He pulled his hat off and wiped his brow with a \u201csouvenir of the Joisy Toinpike\u201d bandana.<\/p>\n

\u201cNext ferry won\u2019t be pulling out for a while,\u201d Candy said checking the schedule.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat stinks. What if you fellers start firing and distract the ferry captain and I\u2019ll slide in the water and climb up on the bow and take over the boat and\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, that\u2019s what you did on \u201cShow Down on Tahoe,\u201d Hoss pointed out.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo? It worked once. It will work again!\u201d Joe grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cHeck Joe, the ferry is halfway across the bay…\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly screams filled the air \u201cPEEPY! Save my Peepy!\u201d<\/p>\n

Never one to resist danger, Hoss, Joe and Candy bravely leaped in the water of lower New York Bay and swam towards Peepy.<\/p>\n

\u201cGol-dang! Bet we don\u2019t get coffee,” Cochise griped to Chubby.<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back on the Ponderosa, Hop Sing was taking a well deserved coffee break, with his feet planted on the coffee table. He had spent the last few days making order out of chaos around the house. All the bedding had been changed, floors scrubbed, laundry washed, ironed and stowed away. Hop Sing had repainted the eyeballs of the spooky Indian painting in Little Joe\u2019s room so they followed you around the room, alphabetized Hoss\u2019 collection of not-yet-invented country western cds, and balanced the ranch ledgers. Even the gold frames of the dead mommy pictures were shined and Mr. Ben\u2019s burning map boxers were ironed and ready, and the fruit bowl on the table was filled with chocolate-dipped strawberries.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing was relaxing and watching not-yet-invented TV. He was hoping to catch a few episodes of \u201cWalker Texas Ranger\u201d on Encore Westerns (Hop Sing enjoyed the martial arts mixed in with the western scenery. Chuck Norris. Little Joe had told him that China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. ) or the \u201cCharlie Chan Film Festival\u201d on TCM (Hoppie always fantasized himself as Jimmy Chan) or a new episode of HGTVs \u201cPainted House\u201d. Hop Sing loved Debbie Travis was hoping to learn how to faux finish the walls and get rid of some of the bullet holes left over from some of the wilder parties the boys had thrown while Mr. Cartwright was off looking for the stupid red haired boy.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, there was a news flash.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is Diane Sawyer of ABC news from New York\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDiane Sawyer?\u201d Hop Sing shrugged. \u201cToo bad Mr. Cahtlight not here. He love Diane Sawyer almost as much as Candice Bergen.\u201d Grabbing the not yet invented remote, he turned up the volume.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am here at the Staten Island Ferry terminal where a horrifically horrible tragedy has been averted!\u201d Diane said to the camera.<\/p>\n

\u201cHorrific?\u201d Hop Sing shook his head. Diane Sawyer never smelled the dirty socks Hoss had under his bed or read the misspelled love letters Little Joe had under his. That was horrific. And why did Candy have a girl\u2019s name? That was horrific too!<\/p>\n

\u201cEarlier today, these brave cowboys saved young show biz hopeful Peepy Vandervoort from drowning when he fell off the Staten Island Ferry into the murky waters of lower New York Harbor.\u201d<\/p>\n

The camera pulled back and there was Hoss, Candy and Little Joe dripping wet, wrapped in \u201cStaten Island Ferry\u201d blankets smiling at the camera.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell us what it is like to be so heroic!\u201d Diane shoved the not yet invented microphone in Hoss\u2019 face.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026ummm \u2026 Ma\u2019am\u2026ummm\u2026\u201d Hoss froze.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Ma’am, we just did what we had to do!\u201c Little Joe winked at the camera and grabbed the microphone with one hand and threw his arm around Diane Sawyer. Unfortunately he forgot that he had nothing on under the blanket and with his hands otherwise occupied, the blanket fell to the deck of the ferry terminal revealing Joe in all his neked glory.<\/p>\n

The TV suddenly went blank and an announcer said \u201cWe interrupt this interruption for a blanket malfunction. We will resume regular programming and return to \u2018The View\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReturn to view?\u201d Hop Sing shrugged. \u201cCoffeebreak over! Now I go wallpaper out house.\u201d<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

“Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!” Ricky bellowed jealously. \u201cWhat was that Joselito doin\u2019 weeth no clothes on!!?!?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoselito?\u201d Lucy had no idea what her hot headed Cuban band leader husband was talking about.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeetle Joe! Leetle Joe!\u201d Ricky roared.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh Little Joe Cartwright! The cowboy who saved the little red-haired boy Peepy with his brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes! That Little Joe who saved that boy.\u201d Ricky put his hands on his hips and stared angrily at Lucy.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing, Ricky! I was just on the ferry with Ethel trying to learn how to not be seasick for when we sail to Europe on the Constitution and after the cowboys pulled Peepy out of the water, I promised his mother, Mrs. Vandervoort, you would put him in the show. Peepy is a great talent.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure? Are you sure you and that Cartwright character didn\u2019t have a romance?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!\u201d Lucy cried. \u201cI never had anything to do with any of the Cartwrights!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d Ricky growled jealously. He couldn\u2019t bear the idea of another man looking at his beautiful red-haired wife.<\/p>\n

\u201cRicky! You are the only guy I love! I only watch the Cartwrights on Sunday nights on Bonanza!\u201d Lucy hugged Ricky who hugged her back. \u201cNow put Peepy in the show!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you Lucy!\u201d Ricky said kissing his wife.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cHere\u2019s your hat, big fella,\u201d George wrung the water out of Hoss white felt ten gallon hat and handed it to Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d Hoss patted George on his back. He set the hat on his head and grinned. \u201cI ain\u2019t used to being hatless. I feel sort of neked without it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot as neked as Little Joe was when he dropped that blanket,\u201d Candy pointed out and they all laughed.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Wilbur Hatch, conducting the Desi Arnaz Orchestra, started to play \u201cCuban Pete\u201d. \u201cOk folks! The show is gonna begeen in a few minutes. Jerry, Peepy, Phoebe and I have a show to put on\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRicky, can I be in the show?\u201d Lucy asked hopefully. It couldn\u2019t hurt to ask for the 9,342nd<\/sup> time.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Lucy,\u201d Ricky said for the 9,342nd<\/sup> time. \u201cBut I did find a place for Peepy in one of the musical numbers, the one with Phoebe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Ricky!\u201d Lucy kissed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about you folks all take tables and have a good time and eat and drink and dance. It\u2019s on the house!\u201d Ricky generously declared declaratively.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh Ricky!\u201d Lucy swooned.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

The entire group found seats at the small round tables surrounding the dance floor of the Club Babaloo.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy Peepy is going to be in the show!\u201d Mrs. Vandervoort bragged.<\/p>\n

\u201cDarlin\u2019, you know, these days have been mighty special.” Joe pulled Rachel closer and stroked her perfectly perfect long blonde hair. Rachel\u2019s hair was almost as beautiful as Joe\u2019s. \u201cBut you are my brother Adam\u2019s special FRIEND and I can\u2018t cut in on Adam\u2018s gal.”<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam\u2019s? I\u2019m not your brother\u2019s girl friend. Ross is my guy.\u201d Rachel crushed herself against Joe and wrapped her arms around his neck, her face crushed against the newly dry-cleaned green corduroy jacket. It no longer smelled like low tide and smiled of Joe\u2019s incredibly irresistible pheromones, Aqua Velva and the moonlit rock of love in Central Park.<\/p>\n

\u201cRoss?\u201d Joe hadn\u2019t realized that Ross was Rachel\u2019s boy friend, not Adam. That made things really different. Ross was a nerdy geek and absolutely no competition for a manly cowboy like Joe Cartwright. \u201cRoss is your intended?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are on a break!\u201d Rachel declared pulling Joe into a dark corner of the Club Babaloo.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave that to our little brother! Heh hehh,” Hoss chuckled. \u201cWe are in New York less then a day and he already got himself a gal. Hope they don\u2018t get engaged.”<\/p>\n

\u201cHar har har!\u201d laughed Ben, Candy, Adam and George Costanza.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what a gal!\u201d Kramer said staring at Monica with his eyes bugging out.<\/p>\n

\u201cShhhh\u2026the show is about to begin, \u201cMonica said squeezing Adam\u2019s thigh under the table cloth. Adam smiled knowingly.<\/p>\n

The curtain parted and Phoebe sat on a tall bar stool with her guitar; amnesiac Jamie thinking he was Peepy lay sprawled stupidly at her feet like an arthritic beagle with a weak bladder.<\/p>\n

Smelly Boy, smelly boy<\/em><\/p>\n

What aren’t they feeding you?\u201d<\/em>\u201c Phoebe sang through her nose\u2026<\/p>\n

Smelly boy, smelly boy<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s not your fault.<\/em><\/p>\n

They won’t take you to Doc Martin.<\/em><\/p>\n

You’re obviously not their favorite son,<\/em><\/p>\n

You may not be a bed of roses<\/em><\/p>\n

And you’re no friend to those with noses.<\/em><\/p>\n

Smelly boy, smelly boy<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s not your fault.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my son, Peepy!\u201d Mrs. Vandervoort bragged, elbowing Ben Cartwright who was sitting to her right. She had very sharp pointy elbows, and if Ben wasn\u2019t such an immensely strong cattle baron, she would have inflicted a near fatal kidney wound.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must be very proud of YOUR son,\u201d Ben said. He turned to the attractive woman sitting on the other side of him and said \u201cThat hideous red-haired lad is HER SON!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d said Diane Sawyer.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, Mrs. Vandervoort! YOUR son!\u201d Adam, Hoss, & Joe said in a brotherly chorus.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeepy Vandervoort!\u201d Candy agreed. He sure hoped Mr. Cartwright would give him a bonus for this or a couple of weeks off in Vegas. Or both.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled. He had finally extricated himself from this entire mess and got to have dinner with Diane Sawyer at the Club Babaloo as well as convince Adam to come back to the Ponderosa. They would be saddling up and riding out at sunrise.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

Finally it was time for Candy and the Cartwrights to ride out of New York City and head back to the Ponderosa. The Cartwrights and Candy had a powerfully good New York breakfast of bagels and lox with the Ricardos, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer at Monk\u2019s Caf\u00e9. Then they rode over to Times Square so Ben could wave goodbye to Diane Sawyer at \u201cGood Morning America.\u201d At last, they rode out, heading west through the Lincoln Tunnel to New Jersey. Hoss had a couple of gals there who had offered put them up for the night.<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t it great that Peepy is staying in New York?\u201d Hoss grinned as they trotted through the Lincoln Tunnel. \u201cMaybe we’ll never see him again!”<\/p>\n

“Let’s hope so!” Adam said.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd it\u2019s great that Pa convinced Adam to come back home!\u201d Joe winked the toll taker who waved them through for free.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so happy I can sing!\u201d Adam announced as the entered the Lincoln tunnel.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s all sing!\u201d Ben agreed. And they all started to harmonize, even the horses and Candy. The acoustics were great.<\/p>\n

So no one told you life was going to be this way.
\nYour job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA.
\nIt’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,
\nWell, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. <\/em><\/p>\n

But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
\nI’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
\nI’ll be there for you, ’cause you’re there for me too. <\/em><\/p>\n

You’re still in bed at ten, the work began at eight.
\nYou’ve burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great.
\nYour mother warned you there’d be days like these,
\nBut she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees. <\/em><\/p>\n

That, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
\nI’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
\nI’ll be there for you, ’cause you’re there for me too. <\/em><\/p>\n

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.
\nSeems like you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me.
\nSomeone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,
\nSomeone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst, I’m best with you. <\/em><\/p>\n

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,
\nWell, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. <\/em><\/p>\n

But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
\nI’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
\nI’ll be there for you, ’cause you’re there for me too. <\/em><\/p>\n

Here in the West, we’re livin’ the best, Bonanza, if anyone fights any one of us, he’s go a fight with me, Bonanza. <\/em><\/p>\n

*****THE END (Finally)*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:<\/strong> amnesia, Ben Cartwright, Hoss Cartwright, Jamie Hunter Cartwright, Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright, tongue-in-cheek<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0Pa should have known better than to let Jamie run an errand.\u00a0 A WHI for A Stranger Passed This Way.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (13,480 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1004,23,4,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15511","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ben-cartwright","category-drama","category-humor","category-whi","wpcat-1004-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-27-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":782,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":22868,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=22868","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":0},"title":"The Cartwright Vigil (by AC1830)","author":"AC1830","date":"June 12, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary - Jamie learns first- hand about a special trait of the Cartwrights. Rating - K, Word Count - 1270","rel":"","context":"In "Hurt\/Comfort"","block_context":{"text":"Hurt\/Comfort","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=41"},"img":{"alt_text":"ben, jamie, joe, hoss","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/With-Family-cropped.png?fit=393%2C355&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5337,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5337","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":1},"title":"The Fourth Son (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"July 1, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Jamie is worried about meeting Adam for the first time. He thinks they are getting along well, but how wrong can he be? Originally written for Bonanza Gold, and expanded after it was rejected. Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0 (6,080 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/coming-soon-5.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15910,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15910","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":2},"title":"Warm Milk and Memories (by PSW)","author":"PSW","date":"January 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 In some ways, Adam and Jamie really aren't so different. Rating: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count: 2845 Scenes From Our Next Life series, links to stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/coming-soon-9.jpg?fit=320%2C240&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14054,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14054","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":3},"title":"Journey to Heartbreak aka For the Love of Jamie (by Diana G)","author":"DianaG","date":"February 26, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Adam befriends a young woman and her son. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0\u00a0 (26,680 words) Days of Discovery Series, links to all stories within the series are included.","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16398,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=16398","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":4},"title":"Not Too Old A Fool To Change (by Hart4Ben)","author":"Hart4Ben","date":"April 12, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A WHI for A Home For Jamie, screen play written by Jean Holloway. This piece primarily covers the gap between Jamie rescuing his grandfather and the final scene of the episode. Rating: K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word Count: 3933\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"jamie","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/ahfjw2.png?fit=376%2C324&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13974,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13974","url_meta":{"origin":15511,"position":5},"title":"The Long Ride To Home (by Susan G)","author":"SusanG","date":"May 13, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A simple hunting excursion turns deadly. Word Count: \u00a010,000 \u00a0Rated: \u00a0T","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Jamie.png?fit=642%2C571&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Jamie.png?fit=642%2C571&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Jamie.png?fit=642%2C571&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15511","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15511"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15511\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15511"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15511"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15511"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}