{"id":15512,"date":"2000-12-03T16:25:19","date_gmt":"2000-12-03T21:25:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15512"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:04:40","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:04:40","slug":"adam-discovers-secrets-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15512","title":{"rendered":"Adam Discovers Secrets (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>The pitfalls and nightmares of being the eldest.<\/p>\n<p>Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (3,025 words)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Author&#8217;s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0<em>The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque&#8217;.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Adam Discovers Secrets<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong><em>A REALLY Lost Episode<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, there comes a moment when a child discover that his parent is not perfect. Adam Cartwright came to know that one summer in his third decade.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>After he made his discovery, Adam Cartwright finally decided that he was weary of being sensibly sensible and perfectly perfect and dependably dependable. Adam was tired of living in his father\u2019s shadow and being the wind beneath his two brothers&#8217; wings, especially Hoss. It took a lot of wind to loft that big hefty bird. He was tired of being the son of the richest man in Nevada (other than Charles Augustus Hackett and that guy Don Corleone, who had a son living in Tahoe) and still having to chop wood, run errands and rake out poopy horse stalls.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJeez, Pa! I don\u2019t know why I have to do all this work like a lowly ranch hand. Jarred Barkley never has to do all that, and most episodes&#8230;er&#8230; days, he just walks around in a silk cravat, a brocade vest and a spiffy pinstriped suit. His hands are perfectly clean and as soft as\u2026as\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2026a little girl\u2019s?\u201d Joe finished Adam\u2019s sentence and cackled like a blue jay then ducked behind Hoss before Adam threw something at his head.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah! Jarrod\u2019s hands are as soft as a little girl&#8217;s!\u201d Adam sputtered angrily.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dYes, Adam. Jarred has swell clothes and never dirties his hands but would you want that&#8230;that&#8230;that mother of his?&#8221; Ben glared. \u201cWould you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam instantly turned red and stammered, \u201cNo sir, she looks like she could kill her husband for the insurance money and run off with the Pa from &#8216;My Three Sons\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRobert Young?\u201d Ben guessed, confusing Chip, Robbie and Mike\u2019s dad with Kathy, Bud and Betty\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dNo, sir. That was Fred McMurray,\u201d Adam corrected.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd how come Mike disappeared when he got married and suddenly Fred adopted Ernie?\u201d Joe interrupted from his hiding place behind Hoss.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah!\u201d Hoss agreed. \u201cHow come?\u201d He grabbed one of the apples off the coffee table.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd their grandfather sure looked like Fred Mertz and that Uncle Charley sure looked like Mr. Milford,\u201d Joe pointed out, taking an apple for himself.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t know, Joe. That Uncle Charley looked more like that Mr. Tweedy who tried to stick us with Old Sheba,\u201d Hoss countered.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMaybe.\u201d Joe shrugged and looked at Adam for help. \u201cWhat do you think, Adam? You know EVERYTHING!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201dWhat do I think? What do I think? I\u2019m sick and tired of doing all the thinking for you two!\u201d Adam yelled.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSometimes it only looked like the grass was greener on the other side of the fence,&#8221; Ben said philosophically.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly Adam realized Audra Barkley looked vaguely like his former fianc\u00e9e Laura EEEEEeeeeeew Dayton. His stomach did flip flops. Even though he had silk cravats and brocade vests and clean hands that were a soft as a little girl&#8217;s, Jarred sure had his family problems too.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBe thankful for what you have, son, and enjoy life,\u201d Ben added.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was clear as the nose on his face and the hair on his chest, and he had never figured it out. All those years, after the boys were in bed, Pa snuck out!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>They had the same nightly routine for YEARS. Cocoa and one cookie for each boy. Then Hoss and Little Joe had put on their cowboy nighties. Adam usually slept naked except in the coldest of winters or when they had house guests. Then they and would brush brush brush their teeth and gargle. Then, while his boys sat on the settee in front of the fireplace, Pa read them boring stories from an old Hardy Boys book or some boring dreck that Dickens or Mark Twain supposedly wrote. Later, Adam discovered Ben had made THAT up too\u2026he was really reading to them the out of date Encyclopedia International that Roy Coffee had won as a consolation gift on Jeopardy. Roy had traded them to Pa for his autographed picture of Barbara Stanwyk and some old toupee glue. Ben\u2019s &#8216;Three Sons&#8217; would finally fall asleep from boredom or from his bopping them over the head with one of the thick volumes of the encyclopedia.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes Little Joe pretended to fall sleep. Joe act like he was sound asleep so Pa would kiss him on his little sweet head and order Hoss or Adam haul his dead weight aaaaaaall the way up the steep stairs like a sack of lead horse shoes.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Once Adam said, \u201cCan\u2019t we put Joe to sleep in that downstairs guest room that appears randomly when we need it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Pa replied, \u201cNo, Adam. You can get a hernia or ruptured spleen or slipped disc or both, not me. You haul dear Little Joe up the steep stairs. After all, Little Joe carried you over his shoulders in &#8216;The Honor of Cochise&#8217;. And you are much bigger while he is merely a slim, sweet young boy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>No matter how hard Adam tried to explain to Ben that Joe had carried a fake Adam Cartwright dummy that Hoss made from a discarded CPR dummy Doc Martin had in his back room and dressed in one of Paladin&#8217;s old outfits, and that Adam had crawled on his own back to safety, Pa didn\u2019t listen. The man was so stubborn!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Then, as usual, when Pa was not looking, Joe opened his eyes, stuck out his tongue at Adam and whispered, \u201cJokes on you, Adam! Catch me if you can; I am the tight crotched spandex pants man! Ain\u2019t I adorable? I\u2019m the baby! Got to love me!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Before Adam could smack his pesky little brother, Ben gave him one of his riveting looks and Adam quickly carried Joe up the stairs but let his head bang on the top step when Pa wasn\u2019t looking.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Later that night, as usual, Adam was sitting alone in the dark and doing algebra problems in his head as he frequently did. Adam was contemplating that Pa had been married three times, but if you added up the whole shebang up, he couldn\u2019t have been married more than five or six years, and most of that time those wives were \u201cwith child\u201d. Pa hadn\u2019t been \u201cwith a woman\u201d in like fifteen years or twenty three years or five seasons on NBC Sunday\u2019s at 9 (8 o\u2019clock central). Now, Adam knew why Pa was cranky at times, shouted loud enough to make a landslide and shot people.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly, Adam heard a rattle and a clunk and thud.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Could it be Paiutes?<\/p>\n<p>Wolves? Cattle rustlers?<\/p>\n<p>Santa coming down the chimney?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam leapt from his bed. He quickly put his boots on and grabbed his gun from the Rubbermaid Gun holder. He ran naked (except he wore his boots as slippers were so uncool for a cowboy, even though Hoss wanted fluffy bunny slippers for his birthday) down the hall just in time to see that rascal Little Joe disappear over the window sill and down the ladder-like rose trellis that he had so cleverly nailed to the side of the house and covered with fake flowers.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam stood at his little brother\u2019s window and watched the lad gallop off toward Virginia City. Cochise ran after him.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJOE!\u201d Adam bellowed. \u201cCome back!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Then, realizing he was neked, Adam grabbed a pair of Joe\u2019s belt loopless spandex pants and tugged them on. They amazingly stretched 17 sizes and fit Adam perfectly. He caught his reflection in the mirror and decided that the next time Old Navy had a sale, he would ditch the black duds and try some tan spandex\u2026. Maybe even some powder blue and neon green biker shorts. And maybe one of those plaid shirts. Better yet one of those flowery Hawaiian shirts. To hell with startling the cows and horses. To hell with morbid borrrrrrrrrrrring monochromatic BLACK.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam ran down the hall feeling like a super hero in the tight pants. \u201cPAAAAAAAaaaa!\u201d he bellowed, \u201cJoe is galloping off!!!\u201d He threw open Pa\u2019s bedroom door and discovered the room was empty, totally empty.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The massive Cattle Baron bed was smooth and unrumpled. No one had slept in it! Ben\u2019s pink lapel robe hanging neatly from the hook. The infamous three dead wife portraits were lined up neatly on the nightstand next to Pa\u2019s kangaroo brief case and the remote for the not-yet-invented TV, where Pa claimed he watched Johnny Carson before he fell asleep.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam gasped. A note was pinned to Pa\u2019s pillow. Could Pa have been kidnapped?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>With a trembling hand, Adam took the note and read, \u201cHad a late dinner date with a floozy. If you see this note, you are dreaming and it never happened. Go back to bed. See you in the morning when we eat a healthy breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Pa was gone.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Cochise was gone &#8212; Buck and Joe too.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHooooooossss!\u201d Adam hollered as he ran into his brother\u2019s room. Hoss was gone too. There was a note on his pillow held in place by a stale Twinkie that had been gnawed to a sharp point. The note said \u201cWent to the Seven Eleven for lotsa grub and a late date with the cashier, Lustilla. I\u2019ll be back.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll be back!?\u201d Adam repeated out loud. \u201cVery Arnold-esque!\u201d Adam noted. Maybe Hoss should run for the governor of California and change his name to the Hoss-inator?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam was alone.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Everyone in the family had all gone out for a major wild time in Virginia City and the suburbs of Virginia City, and he was the dang goody two shoes, responsible, boring one, doing math in his head and trying to go to sleep early so he could get up at dawn to de-poop the stalls in the barn.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>That was the turning point.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam decided to run wild and free. He would quit being so responsible and serious. He would not open those fool letters from the Publishers Clearing House on the off chance he won. He would rip tags from the pillows and be a rapscallion or whatever kind of scallion he wanted to be.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Instantly, Adam thought it was time he could live life to the fullest. He would go wild and order lots of real books on Ebay, and change his wardrobe to something new. He would get a tropical print Miami Vice shirt or maybe some tie-dyed tee instead of gloomy dusty black\u2026 and some nice open toed sandals or colorful Ed Hardy high tops instead of heavy black boots. He would kick up his heels and have fun fun fun and even have a second flat beer or one of those tropical drinks with paper parasols in them at the bar, and maybe even have one of those \u201cprivate\u201d dinners upstairs with one of the saloon ladies. He would finally date someone who wouldn\u2019t die before they did the \u201cdeed\u201d or even go to the new video game arcade in the Virginia City Mall and play Tetris or Ms Pacman and eat Fritos and caviar and burp.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>He would go wild.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam Cartwright was going to rebel.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>There would be no more of this \u201cBe home for dinner and let me tuck you in, son&#8221; crappola that Pa always pulled. Adam suddenly figured out that the reason Pa did that was so he knew exactly when his three \u201cboys\u201d were bedded down and sound asleep, and then Pa would sneak out. He would ride into town for a bit of frivolity and falderal himself. That explained what Doc Martin had let slip once when he was drunk at the Annual Flesh Wound and Evil Twin fest in Carson City (which was named for Johnny Carson)!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam had finally realized that his Pa had lived a lie.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam slept until noon and ate all of Hoss\u2019 stash of Halloween candy for breakfast. Then he took another nap. That night Adam rode into town looking for a good time. At the saloon, he ran into Lotta Crabtree. They drank champagne, lots of champagne.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>They gazed longingly at each other, the hoochie mama song and dance gal and the darkly handsome cowboy who had decided to throw caution to the wind and go to the wild side.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOoolala! Is that another bottle of champagne in your pants that you borrowed from your brother Joe or are you just really happy to see me?\u201d Lotta sighted suggestively.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWanna find out, baby?\u201dAdam smiled lustily and followed her up the stairs for a yummy dinner.<\/p>\n<p>Adam tipped her back and kissed Lotta a lot. He kissed her long and he kissed her hard. He kissed her with a fire that could melt all the silver in the Comstock Lode as well as render chicken fat. They exchanged hot burning kisses and Adam twirled his tongue around Lotta\u2019s tonsils (both of them).<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWowza!&#8221; sighed Adam, deciding if he would kiss and threaten to break her arms. Then he figured \u201cwhat the heck! It\u2019s my time to go wilder than wild.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201dYou have something I want!\u201d Lotta said, batting her eyelashes and Adam\u2019s head with a baseball bat. He was sure she eyed his magnificent manhood jammed into Little Joe\u2019s spandex cowboy pants.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat is that?\u201d Adam smiled flashing his best smoldering lusty smile. \u201cWhat is it that you want?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYour brother\u201d Lotta sighed.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201dNo, you dumb cowboy! I want Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJust Joe?\u201d Adam\u2019s heart fell.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot just Joe. Joe and\u2026and your father&#8217;s moolah!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Mortified, Adam quickly departed, taking the empty champagne bottles with him for recycling. Old habits don\u2019t fade that easily.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>At the next Virginia City saloon, Adam ran into the lovely and seductive Julia Bullette. They also drank champagne, a lot of champagne. They gazed at each other. Julia looked him up and down longingly and said \u201cOoolala baby! Is that the Sunday edition of the Territorial Enterprise in your pants or are you happy to see me, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam smiled back lustily and followed her up the stairs, hoping for a yummy private \u201cdinner\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>As they entered Julia\u2019s red velvet boudoir, Adam tipped her back and kissed Julia a lot. They exchanged hot burning kisses and Adam twirled his tongue around her tonsils too (both of them). Adam did great tonsil twirling.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWowza!&#8221; sighed Adam, deciding she kissed pretty well for someone who did this professionally Then he figured, \u201cwhat the heck!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201dYou have something I want!\u201d Julia said, batting her eyelashes and Adam\u2019s head with a baseball bat. She too eyed his magnificent manhood jammed into Little Joe\u2019s spandex cowboy pants. Adam decided he wouldn\u2019t even wait for sale days at Old Navy. He was replacing his wardrobe as soon as he could, maybe sooner. He started to pull off his clothes in preparation of his shopping spree.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat is that?\u201d Adam smiled, flashing his best smoldering lusty smile. \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYour Pa\u2019s ranch\u201d Julia sighed. \u201cEr, is this your first time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTonight? Do you know Lotta Crabtree?\u201d Adam smiled roguishly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo you dumb cowboy, I only know MEN!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Adam smiled. This sure was better than staying home alone reading classics or memorizing Latin verb conjugations or doing quadratic equations by the fire while the rest of the Cartwrights had a wild time in town.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Days and nights passed in this way for Adam Cartwright\u2026wine, women, song, drinks with little parasols tucked into the pineapple slices,\u00a0 take- out tacos and women &#8212; lots and lots of women. Finally Adam collapsed into a pile of partied-out dirty sox and empty champagne bottles and wearily decided it was time to go back home.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When he finally arrived back on the Ponderosa, his family was eating breakfast. Nothing was said about the nights they all were gone. Pa had taught that a gentleman never discusses his lady friends with other gentlemen, and the Cartwrights were not only handsome manly cowboys but they were gentlemen. The Cartwrights all made vague comments about the fences and the ooziness of the fried eggs and the sliminess of the half-cooked bacon and moving cattle and who would ride into town to pick up the mail. Adam\u2019s stomach lurched as did his father\u2019s and his brother\u2019s but no mention was made.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>They were manly men, tough cowboys, heroic heroes. They were Cartwrights and some things were never discussed.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, boys, let\u2019s ride. Got lots of horses to break and dead gals to bury before the week is through!\u201d Ben smiled, passing out a shiny new shovel to each of his sons. \u201cBought these swell new shovels online at Shovels R Us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Joe looked at Pa and a tear traced its way down his cheek. \u201cI sure liked her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dWhat&#8217;s-her- name\u2026I kinda forgot\u2026 The girl who died.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201dThere will be others,\u201d Ben said in his eternal paternal way but not really paying attention to the conversation. Johnny Carson was having Zsa Zsa Gabor on tonight along with Jay Leno, David Letterman and Edwin Booth, as well as the entire cast of \u201cBohemian Girl\u201d with that dippy, red-haired girl Joe fell for before she dumped him. What was her name? Julia Grant?<\/p>\n<p>\u201dYou mean, I\u2019ll fall in love again, Pa?\u201d Joe climbed into his father\u2019s lap and laid his head on Ben\u2019s shoulder. Hoss climbed on too. Then Adam joined his brothers on their father\u2019s lap. Pa loved his boys but this was completely ridiculous. Their combined weight was equal to a John Deere tractor and almost squashed his pancreas and left kidney and smooshed his precious family jewels.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dUuuuhhhhh!\u201d Ben groaned hugging close to half a ton of grown sons, trying to shove them to the floor. \u201cI love you boys but enough is enough!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you mean I will fall in love again with other girls?\u201d Joe repeated, looking into Ben\u2019s eyes or possibly up his nose.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, I mean other girls will die!\u201d Ben explained, dumping his boys onto the floor&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>They all laughed and decided that they deserved a night at home together playing cribbage, chess, checkers and Chutes and Ladders, eating greasy food and watching reruns of \u201cFull House\u201d on the not-yet-invented TV. They all loved sweet baby Michelle, except Adam who secretly preferred Kimmy Gibler and her wry, off beat sense of humor.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>*****End*****<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tags: \u00a0<\/strong>Adam Cartwright, Angst, Ben Cartwright, Hoss Cartwright, Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright, tongue-in-cheek<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_15512\" class=\"pvc_stats all  \" data-element-id=\"15512\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewBox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveAspectRatio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 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words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1005,23,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-drama","category-humor","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1169,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3482,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3482","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":0},"title":"Killing Cartwrights (by freyakendra)","author":"freyakendra","date":"October 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Total, inane, silliness, prompted by Inca challenging writers to do what no one--or mostly no one, anyway--wants to do: actually kill a Cartwright! Subsequent discussion bordered on the macabre, with congratulations bestowed upon writers meeting the challenge. These 2 parodies resulted.... Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a0550","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Humor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/killing-cartwrights.jpg?fit=1070%2C887&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/killing-cartwrights.jpg?fit=1070%2C887&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/killing-cartwrights.jpg?fit=1070%2C887&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/killing-cartwrights.jpg?fit=1070%2C887&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/killing-cartwrights.jpg?fit=1070%2C887&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2162,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2162","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":1},"title":"Shelter (by pony)","author":"pony","date":"December 8, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\u00a0Adam and Joe Cartwright are lost in a blizzard. Their only hope ... shelter. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K (1,390 words)","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Drama&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza31.jpg?fit=573%2C389&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4111,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4111","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":2},"title":"My Bonanza Poems (by ViveAdam)","author":"ViveAdam","date":"April 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0I gathered here a few poems that Bonanza inspired to me \u00a0 Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a01300","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poetry&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14374,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14374","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":3},"title":"The Tiger Puzzle (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"January 1, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwright brothers come to the aid of sisters; however, will they be able to help the damsels in distress? \u00a0If you know the brothers, you know where this is going -- risque'. Rating: \u00a0T \u00a0(1,135 words)","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Humor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15958,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15958","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":4},"title":"The Poetry of Ben and Adam Cartwright (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"February 7, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 With such a well of inspiration from which to draw, one could imagine them putting pen to paper on occasion.\u00a0 Ben's \"Journey to the Sea\" is an homage to his three wives; \"Girl in the Moonlight\" was composed by Adam.\u00a0\u00a0 Rating K+ (WC 290)","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Ben \/ Adam&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Ben \/ Adam","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1016"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15645,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15645","url_meta":{"origin":15512,"position":5},"title":"A Tale Within a Tale (by Hart4Ben)","author":"Hart4Ben","date":"March 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A descendent of the Cartwright family discovers his family history. 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