{"id":15525,"date":"2001-07-04T05:52:06","date_gmt":"2001-07-04T09:52:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15525"},"modified":"2026-07-22T09:38:38","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T13:38:38","slug":"ben-raised-his-boys-right-by-robin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15525","title":{"rendered":"Ben Raised His Boys RIGHT (by Robin)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>The trials of a Cartwright father.<\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0 (1,080 words)<\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> \u00a0The REALLY Losts are satires of the series written with much affection, eye rolling,\u00a0\u00a0and winks. \u00a0And can be somewhat risque’.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben Raised his Boys RIGHT<\/strong>
\nA REALLY Lost Episode<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Prologue<\/u><\/p>\n

Pa may have raised his sons better than that BUT… did you do EVERYTHING your parents told you to do?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter One<\/u><\/p>\n

The Ponderosa Ranch<\/p>\n

1848<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was the night before Adam Cartwright was leaving the Ponderosa for Back East University. His younger brothers had already gone to sleep and his father sat him down on the settee by the fire. He poured each of them a cup of coffee and said, “Son, when you go off to college, remember the wise words of my own father, Joseph Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe one Little Joe was named for?\u201d Adam sipped some coffee from his saucer. He had learned this trick from Roy Coffee\u2019s kitty, Starbuck.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, my father, the one Joe was named for,” Ben said. He sighed. Hopefully Adam would give up on imitating cats when he went back east to college.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did your father say Pa?\u201d Adam asked inquisitively.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis is what my own dear father told me when I went off to sea, \u2018Take your boots off before you go swimming.\u2019 That is what he told me.\u201d Ben explained.<\/p>\n

“Yes, sir,” Adam nodded. “I sure don’t want to drown.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Don’t mess with a junk yard dog, pull on Superman’s cape or spit into the wind,” Ben added.<\/p>\n

“Yes, sir,” Adam took notes. He was very orderly. And this was one of those Hallmark moments that he wanted to preserve.<\/p>\n

“You got to know when to hold \u2019em,<\/p>\n

Know when to fold \u2019em,<\/p>\n

Know when to walk away and know when to run.<\/p>\n

You never count your money when you\u2019re sittin\u2019 at the table.<\/p>\n

There\u2019ll be time enough for countin\u2019 when the dealin\u2019s done.” Ben sang. He leaped onto the coffee table and did a little cha cha cha.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Pa, your father was very wise,” Adam nodded. \u201cAnd you sing awfully well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, son. You sing well too,\u201d Ben acknowledged. He jumped off the table and sat down on the red leather chair. \u201cMy father was a good singer and a good card player as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat else?\u201d Adam asked. He licked the point of his pencil and waited to write down Pa\u2019s words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And my father was a winner at Mah Jong!” Ben recalled.<\/p>\n

“Yes sir, Bingo too, I heard. What else did my grandfather tell you before you went off to see the sea? ”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And, most importantly,” Ben’s face took on a very serious expression. “No glove, no love!”<\/p>\n

Adam nodded so vigorously he looked like a bobble head. He just couldn’t wait to go to college.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Two<\/u><\/p>\n

Ponderosa Ranch<\/p>\n

1854<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Hoss, remember the wise words of my own father, Joseph Cartwright (the first). This is what my own dear father told me when I went off to sea. There are things a man needs to know about life, and living and…” Ben hesitated. Hoss was sort of shy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And what, Pa?” Hoss asked. His innocent blue eyes were wide. He was all set to leave on the cattle drive the next morning. Adam and Little Joe had gone to sleep and he an Pa were sharing big cold glasses of milk and apple pie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And WOMEN!” Ben added.<\/p>\n

“Ohhh…” Hoss blushed. He stared at the pie hoping that someday he met a fine wife who could bake pie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Take your boots off before you go swimming.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, sir,” Hoss nodded.\u201d I sure don’t want to drown.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t mess with a junk yard dog, pull on Superman’s cape or spit into the wind,” Ben added.<\/p>\n

“Yes, sir,” Hoss nodded. “I love dogs but sure wouldn’t mess with a junk yard dog. And I\u2019m mighty careful when I spit, Pa. Want to see?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, son, don\u2019t spit now. I am eating pie,\u201d Ben shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cOk,\u201d Hoss agreed.<\/p>\n

“You got to know when to hold \u2019em,<\/p>\n

Know when to fold \u2019em,
\nKnow when to walk away and know when to run.
\nYou never count your money when you\u2019re sittin\u2019 at the table.
\nThere\u2019ll be time enough for countin\u2019 when the dealin\u2019s done.” Ben sang.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Pa, you sing real good,” Hoss smiled.<\/p>\n

“Thanks Hoss. And don’t eat anything that is bigger than your head or fell on the ground for more than five seconds..”<\/p>\n

“Yes, sir. Five second rule.” Hoss noted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“And, most importantly,” Ben’s face took on a very serious expression. “No glove, no love!”<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded so vigorously he looked like a bobble head. He would remember to pack his woolen mittens that Santa had brought but couldn’t figure out why in the middle of summer Pa thought he needed gloves.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Three<\/u><\/p>\n

Ponderosa Ranch<\/p>\n

1860<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe, remember the wise words of my own father, Joseph Cartwright (the first)….” Ben said as he poured a snifter of brandy for himself and his youngest son.<\/p>\n

“But not the best, Pa,” Joe grinned and winked. He took a sip of the brandy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben ignored his son’s bold comment and took a sip of his own drink. Then he continued. “My own dear father, Joseph Cartwright, had a talk with each of his sons when they left home for the first time. Now that you are off on your own for the first time to San Francisco, there are things a man needs to know about life, and living and…” Ben hesitated. “I had a talk like this with Adam and Hoss the first time they went off on their own into the wider world.”<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged nonchalantly. \u201cPa, I really should be getting into town and catch that stage coach.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cFirst this discussion. It is very important. Do you understand what I mean, Little Joe?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose so.\u201d Joe loved his father but sometimes he was a bit annoying. Joe hated being the youngest and everyone worrying over him all the time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, there are many mysteries in life,\u201d Ben started.<\/p>\n

“And?” Joe knew there were many mysteries in life.<\/p>\n

“And WOMEN.” Ben swallowed the rest of his drink.<\/p>\n

“Women?” Joe raised his eyebrows. His heart started racing and his pants grew tighter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Yes son, women. Sometimes asking questions about women can be awkward for a man,” Ben said gently.<\/p>\n

Joe smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Sure, Pa! Ask away. What is it that you want to know?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No gloves were harmed in the making of this episode.<\/em><\/p>\n

If you want to learn more about gloves, go to your local library or ask your Pa.
\n<\/em>
\nTags:\u00a0 tongue-in-cheek<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: The trials of a Cartwight father.<\/p>\n

Rating: T (1,080 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":14367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-humor","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/ARLE-e1497282889671.png?fit=570%2C416&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15525"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15525\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}