{"id":15521,"date":"2000-12-10T18:07:24","date_gmt":"2000-12-10T23:07:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15521"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:04:39","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:04:39","slug":"and-on-the-seventh-day-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15521","title":{"rendered":"And on the Seventh Day (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>It’s all about the seventh day.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 \u00a0(3,840 words)<\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2026And on the Seventh Day
\n<\/strong>A REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong>
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright felt very strongly about Sunday being a day of rest. On Sunday, he and his three sons would do only the required chores around the Ponderosa and attend their non-denominational, vaguely Protestant church in Virginia City or spend the day in quiet, peaceful activities at home like reading, writing letters of condolence to the families of former fianc\u00e9es or playing horseshoes or recovering from hangovers. Sometimes friends came by or the Cartwrights took naps, or both (the Cartwrights napped with the visitors\u2026wink, wink). At midday, they shared a huge Sunday dinner. Sunday supper was usually a light meal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Each and every Sunday night, the refreshed and relaxed Cartwright family would gather in the living room. Each of the Cartwright would bring his favorite snack into the living room and the four men would enjoy the last hours of leisure together before the busy work week of breaking broncs, rounding up cattle and defeating evil doers started. As sure as spring followed around winter and summer followed spring, right after Ed Sullivan, Ben Cartwright, sitting on his favorite red leather chair would take the last sip of his not-yet-invented diet Pepsi and say “Change the channel.”<\/p>\n

And just as sure as summer followed spring and autumn followed summer and every romance the Cartwright men pursued ended badly, none of his boys moved an inch.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Someone change the channel,” Ben said to his boys a bit louder, a bit firmer. The three brothers glanced around at each other, hoping someone else would flinch and get up from his seat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No one moved and silence filled the room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Five minutes earlier, Little Joe had just come sauntering back from checking out his hair upstairs in his front-facing bedroom. (All the bedrooms in the house faced front.) \u00a0As it was an early season episode, he had re-poofed his hair into a smooth pompadour to look more like Elvis. He would have re-poofed it to minimize the gray if it was a late season episode. Little Joe sat down on his assigned spot on the blood-proof, scotch guarded brocade settee next to Hoss. He was about to plop his feet on the low table when Ben cleared his throat (or perhaps a few stray crumbs from a Pepperidge Farm Tahoe Cookie, his favorite snack, caught in his gorgle.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Either way, Little Joe Cartwright took it as a sure sign not to put his feet on the furniture. And his brothers\u2019 sidelong glances and hungry eyes made him wary of getting up and leaving his snacks unprotected.<\/p>\n

Hoss went on chomping on his favorite snack, Swedish lingonberry Mesquite Bean Dip with a side of rye wasabrod crackers. It was a recipe combo his mother Inger, My Love, Borgstrom Cartwright had concocted for a contest in \u201cBetter Homes and Ranches\u201d magazine just after she married Ben. She was hoping to win the first prize of $100 or at least the \u201cBetter Homes and Ranches Cookbook\u201d. Alas, she never found out if she had won as she died before the judges judged her entry.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam ignored Ben\u2019s request as well. He sat in his beloved blue crushed velvet chair, and coolly continued chomping on his Boston brown bread dunked into baked beans. Then he took a long, slow swallow from his bottle of Samuel Adams Ale. He had half a Boston cream pie waiting for him in the kitchen but he wasn\u2019t going to move toward it and lose the competition for laziness with his brothers or have one of them scoop up his brown bread and beans. His mouth watered for the pie that was sitting on the counter right next to the tickets and the bullet drilled poster for the ficfan convention.<\/p>\n

Note from Prof. F. Sheets, world renowned Bonanza expert: Ficfan is the genre of literature that fictional characters write about their fans. All the Cartwrights loved to read and write ficfan stories.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The three Cartwright brothers were planning on taking Ben to the convention and to a swell dinner as a surprise present for his birthday on the 23rd<\/sup> of the month. They had found out about the convention two days earlier while they were rounding up strays. A stranger wearing eastern clothes was nailing up posters on a tree when they rode up on their horses.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you?\u201d Adam demanded. He tried really hard to look threatening and sound menacing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Andy and I\u2019m from New York City\u2026 Forest Hills…\u201d Andy said nervously. He hadn\u2019t expected to come face to face with the famous, fantabulous Cartwrights that he had heard so much about his entire life and even before. His mother had watched Bonanza every week while she was pregnant with Andy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNew York or Forest Hills?\u201d Joe demanded. This Andy was one tricky hombre. \u201cWhich one, Andy? Which one? Forest Hills or New York? Hmmm\u2026Are you trying to put one over on us? And Andy, is that really your real name?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWWwwwWhat difference does it make?\u201d Andy fearfully asked, mopping the nervous sweat off his forehead. He knew quite a bit about the legendary Cartwrights and was considered by some to be an expert on all things Cartwright as well as a raconteur and a guy who collected bottle caps from Yoo Hoo chocolate energy drink.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd just what are you doing on the Ponderosa, Mister?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss demanded with a sinister Evil Hoss growl to his voice. He had first employed that Evil Hoss tone when he was in disguise trying to fool Pa\u2019s long lost friend Borelli, the trapeze swinging Joker. Then, remembering \u201cThe Magnificent Adah\u201d, Hoss decided to have a little manly fun with the nervous fellow. \u201cYe know, we shoot trespassers!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dYeah! We shoot trespassers!\u201d Adam grinned recalling the same episode. He pegged a few shots over Andy\u2019s head into the poster that the poor fellow had just nailed to a tree.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then, after we shoot them, we hang them trespassers too!\u201d Little Joe smirked, knowing this guy was quaking in his vintage Keds. Joe started to macram\u00e9 a noose from the rope that was looped on Cochise\u2019s saddle next to the thermos of coffee that Coochie insisted had to be brought along on any outing longer than one hour from the house. The pinto was so adamant about that, he\/she had it written into his\/her contract with the producer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey! Hey! Hey! I\u2019m a lawyer! You can\u2019t kill me! I\u2019ll sue you if you do!\u201d Andy stammered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut you will be dead! You won\u2019t be able to collect if you win!\u201d Adam pointed out. He was no country bumpkin who could be outwitted by a trespassing New York City lawyer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t kill me if you can\u2019t catch me!\u201d Andy shouted. Then he twirled around and ran off, dropping four free passes to the ficfan convention as he tripped over one of the numerous graves of the numerous doomed Cartwright sweethearts. He sprinted as fast as a bunny, having grown up used to escaping bullies who wanted his milk money. Nothing like wearing Keds to make a fellow fleet of foot and bully proof.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm!\u201d said the three Cartwright brothers in unison as they spied the fluttering bits of paper, a metro card for the NYC subway, an autographed snap shot of Andy with Queen Victoria and a take out menu for \u201cMy Favorite Dessert\u201d, a famous NYC restaurant where the cool folks rendezvoused, and the four free passes.<\/p>\n

\u201dDibs on what the cute little feller dropped when he jumped over Emily Pennington\u2019s grave!\u201d Hoss shouted out from the back of Chub.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy should YOU get dibs on what that Andy fellow dropped?\u201d Joe demanded. He started to undo the noose from the rope but then thought better of it. He could give Hop Sing the noose to use as a plant hanger for his famous scarlet, artificial geraniums porch. He coiled up his rope and looped it over his saddle horn to bring home. Hop Sing would be sure to give him double dessert tonight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHeck, Emily Pennington was my doomed girlfriend,\u201d Hoss spat back. \u201cAnd that was her grave! That should count for something!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded in agreement with Hoss. \u201cSounds logical and reasonable to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dWho do you think you are, big brother? Mr. Spock?\u201d Joe argued.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam ignored Joe\u2019s obvious dig insinuating that Adam was a Star Trek loving geek. Adam was proud of his love for science fiction and theatrics, and Star Trek was one of his favorite shows. He also liked \u201cLost in Space\u201d. \u201cI sure do wish it had been Laura Dayton\u2019s grave!\u201d sighed Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t we all!\u201d agreed Joe and Hoss. The three brothers simultaneously removed their hats and said a brief, non-denominational silent prayer of thanks to honor Cousin Will Zorro Cartwright\u2019s ultimate sacrifice and eventual disappearance on the Jupiter Two with Lassie\u2019s mother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCOFFEE BREAK!\u201d shouted Cochise, breaking the silence. The caffeine-loving pinto reached his\/her right hoof over his\/her shoulder for the thermos which caused Joe to get tossed head first onto the ground.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTHUNK\u201d said Joe\u2019s skull as it hit a hollow paper Mache boulder that Adam had made over the snowy winter. He had placed the faux boulder in that location when spring sprung, along with a charming cluster of adorable lawn trolls who vaguely resembled Uncle Gunnar and Grandpa Stoddard, and pink plastic flamingos Hop Sing had purchased at Mr. Tar Jay\u2019s Mercantile at the Virginia City mall.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood thang this weren\u2019t a real boulder and was only one of older brother\u2019s nifty faux boulders!\u201d Hoss stepped purposefully over Joe\u2019s semi- conscious body and scooped up the loose papers before they blew into Lake Tahoe and choked a trout.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYup! \u201c Joe agreed as he scrambled to his feet, did a somersault and shot off a few shots aimed over Andy\u2019s head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss examined the abandoned tickets. \u201cLooky here, Adam! Joe! A ficfan convention. It\u2019s on the twenty third of the month and that\u2019s Pa\u2019s birthday!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI sure like writing ficfan. Here\u2019s one I wrote last night,\u201d said Adam. \u201cI love my fans so much. I enjoy how they debate if I was traumatized by Kane and the loss of my mother and which gal I kissed with the most passion and which one kissed me with the most passion\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dWe all know it sure ain\u2019t Laura Dayton! \u201c Hoss snickered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam smiled in agreement and continued reading \u201cI love when my fans vote on the outfit that most flattered me and put me in lives of excitement and drama in far-off lands. Most of all I love my fans!\u201d\u00a0 Adam had a flare for words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss applauded politely and Adam bowed appreciatively.<\/p>\n

\u201dLooks like we have a great gift for Pa! We can take him to the ficfan convention in Tahoe and then out for dinner at the Olive Garden!\u201d suggested Hoss.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot Olive Garden,\u201d Little Joe said firmly as Cochise poured him a refreshing cup coffee from the thermos.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCareful, Joe. It\u2019s steaming hot!\u201d warned Coochie, who loved and protected his\/her owner much as Lassie loved and protected her boy, Timmy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSteaming hot, like me!\u201d Adam declared modestly as he took a cup from Coochie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhere should we eat if it ain\u2019t the Olive Garden?\u201d Hoss asked. He particularly loved the bottomless salad bowl and the garlic bread and the manicotti fromagio. He shook his head, refusing the coffee Coochie offered. \u201cCain\u2019t sleep if I have coffee this late in the day. Next time bring some de-caf.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Coochie rolled his\/her horsie eyes \u201cWhat do you think I am? A pack horse? Next thing you will be asking for a espresso machine!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dAnd a pretty barista?\u201d Adam said. Everyone knew he had been courting the lovely assistant manager, Sanka Folger, in the Virginia City Starbucks across from Roy Coffee\u2019s office. Sadly, she would die a few months later in a freak accident when the latte machine exploded and she was hit by a chunk of shrapnel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSkip Olive Garden,\u201d Joe suggested. \u201cI vote for a birthday dinner at Hooters. Pa likes the chicken wings there and\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201d\u2026 we all like the waitresses!\u201d said his brothers in unison. For some reason, ever since the Cartwright brothers had started courting Hooter\u2019s waitresses, there was a sharp increase in staff turnovers there. A couple of the girls had left town on the evening stage, a half dozen married former suitors who had been on the wrong path but showed up repentant, \u00a0three had died choking on chicken bones on their lunch break and one had slipped on a spilled grilled chicken Caesar salad with the dressing on the side. She was still in a coma but Adam visited faithfully each Sunday after church and read her some of his original poetry and sang to her each time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, on the particular Sunday night where we started this rambling tale, Little Joe dug into his tater tots, pork rinds and Creole bean dip with a garnish. This was his mother Marie, My Love, DeMarigny Cartwright\u2019s favorite midnight snack after watching the Mardi Gras parade.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Editor\u2019s note: Those Cartwright boys just loved beans in all varieties and forms. Perhaps that was one of the reasons so many of their lady friends died premature and unexpected deaths as well as numerous mine cave-ins in and around Virginia City?<\/em><\/p>\n

“Joseph. Go change the channel!” Ben ordered firmly in a voice that rumbled like the Thunder Mountain Ride at not yet invented Disney World. \u201cNow!\u201d<\/p>\n

“Why do I have to do everything!?” Joe pouted perfectly. He had years of practice and had brought the pout to an art form.<\/p>\n

“Because you are the youngest,” Hoss snickered, recalling how when he was the youngest, he had to change the stations on the Not-Yet-Invented radio as the Not-Yet-Invented TV hadn\u2019t been Not Yet Invented.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I was a boy, I would never dare to talk back to my father when I was supposed to do a chore.\u201d With the toe of his boot, Ben nudged his youngest son’s adorable derriere. “Joseph, channel 4. NOW!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dTimes have changed, Pa. Get with it! \u201c Joe said rebelliously with an Elvis-like tone in his voice. Too bad Ed Sullivan wasn\u2019t allowed to show Elvis\u2019 below the shoulders or Joe could have wiggled his hips like Elvis too. Perhaps Joe could have wiggled better. \u00a0\u201cBesides, you didn\u2019t have a not-yet-invented TV in the olden days.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Someday, someone will invent an electronic device to change channels and you won’t have to move from your chair,” Adam proposed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAn electric chair?\u201d Hoss said. sort of missing Adam\u2019s point as he eyed the distance from where he sat to Joe\u2019s tater tots.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo! A device to change the channels on the not-yet-invented television, not an execution device!\u201d Adam explained.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked exasperated \u201cSure, Adam, that and windmills and Jetson\u2019s cars. Sometimes your education gets in the way of your thinking, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJudy Jetson is pretty hot,\u201d Joe sighed. He always favored pert blondes and would love to take her for a drive in her car.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou have a one track mind, baby brother!\u201d Exasperated Adam shook his head.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Who needs that sort of channel changing gizmo, Adam, while we got Little Joe!” Hoss laughed. He had his eye on Little Joe\u2019s snacks. As soon as Joe got up from the settee, Hoss would swoop in like a vulture and inhale those goodies.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust do it. Joseph,\u201d Ben urged. \u201cEach of you boys had a turn at this chore. Now it is your turn.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Joe. You don\u2019t know how rough I had it when I was a kid,\u201d Adam said, taking a bite of his Boston cr\u00e8me pie followed by a sip from espresso.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBlab la bla\u2026snow up to your neck\u2026up hill all the way, even going into valleys… Indians\u2026poison snakes\u2026 venomous pigeons\u2026 blab la bla\u2026 no momma\u2026. Coming west in a wagon with a geriatric baby nurse and Pa running out of not-yet-invented Pampers some where east of Cincinnati bla bla bla. Whoa to woe, older brother! I have heard your tale of woe more times than I can count,\u201d Joe argued. \u201cBoo hoo!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps if you could count, you could have gone to Back East U, like I did, \u201c Adam countered. He had earned a perfect 800 on the Math SAT.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, Joe. When Adam was a lad, we couldn\u2019t even change the stations on a not-yet-invented radio as we were far too poor to afford a not-yet-invented radio,\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then, realizing this was a perfectly perfect moment to reminisce a bit with a captive audience, Ben explained didactically how, while they were traveling west, little Adam had to make do with stories around the campfire or Ben reading the newspaper aloud to his young son when they could scrounge one up. After Ben read the newspaper aloud to the child, they recycled the paper for their out house or paper mache tchatkes, like the faux bronze bucking horse that was on the table behind the settee and the real looking bull horns that hung over the fire place, or pi\u00f1atas for fiestas. Adam was renowned through out the Comstock as a child prodigy of papier mache\u2019. The Cartwrights were supporters of ecology and other GREENE behaviors long before Lorne Greene was born or even a twinkle in his mother\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Everyone west of the Mississippi also knew about Adam\u2019s remarkable poems; east of the Mississippi, too. The boy wrote haikus influenced by nature and<\/p>\n

morbid sonnets based on tales Adam heard from other pioneers or blank verse from the recycled newspapers. He was pretty good at drabbles and limericks too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Editor\u2019s Note: This was one of morbid, blank verse young Adam wrote. He always had a literary bent as well as a dark side that later manifested itself in his somber, mono chromatic beatnick-like Wardrobe. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

An Extremely Sad Poem<\/em><\/p>\n

By Adam Cartwright, age 4<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Bad weather
\nBad news. It snowed
\nIt snowed alot
\nThe snow didn’t stop
\nThe got stuck in the endless snow & eternal blizzard <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Stuck<\/em><\/p>\n

Starving<\/em><\/p>\n

The Donner Party<\/em><\/p>\n

They ate each other
\nBad weather
\nBad news
\nThe Donner party dinner party.<\/em><\/p>\n

Next time
\nCheck the weather forecast,
\nAnd be sure to bring ketchup, preferably Heinz.<\/em><\/p>\n

The End<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam had neatly copied the poem over and over until it was perfectly neat, and for years, Ben had affixed the page to the not-yet-invented refrigerator with the precious magnets that said \u201cI Heart the BoSox\u201d and \u201cCHEERS: Where everyone knows your name\u201d that had once belonged to Adam\u2019s dead mommy, Elizabeth, My Love, Stoddard Cartwright. That morbid poem stayed on the fridge for years next to Hoss\u2019 3rd<\/sup> place ribbon from the Virginia City Pack 590 Cub Pinewood Derby, Joe\u2019s certificate for collecting the most cash for the Amy Bishop\/Laura White\/ Julia Bullette Memorial Scholarship Fund, and Hop Sing\u2019s recipe for not-yet-invented crock pot roast pork lo mein, using Campbell\u2019s cream of mushroom soup. <\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Meanwhile back at the ranch:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a minute to nine,\u201d Ben interjected in an attempt to shove the conversation in the direction he desired before it got hijacked again by one of his boys. What he desired was that someone should change the channel before he missed the beginning of his favorite not-yet-invented television show.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust go change the channel, Little Joe!\u201d Adam urged. He also wanted someone to change the channel on the not-yet-invented television before he missed the beginning of his favorite show.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust do it and be done with it, instead of getting your bloomers in a knot,\u201d Hoss urged using one of his quaint phrases that he got from his \u201cQuaint Country Phrase of the Day Desk Calendar\u201d that Pa had bought him for Christmas.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBloomers?\u201d Joe asked trying to sound innocent though he wasn\u2019t\u2026 \u201cWhat are bloomers\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cUnderthings,\u201d Hoss said. He knew that from the \u201cExpand your Vocabulary Word of the Day Desk Calendar\u201d that Adam had bought him for Christmas.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Underthings?” Joe raised his eye brows innocently. “What are underthings?”<\/p>\n

“Underwear, brother.\u201d Adam rolled his eyes at Joe’s foolish comment.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Clearly the boy was just stalling for time so Hoss or Ben or Adam would finally get so annoyed they would go change the channel themselves rather than miss the beginning of their favorite show.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Underwear?” Joe tilted his head quizzically.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss himself knew lots about underwear from the \u201cVictoria\u2019s Secret Lingerie Calendar\u201d Joe had given him for Christmas. Hoss leaned over and whispered in Adam’s ear, “Adam, Joe really don’t know from underwear. \u201c<\/p>\n

“Sure he does! When he was a kid, I used to help him get dressed every morning. He had loads of underthings in his dresser drawers. Red flannel Underoos with trap doors, Sponge Bob boxers, Fruit of the Loom tighty whities\u2026. That cute set that had the days of the week embroidered on them\u2026.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe smiled remembering the little girl he had won those from in a kindergarten \u201cGo Fish\u201d card game. Joe had drawn to a straight flush and won the entire set from Harriet Hanes (or was it Betty Veronica Dimplemyer, know to her friends as BVD?). Instead of her books, Teeny Little Joe carried Harriet home from school that day so a breeze wouldn\u2019t lift her skirts. No one could ever accuse Harriet Hanes (or BVD) of being a sore looser or Joe Cartwright of being a sore winner. He even was invited to stay for milk and cookies and didn\u2019t make it home until almost midnight that night.<\/p>\n

“Ummm,” Hoss stammered, not knowing how to explain all this to Adam. “He ain’t worn none since you went to college back east…”<\/p>\n

Adam raised his eyebrows in amazement and disbelief “Joe doesn’t wear underwear?!!!” he gasped.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe grinned and winked and confessed, \u201cI go commando.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben turned pale and seventeen more hairs turned silver.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Joe, change the channel,\u201d Hoss urged. He also wanted someone to change the channel on the not-yet-invented television before he missed the beginning of his favorite show.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Their father had finally lost his patience. \u201cJOSEPH! CHANGE THE CHANNEL! NOW!\u201d Ben roared. \u201cRIGHT NOW!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cRight now?\u201d Joe sighed and handed his snack to his father “OK \u2026but watch this grub, Pa. Don’t let Adam or Hoss eat any of my tater tots.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe did hand springs across the room, then a back flip and three somersaults, all without putting his feet on one piece of furniture. He sprang to his feet next to the not-yet-invented television, bowed and changed the channel of the not-yet-invented television just in the nick of time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben, Adam and Hoss applauded and cheered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, son,\u201d Ben smiled proudly. Once again, he proved himself the alpha dog in the pack. \u201cNow go sit down and enjoy the show with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The theme music filled the air.<\/p>\n

\u2018Dum did a dum dida DAH DAH!\u2019 sang the theme music. A huge map of the Ponderosa caught fire. Four cowboys road out and faced the camera and smiled their special smiles as their names were superimposed on the bottom of the screen.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bonanza had started.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:<\/strong> tongue-in-cheek<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: It’s all about the seventh day.<\/p>\n

Rating: T (3,840 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":683,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":15515,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15515","url_meta":{"origin":15521,"position":0},"title":"Adam’s Memoirs – Part 2 (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"December 4, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam's memoirs - Part 2 Rating: T (1,650 words) Adam's Memoirs Series, links to all stories of this series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":48092,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=48092","url_meta":{"origin":15521,"position":1},"title":"Little Joe’s Seventh Birthday (by muffinstuffin)","author":"BZTrailRiders","date":"October 31, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: This is a story I wrote many years ago. Thought you might like to read it. It's just a bit of a fun birthday story. Rating: G, Word Count: 757","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/frontporch.jpg?fit=439%2C305&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":15580,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15580","url_meta":{"origin":15521,"position":2},"title":"The Caf\u00e9 Scene (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"May 5, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Ben raised them better than this.\u00a0 We know he did. 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After four daughters, will Adam and Bronwen finally have a son? Rating: T \u00a0WC 29,000 Adam In The Outback Series, links to all the stories within the series are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14369,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14369","url_meta":{"origin":15521,"position":4},"title":"Desert Wallets (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"January 1, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0The episode pulled from syndication after only two airings. Rating: \u00a0T \u00a0(2,380 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Crossover"","block_context":{"text":"Crossover","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15538,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15538","url_meta":{"origin":15521,"position":5},"title":"Goat Cheese on the Comstock (by Robin)","author":"profrobinw","date":"June 4, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0\u00a0A variation on A Stranger Passed this Way. Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (1,440)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15521"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15521\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}