{"id":15517,"date":"2000-12-05T17:35:33","date_gmt":"2000-12-05T22:35:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15517"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:04:39","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:04:39","slug":"adams-memoirs-part-4-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15517","title":{"rendered":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 4 (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Adam&#8217;s memoirs &#8211; Part 4<\/p>\n<p>Rating: T\u00a0 (2,700 words)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Adam&#8217;s Memoirs Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15514\">The Early Years<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15515\">How I Got A Lifelong Reputation for Being a Hard Worker or How Little Joe Learned to Iron Sheets<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15516\">Getting Lucky with Mary<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15517\">Visiting Dustville Junction<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15518\">Sailors, Lilly, and the Gold Thief<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15519\">Pa Teaches Me to be a Man of Few Words<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15520\">Educating My Brothers was Never Easy<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Author&#8217;s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0<em>The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque&#8217;.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Adam\u2019s Memoirs: Visiting Dustville Junction<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>A Really Lost Episode<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><u>Chapter 58<\/u><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho is that fella over there?\u201d my kid brother Joe asked. He was sizing up the crowd in the Dustville Junction Saloon.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Stubby Squeaks. But don\u2019t you call him that, not to his face,\u201d said the bartender refilling my glass and then my two brothers\u2019 glasses. Hoss had a big, heavy bottomed glass mug. Joe, his usual sippy cup with two straws.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot to his face?\u201d Little Joe boldly asked with a grin and a wink. He downed his own beer and started on mine. I swatted his hand and the bartender quickly gave Joe another beer.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOn the house!\u201d the bartender smiled.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThanks!\u201d Joe grinned warmly.\u00a0 He winked and three pretty gals winked back.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Wink! Winkwinkwink!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOn the house?\u201d I asked raising my left eyebrow at a 47 and a half degree angle. I was a bit jealous that Joe had that extra sippy cup of beer on the house but wouldn\u2019t say as much. Joe, that little scamp, would just gloat if I did and I had enough of his gloating that week.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>He had insisted he had won first prize the Publisher\u2019s Clearing House and was walking around for days waving the letter and talking about fancy saddles and new green corduroy jackets and custom gun belts and trips to Frisco and New York and designer chaps and not yet invented plasma TVs and getting Cochise his\/her own latte machine in the barn. That stubborn, hot-headed kid wouldn\u2019t listen when I tried to tell him it was a hoax.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo sir! You don\u2019t know what you are talking about!\u201d Joe argued. We almost came to blows.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThen go try to cash the check! Go on! Go into Virginia City and cash the phony check!\u201d I challenged. I was fed up. I even pointed out that Ed Mc Mahon hadn\u2019t shown up on the Ponderosa with balloons and camera crews either but Joe figured I was wrong. So, I told him to ask Pa if he didn\u2019t believe me. Pa would set that fool kid straight.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Little Joe finally got his come-up-ance when Pa pointed out it was junk mail addressed to Occupant\/Ponderosa Ranch, not Joe Cartwright. \u201cDon\u2019t you know how to read your own name, JOSEPH!?!?! If you try to cash it, not only will you look like a jerk and embarrass the family but they might just tack it on my over draft account!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd there goes our inheritances!\u201d Hoss added.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Pa gave Hoss a real black look at that point and Hoss realized what he said and turned scarlet. He tried to pull his foot out of his mouth and said \u201cWell, not for a real long time, Pa! We ain\u2019t looking for you to die for real real long!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I grinned knowing I was the executor of Pa\u2019s will and the last laugh would be mine. I was sure I could tell convince those boys to take all the shiny pennies and leave me with the dirty old crumpled dollars.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, my younger brother Joe had this easy way with people that, to be honest, I envied. That and his hair too. He could walk into a strange bar and within minutes be gabbing with everyone like he knew them his entire life. He would be playing poker or Ms Pac Man and being sized up by the prettiest gal in the place in seconds. Within ten minutes, he would have made a pal from a stranger, won $500 at cards, entered his name as high scorer at Ms Pac Man and left with an appealing gal for the rest of the night. Then he would be gloating the next morning when he bragged about the experience. Sometimes he would gloat about his gal gymnastics before I even had coffee and that would set the day off badly.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>About that spending the night with a gal stuff. Some folks liked to assume since all of us Cartwrights were unmarried, we were innocent to the ways of the flesh\u2026that is except for Pa who had married three times\u2026 but that is far from true. Very very very very far. Far far far far from true. Really Far. Really really really far. OH BOY, it was really far far far from the truth.<\/p>\n<p>Folks shouldn\u2019t assume things since my brothers and I are unmarried. Just remember what that great philosopher, Felix Unger, said about assuming. He said, \u201cWhen you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe don\u2019t like it when you call him Stubby Squeaks,\u201d the bartender explained. He wiped the polished top of the bar with an old damp rag. Did you ever think how unhygienic that was? I once spent a cold winter night discussing that with Doc Martin in such detail. I was pretty nauseous by the time Doc left. We were trying to help Hoss pass the sixth grade for the fourth time by winning the science fair. Joe had said I could ask Miss Jones the teacher out as a bribe but that was a frightening prospect. So we put a lot of effort on Hoss\u2019 science project in microbiology and he won beating out Nellie Olsen who did some cloning and made twins who she named Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen. Pa was real proud. Then again, in a saloon, the spilt rotgut must have worked pretty well in terms of sanitizing the not-yet-invented Formica.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCall him Stubby Squeaks and he gets mighty peevish,\u201d repeated the stout bartender. Joe sucked down another beer and Hoss bought another round.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMust be a good story with that kind of nickname.\u201d I said leaning on the bar. It had been a long, boring ride from the Ponderosa to Dustville Junction. I had a pounding headache and my butt hurt and I had dust under my contact lenses. Most of the ride, Joe kept telling obscene \u201cknock knock jokes\u201d and singing in pig latin and giggling and screeching like a blue jay on speed or long fingernails on a slate board.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hoss spent most of the trip morosely sighing.\u00a0 He was going to miss his date with Bessie Sue Hightower because of this trip to Dustville Junction. Hoss had purchased a new, badly cut, itchy sport coat made from recycled plaid Herculon couch covers at the Virginia City Big and Tall Cowboy Organic Haberdashers.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>For a week, Hoss practiced dancing in the barn and cleaned his fingernails and Pa had given him that \u201cno glove, no love lecture.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss was primed and ready to go. Then, the next day, Pa fell and hurt his pishtanyikas said we just had to go up to Dustville and bring up a string of naugas to the LazEboy factory and there was no way we would make it back to the Ponderosa by dance time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The more morose Hoss got, the more frantic Joe got to cheer him up. Finally just before we hit Dustville, I demanded them both to quite cackling and sighing as it was making the horses skittish and I would shoot them both if they didn\u2019t shut up.\u00a0 I told my brothers that if they didn\u2019t let up on the giggling like a jaybird (Joe) and sighing like a sissy with asthma (Hoss) they would eat lead for dinner.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Joe said, \u201cYou ain\u2019t allowed to shoot us any more! Pa said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And Hoss backed him up with \u201cIf you shoot us, we\u2019ll tell Pa and he\u2019ll be mighty put off.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I shoot you two, you\u2019ll be dead and neither of you will tell Pa.\u201d I dramatically squinted one eye and cocked my revolver. \u201cAnd!\u201d I said \u201cAnd I\u2019ll be an only child so just you two think about THAT.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That shut the two of them up for a bit but then for good measure, I growled a bit. Both of them thought better of wise-mouthing me and I suspect they knew I was right. Hoss was getting tired of Joe\u2019s cackling and Joe was weary of all the sad sighing, anyhow. The last few miles we rode along pretty quiet and then I felt bad about threatening them with a gun and losing my temper so I promised them beers at the saloon and Happy Meals from McDonalds, our favorite Scottish restaurant for dinner as soon as we settled up with the naugas.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Joe said he would have a cheeseburger Happy Meal and some pulque and the cute gal in the drive thru window. Hoss said he would have 32 chicken McNuggets Happy Meals and a super-sized everything else. Hoss was a super-size type of a cowpoke. I had a charred burger on a toasted pumpernickel bun with poppy seeds and black coffee.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We all felt better after we ate and delivered the herd.\u00a0 I really like my brothers and wouldn\u2019t want to shoot them.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey say that some fellow in San Francisco shot old Stubby in a bad place,\u201d a fellow customer added.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The bartender slid a beer to him. \u201cHave a beer, Floyd. These boys here are the Cartwrights.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPonderosa Cartwrights?\u201d Floyd asked eyeing us three Cartwright brothers. He was an older man wearing a pencil thin moustache and sort of nerdy eyeglasses.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes, sir,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFrom out Virginia City way,\u201d Little Joe added. He downed another beer and winked. That boy had an unbelievable capacity for both beer and winking.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know your Pa. Cut his hair once, I did, when he was over to Mayberry dealing with the Sheriff over there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAndy Taylor?\u201d said Hoss. That brother of mine has a mind like a trap or a used car salesman when it comes to names. He can remember the names of all 45,987 naugas on the place and what breakfast cereals they like and their favorite music. Besides, Hoss remembered that the sheriff had this old aunt who made swell pies.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYep, Andy Taylor. Tell him that Floyd the Barber said hello,\u201d the gent said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe sure will,\u201d Hoss promised. He put his half-finished beer down on the bar.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFinish what you were saying about that feller.\u201d Little Joe picked up Hoss\u2019 beer and finished it. Hoss didn\u2019t even notice. Joe can drink like a fish and hardly even wobble. Sometimes I think that boy has a hollow leg but Hoss said that Little Joe just has a fast metabolism<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYour Pa has a memorable mane. Lovely silver gray, with shine and body like I have never seen this side of the Rockies,\u201d Floyd sighed. \u201cNever!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hoss took the opportunity to ask Floyd about what shampoo he could use to make his hair less tufty. \u201cOne week my hair is full and the next I look near bald. Could it be that bear grease I use?\u201d Hoss questioned. Floyd gave him some suggestions and Hoss took notes on a coaster that had a picture of Miss Rheingold 1849 or Joe\u2018s mom.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere was I?\u201d Floyd asked after he explained about blow drying and hot rollers.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou were telling us about Stubby Squeaks and how he got his name,\u201d I reminded the gent.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe was shot in a bad place.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cA bad place? An alleyway?\u201d Each of us had been shot in an alley, usually after flashing a roll of dough.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSome waterfront saloon?\u201d Hoss asked. He had once gone looking for Pa who had got shanghaied in a waterfront saloon.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA flea bag hotel filled with floozies?\u201d Joe was fond of floozies and floozies were fond of Joe.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI didn\u2019t mean that kind of bad place. A bad place on his person,\u201d said the bartender.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOn his person?\u201d The kid wasn\u2019t sure what that meant but I knew immediately. After all, I had gone to college back east.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat are you talkin\u2019 about?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOn his body,\u201d I explained to my brothers. \u201cStubby got shot in a bad place on his body.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSomeone shot Stubby Squeaks in a bad place on his body?\u201d Hoss asked, urging the bartender to continue the story.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYep. A mighty bad place. A really bad bad place. He and this feller, Jake Crankyanker, were partners in a mine. They made a deal to share everything fifty\/fifty.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, Peter took that fifty\/fifty sharing to include Mrs. Crankyanker,\u201d said the bartender. \u201cYup, shot his manhood clear off. Well, not clear off. A little stub was all that was left.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYIPES!\u201d said Joe gagging on his beer.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hoss clutched his crotch and swooned. He almost fainted dead away.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd who is that feller over there?\u201d Joe asked. He pointed to a man sitting alone in the corner drinking a beer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dWhich one?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe educated looking one in the dark suit,\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, that is Doctor Dave. He\u2019s new in town,\u201d the barkeeper said. \u201cOld Doc Gillespie weren\u2019t too glad to see him come to Dustville.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>To me this town didn\u2019t really look big enough to have one doctor, no less two. Then again, knowing how my brothers and me were sort of magnets for bullets and head whackings and such, it was a comforting thought to know there were a couple of physicians around.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy wasn\u2019t the old doctor unhappy to have the new guy come to Dustville?\u201d I asked. \u201cOld guy challenged by the younger man\u2019s education.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNope,\u201d said the comely saloon girl. She was tall and a real looker. \u201cIt was a morals thing. I was the one who knew Doctor Dave from before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh?\u201d Hoss blushed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh!\u201d my kid brother Joe grinned. He put his arm around the saloon girl. Leave it to Little Joe to be in town ten minutes and have his arm around the prettiest gal in the place. \u201cTell me all the lurid details.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy name is Laverne. I knew Dave from Milwaukee. I worked in a brewery back there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShotz?\u201d I raised my left eyebrow and named the famous brewery.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah,\u201d said the gal. \u201cShotz. Me and my roomie Shirley put in our time in that place working like dogs in the bottle-capping department. Anyhow. We both knew Doctor Dave.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo, what was the problem?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n<p>Laverne explained, \u201cDoctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn&#8217;t. He was a real good doctor but the guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he&#8217;d hear this internal, voice that said, \u2018Dave, don&#8217;t worry about it. You aren&#8217;t the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won&#8217;t be the last.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, I don\u2019t know about that,\u201d Hoss started. \u201cI don\u2019t know if\u2019n that is a good idea.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Laverne smiled at my big younger brother. \u201cWell ain\u2019t you a sweetie, Boo Boo Kitty!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hoss blushed again and said, \u201cThank you, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then she continued the story. \u201cThe voices said \u2018And, you\u2019re single, Doctor Dave. Just let it go\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo how did he wind up in Dustville,\u201d I asked signaling the bartender for another round.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell, Doc Dave kept on being a good doctor but invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;whispering, whispering.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhispering?\u201d Little Joe whispered and tried to nibble on Laverne\u2019s ear lobe.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYep, he kept sleeping with his patients but those voices brought Doctor Dave back to reality.\u201d Laverne shook her head.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat did the voices say, Miss Laverne?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Just then, the doctor tossed some coins on the table and walked outside. I could see through the front window that Doctor Dave walked up to the hitching rail humming a tune. Then I noticed him standing near our horses and patting my horse, Sport, on the flank. Sport is pretty high-spirited and doesn\u2019t take to everyone but seemed to be taken with Doctor Dave and the tune he was humming.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI asked what did the voices say, Miss Laverne?\u201d Hoss repeated watching me watching the doctor rubbing Sports ears. Sport nickered like she had met an old friend.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat did the voices say? The voices said\u2026\u201d Laverne shook her head and continued, &#8220;Dave &#8212; you&#8217;re a veterinarian\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Little Joe choked on his beer and Hoss turned red.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI better go check on my horse!\u201d I said and rushed outside.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>*****End*****<\/p>\n<p><strong>Next Story in the Adam&#8217;s Memoirs Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15518\">Sailors, Lilly, and the Gold Thief<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15519\">Pa Teaches Me to be a Man of Few Words<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15520\">Educating My Brothers was Never Easy<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tags:<\/strong> tongue-in-cheek<\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n<p id=\"pvc_stats_15517\" class=\"pvc_stats all  \" data-element-id=\"15517\" style=\"\"><i class=\"pvc-stats-icon medium\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" version=\"1.0\" viewBox=\"0 0 502 315\" preserveAspectRatio=\"xMidYMid meet\"><g transform=\"translate(0,332) scale(0.1,-0.1)\" fill=\"\" stroke=\"none\"><path d=\"M2394 3279 l-29 -30 -3 -207 c-2 -182 0 -211 15 -242 39 -76 157 -76 196 0 15 31 17 60 15 243 l-3 209 -33 29 c-26 23 -41 29 -80 29 -41 0 -53 -5 -78 -31z\"\/><path d=\"M3085 3251 c-45 -19 -58 -50 -96 -229 -47 -217 -49 -260 -13 -295 52 -53 146 -42 177 20 16 31 87 366 87 410 0 70 -86 122 -155 94z\"\/><path d=\"M1751 3234 c-13 -9 -29 -31 -37 -50 -12 -29 -10 -49 21 -204 19 -94 39 -189 45 -210 14 -50 54 -80 110 -80 34 0 48 6 76 34 21 21 34 44 34 59 0 14 -18 113 -40 219 -37 178 -43 195 -70 221 -36 32 -101 37 -139 11z\"\/><path d=\"M1163 3073 c-36 -7 -73 -59 -73 -102 0 -56 133 -378 171 -413 34 -32 83 -37 129 -13 70 36 67 87 -16 290 -86 209 -89 214 -129 231 -35 14 -42 15 -82 7z\"\/><path d=\"M3689 3066 c-15 -9 -33 -30 -42 -48 -48 -103 -147 -355 -147 -375 0 -98 131 -148 192 -74 13 15 57 108 97 206 80 196 84 226 37 273 -30 30 -99 39 -137 18z\"\/><path d=\"M583 2784 c-38 -19 -67 -74 -58 -113 9 -42 211 -354 242 -373 16 -10 45 -18 66 -18 51 0 107 52 107 100 0 39 -1 41 -124 234 -80 126 -108 162 -133 173 -41 17 -61 16 -100 -3z\"\/><path d=\"M4250 2784 c-14 -9 -74 -91 -133 -183 -95 -150 -107 -173 -107 -213 0 -55 33 -94 87 -104 67 -13 90 8 211 198 130 202 137 225 78 284 -27 27 -42 34 -72 34 -22 0 -50 -8 -64 -16z\"\/><path d=\"M2275 2693 c-553 -48 -1095 -270 -1585 -649 -135 -104 -459 -423 -483 -476 -23 -49 -22 -139 2 -186 73 -142 361 -457 571 -626 285 -228 642 -407 990 -497 242 -63 336 -73 660 -74 310 0 370 5 595 52 535 111 1045 392 1455 803 122 121 250 273 275 326 19 41 19 137 0 174 -41 79 -309 363 -465 492 -447 370 -946 591 -1479 653 -113 14 -422 18 -536 8z m395 -428 c171 -34 330 -124 456 -258 112 -119 167 -219 211 -378 27 -96 24 -300 -5 -401 -72 -255 -236 -447 -474 -557 -132 -62 -201 -76 -368 -76 -167 0 -236 14 -368 76 -213 98 -373 271 -451 485 -162 444 86 934 547 1084 153 49 292 57 452 25z m909 -232 c222 -123 408 -262 593 -441 76 -74 138 -139 138 -144 0 -16 -233 -242 -330 -319 -155 -123 -309 -223 -461 -299 l-81 -41 32 46 c18 26 49 83 70 128 143 306 141 649 -6 957 -25 52 -61 116 -79 142 l-34 47 45 -20 c26 -10 76 -36 113 -56z m-2057 25 c-40 -58 -105 -190 -130 -263 -110 -324 -59 -707 132 -981 25 -35 42 -64 37 -64 -19 0 -241 119 -326 174 -188 122 -406 314 -532 468 l-58 71 108 103 c185 178 428 349 672 473 66 33 121 60 123 61 2 0 -10 -19 -26 -42z\"\/><path d=\"M2375 1950 c-198 -44 -350 -190 -395 -379 -18 -76 -8 -221 19 -290 114 -284 457 -406 731 -260 98 52 188 154 231 260 27 69 37 214 19 290 -38 163 -166 304 -326 360 -67 23 -215 33 -279 19z\"\/><\/g><\/svg><\/i> <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"16\" height=\"16\" alt=\"Loading\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/plugins\/page-views-count\/ajax-loader-2x.gif?resize=16%2C16&#038;ssl=1\" border=0 \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"pvc_clear\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Summary:  Adam&#8217;s memoirs &#8211; Part 4<\/p>\n<p>Rating  T  (2,700 words)<\/p>\n<p>Adam&#8217;s Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1005,23,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15517","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-drama","category-humor","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":631,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15516,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15516","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":0},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 3 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 5, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam's Memoirs - Part 3 Rating: T (1,770 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15515,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15515","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":1},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 2 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 4, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam's memoirs - Part 2 Rating: T (1,650 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15518,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15518","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":2},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 5 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 6, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam's Memoirs - Part 5 Rating T (2,100 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15514,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15514","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":3},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 1 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 4, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0\u00a0Adam's memoirs - Part I Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (2,400 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15520,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15520","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":4},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; Part 7 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 8, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam's Memoirs - Part 7 Rating: T (2,140 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adam Cartwright&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15519,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15519","url_meta":{"origin":15517,"position":5},"title":"Adam&#8217;s Memoirs &#8211; 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